1
00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:06,960
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

2
00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:10,280
Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers now.

3
00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:13,200
Speaker 2: If you don't have your life in order, what happens

4
00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:15,840
Speaker 2: on screens accelerates the negative. But if you do have

5
00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:18,720
Speaker 2: your life in order, it actually amplifies and benefits the positive.

6
00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:22,200
Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum

7
00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:22,680
Speaker 1: and dad.

8
00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:23,200
Speaker 3: Gooday.

9
00:00:23,239 --> 00:00:25,480
Speaker 2: This is doctor Justin Colson, the author of six books

10
00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:28,520
Speaker 2: about making families happy and the founder of happy Families

11
00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:31,160
Speaker 2: dot com dot you oh, and the co host and

12
00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:35,040
Speaker 2: parenting expert on the Chanlind television show Parental Guidance. I'm

13
00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:37,640
Speaker 2: here with Kylie, who is pretending not to be sick.

14
00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:38,760
Speaker 2: How's that going for you?

15
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:41,320
Speaker 4: I'm just plodding along. You're going to have to listen

16
00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:44,199
Speaker 4: to my manly voice today because I don't really have

17
00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:45,960
Speaker 4: much of one. But we'll get through it.

18
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:46,240
Speaker 3: Okay.

19
00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:48,360
Speaker 2: Well, you're smiling at the moment. That's the main thing.

20
00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:50,800
Speaker 2: Last night, Parental Guidance. This is the podcast for the

21
00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:52,519
Speaker 2: time for parent who just wants answers now? And we

22
00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:55,160
Speaker 2: need some answers about parental guidance. So many things to

23
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:58,560
Speaker 2: talk about. Five new families, five new parenting styles. We've

24
00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:02,400
Speaker 2: got Kevin and Debbie, our tiger parents. They've got some personality,

25
00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:03,760
Speaker 2: haven't they.

26
00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:08,120
Speaker 4: I love them in the car the way she is hilarious.

27
00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:11,240
Speaker 5: Well, I can't find the same road as two on

28
00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:11,720
Speaker 5: the fine.

29
00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:13,600
Speaker 1: No, you can look for big rows?

30
00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:14,399
Speaker 4: Can you see that?

31
00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:16,039
Speaker 3: Can you see as we go? Can you see puss

32
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:19,400
Speaker 3: we go away? Oh no, it is a big rule.

33
00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:21,120
Speaker 4: She didn't tell us which way to turn.

34
00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:22,280
Speaker 2: You cannot drive like this.

35
00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:25,160
Speaker 3: Come on, Clover, I drive eat directs.

36
00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:26,560
Speaker 5: You just give.

37
00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:27,680
Speaker 3: Me a little bit of fie, give me a little

38
00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:28,600
Speaker 3: bit of time, give me.

39
00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:32,959
Speaker 2: And then we've got We've got Penny and Daniel, our

40
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:34,000
Speaker 2: free range parents.

41
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:35,959
Speaker 3: Could they be any different to the Tiger parents?

42
00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:39,560
Speaker 4: As free range parents were always getting them to work

43
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:40,920
Speaker 4: out a solution for themselves.

44
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,560
Speaker 2: We'll just wait here until you let us know which

45
00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:42,920
Speaker 2: way to go.

46
00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:45,440
Speaker 4: The kids have never used to Matt, but I'm confident

47
00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:47,000
Speaker 4: they'll find a way to fix that problem.

48
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:48,800
Speaker 6: All right, mate, look out the window and tell me

49
00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:49,600
Speaker 6: which try you want me to go.

50
00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:51,400
Speaker 1: Dad goes through it.

51
00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:52,040
Speaker 5: Thank you.

52
00:01:55,920 --> 00:02:00,720
Speaker 4: So relaxed, aren't they They're just so relaxed. I love

53
00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:04,160
Speaker 4: when they're seven year old. Was in the car Julian

54
00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:10,400
Speaker 4: and he literally just went, we're taking you to buddy.

55
00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:14,360
Speaker 2: It's just been a fun show. Some pretty serious stuff

56
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:15,040
Speaker 2: came up as well, though.

57
00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:15,480
Speaker 3: Last night.

58
00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:18,480
Speaker 2: There's Robin Sue who said that they washed their kids'

59
00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:20,440
Speaker 2: mouth out. So obviously they've only done it once or twice,

60
00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:22,680
Speaker 2: so let's not pretend that it's happening on a daily basis.

61
00:02:22,919 --> 00:02:26,679
Speaker 2: But that definitely got people focused on the whole discipline thing.

62
00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:29,919
Speaker 4: I have to admit I was really really shocked that

63
00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:32,720
Speaker 4: that still is something that happens. I mean, in my day,

64
00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:35,320
Speaker 4: that was a given in your day, and it was

65
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:38,520
Speaker 4: not a toothbrush, it was a whole cake of soap

66
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:39,080
Speaker 4: in your mouth.

67
00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:41,799
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness. Did that ever happen to you?

68
00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:43,160
Speaker 4: No, I don't think it happened to me.

69
00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:45,080
Speaker 3: It was just a story that you heard. I mean

70
00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:45,440
Speaker 3: I've heard.

71
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,840
Speaker 2: I'd never met anyone who'd actually done it until Robin

72
00:02:47,919 --> 00:02:49,240
Speaker 2: Sue said that they'd done it to their kids.

73
00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:51,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm just in today's down age. I'm really I

74
00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:52,240
Speaker 4: was really shocked.

75
00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:55,120
Speaker 2: But the big issue that came up last night that

76
00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:56,800
Speaker 2: I think we've really got to spend some time talking

77
00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:59,760
Speaker 2: about is this issue of screens I mean, we talk

78
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:03,040
Speaker 2: screens all the time, but didn't the twenty four hour

79
00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:07,239
Speaker 2: screen time ban just blow up for some families.

80
00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:10,840
Speaker 4: Let's start with Rachel, Sam, okay, give me the remotes.

81
00:03:10,919 --> 00:03:26,639
Speaker 5: No else one day.

82
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,239
Speaker 4: Don't be silly.

83
00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:34,519
Speaker 2: Two young kids, pretty miserable. They just want to be

84
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:36,760
Speaker 2: able to enjoy their screens. And no screens for twenty

85
00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:39,520
Speaker 2: four hours. When you're that age, when you're five years old,

86
00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:42,440
Speaker 2: it feels like forever because twenty four hours it doesn't

87
00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:43,520
Speaker 2: actually make sense.

88
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,960
Speaker 4: What was taken out of their control though. There was

89
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:49,480
Speaker 4: no autonomy around the decision. It was just literally landed

90
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:50,240
Speaker 4: on their doorstep.

91
00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:53,800
Speaker 2: Not only that, and no transition times, no transition yeah,

92
00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:55,320
Speaker 2: no time to prepare and get our head around.

93
00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:56,520
Speaker 3: It's like, oh, here's the challenge.

94
00:03:56,680 --> 00:04:00,680
Speaker 4: So their response was totally typical of that.

95
00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:02,200
Speaker 2: Age grad and we saw the same thing happened with

96
00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:05,560
Speaker 2: Julian Penny and Daniel's seven year old son as a

97
00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:07,720
Speaker 2: free range parents, this challenge is going to be a

98
00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:08,640
Speaker 2: real tricky one.

99
00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:16,960
Speaker 3: We've never had rules around devices today, play fifth.

100
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:19,440
Speaker 5: Yels, what is he? Even?

101
00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:21,520
Speaker 1: What? Friday?

102
00:04:21,839 --> 00:04:22,120
Speaker 2: All right?

103
00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:22,880
Speaker 1: Look getting what.

104
00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:28,279
Speaker 2: Do you want to cuddle?

105
00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:29,360
Speaker 5: No?

106
00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:31,720
Speaker 3: I don't want to have such a bad day.

107
00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:34,800
Speaker 2: If you need a cuddle, I'm right here.

108
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:42,039
Speaker 4: He is such a classic, a funny kid, great kid,

109
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:46,120
Speaker 4: just so funny. They literally that I would like to

110
00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:47,640
Speaker 4: be a fly on the wall and watch him in

111
00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:47,960
Speaker 4: a day.

112
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:49,760
Speaker 2: So I want to talk about the different approaches of

113
00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:51,360
Speaker 2: all of these families, but first let's have a look

114
00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:54,320
Speaker 2: at what happened when Rob and Sue told their boys

115
00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:56,480
Speaker 2: Fletch and Hudson that there were no screens for twenty

116
00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:57,039
Speaker 2: four hours.

117
00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:58,920
Speaker 4: All right, well let's put these away, shall we?

118
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:08,359
Speaker 1: So Ba by Bils is relaxing.

119
00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:09,200
Speaker 5: Actually, I'm enjoying it.

120
00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:10,120
Speaker 2: I think we've got this.

121
00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:15,360
Speaker 1: Rawdie's going goodies never has technology.

122
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:21,640
Speaker 4: Actually what I just love how screens just they don't

123
00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:23,200
Speaker 4: even play a part in their lives.

124
00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:26,520
Speaker 2: So easy, let's go and hang out outside, just like that.

125
00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:29,159
Speaker 2: Kevin and Debbie are tiger parents with their two kids.

126
00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:31,320
Speaker 2: I mean, just before we talk about what they did

127
00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,120
Speaker 2: with the screens, how funny I was it when they

128
00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,360
Speaker 2: had to do the whole stranger They're going and doing

129
00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:38,120
Speaker 2: their first errand and.

130
00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:42,240
Speaker 4: The conversation they were having on the on the side theirs.

131
00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:44,000
Speaker 3: Like, I'll just kick them. I've got fists of steel

132
00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:49,279
Speaker 3: bringing I have to go buy milk out selves. No,

133
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:50,720
Speaker 3: I'm not nervous.

134
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:53,360
Speaker 1: Mohan packs a very good punch.

135
00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:57,200
Speaker 2: But anyway, in terms of the way they are so funny,

136
00:05:57,760 --> 00:05:59,680
Speaker 2: just we were laughing so hard when we saw it

137
00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:01,520
Speaker 2: for the first time in the studio with the families.

138
00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:05,600
Speaker 2: But their response to no screens for twenty four hours

139
00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:08,080
Speaker 2: sound like this, no screen time for twenty five.

140
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:10,960
Speaker 4: Hours, no screen time at all. We have said this

141
00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:14,919
Speaker 4: boundary quite early and now they need to kind of

142
00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:16,560
Speaker 4: earn their screen time.

143
00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:19,200
Speaker 3: I had no doubt me, me and Leo.

144
00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:20,680
Speaker 4: They won't feel much about it.

145
00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:23,360
Speaker 5: What do I do during this time?

146
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:26,000
Speaker 6: Then you'll just read a book.

147
00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:31,680
Speaker 7: That's a compensation to get a coming bear each you

148
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:32,520
Speaker 7: don't need.

149
00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:35,120
Speaker 2: To be compensated for.

150
00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:42,280
Speaker 4: And lastly, the one that I think really impacted a

151
00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:46,120
Speaker 4: lot of people for the same reason because we've all

152
00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:50,279
Speaker 4: felt this, whether it's been about screens or other parenting issues,

153
00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:54,680
Speaker 4: was deb single mom homeschooling her kids, and this is

154
00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:56,520
Speaker 4: how her teenagers responded.

155
00:06:56,800 --> 00:07:00,880
Speaker 6: I'd like you to think about your your reaction and

156
00:07:01,279 --> 00:07:05,640
Speaker 6: what that means. Putting a piece of plastic before real

157
00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:10,200
Speaker 6: life relationships is the reaction of an addict it would

158
00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:11,680
Speaker 6: be mean for life relationships.

159
00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,240
Speaker 5: I spend time with you guys all the time. I

160
00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:14,440
Speaker 5: was like, what do you want me to do?

161
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:17,840
Speaker 6: I'm asking for your family. Would you accept a challenge

162
00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:20,600
Speaker 6: for twenty four hours? You're saying you're not addicted, but

163
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:22,720
Speaker 6: you can't go twenty four hours without it. That's an

164
00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:25,880
Speaker 6: addict I'm not having a seventeen year old addicted to

165
00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:26,400
Speaker 6: a phone.

166
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,360
Speaker 5: I'm not addicted.

167
00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:34,000
Speaker 6: I'm struggling to hold back the disappointment that I feel.

168
00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:37,120
Speaker 2: So that was pretty heavy, pretty and you can see that,

169
00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:39,240
Speaker 2: like the different approach is right. Everyone who's got young

170
00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:41,560
Speaker 2: kids they needed some transition time. They didn't get it.

171
00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:43,880
Speaker 2: The kids were upset. That's pretty standard. You'd expect that,

172
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,680
Speaker 2: whether it was television or anything. If you tell the

173
00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:47,200
Speaker 2: kids they've got to give something up and they don't

174
00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:49,320
Speaker 2: understand why, and they've got to do it for a day,

175
00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:52,400
Speaker 2: no transition boom, you're going to get that explosiveness. But

176
00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:57,080
Speaker 2: where it gets really interesting is the age of the

177
00:07:57,160 --> 00:08:01,200
Speaker 2: kids and what they're using their devices for. And deb

178
00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:05,000
Speaker 2: has had this really big reaction from her eldest Jess,

179
00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:08,640
Speaker 2: because she's a teenager. She's seventeen, and.

180
00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:10,119
Speaker 4: Her phone is her world.

181
00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:12,040
Speaker 2: Her phone is her world now. Once upart a time

182
00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:14,600
Speaker 2: I would have said, isn't that sad? But the world's

183
00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:17,440
Speaker 2: changed since then, and that is actually the reality. Her

184
00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:19,560
Speaker 2: phone is her world. And I don't think we can

185
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:22,320
Speaker 2: go crook on our teenage as a seventeen year old

186
00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:25,000
Speaker 2: for feeling like that, because, especially as a homeschool kid,

187
00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:26,960
Speaker 2: that's how she communicates with everyone.

188
00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:32,520
Speaker 3: It's the social outlet and it's so important. But deb

189
00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,880
Speaker 3: I feel like a failure.

190
00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:37,800
Speaker 2: I feel like a failure. But basically, everyone's got a

191
00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:39,760
Speaker 2: different approach when it comes to screens. No matter how

192
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:43,079
Speaker 2: many different conversations we have on the podcast about it,

193
00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:45,880
Speaker 2: everyone does it differently. Penny and Daniel no limits, no rules,

194
00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:48,679
Speaker 2: just no worries kids, although I reckon that they still

195
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:50,880
Speaker 2: would have some rules. Robin sus by the way, very

196
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:55,880
Speaker 2: very disciplined. The rules matter when it comes to screens,

197
00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:58,120
Speaker 2: and we need to talk about that. Let's talk about

198
00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:01,160
Speaker 2: why that matters and what boundaries we could be setting.

199
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:03,120
Speaker 3: Right after break it's.

200
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,080
Speaker 1: Their Happy Families podcast.

201
00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:09,559
Speaker 7: Are Screens Creating Tension at home? Tweens, Teens and Screens

202
00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:13,079
Speaker 7: is a webinar to guide families to healthy safe, super

203
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:16,760
Speaker 7: screen solutions. Bye Today at happy families dot com dot

204
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:18,240
Speaker 7: au slash.

205
00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:21,200
Speaker 4: Shop, It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the

206
00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:24,720
Speaker 4: time poor parent who just wants answers now. And I've

207
00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:25,960
Speaker 4: almost reached my end.

208
00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:29,079
Speaker 2: It's really hard to do it. Job man, to just

209
00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:30,679
Speaker 2: do all the talking for the second half. Would that

210
00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:33,600
Speaker 2: be helpful? You just looked at your face. You try

211
00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:35,719
Speaker 2: to put a smile on your face. Podcasting when you're

212
00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:37,400
Speaker 2: not feeling well is not the best idea. So let's

213
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:41,640
Speaker 2: talk about let's talk about getting things right. What I noticed,

214
00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:45,680
Speaker 2: Kylie with the conversation about screens, which really did dominate

215
00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:49,360
Speaker 2: the show last night, was you've got Robin Sue who

216
00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:51,920
Speaker 2: are really as school teachers. They're saying, we've seen the

217
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:56,040
Speaker 2: problems that happen. We're trying to balance safety because kids

218
00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:58,280
Speaker 2: can get up to some no good stuff on screens,

219
00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:01,280
Speaker 2: and screens can be dangerous. But also so Robinson are

220
00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:03,720
Speaker 2: really trying to give their kids exposure to a full

221
00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:04,960
Speaker 2: and balanced life.

222
00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:06,040
Speaker 3: I mean they want, but they.

223
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:07,760
Speaker 4: Look like they don't live in suburbia.

224
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:10,240
Speaker 3: No, they've started. They live in the beautiful Barossa in

225
00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:11,800
Speaker 3: South Australia.

226
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:15,640
Speaker 4: And so they've intentionally made decisions that have for all

227
00:10:15,679 --> 00:10:22,080
Speaker 4: intents and purposes, squashed squeens, squashed squeeze, squashed screens, and

228
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:24,200
Speaker 4: they have it for them. And these kids are not

229
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:25,760
Speaker 4: missing out, No, not at all.

230
00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:26,040
Speaker 3: No.

231
00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:30,800
Speaker 4: Then you have Daniel and Penny, who's literally this free

232
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:34,800
Speaker 4: range style of parenting allows their children to have screens

233
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:36,880
Speaker 4: at their fingertips whenever they want.

234
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:37,280
Speaker 5: Right.

235
00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:39,480
Speaker 4: But in saying all of that, like you said, there

236
00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:41,920
Speaker 4: must be some rules, like we've only seen snippets of

237
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:42,679
Speaker 4: their life.

238
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:45,160
Speaker 2: Penny and Daniel as well, they use screens to connect

239
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,959
Speaker 2: like they're actually spending time together. But yeah, I mean,

240
00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:50,920
Speaker 2: we've got to get this balance right when we look

241
00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:53,080
Speaker 2: at the research. In fact, a brand new study I

242
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,160
Speaker 2: literally just had this land in my email in the

243
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:58,800
Speaker 2: last couple of days. Really captured my attention. This is

244
00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:03,239
Speaker 2: a study that has come from the UK and it

245
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:08,680
Speaker 2: investigated forty thousand gamers and what they found, in a nutshell,

246
00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:11,199
Speaker 2: is that time spent playing video games doesn't really impact

247
00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:14,040
Speaker 2: in any way, shape or form well being. There's just

248
00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:16,640
Speaker 2: no impact on wellbeing. Now, there's a few issues with

249
00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:18,480
Speaker 2: this study. The first one is that the average age

250
00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:21,400
Speaker 2: of the game was thirty four so well, because grown

251
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:25,520
Speaker 2: ups play games more than kids these days. But basically,

252
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:29,040
Speaker 2: playing games isn't affecting well being, not nearly as much

253
00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,120
Speaker 2: as missing out on sleep, or not eating well, or

254
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:33,120
Speaker 2: not moving your body or not catching up with people.

255
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:35,400
Speaker 2: So if you can live a whole and balanced life,

256
00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:37,240
Speaker 2: then playing games or being on screens, or even catching

257
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,840
Speaker 2: up with your friends on social media, it's not going

258
00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:42,040
Speaker 2: to have any significant ramifications on your well being.

259
00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:44,760
Speaker 4: But the reason these become a problem is because people

260
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:45,720
Speaker 4: can't moderate it.

261
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:46,920
Speaker 3: That's exactly right.

262
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:50,360
Speaker 2: So if you don't have your life in order, then

263
00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:54,120
Speaker 2: what happens on screens accelerates the negative. But if you

264
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:56,280
Speaker 2: do have your life in order, it actually amplifies and

265
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:57,280
Speaker 2: benefits the positive.

266
00:11:57,559 --> 00:12:00,040
Speaker 3: So what our job as parents is is to be

267
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:00,840
Speaker 3: aware of the risks.

268
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:04,000
Speaker 2: Okay, so there's safety risks, there's identity risks, there's explicit

269
00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:07,400
Speaker 2: material risks, and there's the risk that the screen can

270
00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:10,480
Speaker 2: become the focus of our lives to the point where

271
00:12:10,559 --> 00:12:12,480
Speaker 2: or our children's lives, to the point where they no

272
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,600
Speaker 2: longer do the stuff that matters, like moving their bodies,

273
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:17,200
Speaker 2: catching up with friends, playing their musical instruments, enjoying their

274
00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:20,400
Speaker 2: other pursuits and spending time around the dinner table or

275
00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:23,280
Speaker 2: the game's table with their family. But if we can

276
00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:27,640
Speaker 2: get the boundaries right, then they can use screens in happy,

277
00:12:27,679 --> 00:12:29,080
Speaker 2: healthy ways. Oh, by the way, one of the really

278
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:31,400
Speaker 2: quick point that's worth highlighting, most of the families have

279
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:34,160
Speaker 2: got young kids, so they're not using screens the same

280
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:36,720
Speaker 2: way that Deb's children as teenagers are using their screens.

281
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:38,679
Speaker 2: I do need to highlight one other thing as well,

282
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,360
Speaker 2: and that is that one of the biggest risks that

283
00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:42,840
Speaker 2: I'm seeing as I'm talking with families and getting feedback

284
00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:46,280
Speaker 2: from schools is that children from around about the age

285
00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,640
Speaker 2: of nine and ten now are getting caught up in

286
00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:51,240
Speaker 2: some of the most hideous I can't even begin to

287
00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:53,600
Speaker 2: tell you how hideous the content is that they're sharing

288
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,679
Speaker 2: with one another, the things that they're saying to one

289
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:59,200
Speaker 2: another in chats and messages and on snapchat and in

290
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,640
Speaker 2: their various media platforms that they shouldn't even be on.

291
00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:03,959
Speaker 2: So there are risks, and we need to make sure

292
00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:07,400
Speaker 2: that our kids are okay. So setting boundaries is what

293
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:08,400
Speaker 2: this is really all about.

294
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:12,160
Speaker 4: So where would you start if you have screens in

295
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:15,120
Speaker 4: your home and there haven't been any boundaries or you

296
00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:17,400
Speaker 4: haven't been successful in setting boundaries for your family.

297
00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:20,440
Speaker 2: Well, I heard doctor Lisa de Moore say this the

298
00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:23,120
Speaker 2: other day, and she's so right, and I want to

299
00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:26,000
Speaker 2: emphasize it because it was so well said. She basically said,

300
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,480
Speaker 2: when you're setting boundaries with your kids, whether you're doing

301
00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:32,959
Speaker 2: a reset or starting all over, you start really strong

302
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:36,680
Speaker 2: because from that point you're going to consistently seed territory

303
00:13:36,679 --> 00:13:39,079
Speaker 2: as your child gets older. Like wherever you stake that,

304
00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:41,559
Speaker 2: wherever you put that flag in the ground, you can

305
00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:43,840
Speaker 2: guarantee that the tide's going to come in and knock

306
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:45,360
Speaker 2: the flag over, and you're going to have to keep

307
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:47,679
Speaker 2: on putting it in further and further and further out.

308
00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:51,319
Speaker 2: So I would say that for younger kids, set the

309
00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:55,160
Speaker 2: boundaries really clearly. We don't have screens except for these

310
00:13:55,240 --> 00:13:57,240
Speaker 2: times or where we've got to do all of these

311
00:13:57,240 --> 00:14:00,000
Speaker 2: other things. First, be really really clear about that gets

312
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:02,360
Speaker 2: is in order at the outset, and that will help

313
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:03,920
Speaker 2: you to move things along. But do it in a

314
00:14:04,559 --> 00:14:06,560
Speaker 2: do it in an empowering way. What do you think,

315
00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:08,720
Speaker 2: how are we going to work this out together? Guide

316
00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:12,080
Speaker 2: your children through the process, rather than autocratically saying it's

317
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:13,080
Speaker 2: my way or the highway.

318
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:14,080
Speaker 3: This is what's going to happen.

319
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,240
Speaker 4: So one of the things that we've done to kind of,

320
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:20,080
Speaker 4: I guess, introduce screens and then kind of work through

321
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:23,240
Speaker 4: the rules with our kids is we've had a family device. Yes,

322
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,480
Speaker 4: so you know, our ten year old doesn't have her

323
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:30,160
Speaker 4: own device. And I think that sometimes parents are giving

324
00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:32,280
Speaker 4: children devices.

325
00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:34,040
Speaker 2: Way to way to Earth, which brings up another question

326
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,240
Speaker 2: at what age And I would just say delay to later, lad,

327
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:39,560
Speaker 2: lay later, lay, But there's a caveat around this as well,

328
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:42,800
Speaker 2: and that is that there comes a time when not

329
00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:46,320
Speaker 2: having a device becomes a bigger problem than having a device.

330
00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:49,400
Speaker 2: Once your kids are at a point where they're being excluded.

331
00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:53,800
Speaker 2: Once because when kids are organizing something on Instagram in

332
00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:57,840
Speaker 2: their Instagram chat, if somebody's not in there, they don't think, oh,

333
00:14:57,920 --> 00:15:00,000
Speaker 2: by the way, we should just send a text message

334
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,800
Speaker 2: to their mum and make sure that their mum invites

335
00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:04,560
Speaker 2: them to come and do this with it, Like twelve

336
00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:06,360
Speaker 2: year olds aren't thinking about that. To thirteen year old

337
00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:07,840
Speaker 2: aren't thinking about that, and not the twelve year olds

338
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:11,200
Speaker 2: should be on Instagram, by the way, But there comes

339
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:14,680
Speaker 2: a point where the social benefits of having the device

340
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:18,400
Speaker 2: outweigh the negatives around risk and.

341
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:20,720
Speaker 3: Other concerns.

342
00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:24,000
Speaker 2: So we've watched it happen around about the age of fourteen.

343
00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:26,960
Speaker 2: Thirteen to fourteen in our experience has been the kids

344
00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:28,880
Speaker 2: kind of they start to miss out at that point,

345
00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:30,720
Speaker 2: and I think that it's worth them having one then.

346
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:32,640
Speaker 2: But that's where you say, if we give you this,

347
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:35,320
Speaker 2: there are times and places for it and times and

348
00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:38,200
Speaker 2: places not for it. So it's an absolute no no

349
00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:41,800
Speaker 2: for bedtime or in the bedroom, or at the dinner

350
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:43,640
Speaker 2: table or at the dinner table that's my other big one,

351
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:44,280
Speaker 2: or in the.

352
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:45,560
Speaker 4: Car or in a family outing.

353
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:47,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, So when we're having family time, there

354
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:52,360
Speaker 2: are no devices. And I'd probably keep it pretty simple

355
00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:55,240
Speaker 2: like that and then just monitor from a timing point

356
00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:59,760
Speaker 2: of view, monitor the content, have the conversations, and go

357
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:03,680
Speaker 2: from there. And I think that those kinds of guidelines

358
00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:05,640
Speaker 2: are probably going to keep most parents out of trouble

359
00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:06,480
Speaker 2: most of the time.

360
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:08,760
Speaker 4: So is there anything else that you would suggest to

361
00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:11,280
Speaker 4: parents to help them with boundary setting?

362
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:13,120
Speaker 2: I think the most important thing is to work it

363
00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:15,760
Speaker 2: out with your kids, sit down and say, we don't

364
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:17,960
Speaker 2: really know what the right answers are here, Like, be

365
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,480
Speaker 2: a little bit vulnerable with them. This is tricky. We

366
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:23,600
Speaker 2: know that you've got preferences. You know that we've got preferences.

367
00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,560
Speaker 2: So what are we going to do about it? And

368
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:28,960
Speaker 2: hand over the power to them, not to make the

369
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,320
Speaker 2: final decision, but to have a really strong voice in

370
00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:34,720
Speaker 2: this and listen to them, but also be really really clear,

371
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:38,560
Speaker 2: while ever we're paying for this device, it's ours, and

372
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:41,280
Speaker 2: with the guidelines that we're writing down and agreeing to,

373
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:43,920
Speaker 2: if you don't adhere to them, we've got to work

374
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,400
Speaker 2: out what's going to happen as a result.

375
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:46,880
Speaker 3: And while my preference is that.

376
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,240
Speaker 2: We don't punish our kids, we don't take privileges off

377
00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:51,280
Speaker 2: them and all that kind of thing, eventually they've got

378
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:53,560
Speaker 2: to know that if they keep doing the wrong thing,

379
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:56,000
Speaker 2: that they might lose the device for a couple of days,

380
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,360
Speaker 2: or for a week, or for a month because they've

381
00:16:58,400 --> 00:16:59,920
Speaker 2: got to do the right thing.

382
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:03,120
Speaker 4: One of the conversations that we have had regularly with

383
00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,679
Speaker 4: our children that I think has been really powerful is

384
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:08,440
Speaker 4: kind of helping them to take a little bit of perspective.

385
00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:10,560
Speaker 4: And so when they've come to us and said, hey, Dad,

386
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:12,880
Speaker 4: I really want to download Snapchat because all my friends

387
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:16,160
Speaker 4: are using it. We've kind of asked them to step

388
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,920
Speaker 4: into our shoes. What if your child came to you

389
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:22,240
Speaker 4: and asked you that you're obviously navigating the space already,

390
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:25,040
Speaker 4: you've seen it, seeing what's happening, where the dangers are.

391
00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:27,200
Speaker 4: How would you respond if your child came.

392
00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:27,720
Speaker 3: It's a favorite.

393
00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:29,560
Speaker 2: It's a favorite, and the kids usually give us really

394
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:31,199
Speaker 2: sensible answers every now and the like, oh, just let

395
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,400
Speaker 2: them do whatever they want. But when they're not emotional,

396
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,760
Speaker 2: we get really good responses from them. Hey, guess what

397
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:39,520
Speaker 2: I think you made it. Let's wrap this up. It's

398
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:42,080
Speaker 2: very no guidances. Back on the Telly again tonight. Can't

399
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,280
Speaker 2: wait to see the next lot of challenges. We're going

400
00:17:44,359 --> 00:17:46,760
Speaker 2: to have some really cool things to talk about tomorrow,

401
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:51,960
Speaker 2: including how far you should push your kids. That's coming

402
00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:55,119
Speaker 2: up on the Happy Families podcast tomorrow. The Happy Family's

403
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,480
Speaker 2: podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. Craig

404
00:17:57,520 --> 00:17:59,919
Speaker 2: Bruce is our executive producer and if you'd like more

405
00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:02,080
Speaker 2: and go about how to make your family happier, including

406
00:18:02,119 --> 00:18:05,000
Speaker 2: our amazing Happy Families memberships where we support you because

407
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:08,280
Speaker 2: a happy family doesn't just happen. Please visit happy families

408
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:09,120
Speaker 2: dot com dot au