Speaker 1: I feel like it's that time of year again, at
Speaker 1: the end of the year where everyone comes out of
Speaker 1: the woodworks and talks about their worst dates. Like it's
Speaker 1: like the year where everyone reflects back and they're like,
Speaker 1: do you know what, I'm swearing off dating? I'm going single?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it never gets easier, how does it?
Speaker 1: But there are these internet threads going bonkers where people
Speaker 1: have been riding in their dates and they're so cooked. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've listened to one of these. She told him she
Speaker 1: was a vegan, and he took her out to a
Speaker 1: steakhouse intentionally. When she said, Hey, I'm a vegan, can
Speaker 1: we go somewhere else? He said, nah, a bit of metal?
Speaker 3: Do you good?
Speaker 4: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: I think that was an innuendo there.
Speaker 2: But if you're a vegan, you get invited.
Speaker 4: I don't think about that. She also would still have
Speaker 4: to eat steak, so he was still a prick.
Speaker 2: But if you're a vegan, why did you even go,
Speaker 2: like just say no? Why did you say yes to
Speaker 2: the date?
Speaker 4: I went on a date once when I was single.
Speaker 4: This was years ago when I first came out. It
Speaker 4: was one of my first like guy dates, and I
Speaker 4: was dating this guy, and we were on the like
Speaker 4: an open car park rooftop, and he was shivering, like
Speaker 4: I'm talking like shivering, and I wanted to get a
Speaker 4: look over the city to make a move to kiss him.
Speaker 4: And we're looking over the city like, you know, more
Speaker 4: faster and simber, and put my arm around him. And
Speaker 4: he was hypothemic. He was shaking and cold to the touch,
Speaker 4: corpse like. And I was like, you're really cold, and
Speaker 4: he's like back to the car, and I was like,
Speaker 4: what's wrong? Is everything right? And I've got the scoliosis,
Speaker 4: I've got a metal bean through my spine.
Speaker 2: Oh he was so he was literally freezing from the
Speaker 2: inside out.
Speaker 4: He's got a metal pole through his body. His half cyborg.
Speaker 4: He froze.
Speaker 1: He's not do you know. I went on a date
Speaker 1: once where the guy it was literally a lunch date.
Speaker 1: I'm talking sandwich in the smoothie and the guy made
Speaker 1: me go and get twenty dollars cash from an ATM.
Speaker 2: Did you give it to It's insane.
Speaker 1: I also went on a dinner date. He invited me
Speaker 1: to dinner, then he didn't eat, didn't drink, and then
Speaker 1: I paid for it.
Speaker 2: There's a lot of flogs out there. I went on
Speaker 2: a date once and I left to go to the
Speaker 2: broout his house and I went first date though, and
Speaker 2: it was he look it sounds bad, but he said
Speaker 2: it was just for dessert, and that's what I thought
Speaker 2: it was. Anyway, I went to the bathroom and I
Speaker 2: came back out and he was completely stark naked, and
Speaker 2: there he was with two apple pies. And it was
Speaker 2: not what I wanted at all.
Speaker 4: What was the dessert? Apple pies?
Speaker 2: But he had it on him.
Speaker 4: Anyway, he says, that's the weirdest thing I've ever heard,
Speaker 4: and he's called reminded you of a horror date story?
Speaker 4: What happened to you?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know if it's much of a date.
Speaker 3: It's definitely unique, is it. I was on holidays and
Speaker 3: I met this guy and he's working his part time
Speaker 3: summer job hiring out kayaks and paddleboards on the side
Speaker 3: of the river, and we hit it off and we
Speaker 3: decided to go for a little bit of a paddle downstream.
Speaker 3: We inevitably started getting it on on the river bank.
Speaker 3: What a nice date, I know, so romantic, and thankfully
Speaker 3: for me, it didn't last very long because as we
Speaker 3: wrapped up. He proceeds to let me know that this
Speaker 3: whole time, there has been a brown snake under my head.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, he didn't tell you, and he didn't.
Speaker 5: Stop till he was done.
Speaker 1: That is so it was very focused.
Speaker 4: I can imagine they.
Speaker 2: Also there was two snakes. There wasn't there was.
Speaker 4: I'm being told, apparently we have your husband, Laura, Mattie
Speaker 4: Jay who's been listening.
Speaker 2: He's dated a lot of women, Maddie, I hope he's
Speaker 2: not still.
Speaker 5: Hello, guys, how are we so well? This is when
Speaker 5: I lived in London. I lived in London for four years,
Speaker 5: just in case anyone was wondering, and I was on
Speaker 5: a first day. I met this girl on Tinder. We
Speaker 5: met at the pub and I thought the date was
Speaker 5: going really well, like she was super chatty, super sociable.
Speaker 5: We were having great conversation. The only weird thing was
Speaker 5: she just kept going to the bathroom, but not just once,
Speaker 5: not twice, would go to the bathroom quite frequently in
Speaker 5: between drinks. And then I realized that she was actually
Speaker 5: indulging in how can I say the Devil's dandriff, if
Speaker 5: you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: She was having her own party yeah, we get it.
Speaker 4: We get it.
Speaker 5: A couple of those beers, and then eventually, after a
Speaker 5: little while she was like, look. She owned up to
Speaker 5: it and said, do you want someone I can give
Speaker 5: it to you go to the room, and I was like, no,
Speaker 5: I'm okay. You know, it's a Tuesday night and I
Speaker 5: think I think I'll pass. And then she took that
Speaker 5: really badly. So she then announced on the top of
Speaker 5: her lungs to the entire bar, going oh, great, so
Speaker 5: my date's going to judge me because I'm doing this.
Speaker 5: He thinks he's better than me, and then started attacking me.
Speaker 5: And then after a little while I kind of tried
Speaker 5: to calm down the situation. I said to her, I
Speaker 5: think it's best if I leave, and then once again
Speaker 5: she stood up at the top of her voice in
Speaker 5: front of everyone was busy Buy in London, saying like,
Speaker 5: well look at look at me now, who's an idiot?
Speaker 5: My date's walking out of me. That makes me feel
Speaker 5: really good. Thanks a lot for a great first date.
Speaker 1: How do you feel, Matt, that like someone needed that
Speaker 1: much help to get through a date with you?