WEBVTT - How to make a bad memory go away 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.160 I would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the 0:00:03.279 --> 0:00:06.640 land on which this episode is being recorded, the Coomboo 0:00:06.720 --> 0:00:10.560 Marry people. We pay our respects to elders past, present 0:00:10.600 --> 0:00:14.320 and emerging and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and 0:00:14.400 --> 0:00:22.720 Torres Strait Islander peoples. Today I'm your host, Georgie Stevenson, 0:00:22.840 --> 0:00:30.240 and this is the Rise and Conquer Podcast. This is 0:00:30.280 --> 0:00:33.239 the podcast where we ch have mindset, self development and 0:00:33.280 --> 0:00:37.159 becoming your higher self mix soon with a lot of laughs, 0:00:37.280 --> 0:00:40.400 plus behind the scenes of my life running two businesses 0:00:40.479 --> 0:00:43.839 and being among Think of us as the perfect combo 0:00:43.960 --> 0:00:47.519 of brunch with your besties mixed with self development. No 0:00:47.560 --> 0:00:49.599 matter where you are in your journey. 0:00:49.320 --> 0:00:52.480 We're here to help you be curious, pull yourself out, 0:00:52.520 --> 0:00:54.840 and embrace radical self awareness. 0:00:56.720 --> 0:00:58.040 If you're ready to get into the. 0:00:58.080 --> 0:01:01.000 Driver's seat of your own life and stop letting life 0:01:01.080 --> 0:01:03.560 pass you by, then you're in the right place. 0:01:10.560 --> 0:01:14.720 Hey everyone, it's Cooper here again. Thanks for having me 0:01:15.000 --> 0:01:15.720 Rise and Conquer. 0:01:15.800 --> 0:01:16.560 We're so excited. 0:01:17.920 --> 0:01:21.600 Yep, very very exciting episode. Today it's going to get 0:01:22.040 --> 0:01:26.040 hopefully not too deep, but deep enough to show everyone 0:01:26.080 --> 0:01:30.000 what we're going to talk about today and what I 0:01:30.040 --> 0:01:33.360 want to talk about today is how to turn a 0:01:33.480 --> 0:01:37.039 bad memory into a memory of gratitude. Today, we're going 0:01:37.080 --> 0:01:41.039 to talk to a Tea and Georgina and yeah, we're 0:01:41.040 --> 0:01:44.160 going to go through a bad memory that they want 0:01:44.200 --> 0:01:45.720 to have gratitude around. 0:01:46.319 --> 0:01:48.920 We're a bit nervous, we're excited. 0:01:57.320 --> 0:02:04.280 All right, let's start with Tea. Okay, I let's let's 0:02:04.280 --> 0:02:08.320 talk about your bad memory. You go through what is 0:02:08.400 --> 0:02:13.200 bad about it and why, and yeah, we'll just go 0:02:13.320 --> 0:02:14.080 deep enough on it. 0:02:14.600 --> 0:02:18.320 So the bad memory I've chosen to talk about today 0:02:18.760 --> 0:02:22.120 is in I think it would be middle school, So 0:02:22.280 --> 0:02:25.760 like grade eight or nine, around about I was a 0:02:25.760 --> 0:02:31.840 bit bullied and I was called fatty Baddy a lot, 0:02:32.639 --> 0:02:39.160 and I wasn't anywhere near fat. I was like a 0:02:39.240 --> 0:02:43.200 size six or something, but I held on to that 0:02:43.480 --> 0:02:49.040 and I think it really messed with my body image 0:02:49.480 --> 0:02:52.640 and it's something that I carry like. It was like 0:02:52.680 --> 0:02:55.320 a slight insecurity, which I feel like is quite common 0:02:55.720 --> 0:03:00.520 for most girls that age. And then it just ified 0:03:00.600 --> 0:03:02.520 because it was just kind of shit that people I 0:03:02.520 --> 0:03:06.840 guess noticed it and pointed it out. And like, rhyming sucks, 0:03:06.960 --> 0:03:08.440 especially when it's with your name. 0:03:13.400 --> 0:03:14.919 I know, aren't kids horrible. 0:03:15.960 --> 0:03:19.320 I was like, oh gosh, like and I think, yeah, 0:03:19.560 --> 0:03:22.800 just really messed messed with my self esteem, which wasn't great. 0:03:23.960 --> 0:03:27.919 Yeah. Yeah, we all have these that we and in 0:03:28.000 --> 0:03:32.280 school it's just everywhere I've got them. I'm sure everyone 0:03:32.320 --> 0:03:37.440 else would have some sort of bullied memory that they've got. So, yeah, 0:03:37.440 --> 0:03:40.120 that's pretty bad. Like what else kind of happened like 0:03:40.200 --> 0:03:43.640 in school? Were you scared to go to school each day? 0:03:43.920 --> 0:03:44.240 Was it? 0:03:44.320 --> 0:03:47.080 There was a point where it got really bad and 0:03:47.480 --> 0:03:49.440 I had gone to talk to a teacher about it 0:03:49.480 --> 0:03:51.840 because I would like cry, just like started crying one 0:03:51.880 --> 0:03:53.600 day in class and I was like, I can't do this, 0:03:54.120 --> 0:03:55.920 so I want to talk to a teacher about it. 0:03:56.000 --> 0:03:58.960 And it ended up being a bit of a misunderstanding 0:03:59.040 --> 0:04:02.320 with some of my closer friends and they thought that 0:04:02.360 --> 0:04:04.680 I went to complain about them or something like that, 0:04:04.760 --> 0:04:07.520 so they stopped talking to me too, and it actually 0:04:07.560 --> 0:04:09.520 had nothing to do with them, and I guess that 0:04:09.640 --> 0:04:12.040 was really shitty because I was going through a crappy 0:04:12.120 --> 0:04:14.760 time that had nothing to do with my close friends, 0:04:15.360 --> 0:04:17.919 and then they stopped talking to me. So I was 0:04:18.040 --> 0:04:21.240 literally by myself and no one would talk to me, 0:04:21.520 --> 0:04:24.800 and I had no friends, and it like it was 0:04:24.839 --> 0:04:26.520 like it was short lived. It was like a week 0:04:26.640 --> 0:04:28.800 or two before my friends started talking to me again. 0:04:28.880 --> 0:04:32.920 But it just feels so long when you're a kid. 0:04:33.440 --> 0:04:37.479 Yeah, yeah, especially as a kid, like we put everything 0:04:37.640 --> 0:04:41.679 on our shoulders. We don't blame anyone. That's what happens 0:04:41.720 --> 0:04:44.840 when you were a kid, that any sort of bad 0:04:44.920 --> 0:04:49.520 memory or trauma goes on. Yeah, it is, yeah, and 0:04:49.600 --> 0:04:53.560 we don't know how to process it. So yeah, as 0:04:53.600 --> 0:04:57.560 a kid, it's not good. Yeah, Like in that scenario, yeah, 0:04:57.680 --> 0:04:59.599 a bit of communication would have gone. 0:04:59.400 --> 0:05:03.720 On everything it was insane. 0:05:03.320 --> 0:05:07.200 But it's still it's that comment or the comments that 0:05:07.279 --> 0:05:10.960 would have just dug into your subconscious and yeah, gone 0:05:10.960 --> 0:05:13.839 deep and thought, yeah right, we're going to hold this 0:05:13.920 --> 0:05:18.960 memory and it's bad. Yeah, so in your head it's 0:05:19.080 --> 0:05:22.320 just bad. There's like in your head, this is just 0:05:22.360 --> 0:05:23.279 a bad memory. 0:05:23.440 --> 0:05:28.960 Genuinely. Yes, Like I I feel like so much bad 0:05:29.000 --> 0:05:31.799 has also come from it because it's something like body 0:05:31.839 --> 0:05:35.440 image is something that's just like I've held onto forever 0:05:36.120 --> 0:05:38.599 and it's a problem that I've had for ages and 0:05:38.800 --> 0:05:41.400 I can't get past it. So I liked, it's not 0:05:41.560 --> 0:05:45.159 like I had like a really transformative time with my 0:05:45.200 --> 0:05:47.559 body image after that comment, because I didn't. 0:05:47.960 --> 0:05:52.200 Ye, that's so bad. Yeah, yeah, it would have carried 0:05:52.240 --> 0:05:56.120 down and yeah you might have had some more memories 0:05:56.160 --> 0:05:58.719 around that and yeah kept that trigger going. 0:05:59.000 --> 0:06:00.960 Yeah it's like magnified. 0:06:01.440 --> 0:06:05.320 Yeah, okay, cool, all right, thanks for sharing it here. 0:06:05.640 --> 0:06:09.080 That's very brave of you to bringing this up. It's 0:06:09.080 --> 0:06:13.440 pretty hard to pay, especially on a podcast as well. 0:06:14.240 --> 0:06:19.800 So you're amazing, Thank you. All right. So the next 0:06:20.120 --> 0:06:24.560 thing I want to do is very difficult, and I 0:06:24.560 --> 0:06:28.080 want to ask you what are the good things that 0:06:28.120 --> 0:06:31.640 have come from this memory? Might be bitter hard, So 0:06:31.720 --> 0:06:33.480 in your head, what are you thinking? 0:06:34.440 --> 0:06:36.919 Like nothing, there's nothing, there's nothing. 0:06:36.920 --> 0:06:39.320 So that's good. Okay, that's really good. All right, So 0:06:39.440 --> 0:06:43.480 let's start. What kind of person did you become from 0:06:43.560 --> 0:06:47.880 this memory? What do you reckon? Is something good that 0:06:47.920 --> 0:06:50.760 has come from this memory in you? As a person? 0:06:51.160 --> 0:06:56.760 I never or I try really hard not to say 0:06:56.880 --> 0:06:59.160 mean things too or about other people. 0:07:00.360 --> 0:07:03.800 So it's made you a kind person? Yeah, okay, al 0:07:03.839 --> 0:07:12.520 write that down? What other good things? Okay, it's made 0:07:12.560 --> 0:07:17.120 you a kind person. What other strengths did you develop 0:07:17.720 --> 0:07:18.200 from this? 0:07:19.800 --> 0:07:23.000 I guess like a bit of resilience, because I was 0:07:23.040 --> 0:07:26.200 alone for like two weeks, which doesn't sound like a lot, 0:07:26.240 --> 0:07:32.400 but it was shit. And I guess also strengthened the 0:07:32.480 --> 0:07:36.360 close friendships I had with those friends that did stop 0:07:36.400 --> 0:07:38.440 talking to me at that time, because we did have 0:07:38.480 --> 0:07:41.000 to learn to communicate to get out of it. And 0:07:41.400 --> 0:07:44.720 one of them is still like one of my best friends, 0:07:44.760 --> 0:07:46.760 and we have the best communication. 0:07:48.120 --> 0:07:52.360 That's amazing. Yeah, communication is key for any relationship. 0:07:51.960 --> 0:07:54.400 And I think that that definitely came from like those 0:07:54.440 --> 0:07:56.200 two weeks of not speaking to each other. 0:07:56.880 --> 0:08:00.360 Wow, so you got my communication, yeah, and you got 0:08:00.400 --> 0:08:00.960 your best friend. 0:08:01.200 --> 0:08:01.760 Yeah. 0:08:01.760 --> 0:08:02.520 So that's awesome. 0:08:02.600 --> 0:08:03.360 That's pretty good. 0:08:03.480 --> 0:08:04.160 That's pretty good. 0:08:04.720 --> 0:08:05.840 That was pretty quick. 0:08:05.640 --> 0:08:10.320 That way, really well, there be heaps more. We'll keep going. Okay, 0:08:10.600 --> 0:08:14.560 what happened like a few months after, like anything else 0:08:14.640 --> 0:08:17.679 going to happen at home? Or if this is hard, 0:08:17.800 --> 0:08:19.679 like if you're trying to do this at home, it's 0:08:19.760 --> 0:08:23.120 nice to close your eyes and go to that memory, 0:08:23.440 --> 0:08:28.040 Go to that memory and pitch yourself there and then 0:08:28.320 --> 0:08:32.000 pitchy yourself the next month was what happened in your 0:08:32.040 --> 0:08:34.200 life the next few months or even a year. 0:08:35.480 --> 0:08:39.400 I got really close with my mum because I did 0:08:39.440 --> 0:08:41.679 speak to her about it while it was happening. 0:08:42.720 --> 0:08:44.040 Wow, that's really nice. 0:08:44.120 --> 0:08:46.760 Yeah, that was really nice. And she was very supportive, 0:08:47.080 --> 0:08:49.640 but like didn't overstep, like she didn't come in and 0:08:49.679 --> 0:08:51.679 try to sort it out for me or anything like that. 0:08:51.720 --> 0:08:54.640 She gave me the space to do it myself but 0:08:54.720 --> 0:08:55.800 supported me through it. 0:08:56.000 --> 0:08:56.720 That's really nice. 0:08:56.760 --> 0:08:57.720 That was really nice. 0:08:57.800 --> 0:08:58.040 Yep. 0:08:58.480 --> 0:09:00.320 And I think I learned a lot as a pod 0:09:00.440 --> 0:09:02.839 from that because I knew I could do it on 0:09:02.880 --> 0:09:05.600 my own, Like I didn't need her to fix things, 0:09:05.640 --> 0:09:06.480 but she was there. 0:09:08.120 --> 0:09:10.200 And so you just kind of mentioned what did that 0:09:10.360 --> 0:09:14.960 give to yourself? That's given you more independence? Yeah, yeah, 0:09:15.800 --> 0:09:19.720 that's really cool. Wow, because you definitely are very independent. 0:09:20.640 --> 0:09:21.200 Literally my. 0:09:25.520 --> 0:09:28.600 Okay, that's really good. Anything else is gonna happen in 0:09:28.640 --> 0:09:32.560 the next year, anything around another family member, another friend 0:09:33.960 --> 0:09:39.040 did something unexpected to come from being independent. 0:09:38.880 --> 0:09:41.360 Not that I can remember. It was like really long 0:09:41.360 --> 0:09:42.640 ago now yep. 0:09:42.840 --> 0:09:47.920 But if you get stuck, close your eyes and have 0:09:47.920 --> 0:09:49.880 a little thing start digging around. 0:09:51.240 --> 0:09:55.079 I stopped using this really toxic ap. It was called kick. 0:09:55.200 --> 0:09:59.160 I don't know if people remember that kick, Like it 0:09:59.200 --> 0:10:01.240 was called kik or something like that. It was like 0:10:01.280 --> 0:10:06.960 a little green messaging app for kids, and I think 0:10:07.000 --> 0:10:09.280 I realized how toxic it was because of how mean 0:10:09.320 --> 0:10:12.080 everyone was to each other on it, Like we were 0:10:12.080 --> 0:10:15.040 all thirteen fourteen, but people would have like group chats 0:10:15.040 --> 0:10:19.240 and then make group chats excluding people. And I really 0:10:19.240 --> 0:10:21.640 felt that when I didn't get to speak to my 0:10:21.679 --> 0:10:23.480 friends for a few weeks because they would make group 0:10:23.559 --> 0:10:26.480 chats and not have me in them, and that felt 0:10:26.520 --> 0:10:29.439 really shit. So I guess I came out the other 0:10:29.480 --> 0:10:31.360 side going, oh, like, I don't want to have anything 0:10:31.360 --> 0:10:33.840 to do with that, so I got rid of it. 0:10:33.880 --> 0:10:37.600 So why do you reckon that's good in your eyes? 0:10:37.880 --> 0:10:42.840 I'm not super scared to delete social media, I guess, 0:10:43.360 --> 0:10:46.960 And I know that I haven't really deleted anything I 0:10:47.000 --> 0:10:49.280 have now, but it's because I don't feel it's toxic. 0:10:49.320 --> 0:10:51.920 But I'm not really scared to get rid of things 0:10:52.360 --> 0:10:55.440 that are toxic out of like fomo or like fear 0:10:55.480 --> 0:10:58.400 of missing out. I guess it's not really a thing 0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:03.160 that I really feel, because what am I missing if 0:11:03.520 --> 0:11:04.360 I don't want to be there? 0:11:04.720 --> 0:11:08.959 Yeah? Yeah, so it sounds really strong willed. Yeah, you 0:11:09.160 --> 0:11:10.000 able to speak up? 0:11:10.600 --> 0:11:10.800 Yeah? 0:11:11.480 --> 0:11:14.000 All right? So is there any other good things? 0:11:15.480 --> 0:11:17.240 I think those are probably the main things. They're all 0:11:17.280 --> 0:11:19.240 really big things. I'm really shocked. 0:11:19.280 --> 0:11:22.880 There might be some more, Okay, there's usually Yeah. 0:11:23.040 --> 0:11:27.720 I think it came out very compassionate because I knew 0:11:27.720 --> 0:11:31.400 what it felt like to be treated in a not 0:11:31.520 --> 0:11:37.520 nice way, and I wanted to make sure that I 0:11:37.679 --> 0:11:40.560 was never the reason that someone else felt that way, 0:11:40.640 --> 0:11:42.720 or if I could see someone else feeling that way, 0:11:42.840 --> 0:11:45.320 I did something about it to help them not feel 0:11:45.320 --> 0:11:45.720 that way. 0:11:45.960 --> 0:11:49.840 Yep, that's awesome. Yeah, that's really nice. Did you receive 0:11:49.880 --> 0:11:56.400 any good luck from this? Being so strong willed and independent? 0:11:56.600 --> 0:12:00.920 And something kind of happened the next like in that 0:12:01.000 --> 0:12:08.720 year from that in school, maybe in a holiday with 0:12:08.800 --> 0:12:09.400 your family. 0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:13.240 The two weeks the speak to me were exam weeks, 0:12:13.440 --> 0:12:17.720 so I got really good grades. Got my first day plus, 0:12:19.640 --> 0:12:21.240 nailed the science exam. 0:12:23.520 --> 0:12:25.920 How crazy is that? That crazy? 0:12:26.040 --> 0:12:28.000 And that was the only A plus I got all school, 0:12:32.440 --> 0:12:33.400 So that was really good. 0:12:33.800 --> 0:12:34.480 That's really good. 0:12:34.640 --> 0:12:37.079 It was. I also learned the benefit of not talking 0:12:37.120 --> 0:12:46.920 to my friends in class a little thing, but and 0:12:47.000 --> 0:12:49.760 I didn't have a problem sitting by myself after that. Like, 0:12:49.800 --> 0:12:51.679 if I ever really wanted to focus in class for 0:12:51.720 --> 0:12:54.040 the rest of the year, I would literally say love 0:12:54.080 --> 0:12:55.720 you guys. I'm going to go sit at the front 0:12:55.760 --> 0:12:59.560 by myself and I'd get my work done. So I learned, yeah, 0:12:59.600 --> 0:13:02.160 how to it by myself, be by myself. And I 0:13:02.200 --> 0:13:05.520 guess that not spending time away from my friends didn't 0:13:05.559 --> 0:13:06.760 mean I'm not their friend anymore. 0:13:07.400 --> 0:13:08.320 Oh yeah, that's cool. 0:13:09.360 --> 0:13:11.040 And I didn't need to be with them all the time, 0:13:11.040 --> 0:13:12.760 which I think in school was just like a really 0:13:12.800 --> 0:13:15.480 big thing to learn, whereas like as an adult, it 0:13:15.520 --> 0:13:16.320 feels so normal. 0:13:16.440 --> 0:13:21.000 But yeah, so you've used I feel like you would 0:13:21.040 --> 0:13:25.400 have used all these things every time this trauma would 0:13:25.400 --> 0:13:27.640 come up, if something would happen. 0:13:28.200 --> 0:13:30.600 Yeah, Like I didn't really get bullied again. 0:13:30.440 --> 0:13:33.280 After that, that's cool, that's awesome. 0:13:34.559 --> 0:13:36.400 I actually didn't realize that until it was done. 0:13:36.720 --> 0:13:39.559 Yeah, yeah, I reckon, we get a lot. Yeah, that 0:13:39.679 --> 0:13:41.960 is a lot of good for one memory. So you've 0:13:42.000 --> 0:13:46.360 done very well. I'm going to read back everything. So 0:13:46.679 --> 0:13:51.160 this really bad memory has given you made you a 0:13:51.240 --> 0:13:55.480 kind of person. It's made you more resilient, It's given 0:13:55.520 --> 0:14:01.360 you stronger friendships, communicate. You're a lot better communicating with friends. 0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:05.080 It's made you close with your mum. Your mum's given 0:14:05.120 --> 0:14:09.120 you more support and she's given you a safe space, 0:14:09.480 --> 0:14:13.520 gotten independence, which is massive. It stopped you from using 0:14:13.559 --> 0:14:18.960 a toxic app, just led you into your strong wills. 0:14:19.080 --> 0:14:23.960 You speak up now, you're compassionate to other people around 0:14:24.120 --> 0:14:28.080 these sorts of bad memories. You got you good grades 0:14:29.600 --> 0:14:31.640 for the two weeks and you got your first A. 0:14:32.640 --> 0:14:33.400 That's pretty cool. 0:14:34.280 --> 0:14:38.160 I got a before that, just not a plus. 0:14:38.560 --> 0:14:43.640 Yeah, that's so cool. And then from that it's given 0:14:43.680 --> 0:14:47.960 you another benefit of being able to get stuck into 0:14:48.000 --> 0:14:51.000 your work and not be around your friends and put 0:14:51.080 --> 0:14:56.800 up boundaries. So that's pretty cool. So with that, with 0:14:56.920 --> 0:15:01.400 this bad memory, do you want to keep this bad 0:15:01.440 --> 0:15:03.960 memory or do you want to get rid of it? 0:15:04.040 --> 0:15:06.480 Like if you could just magically get rid of it, 0:15:06.800 --> 0:15:09.080 you could just do it right now. Or do you 0:15:09.160 --> 0:15:11.600 want to keep this bad memory because if you get 0:15:11.680 --> 0:15:13.840 rid of this memory, you're going to lose all these 0:15:13.880 --> 0:15:16.520 good things about your identity. 0:15:17.080 --> 0:15:26.000 Oh I'd keep it, yeah, heck yeah, I'd keep yeah. Wow. 0:15:26.360 --> 0:15:31.920 Yeah. So that's pretty powerful to consciously know that whenever 0:15:32.000 --> 0:15:35.920 there's a bad memory or something, you're always going to 0:15:35.920 --> 0:15:36.440 get good. 0:15:37.760 --> 0:15:38.120 Wow. 0:15:38.240 --> 0:15:40.000 Any bad memory, there's always good. 0:15:40.240 --> 0:15:43.000 I'm just like so mind blown because I feel like 0:15:43.600 --> 0:15:46.520 I literally went into this going there's no way anything 0:15:46.520 --> 0:15:49.280 good came out of this because my relationship with my 0:15:49.320 --> 0:15:54.040 body hasn't resolved, but didn't think about the fact that 0:15:54.200 --> 0:15:59.000 other good things could have come from it. Yep, it wow, Yep, 0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:00.960 that's actually crazy. 0:16:01.040 --> 0:16:01.240 Yep. 0:16:01.320 --> 0:16:06.120 That's just your subconscious protecting you. Whenever these come this 0:16:06.280 --> 0:16:09.240 memory comes up, it's saying, hey, we're going to put 0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:11.240 you in a survival move and you're going to get 0:16:11.280 --> 0:16:15.080 all these things again and be these sorts of these 0:16:15.120 --> 0:16:18.440 sorts of dot dot points from now on. And yeah, 0:16:18.440 --> 0:16:20.200 it's weird how subconscious works. 0:16:20.280 --> 0:16:22.800 So it doesn't want me to know that it was 0:16:22.800 --> 0:16:23.840 a good experience. 0:16:24.280 --> 0:16:26.880 Well, it's keeping it as a bad memory for all 0:16:26.920 --> 0:16:31.080 of this to happen again. But consciously it will come up. 0:16:31.280 --> 0:16:33.440 You can't stop it from coming up. But when it 0:16:33.480 --> 0:16:35.840 comes up, you can say, from now on, you can 0:16:35.880 --> 0:16:40.240 say thank you, thank you subconscious for bringing it up. 0:16:40.280 --> 0:16:43.200 But I got all these good things from it. Wow. 0:16:43.200 --> 0:16:46.600 And then you can move on and not get triggered 0:16:46.640 --> 0:16:49.160 so hard the next time. And yeah, so you can 0:16:49.760 --> 0:16:53.120 keep this memory, keep it tight, and have gratitude to it. 0:16:53.800 --> 0:17:00.640 Oh my gosh, whoa cool. Yeah, I'm going to hand 0:17:00.640 --> 0:17:01.480 over to Georgina. 0:17:01.560 --> 0:17:10.119 Now, hello, Georgina, Hello, thanks for joining me today. Let's 0:17:10.440 --> 0:17:15.080 rip straight in and know you overheard everything, So let's 0:17:15.119 --> 0:17:16.679 start with your bad memory. 0:17:16.760 --> 0:17:20.880 Okay, So my memory is also a high school related one, yep. 0:17:21.200 --> 0:17:24.439 And there was this rumor that was going around about me, 0:17:24.960 --> 0:17:28.760 but it was off the back of probably behavior I 0:17:28.840 --> 0:17:31.959 wasn't proud of, so I was already a bit conscious 0:17:32.000 --> 0:17:34.720 of that, and then this rumor kind of spread. And 0:17:34.760 --> 0:17:37.320 then one day in class, I had this group of 0:17:37.320 --> 0:17:39.119 friends that we'd always sit together, and we'd sit in 0:17:39.160 --> 0:17:42.000 like a desk of four, and I walked into the 0:17:42.040 --> 0:17:45.359 class and they purposely so I could see it, moved 0:17:45.400 --> 0:17:48.240 their desks away from me. So I was by myself, 0:17:48.320 --> 0:17:51.080 like there was one desk and there was their three, 0:17:51.160 --> 0:17:53.480 and they were just like staring at me, and the 0:17:53.520 --> 0:17:58.400 whole class looked at me, and it was just very embarrassing. Fine, 0:17:58.640 --> 0:18:01.080 so you got pushed out, Yeah, like purposely. 0:18:01.800 --> 0:18:09.040 Okay, that's horrible for starters, like again, kids, so cruel. Yeah, 0:18:09.080 --> 0:18:15.040 it's so bad. Do you mind me asking what you did? 0:18:15.080 --> 0:18:17.960 You don't have to share, this is a safe space. 0:18:19.240 --> 0:18:22.320 It was more so I think me just being a 0:18:22.400 --> 0:18:26.560 teenager and wanting to get attention from boys, from people. 0:18:27.040 --> 0:18:28.480 I just wanted to be seen. 0:18:29.000 --> 0:18:29.200 Yep. 0:18:29.280 --> 0:18:32.520 And I think I just did stuff that probably wasn't 0:18:33.520 --> 0:18:34.400 the best behavior. 0:18:35.320 --> 0:18:40.040 Okay, that's all right, the share, that's all right. So 0:18:40.240 --> 0:18:42.560 what you just did, like a few bad things. 0:18:42.760 --> 0:18:46.119 Yeah, just wasn't a bit of a rebel phase, I guess, 0:18:46.240 --> 0:18:49.720 but I know that it was. The behavior wasn't necessarily 0:18:49.920 --> 0:18:52.600 aligned either, Like I felt a bit shameful about what 0:18:52.640 --> 0:18:55.720 I had done. Yeah, So then there was like that element, 0:18:55.880 --> 0:18:59.520 and then because of that, there was this getting excluded 0:18:59.520 --> 0:19:01.800 and like every one kind of hating me. So it 0:19:01.880 --> 0:19:05.440 was just like tied up thing of like guilt, being embarrassed, 0:19:05.640 --> 0:19:06.879 the exclusion. 0:19:06.840 --> 0:19:07.880 All that kind of stuff. 0:19:09.680 --> 0:19:13.840 Okay, So I am just a very friendly, happy person, 0:19:13.960 --> 0:19:16.760 and I was probably a little bit maybe too flirty 0:19:16.800 --> 0:19:19.800 with people's boyfriends or people that you know, my friends 0:19:19.840 --> 0:19:22.720 were protective overall, owned or whatever you want to say. 0:19:23.000 --> 0:19:25.200 So that kind of came across that I had a 0:19:25.200 --> 0:19:28.399 bit of a reputation of you know, choosing boys of 0:19:28.440 --> 0:19:32.440 a friends or like that kind of vibe, which when 0:19:32.440 --> 0:19:35.280 you're that age as a teenage girl, if you've let 0:19:35.280 --> 0:19:37.480 with someone's boyfriend, Like it's like the worst thing ever, 0:19:38.080 --> 0:19:41.320 you know, like, how dare you blah blah blah. 0:19:41.400 --> 0:19:44.439 It can only be like that in your head. No 0:19:44.480 --> 0:19:48.200 one else's so for you. That was a really bad thing. 0:19:48.720 --> 0:19:54.439 But it's very common. Everyone does it, I'm telling you, Like, 0:19:54.520 --> 0:19:57.639 we've all might have done it in some sort of 0:19:57.680 --> 0:20:01.520 way but not even knowing it as well. Yeah, don't 0:20:01.520 --> 0:20:05.040 feel a shame of it, because it's there for a 0:20:05.119 --> 0:20:08.280 reason in your head. And yet, like who doesn't like 0:20:08.320 --> 0:20:09.320 getting attention. 0:20:10.720 --> 0:20:13.399 Especially when you're like a teenage girl, I like, or 0:20:13.440 --> 0:20:15.800 any teenager, that's what you do. Everyone's just trying to 0:20:16.320 --> 0:20:19.159 look good, get attention, be popular, all that kind of stuff. 0:20:19.160 --> 0:20:21.080 And it was just that whole cycle. 0:20:21.320 --> 0:20:24.680 Yeah, it's definitely common. Thanks for sharing. That's really brave. 0:20:24.800 --> 0:20:27.600 What were the if you don't mind me asking, what 0:20:27.640 --> 0:20:30.000 were the rumors that were going around? 0:20:30.520 --> 0:20:34.879 So the rumors were based on like a bit of 0:20:34.880 --> 0:20:38.520 this weird reputation that I had gained kind of just 0:20:39.000 --> 0:20:42.720 like being flooding with people's boyfriends, you know, just behavior 0:20:42.760 --> 0:20:44.439 you do it that age to get attention and to 0:20:44.520 --> 0:20:47.679 stand out and stuff like that. But it eventually turned 0:20:47.800 --> 0:20:50.680 into like a bit of a slut shaming thing where 0:20:50.720 --> 0:20:54.080 like we go out to like sporting events and stuff 0:20:54.080 --> 0:20:57.200 and people would chant things about me with my name 0:20:57.240 --> 0:20:59.679 and it in relation to like inappropriate things, and it 0:20:59.760 --> 0:21:03.320 just and it turned into this reputation that I felt 0:21:03.320 --> 0:21:07.000 like wasn't warranted. You know, like I was doing behavior 0:21:07.000 --> 0:21:09.080 that I feel like a lot of girls do at 0:21:09.119 --> 0:21:13.199 that age, but for some reason for me, you know, 0:21:13.560 --> 0:21:14.080 he gotcha. 0:21:14.280 --> 0:21:16.479 Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's crazy. 0:21:16.680 --> 0:21:22.720 Yeah, rumors at school, right in a female Catholic school, Yep. 0:21:22.960 --> 0:21:23.480 Not good. 0:21:23.800 --> 0:21:27.960 But yes, I think this is definitely it's normal. I 0:21:28.000 --> 0:21:30.720 feel like there would be I'm not I wouldn't know, 0:21:30.920 --> 0:21:34.679 but with the girls around me, yeah, I feel like 0:21:35.240 --> 0:21:37.760 that would happen a lot. So you're not alone. It's 0:21:37.760 --> 0:21:40.720 not like you're the bad person here, and it doesn't 0:21:40.800 --> 0:21:44.359 seem like you actually have done anything bad but just 0:21:44.520 --> 0:21:47.120 want to get a bit of tension. Yeah, and that's harmless. 0:21:47.440 --> 0:21:51.879 So it's all good. And I appreciate you being vulnerable 0:21:51.920 --> 0:21:54.800 and sharing this with everyone. It's really really cool and 0:21:55.760 --> 0:21:59.760 hopefully let's to the end of it. And yeah, let's 0:21:59.760 --> 0:22:04.520 see now we already said the big question is what 0:22:04.720 --> 0:22:09.240 is the good things that have come from this bad memory. 0:22:09.800 --> 0:22:14.320 Oh, this is checky. I suppose a little bit of 0:22:14.400 --> 0:22:18.159 like independence, like I as a result, I kind of 0:22:18.359 --> 0:22:22.400 turned very inwood. I became like I always had this 0:22:22.600 --> 0:22:25.919 weird feeling of being a little bit different and isolated 0:22:25.960 --> 0:22:28.960 and alone, so this kind of just cemented that. So 0:22:29.000 --> 0:22:33.120 then I became a very independent self person. 0:22:33.680 --> 0:22:39.399 That's awesome. That's awesome. Independence. It's a really good skill 0:22:39.480 --> 0:22:44.040 to have, Like when you get into adulthood you need it. 0:22:44.080 --> 0:22:49.880 So that's awesome. What else, what kind of person did 0:22:49.880 --> 0:22:52.680 you become? Then? Another strength? 0:22:54.760 --> 0:22:57.760 I suppose I was a little bit more aware of 0:22:58.720 --> 0:23:03.919 my behavior and how much that could, you know, spread 0:23:03.960 --> 0:23:06.560