WEBVTT - MINI: The WORST first date Matty J has ever had 🌹

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<v Speaker 1>I feel like it's that time of year again, at

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<v Speaker 1>the end of the year where everyone comes out of

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<v Speaker 1>the woodworks and talks about their worst dates. Like it's

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<v Speaker 1>like the year where everyone reflects back and they're like,

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<v Speaker 1>do you know what, I'm swearing off dating? I'm going single?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean it never gets easier, how does it?

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<v Speaker 1>But there are these internet threads going bonkers where people

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<v Speaker 1>have been riding in their dates and they're so cooked. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I've listened to one of these. She told him she

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<v Speaker 1>was a vegan, and he took her out to a

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<v Speaker 1>steakhouse intentionally. When she said, Hey, I'm a vegan, can

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<v Speaker 1>we go somewhere else? He said, nah, a bit of metal?

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<v Speaker 3>Do you good?

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<v Speaker 4>Oh my god.

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<v Speaker 1>I think that was an innuendo there.

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<v Speaker 2>But if you're a vegan, you get invited.

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<v Speaker 4>I don't think about that. She also would still have

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<v Speaker 4>to eat steak, so he was still a prick.

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<v Speaker 2>But if you're a vegan, why did you even go,

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<v Speaker 2>like just say no? Why did you say yes to

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<v Speaker 2>the date?

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<v Speaker 4>I went on a date once when I was single.

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<v Speaker 4>This was years ago when I first came out. It

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<v Speaker 4>was one of my first like guy dates, and I

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<v Speaker 4>was dating this guy, and we were on the like

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<v Speaker 4>an open car park rooftop, and he was shivering, like

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<v Speaker 4>I'm talking like shivering, and I wanted to get a

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<v Speaker 4>look over the city to make a move to kiss him.

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<v Speaker 4>And we're looking over the city like, you know, more

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<v Speaker 4>faster and simber, and put my arm around him. And

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<v Speaker 4>he was hypothemic. He was shaking and cold to the touch,

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<v Speaker 4>corpse like. And I was like, you're really cold, and

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<v Speaker 4>he's like back to the car, and I was like,

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<v Speaker 4>what's wrong? Is everything right? And I've got the scoliosis,

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<v Speaker 4>I've got a metal bean through my spine.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh he was so he was literally freezing from the

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<v Speaker 2>inside out.

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<v Speaker 4>He's got a metal pole through his body. His half cyborg.

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<v Speaker 4>He froze.

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<v Speaker 1>He's not do you know. I went on a date

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<v Speaker 1>once where the guy it was literally a lunch date.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm talking sandwich in the smoothie and the guy made

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<v Speaker 1>me go and get twenty dollars cash from an ATM.

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<v Speaker 2>Did you give it to It's insane.

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<v Speaker 1>I also went on a dinner date. He invited me

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<v Speaker 1>to dinner, then he didn't eat, didn't drink, and then

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<v Speaker 1>I paid for it.

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<v Speaker 2>There's a lot of flogs out there. I went on

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<v Speaker 2>a date once and I left to go to the

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<v Speaker 2>broout his house and I went first date though, and

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<v Speaker 2>it was he look it sounds bad, but he said

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<v Speaker 2>it was just for dessert, and that's what I thought

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<v Speaker 2>it was. Anyway, I went to the bathroom and I

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<v Speaker 2>came back out and he was completely stark naked, and

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<v Speaker 2>there he was with two apple pies. And it was

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<v Speaker 2>not what I wanted at all.

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<v Speaker 4>What was the dessert? Apple pies?

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<v Speaker 2>But he had it on him.

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<v Speaker 4>Anyway, he says, that's the weirdest thing I've ever heard,

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<v Speaker 4>and he's called reminded you of a horror date story?

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<v Speaker 4>What happened to you?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I don't know if it's much of a date.

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<v Speaker 3>It's definitely unique, is it. I was on holidays and

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<v Speaker 3>I met this guy and he's working his part time

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<v Speaker 3>summer job hiring out kayaks and paddleboards on the side

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<v Speaker 3>of the river, and we hit it off and we

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<v Speaker 3>decided to go for a little bit of a paddle downstream.

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<v Speaker 3>We inevitably started getting it on on the river bank.

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<v Speaker 3>What a nice date, I know, so romantic, and thankfully

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<v Speaker 3>for me, it didn't last very long because as we

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<v Speaker 3>wrapped up. He proceeds to let me know that this

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<v Speaker 3>whole time, there has been a brown snake under my head.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, he didn't tell you, and he didn't.

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<v Speaker 5>Stop till he was done.

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<v Speaker 1>That is so it was very focused.

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<v Speaker 4>I can imagine they.

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<v Speaker 2>Also there was two snakes. There wasn't there was.

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<v Speaker 4>I'm being told, apparently we have your husband, Laura, Mattie

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<v Speaker 4>Jay who's been listening.

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<v Speaker 2>He's dated a lot of women, Maddie, I hope he's

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<v Speaker 2>not still.

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<v Speaker 5>Hello, guys, how are we so well? This is when

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<v Speaker 5>I lived in London. I lived in London for four years,

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<v Speaker 5>just in case anyone was wondering, and I was on

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<v Speaker 5>a first day. I met this girl on Tinder. We

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<v Speaker 5>met at the pub and I thought the date was

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<v Speaker 5>going really well, like she was super chatty, super sociable.

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<v Speaker 5>We were having great conversation. The only weird thing was

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<v Speaker 5>she just kept going to the bathroom, but not just once,

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<v Speaker 5>not twice, would go to the bathroom quite frequently in

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<v Speaker 5>between drinks. And then I realized that she was actually

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<v Speaker 5>indulging in how can I say the Devil's dandriff, if

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<v Speaker 5>you know what I mean?

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<v Speaker 2>She was having her own party yeah, we get it.

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<v Speaker 4>We get it.

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<v Speaker 5>A couple of those beers, and then eventually, after a

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<v Speaker 5>little while she was like, look. She owned up to

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<v Speaker 5>it and said, do you want someone I can give

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<v Speaker 5>it to you go to the room, and I was like, no,

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<v Speaker 5>I'm okay. You know, it's a Tuesday night and I

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<v Speaker 5>think I think I'll pass. And then she took that

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<v Speaker 5>really badly. So she then announced on the top of

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<v Speaker 5>her lungs to the entire bar, going oh, great, so

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<v Speaker 5>my date's going to judge me because I'm doing this.

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<v Speaker 5>He thinks he's better than me, and then started attacking me.

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<v Speaker 5>And then after a little while I kind of tried

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<v Speaker 5>to calm down the situation. I said to her, I

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<v Speaker 5>think it's best if I leave, and then once again

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<v Speaker 5>she stood up at the top of her voice in

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<v Speaker 5>front of everyone was busy Buy in London, saying like,

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<v Speaker 5>well look at look at me now, who's an idiot?

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<v Speaker 5>My date's walking out of me. That makes me feel

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<v Speaker 5>really good. Thanks a lot for a great first date.

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<v Speaker 1>How do you feel, Matt, that like someone needed that

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<v Speaker 1>much help to get through a date with you?