1 00:00:00,680 --> 00:00:01,000 Speaker 1: Hello. 2 00:00:01,560 --> 00:00:05,040 Speaker 2: My name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud yor the 3 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:08,760 Speaker 2: Order Kerney Whoalbury and a waddery woman. And before we 4 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:11,440 Speaker 2: get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would 5 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:14,520 Speaker 2: like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of 6 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:18,680 Speaker 2: which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country, acknowledging 7 00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:22,560 Speaker 2: the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. 8 00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:27,159 Speaker 2: As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and 9 00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:30,600 Speaker 2: the storytelling of you to make a difference for today 10 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:32,640 Speaker 2: and lasting impact for tomorrow. 11 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:37,120 Speaker 1: Let's get into it. She's on the Money. She's on 12 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:59,000 Speaker 1: the Money. Hello and welcome. 13 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:02,560 Speaker 3: She's on the Money podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. 14 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:06,479 Speaker 3: My name is Beck Syed and with me today as 15 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:09,240 Speaker 3: always is Victoria Divide Victoria. 16 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:13,760 Speaker 1: Look you damn its kidding? Well, thank you for having me. 17 00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:16,199 Speaker 1: I'm very grateful. Of course, as personal as your money 18 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:20,399 Speaker 1: story in Savings Journey is the people we surround ourselves with, 19 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,800 Speaker 1: Beck actually have a really big impact on how we 20 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:25,960 Speaker 1: feel about money and how we spend and save. So 21 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:28,400 Speaker 1: I decided, I don't know if you're in for this, 22 00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:31,440 Speaker 1: but you're going to want to be sit down today. 23 00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:34,160 Speaker 1: We're going to be talking all about how to respect 24 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:37,040 Speaker 1: your friends' savings and financial goals. 25 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,000 Speaker 3: I'm really excited about this one, to be honest with you, 26 00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:40,480 Speaker 3: because I feel like it's going to be useful for 27 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:44,679 Speaker 3: a lot of people, including myself, I agree, including my friends. 28 00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:46,319 Speaker 1: Do you know what, I watch a lot of tiktoks. 29 00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:48,880 Speaker 1: We've talked about this on the show six million times before, 30 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:53,080 Speaker 1: but I've just seen so many tiktoks recently where you know, 31 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:55,360 Speaker 1: you know, how you can stitch a video so someone's 32 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:58,360 Speaker 1: video starts and then somebody else jumps in with their opinion. 33 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,880 Speaker 1: And I've just sin so many of those recently because 34 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:05,360 Speaker 1: I'm obviously on the money side of TikTok of people essentially, 35 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,160 Speaker 1: And I don't think if you called them ount and 36 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:11,000 Speaker 1: said you're shaming somebody else's financial goals, they'd agree with you. 37 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:15,359 Speaker 1: But your personal opinion should not come into play when 38 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:18,720 Speaker 1: we're talking about Beck's financial goals. Yes, like Beck, you 39 00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:20,600 Speaker 1: could ask me how I think and how I feel 40 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,320 Speaker 1: and what that means, and we can have an open, 41 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:25,320 Speaker 1: honest conversation. But if you say, hey, V I'm saving 42 00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:27,720 Speaker 1: for X and I'm really excited about it. I have 43 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:29,760 Speaker 1: no right to turn around and be like, ah, that's 44 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:32,080 Speaker 1: not worth it. So we're going to talk about it 45 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:34,919 Speaker 1: today because I just think that people don't necessarily need 46 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,320 Speaker 1: to be put back in their boxes totally. It's not 47 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:40,079 Speaker 1: like you're doing the wrong thing. But I think sometimes 48 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:44,239 Speaker 1: we can accidentally, like you know, not respect our friends 49 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:47,440 Speaker 1: savings or financial goals by accident. And this is just 50 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:50,760 Speaker 1: a really good reminder and conversation that I think can 51 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:53,160 Speaker 1: make people feel a lot more empowered when it comes 52 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:54,800 Speaker 1: to money conversation. Totally. 53 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,560 Speaker 3: And we do get asked this all the time in 54 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:59,639 Speaker 3: our money dilemmas and get dms about this. It manifests 55 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,919 Speaker 3: usually bill splitting, gift expectations. It's all these little things 56 00:03:02,919 --> 00:03:05,840 Speaker 3: in life that calls conflict and awkwardness. To be honest 57 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,600 Speaker 3: with your nearest and dearest, your friends, your family, it's 58 00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:12,919 Speaker 3: exactly very awkward. We are not going to delve into 59 00:03:12,919 --> 00:03:14,880 Speaker 3: this right now, but after the break we are going 60 00:03:14,919 --> 00:03:16,480 Speaker 3: to go into the top signs you may be in 61 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:18,880 Speaker 3: a financially toxic friendship. 62 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:20,600 Speaker 1: Red smags, red friend bags. 63 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:22,800 Speaker 3: But before that, I want to ask you about your 64 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:24,359 Speaker 3: experience in your own life. 65 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:26,840 Speaker 1: I had it a lot when I was Yeah, do 66 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,080 Speaker 1: you know what, I still have it now, and it's 67 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:32,160 Speaker 1: not a bad thing. I would say that I'm surrounded 68 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:36,120 Speaker 1: by beautiful friends and family who all respect my financial 69 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:39,640 Speaker 1: goals and what's going on. But I feel like I 70 00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:43,960 Speaker 1: do just have these like really ingrained memories of me 71 00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:46,720 Speaker 1: saying no to things and having to like work myself 72 00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:49,360 Speaker 1: up to tell a friend like, oh, no, sorry, I 73 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:52,120 Speaker 1: can't come to that weekend festival because I can't afford 74 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:54,680 Speaker 1: it or whatever it is, and then then being like, oh, 75 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:57,840 Speaker 1: why not, It's only three hundred dollars a ticket or whatever, 76 00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:00,840 Speaker 1: and it just made me feel so icky and awkward, 77 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:03,480 Speaker 1: and like, I totally get that, my friend, they weren't 78 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:05,320 Speaker 1: trying to shame me or be rude or be mean. 79 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:07,560 Speaker 1: They were just trying to like involve me because they 80 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:09,280 Speaker 1: wanted me there, and that's so nice and so kind 81 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:10,800 Speaker 1: and all of that, and you try to see both 82 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:14,560 Speaker 1: sides of the story totally. But I think that that underlying, 83 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,760 Speaker 1: I guess anxiety that I got was because I was 84 00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:19,320 Speaker 1: scared of being shamed and scared of people telling me 85 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:22,680 Speaker 1: that my financial goal wasn't as important as this thing 86 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:25,840 Speaker 1: that they were going to do. And even now, as 87 00:04:26,839 --> 00:04:31,080 Speaker 1: you know, a financially secure adult, some of the you know, 88 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:35,400 Speaker 1: financial decisions I make get looked upon by some people 89 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:38,520 Speaker 1: that we know and they go, why would you do that? Like, 90 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:41,120 Speaker 1: you know, we bought a house, that's fantastic, But then 91 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,880 Speaker 1: financial decisions after that, people are like, oh really, but 92 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:45,680 Speaker 1: don't you have a mortgage? And you're like wow, like 93 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:48,880 Speaker 1: you don't know the breadth of our financial situation or 94 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,320 Speaker 1: how much we've saved for that holiday or done whatever. 95 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:54,640 Speaker 1: So I don't think it's exclusive to not having enough money. 96 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:58,400 Speaker 1: I think that in general, people love to have opinions 97 00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:01,640 Speaker 1: on your life and what's going on, and that doesn't 98 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:04,240 Speaker 1: necessarily make them right. But I think that in a 99 00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:06,359 Speaker 1: way we do need to sometimes put blinkers on and 100 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:08,520 Speaker 1: just go, well, what is important to me? Like what 101 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,239 Speaker 1: are the things that are going to make me flourish 102 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:12,920 Speaker 1: and thrive and feel like my best self? And we 103 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:14,240 Speaker 1: need to put ourselves first. 104 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:18,359 Speaker 3: Yes, I completely agree, and I had very similar experiences 105 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:20,280 Speaker 3: with this kind of thing as well, Like I think 106 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,320 Speaker 3: for me, I just get a little fomo. I also 107 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:25,120 Speaker 3: find oh, I used to get heaps just so much fomo, 108 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:28,080 Speaker 3: and I don't know if this is like at all relevant, 109 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,080 Speaker 3: But back in the day when my friends would want 110 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:31,960 Speaker 3: to go out and do things, I didn't have enough 111 00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:33,800 Speaker 3: money to even go and do the things that they 112 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:36,800 Speaker 3: wanted to do. But also just going out every day 113 00:05:36,839 --> 00:05:39,320 Speaker 3: with like a new outfit. I couldn't afford new clothes, 114 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:40,960 Speaker 3: I couldn't afford different things to wear, sort of go 115 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:42,960 Speaker 3: out in the same clothes, and I'd feel insecure about that. 116 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:44,720 Speaker 3: I'd feel insecure about not being able to go out 117 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:47,680 Speaker 3: and spend big money, like all these little things. And 118 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:52,520 Speaker 3: I'm like, you know, sometimes it's easiest just don't tell your. 119 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:55,279 Speaker 1: Friends don't care about unique clothes. And I think the 120 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:58,560 Speaker 1: most important thing to remember is that true friends they 121 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:00,719 Speaker 1: want to see you succeed. They want to see you 122 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:03,840 Speaker 1: be your best self, even if it means adjusting their 123 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:07,520 Speaker 1: ways in which they spend time with you, totally right, Like, 124 00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:10,799 Speaker 1: I just think that a true friend is somebody who 125 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:14,320 Speaker 1: is able to go, Oh, I see it from your perspective, 126 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:16,080 Speaker 1: How can I help you with that goal or how 127 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:18,880 Speaker 1: can I help you along the way, not someone who's like, oh, 128 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:21,440 Speaker 1: got believe that wouldn't come Like I don't want to 129 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,880 Speaker 1: be your friend totally. That's not the type of friend 130 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:27,680 Speaker 1: behavior I accept. Neither should you, beck, thank you so much. 131 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,880 Speaker 3: One totally relatable experience, and I think we can all 132 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:33,280 Speaker 3: Really this is when a friend suggests a restaurant or 133 00:06:33,279 --> 00:06:34,839 Speaker 3: an outing that's out of your budget. 134 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:37,440 Speaker 1: But exactly as I was saying, do you have fomo, 135 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:38,600 Speaker 1: I still want to go. 136 00:06:38,839 --> 00:06:40,840 Speaker 3: We'll end up going and we'll spend more than when 137 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,599 Speaker 3: comfortable with and really bad. 138 00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:46,200 Speaker 1: But here are a few stats. If you would, you 139 00:06:46,279 --> 00:06:48,720 Speaker 1: are stat skilled today. I love it. What have you got? 140 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:51,800 Speaker 3: Okay, so a find A survey of Australians from last 141 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:54,200 Speaker 3: year found that one in five people that's twenty two 142 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,920 Speaker 3: percent have gone into debt or spend more than they 143 00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,520 Speaker 3: can afford because of the pressure to spend. That is 144 00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:02,040 Speaker 3: equivalent to four point three million people. 145 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:06,279 Speaker 1: So you're saying, in I guess a roundabout way, yes, 146 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:09,039 Speaker 1: so we're not alone. Everybody does it. Four point three 147 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:12,239 Speaker 1: million Other people also get for homo and also spend 148 00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:15,400 Speaker 1: more than they should. Exactly, so it's not uncommon. Exactly. 149 00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:19,320 Speaker 3: The stone also more than a quarter of assies, it's 150 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:20,160 Speaker 3: twenty eight percent. 151 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:22,720 Speaker 1: He's more than a quarter. Here's more than a quarter have. 152 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:25,920 Speaker 3: Felt forced into splitting a restaurant bill evenly, even if 153 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:27,440 Speaker 3: they have ordered less food than others. 154 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:27,600 Speaker 2: No. 155 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:31,400 Speaker 1: Absolutely not awkward when this happens. Absolutely not. No, it's 156 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:32,840 Speaker 1: how do you deal with it? When you go to 157 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:34,800 Speaker 1: a restaurant. How does that happen? Like, let's say we 158 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:36,800 Speaker 1: haven't been out for dinner together before, or you should 159 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:38,560 Speaker 1: go out for dinner. We should ill pay so we 160 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,000 Speaker 1: don't have to split the bill. But if we were 161 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,800 Speaker 1: going to split the bill, how do we do that? 162 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:43,880 Speaker 3: It does get a bit award because I don't really drink. 163 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:48,360 Speaker 3: Especially that's going to be a really terrible dinner. I'm 164 00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:50,320 Speaker 3: saying that I can't. 165 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:54,040 Speaker 1: Use that lubricant of social interaction one out of ten. 166 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:56,080 Speaker 3: I mean, you can, everyone around me can. But this 167 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:57,480 Speaker 3: is where it gets a bit awkward for me. It 168 00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:59,840 Speaker 3: depends who I'm going out with. Usually I'm going over 169 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,360 Speaker 3: my nearest and dearest, so there's no pressure to do 170 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:04,360 Speaker 3: that at all. I'm just like, hey, I actually didn't 171 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:05,760 Speaker 3: buy twenty bottles of wine. 172 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:09,360 Speaker 1: I had an entrey and you guys are boost exactly. 173 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:11,560 Speaker 3: So it ends up being super easy, and we tend 174 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:13,960 Speaker 3: to just get one person to pay, get the receipt. 175 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:16,360 Speaker 1: Pay what we bought. Yeah, that's stunning. But if it 176 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:18,200 Speaker 1: does come to that, god, it's awkward. 177 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:19,760 Speaker 3: Sometimes I just pay it because I'm like, I don't 178 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:22,200 Speaker 3: want to have a conversation about it. 179 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,880 Speaker 1: I just pay evenly even if it's not so do 180 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:27,200 Speaker 1: you reckon? The advice would be like, jump on it 181 00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:30,160 Speaker 1: first and be like, oh, hey, we should grab the 182 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:32,600 Speaker 1: bill and work out what everyone knows. Yes, is that 183 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,920 Speaker 1: a better way to do it? That's a way. Yeah. 184 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,680 Speaker 1: I feel like getting on it early and being like 185 00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:39,840 Speaker 1: the instigator of it, and you know, caring about everybody else, 186 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:41,800 Speaker 1: being like, oh, beck, I'm just gonna grab the bill 187 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:44,840 Speaker 1: so we can split it based on whateveryone's spent. Yeah, alright, worries, 188 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:46,560 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna grab it. Do you have a pen? 189 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,120 Speaker 1: I think it's so less awkward than someone being like yep, 190 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:52,680 Speaker 1: so we'll just split it even then go no, probably 191 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:54,400 Speaker 1: not as. 192 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:56,080 Speaker 3: Soon as you get to the restaurant, like take garld, 193 00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:58,400 Speaker 3: I'm going to be this guy tonight, I'm not ordering 194 00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:00,360 Speaker 3: blah blah blah blahlah, and then have that conceation as 195 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:01,680 Speaker 3: early as you can. Yeah. 196 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:04,600 Speaker 1: I feel like on a money podcast, we arguably should 197 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:07,040 Speaker 1: be more aggressive and be like, oh, it's so awkward, 198 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,840 Speaker 1: Like no, just bring it up. It's fine. But also like, 199 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:12,200 Speaker 1: we are women who exist in the real world, and like, 200 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:15,439 Speaker 1: I don't care how financially literate, I amost still get 201 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:20,360 Speaker 1: awkward having confronting conversations in social settings. So sometimes it's 202 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,800 Speaker 1: nice to have a little tool in your toolkit to 203 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 1: use instead of having to have that confronting conversation. We're 204 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:28,920 Speaker 1: only human exactly, Like I'm still going to apologize for 205 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,400 Speaker 1: things even the way. No, I'm not sorry. 206 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:33,200 Speaker 3: You know, yes, good thing you mentioned that. Actually because 207 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:35,880 Speaker 3: we are women, but I haven't stat about men. Men 208 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:39,520 Speaker 3: have overspent substantially more than women to keep up with 209 00:09:39,559 --> 00:09:41,959 Speaker 3: friends and families. Did you want the figure, I obviously 210 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,800 Speaker 3: want the figure, but I'm pretty sure that's because they 211 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:44,520 Speaker 3: earn more than us. 212 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:46,360 Speaker 1: This is what I was thinking as well, they've got 213 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:47,480 Speaker 1: more disposable income. 214 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:49,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, and also you know what they say, like guys 215 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:52,440 Speaker 3: take risks and all that kind of stuff, But how 216 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:55,840 Speaker 3: much more do men spend than women? So an average figure, yeah, 217 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:58,079 Speaker 3: fifteen hundred and sixty dollars, Yeah. 218 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:01,480 Speaker 1: Is nine hundred and twelve. That's significant. Yeah, it's like 219 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:05,600 Speaker 1: six hundred bucks more than women. It's almost double. Makes 220 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:08,319 Speaker 1: sense when they earn much more than we do, sure 221 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:10,160 Speaker 1: how much it may not makes sense to earn more 222 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,400 Speaker 1: for the same job. Yeah, that's true, so kind of 223 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:16,840 Speaker 1: like evens itself. And then lastly, yeah, millennials are the 224 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:19,880 Speaker 1: most vulnerable to financial peer pressure, with sixty nine percent 225 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:22,800 Speaker 1: having spent money because of social influence and relating to 226 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:26,120 Speaker 1: six percent admitting they've gone beyond their financial limits to 227 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:29,040 Speaker 1: do so. Nola, See this is where I want to 228 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:31,080 Speaker 1: pick people up and be like, we don't have to 229 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:33,359 Speaker 1: do it this way. Yes, exactly. 230 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,319 Speaker 3: But this brings me to the question, how would you 231 00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:37,720 Speaker 3: manage a conversation with a friend if you were skin 232 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:42,760 Speaker 3: and they wanted to spend time with skint skint skint bones. 233 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:43,520 Speaker 2: Yeah. 234 00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:46,720 Speaker 1: I feel like, as we said before, open and honest 235 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:50,480 Speaker 1: is the key to success in every successful relationship, right, 236 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:53,760 Speaker 1: And that's where I don't know. There's obviously so many 237 00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:56,800 Speaker 1: good like know your value, know your worth, all of 238 00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:58,959 Speaker 1: these things where we say, you know, just set clear 239 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:03,040 Speaker 1: financial goals and be clear about articulating them to your friends. 240 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:05,160 Speaker 1: But again, then I think we need to balance it 241 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:07,280 Speaker 1: with the real world, and that doesn't mean you need 242 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,840 Speaker 1: to overspend, but having a few like tips and tricks 243 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,320 Speaker 1: in your pockets, so you know, before you go out 244 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:14,800 Speaker 1: for the dinner, maybe you go, oh my gosh, guys, 245 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:17,720 Speaker 1: I'm going to be coming from a friend's barbecue and 246 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:20,920 Speaker 1: I will have already eaten. I'm probably just going to 247 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:23,199 Speaker 1: get a non trade. Just to clue you up on that. 248 00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:26,160 Speaker 1: I just feel really awful when I say things like 249 00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:29,160 Speaker 1: this because I think in this day and age, people 250 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,080 Speaker 1: expect more from me. They're like, no, no, no, you should 251 00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:33,520 Speaker 1: be more aggressive about it. I'm like, yes, but that 252 00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:37,080 Speaker 1: doesn't convert to people actually using these tips and tricks. 253 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:39,200 Speaker 1: Like Beck, you're not going to walk in and be like, 254 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,720 Speaker 1: oh well, Victoria told me to be more confident when 255 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:44,560 Speaker 1: talking about my money goals, so therefore I am like, 256 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:48,320 Speaker 1: that doesn't happen. So you know me going, oh well, Beck, actually, 257 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:49,920 Speaker 1: when it comes closer to the end of the night, 258 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:52,200 Speaker 1: why don't you be the one that suggests that we 259 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:55,120 Speaker 1: get the bill and work out what each person owes, 260 00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:59,480 Speaker 1: Because then instead of someone saying, oh, well, actually, let's 261 00:11:59,559 --> 00:12:02,040 Speaker 1: just split the bill, you're on the front foot and 262 00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:03,880 Speaker 1: you can be like, oh no, actually, just think this 263 00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:06,560 Speaker 1: is more fair for everybody involved, and it's not really 264 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,920 Speaker 1: a conversation as you're just putting down on the table. 265 00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:11,440 Speaker 1: This is kind of how it's going to happen, because 266 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:13,800 Speaker 1: like if you have to have the awkward conversation like 267 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:16,320 Speaker 1: let's say Sally down the road or Sally on the 268 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:17,960 Speaker 1: other side of the tables, like, oh, no, Beck will 269 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:21,440 Speaker 1: just split it evenly, it's so much easier. You go, well, actually, Sally, 270 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:24,000 Speaker 1: that's not fair because like you know, one of us 271 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,000 Speaker 1: doesn't drink and this and that the other get lost. 272 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:29,760 Speaker 1: Sally get lost. But like you're the one leading that 273 00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:32,600 Speaker 1: conversation in a way instead of having to like put 274 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:35,240 Speaker 1: your hand up to Sally who said, let's just split 275 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:37,240 Speaker 1: it evenly, and you go, oh, it's a bit awkward. 276 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,680 Speaker 1: It's not fair. It's this Like I just think that 277 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:44,840 Speaker 1: leading can often be something that gives you automatic confidence. Sure, right, 278 00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,920 Speaker 1: And then it's also about setting expectations up front. As 279 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:50,440 Speaker 1: we've said before, there's no such thing as a friend 280 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,520 Speaker 1: that doesn't want to see you succeed. And if somebody 281 00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:54,680 Speaker 1: doesn't want to see you succeed, they're a really terrible friend. 282 00:12:54,679 --> 00:12:59,840 Speaker 1: Then we should be eating them out anyway, get out, Sally. Bye, Sally, Sally. 283 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:01,960 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, we've be so mean. What if there's 284 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:03,839 Speaker 1: somebody in our community listening right now and their name 285 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:06,240 Speaker 1: is Sally and they're like that the most wholesome, kind 286 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:08,360 Speaker 1: human being, and Sally's like they I would never do 287 00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:11,200 Speaker 1: that Toime. Sorry, Sally, We're very Sally. I'm putting dirt 288 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:12,920 Speaker 1: on your name. Yeah, but we used your name because 289 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,280 Speaker 1: we liked it. We do you like it. It's a 290 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,080 Speaker 1: nice name. We do like it. But I think it's 291 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:19,360 Speaker 1: just about, you know, actually having a chat with your friend. 292 00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:22,240 Speaker 1: I think I've said this before on the podcast, Like 293 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:24,440 Speaker 1: reframe it. I'd be like, oh my gosh, you're in 294 00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:27,000 Speaker 1: a cost of living crisis. All of my friends are 295 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:28,839 Speaker 1: struggling at the moment. How about we just grab a 296 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,280 Speaker 1: coffee instead of brunch and go for a walk and 297 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:33,040 Speaker 1: like kind of reframe it. You don't have to open 298 00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:36,080 Speaker 1: up about like oh, I don't actually have any money 299 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:38,440 Speaker 1: in my account right now, or oh I'm really trying 300 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:40,320 Speaker 1: to say for this if you're not comfortable with that, 301 00:13:40,679 --> 00:13:42,720 Speaker 1: but like reframe it and be like, oh my gosh, 302 00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:45,080 Speaker 1: you're probably feeling the pressure as much as I am, 303 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:47,680 Speaker 1: how about we xyz or why don't you come to 304 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:50,360 Speaker 1: my place and we'll make homemade pizzas. I actually have 305 00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:52,400 Speaker 1: so much stuff in the fridge at the moment. Like, 306 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:55,360 Speaker 1: reframe it in a way that makes you comfortable while 307 00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:58,240 Speaker 1: still outlining the boundaries that you have, and then if 308 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:01,320 Speaker 1: your friends still goes but I really wanted to try 309 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:04,480 Speaker 1: this fancy restaurant, you can say. And I think that 310 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:08,000 Speaker 1: saying oh, Beck, I can't afford that is very different 311 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,400 Speaker 1: to oh, I haven't allocated money in my budget for 312 00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:13,040 Speaker 1: that this month because I'm working towards something else, Like 313 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:14,960 Speaker 1: to your mind, if we do something else because I 314 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,400 Speaker 1: really want to achieve that goal, doesn't matter if you 315 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:20,520 Speaker 1: have clarity on that goal or not. Yeah, Like you're 316 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:23,760 Speaker 1: setting a boundary and articulating it clearly. I don't care 317 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:25,880 Speaker 1: if you don't know what you're saving for. It could 318 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:27,640 Speaker 1: just be my goal is I couldn't even care if 319 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:29,200 Speaker 1: you just want to more cash in your account. 320 00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:31,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, my goal is to be able to eat at 321 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:32,320 Speaker 3: the end of the base like. 322 00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:35,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, Like when there's two months month left for 323 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,680 Speaker 1: the money that you have. Yes, I think being able 324 00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:41,120 Speaker 1: to say, oh, Beck, actually I've just got a lot 325 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:43,120 Speaker 1: of things that I'm you know, working towards at the 326 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:46,800 Speaker 1: moment that's not in my budget. Reframing your whole way 327 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:51,480 Speaker 1: of articulating money is really powerful, because if you're saying, beck, 328 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:55,440 Speaker 1: I can't afford it, that's you being like, oh, I 329 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,680 Speaker 1: can't afford something. No, no, no, do you know what 330 00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:00,480 Speaker 1: we can all afford it at the cost of something 331 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:03,520 Speaker 1: else better? Yes, at the cost of eating at the 332 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:05,480 Speaker 1: end of the month, at the cost of going on 333 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:08,040 Speaker 1: that holiday that you've been planning, at the cost of 334 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:11,560 Speaker 1: buying your friend a birthday present. There's a cost involved. 335 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:13,960 Speaker 1: What it is is going to depend on the circumstance 336 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,960 Speaker 1: you're in. But I think it's very powerful to turn 337 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:19,000 Speaker 1: around and say, well, actually, we don't use the term 338 00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:21,000 Speaker 1: I can't afford it. Use the term like I haven't 339 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,640 Speaker 1: budgeted for that this month, sure, or you know it's 340 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:25,960 Speaker 1: not in the budget, or you know I'm actually working 341 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:29,040 Speaker 1: towards something else, and any good friend will respect that 342 00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:32,840 Speaker 1: and actually suggest something else that makes a lot more sense. True. 343 00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:34,520 Speaker 3: Now, this actually does bring me to the next one. 344 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:36,760 Speaker 3: I was going to say, let's imagine the shoes on 345 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:38,800 Speaker 3: the other foot, and you want to hang out with 346 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:42,240 Speaker 3: someone who can't afford to maybe do whatever you want 347 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:42,680 Speaker 3: to do. 348 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:45,080 Speaker 1: Like, there are so many free activities. What would you Yeah, 349 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:46,600 Speaker 1: how would you do? You want to go for a walk, 350 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:48,520 Speaker 1: then go for walk. We can go for a walk 351 00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:52,000 Speaker 1: around the Tan. Actually, I have these really cool takeaway cups, 352 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,720 Speaker 1: and I'm really good at making an espresso martini. Don't 353 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:56,920 Speaker 1: sneak one of those into the cup. Perfect, I'll bring 354 00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:58,920 Speaker 1: it to the Tan and everyone will think we're drinking 355 00:15:58,920 --> 00:15:59,400 Speaker 1: real coffee. 356 00:15:59,480 --> 00:15:59,600 Speaker 2: Yet. 357 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:02,560 Speaker 1: How good is that for a Friday afternoon? Does sound fun? Actually, Beck, 358 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:05,640 Speaker 1: it's Saturday morning. I have so much bread in the freezer. 359 00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:08,280 Speaker 1: How about we have a little picnic. I am going 360 00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:10,560 Speaker 1: to make a little toast buffet. I'm going to bring 361 00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:12,480 Speaker 1: the whole heap of different gems and spreads. I have 362 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,680 Speaker 1: an awesome flask. Yeah, I'm gonna put tea in there. 363 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:15,640 Speaker 1: What's your favorite tea? 364 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:15,880 Speaker 2: Oh? 365 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:17,680 Speaker 1: You want jasmine tea? Oh my gosh, We're gonna have 366 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:19,480 Speaker 1: jasmine tea and toast in the park. And I think 367 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,120 Speaker 1: that's gonna be cute. Do you want to bring the blanket? 368 00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:23,880 Speaker 1: That's cutey? I like, do you want to go? Do 369 00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:25,760 Speaker 1: you have a speaker. Can you be in charge of 370 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:27,000 Speaker 1: the music. It's so cheap. 371 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:30,800 Speaker 3: Free in free speaker is free ones you've made for it, 372 00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:31,400 Speaker 3: but could. 373 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,120 Speaker 1: You please make sure it's charged though? Don't want to 374 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:34,880 Speaker 1: get to the park and then have to pay it off. 375 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:38,800 Speaker 1: Don't ruin it for everyone, Bet, put your phone in 376 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,240 Speaker 1: a glass or a cup. Yeah, we've all been there, 377 00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:43,480 Speaker 1: we've all been there. We've all been there. But like, 378 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:45,240 Speaker 1: there are so many things that you can do, And 379 00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:48,320 Speaker 1: to be honest, I could reframe that and be like 380 00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:50,880 Speaker 1: Beck and I couldn't afford to go out for breakfast, 381 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:55,160 Speaker 1: so we ate cold toast in the park. Yeah sounds terrible, 382 00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:58,520 Speaker 1: but like, why can't we embrace things and make them 383 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:01,640 Speaker 1: a little bit more fun? Sure, you don't necessarily have to, 384 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:04,720 Speaker 1: you know, have my frozen toast that I already had 385 00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:07,320 Speaker 1: and have a fun time with it. Beck, we could 386 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:10,680 Speaker 1: swing past coals and get some fresh croissants, like you 387 00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:11,880 Speaker 1: know how you can buy them in like a three 388 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:14,199 Speaker 1: or four pack, real cheap. And why don't we get whatever? 389 00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:16,720 Speaker 1: You know, fruit is on sale and like a little 390 00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:19,240 Speaker 1: thing of jam that could be really cute too, So like, 391 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:23,199 Speaker 1: it doesn't necessarily mean that you spend money, Like I 392 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:25,040 Speaker 1: feel like I'm doing this all the time with my 393 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:27,800 Speaker 1: friends as well, Like I obviously get Marley Spoon, and 394 00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:30,120 Speaker 1: I love Marley Spoon, and I don't know how impressed 395 00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:32,080 Speaker 1: they're going to be with me sharing this tip. But 396 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:35,120 Speaker 1: often when I get a Marley Spoon, I can look 397 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:38,560 Speaker 1: at the ingredients and say, ah, what would it take 398 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,960 Speaker 1: to scale this meal. Let's say it's like a curry 399 00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:43,680 Speaker 1: with rice. All right, Well, I already have some extra 400 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:46,679 Speaker 1: rice in the pantry. I could make more rice, all right, 401 00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:48,920 Speaker 1: Well this curry I could add like an extra zucchinian, 402 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:51,840 Speaker 1: extra carrot. We're good to go, Beck, do you want 403 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:54,920 Speaker 1: to cove dinner? I'm having curry. You're gonna be you? 404 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:55,360 Speaker 2: Yeah? 405 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:59,600 Speaker 1: I do it to Gabby all but it's one of 406 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:03,439 Speaker 1: those that like, why can't we just make the catch 407 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:06,200 Speaker 1: up a little bit more wholesome? House, Why don't we 408 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:08,040 Speaker 1: play a board game? I'm so lame, though, so I'm 409 00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:12,160 Speaker 1: really happy with these things. Katan. We can play Katan together, 410 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:14,560 Speaker 1: and my husband's at home, and you need a minimum 411 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:16,479 Speaker 1: of three players to have a good game of Katan. 412 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:17,879 Speaker 1: You can't just have the two of us, And we 413 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,760 Speaker 1: do need him to come in and he's gonna play. 414 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:21,680 Speaker 1: He's going to play, whether relax it or not. He's 415 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:25,560 Speaker 1: good at it though, Oh no, it's really bad. But 416 00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,840 Speaker 1: it's one of those things where what can we do 417 00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:30,800 Speaker 1: that doesn't cost any money? And I mean it's coming 418 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:33,960 Speaker 1: into springing summer now, feel like it's so much easier 419 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:37,040 Speaker 1: to use outdoor spaces without freezing outlets off. Yeah, I 420 00:18:37,119 --> 00:18:38,000 Speaker 1: love like that's helpful. 421 00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:40,640 Speaker 3: That is a great place. 422 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:43,520 Speaker 1: To quickly absorb and go on a little break. I'll 423 00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:45,320 Speaker 1: make you some toast. Thank you please. 424 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,040 Speaker 3: Okay, V we are back and we're talking about respecting 425 00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:54,840 Speaker 3: your savings goals. And now I want to know what 426 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,920 Speaker 3: are some signs you're in a financially toxic friendship? 427 00:18:58,160 --> 00:18:58,320 Speaker 2: Oh? 428 00:18:58,440 --> 00:18:59,919 Speaker 1: Can we call them like red flags to make it 429 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:02,760 Speaker 1: more clear. Yes, here are some red flags for your 430 00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:07,879 Speaker 1: toxic relationships. Yeah, toxic. Really toxic is like a keyword 431 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:10,080 Speaker 1: of twenty two, the word of the year. All right, 432 00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:12,760 Speaker 1: So here are five things I've written down that are 433 00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:19,439 Speaker 1: red flags to identify potentially toxic friends. First, their idea 434 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:23,920 Speaker 1: of having fun always invariably involves spending a lot of money. 435 00:19:24,359 --> 00:19:25,800 Speaker 1: So when was the last time you hung out with 436 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:29,160 Speaker 1: a friend And didn't spend any money. What did that look? 437 00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:29,359 Speaker 2: Like? 438 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:32,560 Speaker 1: How did that work? Or do you have a budget? 439 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,520 Speaker 1: And they just keep pushing beyond that and then either 440 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:38,960 Speaker 1: embarrass you for not keeping up or not socialized with 441 00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,520 Speaker 1: you because you're not willing to spend it, And like, 442 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:42,520 Speaker 1: no point catching up with Beck if she doesn't want 443 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:44,960 Speaker 1: to go to that restaurant that I suggested. Beck never 444 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:49,359 Speaker 1: wants to catch up. She always says no, this is 445 00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:54,440 Speaker 1: so anxiety and juicy, toxic, toxic. All right, do you 446 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,320 Speaker 1: want to know the next red flag? 447 00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:56,640 Speaker 2: Yes? 448 00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:59,159 Speaker 1: Please? All right? So you're always paying for things or 449 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:02,520 Speaker 1: loaning the money? No, toxic, toxic. If a friend is 450 00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:06,080 Speaker 1: consistently asking you for money, is that friendship really worth 451 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:10,199 Speaker 1: the cost you're paying for a friend? Bet? Yeah, I 452 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:12,080 Speaker 1: see what you mean. I see what you mean. Like, yes, 453 00:20:12,119 --> 00:20:14,639 Speaker 1: it is obviously very important to help friends, and we 454 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:18,000 Speaker 1: are not talking about friends who need the help, like 455 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:21,600 Speaker 1: that's a very different thing totally. But it's very important 456 00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:24,720 Speaker 1: to also take care of your own financial help. And 457 00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:27,199 Speaker 1: although it might feel embarrassing to bring up, you're not 458 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:29,200 Speaker 1: being selfish, Beck, Like, at the end of the day, 459 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:31,560 Speaker 1: that is not selfish at all. That friend is obviously 460 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:36,960 Speaker 1: using you and taking advantage of you. And oh, it's 461 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:40,440 Speaker 1: funny because I have lost friends over there. Sure it's 462 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:42,199 Speaker 1: one of those things. I'm going to use you as 463 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,480 Speaker 1: an example, okay, because like you're one of my favorite 464 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:46,480 Speaker 1: humans and I'm so lucky to get to work for you. 465 00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:48,679 Speaker 1: But oh my gosh, I could give you a stick 466 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:50,560 Speaker 1: and be like, Beck, I got you this stick, and 467 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:53,320 Speaker 1: you're like, oh my gosh, this is the best stick 468 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:57,240 Speaker 1: in the entire world. I would like this morning before recording, 469 00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:00,760 Speaker 1: or did I gift you? Oh, you're gifted with Donald's cookies. 470 00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:04,360 Speaker 1: I gave you McDonald's cookies. You are over the moon 471 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:08,080 Speaker 1: for that, Like you are so excited. Right, I have 472 00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:12,080 Speaker 1: lost friends recently because I just got over it. I 473 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,240 Speaker 1: got over being the one where if I go, hey, Beck, 474 00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:15,640 Speaker 1: do you want to go out for brunch? And then 475 00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:17,159 Speaker 1: the bill comes and they kind of just look at 476 00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,639 Speaker 1: me because like they know I'm a higher income earner 477 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:24,800 Speaker 1: than them, and like it's okay because often I'm quite 478 00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:26,600 Speaker 1: aware of that. I don't know how to tell you this, 479 00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:29,159 Speaker 1: but like I do a lot of research into money. 480 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:32,199 Speaker 1: I talk about money all the time, and I know 481 00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:35,080 Speaker 1: the privileged position I'm in. So if I'm at brunch 482 00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:37,360 Speaker 1: and I'm in the financial position where I can go, oh, Beck, 483 00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:40,360 Speaker 1: this is on me. I know that if I did 484 00:21:40,359 --> 00:21:41,800 Speaker 1: that with you, Beck, you'd be like, oh my god, 485 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:44,119 Speaker 1: V are you sure like you? Okay, that's so nice. 486 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,600 Speaker 1: Like we'll have a whole conversation, you'll say thankful, you 487 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:50,200 Speaker 1: will genuinely be grateful for that interaction, and I go, 488 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:52,720 Speaker 1: I'm grateful that I could do that. I know that 489 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,560 Speaker 1: I've taken the financial pressure off you. Makes me feel good, right, 490 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:58,400 Speaker 1: And like, not everyone has to do that. Not everybody 491 00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:02,119 Speaker 1: thrives on that. Right. My love language is gift giving, 492 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:04,840 Speaker 1: so like that really leans into who I am. And 493 00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:08,800 Speaker 1: that's fine, But when somebody just fully expects it, it's 494 00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:13,320 Speaker 1: kind of like, well, or they pick really expensive places 495 00:22:13,359 --> 00:22:15,240 Speaker 1: and then don't offer to split the bill, and you're 496 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:17,679 Speaker 1: like this at is And if you're listening to this 497 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:19,639 Speaker 1: and you know that you're that friend, well ah, sorry, 498 00:22:21,119 --> 00:22:23,159 Speaker 1: because that's why we don't catch up anymore because it 499 00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:26,040 Speaker 1: was always me and I just didn't like it. And 500 00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,640 Speaker 1: I think the irrespective of who you are, or where 501 00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:31,360 Speaker 1: you are, or what your financial circumstances are, no one 502 00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:34,119 Speaker 1: likes to feel used. No one likes to feel like 503 00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:38,000 Speaker 1: they're being taken advantage of, right, And that generosity for me, 504 00:22:38,119 --> 00:22:41,320 Speaker 1: I don't think ends so like, I hope I'm always 505 00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:44,920 Speaker 1: that person, even beck when I was UNI, I would 506 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:47,360 Speaker 1: always want to take the pressure off my friends, even 507 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:50,000 Speaker 1: if I didn't have a lot, right, Like, I've always 508 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,120 Speaker 1: been that person who's like, no, no, no, I've got the coffee, 509 00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:55,239 Speaker 1: Like I want to do that, and that's okay. I mean, 510 00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:57,199 Speaker 1: it was always the best financial decision for me, but 511 00:22:57,240 --> 00:23:01,280 Speaker 1: that's another story. But I think and once it becomes expected, 512 00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:05,000 Speaker 1: you're kind of like, yeah, ill, no, absolutely not. And 513 00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:06,960 Speaker 1: I think that's a red flag to someone who doesn't 514 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:12,399 Speaker 1: genuinely care about you or your circumstances, regardless of how 515 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:16,680 Speaker 1: much money you have totally, so you're either always paying 516 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:19,639 Speaker 1: for things or you're always loaning the money. Yeah, red flag, 517 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:20,240 Speaker 1: red flag. 518 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:22,520 Speaker 3: I did just want to quickly say, I do do 519 00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:24,560 Speaker 3: this with my best friendly if I literally always borrow 520 00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:26,320 Speaker 3: money from her and she always pays for everything. 521 00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:27,760 Speaker 1: But it's different, And that's. 522 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:29,520 Speaker 3: What I wanted to say, because justs caase she's listening, 523 00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:32,640 Speaker 3: I love you, but it's one of those things where 524 00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:36,040 Speaker 3: that might be part of the relationship that you have 525 00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:39,679 Speaker 3: and like she might go, oh beg, she always pays me. 526 00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:41,840 Speaker 1: It's all goods exactly. It comes out in the water. 527 00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:43,720 Speaker 1: It's one of those things that works for you in 528 00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:47,440 Speaker 1: your relationship, and that doesn't necessarily make it a toxic relationship. 529 00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:50,320 Speaker 1: I think it's where you start to feel used totally 530 00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:52,400 Speaker 1: and you start to feel like that's maybe a very 531 00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:56,520 Speaker 1: one way relationship and that's not okay, all right, sorry, 532 00:23:56,680 --> 00:24:00,920 Speaker 1: another thing stabbing myself? Are you ready? I'm so excited? 533 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:06,320 Speaker 1: Red Flag. They're excessively generous. Interesting, Okay, here we go, 534 00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:10,280 Speaker 1: especially after that ran all right, So excessive generosity could 535 00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:13,840 Speaker 1: potentially have hidden undertones to it. Oh why are they 536 00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:15,160 Speaker 1: doing that? What do they want? 537 00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:15,879 Speaker 3: Makes sense? 538 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:20,240 Speaker 1: Do I want something from new Beck? So generosity could 539 00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:23,280 Speaker 1: be and can be divided into subcategories. 540 00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:23,480 Speaker 2: Beck. 541 00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:29,760 Speaker 1: So you've got unrelenting, begrudging, fluctuating, controlling, and beguiling generosity. 542 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:33,520 Speaker 1: So the last two are particularly intriguing because they are 543 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:39,320 Speaker 1: rooted in selfishness. Beguiling, beguiling. Okay, introducing big words into 544 00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:42,520 Speaker 1: cheese on the money and we've rebranded We're smarter now, 545 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:45,119 Speaker 1: Bigger words that's how it works. That's how it works. 546 00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:48,160 Speaker 1: So your friend could be secretly wishing that you're paying 547 00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:51,240 Speaker 1: them back sure, like either in money or favors or 548 00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:54,320 Speaker 1: like ioe yous. Like you know that person where they're like, oh, 549 00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:55,960 Speaker 1: but I bought you a coffee, so you owe me. 550 00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:59,600 Speaker 1: Ill if you're going to buy something for somebody, there 551 00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:03,679 Speaker 1: should be absolutely no expectation that that is returned. So, 552 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,080 Speaker 1: like you gave the example of your friend live before, right, 553 00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:09,240 Speaker 1: you said at the end, it all comes out in 554 00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:12,200 Speaker 1: the wash totally, and I'm assuming that means like sometimes 555 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,400 Speaker 1: you're like I need to borrow some cash and she's 556 00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:17,159 Speaker 1: like yeah, no worries. And then other times you're like, oh, 557 00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:20,359 Speaker 1: i'll pick up dinner, I'll grab your coffee. Like it 558 00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:22,880 Speaker 1: all comes out in the wash. This is a relationship 559 00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:24,480 Speaker 1: where it might not all come out in the wash, 560 00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:26,520 Speaker 1: or what they want to come out in the wash. 561 00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:29,080 Speaker 1: It's got some ulterior motives and that's a bit ick. 562 00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:32,120 Speaker 1: So you can't help but feel that you owe that 563 00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:35,119 Speaker 1: person who is always trying to foot the bill. It 564 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,919 Speaker 1: might make it harder to disagree with them, or you 565 00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,159 Speaker 1: might end up just feeling more like a sidekick than 566 00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:42,800 Speaker 1: a friend which is ick, that is sick, and I 567 00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:44,919 Speaker 1: think it's worth calling out, especially after I'm like, oh, 568 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:48,639 Speaker 1: I love being generous. I think it's important to really 569 00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:52,320 Speaker 1: understand if you're a generous person, why, And like, I've 570 00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:55,080 Speaker 1: had to do a lot of inner work, even on myself, 571 00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:57,639 Speaker 1: to go, well why am I like this? Because for 572 00:25:57,680 --> 00:25:59,200 Speaker 1: a long period of time, I'm like, am I trying 573 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:01,760 Speaker 1: to buy their love? Am I trying to overcompensate for 574 00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:04,639 Speaker 1: feeling like I don't have enough to offer? No, it's 575 00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:06,240 Speaker 1: actually just like I get a lot of joy out 576 00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:07,680 Speaker 1: of that. But I think you do need to look 577 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:09,600 Speaker 1: at yourself and go, well, why would that be the 578 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:12,120 Speaker 1: case and what does that mean? And I think we've 579 00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,600 Speaker 1: all had at some point a friend that wants that 580 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:17,520 Speaker 1: one up. Yes, I don't want a one up friend. No, 581 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:20,960 Speaker 1: friends don't one up friends, even with like stories, regardless 582 00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:22,639 Speaker 1: of money. Like if you say, oh my gosh, I 583 00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:25,600 Speaker 1: had the worst weekend and then your friend turns around's like, 584 00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:29,480 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I had a worse weekend. Yeah, terrible friend, 585 00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:31,880 Speaker 1: terrible terrible friends. But we don't want that one out 586 00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:35,280 Speaker 1: of ten, So that to me red flag? Yes, Okay, 587 00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:37,600 Speaker 1: I agree, were you confused about it at the start. Yeah, 588 00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:40,200 Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I thought this is this gonna 589 00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:42,840 Speaker 1: be Righttice makes sense. Red Flag number four. They judge 590 00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:46,040 Speaker 1: your spending habits. Ck, I do not agree with that. 591 00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:48,679 Speaker 1: So they will judge how much you spend on things 592 00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:51,520 Speaker 1: that make you happy. Actually doesn't concern anybody but you, 593 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:54,520 Speaker 1: unless we're talking about gambling or any other addiction, in 594 00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:56,959 Speaker 1: which case you're impacting a lot of people and you 595 00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:59,879 Speaker 1: need to get help. Flat that's a different story. But like, 596 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,840 Speaker 1: if somebody wants to judge me for my two lattes 597 00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:06,120 Speaker 1: that I get every day, sit down, if someone wants 598 00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:08,800 Speaker 1: to judge you for your five oat lattes, they're well 599 00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:12,280 Speaker 1: within their rights because that's a SESSI ef bec sure 600 00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:14,040 Speaker 1: that's actually where we draw the lot. Yeah, that's not 601 00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:17,080 Speaker 1: draw the line right. But do you have a I'd 602 00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:20,360 Speaker 1: never spend that much money kind of friend who silently 603 00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:23,760 Speaker 1: or maybe loudly judges your spending habits. They'll often do 604 00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:27,520 Speaker 1: in arguably a lack passive, aggressive way, with the goal 605 00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:29,760 Speaker 1: of making you feel like trash. Like they want to 606 00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:31,520 Speaker 1: make you feel guilty. They want to make you feel 607 00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:34,400 Speaker 1: like you're less than them because they're never do that. 608 00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:37,200 Speaker 1: We don't like that. At the base of this judgmental 609 00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:40,800 Speaker 1: behavior actually lies a really irrational urge to contrast one's 610 00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:44,520 Speaker 1: own spending habits with somebody else's without seeing the whole picture, 611 00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:47,399 Speaker 1: in order for them to feel better about themselves. It 612 00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:49,840 Speaker 1: has nothing to do with you, Beck, that's good to know. 613 00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:52,560 Speaker 1: It has nothing to do with you, and everything to 614 00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:55,400 Speaker 1: do with their own insecurities. Ah, they're the problem. They're 615 00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:58,280 Speaker 1: the problem. They don't know that though I see and 616 00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:01,359 Speaker 1: your that's unsatisfying to cut the friendship, then try and 617 00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:03,760 Speaker 1: explain that, sure, because they'll probably try and cut the 618 00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:06,560 Speaker 1: friendship if you did try to explain that. But essentially, 619 00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:09,480 Speaker 1: we all have things that we prioritize our spending on, 620 00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:13,639 Speaker 1: and it's actually nobody else's business what we prioritize, and 621 00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:15,840 Speaker 1: if you choose to share that business with them, they 622 00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:18,639 Speaker 1: should respect it and feel really privileged that you felt 623 00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:20,880 Speaker 1: like they were a safe enough person to talk about 624 00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:25,840 Speaker 1: money with a men exactly. All right, last red flag? 625 00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:28,840 Speaker 1: Are you ready? They make fun of your income? 626 00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:29,480 Speaker 2: Oh? 627 00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:33,040 Speaker 1: No, that's not okay. People do it though? Really? Yeah, 628 00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:35,760 Speaker 1: have you had someone laugh about the money that you make? 629 00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:38,000 Speaker 1: Doesn't matter? If it's too little or too much. But 630 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:42,040 Speaker 1: laughing at someone's livelihood is honestly just blame disrespectful and 631 00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:44,840 Speaker 1: really flipping rude. I don't think i've experienced it to 632 00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:47,800 Speaker 1: be home. I'm so glad because I have, whether I 633 00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:50,800 Speaker 1: earned a lot or a little, it has happened numerous times. 634 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:54,000 Speaker 1: But if a joke comes up regularly between you, sure 635 00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:57,040 Speaker 1: your friends might actually be using humor to escape the 636 00:28:57,080 --> 00:29:03,920 Speaker 1: responsibility for being malicious. They're just being rude, okay, they 637 00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:08,360 Speaker 1: fruit flies, right, yeah, and that is not acceptable. And 638 00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:10,720 Speaker 1: I find it interesting because it might not be them 639 00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:14,200 Speaker 1: being like ha ha ha beck you earn x y 640 00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:16,760 Speaker 1: Z Like it's often not as blatant as that. Yeah, like, 641 00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:20,080 Speaker 1: oh bet can't come. She kin'd of thought that, right, 642 00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:22,440 Speaker 1: all that kind of soul. That's do you know what 643 00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:25,120 Speaker 1: I mean? Yeah, that makes sense. I think it's interesting. 644 00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:28,320 Speaker 1: We can actually do everything, we just can't do everything 645 00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:32,840 Speaker 1: at once. And how many times have we seen people 646 00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:35,880 Speaker 1: who have lower incomes do these really cool things because 647 00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:37,960 Speaker 1: it's in line with their values, whereas someone with a 648 00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:40,240 Speaker 1: hired income Michael, who, oh my gosh, that is not 649 00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:42,880 Speaker 1: worth my time. Like I know a lot of people 650 00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:46,040 Speaker 1: who have really high incomes who are like Europe, absolute 651 00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:48,560 Speaker 1: waste of money. I'm absolutely not going to be traveling 652 00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:51,440 Speaker 1: to Europe Italy. What a waste of time. I can 653 00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:55,320 Speaker 1: drink aperol home Beck, And then you know, when I 654 00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:57,760 Speaker 1: was at university couldn't afford to travel. When was I traveling, 655 00:29:57,800 --> 00:29:59,960 Speaker 1: then it was in line with my golds and values. 656 00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:02,720 Speaker 1: Those people might not have had those same values. It's 657 00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:05,880 Speaker 1: literally just the fact that your values are different from theirs. 658 00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:07,920 Speaker 1: And to me, this is a massive red flag that 659 00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:11,320 Speaker 1: they don't respect your wishes and your values and what 660 00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:13,880 Speaker 1: you respect. Because I don't care what you earn well. 661 00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:15,400 Speaker 1: I do because I pay you and I want to 662 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:17,840 Speaker 1: make sure that that's fair. But I also don't care 663 00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:20,920 Speaker 1: what you spend personally. What I care about is that 664 00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:24,280 Speaker 1: you have every single tool and resource at your disposal 665 00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:26,600 Speaker 1: to make the right decision for you. I care a 666 00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:29,360 Speaker 1: lot when you make a financial decision because you didn't 667 00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:32,000 Speaker 1: know any better. I see it as my responsibility to 668 00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:35,320 Speaker 1: be like, oh, Beck, like that decision. I don't care 669 00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:37,120 Speaker 1: that you've made it. It's not a good or a 670 00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:39,120 Speaker 1: bad decision. It doesn't actually matter. But did you know 671 00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:41,960 Speaker 1: ABC and D exists and you could be like far out. No, 672 00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:44,280 Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't know I could do that, Or 673 00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:47,000 Speaker 1: I didn't know that an emergency fund could make me 674 00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:50,280 Speaker 1: feel so much more, you know, financially secure, even if 675 00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:53,120 Speaker 1: it's only a little amount of money. That's why she is. 676 00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:55,200 Speaker 1: All the money exists right because it's got nothing to 677 00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:57,160 Speaker 1: do with judgment. I don't give a flip what you 678 00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:58,760 Speaker 1: spend your money on, and you do what. I don't 679 00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:00,760 Speaker 1: even care how you earn it, as long as it's 680 00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:04,000 Speaker 1: legal and consenting, like that's all important. But I think 681 00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:07,160 Speaker 1: if you choose to do anything and you're making that money, 682 00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:09,400 Speaker 1: go get that bank, sis, go get that bank, Go 683 00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:11,280 Speaker 1: get that bag. I care how you make it. I 684 00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:12,840 Speaker 1: don't care what you make. All I care is that 685 00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:14,800 Speaker 1: you are a happy, full stop end of story. And 686 00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:18,000 Speaker 1: this is why I really appreciate you. Oh thanks, Now 687 00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:20,040 Speaker 1: it's because I brought you Macus, It's because you brought 688 00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:21,520 Speaker 1: me Maxis Coues. That's the main thing. 689 00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:26,080 Speaker 3: So I guess, lastly, what should people do if they're 690 00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:27,840 Speaker 3: listening to this and it does resonate. 691 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:31,800 Speaker 1: No, sorry that your friends are rich. Sorry, sorry, we 692 00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:33,040 Speaker 1: can be your new friends. We can. 693 00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:34,960 Speaker 3: Actually, I think the first step you should take is 694 00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:36,640 Speaker 3: to reach out to us and we will be your friends. 695 00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:39,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly ten out of ten. I think setting boundaries 696 00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:42,240 Speaker 1: is really important. So it doesn't necessarily mean that you 697 00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:45,080 Speaker 1: have to cancel the friendship. I am quite dramatic, so 698 00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:48,000 Speaker 1: when I said that, oh, just immediately canceled. But I 699 00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:50,280 Speaker 1: think just setting some boundaries, maybe taking a step back 700 00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:52,600 Speaker 1: from that friendship, or even just being more critical when 701 00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:55,040 Speaker 1: you're in those circumstances to be like, oh, what does 702 00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:58,120 Speaker 1: this actually mean? Know that it's not you, Like it's 703 00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:01,080 Speaker 1: always a reflection of their insecurity. Is it's actually a 704 00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:04,160 Speaker 1: reflection of how they feel about you. Because any person 705 00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:07,000 Speaker 1: that sees some other human being doing something that they 706 00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:09,840 Speaker 1: don't agree with, they have no idea what the flip 707 00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:12,680 Speaker 1: side looks like. So it's not actually their place to judge, 708 00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:17,480 Speaker 1: and it's absolutely them reflecting their own insecurities onto you. Totally, 709 00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:19,800 Speaker 1: so know that it's not you. But yeah, I think 710 00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:21,959 Speaker 1: just taking a step back from that friendship for a 711 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:25,200 Speaker 1: hot minute. But also if it's something that you think 712 00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:28,880 Speaker 1: that they're not privy to, ask them to respect your boundaries, 713 00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:31,600 Speaker 1: ask them to respect you, call them out for their 714 00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:34,760 Speaker 1: crappy jokes. If someone's making fun of you, be like, 715 00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:38,320 Speaker 1: I hope you don't actually think that's funny. Yeah, because 716 00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:41,560 Speaker 1: it's not. It's rude and it's mean and it's hurtful. 717 00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:44,040 Speaker 1: And the amount of times you've said it it makes 718 00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:47,000 Speaker 1: me think that it's not a joke, you're just being malicious. Yeah. 719 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:50,520 Speaker 1: My favorite question ever, this actually works really well on 720 00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,960 Speaker 1: medio committle aged white men when they say something and 721 00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:57,880 Speaker 1: you go, oh, pretend you don't understand it. Even if 722 00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:01,960 Speaker 1: you do, what do you mean by that? Yes, Like 723 00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:05,280 Speaker 1: at conferences when people would arguably have had too many 724 00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:07,960 Speaker 1: drinks and they say something that's rather inappropriate, you'd be like, 725 00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:11,080 Speaker 1: play dumb, Oh beck, what did you mean by that? 726 00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:16,240 Speaker 1: Because then they have to explain their terrible comment because 727 00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:19,040 Speaker 1: you didn't get it, did you, Yes, because you're dumb. 728 00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:20,680 Speaker 1: You want them to dig their own grave. And if 729 00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:23,080 Speaker 1: they're smart, they'll be like, oh, nothing, hah, and then 730 00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:25,760 Speaker 1: they'll walk off. True. But if they double. 731 00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:29,800 Speaker 3: Down, they have to repeat it and explain it and 732 00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:31,600 Speaker 3: go into detail, deep dive into word. 733 00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:34,400 Speaker 1: I said, that's a great idea. Dead pan, you look 734 00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:36,880 Speaker 1: at them and go, oh, beck, did you mean to 735 00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:40,040 Speaker 1: be helpful or hurtful with that? Oh my god, perfect, 736 00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:43,400 Speaker 1: what did you mean? And then they have to be like, ah, 737 00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:46,200 Speaker 1: because like they sure as hell weren't being helpful and 738 00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:48,560 Speaker 1: they weren't being helpful one or the other. That's fly 739 00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:50,960 Speaker 1: were you being helpful or helpful with that one? And 740 00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:53,240 Speaker 1: then they have to go, oh, no, it's just a joke. 741 00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:55,680 Speaker 1: I'll be like, oh, sorry, I didn't think it was 742 00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:58,840 Speaker 1: a joke. Oh so so sorry. I just was a 743 00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:02,840 Speaker 1: bit confused about your intention. God, she's good, helpful or hurtful? 744 00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:05,880 Speaker 1: And oh what do you mean by that? Like they're 745 00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:09,080 Speaker 1: my two favorite things to just acculably make people uncomfortable 746 00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:10,040 Speaker 1: with their own words. 747 00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:12,640 Speaker 3: People taking note, because if this happens to you, any 748 00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:16,759 Speaker 3: of these five toxic traits, if you ever experienced in 749 00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:17,799 Speaker 3: real life, use that. 750 00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:20,719 Speaker 1: I think that's very funny because it's also like not 751 00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:23,200 Speaker 1: that confrontational. You get to pretend to be dh it's 752 00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:25,960 Speaker 1: get to pretend to be so silly, like you don't 753 00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:29,080 Speaker 1: have to be like, oh hey, beck, that comment's really mean. 754 00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:30,920 Speaker 1: And then they get to be like, oh, well, I 755 00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:33,120 Speaker 1: don't think it's mean. Yeah, I don't know. Ask them 756 00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:35,759 Speaker 1: their intention totally, don't give them a chance to know, 757 00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:38,440 Speaker 1: no chance you explain yourself. Ah, don't be friends with 758 00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:41,480 Speaker 1: people who have studied psychology, their psychopaths. Beck Oh true, 759 00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:43,520 Speaker 1: I love that. Yeah, now that is a good place. 760 00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:46,239 Speaker 1: That's a perfect place to leave it today. All right, 761 00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:49,120 Speaker 1: we have loved hanging out with you this Wednesday. Obviously 762 00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:52,600 Speaker 1: we'll see one Friday for a little Friday rap episode. 763 00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:53,920 Speaker 1: But till then, have a beautiful week. 764 00:34:53,960 --> 00:35:00,440 Speaker 3: We love you, Bye, guys. 765 00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:04,040 Speaker 4: The advice shared on She's on the Money is general 766 00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:07,919 Speaker 4: in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's 767 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:11,440 Speaker 4: on the Money exists purely for educational purposes and should 768 00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:14,640 Speaker 4: not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. 769 00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:17,480 Speaker 4: If you do choose to buy a financial product, read 770 00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:20,840 Speaker 4: the PDS TMD and obtain appropriate financial. 771 00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:22,200 Speaker 1: Advice tailored towards your needs. 772 00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:26,520 Speaker 4: Victoria Divine and She's on the Money are authorized representatives 773 00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:30,600 Speaker 4: of Money. Sheper Pty Ltd ABN three two one six 774 00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:34,640 Speaker 4: four nine two seven seven zero eight AFSL four five 775 00:35:34,719 --> 00:35:41,239 Speaker 4: one two eight nine