1
00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:07,080
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

2
00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:10,119
Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.

3
00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:13,320
Speaker 2: Now, if we can slow it down, pause, connect and

4
00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:15,520
Speaker 2: make the relationship a priority, even if it's just for

5
00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:19,160
Speaker 2: fifteen seconds of kissing your partner or giving you kiddo

6
00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:23,120
Speaker 2: a quick wrestler and a tickle, it makes such a difference.

7
00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:26,880
Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum

8
00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:27,400
Speaker 1: and dad.

9
00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:31,120
Speaker 2: It's the final day of autumn. I nearly forgot one

10
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,240
Speaker 2: what season we were in. Final day of autumn tomorrow

11
00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:33,720
Speaker 2: it's winter.

12
00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:35,320
Speaker 3: Has it felt like autumn?

13
00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:37,560
Speaker 2: Well, it's unfair of us to say that, because we're

14
00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:40,560
Speaker 2: now living on the coasts in queens the tropical Queensland,

15
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:44,240
Speaker 2: and no it hasn't. It feels like what doesn't feel

16
00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:46,840
Speaker 2: like winter yet? And how good is that? That's why

17
00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:47,360
Speaker 2: we live here.

18
00:00:47,479 --> 00:00:49,280
Speaker 3: We were walking at the beach the other night and

19
00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:51,240
Speaker 3: it was eighteen degrees.

20
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:54,760
Speaker 2: Walking along in T shirts, T shorts, T shirt and shorts,

21
00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:55,640
Speaker 2: feeding the water.

22
00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:59,360
Speaker 3: I would normally be winging at eighteen degrees in any

23
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:00,959
Speaker 3: other locue that we've lived at.

24
00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:02,400
Speaker 2: Beautiful that it.

25
00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:05,400
Speaker 3: Is just so temperate, it's beautiful.

26
00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:07,959
Speaker 2: So last day of autumn winter kicks off tomorrow. This

27
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,640
Speaker 2: is a Happy Family's podcast. I'm doctor Justin Coulson. I'm

28
00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:13,520
Speaker 2: here with Kylie, mum to our six kids, and today

29
00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:16,800
Speaker 2: we're having a conversation about some habits of healthy relationships.

30
00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:18,840
Speaker 2: I mean, this podcast could go on for days. We

31
00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:23,120
Speaker 2: could talk about so many things. I've done webinars about this.

32
00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:25,399
Speaker 2: You and I've done workshops about it better together. It's

33
00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:27,759
Speaker 2: available on the Happy Family Store. But today I thought

34
00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:30,040
Speaker 2: we'd talk about some things that we don't talk about

35
00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:35,120
Speaker 2: all that often, that are instantly practical, tremendously helpful, and

36
00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:37,960
Speaker 2: that people can start using to make their relationships better

37
00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:40,480
Speaker 2: with their kids and even with their partners or spouses,

38
00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:44,000
Speaker 2: starting right now. I've got a long list because I

39
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:44,880
Speaker 2: can't help myself.

40
00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:46,640
Speaker 3: Well, I'm having a little chuckle because I've got a

41
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,240
Speaker 3: list in front of me. It's not your list. Oh

42
00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:52,600
Speaker 3: what's your list that Miss Hay gave me her to

43
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:53,720
Speaker 3: do list for today?

44
00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:56,080
Speaker 2: Oh so this isn't like a healthy relationships list.

45
00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:57,640
Speaker 3: This is just that I think in her mind, it

46
00:01:57,720 --> 00:01:59,360
Speaker 3: is about healthy relationship.

47
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:02,240
Speaker 2: Emily eight years old, she's got a to do list.

48
00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:03,760
Speaker 2: What you're laughing about it? What's on the list.

49
00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:07,400
Speaker 3: Well, there's haircut, is the first thing. Sure, then we've

50
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:11,440
Speaker 3: got bowling bo l w l I.

51
00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:13,600
Speaker 2: N G bowling. Sure we can go bowling.

52
00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:19,360
Speaker 3: And then we've got pedicures. Really p E d I

53
00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:22,000
Speaker 3: c uo r pedicure?

54
00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:22,880
Speaker 2: How she did pretty well?

55
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:25,480
Speaker 3: She did amazing And each one of them has a

56
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:30,680
Speaker 3: picture next to it, right so, and I'm just laughing

57
00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:32,840
Speaker 3: because I don't know where she got this idea.

58
00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:36,600
Speaker 2: From taking her bowling this afternoon and then for a

59
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:37,840
Speaker 2: petty that isn't the plane.

60
00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:40,360
Speaker 3: Well, maybe that's her hint that she needs some mummy

61
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:42,160
Speaker 3: daughter time. I'm in for a pedicure.

62
00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:44,400
Speaker 2: Help me to understand, because I'm a male and I've

63
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,640
Speaker 2: never had one. What is a pedicure?

64
00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,480
Speaker 3: Do you know you need to go and have one?

65
00:02:48,639 --> 00:02:51,960
Speaker 3: I walked through this shopping yes, and there's often more

66
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:54,200
Speaker 3: men sitting in those chairs than females.

67
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:55,600
Speaker 2: So what is a pedicure?

68
00:02:56,760 --> 00:03:00,000
Speaker 3: They get rid of all of the dead skin around

69
00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:01,280
Speaker 3: and your toes.

70
00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:03,160
Speaker 2: And heel, what's disgusting?

71
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:06,560
Speaker 3: It is and it feels amazing. Does the end?

72
00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:08,880
Speaker 2: When I think of a pedicure, Now that you've said that,

73
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:10,400
Speaker 2: as soon as you said it, I was thinking of

74
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:12,360
Speaker 2: those barley sucking fish that you put your feet into

75
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:14,440
Speaker 2: the tank and they suckle the dead skin off. Is

76
00:03:14,639 --> 00:03:16,480
Speaker 2: that not a cheap or easier way to get a pithicure?

77
00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:20,640
Speaker 2: That's pretty gross and I hated that. I'll never do

78
00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:23,600
Speaker 2: that again. So if it feels anything like that the people, I'll.

79
00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:25,720
Speaker 3: Even paint your toes if you ask nice the fish.

80
00:03:25,919 --> 00:03:28,400
Speaker 2: Let's move on. I'm so sorry that was not even funny.

81
00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:30,799
Speaker 2: The habits of healthy relationships is what we want to

82
00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:34,120
Speaker 2: talk about today. Seven ideas that I've got that can

83
00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:36,760
Speaker 2: help your family to be happier. And they're not the

84
00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:38,720
Speaker 2: usual sort of things that I talk about in the

85
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,640
Speaker 2: podcast or in our webinars or anything like that, but

86
00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:44,080
Speaker 2: they are all science supported and frankly, I think that

87
00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:47,920
Speaker 2: these ideas can really make a difference for any parent

88
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,640
Speaker 2: who wants their family to be happier.

89
00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:51,640
Speaker 3: Well, I'm interested in number one.

90
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:55,200
Speaker 2: Number one is make time. Make time for who, make

91
00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:58,760
Speaker 2: time for your relationships. I've kind of been on a

92
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,040
Speaker 2: bit of a thing over the last couple of months

93
00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:04,840
Speaker 2: on the podcast. I've been really hammering this a lot.

94
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:08,680
Speaker 2: We've got to put our phones down, so this concept

95
00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:12,000
Speaker 2: of time confetti has really captured me. I love the metaphor.

96
00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:15,960
Speaker 2: I love the visual image of time literally falling in

97
00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:19,480
Speaker 2: tiny little pockets here, there, and everywhere, like confetti falls

98
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:22,440
Speaker 2: when you throw confetti in the air. Time confetti is

99
00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:24,320
Speaker 2: that it's that two minutes here, and that four minutes

100
00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:27,719
Speaker 2: there and that eight minutes over there. We kind of go,

101
00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:29,560
Speaker 2: I can't do anything with this time until we stare

102
00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:32,919
Speaker 2: at our phone. And I'm increasingly convinced more than ever

103
00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:36,120
Speaker 2: that it's those little moments where we're staring at our

104
00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:38,679
Speaker 2: phone where we're missing out on relationship connection.

105
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,880
Speaker 3: Is that why you've been kissing me so much lately?

106
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,680
Speaker 2: Every time you're on your phone, I kiss you. You've

107
00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:47,040
Speaker 2: noticed if I see you on the phone, I come

108
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:47,800
Speaker 2: over and kiss you.

109
00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:49,680
Speaker 3: Oh well, I'm not getting off my phone, and.

110
00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:52,560
Speaker 2: I know the idea is get off the phone and

111
00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:56,039
Speaker 2: come and connects with me. You're getting the wrong message.

112
00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:58,200
Speaker 2: I'm reinforcing the wrong thing. Is that what you're saying.

113
00:04:58,279 --> 00:05:01,560
Speaker 2: Maybe there's that three minutes of time confetti there where

114
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,200
Speaker 2: you can stare at your phone and catch up on

115
00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:05,800
Speaker 2: the next three minutes of whatever stupidity you're watching on

116
00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:09,279
Speaker 2: whatever streaming thing, Oh you on, or you can come

117
00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:10,960
Speaker 2: and squeeze your back.

118
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:12,560
Speaker 3: I haven't had a three minute kiss. I don't know

119
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:13,559
Speaker 3: what you're talking about.

120
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,479
Speaker 2: Let's not go too far. We can't divulge all of

121
00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:19,440
Speaker 2: the details of how the Colsons operate. But what can

122
00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:21,200
Speaker 2: you do in that three minutes with your kiddo? How

123
00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:24,800
Speaker 2: can you engage with them? Because the problem is, as

124
00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:27,000
Speaker 2: our kids are growing up as well, they use that

125
00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:29,560
Speaker 2: same three minutes of time confetti to stare at a

126
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:32,279
Speaker 2: screen or to gaze off into the distance and do nothing,

127
00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:35,160
Speaker 2: and it's not good for our relationships. It's not good

128
00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:38,800
Speaker 2: for connection. I think at the heart of the heart

129
00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:42,080
Speaker 2: of the very best relationships is time. There's that cheesy

130
00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:44,440
Speaker 2: phrase that I use all the time in my workshops

131
00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:49,920
Speaker 2: to a child. Love is spelled time. Connection is the

132
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:54,080
Speaker 2: currency of relationships. We've got dollars that run our economy.

133
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,920
Speaker 2: It's connection, that sense of feeling seen, heard and valued

134
00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:01,040
Speaker 2: that makes our relationships the healthiest. And when we're staring

135
00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:03,080
Speaker 2: at screens or when we're so caught up in all

136
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:04,440
Speaker 2: the stuff that we've got to do, and I'm not

137
00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:06,880
Speaker 2: denying that stuff has to be done, but if we

138
00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:10,280
Speaker 2: can slow it down, pause, connect and make the relationship

139
00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:12,640
Speaker 2: a priority. Even if it's just for fifteen seconds of

140
00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:16,080
Speaker 2: kissing your partner or giving you kiddo a quick wrestler

141
00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:19,200
Speaker 2: and a tickle, it makes such a difference.

142
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,960
Speaker 3: Well, number two is not one of my strong points.

143
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:29,440
Speaker 3: You've put down laugh laugh, Yes, but I did practice

144
00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:30,279
Speaker 3: the fake smiling.

145
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, Well that's true and it's getting better. Did

146
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:36,960
Speaker 2: you know that When we look at what's called sociometric studies.

147
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:41,159
Speaker 2: Sociometric studies basically, when we're looking at how popular people are,

148
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,520
Speaker 2: we have a look at who likes who in the zoo,

149
00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:46,800
Speaker 2: and we usually do this sociometric studies in school classrooms

150
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,360
Speaker 2: work out who the most popular kids are. There's two

151
00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:52,359
Speaker 2: qualities that make people popular. One of them is fear.

152
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:55,720
Speaker 2: So the really popular kids, the ones with all the status,

153
00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:59,240
Speaker 2: they're popular because people are scared of them. They've got

154
00:06:59,279 --> 00:07:03,160
Speaker 2: that Machiavelli and tendency. They treat people badly, and therefore

155
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:05,039
Speaker 2: people are drawn to them because they know that if

156
00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:06,680
Speaker 2: they can be on their good side, they'll be popular,

157
00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:08,120
Speaker 2: and if they're on the bad side, they're in trouble.

158
00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,240
Speaker 2: So they're drawn to them because of that popularity, that

159
00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:13,920
Speaker 2: power that they have. But there's another group of people

160
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,360
Speaker 2: who are popular for a different reason, and they're not

161
00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:20,120
Speaker 2: as popular as the cool kids. They're popular in a

162
00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:23,320
Speaker 2: different way. They're popular because they're liked. And do you

163
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:24,600
Speaker 2: know who's most liked?

164
00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:26,760
Speaker 3: Fun? People who?

165
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, people who know how to have fun and know

166
00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:31,280
Speaker 2: how to laugh. Like, We've got six daughters, and one

167
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:35,440
Speaker 2: of them is a compulsive laugher. She's laughing all the time.

168
00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:38,640
Speaker 2: She has so many annoying habits, She is so irresponsible,

169
00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:41,000
Speaker 2: she does so many things that drive us up the wall,

170
00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:45,560
Speaker 2: and yet she is consistently the kid that all of

171
00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:48,280
Speaker 2: us enjoy spending time with you, me, and all of

172
00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:50,840
Speaker 2: the other kids, all of her siblings, because she's so

173
00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:53,480
Speaker 2: much fun. She knows how to laugh, And I think

174
00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:57,280
Speaker 2: that's why everyone loves me so much as well. I

175
00:07:57,320 --> 00:08:00,960
Speaker 2: can't believe you just mocked me, as I said, but laughter,

176
00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:05,120
Speaker 2: laughter is such it's such a wonderful lubricant for our relationship.

177
00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:07,440
Speaker 3: Well, I did get you a little while ago. Yeah,

178
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:10,640
Speaker 3: you were very very cranky as you were staring at

179
00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:11,480
Speaker 3: your screen.

180
00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:14,280
Speaker 2: And and I'm on a screen.

181
00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:18,520
Speaker 3: Mate, and you have this habit of adding lots of

182
00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:19,400
Speaker 3: words to things.

183
00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:23,960
Speaker 2: I know what you're going to say, I know what

184
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:24,760
Speaker 2: you're going to say.

185
00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:27,560
Speaker 3: So lots and lots of years ago, when we first

186
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:31,320
Speaker 3: got married, you decided that I needed a pet name.

187
00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:33,880
Speaker 2: I can't believe you're disclosing this, And.

188
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:38,040
Speaker 3: You decided to call me not one, but four names

189
00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:38,720
Speaker 3: all in one.

190
00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:41,640
Speaker 2: Well, that's because there was not one that was enough

191
00:08:41,679 --> 00:08:43,240
Speaker 2: to describe how I felt about you.

192
00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:47,800
Speaker 3: You're so good, thank you, so bit sappy. But you

193
00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:51,000
Speaker 3: call me your beautiful darling angel sweetheart.

194
00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:53,840
Speaker 2: Uh huh, that's even how you are in my phone. Yes, yep,

195
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:55,800
Speaker 2: and that's what you and that's what your number plate is.

196
00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:58,800
Speaker 3: My number plate now I actually have the acronym b

197
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:01,600
Speaker 3: D as I have to say that most people don't

198
00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:04,720
Speaker 3: know that. It's beautiful Darling Angel sweetheart, however, and it

199
00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:06,359
Speaker 3: has a completely different.

200
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:09,400
Speaker 2: Think about it folks, BDS.

201
00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:13,599
Speaker 3: Fortunately, But as you were staring at your scream and

202
00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:16,400
Speaker 3: getting very cranky, I realized that there's a bit of

203
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:18,720
Speaker 3: a habit going on here, because you don't just say

204
00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,160
Speaker 3: one bad word, you say it all of them together.

205
00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:23,120
Speaker 2: I don't swear, let's know you don't.

206
00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:25,360
Speaker 3: So you said gosh damn it, flame in hell, all

207
00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:29,440
Speaker 3: in one head. And as soon as I made that

208
00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:30,600
Speaker 3: point to you, what happened?

209
00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:31,520
Speaker 2: I think? I laugh?

210
00:09:33,559 --> 00:09:35,199
Speaker 3: So powerful, isn't it?

211
00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:38,160
Speaker 2: Laughter? It's a lubricant that makes relationships happy and healthy,

212
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:42,840
Speaker 2: so long as it's kind and directed to Are we

213
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,840
Speaker 2: number three? Well, we talked way too long. We've got

214
00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:46,079
Speaker 2: seven of these to get through. But we've got to

215
00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:52,000
Speaker 2: take a quick break after the break at number three.

216
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,640
Speaker 2: If you have more than one child, there's a simple truth.

217
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,080
Speaker 2: They're going to fight, they're going to compete, and they're

218
00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:01,280
Speaker 2: going to have relationship troubles. But the real secret isn't

219
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:05,199
Speaker 2: how to stop the fighting. It's how to teach them kindness.

220
00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:09,120
Speaker 2: The Teaching Kids Kindness webinar will help you to do

221
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:12,560
Speaker 2: just that, but also help them build lifelong sibling bonds

222
00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:16,080
Speaker 2: that lead to lifelong friendships. Check out Teaching Kids Kindness

223
00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:17,719
Speaker 2: at happy Families dot com dot a U.

224
00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:21,080
Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time

225
00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:23,719
Speaker 3: poor parent who just wants answers now. And I am

226
00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:26,640
Speaker 3: thinking that number three might be honoring the other.

227
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,640
Speaker 2: Yeah. And what I mean by honoring the other, because

228
00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:34,040
Speaker 2: you've seen my list obviously, Missus Colson, is when we

229
00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:37,160
Speaker 2: honor the other, we only speak well of them. Even

230
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:40,320
Speaker 2: when they're not present. So I hear this all the time.

231
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:43,000
Speaker 2: I hear it from men when I'm on the bike

232
00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:45,280
Speaker 2: and I'm riding with a bunch of guys. I hear

233
00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,200
Speaker 2: it from women who tell me that when all the

234
00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:50,080
Speaker 2: girls get together, this is what they talk about. That

235
00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:53,920
Speaker 2: they often will use the opportunity away from their partner

236
00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:56,120
Speaker 2: to bag their partner out, to say horrible things about

237
00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:58,720
Speaker 2: their spouse, to say, Oh, they always do this, or gosh,

238
00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:02,000
Speaker 2: they're always this or that or the other. There's nothing

239
00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:05,360
Speaker 2: less healthy for a relationship than speaking ill of one another,

240
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:09,360
Speaker 2: whether that person is present or not. There is power

241
00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:12,480
Speaker 2: in honoring the other person in only speaking well of

242
00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:15,000
Speaker 2: them if they're an ex, do the same thing, especially

243
00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:16,680
Speaker 2: in front of the kids, or especially in front of

244
00:11:16,679 --> 00:11:19,360
Speaker 2: your parents. Don't say bad things about the X or

245
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:22,520
Speaker 2: the in laws. Honor the relationships that you're in and

246
00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:26,520
Speaker 2: give compliments, Be honest about how much you love that person,

247
00:11:26,559 --> 00:11:29,040
Speaker 2: and let them know. Honor the relationship, honor the humanity

248
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:31,160
Speaker 2: of the person. To me, that's one of the most

249
00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:34,320
Speaker 2: powerful things that we can do to make a relationship healthy.

250
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:37,040
Speaker 3: I love that one. It's probably one of my favorites.

251
00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:40,640
Speaker 3: For much of our married life, I have been really

252
00:11:40,679 --> 00:11:45,360
Speaker 3: intentional about the people I choose to share my feelings with.

253
00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:48,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, you only tell people how much awfulness I get

254
00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:49,559
Speaker 2: up to if they're very close to you.

255
00:11:51,679 --> 00:11:55,959
Speaker 3: Because people's opinion of other people is made up of

256
00:11:56,280 --> 00:12:02,839
Speaker 3: lots of different opinions, and in an intimate relationship, you

257
00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:08,000
Speaker 3: deal with things all the time that are intimate and private,

258
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,720
Speaker 3: and the more you share those things with other people,

259
00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:13,360
Speaker 3: they have a really skewed view of who you are.

260
00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:17,480
Speaker 3: And I've always been really intentional about that because I

261
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:20,520
Speaker 3: don't want anybody to see you in a skewed light

262
00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:24,160
Speaker 3: because of a difficulty that we're experiencing at any point

263
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:27,040
Speaker 3: in time. Because the reality is all of us do it.

264
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:30,720
Speaker 3: We all have moments, and I think that I don't

265
00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:32,280
Speaker 3: know if it's the same for men, but I do

266
00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:34,600
Speaker 3: know that as a woman, it's really good to be

267
00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:36,960
Speaker 3: able to bounce something of somebody else and kind of

268
00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:39,920
Speaker 3: get a new perspective. But finding the right people to

269
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,439
Speaker 3: get perspectives.

270
00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:42,640
Speaker 2: From and doing it in a way that it doesn't

271
00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:45,040
Speaker 2: turn into a bag out which kind of session.

272
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:47,280
Speaker 3: That's right because I and so I'm not looking for

273
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:51,960
Speaker 3: somebody to actually justify my feelings. What I'm actually wanting

274
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,760
Speaker 3: is someone who's going to elevate my thoughts.

275
00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:58,040
Speaker 2: Love it. The next one is that we need to

276
00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:03,120
Speaker 2: encourage positive illusions, such by Shelley Taylor and another author

277
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:05,640
Speaker 2: surname Brown, can't remember the first name. Look at this

278
00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:09,240
Speaker 2: idea that in our lives we host and we hold

279
00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:13,679
Speaker 2: all these positive illusions. And relationships are strongest when we

280
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:16,400
Speaker 2: believe things that aren't necessarily true but are very.

281
00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:17,680
Speaker 3: Rose colored glasses.

282
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,440
Speaker 2: That's exactly what it is. And when we look at

283
00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:23,480
Speaker 2: our partner, when we look at our children through rose

284
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:30,080
Speaker 2: colored glasses, we have healthier relationships. We hold them in

285
00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:33,200
Speaker 2: higher esteem, higher regard. Now, this isn't about lying to

286
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:36,839
Speaker 2: yourself and fooling yourself. This is just about recognizing that

287
00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:40,199
Speaker 2: it's so easy to focus on the negatives. They already exist,

288
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:42,520
Speaker 2: but could we just focus on the positives a little more.

289
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:45,160
Speaker 2: It changes the quality of the relationship when you do that.

290
00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:48,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's interesting. We've talked about this a few times now,

291
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:50,880
Speaker 3: the fact that there is a positive and a negative

292
00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:52,840
Speaker 3: to each attribute.

293
00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:53,320
Speaker 2: Right.

294
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:55,920
Speaker 3: So, one of the things that I absolutely love about

295
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:59,199
Speaker 3: you is you have got so much energy. You are

296
00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:03,360
Speaker 3: just like an energizer, Bunny, I know where you're going

297
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:08,440
Speaker 3: with this, but at times it is absolutely frustrating, grating,

298
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:13,840
Speaker 3: and just drives me to probably anxiety levels to the hilt.

299
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:17,400
Speaker 3: I love the energy that you bring to the table

300
00:14:17,679 --> 00:14:20,640
Speaker 3: ninety nine percent of the time, but there is every

301
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,240
Speaker 3: now and again, there are times where it's just like,

302
00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:25,320
Speaker 3: oh my gosh, can we just calm things down? Please?

303
00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:29,280
Speaker 3: And we can so often just focus on that and

304
00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:31,960
Speaker 3: not recognize that there is so many things about that

305
00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:35,120
Speaker 3: particular quality that are amazing and bring so much joy

306
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:36,160
Speaker 3: into our relationship.

307
00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:39,200
Speaker 2: So these habits are about our spouses and partners as

308
00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:41,040
Speaker 2: much as they're about our children. This is the podcast

309
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:44,640
Speaker 2: about time poor parents and children. But you'll know that

310
00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:46,320
Speaker 2: each of these four things that we've talked about so

311
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,600
Speaker 2: far also apply to our kids. Are we able to

312
00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:50,680
Speaker 2: make time and we able to laugh? Are we able

313
00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:54,360
Speaker 2: to honor the relationship and speak positively? Do we harbor

314
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:58,440
Speaker 2: those positive illusions? Times getting the better of mishappy families?

315
00:14:58,480 --> 00:14:59,960
Speaker 2: And I've still got a whole lot more of them

316
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:03,560
Speaker 2: to go through. Let's put these ones off until our

317
00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:05,479
Speaker 2: podcast on Thursday.

318
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:06,600
Speaker 3: I think that's a great plan.

319
00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:09,360
Speaker 2: The Happy Family podcast is running out of time very quickly,

320
00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:11,000
Speaker 2: so if you'd like more. Oh, by the way, we

321
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:12,640
Speaker 2: would like to know from you, what do you do

322
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:15,400
Speaker 2: to build a happier relationship? What are your habits of

323
00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:17,720
Speaker 2: the happiest relationships? Can you send us a voice memo

324
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:20,600
Speaker 2: we'd love to hear from your podcasts at happy families

325
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,760
Speaker 2: dot com dot you shoot that voice memo through and

326
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:26,760
Speaker 2: we'll share your tidbits your ideas in upcoming podcasts. We

327
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,160
Speaker 2: are produced as always by Justin Roland from Bridge Media.

328
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:31,280
Speaker 2: Craig Bruce is our executive producer and if you'd like

329
00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:33,440
Speaker 2: more offa about making your family happier, join us at

330
00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:37,000
Speaker 2: happy families dot com. Do au