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Speaker 1: Mom always always said be careful love those alum boys.

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Speaker 2: It' well use your head.

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Speaker 1: They will tear you off like a paper tour. Oh

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Speaker 1: no no no, yeah yeah yeah yeah, oh no no no,

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Speaker 1: then the SMALLAGEI dollan. Anyway, it's a little thoughts that'll

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Speaker 1: bring your down shot to get your tipsy, like god,

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Speaker 1: drink love drunk girls.

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Speaker 3: Hi, I'm Amanda and I'm RUMBI. Welcome to it's slayered.

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Speaker 2: We're in a long distance friendship that started over twenty

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Speaker 2: years ago when we were in high school.

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Speaker 3: We'll be talking about all things life, love, family, anything

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Speaker 3: and everything else under the sun.

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Speaker 2: Delve deeper with us because you know, in life, man

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Speaker 2: lay yours life. Oh many never play. How are you?

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Speaker 2: How are you?

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Speaker 4: Oh my god, I'm good?

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Speaker 2: How are you good? Such exciting news for all of

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Speaker 2: y'all who like follow any of us on any socials

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Speaker 2: starting news. Amanda's an Now she's going to be a mama.

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Speaker 3: Yeah okay, it's like the most scary and the most

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Speaker 3: happy news at the same time.

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Speaker 2: I can imagine. But you look so good. You're golay

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Speaker 2: I love.

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Speaker 4: Thank you cute.

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Speaker 2: So that's what we'd be excited about over here. I

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Speaker 2: don't know about y'all.

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Speaker 4: I know now we need to definitely be seeing each other.

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Speaker 4: This needs to happen.

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Speaker 2: Things need to be happening. I'll show, I'll show anyway.

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Speaker 3: But it just gets me thinking, like when you're gonna

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Speaker 3: have my my husband for those who don't know, is German,

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Speaker 3: so it's white.

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Speaker 4: I'm obviously black.

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Speaker 3: So very interracial relationship and looks like thinking, oh, what

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Speaker 3: are they gonna look like? What crow pattern are they're

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Speaker 3: gonna have? Which traits will they have? So it's very

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Speaker 3: very interesting, which makes us just think. And obviously this

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Speaker 3: has been maybe a topic we've seemingly avoided, but we

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Speaker 3: keep circling back to interracial relationships.

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Speaker 4: Let's talk about it.

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Speaker 2: Let's talk about it. Like, if there's one thing with

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Speaker 2: this topic, it is seriously layous, Like from you start

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Speaker 2: thinking on realism, you start thinking inferiority, superiority complexes, you

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Speaker 2: start there is so much to it, So yeah, we're about.

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Speaker 4: To or whatever to say, yeah, yeah, Judice, when did

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Speaker 4: you first.

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Speaker 3: Realize that interracial relationships existed or were possible? Oh?

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Speaker 2: You? I actually I can't really say. I have a

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Speaker 2: moment where it jumped out. I think it was like

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Speaker 2: a distant family member married uh a white person or

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Speaker 2: hearing Actually I remember my from my mom's side, my

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Speaker 2: grandparents used to talk about a relative who married an

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Speaker 2: Indian lady and then for some reason that's why our

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Speaker 2: hair was good. I was like, bro, like, they're not

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Speaker 2: a direct like bloodline. I don't know how this is linking,

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Speaker 2: but Indian exactly. And then I remember just like, I

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Speaker 2: don't think that's it, y'all, but I think that is

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Speaker 2: a distinct, like in terms of a family context that

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Speaker 2: I remember the conversation happening. And then I think as

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Speaker 2: I grew up in my young age, it was when

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Speaker 2: you sort of saw did justin Timber like date somebody black.

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Speaker 2: You know those rumors they was dating Janet Jackson at

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Speaker 2: some point, you know, like little things. It was just

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Speaker 2: like slow cele drop drop. But for me personally, it

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Speaker 2: seemed a bit far removed, coming from Zimbabwe, you know, colonized.

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Speaker 2: We were a colonized country and racism was very real,

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Speaker 2: so sort of cross race marriages are not a common

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Speaker 2: sight for.

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Speaker 4: It from from Zimbabwe into Zimbabwe.

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Speaker 2: Ge And for you, when did it first dawn on you?

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Speaker 3: I think it must have been media I don't think

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Speaker 3: it was a personal experience. Obviously you see it on

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Speaker 3: TV or an ad or something like oh okay. But

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Speaker 3: at the same time, like when I was in primary school,

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Speaker 3: I did have a few white friends.

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Speaker 4: So obviously like I knew you. I almost I don't

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Speaker 4: even know it was subconscious.

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Speaker 3: I knew the most you could be it was friends thousands,

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Speaker 3: so like I was like, I can come to your

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Speaker 3: house in Kiki, I can come to my house in Kiki,

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Speaker 3: but like that's it's even And even in coming to

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Speaker 3: the houses, I found like I always went to theirs.

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Speaker 3: I don't know if it was just a preferred thing

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Speaker 3: or they had a pool or something that wasn't a

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Speaker 3: reason why. I was always like, come to mind, Come

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Speaker 3: to mind. But that also kind of already started playing

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Speaker 3: on me that the most we can be is friends.

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Speaker 3: But I think it became more in high school definitely,

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Speaker 3: like it became quite sure that you cannot it's friendship

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Speaker 3: only only. So I think I thought it was I

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Speaker 3: knew it was possible. I'm not dumb, but then I

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Speaker 3: like didn't think it was possible for me.

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Speaker 2: Yes, And do you think it was then A was

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Speaker 2: it a positive or negative? When you actually did see

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Speaker 2: in media, Uh, the interracial relationships happening. Was it a

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Speaker 2: positive revelation for you that, oh, it actually can happen,

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Speaker 2: because I totally related to you about the friendship I

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Speaker 2: had like a bestie when I was when we lived

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Speaker 2: in Ghana and he was a Jewish boy and we

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Speaker 2: were tight as as thick as thieves. But it was

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Speaker 2: just like your friends, right, your buddies. Yeah, that was it.

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Speaker 2: But like when you realize that relationships can kind of happen,

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Speaker 2: was it in a positive way, like oh okay, that's nice,

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Speaker 2: or like, you know, how did you feel like.

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Speaker 4: In zim Definitely? I just thought, oh not, yeah, not

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Speaker 4: in this land. Also, we had like Land.

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Speaker 3: Of Reform, which we talked about numerous times, the peak

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Speaker 3: for for really, and I so like I think then

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Speaker 3: it just made it like oh hell no, like this

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Speaker 3: is not going to happen. But then when I came

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Speaker 3: to Australia, obviously it was like okay, now we can

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Speaker 3: probably move more into that possible positive space.

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Speaker 4: But I wasn't keenly looking for it.

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Speaker 3: I was just like, well, the likelihood of me meeting

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Speaker 3: my Chris Hemsworth is pretty high because there's white guy's majority.

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Speaker 3: What I mean, I knew that I was like obviously,

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Speaker 3: even flying here, I think one of my aunt's joked

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Speaker 3: just the automo room or something like that. You know,

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Speaker 3: but it's like, because obviously you're going to a white space,

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Speaker 3: You're going to be exposed to white space.

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Speaker 4: Even if it comes to.

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Speaker 2: Dating for you, well, obviously I was like in love

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Speaker 2: with Justin Timberlake. So when I heard that he may

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Speaker 2: be dating Janet Jacks, I was like, that chance for

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Speaker 2: me to be with. For me, it was there's a

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Speaker 2: chance for me to be with Justin Timberlake. It was

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Speaker 2: not okay, specific someone from It was very when you're younger,

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Speaker 2: oh my gosh, yeah, it's going to be my man.

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Speaker 2: But I think it was positive in that way. But similarly,

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Speaker 2: I think it just felt so far removed in my

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Speaker 2: immediate environment of being in Zim and then studying in

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Speaker 2: South Africa, because I'd seen a time and time again

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Speaker 2: friendships is just like, even if I had a crush

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Speaker 2: on someone who was not my race, there was always

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Speaker 2: that barrier type of thing, you know, So I just

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Speaker 2: knew it was not possible, which I always found quite like,

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Speaker 2: but you can like me, But I'm not good enough.

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Speaker 2: It's such a mind like you.

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Speaker 4: Just like you're ready.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like friend zone from the job essentially, but

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Speaker 3: then I can.

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Speaker 2: Say it's my preference, not prejudice. Yeah, you know.

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Speaker 4: But in South Africa, do you reckon? Because it was

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Speaker 4: obviously widely known as the Rainbow Nation and very much.

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Speaker 2: That's a lie.

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Speaker 4: Did you do you reckon?

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Speaker 3: It was like when you were going there, or when

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Speaker 3: you were there, when you're like not possible, still not possible,

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Speaker 3: or I.

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Speaker 2: Thought it could be possible, and then I went to

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Speaker 2: I studied at Rhodes University, and there's a lot of

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Speaker 2: Rhodesia energy that still kind of pervades or like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: it still had a ziom feel.

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Speaker 4: Towards okay, like zim like as if you're back to white.

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Speaker 2: People back exactly exactly a thousand percent. But yeah, who

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Speaker 2: was your first like real in real life? I know,

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Speaker 2: I said justin t Tom Blake, but like in real

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Speaker 2: life crash, who wasn't black? And how did you navigate

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Speaker 2: that or how did well?

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Speaker 3: At the time, I thought it was something serious, but

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Speaker 3: my brother had a friend who wrote obviously fuller around

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Speaker 3: with towards the later years of high school, and I thought, okay,

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Speaker 3: we're doing something. Obviously, he was probably just saying on

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Speaker 3: this two because ye ah, you know.

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Speaker 4: Whatever, like I don't think you're thinking seriously.

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Speaker 3: But I obviously was like, oh, you know, my first experience,

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Speaker 3: and it seems to be like he's going to marry me.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 3: Obviously that's the way we think in that zoom context.

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Speaker 3: But when I realized that, like when I left an

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Speaker 3: obvious is getting ready to leave Australia, I was like, okay, well,

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Speaker 3: I'm obviously not going to continue this dalliance, so this

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Speaker 3: is it. And I think I also realized because he

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Speaker 3: was also like, this was never a thing, so then

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Speaker 3: you realize, oh okay, Like it was almost like he

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Speaker 3: like a mistress kind of feeling because you're like, oh,

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Speaker 3: so are you just having fun?

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Speaker 4: Meanwhile I was thinking this is serious.

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Speaker 3: So in the like, I think it was also an

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Speaker 3: age thing because it's a bit older, so I think

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Speaker 3: he knew what it was.

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Speaker 4: You know, now when I look.

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Speaker 3: Back, you know, it's just fooling around, hanging out, right,

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Speaker 3: but they called kids call hanging out hanging out.

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Speaker 4: Friends with benefits, you know.

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Speaker 3: But obviously if to a kid was like in high school,

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Speaker 3: like towards the seventeen eighteen, you're like thinking something serious.

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Speaker 2: Is that I'm here?

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Speaker 4: I'm with yeah, what about for you?

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Speaker 2: For me, it was there was a guy I was

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Speaker 2: in fifth grade. We just moved back to Zim and

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Speaker 2: like he was like we're really good friends, and like

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Speaker 2: I had a crush on him and I had confee

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Speaker 2: guys when I was yeh, I used to be like

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Speaker 2: to boys, Hey, I like you, what's it gonna be?

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Speaker 2: I don't know where that all changed, trust me, And

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Speaker 2: it was just like no, like it was like no,

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Speaker 2: we're friends type of thing. So that was like maybe

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Speaker 2: like a first heartbreak, like crush heartbreak. So but I

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Speaker 2: think it didn't stop me. Like even there was another

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Speaker 2: guy at a crush on but he was he was

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Speaker 2: a black guy, and I was still confident, like I

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Speaker 2: don't know where I had the balls, like who had

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Speaker 2: like where I was born with these balls from? But yeah,

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Speaker 2: so that was interesting to be like, oh it started.

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Speaker 2: And then I started seeing the pattern, which is like

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Speaker 2: you're always the friend. You're always the friend, like even

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Speaker 2: when you were in high school, you just always remained

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Speaker 2: the friend in those contexts so yeah, that was.

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Speaker 3: And it sucks for you, the friend, because sometimes you

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Speaker 3: like read more into a situation and someone's just being

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Speaker 3: friendly or flirty or maybe they are string you along,

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Speaker 3: depending on the person, But it sucks because you're.

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Speaker 4: Like, oh, do you see what he did?

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Speaker 2: Yes, exactly what it was, just like, you know, it's strange,

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Speaker 2: but yeah, it was very weird, it's very well.

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Speaker 4: The worst is when they confided you about other girls.

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Speaker 2: And yeah, I don't please, please leave me, I don't.

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Speaker 3: Want Were you so confidently spoke about your crush on

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Speaker 3: Justin Timberlake? Yes, so obviously you definitely had like crushes music,

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Speaker 3: TV wors. Do you think media has also influenced who

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Speaker 3: you are attracted to when they're not black, like specifically

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Speaker 3: not black?

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Speaker 4: I once hot? What's not? All those kinds of things?

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Speaker 2: I think so, I think, because then how else would

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Speaker 2: you to be fair. When I was young, I was

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Speaker 2: less exposed to media, and I think I just liked

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Speaker 2: people because they liked me. I was a bit of

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Speaker 2: maybe because I was like an awkward kid and so

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Speaker 2: like if I could make a friend, it was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: someone sees me, you know what I mean. But I

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Speaker 2: think media absolutely definitely influenced because it was like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: this is someone who you're drawn to. But I think

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Speaker 2: media more so, you write with crushes, you're attracted to

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Speaker 2: them because they're doing something that looks cool for you.

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Speaker 2: So my actual first crush was Nick Carter from Bacsci Boys,

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Speaker 2: So I flipped from Baccy Boys then to in Sync

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Speaker 2: when you know, actually I like justin Timber, like when

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Speaker 2: he became a solo artist, not when he was in

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Speaker 2: Sync because here was too like that curly. I don't

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Speaker 2: know what he was doing, so but I think it

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Speaker 2: was because he was cool. And then they're singing but

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Speaker 2: love song and romancing you with him and the black influence,

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Speaker 2: yes thousand the swag and exactly. So I think it's

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Speaker 2: one thousand percent influenced me on like oh this this

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Speaker 2: guy is hot. But then it's like, also, you see

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Speaker 2: it maybe the whitewashing of media. You see a lot

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Speaker 2: of images of oh, this white person is good looking,

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Speaker 2: because think about it. I don't know if you watched it.

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Speaker 2: I think you've watched the Netflix documentary about music. I

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Speaker 2: forget the name, this is this is pop? How essentially

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Speaker 2: the format of a backsheet boys insict came from boys

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Speaker 2: to men, right, but they just didn't get that level

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Speaker 2: of notoriety. And this was the Internet, so we would

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Speaker 2: hear of some of but like who was playing on

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Speaker 2: MTV on loop it? So I think then that also

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Speaker 2: filters through to you. I was like, oh, that's hot,

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Speaker 2: you know, but I don't know if you have something

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Speaker 2: similar or you're no.

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Speaker 3: Definitely, like, even though there wasn't social media, definitely was

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Speaker 3: still media driven.

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Speaker 4: It's just that the media lasted forever.

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Speaker 3: So if you had a magazine or an album out,

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Speaker 3: we hadn't, It wasn't like so quick. But I don't

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Speaker 3: think the notion of influence of celebrity as being there,

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Speaker 3: you know some magazines. Obviously, opening a magazine and seeing

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Speaker 3: a poster of JC or.

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Speaker 4: Whatever, you were like, oh my god, this is hot.

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Speaker 3: And then but then you wouldn't see as many black artists,

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Speaker 3: so obviously or we all liked Usha.

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Speaker 4: Because that was the one who kind of wh broke.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, So it was like obviously media definitely influenced, or

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Speaker 3: at least you felt like you could, like you know,

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Speaker 3: I actually remember distinctly when in high school we had

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Speaker 3: white girls who couldn't tell zim white girls couldn't tell

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Speaker 3: between two black guys who's water.

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Speaker 4: But then we as black girls, we could definitely take

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Speaker 4: two white guys. So it was always the opposite. And

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Speaker 4: that's all. I'm not trying to excuse that. That's very

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Speaker 4: problematic for the white chicks.

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Speaker 3: But like, in a way, it's also influence, it's also exposure.

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Speaker 3: It's also so you do get to see oh, Justin

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Speaker 3: with curly hair or hell, now Justin with shorter hair. Yes,

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Speaker 3: we can discernment become racial discernment. Whereas if you only

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Speaker 3: see Asher, what's your barameter going to be? If you

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Speaker 3: only see Nelly with his band aid?

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Speaker 2: What? You know? Like, so I feel like.

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Speaker 3: Media then representation matters so much because that, to me

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Speaker 3: is always my my proof of it, because I'm like,

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Speaker 3: how could I be so clearly identifying a hundred white guys,

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Speaker 3: But the black guys, I'm like, you know, like it's like.

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Speaker 2: Yes, it's a problem, it's problematic. The problem is definitely

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Speaker 2: problem Yeah, So how many, like, let's let's get we

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Speaker 2: get personal here, as you guys know, how many inter

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Speaker 2: interracial relation or situationships or have you been in? How

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Speaker 2: many do you that.

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Speaker 4: I don't have a number people will be like, this

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Speaker 4: chick is out of these trips.

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Speaker 2: We'd be all night in these you're going to give

300
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Speaker 2: you my body count, not.

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Speaker 4: Going to be that personal.

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Speaker 3: But definitely I've had an array and that's because obviously

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Speaker 3: when you come to Australia and then you come for UNI,

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Speaker 3: that's probably be the most time when you are the

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Speaker 3: most exposure to other cultures because there's a lot of

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Speaker 3: international students from all over the world, right, So I

307
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Speaker 3: definitely was very keen and open to meet people and

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Speaker 3: even if it ends up being like friends benefits or

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Speaker 3: just friends or you did go for a couple of

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Speaker 3: dates and decide not not. For me, I definitely was

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Speaker 3: always open to it, you know, whether you're whatever color.

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Speaker 3: It was more like if I'm attracted to you, So

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Speaker 3: obviously a lot of times I found myself doing a

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Speaker 3: lot of first like first Indian guy or first you know,

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Speaker 3: like just even hanging out with someone from that culture.

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Speaker 4: So I definitely didn't like shy away.

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Speaker 3: And I know I have a few friends were like,

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Speaker 3: oh I only like my man black or whatever, and

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Speaker 3: that's I guess we'll get into that for them.

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Speaker 4: But like for me, I was more the opposite.

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Speaker 3: I was more like, I just want to meet as

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Speaker 3: many people as and also coming from a small high

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Speaker 3: school and a small little town, it was like I

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Speaker 3: went to the opposite where I met.

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Speaker 4: So many people.

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Speaker 3: So I was like, why would I now be limited myself.

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Speaker 3: So I would say to say I have lots of experience,

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Speaker 3: sounds like, but I feel like I have ticked a

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Speaker 3: few boxes. Yeah, I went on a few dates with

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Speaker 3: a guy from that background, yes, yes, yes, yes, and

331
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Speaker 3: can can compare comparatively?

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Speaker 4: What about you?

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Speaker 2: I think similarly. I think I've always been able to

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00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:15,440
Speaker 2: see attraction in a lot of races. So like I've

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00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:20,040
Speaker 2: been on dates, I had situations with even whether it

336
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:23,200
Speaker 2: was a colored guy. For those who are not Zimbabwean

337
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:27,160
Speaker 2: nor South African, colored is mixed race but specifically from

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Speaker 2: the area in Zimbabwe.

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Speaker 4: And also mixed. I think like a few generations in yes.

340
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Speaker 2: A few generations in so I've been with colored person,

341
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Speaker 2: I've been with h South American or like mixed race

342
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Speaker 2: in like that the first generation mixed or white. So

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Speaker 2: I have had experienced Indian. I've had some people interested

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Speaker 2: in me who were Indian, and as you say, for me,

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Speaker 2: I've always been intrigued to think, like what would it

346
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Speaker 2: mean to be with someone like this? Like how does

347
00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:05,840
Speaker 2: that look like? I think I've always been able to

348
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Speaker 2: see someone and be like, oh, they're attractive to me, Like,

349
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Speaker 2: aside from just like oh, because they don't look like me,

350
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Speaker 2: they cannot be attractive. I've always just been.

351
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Speaker 4: Like, ohoh, you know type of thing, and you've always

352
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Speaker 4: been able to see past.

353
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Speaker 2: That yes, yeah exactly, or their personality or so yeah.

354
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Speaker 2: I think for me it's always been a great thing.

355
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Speaker 2: It's similar even to how I've approached my friendships in life.

356
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:33,240
Speaker 2: I've always been very much like can I learn from somebody?

357
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Speaker 2: Can they expose me to something that I'm not aware of?

358
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Speaker 2: And I always love the idea of learning, So similar

359
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:43,560
Speaker 2: to how I approach friendships, like can we connect on

360
00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:47,360
Speaker 2: a human level? That's always been like my m I think,

361
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:53,600
Speaker 2: so yeah, it's really yeah, it's really can.

362
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Speaker 4: Yeah yeah exactly. Well I think it's a good way

363
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Speaker 4: to be.

364
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:04,119
Speaker 3: People have obviously different opinions, but you can only speak

365
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:07,239
Speaker 3: on your own experience. Yeah that works for you, then

366
00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:10,680
Speaker 3: it works for you, yeah for sure. But you're currently

367
00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:14,680
Speaker 3: now being in an interracial relationship, what do you feel

368
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:19,200
Speaker 3: are like some of the judgments or assumptions attached negative

369
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Speaker 3: or positive.

370
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:26,760
Speaker 2: I think the judgments go both ways, either from people

371
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:29,560
Speaker 2: like black people, my people, or the other you know,

372
00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:32,760
Speaker 2: the other reason, and particularly now because I'm engaged to

373
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Speaker 2: white man, I think there's elements of on one end,

374
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:44,320
Speaker 2: people are excited because it's like when I mentioned earlier,

375
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Speaker 2: sort of colonization, colonization read this idea that white is

376
00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:54,000
Speaker 2: right and like, you know, which created an inferiority complex

377
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:59,199
Speaker 2: within I believe the black community at large. We've spoken

378
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,800
Speaker 2: before about being at the bottom of the totem pole

379
00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:04,359
Speaker 2: as a result. So it's like, oh, at least you

380
00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:08,919
Speaker 2: got yourself a white boy or coming on the come up,

381
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:14,320
Speaker 2: or you know, they're more reliable or dependable than black men,

382
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:16,520
Speaker 2: or do you get what I mean. Like there's that

383
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:20,320
Speaker 2: narrative that people kind of feed or like, oh, you're

384
00:22:20,359 --> 00:22:22,880
Speaker 2: gonna have like mixed race babies, can't wait to see

385
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:26,920
Speaker 2: and it's like sure, of course, but like there's kind

386
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:29,200
Speaker 2: of like, you know, which scares me because I don't

387
00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:31,440
Speaker 2: want my children to feel like they are at some

388
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:36,320
Speaker 2: level above everyone else or their cousins or their relatives,

389
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:40,239
Speaker 2: you know what I mean? So there's that side. Then

390
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:45,200
Speaker 2: there's also, of course, we know the typical racial slurs,

391
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:49,760
Speaker 2: the looks, you get a lot of stairs kind of

392
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:51,440
Speaker 2: how did you get into the space, especially if you

393
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:54,080
Speaker 2: like black moving and white spaces, like how did you

394
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:57,240
Speaker 2: get into these spaces? Like maybe at a restaurant's like

395
00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:01,480
Speaker 2: what are you doing here? Or kind of like the

396
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:06,159
Speaker 2: come ups to like your gold digger, that person is

397
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:11,640
Speaker 2: your sugar daddy. He must be like rich, so you're

398
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:12,840
Speaker 2: just in it for the money.

399
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:15,240
Speaker 4: The triggers.

400
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:23,080
Speaker 2: So many Obviously, I'm like painting the negative will get

401
00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:26,760
Speaker 2: to the positive. But like for me, that's been a

402
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:30,760
Speaker 2: lot of the experience of like, you know, you're it's

403
00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:35,320
Speaker 2: not genuine the relationship and so on and so forth.

404
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:40,159
Speaker 2: You have to prove it, exactly, prove that. Yeah, and

405
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:41,720
Speaker 2: you almost want to walk and be like it's not

406
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:43,920
Speaker 2: like what you think, like you know, you know what

407
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:47,199
Speaker 2: I mean, but with a stamp on your forehead, And you.

408
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:50,040
Speaker 3: Can't be defensive, right because it looks like you're just

409
00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:52,040
Speaker 3: yea hiding something makes it worse.

410
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:55,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, And so that's me. I don't want to like

411
00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:58,080
Speaker 2: ramble on about the negatives, but I mean, this is

412
00:23:58,119 --> 00:23:59,080
Speaker 2: a very real thing.

413
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:03,440
Speaker 3: Girl, the people need to know ah ah, because I

414
00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:08,199
Speaker 3: mean learning and being better is also seeing someone else's experience.

415
00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:10,840
Speaker 4: So if you're the type of person who calls out

416
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:12,120
Speaker 4: like why do you like white guys?

417
00:24:12,359 --> 00:24:13,040
Speaker 2: Why do you like this?

418
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:16,440
Speaker 3: And you never think how that feels to have that

419
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:19,840
Speaker 3: landed on you, we need to have these conversations because

420
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:21,520
Speaker 3: then you can be like anyway, think about it, like

421
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 3: if you were me, what would you how would you

422
00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:24,640
Speaker 3: want to be received?

423
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:28,760
Speaker 4: I agree with you. A lot of the judgments and assumptions.

424
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:32,240
Speaker 3: Especially negative, depend on which spaces you're occupying. So yeah,

425
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:33,639
Speaker 3: if you're in a white space, it's going to be

426
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:35,200
Speaker 3: coming from that side. If you're in a black space,

427
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:37,880
Speaker 3: it's going to be coming from For me, I find

428
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,240
Speaker 3: if it tends to be. And this might also be

429
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:43,919
Speaker 3: a nature innate nature thing. Because I'm in a white space,

430
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:47,359
Speaker 3: it's more stairs and looks yes. In a black space,

431
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:52,240
Speaker 3: it's more questions like relatent, why tell me why? Like

432
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:56,320
Speaker 3: I've been out clubbing with myself and like literally against

433
00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:58,920
Speaker 3: the bath sometimes do to catch your eye a black

434
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:02,399
Speaker 3: guy and like literally see you and then like as

435
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:04,080
Speaker 3: you're getting on the bathroom will literally be like why

436
00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:04,920
Speaker 3: do you like white guys?

437
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 4: And you're like, oh, hello, who are you?

438
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:07,320
Speaker 2: Thank you?

439
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:11,719
Speaker 3: Like, so it's like, I guess people are more vocal

440
00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:14,840
Speaker 3: the comfort the comfort level feels a bit higher.

441
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:18,840
Speaker 4: But then with with white guys. With white people, it's.

442
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:23,320
Speaker 5: More like they just staring and think, you know, yeah yeah,

443
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:25,359
Speaker 5: and then the stairs and the glares, and then you

444
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:27,160
Speaker 5: get the once in a while you get the confident

445
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:30,200
Speaker 5: in karens of the world who ask you how you

446
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:30,800
Speaker 5: got him?

447
00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:33,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, obviously he's a good looking man.

448
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,920
Speaker 3: Then it's like, well, he's good looking, he's tall, he's

449
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:38,320
Speaker 3: you know, he's got dark coloring.

450
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:40,359
Speaker 4: How did you get this?

451
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:42,000
Speaker 2: Yeah?

452
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:43,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah.

453
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:47,359
Speaker 3: So that's when you realize again it's the totem because

454
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:50,359
Speaker 3: obviously this chick seas herself as higher than me, so

455
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 3: then she should be getting higher than me. So or

456
00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:55,760
Speaker 3: like for me, I get a lot of and I

457
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,480
Speaker 3: just don't even a judgment on anything, but I know

458
00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:02,040
Speaker 3: when it's said, it comes with judgment. Did you meet online?

459
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:06,640
Speaker 3: Because it's like, oh, y'all can not have met organically?

460
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:07,120
Speaker 2: Yeah?

461
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:08,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know YouTube.

462
00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:11,080
Speaker 3: So it's like, even though there's nothing wrong with online

463
00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:13,960
Speaker 3: dating and meeting that way, the way it's said is

464
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:17,480
Speaker 3: like a dig It's like it can't have been natural.

465
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:22,320
Speaker 2: Maybe no, thousands percent, And I think I get like

466
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:27,359
Speaker 2: I've had so many experiences where like with my current partner,

467
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:30,640
Speaker 2: my fiance is like, oh, oh are you dating? Oh yeah,

468
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:33,480
Speaker 2: where's he from? And then when people find out that

469
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:37,080
Speaker 2: he is checked, the face drops or kind of like

470
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:40,640
Speaker 2: the like kind of huh or like how did you meet?

471
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:44,320
Speaker 2: Or you know, and then even when announcing the engagement

472
00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:49,320
Speaker 2: and whatever, or the assumption that you're with him for papers,

473
00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:53,960
Speaker 2: you know, like imagine, yeah, I'm working and I have

474
00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:59,160
Speaker 2: my own way of being and I came by myself,

475
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:01,639
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. But there's that level of

476
00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:06,280
Speaker 2: like judgment too. And yeah when you say like you're saying,

477
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:08,159
Speaker 2: when you say you met online, it's kind of like

478
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,160
Speaker 2: oh yeah, yeah, that explains it. And it's just like okay, sure,

479
00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:14,480
Speaker 2: you know, I don't know. It's just there are so

480
00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:19,399
Speaker 2: many things you juggle and it's underhanded. And also you

481
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:23,800
Speaker 2: see how when you are in white spaces alone, you're treated,

482
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:26,240
Speaker 2: but then when you're in white spaces with him, you

483
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:30,960
Speaker 2: are kind of like exhilevation. There's an elevation. You see that,

484
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:34,640
Speaker 2: and then you know, it's kind of saddening and it's

485
00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:39,919
Speaker 2: like or for example, when I announced my engagement online

486
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:42,479
Speaker 2: and I found like there was a bit of an

487
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:48,480
Speaker 2: over enthusiasm for some that came across from former schoolmates

488
00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:52,080
Speaker 2: like who we are white? On? Like me getting engaged

489
00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:54,840
Speaker 2: to a white boy, because it's like, is it like them?

490
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:58,080
Speaker 2: Thinking I'm more like them and less black? I don't

491
00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:00,359
Speaker 2: know what it is, but like that really has a

492
00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:05,520
Speaker 2: very like sour yeah at the tone, and I'm like, yo,

493
00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:09,200
Speaker 2: I'm black and black anly black black, Like I don't like,

494
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:11,600
Speaker 2: don't get it twisted. Then on the black sides like

495
00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:15,480
Speaker 2: your traitor, like why yeah? You know, I had some

496
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:18,919
Speaker 2: relatives saying, hey, we don't want white, like why are

497
00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:21,400
Speaker 2: you with the white? Like all those slurs and you're

498
00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:26,160
Speaker 2: just like But we could go on about the negative.

499
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:30,520
Speaker 2: What are some of the positive judgments? Can I judgment

500
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:33,200
Speaker 2: be positive? Anyway? What are some of the positive experiences

501
00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:36,760
Speaker 2: you felt like being in an interracial relationship?

502
00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:41,480
Speaker 3: Well, I think all the judgment, all the negative is

503
00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:44,320
Speaker 3: more external, and.

504
00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:46,640
Speaker 4: Then when it comes to all the positive things, it's

505
00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:50,000
Speaker 4: more internal. Things only I and my husband would.

506
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:52,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, finding out about his culture and him

507
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:56,360
Speaker 3: finding out about mine and opening your brains to other

508
00:28:56,480 --> 00:29:00,520
Speaker 3: ideas and experiences like I didn't grow up with snow

509
00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:01,480
Speaker 3: for Christmas.

510
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:04,360
Speaker 4: Like for me, snow Christmas, then go on for.

511
00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:07,960
Speaker 3: Co Cola and you know during Christmas time, AHw, it's

512
00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:14,120
Speaker 3: Coca Cola, Santa Claus. You're like, oh, you know north Pole.

513
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:18,200
Speaker 3: North Pole was like a home alone thing where you

514
00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:20,560
Speaker 3: just see another yet to get another little blonde kid

515
00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:24,800
Speaker 3: living and this upstate New York apartment of heart mansion

516
00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:29,440
Speaker 3: and enjoying Christmas time with the snow so obviously litter

517
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:32,640
Speaker 3: going on holiday or but was it like a Christmas

518
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:33,440
Speaker 3: is equal to snow?

519
00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:33,960
Speaker 2: Yeah?

520
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:34,520
Speaker 4: What I mean?

521
00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:37,360
Speaker 3: So obviously now when you're like learning a new culture

522
00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:41,120
Speaker 3: and like for myself, Christmas is equal to snow, Like

523
00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:42,960
Speaker 3: it has to be cold, it has to be.

524
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:46,760
Speaker 4: Mouth wine and his markets and so that stuff is

525
00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:49,200
Speaker 4: like fun to like absorb and learn.

526
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:51,760
Speaker 3: And then obviously when he comes to Zoom and he

527
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:54,160
Speaker 3: knows about brides and gotch coach and all that stuff

528
00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 3: is like so I feel like if it's someone who's

529
00:29:56,400 --> 00:30:00,880
Speaker 3: keen to king and curious to learn, it's like it's

530
00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:04,640
Speaker 3: cool to learn and not to assume something about people's cultures,

531
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:08,800
Speaker 3: but to actually get a window into like a front

532
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:11,600
Speaker 3: row seat into this life and try to incorporate some

533
00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:15,040
Speaker 3: of the stuff that you might like, you know so

534
00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:18,200
Speaker 3: or like a rich wine culture.

535
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:20,440
Speaker 4: Or cheese or you know, there's just so many little

536
00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:21,360
Speaker 4: things that you picked up.

537
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:24,240
Speaker 3: So I feel like when I mentioned all the positive things,

538
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:26,960
Speaker 3: it sounds so like huh, but it's just because it's

539
00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 3: so you're facing so much from everyone else. You like

540
00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:33,080
Speaker 3: then realize that all the nice things are kind of

541
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:36,960
Speaker 3: just for you, which I like, I can't think of

542
00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:40,480
Speaker 3: something that's like external where I'm like, hey, I'm definitely

543
00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:44,920
Speaker 3: glad because all the things probably sound stereotypical. You can

544
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:48,680
Speaker 3: get the domestic violence in interracial relationships, you can get.

545
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:52,960
Speaker 3: You can get, you can get, And I think that's

546
00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:55,120
Speaker 3: the assumption as all that sample have that when you're

547
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:58,200
Speaker 3: an interracial relationship you're having a softer life in some ways.

548
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:01,000
Speaker 4: But the fact now if it's a dog doesn't matter

549
00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:04,920
Speaker 4: if it's blue, white, or you will do whatever. Yeah,

550
00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:08,720
Speaker 4: So it's about being a good man as opposed to that,

551
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:09,320
Speaker 4: you know.

552
00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:13,200
Speaker 3: I think it's just also because as you said, colonization

553
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:16,920
Speaker 3: and all these things have pushed this narrative that you know,

554
00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:20,480
Speaker 3: maybe white people have a better family structure or a

555
00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:22,120
Speaker 3: more stable family structure.

556
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:24,760
Speaker 4: But really, now when you're in it, you're like, God.

557
00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:28,760
Speaker 3: But I found out everybody's seeing. Everybody is like, there's

558
00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:32,680
Speaker 3: nothing to do, you know about the problems. Maybe we

559
00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:35,600
Speaker 3: a few hours more because we have an extended family,

560
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:40,080
Speaker 3: so we hear more. But yeah, and then but then

561
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:43,520
Speaker 3: exactly so I feel like all the things you probably

562
00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:47,040
Speaker 3: think of to try and convince someone to date outside

563
00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:50,640
Speaker 3: their race is purely for your own self development, Like

564
00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:53,719
Speaker 3: you want something new, you want to learn about something,

565
00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:56,120
Speaker 3: you want to expose yourself to someone else.

566
00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:58,120
Speaker 4: Perhaps do you date outside of yours?

567
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:01,920
Speaker 2: Because no one, no one would choose And this is

568
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:05,200
Speaker 2: what you know, I always think about, no one would

569
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:08,440
Speaker 2: actively choose to go through the amount of judgment and

570
00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:13,240
Speaker 2: discrimination daily and look for fun and you are there's

571
00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:16,560
Speaker 2: nothing there for you. There's obviously something really between the

572
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:19,400
Speaker 2: two of you, and ultimately that is a relationship. It's

573
00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:22,120
Speaker 2: what you have, the two of you. And when you're home,

574
00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:25,240
Speaker 2: can you sleep well at night? Can you tot nicely?

575
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:27,440
Speaker 2: Are you punching each other or not? You know what

576
00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:30,880
Speaker 2: I mean? So Saras, I agree with you one hundred

577
00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:33,600
Speaker 2: one hundred percent. And for me, something that is beautiful about,

578
00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:38,640
Speaker 2: you know, being in an interracial relationship is realizing like

579
00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:42,280
Speaker 2: we are similar even though we were raised and completely

580
00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:44,840
Speaker 2: like some things. Do you get what I mean? Like, yeah,

581
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:48,280
Speaker 2: I think we see the world the same even though

582
00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:51,120
Speaker 2: we were raised in completely different parts of the world,

583
00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:55,360
Speaker 2: and we have these core values and connections that really

584
00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:59,520
Speaker 2: find us together and like they're like wow, and that

585
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:02,800
Speaker 2: is beautiful and it helps you realize like, you know,

586
00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:06,320
Speaker 2: a lot of the sort of injustices in the world,

587
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:09,880
Speaker 2: the wars, the fighting against each other because you're from

588
00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:12,680
Speaker 2: here and I'm from here, it's like really null and

589
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:15,240
Speaker 2: void because there's so many things you can draw from

590
00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:17,560
Speaker 2: each other that we're similar. If you really want to

591
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:21,960
Speaker 2: know it, isn't that humanity? Like literally exactly? I think

592
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:25,320
Speaker 2: that's really powerful And I think the old Like one

593
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 2: of the things that I thought of from an external

594
00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:33,320
Speaker 2: perspective is if God willing your families accept you both

595
00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 2: on each side, that is a beautiful thing to see,

596
00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:41,200
Speaker 2: Like your partner's family like embrace you or proudly want

597
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:43,320
Speaker 2: to have you in the family and treat you as

598
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:45,800
Speaker 2: one of their own. It's beautiful. And similarly, seeing my

599
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:51,160
Speaker 2: family how they have embraced my partner and like, you know,

600
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:54,560
Speaker 2: that is also beautiful because it's like these people who

601
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:57,120
Speaker 2: had no maybe real reference, like my parents grew up

602
00:33:57,160 --> 00:34:02,719
Speaker 2: in colonization like you know times, you know, and obviously

603
00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:05,400
Speaker 2: they would feel a weak aware about white people. But

604
00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:09,800
Speaker 2: to be able to look past that and still obviously

605
00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:12,960
Speaker 2: it works because I'm their child, it's different. Yeah, But

606
00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:15,280
Speaker 2: even then, I think that's also something.

607
00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:18,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think, like even delving deeper on that,

608
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:24,320
Speaker 3: I think unfortunately, because interracial relationships are so visual, people

609
00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:27,799
Speaker 3: forget that you can be black and intercultural. You can

610
00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:31,120
Speaker 3: both be black and learning a lot from someone. You

611
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:34,279
Speaker 3: can both have the same you know, like nationality. Like

612
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:37,040
Speaker 3: I could have married a white Zimbabwean and you probably

613
00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:40,640
Speaker 3: understand more than my German husband does, but just assume

614
00:34:40,680 --> 00:34:43,719
Speaker 3: because he looks white, he doesn't know, you know. So

615
00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:46,880
Speaker 3: it's almost like it's it's almost like unfortunate that with

616
00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:50,160
Speaker 3: interracial relationships it's so visual, and I think that can

617
00:34:50,239 --> 00:34:53,719
Speaker 3: sometimes be jarring to people. But if I married the

618
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:56,480
Speaker 3: Kenyan girl, I'll be learning a lot, Like I'll be

619
00:34:56,600 --> 00:34:59,800
Speaker 3: like so you guys, don't call it sad that you know,

620
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:02,399
Speaker 3: oh you you can go holiday on the coast. We're

621
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:05,440
Speaker 3: in a landlord country, so it's a very different upbringing.

622
00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:09,360
Speaker 3: So but then because we don't visually look different, we

623
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:12,640
Speaker 3: then treated a bit better by people who are judgmental.

624
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:17,480
Speaker 2: So it's quite Sadally you're so so al right, it's yeah, man,

625
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:21,080
Speaker 2: So moving on. I think that was juicy and I'm

626
00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:23,680
Speaker 2: glad we touched on, like I really yeah, some really

627
00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:27,680
Speaker 2: great pointers there. But according to people like doctor Umar Johnson,

628
00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:30,399
Speaker 2: I don't know if I said it right. Like two

629
00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:33,560
Speaker 2: broke tumbos brought up. If you haven't listened to that episode,

630
00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:37,200
Speaker 2: be sure to listen. Black people should not date or

631
00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:40,880
Speaker 2: marry interracially. What do you think about that? Pros and cons.

632
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:46,240
Speaker 4: I don't think I should not have married my husband,

633
00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:51,440
Speaker 4: thank you, doctor Umar.

634
00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:55,680
Speaker 3: But I think like, obviously he's coming more from the

635
00:35:55,800 --> 00:36:01,200
Speaker 3: whole argument of like you're marrying upright, or like marriage

636
00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:03,719
Speaker 3: is not just about love, there's other factors to a

637
00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:06,640
Speaker 3: black lives. Like it's obviously a proponent for that, which

638
00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:09,840
Speaker 3: is great, But I don't think people should be living

639
00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:13,720
Speaker 3: in strict boundaries and strict rules and strict laws.

640
00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:19,120
Speaker 4: Like I don't know, it's almost like how do we learn,

641
00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:21,720
Speaker 4: how do we achieve that humanity you were talking about

642
00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:25,840
Speaker 4: earlier if we just stuck to our own you know.

643
00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:29,759
Speaker 3: So I don't think it's not for everyone, but it's

644
00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:32,719
Speaker 3: also not like something you should just rule out just

645
00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:35,120
Speaker 3: because it doesn't feel right or look right.

646
00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:37,600
Speaker 4: And obviously there's a lot of things to consider. I'm

647
00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:39,000
Speaker 4: not going to make it sound flippant.

648
00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:43,120
Speaker 3: There is a lot of them come down not maybe

649
00:36:43,239 --> 00:36:45,719
Speaker 3: sometimes not even more so to race, but more so

650
00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:49,920
Speaker 3: to culture, Like can you guys blend your lives? And

651
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:52,239
Speaker 3: I think, as I said before, people just think just

652
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:55,359
Speaker 3: because you look different, you are different, but sometimes maybe

653
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:59,280
Speaker 3: much more similar than two other cultures that have looked

654
00:36:59,360 --> 00:36:59,719
Speaker 3: the same.

655
00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:00,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, so.

656
00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:06,239
Speaker 4: I know semople are very very passionate about, you.

657
00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:09,960
Speaker 3: Know, marry black, be you know, pro we can't be

658
00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:13,480
Speaker 3: pro black and marry outside your race.

659
00:37:13,719 --> 00:37:20,960
Speaker 2: People believe that, I would say, we you know, with racism,

660
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:24,040
Speaker 2: And this is not excuse. I'm not saying you have

661
00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:26,600
Speaker 2: to marry someone who's on your race. We love, We've

662
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:30,120
Speaker 2: spoken countless times. We're proponents of black love and all

663
00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:35,080
Speaker 2: the good things with racism. A lot of the reason,

664
00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:38,040
Speaker 2: and I feel the reasons why it takes so long

665
00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:43,560
Speaker 2: for progress is because when black people are shouting about

666
00:37:43,719 --> 00:37:48,640
Speaker 2: racism from white people, for example, white people have become

667
00:37:48,719 --> 00:37:51,080
Speaker 2: so accustomed to shutting off and be like, hey, that's

668
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:53,920
Speaker 2: your problem, we don't care, and not to be listening.

669
00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:57,680
Speaker 2: That's why it's so important to have what we call allies.

670
00:37:58,080 --> 00:38:01,480
Speaker 2: Allies are white people or people of them more dominant

671
00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:05,880
Speaker 2: race or more powerful race, who understand the plight of

672
00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:10,359
Speaker 2: the sort of oppressed race oppressed and are able then

673
00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:14,240
Speaker 2: to move in their spaces, white spaces or whatever spaces

674
00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:19,280
Speaker 2: they their people are from, and educate their people around

675
00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:22,640
Speaker 2: why it's not okay to think about black people a

676
00:38:22,719 --> 00:38:28,160
Speaker 2: certain way or behave a certain what more powerful way

677
00:38:28,239 --> 00:38:29,800
Speaker 2: to And I'm not saying the only reason to be

678
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:32,759
Speaker 2: in an interracial relationship, don't get me wrong, But what's

679
00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:36,520
Speaker 2: more powerful than being in an interracial relationship where you

680
00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:40,120
Speaker 2: open up someone's eyes about your struggles and the plight

681
00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:43,720
Speaker 2: of the black person and then they become more aware

682
00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:47,320
Speaker 2: and then say wow when someone makes a comment, actually,

683
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:51,040
Speaker 2: you guys, you can't say that because it do you understand?

684
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:55,640
Speaker 2: So there's work to be done with building up the

685
00:38:55,719 --> 00:38:58,759
Speaker 2: black family and like holding us ourselves in higher regard.

686
00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:02,719
Speaker 2: I'm not a and that at all black power all

687
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:05,799
Speaker 2: the way, but there's also other ways you can work,

688
00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:08,720
Speaker 2: Like we can all be doing something.

689
00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:12,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're can all be moving into more positive Yeah.

690
00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:16,120
Speaker 3: My question without pointing the finger.

691
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:21,719
Speaker 2: Exactly my question for you Amanda, then to say that

692
00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:25,560
Speaker 2: you only date black people, is that preference or is

693
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:37,560
Speaker 2: that prejudice? That's okay, sure that because I think or

694
00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:39,920
Speaker 2: you only date white people, or you only date one

695
00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:40,640
Speaker 2: ring or whatever.

696
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:41,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, whatever.

697
00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:45,759
Speaker 3: I think if it's the detriment of yourself, it's problematic.

698
00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:50,600
Speaker 3: So let's just say there's humb looking good, you know,

699
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:54,920
Speaker 3: things supporting you, right or die, but the only thing

700
00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:59,839
Speaker 3: stopping you from pursuing that she's black you're white. Then

701
00:39:59,880 --> 00:40:02,040
Speaker 3: I think that's problematic because it's like, okay, so you're

702
00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:04,920
Speaker 3: going to shut yourself to someone who really is going

703
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:07,000
Speaker 3: to be there for you and really is going to

704
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:11,160
Speaker 3: you know, be that wife or that husband to you

705
00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:14,920
Speaker 3: just because of that one thing. But having said that,

706
00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:18,160
Speaker 3: at the same time, I also still believe that we're

707
00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:20,440
Speaker 3: attracted to we're attracted to naturally.

708
00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:23,839
Speaker 4: Yes, so also, don't first the funk I just because

709
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:25,080
Speaker 4: I want to look for a white man.

710
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:27,400
Speaker 3: I'm tired of these black niggas like you look like

711
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:30,000
Speaker 3: you don't just if you like your black brother.

712
00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:35,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, exactly. So I think it just depends on

713
00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:37,719
Speaker 4: what you are getting out of it. If you know

714
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:38,719
Speaker 4: you're blocking.

715
00:40:38,440 --> 00:40:42,200
Speaker 3: Yourself to love and light just because of then don't

716
00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:45,360
Speaker 3: be stupid, don't be silly. But you know, but it

717
00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:48,280
Speaker 3: was also at the same time, don't seek it because

718
00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:50,200
Speaker 3: you think it's going to be a certain way, because

719
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:50,839
Speaker 3: you might be very.

720
00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:53,680
Speaker 2: Surprised although stress like very real.

721
00:40:54,320 --> 00:41:00,160
Speaker 3: Yes, because it's not you see, intercultural, interracial is not

722
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:01,399
Speaker 3: easy at all.

723
00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:05,040
Speaker 4: So you then have to outweigh the good resistant bad.

724
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:07,440
Speaker 4: How does he make you feel? She makes you?

725
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:08,520
Speaker 2: You know?

726
00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:11,439
Speaker 4: Is this going to be something that's long term?

727
00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:12,080
Speaker 2: Can you?

728
00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:14,880
Speaker 4: Can you withstand the pressure people looking at you all

729
00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:18,759
Speaker 4: the time and judging me? A really good movie too?

730
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:19,640
Speaker 4: Can you ignore it?

731
00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:23,320
Speaker 2: A really good movie that I remember watching when I

732
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:27,400
Speaker 2: was younger was Something New with Sonar Lathan and suddenly

733
00:41:27,600 --> 00:41:30,960
Speaker 2: Baker is that his name? Yes? Yes? And she was

734
00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:34,960
Speaker 2: very much a proponent of black love, like finding a

735
00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:39,360
Speaker 2: black man and you know whatever, and I won't spoil that,

736
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:43,719
Speaker 2: but like watching that, it's also like question yourself, like

737
00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:48,080
Speaker 2: your intent, Like it's always even me being in an

738
00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:52,200
Speaker 2: interracial relationship, I have questioned and had to question myself

739
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:55,600
Speaker 2: like what's my intent? What is what is behind this?

740
00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:58,719
Speaker 2: And being is not comfortable and it's not it's not

741
00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:02,200
Speaker 2: great like at all, but it's always good I believe

742
00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:06,600
Speaker 2: to question, like why you believe so strongly about something,

743
00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:07,160
Speaker 2: or why you.

744
00:42:07,239 --> 00:42:10,480
Speaker 4: Treat we wage space is coming from? Yeah, yeah, yeah,

745
00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:11,719
Speaker 4: what you know.

746
00:42:11,880 --> 00:42:14,919
Speaker 3: You briefly touched on this when you said sometimes when

747
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:18,440
Speaker 3: you treat, when your fiance is there, you're treated.

748
00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:21,160
Speaker 4: A certain way and then when it's not another way.

749
00:42:21,840 --> 00:42:26,320
Speaker 3: Do you are there any benefits that you could list

750
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:29,279
Speaker 3: or drawbacks that you can list for us that come

751
00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:33,200
Speaker 3: with being in a more in a material space, yeah,

752
00:42:33,520 --> 00:42:35,080
Speaker 3: interracial relationships.

753
00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:41,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I mean obviously me being here as a black,

754
00:42:41,800 --> 00:42:46,960
Speaker 2: non Czech citizen, access to whether it's a mortgage or

755
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:53,840
Speaker 2: access out of my reach, and you see it even

756
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:59,000
Speaker 2: like in service industry, whether medical or whatever, it's like

757
00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:04,160
Speaker 2: they are able to be a bit more I don't know,

758
00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:09,960
Speaker 2: respectful somewhat because he's there obviously now I live in Czecho.

759
00:43:10,040 --> 00:43:13,280
Speaker 2: There's a language barrier ultimately, which adds to the layers

760
00:43:13,320 --> 00:43:18,120
Speaker 2: of it all. But yeah, thousand percent, it's like you

761
00:43:18,360 --> 00:43:22,800
Speaker 2: feel like some places to walk in there by myself,

762
00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:25,400
Speaker 2: I feel like oof, but then I'm with him, so

763
00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:27,480
Speaker 2: it's like they may look at me but like, oh, yeah,

764
00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:29,560
Speaker 2: she's with him. Does that make sense. It's kind of

765
00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:39,960
Speaker 2: like a cushion exactly, And yeah, I guess the disadvantages are.

766
00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:43,000
Speaker 2: You know, sometimes it could be in your work, like

767
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:45,680
Speaker 2: people don't take you seriously. They're like, oh, she's just

768
00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:50,440
Speaker 2: here because she wants to stay in this relationship or

769
00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:52,840
Speaker 2: it just serves her needs to be here with this.

770
00:43:52,960 --> 00:43:54,479
Speaker 2: And I don't know how to explain it, like there's

771
00:43:54,520 --> 00:44:00,359
Speaker 2: so many little things, or you don't have a problems

772
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:02,360
Speaker 2: or financial worries because you're being taken care of. Like

773
00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:04,919
Speaker 2: I've literally had people say to me, Oh, you don't

774
00:44:04,960 --> 00:44:08,400
Speaker 2: have to worry you have like it's like your savings

775
00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:18,040
Speaker 2: plan is your partner excuse me exactly. So yeah, there's

776
00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:23,960
Speaker 2: a lot of that I don't know. And at the

777
00:44:24,040 --> 00:44:28,200
Speaker 2: airport we've spoken about it, how you're treated alone versus

778
00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:31,680
Speaker 2: when you're with it. The list is almost endless. And

779
00:44:31,800 --> 00:44:36,360
Speaker 2: then obviously I think on his end, the benefits he

780
00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:39,840
Speaker 2: gets of being with me is that oh he's you know,

781
00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:45,839
Speaker 2: you know, sexual benefits of course, like there's this stereotype

782
00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:49,919
Speaker 2: about being with the black woman or like spicy. Maybe

783
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:54,320
Speaker 2: I app his cool factor. I don't know all that,

784
00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:58,719
Speaker 2: you know, So there's also there's also that I give

785
00:44:58,840 --> 00:45:04,680
Speaker 2: talk their talking points. He seems more international, all the

786
00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:07,040
Speaker 2: all those things, and for you what have been some

787
00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:13,000
Speaker 2: of you guys live in Australia, maybe, so it's maybe a.

788
00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:15,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think obviously it's a bit different because we

789
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:20,239
Speaker 3: live both of as Olivia as migrants, so none of

790
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:23,359
Speaker 3: this is not our home ground force for either one

791
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:25,759
Speaker 3: of us, which obviously for you Tom it is his

792
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:27,759
Speaker 3: home ground. So maybe it get a bit different in

793
00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:31,799
Speaker 3: that way. But having said that, because you look the part,

794
00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:33,799
Speaker 3: he's assumed to be the part.

795
00:45:34,200 --> 00:45:34,799
Speaker 2: So unless I.

796
00:45:34,840 --> 00:45:37,560
Speaker 3: Myself opens his mouth or says his name or you

797
00:45:37,680 --> 00:45:40,560
Speaker 3: hear his accent, people probably just think. People just think

798
00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:44,640
Speaker 3: he's ausye right, so so the assumption. So definitely the

799
00:45:44,719 --> 00:45:49,640
Speaker 3: hospitality space is much better when you have, you know,

800
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:52,200
Speaker 3: because then they think, oh, you've got money or you're

801
00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:55,400
Speaker 3: still in the shop, or the amount of times like

802
00:45:55,440 --> 00:45:58,680
Speaker 3: I'll stand like right beside him, like not really next

803
00:45:58,760 --> 00:46:01,279
Speaker 3: to him, but maybe especially this COVID times about of

804
00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:04,160
Speaker 3: crowd people, I'll step a little bit aside and they'll

805
00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:06,279
Speaker 3: be like, i'll be with you next man. I'm like, no, no,

806
00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:08,719
Speaker 3: we're together. Like the amount of times I have to

807
00:46:08,800 --> 00:46:13,000
Speaker 3: say that, the amount of times I have to I'm

808
00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 3: naturally not a PDA person. Naturally, I think obviously it's

809
00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:19,800
Speaker 3: something I just I guess it's not my love language,

810
00:46:20,200 --> 00:46:24,200
Speaker 3: but I've learned because obviously for other people could be, and.

811
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:27,960
Speaker 4: For my husband it is.

812
00:46:28,680 --> 00:46:31,319
Speaker 3: I've learned to become one, which is fine, doesn't bother

813
00:46:31,440 --> 00:46:32,399
Speaker 3: me every which way.

814
00:46:32,640 --> 00:46:34,600
Speaker 4: But I feel like sometimes when you're out.

815
00:46:34,520 --> 00:46:37,560
Speaker 3: You almost turn it on because you're like, okay, if

816
00:46:37,560 --> 00:46:39,759
Speaker 3: they see us holding hands, then I don't have to

817
00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:41,160
Speaker 3: be explaining that we're together.

818
00:46:41,960 --> 00:46:43,000
Speaker 4: You know, they they.

819
00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:44,759
Speaker 2: They know.

820
00:46:45,480 --> 00:46:49,240
Speaker 4: But yeah, yeah, So sometimes like the PDA comes in handy.

821
00:46:49,760 --> 00:46:53,200
Speaker 3: So it's like I just feel like the disadvantages, I mean,

822
00:46:53,239 --> 00:46:58,280
Speaker 3: the advantages are so material and so should not mean anything,

823
00:46:58,440 --> 00:47:00,919
Speaker 3: but they do, you know, because it's like he gives

824
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:03,719
Speaker 3: me almost like a license to be in some spaces

825
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:07,160
Speaker 3: which is so annoying. It really gets me. I'm a

826
00:47:07,239 --> 00:47:10,200
Speaker 3: proud black woman. I don't need to be having someone

827
00:47:10,239 --> 00:47:15,040
Speaker 3: else validate me. But unfortunately, the world is where it is,

828
00:47:16,440 --> 00:47:19,800
Speaker 3: and like it's just so frustrating. But having said that,

829
00:47:19,960 --> 00:47:22,880
Speaker 3: for him, when he comes to Africa, how good is

830
00:47:22,960 --> 00:47:23,880
Speaker 3: it to have a local?

831
00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:25,960
Speaker 2: How good is it to have So.

832
00:47:26,120 --> 00:47:30,320
Speaker 3: It's like it always depends which spaces you're occupying, you know,

833
00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:33,759
Speaker 3: like if I can hustle him getting cheaper drinks at

834
00:47:33,800 --> 00:47:36,840
Speaker 3: a bar or whatever, like because obviously when you're overseas

835
00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:38,520
Speaker 3: and they see a white to guy, they think.

836
00:47:38,400 --> 00:47:40,120
Speaker 4: Ah, we're gonna get money tonight.

837
00:47:40,560 --> 00:47:43,000
Speaker 3: They see me with him, it's like a license for

838
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:45,800
Speaker 3: him to just be treated normally like every other you know,

839
00:47:45,960 --> 00:47:49,080
Speaker 3: So it works both ways. It's just unfortunate that the

840
00:47:49,120 --> 00:47:51,600
Speaker 3: space we're in is when we live in Austriat that's

841
00:47:51,600 --> 00:47:54,399
Speaker 3: predominantly white. So yeah, maybe I feel a little bit more,

842
00:47:54,719 --> 00:47:57,040
Speaker 3: But when we travel and we go to other places,

843
00:47:57,600 --> 00:48:01,080
Speaker 3: he also feels it, and I'm saving break In those situations,

844
00:48:03,040 --> 00:48:06,480
Speaker 3: the disadvantages are obviously just like it's hella annoying.

845
00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:09,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like why do we even have to be

846
00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:11,480
Speaker 4: playing this mental gymnastics.

847
00:48:13,000 --> 00:48:18,040
Speaker 2: I always as soon as you step like yeah, life,

848
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:21,520
Speaker 2: as soon as you move out of your space.

849
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:24,120
Speaker 4: Exactly, And I feel like.

850
00:48:26,239 --> 00:48:29,720
Speaker 3: Exactly, I've met and I've been with friends who've dated

851
00:48:29,800 --> 00:48:34,000
Speaker 3: someone of the same race, and they're treated their relationship

852
00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:38,439
Speaker 3: has given more reverence and more respect. Meanwhile, it's like, Okay,

853
00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:41,000
Speaker 3: I've been with this guy getting close to ten years,

854
00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:46,000
Speaker 3: and I know we's always going to be like explaining ourselves.

855
00:48:45,680 --> 00:48:46,439
Speaker 2: You know what I mean.

856
00:48:47,040 --> 00:48:49,320
Speaker 3: Like I have a lady I know who's been married

857
00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:52,960
Speaker 3: inter racially married for about twenty five years now, and

858
00:48:53,080 --> 00:48:56,800
Speaker 3: she still feels those same frustrations that she felt that

859
00:48:56,920 --> 00:48:59,520
Speaker 3: I'm feeling now that you're probably feeling too rude that

860
00:48:59,800 --> 00:49:02,839
Speaker 3: he who have younger like three months for a month

861
00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:05,880
Speaker 3: relationship a feeling it's like it will last with you

862
00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:10,040
Speaker 3: for a lifetime where you're constantly like justifying why you're

863
00:49:10,080 --> 00:49:12,640
Speaker 3: with him, how you met, where you met.

864
00:49:13,840 --> 00:49:16,719
Speaker 4: And it's like, I love it.

865
00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:20,120
Speaker 3: When I meet people who act like it's cool, who

866
00:49:20,239 --> 00:49:23,239
Speaker 3: act like it ain't a thing we just ask us

867
00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:26,120
Speaker 3: like a normal couple, don't make it a big deal.

868
00:49:26,680 --> 00:49:28,560
Speaker 3: When I meet someone and they give me that kind

869
00:49:28,600 --> 00:49:32,160
Speaker 3: of energy, the release it's like.

870
00:49:32,360 --> 00:49:35,279
Speaker 2: But then don't you think Amanda though, But we still

871
00:49:35,360 --> 00:49:38,160
Speaker 2: do it, Like I find myself catching myself, Like if

872
00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:40,880
Speaker 2: I see an interracial with I'm like, I look now,

873
00:49:40,920 --> 00:49:43,239
Speaker 2: it's more out of excitement, like hey, someone else, but like,

874
00:49:43,560 --> 00:49:46,120
Speaker 2: you know, like we do it. It's I think it's

875
00:49:46,160 --> 00:49:49,560
Speaker 2: a human thing. Nature's like, oh, I wonder how that

876
00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:52,920
Speaker 2: happened because you know, so there is also that interest

877
00:49:52,960 --> 00:49:53,200
Speaker 2: and I.

878
00:49:53,239 --> 00:49:55,600
Speaker 4: Get it just fascinating and it's a difference.

879
00:49:55,840 --> 00:49:58,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a difference. I'm okay with that kind of

880
00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:00,640
Speaker 2: like oh mm hmm, but I'm not okay like oh,

881
00:50:00,719 --> 00:50:04,680
Speaker 2: but why her? Or like why did he choose you?

882
00:50:05,200 --> 00:50:05,399
Speaker 4: How?

883
00:50:05,880 --> 00:50:08,880
Speaker 2: And I've had a lot of experience with that, like

884
00:50:09,120 --> 00:50:11,520
Speaker 2: just be like but why her? Or like like the

885
00:50:11,840 --> 00:50:15,120
Speaker 2: energy of like but you should you know what I mean?

886
00:50:15,200 --> 00:50:18,200
Speaker 2: And that is really not fire don't.

887
00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:22,600
Speaker 3: And I feel like sassination happens organically, so as you said,

888
00:50:22,680 --> 00:50:25,279
Speaker 3: when you see a couple, you're think, oh, your face

889
00:50:25,360 --> 00:50:30,000
Speaker 3: probably shows that, like okay, or or like as if

890
00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:32,120
Speaker 3: you're someone you're getting to know, you will come up

891
00:50:32,160 --> 00:50:33,440
Speaker 3: in conversation.

892
00:50:33,360 --> 00:50:35,719
Speaker 4: So you met in Spain blah blah blah.

893
00:50:36,040 --> 00:50:40,200
Speaker 3: Whereas like with the other side, it's like direct, it's

894
00:50:40,640 --> 00:50:43,840
Speaker 3: it's not it's not protecting anyway.

895
00:50:44,160 --> 00:50:47,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, probing, it really is probing.

896
00:50:47,320 --> 00:50:49,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, But then how do you think, because you know

897
00:50:49,400 --> 00:50:52,360
Speaker 2: you're going to be a mama to they still wild

898
00:50:52,360 --> 00:50:54,680
Speaker 2: to me that amanda'sn't mom. I was telling you about

899
00:50:54,719 --> 00:50:57,160
Speaker 2: the day and I still feel like a fifteen year old?

900
00:50:57,480 --> 00:50:59,800
Speaker 2: What are we doing having children.

901
00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:02,360
Speaker 4: And getting like what I know, I'm going to be

902
00:51:02,440 --> 00:51:04,400
Speaker 4: someone's whole, not that someone's not.

903
00:51:06,080 --> 00:51:10,480
Speaker 2: Yo. But yeah, how do how do you think biracial

904
00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:15,719
Speaker 2: children deal with coming from an interracial relationship like being

905
00:51:15,920 --> 00:51:20,440
Speaker 2: of two cultures and essence? Yo, this one is the yo.

906
00:51:21,160 --> 00:51:24,120
Speaker 3: I cannot pretend to know what that will feel like.

907
00:51:24,800 --> 00:51:27,640
Speaker 3: I can only speak from an observation point of view,

908
00:51:27,800 --> 00:51:32,399
Speaker 3: because it's quite sad actually that I sometimes I even

909
00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:36,920
Speaker 3: question myself that there will be a level of my

910
00:51:37,400 --> 00:51:42,360
Speaker 3: kids experience that I will never be able to really understand.

911
00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:47,239
Speaker 3: You know, my we've talked about the family episode. Me

912
00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:50,920
Speaker 3: and Romby both feel very misunderstood by families. But and

913
00:51:51,120 --> 00:51:54,120
Speaker 3: end the day, there's some stuff they just get without saying,

914
00:51:54,840 --> 00:51:57,759
Speaker 3: And I think there will be some stuff I won't get,

915
00:51:58,280 --> 00:52:00,359
Speaker 3: you know, like and and and it's a bit sad

916
00:52:00,480 --> 00:52:03,759
Speaker 3: that it's I'm gonna always be like like you talked

917
00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:05,239
Speaker 3: about allyship, I'm always going.

918
00:52:05,160 --> 00:52:08,040
Speaker 4: To be trying and you know, doing the best I can,

919
00:52:08,239 --> 00:52:08,960
Speaker 4: but it will not.

920
00:52:09,120 --> 00:52:10,759
Speaker 3: Be the same you know, it would have to meet

921
00:52:10,760 --> 00:52:14,960
Speaker 3: another biracial person to get those little But having said that,

922
00:52:15,239 --> 00:52:19,120
Speaker 3: I think I think it's just a matter of like

923
00:52:19,280 --> 00:52:21,840
Speaker 3: you said, you want You said it before that you

924
00:52:21,920 --> 00:52:24,440
Speaker 3: don't want your kids to be elevated when they're in

925
00:52:24,480 --> 00:52:25,080
Speaker 3: a black.

926
00:52:24,920 --> 00:52:29,160
Speaker 4: Space and then seeing in a white space.

927
00:52:29,920 --> 00:52:32,080
Speaker 3: So I think it's going to be having to balance that,

928
00:52:32,400 --> 00:52:36,239
Speaker 3: maybe with their self confidence, maybe with where they come from,

929
00:52:36,400 --> 00:52:39,360
Speaker 3: being proud of being German and Zimbabwean and Australia.

930
00:52:39,880 --> 00:52:41,839
Speaker 4: And it's going to be a hard juggle for sure.

931
00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:45,560
Speaker 3: But I think nowadays we're getting more and more resources.

932
00:52:46,120 --> 00:52:48,719
Speaker 3: There's plan to biracial people out in the world who

933
00:52:48,719 --> 00:52:52,759
Speaker 3: are sharing their experiences and it's up to me to

934
00:52:52,960 --> 00:52:56,440
Speaker 3: just do that research and try do the best I

935
00:52:56,600 --> 00:53:01,400
Speaker 3: can because I don't know, like, how does it feel like.

936
00:53:01,680 --> 00:53:02,160
Speaker 4: Are you black?

937
00:53:02,200 --> 00:53:05,120
Speaker 2: Are you white? And I told and I was talking,

938
00:53:05,200 --> 00:53:08,560
Speaker 2: we were having this conversation with uh with my partner,

939
00:53:08,760 --> 00:53:12,080
Speaker 2: like about how when we have we when we will,

940
00:53:12,239 --> 00:53:16,600
Speaker 2: eventually God willing have children. It's like, in the world

941
00:53:16,760 --> 00:53:20,560
Speaker 2: and the spaces that we will occupy, I will be

942
00:53:20,680 --> 00:53:24,120
Speaker 2: seen a little lower than my children. Children are going

943
00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:26,080
Speaker 2: to be seen a little lower than their father. And

944
00:53:27,840 --> 00:53:32,719
Speaker 2: I was like, that in itself is just so heartbreaking,

945
00:53:33,040 --> 00:53:39,239
Speaker 2: heartbreaking and crazy to think about that, and for me,

946
00:53:39,400 --> 00:53:42,080
Speaker 2: it brings up feelings of like, then what kind of

947
00:53:42,120 --> 00:53:46,160
Speaker 2: a mother will I be? You know, trying to boost

948
00:53:46,200 --> 00:53:49,160
Speaker 2: their confidence, like you're saying, in white spaces and then

949
00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:52,160
Speaker 2: in black spaces, like trying to hold them accountable to

950
00:53:52,400 --> 00:53:56,520
Speaker 2: being you know, respectful and treating everybody, you know, with

951
00:53:56,719 --> 00:54:00,000
Speaker 2: a level of respect. It's such a it's such a juggle,

952
00:54:00,239 --> 00:54:04,560
Speaker 2: and you know, you know, people say that intercultural and

953
00:54:04,760 --> 00:54:07,000
Speaker 2: interracial relationships are a lot of work, and we hear

954
00:54:07,040 --> 00:54:08,920
Speaker 2: and they're like, yeah, it's a lot of work. And

955
00:54:09,160 --> 00:54:12,239
Speaker 2: people sometimes see it like, you know, as black people,

956
00:54:12,600 --> 00:54:16,320
Speaker 2: it elevates you. But the level of complexity that it

957
00:54:16,440 --> 00:54:23,040
Speaker 2: comes with, yeah, so intricate that it's it's a constant

958
00:54:23,719 --> 00:54:28,880
Speaker 2: game of education, of understanding, listening. You know, there's a constant,

959
00:54:29,040 --> 00:54:31,000
Speaker 2: constant conversation around that. Yeah.

960
00:54:32,600 --> 00:54:35,280
Speaker 3: So yeah, and seeple, do do what you're saying, semple

961
00:54:35,400 --> 00:54:38,239
Speaker 3: do use it as a status symbol. It's not like, yeah,

962
00:54:38,360 --> 00:54:42,040
Speaker 3: sample white guys for me or like, you know, they

963
00:54:42,080 --> 00:54:43,440
Speaker 3: will do that, they'll play it up.

964
00:54:43,680 --> 00:54:46,800
Speaker 4: But I do think those people are outliers. Majority of

965
00:54:46,880 --> 00:54:49,920
Speaker 4: people we met who are in interracial relationships just want

966
00:54:49,920 --> 00:54:53,399
Speaker 4: to be treated like every other coupy. So I think

967
00:54:53,640 --> 00:54:54,919
Speaker 4: kids would probably be the same.

968
00:54:55,280 --> 00:54:57,719
Speaker 3: Maybe there would be some kids were like, you know,

969
00:54:57,760 --> 00:54:59,719
Speaker 3: I'm a special because I got this when they're in

970
00:55:00,160 --> 00:55:02,640
Speaker 3: space or white space whatever, But I think majority of

971
00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:06,200
Speaker 3: biracial kids just want to be treated normal. And then

972
00:55:06,239 --> 00:55:09,360
Speaker 3: I can only imagine how it feels not to be

973
00:55:09,480 --> 00:55:11,840
Speaker 3: in your home and not see someone who looks like you.

974
00:55:12,280 --> 00:55:13,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, like you know.

975
00:55:13,280 --> 00:55:15,920
Speaker 4: It even makes me think of transracial adoption.

976
00:55:17,080 --> 00:55:20,360
Speaker 3: There's like so many things where it's like it's actually

977
00:55:20,360 --> 00:55:23,960
Speaker 3: a complex issue, like how important is it to see someone?

978
00:55:25,160 --> 00:55:25,920
Speaker 2: You know what I mean?

979
00:55:26,000 --> 00:55:28,440
Speaker 4: And that's the question I think I'm always going to have.

980
00:55:28,600 --> 00:55:29,560
Speaker 2: And I don't know if you're.

981
00:55:29,440 --> 00:55:31,560
Speaker 4: Ever trying to create a safe space.

982
00:55:31,880 --> 00:55:33,920
Speaker 2: I don't know if you ever heard, like, you know,

983
00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:37,880
Speaker 2: especially black people talk about, you know, mixed race children

984
00:55:38,120 --> 00:55:41,520
Speaker 2: have an identity issue. And I remember, like also I

985
00:55:41,600 --> 00:55:43,640
Speaker 2: was in people say this was a lot of ignorant,

986
00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:46,800
Speaker 2: like the delivery is very like ignorant how they say it.

987
00:55:47,440 --> 00:55:49,720
Speaker 2: But I think there it holds to it some truth.

988
00:55:49,760 --> 00:55:52,680
Speaker 2: It is like you you have to form that identity

989
00:55:52,800 --> 00:55:56,880
Speaker 2: for them because it is a layered, layd experience for

990
00:55:57,000 --> 00:55:59,200
Speaker 2: them too. So there's a lot of sensitivity that has

991
00:55:59,680 --> 00:56:02,280
Speaker 2: will have to go. Yeah, and I'm not a parent,

992
00:56:02,400 --> 00:56:04,480
Speaker 2: so I don't know yet, Amanda. I'll be asking you

993
00:56:04,680 --> 00:56:05,239
Speaker 2: when girl.

994
00:56:05,600 --> 00:56:09,000
Speaker 3: I don't know yet the first few years about the boob.

995
00:56:10,680 --> 00:56:15,600
Speaker 3: So you know, that sort of thing gonna be a journey,

996
00:56:15,680 --> 00:56:18,720
Speaker 3: I'm sure. But I also think like it depends again

997
00:56:18,760 --> 00:56:22,239
Speaker 3: which space you're occupying, because if you're biracial and ziin

998
00:56:23,920 --> 00:56:28,400
Speaker 3: Paneka elevation, but then it's also like.

999
00:56:28,440 --> 00:56:31,160
Speaker 2: You have to be the colors.

1000
00:56:31,560 --> 00:56:32,759
Speaker 4: Yeah, you have to be the right type.

1001
00:56:32,960 --> 00:56:37,640
Speaker 3: Then America straight up you're black, yes, you know, whereas

1002
00:56:37,760 --> 00:56:40,600
Speaker 3: we we have a distinction. Then you go to spaces

1003
00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:43,920
Speaker 3: like South Africa where there's generations of colors like like

1004
00:56:44,320 --> 00:56:47,000
Speaker 3: you know, so it's like they now have their own

1005
00:56:47,960 --> 00:56:49,600
Speaker 3: identity within that too.

1006
00:56:49,760 --> 00:56:49,960
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1007
00:56:50,360 --> 00:56:55,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, So it's almost like I wonder, like how worldly

1008
00:56:55,520 --> 00:56:57,560
Speaker 3: your kid has to be because if they're in America,

1009
00:56:57,600 --> 00:56:59,040
Speaker 3: they're black, but if they hear they.

1010
00:56:59,400 --> 00:56:59,880
Speaker 2: So it is.

1011
00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:04,319
Speaker 3: It's very complex, very very complex. How do you think

1012
00:57:04,680 --> 00:57:09,600
Speaker 3: family and culture? We keep talking about culture play a

1013
00:57:09,840 --> 00:57:16,640
Speaker 3: role in interracial relationships, like the influence of well, I think.

1014
00:57:18,160 --> 00:57:24,400
Speaker 2: Exposure to Obviously family make comments and I think it's

1015
00:57:24,520 --> 00:57:27,480
Speaker 2: like any other relationship, but there's an added layer of

1016
00:57:27,760 --> 00:57:31,480
Speaker 2: like whether or not family will support you. That's one

1017
00:57:31,560 --> 00:57:35,600
Speaker 2: thing to their mind. How will they treat your partner,

1018
00:57:36,320 --> 00:57:41,120
Speaker 2: how will they relate to you as their partner. It's

1019
00:57:41,160 --> 00:57:44,720
Speaker 2: a very I think crucial thing and it's really hard.

1020
00:57:45,280 --> 00:57:48,360
Speaker 2: It's alay hard when you're in a relationship and family

1021
00:57:48,440 --> 00:57:51,120
Speaker 2: does not accept you. Now you want to add the

1022
00:57:52,680 --> 00:57:56,160
Speaker 2: different race, different culture in it, it becomes a whole

1023
00:57:56,360 --> 00:58:01,920
Speaker 2: lot of like complicated truly, Like the support of family

1024
00:58:02,080 --> 00:58:04,200
Speaker 2: is important because I think it also trickles down to

1025
00:58:04,240 --> 00:58:07,000
Speaker 2: when you eventually have children, Like it's also going to

1026
00:58:07,080 --> 00:58:11,120
Speaker 2: impact that and also like how you grew up, were

1027
00:58:11,160 --> 00:58:13,400
Speaker 2: you do they did you grow up being told black

1028
00:58:13,560 --> 00:58:15,600
Speaker 2: is the only way to go? Then maybe that's why

1029
00:58:15,720 --> 00:58:19,520
Speaker 2: you have a preference or like this need to only

1030
00:58:19,600 --> 00:58:21,800
Speaker 2: be with black or do you get what I mean?

1031
00:58:21,920 --> 00:58:25,880
Speaker 2: So all those things it's like you're juggling all those things.

1032
00:58:25,960 --> 00:58:27,920
Speaker 2: I don't know what you think, you know, Yeah.

1033
00:58:27,840 --> 00:58:29,240
Speaker 4: No, I definitely think that.

1034
00:58:29,880 --> 00:58:32,800
Speaker 3: I even have some friends with guys while I can't

1035
00:58:32,920 --> 00:58:36,160
Speaker 3: marry out of my race because I'm the first son.

1036
00:58:37,240 --> 00:58:39,560
Speaker 3: So there's also that as well, like does that actually

1037
00:58:39,640 --> 00:58:44,120
Speaker 3: matter if the oldest matriarch in the family is not yes,

1038
00:58:44,240 --> 00:58:47,960
Speaker 3: you know African or zimbabbling And this is quantic, So

1039
00:58:48,080 --> 00:58:53,000
Speaker 3: it's like because it's not so simple, then it's like

1040
00:58:53,280 --> 00:58:57,320
Speaker 3: you're dealing with sometimes I feel personally, and I've observed this.

1041
00:58:57,640 --> 00:59:00,280
Speaker 3: Parents can be happy for you, but you always wonder

1042
00:59:00,360 --> 00:59:04,360
Speaker 3: if they're a little bit disappointed. Yeah, you always wonder

1043
00:59:04,480 --> 00:59:07,480
Speaker 3: if they're a little bit protective.

1044
00:59:07,120 --> 00:59:07,200
Speaker 2: Like.

1045
00:59:10,040 --> 00:59:12,400
Speaker 3: You know, you should have found someone from here, because

1046
00:59:12,440 --> 00:59:16,080
Speaker 3: I think they foresee the issues they see they're no parenthood,

1047
00:59:16,200 --> 00:59:16,440
Speaker 3: they're no.

1048
00:59:16,840 --> 00:59:19,120
Speaker 4: They foresee the issues that the issues.

1049
00:59:18,840 --> 00:59:23,200
Speaker 3: That already arise in marriage normally, and they're now perplexity

1050
00:59:24,360 --> 00:59:26,480
Speaker 3: of So I think sometimes they also come from a

1051
00:59:26,560 --> 00:59:30,880
Speaker 3: protective space. By the hesitancy is from a we're trying

1052
00:59:30,960 --> 00:59:36,400
Speaker 3: to save you future, no heartbreak, but it's it's important

1053
00:59:36,480 --> 00:59:40,520
Speaker 3: that families are open and that they're willing and that

1054
00:59:40,680 --> 00:59:43,440
Speaker 3: they also have to understand from both sides. It's a

1055
00:59:43,560 --> 00:59:47,040
Speaker 3: learning curve, so there's going to be mistakes made, assumptions made.

1056
00:59:47,400 --> 00:59:47,800
Speaker 2: You're like a.

1057
00:59:47,960 --> 00:59:49,240
Speaker 4: Learning all these things.

1058
00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:53,000
Speaker 3: But I think if you're willing in the day to

1059
00:59:53,080 --> 00:59:56,200
Speaker 3: keep supporting the couple as you would normally, even the

1060
00:59:56,280 --> 00:59:58,920
Speaker 3: same race, then that's what really matches.

1061
00:59:59,480 --> 01:00:02,200
Speaker 2: I reckon and I think family it's complicated. It can

1062
01:00:02,280 --> 01:00:04,560
Speaker 2: be complicated even when you are the same rate. We

1063
01:00:04,720 --> 01:00:07,480
Speaker 2: all know the conversation about you know.

1064
01:00:07,600 --> 01:00:11,040
Speaker 4: Sometimes yeah, exactly exactly.

1065
01:00:11,760 --> 01:00:14,080
Speaker 3: Sometimes actually better if you're not because you might lose

1066
01:00:14,160 --> 01:00:15,040
Speaker 3: those subtleties.

1067
01:00:15,560 --> 01:00:19,320
Speaker 4: You might not see the gigs or if it's like.

1068
01:00:19,480 --> 01:00:22,160
Speaker 3: Obviously, my husband's family is German, so if they were

1069
01:00:22,200 --> 01:00:24,320
Speaker 3: to say something rude, Tommy in German.

1070
01:00:24,440 --> 01:00:27,040
Speaker 2: Like yeah, whatever fly over my head.

1071
01:00:27,280 --> 01:00:29,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, so sometimes maybe it's saving us.

1072
01:00:30,720 --> 01:00:36,560
Speaker 2: Sometimes And how would you say? Then all ship plays

1073
01:00:36,600 --> 01:00:39,840
Speaker 2: into inter relationships, into racial relationship. I know I spoke

1074
01:00:39,840 --> 01:00:42,720
Speaker 2: a little bit on this, so I'm yeah on that.

1075
01:00:44,840 --> 01:00:48,080
Speaker 3: I do think it's important because then it's like, especially

1076
01:00:48,200 --> 01:00:51,280
Speaker 3: as you said, if you if I'm from the oppressed

1077
01:00:52,400 --> 01:00:56,760
Speaker 3: race or whatever, then you need allies to teach people

1078
01:00:56,880 --> 01:00:59,600
Speaker 3: and also be a waste for us, you know, so

1079
01:00:59,800 --> 01:01:02,480
Speaker 3: I do you think like and myself has had these

1080
01:01:02,480 --> 01:01:05,040
Speaker 3: situations a lot of times, so people like laugh at

1081
01:01:05,080 --> 01:01:08,680
Speaker 3: something or home like for monkeys, or say something that's

1082
01:01:08,760 --> 01:01:11,080
Speaker 3: so off and he's like, he's like, I can't just

1083
01:01:11,160 --> 01:01:11,680
Speaker 3: keep quiet.

1084
01:01:11,720 --> 01:01:12,600
Speaker 4: I have to say something.

1085
01:01:12,960 --> 01:01:15,320
Speaker 3: A lot of times they don't know he's with the

1086
01:01:15,680 --> 01:01:20,000
Speaker 3: African woman sous a learning curve for them too, like

1087
01:01:20,680 --> 01:01:23,200
Speaker 3: you kind of just assume, yeah, could you know?

1088
01:01:23,360 --> 01:01:27,800
Speaker 4: My my experience is your experience. So I think it's

1089
01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:31,800
Speaker 4: very very important too, And that's it takes gods.

1090
01:01:32,000 --> 01:01:35,960
Speaker 3: It takes gods to try teach people because there's some

1091
01:01:36,200 --> 01:01:39,320
Speaker 3: ignorant people are and sometimes it just.

1092
01:01:39,360 --> 01:01:42,520
Speaker 2: Doesn't fall on people's ears, like especially black person to

1093
01:01:43,040 --> 01:01:46,240
Speaker 2: non black person, it doesn't register because it's like I

1094
01:01:46,280 --> 01:01:48,080
Speaker 2: don't know what you're talking about, you know what I mean?

1095
01:01:48,280 --> 01:01:51,320
Speaker 2: But like yeah, yeah, that's really the key point of

1096
01:01:51,400 --> 01:01:54,960
Speaker 2: having allies is that people speaking to each other anyway,

1097
01:01:54,960 --> 01:01:57,760
Speaker 2: and it wants it, you know, like for instance, when

1098
01:01:58,120 --> 01:02:01,960
Speaker 2: you know, I mentioned the family member making racist like

1099
01:02:02,360 --> 01:02:07,640
Speaker 2: comments again my partner, it was me and my people

1100
01:02:07,680 --> 01:02:09,560
Speaker 2: who had to call out to just be like, yeah,

1101
01:02:09,600 --> 01:02:13,400
Speaker 2: well you can't say that, like that makes them feel

1102
01:02:13,760 --> 01:02:16,360
Speaker 2: because it had been him saying, hey, don't talk to

1103
01:02:16,440 --> 01:02:20,200
Speaker 2: me like this. She just be like okay, whatever, but yes,

1104
01:02:20,640 --> 01:02:23,280
Speaker 2: me saying like that's out of line, Like what does

1105
01:02:23,360 --> 01:02:25,720
Speaker 2: that mean? You know? So thousands.

1106
01:02:25,760 --> 01:02:27,840
Speaker 3: I think it's always tough when you see when it's

1107
01:02:27,840 --> 01:02:32,560
Speaker 3: someone in your friendship circle. Obviously, people are very opinionated

1108
01:02:33,240 --> 01:02:35,360
Speaker 3: and they're like, I've had it a lot in my

1109
01:02:35,440 --> 01:02:36,480
Speaker 3: actual friendship circle.

1110
01:02:36,560 --> 01:02:38,120
Speaker 4: People who are close to me say.

1111
01:02:40,080 --> 01:02:43,360
Speaker 3: She likes them white, and it's like, okay, wait, hang on,

1112
01:02:43,480 --> 01:02:46,800
Speaker 3: you know my dating history, you know me, you know

1113
01:02:46,960 --> 01:02:49,640
Speaker 3: the men who so happened to fall for me, Like,

1114
01:02:49,760 --> 01:02:52,000
Speaker 3: it's not it's a two way street, right, I thought

1115
01:02:52,080 --> 01:02:53,680
Speaker 3: for someone therefore for me if I want a black

1116
01:02:53,720 --> 01:02:55,320
Speaker 3: guy and doesn't want me, or.

1117
01:02:55,440 --> 01:02:58,320
Speaker 2: I meant, you're just gonna keep it around, yeah, exactly

1118
01:02:58,480 --> 01:03:01,680
Speaker 2: for him to make so, Yeah, I had to do.

1119
01:03:01,760 --> 01:03:02,720
Speaker 4: A lot of calling out.

1120
01:03:02,800 --> 01:03:04,520
Speaker 3: I had to do a lot of education in and

1121
01:03:04,640 --> 01:03:07,440
Speaker 3: around then, And you just realize people people say so

1122
01:03:07,560 --> 01:03:12,600
Speaker 3: flippantly and it's a joke, but it's like those we

1123
01:03:12,760 --> 01:03:14,680
Speaker 3: can't have those types of jokes anymore.

1124
01:03:14,920 --> 01:03:18,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just but don't you think too that people

1125
01:03:18,800 --> 01:03:23,160
Speaker 2: then start feeling protected of protective of your you would no, no,

1126
01:03:23,800 --> 01:03:27,720
Speaker 2: you like white guys, but it's only when you are chosen.

1127
01:03:28,440 --> 01:03:33,000
Speaker 2: But before that, you were single and you know people, no,

1128
01:03:33,240 --> 01:03:35,280
Speaker 2: no black guy was checking for you. Yeah, that's the

1129
01:03:35,400 --> 01:03:38,560
Speaker 2: hiary of it. It's like I find like people get

1130
01:03:38,600 --> 01:03:42,680
Speaker 2: defensive about black people being interracial relationships only when they

1131
01:03:42,800 --> 01:03:46,920
Speaker 2: have been chosen. But when we were you single and

1132
01:03:47,160 --> 01:03:50,840
Speaker 2: maybe trying to date black men or black people, it

1133
01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:53,240
Speaker 2: was just like no one was checking for you or

1134
01:03:53,320 --> 01:03:55,920
Speaker 2: do you know what I mean? And that's sure, like

1135
01:03:56,040 --> 01:03:57,200
Speaker 2: are you going to marry me? Then?

1136
01:03:57,360 --> 01:04:00,600
Speaker 4: Like yeah, exactly. You know, it's so weird. I've even

1137
01:04:00,640 --> 01:04:03,120
Speaker 4: seen her with white guys like if the it tends

1138
01:04:03,160 --> 01:04:04,400
Speaker 4: to be or not tends to be.

1139
01:04:04,520 --> 01:04:07,640
Speaker 3: But sometimes it can be the African guys here we're

1140
01:04:07,760 --> 01:04:10,800
Speaker 3: like a bigger white girl and then they'll be like one,

1141
01:04:10,920 --> 01:04:12,560
Speaker 3: you know, at least take her, you know, one of

1142
01:04:12,600 --> 01:04:17,640
Speaker 3: those like Guti bags, you know, one less and it's like, really,

1143
01:04:17,880 --> 01:04:20,600
Speaker 3: how can you like pretty much like because you deem

1144
01:04:20,720 --> 01:04:23,520
Speaker 3: her as unattractive, it's okay for her to go to

1145
01:04:23,600 --> 01:04:27,400
Speaker 3: other reason, But then had that being someone who's watched

1146
01:04:27,440 --> 01:04:28,160
Speaker 3: it's a problem.

1147
01:04:28,440 --> 01:04:31,040
Speaker 4: So it's like it also has those kind of layers

1148
01:04:31,120 --> 01:04:32,200
Speaker 4: as well, where it's like.

1149
01:04:33,080 --> 01:04:37,600
Speaker 3: Some people it's okay because they're not cool enough, but

1150
01:04:37,720 --> 01:04:41,360
Speaker 3: then for some why stepping up to her, So it's

1151
01:04:41,520 --> 01:04:42,240
Speaker 3: so weird.

1152
01:04:45,320 --> 01:04:46,880
Speaker 4: Really, you and I can go on.

1153
01:04:47,280 --> 01:04:51,120
Speaker 3: And on about this because obviously and we're personally invested,

1154
01:04:51,200 --> 01:04:53,920
Speaker 3: which makes it even worse when it comes to the opinions.

1155
01:04:54,120 --> 01:05:00,640
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, and people also say, oh you know, oh

1156
01:05:00,760 --> 01:05:03,240
Speaker 6: my god, the mount of times, the amount of times

1157
01:05:03,320 --> 01:05:08,400
Speaker 6: Rumby and I have discussed her pending rora and thinking

1158
01:05:08,640 --> 01:05:11,160
Speaker 6: when we get photos with her.

1159
01:05:12,840 --> 01:05:16,640
Speaker 4: And Tom and me and myself that people really will

1160
01:05:16,720 --> 01:05:17,400
Speaker 4: be commenting.

1161
01:05:18,680 --> 01:05:21,640
Speaker 2: They're already. Meanwhile, we felt in loud.

1162
01:05:21,800 --> 01:05:24,280
Speaker 4: We fell in love naturally with, but we fell in

1163
01:05:24,320 --> 01:05:26,360
Speaker 4: love with so happens to be.

1164
01:05:27,400 --> 01:05:30,600
Speaker 3: But like literally, it's something that again, as I said,

1165
01:05:30,640 --> 01:05:32,920
Speaker 3: we said before, you have to prepare yourself mentally for

1166
01:05:33,040 --> 01:05:34,560
Speaker 3: these things because you know what's going to happen.

1167
01:05:36,000 --> 01:05:39,439
Speaker 2: Anyway, I just you know, people makes me, it makes

1168
01:05:39,520 --> 01:05:42,080
Speaker 2: me weak. Like we went on a shopping cattalog like okay,

1169
01:05:42,120 --> 01:05:45,920
Speaker 2: you picked that one, I'm gonna pay one or you

1170
01:05:46,040 --> 01:05:48,480
Speaker 2: know what I mean, Like I don't know, Like it's

1171
01:05:48,600 --> 01:05:52,919
Speaker 2: so it's so annoying, and the thing is as I've said,

1172
01:05:53,120 --> 01:05:55,360
Speaker 2: you cannot walk around defending like hey, oh, it's not

1173
01:05:55,520 --> 01:05:57,880
Speaker 2: like that. You don't. You don't walk around doing that,

1174
01:05:58,520 --> 01:06:01,160
Speaker 2: But it's very annoying say that, Like yeah.

1175
01:06:02,720 --> 01:06:05,440
Speaker 3: I would say, if you want to be an interracial relationship,

1176
01:06:05,520 --> 01:06:06,640
Speaker 3: please come with sick skin.

1177
01:06:07,040 --> 01:06:08,800
Speaker 2: Yeah you have to, because you have to.

1178
01:06:09,120 --> 01:06:10,200
Speaker 4: There's not the way to surf.

1179
01:06:10,840 --> 01:06:14,560
Speaker 2: And also for me, it's also comments like that, and

1180
01:06:14,880 --> 01:06:17,680
Speaker 2: this is me now speaking to my black community. It

1181
01:06:17,920 --> 01:06:22,800
Speaker 2: also belittles the partner, the non black partner when you

1182
01:06:22,920 --> 01:06:26,960
Speaker 2: say things like that, and it's very like the meaning

1183
01:06:27,000 --> 01:06:30,200
Speaker 2: of someone else, like that's an actual whole human being

1184
01:06:30,800 --> 01:06:35,080
Speaker 2: that has feelings, has emotions, has intellect. I'm not with

1185
01:06:35,240 --> 01:06:38,800
Speaker 2: someone who's stupid. I'm not with someone who's like ignorant,

1186
01:06:39,200 --> 01:06:42,520
Speaker 2: Like this is someone who has their own brain, is

1187
01:06:43,120 --> 01:06:46,480
Speaker 2: you know, open minded, has their own thought process. And

1188
01:06:46,600 --> 01:06:49,439
Speaker 2: for then to narrow it down like we're not put

1189
01:06:49,440 --> 01:06:51,600
Speaker 2: it on you just influence each other to just like

1190
01:06:51,680 --> 01:06:54,280
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna pick and choose. That's really the meaning

1191
01:06:54,440 --> 01:06:58,040
Speaker 2: to someone's being and that is a human with feelings

1192
01:06:58,280 --> 01:07:00,680
Speaker 2: who chows me out of his feeling and whom I

1193
01:07:00,920 --> 01:07:05,920
Speaker 2: chose out of my feelings and respect and through conversations,

1194
01:07:06,040 --> 01:07:08,520
Speaker 2: Like I think people don't think you have these conversations

1195
01:07:08,560 --> 01:07:10,360
Speaker 2: about race culture.

1196
01:07:11,520 --> 01:07:13,360
Speaker 4: Or they think that we're just gonna let it fly.

1197
01:07:13,520 --> 01:07:14,840
Speaker 4: But it's like, no, actually.

1198
01:07:17,080 --> 01:07:21,080
Speaker 2: Have this conversation constantly, Like it's not like you do

1199
01:07:21,160 --> 01:07:25,960
Speaker 2: it like one time for okay, let's go na constant.

1200
01:07:26,040 --> 01:07:29,480
Speaker 3: You question yourself all the time about all you know

1201
01:07:29,600 --> 01:07:31,800
Speaker 3: and then funny, oh my gosh, now you just find

1202
01:07:31,880 --> 01:07:35,600
Speaker 3: me about you saying. Also another assumption I freaking hate

1203
01:07:35,880 --> 01:07:40,360
Speaker 3: another we're talking to the community directly is when.

1204
01:07:40,280 --> 01:07:45,560
Speaker 4: People do that whole you can boss him around mhm, like, ah,

1205
01:07:46,040 --> 01:07:48,120
Speaker 4: that's gonna how you're strong. You can bost this guy

1206
01:07:48,200 --> 01:07:50,160
Speaker 4: likes if he's some willing, lily.

1207
01:07:50,080 --> 01:07:56,320
Speaker 3: White guy who no mind of no backbone, no, Like okay, yeah,

1208
01:07:56,360 --> 01:07:58,640
Speaker 3: I might. You might see me and think I'm the

1209
01:07:58,760 --> 01:08:02,040
Speaker 3: most vocal one, But in no way is this relationship

1210
01:08:02,280 --> 01:08:07,040
Speaker 3: like different in you all know relationships are power dynamics.

1211
01:08:07,840 --> 01:08:11,280
Speaker 3: So whatever dynamics we have, it's probably common to any

1212
01:08:11,360 --> 01:08:14,120
Speaker 3: other couple. So this whole assumption that I can do

1213
01:08:14,200 --> 01:08:16,320
Speaker 3: what I want, you can get what you want because

1214
01:08:16,760 --> 01:08:19,840
Speaker 3: I'm buzzing him around, Well, you would never think that

1215
01:08:20,000 --> 01:08:21,080
Speaker 3: it was a black man.

1216
01:08:21,520 --> 01:08:24,479
Speaker 2: Really, because people have this assumption that when you're able

1217
01:08:24,640 --> 01:08:28,760
Speaker 2: to convey your feelings or communicate and say please do this,

1218
01:08:29,000 --> 01:08:31,479
Speaker 2: I do not like that it means someone is weaker

1219
01:08:31,520 --> 01:08:34,439
Speaker 2: in the relationship because we come from a patriarchal society

1220
01:08:34,479 --> 01:08:38,200
Speaker 2: where communication is seemingly supposed to be one way. It's

1221
01:08:38,320 --> 01:08:42,120
Speaker 2: always it's like, that's not it. It's just we communicate.

1222
01:08:42,600 --> 01:08:46,360
Speaker 4: That's just a yeah, and it's collaborative as opposed.

1223
01:08:45,960 --> 01:08:50,800
Speaker 2: To you just do this, just yo? Can you just

1224
01:08:51,080 --> 01:08:55,439
Speaker 2: We could go on, we could go on, but as

1225
01:08:55,560 --> 01:08:58,240
Speaker 2: we wrap this up, because we really could go on,

1226
01:09:00,400 --> 01:09:03,400
Speaker 2: what takeaway would you want people to leave with from

1227
01:09:03,439 --> 01:09:07,479
Speaker 2: our conversation when it comes to interracial relationships? Like, what

1228
01:09:07,760 --> 01:09:09,479
Speaker 2: is the thing? Why do we even do that? What?

1229
01:09:09,600 --> 01:09:11,519
Speaker 2: We just using news as a platform to air our

1230
01:09:11,720 --> 01:09:12,640
Speaker 2: grievent to.

1231
01:09:14,479 --> 01:09:18,880
Speaker 4: Therapy session? How about you.

1232
01:09:20,360 --> 01:09:24,800
Speaker 3: Now? I think like for me, I want people to

1233
01:09:24,880 --> 01:09:29,000
Speaker 3: take a moment to consider how it feels. You know,

1234
01:09:29,280 --> 01:09:31,960
Speaker 3: we room we just announced that obviously I'm about to

1235
01:09:32,040 --> 01:09:33,320
Speaker 3: have a baby at.

1236
01:09:33,200 --> 01:09:34,280
Speaker 2: Some point a.

1237
01:09:36,640 --> 01:09:39,639
Speaker 3: And like one one thing that women hate, especially women

1238
01:09:39,720 --> 01:09:42,080
Speaker 3: over thirty, is being asked when they're gonna have kids,

1239
01:09:42,120 --> 01:09:43,400
Speaker 3: When I'm gonna do this, When they're.

1240
01:09:43,240 --> 01:09:44,759
Speaker 4: Going to like people being up in your uteris.

1241
01:09:45,760 --> 01:09:50,120
Speaker 3: So also sometimes be mindful of yourself when you do

1242
01:09:50,280 --> 01:09:55,400
Speaker 3: that with other couples, interracial, same sex couples, whatever the thing.

1243
01:09:55,640 --> 01:10:00,240
Speaker 3: If it's something different to your normal, maybe consider that

1244
01:10:00,439 --> 01:10:02,400
Speaker 3: you know they want to be treated with some compassion,

1245
01:10:02,640 --> 01:10:06,080
Speaker 3: that they want to be treated normally, that they if

1246
01:10:06,160 --> 01:10:09,160
Speaker 3: you have questions and curiosity, let it come up in

1247
01:10:09,200 --> 01:10:10,080
Speaker 3: a natural way.

1248
01:10:10,240 --> 01:10:13,400
Speaker 4: Don't be FBI investigate out in this piece.

1249
01:10:13,840 --> 01:10:17,680
Speaker 3: Like detective Like no, like so, I think people just

1250
01:10:17,800 --> 01:10:21,679
Speaker 3: need to take a moment, practice some grace and really

1251
01:10:21,760 --> 01:10:24,200
Speaker 3: question themselves, Like, you know, is.

1252
01:10:24,240 --> 01:10:27,960
Speaker 4: This if I were in this person's shoes, how would

1253
01:10:28,000 --> 01:10:28,960
Speaker 4: I want to receive?

1254
01:10:29,280 --> 01:10:29,479
Speaker 2: Yes?

1255
01:10:30,520 --> 01:10:33,360
Speaker 3: And I think that should always apply in our normal lives.

1256
01:10:33,439 --> 01:10:36,880
Speaker 3: But more so, race is such a hot topic. So

1257
01:10:37,040 --> 01:10:39,720
Speaker 3: trust me, you are the brilliant person who's asked me

1258
01:10:39,840 --> 01:10:41,400
Speaker 3: this question, you know what I mean.

1259
01:10:41,520 --> 01:10:44,360
Speaker 4: Like, don't think it's coming with a unique perspective.

1260
01:10:45,479 --> 01:10:47,920
Speaker 3: Like if someone's already been with someone for more than

1261
01:10:47,960 --> 01:10:51,240
Speaker 3: a year, trust they've been through through the think of

1262
01:10:51,320 --> 01:10:52,160
Speaker 3: it from strangers.

1263
01:10:52,760 --> 01:10:55,920
Speaker 4: So if you're like coming in as a friend or

1264
01:10:55,960 --> 01:10:59,759
Speaker 4: coming in as an acquaintance, don't add to that. Please,

1265
01:11:01,040 --> 01:11:01,400
Speaker 4: let it go.

1266
01:11:02,240 --> 01:11:04,679
Speaker 3: Yes, different, Yeah, it looks different to what you probably

1267
01:11:05,120 --> 01:11:09,520
Speaker 3: but reserve some of your curiosity, keep discernment, please.

1268
01:11:09,320 --> 01:11:15,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree completely. And I think too,

1269
01:11:15,360 --> 01:11:19,160
Speaker 2: it's to let people know that choosing to be in

1270
01:11:19,240 --> 01:11:21,920
Speaker 2: an interracial relationship is not a cop out. It actually

1271
01:11:22,000 --> 01:11:26,240
Speaker 2: comes with an added layer of like, as we've already explained,

1272
01:11:26,680 --> 01:11:34,920
Speaker 2: in many ways, complexity, and there are humans involved in that,

1273
01:11:35,479 --> 01:11:38,080
Speaker 2: and there's a human element in that. And I think

1274
01:11:38,960 --> 01:11:43,840
Speaker 2: there's beauty in relationships period, however they come, and the

1275
01:11:44,000 --> 01:11:47,439
Speaker 2: color and the shape of form. But it's just to

1276
01:11:47,600 --> 01:11:52,160
Speaker 2: understand there are there are humans and to not negate

1277
01:11:52,320 --> 01:11:58,760
Speaker 2: people's experience, to not negate people's minds, their discernment, their understanding,

1278
01:11:59,040 --> 01:12:04,320
Speaker 2: like and ultimately, people choose to be in relationships because

1279
01:12:04,720 --> 01:12:10,360
Speaker 2: whatever all the other complexities surrounding the relationship, the relationship

1280
01:12:10,479 --> 01:12:14,600
Speaker 2: is still worthwhile. There's still something beautiful and true and

1281
01:12:14,840 --> 01:12:19,519
Speaker 2: honest in it that makes it worthwhile to it. So

1282
01:12:19,680 --> 01:12:21,840
Speaker 2: I think that's yeah, that's what i'd say, And yeah,

1283
01:12:22,960 --> 01:12:27,080
Speaker 2: it's okay for you to not always fully understand it,

1284
01:12:27,240 --> 01:12:31,520
Speaker 2: but at least try to or give people grace.

1285
01:12:31,560 --> 01:12:35,080
Speaker 4: You know, And yeah, yeah, and stop with the macroaggressions.

1286
01:12:35,240 --> 01:12:38,960
Speaker 3: Please, there's racial macroaggressions, but there's also maggressions.

1287
01:12:39,160 --> 01:12:42,360
Speaker 4: Why you with them? Why you just stop?

1288
01:12:42,520 --> 01:12:44,439
Speaker 3: You know, we wanted to stop them when it's like

1289
01:12:44,520 --> 01:12:46,920
Speaker 3: in a racial context at work or whatever, but people

1290
01:12:46,960 --> 01:12:50,920
Speaker 3: also do it in like interracial relationship space. I don't

1291
01:12:50,960 --> 01:12:54,400
Speaker 3: have to justify why I'm with someone to like in

1292
01:12:55,200 --> 01:12:59,120
Speaker 3: the sentence like why it is it is something you're

1293
01:12:59,160 --> 01:13:01,800
Speaker 3: saying these job is not just like stop it.

1294
01:13:02,040 --> 01:13:04,639
Speaker 4: If you wouldn't like it, then don't do it someone else.

1295
01:13:05,479 --> 01:13:11,640
Speaker 2: Oh show awesome and the awesome. It's been a long conversation.

1296
01:13:11,840 --> 01:13:15,639
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh. So this week RMBI for our Zim

1297
01:13:15,720 --> 01:13:16,240
Speaker 4: shout out?

1298
01:13:16,320 --> 01:13:19,800
Speaker 2: Who do we have for our Zim shout out? This week?

1299
01:13:19,920 --> 01:13:23,120
Speaker 2: We just thought we would give a big shout out

1300
01:13:23,160 --> 01:13:28,400
Speaker 2: to King Candoro. He is a Zimbabwean comedian. He's a

1301
01:13:28,439 --> 01:13:33,439
Speaker 2: creative director for my daughter Fia Republic. He recently put

1302
01:13:33,479 --> 01:13:39,360
Speaker 2: out a special, uh comedic special, The Prodigal Sun, which

1303
01:13:39,479 --> 01:13:43,400
Speaker 2: is available I think on his Patreon and basically I

1304
01:13:43,560 --> 01:13:47,519
Speaker 2: really much respect to him. He had a podcast at

1305
01:13:47,680 --> 01:13:50,719
Speaker 2: in the Morning podcast which you know we are fans

1306
01:13:50,800 --> 01:13:55,960
Speaker 2: off too and just mad respect to Zimbos. Trying to

1307
01:13:56,040 --> 01:13:57,920
Speaker 2: put them on the map, especially in the field of

1308
01:13:58,000 --> 01:14:01,880
Speaker 2: comedy where we haven't really had much like kind of

1309
01:14:02,120 --> 01:14:04,360
Speaker 2: exposure there. I think he also just did a special

1310
01:14:04,439 --> 01:14:09,280
Speaker 2: in the UK with thee lest Truly as well, so

1311
01:14:09,840 --> 01:14:12,200
Speaker 2: it's really just got to give props. If you want

1312
01:14:12,240 --> 01:14:14,920
Speaker 2: to check him out, he's on Instagram at king kandor

1313
01:14:14,960 --> 01:14:19,120
Speaker 2: a life. It's also on Twitter and yeah, find out

1314
01:14:19,200 --> 01:14:22,280
Speaker 2: more about him support if you will. But we're all

1315
01:14:22,320 --> 01:14:27,000
Speaker 2: about celebrating, you know, our people trying and trying to

1316
01:14:27,040 --> 01:14:30,360
Speaker 2: do things and and shift things around. So yeah, shout

1317
01:14:30,400 --> 01:14:36,840
Speaker 2: out to you, mister Excellent, and thank you so much,

1318
01:14:37,000 --> 01:14:41,720
Speaker 2: so much everybody for listening today. As always, let us

1319
01:14:41,800 --> 01:14:44,960
Speaker 2: know what you think, share your thoughts and comments. We

1320
01:14:45,120 --> 01:14:49,960
Speaker 2: are here for it. Yeah, thanks Amanda as always, Mama

1321
01:14:50,080 --> 01:14:50,880
Speaker 2: to be me.

1322
01:14:51,320 --> 01:14:54,519
Speaker 3: I know, like we couldn't even like sketch the surface

1323
01:14:54,600 --> 01:14:58,480
Speaker 3: is such a complex topic, but thank you for vulnerability,

1324
01:14:58,680 --> 01:15:02,240
Speaker 3: thank you for opening up. I think that's the only

1325
01:15:02,320 --> 01:15:05,840
Speaker 3: way forward people to really delve and understand some of

1326
01:15:05,920 --> 01:15:09,400
Speaker 3: these things. I'm really really grateful to have had this

1327
01:15:09,560 --> 01:15:10,479
Speaker 3: conversation with you.

1328
01:15:11,120 --> 01:15:16,200
Speaker 2: Likewise, and we will see you in our next episode.

1329
01:15:16,320 --> 01:15:21,599
Speaker 2: Take care of yourselves, everybody, love you, Bye bye ba bye.

1330
01:15:24,640 --> 01:15:26,000
Speaker 2: Little will use your head.