1 00:00:02,279 --> 00:00:06,360 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the 2 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:09,479 Speaker 1: time poor parent. They just wants answers. 3 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:09,920 Speaker 2: Now. 4 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:15,240 Speaker 1: I love Fridays. Friday's are my favorite day of the weekend. 5 00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:17,360 Speaker 1: That's not because the weekend is just around the corner, 6 00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:19,799 Speaker 1: although it kind of is because the weekend this is 7 00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:22,599 Speaker 1: just around the corner. But it's because on Fridays on 8 00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:24,439 Speaker 1: the podcast we talk I'll do better tomorrow. It's a 9 00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:26,799 Speaker 1: bit where we get reflective, intentional. We focus on what 10 00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:30,160 Speaker 1: went well, what didn't, how we can dial in dial 11 00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:32,520 Speaker 1: up our parenting. That's the whole idea. My name's doctor 12 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:35,360 Speaker 1: Justin Courslam here with my wife from under our six kids, Kylie. 13 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:38,760 Speaker 1: This is Happy Families, Kylie. We have been a little 14 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:41,760 Speaker 1: bit cheeky. Over the last couple of weeks. Our podcast 15 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:46,120 Speaker 1: has been a mixture of regular podcast programming but also 16 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:50,920 Speaker 1: a handful of replays because across the winter break we 17 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:54,080 Speaker 1: got away. We had our family holiday, but it was 18 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,560 Speaker 1: a family holiday with a catch. It wasn't the whole family. 19 00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:58,240 Speaker 2: They're the best card. 20 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:02,200 Speaker 1: Early on in the piece, we discovered a couple of things. 21 00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:04,080 Speaker 1: Number One, when you take your kids on a holiday 22 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:05,800 Speaker 1: and they're young, they don't want to go on holidays. 23 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:07,480 Speaker 1: All they want is a beach or a pool. They 24 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:10,640 Speaker 1: want parent attention. And if you try to go sightseeing, 25 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:12,960 Speaker 1: if you try to go to museums or plays, if 26 00:01:12,959 --> 00:01:15,760 Speaker 1: you try to go interest, look at architecture, if you 27 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:18,480 Speaker 1: try to hike up a big hill, they just wing 28 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:20,560 Speaker 1: and complain so much so that when I was a kid, 29 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:23,080 Speaker 1: I was twelve. I'm the eldest of six kids. There's me, 30 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:25,080 Speaker 1: my twin sisters, my brother, and then another set of 31 00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:28,160 Speaker 1: twin sisters when I was twelve, so my youngest sisters 32 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:29,880 Speaker 1: weren't alive at the point. At that time, Mom and 33 00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:32,320 Speaker 1: dad tooks on a big trip to America and we 34 00:01:32,319 --> 00:01:35,760 Speaker 1: were driving through Nevada. The Grand Canyon was an hour 35 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:37,440 Speaker 1: and a half away. We pulled into the hotel and 36 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:39,760 Speaker 1: checked in so that we could get some rest. There 37 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,639 Speaker 1: was a swimming pool there and Mum said no, no, no, 38 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:44,119 Speaker 1: no pool, We're going to the Grand Canyon. And all 39 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:46,240 Speaker 1: of us kids revolted. We said, we don't care about 40 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:48,160 Speaker 1: the Grand Canyon. There's a pool. We want to have 41 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:50,880 Speaker 1: a swim. We went to America. We were an hour 42 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:53,800 Speaker 1: away from the Grand Canyon. Never went wow, and so 43 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:56,200 Speaker 1: you and I have talked about these concepts. I don't 44 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,120 Speaker 1: know if I've shared that story with you before, but 45 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:00,800 Speaker 1: we've talked about this concept and decided for our children 46 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:03,320 Speaker 1: until they get to about the age of fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, 47 00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:06,920 Speaker 1: somewhere in there, where they're old enough to appreciate the 48 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,960 Speaker 1: trip and have the stamina for the walking up and 49 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:13,000 Speaker 1: down the city streets or the exploration or the architecture 50 00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:17,040 Speaker 1: or whatever. We've just decided no holidays other than beaches 51 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:21,040 Speaker 1: and parks and just local cheap stuff because they don't care. 52 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:24,480 Speaker 2: I don't actually think you've told me that story before, 53 00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:26,920 Speaker 2: but I have heard your mum numerous times. So do 54 00:02:26,919 --> 00:02:28,680 Speaker 2: you remember when we did blah blah blah and your 55 00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:31,560 Speaker 2: kids will go yeah, nah, she said, I'm so glad 56 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:32,440 Speaker 2: I spent all that money. 57 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:35,239 Speaker 1: That's the other thing, like, the kids don't remember the 58 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,480 Speaker 1: trips when they're less than I don't know, eight, ten, 59 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:40,520 Speaker 1: maybe even twelve, but even from eight to twelve, they 60 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:42,919 Speaker 1: just don't really have the stamina. Now, we're not trying 61 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:44,800 Speaker 1: to rain on your parade. If you're a family who 62 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:47,680 Speaker 1: just saved up and took everyone over to Japan or Thailand, 63 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:50,440 Speaker 1: or you did some great big holiday. Good for you. 64 00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:54,000 Speaker 1: That's wonderful. This is not science based, this is just 65 00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:56,680 Speaker 1: experience based. We just don't feel like it's the best 66 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:58,760 Speaker 1: way to have a valuable family trip. 67 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:01,680 Speaker 2: But the other thing that was majorly important was we 68 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:06,559 Speaker 2: worked out very early on with six kids, so financial 69 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:10,360 Speaker 2: challenge that is placed on you in an effort to 70 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:12,240 Speaker 2: get six children plus ourselves. 71 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:14,840 Speaker 1: It's two hotel rooms, it's big cars. 72 00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:17,799 Speaker 2: It wasn't within reach for us, and I don't think 73 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:18,760 Speaker 2: that it ever will. 74 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,560 Speaker 1: Benh N. So we made a decision early on that 75 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:25,160 Speaker 1: we would take the kids on one on one holidays 76 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:28,560 Speaker 1: when they got to sixteen or thereabouts, just you, me 77 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:29,720 Speaker 1: and that child. 78 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:32,720 Speaker 2: And this has actually become like a really it's become 79 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:36,960 Speaker 2: a tradition, beautiful tradition that I am so glad we started, 80 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:40,680 Speaker 2: and I just the kids just look forward to it. 81 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:43,200 Speaker 2: It's something that you know they're counting down the years 82 00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:43,800 Speaker 2: to get there. 83 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,280 Speaker 1: So first time we did it, we had a baby 84 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:48,320 Speaker 1: that we had to take along and a really anxious 85 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:51,680 Speaker 1: child who also ended up piggybacking, and the other kids 86 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,320 Speaker 1: were so dirty. They were like, oh, don't believe you're 87 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,560 Speaker 1: taking them. When you're taking us. It was really, really, 88 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:59,280 Speaker 1: really rough. But when we got home and the kids 89 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:01,280 Speaker 1: talked about big experience that they'd had those who came 90 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:04,400 Speaker 1: with us, everyone else started to go, oh, yeah, this 91 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:06,560 Speaker 1: is going to be good. And from that point, with 92 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,040 Speaker 1: this promise that this is a tradition, this is what 93 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:11,600 Speaker 1: we're going to be doing, the kids got really really 94 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:14,920 Speaker 1: excited about it. So we've just done one, and I've 95 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:16,880 Speaker 1: got a highlight. We didn't want to do this one 96 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:20,000 Speaker 1: because the cost of the trip, the cost of inflation, 97 00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:24,239 Speaker 1: the cost of travel, everything so darn expensive. But it's tradition, 98 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:28,160 Speaker 1: and traditions helped to create identity, they helped to build meaning, 99 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:31,520 Speaker 1: They give people purpose, they help people to understand the world. 100 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:35,160 Speaker 1: There's so much research around tradition and there's so many 101 00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:37,440 Speaker 1: reasons that we just thought, we can't afford it, but 102 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:38,960 Speaker 1: we're going to do it anyway, And so we did. 103 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:40,880 Speaker 1: But we took two kids. 104 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:42,359 Speaker 2: I was about to say we were a little bit 105 00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:43,920 Speaker 2: cheeky because. 106 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:45,160 Speaker 1: I couldn't afford to do it. 107 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:47,720 Speaker 2: It's only there's only a few years between baby number 108 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:51,520 Speaker 2: four and five, and so baby number five is only fourteen. 109 00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:55,719 Speaker 2: She actually got an early tradition present. 110 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:58,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, And honestly, at fourteen, I think it 111 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:01,200 Speaker 1: was a stretch. It was I'm sorry, little I think 112 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:02,840 Speaker 1: it was a stretch. But we got through it. She 113 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:05,640 Speaker 1: was able to do it, and again lifelong memories plus 114 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:08,000 Speaker 1: a really great bonding experience with her big sister. So 115 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,239 Speaker 1: from that point of view, we're ticking the boxes. It's okay, 116 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,039 Speaker 1: and I mean it's loose, right, this is developmental and 117 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:15,120 Speaker 1: it's just a best guess on the part of a parent. 118 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:17,279 Speaker 1: That's the main gist, the main thrust of what we 119 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:19,960 Speaker 1: wanted to talk about today on our older Bedit tomorrow. 120 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:25,599 Speaker 1: Holidays matter, Traditions are vitally important, but sometimes it feels 121 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:27,000 Speaker 1: like it's out of reach. 122 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:34,400 Speaker 2: That's what I love about what we've created with our 123 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:39,720 Speaker 2: kids is this tradition is actually twofold. The kids go 124 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:42,680 Speaker 2: on summer camp for one week, which gives you and 125 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:45,440 Speaker 2: I a week to connect and to spend time together 126 00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:48,839 Speaker 2: and relax and rejuvenate and explore the world in a 127 00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:52,560 Speaker 2: different way. And then we come together and we have 128 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:55,920 Speaker 2: a week together. And what I love about that is 129 00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:59,920 Speaker 2: the acknowledgment that with a big family like ours, sometimes 130 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:02,760 Speaker 2: you can kind of feel like you get lost in 131 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:05,160 Speaker 2: all the noise, and so for the kids to know 132 00:06:05,279 --> 00:06:08,640 Speaker 2: that they've got that week that's just all about them 133 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,040 Speaker 2: and they get to do the things that they want 134 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:13,960 Speaker 2: to do and explore in a way that is exciting 135 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:17,240 Speaker 2: to them. But they have our full attention. They just 136 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:19,120 Speaker 2: love it. And I love it too because I get 137 00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:21,120 Speaker 2: to see a different side of them and get to, 138 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:24,440 Speaker 2: you know, kind of enjoy them in a way that 139 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:27,279 Speaker 2: we don't get to do that in everyday life. 140 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,719 Speaker 1: It's been a while since I've shared a high quality 141 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:34,600 Speaker 1: bad dad joke with you. Oh no, Why do skeletons 142 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:39,000 Speaker 1: not create new traditions because it did? No, because they 143 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:42,640 Speaker 1: don't have the guts to break the old ones. I'm sorry. 144 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:47,360 Speaker 1: So he's maybe just a couple of other things to 145 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:51,120 Speaker 1: highlight here. Traditions matter because they promote belonging, they teach values, 146 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:56,800 Speaker 1: they offer healing, they create and celebrate culture, They teach values, 147 00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:59,640 Speaker 1: and they create lasting memories. That's just a little bit 148 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:03,960 Speaker 1: about what research is highlighted there. Traditions don't have to 149 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:06,080 Speaker 1: be holidays. It could be something as simple as family 150 00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:10,720 Speaker 1: game night or dinner time conversations. Traditions could be family 151 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:12,840 Speaker 1: meetings or one on one time. I remember when I 152 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:15,360 Speaker 1: was growing up, my parents every Sunday would spend half 153 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:18,440 Speaker 1: an hour every Sunday afternoon with each of us six kids. 154 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:21,200 Speaker 1: We got one on one time, half an hour with Mum, 155 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:22,920 Speaker 1: half an hour with Dad, and we sort of went 156 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:25,480 Speaker 1: through this rotation where we got to have that and 157 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:29,440 Speaker 1: it was actually really really meaningful. It was really great 158 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:33,600 Speaker 1: traditions mark milestones. When I think of Hamish Blake and 159 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:36,040 Speaker 1: how he does that build a birthday cake on the 160 00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:37,920 Speaker 1: kids on the night before the kid's birthday, he gets 161 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:40,480 Speaker 1: a little bit sloshed while he does it, but it's 162 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:43,640 Speaker 1: a great tradition and for us, this tradition, for well, 163 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:46,200 Speaker 1: it's become when the kids, I'm so glad we've only 164 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:47,800 Speaker 1: got one water turn sixteen now. 165 00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:49,920 Speaker 2: And if you got six years to. 166 00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:56,320 Speaker 1: But they teach these values and they teach culture, and 167 00:07:56,720 --> 00:08:00,280 Speaker 1: it's just really valuable. So with your upcoming trip, or 168 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,200 Speaker 1: if you're worrying about whether you can afford the trip, 169 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:03,600 Speaker 1: because you want the kids to have these amazing and 170 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:06,320 Speaker 1: riching experiences, wait until they're old enough to remember it 171 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:10,560 Speaker 1: and to fully contribute and participate and experience it. Otherwise 172 00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:14,000 Speaker 1: just go cheap, Just go cheap. The kids, they don't care, 173 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:16,200 Speaker 1: and they won't remember it anyway. A beach holiday is 174 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:19,160 Speaker 1: all that they need when they get older, though. Creating 175 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:23,560 Speaker 1: those traditions for us has been so meaningful, and I 176 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:26,239 Speaker 1: guess in wrapping up Kylie, the experience of our fourteen 177 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:30,240 Speaker 1: and sixteen year old as they've had the camp experience 178 00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:32,920 Speaker 1: and had the week with us, traveling and trying new 179 00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:38,240 Speaker 1: things and having their eyes opened to completely new cultural experiences, 180 00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:41,240 Speaker 1: it's been a highlight of their lives and honestly it's 181 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:43,319 Speaker 1: been a real delight for us. We've done this three 182 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,880 Speaker 1: or four times now, and yet doing it this time 183 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:49,680 Speaker 1: felt it felt as exciting, brand new and wonderful as ever, 184 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:51,240 Speaker 1: and it just felt so meaningful. 185 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:56,360 Speaker 2: And I think for me one of the major highlights 186 00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:58,240 Speaker 2: out of it was the fact that our fourteen and 187 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:00,760 Speaker 2: sixteen year old they actually really they struggle to get 188 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:02,000 Speaker 2: on a lot of the time. 189 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:03,559 Speaker 1: Some sibling challenges there are there. 190 00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:07,280 Speaker 2: They're so close in age and they're just they're just 191 00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:11,800 Speaker 2: at that point where they're too similar and it's just tricky. 192 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,520 Speaker 2: So I was a little bit concerned about taking them together. 193 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:18,560 Speaker 2: I think this trip was a really poignant moment in 194 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:23,079 Speaker 2: their relationship development. As they shared experiences together. 195 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:25,600 Speaker 1: High quality bonding, It was amazing. We hope that this 196 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:27,680 Speaker 1: gives you some inspirations, some ideas when it comes to 197 00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:31,839 Speaker 1: planning family traditions, family holidays. What matters, what doesn't, Where 198 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:33,640 Speaker 1: you should go and when you should do it so 199 00:09:33,679 --> 00:09:36,840 Speaker 1: that you can maximize the benefit to everyone involve. Have 200 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,760 Speaker 1: a wonderful weekend and we will back on Monday talking 201 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:43,080 Speaker 1: about the increasing number of parents who are worried about 202 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:48,720 Speaker 1: their children's emotional disregulation. The Happy Families podcast is produced 203 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:51,000 Speaker 1: by Justin ruhl On from Bridge Media. If you would 204 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,480 Speaker 1: like more information about making your family happy, visitors at 205 00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:56,720 Speaker 1: happy families dot com dot au. Have a great weekend 206 00:09:56,800 --> 00:10:03,000 Speaker 1: and we'll talk to you Monday. The DA