1
00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:02,120
Speaker 1: Ash. One question we like to ask our guests on

2
00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:04,400
Speaker 1: the podcast is their proposal story.

3
00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:07,360
Speaker 2: Yes, and Gus has quite a unique one.

4
00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:09,600
Speaker 1: I think this would be my favorite of all the

5
00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:12,160
Speaker 1: proposal stories we've had. This is number one.

6
00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:15,120
Speaker 3: You're only seeing movies usually where people ask someone to

7
00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:17,000
Speaker 3: marry them on the first date.

8
00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:20,320
Speaker 1: What a maniac? What an idiot? Seem to have paid off,

9
00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:23,280
Speaker 1: but didn't expect the best story to come from Oh Gussie.

10
00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:25,680
Speaker 1: Now you might know Gus from his work as a

11
00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:28,920
Speaker 1: sports commentator. He was also working at Triple M until

12
00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:31,639
Speaker 1: he decided to hang up the headphones after a massive

13
00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:34,360
Speaker 1: sixteen years and put all his energy into Gotcha for Life.

14
00:00:34,479 --> 00:00:37,080
Speaker 3: Got through such a great organization that emerged from such

15
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:39,320
Speaker 3: devastating circumstances.

16
00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:42,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, Gus lost his mentor and basically a father figure

17
00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:45,880
Speaker 1: who died as a result of suicide. This ultimately led

18
00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:49,000
Speaker 1: to him building an organization that is dedicated to getting

19
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:51,839
Speaker 1: the male suicide rate down to zero. So if you

20
00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:54,560
Speaker 1: or anyone you know is struggling, you can call Lifeline

21
00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:58,240
Speaker 1: on thirteen eleven fourteen. Further info will be available in

22
00:00:58,280 --> 00:00:59,920
Speaker 1: the show notes. Gus is married to VICKI.

23
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:03,240
Speaker 3: I have three kids and he's an advocate for opening

24
00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:05,840
Speaker 3: up discussions around really important issues amongst men.

25
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,039
Speaker 1: He also gives us a bit of advice on how

26
00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:11,920
Speaker 1: to stay happily married after what is it like thirty years?

27
00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:12,679
Speaker 1: Thirty years?

28
00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:16,960
Speaker 3: It was actually his thirtieth anniversary when we did this chat,

29
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,959
Speaker 3: which was awesome because he'd spent time with us and

30
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:19,479
Speaker 3: not as well.

31
00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:39,440
Speaker 1: Anyway, here is the conversation. Enjoy, Welcome back to three

32
00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:42,640
Speaker 1: doting dads. I am Addie, Jay, I'm Ash and I'm

33
00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:45,400
Speaker 1: Gus warn And this is a podcast all about parenting.

34
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:48,320
Speaker 1: It is the good, it is the bad and the relatable.

35
00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:51,600
Speaker 1: And Gussie, we can I call you Gussie of course, Gussie.

36
00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:55,840
Speaker 1: We don't give any advice here, Ash and I occasionally

37
00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:58,320
Speaker 1: we will if you'd like to give advice. You can

38
00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:01,160
Speaker 1: give advice if it's not advice, but it's stories that

39
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:04,880
Speaker 1: shouldn't be taken as advice. Perfect. We like to just

40
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:06,200
Speaker 1: pre warn everybody.

41
00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:09,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think I'm probably more of a preacher than

42
00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:11,800
Speaker 4: I expect myself to be or want to be.

43
00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:13,480
Speaker 2: But that comes with, you know.

44
00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:16,760
Speaker 4: Maturity and being fifty six a couple of days ago,

45
00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:18,800
Speaker 4: and you know, I'm sort of I could be your

46
00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:20,160
Speaker 4: father easily.

47
00:02:20,639 --> 00:02:24,200
Speaker 2: Happy birthday, by the way, me, yeah, forty six.

48
00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:28,799
Speaker 1: No, I'm just thirty fourty four. I'm thirty seven. And

49
00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:31,440
Speaker 1: that's part of the reason why we were excited to

50
00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:34,560
Speaker 1: talk to you, because we always mentioned as a hierarchy

51
00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:38,120
Speaker 1: of parents, and when we speak to someone who's got

52
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:41,120
Speaker 1: children younger than us, we then preached down to that.

53
00:02:42,639 --> 00:02:45,360
Speaker 2: Speak to someone, Oh I remember when that was happening.

54
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:49,960
Speaker 1: You're much wiser because you're far higher on the hierarchy

55
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:50,720
Speaker 1: of parenthood.

56
00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:52,919
Speaker 4: Maybe I'm not one hundred percent sure about that, but

57
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:55,360
Speaker 4: I reckon that definitely is to go though in terms

58
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:57,680
Speaker 4: of like, you know, you look around and you think, oh, well,

59
00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:00,000
Speaker 4: I've been here and done that, and I find myself

60
00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:04,000
Speaker 4: saying over and over again, oh, take in every moment, yeah,

61
00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:05,440
Speaker 4: je it goes quickly.

62
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:11,000
Speaker 2: And I'm like, before even we're guilty of that.

63
00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:14,720
Speaker 1: At the park, someone's the newborn and I'm like, oh.

64
00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:17,200
Speaker 3: Before you know, it becomes part of your small dog,

65
00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:19,320
Speaker 3: and you're just like, ah, it goes fast, doesn't it.

66
00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:21,480
Speaker 3: As soon as someone's like, yeah, he's just turned one,

67
00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:23,919
Speaker 3: you're like, and just to keep the conversation, you're like,

68
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:28,120
Speaker 3: oh my god, that wents so fa, and ever we're thinking, no,

69
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:30,080
Speaker 3: it fucking didn't so.

70
00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:35,840
Speaker 2: Long. Wait to be over. Now that I've got three

71
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:36,920
Speaker 2: kids away from home.

72
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:40,280
Speaker 4: So Abby's twenty one, she's in Canada, Jack and Ella

73
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,200
Speaker 4: have been in England for four and three years.

74
00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:45,640
Speaker 2: I find myself going, gee, it goes fast.

75
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:48,680
Speaker 4: I remember when my and then one of the children,

76
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:51,880
Speaker 4: and then I tell them about, well you're doing now,

77
00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:53,440
Speaker 4: just as if they're passed through it.

78
00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:54,040
Speaker 2: But they happen.

79
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:57,480
Speaker 4: One is like hello or something like that, and I'll

80
00:03:57,560 --> 00:03:59,960
Speaker 4: just get into that and that gives me two three minutes,

81
00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:01,200
Speaker 4: few stories.

82
00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:03,960
Speaker 2: Oh why England. Oh, then my wife and I can

83
00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:07,880
Speaker 2: go forever. After that point, I have no doubt.

84
00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:10,760
Speaker 1: Before we chat about your kids, I'm going to test

85
00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:14,120
Speaker 1: your memory here, Gus. We always like to start off

86
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:16,760
Speaker 1: and see what I guess were like when they were

87
00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:22,520
Speaker 1: much younger. I'm talking about you know, teenage years even earlier,

88
00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,440
Speaker 1: if you can recall that far back. Yeah, what were

89
00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:26,480
Speaker 1: you like as a young man?

90
00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:31,960
Speaker 4: I was a chubby happy, lots of mates around me,

91
00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:34,880
Speaker 4: lots of sport. Put me in a box and I

92
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,320
Speaker 4: was happy. As soon as I was sort of a

93
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,239
Speaker 4: little bit outside of that box.

94
00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:40,320
Speaker 2: I was no good. So I went to a school

95
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:42,240
Speaker 2: that was a boaters and blazer and loved it.

96
00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:44,880
Speaker 4: My brother, two years a enemy, couldn't wait to leave,

97
00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:46,880
Speaker 4: went to America to finish off his schooling.

98
00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:52,000
Speaker 2: I was just a happy, happy little kid who just.

99
00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:56,280
Speaker 4: Loved to eat and loved sugar and loved like soft

100
00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:57,160
Speaker 4: drinks and stuff.

101
00:04:57,320 --> 00:05:03,080
Speaker 1: And remind me of someone else on this podcast who's

102
00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:04,760
Speaker 1: a little similar, cut from the same class.

103
00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:05,760
Speaker 2: This guy.

104
00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:08,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean you and I are very similar from

105
00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:11,240
Speaker 4: what I've known from the time we spent together. All

106
00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:13,360
Speaker 4: was up for a laugh, always seeing the funny side

107
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:16,240
Speaker 4: of things. But I think it comes with an authentic

108
00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:19,240
Speaker 4: sort of good heart as well, you know, which is

109
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:22,320
Speaker 4: I like to think that too. I was always told, oh,

110
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:23,640
Speaker 4: you wear your heart on your sleeve.

111
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:23,880
Speaker 2: You know.

112
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:25,520
Speaker 4: I was the one that cried. I was the one

113
00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:28,640
Speaker 4: that gave people hugs and stuff. And I told girls

114
00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:30,560
Speaker 4: after a date and a half that I love them

115
00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:33,960
Speaker 4: and I'd be perfect on you know, some sort of

116
00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:36,440
Speaker 4: you know, showed like that on TV. I don't know

117
00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:37,320
Speaker 4: if there's one available.

118
00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:40,960
Speaker 1: We're very happily married, but the Golden Bachelor is casting

119
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:41,520
Speaker 1: at the moment.

120
00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:43,279
Speaker 4: I did say that to my wife she's a lucky

121
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:48,200
Speaker 4: lady thirty years today. Yes, congratulations, And we're talking about

122
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:49,839
Speaker 4: that too, because she sent me a photo of her

123
00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:51,560
Speaker 4: and her wedding dress this morning.

124
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:53,800
Speaker 2: She said it to the family WhatsApp because our kids

125
00:05:53,839 --> 00:05:54,680
Speaker 2: are very proud of us.

126
00:05:54,839 --> 00:05:56,599
Speaker 1: Did she send it in the family watch to remind

127
00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:57,560
Speaker 1: you that today's the day?

128
00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:03,160
Speaker 2: It was to day? But I think she just wanted to.

129
00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:05,400
Speaker 2: I don't know. It was a nice memory for her.

130
00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:06,920
Speaker 2: And she looks fantastic.

131
00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:09,560
Speaker 4: In fact, you know, she's slimmer than she was all

132
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,800
Speaker 4: those years ago, and I think you know, she's been

133
00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:13,560
Speaker 4: working hard on herself. So I think that was a

134
00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:16,479
Speaker 4: really nice little moment. And our kids just dropped straight

135
00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:18,920
Speaker 4: into how long is it again? And Mum, you look

136
00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:19,919
Speaker 4: wonderful and.

137
00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:21,880
Speaker 2: All that stuff. So it was just a nice sort

138
00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:23,600
Speaker 2: of start of the start of the day, and I

139
00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:24,680
Speaker 2: started the day for us.

140
00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:27,120
Speaker 1: We had talked about you wearing your heart on your sleeve.

141
00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,360
Speaker 1: Where does that come from? Do you think? Is that

142
00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:33,719
Speaker 1: because I know that you've spoken about your dad leaving

143
00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:34,920
Speaker 1: when you were quite young?

144
00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:35,400
Speaker 2: Yeah?

145
00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:37,160
Speaker 1: Is that because you spent a lot of time then

146
00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:37,960
Speaker 1: with your mum?

147
00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:41,279
Speaker 4: I think so, And also other mates mums as well.

148
00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:44,880
Speaker 4: So Dad left officially when I was ten, but he

149
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:47,960
Speaker 4: was sort of out of there probably around I was

150
00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:50,240
Speaker 4: about two. And I found out when I was eighteen

151
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:53,520
Speaker 4: that he actually left Mum for a male who is

152
00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:57,000
Speaker 4: still with now. His name's Ian, who's an absolute bloody champion.

153
00:06:57,480 --> 00:06:59,360
Speaker 4: But I didn't know that at the time. So Mum

154
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:01,800
Speaker 4: and Dad got really well. And then one day I

155
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,839
Speaker 4: came home from school. I remember it so well.

156
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,120
Speaker 2: There was boxes at the door, but there was nothing

157
00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:07,760
Speaker 2: in them. I thought, that's weird.

158
00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:10,920
Speaker 4: D And then as I sort of you know, got

159
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:12,800
Speaker 4: out of my school gear and you know, I started

160
00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,760
Speaker 4: mucking around with my brother, the boxes started to be

161
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:17,040
Speaker 4: filled with stuff.

162
00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:19,360
Speaker 2: And then Dad was putting him in his car, and

163
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:20,560
Speaker 2: I thought that was all weird.

164
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:23,360
Speaker 1: Was it tense between you Mum and Dad in that moment?

165
00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:26,840
Speaker 4: Or Mum was getting along with everything she normally did,

166
00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:29,240
Speaker 4: baking a cake and making this dinner, and I just

167
00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:30,160
Speaker 4: thought it was weird.

168
00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:32,560
Speaker 2: Maybe there was a clear out or something in my head.

169
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,160
Speaker 2: But I've always lived in a bubble.

170
00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:36,600
Speaker 4: I've always lived in a bubble where I've never really

171
00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:40,520
Speaker 4: totally understood what's going on at any time, And that

172
00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:41,840
Speaker 4: was a perfect example of that.

173
00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:44,320
Speaker 2: And then Mum and Dad sat down and said, we've

174
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:45,120
Speaker 2: got something to tell you.

175
00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:48,000
Speaker 4: You know, Dad's not going to be living here full

176
00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:51,200
Speaker 4: time and whatever, and I literally and I love my

177
00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:53,840
Speaker 4: food I was spoken about already. I threw him a

178
00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:56,520
Speaker 4: plate I remember so well because I hadn't started yet,

179
00:07:56,600 --> 00:08:00,320
Speaker 4: three cutlets, mashed potato and veggies, and I'm remember I.

180
00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:03,880
Speaker 2: Getting a good, good meal, a good meal, and I

181
00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:05,400
Speaker 2: smashed the china up against the thing.

182
00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:07,320
Speaker 4: And then I ran down to my mate's place and

183
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:09,920
Speaker 4: I worked out later that mum rang said he must

184
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,520
Speaker 4: be down there, and the mum got that message from mum,

185
00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:14,920
Speaker 4: this is what's happened, and she said, I look after

186
00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:17,200
Speaker 4: him until he calms down. And I stayed there a

187
00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:20,560
Speaker 4: couple of nights. Eventually went back. Dad had left and

188
00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:22,880
Speaker 4: it was just Mum, me and my brother. And Mum

189
00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:26,080
Speaker 4: was a very loving person, so maybe it was to

190
00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:27,800
Speaker 4: do with that, but I think it was my personality

191
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:28,720
Speaker 4: from a young kid as well.

192
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:30,160
Speaker 2: You must have been angry.

193
00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:31,760
Speaker 3: Do you remember what your emotion was then?

194
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:34,920
Speaker 4: Like? Definitely anger and just like it was probably the

195
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:40,000
Speaker 4: first time that I remember where I absolutely didn't understand

196
00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:42,439
Speaker 4: and was confused and all that stuff, and I think

197
00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,199
Speaker 4: at twelve years of age, you're probably like that.

198
00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:44,720
Speaker 2: Anyway.

199
00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:47,079
Speaker 4: Yeah, I was trying to work stuff out. And then

200
00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:48,719
Speaker 4: I went to school the next day and spoke to

201
00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:51,080
Speaker 4: my mates, and a few of them sort of said, oh,

202
00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:53,280
Speaker 4: I think my mum and dad will be the same,

203
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:57,319
Speaker 4: or my mum and dad live in separate rooms, or

204
00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,680
Speaker 4: they have the same room but two single beds. Now

205
00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:02,360
Speaker 4: it's from a double to a single. And I was like, oh,

206
00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:05,439
Speaker 4: I thought everyone's life was sort of perfect. Yeah, And

207
00:09:05,559 --> 00:09:07,240
Speaker 4: that was my first thing. And I spoke to my

208
00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:10,319
Speaker 4: brother about it. My brother's much less emotional than me.

209
00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:12,360
Speaker 4: He just goes, mate, that's just the way it is.

210
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:15,640
Speaker 4: And then about Dad, because I got really upset about Dad,

211
00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:17,800
Speaker 4: the fact that everyone else seemed to know and I

212
00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:20,520
Speaker 4: didn't know, why couldn't you trust me with this information?

213
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:21,560
Speaker 2: Anyway?

214
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:24,080
Speaker 4: When I found out, first thing I did is had

215
00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:26,079
Speaker 4: to go home wring my brother because there was no

216
00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:29,640
Speaker 4: mobile phones. He was living in Chippendale. We were in Pimble,

217
00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:31,400
Speaker 4: so it was about an hour's drive and I said,

218
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:33,760
Speaker 4: get your ass over here. How long have you known

219
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:36,319
Speaker 4: about Dad? And he went, yep, on my way and

220
00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:39,079
Speaker 4: he came over and he had known since he was fourteen,

221
00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:41,840
Speaker 4: so he pretty much knew from the time Dad left,

222
00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:45,920
Speaker 4: and I just didn't understand why. And when I asked

223
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,200
Speaker 4: them why, they said, well, your life was going so well,

224
00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:50,400
Speaker 4: like we didn't want to throw this curve ball that

225
00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:51,079
Speaker 4: you do.

226
00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:52,480
Speaker 2: Everyone was you were happy.

227
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,040
Speaker 1: Do you think when you look back, do you like

228
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,839
Speaker 1: I can appreciate why they were wanting to protect me.

229
00:09:58,559 --> 00:10:01,440
Speaker 1: Do you think the best thing was how it played out?

230
00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:03,000
Speaker 1: Or do you think no, I should have been told,

231
00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:05,080
Speaker 1: like it's such an important message and to be told

232
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:08,960
Speaker 1: last that has worse effect than whether I was told upfront.

233
00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:12,319
Speaker 4: Well, the other thing totally. I'll answer that in a second.

234
00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:16,600
Speaker 4: I wasn't told by anyone in my family. So if

235
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:18,439
Speaker 4: some of your listeners may know or have heard. A

236
00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:21,280
Speaker 4: bloke called John Newcomb who was a famous tennis player,

237
00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:23,360
Speaker 4: so he was like my second dad lived in the

238
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:27,480
Speaker 4: same street, and Nuke actually took me out for dinner

239
00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:29,679
Speaker 4: to tell me on behalf of all the friends that

240
00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:32,719
Speaker 4: were all that knew, and we're wondering why I didn't know,

241
00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:35,880
Speaker 4: and we sat down. I remember so again another good

242
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:39,400
Speaker 4: meal was because the spring rolls of the dim seems

243
00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:43,240
Speaker 4: like arrived on a plate and he goes by the way,

244
00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:47,040
Speaker 4: By the way, Dad's gay, and I was thinking, okay,

245
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:49,640
Speaker 4: there's a joke in here, like an Irish man of

246
00:10:49,679 --> 00:10:51,400
Speaker 4: Scott's walk into a bar, like.

247
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:53,480
Speaker 2: What is this? And he goes, did you know?

248
00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:55,599
Speaker 4: And I'm like, wow, hold on for a second, is

249
00:10:55,679 --> 00:11:00,719
Speaker 4: this what? And he goes, well everyone no, and was

250
00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:02,439
Speaker 4: wondering why you weren't talking about it?

251
00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:03,800
Speaker 2: So now I know you don't know?

252
00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:05,320
Speaker 1: So how old at this point?

253
00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:07,920
Speaker 4: So I was nineteen, So I done my gap year,

254
00:11:08,559 --> 00:11:13,040
Speaker 4: came back and was my first job doing marketing for

255
00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,400
Speaker 4: the new South Wales Open Tennis at White City, just

256
00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:18,120
Speaker 4: down the road here. And you took me out for

257
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:19,760
Speaker 4: dinner because I've done a good job. That was the

258
00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:23,520
Speaker 4: what he'd said. And as I said, the demmis in

259
00:11:23,559 --> 00:11:26,880
Speaker 4: the springings r and before it could get my buddy

260
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:30,920
Speaker 4: gob into one, he told me about Dad. So obviously

261
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,439
Speaker 4: I was teared up. I was upset. There was a

262
00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:37,520
Speaker 4: lot of emotion there. I then went back home, rang

263
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,320
Speaker 4: my brother, spoke to mom. Mum was furious that NU

264
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,920
Speaker 4: could said anything. Yeah bad because that was her role.

265
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:45,720
Speaker 4: And I was like, you've had eighteen years to say.

266
00:11:45,559 --> 00:11:48,200
Speaker 2: It, So that happened.

267
00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:50,400
Speaker 1: She goes, I was dressed about it.

268
00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:53,160
Speaker 2: Next week, your Dad's go, yeah, that was on the

269
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,080
Speaker 2: agenda for next week. We'll chat about it anyway.

270
00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:58,800
Speaker 4: The next morning, I remember not getting a lot of

271
00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:01,199
Speaker 4: sleep that night, but the next morn hearing the doorbell

272
00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:04,360
Speaker 4: go and Nuke was there. And Nuke then said, I'm

273
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,120
Speaker 4: really sorry if I overstepped, and they went through that

274
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:10,079
Speaker 4: discussion as two adults would, and then Nuke offered to

275
00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:12,400
Speaker 4: send me to America, which is where my dad was,

276
00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:15,200
Speaker 4: so I could have that conversation face to face.

277
00:12:15,679 --> 00:12:18,079
Speaker 2: Back in the day. He was like, Nuke had to

278
00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:18,920
Speaker 2: deal with Kanas.

279
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:21,400
Speaker 4: So he had tickets literally sitting in his top desk

280
00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:22,840
Speaker 4: and you can fill them in on where you wanted

281
00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:26,480
Speaker 4: to go, Like, so has he only left now? It's like, oh,

282
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:29,760
Speaker 4: on the computer, but he so that afternoon I flew

283
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,360
Speaker 4: to LA and then LA to Vegas where Dad was.

284
00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:34,280
Speaker 1: What was that conversation like with your dad?

285
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:37,120
Speaker 4: So I took two days to bring it up, so

286
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:40,000
Speaker 4: you didn't know while you were there, he said why

287
00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:44,600
Speaker 4: are you here? Definitely when he saw me, and I said,

288
00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:46,599
Speaker 4: I knew, you know, sprung this trip on me.

289
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:47,440
Speaker 2: Because I did a good.

290
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,800
Speaker 4: Job with the tennis and blah blah blah and no worries. Meanwhile,

291
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:53,480
Speaker 4: my brother's rung my dad and said he's coming over.

292
00:12:53,559 --> 00:12:55,760
Speaker 4: He's coming in hot So this is a story. So

293
00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:59,319
Speaker 4: my dad's waiting for me to tell the story. I'm

294
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:03,400
Speaker 4: to gutlass to tell the story. And then eventually, after

295
00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:06,600
Speaker 4: a couple of days, we're around the pool and I said, Dad, actually,

296
00:13:06,679 --> 00:13:07,600
Speaker 4: the reason I'm here is.

297
00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:11,000
Speaker 2: This and the longest discussion my father and I've ever had.

298
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:13,720
Speaker 4: It win for hours, and I remember it being really sunny,

299
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,320
Speaker 4: and by the time we finished, I had my tower

300
00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:18,320
Speaker 4: around me by the pool, like it can get quite

301
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:21,000
Speaker 4: cold in the desert at night anyway, and then we

302
00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:24,839
Speaker 4: went out and had the most fantastic night. And Ian,

303
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,760
Speaker 4: whose dad's partner still now, as I said, he was

304
00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:29,719
Speaker 4: there and I just gave him the biggest harga and

305
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:32,719
Speaker 4: I said, mate, like, this is nothing on you. I

306
00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:34,600
Speaker 4: just need to work this stuff out myself. But you're

307
00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:37,079
Speaker 4: You're like an uncle to me. I love you like

308
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:37,720
Speaker 4: another dad.

309
00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:40,120
Speaker 1: Did you did you know Ian at all prior to this?

310
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:41,920
Speaker 1: It was the first time you met him on that room.

311
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:45,559
Speaker 4: He's always been dad's business partner Averted Commas, so he's

312
00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:47,839
Speaker 4: always been Ian and Dad Neine have lived together but

313
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:50,280
Speaker 4: separate rooms. And I'm like, oh, that's just like my mates.

314
00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:52,720
Speaker 4: When I grow up, I'm going to live with my mates.

315
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:54,960
Speaker 4: So that's this is this bubble I was talking about.

316
00:13:55,240 --> 00:13:56,920
Speaker 4: I remember going to Whale but each once we had

317
00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:59,640
Speaker 4: a place down there and my girlfriend and I, Jackie,

318
00:14:00,559 --> 00:14:02,240
Speaker 4: just came up from the beach and Dad always said

319
00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:05,000
Speaker 4: ring before you come to the house, right, And one

320
00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:06,480
Speaker 4: of these days I was like, bug of that. I'm

321
00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:08,439
Speaker 4: just going to go up, jump in the pool. It's

322
00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:11,280
Speaker 4: freshen up for the drive home. Well I turned up

323
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:13,480
Speaker 4: and it was like it was like the village people

324
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,600
Speaker 4: y M c A Or rolled into one. The music

325
00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:17,800
Speaker 4: was going, they had the hooch on the go. There

326
00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:20,160
Speaker 4: was like thirty blokes all in speedo's.

327
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:21,720
Speaker 1: Dad's got a lot of mates.

328
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:25,000
Speaker 2: Even then, I'm not going, oh my dad might be gay.

329
00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:27,720
Speaker 2: I'm going that's a whole lot of mates and that's

330
00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:33,640
Speaker 2: really cool. Yeah, And to dad.

331
00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:35,200
Speaker 4: Then come out and we have a chat and have

332
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:37,400
Speaker 4: a swim and you say gooday to everyone, and then

333
00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:40,000
Speaker 4: I leave and they're like, well that that's obviously going

334
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:43,920
Speaker 4: to and that made Jackie, my partner at the time,

335
00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:46,880
Speaker 4: talk to my mates and say, well, I don't think

336
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:49,760
Speaker 4: he has a clue because like he's literally literally walked

337
00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:52,800
Speaker 4: into Mardi Gras on a float and hasn't and hasn't

338
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:53,520
Speaker 4: worked it out.

339
00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:02,400
Speaker 1: What was it like when when your dad left? My

340
00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:04,760
Speaker 1: mum and dad split when I was about twelve as well,

341
00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:07,280
Speaker 1: And for me it left a really big void that

342
00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:09,240
Speaker 1: I wanted to feel for that father figure.

343
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:11,960
Speaker 2: What was it like for you? I definitely wanted at field.

344
00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:13,680
Speaker 4: I found it with Nuke and I found it with

345
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:18,200
Speaker 4: Angus Roberts, who was my mentor, who took his own life.

346
00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:20,720
Speaker 4: That started got your for life for me. So two

347
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:24,200
Speaker 4: very big personalities. Plus there's parts of my mate's dads

348
00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:26,960
Speaker 4: that I went, oh, I love that. That's really good.

349
00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:30,000
Speaker 4: So I would be one of the kids sometimes talking

350
00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:32,720
Speaker 4: to the parents when the kids were outside having a laugh.

351
00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:34,720
Speaker 2: Not for long, but I would not just be straight

352
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,600
Speaker 2: in and out and fun and pulls. I would be interested.

353
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:42,160
Speaker 4: So there was a few fathers like Jacko's father Chris Jackman,

354
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:45,280
Speaker 4: who was an absolute bloody. He's a tyrant at times,

355
00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:48,760
Speaker 4: very religious and stuff, very different to me, but I

356
00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:52,000
Speaker 4: would learn some discipline things from him, some hard work.

357
00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:54,960
Speaker 4: Don't keep giving yourself treats. You know, I'm a great

358
00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:56,400
Speaker 4: one of do something good treat.

359
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,320
Speaker 1: I went to the gym last night, came home in

360
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:01,920
Speaker 1: an ice cream.

361
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:04,640
Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, you could have easily just had

362
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:05,280
Speaker 2: the ice cream.

363
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:07,040
Speaker 1: I could have, but I felt like I needed his

364
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:10,080
Speaker 1: don't encourage him, encourage me, get a little something something.

365
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:12,120
Speaker 1: How did you meet Angus?

366
00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:12,560
Speaker 2: Yeah?

367
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,920
Speaker 4: So Angus was my cousin's boyfriend, then my cousin's husband,

368
00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:19,040
Speaker 4: and I loved him so much. When I did Year

369
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:21,920
Speaker 4: twelve like a work experience, I worked for him at

370
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:23,040
Speaker 4: Trinity Prep School.

371
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:26,120
Speaker 2: He's a PE teacher. And then four or five years later,

372
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:27,080
Speaker 2: when I'd finished.

373
00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:30,040
Speaker 4: School, I was goofing around and my wife was teaching

374
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:33,160
Speaker 4: at PLC Pimble as a PE teacher to Posh School

375
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:35,840
Speaker 4: up on the North Shore, and Angus came up behind

376
00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:38,000
Speaker 4: me and sort of put his arm around me and said,

377
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:40,920
Speaker 4: time for you to, you know, start doing some stuff.

378
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:41,120
Speaker 2: You know.

379
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:44,360
Speaker 4: I was like, what, life's good and he's like, mate,

380
00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:46,480
Speaker 4: time for you to, you know, put your head down

381
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:47,920
Speaker 4: and find something that you're going to do.

382
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:49,800
Speaker 2: A bit old school but I probably needed it.

383
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:52,320
Speaker 4: And then he got me a job working at Tashiba

384
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:55,760
Speaker 4: selling laptop computers, which was when laptops were ten grand

385
00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:58,840
Speaker 4: apiece and only the bosses had them. Perfect time. Eight

386
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:02,080
Speaker 4: years later I finished off after working at Tsheba in

387
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:03,200
Speaker 4: a few different countries.

388
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:04,720
Speaker 2: We gave the computer.

389
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:07,200
Speaker 4: Away as long as you bought the dongle for BT

390
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:10,159
Speaker 4: Telecom or whatever it was. It was all about that,

391
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:13,240
Speaker 4: not the actual hardware. So I went through really at

392
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:15,600
Speaker 4: the start, all the way to what is very normal

393
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:18,720
Speaker 4: now is a laptop. And he taught me everything. He

394
00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:21,480
Speaker 4: was bloody fantastic and I never worked a day at

395
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:22,440
Speaker 4: Tsheba after.

396
00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:25,760
Speaker 2: He died, not one day, No one day. It was like,

397
00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:31,480
Speaker 2: it's just it was just a I couldn't do it.

398
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:34,040
Speaker 4: I went to to Sheba, Australia to try to find

399
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:36,280
Speaker 4: a note because I was in England when he took

400
00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:38,440
Speaker 4: his own life. So I went back to Shea and

401
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:40,440
Speaker 4: I walked into his office and I looked everywhere to

402
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:44,280
Speaker 4: see that just made no sense to me that he

403
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:46,359
Speaker 4: would do that, but never found it.

404
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:49,160
Speaker 2: And then I've never known anything at to Sheba since.

405
00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:53,920
Speaker 1: How do you digest that type of grief? Finding someone

406
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:55,800
Speaker 1: who played such a pivotal role in your life is

407
00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:58,080
Speaker 1: now gone really badly.

408
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:01,080
Speaker 4: The first maybe five years, I should just get drunk

409
00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:04,200
Speaker 4: on the anniversary, shout at him, call him names.

410
00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:05,320
Speaker 2: I used to go to the.

411
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:09,000
Speaker 4: Spot, my spot, what I cause, our spot, and just

412
00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:12,359
Speaker 4: be so angry and sad. And then I learned some

413
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:15,400
Speaker 4: stuff and I was brave enough. I supposed to talk

414
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:18,000
Speaker 4: about it on The Grill Team, which was a very

415
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:21,120
Speaker 4: blokey show. We'd never show vulnerability. We always just told

416
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:24,760
Speaker 4: jokes and gave away tickets and talked sport. And I

417
00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:28,280
Speaker 4: asked Maddie John's and MG one morning if I could

418
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:30,840
Speaker 4: talk about my friend, and I said, we've been doing

419
00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:33,760
Speaker 4: the show for six years. I reckon, our listeners are loyal,

420
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,160
Speaker 4: they're ready for this, and we went, okay, let's see

421
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:38,440
Speaker 4: here we go. And so I told the story of

422
00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:40,800
Speaker 4: Angus took his own life on the day that his

423
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:44,000
Speaker 4: third and final child finished their hsc Oh my god,

424
00:18:44,359 --> 00:18:46,000
Speaker 4: so what should have been a celebration and it had

425
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:49,440
Speaker 4: been such a tough time. And then how many people

426
00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:53,359
Speaker 4: were at the funeral? Thousands? Literally, they loved him, and

427
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:57,520
Speaker 4: no one had a clue, And the end of the

428
00:18:57,600 --> 00:18:59,320
Speaker 4: break you know what it's like in radio three or

429
00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:03,199
Speaker 4: four minutes go to a song, and every line at

430
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:05,760
Speaker 4: Triple M was buzzing and just needed to be picked up.

431
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:07,760
Speaker 4: And people were going, I want to tell my story,

432
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:09,600
Speaker 4: so that we gave them permission.

433
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:10,080
Speaker 2: To talk about something.

434
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:14,200
Speaker 4: So I drove home to Eleanora and said to my wife,

435
00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:17,960
Speaker 4: just on the small little team at the grill team,

436
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,200
Speaker 4: we had ninety minutes of phone calls back to back.

437
00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:23,000
Speaker 2: We didn't play another song, not another news report, not

438
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:24,359
Speaker 2: another traffic report. All morning.

439
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:27,520
Speaker 4: We just went literally one person after another, going this

440
00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:29,520
Speaker 4: is what happened to me, This is what happened to me,

441
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:30,399
Speaker 4: This is what happened to me.

442
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:32,639
Speaker 2: I realized how many people are worrying alone.

443
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:35,040
Speaker 4: So I was able to get some money from the

444
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:38,439
Speaker 4: ABC and do the Man Up program, and then from

445
00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:40,639
Speaker 4: Man Up came Gotcha for Life, And every day I

446
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:41,879
Speaker 4: now talk about my friend.

447
00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:43,720
Speaker 1: When was this? How long ago?

448
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:46,960
Speaker 4: Twenty sixteen was when I spoke about it. Twenty sixteen,

449
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,840
Speaker 4: I did Man Up. Twenty seventeen we started Gotcha, So

450
00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:51,240
Speaker 4: we're eight years into Gotcha now.

451
00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:53,920
Speaker 1: It doesn't sound like a long time, eight years, but

452
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:59,160
Speaker 1: like almost a decade ago. It was honestly never spoken

453
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,320
Speaker 1: about all.

454
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:03,240
Speaker 4: We've been a part of that changing of the guard

455
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:05,800
Speaker 4: and you guys were a part of that too. And

456
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:09,359
Speaker 4: there's some other cool people like you guys that can

457
00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:11,879
Speaker 4: show a young person that you can be good looking

458
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:16,000
Speaker 4: with tats but still talk with being authentic and real

459
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:17,640
Speaker 4: and be it. You can still be a knock about,

460
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:19,560
Speaker 4: you can still love a beer and you can have

461
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:21,640
Speaker 4: a cry. You can tell the mate you love them.

462
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:25,960
Speaker 4: You can just find the guts to actually talk, which

463
00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:28,080
Speaker 4: is what we've been told to man up and shut up.

464
00:20:28,119 --> 00:20:30,920
Speaker 4: It's actually man up and speak up, you know. And

465
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,520
Speaker 4: it's not just males either. We lose seven blokes a day,

466
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:36,440
Speaker 4: two women a day, but every eight minutes someone attempts

467
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:38,639
Speaker 4: and most of those are women. So we've got to

468
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:40,280
Speaker 4: get to the point where we put a line in

469
00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:42,479
Speaker 4: the sand in this country and say I don't want

470
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:44,840
Speaker 4: to live in Australia like that. And we're getting there,

471
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:47,359
Speaker 4: but it takes time and it's going to be generational.

472
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:50,399
Speaker 4: You guys, with your children will definitely be different to

473
00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:52,600
Speaker 4: how your dad was with you, and it would be

474
00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:55,480
Speaker 4: better in terms of us being more human and less

475
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:57,919
Speaker 4: puffing your chest out and I think one of.

476
00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:00,520
Speaker 1: The questions that a lot of people have definitely spoken

477
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:04,040
Speaker 1: about the topic, and we often get this is someone

478
00:21:04,119 --> 00:21:06,960
Speaker 1: who maybe thinks that they may need to speak to

479
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,600
Speaker 1: a friend who's not doing well. How do you approach

480
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:12,399
Speaker 1: that conversation? You know, r uok day is one that

481
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:14,880
Speaker 1: has a lot of momentum, but at the same time,

482
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,240
Speaker 1: it's how do you get from the surface level to

483
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:21,200
Speaker 1: actually getting deeper into understanding how someone's coping mentally?

484
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:23,280
Speaker 4: Eat practice? You know, you can't do it one day

485
00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:25,400
Speaker 4: like I do heaps of work for Auoka. I love

486
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:29,520
Speaker 4: it and their tagline is a conversation can save a life, absolutely,

487
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:31,040
Speaker 4: but how do you have the conversation?

488
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:32,280
Speaker 2: That's the problem.

489
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:34,520
Speaker 4: Like people like us who are communicators might be a

490
00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:37,200
Speaker 4: bit easier, but I still find it hard to go

491
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:42,160
Speaker 4: away from banter into a proper discussion with a friend.

492
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:43,920
Speaker 2: That I love well.

493
00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:45,960
Speaker 4: I had one this morning with the mate, and I'm

494
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:49,240
Speaker 4: just like, I'm thinking about it, I'm thinking about it,

495
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:53,000
Speaker 4: I'm breathing heavily, and eventually I went, mate, this, I've

496
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:54,879
Speaker 4: got to talk to you about something that's really awkward.

497
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,520
Speaker 4: And as soon as I said that, he knew it

498
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,760
Speaker 4: wasn't going to be talking about if other Risks is

499
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:00,680
Speaker 4: going to make the top eight next year or stuff

500
00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:02,960
Speaker 4: we normally talk about all the cricket that's just just

501
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:05,720
Speaker 4: played an adelaide, so that all that sort of stuff happening.

502
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:08,879
Speaker 4: You've got to practice having conversations of gravity, and the

503
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,200
Speaker 4: only way you do that is by starting, and people go,

504
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:13,080
Speaker 4: I don't know how to do it, Bumble and fumble

505
00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:14,960
Speaker 4: your way through. Send them a text, send them an email,

506
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,639
Speaker 4: write them a letter. You don't need to have the

507
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:19,560
Speaker 4: face to face tears running down the eyes combat, because

508
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:22,080
Speaker 4: that's bloody hard. But to say to someone I need

509
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:25,240
Speaker 4: to talk to you about something that's quite sensitive, or

510
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:27,840
Speaker 4: I want to have an adult conversation, whatever you want

511
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,920
Speaker 4: to talk about, get it out there in a way

512
00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:32,639
Speaker 4: that's easy for your technology. I mean, we've literally got

513
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:34,719
Speaker 4: our phones attached to us, so we all know how

514
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:35,359
Speaker 4: to send a text.

515
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:38,160
Speaker 2: So do that, but start it. There's too many people

516
00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:40,120
Speaker 2: not having conversations they should be having.

517
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:41,920
Speaker 3: I think as much easier not to start it. That

518
00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:44,320
Speaker 3: makes sense, So oh you know, mum, maybe I'll start

519
00:22:44,359 --> 00:22:47,320
Speaker 3: a conversation next time. I found that, like with some

520
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:49,920
Speaker 3: of my friends, if I sort of if I'm telling

521
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:51,840
Speaker 3: them a story about something's happening with me, usually that

522
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:54,920
Speaker 3: they'll find something that relates and then that's how the

523
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:58,400
Speaker 3: conversation will begin. Usually so daunting to have a conversation

524
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:00,760
Speaker 3: with someone on a different level.

525
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:01,680
Speaker 2: That you're not used to having.

526
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:04,760
Speaker 3: You're sort of usually at this surface level of like

527
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:08,439
Speaker 3: Bandspan's bands as the boys when we're comfortable, right, yeah, yeah.

528
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:10,399
Speaker 1: You're all right. I mean a listen straight and it is.

529
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:14,200
Speaker 2: It is Award Jokers anyway like that. That's where we're comfy.

530
00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:18,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a gear change that is a lot harder

531
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:18,560
Speaker 1: to get into.

532
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:20,639
Speaker 2: I've got to build a safe place, Mattie.

533
00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:22,800
Speaker 4: So you can't be chatting away band to Panda banda,

534
00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:24,639
Speaker 4: watching the game, having a few beers at a local

535
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:26,520
Speaker 4: partment and go by the way, oh, I need to

536
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:28,920
Speaker 4: tell you something. Pick your moment. Yeah, you've got to

537
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:30,920
Speaker 4: be safe. And they look around and gore, we what's

538
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:31,479
Speaker 4: happened here?

539
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:31,960
Speaker 2: Yeah?

540
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:32,280
Speaker 4: What?

541
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:32,639
Speaker 3: Well?

542
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:35,639
Speaker 4: I thought we were just fucking around all of a sudden.

543
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:38,400
Speaker 4: It's like, at the end of that conversation you say, hey,

544
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:40,080
Speaker 4: can we have a coffee this week? It's something I

545
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:42,240
Speaker 4: really want to talk to you. About and you're absolutely

546
00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:45,520
Speaker 4: right about showing some vulnerability yourself. And as soon as

547
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:47,920
Speaker 4: you say some vulnerability, people go, I know exactly what

548
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:50,320
Speaker 4: you mean. Actually, I wouldn't mind talking to you about that.

549
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:54,480
Speaker 4: You've built the safety for them to have that conversation.

550
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,159
Speaker 4: So I keep talking about and I'm working on a

551
00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:00,000
Speaker 4: keynote at the moment about leading with vulnerables.

552
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:03,760
Speaker 2: How do you lead with vulnerability rather than walk away.

553
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:06,199
Speaker 4: From it, which is what certainly your parents have been

554
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:08,840
Speaker 4: taught and maybe some of you guys too in your thirties,

555
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:13,200
Speaker 4: certainly fifty six, I'm like, oh, vulnerability or I don't

556
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:16,359
Speaker 4: want to show that weakness. Nah, that's actually not a weakness,

557
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:16,959
Speaker 4: it's a strength.

558
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:20,360
Speaker 1: Is that we had the idea for the boys don't cry.

559
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:24,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, so basically boys don't cry, and then we'd slash

560
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:27,119
Speaker 4: through the NT so it's boys do cry. I just

561
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:30,639
Speaker 4: love kids, and I loved being a dad when the

562
00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:34,440
Speaker 4: kids were particularly small, like sort of at many many

563
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:38,160
Speaker 4: sort of kids three four, five, six, Yeah, pretty much

564
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:44,960
Speaker 4: where our mental And I also realized, after eight years

565
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:47,760
Speaker 4: of doing gotcha, we've just started a primary school's program.

566
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:49,760
Speaker 2: So anyone listening.

567
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:51,560
Speaker 4: Here that have kids at primary school, and you want

568
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:54,440
Speaker 4: your primary school to be a mentally fit primary school

569
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:57,600
Speaker 4: and have that stamp at the front. Get involved because

570
00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:00,600
Speaker 4: it won't cost the school anything. It's a fully funded

571
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:04,240
Speaker 4: program where we want to get the kids, the parents,

572
00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:07,440
Speaker 4: and the teachers and all the staff mentally fit. I

573
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:09,920
Speaker 4: start having those discussions like, you know, if you have

574
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,159
Speaker 4: your five veggies and your fruits and stuff that'll make

575
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:15,280
Speaker 4: you better, Well, what are the exercises for the emotional muscle?

576
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:17,600
Speaker 2: And that is more important than anything.

577
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:22,159
Speaker 4: And we are basically told by people that are emotional muscle,

578
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:24,720
Speaker 4: especially boys, it's turned off at a rudy young age

579
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,200
Speaker 4: and it can be just falling in the playground and

580
00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:29,200
Speaker 4: one of the older kids calling you a name and

581
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:31,639
Speaker 4: you go, oh, that's obviously not behave you were allowed

582
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:34,119
Speaker 4: to do, and we just turn it off. And blokes

583
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:36,440
Speaker 4: are in their thirties, forties and fifties now trying to

584
00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:37,359
Speaker 4: turn it back on again.

585
00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:40,879
Speaker 1: Gussie, I feel like you're very modest, so I'm going

586
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:42,240
Speaker 1: to give you a compliment. I'm sure you're not going

587
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:45,080
Speaker 1: to want to take it, but it's really incredible to

588
00:25:45,119 --> 00:25:47,080
Speaker 1: see the work that you're doing and you're like, fuck,

589
00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:49,600
Speaker 1: if only do are more Gusses in this world, but

590
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:52,800
Speaker 1: your dedication to such an amazing cause is awesome. So

591
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:53,320
Speaker 1: well done.

592
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:54,200
Speaker 2: Thank you, Maddie.

593
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:56,520
Speaker 4: I appreciate that. If you said that to my wife,

594
00:25:56,560 --> 00:26:02,320
Speaker 4: who who is equally in this whole thing, she's English, right,

595
00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:05,760
Speaker 4: she deflect stuff. I will accept that because it is

596
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:08,359
Speaker 4: bloody hard work, soak it up and it's nice to

597
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:11,560
Speaker 4: hear that from you. But like you celebrate for a

598
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:13,200
Speaker 4: New York minute, I don't know if you guys know

599
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,280
Speaker 4: what a New York minute is, but it's basically the

600
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:18,640
Speaker 4: time that the traffic lights go from red to green

601
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:21,440
Speaker 4: and the first honk of the horn, right, So that's

602
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:23,920
Speaker 4: a real short amount of time. Like we've had the

603
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:26,720
Speaker 4: last two years, a slight decrease in suicide, like forty

604
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:29,639
Speaker 4: three people, and you think, oh forty three people in

605
00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:33,240
Speaker 4: three thousand, say hey, forty three people, and families and

606
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:36,239
Speaker 4: communities and clubs haven't been affected this year, and then

607
00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:38,359
Speaker 4: we were last year. So we're going to celebrate that,

608
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:40,960
Speaker 4: But then we realize that it's the number one way

609
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,120
Speaker 4: to die if you're a young Australian male or female

610
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:45,399
Speaker 4: fifteen to forty four is suicide.

611
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:48,960
Speaker 2: So we're not accepting it, but we're saying we're on

612
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:49,560
Speaker 2: the right track.

613
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:54,000
Speaker 1: You were talking about Vicki and we had to stop

614
00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:56,640
Speaker 1: you before we record it actually because you're talking about

615
00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:59,400
Speaker 1: how you and Vicki Matt Yeah, and we were like, wow,

616
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:02,680
Speaker 1: this is good, this is good, this is good. What

617
00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:04,280
Speaker 1: was his name, Roger Roger.

618
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:07,840
Speaker 2: We not talk about Roger.

619
00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:10,399
Speaker 4: So what happened was I went on a gap year

620
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:14,200
Speaker 4: to England nineteen eighty seven, and I had a girlfriend

621
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:17,560
Speaker 4: and I loved this girl, been with her all the

622
00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:20,159
Speaker 4: way through like year eleven and twelve, and she was

623
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:22,800
Speaker 4: going to France to do she'd done four unit French

624
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:25,200
Speaker 4: school and she wanted to go and live in France

625
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:26,240
Speaker 4: because that's a proper.

626
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:27,480
Speaker 2: Way of learning rather than through a book.

627
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:32,119
Speaker 4: And by the time I saw her at the Easter break,

628
00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:34,359
Speaker 4: I'd broken up with her because I knew I was

629
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:36,680
Speaker 4: in love with this other girl. But this other girl

630
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:40,080
Speaker 4: had this boy called Roger who was her boyfriend, and

631
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:41,280
Speaker 4: her name was Vicky.

632
00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:45,800
Speaker 2: Roger. Actually, Roger's a really nice.

633
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:50,399
Speaker 1: As I'm saying that, I'm like, he's probably like.

634
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:58,000
Speaker 2: Roger's fund of the podcast to be listening in.

635
00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:01,640
Speaker 4: And anyway, they went out and had been going out

636
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:03,359
Speaker 4: for years, right, so I just sort of, you know,

637
00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:06,920
Speaker 4: it's fair enough. And then Vix came out to Australia

638
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:09,240
Speaker 4: and he came out with her, so it's a bit annoying.

639
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:12,000
Speaker 2: And then they broke up on their bigs like six

640
00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:16,720
Speaker 2: week trip through you know, I want you going home,

641
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:22,440
Speaker 2: see you mate, So I did that and then Vix

642
00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:22,639
Speaker 2: and I.

643
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:25,639
Speaker 4: Nothing ever happened, but it just stuck in my mind

644
00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:28,680
Speaker 4: and all my friends said, look, it's obvious that what's

645
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:32,200
Speaker 4: going on here and blah blah blah. So three years later,

646
00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:35,080
Speaker 4: three years so I wrote her once a week for

647
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,439
Speaker 4: three years, like aerograms, which is.

648
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:52,480
Speaker 5: You look, it's basically a smoke signal. Well, I saw

649
00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:55,360
Speaker 5: a sky ride other day and I was like, old school, Well,

650
00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:55,760
Speaker 5: this is.

651
00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:58,320
Speaker 2: Really old school. So it's a bit of paper you

652
00:28:58,400 --> 00:28:59,880
Speaker 2: got from the post office.

653
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:05,000
Speaker 4: Post officer and you're right on it, and then it

654
00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:08,760
Speaker 4: folds into an envelope and then that gets sent by the.

655
00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:14,480
Speaker 5: Stamp on the stand, the STA stamp get the fut

656
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:17,440
Speaker 5: and I used to send those and Vix.

657
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 2: Has still got them. In fact, they're in our garage.

658
00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:20,160
Speaker 2: I saw them the other day.

659
00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:22,960
Speaker 4: So I send one a week every week and she'd

660
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:26,640
Speaker 4: send maybe one every couple of months, right, So she

661
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:29,640
Speaker 4: was very much sort of like that that's in Australia.

662
00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:34,600
Speaker 2: I was definitely like, let's the equivalent of double text message? Yeah, yeah,

663
00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:37,640
Speaker 2: more than like maybe eight and I did that with

664
00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:40,480
Speaker 2: my wife, So I'm with you, we'll play.

665
00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:44,520
Speaker 4: So eventually I went to England and asked her to

666
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:47,280
Speaker 4: marry me the night that I first saw her, the

667
00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:48,480
Speaker 4: first night I saw her.

668
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:51,440
Speaker 3: So it was it was like it was a letter

669
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:54,880
Speaker 3: a letter relationship up until that point, just all letters.

670
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:57,480
Speaker 2: That's right after after knowing each other for two years.

671
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:01,000
Speaker 1: Hang on a second, I've just got I've got to

672
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:03,239
Speaker 1: pull you up on something. I always thought, who are

673
00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:06,360
Speaker 1: these people out there who are asking someone to marry

674
00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:10,760
Speaker 1: them without at least like testing the waters their maniacs?

675
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:13,440
Speaker 2: You're that person, I'm that person, but Vicki is not

676
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:14,800
Speaker 2: because she told me to fuck off.

677
00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:16,440
Speaker 1: Okay, so smart.

678
00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 4: So all this big build up, fly a Heathrow gets

679
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:23,320
Speaker 4: the bloody trained to Bath and then the badger line

680
00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:26,800
Speaker 4: Bucks from Bath to Wells walked into the public at

681
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:29,960
Speaker 4: at lunchtime. She's on a UNI break, so she's working

682
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:33,720
Speaker 4: the bar to pay off her UNI loan and I

683
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:35,960
Speaker 4: walked straight up to her, chatting Da Da Da, and

684
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:38,000
Speaker 4: she goes, I'm working till three, then we'll go into

685
00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:38,800
Speaker 4: town and whatever.

686
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:40,960
Speaker 2: And then that night she's back working again.

687
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:43,160
Speaker 4: So I just sat and of course I knew people

688
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:46,120
Speaker 4: because I've been at that school, so I knew some people.

689
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:48,360
Speaker 4: So got drunk as a skunk, and then we said,

690
00:30:48,360 --> 00:30:49,960
Speaker 4: all right, we're going to go to this nightclub in

691
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:52,840
Speaker 4: Shepton Mallet. Don't ever go to Shephar Mallet if you've

692
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:55,760
Speaker 4: give them the opportunity. And about three in the morning,

693
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:57,720
Speaker 4: you know, of course I've got through jet lag. I

694
00:30:57,800 --> 00:31:01,320
Speaker 4: was buzzing again and said the reason I'm here is

695
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:03,880
Speaker 4: because I want to marry you, and she was just

696
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:07,480
Speaker 4: like fuck off. And the next morning I heard her

697
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:09,240
Speaker 4: on the phone or her mum's saying, Guss is here.

698
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:11,120
Speaker 4: He asked me to marry him, And then there was

699
00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:13,560
Speaker 4: a big silence, which I imagine her mum's going, what.

700
00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:18,080
Speaker 2: A fucking idiot. I always told you that guy, he's

701
00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:19,880
Speaker 2: got a good heart, but he's fucking.

702
00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:21,760
Speaker 1: Is he the one that every week?

703
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:23,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's talker guy.

704
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:24,560
Speaker 1: What about Roger?

705
00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:27,440
Speaker 2: But you're thinking about Roger?

706
00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:29,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, But there was another guy at YUNI, which I

707
00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:33,240
Speaker 4: found out later was hovering and anyway, so Vix was sensible.

708
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:36,320
Speaker 4: She goes, well, hey, I've always it's obvious that we've

709
00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:39,440
Speaker 4: always had, you know, a little spark. So I'll tell

710
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:43,000
Speaker 4: the bloke at UNI that we're not going to start

711
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:45,040
Speaker 4: and let's have a crack you and I and I

712
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:46,080
Speaker 4: went that sounds good.

713
00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:47,520
Speaker 2: So she went back to Plymouth.

714
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:50,280
Speaker 4: I drove down every Wednesday in the fruit van from

715
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:54,920
Speaker 4: the pub, and we basically spent about a month or

716
00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:57,840
Speaker 4: so before She then said to me one night, I

717
00:31:57,920 --> 00:32:00,120
Speaker 4: actually do want to marry you, like I actually I've

718
00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:02,360
Speaker 4: been in love with you for all that time and

719
00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:04,960
Speaker 4: I just needed to have a little bit of like,

720
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:12,080
Speaker 4: you know, just some sort of like a kiss, so

721
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:15,720
Speaker 4: she went. So then we said a long engagement. She

722
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:17,920
Speaker 4: had two years left at UNI, so when we have

723
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:19,720
Speaker 4: two years in her first year as a teacher, so

724
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:22,360
Speaker 4: that's three year engagement. That's a good you know, If

725
00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:25,280
Speaker 4: we're still mates after that, then let's go. If not,

726
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:28,080
Speaker 4: well say well it's it is what it is. And

727
00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:30,000
Speaker 4: as I said, today is thirty years.

728
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:31,960
Speaker 1: Wow, that's a beautiful story.

729
00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:32,760
Speaker 2: That's a good story.

730
00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:36,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, we met at a pub once and then then

731
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:36,880
Speaker 1: we got.

732
00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:40,000
Speaker 3: Married and it was like fuck you literally walked up

733
00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:41,040
Speaker 3: and said, I'll just marry you.

734
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:44,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, and she told me to fuck off. Yes, pretty much.

735
00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:47,280
Speaker 2: Great conversation become more and more similar.

736
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:51,600
Speaker 1: Asy your brother is a screenwriter.

737
00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:57,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, I don't know. That's a good point, Like

738
00:32:57,280 --> 00:33:01,960
Speaker 2: come on, come on, Steve, sure that to me?

739
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:04,680
Speaker 1: Screams like Matt and I would like a cameo in

740
00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:07,200
Speaker 1: that movie The Bar.

741
00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:09,560
Speaker 2: You could play me, like back in the day.

742
00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:13,040
Speaker 1: You must have been really handsome. You have to lose

743
00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:19,280
Speaker 1: the We're very keen to talk about life with teenage

744
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:21,560
Speaker 1: kids because Ash and I are trying to figure out

745
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:24,120
Speaker 1: what we have in store for ourselves. But before we

746
00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:27,480
Speaker 1: do that, what was it like that transition to becoming

747
00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:30,520
Speaker 1: a dad. Was it something that you hit the ground

748
00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:31,000
Speaker 1: and running.

749
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:33,440
Speaker 2: No, definitely not. I was so excited.

750
00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:36,360
Speaker 4: So Vix and I had eight pregnancies for our three kids,

751
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:39,960
Speaker 4: so we lost twins sort of midway through.

752
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:43,160
Speaker 2: Teen weeks, We've told people. So that was really difficult,

753
00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:45,600
Speaker 2: and then we couldn't get pregnant for a little while.

754
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:49,360
Speaker 4: I didn't know that and it's and it's really you

755
00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:51,440
Speaker 4: don't talk about it until someone mentions it, and then

756
00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:54,880
Speaker 4: you go, actually me too, or yeah, you know, vulnerability

757
00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:58,280
Speaker 4: happens a lot, and then you feel like you've got

758
00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:00,720
Speaker 4: permission to talk about it. That's the great thing about

759
00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:02,720
Speaker 4: what I'm doing got your life is we need to

760
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:04,000
Speaker 4: give guys per mission to talk.

761
00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:06,800
Speaker 3: About Because Woodsy said the same thing, your close friend

762
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:10,000
Speaker 3: Woodsy Yeah, because he went through a couple of miscarriages

763
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:12,480
Speaker 3: too in the and felt like he couldn't talk about

764
00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:14,239
Speaker 3: it in the change room. And then when he did

765
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:16,359
Speaker 3: talk about it, some of the other players came out

766
00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:19,520
Speaker 3: and said, we lost one too, and it's crazy that

767
00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:21,440
Speaker 3: mentioning it.

768
00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:22,000
Speaker 1: People.

769
00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:23,520
Speaker 2: Then everything up.

770
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:25,920
Speaker 4: You've given me the net, You give me the net,

771
00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:27,520
Speaker 4: the permission and all exactly.

772
00:34:27,680 --> 00:34:30,439
Speaker 2: So when I remember Victory.

773
00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:33,520
Speaker 4: I was, I was drinking like Chinese potions and all

774
00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 4: this stuff. And then if she had I'd come home

775
00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:40,160
Speaker 4: to the fertility yeah, to whatever, you know, and I

776
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:40,759
Speaker 4: went and did.

777
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:41,719
Speaker 1: She was poisoning you.

778
00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:45,520
Speaker 2: In an Eastern medicine way, which is play on.

779
00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:49,480
Speaker 4: And so basically we then eventually won't go through that

780
00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:52,520
Speaker 4: story too much, but we got pregnant and then Jack

781
00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:57,080
Speaker 4: arrived and the excitement was incredible, you know, healthy baby boy,

782
00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:03,040
Speaker 4: absolute champion, huge, massive melon. Everyone loved him. He was

783
00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:06,440
Speaker 4: just this little nugget who he just smile at everyone.

784
00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:09,440
Speaker 4: He used to eat and just be happy. But I

785
00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:14,279
Speaker 4: found it hard to find my place. I would come home,

786
00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:16,399
Speaker 4: I was all excited, and as soon as I sort

787
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:18,160
Speaker 4: of picked him up, he was like my man.

788
00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:21,600
Speaker 2: He was sort of going towards mum. So it took

789
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:22,359
Speaker 2: me a little while.

790
00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:25,960
Speaker 4: And I believe me talking about being vulnerable, I wasn't

791
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:28,320
Speaker 4: vulnerable with my mates. I would say everything was awesome,

792
00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:30,520
Speaker 4: because that's what I meant to say, But actually what

793
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:33,640
Speaker 4: I was thinking was is what's my place here? What's

794
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:37,359
Speaker 4: my Vix got her role, she's nailing it, and I'm

795
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:39,440
Speaker 4: just this big bullfeed that doesn't seem to know what

796
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:42,239
Speaker 4: he's doing. Until Vix came up with the idea of

797
00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:44,719
Speaker 4: like when you get home, you do the bath, you

798
00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:47,560
Speaker 4: do the shower, you do the dry in, put the

799
00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:50,879
Speaker 4: cream on the just make him all snuggled and then

800
00:35:51,040 --> 00:35:53,120
Speaker 4: bring him down for me for his last feed before

801
00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:53,719
Speaker 4: he goes to bed.

802
00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:56,400
Speaker 2: I had something to do, you know, and I got

803
00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:59,000
Speaker 2: good at it, you know, And I created a space

804
00:35:59,120 --> 00:35:59,879
Speaker 2: for us to have fun.

805
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:02,840
Speaker 4: And I remember being in a bath and Jack just

806
00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:06,120
Speaker 4: sitting on my chest and he just felt for the

807
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:08,080
Speaker 4: first time, I felt he wants to be with me.

808
00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:10,880
Speaker 4: And then there's some times I went, it's taken in

809
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:13,040
Speaker 4: the shower now and see if the shower goes on

810
00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:14,960
Speaker 4: his you know, the water going down his face, and

811
00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:15,319
Speaker 4: he'd go.

812
00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:18,600
Speaker 2: But he liked it, and I'd take him out of

813
00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:20,000
Speaker 2: it and back in and he'd giggle.

814
00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:24,359
Speaker 4: And then I found this nice comfy towel and brought

815
00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:26,120
Speaker 4: ten of them to make sure that we always had

816
00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:28,520
Speaker 4: one not in the wash, and I would just wipe

817
00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:30,359
Speaker 4: him down and blah blah blah and get him ready

818
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:32,160
Speaker 4: and then bring him down to Vix and I was like,

819
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:33,120
Speaker 4: forty five minutes.

820
00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:35,160
Speaker 2: Ah, it was the best.

821
00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:39,160
Speaker 4: And now if you ask my kids, they would all

822
00:36:39,239 --> 00:36:43,680
Speaker 4: say that there's no doubt they absolutely adore We adore

823
00:36:43,719 --> 00:36:46,640
Speaker 4: each other, you know, there's no way around that. And

824
00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:50,279
Speaker 4: they can tell us stuff that probably a lot of

825
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:52,680
Speaker 4: kids don't tell their parents, and Vix and I are

826
00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:56,040
Speaker 4: super proud of that. How do you get there by

827
00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:59,919
Speaker 4: being authentic and real and not blowing smoke up their ass?

828
00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:03,080
Speaker 4: And a lot of parents muck it up through the

829
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:05,120
Speaker 4: times when the kids are a bit rebellious and stuff.

830
00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:09,400
Speaker 4: They are so much their own parents that they end

831
00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:12,160
Speaker 4: up talking nonsense to their kids because their kids are

832
00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:14,600
Speaker 4: growing up in a world that is so different to

833
00:37:14,719 --> 00:37:16,719
Speaker 4: the world that mum and dad grew up in. So

834
00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:19,879
Speaker 4: just take a moment and listen and ask the question,

835
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:22,400
Speaker 4: this is how I feel? You tell me how you feel, rather.

836
00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:25,279
Speaker 2: Than what are you doing? You're a disgrace. I told

837
00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:26,040
Speaker 2: you not to do this.

838
00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:29,560
Speaker 4: You're ground and all this this, this is what happened

839
00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:31,239
Speaker 4: twenty thirty years ago.

840
00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:33,480
Speaker 2: So you've got to learn what world the kids are

841
00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:37,000
Speaker 2: in now. And parents aren't great listeners as in general.

842
00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:40,200
Speaker 2: I worry like I for me, like we were saying,

843
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:43,759
Speaker 2: our kids is still quite young. You've got how old

844
00:37:43,760 --> 00:37:44,280
Speaker 2: you're youngest?

845
00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:44,480
Speaker 5: Now?

846
00:37:45,320 --> 00:37:49,920
Speaker 2: Twenty one? Wow, she's just arrived in Whistler, doing you

847
00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:50,920
Speaker 2: know a season?

848
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:54,040
Speaker 4: You know our little one where empty nest is last Tuesday,

849
00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:54,960
Speaker 4: last Thursday?

850
00:37:55,400 --> 00:38:00,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, wow, good week in see I see teenage and

851
00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:02,719
Speaker 3: I've got a boy, my elder and I'm worried because

852
00:38:02,719 --> 00:38:04,800
Speaker 3: I see all these teenagers now down the shops and

853
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:05,520
Speaker 3: they're dickheads.

854
00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:11,400
Speaker 2: And I was a dickhead, and it's like, how did

855
00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:14,120
Speaker 2: you were you a dickhead? Really? Yeah you were? Okay?

856
00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:18,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was the typical teenager where I got arrested,

857
00:38:18,719 --> 00:38:19,600
Speaker 3: I did dumb ship.

858
00:38:19,719 --> 00:38:22,520
Speaker 1: I know if that's typical, bro is it okay? Anyway?

859
00:38:23,719 --> 00:38:25,759
Speaker 1: Teenager where I would burn a house down and still like,

860
00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:26,440
Speaker 1: you know what.

861
00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:27,440
Speaker 4: That was my thing.

862
00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:32,759
Speaker 3: The question I'm getting to is when you had your

863
00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:35,800
Speaker 3: eldest is a boy too, like through that teenage hood? Like,

864
00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:41,080
Speaker 3: do you have any any advice for me? And Matt sure, Like,

865
00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:43,200
Speaker 3: I'm the only thing I worry about.

866
00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:46,279
Speaker 2: I don't know why. Well a lot to not be

867
00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:46,800
Speaker 2: a dickhead.

868
00:38:46,960 --> 00:38:49,920
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, Well telling him that you're a dickhead is

869
00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:53,080
Speaker 4: a really good start. Okay, you know that's easy, but

870
00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:56,600
Speaker 4: at the time, that's right. Say, hey, you're a part

871
00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 4: of me. This is what I didn't start. I want

872
00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:01,600
Speaker 4: you to learn from from me. This is some of

873
00:39:01,640 --> 00:39:03,839
Speaker 4: the stuff that i't doesn't mean you can't have fun

874
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:08,120
Speaker 4: and push the boundaries, but hey, learn it from me.

875
00:39:08,239 --> 00:39:10,359
Speaker 4: Blah blah blah. And that's a really good way to start.

876
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:10,680
Speaker 2: You.

877
00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:14,000
Speaker 4: Leading with vulnerability with him is really cool. I remember

878
00:39:14,960 --> 00:39:18,000
Speaker 4: I have not always nailed it, believe me. And having

879
00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:22,840
Speaker 4: someone like Vicky who's the school teacher smart completely is

880
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:24,560
Speaker 4: brilliant for me, So I'm the fun side.

881
00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:26,680
Speaker 2: She's a bit more of the serious and whatever. So

882
00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:27,640
Speaker 2: we got a good combo.

883
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:30,359
Speaker 4: But I remember Jack coming home from bally Boys, which

884
00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:33,160
Speaker 4: is you drive past Bally Boys, it looks like Shawshank Redemption.

885
00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:34,000
Speaker 2: It does.

886
00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:36,640
Speaker 4: But the school was absolutely brilliant for Jack, and it's

887
00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:39,720
Speaker 4: still continually brilliant. Got a great head master and everything

888
00:39:39,800 --> 00:39:42,320
Speaker 4: worked out well. But I just had these preconceived ideas

889
00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:44,719
Speaker 4: of high schools. My son should go to a private school,

890
00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:49,040
Speaker 4: and all the beers right, So we go. One day,

891
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:51,000
Speaker 4: Jack comes home and he's got these little markings on

892
00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:53,879
Speaker 4: his hand, and there was seventeen of them. I said,

893
00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:56,440
Speaker 4: one of those markings goes I wrote down every time

894
00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:57,920
Speaker 4: someone called me a name today.

895
00:39:58,400 --> 00:40:00,279
Speaker 2: So he's having a really bad day. And then he

896
00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:02,160
Speaker 2: got in his head about it, so he said, I'm

897
00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:03,560
Speaker 2: going to mark it down when they call me a

898
00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:06,600
Speaker 2: Dickey oly sh. It's terrible to hear that as a dad.

899
00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:09,200
Speaker 2: So I'm just like, I mean, you'll never go to

900
00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:11,839
Speaker 2: that school again. They're bullying you, and blah blah blah.

901
00:40:11,880 --> 00:40:13,319
Speaker 2: And I was on radio at the time. I had

902
00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:15,200
Speaker 2: to do a piece on the triple in Themorrow Morning

903
00:40:15,280 --> 00:40:17,400
Speaker 2: bag and that teacher and that, you know, or just

904
00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:18,040
Speaker 2: going nuts.

905
00:40:18,120 --> 00:40:20,480
Speaker 4: Right by the time my wife got home, I got

906
00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:23,920
Speaker 4: him into the local Saint Augustin's, which was the local

907
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:27,800
Speaker 4: sort of poshi school on the beaches, and that was that.

908
00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:31,120
Speaker 4: And I hadn't asked Jack what he really wanted. I

909
00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:33,239
Speaker 4: just got ahead of did it because that's what I did,

910
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:35,799
Speaker 4: because I fixed stuff. I'm a fixer. Yeah, and then

911
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:39,319
Speaker 4: Vis came home and said, slow down, let's ask Jack

912
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:42,400
Speaker 4: what he wants. An hour later, she's ringing the school

913
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:44,960
Speaker 4: saying he is coming back. You're not going to that school.

914
00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:47,520
Speaker 4: Jack's happy again, and it's all good. And then she

915
00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:50,360
Speaker 4: went to the school with Jack the next morning, explained

916
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:52,960
Speaker 4: it went through, it all worked out, that kid's a dickhead,

917
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:55,520
Speaker 4: brought that kid in, his parents came in, didn't realize

918
00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:56,520
Speaker 4: that kid was a dickhead.

919
00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:59,000
Speaker 2: Everyone sort of worked it all out, and eventually that

920
00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:00,960
Speaker 2: kid got expelled. Thank God for Vicky.

921
00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:01,799
Speaker 4: That's right.

922
00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:04,440
Speaker 2: I say that all the time. I literally say that

923
00:41:04,560 --> 00:41:04,920
Speaker 2: all the time.

924
00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:07,600
Speaker 4: And there's times where she goes to me, Ah, you know,

925
00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:11,720
Speaker 4: sometimes I feel like I don't know my spot because

926
00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:13,480
Speaker 4: mum's in particular.

927
00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:14,880
Speaker 2: And your your partners will go through this.

928
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:17,200
Speaker 4: You've definitely got a role and then all of a

929
00:41:17,239 --> 00:41:19,400
Speaker 4: sudden that role changes and it takes a while to

930
00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:20,000
Speaker 4: work it out.

931
00:41:20,040 --> 00:41:21,759
Speaker 2: And Vix has definitely had that.

932
00:41:23,239 --> 00:41:26,279
Speaker 4: But now she realizes that, you know, every time she

933
00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:28,640
Speaker 4: opens her mouth faced, kids are listening and they're getting

934
00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:31,640
Speaker 4: information in there, like she's awesome. And she works at

935
00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:34,319
Speaker 4: Gotcha too now, so she's she's teaching a whole lot

936
00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:38,320
Speaker 4: of kids about mental fitness and young girls speaking, you know,

937
00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:40,040
Speaker 4: with being authentic and real.

938
00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:42,160
Speaker 3: I think it's also yeah, important you mentioned there to

939
00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:45,279
Speaker 3: listen to what your kid wants because at that age,

940
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:48,640
Speaker 3: like five year olds, we've got now sometimes if someone

941
00:41:48,680 --> 00:41:50,919
Speaker 3: said to me, listening to what your kid wants, they'll

942
00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:53,680
Speaker 3: be he's like, I want to monster truck. But if

943
00:41:53,719 --> 00:41:57,280
Speaker 3: it's a fifteen year old, sixteen year old, they can articulate,

944
00:41:57,360 --> 00:41:59,759
Speaker 3: well they and well a ten or eleven year old

945
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:02,480
Speaker 3: and he's marked down that someone's called your name.

946
00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:03,920
Speaker 2: And he also had the guts to tell you.

947
00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:04,359
Speaker 3: Yeah.

948
00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:06,279
Speaker 2: He could have been like, asked nothing, that's all.

949
00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:08,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, we could have just rubbed that off with yeah,

950
00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:11,359
Speaker 4: he actually came up, and I remember it so well

951
00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:13,200
Speaker 4: because I was doing Brecky Radio, so I used to

952
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:17,040
Speaker 4: have like little like midday little sleep because I was.

953
00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:22,279
Speaker 2: That sod all the time. And then I and then

954
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:24,239
Speaker 2: he came up and he just lay on Vicky's side

955
00:42:24,239 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 2: of the bed. I remember it so well, and I said, oh,

956
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:27,839
Speaker 2: what are those markings? Mate? What's that? What's that about?

957
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:30,399
Speaker 4: And he told me and he was quite didn't show

958
00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:32,200
Speaker 4: a lot of emotion, and he cried and that's when

959
00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:32,640
Speaker 4: I lost it.

960
00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:36,080
Speaker 2: And then with an hour visits ordered it all out again.

961
00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:39,400
Speaker 4: It's another one of those learning things for me, plus

962
00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:42,600
Speaker 4: doing the Man Up program. We actually took the cameras

963
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:45,360
Speaker 4: into Jack School and we had like twenty kids sitting

964
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:47,120
Speaker 4: there and I was watching it on the little monitor

965
00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:49,279
Speaker 4: in another room, and I watched twenty kids that I've

966
00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:53,120
Speaker 4: known since under six soccer all being emotional within fifteen

967
00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:56,160
Speaker 4: or twenty minutes, like literally just a little graze and

968
00:42:56,719 --> 00:42:59,640
Speaker 4: it was happening. And I realized realized these boys are

969
00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:01,719
Speaker 4: just little time bonds and they don't know.

970
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:04,360
Speaker 2: How to talk about it. Suppressed so much, suppressed it

971
00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:05,359
Speaker 2: all the time, press it down.

972
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:08,480
Speaker 3: I remember as a teenager and I wasn't having a

973
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:11,560
Speaker 3: really good something just wasn't. I was sick a few

974
00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:13,680
Speaker 3: times in a row and my friends were out doing something,

975
00:43:13,719 --> 00:43:15,920
Speaker 3: and I remember like I got to the point my

976
00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:18,120
Speaker 3: mum was like, why don't you go? And I just

977
00:43:18,360 --> 00:43:21,000
Speaker 3: and I for some reason, I just broke down and

978
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:24,480
Speaker 3: I felt like I'd suppressed so much emotion that eventually

979
00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:27,400
Speaker 3: I when as soon as someone scratched the surface.

980
00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:29,719
Speaker 2: I was like fuck, like yeah, and it was mum, right,

981
00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:30,720
Speaker 2: So you felt Yeah.

982
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:31,440
Speaker 1: I felt safe.

983
00:43:31,520 --> 00:43:34,600
Speaker 3: But like if like you were saying, like they switch

984
00:43:34,680 --> 00:43:35,920
Speaker 3: off their you know.

985
00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:39,279
Speaker 2: Their emotional muscle, yeah, like, because that's that's going to

986
00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:42,080
Speaker 2: protect them, right. So I'm that type of boy, you know,

987
00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:44,560
Speaker 2: if I climb trees and I do stuff.

988
00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:46,440
Speaker 4: And I'm the star and the sports team, and I

989
00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:49,040
Speaker 4: don't take school too seriously because that's sort of frowned

990
00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:51,759
Speaker 4: upon if that's what I'm meant to be, and in fact,

991
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:55,640
Speaker 4: it's complete nonsense. And that doesn't mean that we burst

992
00:43:55,680 --> 00:43:58,280
Speaker 4: into tears every five minutes or have big, deeper, meaningfuls

993
00:43:58,320 --> 00:43:59,880
Speaker 4: all the time. But to be able to have that

994
00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:02,480
Speaker 4: skill is incredible, and that's what we're trying to build

995
00:44:02,600 --> 00:44:03,120
Speaker 4: at the moment.

996
00:44:03,320 --> 00:44:04,319
Speaker 1: Climb trees and cry.

997
00:44:05,239 --> 00:44:05,719
Speaker 2: Yeah you can.

998
00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:07,000
Speaker 3: Essentially you can.

999
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:10,560
Speaker 2: Be crying because you might go, oh shit, this is

1000
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:12,080
Speaker 2: really scary. But I'm going to have a crack and

1001
00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:12,360
Speaker 2: do it.

1002
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:15,320
Speaker 4: Like we stop kids doing so much now that perhaps

1003
00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:18,000
Speaker 4: we got up to you know, whether you you know

1004
00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:18,880
Speaker 4: in prison or not.

1005
00:44:19,239 --> 00:44:24,600
Speaker 1: I've got a question. I don't know if this is

1006
00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:26,000
Speaker 1: going to make sense. So you're gonna have to bear

1007
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:27,000
Speaker 1: with me for a second.

1008
00:44:27,080 --> 00:44:28,160
Speaker 2: Sure, when I.

1009
00:44:28,200 --> 00:44:30,480
Speaker 1: Think about my role as a parent with my girls,

1010
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:34,120
Speaker 1: I kind of think that I have a responsibility to

1011
00:44:34,360 --> 00:44:37,080
Speaker 1: try and steer them in a certain direction, help them

1012
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:39,920
Speaker 1: along the way, and try and introduce to them what

1013
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:41,960
Speaker 1: their passion would be. Maybe they're going to be an

1014
00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:45,680
Speaker 1: amazing painter, amazing singer. But what if they never find

1015
00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:48,520
Speaker 1: that passion? What if they never cross paths with what

1016
00:44:48,640 --> 00:44:52,759
Speaker 1: their interests are? And I struggle with knowing or trying

1017
00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:55,080
Speaker 1: to find that balance of like allowing them to find

1018
00:44:55,120 --> 00:44:57,440
Speaker 1: their own path and then trying to steer them in

1019
00:44:57,480 --> 00:44:59,799
Speaker 1: a direction where they can get a taste with certain things.

1020
00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:01,919
Speaker 2: Let go, Let go, I reckon.

1021
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:04,160
Speaker 4: The greatest thing you can do is let your kids

1022
00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:05,759
Speaker 4: go and do what they want to do and make

1023
00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:08,400
Speaker 4: mistakes and so forth. So from our point of view,

1024
00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:10,520
Speaker 4: we had Ella who just went I'm going back to England,

1025
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:12,480
Speaker 4: you know, and she she didn't really know what she

1026
00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:14,719
Speaker 4: wanted to do. She ended up in a modeling agency

1027
00:45:15,040 --> 00:45:17,880
Speaker 4: and she looks after the boys on the modeling agencies select.

1028
00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:21,799
Speaker 2: Models, good chiven right. She was just told just don't

1029
00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:23,120
Speaker 2: kiss any of the boys, you know.

1030
00:45:23,640 --> 00:45:26,120
Speaker 4: But these boys, and you know they're a bit hopeless,

1031
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:28,560
Speaker 4: you know they need to be. You know, here's your

1032
00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:31,800
Speaker 4: cab charge, here's your flight. I'm not going unless Ella go.

1033
00:45:31,960 --> 00:45:34,320
Speaker 4: So Ella gets on the flone, gets them to the hotel,

1034
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:36,480
Speaker 4: gets them to the shoot or whatever it might be,

1035
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:39,320
Speaker 4: and she's found her feet. But she had no idea,

1036
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:41,440
Speaker 4: no idea, went to England, just thought I want to

1037
00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:46,200
Speaker 4: have a crack. Abby took ages. She left secondary school

1038
00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:48,680
Speaker 4: at the end of year nine. She did year ten

1039
00:45:48,760 --> 00:45:51,480
Speaker 4: at Tafe and then she went to a boy and

1040
00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:53,960
Speaker 4: girls school co ed school year eleven and twelve and

1041
00:45:54,239 --> 00:45:57,560
Speaker 4: just went to another level. Found friends, boys don't accept

1042
00:45:57,600 --> 00:45:58,480
Speaker 4: girls being dicks.

1043
00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:00,880
Speaker 2: So it all mellowed when.

1044
00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:03,319
Speaker 1: She goes, I'm going to leave school year nine.

1045
00:46:03,640 --> 00:46:05,680
Speaker 4: Well, she came back from school. I was sitting on

1046
00:46:05,760 --> 00:46:09,040
Speaker 4: the sofa and she was in tears. Come off the bus,

1047
00:46:09,080 --> 00:46:10,960
Speaker 4: I said, what's going on? She goes, this is what

1048
00:46:11,040 --> 00:46:12,799
Speaker 4: I'm in the day that da I said, get your

1049
00:46:12,840 --> 00:46:15,720
Speaker 4: school uniform off and get everything that's got that badge

1050
00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:19,080
Speaker 4: and put it into a big bag, like one of

1051
00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:22,319
Speaker 4: those big black bags you'd use for gardening. I said,

1052
00:46:22,360 --> 00:46:25,440
Speaker 4: put your laptop, your powerpoints, your power cords, the whole bit,

1053
00:46:25,560 --> 00:46:27,839
Speaker 4: anything to do with that school. Whack it in a bag.

1054
00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:29,920
Speaker 2: And she did. She came out. I said, let's go.

1055
00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:31,960
Speaker 4: So we drove back up to the school and I

1056
00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:34,279
Speaker 4: was like Santa with it over my shoulder, remember it

1057
00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:36,360
Speaker 4: so well. I parked in the head my head mistress

1058
00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:38,240
Speaker 4: the spot because I couldn't be bothered driving.

1059
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:40,239
Speaker 2: It was right where I wanted to be, so I thought,

1060
00:46:40,239 --> 00:46:41,799
Speaker 2: I'm driving in there. I got out.

1061
00:46:41,880 --> 00:46:43,880
Speaker 4: She said, I said, come with me. I went, plucked

1062
00:46:43,880 --> 00:46:46,440
Speaker 4: the whole load of shit on her on the reception

1063
00:46:46,640 --> 00:46:48,719
Speaker 4: of the school and said, my daughter will never come

1064
00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:51,279
Speaker 4: back here again. Do not send me a bill. And

1065
00:46:51,360 --> 00:46:53,440
Speaker 4: I walked out and Abby was there and she was like,

1066
00:46:55,440 --> 00:46:57,239
Speaker 4: gave a little nod and we drove back. By the

1067
00:46:57,280 --> 00:47:00,120
Speaker 4: time we got back, the head mississ had rung and

1068
00:47:00,480 --> 00:47:02,520
Speaker 4: I actually thought straight away I parked in a spot,

1069
00:47:02,640 --> 00:47:04,560
Speaker 4: so she was pissed off, but actually she was real

1070
00:47:04,880 --> 00:47:07,000
Speaker 4: She was fanning him and she goes, what's the story, Gus,

1071
00:47:07,080 --> 00:47:08,280
Speaker 4: and I said, well, this is what happened.

1072
00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:12,960
Speaker 2: She goes, no worry, she understood. Yeah. Abby found it

1073
00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:14,480
Speaker 2: hard to find the right balance.

1074
00:47:14,520 --> 00:47:17,360
Speaker 4: She was sporty and also one of the good looking girls,

1075
00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:22,080
Speaker 4: so she just never found her right spot. And then she,

1076
00:47:22,320 --> 00:47:24,839
Speaker 4: like I said, finished off year ten. I remember this bay.

1077
00:47:25,200 --> 00:47:27,080
Speaker 4: It actually looked a bit like you with the tats

1078
00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:29,680
Speaker 4: and allies and stuff, with handsome you sort of boy

1079
00:47:29,800 --> 00:47:35,120
Speaker 4: next door, handsome with a dart with a dark driving.

1080
00:47:37,040 --> 00:47:40,400
Speaker 4: I used to to I used to love it dropping

1081
00:47:40,480 --> 00:47:42,239
Speaker 4: her off from Taith because he was like twenty three

1082
00:47:42,400 --> 00:47:45,040
Speaker 4: doing his apprenticeship on something, and I was like, what

1083
00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:48,520
Speaker 4: is going on? But it's like, just let her lead her,

1084
00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:52,440
Speaker 4: let her just feel safe when she's with us, and

1085
00:47:52,760 --> 00:47:55,440
Speaker 4: anyway she's bumbling and fumbled and found a way. Now

1086
00:47:55,520 --> 00:47:58,080
Speaker 4: she's happy as she's ever been in Canada. She's worked

1087
00:47:58,120 --> 00:48:01,520
Speaker 4: herrass off, she's got saving, she's gone great. So my

1088
00:48:01,680 --> 00:48:05,239
Speaker 4: suggestion always is to be there for support and when

1089
00:48:05,400 --> 00:48:07,719
Speaker 4: you're asked a question, answer the question.

1090
00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:08,200
Speaker 2: Stuff.

1091
00:48:08,360 --> 00:48:11,239
Speaker 4: But basically, just make every time they ring you or

1092
00:48:11,320 --> 00:48:13,160
Speaker 4: think of you, they think of you as a safe

1093
00:48:13,640 --> 00:48:17,080
Speaker 4: place that they can talk to you about absolutely anything.

1094
00:48:17,200 --> 00:48:19,080
Speaker 4: Don't be the dad that when they ring you, because

1095
00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:21,000
Speaker 4: they'll do it. There's problem, it's going to be issues,

1096
00:48:21,080 --> 00:48:23,600
Speaker 4: whatever it might be, and they don't feel they can

1097
00:48:23,680 --> 00:48:25,359
Speaker 4: ring you because you're going to be upset with them.

1098
00:48:26,960 --> 00:48:28,839
Speaker 2: That would be my suggestion. It's worked for us.

1099
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:32,120
Speaker 1: So I remember putting a hole in the wall when

1100
00:48:32,160 --> 00:48:34,360
Speaker 1: I was like eight, and I remember I would always

1101
00:48:34,360 --> 00:48:36,080
Speaker 1: go to mum and go, fuck, this is this is

1102
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:39,399
Speaker 1: the situation. How do we solve this? And she would

1103
00:48:39,400 --> 00:48:43,120
Speaker 1: be disappointed. But I always remember a zero fear going

1104
00:48:43,200 --> 00:48:45,240
Speaker 1: to my mum with the problem. She's upstairs listening probably

1105
00:48:45,320 --> 00:48:48,560
Speaker 1: right now, mum. So I think that's like the best

1106
00:48:48,640 --> 00:48:51,920
Speaker 1: advice is you. You don't want them to try and

1107
00:48:52,120 --> 00:48:54,800
Speaker 1: do things behind your back like that. It would be

1108
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:56,759
Speaker 1: just you know, if my kids were ever in that

1109
00:48:56,840 --> 00:48:58,879
Speaker 1: situation where they didn't feel they could come to me, God,

1110
00:48:58,920 --> 00:48:59,680
Speaker 1: it would break my heart.

1111
00:48:59,840 --> 00:49:02,680
Speaker 4: What happened in your if that happens, what happens, what's

1112
00:49:02,719 --> 00:49:05,480
Speaker 4: happened in your life with your daughters that have made

1113
00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:06,880
Speaker 4: them think that they can't come to you.

1114
00:49:08,040 --> 00:49:09,880
Speaker 2: You know what I mean. That that's that's that's the

1115
00:49:09,960 --> 00:49:11,840
Speaker 2: path you're about to go on. So don't be that

1116
00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:14,880
Speaker 2: guy that puts obstacles in the way to stop that.

1117
00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:17,000
Speaker 2: You want that not to ever happen.

1118
00:49:17,160 --> 00:49:18,960
Speaker 4: So to be the type of that doesn't mean you

1119
00:49:19,040 --> 00:49:20,680
Speaker 4: can be walked over all the time, doesn't mean you

1120
00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:22,040
Speaker 4: haven't got your boundaries.

1121
00:49:22,160 --> 00:49:24,279
Speaker 2: But at the end of the day, they want to

1122
00:49:24,440 --> 00:49:27,000
Speaker 2: love you. You're you're you're their father. They've got teachers

1123
00:49:27,080 --> 00:49:29,440
Speaker 2: to teach other stuff. You'll teach them the basics. Of

1124
00:49:29,560 --> 00:49:31,040
Speaker 2: course you Lola kind of hates me.

1125
00:49:31,640 --> 00:49:34,040
Speaker 3: It's a real Yeah, it's a real fine line between

1126
00:49:34,760 --> 00:49:36,080
Speaker 3: I don't know, it's kind of like a bit of

1127
00:49:36,200 --> 00:49:37,000
Speaker 3: like it's like.

1128
00:49:37,040 --> 00:49:40,160
Speaker 1: A really good leadership trait that people will follow.

1129
00:49:39,920 --> 00:49:42,080
Speaker 3: You, but then also be honest with you, you know

1130
00:49:42,080 --> 00:49:45,920
Speaker 3: what I mean, and like we you know, you do

1131
00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:48,040
Speaker 3: fall into what your parents to do, because.

1132
00:49:47,840 --> 00:49:51,759
Speaker 2: That's all you've really been, You've really been taught. We

1133
00:49:51,840 --> 00:49:54,359
Speaker 2: need to change. Yeah, for sure, it's bloody heart.

1134
00:49:54,360 --> 00:49:57,120
Speaker 4: It's buddy hard being a male and a female. It's

1135
00:49:57,120 --> 00:49:59,200
Speaker 4: buddy hard being a boy and a girl. It's really

1136
00:49:59,280 --> 00:50:01,080
Speaker 4: really hard if you you're not quite sure where you are,

1137
00:50:01,560 --> 00:50:03,480
Speaker 4: and if you've got the DNA and you've got all

1138
00:50:03,520 --> 00:50:05,719
Speaker 4: this practice stuff, you need to actually stop and go.

1139
00:50:05,920 --> 00:50:06,080
Speaker 2: Oh.

1140
00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:08,960
Speaker 4: You know, people say, oh, I'm starting to sound like

1141
00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:11,880
Speaker 4: my mum and dad. Well that's what we're doing, because

1142
00:50:11,920 --> 00:50:14,600
Speaker 4: that's what's ada. You've really got to stop doing that.

1143
00:50:15,239 --> 00:50:16,960
Speaker 1: You definitely outdated, that's for sure.

1144
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:19,000
Speaker 2: Oh, because this world's a very different place to the

1145
00:50:19,040 --> 00:50:21,840
Speaker 2: world that your mum and dad grew up. Insertainly what.

1146
00:50:23,360 --> 00:50:25,879
Speaker 4: Sort of the next generation above you? Even just those

1147
00:50:25,960 --> 00:50:28,800
Speaker 4: mobile phones is enough to make a huge difference.

1148
00:50:28,840 --> 00:50:30,959
Speaker 1: Do you stop worrying now that they've flown the nest?

1149
00:50:31,880 --> 00:50:32,760
Speaker 2: Never stop worrying?

1150
00:50:33,080 --> 00:50:35,920
Speaker 4: Like you know, vit Vic Steel gets the phone calls

1151
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:38,920
Speaker 4: and stuff like there was a breakup amongst one of

1152
00:50:38,960 --> 00:50:40,839
Speaker 4: them the other day, a bit too raw to talk

1153
00:50:40,880 --> 00:50:43,360
Speaker 4: about it. Which one, But you know, it's just disappointing.

1154
00:50:43,440 --> 00:50:46,120
Speaker 4: You don't want your kids to be sad. But you know,

1155
00:50:46,640 --> 00:50:49,319
Speaker 4: mid twenties, you know, early twenties, this is a time

1156
00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:50,840
Speaker 4: to experiment, right, And I have a bit of a

1157
00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:55,919
Speaker 4: crack or whatever, so I always I suppose I feel

1158
00:50:56,000 --> 00:50:58,600
Speaker 4: now that my three kids can come to Vix or

1159
00:50:58,640 --> 00:51:00,719
Speaker 4: I and between the two two of us, we can

1160
00:51:00,840 --> 00:51:03,920
Speaker 4: work that stuff out. Like I'm big on building the village, right,

1161
00:51:04,360 --> 00:51:08,160
Speaker 4: So I had the kids Godfather's. They said, oh, one

1162
00:51:08,200 --> 00:51:09,799
Speaker 4: of the kids rang them the other day and asked

1163
00:51:09,840 --> 00:51:12,879
Speaker 4: me that, And I'm like, that's so awesome. Some dads

1164
00:51:12,880 --> 00:51:14,480
Speaker 4: would go, why are you talking to me? You've got

1165
00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:16,399
Speaker 4: to take all that ego out and go, I've built

1166
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:19,080
Speaker 4: this village of people that they feel comfy around.

1167
00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:21,080
Speaker 2: I'm glad they're using them, you know, I'm glad they're

1168
00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:21,759
Speaker 2: having fun with them.

1169
00:51:22,280 --> 00:51:24,200
Speaker 1: We always end on the question of what do you

1170
00:51:24,239 --> 00:51:27,080
Speaker 1: want your kids to remember the one thing after they've

1171
00:51:27,320 --> 00:51:29,560
Speaker 1: flown the nest and now that you're in that position

1172
00:51:29,719 --> 00:51:32,520
Speaker 1: right now where your house is empty, If there was

1173
00:51:32,600 --> 00:51:35,480
Speaker 1: one thing you would like them to remember and talk

1174
00:51:35,520 --> 00:51:37,959
Speaker 1: about when they think of yourself and Vicky, what would

1175
00:51:37,960 --> 00:51:38,080
Speaker 1: it be?

1176
00:51:39,160 --> 00:51:43,080
Speaker 2: I think with me, I would love them to say

1177
00:51:43,120 --> 00:51:46,640
Speaker 2: that Dad was kind. Yeah, Dad was kind. You know.

1178
00:51:47,200 --> 00:51:49,680
Speaker 4: I think that would be the coolest compliment anyone could

1179
00:51:49,680 --> 00:51:51,839
Speaker 4: give me, Like, just it's just a nice, big, kind,

1180
00:51:51,960 --> 00:51:57,040
Speaker 4: big cuddly bear time. You know, Ella sentis, I haven't

1181
00:51:57,080 --> 00:51:59,480
Speaker 4: got my phone right here now, but she sent me

1182
00:51:59,600 --> 00:52:02,839
Speaker 4: a I think the Spotify bringing out like a year

1183
00:52:04,120 --> 00:52:07,800
Speaker 4: the rap at the moment, and and she had this

1184
00:52:08,040 --> 00:52:10,120
Speaker 4: song and she goes, I have that song because you

1185
00:52:10,800 --> 00:52:12,680
Speaker 4: gave me that song. And I don't even know the name.

1186
00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:14,520
Speaker 4: It's like a techno he sort of but it's like

1187
00:52:14,640 --> 00:52:17,040
Speaker 4: a you can't help it sort of if I put

1188
00:52:17,080 --> 00:52:18,960
Speaker 4: her on here for twenty seconds, it would all be

1189
00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:21,080
Speaker 4: sort of like joined ourselves.

1190
00:52:20,840 --> 00:52:22,080
Speaker 1: Very happy about the glow sticks.

1191
00:52:22,120 --> 00:52:24,879
Speaker 2: And she goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, and she just said,

1192
00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:27,560
Speaker 2: that reminds me of you, dad. So that was a

1193
00:52:27,600 --> 00:52:28,600
Speaker 2: really lovely king.

1194
00:52:29,239 --> 00:52:32,200
Speaker 4: And I just came off radio after sixteen years, and

1195
00:52:32,239 --> 00:52:34,920
Speaker 4: I had a little tributes they put in, you know,

1196
00:52:35,040 --> 00:52:38,920
Speaker 4: as part of packages and stuff, and you know, Abby

1197
00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:42,040
Speaker 4: came on first, then Jack, Danella and Vix and the

1198
00:52:42,080 --> 00:52:44,840
Speaker 4: four of them. I was just absolutely lost at like

1199
00:52:45,719 --> 00:52:48,920
Speaker 4: just what unexpected. I didn't know that happened. And to

1200
00:52:49,040 --> 00:52:51,480
Speaker 4: get my son to do anything like that was amazing.

1201
00:52:51,520 --> 00:52:53,040
Speaker 4: And you could tell that he was sort of doing

1202
00:52:53,120 --> 00:52:55,560
Speaker 4: it on the way on the tube, you know, to

1203
00:52:55,719 --> 00:52:57,600
Speaker 4: work in London, but it was just the.

1204
00:52:57,640 --> 00:53:00,759
Speaker 2: Fact what he said, and I'm just like, oh, we've

1205
00:53:00,840 --> 00:53:03,480
Speaker 2: done good, Yeah, we've done good. But that doesn't mean it.

1206
00:53:03,600 --> 00:53:05,960
Speaker 4: There's plenty of times we've gone, oh my god, I

1207
00:53:06,040 --> 00:53:08,719
Speaker 4: don't know if this is going to work out. But

1208
00:53:08,840 --> 00:53:11,400
Speaker 4: the stuff I've learned doing got your full life really

1209
00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:14,680
Speaker 4: helped because I just I wasn't such a helicopter pairent.

1210
00:53:14,719 --> 00:53:18,200
Speaker 4: After that, I really gave them there there's space to

1211
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:20,200
Speaker 4: be able to go off and do what they need

1212
00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:20,440
Speaker 4: to do.

1213
00:53:21,800 --> 00:53:24,760
Speaker 1: We say we don't give advice, but I am spun

1214
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:28,319
Speaker 1: just soaking up. You're a great man, great dad.

1215
00:53:28,600 --> 00:53:28,880
Speaker 2: Thank you.

1216
00:53:28,960 --> 00:53:30,000
Speaker 1: She'd be incredibly proud.

1217
00:53:30,160 --> 00:53:33,600
Speaker 2: I am incredibly proud, and you guys have done so well.

1218
00:53:33,680 --> 00:53:36,080
Speaker 2: You're both good mates having a crack. I love it.

1219
00:53:36,600 --> 00:53:37,840
Speaker 1: I can't stand them, lots and.

1220
00:53:37,920 --> 00:53:41,600
Speaker 4: Lots of liens like I've never haven't met your partner,

1221
00:53:41,680 --> 00:53:45,160
Speaker 4: but I've met your partner, Maddie, and she's obviously fantastic

1222
00:53:45,239 --> 00:53:48,000
Speaker 4: and doing her own thing too. It's not easy, you know,

1223
00:53:48,200 --> 00:53:50,720
Speaker 4: being in the spotlight like you guys are and bringing

1224
00:53:50,800 --> 00:53:54,040
Speaker 4: up kids and stuff. So the first real thing I'd

1225
00:53:54,080 --> 00:53:55,680
Speaker 4: say is just give yourself a bit of a break,

1226
00:53:56,239 --> 00:53:56,440
Speaker 4: you know.

1227
00:53:56,680 --> 00:54:02,480
Speaker 2: And food for next year. But it's like we need

1228
00:54:02,560 --> 00:54:06,320
Speaker 2: to throw away perfect. That's the best advice that anyone

1229
00:54:06,360 --> 00:54:07,000
Speaker 2: because just we're.

1230
00:54:06,920 --> 00:54:09,920
Speaker 4: Throwing away perfect and we can look perfect on socials

1231
00:54:09,960 --> 00:54:11,160
Speaker 4: and all that sort of stuff, but at the end

1232
00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:14,120
Speaker 4: of the day, what happens here, you know, just between

1233
00:54:14,200 --> 00:54:16,520
Speaker 4: the four walls and a family. If you're kind and

1234
00:54:16,600 --> 00:54:18,120
Speaker 4: you're having a crack and you're trying to do the

1235
00:54:18,200 --> 00:54:21,719
Speaker 4: right thing, that's enough, you know, Like it's bloody, bloody hard.

1236
00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:23,719
Speaker 2: So one thing we can do so easily, and they

1237
00:54:23,760 --> 00:54:26,360
Speaker 2: give us no bloody proper manuals exactly, you know.

1238
00:54:26,400 --> 00:54:28,839
Speaker 4: And every kid's different too, like something that for your

1239
00:54:28,960 --> 00:54:30,799
Speaker 4: son that I might have done a jack may not work,

1240
00:54:30,880 --> 00:54:33,080
Speaker 4: and with your daughters you might go, well, I tried

1241
00:54:33,120 --> 00:54:34,759
Speaker 4: that and that didn't work, because they were all little,

1242
00:54:35,440 --> 00:54:39,319
Speaker 4: beautiful little things, individual things. And I used to say

1243
00:54:39,360 --> 00:54:41,640
Speaker 4: to Vicks if she went out and I was looking

1244
00:54:41,680 --> 00:54:44,239
Speaker 4: after the kids, as long as they're breathing when you

1245
00:54:44,360 --> 00:54:46,840
Speaker 4: get home, you should be happy with me, Like she

1246
00:54:46,960 --> 00:54:50,320
Speaker 4: said to me once, no bad food, no stupid decisions.

1247
00:54:50,440 --> 00:54:52,880
Speaker 4: She was going away for a three day trip anyway,

1248
00:54:53,080 --> 00:54:55,600
Speaker 4: So we rang her from the pizza hut. We then

1249
00:54:55,719 --> 00:54:58,000
Speaker 4: rang her from the dog kennel, and then the third

1250
00:54:58,080 --> 00:55:00,200
Speaker 4: thing is we were having an ice cream with the

1251
00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:01,040
Speaker 4: dog in the back of the.

1252
00:55:01,080 --> 00:55:06,600
Speaker 1: Gap and I said, don't tell me what to do, Gussie,

1253
00:55:06,600 --> 00:55:09,880
Speaker 1: You've got an anniversary to get to. Yes, huge, congrats

1254
00:55:09,920 --> 00:55:12,440
Speaker 1: once again for the next thirty years. Thanks Maddie of

1255
00:55:12,920 --> 00:55:16,480
Speaker 1: Happy Perfect. I'm sure there was never a dull moment.

1256
00:55:16,880 --> 00:55:18,720
Speaker 2: Never a dull moment hasn't been perfect.

1257
00:55:18,920 --> 00:55:20,239
Speaker 1: Well done, and thanks so much for the chat.

1258
00:55:20,280 --> 00:55:23,040
Speaker 3: Thanks man, Thanks and just quickly thank you for sixteen

1259
00:55:23,160 --> 00:55:26,640
Speaker 3: years on the air in our ears. Congratulations and wish

1260
00:55:26,719 --> 00:55:29,719
Speaker 3: you the best of luck with gotcha yeah and the

1261
00:55:29,840 --> 00:55:30,320
Speaker 3: future of that.

1262
00:55:30,440 --> 00:55:32,320
Speaker 2: I can't wait to see. Thanks mate, what happens?

1263
00:55:32,320 --> 00:55:33,239
Speaker 1: And thanks again for coming on.

1264
00:55:33,360 --> 00:55:33,920
Speaker 2: It's a pleasure.

1265
00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:38,279
Speaker 1: Thanks boys, Matt.

1266
00:55:38,320 --> 00:55:40,360
Speaker 3: It's been a while since we've had a dad that

1267
00:55:40,640 --> 00:55:42,520
Speaker 3: is just a few steps ahead of us.

1268
00:55:43,080 --> 00:55:46,799
Speaker 1: Makes me nervous. Youngest twenty two. That feels like an

1269
00:55:46,800 --> 00:55:49,680
Speaker 1: absolute lifetime away that my little my kids are going to.

1270
00:55:49,680 --> 00:55:50,160
Speaker 5: Be that old.

1271
00:55:50,680 --> 00:55:53,080
Speaker 3: If you've enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review,

1272
00:55:53,080 --> 00:55:55,960
Speaker 3: a little five star subscribe even you know the drill?

1273
00:55:56,120 --> 00:55:56,480
Speaker 1: Why not?

1274
00:55:56,800 --> 00:55:57,080
Speaker 2: Why not?

1275
00:55:57,160 --> 00:55:59,239
Speaker 1: If you thought about subscribing, you've never done it up

1276
00:55:59,320 --> 00:56:02,160
Speaker 1: until now. Take the plunge. Yes, you will be cherry.

1277
00:56:02,239 --> 00:56:05,279
Speaker 1: You won't regret it. And if you do shut up.

1278
00:56:06,080 --> 00:56:08,760
Speaker 3: We also have social media Two Doting Dads on Instagram

1279
00:56:09,120 --> 00:56:11,719
Speaker 3: and TikTok, and we have a Facebook group that is

1280
00:56:11,840 --> 00:56:12,840
Speaker 3: bustling what.

1281
00:56:13,040 --> 00:56:15,520
Speaker 1: Don't we have? What don't we are we got at all?

1282
00:56:15,719 --> 00:56:18,200
Speaker 1: If there's something missing that we should get. Also tell

1283
00:56:18,320 --> 00:56:20,919
Speaker 1: us we will listen to you guys, whatever you want.

1284
00:56:21,160 --> 00:56:23,120
Speaker 1: We're here. We're open to your feedback, as long as

1285
00:56:23,160 --> 00:56:24,360
Speaker 1: it's not too constructive.

1286
00:56:24,560 --> 00:56:25,600
Speaker 2: Let's not overpromise.

1287
00:56:26,040 --> 00:56:28,360
Speaker 1: Yes, but until next time, we'll see then see it.

1288
00:56:34,400 --> 00:56:38,000
Speaker 1: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country

1289
00:56:38,040 --> 00:56:41,680
Speaker 1: throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.

1290
00:56:42,000 --> 00:56:44,480
Speaker 3: We pay our respects to their elders past and present

1291
00:56:44,560 --> 00:56:47,640
Speaker 3: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander

1292
00:56:47,680 --> 00:56:51,279
Speaker 3: people's today. This episode was recorded on Gadagle Land