Speaker 1: Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 1: on Cut. This is our Thursday episode, Out Therapy Thursday,
Speaker 1: out down and dirty, quick and nasty episode where we
Speaker 1: answer all of your deepest questions. I'm Brittany and I'm Laura,
Speaker 1: and we're happy to be here. Why is it a
Speaker 1: nasty episode? Do you know that? It was just ruddling
Speaker 1: off some words and like how much alliteration can I
Speaker 1: fit into this? It just literally rolled off my tongue,
Speaker 1: so I rolled with it. But nasty can be like,
Speaker 1: nasty can be acused. Yeah, like nasty. Okay, Well, they're
Speaker 1: mostly like relationship questions that we have for you guys today.
Speaker 1: But thank you to everybody who's written in a question
Speaker 1: for asking a cart. Like we say every week, we
Speaker 1: feel so eternally grateful that you trust us with our
Speaker 1: years of wisdom and trauma that we bring to each
Speaker 1: and every episode. And Brett, as always, has picked out
Speaker 1: three and I really like these three questions we've got today.
Speaker 1: One little thing I want to say before we jump in,
Speaker 1: and that is just a big fat thank you to
Speaker 1: everyone that's already voting for us for the podcast awards
Speaker 1: we sort of put on our Instagram yesterday that we
Speaker 1: were trying to go for the Listener's Choice Awards. I
Speaker 1: may or may not have said I would give everyone
Speaker 1: a dog that voted for me. I also like that
Speaker 1: you say we sort of put it on there. No,
Speaker 1: we grobbled, like we couldn't have put it on there more.
Speaker 1: We made a very fucking obvious what we want from you.
Speaker 1: But so many of you are actually writing in saying
Speaker 1: that you've voted, done, sending us your screenshots, and we
Speaker 1: love that. But my favorite thing so far is that
Speaker 1: I've had people be like, done from Australia, done from Ireland,
Speaker 1: done from Dubai, done from South Africa, done from countries
Speaker 1: I haven't even heard of, and I'm like, I can't
Speaker 1: believe we have listeners in those countries. So we're just
Speaker 1: so grateful and so thankful that you guys are voting
Speaker 1: and you're listening and you're sharing all around the world.
Speaker 1: Having said that, there's still three more weeks to vote
Speaker 1: to keep going, I'm also.
Speaker 2: Really deeply appreciating all of the people who are writing
Speaker 2: and who are like, hey, I voted from you from
Speaker 2: my normal email account, and then I also voted from
Speaker 2: you from my seven Burner accounts, plus I got my
Speaker 2: dad and my mum to.
Speaker 1: Vote for you too. To whoever those people are who
Speaker 1: have written in, I am so grateful. I also like question,
Speaker 1: are these prize piglet email addresses that you can enter
Speaker 1: like for multiple prizes on things? Or is this legitimately
Speaker 1: because you have Burner Instagram accounts, in which case maybe
Speaker 1: we need to talk about that. Oh my god, I
Speaker 1: didn't even think about that. I need to vote from
Speaker 1: my work account.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, we need to vote from life on cart
Speaker 2: from Laura A Tony May, from Brittany at Gmail, like.
Speaker 1: All of them. Okay, all right, we're just going to
Speaker 1: jump straight into the questions today. Guys. We've just got three.
Speaker 1: Because it's short and sharp. I'm going to start hit me.
Speaker 1: I mean I always start, well, I can start pass
Speaker 1: me the phone. No, that's just the way I said it.
Speaker 1: The way I said it was like it was something different.
Speaker 1: All right, guys, we're going to change this up.
Speaker 2: I'm going to start today because as much as britt
Speaker 2: makes it out like she's the only one who knows
Speaker 2: the questions, I also.
Speaker 1: Have them here. So one I sent this one to
Speaker 1: you trying to take all of the royalties. I sent
Speaker 1: this one to Britt.
Speaker 2: My boyfriend of six years broke up with me out
Speaker 2: of nowhere, simply saying he doesn't love me as much
Speaker 2: as he used to. He is my best friend and
Speaker 2: we still talk regularly. He has said that he wants
Speaker 2: to marry me and have kids in like five or
Speaker 2: ten years, but still says he doesn't want to be
Speaker 2: with me right now. I love him, I want to
Speaker 2: stay around, but I don't see how this is fair
Speaker 2: on me any advice. He also still texts me every
Speaker 2: single day, says he loves me, tells me he misses me,
Speaker 2: but whenever I ask what the hell is happening in
Speaker 2: terms of our relationship and us, it's straight away.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I need time. It's been three months
Speaker 1: since the breakup already. Boom wow, Okay, your boyfriend ex
Speaker 1: boyfriend is being a dickhead. This is actually insane. So
Speaker 1: the bit that jumps out of me of this question
Speaker 1: is he's saying I don't want to be with you now,
Speaker 1: knowing that she's in love with him, but also saying,
Speaker 1: but I do want to have kids to marry you
Speaker 1: in five to ten years. I'm sorry. He's asking her
Speaker 1: to wait, even if it's inadvertently, even if he's not
Speaker 1: saying wait for me for ten years, by him saying
Speaker 1: to someone that he knows loves him, I'm ready for
Speaker 1: this in ten years, he's saying wait. That is the
Speaker 1: most wrong thing I have heard this week. I'm calling it.
Speaker 1: And there is a possibility that Donald Trump is going
Speaker 1: to be the president again tomorrow. So there is so
Speaker 1: many wrong things happening in the world right now. No,
Speaker 1: but asking your partner to wait, it is there is
Speaker 1: nothing fair about this relationship. I feel really really bad
Speaker 1: for you to the listener that's written this in because
Speaker 1: this is a horrible situation. Obviously you're in love with him,
Speaker 1: but this is not fair. And we, Laura and I
Speaker 1: probably two weeks ago now, we did we talked about this.
Speaker 1: We spoke about breakups and how that there needs to
Speaker 1: be something put in place and some communication about how
Speaker 1: that's going to happen. And the timeline, now, the timeline
Speaker 1: was about four to six weeks, not five to ten years.
Speaker 1: That is actually insane. Let's just wind this.
Speaker 2: Back to the fact that you brought up three months ago,
Speaker 2: the fact that he's still contacting you every day, and
Speaker 2: telling you that he loves you and telling you that
Speaker 2: he misses you is a massive play in manipulation, whether
Speaker 2: it's intentional or whether it's inadvertent. I think that you
Speaker 2: know he's obviously confused, he obviously doesn't know what he wants.
Speaker 2: But that's not okay to take you along the ride,
Speaker 2: and it's not okay to like drag you down in
Speaker 2: his confusion because he knows he doesn't want to be
Speaker 2: with you. He's verbalizing that part of it, but he
Speaker 2: also it's you know, breakups are hard, and he's using
Speaker 2: you to wean himself off you at the same time
Speaker 2: because he doesn't want you to go out and meet
Speaker 2: someone else, he doesn't want you to move on, so
Speaker 2: he's kind of forced you into this purgatory, and because
Speaker 2: you love him, you're choosing to stay there. So I
Speaker 2: think the thing that you need to do now is
Speaker 2: you need to take ownership of this situation that you've
Speaker 2: been put in. It's a situation that you don't want,
Speaker 2: it's a situation that's outside of your control. But the
Speaker 2: one thing you can control is that you can say, look,
Speaker 2: you've decided you don't want to be with me, and
Speaker 2: in order for me to be able to and start
Speaker 2: to recover from this, you need to stop contacting me.
Speaker 2: You're not allowed to tell me that you miss me
Speaker 2: all the time, you're not allowed to tell me that
Speaker 2: you love me all the time, and you need to
Speaker 2: give me some solid no contact time so that way
Speaker 2: both of you can really figure out what it is
Speaker 2: that you want, and you may find that in three
Speaker 2: months time you've actually been able to get over this breakup,
Speaker 2: because it's impossible to get over something when you're still
Speaker 2: hearing them from them every day and you're still being
Speaker 2: given that little tiny bit of hope every single day.
Speaker 2: So this breakup has now just become the most drawn out,
Speaker 2: prolonged three month period of your life. Whereas if he'd
Speaker 2: broken up with you three months ago and you had
Speaker 2: gone no contact, I guarantee you you would be at
Speaker 2: a very different point mentally right now than what you
Speaker 2: are today.
Speaker 1: This is definitely you're so right, Laura. It's definitely a
Speaker 1: slow fade away. I don't think, in all honesty, I
Speaker 1: don't think this guy plans on getting back with you
Speaker 1: in ten years or five to ten years. What's happening
Speaker 1: here is what happens in every single relationship. When you
Speaker 1: have been with someone for a long time, and you've
Speaker 1: been for six years, what happens is you have been
Speaker 1: your life has been consistently the same for six years.
Speaker 1: You've had someone in your life every day. You've had
Speaker 1: that energy, that love, that humor. You've had someone to
Speaker 1: text you to be there with you at night. They're
Speaker 1: your best friends. So for six years, consistently, daying, day out,
Speaker 1: this has been your routine. All of a sudden, it's not,
Speaker 1: and you don't know how to deal with that. So
Speaker 1: your partner and he has actually said to you he
Speaker 1: doesn't love you as much anymore. They were his words,
Speaker 1: which is horrifying to hear in a relationship when you
Speaker 1: think you're going to be with someone forever. He's trying
Speaker 1: to break up with you, but emotionally he's been very
Speaker 1: selfish because he doesn't know how to do that. He
Speaker 1: doesn't know how to be on his own. Now. He
Speaker 1: doesn't want to be with you. He has said that,
Speaker 1: and he's made that clear, but he's not ready to
Speaker 1: not have his consistency in his life because that's what
Speaker 1: you were. You were a stable base for him and
Speaker 1: you are a loving home for him. He's not ready
Speaker 1: for that yet, but he doesn't want to commit to
Speaker 1: you either. So this is him slowly feeding himself back
Speaker 1: out into the wild. But he's not ready. He can't
Speaker 1: do it yet, he's not ready to have that independence.
Speaker 1: So he's holding on to you, using you for support,
Speaker 1: for contact every day, to get his little bit of
Speaker 1: consistency again, and he's a little bit of safety whilst
Speaker 1: he wings himself off you. There is no way this guy,
Speaker 1: I mean not no way. Obviously there's a tiny chance
Speaker 1: he could, but no way that in ten years time
Speaker 1: he's like, Okay, I've had my time. Now I'm coming back. Ultimately,
Speaker 1: like Laura said, you cannot move on or he cannot
Speaker 1: make it an honest decision. When you are still in
Speaker 1: contact every day, you need to cut it. You need
Speaker 1: to do your own thing, and you deserve better and
Speaker 1: you need better. So you need to tell him if
Speaker 1: you don't want to be with me, you can't just
Speaker 1: have you ca can eat it too. You can't take
Speaker 1: the bits that you want and not the rest that
Speaker 1: you don't want and leave me in this purgatory sit down.
Speaker 1: Have the chat with him, say, look, three months has
Speaker 1: been long enough. It is time for you to make
Speaker 1: a decision. I don't want to put the decision on you.
Speaker 1: But if you want to go into the wild and
Speaker 1: experience it without me, do it without me.
Speaker 2: And also, like you do have to make the decision
Speaker 2: for him. That's the only like I believe. I agree
Speaker 2: with every everything you just said. And I love how passionate.
Speaker 1: You're getting becase you're kind of yelling at me, and
Speaker 1: I'm getting scared of my pants, and my hands were
Speaker 1: like Italians, you know, when your hands are like waving
Speaker 1: things at me. She picked up a knife. It's been
Speaker 1: very intense here people.
Speaker 2: But I think the only part of what Bridges said
Speaker 2: that I don't agree with is the fact that I
Speaker 2: think you do have to make a decision for him,
Speaker 2: because he's quite obviously not capable of doing that. And
Speaker 2: you need to take control of your life now and
Speaker 2: put parameters and boundaries in place that make you happy.
Speaker 2: And of course it's going to hurt to not hear
Speaker 2: from him, of course it's going to hurt to not
Speaker 2: hear him say I love you. But all of those words,
Speaker 2: all of that I love yous, all of that I misuse,
Speaker 2: are all nothing. They're just words because his actions don't
Speaker 2: meet up anyway. So I guarantee you, in the long run,
Speaker 2: you will feel better for it. The only thing I'm
Speaker 2: going to add to this, which I think we've really
Speaker 2: well rounded covered it like not to sound or doom
Speaker 2: and gloom and not for this to be like, you know,
Speaker 2: the bad news that you don't want to hear. But
Speaker 2: you are going to be a very different person in
Speaker 2: ten years time. You are going to grow, You're going
Speaker 2: to have so many new experiences, you're going to meet
Speaker 2: so many new people, and the person that you thought
Speaker 2: you were going to be with ten years ago, I
Speaker 2: guarantee you will be a very very different It'll be
Speaker 2: a different life, it'll be a different person. And if,
Speaker 2: by the slight chance that this guy is You're Penguin
Speaker 2: and you do end up with him in ten years time,
Speaker 2: you're going to ruin that by slowly decaying the relationship
Speaker 2: now and making it toxic and torturing each other basically
Speaker 2: emotionally manipulating each other whilst you wean yourselves off each other.
Speaker 2: This is it's so unhealthy what you're doing right now.
Speaker 1: I think sever it.
Speaker 2: Give yourself that clean break, give yourself the mental space
Speaker 2: to move on. If in the future you guys do
Speaker 2: rekindle things, then you can do it from a place
Speaker 2: of being healthy and being independent. You're not doing it
Speaker 2: from a place of codependency.
Speaker 1: I have one more thing I'd like to add. Oh, yes,
Speaker 1: we can go to the next question now, I know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because I realize I'm very passionate about this. I realized
Speaker 1: maybe I did come in a little bit passionate and
Speaker 1: hot before just put the knife down. People, I'm going
Speaker 1: to take the more empathetic and softer route now. I
Speaker 1: just wanted to add one more thing that instead of
Speaker 1: being very pessimistic about this, there is a chance that
Speaker 1: he will come back to you, and you guys are
Speaker 1: right for each other, and you did just need a
Speaker 1: break that that could happen. But what needs to happen
Speaker 1: for that is you do need to be on your own.
Speaker 1: He needs to know what life will be like without
Speaker 1: you to know if he wants that option, if he
Speaker 1: wants to take the path of life without you, he
Speaker 1: needs to have none of you, and he may just
Speaker 1: realize that, holy shit, the life without her is not
Speaker 1: what I thought. The grass is not greener. I am
Speaker 1: madly in love with her. I just needed to check
Speaker 1: myself and reassess that that is. That is actually a
Speaker 1: very realistic option. It happens a lot, but you won't
Speaker 1: know it if you constantly have the contact one hundred percent. Agree,
Speaker 1: My god, Look it's so well rounded. Got that from
Speaker 1: the top to the bottom.
Speaker 2: Now we're here, Okay, question two, let's do that.
Speaker 1: I think I have no idea who that was started
Speaker 1: from them, It's not started from the bottom now we're here.
Speaker 1: That one. No, I just went from the top to
Speaker 1: the bottom. It's kind of not the way you want now,
Speaker 1: Just I just speak to early guys. Okay, I've got
Speaker 1: another one now that I'm super passionate about, and I
Speaker 1: think that you will find this one really easy to answer. Laura,
Speaker 1: I've been ghosted on Tinder by this guy, but he
Speaker 1: still watches my Instagram stories, like instantly, as soon as
Speaker 1: they're up, he's watching them. We were talking and then
Speaker 1: I asked if he wanted to grab a bite to
Speaker 1: eat with me, because I've been seeing him watch my stories.
Speaker 1: But then nothing, but we still follow each other on Instagram.
Speaker 1: I really like his vibe and I think we would
Speaker 1: get along great. That dark, sarcastic humor is so appealing.
Speaker 1: But what do I do in this situation?
Speaker 2: This is the easiest question to answer. You do nothing,
Speaker 2: maybe even unfollow him if you want to do something,
Speaker 2: unfollow him. I'm gonna say this, someone watching your Instagram
Speaker 2: stories does not equate to them having any interest in
Speaker 2: you romantically.
Speaker 1: It could be that they're bored. It could be that
Speaker 1: they're a bit lonely. It could be that they're inquisitive.
Speaker 1: That could be a whole myriad of all these different things.
Speaker 1: What does equate to them being interested in you is
Speaker 1: replying to your messages. What does equate to them interested
Speaker 1: in you is investing time in you. What does equate
Speaker 1: to them being interested in you is them actually being
Speaker 1: nice to you, going out of their way to try
Speaker 1: and find out something about you or get to know you.
Speaker 2: These are all things that you should be prioritizing and
Speaker 2: reading into. Don't read into somebody watching your Instagram stories
Speaker 2: because I mean if I still sometimes watch my ex
Speaker 2: boyfriend's Instagram stories purely out of curiosity, because I'm like,
Speaker 2: what is that loser up to?
Speaker 1: I watch heaps of guys stories that I have zero interesting.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I watch them for the loll But everything Laura
Speaker 1: has said, is true. It sucks, But I sometimes you
Speaker 1: also have to think I will go into Instagrams and
Speaker 1: watch someone's story, that I might watch Laura's story without
Speaker 1: even knowing the next story pops up. You don't choose
Speaker 1: that the next story is a guy, and all of
Speaker 1: a sudden you're in it. And then you try and
Speaker 1: tap out furiously because you're like, I don't want them
Speaker 1: to see that I've watched that because I don't actually
Speaker 1: want to be watching it. But then you tap out
Speaker 1: too quick, you tap the right side of the screen.
Speaker 1: All of a sudden you've gone through the whole story set.
Speaker 2: And also, not everybody, like I know that there is
Speaker 2: a big portion of the population who does check this,
Speaker 2: but not everybody checks who watches their stories, right, Some
Speaker 2: people place a lot more weight and importance in that
Speaker 2: than other people do. Like I look at people's stories
Speaker 2: all the time. It never even occurs to me that, oh,
Speaker 2: these people probably check who watch their stories, because I
Speaker 2: don't check that stuff.
Speaker 1: I never I never.
Speaker 2: Look at who checks my stories. It doesn't that doesn't
Speaker 2: even register on my radar.
Speaker 1: I always check to make sure you watch mine. Of course,
Speaker 1: you're you're like in my first five friends. So every
Speaker 1: time I flick it goes through, I actually hope you
Speaker 1: don't watch. It's a great feel to you use Brittany. Thanks, okay,
Speaker 1: but yeah, look, I mean we got we came in
Speaker 1: brutal again. We were still on a high for that
Speaker 1: first question, so we're just gonna tone it down now.
Speaker 1: Maybe you guys do have some chemistry, you do have
Speaker 1: some bands, whatever, and there was something there when you
Speaker 1: guys matched on Tinder or on bumble or whatever it was.
Speaker 1: But he clearly is not in a place in his
Speaker 1: life where he's prioritizing you or any sort of relationship
Speaker 1: with you. So don't read into the fact that he
Speaker 1: looks at your stories. I do not think that it's
Speaker 1: an indicator anything to come. And I think that we
Speaker 1: can get way, way, way.
Speaker 2: Too caught up in people's tiny, like micro actions on
Speaker 2: social media of that someone liking a photo or of
Speaker 2: somebody watching a story and.
Speaker 1: What that means.
Speaker 2: I think it means shit all And I think that
Speaker 2: real action, in real life, somebody actually sending you a message,
Speaker 2: going out of the way to call you, setting up
Speaker 2: a date, all of that shit actually means something. And
Speaker 2: you've got to remember, sending somebody a message takes minimal effort,
Speaker 2: so watching an Instagram story takes no effort. Move on,
Speaker 2: get back to swiping. Brittany's got a hand up. She
Speaker 2: has some more to ad.
Speaker 1: I would like to interject, if I may go, I
Speaker 1: agree with everything you said one hundred percent, and I
Speaker 1: just said it myself. But what I also would like
Speaker 1: to add further to this conversation is that, yes, there
Speaker 1: can be a lot of flirting on Instagram one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: We do. We've talked about it before. Instagram can be
Speaker 1: like a dating app one hundred percent. You can meet
Speaker 1: someone on Instagram, you can flirt with them, you can
Speaker 1: show an interest, and you can receive an interest. But
Speaker 1: that doesn't come in the form of watching a story.
Speaker 1: That might come in the form of them watching your
Speaker 1: stories and starting to reply to them. Maybe it's a
Speaker 1: fire sign to like a photo of you. Maybe it's
Speaker 1: that looks fun. What did you get up to, Like,
Speaker 1: it's some form of engaging in communication. That is where
Speaker 1: it's an interest, and that is where you should pursue it.
Speaker 1: But like, let's just call out the elephant in the
Speaker 1: room here. You saw him watch your story, you did
Speaker 1: absolutely the right thing that you would do when you're
Speaker 1: interested in someone, and I'm all for it. I always
Speaker 1: tell you to go and chase that approach, it open
Speaker 1: the conversation, and you did that. You wrote to him
Speaker 1: after he'd seen your story, after he had ghosted you
Speaker 1: on another platform, and invited him out for food. Fantastic.
Speaker 1: I love that you took charge. He didn't write back.
Speaker 1: He's unfortunately has zero interested in you, because he would
Speaker 1: have responded to you and said, yep, that sounds great.
Speaker 1: He wouldn't have gosted you in the first place. This
Speaker 1: guy is maybe still in some capacity interested in what
Speaker 1: you're doing, but he's got no interest any further than that.
Speaker 1: And that sucks to hear, but it's it's the truth.
Speaker 1: And I feel like it's better that we know that now.
Speaker 1: If a man or if a woman, or if anyone
Speaker 1: is interested in you, you're gotta know they're gonna they're
Speaker 1: gonna at least respond when you ask them out. And
Speaker 1: also like maybe he's seeing someone, maybe he's got a girlfriend,
Speaker 1: Like you don't know where people are actually at in
Speaker 1: their relationships, especially when you've only just met them sort
Speaker 1: of transiently online, Like there are a lot of dudes
Speaker 1: out there who are swiping away on Tinder and they've
Speaker 1: actually got girlfriends, or they're actually on their way to
Speaker 1: being in a relationship, and they don't actually want to
Speaker 1: progress it into anything.
Speaker 2: The girl's doing the same thing. Like, you know, we
Speaker 2: could be shited on both sides of the gender pool.
Speaker 2: I totally agree with everything Bridger said. And one thing
Speaker 2: that I really really agree with what she just said
Speaker 2: is like, it's amazing that you put yourself out there.
Speaker 2: It's amazing that you texted and that you know, you
Speaker 2: kind of followed it up. You've given it every opportunity
Speaker 2: to be something. And don't be dis hunted by the
Speaker 2: fact that he hasn't responded in a positive way, because
Speaker 2: the next person will.
Speaker 1: It's a numbers game. That's what dating is all about.
Speaker 1: One other thing is I just wanted to add that
Speaker 1: I've just been really proud. I'm like a proud mum
Speaker 1: this week in the Facebook group and on the Instagram.
Speaker 1: How many of you have been using my dogs running
Speaker 1: into people's dms. I got penises for fingers, So yes,
Speaker 1: like we're like proud mums. We're like look at them
Speaker 1: go and like there've been really great responses to them,
Speaker 1: So I don't know, I feel like that's my life achievement.
Speaker 1: This week. There's one one girl I actually posted in
Speaker 1: the Facebook group that she's been using the opening line
Speaker 1: of Hey, would you rather have a hat full of
Speaker 1: spiders and were it every day for the rest of
Speaker 1: your life? You can't take it off your head or
Speaker 1: have functioning penises for fingers? And then she put the
Speaker 1: responses into the Facebook group, which is Life Uncut podcasts.
Speaker 1: If you haven't joined the Facebook group's real fun, lots
Speaker 1: of roles to be had. But also I realized I
Speaker 1: kicked myself in the shin because now I can't use
Speaker 1: my line that it was my line at work. Now
Speaker 1: everyone online dating has going to receive that and think
Speaker 1: that I copied it. Well, you can start using the
Speaker 1: flaccid penises for fingers things. Actually, should I just have
Speaker 1: trademarked it? Can you kind of trademark Brittany?
Speaker 2: Just like have my back just at the end of it,
Speaker 2: just put at Life on Cut. Anyway, there's probably gonna
Speaker 2: be some peoplestening to this who have no idea what
Speaker 2: we're talking about. But if that's you, then you should
Speaker 2: have listened to a few episodes ago, and then you'd
Speaker 2: be in the note. That's all on you, girl, friendly
Speaker 2: blame yourself, all right, Okay, question number three, let's do this.
Speaker 1: Okay, this is the last question. Hit me hard and
Speaker 1: deep and fast and fast. Jack, shabber it into me.
Speaker 1: We've just made a business decision today, right now, whilst
Speaker 1: I'm sitting on Laura's bed, we're recording this and we're
Speaker 1: on this really rickety desk. And I can't even explain
Speaker 1: the desk to you. It leans on an angle. It's
Speaker 1: going to collapse it and you can hear it. Listen,
Speaker 1: can you hear that squeeze? Okay, that's the desk. I'm
Speaker 1: going to tell you about this desk though.
Speaker 2: So I've had this desk since I was nineteen years old,
Speaker 2: since I lived with my first boyfriend.
Speaker 1: And definitely time.
Speaker 2: And this was his mom's desk and we stole it
Speaker 2: from her.
Speaker 1: Bro you've got your ex mum from twelve years AGO's no,
Speaker 1: your ex boyfriend from twelve Yeah, goes mom's desk. I've
Speaker 1: got my old mother in law's desk in here. She
Speaker 1: was great. I really really liked her. Her name was Mel.
Speaker 1: No business decision. We miss you, but this desk is
Speaker 1: going in the bin. One leg is wobbly and it's
Speaker 1: falling off, like we're getting you a desk. Okay, all right,
Speaker 1: let's go question that three. Let's bring it home for
Speaker 1: the home ruhs. Enough. So I've been seeing this guy.
Speaker 1: I've been seeing this guy since June. We're friends with
Speaker 1: benefits Okay, she said we were FWB. It took me
Speaker 1: a while to figure out what that was. Friends with
Speaker 1: benefits last year for about three months, and we broke
Speaker 1: it off because we both got feelings for each other
Speaker 1: but we weren't ready for the relationship. We decided to
Speaker 1: see each other again just before Melbourne Lockdown two point
Speaker 1: zero and have carried it out for the last few months.
Speaker 1: We've talked about turning this into a relationship, but he
Speaker 1: seems super hesitant and he doesn't want to be locked down.
Speaker 1: He wants me to meet his friends and go to
Speaker 1: parties with him first. We have a super we have
Speaker 1: a super healthy relationship and we talk through things often.
Speaker 1: But I can't help but think he's trying to test me. First.
Speaker 1: He's met my friends, everyone in my life. He knows
Speaker 1: my family, they know about him, but on his side,
Speaker 1: I don't exist. Is this a good thing or a
Speaker 1: bad thing? He balances me out so well and he's
Speaker 1: the best thing to happen to me. Girl, Is this
Speaker 1: a good thing or a bad Thingay? Wait?
Speaker 3: Wait?
Speaker 1: Wait?
Speaker 2: How long have they been dating for the second time round?
Speaker 2: So they dated for three months as fuck buddies and
Speaker 2: now they've been dating since June? She's yes, and we're
Speaker 2: in November. Yeah, sorry, before lockdown.
Speaker 1: Two point zero.
Speaker 2: So we're gonna say like four months, let's give them
Speaker 2: the benefit of the doubt, potentially five less than more
Speaker 2: than three.
Speaker 1: Let's say four, between three to six. I'm great with
Speaker 1: my mascar, really excelled at school. Okay, I have a
Speaker 1: few feelings. One, I hate that every single question we've
Speaker 1: come into and been really passionate and angry about. But
Speaker 1: I'm not going to stop now because I'm on a rock.
Speaker 2: Secondly, secondly, I think you guys gave this a shot
Speaker 2: for three months last year when you were just fuck
Speaker 2: buddies and it was obvious that he wasn't ready to
Speaker 2: commit and you were catching the feels. Then you've re reassessed,
Speaker 2: come back together to give it a second shot, and
Speaker 2: the exact same thing is happening, regardless of whether you
Speaker 2: feel like you've been dating or you feel like this
Speaker 2: relationship has progressed more this time. The fact that he
Speaker 2: won't actually put a label on it and commit to
Speaker 2: you kind of just makes you guys still fuck buddies
Speaker 2: in my opinion, And I'm going to say this from
Speaker 2: somebody who lived this for a year. I dated a
Speaker 2: guy and I've spoken about him before in our Situationship episode.
Speaker 2: I dated him for an entire year. He's a great guy.
Speaker 2: I have nothing against him. He always made it pretty
Speaker 2: clear that he wasn't quite he wasn't quite ready. He
Speaker 2: wanted to, but he just wasn't quite ready for the relationship.
Speaker 2: I waited for a year. My whole family knew about him,
Speaker 2: he'd met all my friends, and I had nothing. I
Speaker 2: was no part of his life. And so no, I
Speaker 2: don't think that it's a good thing. I think that
Speaker 2: he is kind of trialing you as a girlfriend. And
Speaker 2: if you guys have been dating again for four months,
Speaker 2: that's seven months in total that you've been a part
Speaker 2: of each other's lives. You know each other, you understand
Speaker 2: each other. You should know by now whether or not
Speaker 2: you want to be in a relationship with each other.
Speaker 2: And if that's what you want and you're not getting
Speaker 2: it from him, cut your loss's girlfriend because he right
Speaker 2: now he has a girlfriend without any of the commitment.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm gonna we have been coming in quite passionate aggressive.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna come in try and I'm going to try
Speaker 1: like cute aggressive. Okay, So coming from someone that has
Speaker 1: like a wide collection of red flags, I know them
Speaker 1: when I see them now, like this is a bugs
Speaker 1: and hear it all at the red flag room. Did
Speaker 1: take a Mariachi bed. My room is for the red flags,
Speaker 1: and this is a red flag, and a number one
Speaker 1: red flag to me is someone that wants to keep
Speaker 1: you a secret. I'm passionate. I'm cute passionate about this
Speaker 1: because I did that as well. For I know you
Speaker 1: guys are going to be like, what the hell, Brittany,
Speaker 1: I did that for two years? Like I wasn't a
Speaker 1: part of my sociopathic ex life for two years.
Speaker 2: This is episode number three. If you need to go
Speaker 2: back and listen to it and you haven't, Brittany dated
Speaker 2: a guy who had a double life. It's a really
Speaker 2: fucking big episode. We highly recommend listening to it.
Speaker 1: One hundred percent. I did not, and I'm ashamed to
Speaker 1: even say it out loud now, and I only talk
Speaker 1: about it because I hope it helps other people. It's insane.
Speaker 1: In two years, Laura, I did not meet one friend
Speaker 1: in his life, not one. I met his family once
Speaker 1: and I had to be introduced to them as a
Speaker 1: special friend. And as if this wasn't a red flag
Speaker 1: poking my eyeball out, he always played it off in
Speaker 1: a way that it was convincing to me that this
Speaker 1: was just like the best thing for our relationship, and
Speaker 1: I was so special to him, and I was so
Speaker 1: I mean, to be fair, this was very He was
Speaker 1: a master manipulator. But anyone that wants to keep you
Speaker 1: a secret means either they have something else going on
Speaker 1: in their life. They're not proud of you, or maybe
Speaker 1: they're embarrassed by you, or they literally just don't want
Speaker 1: you in their life in that capacity and they're happy
Speaker 1: with what they've got so in this situation.
Speaker 2: Or they're keeping their options open. I wasn't cute aggressive,
Speaker 2: that was just aggressive. It started cure you lost the cue.
Speaker 2: I did a hair whip, but no one saw it. No,
Speaker 2: it got scary. I got scared, So it doesn't I
Speaker 2: have to be about you. That's the other thing I
Speaker 2: think that, Oh no, this isn't about her, it's about him.
Speaker 2: But saying like he's not proud of you or he's
Speaker 2: not excited to be it's not about you.
Speaker 1: It's about he is.
Speaker 2: Not ready to be in a relationship, and you shouldn't
Speaker 2: be wasting your time with someone who's not ready if
Speaker 2: that's what you want.
Speaker 1: Where I was going with that, If you take it's
Speaker 1: like opposite day. So everything I just said reverse that.
Speaker 1: What that means is he should be proud of you.
Speaker 1: He should be wanting you to meet everyone in his life.
Speaker 1: He should be happy with you. There should be nothing
Speaker 1: that's worth hiding. That's where I'm going. It's definitely nothing
Speaker 1: to do with you. If he doesn't want to do
Speaker 1: that's he's probably just really happy with what you've got
Speaker 1: going on, which is you've got a connection, obviously, because
Speaker 1: you can't spend that much time with someone without it.
Speaker 1: So that's one hundred percent there. Obviously there's a level
Speaker 1: of feeling there. But he's enjoying friends with benefits. He's
Speaker 1: sleeping with you with no other attachment and no other commitment,
Speaker 1: and it doesn't seem like that's all the cards for him.
Speaker 1: So that's something you need to decide. If you're happy
Speaker 1: with ultimately, you're in charge here. If you're happy legitimately
Speaker 1: happy to have him on the side whilest you continue
Speaker 1: your life and look for something else, then go for it.
Speaker 1: I think those relationships can be wonderful. But what happens
Speaker 1: is when someone starts to develop feelings like you're doing
Speaker 1: now and you're wanting something more, he's pulling back saying
Speaker 1: I'm not ready for that, but I want to keep
Speaker 1: this up. You need to decide if you're happy to
Speaker 1: take that on or if that's going to cause more
Speaker 1: pressure and stress and upset you. And that's you're in control.
Speaker 1: So if you really want to be with him and
Speaker 1: he doesn't, maybe you need to cut those tires and
Speaker 1: continue down another path and look for your penguin because
Speaker 1: he's out there. For one hundred percent.
Speaker 2: We kind of glossed over the fact that you guys
Speaker 2: have just done lockdown, so like your relationship that kind
Speaker 2: of blossomed and the intensity of the relationship and the
Speaker 2: fact that you felt like our actually we're dating. We're
Speaker 2: boyfriend and girlfriend. Now, being in lockdown would have really
Speaker 2: really impacted that because there's no other distractions for him.
Speaker 2: You know, he wasn't able to go out and meet
Speaker 2: new people, he wasn't able to go out and.
Speaker 1: Go to parties.
Speaker 2: He was more invested in you than necessarily he is
Speaker 2: emotionally invested in you, and that's physically because you know,
Speaker 2: you could come around to his house. You guys were
Speaker 2: having said like there was a great connection there, but
Speaker 2: that connection was unchallenged by the real.
Speaker 1: World, aka a situationship.
Speaker 2: So that's what makes exactly that's what makes it a situationship.
Speaker 2: So I think, you know, it's probably become very easy
Speaker 2: to romanticize it and make it bigger than what it is,
Speaker 2: especially because it probably felt like it is bigger than
Speaker 2: what it is. And I have no doubt that he
Speaker 2: has probably led you to believe that it's bigger than
Speaker 2: what it is because that relationship was the only option
Speaker 2: during this lockdown period. And now that things are lifting
Speaker 2: and now that life is going back to normal, he
Speaker 2: is showing what he truly wants and he's showing his
Speaker 2: true colors by saying I don't want a relationship right now.
Speaker 2: I want to be able to go to parties. I
Speaker 2: want to be able to see my friends. I want
Speaker 2: to see how this fits into my life. I'm not
Speaker 2: saying you need to call it day dot. If you
Speaker 2: want to go to some parties with him, if you
Speaker 2: want to go meet his friends, and do that first
Speaker 2: before you say actually no, you need to make up
Speaker 2: your mind. But I think be very very wary. If
Speaker 2: you feel like he's road testing you as a girlfriend
Speaker 2: and he's just prolonging this situationship, then do what's right
Speaker 2: for you and call it, because you know, ultimately we
Speaker 2: have our intuition for a reason. You can see those
Speaker 2: red flags there. Don't ignore them because you don't want
Speaker 2: to see them, and you'll end up like me, not necessarily. Also,
Speaker 2: like Brett's not in a bad place, life is good.
Speaker 2: I'm okay, okay, Can I say one thing? And I
Speaker 2: fucking love this. I saw this in the Facebook group
Speaker 2: the other day. So BRIT's been kind of dating this
Speaker 2: Parisian guy, like we've talked about a little bit, this
Speaker 2: French guy. She made the comment that he's so hot
Speaker 2: and he doesn't know how hot he is. And somebody
Speaker 2: wrote in the Facebook group. Any man that rocks up
Speaker 2: on a first date with.
Speaker 1: The unbridled confidence to wear a white turtleneck knows exactly
Speaker 1: how fucking hot he is. And I was like, thank you, yes,
Speaker 1: preach it, sister. I was like, actually, I feel your
Speaker 1: vibes on that, and I have one little update that
Speaker 1: you're gonna love. But the second date he turned up
Speaker 1: in a white knit this guy, which I also love.
Speaker 1: But I was like, oh wait till the group is
Speaker 1: about this. This guy knows exactly how hot he is.
Speaker 1: He's steaming. Yes, one hundred percent. There is no man
Speaker 1: lacking in confidence, who's like a little bit nerdy, who's
Speaker 1: like a bit of a dog, who's going to rock
Speaker 1: up to a date wearing a knitted white turtleneck. But
Speaker 1: you have to also remember you have to take this
Speaker 1: out of the context. That's a man with a that's
Speaker 1: some big dick energy right there. But you have to
Speaker 1: put this in context. If an Australian guy rocked up
Speaker 1: from Bondai on a date with a white turtleneck, I
Speaker 1: would probably loolcano the hell out of it. But this
Speaker 1: guy's French. Every second French guy every European wears turtlenecks.
Speaker 1: They will do it. So for him, he doesn't know
Speaker 1: he's hot, he's just wearing normal clothes. He knows he
Speaker 1: is hot.
Speaker 2: Oh, guys, I can't wait to keep on updating you
Speaker 2: on this. I bet you he comes to the next
Speaker 2: day and he's like a little Brittany. I know that
Speaker 2: I am very hot.
Speaker 1: He's probably listening. Just keeps wearing white a French All right, guys,
Speaker 1: on that this is We're finished. That's it. That's our episode.
Speaker 1: It's actually forty minutes. It's not that quick. This is
Speaker 1: our quick, down and dirty episode. Thank you to everybody
Speaker 1: who's sent in questions for ask on Cut. We've had
Speaker 1: loads and loads and loads of very relationships specific questions
Speaker 1: coming in recently. So if you have some things that
Speaker 1: are outside of that, maybe some friend questions, maybe some
Speaker 1: work questions, bros, whatever it is, whatever questions you have,
Speaker 1: send them on through send them to our Instagram at
Speaker 1: Life un Cut Podcasts. You can also send them to
Speaker 1: us on Facebook at Life un Cut Podcasts, which is
Speaker 1: our group. Great to be involved in the group, much support,
Speaker 1: so funny, amazing people, many lolls to be had, so
Speaker 1: I recommend that as well and once again, If you guys,
Speaker 1: if you haven't voted yet for the Australian Podcast Awards,
Speaker 1: I'm going to say for the Trump and elections. I
Speaker 1: was like, not, Laura, no cold, That's not right. That'll
Speaker 1: be over by the time this comes out.
Speaker 2: If you guys, if you haven't voted yet for us
Speaker 2: on the Australian Podcast Awards, and you've listened to episodes
Speaker 2: and you've gotten something out of it, whether you have
Speaker 2: laughed along with some accidentally unfiltered stories, whether you have
Speaker 2: been touched by some of our more deeper episodes, if
Speaker 2: you want to continue on on My Dating Life, you
Speaker 2: have to go and vote yes or you know, whatever
Speaker 2: it is that you've gotten out of the podcast. We
Speaker 2: would so greatly appreciate for you to go and cast
Speaker 2: your vote. It's for the People's Choice Award. And I'm
Speaker 2: going to put the link in our show notes again,
Speaker 2: but if you haven't found it, you can also go
Speaker 2: onto our Instagram. I've put it in the bio. There
Speaker 2: takes literally thirty seconds, and.
Speaker 1: The important thing to know is to actually solidify the vote.
Speaker 1: After you vote, you have to go into your email
Speaker 1: and if it's not in your mainstream email, it may
Speaker 1: have gone to your spam, but that is crucial to
Speaker 1: the vote. Just got to authorize it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, get that good stuff and also then Britt will
Speaker 2: send you a puppy, so like everybody wins.
Speaker 1: Here anyway, guys, that is it from us. Tell your mom,
Speaker 1: tell your dad, tell your friends, tell your dog, tell
Speaker 1: whoever it is that's close.
Speaker 3: By, and share the love because we love it.
Speaker 1: The tabapaya baababa baba