WEBVTT - The Questions You Need To Ask When Choosing Housemates 🏠 0:00:00.760 --> 0:00:07.560 The Flex and Rooms Daily Podcasts, Hay Rooms, we're. 0:00:07.360 --> 0:00:10.039 On the podcast. Do you reckon? That's nice when you 0:00:10.080 --> 0:00:11.240 just have a chill kind of vibe? 0:00:11.600 --> 0:00:12.080 Yeah, I do. 0:00:12.800 --> 0:00:14.160 I wonder what it's like as a listener. 0:00:14.880 --> 0:00:16.919 I think it's always easy to listen to a chill 0:00:17.040 --> 0:00:18.320 vibe over a like. 0:00:19.760 --> 0:00:21.440 Because I don't know about you, but I would if 0:00:21.440 --> 0:00:24.640 someone's going right, my brain goes like in a good way. 0:00:24.680 --> 0:00:26.400 Following up, No, not necessarily. 0:00:26.480 --> 0:00:29.400 I think of my favorite podcast, How Long Gone, And 0:00:29.440 --> 0:00:33.760 it's just two guys chatting m and they never do 0:00:33.840 --> 0:00:36.080 too much. They just have a lot of opinions, always 0:00:36.120 --> 0:00:39.040 something to say. But you know, I find some podcasters 0:00:39.080 --> 0:00:44.159 and no shade, they overcompensate their lack of interesting thoughts 0:00:44.280 --> 0:00:50.320 who are just speaking really animatedly, loudly or like aggressively. 0:00:51.159 --> 0:00:53.760 Yes, certainly not myself. 0:00:54.800 --> 0:00:57.840 Do you do you speak animatedly, loudly or aggressively? 0:00:57.840 --> 0:01:00.760 I don't feel like that's You're not the judge, you're 0:01:00.760 --> 0:01:03.320 too close to the source. Oh okay, Well, but we 0:01:03.360 --> 0:01:06.080 do need to think about self perceptions because today's episode 0:01:06.240 --> 0:01:09.440 is mainly about housemates. What you need to ask a 0:01:09.480 --> 0:01:11.480 housemate before you move in with them, personally, I'm a 0:01:11.520 --> 0:01:14.520 bit of a renegade master this next house, I'm gonna 0:01:14.560 --> 0:01:18.039 be going in chill vibes and say in our vibes 0:01:18.080 --> 0:01:21.000 because I will be leaving soon anyway. If that doesn't 0:01:21.000 --> 0:01:24.840 make sense, listen and it will. It's such a pleasure 0:01:24.840 --> 0:01:26.759 do in this podcast. You know, I listen to it back. 0:01:26.760 --> 0:01:27.520 Do you listen to it back? 0:01:27.560 --> 0:01:31.600 I do? Are you why to just hear how it sounds? 0:01:32.000 --> 0:01:34.680 You know, it's I think it's similar to watching your 0:01:34.760 --> 0:01:37.440 Instagram story back from the perspective of. 0:01:37.400 --> 0:01:40.200 Someone who hasn't posted it. You're like, this is entertaining. Hmmm, 0:01:40.560 --> 0:01:41.920 I'll do it back with the podcast. 0:01:42.600 --> 0:01:43.959 Yeah, I'm always looking at my story. 0:01:44.680 --> 0:01:44.880 Yeah. 0:01:45.480 --> 0:01:46.959 It's the equivalent of smelling your hearts. 0:01:47.520 --> 0:01:48.640 Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. 0:01:48.680 --> 0:01:55.440 Anyway, enough chatter, let's go. And I love being medium sized. 0:01:56.600 --> 0:02:00.160 I'm a medium sized woman. My heart is one sixty. 0:02:00.760 --> 0:02:01.800 That's medium sized. 0:02:02.240 --> 0:02:03.120 It's average. 0:02:03.480 --> 0:02:05.120 Yeah medium yi yeah, yeah yeah. 0:02:05.160 --> 0:02:05.320 Yeah. 0:02:05.320 --> 0:02:09.240 To averages, medium is average medium or maybe not, maybe not, 0:02:09.280 --> 0:02:11.240 because medium doesn't have to be average. 0:02:11.360 --> 0:02:13.280 Yeah. Medium just in the middle of the smallest and 0:02:13.280 --> 0:02:14.440 the biggest. Yeah. 0:02:14.800 --> 0:02:17.919 If we're talking hot, that's probably yeah, we're talking hit 0:02:18.080 --> 0:02:19.800 above average of medium for women. 0:02:20.000 --> 0:02:20.200 Yeah. 0:02:20.240 --> 0:02:22.560 Yeah, so I'm above average and something that sometimes you 0:02:22.600 --> 0:02:24.440 want to be is a little And So I was 0:02:24.480 --> 0:02:27.760 on Reddit and this woman was asking questions on how 0:02:27.800 --> 0:02:29.800 to act small and cute. I'm going to read out 0:02:30.040 --> 0:02:31.520 her question and we're going to try and give her 0:02:31.560 --> 0:02:34.440 some tips. The title is how to act soft, slash 0:02:34.480 --> 0:02:35.880 cute as a tall woman. 0:02:35.639 --> 0:02:36.639 With a deep voice. 0:02:37.040 --> 0:02:42.680 So already it's hitting some of our demographics, say baritone, 0:02:42.800 --> 0:02:48.639 Yeah no, I don't think. I don't think we necessarily 0:02:48.680 --> 0:02:51.440 have shrill voices, which I think is often associated with 0:02:51.560 --> 0:02:52.240 higher voices. 0:02:52.840 --> 0:02:55.160 We can go deep. I don't think they are deep. 0:02:55.560 --> 0:02:57.639 I'm going to read you this just to clarify. I'm 0:02:57.639 --> 0:03:00.120 not doing this to please one guy in particular. But 0:03:00.200 --> 0:03:02.160 soft and cute it's the type of attractive I want 0:03:02.160 --> 0:03:04.880 to be, and ideally i'd like to attract someone protective 0:03:04.919 --> 0:03:07.400 and manly. I have trauma from middle and high school 0:03:07.440 --> 0:03:09.880 bullying over being the tall, manly black girl with a 0:03:09.919 --> 0:03:14.600 deep voice. Also, I was admittedly big. Becoming skinny helped 0:03:14.639 --> 0:03:16.960 a lot, and that sucks. I'm so deeply uncomfortable with 0:03:17.000 --> 0:03:19.040 that image. And the truth is I'm weak and emotional 0:03:19.080 --> 0:03:21.480 and I want it to show I can tell someone 0:03:21.520 --> 0:03:24.080 off if I'm in danger or disrespected, of course, but 0:03:24.120 --> 0:03:26.400 I'm talking about being seen as soft cute by people 0:03:26.400 --> 0:03:28.960 in general. First of all, do you think it's possible 0:03:29.000 --> 0:03:31.960 without being short and naturally cutesy? So many women get 0:03:32.000 --> 0:03:35.960 off that cutie pie vibe effortlessly. But when I'm my 0:03:36.000 --> 0:03:39.920 normal self, I'm only being referred to as dominatrix mommy queen. 0:03:40.440 --> 0:03:43.480 Why for cursing, wearing keels, or being assertive, or you know, 0:03:43.840 --> 0:03:46.480 because I'm a black woman, a dominant Yes, disgusting. 0:03:46.040 --> 0:03:47.760 Anyway, Second, I write this. 0:03:50.200 --> 0:03:52.880 When I found this, I just read the title and 0:03:52.920 --> 0:03:55.320 then she started telling this. Second of all, if I 0:03:55.400 --> 0:03:57.000 have to put on a show, what do I do? 0:03:57.120 --> 0:03:59.160 Good posture is a natural for me. I'm working hard 0:03:59.200 --> 0:04:01.600 on not cursing. I think it helps. I like to 0:04:01.600 --> 0:04:04.120 wear pink and dresses and look feminine, but heels are 0:04:04.120 --> 0:04:06.320 a no no. I want to avoid being taken as dominant. 0:04:06.640 --> 0:04:08.840 I try to sound like Miley Cyrus. And if I'm 0:04:08.880 --> 0:04:14.080 trying to be anyway, if I no Miley, shame, We've 0:04:14.200 --> 0:04:15.640 shamed nowhere Cyrus enough on. 0:04:15.640 --> 0:04:18.159 This, there's no WI Why are you we? 0:04:19.120 --> 0:04:21.400 I did someone know a research, and I really like her, 0:04:21.440 --> 0:04:23.520 so take it back. I'm glad. Do you think it 0:04:23.520 --> 0:04:25.359 will help if I speak quietly? Or is it just 0:04:25.360 --> 0:04:28.000 annoying and it comes off as being insecure. I'm so 0:04:28.160 --> 0:04:31.320 tired of being attractive only as a strong woman. Tell 0:04:31.360 --> 0:04:33.040 me what to do, yaches. 0:04:33.200 --> 0:04:34.800 This is a no comment for me. 0:04:35.440 --> 0:04:39.560 Acting small and cute is just that acting small and cute. 0:04:40.040 --> 0:04:42.599 So there's nothing you can really do to change the 0:04:42.680 --> 0:04:45.720 general perception if it's going to require performance, if you 0:04:45.839 --> 0:04:48.080 to even get there, Like, in order to act small 0:04:48.120 --> 0:04:50.800 and cute, you'd need to have a physical social interaction 0:04:50.880 --> 0:04:53.680 with everyone for them to see you as small and cute, 0:04:53.680 --> 0:04:55.039 and that's not what you want. You want to be 0:04:55.080 --> 0:04:56.760 just perceived as small and cute generally. 0:04:57.320 --> 0:04:59.400 So you think it's not possible for her because the 0:04:59.440 --> 0:05:01.120 only way she be seen as small and cute is 0:05:01.160 --> 0:05:02.159 if she puts effort in. 0:05:02.640 --> 0:05:05.520 Yeah, it'll be a caricature of performance. 0:05:05.560 --> 0:05:08.279 It's like, act small and cute, start wearing you know, 0:05:08.400 --> 0:05:12.359 pink cardigans, pearls, speaking in a high pitch, real voice, 0:05:13.000 --> 0:05:14.960 fall over a couple times when you're walking down the 0:05:14.960 --> 0:05:18.240 grocery store aisle, like it would definitely work, Like at 0:05:18.240 --> 0:05:19.039 what costs? 0:05:19.920 --> 0:05:21.520 Do you think there's a way to be I think 0:05:21.560 --> 0:05:23.960 her issue is that she wants to attract the right people, 0:05:23.960 --> 0:05:26.000 and it sounds like she's not attracting the right person. 0:05:26.480 --> 0:05:28.200 Does she need a change who she wants to be 0:05:28.240 --> 0:05:28.839 attracted to? 0:05:29.200 --> 0:05:29.719 Oh? 0:05:30.040 --> 0:05:31.839 Or does she need a change full stop? 0:05:32.160 --> 0:05:39.760 I think it is about self perception. So like, for example, 0:05:40.520 --> 0:05:42.400 grass is green and vibe, we all get it, Like 0:05:42.640 --> 0:05:45.960 you assume that the contrast to what you have would 0:05:46.000 --> 0:05:48.480 be better for your circumstance because your current circumstance is 0:05:48.520 --> 0:05:51.920 not working. But then, you know we've spoken about before, 0:05:52.000 --> 0:05:55.039 like the women who are getting their voices deepened because 0:05:55.320 --> 0:05:58.800 it's so high pitched not being taken seriously, and the 0:05:58.839 --> 0:06:01.240 amounts of women getting boob jobs because they don't want 0:06:01.279 --> 0:06:04.520 to be perceived as boyish. It's like the same issue 0:06:04.520 --> 0:06:07.320 on either side. I don't think it goes away, but 0:06:07.400 --> 0:06:10.599 I do think working on self perception also works as well, 0:06:10.680 --> 0:06:17.119 because internalizing that small and cute is inherently feminine because 0:06:17.160 --> 0:06:20.599 it is socialized that way. Is the issue, Like, it's 0:06:20.600 --> 0:06:23.719 one thing for that to be the general consensus, and 0:06:23.760 --> 0:06:25.880 it's another thing for you to think that and believe. 0:06:25.560 --> 0:06:28.400 That and you think you can telk yourself into feeling 0:06:28.400 --> 0:06:29.000 that way. 0:06:29.040 --> 0:06:32.839 Of course, because, for example, I remember when I started 0:06:32.839 --> 0:06:35.279 doing stuff in media, a lot of the rhetoric was like, 0:06:35.279 --> 0:06:38.080 how do you how are you so confident being plus sized? 0:06:38.080 --> 0:06:40.320 And I was like, I didn't even really know that 0:06:40.320 --> 0:06:42.640 that's what the phrase was before I came into media. 0:06:43.120 --> 0:06:44.360 You people said this. 0:06:44.440 --> 0:06:46.760 Now it's in my head, you know, And then I 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:48.600 was thinking, like, I was raised by a Liz. I 0:06:48.600 --> 0:06:51.720 don't know about your parents, but my parents geed me up, 0:06:51.839 --> 0:06:54.560 made me feel so special, so hot, so pretty, so smart. 0:06:54.960 --> 0:06:57.400 So I literally can't untangle from the way that I 0:06:57.560 --> 0:07:00.279 was like brainwashed to be thinking that I was special, 0:07:00.320 --> 0:07:03.159 pretty cute, and smart in the same way that I'm 0:07:03.160 --> 0:07:06.120 sure it's hard for everybody else to brainwash themselves into 0:07:06.200 --> 0:07:08.919 thinking or not recognizing that beauty standards are real, that 0:07:08.920 --> 0:07:09.520 they exist. 0:07:09.880 --> 0:07:10.520 But I guess the. 0:07:10.480 --> 0:07:14.960 First step is to interrogate who made you feel certain 0:07:15.000 --> 0:07:18.680 things about the world, and is the way that person 0:07:18.800 --> 0:07:21.000 sees the world more important than the way you want 0:07:21.000 --> 0:07:21.600 to see the world. 0:07:21.840 --> 0:07:22.040 Yeah? 0:07:22.280 --> 0:07:24.600 Is there a world where you can be who you 0:07:24.720 --> 0:07:29.120 are as you look and still be perceived by yourself 0:07:29.520 --> 0:07:31.240 as delicate and. 0:07:31.280 --> 0:07:34.960 So cut, small and cute. It's great advice. I'll send 0:07:34.960 --> 0:07:37.520 it on flex and frooms. 0:07:37.600 --> 0:07:40.760 It's been too long since we've had a bit of it. 0:07:40.800 --> 0:07:42.600 I wouldn't call it a moral dilemma. It's just an 0:07:42.600 --> 0:07:45.960 interesting question to unpack and uncover a bit more about 0:07:46.000 --> 0:07:48.600 you and hopefully learn a little bit more about me. 0:07:49.360 --> 0:07:50.360 I think I've seen enough. 0:07:51.960 --> 0:07:54.520 I've seen what I needed to see. Question for you, 0:07:54.640 --> 0:07:57.520 If you could choose to never have to sleep, breathe, 0:07:58.320 --> 0:08:03.880 or eat and still stay lies, what which would you choose? 0:08:04.360 --> 0:08:07.559 Never to do breeze, sleep what? 0:08:07.800 --> 0:08:10.760 I love to sleep and I love to eat. I 0:08:10.800 --> 0:08:13.360 don't want to give either of those up. WHOA what 0:08:13.440 --> 0:08:13.880 about you? 0:08:14.600 --> 0:08:15.000 I would? 0:08:15.200 --> 0:08:18.680 I would say eating because I really enjoy eating, but 0:08:18.720 --> 0:08:21.120 I hate that it's tied to living, and I hate 0:08:21.200 --> 0:08:23.960 all the health implications with it, Like you can't just 0:08:24.000 --> 0:08:26.960 have it little snack to yourself and do enjoyment. It's like, oh, 0:08:26.960 --> 0:08:29.840 don't eat that high cholesterol. Don't eat that, you're gonna 0:08:29.840 --> 0:08:32.360 get the itis. Don't eat that, you'll get really tired. 0:08:32.600 --> 0:08:34.319 Don't eat that it's really bad for you. And sometimes 0:08:34.360 --> 0:08:36.480 you just need to eat something, and all of a sudden, 0:08:36.720 --> 0:08:38.360 and I think what's also really bad for me is 0:08:38.400 --> 0:08:41.160 I get food fixations, so I'm not even enjoying the 0:08:41.200 --> 0:08:44.480 things I'm eating. I'm just created a habit in my 0:08:44.640 --> 0:08:47.040 brain that's like, we're eating this, now. 0:08:46.920 --> 0:08:48.120 Why do you get food fixation? 0:08:48.480 --> 0:08:50.080 I was gonna say I was raised the pickI eater, 0:08:50.120 --> 0:08:51.960 but I just grew up being a pickI eater, So 0:08:52.120 --> 0:08:54.640 at one point it was necessary for me to pick 0:08:54.640 --> 0:08:56.600 a food and eat it because I wasn't gonna eat 0:08:56.600 --> 0:08:59.880 anything else. So the habit came from being young and 0:09:00.080 --> 0:09:03.080 feeling being like I only like egg whites this time, 0:09:03.160 --> 0:09:05.760 I only like egg yolk. I only like this. Mom's like, okay, 0:09:05.760 --> 0:09:08.000 well you just need to eat something, so eat this. 0:09:08.840 --> 0:09:10.559 And then the habit of picking one. 0:09:10.480 --> 0:09:11.640 Food stuck. 0:09:12.800 --> 0:09:13.199 Cycle. 0:09:13.280 --> 0:09:15.360 It's a very boring thing to do thinking about what 0:09:15.400 --> 0:09:17.280 to eat. I just want to eat for fun. So 0:09:17.320 --> 0:09:21.120 I would definitely remove that one. Okay, I know I 0:09:21.200 --> 0:09:23.600 said that you can pick one and still stay alive, 0:09:24.000 --> 0:09:27.160 but I feel like breathing has all these extra considerations 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:30.000 like isn't breathing the reason why, like your blood circulates 0:09:30.040 --> 0:09:30.520 and stuff. 0:09:30.840 --> 0:09:31.720 Don't you need to Yeah? 0:09:32.360 --> 0:09:33.920 Also, i'd miss the feeling of. 0:09:33.840 --> 0:09:38.400 Like, are you breathing into the mic, doing deep breaths 0:09:38.480 --> 0:09:41.840 before you start speaking. 0:09:42.120 --> 0:09:45.840 I'd miss that too. So which one you said? No breathing? 0:09:45.880 --> 0:09:46.640 I said no eating? 0:09:46.880 --> 0:09:48.760 Yeah, because I like like I like the feeling of 0:09:48.800 --> 0:09:51.160 being hungry and then sat eating your hunger. I love 0:09:51.240 --> 0:09:54.000 the feeling of being really tired and then getting into bed. 0:09:54.320 --> 0:09:55.120 Just foody things. 0:09:55.480 --> 0:09:58.120 Yeah, but both of those things are very much If 0:09:58.200 --> 0:10:01.240 they don't go right, it's like has a big impact 0:10:01.240 --> 0:10:02.920 on you, which I guess is the same with breathing, 0:10:03.360 --> 0:10:05.520 Like if you if you're really hungry for a long time, 0:10:05.600 --> 0:10:09.040 you lose concentration, if you can't sleep, like asleep last night. 0:10:09.400 --> 0:10:10.840 Terrible is the worst, the worst one. 0:10:11.040 --> 0:10:13.040 Yeah, everybody needs to go and ask their nearest and 0:10:13.120 --> 0:10:15.840 dearests just it doesn't even matter what their answer is, 0:10:15.880 --> 0:10:17.240 but just why they've picked it. 0:10:17.480 --> 0:10:17.840 Mmmm. 0:10:18.840 --> 0:10:21.520 You know I like that because consequences just a bit 0:10:21.520 --> 0:10:22.080 of fun. 0:10:22.080 --> 0:10:25.760 A little bit of homework for everyone you're with flexing frooms. 0:10:25.960 --> 0:10:30.320 This is flex and frooms on CAD pet names. Do 0:10:30.400 --> 0:10:31.120 you believe in them? 0:10:31.320 --> 0:10:33.720 Yes or no? Before you can even get it out 0:10:33.720 --> 0:10:36.800 of your mouth, I'm saying yes, yes, mammy. 0:10:36.880 --> 0:10:37.720 Which ones do you use? 0:10:38.240 --> 0:10:39.680 Hunt? Yep, bubba. 0:10:40.559 --> 0:10:43.480 That's oh, I love when you call me doll. It's 0:10:43.480 --> 0:10:43.880 a good one. 0:10:44.240 --> 0:10:46.240 Love is one that I'm trying to bring into the rotation. 0:10:47.200 --> 0:10:48.440 Have you always used those? 0:10:50.040 --> 0:10:54.160 Probably They've actually become more prevalent as I've gotten older. Like, 0:10:54.160 --> 0:10:55.960 for example, I was at a cafe on the weekend 0:10:56.400 --> 0:10:59.080 and woman had me my coffee who was younger than me, 0:10:59.120 --> 0:11:01.760 and I said, oh thanks, HNH, Like, WHOA have I 0:11:01.800 --> 0:11:04.080 become like one of those all the weak age you've 0:11:04.120 --> 0:11:07.000 aged out? Because it doesn't feel passive aggressive when I 0:11:07.000 --> 0:11:08.920 say it, but I remember being young and people calling 0:11:08.960 --> 0:11:11.800 me han like I don't believe in calling particularly people 0:11:11.800 --> 0:11:14.040 who are working in service or people that I don't know, 0:11:14.880 --> 0:11:18.360 or older people calling me hun can feel often quite hostile. 0:11:19.120 --> 0:11:21.800 I wasn't say condescending, Oh yeah, that true, but I 0:11:22.120 --> 0:11:24.199 definitely also received as condescending. 0:11:24.240 --> 0:11:25.560 I was like, it doesn't even fly off the tongue. 0:11:26.040 --> 0:11:28.600 And then I think the transition is you date someone 0:11:28.640 --> 0:11:31.360 and then you do pet names on one thousand, but 0:11:31.400 --> 0:11:33.160 you don't grow out of the habit, so you replace 0:11:33.559 --> 0:11:36.480 the partner pet names, which is a general pet name 0:11:36.720 --> 0:11:37.559 everyone can get it. 0:11:38.000 --> 0:11:42.000 Definitely a babe a babes babes A love and a lovely. 0:11:42.520 --> 0:11:44.520 Yeah, what do you say on emails? You say something 0:11:44.559 --> 0:11:48.520 on emails? Oh you say olah all a lovely, all 0:11:48.559 --> 0:11:51.480 a lovely everyone gets it. Not gendered, don't care. The 0:11:51.520 --> 0:11:52.920 babes to me is aggressive. 0:11:53.240 --> 0:11:57.640 Yeah, but that's from love Island. Oh really, you're right babes. 0:11:58.520 --> 0:11:58.720 Yeah. 0:11:58.840 --> 0:12:02.000 Look Greg, and we're having a tough one. 0:12:03.200 --> 0:12:05.359 She sounds not from my filence. 0:12:06.720 --> 0:12:09.320 I'm an essexcal I digress. 0:12:10.679 --> 0:12:14.160 There is someone here who's really upset because they don't 0:12:14.280 --> 0:12:17.000 enjoy being called pet names and doesn't know how to 0:12:17.760 --> 0:12:21.479 tell the person pet naming them that they're not comfortable 0:12:21.480 --> 0:12:24.440 with that. When reading that, I felt like, wow, maybe 0:12:24.480 --> 0:12:28.080 I am the issue because I hadn't really thought about 0:12:28.080 --> 0:12:31.160 it a lot. But I always assume that people would 0:12:31.960 --> 0:12:36.199 find being called pet name quite endearing, because I mean 0:12:36.240 --> 0:12:37.360 it to be endearing. 0:12:38.679 --> 0:12:40.480 But you know, listen to this. 0:12:40.720 --> 0:12:46.680 My lesbian girlfriend as in girl space friend won't stop 0:12:46.720 --> 0:12:49.080 calling me pet names, and I don't know how to 0:12:49.200 --> 0:12:49.640 tell her. 0:12:49.679 --> 0:12:51.040 I feel super uncomfortable. 0:12:51.640 --> 0:12:54.120 I'm a straight female thirty one years old and my 0:12:54.160 --> 0:12:56.200 friend is twenty six. She pops in and out of 0:12:56.200 --> 0:12:57.600 my life, and I've known her for some years, but 0:12:57.640 --> 0:13:00.640 we rarely see each other. Recently, she's gone through a 0:13:00.679 --> 0:13:03.000 breakup and has a lot of issues at home, and 0:13:03.040 --> 0:13:04.520 I've been trying to be a good friend and be 0:13:04.559 --> 0:13:07.320 there for her, and lately she texts me a lot 0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:09.520 or calls me almost. 0:13:09.120 --> 0:13:12.640 Every day to talk for hours. Well, she's been calling. 0:13:12.360 --> 0:13:18.160 Me babe bee bee bee, my love love, and. 0:13:18.080 --> 0:13:19.280 It makes me uncomfortable. 0:13:20.080 --> 0:13:22.640 She's also asked if I could be her sleeping buddy 0:13:23.000 --> 0:13:27.280 so when she's I see what the conferend is, okay. 0:13:27.520 --> 0:13:30.120 She's also asked me if I could be her sleeping 0:13:30.160 --> 0:13:33.000 buddy so when she's sleeping to call me so I 0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:36.040 can be on the phone and she could fall asleep. 0:13:36.120 --> 0:13:38.240 I said no and said I don't keep my phone 0:13:38.240 --> 0:13:40.880 next to me when sleeping. She also sends me good 0:13:41.000 --> 0:13:44.040 night text messages and a lot of TikTok's dedicating songs 0:13:44.080 --> 0:13:46.880 to me. Don't I have said I appreciate her as 0:13:46.920 --> 0:13:50.080 a friend, but nothing else. She responded to that, saying 0:13:50.200 --> 0:13:53.720 she's just big talk but would never do anything but 0:13:53.760 --> 0:13:57.840 the whole babe bee calling makes me extremely uncomfortable and 0:13:57.880 --> 0:13:59.480 I don't know how to approach it since I don't 0:13:59.520 --> 0:14:02.240 want to offend her and assume she's trying to replace 0:14:02.280 --> 0:14:03.840 her excess attention with mine. 0:14:04.840 --> 0:14:07.960 Whoa, heck, there's a lot of layers that. Yeah, that 0:14:08.080 --> 0:14:11.520 headline misleading, so misleading. There's a biggest issue. 0:14:13.440 --> 0:14:15.640 It's bubbling over. I personally have a lot of thoughts 0:14:15.679 --> 0:14:16.160 on this one. 0:14:16.240 --> 0:14:19.520 What are your initial thoughts flex My initial thoughts is 0:14:19.760 --> 0:14:22.640 I wish for most platonic friendships to have just an 0:14:22.640 --> 0:14:25.520 element of romance. I think that friends should be romancing 0:14:25.560 --> 0:14:28.520 each other. Take your friend to a nice dinner, buy 0:14:28.520 --> 0:14:31.440 a friend of nice anniversary gift. Definitely, I think that 0:14:31.520 --> 0:14:35.600 we need to elevate the sacred nature of friendship, especially 0:14:35.640 --> 0:14:39.280 close friendships, make me your soulmate, commit to them in 0:14:39.320 --> 0:14:41.520 a way that you would to romantic partner, like be 0:14:41.600 --> 0:14:43.920 like I'm gonna be here, write or die for you 0:14:44.800 --> 0:14:45.120 a love. 0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:45.640 All of that. 0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:48.440 Seems like you don't want that from this person. So 0:14:48.480 --> 0:14:51.200 in this case, I really don't know how I would 0:14:51.240 --> 0:14:55.000 approach a situation where somebody was making me so uncomfortable 0:14:55.040 --> 0:14:57.560 and that I hadn't already expressed that I was uncomfortable 0:14:58.040 --> 0:15:01.160 if for some reason, I'm imagining, if your messaging here 0:15:01.160 --> 0:15:02.720 that you've already alluded to it and be like, hey, 0:15:02.840 --> 0:15:05.360 look like, don't call me those things. They don't like it. 0:15:05.880 --> 0:15:08.840 They're not taking you seriously. I would soft ghost, but 0:15:09.880 --> 0:15:13.200 this person started the message with saying she pops in 0:15:13.200 --> 0:15:14.800 and out of my life and I've known it for years, 0:15:14.800 --> 0:15:16.560 but we rarely see each other. So to me, a 0:15:16.560 --> 0:15:19.880 soft ghost is nothing but a recalibration. I don't know 0:15:20.240 --> 0:15:23.520 this whole. Honesty is the best part. Honesty is the 0:15:23.520 --> 0:15:28.400 best policy policy over communicative thing. As an over communicator, 0:15:28.440 --> 0:15:30.720 I swear it works half the time. I think this 0:15:30.840 --> 0:15:33.040 year here is different. I think she's concerned that the 0:15:33.120 --> 0:15:35.800 friend has feelings for her. The fact that she mentioned. 0:15:35.480 --> 0:15:38.320 The first sentence that her friends a lesbian suggests to 0:15:38.360 --> 0:15:40.920 me that she's a little bit too consumed that the 0:15:41.000 --> 0:15:42.840 lesbian vibes might be put upon her. 0:15:43.000 --> 0:15:44.840 Is that just what straight people do? Sometimes? 0:15:44.840 --> 0:15:45.040 Though? 0:15:45.960 --> 0:15:48.840 People Yeah, like, I can't be affectionate without you feeling 0:15:48.880 --> 0:15:50.760 like I want to root you. Yeah, I do not 0:15:50.840 --> 0:15:52.680 just be affectionate with you. And maybe that's just not 0:15:52.720 --> 0:15:54.680 the relationship. Maybe you can't. 0:15:54.720 --> 0:15:56.840 Maybe that's just what it is. What would you do? 0:15:57.120 --> 0:15:59.360 I personally use a lot of pet names, particularly in 0:15:59.400 --> 0:15:59.960 a work sitting. 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:00.800 I love to say. 0:16:00.720 --> 0:16:03.560 King, King, queen, prince, princess. 0:16:03.600 --> 0:16:04.360 We love king. 0:16:04.720 --> 0:16:06.600 People love it when I like, I saw my neighbor 0:16:06.600 --> 0:16:08.800 the other day, I was like, hey, King, can you 0:16:08.800 --> 0:16:10.960 help me? He's like, thank you so much calling me King, 0:16:11.000 --> 0:16:13.520 Like I really appreciated that. I'm like, this is on rotation. 0:16:13.680 --> 0:16:16.160 It feels so not the only one, of course, but 0:16:16.280 --> 0:16:19.360 love you King, Blame my king, that's my king. But 0:16:19.840 --> 0:16:23.240 I'm definitely someone who's done pet names in relationships. Me 0:16:23.440 --> 0:16:25.400 using pet names has become a new thing as I've 0:16:25.400 --> 0:16:28.000 gotten older. But previously I'd have a boyfriend we call 0:16:28.000 --> 0:16:30.560 each other baby, which before that I would have thought 0:16:30.600 --> 0:16:35.080 that was absolutely disgusting. But when someone you know, throw 0:16:35.120 --> 0:16:38.760 some babies around, I think she should. Maybe maybe I 0:16:38.840 --> 0:16:41.680 agree with this soft ghost in this scenario, but I 0:16:41.720 --> 0:16:44.400 also do think it is they allowed it to get 0:16:44.440 --> 0:16:48.640 to this point. Oh you never you allow things in 0:16:48.680 --> 0:16:50.400 your relationships. I'm going to say that, and then you 0:16:50.440 --> 0:16:52.680 get mad when they take you up on offers. 0:16:55.040 --> 0:16:58.040 As we have discovered, fifty percent of all of your 0:16:58.040 --> 0:17:01.480 conflict is half of your fault, to be regarded obviously 0:17:01.520 --> 0:17:04.199 with a grain of salt, But in this situation, you 0:17:04.280 --> 0:17:07.200 gotta go hard. You're gonna go soft, go hard. That's 0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:08.479 full hate. 0:17:08.600 --> 0:17:09.440 I'm not fenfortable. 0:17:10.160 --> 0:17:13.360 Can't happen. Please stop, We're not doing this anymore. Please 0:17:13.359 --> 0:17:15.840 foot down, go soft ghost for. 0:17:15.840 --> 0:17:18.080 Me, I'll use too match I hate lol no more 0:17:18.080 --> 0:17:20.439 Bay call me, call me the sinder And then for 0:17:20.480 --> 0:17:21.720 some funny emojis, you. 0:17:21.800 --> 0:17:24.719 Got a way out? Yeah you're listening to Flex and 0:17:24.840 --> 0:17:26.280 Frooms on Cada. 0:17:26.440 --> 0:17:28.120 I have been staying in my same house for two 0:17:28.160 --> 0:17:31.000 years now. The lease is coming up in October, just 0:17:31.040 --> 0:17:33.040 as I got back from Europe. Because I love when 0:17:33.080 --> 0:17:36.639 things are line up in a way that's extremely stressful, 0:17:36.680 --> 0:17:37.800 but I digress. 0:17:37.840 --> 0:17:40.280 Spice, spice of life. Yeah, OK, it is a bit 0:17:40.320 --> 0:17:40.520 like that. 0:17:40.560 --> 0:17:42.480 I've been. I've had a quite chill, quite a chill 0:17:42.560 --> 0:17:44.439 few months. I'm probably ready to get a kick up 0:17:44.480 --> 0:17:48.480 the ass. But of course, in conjunction to having to 0:17:48.520 --> 0:17:51.280