Speaker 1: Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 1: One Cut. This is Thursday's down and dirty, spicey edition.
Speaker 1: We call this bad Boy Ask Gun Cut, and this
Speaker 1: is where you're writing your questions and we do our
Speaker 1: best to answer them.
Speaker 2: I'm Brittany and I'm Keisha, feeling in for Laura.
Speaker 1: We have another little appearance by producer Keisha this week. Unfortunately, guys,
Speaker 1: Laura was a little bit under the weather this week
Speaker 1: and she just wasn't able to get here for this episode.
Speaker 2: But she sends her deepest condolences. But we have Keisha.
Speaker 1: Kisha, You've made a few appearances and we absolutely love
Speaker 1: having you, so thank.
Speaker 2: You for joining us today. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 3: I am very excited because it's breaking up the monotony
Speaker 3: of my boring as shit life right now in lockdown.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean this is my first question. How are you?
Speaker 2: How's things things?
Speaker 3: I mean, I mean, I'm filling in for Laura, so
Speaker 3: I probably sound really similar to her where I'm like,
Speaker 3: it's a real wave for me at the moment. Some
Speaker 3: days are pretty low and some days are okay, and
Speaker 3: I'm having a pretty good day today. I feel like
Speaker 3: I listened to Tuesday's episode with Hugh from The Resilience Project,
Speaker 3: and I was like, Yes, this is exactly what I
Speaker 3: need to listen to you right now. I'm feeling good
Speaker 3: and I have had one kind of spicy thing happened
Speaker 3: in my life that I have been dying to tell
Speaker 3: you about, and I've deliberately tried to keep my mouth
Speaker 3: shut and not tell you when we've been talking normally
Speaker 3: so that I could share it on the pod.
Speaker 1: I love this, and I love that we do this,
Speaker 1: Like obviously Laura and I do this all the time,
Speaker 1: but we're like, we really want to tell each other something,
Speaker 1: something funny has happened or something We've had this question
Speaker 1: that we want to ask each other, but we do
Speaker 1: our best. We're like, we can't tell you. We've got
Speaker 1: to say before the podcast because you genuinely want the
Speaker 1: real reaction. But I'm here for this, Keisha. Let me
Speaker 1: live vicariously through you back home, like you're living vicariously
Speaker 1: through me. What has been happening? What is so spicy
Speaker 1: that you couldn't tell me?
Speaker 3: So? I have been set up on a date.
Speaker 2: Very exciting, right, Yes, Okay, I remember those days. This
Speaker 2: is exciting, This exciting time. But you know what setups
Speaker 2: can be. I don't know how I feel about them.
Speaker 1: I'll wait to you tell me your story, but I
Speaker 1: don't know how I feel about them, especially if they're
Speaker 1: a blind setup.
Speaker 3: So I will give a little bit of context. As
Speaker 3: some of our wonderful podcast family know, I am living
Speaker 3: at Britt's house while you're away. I'm currently sitting in
Speaker 3: your lounge room.
Speaker 1: It must be kind of weird for you. You literally have
Speaker 1: taken over my life. You've stillid in with Laura, with
Speaker 1: Laura and Matt all the time you're in my house,
Speaker 1: You're opening my packages.
Speaker 3: That's true. Look lockdown when you live alone. I think
Speaker 3: for anyone living alone right now, they would relate to
Speaker 3: the fact that it can be pretty bloody lonely. And
Speaker 3: I am quite an extroverted person. So I have been
Speaker 3: struggling a little bit. And I've been talking to one
Speaker 3: of my friends who lives in Queensland pretty much every
Speaker 3: day on the phone, and the other week kind of
Speaker 3: been talking to her about how much I've been feeling
Speaker 3: quite lonely and whatnot. And I feel like I'm getting
Speaker 3: better at it. I feel like I'm starting to manage
Speaker 3: the loneliness, and she was like, do you know what
Speaker 3: I actually thought of this today? I have a friend
Speaker 3: that lives a couple of minutes away from you. I
Speaker 3: think you're really suited to each other. You both are going,
Speaker 3: you're active, you're extroverted, You've got similar interests and whatnot.
Speaker 1: So you both want to get down and dirty, you
Speaker 1: both want to feel in sometime. Absolutely hot girl summer copy,
Speaker 1: hot girl waxed and vax summer.
Speaker 4: Waxvaxed and ready to climax.
Speaker 3: She said, here, let me send you their Instagram account
Speaker 3: and you can follow them. So the Instagram account was
Speaker 3: sent to me and I looked at the profile and
Speaker 3: I was like, oh my god, you're so right, Like
Speaker 3: they look freaking awesome. Let me slide into the DMS.
Speaker 3: You know, I'll make the first step. As it turns out, Britt,
Speaker 3: I've actually been set up by a friend to make
Speaker 3: a friend. So it's not quite what you're thinking.
Speaker 2: Oh, it's a friend set up. It's a friend day.
Speaker 2: Is it a male or female?
Speaker 3: It's a female. And I'm straight and I'm experimenting. I'm
Speaker 3: not curious.
Speaker 2: You're straighty one eighty.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've moved here a few days before we went
Speaker 3: into lockdown. So in our five kilometer radius that I'm
Speaker 3: allowed to exercise in, I've got a.
Speaker 4: Total of three friends, and Laura is one of them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know very many people around here. And
Speaker 3: like I said, I've been spending so much time, you know,
Speaker 3: working from home and living alone, and I've kind of
Speaker 3: just been like I need some human beings in my life.
Speaker 3: And so my friend has like set me up with
Speaker 3: her friend and we started messaging on Instagram and then
Speaker 3: we started texting, Oh my god, this is so cute,
Speaker 3: and we met up the other day. I was walking
Speaker 3: down to our meetup spot and I was thinking at
Speaker 3: the time, my god, this feels so much like a
Speaker 3: Hinge date. Like I wonder if she's gonna like me.
Speaker 3: I wonder if she's gonna think I'm cool.
Speaker 2: Is she gonna think I I look like my pictures?
Speaker 2: That's actually what I thought.
Speaker 3: I was like, Oh my gosh, this person has only
Speaker 3: seen my Instagram, and like, I am so much hotter on.
Speaker 4: Instagram that what I am. Particularly right now.
Speaker 3: Because it's been nine weeks since any place that looks
Speaker 3: after me has been opened. My eyebrows are growing out
Speaker 3: of control.
Speaker 1: How ridiculous are women that this is what we're thinking about.
Speaker 2: You've been in lockdown for nine weeks, You're going stir crazy.
Speaker 2: You need a friend.
Speaker 1: You're on the way to meet just a friend that
Speaker 1: someone has introduced you to, and all you can think
Speaker 1: of is like, is she gonna judge my hair? Is
Speaker 1: she gonna judge my eyebrow? Hi, I haven't got a
Speaker 1: tan on. I look better at my phonos. We're so silly.
Speaker 3: I saw her standing there, or what resembled her Instagram,
Speaker 3: and I went up and I was like, Hey.
Speaker 4: I'm Keisha.
Speaker 2: Like, it's nice to meet you.
Speaker 3: And for someone who is usually quite confident, I was like,
Speaker 3: oh my gosh, I have not been in this experience
Speaker 3: for so long. Anyway, I hung out with her. She's
Speaker 3: a freaking legend. She is intimidatingly fit, and so now
Speaker 3: I feel like I've got a train and get fit
Speaker 3: up before I can go and exercise.
Speaker 2: With Yeah, welcome to BONDI. It's like when when you
Speaker 2: get a cleaner.
Speaker 1: Every time I get a cleaner, I have to clean
Speaker 1: my house before the cleaner comes.
Speaker 2: It's like I want my house to be clean for them.
Speaker 2: It's the same thing. You gotta get fit before you
Speaker 2: can hang out with a fit pit one.
Speaker 3: Hundred percent and so yet to have friend date number two,
Speaker 3: but I'm very much looking forward to it, although I'm
Speaker 3: not sure whether I should text her first.
Speaker 4: Like this is very much reminiscent of the dating game.
Speaker 1: You're still waiting, still waiting for the text, like I
Speaker 1: had a really good time today, Like, let's do it
Speaker 1: again soon.
Speaker 4: I want to freak her out. I don't want it
Speaker 4: to be like, Okay, you're a bit weird and you're
Speaker 4: a bit full on.
Speaker 3: But I have a total I mean, now I have
Speaker 3: four friends in my five komita radius.
Speaker 2: Now I love that. For you, it's increasing exponentially.
Speaker 1: I have gone on a friend day before so and
Speaker 1: it turned out very successfully. The same sort of a
Speaker 1: thing without the worldwide pandemic and lockdown, et cetera. Happened
Speaker 1: to me probably Actually I'd only been living in Sydney
Speaker 1: for probably six months, right, I'd moved from Port mcquarie,
Speaker 1: and there was this girl that I knew in Port McQuary.
Speaker 2: Her name was Kate. I'm just gonna out hi, Kate,
Speaker 2: if you're listening. We went to the same gym right.
Speaker 2: We went to the same.
Speaker 1: Gym for years, but we never spoke a word to
Speaker 1: each other. I thought she was a bitch, because she was,
Speaker 1: but it turns out she just painfully shy. But she
Speaker 1: just never wanted to make eye contact with anyone. She
Speaker 1: never spoke to any one, and I just I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I just assumed she thought she was too good for everyone.
Speaker 1: But she's the most beautiful human. And this is why
Speaker 1: you can't judge a book by its cover, because she
Speaker 1: was just painfully shy. Like she was just a really
Speaker 1: shy girl. Anyway, I moved to Sydney and then after
Speaker 1: about six months, I got a message from someone else
Speaker 1: that I went to the gym with that I was
Speaker 1: friends with, and she was like, hey, I know this
Speaker 1: is a super random, but you know, okay, from the gym,
Speaker 1: she just moved to Sydney. She doesn't know anyone, you know.
Speaker 1: I just thought i'd let you know she's moved not
Speaker 1: far from you. And I had just moved to Sydney
Speaker 1: six months ago alone as well. I didn't really know anyone,
Speaker 1: so I knew what it was like. So I was like,
Speaker 1: you know what, Instead, it was set up. It was
Speaker 1: like if this is a number in case, like I
Speaker 1: thought you guys could hang out. It might make it
Speaker 1: feel good. I totally didn't have to, but I was like,
Speaker 1: I know what it's like. Even though I think this
Speaker 1: girl hates me, I'm still just going to reach out.
Speaker 1: I'm sure I'll never hear from her. So I shot
Speaker 1: her a message and I was like, Hey, it's Britant
Speaker 1: from Port, like from that gym that we went to
Speaker 1: for two years and never spoke to each other.
Speaker 2: I was like, hey, it's britt.
Speaker 1: Look such and such said that you've just moved to Sydney.
Speaker 1: I'm in a suburb over. This is my number. I
Speaker 1: know what it's like. If you ever want a friend
Speaker 1: or something, you.
Speaker 2: Know, let me know.
Speaker 1: Think you know, I'd never hear from her. Ten minutes later,
Speaker 1: she messaged me. She's like, oh my god, I would
Speaker 1: absolutely love that.
Speaker 2: Can we meet? And I was like, okay.
Speaker 1: We met the next day, and then I like flash
Speaker 1: forward five or six years and I'm am seeing her wedding.
Speaker 1: We're still best of friends, all from this one little
Speaker 1: friend date.
Speaker 2: So I think that, like, hats off to you.
Speaker 1: This this stuff really does work, and it's so hard
Speaker 1: to make friends.
Speaker 2: As an adult right.
Speaker 3: Like one hundred percent. And I mean I've moved around
Speaker 3: the country a number of times. I've moved internationally as well,
Speaker 3: and I've had a couple of these situations, Like every
Speaker 3: time that you've moved somewhere new, you kind of have
Speaker 3: to re establish yourself. You've got to re establish a
Speaker 3: friendship circle, and it can take a while, and particularly
Speaker 3: in times like we're in right now. I mean, it's
Speaker 3: not like you're meeting people through hobbies. And that's what
Speaker 3: started the Life Uncut meetup groups.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: It was people kind of saying I would love to
Speaker 3: meet like minded people. I want to make some friends
Speaker 3: as an adult, but we can't have them right now
Speaker 3: where I am because we're in damn lockdown.
Speaker 2: No we can't.
Speaker 1: But they are speaking of the grooves like that was
Speaker 1: the next thing I was gonna say. They're still going
Speaker 1: on in all the places around the country that are
Speaker 1: in lockdown. They're still doing these meetup groups and we're
Speaker 1: getting tagged and send photos of you guys hanging out
Speaker 1: all the time. And I'm talking twenty thirty forty people
Speaker 1: getting together. So if you guys are listening right now,
Speaker 1: and maybe you want to line up some new friends
Speaker 1: for when lockdown finishes, or maybe you're not in lockdown
Speaker 1: at the moment, jump on the Facebook discussion group if
Speaker 1: you're not already on there, because there are so many
Speaker 1: people having Like on last weekend gone I think it
Speaker 1: was in Brisbane or the Sunshine Coasts. They had the
Speaker 1: girls had this big pub crawl. They all dressed up.
Speaker 1: It was absolutely amazing, like I was so here for it.
Speaker 3: I saw that, and to be honest, I was like, ugh, fuck.
Speaker 4: You guys, that looks like so much fun.
Speaker 2: I stopped living your best life what I would do
Speaker 2: right now.
Speaker 3: But in all seriousness, I am actually so grateful of
Speaker 3: my friend that has set me up on a friend day.
Speaker 3: So if you have a friend that's in lockdown and
Speaker 3: you have another friend that exists within their kind of area,
Speaker 3: tee them up, set them up on social media, make
Speaker 3: them be friends.
Speaker 2: Be sure. I thought you were just about.
Speaker 1: To say so, if you guys have a friend in Bondni,
Speaker 1: please send me their number, send me up. I was like,
Speaker 1: you're really putting the call out all right, Well, Kisha,
Speaker 1: I'm glad you're making friends. I feel like my little girls.
Speaker 2: I've sent it a preschool and she's making friends. She's
Speaker 2: like spreading wings.
Speaker 1: Before we get in to ask and cut, which we
Speaker 1: do have some really great questions, We've actually.
Speaker 2: Got one that I'm like, poor, I don't know how
Speaker 2: I feel about it. It's tricky.
Speaker 1: But before we get into that, last time you came
Speaker 1: on as a co host, Keisha, we had some comments
Speaker 1: on the Facebook group that said, like they're all positive,
Speaker 1: but they said, it appears that Kisha and Matt have
Speaker 1: both hosted this podcast multiple times, but neither of you
Speaker 1: have shared your own accidentally unfiltered. Now, every guest we
Speaker 1: ever have on the podcasts, we have one rule, and
Speaker 1: it's like, you've got to spill your most embarrassing moment,
Speaker 1: you know, the drill.
Speaker 2: Keisha.
Speaker 1: Somehow you've managed to get away with it, and I
Speaker 1: don't know how that slipped by my radar, but today's
Speaker 1: the day.
Speaker 2: Do you have an accidentally unfiltered for us?
Speaker 3: Look, it was definitely deliberate that I got away with it,
Speaker 3: because I'm kind of one of those people that I
Speaker 3: feel as though sometimes I read because I go through
Speaker 3: our Instagram messages as well, and sometimes I read people's
Speaker 3: accidentally unfiltered. So I'm like, why are we embarrassed by that?
Speaker 3: That happens to me all the time.
Speaker 2: Same sometimes people write that, and I was like, far out.
Speaker 2: If you knew my life, you would feel so much
Speaker 2: better about yours.
Speaker 4: One hundred percent.
Speaker 3: So, to be completely honest, it was through listening to
Speaker 3: Tuesday's episode of Hugh van Kilenberg from The Resilience Project
Speaker 3: that made me kind of I feel as though, if
Speaker 3: I'm being completely honest, my mind blanks out a lot
Speaker 3: of the embarrassing shit that happens to me, so that
Speaker 3: I'm like, that happened, I'm going to forget about it
Speaker 3: so that I don't have to live through that trauma
Speaker 3: ever again.
Speaker 1: Same, I feel like, how am I thirty four years
Speaker 1: old and I'm still getting flashed? Like you just said,
Speaker 1: something happens. I get a flashback of this mortifying moment,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, how have I gotten to this point
Speaker 1: of my life and I've forgotten that?
Speaker 3: Well, it was through listening to Tuesday's episode that I
Speaker 3: was like, oh my gosh, I fully forgot that this
Speaker 3: happened to me. So for my accidentally unfiltered it's quite
Speaker 3: innocent and quite sweet. So for this we're going back
Speaker 3: to year seven, and I actually remember at the time,
Speaker 3: you know when you go to high school. I went
Speaker 3: to one of like one of the high schools where
Speaker 3: a lot of the primary schools from around the area
Speaker 3: combined to go to the one high school. So there
Speaker 3: was like two hundred and fifty kids in my year,
Speaker 3: and I was so stoked with how many new boys
Speaker 3: there were.
Speaker 4: To look at and to like. I was like, yes,
Speaker 4: we're in Heaven's seven. Anyway, I ended up having this big.
Speaker 3: Crush on a boy and I'm gonna name him because
Speaker 3: you know, I have no idea in Australia where he
Speaker 3: is or what his life is, but he's was Heath.
Speaker 2: But if you're listening to Life on come find him shot.
Speaker 3: Anyway, Heath and I were in the same music class,
Speaker 3: and back in the day, I was quite a good pianist,
Speaker 3: so I was pretty good at the piano. I was
Speaker 3: thinking I was on like grade five or grade six
Speaker 3: by this point.
Speaker 4: Anyway, Heath was a really.
Speaker 3: Good guitar player, and so, in what I thought was
Speaker 3: just the most genius way to flirt with a boy
Speaker 3: at the age of thirteen, I was like, how about
Speaker 3: if I teach you the piano, you teach me to
Speaker 3: play the guitar.
Speaker 4: And he was like, yeah, that sounds cool.
Speaker 3: So we struck a deal, and on this particular day,
Speaker 3: we were out the front of our music room. And
Speaker 3: now that I'm telling this story, I can quite literally
Speaker 3: see it, like I can see all of this happening,
Speaker 3: almost like it was in slow motion. You feel the mortification, hmm.
Speaker 3: So I had no idea whether he had a crush
Speaker 3: on me. And I had liked him for ages. I'm
Speaker 3: talking like months and months and months, and I just
Speaker 3: had absolutely no idea how he felt about me. So
Speaker 3: we were sitting down and he was teaching me some
Speaker 3: basic chords on the guitar, and he was teaching me
Speaker 3: how to strum, and all of a sudden, he turns
Speaker 3: to me and he looked at me and he said,
Speaker 3: do you know you're beautiful? And I felt like I
Speaker 3: just froze and my heart was raising a million miles
Speaker 3: an hour, and I was so shocked.
Speaker 2: This is the cutest thing ever.
Speaker 3: And I was like, oh my gosh, that is like
Speaker 3: the sweetest thing you've ever said to me. Like, to
Speaker 3: be honest, I really like you, and I've kind of
Speaker 3: wondered whether you felt the same way about me, and
Speaker 3: I went on and on and on about how I
Speaker 3: really liked him.
Speaker 4: He turned to me and he looked really.
Speaker 3: Confused, like he had a full frown on his face,
Speaker 3: eyebrows pressed together. He looked at me and he went, no.
Speaker 3: I meant, do you know the song You're Beautiful? The
Speaker 3: one by James Blunt? Like the guitar cords are really easy,
Speaker 3: and I.
Speaker 4: Was gonna teach you.
Speaker 3: How to play it, and I was like, I want
Speaker 3: to die. I felt like a turtle that was just
Speaker 3: pulling at every single limb into my shell.
Speaker 4: And I was like, how do I get out of
Speaker 4: this scenario?
Speaker 3: Because it is so obvious that this boy does not
Speaker 3: like me and I've just confessed my love for him.
Speaker 2: This is so good because when you tell the story.
Speaker 1: I was just like wow, Like what a mature conversation,
Speaker 1: Like do you know you're beautiful?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I was wondering how you felt about
Speaker 2: me too. I was like, what year seven? I mean like,
Speaker 2: if I told you what.
Speaker 1: I was saying in year seven, it was on a
Speaker 1: whole nother way of length. Keeter, that is so embarrassing,
Speaker 1: Like that is dead'st really embarrassing.
Speaker 3: It was so embarrassing. He did not like me. He
Speaker 3: did not have a crush on me. I never dated
Speaker 3: the boy, and I'm not even sure if I ever
Speaker 3: spoke to him again.
Speaker 4: After this, I was like, screw your piano lessons.
Speaker 3: I'm out.
Speaker 2: That was the start and the end of our band.
Speaker 2: That was it. You never made it.
Speaker 3: Still to this day, I did not know how to
Speaker 3: play Your Beautiful by James Blunt the guitar.
Speaker 2: All right, let's get into some questions.
Speaker 1: I'm going to kick start question one with one that
Speaker 1: I have pretty strong feelings about. It's like, Keisha, I'm
Speaker 1: going to be interested to hear what you think. So,
Speaker 1: my housemaid is sleeping with a married guy, and it
Speaker 1: makes me incredibly anxious. I have grown to absolutely resent her.
Speaker 1: It's been nearly two years since they've started seeing each other.
Speaker 1: His wife is so gorgeous, and they have been together
Speaker 1: for nearly ten years and married for about three. I
Speaker 1: know her only from Facebook, and she actually works with
Speaker 1: a good friend of mine. Facebook's talking here, That's how
Speaker 1: I know. I just wish I could tell her from
Speaker 1: one woman to another. It absolutely kills me what they
Speaker 1: are both doing, to the point where I leave my
Speaker 1: own house when he comes over, and will literally go
Speaker 1: and hang out at the park up the road alone
Speaker 1: until he is gone. He will come over during the day,
Speaker 1: sleep with my housemate, and then leave our house just
Speaker 1: before his wife returns home from work. I'm then left
Speaker 1: to comfort my housemate when she gets upset, but also
Speaker 1: I'm now the only person she talks to about how
Speaker 1: much of a great guy he is, so I have
Speaker 1: to sit there and listen to this. It's absolutely zero
Speaker 1: of my business, but to think another woman is out
Speaker 1: there oblivious to her douchebag of a husband drives me
Speaker 1: up the wall. Now I don't have any proof, and
Speaker 1: he has told my housemate that he deletes everything from
Speaker 1: his phone every day. I know it's none of my business,
Speaker 1: and I don't want to come in between someone's marriage,
Speaker 1: but I just can't handle it anymore. My housemaid is
Speaker 1: under the impression that he'll leave his wife for her, lol,
Speaker 1: as if we all know that's never going to happen.
Speaker 1: I used to feel sorry for my housemate because she
Speaker 1: was so clearly in love with this guy. She's completely
Speaker 1: fallen for him, and he's manipulating her. She's equally in
Speaker 1: the wrong, though she knows that he's married, and I
Speaker 1: don't want to be friends with someone who's knowingly doing
Speaker 1: that to another person. I don't know where these strong,
Speaker 1: resentful feelings have come from. I've never been cheated on.
Speaker 1: I've never had anything like that happen to me personally,
Speaker 1: I mean, a happy, healthy relationship of my own. But
Speaker 1: this just makes me so anxious. I guess my point
Speaker 1: is do I just stay out of it? So many
Speaker 1: other people know what they're doing. They know the married guy,
Speaker 1: they know this girl, they know the wife, yet no
Speaker 1: one has said anything to this wife. I guess I
Speaker 1: just want to know what do I do now. That
Speaker 1: was a big, big question, but I felt like there
Speaker 1: were a lot of parts to that, so I wanted
Speaker 1: to read it or I have some feelings, but Ke,
Speaker 1: she can give me your feelings first.
Speaker 3: My main feeling is sadness. I feel so sad hearing
Speaker 3: that story in this scenario, I mean, I kind of
Speaker 3: immediately think about how the wife would feel, and I
Speaker 3: think the fact that this has been going on for
Speaker 3: two years, and I mean, we don't know the nature
Speaker 3: of their marriage. By the sounds of it, because he's
Speaker 3: deleting everything. It doesn't sound as if they've worked out
Speaker 3: that they're okay with the relationship being open, and that
Speaker 3: they're okay with them sleeping with other people. It sounds
Speaker 3: like this is a cheating scenario, And I just think
Speaker 3: about how I would feel if I was the wife,
Speaker 3: and not only have you got betrayal and you've got
Speaker 3: your husband that you've been with for ten years cheating
Speaker 3: on you, you also have all of these people who
Speaker 3: know about it, and that is so humiliating and it's
Speaker 3: so hurtful. As the wife, if I'm putting myself in
Speaker 3: her shoes, I think I would like to know.
Speaker 1: Okay, there are a few aspects to it. Let's just
Speaker 1: start with the friend. She doesn't want to be friends
Speaker 1: with this girl anymore, can't be around her. She doesn't
Speaker 1: know if she should speak to.
Speaker 2: Her about it.
Speaker 1: I think you absolutely have done your part as a friend.
Speaker 1: This is I think this is unacceptable behavior. I don't think.
Speaker 1: I don't know how people can don't do in this.
Speaker 1: Imagine if your partner was cheating with someone for ten years, like,
Speaker 1: imagine if that was you doing that, and this girl
Speaker 1: is doing that to someone else's family. So I think
Speaker 1: straight away, this girl is in the wrong. What she
Speaker 1: is doing is wrong, and you're right, Keisha. We don't
Speaker 1: know the situation. We don't know their marriage, but what
Speaker 1: we do know is they are married and this has
Speaker 1: been going on behind the wife's back for two years,
Speaker 1: so we know that it's wrong. If this was me,
Speaker 1: I don't think I could be friends with this girl anymore.
Speaker 1: I don't think I could, but I would have to
Speaker 1: have a really I don't know if you have had
Speaker 1: the conversation with her.
Speaker 2: It doesn't sound like you've had It.
Speaker 1: Sounds like you've actually been a good friend and it's
Speaker 1: been comfitting her when she feels down, you know, after
Speaker 1: he comes fox her and leaves, which you know he's
Speaker 1: obviously manipulating her enough to make her feel like he
Speaker 1: is going to leave his wife for her. But the
Speaker 1: fact is this has been going on for years and
Speaker 1: he just comes over in his lunch break to have sex.
Speaker 1: Like pretty big red flag here that he's not going anywhere,
Speaker 1: He's not leaving his wife.
Speaker 2: You sound like you've been a good friend and you've
Speaker 2: been comforting her. I think the time has come. I
Speaker 2: know I wouldn't be still there after two years. I
Speaker 2: would be really honest to.
Speaker 1: Say I can't condone this anymore, and I can't comfort
Speaker 1: you anymore.
Speaker 2: I would be very honest with her.
Speaker 1: I would say, as your friend, I'm going to just
Speaker 1: tell you this guy, this guy's not going to leave
Speaker 1: his wife.
Speaker 2: You need to realize how you're being treated.
Speaker 1: And quite often when you're in a situation like that,
Speaker 1: you don't see what other people are seeing. You know,
Speaker 1: love is blind. There is a saying love. When you're
Speaker 1: deep in love, you have the wool pulled over your eyes.
Speaker 1: You don't see what other people see, and you see
Speaker 1: what you want to see, and you feel what you
Speaker 1: want to feel.
Speaker 2: So this girl.
Speaker 1: Thinks that she's probably met the love of a life
Speaker 1: and he's going to leave his wife for right. But
Speaker 1: I can tell you he's absolutely not going to And
Speaker 1: if he does, do you want to be with someone
Speaker 1: that you know is cheated on their wife for two years?
Speaker 1: Just think he's going to do the same thing. I
Speaker 1: think you are completely in your right to extract yourself
Speaker 1: from his friendship. And if I were you, I would
Speaker 1: move out. You don't have to be her housemate anymore.
Speaker 1: You don't have to see that. You should never have
Speaker 1: to leave your own house for hours because someone else
Speaker 1: is coming into your house and made you feel uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: That was another big thing for me, that you have
Speaker 1: to leave and sit at the park up the road
Speaker 1: on your own for hours because he's come over to
Speaker 1: have sex. Absolutely not, So that's my first thing. Definitely,
Speaker 1: you need to say something you can completely extract yourself
Speaker 1: from the situation. You need to make her see what
Speaker 1: she's doing from an outside perspective. A. It's not right
Speaker 1: to the wife and the husband like, it's not right
Speaker 1: to that family, and B it's not very fair on
Speaker 1: herself because she can't see what he's doing to her.
Speaker 1: She can't see the manipulation.
Speaker 3: So I mean, in that scenario, you're saying, like, remove
Speaker 3: yourself from the living situation, which is pretty annoying but doable.
Speaker 3: And I mean I guess she would probably feel in
Speaker 3: that situation though, that she was kind of enabling it
Speaker 3: to continue, right, because if she removes herself, she kind
Speaker 3: of removes the accountability. This other girl is going to
Speaker 3: get another housemaid in who doesn't necessarily know the situation,
Speaker 3: and the same things probably going to go on. So
Speaker 3: what do you think she should do about that situation?
Speaker 1: Yeah, when I think about look, if I was the wife,
Speaker 1: if that was happening to me, I, from the bottom
Speaker 1: of my heart, one hundred percent would want to know,
Speaker 1: I would hope, especially if all these people in our
Speaker 1: group or extended group knew that there was an affair
Speaker 1: going on for years.
Speaker 2: If I found that out and knew that no one had.
Speaker 1: The balls to tell me, I would be I would
Speaker 1: be upset, I would be angry, I'd be embarrassed, I
Speaker 1: would feel everything.
Speaker 2: So I would want to know. Now, having said that,
Speaker 2: it's still.
Speaker 1: Very hard to be the person that goes and breaks
Speaker 1: that news to someone you know.
Speaker 3: This kind of makes me think of a situation that
Speaker 3: happened to a friend of mine. Her partner had cheated
Speaker 3: on her, and an acquaintance of hers had become aware
Speaker 3: of it, and she actually had proof of it, and
Speaker 3: this acquaintance decided that she would reach out to one
Speaker 3: of our friends that she knew was really good friends
Speaker 3: with the person whose partner was cheating, and she said, hey, look,
Speaker 3: I don't feel as though I know her well enough
Speaker 3: to be the one who breaks this news to her,
Speaker 3: but I feel like I know you, and I feel
Speaker 3: like you know her well enough, so I'm going to
Speaker 3: kind of leave you with this information. I don't want
Speaker 3: anything more to do with it, and you can decide
Speaker 3: what you want to do with it and whether you
Speaker 3: want to go to her and tell her, and you
Speaker 3: can kind of facilitate that exchange of information. And I
Speaker 3: think that that was a really kind thing for her
Speaker 3: to do because she was kind of like, I want
Speaker 3: her to know, because she deserves to know, but I
Speaker 3: want her to find out in a way that's not
Speaker 3: going to be really embarrassing and very humiliating for her,
Speaker 3: thinking that everybody in the whole town knows, you know,
Speaker 3: because this acquaintance knew.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Look, I've said this on the podcast before as well,
Speaker 1: And this is why I find it so difficult. That
Speaker 1: exact thing happened to me, and I was the person
Speaker 1: that knew, and I was the person that went to
Speaker 1: my friends that were friends with this girl, and I
Speaker 1: just said, look, this is the information. You guys, decide
Speaker 1: what you want to do with that, because I don't
Speaker 1: know this girl, but I know that this is happening.
Speaker 2: And I knew. It wasn't just.
Speaker 1: Like a query. It wasn't like oh, a rumor, like
Speaker 1: we knew what was happening. And I was like, I
Speaker 1: just know that it wouldn't be great coming from me
Speaker 1: because I don't know it. I also don't want to
Speaker 1: be involved in it. But I just felt like I
Speaker 1: had to do something because I thought if that was me,
Speaker 1: like I would just be mortified. I say, I gave
Speaker 1: my friends the information that were really good friends with her,
Speaker 1: they decided that they should tell her, and let me
Speaker 1: tell you, that just fucking blew up in my face.
Speaker 1: That was a drama for the next year because I
Speaker 1: found out the information had come from me and someone
Speaker 1: else and there are other people involved, and it just
Speaker 1: gets messy because you get whether you want it or not,
Speaker 1: you're going to be dragged into it. So this is
Speaker 1: something I always tell people to think about. For this girl. Yes,
Speaker 1: you're gonna want to go and drop this bombshell, but
Speaker 1: that's not all it is. You don't just go and say, hey,
Speaker 1: your husband's cheating bye, like that's not what it is.
Speaker 2: You will be involved in that.
Speaker 1: Then they'll want answers, they want to know how, There'll
Speaker 1: be constant questions, they'll big phone calls, and it's just
Speaker 1: something you need to remember that it's not just gonna
Speaker 1: be something that you waltz into and save someone's relationship,
Speaker 1: and she's going to say thank you so much and
Speaker 1: walk away, and it's going to be very explosive and
Speaker 1: there's gonna be a lot of repercussions. So for me,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be personally running to the wife to tell her.
Speaker 1: I would start at the source. I would start by
Speaker 1: maybe you can tell him straight away. Maybe if he's
Speaker 1: coming to your house all the time, you're completely entired
Speaker 1: to say, you know what, guys, I'm sick of this.
Speaker 1: You've been cheating under my nose and I don't want
Speaker 1: to be a part of it anymore. So you need
Speaker 1: to sort your shit out. Go and speak to your
Speaker 1: wife or someone else will like you could always just
Speaker 1: say that even though you know that you're not going
Speaker 1: to go and run to her, you could just put
Speaker 1: him on the spot and make him feel like.
Speaker 2: The toad that he is.
Speaker 1: And then if he keeps this up, maybe things are
Speaker 1: going to implode. But this is your home, and this
Speaker 1: is the thing that mortifies me. You're uncomfortable in your
Speaker 1: own home. You don't have to leave your own home
Speaker 1: and you don't have to feel mortified and anxious every
Speaker 1: day because of what is happening in your own home.
Speaker 1: Speak to your friend and tell her it's not on anymore.
Speaker 1: Tell her he's never gonna leave. You can give her
Speaker 1: some tough love, like that's what friends do. If she
Speaker 1: disregards everything you say and there's no respect and she
Speaker 1: continues what she's doing, well, then you know that the
Speaker 1: friendship isn't what you thought it is, and you know
Speaker 1: that the friendship's over.
Speaker 2: That is what I would do.
Speaker 3: Oh, girlfriend, I do not envy your situation one little bit.
Speaker 3: Like this just sounds like the most fucking awkward thing
Speaker 3: that you're ever gonna have to deal with, and I
Speaker 3: wish you all the best. Honestly, I am scratching my
Speaker 3: head at this.
Speaker 2: Just case's just like that's it.
Speaker 3: I'm not even sure what the best. I feel distressed
Speaker 3: by this story because I'm like, I don't even know,
Speaker 3: I don't even know what I would do. I don't
Speaker 3: even know, like what the best way to deal with
Speaker 3: this is.
Speaker 2: This is awful. I don't think i'd run to the wife.
Speaker 1: I think i'd deal with it with my friend and
Speaker 1: him first, and then I just leave the situation. And
Speaker 1: then if down the track you feel like you still
Speaker 1: want to. Maybe you can do what we just say,
Speaker 1: and then you can tell some of her close friends.
Speaker 1: If everyone else knows, maybe you can all just get
Speaker 1: together and be like, this has got to stop. We
Speaker 1: need to tell her, But you know, can you please
Speaker 1: keep us posted with what happens with this, because I
Speaker 1: really want to know who do you confront and what
Speaker 1: is the outcome?
Speaker 2: And or do you just move out run to Alaska?
Speaker 2: Either way, let us know what happens.
Speaker 3: All of a sudden, she's camping at the park up
Speaker 3: the road and she's like, I have moved out now
Speaker 3: I live here.
Speaker 4: Thank you by pretty told me I had to leave.
Speaker 2: Now I live in a Tanning bomber.
Speaker 4: Well, if you're looking for a friend, I'm in the market.
Speaker 2: I'll set you up on a friend day. You can
Speaker 2: have a double camping O gosh, okay, question number two
Speaker 2: for you.
Speaker 3: We just had a weekend away at a house overlooking
Speaker 3: the ocean with my friends. My best friend brought along
Speaker 3: her new fella who I hadn't met before. He was
Speaker 3: super friendly. He made a really nice effort to get
Speaker 3: to know everyone. However, I'm noticing so many red flags,
Speaker 3: partly because I was in a previously toxic relationship, and
Speaker 3: I've noticed that she's making the same excuses about his
Speaker 3: behavior that I did. He suggests clothing that she should
Speaker 3: wear to show off her body, tells her not asks
Speaker 3: her to cook dinner. She had a sexy photo she
Speaker 3: sent him with his friends, just to name a few.
Speaker 3: I desperately want to tell her how I feel. However,
Speaker 3: my partner, who is really amazing, thinks she needs to
Speaker 3: work it out for herself. What do you think I
Speaker 3: should do? She seems really happy, and I'm just kind
Speaker 3: of avoiding spending time with her because I'm not really
Speaker 3: sure what to do. She used to spend a lot
Speaker 3: of time with me and my partner, to the point
Speaker 3: where we joked that we were a thropple, But now
Speaker 3: I feel kind of awkward. Should I tell her about
Speaker 3: these red flags?
Speaker 2: Oh? This is hard? Have you ever not liked one
Speaker 2: of your friend's partners. I think I've.
Speaker 3: Usually been the one friend that has gotten along with
Speaker 3: most of my friend's partners, whereas some of my other
Speaker 3: friends have not gotten along with them. So I've kind
Speaker 3: of always tried to play devil's advocate or kind of
Speaker 3: be like, oh, you know, they're not that bad. But
Speaker 3: in this scenario, I actually have a bit more experience
Speaker 3: from the other side, where I was the one in
Speaker 3: the pretty toxic relationship and my friends could see the
Speaker 3: red flags and came to tell me.
Speaker 2: About it a lot. And so they told you.
Speaker 3: Well, I think I kind of might have a little
Speaker 3: bit of different advice in this situation, because what ended
Speaker 3: up happening. I mean I was with someone who was
Speaker 3: just a pretty fooful human being, to be completely honest,
Speaker 3: who was just like spitting out red flags like they
Speaker 3: were going.
Speaker 2: Out of fashion, and you're like, cute flags. I was like, I.
Speaker 4: Can fix you, no problem.
Speaker 3: And so my friends, oh my gosh, they just hated
Speaker 3: this boyfriend of mine. They were like, he actually is
Speaker 3: a bad person. He treats you terribly. He has done
Speaker 3: ABCDFG that are wrong to you. Why do you keep
Speaker 3: on going back to this guy? Why do you keep
Speaker 3: forgiving this guy? And to be honest, their advice was
Speaker 3: completely sound, and their opinions and their perspective was very correct.
Speaker 3: It was just that I loved the guy, and like
Speaker 3: you said, love is blind, and I wanted to believe
Speaker 3: that he was better than what his actual behavior was.
Speaker 3: And so what ended up happening was that I actually
Speaker 3: started to feel quite isolated. I felt like I couldn't
Speaker 3: talk to my friends about, you know, when I was
Speaker 3: having problems with him, because they would be like, yeah,
Speaker 3: we know he's a bad person, why you're still with him?
Speaker 3: Like we've been telling you for months to stop being
Speaker 3: with him, and you're not listening to us. And what
Speaker 3: they were saying was completely fair, But I think I
Speaker 3: needed to get to that point where I saw the
Speaker 3: red flags and the bad behavior for myself. And I'm
Speaker 3: absolutely not blaming them whatsoever. I just started to feel
Speaker 3: as though I couldn't talk about it with anyone anymore
Speaker 3: because they were sick of hearing about it, which is fair.
Speaker 3: So I think that if you do decide to talk
Speaker 3: to her about the red flags that you're seeing, just
Speaker 3: be aware that she might not break up with them.
Speaker 3: And I would suggest kind of telling her that regardless
Speaker 3: of whether she stays with him, you're still gonna be
Speaker 3: her friend and you're still gonna be there for her
Speaker 3: to talk to you about whatever's going well and whatever's
Speaker 3: going on bad in her relationship, because she will probably
Speaker 3: need someone like that if things get worse. I might
Speaker 3: have advice that people don't agree with either, But I
Speaker 3: would let her unless she's in immediate danger, unless he's
Speaker 3: unless he's actually like physically or super emotionally abusive to her,
Speaker 3: and there's just some flags that you.
Speaker 2: Don't agree with.
Speaker 1: I would let her try and work it out on
Speaker 1: her own for a little while, because you do worry
Speaker 1: about exactly what you just said, Keisha, that you'll isolate
Speaker 1: her and she won't feel like she can come to
Speaker 1: you when she actually needs to. So what I'm saying
Speaker 1: is give her a space to work it out and
Speaker 1: let her come to you. So if eventually, which I'm
Speaker 1: sure she's going to, because we can't be blind to
Speaker 1: this sort of behavior forever, Eventually, if you're that good
Speaker 1: of friends with her, she'll come to you when they've
Speaker 1: had a fight, or when he has treated her badly,
Speaker 1: or when he has done something, and she'll want to
Speaker 1: talk about it. And that is your opportunity to tell
Speaker 1: her how you feel without putting all on her, and
Speaker 1: she won't feel like she's attacked, she won't feel like
Speaker 1: you've come to her. She's come to you with her issue,
Speaker 1: and that is your time to say. Now that you
Speaker 1: say it, I have actually noticed there are quite a
Speaker 1: few things that I just don't feel right, like have
Speaker 1: you noticed? And then maybe it gives you the opportunity
Speaker 1: to start the conversation. She'll feel a lot more comfortable
Speaker 1: in talking to you if, like I said at the start,
Speaker 1: if it's a lot more serious than that, and you
Speaker 1: were deeply concerned for her one hundred percent, like that's
Speaker 1: what a friend is. You definitely go to her and
Speaker 1: you tell her the truth. You say, this is what
Speaker 1: I'm seeing, Like are you okay? Is there anything you
Speaker 1: want to talk about? And then you open the lines
Speaker 1: of conversation for that. But this is really tricky, and
Speaker 1: I think you need to trade carefully. And this is
Speaker 1: what I do for every single person that writes in
Speaker 1: a question. I put myself in their shoes. Imagine you
Speaker 1: just got a new boyfriend. You were pretty in love,
Speaker 1: you're pretty happy, you're seeing where it goes, and then
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, your friends came to you being
Speaker 1: like fucking hate him, Like what are you doing?
Speaker 2: Leave him?
Speaker 1: You'd be like WHOA. I can tell you right away,
Speaker 1: you'd be on the defensive with your friend and you'd
Speaker 1: probably drive you closer to this new guy. Because you're
Speaker 1: going to be very protective of him. You've got those
Speaker 1: lust feelings and dolphins are going this sex is probably great,
Speaker 1: it's new, it's exciting. You just need to be really
Speaker 1: careful in those early days because you can definitely drive
Speaker 1: a wedge in the friendship.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I completely agree with that. And also when you're in
Speaker 3: that situation, you're the one who's like, no, but I
Speaker 3: see the other side of them too.
Speaker 2: You don't see how sweet he is to me in bed.
Speaker 2: You don't see that he brings me here.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we've all been there. We've all bloody been there.
Speaker 1: Dud after like my ex had another relationship for two years.
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, but you don't see when he
Speaker 1: buys me a coffee.
Speaker 2: Brittany like, who are you okay?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 2: I was like, it's so easy to be pulled into that.
Speaker 3: She's in a new relationship, she's bound to have a
Speaker 3: problem sometime relatively soon. We all have these little like
Speaker 3: hiccups in these situations, and I think that maybe when
Speaker 3: she comes to talk to you about the first one
Speaker 3: or the next one, that's when you can kind of
Speaker 3: be like, hey, look, also something that had happened previously
Speaker 3: that I've been thinking a little bit about I'm not
Speaker 3: sure if you've been thinking about it, but I noticed
Speaker 3: this and I want to know how you feel about it.
Speaker 3: Maybe you can ask her whether she's been aware of
Speaker 3: these red flags and whether you know she feels the
Speaker 3: same way as you do. But I think the most
Speaker 3: important thing in this situation is to reassure her that
Speaker 3: you're going to be there to support her.
Speaker 1: Yep, yeah, that's one hundred percent. That is like the
Speaker 1: takeaway case. So that's a really good point. Is just
Speaker 1: to whatever you do, say, make it like one of
Speaker 1: those little sandwiches, like we say a compliment sandwich, but
Speaker 1: make it a support sandwich.
Speaker 2: You know, you know I love.
Speaker 1: You, but this is what I'm seeing from him, This
Speaker 1: is what the way I think you are with him,
Speaker 1: This is how he is with you.
Speaker 2: But I'll always be here for you. So a support sandwich.
Speaker 1: Should we go on to question number three? Question number three.
Speaker 1: I've been with my partner for five years, my first
Speaker 1: and only relationship. I've always felt that he wasn't the
Speaker 1: one and then it wouldn't last. But all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: we've been together for five years and I'm twenty seven
Speaker 1: and I don't know what to do. I sort of
Speaker 1: just don't even know how we got here. I do
Speaker 1: love him as a person, but I'm not in love.
Speaker 1: There have never been any incidents or big fights seat
Speaker 1: of life to a breakup. My main concern is that
Speaker 1: we're just very different people with very different values. The
Speaker 1: thing that concerns me the most is although he treats
Speaker 1: me well, he has a general lack of empathy and
Speaker 1: compassion for others and is financially unstable. He earns a
Speaker 1: good salary, but he spends it all on unnecessary stuff.
Speaker 1: Being kind and empathetic is important to me, and it's
Speaker 1: how I would want to raise my future children. I'm
Speaker 1: worried that I'll just co through, get married, end up
Speaker 1: unhappy because I didn't want to do the hard thing
Speaker 1: and break up. I'm also scared of being single, and
Speaker 1: I'm worried that I am expecting too much help. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, girl, you are not expecting too much.
Speaker 2: No, and scared of being single? No, I have so
Speaker 2: many no feelings.
Speaker 3: Trust me, It's a fairy world.
Speaker 4: Right now.
Speaker 1: That I was ten years deep, I was the ambassador
Speaker 1: for bumble. You are preaching to acquire I was on
Speaker 1: a bus stop for bumble, So I feel.
Speaker 4: You ambassador for bumble.
Speaker 3: So what this person is basically tossing up is whether
Speaker 3: you're settling, whether you're going to settle, or whether you're
Speaker 3: gonna risk it. Are you gonna risk it to get
Speaker 3: the biscuit? I have been in one long term relationship
Speaker 3: before greatest guy honestly cannot fault him as a person,
Speaker 3: And I remember towards the end of our relationship, we
Speaker 3: live together, and I remember saying this one thing to
Speaker 3: my friend. I kind of just wish that he would
Speaker 3: give me an excuse to get out of this relationship
Speaker 3: without being the bad guy, because we're not in love
Speaker 3: with each other anymore, and everything is seemingly fine, and
Speaker 3: if people asked us why we broke up, I don't
Speaker 3: even know what I would tell them. But it's not
Speaker 3: working and we're not each other's person, and I feel
Speaker 3: like I just I don't want to be the bad
Speaker 3: guy who calls this relationship off. And I think this
Speaker 3: person feels really really similar, like you've just kind of
Speaker 3: ended up in this situation and you know that this
Speaker 3: person isn't right for you. This isn't you Guys going
Speaker 3: through a tough patch and you need to work on it,
Speaker 3: and you need to put energy and effort into your relationship.
Speaker 3: You're not going through a rough time, you're not in
Speaker 3: love with the person, and you've established the fact that
Speaker 3: they are not the person that you want to be
Speaker 3: with forever. Things like how you want to raise your
Speaker 3: children are such important values that you need to align
Speaker 3: with because having a kid with someone is a massive
Speaker 3: deal and you're gonna have to go through that together.
Speaker 3: So if you're already feeling like you're not in love
Speaker 3: with this person and that you're not right for each other,
Speaker 3: I can only see this kind of getting worse as
Speaker 3: time goes on.
Speaker 1: I am a big believer of if it is not
Speaker 1: a fuck, yes, it's a no.
Speaker 2: If you do not feel that.
Speaker 1: Excited and passionate about something or someone, Now, this could
Speaker 1: be a situation or an opportunity, a person, the future,
Speaker 1: a decision. If you are literally on the fence being like, oh,
Speaker 1: I don't think like I sort of want to do it,
Speaker 1: but I don't like then it's not you don't want
Speaker 1: to do it. The answer is you don't want to
Speaker 1: it from what you have described. And I feel you
Speaker 1: because I've been in this situation as well. I think
Speaker 1: a lot of people have been in this situation. What
Speaker 1: you've described is you have a really beautiful friendship. You
Speaker 1: are in a really beautiful friendship. You are living with
Speaker 1: a really beautiful housemate. That is a situation you have described.
Speaker 1: You are two people that like to hang out. You
Speaker 1: don't want the same things. You don't see your future,
Speaker 1: but you love just your day to day and that
Speaker 1: is why it's so hard to break away from because
Speaker 1: there's nothing really huge pushing your way, and every day
Speaker 1: you cose through because you do have fun with that person.
Speaker 1: You do love hanging out with that person. They are
Speaker 1: your comfort, they are the known, there are safety. You've
Speaker 1: been in for five years and you haven't been with
Speaker 1: anybody else. You absolutely can get out of it. Is
Speaker 1: it going to hurt? Yes, every single bone in muscle
Speaker 1: and organ in your body, because it's all you've known
Speaker 1: and change is really hard, especially when you've never been
Speaker 1: on your own. You've only known this one situation and
Speaker 1: this one human when you were leaving a long term relationship.
Speaker 2: It is fucking scary. You're like, what am I? I
Speaker 2: don't know how to do life on my own? Where
Speaker 2: do I live?
Speaker 1: Who is my support? Who do I bounce my ideas off?
Speaker 1: Who do I crawl into bed at night? Who do
Speaker 1: I cry to? Like this is a really big thing,
Speaker 1: but what is bigger is living the next sixty or
Speaker 1: seventy years with someone that you never really saw yourself
Speaker 1: with or wanted to be with, knowing that you could
Speaker 1: have changed your path. You could have changed your direction
Speaker 1: at any time, but you were a little bit scared
Speaker 1: put yourself In twenty years time, will you regret not
Speaker 1: taking the bull by the horns, ripping the bandaid off
Speaker 1: and going after what you really want? If you think
Speaker 1: that you will regret it, then that's your answer. You
Speaker 1: probably need to end the relationship with the person that
Speaker 1: you're not actually in love with and go and live
Speaker 1: your life. You're only twenty seven years old. You were
Speaker 1: so young, and I'm so passionate about that. If you
Speaker 1: think in twenty years you were going to be ecstatic
Speaker 1: and through the roof and so in love, then don't
Speaker 1: end it. But from everything you've said, I think you
Speaker 1: all I already know the answer. You don't want the
Speaker 1: same things in the future. You're not in love with him,
Speaker 1: You've never felt like he was right for you. You've
Speaker 1: literally said like you're scared that you're just coasting through
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden you're gonna get married. You're
Speaker 1: in control of your life. You were in control of
Speaker 1: the path that you take. You know the answer, and
Speaker 1: I think you're just wanting someone else to support you
Speaker 1: through it. So that is what we're here for. And
Speaker 1: if you want to do that, know that it is
Speaker 1: going to be scary and hard and hurtful, but it's
Speaker 1: probably the right thing.
Speaker 2: That was a spiel. I'm sorry. I was very passionate
Speaker 2: about that.
Speaker 4: I did feel like I was.
Speaker 3: Kind of in like a relationship coach seminar.
Speaker 4: Then it was quite nice.
Speaker 3: But I think also you need to remember how much
Speaker 3: you grow as a human being in the years in
Speaker 3: particular that she's talking about she's twenty seven. Think about
Speaker 3: how much you changed as a person from twenty two
Speaker 3: to twenty seven, Like, it doesn't surprise me that you
Speaker 3: have different core values.
Speaker 1: Oh, it wasn't just my eyebrowser, there was a big change. No,
Speaker 1: I was a different person.
Speaker 3: It wasn't just the fact that I'm move to three
Speaker 3: day hangovers. During the last five years. Used to about
Speaker 3: a bounce back like a spring chicken, but your core
Speaker 3: values change, Like you develop so much in those five years,
Speaker 3: I think, probably more so than many other periods of
Speaker 3: five years in your life. Like that's a real monumental
Speaker 3: time in your adulthood. It doesn't surprise me that you've
Speaker 3: changed as a person and that no longer do you
Speaker 3: and your partner's things align. And yet it's gonna be hard.
Speaker 3: It's gonna be hard for like a couple of weeks,
Speaker 3: and there'll be days where you go, oh, my gosh,
Speaker 3: like something tiny has just happened in my life. This
Speaker 3: person at work has been annoying. And in this situation,
Speaker 3: I would usually text my partner and let them know.
Speaker 3: There's gonna be situations where you go to Christmas and
Speaker 3: you're like, ah, now I don't go to that family
Speaker 3: home anymore. There's gonna be a lot of different situations.
Speaker 3: But it's better to kind of, like brit said, rip
Speaker 3: the band aid and suffer a little bit now and
Speaker 3: have those awkward, kind of lonely times now and find
Speaker 3: someone that does have the same care values as you
Speaker 3: and that you are going to be in love with
Speaker 3: and you want to raise your kids in the same way.
Speaker 1: I think it's one of these things where you sort
Speaker 1: of don't know at the time, but one day you'll
Speaker 1: be in a new relationship and you'll be head over
Speaker 1: heels in love and you'll want the same things and
Speaker 1: you'll be planning your future, and then it will make
Speaker 1: you realize that what you were going through and what
Speaker 1: you had with your first partner was a beautiful thing
Speaker 1: and it was right for the time. But you'll realize
Speaker 1: why it didn't work once you've really felt what it
Speaker 1: is you're looking for. That's a really beautiful thing, and
Speaker 1: that will help you to see, oh, that wasn't right
Speaker 1: at that time, and it will make you feel comfort.
Speaker 1: You'll have comfort in your decision, but until you sort
Speaker 1: of get to the point where you move on a
Speaker 1: little bit, you're going to question your decision one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: You will wonder if it was the right thing. You're
Speaker 1: gonna miss your partner. It's going to be super tough.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie to you. It's so hard to
Speaker 1: leave one of.
Speaker 2: Those situations and one of those relationships.
Speaker 1: What I can advise you to do is just read
Speaker 1: through the question that you just wrote to us. Read
Speaker 1: through it a few times and read it is see
Speaker 1: if it wasn't you read it as if that was
Speaker 1: your friend writing that question into you, and what advice
Speaker 1: you'd give to it, Because I think once you take
Speaker 1: yourself away from it and look at it from an
Speaker 1: outside perspective, you'll be like, wow, like.
Speaker 2: Why am I in this relationship? Still?
Speaker 3: Also silver lining hot girl Summer is coming the world.
Speaker 3: We are weeks.
Speaker 4: Away from living life again and I can't wait.
Speaker 3: And you know what, that's probably going to be the
Speaker 3: best time within the whole last two years to be single,
Speaker 3: because every single person is just going to be like
Speaker 3: a beast being unleashed, and you'll be living your best
Speaker 3: life and most likely hooking up with quite a few people.
Speaker 2: Yeah, damn straight. But I don't want you guys to
Speaker 2: think we're like, oh, just leave, because I would never.
Speaker 1: Tell anyone to leave a situation that they were like,
Speaker 1: you know, I love him, I'm in love with him
Speaker 1: so much like we would never But you've literally just
Speaker 1: stated that you're not in love. You knew he was
Speaker 1: never the one that you want different things, you don't
Speaker 1: like the same things, Your future looks different.
Speaker 2: You're just scared of being single.
Speaker 1: That's the reason I'm telling you I think that it's
Speaker 1: it's not because I don't want I'm not. I'm really
Speaker 1: you know, I love love, I want relationships to work.
Speaker 1: But I'm also here to help you, guys. I'm here
Speaker 1: to give you my advice. And once I read that,
Speaker 1: my advice is that you absolutely need to leave. And
Speaker 1: my last thing that I want to say is, do
Speaker 1: not be scared to be single. It's hard for like
Speaker 1: a few weeks, and then you're gonna be like.
Speaker 2: I fucking love this.
Speaker 1: There are so many amazing things to being single, and
Speaker 1: it's not gonna be forever, so just take it as
Speaker 1: a piece of time and really try and enjoy the moment.
Speaker 1: And that is my advice today from asking a part
Speaker 1: that was a big one. Wow, I felt really passionate today.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: We have dived into some pretty deep things today and
Speaker 3: I'm just gonna say that, I mean, yeah, being single
Speaker 3: is sometimes great, but sometimes sometimes you're gonna be getting
Speaker 3: set up on friend dates by your friends.
Speaker 2: Guys.
Speaker 1: You could end up like Keisha, you could be on
Speaker 1: a date every second day with a friend. Kesha, thanks
Speaker 1: so much for coming on the podcast today. We absolutely
Speaker 1: love having you.
Speaker 4: Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 3: I absolutely love sitting down and getting to have a
Speaker 3: bit of a yarn with you. I really appreciate it.
Speaker 3: And for anyone that missed last week's episodes, gosh, we
Speaker 3: dropped so many episodes last week. There were five. So
Speaker 3: if you were invested in The Bachelor, or maybe you
Speaker 3: were just more invested in Laura and Matt's.
Speaker 4: Batch recaps, which it appears a lot.
Speaker 2: Of people were.
Speaker 3: Matt and Laura actually sat down with Jay, they sat
Speaker 3: down with Holly, and they also sat down with Brooke.
Speaker 3: So we didn't think at the time that Brooke was
Speaker 3: going to be doing any media, but she ended up
Speaker 3: actually saying that she would like to sit down with
Speaker 3: Matt and Laura, and so those episodes are in your
Speaker 3: podcast libraries.
Speaker 1: Matt and Laura just did such a good job on
Speaker 1: the Batch podcast. If you haven't listened, like there are
Speaker 1: so many amazing episodes. There's a lot of bands. I
Speaker 1: don't know who was coming for the information or who
Speaker 1: was coming just listen to Matt and Laura have it
Speaker 1: out on the.
Speaker 2: Podcast, but they're there. There's a stack of episodes.
Speaker 1: If you want to go back and listen, please keep
Speaker 1: your accidently on filters coming in. You can send them
Speaker 1: into Life on Cut podcast dms, on Instagram, joining the
Speaker 1: Facebook discussion group. There is so much that goes on
Speaker 1: in their questions, funny stories, pictures, updates. It's really Oh
Speaker 1: there's lifel one cup podcast meetups. There are so much
Speaker 1: going on in there. It's a really great space. So
Speaker 1: jump on the Facebook group as well.
Speaker 3: While we're speaking of the Facebook discussion group, the other day,
Speaker 3: someone posted something in there about how everyone feels about
Speaker 3: giving five star reviews, and she basically was saying, I
Speaker 3: think it's kind of unrealistic to expect that all these.
Speaker 4: Businesses want five star reviews.
Speaker 3: And I was like, hellou, just to reminder, if you
Speaker 3: haven't left the podcast a five star review, we would
Speaker 3: really appreciate it.
Speaker 2: Guys, I don't think it's unrealistic.
Speaker 4: Here is that unsolicited? Please?
Speaker 3: It actually genuinely helps get into the ears of some
Speaker 3: people who might enjoy the podcast. So on Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 3: if you leave a review, that would be a fabulous
Speaker 3: We really appreciate it, And tell your mum, tell your dad,
Speaker 3: tell you dog, to your friends, and share the love because.
Speaker 2: We love Was that so out of time or.
Speaker 1: Devacutta the body, A
Speaker 3: Vacame happen their day, the