Speaker 1: I don't know if you know your car does this,
Speaker 1: but I went outside after you arrived, maybe five minutes
Speaker 1: after you arrived, and the fucking car just beats on
Speaker 1: its own mine.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I might have accidentally pressed the lock key when
Speaker 2: you're down there. It's actually a funny story on that.
Speaker 2: When I was at school is once and I parked
Speaker 2: like at the bottom of this resort and we were
Speaker 2: like up on like the fourtieth level, and my card
Speaker 2: used to beep if you try to lock it to me.
Speaker 2: Times I'd get people walking past and they heavy, like
Speaker 2: walking past crys.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to two Dotty Dards by Mattie Jay and
Speaker 1: I'm Ash. This is a podcast all about parenting.
Speaker 2: It is the good, it is the bad and the relatable.
Speaker 1: And if you've come winning any advice whatsoever not from us,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry to say.
Speaker 2: We are sorry, don't you advice never had, we never will,
Speaker 2: We don't try to if it's accidental. Anyway. We are drinking,
Speaker 2: of course, stone and wood specific exactly right the world.
Speaker 2: And do you know when a good time to drink
Speaker 2: stone wood is other than right now? Is on a
Speaker 2: Sunday afternoon when your footy team is flogging another team.
Speaker 1: I don't know what that feels like it because I
Speaker 1: support the Broncos.
Speaker 2: So I just want to say a big shout out
Speaker 2: to the family Seagules for that dominant win. I was
Speaker 2: sitting back drinking a couple of Stone and Woods that
Speaker 2: I may have snuck into the stadium.
Speaker 1: Did you did you really.
Speaker 2: Manly listening? I'm sorry, but yes, stone and Wood. We
Speaker 2: are drinking the Pacific Al. That's what I was drinking
Speaker 2: on that fine Sunday afternoon.
Speaker 1: And can I just say, if you're not a huge
Speaker 1: beer drinker, this.
Speaker 2: This is the stuff.
Speaker 1: Is the drop for you?
Speaker 2: Cheers my friend.
Speaker 1: It is refreshing, it is bloody delicious.
Speaker 2: It's got those galaxy hot which we love. That is delicious.
Speaker 2: So thank you Stonewood as always for making these episodes
Speaker 2: come to life, and for keeping us hydrated, yes at
Speaker 2: all time, because like my grandfather, my late grandfather would say,
Speaker 2: there's water in beer. He's now dead of old age,
Speaker 2: not of dehydration. R p r op Michell, before we
Speaker 2: do get into it, Matthew, it is the most wonderful
Speaker 2: week of the year. Now, I know you're probably confused, confused,
Speaker 2: what's the deal? You're very You look confused. I don't
Speaker 2: know if you know what I'm referring to. It's better
Speaker 2: than Christmas, they say.
Speaker 1: Wait, wait, wait, let me get better than Easter.
Speaker 2: Best week of best week for a parent with young
Speaker 2: kids who go to daycare, no younger of kids that
Speaker 2: go to daycare. This week, for a week, it is
Speaker 2: honestly the best week of macy. This morning out of
Speaker 2: bed into kindy, inner pajamas saved me like twenty minutes
Speaker 2: of chasing around the house trying to get addressed.
Speaker 1: My daycare hasn't done pajama week. Or maybe they have
Speaker 1: and I haven't noticed. No, I don't think they didn't
Speaker 1: do it. What is pajama Week? Where does it come from?
Speaker 1: Why did we do it? Answer me? This, do you
Speaker 1: guys do it for the entire week? Explain to me?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I think they. I think personally, I think that that
Speaker 2: has been created by the.
Speaker 1: System just to give the parents a week of just
Speaker 1: to give it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know what, it's the best week ever
Speaker 2: all week. Oscar's on school holidays, but he goes to
Speaker 2: kindy for Thursday Friday. This week, everyone in pajamas.
Speaker 1: Okay, I think we spoke about this last year, So
Speaker 1: forgive me if I'm repeating myself, but doesn't it like
Speaker 1: I've only got two sets of pajamas for the girls.
Speaker 2: And we had these exact same thing as.
Speaker 1: Still she isn't happy, but she loves a bottle of
Speaker 1: water through the nights. Yeah, quite oftens herself. Yeah, bless
Speaker 1: her cotton socks. So how do you guys go keeping
Speaker 1: the clean pajamas because they must come back.
Speaker 2: And they come back, they go straight in the wash, back,
Speaker 2: straight in the wash, new pair on. Well, thankfully, Mason
Speaker 2: goes a couple days a week, so it's not a
Speaker 2: big deal. She can get through the couple of things
Speaker 2: of pajamas. I also don't mind going and seeing all
Speaker 2: the teachers in their pajamas.
Speaker 1: I was going to ask the teachers are into it
Speaker 1: all the.
Speaker 2: Teachers, Yeah, yeah, yeah, they do a fantastic bang up job.
Speaker 2: Everyone is in usually, I mean, at this time of
Speaker 2: the year, it's definitely winter pajamas. Everyone's in their flannel etts.
Speaker 2: Everyone looks very cozy. Macey fucking loves it. She loves it,
Speaker 2: she loves it. This morning, I was like, I'm going
Speaker 2: to eight thirty and Oscar's like, where are you going?
Speaker 2: I'm going I'm going to Maddie Jay's house. Maddie j
Speaker 2: And I go have you got a crush on Maddie Jay?
Speaker 2: And she goes no?
Speaker 1: How is asking go? When Macy gets to go to
Speaker 1: pajamas and he doesn't see where pajamas a home? How
Speaker 1: do you enforce that? Do you allow him to say
Speaker 1: pajamas for the whole day.
Speaker 2: If he's sick and he wants to have a pajama day?
Speaker 2: For example, today he was going to hang out with
Speaker 2: Popper and going on a playdate, so it was like,
Speaker 2: gotta get your fast shoes on. I can't go that
Speaker 2: fast in pajamas. But if he said to me, Hey,
Speaker 2: I just want to go my pajamas all day, We're
Speaker 2: going out? Like whatever, bro, you do you.
Speaker 1: When you get your kids dressed in the morning. Do
Speaker 1: you choose the items and just throw it on them
Speaker 1: or do you let them choose their outfit?
Speaker 2: It's a combination of both. But today they had no
Speaker 2: choice because it's pajama day.
Speaker 1: Do you fucking lolla? Sorry? I shouldn't swear.
Speaker 2: You can't swear as much as.
Speaker 1: And Marley, dude, it doesn't matter what I pick.
Speaker 2: They hate it.
Speaker 1: They're like, that is disgusting. I don't want to wear that.
Speaker 2: It's like, man, that seems like a you problem, my friend.
Speaker 2: You need to work on your style choices.
Speaker 1: I did. I bought. I bought a pair of pants
Speaker 1: which I thought I thought was very very cool, very cool.
Speaker 1: Can I can I show you quickly?
Speaker 2: Are you wearing them? Cool for you? Or cool for them? Wait?
Speaker 2: Whose pants? Are they? Yours or theirs?
Speaker 1: I happen to be shopping all right, a standard and
Speaker 1: I walked past the store and it's obviously winter right now.
Speaker 1: The girls have a lot of summery dresses, not many pants.
Speaker 1: And I saw something on sale and I thought, that
Speaker 1: is bloody cool.
Speaker 2: Okay, so I thought, I'm scared.
Speaker 1: I'll buy them, and I'll buy two pairs. They're nothing outrageous,
Speaker 1: a beautiful color, vibrant, both of them. Marley and Laula
Speaker 1: looked at it and said, Nah, that sucks. We're not
Speaker 1: wearing it.
Speaker 2: You're gonna hand them down to meet give them to
Speaker 2: Macie mc hammer. Pants. They're cool? Do you get us
Speaker 2: some mate? Right? If Marley and Laula are listening, I say,
Speaker 2: were not daycare. They're epic I feel your pain.
Speaker 1: Wouldn't even try them on.
Speaker 2: Pink parachute pants, and I, honestly, I thought you did
Speaker 2: a really good job there.
Speaker 1: I thought so too. I may be old and thirty seven,
Speaker 1: but I still have my fingers. I know I'm getting
Speaker 1: fucking that many grays coming through right now.
Speaker 2: I was looking at them before. They look good, look distinguished.
Speaker 1: There's nothing that cuts me deeper then the fact that
Speaker 1: they wouldn't even try them on, wouldn't even entertain the
Speaker 1: thought of putting them on for a split second.
Speaker 2: That's very heartbreaking. When you think I'm going to do
Speaker 2: this really cool thing, They're gonna love it, we're gonna
Speaker 2: bond over this, and then you don't. Oscar and I
Speaker 2: were getting shoes, these red shoes, okay, fast shoes, fast shoot.
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, I'm going to get these
Speaker 2: red ones. You can get the kids ones at match.
Speaker 2: She was like, no, I want these ones instead, and
Speaker 2: I was like, do you don't want to match? He's like,
Speaker 2: nut shit, kids are brutal. Also, what Oscar did yesterday
Speaker 2: said to his grandmother, why do you look so old?
Speaker 2: Fucking fearless?
Speaker 1: She was looking tired the other day, joking.
Speaker 2: Meredith heard that. They came out of MAT's mouth, not mine.
Speaker 1: Hey, how's it going with the house hunting?
Speaker 2: Terribly, absolutely terrible.
Speaker 1: How many of you seen places?
Speaker 2: Three? April's seeing one today.
Speaker 1: And all of those three? What's wrong with them?
Speaker 2: One had no parking, no garage. Okay, let me, you're
Speaker 2: offering up a three bedroom. It was like a granny
Speaker 2: flatty thing, quite big, good space and not going to
Speaker 2: offer a car spot. Like, who do you think is
Speaker 2: moving in there? Someone with a car, dickhead and kids.
Speaker 1: Because they're holding onto the garage spot or what.
Speaker 2: There's a whole front area and they're like not willing
Speaker 2: to give up any of the front area. And it
Speaker 2: was on the main road. Fucked anyway. One of them
Speaker 2: too small shit. One we really liked, but then they
Speaker 2: rang us and said we want more money, and I
Speaker 2: was like that's illegal. Fuck you. And now they've re
Speaker 2: advertised it for more money. Would would I burn it down?
Speaker 1: Yes, you give me the address and I'll do it.
Speaker 1: Would you offer like another like cheeky fifty you have
Speaker 1: to do that? I think the days.
Speaker 2: I would if it was already over our budget and
Speaker 2: it was like, look, I don't know what we're going
Speaker 2: to do this round. I'm moving back to my father
Speaker 2: in law. I think I don't know. I don't want
Speaker 2: to talk about it.
Speaker 1: Actually I say what in a shocked tone. But your
Speaker 1: mum lives here as someone who lives with their mother.
Speaker 2: Anyway, it's going, let's just put it that way. It's
Speaker 2: ticking along. I did want to share something with you, please.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you've seen it. It's not a
Speaker 2: new trend. It's a it's certain like an oldish sort
Speaker 2: of trend that you do with your kids. I don't
Speaker 2: know if you've seen it. You probably have seen. It's
Speaker 2: where you take your child into the bathroom and you say,
Speaker 2: now you can say whatever you want in here. Oh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm going to close it. I'm going to leave. I'm
Speaker 2: not condoning naughty words, but it's also a good place
Speaker 2: to be, like, you can't say these words outside of
Speaker 2: the bathroom. I think it's still a teaching April has
Speaker 2: decided to do that with young Oscar. You know. Oscar's
Speaker 2: like he's quite a sweet boy, is he? No, he is.
Speaker 2: He's like he's Mummy's boy. He's not like Macy, who's
Speaker 2: a terror. And I think you've got it all wrong, dude.
Speaker 2: I walked in the other day to the laundry and
Speaker 2: Macy's just looking at me, going fuck, fuck fuck, And
Speaker 2: Oscar's like she's saying the air for word and I'm like,
Speaker 2: you're signed their word or like duck, and she's like.
Speaker 1: Fuck, he doesn't know what she's doing. She's like she
Speaker 1: barely knows where she is and what date is. I
Speaker 1: feel like, I know not to talk ill of your children.
Speaker 1: I feel like Oscar is the cheeky one. Macy's an
Speaker 1: absolute sweetheart.
Speaker 2: You're wrong. I know them, do you know? No? I
Speaker 2: don't even know if they're mine. Actually, we had the
Speaker 2: IV lady over saying Oscar was there and she was like,
Speaker 2: that's you. I was like, yeah, pretty much, that's pretty
Speaker 2: much me. I want to show you April has taken
Speaker 2: Oscar make you so really bad, taking him to the
Speaker 2: bathroom and explained to him he's allowed to see whatever
Speaker 2: you want.
Speaker 1: Go to town.
Speaker 2: Okay, so give you the video.
Speaker 3: You can say any naughty words, any bad words for
Speaker 3: one minute while I drop outside.
Speaker 4: Whatever you like.
Speaker 3: I'll close the door and you say it. Okay, all right,
Speaker 3: you go ahead do whatever you like. For one minute.
Speaker 4: Son, up fucking fucking stupid, fucking ship.
Speaker 2: Done. Very good, isn't that? Watch at He's very good.
Speaker 3: You can say any naughty words, any bad words, for
Speaker 3: one minute while I drop outside.
Speaker 4: Whatever you like. Okay, well I'm not here, all right.
Speaker 3: You go ahead do whatever you like for one minute.
Speaker 4: Son, up fucking fucking stupid fucking.
Speaker 1: Ship done finished, How good?
Speaker 2: So I'm going to ask you to do that with Mary,
Speaker 2: Mary and see what the results are. I didn't know
Speaker 2: they were doing this. I've got home and she's like,
Speaker 2: look at this and he loves rewatching it and hey, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: I was with my mate Adsy and we were walking
Speaker 2: to the football and I was telling Addie about that.
Speaker 2: He was like, what words did you say?
Speaker 1: And he was like, I'm not saying it.
Speaker 2: I'm not that And they looked at me and I
Speaker 2: was like, gave him the nod of approval and he
Speaker 2: was like, fucking ship.
Speaker 1: Actually like credits to OSCO the fact that he knows
Speaker 1: those words, but he's withholding.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he knows not to say it, he knows not
Speaker 2: to say it outside. I really want to do it,
Speaker 2: So do it tonight and then maybe next week when
Speaker 2: we catch up.
Speaker 1: We'll just update you give me the part of me things,
Speaker 1: my sweet precious little man. Surely she's so innocent that
Speaker 1: she'll say, like spicy bananas or something like that. That's as
Speaker 1: bad as she knows.
Speaker 2: She'd be like, fuck you, what do you know? What
Speaker 2: are you look at? And I got in there, Tom,
Speaker 2: just a staunch in the mirror, cigarette mouth. What are
Speaker 2: you looking at?
Speaker 1: Come out here and say that? Very good?
Speaker 2: Very good? Now, well, you did tease in last week's
Speaker 2: episode that we went on a business trip to the
Speaker 2: shops to.
Speaker 1: Buy new surfboards.
Speaker 2: We did. I forgot the repair kit. Sorry, that's right.
Speaker 1: For those of you who are wondering, ash happens to
Speaker 1: be an extremely good surfer.
Speaker 2: Extremely is a very long stretch.
Speaker 1: Don't see yourself short. You know, he doesn't look like
Speaker 1: an athlete that I can move like one. Very good?
Speaker 1: When did you start? It's ten, and your dad's a
Speaker 1: very good surfer.
Speaker 2: Dad's an award winning surfer.
Speaker 1: He's obviously passed down everything that he knows. Yeah to
Speaker 1: young Ashton, and it's to watch you in the water.
Speaker 1: I liken it to watching like a like a Russian
Speaker 1: professional ballet dancer.
Speaker 2: Wow on the main stage Russian.
Speaker 1: The Russians are very good at dancing, aren't.
Speaker 2: They usually doping?
Speaker 1: It was just it was beautiful.
Speaker 2: I glide.
Speaker 1: It's like it's weird. It's like times slows down. Really,
Speaker 1: time does slow down and you kind of get lost
Speaker 1: in the moment and all of a sudden you're like,
Speaker 1: has it been thirty seconds or has it been a day?
Speaker 1: I look at my watch and I'm like, fuck, it's
Speaker 1: a Sunday. Now. I started watching ash Surf on a Saturday.
Speaker 2: I couldn't describe it any better.
Speaker 1: If I was like, where have you been? And I've
Speaker 1: just been watching ash Surf?
Speaker 2: And when you showed her, what did she say? And
Speaker 2: then she just like, obviously she's now pregnant. You are welcome.
Speaker 1: So you said to me, let's both go for a
Speaker 1: session together. Do it. And for those people who don't
Speaker 1: know me that well, I grew up in Brisbane, so
Speaker 1: I only started kind.
Speaker 2: Of surfing South Bank.
Speaker 1: I'm nice to been like. I bodyboarded from the age
Speaker 1: of fifteen.
Speaker 2: Do you know it got any nicknames for body boarders?
Speaker 1: Escalad?
Speaker 2: Yeah? What else?
Speaker 1: You got?
Speaker 2: Shark biscuits a good one, fucking losers, joking and people.
Speaker 2: Shark biscuits a good one sharks. One of my favorites
Speaker 2: is coined by my father called the Lipton jiggler, the
Speaker 2: lip so you know, with a tea bag because they've
Speaker 2: got the cord. Yeah, it looks like a tea bagh.
Speaker 2: And another personal favorite is the dick dragger because you
Speaker 2: dicked not on them. Yeah. So anyway, so, cousinue I
Speaker 2: interrupted you.
Speaker 1: You invited me out to a session. I was a
Speaker 1: little bit nervous. I have honestly not really served that
Speaker 1: much since Marley was born.
Speaker 2: To be fair, I silver tongued you a little bit
Speaker 2: on how easy it was going to be because I
Speaker 2: really wanted to go, and I was like, how do
Speaker 2: I get this session on the business? Oh, I'll just
Speaker 2: tell mat it's easy. We booked in advanced. Yeah, you
Speaker 2: should have known.
Speaker 1: It's one of those things where it doesn't look like
Speaker 1: it's that hard until you're out there. And it was
Speaker 1: a bitterly cold Monday night.
Speaker 2: How do you think you went?
Speaker 1: Really well? I was really happy with this session. Started
Speaker 1: off strong, a little bit nervous, but just hit the
Speaker 1: ground running.
Speaker 2: Should we go to some footage then, because we've got
Speaker 2: the footage from the wavepart.
Speaker 1: I mean, I can only imagine what it must have
Speaker 1: been like for the spectators watching.
Speaker 2: Okay, well, let's have a quick look of what they've
Speaker 2: provided of Matthew Jay's first surf in three years. Fuck outstanding.
Speaker 2: The dismount is great. I would say you struggled a
Speaker 2: bit to start off with.
Speaker 1: I was so close to packing it up and.
Speaker 2: Going so many times I looked in and you were.
Speaker 1: Like head down.
Speaker 2: Also, but also I took it so personally like I
Speaker 2: thought you were angry with me. I was like, oop,
Speaker 2: You're like no. I kept trying to pep talk you in.
Speaker 1: You were very good. You're very good, very encouraging. One
Speaker 1: of the issues was one of my first or second waves.
Speaker 1: You have to take off quite close to this is
Speaker 1: the Olympic Park by the way. I for anyone doesn't know,
Speaker 1: it's called urban serf, so it's like a man made
Speaker 1: wave and you have to take off next to a
Speaker 1: concrete wall. My board, brand new, first time riding. It
Speaker 1: flung out like a boomerang into the concrete wall, smashed
Speaker 1: in the nose, and that was very upsetting.
Speaker 2: It wasn't a good start.
Speaker 1: Was it was a hard start and.
Speaker 2: You'll see the visuals because you'll put it on socials.
Speaker 2: But there was a lot of missed takeoffs. I'll put
Speaker 2: it bluntly where it was like you took off and
Speaker 2: the board was gone.
Speaker 1: But I persevered.
Speaker 2: You did persevere. But do you know what the most
Speaker 2: encouraging thing about it was you persevere. And then we
Speaker 2: regrouped and I said, how about this. The last wave
Speaker 2: of the set is actually half the size. Let's get
Speaker 2: let's let's get confident that it's twice the size. So
Speaker 2: let's get confidence up on that one. And straight away
Speaker 2: you're sweet. So it just goes to show perseverance. It
Speaker 2: was good. I had fun. I had a lot of fun.
Speaker 2: I've booked in for the expert session because you dominated
Speaker 2: the events. Honestly, we did show just all of the
Speaker 2: bad highlights then, but you know, you did get up
Speaker 2: at a couple and you were getting some speed along there.
Speaker 2: We were serving with someone who I would say is
Speaker 2: a professional as well, who just absolutely tore the shit
Speaker 2: out of the pool, and we were considering being our
Speaker 2: first ever two doting dads sponsored surfer. So if I
Speaker 2: see him out there again, I will provide him a.
Speaker 1: Contract he should do petty couples.
Speaker 2: We should before we do petty couples? Is this our
Speaker 2: last petty couples?
Speaker 1: Do you think Let's yeah, I think we've done petty couples.
Speaker 1: This has probably been the longest running segment that we've
Speaker 1: had for a while. So let's maybe I'm thinking we
Speaker 1: swop back to life.
Speaker 2: Tell me last, Tell me sweetly.
Speaker 1: I also thought to me, I thought we could. I
Speaker 1: don't have to do this because it makes more work
Speaker 1: for us. There's a song, it's beautiful song which I
Speaker 1: thought we could change. You know, it goes live.
Speaker 2: Oh live lies, Oh lies, oh lies, Oh lads do
Speaker 2: do do dolas? Oh yeah, I like it all right,
Speaker 2: petty couples for the last time this year. Let's call
Speaker 2: it petty couple. Welcome down the street, petty couple.
Speaker 1: They can I like merty couple. I love you, but
Speaker 1: imit you.
Speaker 2: No one can push me quite like you.
Speaker 1: These are all anonymous.
Speaker 2: These are all anonymous. I'll go first, if you don't mind, please.
Speaker 2: So my partner wouldn't let me watch the show on
Speaker 2: the big TV because the football is on. Little did
Speaker 2: he know that I can control the TV from my phone.
Speaker 2: So every now and then when he was watching football.
Speaker 2: I would change it to ABC News right when the
Speaker 2: pressure was building up in the game. So like, if
Speaker 2: they're in the attacking zone ten meters out, very good
Speaker 2: and they've gone bo, change the channel with that spread.
Speaker 2: You also just got on that. Did you see that
Speaker 2: video on TikTok of that person going around people's houses
Speaker 2: turning the TV OFFMT have a remote genius.
Speaker 1: You have seen that video in the suburbs. Good range
Speaker 1: on that remote.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they'd be at the front and you've see the
Speaker 2: TV and you'd see they go.
Speaker 1: This one is anonymous. This husband says, whenever I have
Speaker 1: a big argument with my wife, I'll go downstairs and
Speaker 1: have a moment to think for myself, and at the
Speaker 1: same time, I'll tighten the lid as hard as I
Speaker 1: can on every single in the fridge and in the pantry,
Speaker 1: knowing full well that she require my help.
Speaker 2: Oh that's Great's I've done a similar thing, but I
Speaker 2: did it with the outside tap, just like I knew
Speaker 2: that she just needed to use the tap. And I
Speaker 2: was like a little bit shitty with her, and I
Speaker 2: was like tightened it right up, and it was like,
Speaker 2: can you help me with the tap?
Speaker 1: What look I came crawling back.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I got one more here. This one's just childish. Okay,
Speaker 2: they all childish they are. This one time my boyfriend
Speaker 2: was really pissing me off, so I filled his bedside
Speaker 2: draw with mayonnaise. That's it. That's great, eggy whole egg mayonnaise.
Speaker 2: It was CuPy. I'd be like, beautiful, why do you
Speaker 2: keep bringing sushi to bed? Bit of soy sauce.
Speaker 1: This is a short and sharp one. The wife here
Speaker 1: says that whenever she's feeling really pissed off at her husband,
Speaker 1: she signs them up with Scientology. The amount of phone
Speaker 1: calls that he gets.
Speaker 2: Oh, that's brilliant. Do you know what's a really good
Speaker 2: one too, If you were to, like, if you really
Speaker 2: pissed off with your significant other, put an add on Facebook,
Speaker 2: marketplace or something like that. Yeah, but like something really cheap.
Speaker 2: Everyone did that for ages. It was like a thing
Speaker 2: to do, like to your mates, where you'd put a
Speaker 2: room to rant on gum tree but ridiculously cheap and
Speaker 2: then put like a nice looking room on there, and
Speaker 2: then they'd be like, what the fuck, that's fucking brill Anyway,
Speaker 2: that's petty couples for the time being, will stockpile a
Speaker 2: heat more and bring it back At some point, I
Speaker 2: would say, but if you have any lies, If you
Speaker 2: have any lies, you tell not your partner, because that's
Speaker 2: a bit off.
Speaker 1: Just little white lies to help make parenting easier, we
Speaker 1: would love to hear that.
Speaker 2: Give us an example, Matt.
Speaker 1: The one that I still use all the time is
Speaker 1: is the food spicy? That weekend we were away in Jamberoo.
Speaker 1: We had that little like travel pack of Cereal Love
Speaker 1: you get the Coca pops and had the Fruity Loops
Speaker 1: and I really wanted the fruity loops, but Lola also
Speaker 1: wanted the fruity loops, so I had to tell her.
Speaker 1: I was like, look, I'm really sorry. You can eat
Speaker 1: them if you want very spicy. Oh not like it.
Speaker 1: It will burn the inside of your mouth.
Speaker 2: The chili flakes in this one. Really, that's a great one.
Speaker 1: She then watched me eat the fruit loops and she
Speaker 1: was like, is it spicy?
Speaker 2: Dad?
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, spicy. Good. You would hate these those type of life, Yes,
Speaker 2: we love that. Send them in. We'll put something on
Speaker 2: stories as well, and we will do that from next week,
Speaker 2: maybe not the new theme song unless we can get
Speaker 2: it dialed by hand. Probably not to be honest, plenty
Speaker 2: of practice we need.
Speaker 1: But it's time for the one and only Ellie Johnson
Speaker 1: aka the Nana.
Speaker 2: That's a there's a different akas We've got Ellie aka
Speaker 2: Matt's mom aka Matt's roommate aka Lola Maali's nana aka
Speaker 2: my best friend. Good morning, Ellie, and thank you for
Speaker 2: joining us. This is a little segment we like to
Speaker 2: call ask Ellie, no theme song yet.
Speaker 1: Before we ask the questions earlie. A lot of people
Speaker 1: do just want to know two things. A how are
Speaker 1: you finding retirement? And B how are you adjusting to
Speaker 1: life in Sydney living with your favorite son.
Speaker 5: Former favorite son former after this, Well, retirement's been great.
Speaker 1: Actually, because you've been traveling like everything.
Speaker 5: I was just going to say, I've spent a lot
Speaker 5: of time traveling.
Speaker 2: No need to brag.
Speaker 4: I've waited fifty years.
Speaker 5: So yeah, eight weeks in Europe and then ten days
Speaker 5: in Bali, so it's been really tough.
Speaker 2: I was joking that you went on the Kentucky tour
Speaker 2: and then you came back and went straight off to school.
Speaker 2: Is in Bali? Look at you go those young men
Speaker 2: don't stand a chance. Young teenage boys.
Speaker 1: Don't do you miss working?
Speaker 4: I do miss the people, and I do miss the kids. No, no, no.
Speaker 5: I had a lovely year ten class and I missed them.
Speaker 5: But it was time. There were lots of changes at school.
Speaker 5: It was time to say goodbye. But I do miss
Speaker 5: them because they were beautiful. They're beautiful teachers, a joy
Speaker 5: to work with. We had a laugh every day.
Speaker 2: This isn't a job interview, you know.
Speaker 1: Actually Mom got offered, did you we're at She went
Speaker 1: and got a coffee down down the road.
Speaker 4: I went went down to get a coffee down and.
Speaker 1: Chook can't tell me she's being hit on or being offered.
Speaker 2: No, no, I take your pants off a look. That's
Speaker 2: a job interview, now, I see it.
Speaker 1: I just came up to you.
Speaker 5: Now he yeah, he knew Buster. He went up to
Speaker 5: Buster and introduced himself and he was the deputy of
Speaker 5: the school up the road, so he asked what I.
Speaker 2: Did North Bond twelve.
Speaker 4: You know, there's a.
Speaker 5: Huge being serious now, a huge shortage of teachers everywhere,
Speaker 5: especially for what we call supply days. So you go
Speaker 5: in just for one day.
Speaker 1: Which is a fucking pretty cushy job.
Speaker 4: It is a cushy job. It can be.
Speaker 5: It's what you make it. If you know the content
Speaker 5: of the curriculum, you can teach it. But I've been
Speaker 5: in a classroom with senior physics. I can't teach that,
Speaker 5: so you just have.
Speaker 1: To movie day.
Speaker 2: I considered, once this career is done and dusted, because
Speaker 2: I'm a man of many careers. You were going to
Speaker 2: be a teacher, I'm going to, I think, considering still
Speaker 2: be a primary school teacher. Still considering it.
Speaker 1: You would be right, Yeah, but I could see No,
Speaker 1: I just I just can't. I can't imagine you.
Speaker 4: I can, I can, I really can.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I could see you being a pe teacher.
Speaker 2: No, I would. I would like to do primary school kids,
Speaker 2: not high school kids.
Speaker 4: Well not high school.
Speaker 2: No, No, disrespectful little ship. When we went on that
Speaker 2: school tour with Oscar Man, I was just like I
Speaker 2: would fucking love that job, Like I just really something
Speaker 2: struck me, Like I was like I could once I'm
Speaker 2: canceled from this, if they'll have me, I'm not going
Speaker 2: to study for it. It's going to be one of
Speaker 2: those teachers like he just lives here. I have considered
Speaker 2: it I have.
Speaker 1: I can take it that strolled into a classroom, picked
Speaker 1: up a whiteboard market and he's never left.
Speaker 4: It is it's a very special job. And the primary kids.
Speaker 2: I loved the vibe of the.
Speaker 1: Off the record you told me you hate it them,
Speaker 1: but be.
Speaker 2: This is this is really awkward.
Speaker 1: How are you finding life here? Had a few tips
Speaker 1: Mama and I.
Speaker 2: You just had one a moment ago over the bag.
Speaker 4: That's us with our bounter.
Speaker 2: Well you know, okay, you know when you were a
Speaker 2: kid and you went to a friend's house and their
Speaker 2: parents argued over that you were there, That's what it
Speaker 2: felt like.
Speaker 1: It was ash and I had a very important business
Speaker 1: and I said to mom, I said, hang on, I said,
Speaker 1: please just be quiet because we've got the phone call
Speaker 1: in the background, and the kitchen table is riding to
Speaker 1: the kitchen itself, and then Ellie starts fucking frying and.
Speaker 2: It just goes.
Speaker 4: I didn't expect.
Speaker 2: It was like we were at a Tepan yaki restaurant
Speaker 2: and you were throwing food at people's mouths. I don't
Speaker 2: know what was happening there.
Speaker 1: What was like? And I said, can you please be
Speaker 1: ju knives?
Speaker 2: And yeh, I was concerned.
Speaker 1: But how are you finding it?
Speaker 4: Aside from yeah, look, it's great.
Speaker 5: I do appreciate how lucky I am.
Speaker 2: No, it's true, though collectively all the listeners are.
Speaker 4: It's true.
Speaker 5: But you know, Matt and I, yeah, we have banter
Speaker 5: and we have our sort of tips, but we do
Speaker 5: get on. We do have a similar sense of humor,
Speaker 5: so we can take a bit of criticism with a
Speaker 5: with a joke.
Speaker 2: He's a bit of a mummy's boy, isn't he.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I told you that.
Speaker 5: But but the other thing, which I did not expect
Speaker 5: before Matt got married or got had a partner. And
Speaker 5: again it's a bit but law is just the most
Speaker 5: beautiful daughter in law. And she is not a daughter
Speaker 5: in law, she is my second daughter. And we get
Speaker 5: on super well. In fact, I do know there have
Speaker 5: been times when Laura and I have been deep in conversation,
Speaker 5: some fairly serious issue. We're discussing it. Matt's sort of
Speaker 5: sitting down and I remember once you just said, gee,
Speaker 5: you two get on really well, don't you, And.
Speaker 1: It was almost as kissing.
Speaker 2: A bit of a hallmark moment.
Speaker 4: But I think you felt left out.
Speaker 1: No, No, that's great, that's good.
Speaker 2: It's good. It gives them rest.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: But look, so that's that's important. Great to be with
Speaker 5: the grandkids.
Speaker 2: I think it's really important too, like as everyone gets
Speaker 2: older of the family, that you get on with your
Speaker 2: mum and your kids.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think the circumcision really would have brought you guys
Speaker 2: together back then.
Speaker 1: And I was just steering at the barrel of moving
Speaker 1: in with his father in law again. Actually, is he single?
Speaker 2: Maybe soon?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: Oh, you could do better.
Speaker 1: Okay, it is time to ask. Let's get into it.
Speaker 1: We've been talking for too long.
Speaker 2: Okay, Ellie, I have a question for you if you
Speaker 2: don't mind, but this is ask Ellie. So you've got
Speaker 2: no choice after five kids? I mean I was after two.
Speaker 2: I knew I was done. How did you know you
Speaker 2: were done after five?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 5: I felt I wasn't done after five, and I would
Speaker 5: have been quite happy to go to six.
Speaker 2: You are crazy, that's I know.
Speaker 4: I know. I look back and.
Speaker 5: Think, geez, that's six too many desire. But I think
Speaker 5: I just wanted my own football team.
Speaker 1: You were addicted to kids.
Speaker 4: I was addicted. Yeah, I wanted a really big family.
Speaker 2: Oh my, I can taste that.
Speaker 1: Buster, Okay, Buster, just was that Buster or was that Ellie?
Speaker 2: Ellie? Oh my god, that is rank Id that vintage.
Speaker 4: Discuss.
Speaker 2: Oh my mouth, my mouth, my mouth, don't kiss me, Ellie,
Speaker 2: my mouth thinks all right. Sorry, Yes, you're addicted to kids.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I had lost my sperm donor. Oh so
Speaker 4: was not going to happen?
Speaker 1: Do you honestly do you think if you had a
Speaker 1: partner who was willing and able, how many kids it
Speaker 1: was up to you, how many kids would you have had?
Speaker 4: Six?
Speaker 1: Seven? Maybe?
Speaker 4: No, it has to be an even number.
Speaker 2: Do you hear that? Guy? If you're willing and able,
Speaker 2: Matt wants a little brother or sister. Now, wow, do
Speaker 2: you find that when you say you lost your sperm
Speaker 2: donor you just still haven't found him. That's joke anyway, divorced, bro,
Speaker 2: just get the violin that you won't call the ambulance.
Speaker 1: I can't imagine anything worse than having six kids. That
Speaker 1: to me, three even would be hell on earth.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 5: But you think that because you have two usually close
Speaker 5: in age, and they take up all your time. But
Speaker 5: when you start to have multiple children of an age
Speaker 5: where they can help, and if you remember you had
Speaker 5: Tom Judy, all your older ones because Tom was the youngest,
Speaker 5: you would put him in the bath.
Speaker 4: Two of you what was.
Speaker 1: Out there having wines bylf I put that child in
Speaker 1: the bar, so you.
Speaker 4: Know, you'd put them in and put him in the bar.
Speaker 5: You would put pajamas on, and one of you would
Speaker 5: lie down in bed and read a story.
Speaker 2: So you can pay for you of this child.
Speaker 1: Labor is chin clearing away on your second bottle of
Speaker 1: self blind?
Speaker 2: What region of South Australia is this bottle of wine from?
Speaker 5: And you were quite happy you rotated the Tom Judy.
Speaker 5: Sometimes you'd be playing with him outside and it worked.
Speaker 5: And a lot of people don't experience that because they
Speaker 5: stick with two kids and they're close.
Speaker 2: I suppose you're right when they get to a certain
Speaker 2: actu your little helpers. But still I.
Speaker 1: People with three kids and they look broken, and doing that.
Speaker 4: Three is the hardest if they're close in age.
Speaker 2: There you go. If you're going to have a third,
Speaker 2: have a fourth, least fifth.
Speaker 1: Six.
Speaker 2: Now there is one more question, but I think it
Speaker 2: should come from Matt because it might be a little
Speaker 2: bit awkward coming out of my mouth.
Speaker 1: So Matt, very good, very good, I'm you sure you
Speaker 1: have asked this question.
Speaker 2: I am ready.
Speaker 1: This is I never thought I would ask my mum
Speaker 1: this question.
Speaker 2: Let me take my pants off, but you are.
Speaker 1: Okay, Ellie. The question is.
Speaker 2: When did you get Come on, man, it's a bit
Speaker 2: of that. Let's go.
Speaker 1: When did you get your sex drive back after you
Speaker 1: gave birth? Maybe this is like on average because you
Speaker 1: had five kids?
Speaker 2: No, no, no, what the nitty gritty When did it happen? Now?
Speaker 4: Well, I suppose, oh, make it stop right away, care
Speaker 4: well in the hospital, you know.
Speaker 5: Oh no, I suppose if you look at after the
Speaker 5: birth of my first chance, yes, within nine months I
Speaker 5: was pregnant again, and then after the birth of my
Speaker 5: second child, I was pregnant again within nine months, So
Speaker 5: I think that was pretty quick. But then I have
Speaker 5: to ask myself, was that the return of a sex
Speaker 5: drive or was that my intense desire to have more.
Speaker 2: Children, intense desire to have it?
Speaker 1: But when when? Oh god, I'm asking this, like, at
Speaker 1: what point you've give them birth? At what point are
Speaker 1: you starting to think about sex?
Speaker 2: When did you get back on the horse, so to speak?
Speaker 4: I think it was Tuesday night.
Speaker 2: Wow, Look, I don't I.
Speaker 4: Can't answer that question specifically.
Speaker 2: Would you say can you give us weeks months?
Speaker 1: Are you like? Is it like two months afterwards?
Speaker 5: Well, first it can be you know, a little harrowing,
Speaker 5: a little more damage is done with the first.
Speaker 1: One that courage.
Speaker 5: So you have an favorite which has you know, has
Speaker 5: to heal. But the thing with sex drive, I think
Speaker 5: it is I think it's adversely related to tiredness. And
Speaker 5: the problem is that when you are on pretty much
Speaker 5: twenty four to seven, you are tired.
Speaker 4: And that's when I talk to other women.
Speaker 5: They get to bed and it's not that they don't
Speaker 5: want to have intimacy, it's just they haven't got anything
Speaker 5: else left to give. So my advice to a partner
Speaker 5: out there, to.
Speaker 4: A husband.
Speaker 1: Who has not given birth, who.
Speaker 5: Has not given birth, and I know this isn't you,
Speaker 5: but it's so true. Housework is the greatest aphrodisiac. If
Speaker 5: you came home and said to your wife, I want
Speaker 5: you to go upstairs, have a shower, have a bubble bath,
Speaker 5: whatever you want, relax, watch some TV. I am going
Speaker 5: to prepare dinner. I'm going to feed the kids and
Speaker 5: going to put the kids in the bath. I'll get
Speaker 5: them ready for bed. You don't have to do anything.
Speaker 5: I can guarantee that those hormones will be pumping, pulsating, pulsating.
Speaker 2: But what you're saying is sure play.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I could have sex after doing
Speaker 1: all those activities, though.
Speaker 2: I honestly I think, Look, I don't think i'd get
Speaker 2: anything after that.
Speaker 4: I stop.
Speaker 5: You expect her to have sex after all those activities.
Speaker 2: We don't point your finger at us, but.
Speaker 1: We believe in equal share, Ellie, ashion myself.
Speaker 5: But there are many women out there who would do
Speaker 5: all of that. Husband comes old, partner comes home from work. Look,
Speaker 5: whether it's male or female.
Speaker 2: I like the idea.
Speaker 4: Just lift the load a little bit.
Speaker 2: And that'll get the sex straw pumping your and then
Speaker 2: there you go.
Speaker 4: Gents, to be said.
Speaker 2: For gragnificant others, she will be grateful. So you're going
Speaker 2: for grateful sex. Beautiful. That's my favorite type.
Speaker 4: But it is hard. It is hard.
Speaker 2: Well, Ellie, thank you for that. I'm glad it wasn't
Speaker 2: as icky as you thought it was going to be.
Speaker 1: What else is hard?
Speaker 5: Boys?
Speaker 4: Settled?
Speaker 1: Goodness me, I didn't think when I said this podcast,
Speaker 1: I've been talking about sex my mother. But here we are.
Speaker 4: We always talk about sex.
Speaker 2: We haven't had my yet.
Speaker 1: We're a weird family.
Speaker 2: We haven't had on yet.
Speaker 4: Jesus, No, we know the thing is though, Matt. Okay,
Speaker 4: you know that pretty much.
Speaker 5: We can talk about anything, and that's to me an
Speaker 5: absolute joy that we're not inhibiting.
Speaker 1: I'm glad you enjoy it.
Speaker 2: That's going to go crymeself to sleep now. That is
Speaker 2: all we have time.
Speaker 4: For Ellie to see you again.
Speaker 2: It's good to see you. I'm glad you're back, safe
Speaker 2: from your trip, all.
Speaker 4: Those trips, still here, still picking.
Speaker 1: Thank you for jumping on. We'll see you maybe next week,
Speaker 1: maymbe the week after. We're not sure. We'll keep you posted.
Speaker 2: We'll see. I've got to recover from that one.
Speaker 1: So if you enjoyed this episode, we would love it.
Speaker 1: Absolutely don't move a muscle. Muscle breathe, hold your breath
Speaker 1: until I finished this sentence. We would love it if
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Speaker 2: Skyros sky rocketing. It is a community one Holy shit,
Speaker 2: jump on there, join you in the Facebook group.
Speaker 4: I'll have to join. Come on, actually, face.
Speaker 1: Don't say that the brand to say?
Speaker 2: Which brand? Facebook?
Speaker 4: On Instagram?
Speaker 1: Yeah, do you follow us?
Speaker 2: Let's not follow it back? Okay and we'll see you
Speaker 2: guys next week.
Speaker 1: See Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of
Speaker 1: country throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.
Speaker 2: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
Speaker 2: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Island
Speaker 2: the people's today. This episode was recorded on Gadigle Land