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Speaker 1: Welcome to Mindful Nees Fridays with Jad Patrick, my wonderful friend.

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Speaker 1: And Jad is a naturopath, nutritionist and counselor. You can

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Speaker 1: find out more about him on his Insta handle is

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Speaker 1: jad So people always go what Jad like that emono,

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Speaker 1: So it's Jad jad Patrick normal spelling neutropathy and then

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Speaker 1: the Facebook is jad Patrick Natural.

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Speaker 2: Therapy, Yes, natural therapy.

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Speaker 1: And checking Max is always doing workshops and courses and

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Speaker 1: you'll also practice in definitely nutrition and autropothy. But your

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Speaker 1: passion would.

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Speaker 2: Be would be so more in the realm now of counseling, psychotherapy,

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Speaker 2: working on life's difficulties, exploring meaning and purpose goals, all

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Speaker 2: that sort of.

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Speaker 1: Stuff, say say cool, speaking of life's difficulties. The theme

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Speaker 1: of this episode is exploring and getting comfortable with the

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Speaker 1: topic of heartbreak slash grief. So it's something we all

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Speaker 1: experience at some stage in our life, Like you don't

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Speaker 1: get love without heartbreak, or the risk of heartbreak and

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Speaker 1: grief is the same, like often you'll have to let

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Speaker 1: something go or someone go at some stage of your

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Speaker 1: or their lives. So when I kind of like was

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Speaker 1: brainstorming and unpacking this and I came initially from the

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Speaker 1: heartbreak picture and the new message going well it's grief

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Speaker 1: really and then it kind of it became very different

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Speaker 1: from me. But initially when I was writing this, I've

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Speaker 1: written danger to put your worth into somebody else's opinion

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Speaker 1: of you. This is like earlier, younger heartbreaks where I

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Speaker 1: felt like, oh my god, like my worth is like.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, they complete your sort of thing.

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Speaker 1: That's dangerous, right, yeah.

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Speaker 2: I mean we all do it to a degree, like

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Speaker 2: we sort of come to understand ourselves through others and

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Speaker 2: our experience of others and their perception of us and

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Speaker 2: interactions with us. But there's a danger zone when our

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Speaker 2: self worth, our sense of care for ourselves, our value

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Speaker 2: as a person, et cetera, is measured through the eyes

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Speaker 2: of another, then it can become quite toxic and damaging.

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Speaker 1: Especially if you're dating someone that maybe not be the

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Speaker 1: best match for you. Well, there's probably a high chance

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Speaker 1: of that if you're feeling those things.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely, I think, you know, and heartbreak,

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Speaker 2: it can be a really good opportunity to have that

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Speaker 2: lesson and what do I really think about myself and

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Speaker 2: what are some of the beliefs I have about myself?

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Speaker 2: That maybe that person was making up for in some way,

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Speaker 2: and now that they've gone, I'm hit head first into

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Speaker 2: these ideas I have about myself or how I'm not

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Speaker 2: good enough or ugly, or I'm not worthy of love

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Speaker 2: or all of those sorts of things, and they were

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Speaker 2: rear their ugly head in that moment. You heartbreaks awful.

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Speaker 2: It's one of the my you know, potent things we

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Speaker 2: can sort of feel as humans. But I loved how

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Speaker 2: you said at the start that it's it's sort of,

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Speaker 2: you know, surprised we pay for love and as well,

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Speaker 2: you know, grief and love are hand in hand, and

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Speaker 2: grief is often like a very beautiful kind of countermeasure

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Speaker 2: for the love that we felt. So it's it's horrible

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Speaker 2: when you're in the midst of it, but it's it

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Speaker 2: is part of the experience of being human and understanding

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Speaker 2: it better and getting a better sense of it and

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Speaker 2: getting some experience with it so that when it comes

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Speaker 2: up in your life, you're kind of a bit more

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Speaker 2: prepared for the impact it has. I think is really

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Speaker 2: really good for people in the long term. And I

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Speaker 2: think as a culture, we especially these days, do not

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Speaker 2: handle grief very well.

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Speaker 1: No, you mentioned that, Yeah, can you like go.

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Speaker 2: Further with that? Well, I think death is hidden from

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Speaker 2: us these days. You know, it's all sort of packaged

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Speaker 2: away in hospitals and it's sanitized, and it's in our

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Speaker 2: even our grandparents day that would have been you know,

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Speaker 2: death would have been something you could have seen in

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Speaker 2: your day to day life. And before that, it was

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Speaker 2: very commonplace to lose a few children during childbirth and

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Speaker 2: to watch someone die in the family home. And these

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Speaker 2: days this all happens sequested or in nursing hospitals and whatnot,

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Speaker 2: and there's good reason for that, so they're getting the

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Speaker 2: best of care. And if you know, if there's disease present,

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Speaker 2: it's not spreading in all of those sorts of things.

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Speaker 2: But it's meant that we don't have this sense of

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Speaker 2: our mortality and of things finishing, things ending, that good

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Speaker 2: things happen and good things and that's part of part

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Speaker 2: of life, that there's ups and there's downs.

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Speaker 1: And I watched last week an interview with Kobe, the

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Speaker 1: incredible basketball for the Lakers that recently passed away in

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Speaker 1: that devastating helicopter crash, and he in the interview, he

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Speaker 1: was doing some interview because he's obviously he was obviously

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Speaker 1: successful and such a little go getter. But they said,

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Speaker 1: how do you feel about your own mortality? Was one

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Speaker 1: of the questions, and he said, you can't have life

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Speaker 1: without death, so I feel great about it. And I thought,

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Speaker 1: like that gives me a bit of goosebumps, because like

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Speaker 1: it's almost like and I don't think that until you

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Speaker 1: even hit your thirties, you have this idea of your mortality,

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Speaker 1: and it's only because at this age we've probably lost someone.

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Speaker 1: Like when I say lost, I mean death, whether it

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Speaker 1: be a grandparent or you know, or you'll know, or

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Speaker 1: you'll know of a story, or you have death has

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Speaker 1: had some kind of impact on you. But I think

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Speaker 1: your twenties, like I know, I thought I was invincible.

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Speaker 1: I had all this time to do all of I want,

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Speaker 1: all that I wanted, and then to throw on top

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Speaker 1: of that. And I didn't want to touch on agism

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Speaker 1: too much, but being a female, like there is a

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Speaker 1: ticking timeline for if I want to have kids, and

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Speaker 1: that it becomes so when you hit I'm thirty four.

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Speaker 2: It's real.

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Speaker 1: It is so real, and I don't think it's help

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Speaker 1: because of society and this expectation while you're hitting the

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Speaker 1: mid thirties, you know, are you going to do it?

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Speaker 1: And I get that's the second most common thing that

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Speaker 1: people write to me on Instagram, you know, are you

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Speaker 1: getting married? Are you having kids? Anytime I put out

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Speaker 1: like a questions and answer thing, And so I know

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Speaker 1: that's quite separate to grief. Well, not necessarily because potentially

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Speaker 1: being a mother and becoming a mother you have to

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Speaker 1: face a lot of grief just to even have a

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Speaker 1: healthy But but but my point is, I think up

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Speaker 1: until now, we don't really this age of our lives,

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Speaker 1: we don't often unless we're forced to at a younger age,

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Speaker 1: face death.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And when you wrote to me saying grief as opposed

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Speaker 1: to heartbreak, I feel like heartbreak is. I look at

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Speaker 1: heartbreak as an amazing gift because, like you said, there's

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Speaker 1: lessons in it, what kind of learn about myself? My

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Speaker 1: therapist said, when would you like to stop dating narcissists?

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Speaker 1: When I first started seeing him to and a half

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Speaker 1: years ago, I went for heartbreak, and he goes, these

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Speaker 1: are the same patterns over and over and it's all

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Speaker 1: got to do with self worth. Yeah, And like you said,

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Speaker 1: what a beautiful lesson in self worth to the point

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Speaker 1: that these heartbreaks are this sounds weird, but almost some

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Speaker 1: of the highlights in my life, cause I've grown so.

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Speaker 2: Much from them.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but grief link to death is a very different.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a deeper aspect of the same side of

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Speaker 2: the coin, I think. And yeah, going back to heartbreak,

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Speaker 2: I think it's it's an opportunity to really examine the

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Speaker 2: beliefs you have about yourself, as we've sort of talked about,

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Speaker 2: and to notice these kind of patterns in the connections

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Speaker 2: you're having. Like your therapists said, O, when you're going

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Speaker 2: to stop dgging a narcissist, so that there was a

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Speaker 2: pattern of attraction there that you needed to draw attention to.

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Speaker 1: You've also met a few of them that's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I want to have this one when I last you

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Speaker 1: said to me the other day You're like, that's the

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Speaker 1: first time that I've known you're with your partner to

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Speaker 1: be with.

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Speaker 2: That's a legend. They're both very lucky people. So identifying

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Speaker 2: those patterns is really important. And some of the patterns

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Speaker 2: we fall into in relationships relate to in some ways

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Speaker 2: to how we related to our early infant caregivers. So

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Speaker 2: what's called our attachment style and psychology, which is an

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Speaker 2: area that's not entirely kind of evidence based. It sort

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Speaker 2: of is still sort of a theory, but that there

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Speaker 2: is patterns to the way that we attach as infants

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Speaker 2: or relate to our caregivers and how those caregivers respond

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Speaker 2: to our needs. So how an infant, you know, cries

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Speaker 2: and meet has its needs met, there will be patterns there,

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Speaker 2: and those patterns can then affect the development of our

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Speaker 2: personality style later in life. Now, not all of the

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Speaker 2: research has been consistent on this, but there is some

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Speaker 2: patterns to that that some of us will become more

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Speaker 2: anxious in relationships, avoidant in relationships, secure in relationships, and

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Speaker 2: kind of disianized and fucked up in relationships, and it

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Speaker 2: goes along with our expectation of what we're going to

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Speaker 2: meet from caregivers in our early years. We'll have that

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Speaker 2: same expectation and be drawn to people that match that.

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Speaker 2: So quite often if we've got an anxious attachment style

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Speaker 2: where we feel a great deal of anxiety when the

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Speaker 2: person leaves or goes away, that we overthink every little

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Speaker 2: text message, that every kind of nuance of behavior is

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Speaker 2: examined are they going to reject me? Are they going

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Speaker 2: to leave me? We tend to have that activated by

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Speaker 2: people who have avoiding personality types. So people who aloof

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Speaker 2: appear very cool and calm and collected, but they're actually

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Speaker 2: quite afraidative intimacy. They tend to find that quite threatening

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Speaker 2: because in those early years their needs weren't getting met

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Speaker 2: for care when they were under distress, and so they

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Speaker 2: turn in woods. They sort of become quite fearful of

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Speaker 2: emotions and feelings, and they can become quite more focused

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Speaker 2: on their own inner world and job and career, et cetera.

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Speaker 2: So they can tend well it can do, yeah, I mean,

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Speaker 2: they then will struggle in relationships. And it's not to

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Speaker 2: say that they don't feel a sense of loneliness. It's

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Speaker 2: kind of just buried a bit more deeply, or is

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Speaker 2: the anxious person it's a bit more kind of obvious,

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Speaker 2: the sort of like why are you leaving me? And

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Speaker 2: what did that text message mean? And then there's a secure,

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Speaker 2: attached person who have their needs made in early infancy

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Speaker 2: and they can sort of negotiate those challenges in a

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Speaker 2: relationship without having their core sense of self rattled. When

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Speaker 2: someone you know, goes and does a course in the

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Speaker 2: evenings instead of spending the night with them. They won't

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Speaker 2: take that as a personal insult or they're moving away

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Speaker 2: from me. They'll just sort of see that as that

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Speaker 2: person pursuing their goals. And then there's what's called disorganized attachment,

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Speaker 2: when people have quite trauma traumatic early early years and

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Speaker 2: their understanding of normal relationships is quite kind of skewed,

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Speaker 2: and they'll end up with lots of serious sort of problems.

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Speaker 2: It's sort of their broad kind of categories. They're rather indefinable.

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Speaker 2: There's criticism of this theory and the literature, but I

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Speaker 2: think it's useful to kind of understand your patterns in relationships,

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Speaker 2: why you seem to be attracted to the wrong guy

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Speaker 2: or wrong girl or wrong person, and examining that, bringing

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Speaker 2: to light what's going on here and what need underneath

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Speaker 2: that is happening. And one of the things you can

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Speaker 2: do with heartbreak, I think, is first feel whatever feelings

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Speaker 2: are coming up, So notice is it anger, is it rejection,

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Speaker 2: is it loneliness? Is it? Really sit with those feelings,

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Speaker 2: because often when we get that difficult feeling, especially if

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Speaker 2: it's a heartbreak, we can't do anything about someone's left you,

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Speaker 2: they've made their decision, they've moved on. We need to

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Speaker 2: then it's our responsibility what we do with those feelings.

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Speaker 2: But often to escape that difficult feeling of rejection, of heard,

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Speaker 2: of abandonment in some way, we'll do all sorts of

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Speaker 2: crazy things. We'll try to contact them, we'll send them phones,

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Speaker 2: we'll send them songs on our phone, we'll give you know,

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Speaker 2: send them flowers, or we'll try to manufacture situations where

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Speaker 2: we see them again, or will go the opposite way.

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Speaker 2: We're like, I'm going to improve every aspect of myself

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Speaker 2: and I'm going to get you know, I'm going to

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Speaker 2: lose weight, and I'm going to show them. And it's

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Speaker 2: the revenge body, revenge kind of body thing. Yeah, and

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Speaker 2: we've all done it to a degree, and there's there's

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Speaker 2: something sort of normal and human about that. But unless

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Speaker 2: you get in touch with the core feeling of abandonment,

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Speaker 2: of loneliness, of rejection, of hurt, of anger or whatever,

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Speaker 2: you won't be able to move through it. So all

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Speaker 2: of those strategies are a way of not encountering that pain.

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Speaker 2: And underneath that emotional pain, we can sometimes unpack a

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Speaker 2: story about who we are. So I'm having this feeling

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Speaker 2: of rejection and loneliness, and it makes me think of

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Speaker 2: the fact that I am fundamentally unlovable, or I am

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Speaker 2: not good enough, or I am flawed in some way.

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Speaker 2: And when we see that story showing up, we can

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Speaker 2: then start to see the impact of that story in

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Speaker 2: our broader life. Oh when I feel that way, when

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Speaker 2: I have that story playing in the back of my mind,

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Speaker 2: I feel a great deal of pain and starting to

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Speaker 2: have compassion towards ourselves because we feel that pain because

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Speaker 2: of the impact of the story, and holding ourselves warmly

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Speaker 2: and with affection that ah, this really hurts, sitting with it.

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Speaker 2: So that's mindfulness. This really hurts. I noticed this is happening,

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Speaker 2: bringing in a sense of common humanity, so we remind

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Speaker 2: ourselves I'm not alone in feeling this way. This is

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Speaker 2: how our heart breaks, as you know, the song goes,

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Speaker 2: this is what a human body feels to lose. And

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Speaker 2: I am connected to others through this process of loss.

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Speaker 2: So that's common humanity. And the third aspect of self

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Speaker 2: compassion is self kindness. What would I say to someone

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Speaker 2: in this same situation? What would someone who cares about

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Speaker 2: me say to me? What words would they use? Language?

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Speaker 2: Tone of voice? Can I give myself some of that?

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Speaker 2: Can I offer myself some of the love that I

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Speaker 2: am trying to get from this other person that I

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Speaker 2: can no longer get? Can I remind myself that, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I am worthy? Can I remind myself the opposite of

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Speaker 2: that story we tell ourselves in those sorts of moments.

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Speaker 2: And this doesn't happen instantly. You know, this takes a

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Speaker 2: few guys. It takes a few guys. You know, it

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Speaker 2: takes a few and you have to have a few

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Speaker 2: of those sorts of relationship breaks down to realize, Oh,

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Speaker 2: hang on a second, there's a pattern here. I see

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Speaker 2: this happening. Yeah, And I can tell you from first

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Speaker 2: hand experience those patterns still will pop up even with

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Speaker 2: your full knowledge about them. But at least when you've

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Speaker 2: got the knowledge, you can see it happening, and then

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Speaker 2: you've got the skill of mind from us to sort

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Speaker 2: of step back from it and go, Okay, where is

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Speaker 2: this going? When I engage in this sort of habit?

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Speaker 2: What are the consequences of that? Is there another way

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Speaker 2: I can step outside of that, another way of relating

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Speaker 2: so good.

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Speaker 1: This reminded me of I went through a breakup and

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Speaker 1: Jad was with me at the moment I was dumped

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Speaker 1: fire text. Do you remember that I was working it

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Speaker 1: with you Baran the person I really had fallen head

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Speaker 1: over heels for, but he had a mental condition I'm

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Speaker 1: pretty sure I had by Poplar, And I remember you going,

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Speaker 1: I'm so glad that this happened while you were kind

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Speaker 1: of like with me, because you were able straight away

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Speaker 1: because I was like, what do I do? How do

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Speaker 1: I respond? And I was freaking out and you were like,

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Speaker 1: I remember you looked at me and you said you

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Speaker 1: don't need to respond to that, and KID written some

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Speaker 1: big essay like woll was me, we can't be together,

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Speaker 1: blah blah blah, and I knew full well that we

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Speaker 1: had started to fall in love, and you just looked

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Speaker 1: at me calmly and I was art mess and you

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Speaker 1: literally said he doesn't need a response from you. And

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Speaker 1: it was so empowering because I was still that real givy,

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Speaker 1: like that was my mistake of in relationships. I just

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Speaker 1: feel like I need to be the healer, and you

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Speaker 1: were really in that moment. You were just so clear,

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Speaker 1: and I think it's wonderful when you can have people

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Speaker 1: around you that can kind of like and I'm very

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Speaker 1: lucky that you were there and you supported me in

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Speaker 1: that scenari And do you know the funny thing about that,

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Speaker 1: three years later he tracked me down and apologized. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and that to me shows And this is the other

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Speaker 1: thing we haven't touched on. We grow as humans, and

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Speaker 1: like you know how you just said, like even personally,

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Speaker 1: you know that you can sometimes fall into the same pattern,

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Speaker 1: but you've grown from the person that you were even

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Speaker 1: a year ago. And we all do, and so do

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Speaker 1: the people that we date, and like even Matt and

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Speaker 1: I we've been together, I know it's probably coming up

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Speaker 1: two years, and we've both done so much work on

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Speaker 1: ourselves for that process that our bond has become more

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Speaker 1: like closer and closer and closer.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, do you know.

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Speaker 1: I guess I'm trying to say is like, if you

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Speaker 1: do the work on yourself and other people, like, there

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Speaker 1: is a way of kind of like, yeah, falling out.

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Speaker 1: The only reason I was able to fall out of

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Speaker 1: the habit of daynalysis was through therapy.

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Speaker 2: And I think we've got to let go of this

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Speaker 2: myth that someone out there is going to complete you.

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Speaker 2: That there is this perfect person out there, and once

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Speaker 2: you meet them, everything in your life will change. Relationships

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Speaker 2: take the most work, and your relationship to yourself should

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Speaker 2: be a big part of that work. And if you

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Speaker 2: can really get in touch with your own habits, patterns,

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Speaker 2: modes of reacting, etc. Then you go into a relationship

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Speaker 2: with you know, with awareness and therefore choice. But too

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Speaker 2: many of us, I think, have fed this bullshit Hollywood

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Speaker 2: dream of finding this night in shining armor that's going

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Speaker 2: to risk us away and solve all of our problems.

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Speaker 2: And it's you've got to just get over that. Like,

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Speaker 2: we've got to recognize that story for what it is.

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Speaker 2: It sells movies and it sells products.

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Speaker 1: It's and it's not human.

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Speaker 2: It's not human. Love is messy and complicated, and it hurts,

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Speaker 2: and there's ups and downs, and it's you know, it's

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Speaker 2: working through that that a lot of the true joy

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Speaker 2: I think comes from in a relationship is when you

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Speaker 2: can really sort of move through those together with a

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Speaker 2: shared commitment to you know what. This is tough, but

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Speaker 2: it's worth kind of exploring and coming to some kind

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Speaker 2: of resolution about.

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Speaker 1: There was one thing you taught me about heartbreak again

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Speaker 1: when I was going through a heartbreak years ago, and

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Speaker 1: I just want you to speak to it because I

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Speaker 1: think people will relate to it. And I remember saying

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Speaker 1: to you, oh my god, he's just everywhere, like I'll

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Speaker 1: see a car that's like his or and I'm not

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Speaker 1: going out of my way, like I'm not manufacturing a

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Speaker 1: situation or all the same songs that come on the radio.

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Speaker 1: Like you know, and you said you're psychologically sticky. Your

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Speaker 1: mind is sticky for him. You could explain that, cause

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Speaker 1: I think it's really fascinating.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I guess it comes back to that kind

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Speaker 2: of our mind is sort of sticky for the negative.

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Speaker 2: It's looking for it's looking for problems all the time

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Speaker 2: and will try to find kind of solutions to that problem.

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Speaker 2: And it's always on the lookout for threat. And in

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Speaker 2: that moment that the breakup of the relationship is the

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Speaker 2: is the threat. He's the sort of dangerous that kind

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Speaker 2: of that that disconnection is the threat. So there's like

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Speaker 2: constant the brain is always on the lookout for any

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00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,520
Speaker 2: reminders of what's going on, and so it can feel

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Speaker 2: like you know that the universe is sort of conspiring

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Speaker 2: against us in some ways or for us. What really

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Speaker 2: is that our mind is just like super kind of

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Speaker 2: attentive to all of those kind of triggers and factors

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Speaker 2: that go into it, and you know, sort of recognizing

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Speaker 2: that is part of the process of kind of moving

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Speaker 2: on as well. Is that, you know, is that that

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Speaker 2: your mind will kind of and that sticky thing goes away. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: exactly exactly. I remember, you know, when we took about grief,

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Speaker 2: the moments where you think you've seen a person at

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Speaker 2: a train station that's passed away or whatever, and it

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Speaker 2: is your mind kind of so they will want that

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Speaker 2: reconnection again. It's searching for that reconnection, so it's looking

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Speaker 2: for it everywhere, and it will pop up in all

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Speaker 2: sorts of strange kind of metaphorical sort of ways. And

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Speaker 2: then sometimes you hit bang again with the grief of

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Speaker 2: oh that's oh, it's not them and they're still gone

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Speaker 2: and that's hard, and that is part of the kind

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Speaker 2: of process.

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Speaker 1: Can I ask you something about grief quickly, because I'm

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Speaker 1: glad you opened that up, And this is only because

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Speaker 1: it's like something I've worked on very recently and I

386
00:20:14,119 --> 00:20:16,920
Speaker 1: was working with my therapist around I just had a

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00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:21,199
Speaker 1: sticky situation with my NaN's really sick and I was

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Speaker 1: telling him about and I was getting really choked up

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Speaker 1: and I was like, no, no, I've processed this. I processed

390
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Speaker 1: this in the car between Frankston Hospital and Rosebud and

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Speaker 1: he started laughing at me and he just said, when

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Speaker 1: would you like to process this then? And that's when

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00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:38,560
Speaker 1: we did a meditation around love and he said, you

394
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,159
Speaker 1: need to stop Greek Greek because I was worrying and

395
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Speaker 1: I was getting really worried about my NaN's health and

396
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Speaker 1: I was getting really worried about her being alone. That

397
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:48,960
Speaker 1: was my main worry and fear. And he's like, these

398
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,439
Speaker 1: are all worries for yourself, and these are things that

399
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:55,159
Speaker 1: you're worried about, and he said the best thing that

400
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:58,919
Speaker 1: you can do is love and love her. And the

401
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:01,280
Speaker 1: moment he kind of took this took me on this

402
00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:04,120
Speaker 1: journey of like, first of all, processing feeling the feelings

403
00:21:04,119 --> 00:21:07,200
Speaker 1: that I was feeling, being sad about potential loss and

404
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:11,840
Speaker 1: grief and whatnot. And then I was crying Stillney He's like,

405
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:13,520
Speaker 1: tell me what you've said about and I was.

406
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,720
Speaker 2: Like selfishly missing this.

407
00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:19,000
Speaker 1: Person and I was like, it's completely self, and he goes, yeah,

408
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:23,560
Speaker 1: she's not sad, you're sad, and he's like, you need

409
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:26,960
Speaker 1: to start coming from a place of like loving this way,

410
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:30,800
Speaker 1: because like love and grief, like you were saying, and yeah, fascinating,

411
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Speaker 1: But grief to me is something that I'm only like

412
00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:38,080
Speaker 1: dipping my toe in the water of understanding and getting

413
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Speaker 1: my head around. But it feels like a very potentially painful,

414
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:48,040
Speaker 1: very deep but also a very in a weird kind

415
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:51,560
Speaker 1: of way, rewarding experience to have been a human and

416
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,320
Speaker 1: been a part of And that might sound super insensitive,

417
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Speaker 1: and I really hope it doesn't.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and I don't think it did in that moment,

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Speaker 2: and I'm sure no one listening have that if when

420
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:05,280
Speaker 2: you go through the process of grief, and it's the

421
00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:09,120
Speaker 2: process of the individual for everyone. For me, grief feels

422
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:12,000
Speaker 2: in the body like the weight of the love that's lost.

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Speaker 2: So it's absolutely overbearing. At first, it is crushing. You

424
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:21,159
Speaker 2: literally feel like you cannot breathe sometimes the grief is

425
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:25,480
Speaker 2: so overwhelming. And then after a while, as you sit

426
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Speaker 2: with that grief, as you become to you feel into it,

427
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:31,320
Speaker 2: and you've got to feel into grief. You cannot like

428
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,600
Speaker 2: you can't rush it. You cannot rush it. You've got

429
00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:38,320
Speaker 2: to feel right into it and that and tap on it,

430
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,880
Speaker 2: feel it, have a little break from it, feel it again,

431
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,000
Speaker 2: have a little break from it. It's kind of like

432
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:45,280
Speaker 2: lifting a weight. It's like lifting the weight of the

433
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:48,679
Speaker 2: love that was lost, and eventually you can sort of

434
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:51,080
Speaker 2: carry it around with you. You cannot get rid of

435
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:53,640
Speaker 2: the grief, but you can start to carry it around

436
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:56,480
Speaker 2: with you, and you grow stronger around this grief like

437
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:58,840
Speaker 2: a little bit of grit and a oister growing a pearl.

438
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:02,680
Speaker 2: And as you get stronger, you realize I can go

439
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:05,479
Speaker 2: on and I can carry this grief with me. And

440
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:08,880
Speaker 2: many years later, sometimes you'll hold that grief and that

441
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:13,400
Speaker 2: weight will feel like the love that was once there. Yeah,

442
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:16,679
Speaker 2: and I'm tearing up as I say this, because I

443
00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:18,879
Speaker 2: wouldn't want anyone to take my grief away from me,

444
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:22,879
Speaker 2: because it is a reminder of the precious people that

445
00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:26,199
Speaker 2: were in my life. And you know, so when you

446
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:29,400
Speaker 2: see it in that way, like our grief is bad.

447
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:31,879
Speaker 2: It's a bad feeling and it impacts on people's lives

448
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:34,200
Speaker 2: and they should go on medication if it lasts longer

449
00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:36,399
Speaker 2: than three months. This is literally the case now if

450
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:38,640
Speaker 2: it's going on for longer than three months, if your

451
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:42,679
Speaker 2: baby's died and you know, six months after birth in

452
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:45,399
Speaker 2: a car accident or something like that, three months time,

453
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:47,679
Speaker 2: if you're still depressed from that, oh we better get

454
00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:52,280
Speaker 2: your medication now. Using medication to help cope with the grief,

455
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:56,520
Speaker 2: that's fine. Pathologizing and natural process and thinking that we

456
00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:58,840
Speaker 2: should all be able to get on with everything that's

457
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:03,800
Speaker 2: not okay with me. Grief takes its time, it's individual. Certainly,

458
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:07,040
Speaker 2: get help around it if you feel like it's disproportionate

459
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:10,639
Speaker 2: or if it's really affecting your quality of life. But

460
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:13,960
Speaker 2: it is a massive opportunity for you to reflect on

461
00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:16,560
Speaker 2: what is valuable in your life. And I think the

462
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:19,960
Speaker 2: key with grief is to find some sense of resilience

463
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:22,919
Speaker 2: from it, a strength from it, and a reconnection with

464
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:27,160
Speaker 2: what's important to you and what's your meaning and purpose,

465
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:30,119
Speaker 2: what makes sense for you in this world to be

466
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:33,399
Speaker 2: about and to live in accordance with your values and

467
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:36,880
Speaker 2: your meaning and everything. So it's in the moment. It's

468
00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:40,520
Speaker 2: fucking hard. It's the hardest thing, and you do feel

469
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:43,919
Speaker 2: like it's too hard to bear, but you know, people

470
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,800
Speaker 2: go through really awful grief and if they can move

471
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:52,200
Speaker 2: through it, feel into it, then they can start to grow.

472
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,000
Speaker 1: And the most beautiful thing you just said as well

473
00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:58,720
Speaker 1: was one day there's a moment where the grief feels

474
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:01,120
Speaker 1: like the love that you felt for yes, and that.

475
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:07,399
Speaker 2: Beautiful. It's beautiful. It's still bloody painful right then, just

476
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:09,680
Speaker 2: there Bang touched on it, and I'm like, cool, that

477
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:13,479
Speaker 2: heaviness is still there. It's still in my body as

478
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:16,080
Speaker 2: a reminder of the love that was there. But I

479
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:18,760
Speaker 2: wouldn't give it away for the world. Yeah, you know,

480
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:22,320
Speaker 2: it's it's it's painful, but it's also now I feel

481
00:25:22,359 --> 00:25:24,720
Speaker 2: stronger because of it, and I feel stronger having it

482
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:27,200
Speaker 2: in there. It's like, you know, I'm carrying around this massive,

483
00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:30,560
Speaker 2: bloody weight, but in it, you know, like I'm a

484
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:32,120
Speaker 2: powerlifter for that emotion.

485
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:35,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you for opening up about grief, because, like

486
00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:39,320
Speaker 1: you said, it's not something that is super explored or

487
00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:42,560
Speaker 1: definitely not in my world. And I think the way

488
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:48,920
Speaker 1: you touched on how death is hidden from us is

489
00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:53,240
Speaker 1: so spot on but also quite powerful to realize that

490
00:25:53,359 --> 00:25:58,960
Speaker 1: I didn't really I hadn't my brain hadn't attached or

491
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:01,520
Speaker 1: like done that sign up to jump or whatever that was.

492
00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:04,280
Speaker 1: I like because I associate when I visit my name

493
00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:06,640
Speaker 1: in a nursing home or the hospital, I am doing

494
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:11,120
Speaker 1: that thing as opposed to understanding the feeling and what's

495
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:14,440
Speaker 1: really going on on a much deeper level. And I

496
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:17,840
Speaker 1: think you've summoned all of these topics like the death,

497
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:22,119
Speaker 1: the grief, the heartbreak up so beautifully. Thank you so much.

498
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:23,199
Speaker 2: Not my pleasure.

499
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:27,560
Speaker 1: Now, I'm pumped for their meditation around this because I

500
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:32,000
Speaker 1: think that like every single human, no matter where you've

501
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:39,760
Speaker 1: come from, what walk life you've experienced, definitely, yeah, bit totally,

502
00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:41,520
Speaker 1: thank you so much. Is there anything I haven't touched

503
00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:42,520
Speaker 1: on in because I know this is.

504
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:45,520
Speaker 2: A no one. I think you've covered a lot of it.

505
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:49,400
Speaker 2: The meditation is not specifically related to grief or heartbreak

506
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:51,919
Speaker 2: as such. It's about but it is about kind of

507
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:54,399
Speaker 2: caring for ourselves in a really tender way, which is

508
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:58,320
Speaker 2: what we need when we're grieving. And this particular meditation

509
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:01,879
Speaker 2: compassionate friend, which is about imagining a sort of safe

510
00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:05,320
Speaker 2: space and a compassionate presence in our lives, has a

511
00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:10,120
Speaker 2: way of sort of shifting our attachment style tendencies. So

512
00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:13,840
Speaker 2: the more we practice meditation. This particular meditation, if practice

513
00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:16,200
Speaker 2: daily for six months, has the capacity to change the

514
00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:19,359
Speaker 2: way the way you then relate to others in relationships.

515
00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:22,480
Speaker 2: So it's very powerful, very simple, very gentle. That user

516
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,760
Speaker 2: visualization which a lot of people like some people aren't

517
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:28,199
Speaker 2: so good at. But don't let that put you off.

518
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:30,040
Speaker 2: There's ways you can approach it that don't involve the

519
00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:33,439
Speaker 2: visual but it's a really great way of kind of

520
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:37,960
Speaker 2: reconnecting reattaching to that sense of kindness within you.

521
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:43,040
Speaker 1: Oh, sign me up. Thank you, and also thank you

522
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:47,840
Speaker 1: for pointing out the importance of not putting a timeline

523
00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:51,919
Speaker 1: on grief. It is so it almost is something to

524
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:54,640
Speaker 1: be again, I don't want this to come across the way,

525
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:57,439
Speaker 1: but honored for what it is. Yeah, and for the

526
00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:01,600
Speaker 1: loss of love that you've experienced. And I'm so glad

527
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:04,120
Speaker 1: you spoke to that, because that's not in my skill set,

528
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:07,000
Speaker 1: the way that you were saying the body imagetuff isn't

529
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:10,679
Speaker 1: so in your skill set that this understanding grief is

530
00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:14,240
Speaker 1: newer to me, and I think all of us can

531
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:17,000
Speaker 1: gain something from this. So thank you so much. Stay

532
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:21,960
Speaker 1: listening for Jad's compassionate friend of meditation, so what it's called,

533
00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:26,240
Speaker 1: and please subscribe because we've done a few other episodes

534
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 1: on body image, stress and anxiety, and the next one

535
00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:32,080
Speaker 1: we're going to be recording is about that like lost

536
00:28:32,119 --> 00:28:36,280
Speaker 1: and feeling kind of stuck, feeling Thanks guys, big love.

537
00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:49,000
Speaker 2: This next meditation is called Compassionate Friend. Please adopt a

538
00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:52,960
Speaker 2: comfortable meditation posture. You can listen to the first episode

539
00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:55,680
Speaker 2: if you want to know how to do that. Adopting

540
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:57,640
Speaker 2: a posture you can hold for about ten to fifteen

541
00:28:57,680 --> 00:29:02,640
Speaker 2: minutes for this exercise. It's okay to be extra comfy,

542
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:04,680
Speaker 2: so you might even like to lay down if you

543
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:08,840
Speaker 2: feel alert enough not to go to sleep, perhaps finding

544
00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:11,440
Speaker 2: a spot on the floor that's flat but a little

545
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:14,480
Speaker 2: bit uncomfortable so you don't fall asleep, but comfy enough

546
00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:19,800
Speaker 2: that you feel nice and relaxed. Rolling your shoulders back

547
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:24,960
Speaker 2: on the next in breath, noticing any tension in the shoulders,

548
00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:27,840
Speaker 2: saying if you can let go and open up the

549
00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:37,120
Speaker 2: chest area on your next breath in softening the belly,

550
00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:42,360
Speaker 2: breathing in squeezing that bit of tension at the top

551
00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:44,760
Speaker 2: of the inn breath, and then on the our breath,

552
00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:54,800
Speaker 2: softening the belly and letting go, and on the next

553
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:58,000
Speaker 2: breath in squeezing the muscles in the face and quenching

554
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:03,760
Speaker 2: the jaw, breathing in squeezing the face, tansing the jaw

555
00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:09,000
Speaker 2: and letting of all of those muscles and relaxing the face.

556
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:15,880
Speaker 2: You can close your eyes or half close your eyes,

557
00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:21,400
Speaker 2: whatever feels right for you, And if you like, you

558
00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:25,400
Speaker 2: can place a hand on your heart region now or

559
00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 2: any other spot that feels supportive and soothing, noticing the

560
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:33,800
Speaker 2: warmth of your hand and the gentle pressure of your

561
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:42,120
Speaker 2: hand on your heart. With this exercise, we will be

562
00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:48,360
Speaker 2: practicing visualizing a safe place and feeling a compassionate presence

563
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:53,120
Speaker 2: within that safe space. So see if you can set

564
00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:57,400
Speaker 2: yourself the intention now to be curious about this, to

565
00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:02,520
Speaker 2: be curious about this felt presence of compassion, and bring

566
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:10,080
Speaker 2: these feelings to mind as best you can, letting go

567
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:13,200
Speaker 2: of your hand now or keeping it there, always checking

568
00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:16,400
Speaker 2: in with yourself, what do I need right now in

569
00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:24,520
Speaker 2: this moment now. Some people visualize more easily than others,

570
00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:28,280
Speaker 2: so this exercise might be good for them, but some

571
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:33,000
Speaker 2: of us struggle with visualization. If that's you, please see

572
00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:35,600
Speaker 2: if you can bring your focus more onto the feeling

573
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:40,160
Speaker 2: of being safe and the feeling of being next to

574
00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:44,400
Speaker 2: someone very compassionate and kind, Imagining what that might be

575
00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 2: like if you can't visualize so well, now, imagining that

576
00:31:53,960 --> 00:32:00,160
Speaker 2: you're in a place that is extremely comfortable and safe,

577
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:04,160
Speaker 2: perhaps somewhere from your memory, such as a beautiful beach,

578
00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:16,080
Speaker 2: a holiday house, maybe a cozy room. Perhaps you might

579
00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:19,080
Speaker 2: come up with a totally imaginary place that feels super

580
00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:24,600
Speaker 2: comfy and safe. You can be as makebeliever as you like.

581
00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:29,320
Speaker 2: It could be floating in the ocean with dolphins, or

582
00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:36,800
Speaker 2: resting on a cloud, whatever brings up feelings of comfort

583
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:47,880
Speaker 2: and security for you, and really bringing to mind what

584
00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:52,040
Speaker 2: it would be like to be in this place, using

585
00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:58,920
Speaker 2: your senses, imagining how it would look, what smells might

586
00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:11,840
Speaker 2: be around, any sounds you might hear, Any senses of light,

587
00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:15,160
Speaker 2: touch or textures on your skin, like the feeling of

588
00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:23,360
Speaker 2: sand on your feet, or a gentle breathe, perhaps noticing

589
00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:30,120
Speaker 2: the pressure of your body resting. Maybe there's even a

590
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:33,080
Speaker 2: taste you can associate with this place that feels so

591
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:45,680
Speaker 2: safe and secure. Really savoring and exploring the sensations in

592
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:49,520
Speaker 2: your body you might feel in such a comfy and

593
00:33:49,800 --> 00:34:07,560
Speaker 2: secure and safe place, and very soon in this safe place,

594
00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:17,400
Speaker 2: you're going to receive a special visitor. And this visitor

595
00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:26,480
Speaker 2: is a warm and compassionate, caring friend, the warmest, most kindest,

596
00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:32,640
Speaker 2: compassionate friend that you've ever known. They might be a

597
00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:37,880
Speaker 2: real person, or they can be someone imagined and feel

598
00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:43,520
Speaker 2: free to embellish this person with as much wisdom, strength,

599
00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:53,040
Speaker 2: and absolute unconditional love just for you. They might even

600
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:56,719
Speaker 2: be someone from your past, such as a kind, wise grandparent.

601
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:05,480
Speaker 2: Perhaps they are a spiritual figure, a companion animal, or

602
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:11,799
Speaker 2: a pet, or maybe even just a felt, energetic presence

603
00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:22,880
Speaker 2: that you feel around you. This compassionate being cares so

604
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:28,240
Speaker 2: much for you and genuinely wants you to be happy

605
00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:38,960
Speaker 2: and free from unnecessary suffering in life. Taking a moment, now,

606
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:51,920
Speaker 2: I'm letting this presence appear. If you're struggling to imagine

607
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:56,359
Speaker 2: a compassionate being, see if you can imagine what it

608
00:35:56,560 --> 00:36:00,640
Speaker 2: might be like to be in the presence of such

609
00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:11,000
Speaker 2: a kind, caring being. As this compassionate being appears, you

610
00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:15,919
Speaker 2: may wish to invite them into your safe space, or

611
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:18,160
Speaker 2: perhaps you might want to go out and meet them

612
00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:28,719
Speaker 2: somewhere else. It's totally, totally up to you. Your compassionate

613
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:32,439
Speaker 2: friend is incredibly wise and knows exactly where you're at

614
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:38,480
Speaker 2: in your life journey. Right now. They are feeling compassion

615
00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:42,560
Speaker 2: for your suffering and kindness towards you, and they want

616
00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:48,279
Speaker 2: what's best for you though they completely accept you just

617
00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:54,360
Speaker 2: as you are right now and imagining for a moment

618
00:36:54,400 --> 00:37:01,200
Speaker 2: that your friend wants to tell you something, something that

619
00:37:01,239 --> 00:37:04,760
Speaker 2: you especially need to hear right now in your life,

620
00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:22,279
Speaker 2: in this moment, what might they say to you? If

621
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:26,920
Speaker 2: no words appear, that's okay. Perhaps you might like to

622
00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:33,160
Speaker 2: just continue enjoying their presence. Or perhaps they're communicating to

623
00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:38,799
Speaker 2: you with just a smile and kind eyes, savoring for

624
00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:50,520
Speaker 2: a moment being in their presence, And maybe in this

625
00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:53,799
Speaker 2: moment there's something you might wish to say back to them,

626
00:37:56,239 --> 00:38:02,480
Speaker 2: perhaps something you've been wanting to share with them. Imagining

627
00:38:02,520 --> 00:38:10,480
Speaker 2: yourself now saying those words to your friend, and they

628
00:38:10,600 --> 00:38:18,160
Speaker 2: listen and deeply accept everything that you say, feeling the

629
00:38:18,239 --> 00:38:30,000
Speaker 2: kindness coming from you too. And now your compassionate friend

630
00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:35,080
Speaker 2: might like to present you with a gift, some kind

631
00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:43,280
Speaker 2: of material object that's meaningful to you, something special and precious,

632
00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:50,800
Speaker 2: something personal just for you. And if something appears in

633
00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:53,879
Speaker 2: your mind, taking some time to be curious about it,

634
00:38:54,440 --> 00:39:00,040
Speaker 2: examining this special gift. The meaning might be cryptic, and

635
00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:02,640
Speaker 2: you just take the time to enjoy how nice it

636
00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:10,640
Speaker 2: feels to be gifted something from your compassionate friend, and

637
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:16,200
Speaker 2: perhaps it has some special meaning, enjoying that too, knowing

638
00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:18,279
Speaker 2: that they care about you and have gifted you this.

639
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:28,399
Speaker 2: Taking a few more moments now to really enjoy your

640
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:33,520
Speaker 2: compassionate friend's presence, noticing how good it feels to be

641
00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:41,640
Speaker 2: close to someone so caring, wise, gentle, and compassionate, and,

642
00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:43,719
Speaker 2: as you continue to say, with the feeling of their

643
00:39:43,719 --> 00:39:50,120
Speaker 2: good company, realize that this compassionate friend of yours is

644
00:39:50,160 --> 00:40:01,400
Speaker 2: actually a part of yourself. All those compassionate feelings, words, images,

645
00:40:01,520 --> 00:40:05,920
Speaker 2: and gestures, we're all a product of your very own

646
00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:15,720
Speaker 2: inner wisdom and compassion. When you're ready, you can allow

647
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:20,520
Speaker 2: this compassionate friend and safe place to slowly fade away

648
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:26,440
Speaker 2: from your immediate awareness, knowing that this compassion and wisdom

649
00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:30,720
Speaker 2: lies within you always, and you can bring this friend

650
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:34,520
Speaker 2: to your mind at any time whenever you need this

651
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:42,160
Speaker 2: friend most. Taking a moment now to scan your body

652
00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:48,720
Speaker 2: for any sensations, thoughts, and feelings that may be present,

653
00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:54,840
Speaker 2: savoring and lingering a bit longer with any pleasant experiences

654
00:40:54,840 --> 00:41:00,560
Speaker 2: that arise, and making room for any discomfort that may

655
00:41:00,640 --> 00:41:05,440
Speaker 2: have also arisen, and having some compassion for yourself for

656
00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:11,720
Speaker 2: that too, Taking a moment to reflect on the words

657
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:15,400
Speaker 2: and images, to think about how you felt before this

658
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:22,080
Speaker 2: meditation and how you feel now, knowing that this whole

659
00:41:22,120 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 2: experience was created from your own compassionate wisdom, letting yourself

660
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:35,160
Speaker 2: feel exactly as you are now, letting go of the

661
00:41:35,239 --> 00:41:41,920
Speaker 2: meditation altogether and whenever you're ready, ever so slowly opening

662
00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:42,720
Speaker 2: your eyes