Speaker 1: Apologies, you did have something you wanted to tell me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's really quickly. I know you've been wanting an
Speaker 2: update on Sue. In regards to Sue, was the old
Speaker 2: lady by the coffee shop dogg had died? I offered
Speaker 2: to pick up the new dog? Rescue Rescue said, yes,
Speaker 2: I have now found out from someone else at the
Speaker 2: cafe that Sue has the dog. Not from me, no,
Speaker 2: thanks to me, but someone else has offered to drive her.
Speaker 1: Did they brag about it and like they beat you
Speaker 1: to it?
Speaker 2: I was like, hey, that was my job.
Speaker 1: So lovely. Sue is with companion again. Yes, and you
Speaker 1: haven't seen Sue yet though?
Speaker 2: Have you not yet seen her?
Speaker 1: You're going to snober?
Speaker 2: Good enough for you, Sue. That's all right, that's all right,
Speaker 2: fuck you.
Speaker 1: Very glad she's got. I'm also glad because there's nothing
Speaker 1: better than a companion.
Speaker 2: Well said. Welcome back to two Doating Dads. I'm Matty
Speaker 2: Jay and I'm Ash and this is a podcast all
Speaker 2: about parenting. It is the good, it.
Speaker 1: Is also the bad and the relatable.
Speaker 2: And if you've come winning any advice, I'm just going
Speaker 2: to warn you right now in case you are new
Speaker 2: to the podcast. No advice has ever been given, nor
Speaker 2: will it ever be given in the future. Not real
Speaker 2: advice anyway, just the fake advice, just the funny stuffnetic
Speaker 2: synthetic advice.
Speaker 1: How are you, Matthew? How are you look?
Speaker 2: I think we're both in the same boat here, fatigued.
Speaker 2: We're fatigued. We're in recovery mode right now.
Speaker 1: I've got two blisters on both of my big toes.
Speaker 2: You got those blisters very quick. We are, of course
Speaker 2: talking about the city to Surf, which we completed last weekend.
Speaker 1: Yes, just the weekend just gone. And yes I did
Speaker 1: get blisters really early on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're like, well, walking towards the taxi and you're like,
Speaker 2: oh godless.
Speaker 1: Probably got myself to blame. I think maybe it might
Speaker 1: have been my Sox shoe combination. I sort of rushed
Speaker 1: out the door of the day before and I grabbed
Speaker 1: some socks that I would usually wear with another pair
Speaker 1: of runners, and I think maybe they didn't agree. Irfe
Speaker 1: were like, what I brang two brands together that didn't agree.
Speaker 2: I also like to keep the Puma shoes with the
Speaker 2: Puma socks.
Speaker 1: It's definitely this is not it's not sponsored anyway, Yes,
Speaker 1: we did do the City of the Circus. Oh, and
Speaker 1: I'm going to say it, I have never been in
Speaker 1: a place with that many people. I mean, probably have
Speaker 1: your football stadiums and stuff blah blah blah, but like
Speaker 1: that many people on the same level. Yes, it was
Speaker 1: like a It was the human sea.
Speaker 2: I think, ash. I think I don't have the official
Speaker 2: numbers here, so if I'm wrong, I apologize. Ninety thousand gee,
Speaker 2: could be wrong, could be wrong. I heard someone say
Speaker 2: ninety thousand, and I was like, that sounds out right.
Speaker 2: Only thousand people A lot of people.
Speaker 1: A lot. It was like a sea. I've never do
Speaker 1: you know what. I also forgot that because they do
Speaker 1: play it on the news and stuff every year. I
Speaker 1: don't really watch much news, mainly because they can't handle
Speaker 1: the bad news if it's all good news on there.
Speaker 1: I have seen it before in the news, but then
Speaker 1: this in real life. I was like, oh, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: like this is the thing.
Speaker 2: And it was like, I think, a fucking thing. And
Speaker 2: it was exciting for the kids because you came to
Speaker 2: my house for a sleepover, you brought our scars and
Speaker 2: it was nice. It was nice. The kids were excited
Speaker 2: we did almost have the whole event derail itself.
Speaker 1: Well, before we get to the derail, we did traumatize
Speaker 1: a small child with the wildlife that is your house.
Speaker 1: Oh you've forgotten. Sorry, So Matt, as we know, Matt
Speaker 1: has a three legged Buster who's quite a big boy.
Speaker 1: And for a small child that doesn't know Buster, well, even.
Speaker 2: Adults are scared of him. Yeah, and he barks at everyone.
Speaker 1: He's got a really really yeah, really girthy bark, like
Speaker 1: that comes deep.
Speaker 2: We have many people someone say he's like just like
Speaker 2: delivering a parcel. They hear Buster and they're like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: they're going the other way.
Speaker 1: And then when he's like hopping, half hop half running
Speaker 1: at you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like a monster.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if it was like really dark, you'd be fucking petrified.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, this is like bouncing, billowing towards you.
Speaker 1: So there was that at first, which I pre warned Oscar.
Speaker 1: But I didn't pre warn him until we pulled up
Speaker 1: at your house because I wouldn't have got him there.
Speaker 2: He would have been like, Nope, we're going where there
Speaker 2: was a three legged animal that has forty kilos. It
Speaker 2: could eat you, but it won't, and it's very loud.
Speaker 1: I said to him his three leaders. Why has he
Speaker 1: got three leagus? I said, oh, he lost he lost
Speaker 1: his other league when he was a puppy. And then
Speaker 1: he was like thinking about it and he was like
Speaker 1: where is it? And I was like, oh no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: it's gone. It's long gone. So there was that and
Speaker 1: that straight away, like he didn't want to leave my side.
Speaker 1: I had to hold him the whole time. But then
Speaker 1: he sort of came good. When he was outside. Buster
Speaker 1: was in his bed and you know, busses all bark
Speaker 1: and then he's back to bed pretty much. So there
Speaker 1: was that, and then he came around. There's also the
Speaker 1: cat which Osco had been around the cat that afternoon.
Speaker 2: The cat's feral. By the way, I'm off the cat.
Speaker 2: I know sometimes Laurel will post a video of me
Speaker 2: like sitting with the cat, but overall, I'm not into
Speaker 2: the cat at all. It's also very it's very swipey.
Speaker 2: It's a swipy cat, like on the bench stools.
Speaker 1: You walk past it and just go yeah, You'll be
Speaker 1: walking past and like some chloral latch onto you jump
Speaker 1: and your.
Speaker 2: Hair and you're like Ellie, my mom cat. But the
Speaker 2: kids are constantly like coming to me, being like the
Speaker 2: cat's come for me again.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh my god. But it's sort of the I've
Speaker 1: noticed that the cat's sort of become part of the
Speaker 1: background furniture of the house, like it used to be
Speaker 1: the main focus because it was so small. Now that
Speaker 1: it's grown, it's kind of like, there's the cat. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then it will do those things for its attention,
Speaker 1: I would say, But kids all bath, everyone got ready
Speaker 1: for bed. Oscar and I were in our separate room
Speaker 1: obviously everyone else.
Speaker 2: And he was a bit nervous, so you get that
Speaker 2: it's a new environment. And he was like I remember
Speaker 2: him saying, hey, daddy, where are you going to sleep?
Speaker 2: And You're like, you don't worry, I'm going to come.
Speaker 1: I'm going to be right next to you. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: just a bit of wine downtime, I said, okay, I'll
Speaker 1: be right back, okay, Like well, lights were still on,
Speaker 1: like dem.
Speaker 2: When this house is safe, don't worry, Oscar. There's nothing
Speaker 2: here that's going to hurt you. I think that's going
Speaker 2: to jump out in the middle of the night and
Speaker 2: attack you. Work. Let's just yeah, you know, to rest,
Speaker 2: put you at ease. Yes.
Speaker 1: So after putting him at ease, going Buster's not coming upstairs.
Speaker 1: He's got three legs. He can't get upstairs. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: where's Raspberry No one said anything about Raspberry Cat anyway.
Speaker 1: So I'm down stairs and I think we were I
Speaker 1: don't know what we're doing. We're talking about something and
Speaker 1: then talking business, Yeah, the diversified portfolio. And I was like, fuck,
Speaker 1: what is it? And then I'm half upstairs and he
Speaker 1: goes the god and I look in the room and
Speaker 1: in the corner of the room, of this dark room
Speaker 1: with a bit of light from the hallway, is the
Speaker 1: beady eyes of a cat rasbreathe the cat like just
Speaker 1: looking directly, and I was like, you get out of here.
Speaker 1: And he was destroyed. He was so upset. And I
Speaker 1: don't think you guys really knew what was going on.
Speaker 1: You were sort of there's a bit of Rucker still downstairs.
Speaker 1: And then I was comforting him and he was like,
Speaker 1: come to bed now. I can't come to bed now.
Speaker 1: We've got some work to do.
Speaker 2: Matt and I talking about diversified portfollowers we're investing, so
Speaker 2: we'll be back in a second.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I was like, look, We just got to do
Speaker 1: a little bit of a record and then just organize
Speaker 1: some stuff for tomorrow and then I'll be in bed.
Speaker 1: That was a lie. It was a plain light just
Speaker 1: to Ki, you know what. I had some toys downstairs
Speaker 1: that he brain that sort of comfort him a little bit.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'll go and get those for you,
Speaker 1: but don't worry.
Speaker 2: That cat is gone.
Speaker 1: I said, the cat is not coming back. The cat's
Speaker 1: not coming back, and I've just scared the shit out
Speaker 1: of it. It's not coming back. I took two steps
Speaker 1: down the cat quick, by the way, so quick. I
Speaker 1: took two steps down the stairs, and I hear this
Speaker 1: turning the cat's back, and I quickly rushed up to it.
Speaker 1: And at this point you also realized what was happening,
Speaker 1: and you were like, oh shit, ran upstairs and I'm like, the.
Speaker 2: Cat also gets this weird second wind at round like
Speaker 2: run about seven eight o'clock. It's like someone gives it
Speaker 2: a line of cocaine. It just bounces off the wall
Speaker 2: in his room.
Speaker 1: It was like love me, yeah, like like I'm just
Speaker 1: looking for someone to sleep.
Speaker 2: And then if you ever watched the movie Aliens with
Speaker 2: that little like that little alien attaches to someone's face
Speaker 2: and latches on. That's pretty much my moscouas in bed,
Speaker 2: his cat wrapped around his face, claws like into the
Speaker 2: back of his sky.
Speaker 1: He's like, I feel bad and feel sorry for because
Speaker 1: we did forget about Raspberry, that the cat would be around.
Speaker 1: We just were worried about the big bad dog. But then, yeah,
Speaker 1: it took a little bit calming down before.
Speaker 2: He actually went sorry about that, Oscar. But yeah, so
Speaker 2: he went to sleep at Great Sleep. We all wake
Speaker 2: up early that morning because it yourself.
Speaker 1: Me.
Speaker 2: Laura also was joining in on the city to serve
Speaker 2: three kids three prams two prams actually sorry, I lied two.
Speaker 1: Well, one's like two double.
Speaker 2: And we thought the best way to get in is
Speaker 2: a Maxi taxi.
Speaker 1: Yep, a pre books pre.
Speaker 2: Book Maxie taxi, which has gone very mature of us,
Speaker 2: very mature, very organized. We actually, you and me were like, Laura.
Speaker 1: Help us book a taxi because we don't know how
Speaker 1: to call.
Speaker 2: She booked the taxi. Morning of doesn't show up. People
Speaker 2: are starting to panic.
Speaker 1: I was skeptical, but I didn't want to add to
Speaker 1: the stress and the tension of the household.
Speaker 2: A lot of tension that morning, a lot of tension. Anyway,
Speaker 2: we call Ubers. One rocks up for Laura, throw on
Speaker 2: her pram. Lola and Laura off in the uber. Next thing,
Speaker 2: I come back downstairs and Laura's like, who wouldn't take Lola?
Speaker 2: She's too young? And then I'm like, okay, so what
Speaker 2: are you gonna do? She goes, I want to drive
Speaker 2: up my car and a Rubers coming. Our kids are
Speaker 2: old enough to jump on you. Ba. Next thing, Laura goes,
Speaker 2: did you get the pram out of the back of
Speaker 2: the taxi, back.
Speaker 1: Of the uber, out of the first sup? What do
Speaker 1: I was to back you up? And Laura will still
Speaker 1: not believe even though you've got a witness, She's got
Speaker 1: zero witnesses.
Speaker 2: I will say, my witness is not the most reliable person.
Speaker 1: Well on.
Speaker 2: A sketchy pat wouldn't be anyone's first choice.
Speaker 1: And we get it. We get it, all right, I'm untrustworthy.
Speaker 1: But you were in that I remember she called you
Speaker 1: and we were walking down the hallway and got down
Speaker 1: and she was full panic about it, and Lola was like,
Speaker 1: what's going on, no idea, what's going on? And then
Speaker 1: she's also on the phone to the cab company trying
Speaker 1: to book another cab and an old mate in the
Speaker 1: first spoon has taken off to the would have been
Speaker 1: no chance, no opportunity.
Speaker 2: For you to retrieve.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so said long story short, Matt got blamed for
Speaker 1: the loss of a pram.
Speaker 2: We lost. We lost the prem. We lost the prem.
Speaker 1: Before even leaving the house.
Speaker 2: Like it's like seven fifteen right now, am, and it's
Speaker 2: already falling.
Speaker 1: Apart, and I imagine being a fly on the wall.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. We were yelling at each other on
Speaker 2: the street. The neighbors must have been like someone's been
Speaker 2: a tax oscar.
Speaker 1: Was like, I was like, okay, just you be quiet. Now,
Speaker 1: we'll both be quiet. Just let this play out. I
Speaker 1: just don't want to add any fuel to the fight.
Speaker 1: I was going to be like when you were and
Speaker 1: Laura were have a little tip about whose fould it was,
Speaker 1: I was going to be like, yeah, man, why did
Speaker 1: you leave? I was like, if you did it?
Speaker 2: Actually self restrained.
Speaker 1: Do you know what stopped me from that? The hour
Speaker 1: which was lovely.
Speaker 2: He was not.
Speaker 1: I thought he doesn't need this.
Speaker 2: So luckily we have the other prem, yeah, massive prem
Speaker 2: as well. So Laura grab that somehow she ended up
Speaker 2: in a train. I thought we'd never see her again.
Speaker 2: We did see it, we thought she did. She's like,
Speaker 2: I've ended up in Newcastle and this is your fault.
Speaker 2: Why are you at the airport?
Speaker 1: Shut up? It was such a frazzled morning. But then
Speaker 1: we get out ourselves and we've got a pram kindly
Speaker 1: donated by g WM.
Speaker 2: Can I just say a lot of people have been like, oh,
Speaker 2: must be nice to roll around and that is it full.
Speaker 1: We'll get to why we did the city deserve shortly.
Speaker 1: But it was donated to us to use, not to keep,
Speaker 1: brow to borrow, I mean, although they probably want us
Speaker 1: to keep it now after the kid's trashed absolutely like
Speaker 1: a brothel. It's so bad. But we get out as
Speaker 1: all the parents listening, you unfold the pram, which is
Speaker 1: an exercise in itself. Kids get in. We realized that
Speaker 1: we haven't pumped the tires.
Speaker 2: We pushed it round with no kids in it. Once
Speaker 2: we have two kids in it.
Speaker 1: Flat tires, they're not run flat, they're not those European
Speaker 1: run flats. There was like a proper like racing bike
Speaker 1: and at.
Speaker 2: This point I'm like, I can't take it. You can
Speaker 2: do it on your own.
Speaker 1: I think I looked at you and I was like,
Speaker 1: do we have to do this? Luckily and randomly, Hyde
Speaker 1: Park on the corner has like a bike pump. It
Speaker 1: could be confused as an explosive though, a bit that,
Speaker 1: but it saved us. We're just solving problems here.
Speaker 2: It was they don't make it easy, and then the crowd,
Speaker 2: and then the crowd, and then Marley's like, is it
Speaker 2: over yet, and I'm like, well, strap on in, kid,
Speaker 2: because we've got fourteen of the best kilometers in Sydney
Speaker 2: to conquer.
Speaker 1: Yes. We all lined up on the start line, which
Speaker 1: was so crowded.
Speaker 2: Like to be fair, dad, in our wave there was
Speaker 2: it was like the family walking wave. I saw a
Speaker 2: dad with twins newborns.
Speaker 1: That's right, because we're sitting there and we're getting a
Speaker 1: photo and I think we were taking the photo and
Speaker 1: you were like twins and I was like, just grab one.
Speaker 1: Everyone crowded around, but yeah, We'll line up in the
Speaker 1: family of friends section, which this is the first time
Speaker 1: I've ever done seated the surf as I said before,
Speaker 1: and when we rolled out, I'm like, oh, these prams,
Speaker 1: I'm like, these are our people. These are people, these
Speaker 1: are our people, and we're people. Were like, it's you guys,
Speaker 1: and like getting photos with us, and it was like
Speaker 1: really nice to like be with camaraderie, camaraderie of parents
Speaker 1: who want to do this and think it's going to
Speaker 1: be really fun, well at least they don't know yet
Speaker 1: think it's going to be really fun with their kids.
Speaker 1: It actually quite was, but it was very long.
Speaker 2: Very long. Marley ended up having a sleep. Lola, who
Speaker 2: was with Laura, also had a sleep, and both of
Speaker 2: them woke up and they were like, are we still walking?
Speaker 1: I know where are we? Losca Trooper through the whole thing.
Speaker 2: He did so well.
Speaker 1: It was really awesome to see how many different variations
Speaker 1: of families are on it because you've got the twins.
Speaker 2: Then then was disco Dad.
Speaker 1: Disco dad who had a DJ deck in a pram
Speaker 1: and his kid next to him, so he's made his
Speaker 1: kid give up his seat for DJ and it was
Speaker 1: like techno kid.
Speaker 2: In favor of like a five foot high speaker and
Speaker 2: he was just like and he's like, Dad, can we
Speaker 2: just please turn the music down? And can I sit
Speaker 2: in there pram?
Speaker 1: And He's like, no, no, dance but you know there
Speaker 1: was like slightly older kid, heaps of fans. I was shocked.
Speaker 2: You had the old person trying to run through and
Speaker 2: get a PB and us prams. We're like, it's like
Speaker 2: on a highway where like the big semi trailer like
Speaker 2: road trains stick together and block people out. We'd like
Speaker 2: block in runners, not today's son.
Speaker 1: We will slip streaming behind him. But you know, we
Speaker 1: did walk it with the family, and like I said,
Speaker 1: there was so many If you had come to me
Speaker 1: and said we're going to run the City Deserve with
Speaker 1: our family, I would have been like to work out.
Speaker 1: We were lucky enough to team up with gw AM
Speaker 1: who brought us together. They really they said, look, we've
Speaker 1: got an idea for you guys.
Speaker 2: We want you guys to break the record. And we
Speaker 2: were like, we won't do that, but we'll bring the kids.
Speaker 2: And they're like done.
Speaker 1: Yeah. They were like, we really want you guys as
Speaker 1: a family to show that it can be done by family. Yes,
Speaker 1: and we did it. We successfully did it. I think
Speaker 1: we got halfway. There was a billboard of.
Speaker 2: Us oh yeah, which was that set us back about
Speaker 2: twenty minute because wouldn' start getting photos.
Speaker 1: They were like, hey, everyone, look over here, and it
Speaker 1: was huge. I thought it was going to be like
Speaker 1: the back of a truck or like a b or
Speaker 1: like a bus stop, and it was like, look, I'm
Speaker 1: on a bus stop. We were as big as a bus.
Speaker 2: I was like, holy, And it's weird because halfway I
Speaker 2: was getting quite tired, very fatigued. The feet were saw
Speaker 2: and nothing spurs you on like a picture of yourself
Speaker 2: that's twenty foot wide. It really does give you a boost.
Speaker 1: It does. And that got us back. That was at
Speaker 1: the top of Heartbreak Hill, wasn't it.
Speaker 2: Yes, Oh, which is when we needed it.
Speaker 1: So many broken hearts up there.
Speaker 2: And do you know what, I think it's harder to
Speaker 2: walk than it is to run. I've woken up this
Speaker 2: morning and the body is very sore. My calves are
Speaker 2: very sore. Yeah, the front of my calf.
Speaker 1: I am sore everywhere in places I didn't think I
Speaker 1: was going to be sore. I carried Oscar on my
Speaker 1: shoulders for like three or four k's just to give
Speaker 1: him a break from the race pram in the luxury
Speaker 1: race ramp, and at that angle, he was like, there's
Speaker 1: so many people down here. I didn't even really realize.
Speaker 1: But oh yeah, today I was like, oh god, why.
Speaker 2: Now I know how the Olympians feel.
Speaker 1: Similar. Look, I felt very proud of myself. Once it
Speaker 1: was done, we pulled up, we crossed the finish line.
Speaker 1: There was heaped to people around. It's a great vibe.
Speaker 1: It's amazing vibe. We were ushered up to. GWM had
Speaker 1: a little spot for us. They fed us, they gave
Speaker 1: us liquid, bathed they you know, they had the kids
Speaker 1: running around and stuff, and you know, the aura was great.
Speaker 2: It was great. So big shout out to GWe for
Speaker 2: having us be involved in this year City to Surf.
Speaker 1: Thank you, yes, and also bringing us and our families
Speaker 1: into do its that have just been like you boys
Speaker 1: are running and where was April? Ummm? So it was
Speaker 1: going to stay home, bring.
Speaker 2: Mazie, bring my favorite child please next year.
Speaker 1: Next time, next time. So yes, thank you.
Speaker 2: Can I play you just a very quick message you
Speaker 2: sure care, Just a very quick message. I've sent it
Speaker 2: to you already on your phone. This is when we're
Speaker 2: talking about Oscar getting a cap on his tooth and
Speaker 2: a kid losing their tooth. So got a message. I
Speaker 2: was worried because we don't talk about dentists favorably.
Speaker 1: You know I feel about dentists.
Speaker 2: I know, be nice. She's a fan of the show.
Speaker 3: Hey guys, I'm actually just listening to your latest episode
Speaker 3: of Two Doting Dads, and I'm actually a student dentist.
Speaker 3: First of all, love how often we're talking about dentists
Speaker 3: on this rand. It's such a random topic to consistently
Speaker 3: bring up. But I just wanted to confirm for you
Speaker 3: guys that you are born with all of the chemical
Speaker 3: properties and materials and biology to create your teeth, but
Speaker 3: it takes up until about six years old for you
Speaker 3: to actually have those teeth in your jawline for them
Speaker 3: to be fully developed. So then if you take an
Speaker 3: extra of a six year old's mouth, you can see
Speaker 3: that double layer. But before then there's no evidence of
Speaker 3: the double layer. Thanks.
Speaker 1: Love the party, Love the party at the end. Love that. Well,
Speaker 1: there you go, there you go. Well, I'm glad we
Speaker 1: got to the bottom of that.
Speaker 2: And I was nervous. She was like, I'm actually a
Speaker 2: student dentist, and I was like, oh god. She's like,
Speaker 2: I better formal complain about podcast. Does she listen to
Speaker 2: the podcast because we don't talk about dentists in the
Speaker 2: most like kindness of.
Speaker 1: Manners between them and rural doctors.
Speaker 2: Yeah, next thing is someone I'm a rural doctor.
Speaker 1: Just so thank you so much, so thank you. We
Speaker 1: also have feelings. Thank you, dental student Kate. Is she
Speaker 1: fully qualified though? And can we can we trust her?
Speaker 1: Can we find her? Is her information reliable?
Speaker 2: It does sound very precise, but there you go. I
Speaker 2: always want I thought, like newborns would do.
Speaker 1: They have Like I said, dentists are just mouth salesmen
Speaker 1: and they do the sales part of their education.
Speaker 2: No, early on, I thought you were going to say, like,
Speaker 2: I'm going to get a message from her like again
Speaker 2: next week, and she's like, hey, just think you know,
Speaker 2: we have a sale currently on for fillings if you
Speaker 2: were in need, and we think.
Speaker 1: That you need a lot. Actually, Kate, I do need
Speaker 1: to see a dentist. My mouth is fucking killing me.
Speaker 2: Wow, what's wrong?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think karma's come around a bike.
Speaker 1: Which part of the mouth pun calm's coming around the
Speaker 1: bike there is Honestly, my mouth aches continuously.
Speaker 2: Yeah that's not good.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well figure it out, Okay, okay, yolo, that's what
Speaker 1: the kids are saying short it out. I will. I
Speaker 1: planned to, but this week I cannot because we are
Speaker 1: too busy.
Speaker 2: My friend, make sure you don't act like our forefathers,
Speaker 2: who were ill idiots. Get themselves checked. I'll get okay, good,
Speaker 2: I'm very excited for this part now, Very.
Speaker 1: It's really perked up.
Speaker 2: Very.
Speaker 1: Hey, what's that ash?
Speaker 2: It was your birthday on Sunday?
Speaker 1: See?
Speaker 2: Did the surf day a serf day? We didn't get
Speaker 2: to celebrate it too much because we're so busy walking.
Speaker 2: But I got this for you. Sorry that it's ripped.
Speaker 1: That's hey. It's an upgrade from last year where you
Speaker 1: forgot Happy birthday.
Speaker 2: I hope you enjoy it.
Speaker 1: Thank you can open it now. You're hoping over it?
Speaker 2: Now you open it now? For sure, it's already half open.
Speaker 1: I love that you've wrapped it in the postal bag
Speaker 1: that it comes in. I may have it. What's this?
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, it's a child proof I.
Speaker 2: Just said this is something that I thought you may need.
Speaker 1: Please be a penis pump, Please be a penis part.
Speaker 1: Is it a jelly johnah? Is it a fleshlight?
Speaker 2: I don't know? Oh my.
Speaker 1: Goodness, what have you got there? Mate, I have got
Speaker 1: the Fleshlight Turbo. Let's get it out. Let's give it
Speaker 1: a go. Oh my god, I ordered that online. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I hope you didn't give us the The Fleshlight Turbo
Speaker 1: looks pretty good.
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1: The hard thing was ash finding the right size.
Speaker 2: Well, I was like, do you want the mouth, do
Speaker 2: you want the vision? Do you want the a norse
Speaker 2: or there's Actually it's actually weirdly as a market for
Speaker 2: alien vaginas they were out of stock.
Speaker 1: I would have taken the alien vagina that that's what
Speaker 1: I tried to buy. I'll take the regular human vacuum texture.
Speaker 1: I'll just read you some of the key benefits. No,
Speaker 1: what I'll do is i'll read the description. Please, I'm
Speaker 1: very excited. April's not going to be so thrilled. The
Speaker 1: Fleshlight Turbo Thrush offers you the most realistic and satisfying
Speaker 1: alternative to oral sex. Alien oral sex, uniquely signed with
Speaker 1: three points of initial, three points of insertion.
Speaker 2: Rum the one more.
Speaker 1: Anyway, I won't go through the whole description because we'll
Speaker 1: be here all day. It looks now it's got an
Speaker 1: outer ring and entry point and an inner ring. Just
Speaker 1: the way I like them.
Speaker 2: It says up top the number one selling male sex toy.
Speaker 1: It does too.
Speaker 2: They all say that though.
Speaker 1: They all say that, Yeah, that's great, thank you. It's
Speaker 1: very thoughtful. A see, A lot of thought has gone
Speaker 1: into this. It's probably one of the most thoughtful gifts
Speaker 1: I've ever received.
Speaker 2: You're very welcome. We often joke about the old flesh
Speaker 2: light we do.
Speaker 1: I'm just waiting for a dentist to jump out now.
Speaker 1: I was gonna hate that. Sorry, it's okay. I'm never
Speaker 1: gonna get to use it because you'll be like, you're
Speaker 1: this disghosting, don't use it.
Speaker 2: She doesn't have to know, mate, she's gonna.
Speaker 1: I'll better use it before this comes out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you've got like twenty four hours to use it
Speaker 2: as many times as you can.
Speaker 1: I'll be like skinny by the time you see me next.
Speaker 2: It drained me, like, can't get off the couch.
Speaker 1: I believe you brought me a flesh lit. Do you
Speaker 1: know I nearly for your birthday last month, I nearly
Speaker 1: bought you a flesh light.
Speaker 2: Well, why didn't you?
Speaker 1: I think I've forgot hm, I can't remember why I
Speaker 1: thought about it. And then I was like, oh, I
Speaker 1: think I think just time got away.
Speaker 2: From me, as it often often. I'm yet to use
Speaker 2: my spafoucher.
Speaker 1: By the way, Oh yeah, the same thing. Yeah, pretty much,
Speaker 1: more or less much depends what suburb use it in. Yeah. Sure,
Speaker 1: shall we go two lives?
Speaker 2: Yeah, tell me, I've got a quick one here. This
Speaker 2: is from Robin, and Robin says here that she took
Speaker 2: her kids to a concerts lovely. Well, that's what you think,
Speaker 2: but kids were being an absolute nightmare, little terrors, she says.
Speaker 2: So halfway through there's an intermission and Robin goes, well,
Speaker 2: that's it, the concert's over. Let's get out of here.
Speaker 1: That if I had an award, that's right up, Ali.
Speaker 1: I love that. I've considered that with things, kids are
Speaker 1: none the wiser, They have no idea. Also, you beat
Speaker 1: the traffic like, yeah, you're out the car park first.
Speaker 1: That's genius. Very good, very good. This one from Carli
Speaker 1: I do this too, but not quite. It's slightly different.
Speaker 1: So I'll give you her lie and then I'll tell
Speaker 1: you my variation. I love it when when parents riding things,
Speaker 1: I do as well. So this one from Kylie says
Speaker 1: there's a light on at the park that only parents
Speaker 1: can see when it's too busy and can't fit any
Speaker 1: more kids. So what I do is, if we go
Speaker 1: anywhere remotely near a park, just say where I used
Speaker 1: to live in Morewood in the swamp. See I've moved
Speaker 1: out of the swamp in the valley.
Speaker 2: Now it must be nice.
Speaker 1: It isn't. It's fucking dusty in here. Anyway.
Speaker 2: It's a hard man to please.
Speaker 1: I am. I just want to live comfortably.
Speaker 2: Poor Old Frank's probably like minus end of the podcast,
Speaker 2: and see how Ashes enjoying living with me, and he's like.
Speaker 1: It's so dusty living my car. Next we have to
Speaker 1: record from my car. So we used to go near
Speaker 1: this park called rocket Ship Park, which is iconic in
Speaker 1: the area. And if we go, yeah, we're going to
Speaker 1: go down to the park. If we got two clothes
Speaker 1: and I could see there was way too many birthday
Speaker 1: parties on, I would say, oh, bummer kids, there's too
Speaker 1: many people in the park. They just can't have anymore.
Speaker 1: It's full. Or I go, they've booked it out. It's
Speaker 1: a private party.
Speaker 2: So what do you do to you just go back home,
Speaker 2: just turn.
Speaker 1: Around and go somewhere else. Yeah, there's other parks here,
Speaker 1: or I just go do you want to other shops
Speaker 1: and they're like yeah, gets it off pretty quick, always
Speaker 1: go oh, do you need a baby Chino?
Speaker 2: That ah, Baby Tino trumps everything, like crack, yeah.
Speaker 1: I think it's just the marshmallow they really want. But
Speaker 1: they can get a marshmallow with that directly asking me
Speaker 1: for a marshmallow. They can go baby Chino and I'm
Speaker 1: like yeah, okay, and they get a marshmallow and they're like.
Speaker 2: Got him throw the little Actually got a quick one here.
Speaker 2: Morley does this quite a lot. I might try that, so,
Speaker 2: she says. In order to get me to stop sucking
Speaker 2: my thumb. When I was really young, my mom told
Speaker 2: me that if I kept on doing that, it would
Speaker 2: turn red, then purple, and then fall off. I ignored her
Speaker 2: warning and kept on doing it. One night, when I
Speaker 2: was sleeping, my mom died. My thumb red. I woke
Speaker 2: up and freaked out, but quickly regime sucking my thumb.
Speaker 2: The next night she died at purple. I freaked out
Speaker 2: so bad that I never sucked on it again.
Speaker 1: That is commit thee Oh my god.
Speaker 2: Says here. My brother wouldn't stop. She had him sedated
Speaker 2: and removed his thumb that night that that part was
Speaker 2: I made that up, Okay, I gathered just in case.
Speaker 1: I think, like, if you're going to commit into liars,
Speaker 1: are really easy because you could just be like, hey,
Speaker 1: short Sharp, that lemon's red and they're like no, it
Speaker 1: was like you must be color blonde because that's a
Speaker 1: red lemon.
Speaker 2: Idiot.
Speaker 1: But to actually go days and to extend to the
Speaker 1: commit to it, yeah, bravo, brother, bravo, they say, Matt,
Speaker 1: this is from Nicole. Nicole, Nicole, thank you for writing in.
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. And if you do want to write
Speaker 1: in for yourself, you can dm us at two Doting Dads'
Speaker 1: Instagram or join the Facebook group Facebook type in two
Speaker 1: Doting Dads, join the conversation. We may or may not
Speaker 1: accept you. We will accept you.
Speaker 2: We accept everyone.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So for predators, yeah, we have a very strict screening process.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's like you have a first in the last
Speaker 1: name you. So this one's from Nicole and she says,
Speaker 1: I tell my five and two year old that if
Speaker 1: they don't clean up the playroom, the cleaners will throw
Speaker 1: away whatever is left on the floor. Genius, very good,
Speaker 1: except when they're like, you got to follow through with that,
Speaker 1: She says. They think the cleaners come three times a week.
Speaker 1: They only come once before. You've got to be able
Speaker 1: to follow through on that one though. I would always
Speaker 1: tell Oscar that if he was misbehaving, whatever toy he
Speaker 1: had at the time, I'm throwing that out if he
Speaker 1: doesn't stop, and he got so. I got so frustrated
Speaker 1: with him one time in the old place at the Swamp,
Speaker 1: upstairs had balcony doors, and he was upstairs and it's
Speaker 1: just been an absolute turd. So I snatched the car
Speaker 1: out of his hand and he threw it, launched it
Speaker 1: out the doors onto the main road, and a car
Speaker 1: just went bushka. That's impressive, he screamed, And Abral was like,
Speaker 1: the fuck do you do that for? It's just a threat.
Speaker 1: I'm like, not in this house.
Speaker 2: It's not you're going to follow through.
Speaker 1: They realize, yeah, that once they get And actually my
Speaker 1: mom just said to me that, She's like, don't make
Speaker 1: threats you can't follow through with I'm like, do you
Speaker 1: know what you're talking to?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I am scared of nothing.
Speaker 1: I am scared of nothing.
Speaker 2: It's always like three, come here, come here. Two. If
Speaker 2: I get to one, you're in trouble. Not once have
Speaker 2: I made up to one.
Speaker 1: I remember once because my mom used to count up,
Speaker 1: So do your countdown family. We're a count up family,
Speaker 1: generations of count ups. My mom used to count up
Speaker 1: and I would go I remember one time I said
Speaker 1: to her, You're gonna have to count a lot higher
Speaker 1: than that, and she hit me with the wooden spoon
Speaker 1: so hard.
Speaker 2: Fucking smarter.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah it was, and I would have been sub ten.
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't have to count louder than that.
Speaker 2: Whack wow.
Speaker 1: Anyway, long long line of count hoppers.
Speaker 2: Explains a lot. Your mum's doing it all wrong.
Speaker 1: And I was like, I'm going to questions, but that
Speaker 1: was my question for you, a countdown or account upper.
Speaker 1: Let's go into some list of questions. Matt Rude, you
Speaker 1: like to.
Speaker 2: Go first, I'll first first. This one came through. They
Speaker 2: wanted to be anonymous, but they just said, when you're
Speaker 2: out at a restaurant eating with the kids, is it
Speaker 2: the responsibility of the parents to clean up after the
Speaker 2: children or is it solely on the waiter or waitress
Speaker 2: to clean up when you guys leave.
Speaker 1: If you're going to leave a tip a nice tip.
Speaker 1: It's on the waiter. I think I never tip.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, very rare, unless it's like.
Speaker 1: Sitting around here and the kids made a blatant mass
Speaker 1: and they've without you asking or leaving it to clean up,
Speaker 1: they come and they actually just cleaned up as part
Speaker 1: of the service. I think that's typical because you've saved
Speaker 1: me doing it, and you've saved me walking out, and
Speaker 1: then you're going fucking cocka. I just live his fucking
Speaker 1: shit everywhere.
Speaker 2: Sere's someone who used to work in hospitality ash I
Speaker 2: very much believe, and I like to be that annoying
Speaker 2: person at the table who's like stacked up the plates.
Speaker 2: I've got all the cutlery in like one section. I'll
Speaker 2: make their life.
Speaker 1: Easy, right, so you would fully clean up up.
Speaker 2: Because I'm just some so desperate to be liked. Thank you.
Speaker 1: That waiter must love me, love me.
Speaker 3: I done.
Speaker 2: I'm in the kitchen cooking with the chef. This is enough.
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, carry it back to the dishwasher for.
Speaker 2: You're just in there.
Speaker 1: Look, I think I think you've got to make it
Speaker 1: so it's not if it's an absolute fucking if they're
Speaker 1: throwing food on the floor and shit like that. No,
Speaker 1: I think, actually, here we go go on. This is
Speaker 1: just come to me. I don't know how it's gonna
Speaker 1: come out. I don't know how it's gonna start. I
Speaker 1: don't know how it's going to be.
Speaker 2: This is a place of zero judgment. You can say
Speaker 2: anything and it's fine.
Speaker 1: I feel like if anything is dropped off the table,
Speaker 1: it is now the responsibility of the parent.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 1: If it's on the table, unless you're taking it with you,
Speaker 1: that's the restaurant's responsibility.
Speaker 2: Very like that came out beautifully.
Speaker 1: Thank you. I just looked at the floor. I looked
Speaker 1: at the table, and I thought, there's a clear There
Speaker 1: needs to.
Speaker 2: Be a clear line.
Speaker 1: There is a clear line that divides the tabletop to
Speaker 1: the floor. I'm gonna put that on T shirt. It's
Speaker 1: going to be quite long. If it hits the floor,
Speaker 1: it's your responsibility. That's great, that's good. Gerald's write that down. Well,
Speaker 1: what do you reckon?
Speaker 2: Look? I agree? I agree, And if you want to
Speaker 2: be a people pleaser like me, I mean, hey, go nuts.
Speaker 1: Lick the table clean? Is that okay?
Speaker 2: Sir?
Speaker 1: Seventeen?
Speaker 2: I bring them when we go to restaurants I bring
Speaker 2: the mop with me and I believe in mopping the
Speaker 2: floor underneath the table before we leave. And I'm like,
Speaker 2: this isn't ours.
Speaker 1: You walk in one of those vacuum cleaner backpacks. Yeah, straps,
Speaker 1: I'll be like, and.
Speaker 2: They're like, we didn't order a clean I'm like, that's right.
Speaker 2: What is here for lunch?
Speaker 1: Got Dyson? Matt? I have a question for you, please,
Speaker 1: And this is more someone needs your advice.
Speaker 2: You come to the right place.
Speaker 1: It is anonymous, but I'm assuming it's from a mum
Speaker 1: because she was saying, it's going to be my partner's
Speaker 1: first Father's Day coming up. Congratulations, congratulations, and there's going
Speaker 1: to be a lot of firsts for all dads, but
Speaker 1: this one's the most important one, I believe. Putting that
Speaker 1: on teacher too, she has asked what she should get
Speaker 1: this young father for Father's Day other than.
Speaker 2: No other than a first light for US four thousand.
Speaker 1: We're actually giving one away. It's slightly used.
Speaker 2: It would be a great sponsor for the podcast.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, what's the actual rant flashlight? If you're watching,
Speaker 1: I'll take one question is first Father's Day? What do
Speaker 1: you get? Well, what do you get? Any data? On
Speaker 1: a Father's Day. But I think the first one is
Speaker 1: very important because it's the first time you get to
Speaker 1: celebrate that.
Speaker 2: You have been there impregnated.
Speaker 1: Someone that you're not a vagin. Yeah.
Speaker 2: We get this question a lot. I often see this
Speaker 2: question floating around the Facebook group, even on Life on
Speaker 2: Cut Terrible podcast Dreadful?
Speaker 1: Is that about circumcision?
Speaker 2: Very good? Very good?
Speaker 1: But actually, can I credit Laura for that joke? It's
Speaker 1: really quick? Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 2: Very hard to buy for men, I believe, especially when
Speaker 2: you're an adult, buying for actually buying for any adult
Speaker 2: is hard because when you're of a certain age you
Speaker 2: need something, you just buy it a toy.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Also, there's I don't know if you're saw this
Speaker 1: video getting around the internet. That was a classic man
Speaker 1: responses you don't need to get me in anything like that,
Speaker 1: but you really are, like, she better.
Speaker 2: Get But there is one gift, one gift only actually,
Speaker 2: which I believe to be the only gift that will
Speaker 2: make any dad happy.
Speaker 1: Let me see if I guess I keep sect to
Speaker 1: me close.
Speaker 2: That is number two three, after the flesh gotta get
Speaker 2: this fleshlight, after the table. This is my father was
Speaker 2: going to walk down I'm going to podcast. Is this.
Speaker 1: Put it under his shirt and back upstairs. It's a
Speaker 1: bit smaller.
Speaker 2: My mouth water.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 2: Sorry, there is one gift ash and it just so happens.
Speaker 2: And I don't want to sound like I'm being too
Speaker 2: biased here, but this gift was created by you and me.
Speaker 2: It was it is.
Speaker 1: It is a book. It's a book Two Doting Dads
Speaker 1: and the Quest for Free Time.
Speaker 2: I mean, and was that question anonymous? Or did I
Speaker 2: write that in myself?
Speaker 1: Will let her know? Well, you fooled me. You wrote
Speaker 1: it like fifty five times. It's like ask this one,
Speaker 1: this one. And as this episode is live now, so
Speaker 1: is the book?
Speaker 2: Yeah? So it came out yesterday, Yeah, correct, Tuesday, the
Speaker 2: book was available now you can we're saying pre order
Speaker 2: before now you can get it. You can touch it,
Speaker 2: you can sniff it, you can lick it, whatever you
Speaker 2: want with the book. You can't read it as well,
Speaker 2: if that's what.
Speaker 1: I tried to read it to Oscar Macy and because
Speaker 1: they're in it, they're like how did that happen?
Speaker 2: There?
Speaker 1: Before I get to the like, they're just like why
Speaker 1: are you doing this? Why am I doing that? Before
Speaker 1: it's like getting to the actual story. You didn't get
Speaker 1: hated it. No, it's a great fun read. It's not
Speaker 1: just for the kids. There's hopefully some relatability in there.
Speaker 2: But also it's about two dads. We're trying to catch
Speaker 2: up for a drink, reminiscing about the times before they
Speaker 2: were parents.
Speaker 1: Free time, and I think, honestly, I really think that
Speaker 1: both parents, any parent deserves some free time.
Speaker 2: It's the most important part. Absolutely need time to yourself,
Speaker 2: to recharge from the little creatures that suck the life
Speaker 2: right out of you.
Speaker 1: Well said, provide you.
Speaker 2: With moments of joy, but majority of the time make
Speaker 2: life help.
Speaker 1: But then, as we all know, when you're trying to
Speaker 1: get some free time, they fucking get sick or some shah.
Speaker 2: There's always some disaster something. It's a never ending situation
Speaker 2: of putting out fires.
Speaker 1: And it has quite the twist ending that you want.
Speaker 2: Yes, oh, should we give it away?
Speaker 1: No, we'll put.
Speaker 2: A link in the show notes. But we would love
Speaker 2: for you guys to get behind the very first book
Speaker 2: that Ash and I have ever written. Hopefully it's the
Speaker 2: first of many. Yes, we have to sell I don't
Speaker 2: know how many we've sold.
Speaker 1: One million. No, I don't know. I think we've sold
Speaker 1: one hundred, but we bought them all.
Speaker 2: But it looks I'm so I'm so proud, and oh
Speaker 2: as am I and Ash and I. In addition to
Speaker 2: having like sow hips or knees, sore feet, blisters, we
Speaker 2: also have sow wrists. Not because we jack each other.
Speaker 1: Off beat me to it. Sorry, you beat me to it.
Speaker 1: So we don't need to do that anymore.
Speaker 2: Because we were at the warehouse this morning and we
Speaker 2: signed a number of coffee coffees.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's get through this and get over.
Speaker 2: We had a number of copies that went out and
Speaker 2: as I was signing like the fiftieth book, I was like,
Speaker 2: this a hurts a lot and it's not good for
Speaker 2: my RSI. But also, b it's really cool. It's great,
Speaker 2: it's great. It's it's we've been talking about this book
Speaker 2: for a long time. It's it's taken forever to like
Speaker 2: writing a book, even though it's only about ten pages. Oh,
Speaker 2: there's a lot of bloody.
Speaker 1: Wasn't writing a book it's like three hundred pages. Wouldn't
Speaker 1: it takes you thirty years?
Speaker 2: I'd never do it.
Speaker 1: And also we got like four words on every page,
Speaker 1: and it's like, I don't have people do it. It
Speaker 1: makes it harder, but we it still makes us author.
Speaker 1: We now published authors. We are, yes, so can't wait
Speaker 1: to change my link all the real authors out there.
Speaker 1: Get out of here.
Speaker 2: You don't belong here, well I do, but yeah it's
Speaker 2: available now. And for those of you who have bought
Speaker 2: the book, we hope you enjoy it.
Speaker 1: Yes we do. On that note, Matt, yes, let's go.
Speaker 1: Let's get out of here.
Speaker 2: If you've enjoyed this episode, we would love it if
Speaker 2: you would give us a review, subscribe a number of
Speaker 2: stars either on Apple Podcasts or on Spotify. And as
Speaker 2: Ash mentioned before, we had the Facebook group which has
Speaker 2: ballooned out to two thousand members. Bursting at the seems.
Speaker 1: Surely that's two thousand book sales.
Speaker 2: We're yeah, I mean, I hope. So we're going to
Speaker 2: start getting more strict on the Facebook group, soon to
Speaker 2: be as strict as immigration in the USA. So if
Speaker 2: you want to get in, now's the time. And Leavy review,
Speaker 2: I've already said that. I already said that. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm tired, and so I know you are. Let's get
Speaker 2: out of here. You need to enjoy your Birthday gift
Speaker 2: and We'll see you guys and next Wednesday Seem Bye.
Speaker 2: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
Speaker 2: throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.
Speaker 1: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
Speaker 1: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander
Speaker 1: peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land.