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Speaker 1: Ash. We've got a very exciting guest on today. Meghan

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Speaker 1: Shoot is an Australian fast bowler who was also mum

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Speaker 1: to little Riley.

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Speaker 2: Shooter as they call her around here. And her wife

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Speaker 2: Jess became parents through the process of reciprocal IVF, where

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Speaker 2: Meghan's egg is fertilized using donor sperm and implanted into Jess's.

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Speaker 1: Whom now Despite falling pregnant quickly, Jess's pregnancy was considered

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Speaker 1: high risk and led to Riley's premature birth that only

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Speaker 1: twenty four weeks during the height of COVID.

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Speaker 2: Meghan shares how her and her family navigated the sperm

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Speaker 2: donation process, jess as high risk pregnancy, and how they

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Speaker 2: took care of Riley after her premature birth.

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Speaker 1: Let's get into it. Welcome back to two doting dads

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Speaker 1: and one doting mum. I'm Mattie, j.

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Speaker 2: I'm Ash and I'm Meg Oh.

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Speaker 1: I thought you're going to go with a shooter.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, nickname Shooter.

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Speaker 1: Does anyone ever call you McGavin a lot?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, people get really creative with the nicknames and McGavin

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Speaker 3: is common, but shooter generally sticks because it's the easiest

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Speaker 3: one to say.

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Speaker 1: I like Shooter.

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Speaker 2: I like Shooter too solid.

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Speaker 3: We'll go with that.

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Speaker 1: But this is a podcast all about parenting. It is

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Speaker 1: the good, it is the bad, and the relatable and

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Speaker 1: now Shooter. We don't give any advice at all. So

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Speaker 1: if ever there was a question in the back of

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Speaker 1: your mind, do these guys expect anything that remotely comes

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Speaker 1: close to advice, We don't, and nor did the listeners.

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Speaker 2: But if you've got anything, we'll take it.

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Speaker 3: I mean, an unsolicited pairing advice is my favorite, So

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Speaker 3: go ahead.

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Speaker 1: Now, we always start off with our guests when they

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Speaker 1: were a youngster. Were you someone who was well behaved?

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Speaker 1: Did you require a lot of discipline?

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Speaker 3: Discipline's a strong word. I probably wasn't overly well behaved.

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Speaker 3: I'm one of three and I'm the perfect middle child.

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Speaker 3: But did get up to a bit of mischief, and

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Speaker 3: I like to say that cricket probably kept me from

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Speaker 3: straying down a further line. But we grew up pretty

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Speaker 3: pretty poor, So I was a bit of a thief

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Speaker 3: back in the day. Not gonna lie, had a pretty

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Speaker 3: good five things A discount like that was that was, yeah,

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Speaker 3: pretty common for me.

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Speaker 1: Do you remember that the first thing is stole.

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Speaker 3: No, but like Kmart was regularly hit for all kinds of.

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Speaker 2: That's me. Now I've just I've just found crime and

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Speaker 2: I really like it. O. Yeah, yeah, I'm the best, because.

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Speaker 3: The best used to be if the beeper like went

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Speaker 3: off as I was walking out and just acting really

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Speaker 3: casual about it, and I was like, am I a

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Speaker 3: good buyer?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? You just question it?

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Speaker 1: But everyone claims on his kids.

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Speaker 2: Oh, it's actually really clever going you out for every

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Speaker 2: time we leave, came out whatever I can feel in

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Speaker 2: the bag. I had more of a food stealer. Oh

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Speaker 2: yeah it does. It does cost a living, true, But

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Speaker 2: we did start on clothes.

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Speaker 1: Do you remember do you remember the most trouble you

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Speaker 1: got into? Was there one thing in particular that sticks out?

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Speaker 3: I was pretty good at not getting caught, To be honest,

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Speaker 3: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: There's until now.

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Speaker 3: I've been in trouble. Now if my parents are listening

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Speaker 3: to this, But now, we were generally pretty good, and

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Speaker 3: to be fair, it was a pretty good they, so

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Speaker 3: we never we never got busted for anything. But I

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Speaker 3: don't know, just when you have too much time on

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Speaker 3: your hands and not a whole lot to do, it's

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Speaker 3: kind of you just make a little bit of trouble,

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Speaker 3: but not anymore. I'm pretty good now.

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Speaker 2: And were your parents were they strict or were they

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Speaker 2: turned a blind eye to it?

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Speaker 3: What free flowing? And it's probably me trying to test

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Speaker 3: the boundaries to trying to get their retention. But my

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Speaker 3: dad was great because he was just crazy. I was like,

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Speaker 3: if I woke up and I was like, I don't

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Speaker 3: want to go to school today, it'd be like, all right,

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Speaker 3: don't so I wouldn't end It's good. It gave me

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Speaker 3: like the choice, and so half the time like because

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Speaker 3: it wouldn't take much to test it, I wouldn't really

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Speaker 3: test it, and I go to school most of the time.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, and my mum was also pretty casual, like

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Speaker 3: very casual house just in general, which was good and bad.

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Speaker 3: But my sister, probably my oldest sister, probably got more

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Speaker 3: of the district pairing, and then as we went down

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Speaker 3: we get less more of what the kids did.

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Speaker 1: I've noticed that as a parent, there's the more children

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Speaker 1: you have, the more you're like, ah, that'd be fun,

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Speaker 1: I'll figure it out home.

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Speaker 2: I said, I've only got two, and even the second,

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Speaker 2: I'm yeah, the third one would be like, if I

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Speaker 2: had a third one, I'd be like, who.

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Speaker 3: Who is raise yourself?

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Speaker 2: And you've got an older sister and a younger brother. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: are you close?

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Speaker 3: Close enough? We're all pretty low maintenance, and that's great

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Speaker 3: because I'm a terrible replier on text. But three very

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Speaker 3: different humans. Me and my brother are pretty similar. And

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Speaker 3: then my sister is her own kind of world, but

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Speaker 3: not involved in the sporting world whatsoever, so it doesn't

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Speaker 3: quite understand a few times She's text to catch up

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Speaker 3: for coffee when I'm in Sri Lanka or something, so

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Speaker 3: doesn't quite understand the sporting lifestyle.

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Speaker 1: I guess who was it that induced you to cricket?

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Speaker 3: Then the boys at school? I was like, always a

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Speaker 3: bit twitchy, always had a lot of energy, and so

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Speaker 3: just kind of focused it on sport. And all my

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Speaker 3: best friends were born, and one day, just filling in

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Speaker 3: for the local boys club, that happened to be a

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Speaker 3: scout there for girls cricket, Like it was just fate

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Speaker 3: that he happened.

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Speaker 2: To be there.

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Speaker 1: And how old are you at this time?

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Speaker 3: Eleven? So it was a even a late bloomer to it.

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Speaker 3: I didn't even really like cricket till I was probably

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Speaker 3: like fifteen or sixteen and started to understand the nu

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Speaker 3: answers of it, I guess. But yeah, just played every

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Speaker 3: kind of sport under the sun, I guess, and fell

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Speaker 3: into cricket.

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Speaker 1: How did cricket become number one?

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Speaker 2: Then? For you?

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Speaker 3: Probably the challenge of it. It's a stupid sport and

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Speaker 3: like like well said, you failed more times than you

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Speaker 3: succeed and like it humbles you very very quickly. And

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Speaker 3: I guess I enjoyed that challenge of it, and also

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Speaker 3: being the only really girl that played it. At my score,

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Speaker 3: it was a bit of id run on spit spiders

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Speaker 3: my true motivation, so just trying to prove people wrong,

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Speaker 3: I guess, and be first and be good at something

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Speaker 3: and be better than the boys. So I yes, stuck

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Speaker 3: with cricket and then made some good friendships that are

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Speaker 3: still my best friends today.

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Speaker 1: Are you talking about out particular types of friendships because

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Speaker 1: we love a bit of a work romance here on

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Speaker 1: the podcast.

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Speaker 3: Yes, your wife, yeah, yeah, she's not a cricketer, thank goodness,

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Speaker 3: but you kind of met through yeah, I think, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: how she doesn't play cricket because that would just be

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Speaker 3: too much Cricket in the house. She was working for

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Speaker 3: Cricket Australia at the time. Was up at the National

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Speaker 3: Cricket Center where we trained for Australian camps, and she's

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Speaker 3: working behind the desk. She was the facility's officer. But

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Speaker 3: I just caught a receptionist to kiss her off. But

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Speaker 3: I basically like.

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Speaker 1: She's the manager of first impressions.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and I was like, I'm going to try and

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Speaker 3: woo the receptions here and wow, I did so. I mean,

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Speaker 3: I think we're almost ten years together now, so that

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Speaker 3: was a long time ago.

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Speaker 1: What was you like your wooing mood? Did you bring

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Speaker 1: like dessert or chocolate.

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Speaker 3: Or I'm just naturally pretty charming?

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Speaker 1: Now we always said that.

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Speaker 3: Walking in here, I felt it coffee was a pretty

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Speaker 3: easy one to like start off with. And as athlete,

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Speaker 3: we drink far too much coffee, so on camps we'd

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Speaker 3: probably go for four or five a day and I

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Speaker 3: just either bring them back or invite her out for them,

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Speaker 3: and slowly, with time just wonder over. So I honestly

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Speaker 3: didn't take very long. But she was working with Kroug

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Speaker 3: Australia for a long time.

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Speaker 1: Actually, do you have to keep that secret at all

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Speaker 1: at any point where where I used to work. I

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Speaker 1: remember there was an office relationship and it was not

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Speaker 1: that it wasn't allowed, but they're just like, oh, maybe

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Speaker 1: it might not seem professional of people.

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Speaker 2: Just disclose it with hr Yeah, did you guys?

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Speaker 1: Did you guys?

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Speaker 3: Go?

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Speaker 1: We'll give it a couple of months to see if

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Speaker 1: this is going to be something rock solid and then

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Speaker 1: we can announce it to people.

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Speaker 3: Nah. I'm not subtle at all, And so even if

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Speaker 3: there was, like even if we should have hidden it,

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Speaker 3: we didn't. I think because she's not really involved in

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Speaker 3: high performance or anything coaching, it didn't feel like I

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Speaker 3: didn't even give it a second or thought. To be

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Speaker 3: honest with we probably should have hit it for a

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Speaker 3: little while. But yeah, that was never going to be

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Speaker 3: a thing. And I'm like very open and honest about everything.

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Speaker 3: So I think had someone even asked when I was

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Speaker 3: trying to hid it, I just tell them anyway, love

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Speaker 3: each other, weird coffee speak, we love each other.

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Speaker 2: And you you're from South Australia, right, and Jess is

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Speaker 2: from hambur originally, So how did that work? You were

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Speaker 2: just there on camp right?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she moved to Brisbane. She was at teen and

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Speaker 3: had been working at Crete Australia for a long time,

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Speaker 3: and we were going out for camps very regularly. This

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Speaker 3: is back when we weren't fully professional in terms of contracts,

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Speaker 3: and so we'd go up for camps pretty regularly just

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Speaker 3: to mainly get her ass kicked because they could. And

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Speaker 3: so we'd visit Brisbane because they're the only place with

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Speaker 3: turf wickets all year round, and spent a bit of

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Speaker 3: time up there, so I actually had quite a lot

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Speaker 3: of time to work on Jess. So yeah, and at

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Speaker 3: what point did you and just start talking about starting

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Speaker 3: a family. I don't want to be typical lesbian, but

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Speaker 3: probably pretty early, like you want.

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Speaker 2: To put these I don't noticed about.

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Speaker 3: You guys, wouldn't I forget your crowd. We've moved pretty

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Speaker 3: quick now. I don't know. As I said, I'm pretty

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Speaker 3: open and honest. So like I grew up not really

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Speaker 3: caring about having kids, I had no desire to do so,

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Speaker 3: but it wasn't against it. And whereas Jess was like

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Speaker 3: the most nurturing, caring, motherly person you've ever been in life,

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Speaker 3: and so like early days, it was pretty much we'll

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Speaker 3: have kids and if we don't went not together, and

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Speaker 3: it was like okay, And with time that changed, and

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Speaker 3: I guess like for me, it was like meeting the

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Speaker 3: right person to feel like I wanted to have kids.

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Speaker 3: And once I was with Jess, I realized that I

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Speaker 3: did want kids. So that was clearly a person thing,

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Speaker 3: but pretty early because obviously in a lesbian relationship you're

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Speaker 3: gonna have to go through quite a process to achieve that.

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Speaker 1: So that's where we don't have a lot of experience. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and we'd love to be informed. Okay, so when you

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Speaker 1: do mate the call, yes we want to start a family,

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Speaker 1: where do you find sperm? Well in this room recently

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Speaker 1: had aversect me. Well, I said recently a couple of

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Speaker 1: years ago.

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Speaker 2: I'm a proud owner with a two thousand and two

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Speaker 2: vsecto me.

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Speaker 3: It's it's different at every state and it's different at

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Speaker 3: every fertility place as well. So for us, we went

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Speaker 3: through Reprimed, which is a South Australian company, and that

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Speaker 3: was the first place we happened to go to and

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Speaker 3: the guy there happened to love cricket, be a part

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Speaker 3: of cricket, and I was just like, this is fate.

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Speaker 3: We're going to use this place.

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Speaker 2: Do you mean the guy that the sperm.

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Speaker 3: Said, So yeah, we went there and had really good

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Speaker 3: feels about it, and they said, look, I reprimented. You

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Speaker 3: have two options, and that's you ear Ago with local

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Speaker 3: South Australian sperm, or we're connected with California cry Bank

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Speaker 3: in America and being from Adelaide, everyone knows everyone, and

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Speaker 3: I don't really want to turn the corner and be

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Speaker 3: like that guy has the features that my daughter has.

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Speaker 3: And so we kind of thought Adelaide's probably a bit

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Speaker 3: too close to home. And it was only like ten

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Speaker 3: donors anyways, and Adelaide at the time, and they.

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Speaker 1: Probably went, and so we went being serious or not

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Speaker 1: in terms of ten donors.

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Speaker 3: No, it was there was eleven. To be precise, there

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Speaker 3: was eleven donors, not much and also like it was

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Speaker 3: super different to California Crybank with limited details, no photos.

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Speaker 2: They all had the same last name though.

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Speaker 3: The same height was weird, and so yeah, we decided

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Speaker 3: to go with an American sperm and then it was just

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Speaker 3: a different world of it became a catalog, so it

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Speaker 3: was you literally sign it up to a subscription which

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Speaker 3: recommend pays for thank goodness, and you put in the

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Speaker 3: features you want and Bob drunkle and you just go

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Speaker 3: through it. And there is certain genetic testing that they've

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Speaker 3: got to have done to be available for Australia, but.

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Speaker 2: Like a filter, yeah, lowest time, high price, all the

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Speaker 2: same price.

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Speaker 3: So they met at a diplomatic at least. But it

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Speaker 3: was mind blowing because it was a catalog and you

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Speaker 3: just shift through what you wanted and like we would

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Speaker 3: have had going from ten or eleven donors in Adelaide

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Speaker 3: to thousands of donors in America, so we kinda and

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Speaker 3: how we wanted to do it was so we did

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Speaker 3: reciprocal IVF, so Raley's my egg and we got donor

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Speaker 3: sperm and my wife Jess carried and so we wanted

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Speaker 3: features that were similar to Jess, and so we're trying

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Speaker 3: to choose like dirty blonde, hazel eyes, and like going

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Speaker 3: through that, it actually was quite quite a few of them.

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Speaker 1: So how do you get it down to like ten?

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Speaker 3: That was a hard part.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I can't. It's like it's nice to have all

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Speaker 2: the options, yeah, but then it's kind of like I'm

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Speaker 2: looking with choice.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, Well we're both in decisive humans that actually

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Speaker 3: did take. It was a long process, like I'm talking

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Speaker 3: about it, like this happened really quick. This was over,

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Speaker 3: of course, probably twelve months, and there were a few

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Speaker 3: donors that we wanted that were sold. So in America,

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Speaker 3: obviously you're paid to do it and it just goes

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Speaker 3: really quickly. So all they're like, good looking blokes are

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Speaker 3: going pretty quick, and so we'd put in and by

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Speaker 3: the time that time difference the email would get there,

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Speaker 3: they get back and be like really sorry, they're not

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Speaker 3: available or they haven't topped up, and you're like, okay.

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Speaker 2: I must be disheartening for those guys. It's like, do

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Speaker 2: you need more than ten years?

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Speaker 3: And I thought that same thing, because then you don't

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Speaker 3: want to be too polite in your life and just

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Speaker 3: to people because they haven't had any vials taken. But

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Speaker 3: it does tell you. So it's a max of twenty

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Speaker 3: families and they might say they've had eighteen out of

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Speaker 3: their twenty families done and then they're cut and so

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Speaker 3: you'd kind of know once that have been chosen more

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Speaker 3: than the others. So it does get a little bit sad.

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Speaker 3: But there was a few about I think our top

299
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Speaker 3: three because they'd done genetic testing, and so would we

300
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Speaker 3: we both like carried similar things, and so reprimand would

301
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Speaker 3: come back and say, like, there's a one in thirty

302
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Speaker 3: chance they might have this, so we'd l like you

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Speaker 3: to choose someone else. So there was our top probably

304
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Speaker 3: two or three. We didn't get through not being an sperm,

305
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:02,880
Speaker 3: or they'd been cut off with their families, or the

306
00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:07,360
Speaker 3: next couple clash for something that I carried. So we

307
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Speaker 3: ended up choosing this guy and went with him. And

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Speaker 3: then I just remember like six Rileys about six months

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Speaker 3: old and eyes were still blistering blue, and I was like,

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Speaker 3: they're not changing. I was like, we chose like a

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Speaker 3: Hazel guy. I'm Hazel, you know. And then we realized

312
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Speaker 3: we've been thinking about the wrong donor for like the

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Speaker 3: last nine months, and we just like lost it laughing wise.

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Speaker 3: I was like, holy shit, we've been pepturing.

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Speaker 1: Sixty five.

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Speaker 3: What his numbers right, So it's like zero, one, nine five,

317
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Speaker 3: and you're like, oh crap. We were thinking of this one.

318
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Speaker 3: And so we went on the profile and it was

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Speaker 3: like six months of thinking like Riley's eyes are going

320
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Speaker 3: to change, you know, And I was like oh, And

321
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Speaker 3: it was so funny. But also not and it was

322
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Speaker 3: it was the weirdest thing ever. And we ended up

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Speaker 3: choosing just by like health and stuff like similar features,

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Speaker 3: but health history was impeccable. So I was like, I'm

325
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Speaker 3: not sure how much this guy's lying, but he's pretty

326
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Speaker 3: much perfect and his famous perfect. So but it was

327
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Speaker 3: a world of information and like we could hear his

328
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Speaker 3: voice was unbelievable.

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Speaker 1: What do they say? What's what's the pre recorded message?

330
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Speaker 3: They will have like a sit down with the nurse

331
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Speaker 3: over there and they just have a casual conversation and

332
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Speaker 3: you don't have to listen to their voice, but we

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Speaker 3: chose to.

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Speaker 2: I thought it was like Tinder, you old grimy and

335
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Speaker 2: they got their little voice. They could sing a song

336
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Speaker 2: to you or something. You know. Have you seen that

337
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:29,360
Speaker 2: so like on a prof on a dating profile, it's

338
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,760
Speaker 2: got like you can leave a voice message. She was like, hey, baby,

339
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Speaker 2: welcome to Marhasure. It was just something like it's like, hey,

340
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Speaker 2: my eyes are really blue.

341
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Speaker 1: Do you remember that any any phrases in particular that

342
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Speaker 1: stood out.

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Speaker 3: No, he had no phrases. He just sounded a bit

344
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Speaker 3: typically American, you know how they're just naturally that little

345
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Speaker 3: bit arrogant and.

346
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Speaker 1: Just like where's the camera, they take a photo.

347
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Speaker 3: They're really prepped in what they're saying. And he tried

348
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Speaker 3: to sound really smart, which I think, like judging by

349
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Speaker 3: what he told us, he was educated with he was art,

350
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Speaker 3: but like he just seemed very confident in what he

351
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:05,200
Speaker 3: was doing. And it was a bit outgoing. But I

352
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Speaker 3: guess that's all Americans. So we didn't listen to everyone's

353
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Speaker 3: voice that we were trying to choose, just because it

354
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Speaker 3: got a bit weird.

355
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Speaker 1: But is there anyone he listened to and go?

356
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Speaker 3: There was a couple that we listened to and I

357
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,400
Speaker 3: don't know if it's a vibe or you don't like

358
00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:22,760
Speaker 3: their voice, which is a really mean thing. If there

359
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:29,320
Speaker 3: was a big twang, probably would have. But it was

360
00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:33,040
Speaker 3: just an overwhelming amount of information and like it was

361
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,920
Speaker 3: just so different to the South Australian process obviously if

362
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Speaker 3: we went through them. So we ended up going with that.

363
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Speaker 3: And they call it super Sperm because it's extremely successful apparently,

364
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:44,520
Speaker 3: so that just tots the American lifestyle even more.

365
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:48,080
Speaker 1: I guess, Wow, super sperm and your decision to use

366
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:52,280
Speaker 1: your eggs with Jess, is that something that's quite common?

367
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Speaker 2: Uh?

368
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Speaker 3: Not, it's probably becoming more common. It was a way

369
00:16:57,080 --> 00:17:00,120
Speaker 3: of like, I guess, as two mums, you feel a

370
00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:02,360
Speaker 3: bit like scared that you might not have the bond

371
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:05,399
Speaker 3: with the child if you're not genetically related. And we thought,

372
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Speaker 3: if we were in the position to be able to

373
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Speaker 3: afford to do IVF, then we might as well do

374
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Speaker 3: reciprocal And.

375
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Speaker 1: Does it complicate things at all?

376
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:15,399
Speaker 3: Well, in the end, they think that we might have

377
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:19,919
Speaker 3: had Riley prematurely because of that with two foreign bodies.

378
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:22,200
Speaker 3: I guess, with it being a foreign egg and foreign sperm,

379
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:25,120
Speaker 3: but I was like, all sperm as foreign, so the one.

380
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:29,040
Speaker 3: But yeah, they We've had friends that have gone through

381
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:31,320
Speaker 3: reciprocal and had absolutely zero issues. So I just think

382
00:17:31,359 --> 00:17:33,639
Speaker 3: they don't really know why we had a premie and

383
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,440
Speaker 3: just chuck the blame on that a little bit.

384
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:38,400
Speaker 2: But can we talk about the premiere a little bit.

385
00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:42,640
Speaker 2: Obviously Jess is carrying. At what stage do you think

386
00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:46,640
Speaker 2: something is not right? I don't know, for a lack

387
00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:47,480
Speaker 2: of a better term.

388
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:52,080
Speaker 3: Something red flags. Basically, it was at the twenty week mark,

389
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:54,359
Speaker 3: which was quite small, but both Jess and I would

390
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:57,160
Speaker 3: like small babies, so we weren't really concerned. And they're

391
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:58,960
Speaker 3: like We're just going to monitor things a little bit more.

392
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,840
Speaker 3: And then at the time twenty four week scan, which

393
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:04,840
Speaker 3: we weren't supposed to have, but our obstetrician was like,

394
00:18:05,119 --> 00:18:07,240
Speaker 3: I just consent something, and so we had an extra

395
00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:10,280
Speaker 3: scan and she hadn't grown at all, and that all

396
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:11,720
Speaker 3: the alarm bells went off.

397
00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:14,000
Speaker 1: And they when was the last scan prior to that,

398
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,800
Speaker 1: prior to the twenty week yeah, or so was it

399
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,280
Speaker 1: twenty and then twenty four four weeks?

400
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:24,800
Speaker 3: No weeks no, basically zero and she went from being

401
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:26,840
Speaker 3: in like the fiftieth percentile to the fifth.

402
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:27,840
Speaker 2: Wow.

403
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,800
Speaker 3: The next scan was under one percent for everything, and

404
00:18:31,119 --> 00:18:33,280
Speaker 3: all your red flags went up and they were like, look,

405
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:35,600
Speaker 3: she's she's not getting the nutrients that we'd like her too.

406
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:37,199
Speaker 3: You're going to have to be monitored. We could take

407
00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:39,520
Speaker 3: her out any day from now. So from the twenty

408
00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:41,719
Speaker 3: four week mark they told us to pack our bags

409
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:43,520
Speaker 3: for the hospital and just be prepped to go in

410
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:46,119
Speaker 3: any day. And at this point she was estimated like

411
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:48,760
Speaker 3: three hundred and eighty grams or something like that, so

412
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:51,840
Speaker 3: they were kind of also, you know, have some conversation

413
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:52,720
Speaker 3: about she might not.

414
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:56,000
Speaker 1: Make it, and I'm going to sound really stupid here,

415
00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:58,639
Speaker 1: But what's the ideal weight that you want to be hitting.

416
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:01,000
Speaker 1: If she's only three hundred and eighty, oh at that.

417
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,840
Speaker 3: Point, you want over at six hundred at least.

418
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:03,640
Speaker 1: Holy shit.

419
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:04,080
Speaker 2: Yeah. Wow.

420
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:07,800
Speaker 3: It was all like yeah, all the markers though, so

421
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:11,680
Speaker 3: not just wait, Like everything was down and they said,

422
00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:13,800
Speaker 3: any day that we can scrape from twenty four weeks

423
00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:15,840
Speaker 3: is great, and we ended up almost getting to twenty

424
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:17,919
Speaker 3: nine weeks, so we're pretty lucky in that regard.

425
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:19,960
Speaker 1: But were you still playing at this point or do

426
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:20,600
Speaker 1: you have time off?

427
00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:23,680
Speaker 3: I was training. I don't think we had any tours,

428
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:26,439
Speaker 3: but I was supposed to go on a tour against

429
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:28,840
Speaker 3: India and didn't end up going on that because I

430
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:31,240
Speaker 3: knew we were going to potentially have Riley in that time.

431
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:33,800
Speaker 3: Like they said, there's basically zero chances you're getting into

432
00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:36,760
Speaker 3: thirty weeks, and they were right, so I kind of

433
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:39,439
Speaker 3: knew plans were going to have to change a little bit.

434
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:42,639
Speaker 3: But Jess was in and out of hospital in that time. Like,

435
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:46,040
Speaker 3: we had so many scans like dopplers and grows scans

436
00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:48,960
Speaker 3: and everything in between, so it was just they were amazing,

437
00:19:49,119 --> 00:19:52,159
Speaker 3: Like we had an amazing obstetrician and great people to

438
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:55,000
Speaker 3: go through. But this is also during COVID, so oh yeah,

439
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:58,760
Speaker 3: so many extra loopholes to go through, and just a

440
00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:00,840
Speaker 3: lot of sass from some of them nurses and stuff

441
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,000
Speaker 3: about you know, you're choosing to have a baby during

442
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,199
Speaker 3: COVID time, so you can't really complain about this. So

443
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:07,119
Speaker 3: that I'm a pretty aggressive human when I want to be,

444
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:08,879
Speaker 3: and so there was a lot of times that we

445
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:10,720
Speaker 3: also didn't call me back.

446
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:12,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, I didn't speak this to drag on for as

447
00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:14,879
Speaker 1: long as it had so shut up.

448
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:17,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was like, we're all out, and it's like, oh,

449
00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:18,439
Speaker 2: we're going to go back in.

450
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,080
Speaker 3: I think the worst time was like when we were

451
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:24,119
Speaker 3: actually in hospital and you had limited visitors and it

452
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,199
Speaker 3: was only parents that were allowed, and so half the

453
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:27,800
Speaker 3: time like just would go in earlier and I'd go

454
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:30,639
Speaker 3: to training and come in later. And I'd go to

455
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,320
Speaker 3: go in, They're like, no, the mum's already in, and

456
00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:34,520
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm the other mum and they're like and

457
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:36,359
Speaker 3: they like wouldn't believe me. They'd think that I'm trying

458
00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:39,399
Speaker 3: to sneak in and this kid, and so I'd have

459
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,159
Speaker 3: to either go around to the other entrance and try

460
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:42,600
Speaker 3: and get up the other way, go in a different

461
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:44,639
Speaker 3: wing and do this. There was a few times that

462
00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:46,480
Speaker 3: they were like literally refusing to let me in because

463
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:48,480
Speaker 3: they didn't believe that she had two mums. They thought

464
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:49,800
Speaker 3: I was just someone else China.

465
00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:52,879
Speaker 2: That's so narrow minded, Like especially in the year like

466
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:57,280
Speaker 2: year was it twenty one, twenty one? I'm like, at

467
00:20:57,359 --> 00:21:00,840
Speaker 2: least don't just be like no, like scan the system.

468
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:03,040
Speaker 2: I really want to visit this baby.

469
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:05,760
Speaker 3: I'm just so really want to go into a ward

470
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:07,520
Speaker 3: where I'm confronted with lots of small children.

471
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:10,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, so did they do they know what the issue

472
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,800
Speaker 1: was why Riley stopped growing.

473
00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:16,840
Speaker 3: I think Adventus called or something. It was the percenter

474
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:19,200
Speaker 3: basically Biblical corps was at the bottom of the percenter

475
00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:21,680
Speaker 3: rather than the center of it, and so just wasn't

476
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:25,040
Speaker 3: getting the flow of nutrients that she needed. And they

477
00:21:25,119 --> 00:21:27,600
Speaker 3: kept a close eye on that with lots of scans

478
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:29,840
Speaker 3: and stuff. When we got steroids into jests and we

479
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:34,199
Speaker 3: got admitted to hospital a couple of times with like

480
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:36,439
Speaker 3: a D cell and a heart rate basically in Riley's

481
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:39,000
Speaker 3: heart rate, and so they monitored her and a few

482
00:21:39,119 --> 00:21:41,560
Speaker 3: we had it once we got admitted and they were like,

483
00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:43,080
Speaker 3: you know, you'll stay in here till she's born. So

484
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:44,800
Speaker 3: we're like wrapping her heads around that. And then two

485
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,280
Speaker 3: days later like see you later. Actually she's all right,

486
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,000
Speaker 3: and so we go home and then I reckon like

487
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:51,320
Speaker 3: four days after that, we're back in hospital and they're like, okay,

488
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:53,080
Speaker 3: for real, now you will stay.

489
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:55,480
Speaker 1: Until what was that whiplash like of like it's going

490
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:56,919
Speaker 1: to happen. No, it's not. It's going to happen now

491
00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:57,239
Speaker 1: it's not.

492
00:21:57,800 --> 00:21:59,679
Speaker 3: I mean, it took more of a toll than what

493
00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:03,480
Speaker 3: I thought what it did. I'm like, a I'm my dad,

494
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:06,160
Speaker 3: like just hide emotions and think that everything is going

495
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:09,120
Speaker 3: well and try and be the tough parent, the tough one.

496
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:12,240
Speaker 3: And so Jess is quite an emotional human and a

497
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,840
Speaker 3: bit more regulated probably, so I just pretend everything was

498
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:17,440
Speaker 3: okay and would just be the calm one in the situation,

499
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:19,040
Speaker 3: be like, well, just go with the flow is what

500
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:21,639
Speaker 3: it is. We can't control it, which is also the truth.

501
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:25,159
Speaker 3: But it was heavy with just trying to wrap our

502
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:27,400
Speaker 3: heads around how we're going to live our lives, with

503
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:29,400
Speaker 3: knowing we're going to have a premie, but not how

504
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:32,080
Speaker 3: early or how healthy. And that was kind of the

505
00:22:32,359 --> 00:22:34,760
Speaker 3: hardest part, was like not even the in and out

506
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:38,040
Speaker 3: of hospital, just like home life, like how were we going

507
00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:41,240
Speaker 3: to look after our fur children and work and friends

508
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:43,680
Speaker 3: and everything else in between. Yeah, we're pretty lucky that

509
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:46,119
Speaker 3: we had great nurses in there and a great obstetrician,

510
00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:48,720
Speaker 3: because I think, yeah, had they been lackluster, it would

511
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:49,440
Speaker 3: have been really hard.

512
00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:53,720
Speaker 2: So twenty eight weeks, how long does Bob have to

513
00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:55,800
Speaker 2: stay in hospital for?

514
00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:59,600
Speaker 3: You're pretty much told till gestations, so like forty weeks.

515
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:02,720
Speaker 2: Is the the normal long time, but.

516
00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:04,119
Speaker 3: Like if they have problems and they could be in

517
00:23:04,119 --> 00:23:07,320
Speaker 3: there obviously longer. And I mean, we were so lucky.

518
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:09,639
Speaker 3: So so it's twenty eight weeks, six days it was.

519
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:12,920
Speaker 3: I got a call. Our opposition came in the morning,

520
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:15,639
Speaker 3: was like, everything's fine, go off, do your training whatever,

521
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:18,199
Speaker 3: And so I finished training, hopped back in the car,

522
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:19,720
Speaker 3: and I was going back to the hospital anyways, and

523
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:21,439
Speaker 3: I get a call from Jess and she's like she

524
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,440
Speaker 3: didn't say anything other than they're doing it right now.

525
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:26,320
Speaker 3: And I was like what, and she's like, yeah, there

526
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:29,080
Speaker 3: was an acceleration and a heart rate. They've decided everything

527
00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:31,080
Speaker 3: is not okay, and they're taking her out right now.

528
00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:32,920
Speaker 3: So I like raced back to the hospital, which is

529
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,680
Speaker 3: luckily just across the road from Adelaide Oval, perfectly located,

530
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:39,560
Speaker 3: and yeah, that's it. Like two hours later, bank Riley

531
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:42,639
Speaker 3: was out and she was great, Like she let out

532
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:45,280
Speaker 3: a little cry, which is not what's saying we expected

533
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:49,240
Speaker 3: at twenty eight weeks, and was healthy, like her lungs

534
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,119
Speaker 3: were great, and so she never needed to be an

535
00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:52,760
Speaker 3: a ventilator or oxygen.

536
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:55,359
Speaker 1: Do they do a C section then or yep?

537
00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:59,320
Speaker 3: And I looked up at the wrong time over she

538
00:23:59,320 --> 00:23:59,920
Speaker 3: shouldn't have done.

539
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:02,800
Speaker 2: But also, you know, it's not a pretty side.

540
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:06,440
Speaker 3: It was more confronting than what I thought. I was like, yeah,

541
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:08,080
Speaker 3: I can see blood and gore, like I watched these

542
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:09,919
Speaker 3: shows all the time, I'll be fine and then but

543
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:13,359
Speaker 3: seeing it as Jess was so much less than what

544
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:15,080
Speaker 3: I thought. So I had to hide trying not to

545
00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:15,560
Speaker 3: pass out.

546
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:19,800
Speaker 1: But you did better than some of us.

547
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,160
Speaker 2: I didn't even get to that point before I passed out.

548
00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:24,200
Speaker 2: I only got to the epidural and I passed out.

549
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 1: I was parking the car and he passed out.

550
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:31,480
Speaker 2: My wife gave but my wife gave two c sections,

551
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:33,359
Speaker 2: but the second one is one I fainted and she

552
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,520
Speaker 2: gave birth. I was still on the ground. I was

553
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:40,440
Speaker 2: like looking up, like you did, just stay there? So yeah,

554
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:42,720
Speaker 2: it did better than me. But it's not pretty, is it.

555
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:46,720
Speaker 2: I didn't even get to that bit when that happened.

556
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:48,520
Speaker 2: I was already laying down, so it was.

557
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:50,920
Speaker 3: Good, good, well, won't hurt and you're in the right place.

558
00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:56,800
Speaker 2: Was like, what are you looking after him for? Yeah,

559
00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:57,600
Speaker 2: it's pretty brutal.

560
00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:00,600
Speaker 1: What's it like in that period than when is born?

561
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:03,760
Speaker 1: But you have to go home empty handed.

562
00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's the hardest part. That when I struggled a

563
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:09,920
Speaker 3: bit more with them, I thought I wouldn't. And it's

564
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:13,280
Speaker 3: just such a trust in the process, in the people,

565
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:17,720
Speaker 3: and you know that everyone who works at the hospital

566
00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:19,600
Speaker 3: was there to help people, and you just obviously have

567
00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:21,920
Speaker 3: nurses you like more than the others. But yeah, saying

568
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:25,399
Speaker 3: goodbye of a nighttime was really really hard. And for

569
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:28,440
Speaker 3: the first night because since she was so PREMI we

570
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:30,520
Speaker 3: couldn't go to a private hospital. It had to be

571
00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:33,119
Speaker 3: public and so like I wasn't supposed to say the

572
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:34,960
Speaker 3: night but the nurses pretended that they didn't know I

573
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,399
Speaker 3: was there. And I slept on these cushions on the floor,

574
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:39,560
Speaker 3: And so for the first couple of nights were okay

575
00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:42,159
Speaker 3: because Jess was still in recovering from the C section,

576
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:44,800
Speaker 3: so I got to be in there a little more

577
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 3: than what others would have.

578
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:48,760
Speaker 1: It's really strange, isn't it. When you're like, it's the

579
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:51,400
Speaker 1: miracle of life, but then in the blink of an eye,

580
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:53,680
Speaker 1: you're like, sleeping on two cushions on the floor.

581
00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:56,280
Speaker 2: This is what's happening.

582
00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,679
Speaker 3: It was even weirder to watch like people be churned

583
00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:00,680
Speaker 3: out in less than twenty four hour, like to see

584
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:02,840
Speaker 3: women that have gone in there at the same time

585
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:04,880
Speaker 3: we did and be leaving in like twelve hours after

586
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:07,520
Speaker 3: giving birth. Here's a human take it home. And you're like,

587
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:10,080
Speaker 3: like that was more scary, Like, in some ways, I'm

588
00:26:10,119 --> 00:26:12,480
Speaker 3: kind of grateful that we got time at a hospital

589
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:14,040
Speaker 3: to learn how to care for a baby. Like we

590
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:17,560
Speaker 3: got so much nursing experience that other parents don't get

591
00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:19,920
Speaker 3: because they just shoved out with their children so quick.

592
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:22,080
Speaker 3: So it was trying to be like grateful for the

593
00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:25,400
Speaker 3: extru experience that we got, because that was the more

594
00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:27,840
Speaker 3: confronting thing, is like, once we do take Riley home.

595
00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:29,840
Speaker 3: That's it. There's no nurse around the corner to tell

596
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:32,199
Speaker 3: us what that cry means or you know what we

597
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:32,880
Speaker 3: should be doing.

598
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:36,120
Speaker 1: So how long was it before you got to take it? Right?

599
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:38,119
Speaker 3: She ended up taking home at what she would have

600
00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:40,120
Speaker 3: been thirty six weeks, So we got four weeks ahead

601
00:26:40,119 --> 00:26:42,880
Speaker 3: of schedule, which was bloody awesome. And she went home

602
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:46,000
Speaker 3: on the NED program, which is basically like she's still

603
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:49,320
Speaker 3: being fed through a nasal tube, but we could do

604
00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:51,919
Speaker 3: that at home. So obviously pass a few things to

605
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:54,360
Speaker 3: tick that off. But yeah, we got home four weeks

606
00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:56,520
Speaker 3: ahead of what we thought. And then obviously we met

607
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:58,760
Speaker 3: some families that were in there that were well past

608
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:02,240
Speaker 3: their forty weeks, Like there was some implications lung terun

609
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:05,120
Speaker 3: developed or so that some families have been in there

610
00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:07,359
Speaker 3: for six months, you know, and so we're like, holy

611
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:09,440
Speaker 3: how we've really got a good end of the stick here.

612
00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:13,200
Speaker 3: And you took her home early, and she pretty much

613
00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:15,160
Speaker 3: once she hit two point four kilos, we could take

614
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:16,639
Speaker 3: her home. So it was kind of just the waiting

615
00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:18,919
Speaker 3: game because again we got really lucky with she was

616
00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:22,840
Speaker 3: healthy and they called her an organized banana. I remember

617
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:24,920
Speaker 3: just specifically that was like what they were her? After

618
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:26,640
Speaker 3: like two days, I was like, what a weird thing

619
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:29,639
Speaker 3: to say. So that always just come from I don't know.

620
00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:34,600
Speaker 3: He was a weird fellaw otologist. He was a wonderful man.

621
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:38,359
Speaker 3: I love cricket and would like explain everything in cricket terms.

622
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:39,840
Speaker 3: I'd be sitting down.

623
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:43,479
Speaker 2: And beautiful cover drap, Well that's it.

624
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:45,159
Speaker 3: He's like, okay, you know, he's like, we're out the

625
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:47,320
Speaker 3: power play now. He's like, the sweepers are out, and

626
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:49,120
Speaker 3: he's like, we're just we're milk and the sweepers. We're

627
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:51,000
Speaker 3: just hitting ones. He's like, it's boring cricket. It's the

628
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:53,080
Speaker 3: waiting game. He's like, but you know, we're just ticking away,

629
00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:58,199
Speaker 3: getting the right sit there, and I'm like that's perfect.

630
00:27:58,240 --> 00:27:59,840
Speaker 3: And we'd leave and Jess and be like what the fuck?

631
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:04,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have no.

632
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:05,760
Speaker 3: Idea what he just said. And I'm like, okay, she's

633
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:08,359
Speaker 3: doing well, all right, just to take out of that,

634
00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:10,480
Speaker 3: she's doing well. So he was. But yeah, early days

635
00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:12,040
Speaker 3: he caught her organized banana. I was like, what a

636
00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:13,760
Speaker 3: strange thing to call her. And then that just like

637
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:15,800
Speaker 3: kind of stuck, and she knew what she was doing

638
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:20,159
Speaker 3: and was just like he didn't take but he was

639
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:22,200
Speaker 3: like he would like kind of wake her if he

640
00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:23,960
Speaker 3: wanted her attention, Like the first rule is to not

641
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:25,960
Speaker 3: wake the baby, right, So I'm like, why you're waking

642
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:29,720
Speaker 3: my baby? But he was wonderful, and yeah, she was

643
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:31,639
Speaker 3: really good. Like we were only had a couple of

644
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:33,840
Speaker 3: days that we kind of went backwards while we're in there,

645
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:38,320
Speaker 3: So our actual experience in the hospital was smooth as

646
00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:40,160
Speaker 3: well as smooth as it could possibly get. But it

647
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:42,160
Speaker 3: was just trying to juggle that with training was a

648
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:45,920
Speaker 3: bit annoying, but still a decent position. I guess.

649
00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:49,920
Speaker 2: Going back and forth in the hospital and being in

650
00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:53,360
Speaker 2: that situation for any family, I can't I can't imagine

651
00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:55,400
Speaker 2: the toll it takes on you when you do finally

652
00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:58,320
Speaker 2: get home. How did you cope when you were home,

653
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:01,240
Speaker 2: you were a family, you're back with, you have dogs, cats,

654
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:03,720
Speaker 2: or you're all back together. How did you handle it?

655
00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:08,480
Speaker 3: Overwhelming? I reckon. We got maybe two hours of sleep

656
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:11,240
Speaker 3: each night for the first like month. It was insane.

657
00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:13,719
Speaker 3: Riley's still a terrible sleeper, So that's great that one

658
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:15,360
Speaker 3: didn't wear out. But yeah, we have a dog and

659
00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:17,720
Speaker 3: a cat, and those two just absolutely blanked Raley, like

660
00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:19,880
Speaker 3: didn't care about her existence whatsoever. So that was kind

661
00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:22,280
Speaker 3: of great because we were sad. We're like hoping they

662
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,560
Speaker 3: would really bond, but they just didn't give a shit yet.

663
00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:27,440
Speaker 3: But it was mainly like scary because, like, as I said,

664
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:29,280
Speaker 3: we're on our own now. We don't have a nurse

665
00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:31,960
Speaker 3: to just call up. Like we were probably over protective

666
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:34,800
Speaker 3: because of her start to life, and like taking her

667
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:36,880
Speaker 3: out for a walk, we'll probably you know, wait for

668
00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:38,960
Speaker 3: the perfect conditions rather than just going, no, we all

669
00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:41,239
Speaker 3: need to be outdoors, like we've been trapped inside, and

670
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:44,560
Speaker 3: just we were probably a bit too sensitive to things,

671
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:48,040
Speaker 3: and we were super rigid with following every rule ever

672
00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:51,960
Speaker 3: told about to be around newborns. And then obviously we

673
00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:54,720
Speaker 3: covid around like if anyone sneezed or something, we're like,

674
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:55,880
Speaker 3: oh my god, we need to get out of here.

675
00:29:57,280 --> 00:29:59,360
Speaker 3: And it was just like it was a weird time,

676
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,360
Speaker 3: but it was also really cool because we're finally home

677
00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:06,280
Speaker 3: in our own space. I didn't have really too much

678
00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:08,640
Speaker 3: cricket until Big Bash started, so I was home a lot,

679
00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:11,320
Speaker 3: and being able to adjust a home life was really nice.

680
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:14,200
Speaker 3: It was just a little bit different than what we'd expected.

681
00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:16,680
Speaker 3: And again, if we have a second child, I think

682
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:18,520
Speaker 3: we'd be a bit more laxed with that one.

683
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:21,479
Speaker 1: I read somewhere and tell me if this is not

684
00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:24,080
Speaker 1: something you've spoken about openly before, but Jess went through

685
00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:27,280
Speaker 1: postnatal depression. Yeah, when did you realize that that was

686
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:29,320
Speaker 1: something that you guys were going to start tackling.

687
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:33,120
Speaker 3: Ah, we probably didn't address it as early as we

688
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:35,840
Speaker 3: should have. I mean, the signs were there, but as

689
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:38,000
Speaker 3: I said, I'm probably not the best with handling my

690
00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:38,720
Speaker 3: own emotions.

691
00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:42,160
Speaker 1: So when you say the signs for people out there

692
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:44,720
Speaker 1: who may have no idea, what do you now know

693
00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:46,560
Speaker 1: in hindsight what those signs were?

694
00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:49,960
Speaker 3: Probably not connecting with Riley as much as like a

695
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:52,360
Speaker 3: mother would, and then she would get the guilts about

696
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:54,440
Speaker 3: not connecting with Riley, and so it was kind of

697
00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:58,560
Speaker 3: the double fold there. That was the main one, and

698
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:01,280
Speaker 3: just being unhappy big a lot of the time and

699
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:05,080
Speaker 3: not appreciating the small moments, I guess, And we'd have

700
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 3: our moments of joy, don't get me wrong, but I

701
00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:11,480
Speaker 3: guess the overall feel was probably sadness. And Riley was

702
00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:14,040
Speaker 3: a really tough baby, like she didn't sleep, witching, hour

703
00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:17,560
Speaker 3: was absolute hell, and you just get that anxiety would

704
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:19,760
Speaker 3: come in like five minutes till six. You just bang

705
00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:21,240
Speaker 3: on and you just knew it was coming in the

706
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:23,400
Speaker 3: last about an hour and a half months on end,

707
00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:25,880
Speaker 3: and you're like, this is horrible. And I think we

708
00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:28,360
Speaker 3: blamed a lot of it on Riley being hard rather

709
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:30,640
Speaker 3: than realizing that it was actually more of a mental

710
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:33,000
Speaker 3: side for Jess. So, I mean, I'm pretty good at

711
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:35,280
Speaker 3: like keeping things light hearted and we're just try and

712
00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:37,520
Speaker 3: make things fun and probably brushed it off a little bit.

713
00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:40,480
Speaker 3: I guess when Jess was like, I'm not feeling well

714
00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:41,520
Speaker 3: and finally addressed it.

715
00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:44,280
Speaker 2: It's tough when there's no sleep too, for any parent

716
00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:47,239
Speaker 2: an your parents like that early stage, like you just

717
00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:50,800
Speaker 2: the phrase witching hour makes my hand stand on end.

718
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:52,800
Speaker 3: And I'm like, oh makes me anxious.

719
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:57,800
Speaker 2: Now, yeah, it's probably really hard to I mean, now

720
00:31:57,800 --> 00:31:59,680
Speaker 2: you look back and see the signs, but in the moment,

721
00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:01,000
Speaker 2: you're just too tired.

722
00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:03,200
Speaker 3: You're just trying to function. You're just trying to get

723
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:05,800
Speaker 3: by and look after that human and we probably like

724
00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:07,920
Speaker 3: didn't talk about our feelings a lot because we're just

725
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:11,240
Speaker 3: too focused on Riley. And you do you forget about

726
00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:15,200
Speaker 3: your relationship and that takes time to I guess, become

727
00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:17,600
Speaker 3: the center of attention, I guess, and it never really

728
00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:19,920
Speaker 3: truly goes back to the same. But I think we

729
00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:23,480
Speaker 3: weren't probably communicating at all because we're just in, you know,

730
00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:26,520
Speaker 3: function mode of just tick off a box and try

731
00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:29,080
Speaker 3: and keep Riley safe and healthy. And then we're getting

732
00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:31,120
Speaker 3: by life. And then because things probably weren't getting better

733
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:34,000
Speaker 3: with Riley for a long time, it was probably dragged

734
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:35,480
Speaker 3: on a bit longer, and then we're like, we probably

735
00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:36,520
Speaker 3: need to address some things.

736
00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:40,880
Speaker 2: Did you did you seek help, like like together, Like

737
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:44,120
Speaker 2: was there anything you did that really helped you sort

738
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:44,960
Speaker 2: of overcome that?

739
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:49,200
Speaker 3: Jess started seeing a psych. I probably should have in hindsight. Again,

740
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:51,640
Speaker 3: I just I would feel I would feelter everything into

741
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:54,160
Speaker 3: sport and just take my mind off it by thanks

742
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:56,680
Speaker 3: for training or just find a way to weasel sports

743
00:32:56,720 --> 00:32:59,320
Speaker 3: the way out of it, and eventually had my own

744
00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:01,720
Speaker 3: little mental break down, I guess, and finally started seeing

745
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 3: a psych. But Jess was good and eventually saw a

746
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:07,400
Speaker 3: psych and that helped her immediately of just feeling like

747
00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:10,240
Speaker 3: you're a part of something and knowing you're not alone

748
00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 3: and so many people feel like this that was the

749
00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:15,320
Speaker 3: most reassuring thing because every mother on social media obviously

750
00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:17,640
Speaker 3: mainly post the good stuff parents.

751
00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:21,720
Speaker 1: The way you described the beginning early stages of Riley's life,

752
00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:23,920
Speaker 1: it's to a t it was with Lola.

753
00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:24,320
Speaker 2: Yeah.

754
00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:28,600
Speaker 1: Second, like it was just you could like identical.

755
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:31,360
Speaker 2: It was crazy and people probably think all they do

756
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:34,520
Speaker 2: think in that moment, I must be the only one

757
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:38,040
Speaker 2: dealing with this when like when someone like yourself or

758
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:40,960
Speaker 2: like we've had other people open up about it, you

759
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:42,920
Speaker 2: know on the podcast where they go, oh, hang on

760
00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:45,080
Speaker 2: a minute, other people are dealing with the same thing.

761
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:47,840
Speaker 3: So well, we all need to talk about the bad

762
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:50,640
Speaker 3: times more. And I guess that's the relatable part good

763
00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:54,320
Speaker 3: plugin for you. But like, yeah, we all just post

764
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:56,640
Speaker 3: obviously the happy photos and stuff that happened, all the

765
00:33:56,680 --> 00:33:58,680
Speaker 3: funny shot themselves photos.

766
00:33:58,280 --> 00:33:59,880
Speaker 2: You know everything, we all laugh.

767
00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:03,200
Speaker 3: But like the hard times of like Jess not getting

768
00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:05,920
Speaker 3: too much free time to just go get a coffee

769
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 3: by herself, or wanting to play her own music in

770
00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:10,200
Speaker 3: the car versus you know something for Riley, and like

771
00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:12,520
Speaker 3: the little things that I would take for granted with

772
00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:14,759
Speaker 3: my sport and being able to go away because I

773
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:16,440
Speaker 3: would get the guilts of being away from Riley.

774
00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:19,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, what was your schedule like when you had to

775
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:19,840
Speaker 1: start playing again.

776
00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:22,879
Speaker 3: Pretty much just went back to being away a lot,

777
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:25,640
Speaker 3: like we're on a bad year. We're away, like physically

778
00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:27,080
Speaker 3: out of home, like six months of the year. And

779
00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:29,840
Speaker 3: then you think of trainings in between our own camps

780
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:33,480
Speaker 3: for Australia, in between State Staff, Big Bash, everything that

781
00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:35,520
Speaker 3: comes into play. You're on the road a hell of

782
00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:38,560
Speaker 3: a lot. And so I tried to transition slowly back

783
00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:41,040
Speaker 3: in with Big Bash and not go to the first

784
00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:44,160
Speaker 3: couple away games that we had, but after that there

785
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:45,520
Speaker 3: was kind of no control. Like at the end of

786
00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:46,759
Speaker 3: the day, you've got to go back to your job,

787
00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:49,000
Speaker 3: I guess, and that was hard. So I'd have the

788
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:52,200
Speaker 3: guilts of like leaving Riley, leaving Jess with Riley, knowing

789
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:55,080
Speaker 3: how anxious Raley was, and we're so blessed to have

790
00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:58,400
Speaker 3: Jess's parents down with us. But I'd come back and

791
00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:00,880
Speaker 3: then I'd kind of get angry just for not understanding

792
00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:03,920
Speaker 3: my gilts, knowing she's got a completely different lifestyle and

793
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:06,600
Speaker 3: her like my things that I was guilty about, which

794
00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:09,160
Speaker 3: was being away, you know, being your own free time

795
00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:11,040
Speaker 3: is exactly what she needed, and so it probably took

796
00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:13,360
Speaker 3: a while for her to communicate what she needed to

797
00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:16,319
Speaker 3: feel better and for me to actually push for that

798
00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:18,239
Speaker 3: and go like, no, I'll take Riley for the next

799
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:19,719
Speaker 3: two hours. If you just want to go sit on

800
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:22,120
Speaker 3: the grass in the park down the road, you go

801
00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:24,480
Speaker 3: do it. And we probably took too long to get

802
00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:26,760
Speaker 3: to that of Jess actually saying this is what I need?

803
00:35:27,239 --> 00:35:29,640
Speaker 3: Can you can you help me? Versus I probably should

804
00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:31,719
Speaker 3: have been asking as well, like what do you need

805
00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:35,000
Speaker 3: to feel better for yourself? And we eventually got there.

806
00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:36,600
Speaker 1: But it's easy at this point to look back and

807
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:40,800
Speaker 1: it's so obvious. Sometimes I used to call it getting eggy,

808
00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:43,200
Speaker 1: and if I got too eggy, you just means I

809
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:45,800
Speaker 1: was getting a bit shitty. And Laura would say, you

810
00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:47,480
Speaker 1: just need to go for a walk, like just go

811
00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:49,360
Speaker 1: for a walk for twenty minutes, or just go for

812
00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:51,680
Speaker 1: like a like half an hour run. Just get out

813
00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:54,000
Speaker 1: there and something as simple as that is what you need.

814
00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:55,520
Speaker 1: But in the moment, you don't think it's going to

815
00:35:55,560 --> 00:35:55,839
Speaker 1: make much.

816
00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:58,319
Speaker 3: A different regulate as well as hope, which is like

817
00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:01,239
Speaker 3: being the blessing of having a is realizing that we

818
00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:03,399
Speaker 3: do not regulate as adults the way that we think

819
00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:05,920
Speaker 3: we do. So like it's been like that was a

820
00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:08,040
Speaker 3: huge learning curve. I even realizing what I need, like

821
00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:10,719
Speaker 3: what feels my bucket outside of cricket. I didn't really

822
00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:13,400
Speaker 3: realize what that was until Riley kind of came around

823
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:16,879
Speaker 3: and just started playing soccer again, and so that kind

824
00:36:16,880 --> 00:36:18,600
Speaker 3: of was like an escape for her at least a

825
00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:21,520
Speaker 3: few nights a week and for games and stuff like that.

826
00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:23,839
Speaker 3: So it was like we slowly filled that cut back up,

827
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:26,560
Speaker 3: but that took far longer than probably what it should

828
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:28,759
Speaker 3: have if we just probably communicated a bit better. But

829
00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:30,400
Speaker 3: it was a learning curve for all of us in

830
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:33,400
Speaker 3: realizing we probably didn't communicate as well as what we

831
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:36,120
Speaker 3: thought we did pre Riley anyway, So it's been a

832
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:37,319
Speaker 3: relationship curve as well.

833
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:40,880
Speaker 1: Is this psych responsible for this or is this you

834
00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:42,200
Speaker 1: guys figuring it out over time?

835
00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:43,959
Speaker 3: I think a bit of both. I think her psych

836
00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:46,400
Speaker 3: was great for her deep dark thoughts that I've not

837
00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:48,840
Speaker 3: even really asked her about, because that's for her to

838
00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:51,160
Speaker 3: share if she wants to. But I've got my own

839
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:54,160
Speaker 3: sych that I see as well, And I think the

840
00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:57,000
Speaker 3: combo of us coming home and sharing bits and pieces

841
00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:59,360
Speaker 3: about like what we learned in that and then molding

842
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:03,480
Speaker 3: it together was the big learning curve and going why

843
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:06,920
Speaker 3: weren't we doing this beforehand? For one, but two also

844
00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:09,600
Speaker 3: just listening to each other more like and I mean

845
00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:12,200
Speaker 3: we all speak about love languages and we joke about,

846
00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:14,520
Speaker 3: you know, people matching because of them, but really actually

847
00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:16,919
Speaker 3: making sure that you are ticking those boxes off, because

848
00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:19,200
Speaker 3: I think the simple things of the love language is

849
00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:21,520
Speaker 3: really important when you've got another little human.

850
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:23,440
Speaker 2: To focus on. Yeah, it's really good at giving you

851
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:26,200
Speaker 2: the tools for that because you might you might personally

852
00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:29,680
Speaker 2: be like, Okay, well I know what I need and

853
00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:32,160
Speaker 2: Jess might know what she needs, but how do we

854
00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:35,440
Speaker 2: communicate that properly? So and it's done properly so that

855
00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:38,919
Speaker 2: we can resolve a problem or feel each other's cup

856
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:41,440
Speaker 2: or get back to the love language that you talk about.

857
00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:43,480
Speaker 2: So they're really good at giving tools. Yeah, it takes

858
00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:45,160
Speaker 2: a lot of time, though, Yeah, for sure.

859
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:49,040
Speaker 4: Do you think that you will ever carry I'm a

860
00:37:49,080 --> 00:37:52,720
Speaker 4: fifty to fifty I'm like, I was probably more inclined

861
00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:55,440
Speaker 4: to carry pre rightly, but now knowing everything that can

862
00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:56,520
Speaker 4: go wrong in apprecation.

863
00:37:57,040 --> 00:37:59,600
Speaker 3: That's exactly how I feel, and like everyone will be like, yeah,

864
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:01,080
Speaker 3: you're an ath, Like you might just not want to

865
00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:02,400
Speaker 3: ruin your body. I don't give a shit about that.

866
00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:04,279
Speaker 3: I don't care about ruining my body, like I'll fix

867
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:07,759
Speaker 3: it back up. But like it's the fact that I'm

868
00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:09,800
Speaker 3: now educated on what can go wrong at any stage

869
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:11,480
Speaker 3: through out of pregnancy. It's like when people get to,

870
00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:13,400
Speaker 3: you know, the fourteen week mark and then they post

871
00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:15,720
Speaker 3: about you know, they finally reveal like I'm out of danger.

872
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:18,560
Speaker 3: I'll tell people I'm pregnant now, like you're never out

873
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:20,560
Speaker 3: of danger, and like that freaks me the shit out.

874
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:23,640
Speaker 3: And now that we've had that bad experience, and generally

875
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:25,000
Speaker 3: when you have a premier, you're probably going to have

876
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:28,319
Speaker 3: another premiere, is what you're told. And so it's kind

877
00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:30,080
Speaker 3: of like a scared the shit out of me. Like

878
00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:33,640
Speaker 3: I would say, I'm less likely to carry now that

879
00:38:33,640 --> 00:38:37,160
Speaker 3: we've we've had Riley, and if we ever decide on that,

880
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:39,360
Speaker 3: like I'm happy to do it, I'll just be scared

881
00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:39,839
Speaker 3: the whole time.

882
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:42,000
Speaker 1: If you do it again, do you use the same

883
00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:43,399
Speaker 1: sperm that you use the first time?

884
00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:44,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, so you got to make sure you buy in

885
00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:50,719
Speaker 3: bulk a bit of a costco shop. It was just

886
00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:58,279
Speaker 3: expensive as hell. So we're just lucky it was it

887
00:38:58,320 --> 00:39:00,520
Speaker 3: is you do buy and like you, I don't know

888
00:39:00,520 --> 00:39:01,440
Speaker 3: how long it's going to take.

889
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:01,520
Speaker 2: That.

890
00:39:01,680 --> 00:39:04,160
Speaker 3: So our process was different with I got a heap

891
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:05,960
Speaker 3: of eggs out, it was great, ragged about it. We've

892
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:08,040
Speaker 3: got a heap of embryos, and then we got Riley

893
00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:10,800
Speaker 3: first go. So we're like, holy shit, this process is easy,

894
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:14,640
Speaker 3: you know. And so there's technically eight embryos frozen eight minie.

895
00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:19,600
Speaker 3: Riley's still you know, waiting to come. But it's like

896
00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:23,520
Speaker 3: trying to have enough sperm. So like if he hasn't

897
00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:25,919
Speaker 3: topped up, and so we've now got I think two

898
00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:29,000
Speaker 3: vials left of sperm and that would be enough to

899
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:33,279
Speaker 3: so we've just recently got Jess's eggs out and waste waste,

900
00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:36,160
Speaker 3: I shouldn't they waste used a vial and so he

901
00:39:36,239 --> 00:39:38,759
Speaker 3: hasn't topped up, and it's like, well he might never

902
00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:40,960
Speaker 3: and so he hasn't completely cut off his line, but

903
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:42,440
Speaker 3: he hasn't topped up, which is a weird.

904
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:45,040
Speaker 2: Thing to say.

905
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:48,640
Speaker 3: Oh my god, it's just five more minutes. And so

906
00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:49,920
Speaker 3: you've got to kind of plan because you don't know

907
00:39:49,920 --> 00:39:52,160
Speaker 3: how long it's going to take, and so we just went, okay,

908
00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:55,520
Speaker 3: we'll buy five vials ship them over and yeah, so

909
00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:57,040
Speaker 3: he hasn't topped up. And then you've got to have

910
00:39:57,080 --> 00:39:59,120
Speaker 3: the convos of you know, if we used it all up,

911
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:01,480
Speaker 3: would we use another We just go back to the

912
00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:05,080
Speaker 3: embryos that we have stored, knowing that we'll probably have

913
00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:07,600
Speaker 3: a premie baby again, and then how does it work

914
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:10,080
Speaker 3: with my job having Riley and Jess be at the

915
00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:12,480
Speaker 3: hospital with a premi and so it just brings you

916
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:15,680
Speaker 3: more conversations. But yeah, we'd look to use the same sperm.

917
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:18,480
Speaker 3: Admittedly there's probably like one or two cycles of that left,

918
00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:20,480
Speaker 3: and after that it would just be a discussion of

919
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:22,759
Speaker 3: what we want to do and if he's topped up,

920
00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:24,120
Speaker 3: but it doesn't look like he will.

921
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:26,640
Speaker 1: So when you said that in the clinic that you

922
00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:29,680
Speaker 1: went to in Adelaide, there's only eleven different men who

923
00:40:29,719 --> 00:40:32,600
Speaker 1: had given samples. Is it as simple as more men

924
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:35,359
Speaker 1: need to donate or are is there red tape that's

925
00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:36,600
Speaker 1: stopping people from donating.

926
00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:39,239
Speaker 3: It's a process in Australia, so obviously in America you

927
00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:41,520
Speaker 3: get paid, so there's incentive for people to do it.

928
00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:44,359
Speaker 3: But at the same time, apparently they go through sych

929
00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:46,960
Speaker 3: sessions to make sure they're not just, you know, abusing

930
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:48,719
Speaker 3: the system. I don't quite believe that they're probably just

931
00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:51,680
Speaker 3: abusing system, but in Australia you do got to go

932
00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:54,880
Speaker 3: through sych sessions so that you're not the way she worded,

933
00:40:54,920 --> 00:40:56,839
Speaker 3: I remember the nurse was like, well, we don't want

934
00:40:56,880 --> 00:40:59,440
Speaker 3: a guy coming in being like I think I'm genetically superior.

935
00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:01,680
Speaker 3: I want to give like my genes rather than just

936
00:41:01,680 --> 00:41:03,600
Speaker 3: a genuine guy going. I want to help families who

937
00:41:03,640 --> 00:41:05,399
Speaker 3: are struggling to conceive.

938
00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:06,840
Speaker 1: So wean out the psychopaths.

939
00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:07,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, pretty much.

940
00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:10,720
Speaker 2: The world with my own semen.

941
00:41:10,840 --> 00:41:13,239
Speaker 3: But if it's a good looking lad, then you might

942
00:41:13,280 --> 00:41:19,440
Speaker 3: as well, that's a great dictator. But yeah, it was.

943
00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:21,759
Speaker 3: There is quite a few barriers. And again it's it's

944
00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:24,719
Speaker 3: different in every state and the regulation is different. And

945
00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:28,040
Speaker 3: I mean that Netflix Stocker came about that guy in

946
00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:30,520
Speaker 3: Sweden or wherever who had ended up fathering like a

947
00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:33,480
Speaker 3: thousand different kids because the regulations weren't the same in

948
00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:36,239
Speaker 3: every country and he thought he was superior. And so

949
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:38,120
Speaker 3: it's like there's there's a lot of hoops you got

950
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:41,000
Speaker 3: to jump through in Australia, but it is not enough

951
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:43,680
Speaker 3: men donate. We're trying to push up numbers through some promos,

952
00:41:43,680 --> 00:41:45,560
Speaker 3: but it's a bit of a weird thing to advocate

953
00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:50,239
Speaker 3: for in some ways. He's a cut for everyone, cut

954
00:41:50,280 --> 00:41:53,400
Speaker 3: for everyone. If you donate, great, But someone.

955
00:41:53,239 --> 00:41:56,200
Speaker 1: Was listening and they're thinking, I like the idea of

956
00:41:56,560 --> 00:41:59,200
Speaker 1: enabling a family to start, and if I can help

957
00:41:59,239 --> 00:42:01,840
Speaker 1: in that process, great. Do they just reach out and

958
00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:03,840
Speaker 1: google the nearest clinic.

959
00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:07,200
Speaker 3: I'm assuming that would be the case. As I said,

960
00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:09,359
Speaker 3: it's different at every single clinic, so I'm sure there'd

961
00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:12,640
Speaker 3: be different processes to go through, but I think it'd

962
00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:15,160
Speaker 3: be as easy as googling and finding a local clinic

963
00:42:15,239 --> 00:42:17,040
Speaker 3: and calling them up and seeing where you start from there.

964
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:20,000
Speaker 3: Because I imagine that you know, most blokes that are doing

965
00:42:20,040 --> 00:42:22,480
Speaker 3: it for free are doing it for the right causes,

966
00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:24,880
Speaker 3: So you'd like to think that there's a lot of

967
00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:25,920
Speaker 3: men out there that could do it.

968
00:42:26,239 --> 00:42:32,840
Speaker 2: Sorry, Ash not, you come on, I said, good, I've

969
00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:34,080
Speaker 2: done my thing.

970
00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:41,960
Speaker 1: I've got kids. Shoot. I think parenting is incredible, it's amazing.

971
00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:43,759
Speaker 1: I love it. Wouldn't change your for ending in the world,

972
00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:45,560
Speaker 1: But at the same time, there's so many moments that

973
00:42:46,239 --> 00:42:49,640
Speaker 1: are so fucking hard and you're just in the depths

974
00:42:49,719 --> 00:42:52,640
Speaker 1: of trying to survive, and it's so nice to hear

975
00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:54,560
Speaker 1: someone talk about it so openly in the way that

976
00:42:54,600 --> 00:42:54,879
Speaker 1: you have.

977
00:42:55,239 --> 00:42:58,799
Speaker 3: So thank you anytime. I mean, as I said, we

978
00:42:58,840 --> 00:43:01,200
Speaker 3: need to talk about these things more open harder than

979
00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:04,040
Speaker 3: what people do. But I could chat about parenting for

980
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:04,880
Speaker 3: three different hours.

981
00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:09,680
Speaker 1: So good a pleasure, Thanks much, I appreciate it.

982
00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:14,920
Speaker 2: Well, thank god, Matthew. We wished her good luck in

983
00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:16,600
Speaker 2: the Ashes series because it seems to work.

984
00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:18,880
Speaker 1: Can we say credit for that? I'm taking I mean

985
00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:22,440
Speaker 1: we did wish a good luck Boca wincidents Australia then

986
00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:23,360
Speaker 1: wins the Ashes.

987
00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:25,960
Speaker 2: I mean, I have so little I need this.

988
00:43:26,320 --> 00:43:29,239
Speaker 1: We should invoice them for that. Did we just become

989
00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:30,960
Speaker 1: coaches of the Australian Cricket.

990
00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:33,720
Speaker 2: Assistant coaches Captain coach, We're going to play.

991
00:43:33,719 --> 00:43:37,640
Speaker 1: Good luck for the rest of your career, Shooter. Oh,

992
00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:39,480
Speaker 1: we'll invoice for that as well.

993
00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:41,840
Speaker 2: If you did enjoy that episode, please leave us a review,

994
00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:43,920
Speaker 2: five stars or a couple of nice words for us.

995
00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:45,520
Speaker 2: All for me, we'll pass on just a few.

996
00:43:45,719 --> 00:43:48,839
Speaker 1: Just I'm out of the jungle. You know I need it.

997
00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:50,239
Speaker 2: You need it now, I need it.

998
00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:54,840
Speaker 1: You know I've been been malnourished with a lack of comments,

999
00:43:56,719 --> 00:43:58,839
Speaker 1: and I would appreciate something. Thank you very much.

1000
00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:01,080
Speaker 2: Everyone jump into Matt and send him something nice.

1001
00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:03,640
Speaker 1: No, no, no, it has to be public. It has

1002
00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:05,439
Speaker 1: to be public. If it's if it's private, doesn't count

1003
00:44:05,440 --> 00:44:07,640
Speaker 1: when people when people message me and say, hey, the

1004
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:10,440
Speaker 1: podcast is great, I'm like, shut up and write that

1005
00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:13,160
Speaker 1: on a pub Shut up and shut up and write

1006
00:44:13,160 --> 00:44:13,799
Speaker 1: that on a pub.

1007
00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:17,600
Speaker 2: No wonder, you're not getting any good comments.

1008
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:19,680
Speaker 1: Shut up and write that on a public platform.

1009
00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:22,640
Speaker 2: You can also find us on social Let.

1010
00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:27,839
Speaker 1: Me get up and write that on a public platform. Yeah,

1011
00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:31,719
Speaker 1: just edit that one up. Let's good at it.

1012
00:44:32,040 --> 00:44:34,319
Speaker 2: Also, you can do us on social media again. Man,

1013
00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:39,800
Speaker 2: you've been out of the game for farts, Instagram, Facebook, whatever,

1014
00:44:40,520 --> 00:44:41,480
Speaker 2: Bye bye bye.

1015
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:50,840
Speaker 1: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country

1016
00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:54,520
Speaker 1: throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.

1017
00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:57,320
Speaker 2: We pay our respects to their elders past and present

1018
00:44:57,360 --> 00:45:00,120
Speaker 2: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and tourist at

1019
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:01,200
Speaker 2: older people's today