WEBVTT - ASK UNCUT - THERAPY THURSDAYS! 0:00:19.600 --> 0:00:22.320 Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life 0:00:22.320 --> 0:00:26.360 on Cut. This is our Thursday episode, Out Therapy Thursday, 0:00:26.360 --> 0:00:28.800 out down and dirty, quick and nasty episode where we 0:00:28.880 --> 0:00:32.400 answer all of your deepest questions. I'm Brittany and I'm Laura, 0:00:32.560 --> 0:00:34.080 and we're happy to be here. Why is it a 0:00:34.159 --> 0:00:36.720 nasty episode? Do you know that? It was just ruddling 0:00:36.720 --> 0:00:40.360 off some words and like how much alliteration can I 0:00:40.400 --> 0:00:42.840 fit into this? It just literally rolled off my tongue, 0:00:42.880 --> 0:00:44.879 so I rolled with it. But nasty can be like, 0:00:45.120 --> 0:00:48.400 nasty can be acused. Yeah, like nasty. Okay, Well, they're 0:00:48.400 --> 0:00:51.040 mostly like relationship questions that we have for you guys today. 0:00:51.280 --> 0:00:53.080 But thank you to everybody who's written in a question 0:00:53.120 --> 0:00:55.160 for asking a cart. Like we say every week, we 0:00:55.240 --> 0:00:58.040 feel so eternally grateful that you trust us with our 0:00:58.200 --> 0:01:00.480 years of wisdom and trauma that we bring to each 0:01:00.480 --> 0:01:03.560 and every episode. And Brett, as always, has picked out 0:01:03.600 --> 0:01:06.119 three and I really like these three questions we've got today. 0:01:06.640 --> 0:01:08.800 One little thing I want to say before we jump in, 0:01:08.840 --> 0:01:11.039 and that is just a big fat thank you to 0:01:11.040 --> 0:01:13.880 everyone that's already voting for us for the podcast awards 0:01:13.880 --> 0:01:16.560 we sort of put on our Instagram yesterday that we 0:01:16.560 --> 0:01:19.720 were trying to go for the Listener's Choice Awards. I 0:01:19.800 --> 0:01:21.600 may or may not have said I would give everyone 0:01:21.640 --> 0:01:23.520 a dog that voted for me. I also like that 0:01:23.600 --> 0:01:25.200 you say we sort of put it on there. No, 0:01:25.319 --> 0:01:27.280 we grobbled, like we couldn't have put it on there more. 0:01:27.560 --> 0:01:29.760 We made a very fucking obvious what we want from you. 0:01:29.920 --> 0:01:32.280 But so many of you are actually writing in saying 0:01:32.280 --> 0:01:34.840 that you've voted, done, sending us your screenshots, and we 0:01:34.920 --> 0:01:37.360 love that. But my favorite thing so far is that 0:01:37.400 --> 0:01:40.399 I've had people be like, done from Australia, done from Ireland, 0:01:40.440 --> 0:01:43.160 done from Dubai, done from South Africa, done from countries 0:01:43.160 --> 0:01:45.040 I haven't even heard of, and I'm like, I can't 0:01:45.080 --> 0:01:47.240 believe we have listeners in those countries. So we're just 0:01:47.319 --> 0:01:49.880 so grateful and so thankful that you guys are voting 0:01:49.920 --> 0:01:52.160 and you're listening and you're sharing all around the world. 0:01:52.480 --> 0:01:54.720 Having said that, there's still three more weeks to vote 0:01:54.760 --> 0:01:56.560 to keep going, I'm also. 0:01:56.400 --> 0:01:59.000 Really deeply appreciating all of the people who are writing 0:01:59.000 --> 0:02:00.920 and who are like, hey, I voted from you from 0:02:00.920 --> 0:02:02.960 my normal email account, and then I also voted from 0:02:02.960 --> 0:02:05.200 you from my seven Burner accounts, plus I got my 0:02:05.280 --> 0:02:06.000 dad and my mum to. 0:02:06.040 --> 0:02:08.200 Vote for you too. To whoever those people are who 0:02:08.200 --> 0:02:11.520 have written in, I am so grateful. I also like question, 0:02:11.880 --> 0:02:14.519 are these prize piglet email addresses that you can enter 0:02:14.680 --> 0:02:17.160 like for multiple prizes on things? Or is this legitimately 0:02:17.160 --> 0:02:19.960 because you have Burner Instagram accounts, in which case maybe 0:02:19.960 --> 0:02:21.600 we need to talk about that. Oh my god, I 0:02:21.600 --> 0:02:23.160 didn't even think about that. I need to vote from 0:02:23.200 --> 0:02:24.040 my work account. 0:02:24.560 --> 0:02:27.160 Yes, yes, we need to vote from life on cart 0:02:27.240 --> 0:02:30.079 from Laura A Tony May, from Brittany at Gmail, like. 0:02:30.080 --> 0:02:32.679 All of them. Okay, all right, we're just going to 0:02:32.760 --> 0:02:35.160 jump straight into the questions today. Guys. We've just got three. 0:02:35.240 --> 0:02:37.680 Because it's short and sharp. I'm going to start hit me. 0:02:37.800 --> 0:02:40.760 I mean I always start, well, I can start pass 0:02:40.800 --> 0:02:42.720 me the phone. No, that's just the way I said it. 0:02:42.720 --> 0:02:44.400 The way I said it was like it was something different. 0:02:44.400 --> 0:02:45.840 All right, guys, we're going to change this up. 0:02:45.880 --> 0:02:47.679 I'm going to start today because as much as britt 0:02:47.720 --> 0:02:49.519 makes it out like she's the only one who knows 0:02:49.520 --> 0:02:50.800 the questions, I also. 0:02:50.600 --> 0:02:54.480 Have them here. So one I sent this one to 0:02:54.600 --> 0:02:57.960 you trying to take all of the royalties. I sent 0:02:58.040 --> 0:02:58.840 this one to Britt. 0:02:58.840 --> 0:03:01.320 My boyfriend of six years broke up with me out 0:03:01.360 --> 0:03:04.120 of nowhere, simply saying he doesn't love me as much 0:03:04.160 --> 0:03:06.560 as he used to. He is my best friend and 0:03:06.600 --> 0:03:09.440 we still talk regularly. He has said that he wants 0:03:09.520 --> 0:03:11.640 to marry me and have kids in like five or 0:03:11.639 --> 0:03:14.080 ten years, but still says he doesn't want to be 0:03:14.120 --> 0:03:16.640 with me right now. I love him, I want to 0:03:16.639 --> 0:03:18.959 stay around, but I don't see how this is fair 0:03:19.000 --> 0:03:22.200 on me any advice. He also still texts me every 0:03:22.240 --> 0:03:25.520 single day, says he loves me, tells me he misses me, 0:03:25.800 --> 0:03:27.720 but whenever I ask what the hell is happening in 0:03:27.800 --> 0:03:30.600 terms of our relationship and us, it's straight away. 0:03:30.840 --> 0:03:33.800 I don't know. I need time. It's been three months 0:03:33.800 --> 0:03:39.520 since the breakup already. Boom wow, Okay, your boyfriend ex 0:03:39.600 --> 0:03:45.000 boyfriend is being a dickhead. This is actually insane. So 0:03:45.080 --> 0:03:46.720 the bit that jumps out of me of this question 0:03:46.960 --> 0:03:50.880 is he's saying I don't want to be with you now, 0:03:50.920 --> 0:03:53.840 knowing that she's in love with him, but also saying, 0:03:54.160 --> 0:03:55.840 but I do want to have kids to marry you 0:03:55.880 --> 0:03:59.800 in five to ten years. I'm sorry. He's asking her 0:03:59.840 --> 0:04:03.080 to wait, even if it's inadvertently, even if he's not 0:04:03.120 --> 0:04:06.480 saying wait for me for ten years, by him saying 0:04:06.480 --> 0:04:09.520 to someone that he knows loves him, I'm ready for 0:04:09.520 --> 0:04:14.080 this in ten years, he's saying wait. That is the 0:04:14.120 --> 0:04:17.280 most wrong thing I have heard this week. I'm calling it. 0:04:17.360 --> 0:04:19.200 And there is a possibility that Donald Trump is going 0:04:19.240 --> 0:04:21.960 to be the president again tomorrow. So there is so 0:04:22.040 --> 0:04:23.960 many wrong things happening in the world right now. No, 0:04:24.040 --> 0:04:26.520 but asking your partner to wait, it is there is 0:04:26.640 --> 0:04:30.880 nothing fair about this relationship. I feel really really bad 0:04:31.120 --> 0:04:33.160 for you to the listener that's written this in because 0:04:33.160 --> 0:04:35.560 this is a horrible situation. Obviously you're in love with him, 0:04:36.240 --> 0:04:38.000 but this is not fair. And we, Laura and I 0:04:38.160 --> 0:04:41.560 probably two weeks ago now, we did we talked about this. 0:04:41.640 --> 0:04:46.320 We spoke about breakups and how that there needs to 0:04:46.360 --> 0:04:49.040 be something put in place and some communication about how 0:04:49.040 --> 0:04:52.200 that's going to happen. And the timeline, now, the timeline 0:04:52.240 --> 0:04:55.800 was about four to six weeks, not five to ten years. 0:04:55.839 --> 0:04:59.000 That is actually insane. Let's just wind this. 0:04:58.960 --> 0:05:01.240 Back to the fact that you brought up three months ago, 0:05:01.600 --> 0:05:04.400 the fact that he's still contacting you every day, and 0:05:04.440 --> 0:05:06.320 telling you that he loves you and telling you that 0:05:06.360 --> 0:05:10.760 he misses you is a massive play in manipulation, whether 0:05:10.800 --> 0:05:14.279 it's intentional or whether it's inadvertent. I think that you 0:05:14.320 --> 0:05:18.320 know he's obviously confused, he obviously doesn't know what he wants. 0:05:18.440 --> 0:05:20.880 But that's not okay to take you along the ride, 0:05:20.839 --> 0:05:22.960 and it's not okay to like drag you down in 0:05:22.960 --> 0:05:25.560 his confusion because he knows he doesn't want to be 0:05:25.600 --> 0:05:28.000 with you. He's verbalizing that part of it, but he 0:05:28.160 --> 0:05:31.440 also it's you know, breakups are hard, and he's using 0:05:31.960 --> 0:05:34.359 you to wean himself off you at the same time 0:05:34.440 --> 0:05:35.880 because he doesn't want you to go out and meet 0:05:35.880 --> 0:05:38.000 someone else, he doesn't want you to move on, so 0:05:38.040 --> 0:05:41.279 he's kind of forced you into this purgatory, and because 0:05:41.279 --> 0:05:43.120 you love him, you're choosing to stay there. So I 0:05:43.160 --> 0:05:45.359 think the thing that you need to do now is 0:05:45.400 --> 0:05:47.520 you need to take ownership of this situation that you've 0:05:47.520 --> 0:05:50.320 been put in. It's a situation that you don't want, 0:05:50.400 --> 0:05:53.159 it's a situation that's outside of your control. But the 0:05:53.200 --> 0:05:56.560 one thing you can control is that you can say, look, 0:05:57.000 --> 0:05:58.920 you've decided you don't want to be with me, and 0:05:58.920 --> 0:06:01.000 in order for me to be able to and start 0:06:01.000 --> 0:06:03.800 to recover from this, you need to stop contacting me. 0:06:04.120 --> 0:06:05.680 You're not allowed to tell me that you miss me 0:06:05.720 --> 0:06:07.560 all the time, you're not allowed to tell me that 0:06:07.600 --> 0:06:09.839 you love me all the time, and you need to 0:06:09.880 --> 0:06:12.880 give me some solid no contact time so that way 0:06:13.120 --> 0:06:15.080 both of you can really figure out what it is 0:06:15.120 --> 0:06:16.800 that you want, and you may find that in three 0:06:16.839 --> 0:06:20.680 months time you've actually been able to get over this breakup, 0:06:20.720 --> 0:06:23.600 because it's impossible to get over something when you're still 0:06:23.640 --> 0:06:25.960 hearing them from them every day and you're still being 0:06:25.960 --> 0:06:28.400 given that little tiny bit of hope every single day. 0:06:28.800 --> 0:06:32.480 So this breakup has now just become the most drawn out, 0:06:32.520 --> 0:06:35.920 prolonged three month period of your life. Whereas if he'd 0:06:35.960 --> 0:06:37.880 broken up with you three months ago and you had 0:06:37.920 --> 0:06:40.640 gone no contact, I guarantee you you would be at 0:06:40.640 --> 0:06:43.120 a very different point mentally right now than what you 0:06:43.160 --> 0:06:43.680 are today. 0:06:43.960 --> 0:06:46.600 This is definitely you're so right, Laura. It's definitely a 0:06:46.680 --> 0:06:49.720 slow fade away. I don't think, in all honesty, I 0:06:49.760 --> 0:06:52.680 don't think this guy plans on getting back with you 0:06:52.720 --> 0:06:55.440 in ten years or five to ten years. What's happening 0:06:55.480 --> 0:06:58.240 here is what happens in every single relationship. When you 0:06:58.240 --> 0:06:59.800 have been with someone for a long time, and you've 0:06:59.800 --> 0:07:03.440 been for six years, what happens is you have been 0:07:03.720 --> 0:07:07.320 your life has been consistently the same for six years. 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:09.520 You've had someone in your life every day. You've had 0:07:09.600 --> 0:07:12.280 that energy, that love, that humor. You've had someone to 0:07:12.320 --> 0:07:14.520 text you to be there with you at night. They're 0:07:14.520 --> 0:07:18.800 your best friends. So for six years, consistently, daying, day out, 0:07:19.040 --> 0:07:22.440 this has been your routine. All of a sudden, it's not, 0:07:23.120 --> 0:07:24.520 and you don't know how to deal with that. So 0:07:24.600 --> 0:07:26.960 your partner and he has actually said to you he 0:07:27.000 --> 0:07:29.119 doesn't love you as much anymore. They were his words, 0:07:29.160 --> 0:07:32.120 which is horrifying to hear in a relationship when you 0:07:32.160 --> 0:07:34.720 think you're going to be with someone forever. He's trying 0:07:34.720 --> 0:07:38.200 to break up with you, but emotionally he's been very 0:07:38.240 --> 0:07:40.160 selfish because he doesn't know how to do that. He 0:07:40.200 --> 0:07:42.160 doesn't know how to be on his own. Now. He 0:07:42.200 --> 0:07:43.720 doesn't want to be with you. He has said that, 0:07:43.760 --> 0:07:46.160 and he's made that clear, but he's not ready to 0:07:46.240 --> 0:07:49.520 not have his consistency in his life because that's what 0:07:49.560 --> 0:07:51.720 you were. You were a stable base for him and 0:07:51.720 --> 0:07:54.119 you are a loving home for him. He's not ready 0:07:54.120 --> 0:07:55.440 for that yet, but he doesn't want to commit to 0:07:55.480 --> 0:07:58.960 you either. So this is him slowly feeding himself back 0:07:59.000 --> 0:08:01.480 out into the wild. But he's not ready. He can't 0:08:01.480 --> 0:08:03.280 do it yet, he's not ready to have that independence. 0:08:03.320 --> 0:08:06.240 So he's holding on to you, using you for support, 0:08:06.440 --> 0:08:08.600 for contact every day, to get his little bit of 0:08:08.640 --> 0:08:11.200 consistency again, and he's a little bit of safety whilst 0:08:11.200 --> 0:08:14.080 he wings himself off you. There is no way this guy, 0:08:14.080 --> 0:08:16.840 I mean not no way. Obviously there's a tiny chance 0:08:16.880 --> 0:08:18.840 he could, but no way that in ten years time 0:08:18.960 --> 0:08:22.800 he's like, Okay, I've had my time. Now I'm coming back. Ultimately, 0:08:22.880 --> 0:08:26.120 like Laura said, you cannot move on or he cannot 0:08:26.120 --> 0:08:28.640 make it an honest decision. When you are still in 0:08:28.640 --> 0:08:30.720 contact every day, you need to cut it. You need 0:08:30.760 --> 0:08:33.000 to do your own thing, and you deserve better and 0:08:33.040 --> 0:08:35.480 you need better. So you need to tell him if 0:08:35.520 --> 0:08:37.120 you don't want to be with me, you can't just 0:08:37.160 --> 0:08:38.880 have you ca can eat it too. You can't take 0:08:38.960 --> 0:08:40.720 the bits that you want and not the rest that 0:08:40.800 --> 0:08:43.600 you don't want and leave me in this purgatory sit down. 0:08:43.840 --> 0:08:45.880 Have the chat with him, say, look, three months has 0:08:45.920 --> 0:08:48.280 been long enough. It is time for you to make 0:08:48.280 --> 0:08:50.000 a decision. I don't want to put the decision on you. 0:08:50.360 --> 0:08:52.120 But if you want to go into the wild and 0:08:52.200 --> 0:08:54.680 experience it without me, do it without me. 0:08:55.200 --> 0:08:57.559 And also, like you do have to make the decision 0:08:57.559 --> 0:08:59.680 for him. That's the only like I believe. I agree 0:08:59.720 --> 0:09:01.880 with every everything you just said. And I love how passionate. 0:09:01.520 --> 0:09:02.839 You're getting becase you're kind of yelling at me, and 0:09:02.880 --> 0:09:04.640 I'm getting scared of my pants, and my hands were 0:09:04.679 --> 0:09:07.680 like Italians, you know, when your hands are like waving 0:09:07.720 --> 0:09:09.280 things at me. She picked up a knife. It's been 0:09:09.400 --> 0:09:10.400 very intense here people. 0:09:10.920 --> 0:09:13.600 But I think the only part of what Bridges said 0:09:13.600 --> 0:09:15.560 that I don't agree with is the fact that I 0:09:15.600 --> 0:09:17.800 think you do have to make a decision for him, 0:09:17.840 --> 0:09:20.920 because he's quite obviously not capable of doing that. And 0:09:21.040 --> 0:09:23.160 you need to take control of your life now and 0:09:23.200 --> 0:09:25.720 put parameters and boundaries in place that make you happy. 0:09:26.120 --> 0:09:28.000 And of course it's going to hurt to not hear 0:09:28.040 --> 0:09:29.640 from him, of course it's going to hurt to not 0:09:29.679 --> 0:09:32.280 hear him say I love you. But all of those words, 0:09:32.320 --> 0:09:34.520 all of that I love yous, all of that I misuse, 0:09:35.080 --> 0:09:38.800 are all nothing. They're just words because his actions don't 0:09:38.800 --> 0:09:41.400 meet up anyway. So I guarantee you, in the long run, 0:09:41.480 --> 0:09:44.160 you will feel better for it. The only thing I'm 0:09:44.200 --> 0:09:46.400 going to add to this, which I think we've really 0:09:46.400 --> 0:09:48.880 well rounded covered it like not to sound or doom 0:09:48.920 --> 0:09:51.400 and gloom and not for this to be like, you know, 0:09:51.440 --> 0:09:54.160 the bad news that you don't want to hear. But 0:09:54.960 --> 0:09:56.640 you are going to be a very different person in 0:09:56.679 --> 0:09:58.640 ten years time. You are going to grow, You're going 0:09:58.679 --> 0:10:00.800 to have so many new experiences, you're going to meet 0:10:00.840 --> 0:10:03.320 so many new people, and the person that you thought 0:10:03.320 --> 0:10:05.760 you were going to be with ten years ago, I 0:10:05.800 --> 0:10:08.599 guarantee you will be a very very different It'll be 0:10:08.640 --> 0:10:11.640 a different life, it'll be a different person. And if, 0:10:11.679 --> 0:10:15.280 by the slight chance that this guy is You're Penguin 0:10:15.360 --> 0:10:17.640 and you do end up with him in ten years time, 0:10:18.280 --> 0:10:21.959 you're going to ruin that by slowly decaying the relationship 0:10:22.040 --> 0:10:26.040 now and making it toxic and torturing each other basically 0:10:26.120 --> 0:10:29.800 emotionally manipulating each other whilst you wean yourselves off each other. 0:10:29.840 --> 0:10:32.439 This is it's so unhealthy what you're doing right now. 0:10:32.520 --> 0:10:33.319 I think sever it. 0:10:33.720 --> 0:10:36.360 Give yourself that clean break, give yourself the mental space 0:10:36.400 --> 0:10:38.360 to move on. If in the future you guys do 0:10:38.440 --> 0:10:40.640 rekindle things, then you can do it from a place 0:10:40.679 --> 0:10:43.320 of being healthy and being independent. You're not doing it 0:10:43.320 --> 0:10:44.760 from a place of codependency. 0:10:45.440 --> 0:10:46.960 I have one more thing I'd like to add. Oh, yes, 0:10:47.360 --> 0:10:49.760 we can go to the next question now, I know. Yeah, 0:10:49.760 --> 0:10:51.960 because I realize I'm very passionate about this. I realized 0:10:52.240 --> 0:10:53.760 maybe I did come in a little bit passionate and 0:10:53.760 --> 0:10:56.000 hot before just put the knife down. People, I'm going 0:10:56.040 --> 0:10:58.960 to take the more empathetic and softer route now. I 0:10:59.000 --> 0:11:01.120 just wanted to add one more thing that instead of 0:11:01.120 --> 0:11:04.720 being very pessimistic about this, there is a chance that 0:11:04.800 --> 0:11:06.640 he will come back to you, and you guys are 0:11:06.720 --> 0:11:08.400 right for each other, and you did just need a 0:11:08.440 --> 0:11:11.080 break that that could happen. But what needs to happen 0:11:11.160 --> 0:11:13.080 for that is you do need to be on your own. 0:11:13.120 --> 0:11:15.000 He needs to know what life will be like without 0:11:15.000 --> 0:11:18.120 you to know if he wants that option, if he 0:11:18.160 --> 0:11:19.880 wants to take the path of life without you, he 0:11:19.920 --> 0:11:22.920 needs to have none of you, and he may just 0:11:23.040 --> 0:11:25.600 realize that, holy shit, the life without her is not 0:11:25.640 --> 0:11:27.719 what I thought. The grass is not greener. I am 0:11:27.720 --> 0:11:30.400 madly in love with her. I just needed to check 0:11:30.480 --> 0:11:33.040 myself and reassess that that is. That is actually a 0:11:33.120 --> 0:11:36.079 very realistic option. It happens a lot, but you won't 0:11:36.120 --> 0:11:39.320 know it if you constantly have the contact one hundred percent. Agree, 0:11:39.559 --> 0:11:42.160 My god, Look it's so well rounded. Got that from 0:11:42.200 --> 0:11:42.920 the top to the bottom. 0:11:42.960 --> 0:11:46.760 Now we're here, Okay, question two, let's do that. 0:11:47.200 --> 0:11:49.200 I think I have no idea who that was started 0:11:49.240 --> 0:11:51.679 from them, It's not started from the bottom now we're here. 0:11:51.760 --> 0:11:53.120 That one. No, I just went from the top to 0:11:53.120 --> 0:11:56.600 the bottom. It's kind of not the way you want now, 0:11:56.960 --> 0:11:59.520 Just I just speak to early guys. Okay, I've got 0:11:59.559 --> 0:12:02.440 another one now that I'm super passionate about, and I 0:12:02.480 --> 0:12:05.120 think that you will find this one really easy to answer. Laura, 0:12:05.520 --> 0:12:08.280 I've been ghosted on Tinder by this guy, but he 0:12:08.360 --> 0:12:12.040 still watches my Instagram stories, like instantly, as soon as 0:12:12.040 --> 0:12:15.120 they're up, he's watching them. We were talking and then 0:12:15.120 --> 0:12:16.800 I asked if he wanted to grab a bite to 0:12:16.800 --> 0:12:19.960 eat with me, because I've been seeing him watch my stories. 0:12:20.200 --> 0:12:24.839 But then nothing, but we still follow each other on Instagram. 0:12:25.000 --> 0:12:26.760 I really like his vibe and I think we would 0:12:26.760 --> 0:12:30.080 get along great. That dark, sarcastic humor is so appealing. 0:12:30.600 --> 0:12:31.840 But what do I do in this situation? 0:12:33.120 --> 0:12:36.160 This is the easiest question to answer. You do nothing, 0:12:36.520 --> 0:12:38.720 maybe even unfollow him if you want to do something, 0:12:38.840 --> 0:12:43.560 unfollow him. I'm gonna say this, someone watching your Instagram 0:12:43.600 --> 0:12:48.000 stories does not equate to them having any interest in 0:12:48.040 --> 0:12:48.960 you romantically. 0:12:49.240 --> 0:12:51.240 It could be that they're bored. It could be that 0:12:51.280 --> 0:12:54.319 they're a bit lonely. It could be that they're inquisitive. 0:12:54.480 --> 0:12:57.120 That could be a whole myriad of all these different things. 0:12:57.280 --> 0:12:59.480 What does equate to them being interested in you is 0:12:59.520 --> 0:13:01.880 replying to your messages. What does equate to them interested 0:13:01.880 --> 0:13:04.320 in you is investing time in you. What does equate 0:13:04.360 --> 0:13:06.240 to them being interested in you is them actually being 0:13:06.320 --> 0:13:08.240 nice to you, going out of their way to try 0:13:08.240 --> 0:13:10.840 and find out something about you or get to know you. 0:13:11.240 --> 0:13:14.360 These are all things that you should be prioritizing and 0:13:14.840 --> 0:13:18.840 reading into. Don't read into somebody watching your Instagram stories 0:13:18.880 --> 0:13:20.640 because I mean if I still sometimes watch my ex 0:13:20.679 --> 0:13:24.640 boyfriend's Instagram stories purely out of curiosity, because I'm like, 0:13:24.679 --> 0:13:26.080 what is that loser up to? 0:13:26.559 --> 0:13:29.720 I watch heaps of guys stories that I have zero interesting. 0:13:29.840 --> 0:13:33.000 Sometimes I watch them for the loll But everything Laura 0:13:33.080 --> 0:13:35.760 has said, is true. It sucks, But I sometimes you 0:13:35.800 --> 0:13:38.160 also have to think I will go into Instagrams and 0:13:38.200 --> 0:13:40.600 watch someone's story, that I might watch Laura's story without 0:13:40.679 --> 0:13:43.679 even knowing the next story pops up. You don't choose 0:13:43.679 --> 0:13:45.040 that the next story is a guy, and all of 0:13:45.080 --> 0:13:46.280 a sudden you're in it. And then you try and 0:13:46.320 --> 0:13:48.240 tap out furiously because you're like, I don't want them 0:13:48.280 --> 0:13:50.079 to see that I've watched that because I don't actually 0:13:50.120 --> 0:13:51.600 want to be watching it. But then you tap out 0:13:51.600 --> 0:13:53.240 too quick, you tap the right side of the screen. 0:13:53.280 --> 0:13:55.040 All of a sudden you've gone through the whole story set. 0:13:55.280 --> 0:13:57.559 And also, not everybody, like I know that there is 0:13:57.600 --> 0:14:00.040 a big portion of the population who does check this, 0:14:00.280 --> 0:14:03.080 but not everybody checks who watches their stories, right, Some 0:14:03.120 --> 0:14:06.520 people place a lot more weight and importance in that 0:14:06.640 --> 0:14:09.080 than other people do. Like I look at people's stories 0:14:09.240 --> 0:14:12.360 all the time. It never even occurs to me that, oh, 0:14:12.480 --> 0:14:14.960 these people probably check who watch their stories, because I 0:14:15.040 --> 0:14:16.080 don't check that stuff. 0:14:16.160 --> 0:14:17.360 I never I never. 0:14:17.320 --> 0:14:20.240 Look at who checks my stories. It doesn't that doesn't 0:14:20.280 --> 0:14:21.600 even register on my radar. 0:14:21.680 --> 0:14:23.720 I always check to make sure you watch mine. Of course, 0:14:23.840 --> 0:14:26.560 you're you're like in my first five friends. So every 0:14:26.600 --> 0:14:28.600 time I flick it goes through, I actually hope you 0:14:28.640 --> 0:14:35.040 don't watch. It's a great feel to you use Brittany. Thanks, okay, 0:14:35.280 --> 0:14:37.560 but yeah, look, I mean we got we came in 0:14:37.560 --> 0:14:39.200 brutal again. We were still on a high for that 0:14:39.240 --> 0:14:41.240 first question, so we're just gonna tone it down now. 0:14:41.600 --> 0:14:43.920 Maybe you guys do have some chemistry, you do have 0:14:44.040 --> 0:14:47.040 some bands, whatever, and there was something there when you 0:14:47.040 --> 0:14:49.720 guys matched on Tinder or on bumble or whatever it was. 0:14:50.120 --> 0:14:52.080 But he clearly is not in a place in his 0:14:52.160 --> 0:14:55.200 life where he's prioritizing you or any sort of relationship 0:14:55.240 --> 0:14:57.120 with you. So don't read into the fact that he 0:14:57.160 --> 0:14:59.280 looks at your stories. I do not think that it's 0:14:59.280 --> 0:15:01.960 an indicator anything to come. And I think that we 0:15:01.960 --> 0:15:03.920 can get way, way, way. 0:15:03.680 --> 0:15:07.800 Too caught up in people's tiny, like micro actions on 0:15:07.880 --> 0:15:10.520 social media of that someone liking a photo or of 0:15:10.560 --> 0:15:12.120 somebody watching a story and. 0:15:12.040 --> 0:15:13.080 What that means. 0:15:14.080 --> 0:15:16.240 I think it means shit all And I think that 0:15:16.360 --> 0:15:20.040 real action, in real life, somebody actually sending you a message, 0:15:20.080 --> 0:15:21.720 going out of the way to call you, setting up 0:15:21.760 --> 0:15:24.360 a date, all of that shit actually means something. And 0:15:24.400 --> 0:15:29.320 you've got to remember, sending somebody a message takes minimal effort, 0:15:29.640 --> 0:15:33.720 so watching an Instagram story takes no effort. Move on, 0:15:33.960 --> 0:15:36.240 get back to swiping. Brittany's got a hand up. She 0:15:36.320 --> 0:15:37.000 has some more to ad. 0:15:37.040 --> 0:15:39.520 I would like to interject, if I may go, I 0:15:39.560 --> 0:15:41.400 agree with everything you said one hundred percent, and I 0:15:41.480 --> 0:15:43.200 just said it myself. But what I also would like 0:15:43.240 --> 0:15:47.200 to add further to this conversation is that, yes, there 0:15:47.240 --> 0:15:50.200 can be a lot of flirting on Instagram one hundred percent. 0:15:50.280 --> 0:15:52.720 We do. We've talked about it before. Instagram can be 0:15:52.840 --> 0:15:55.400 like a dating app one hundred percent. You can meet 0:15:55.400 --> 0:15:57.440 someone on Instagram, you can flirt with them, you can 0:15:57.480 --> 0:16:00.240 show an interest, and you can receive an interest. But 0:16:00.400 --> 0:16:02.400 that doesn't come in the form of watching a story. 0:16:02.800 --> 0:16:04.680 That might come in the form of them watching your 0:16:04.720 --> 0:16:07.400 stories and starting to reply to them. Maybe it's a 0:16:07.440 --> 0:16:09.760 fire sign to like a photo of you. Maybe it's 0:16:10.400 --> 0:16:12.120 that looks fun. What did you get up to, Like, 0:16:12.200 --> 0:16:16.320 it's some form of engaging in communication. That is where 0:16:16.320 --> 0:16:18.400 it's an interest, and that is where you should pursue it. 0:16:18.760 --> 0:16:20.920 But like, let's just call out the elephant in the 0:16:20.960 --> 0:16:24.280 room here. You saw him watch your story, you did 0:16:24.360 --> 0:16:26.440 absolutely the right thing that you would do when you're 0:16:26.440 --> 0:16:28.520 interested in someone, and I'm all for it. I always 0:16:28.560 --> 0:16:31.080 tell you to go and chase that approach, it open 0:16:31.080 --> 0:16:33.320 the conversation, and you did that. You wrote to him 0:16:33.400 --> 0:16:36.440 after he'd seen your story, after he had ghosted you 0:16:36.480 --> 0:16:40.360 on another platform, and invited him out for food. Fantastic. 0:16:40.400 --> 0:16:42.920 I love that you took charge. He didn't write back. 0:16:43.160 --> 0:16:46.640 He's unfortunately has zero interested in you, because he would 0:16:46.640 --> 0:16:48.840 have responded to you and said, yep, that sounds great. 0:16:48.840 --> 0:16:50.840 He wouldn't have gosted you in the first place. This 0:16:50.920 --> 0:16:55.120 guy is maybe still in some capacity interested in what 0:16:55.160 --> 0:16:58.240 you're doing, but he's got no interest any further than that. 0:16:58.320 --> 0:17:00.640 And that sucks to hear, but it's it's the truth. 0:17:00.680 --> 0:17:02.280 And I feel like it's better that we know that now. 0:17:02.360 --> 0:17:04.920 If a man or if a woman, or if anyone 0:17:05.040 --> 0:17:07.800 is interested in you, you're gotta know they're gonna they're 0:17:07.800 --> 0:17:09.960 gonna at least respond when you ask them out. And 0:17:10.119 --> 0:17:13.080 also like maybe he's seeing someone, maybe he's got a girlfriend, 0:17:13.119 --> 0:17:15.080 Like you don't know where people are actually at in 0:17:15.119 --> 0:17:17.680 their relationships, especially when you've only just met them sort 0:17:17.680 --> 0:17:20.720 of transiently online, Like there are a lot of dudes 0:17:20.760 --> 0:17:23.080 out there who are swiping away on Tinder and they've 0:17:23.080 --> 0:17:25.080 actually got girlfriends, or they're actually on their way to 0:17:25.080 --> 0:17:27.000 being in a relationship, and they don't actually want to 0:17:27.000 --> 0:17:28.280 progress it into anything. 0:17:28.320 --> 0:17:30.440 The girl's doing the same thing. Like, you know, we 0:17:30.520 --> 0:17:32.440 could be shited on both sides of the gender pool. 0:17:32.760 --> 0:17:35.080 I totally agree with everything Bridger said. And one thing 0:17:35.119 --> 0:17:37.200 that I really really agree with what she just said 0:17:37.280 --> 0:17:39.800 is like, it's amazing that you put yourself out there. 0:17:39.840 --> 0:17:42.040