1
00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:06,519
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Family's podcast.

2
00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:10,320
Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just

3
00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:15,240
Speaker 2: once answers, Now.

4
00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:16,480
Speaker 1: How many times do you find yourself saying? How many

5
00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:19,000
Speaker 1: times do I have to tell you? I'm on repeat?

6
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,159
Speaker 1: I feel like I've just told you this. Why do

7
00:00:21,239 --> 00:00:23,320
Speaker 1: I have to keep on saying this? Get your shoes,

8
00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:25,800
Speaker 1: get your school back? How hard can it be? It's

9
00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,960
Speaker 1: one of those familiar scenes repeat it one way or

10
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:32,760
Speaker 1: another across most days in most homes in Australia, that

11
00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:36,000
Speaker 1: slow semmer of frustration, where that simple request seems to

12
00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:39,520
Speaker 1: vanish into the ether and it's met with the selective

13
00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:44,320
Speaker 1: deafness that only a child seems to be able to master. Kylie.

14
00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:47,440
Speaker 1: Today on the podcast, we're talking about why repeating yourself

15
00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:50,320
Speaker 1: doesn't work and what to do instead, because repeating yourself

16
00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:55,440
Speaker 1: doesn't work. Repeating yourself doesn't work. Doesn't work, work work,

17
00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:58,040
Speaker 1: If you know what I mean, it's trying to be funny.

18
00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:03,200
Speaker 1: That was a really subdued piece of I'm trying. I'm trying.

19
00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:05,200
Speaker 1: Is it because it's a Monday? Is that the issue?

20
00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,759
Speaker 3: Maybe?

21
00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:09,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe it just wasn't funny. I think that's what

22
00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:13,720
Speaker 1: you're saying. Hey, Kylie, let's talk about this, because kids

23
00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:18,840
Speaker 1: right don't love doing what they're asked, and it's pretty

24
00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:22,600
Speaker 1: easy to call them to find or inattentive or I

25
00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:24,440
Speaker 1: don't know, see if we can find a diagnosis for them,

26
00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:25,959
Speaker 1: because they just don't ever seem to listen.

27
00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:28,640
Speaker 3: I remember what one of our children, we actually took

28
00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:31,800
Speaker 3: them to have a hearing test because we were convinced

29
00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:32,880
Speaker 3: that there had to be something.

30
00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:34,200
Speaker 1: And this was back in the days. I don't know

31
00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:35,840
Speaker 1: what it's like in every other state, but in Queensland

32
00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:37,360
Speaker 1: you don't have to pay for it anymore, I don't believe,

33
00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:38,640
Speaker 1: but this back in the days when you did have

34
00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:40,280
Speaker 1: to pay for it, we paid hundreds of dollars to

35
00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:42,319
Speaker 1: test their hearing and they said, oh, she can hear,

36
00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:45,760
Speaker 1: she just doesn't like what she's been told. I think

37
00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:47,400
Speaker 1: that was the same day that I had my hearing

38
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,520
Speaker 1: tested because you keep on saying that I am deaf,

39
00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:51,680
Speaker 1: and the hearing guy said your hearing is fine. Your

40
00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:52,920
Speaker 1: wife just needs to talk louder.

41
00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:57,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, And you were like, well, then your hearing isn't fine,

42
00:01:57,040 --> 00:01:59,360
Speaker 2: and I'm like, no, no, no, that boy's band together, Oh

43
00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:02,480
Speaker 2: my goodnes So from a communication point of view, we've

44
00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:04,760
Speaker 2: got nine things to do to help the kids to

45
00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:07,279
Speaker 2: get it, and to make mornings or day.

46
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:13,280
Speaker 1: Help instructions to be heard and ideally, ideally, if selllings

47
00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:15,600
Speaker 1: are appropriate, ideally to be followed.

48
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:19,080
Speaker 3: So the challenge we've got here is that I would

49
00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:21,560
Speaker 3: suggest that most parents expect that if there is no

50
00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:27,359
Speaker 3: hearing challenge, I make a request, it's heard, and then

51
00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:31,480
Speaker 3: I want an instant action. I want an instant response.

52
00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:33,560
Speaker 3: I want an acknowledgment number one that they've heard it,

53
00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:35,720
Speaker 3: and number two that they will then go and do

54
00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:36,640
Speaker 3: what I've requested them.

55
00:02:36,919 --> 00:02:39,280
Speaker 1: And that's kind of that's how psychologists would describe the

56
00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:42,920
Speaker 1: hearing process, right. It's a linear process. You work out

57
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:45,120
Speaker 1: what you want to say, you say it, it comes

58
00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:48,079
Speaker 1: out of your mouth, the other person's brain is here

59
00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:52,800
Speaker 1: at brain interprets it, and then you get the response. Ideally,

60
00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:54,799
Speaker 1: they act, they do the thing that you've asked them

61
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:57,400
Speaker 1: to do. But communication with children is different to that.

62
00:02:57,520 --> 00:03:00,760
Speaker 1: I mean, it's far more nuanced. A I'm going to

63
00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:02,720
Speaker 1: sound all floury and poetic for a second. It's a

64
00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:06,720
Speaker 1: dynamic dance, Kylie. And it requires more than just the

65
00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:10,600
Speaker 1: sending and receiving and the encoding and the decoding, like

66
00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:12,720
Speaker 1: I just want to go back to mornings for a sec.

67
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,040
Speaker 1: You say to your child, I need you to put

68
00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:15,520
Speaker 1: on your shoes. Put in your shoes. Please go and

69
00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:17,760
Speaker 1: get your shoes, put them on. That's the opening move.

70
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,600
Speaker 1: So your child then has to receive the message and

71
00:03:20,639 --> 00:03:23,399
Speaker 1: decode and understand what you're asking. And then they provide feedback,

72
00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:27,119
Speaker 1: ideally with a nod or an okay, mum, or they

73
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:30,120
Speaker 1: just walk towards their shoes wherever the shoes might be,

74
00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:32,640
Speaker 1: because who knows where they could be, and they start

75
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:35,120
Speaker 1: to put them on, and our job is to be

76
00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:38,680
Speaker 1: attuned to their feedback in case that's a problem. But no,

77
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:42,400
Speaker 1: it gets confusing because timing matters, what they're doing, how

78
00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:46,480
Speaker 1: they're feeling, what their agenda is. They're all factors on

79
00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:49,440
Speaker 1: how they receive the message. What's going on for us,

80
00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:52,920
Speaker 1: The way we say it, the tone of voice, all

81
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:57,200
Speaker 1: of these things interfere with how the message is both

82
00:03:57,200 --> 00:04:00,720
Speaker 1: sent and received, regardless of how clear the woods actually are.

83
00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:05,320
Speaker 3: One of our children, specifically, she really struggles if we

84
00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:10,440
Speaker 3: sound hurried. Yes, she doesn't cope with the sense that

85
00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:14,280
Speaker 3: she's been moved on too quickly. She really likes things

86
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:17,360
Speaker 3: to be calm. They need to be collected, and we

87
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:19,480
Speaker 3: need to kind of do things in a really even

88
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:23,800
Speaker 3: tone for her to respond positively. Our kids have so

89
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:26,880
Speaker 3: many different little nuances, so many different ways that they

90
00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:32,440
Speaker 3: interpret the communication that we give them, and it's important

91
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:35,320
Speaker 3: that we are able to understand that so that we

92
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:36,600
Speaker 3: can have better outcomes.

93
00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:39,479
Speaker 1: So today nine ways. We've got less than a minute

94
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,320
Speaker 1: for each of these things, so we need to go fast.

95
00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:43,320
Speaker 1: Nine ways that you can help if your child is

96
00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:46,400
Speaker 1: quite unquote not listening, so that you can shift strategies

97
00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:51,320
Speaker 1: and engage in more mindful and collaborative communication practices.

98
00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:54,120
Speaker 3: Okay, so number one, Number one, you've got to make

99
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:55,680
Speaker 3: sure you've got their attention to start.

100
00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:59,880
Speaker 1: With before you start speaking. Literally, so often we just

101
00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,240
Speaker 1: shouting things from one room to another room and expect

102
00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:05,200
Speaker 1: that that will be enough. And that's a major problem.

103
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,240
Speaker 3: This is something that I learned way back when I

104
00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:11,720
Speaker 3: was doing my childcare diploma, the acknowledgment that if I

105
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:14,400
Speaker 3: want a child's attention, I actually need to get down

106
00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:17,279
Speaker 3: to their level. I need to be in their space.

107
00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:20,240
Speaker 3: It's imperative for effective communication.

108
00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:22,800
Speaker 1: So I'm going to suggest four things to help to

109
00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:24,839
Speaker 1: get there. No three things, just three things. Number one,

110
00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:27,440
Speaker 1: say their name. So if there's some sort of naming,

111
00:05:27,839 --> 00:05:31,920
Speaker 1: if there's a personalized invitation, if there's a clear signal

112
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:33,320
Speaker 1: that you're about to say something and you want their

113
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:35,680
Speaker 1: attention for it, the name is the best way to go.

114
00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:38,279
Speaker 1: I'll say Kylie, and then you look at me, okay.

115
00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:41,160
Speaker 1: And that's the second thing. Once you've said the name

116
00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,320
Speaker 1: of the person that you want to talk to, press

117
00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:45,840
Speaker 1: the pause button, give them a minute or a moment,

118
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:48,600
Speaker 1: give them a beat or a breath to disengage from

119
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:51,719
Speaker 1: whatever is that they're currently doing and shift their focus

120
00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:55,400
Speaker 1: to you. Eye contact is the signal that they're with you.

121
00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:58,360
Speaker 1: Once you've met eyes, that's when you know you can

122
00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:01,839
Speaker 1: continue as well. It's really helpful if you're not getting

123
00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:03,600
Speaker 1: the eye contact, or if they're not stopping what they're doing,

124
00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:08,240
Speaker 1: or they've ignored you calling their name, gentle touch elbow, shoulder, leg, Hey, kiddo,

125
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,680
Speaker 1: you mention their name. You're touching them now and then

126
00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:14,640
Speaker 1: they look at you, because there's that edit added level

127
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:18,440
Speaker 1: of making sure that you have their attention before you speak.

128
00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:20,800
Speaker 3: Number two, speak their language.

129
00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:27,320
Speaker 1: Yeah. Essentially, keep it simple, keep it clear, keep it direct,

130
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:30,560
Speaker 1: keep it kind, and make it fun. And one thing

131
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:31,840
Speaker 1: at a time. Did you like the way I gave

132
00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:33,760
Speaker 1: five things so that I could say one thing at

133
00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:37,760
Speaker 1: a time. Right at the end, So much information? I'm

134
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:38,400
Speaker 1: so sorry.

135
00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:42,640
Speaker 3: Number three, confirm understanding.

136
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:45,159
Speaker 1: Hang on a secon before we do that. This one

137
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:47,760
Speaker 1: also goes with the previous one, but it kind of

138
00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,840
Speaker 1: segues into confirming understanding as well. If you're going to

139
00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:52,880
Speaker 1: speak their language, I think that's really important that we

140
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:57,080
Speaker 1: engage their thinking. So rather than just saying here's what

141
00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:59,719
Speaker 1: I need you to do, say to them, what do

142
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,479
Speaker 1: you think we need to do before we leave? What

143
00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:05,080
Speaker 1: needs to happen before we can eat? So when you

144
00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:07,520
Speaker 1: ask them that question, not only you're speaking their language,

145
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:10,920
Speaker 1: but you're engaging them in thinking, and that confirms what

146
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:14,720
Speaker 1: they understand. So you might say what do we need

147
00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:16,480
Speaker 1: to do? Or if you've told them, you can say

148
00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:17,960
Speaker 1: what did I just ask you? And I've done that

149
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:20,000
Speaker 1: many times. I'll just stand in front of our daughter,

150
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:22,160
Speaker 1: she's looking at one of our daughters. They're looking at

151
00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:23,680
Speaker 1: me blankly, and I say, what do I just ask

152
00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:26,240
Speaker 1: you to do? You're looking a bit lost, and I'll

153
00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:29,960
Speaker 1: say I have no idea, And the last one that

154
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:33,040
Speaker 1: I'd recommend here is just say to them, what are

155
00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:35,760
Speaker 1: you going to do first? Or when will you do that?

156
00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:39,560
Speaker 1: Buy for things that aren't time sensitive, like the dishes

157
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:43,160
Speaker 1: every now and again instead of doing all in. One

158
00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:45,160
Speaker 1: of the kids will say, Hey, I've got the dishes tonight,

159
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:47,720
Speaker 1: I want to watch an episode, or I want to

160
00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:49,320
Speaker 1: listen to a podcast, or I want to talk with

161
00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:51,320
Speaker 1: a friend while I'm doing the kitchen tonight, So I'll

162
00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:53,440
Speaker 1: do it on my own. Love it when they do that.

163
00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:56,840
Speaker 1: I appreciate time together, and I don't love that they're

164
00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:59,200
Speaker 1: on a screen. But sometimes it's just really nice to

165
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,200
Speaker 1: give everyone a break, and that child's happy to do

166
00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:04,440
Speaker 1: the kitchen, and so my conversation with them at that

167
00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:07,160
Speaker 1: point will be when do you plan on doing it?

168
00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:09,040
Speaker 1: Because I don't want to wake up tomorrow morning and

169
00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:10,600
Speaker 1: discover that you just decided not to.

170
00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:20,400
Speaker 3: Number four. Read the non verbal cues.

171
00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:22,720
Speaker 1: This simply means paying attention to them. Like their body

172
00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:24,480
Speaker 1: will tell you how they're feeling. Sometimes they don't need

173
00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:29,040
Speaker 1: to communicate out loud. Their face, their shoulders, their movements

174
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,640
Speaker 1: will tell you if they're feeling confused or overwhelmed or

175
00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:35,760
Speaker 1: if they're resistant, and you can adjust Listen. Yeah, and

176
00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:38,320
Speaker 1: you can adjust your approach accordingly by going back to

177
00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:41,079
Speaker 1: number one and making sure you have their attention before

178
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:41,600
Speaker 1: you speak.

179
00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,480
Speaker 3: Validate their feelings if.

180
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:48,360
Speaker 1: They're struggling to comply. We talked about this last a

181
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:51,000
Speaker 1: week and a bit ago on Friday's Older Better Tomorrow,

182
00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:53,120
Speaker 1: when we're talking about our daughter wanting roadblocks and we're

183
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,400
Speaker 1: not okay with that, and there was so much validation

184
00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:57,120
Speaker 1: of her feelings that went into that. We talked all

185
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,160
Speaker 1: about how much she missed her friends and how fun

186
00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:00,839
Speaker 1: it is to be on those advices and on those

187
00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:03,679
Speaker 1: screens and on those games. There's a lot of validation

188
00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:06,560
Speaker 1: going on. Don't you just wish that we could be

189
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:08,200
Speaker 1: like all the other parents. Don't you wish that there

190
00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:09,440
Speaker 1: was a way that you could have more time with

191
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:12,520
Speaker 1: your friends. I know, it's really hard to be in

192
00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:15,000
Speaker 1: this situation right now. It feels like it's just not

193
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:19,959
Speaker 1: fair that validation does. Wonders when you've got a child

194
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:22,400
Speaker 1: who doesn't appear to be listening or who is resistant

195
00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:24,920
Speaker 1: to what you're saying. You're not agreeing with them, you're

196
00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:26,920
Speaker 1: not acquiescing, you're not telling them that they can have

197
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:30,160
Speaker 1: whatever they want or that they're even right. You're just

198
00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:31,080
Speaker 1: saying I get it.

199
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:34,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, that idea that you've talked about plenty of times

200
00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:36,880
Speaker 3: about giving our children in fantasy what they can't have

201
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:40,440
Speaker 3: in reality. In doing that, what you're actually saying is

202
00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:43,440
Speaker 3: I get it. I get that you want this, and

203
00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:47,319
Speaker 3: wouldn't it be amazing if you could. Just having someone

204
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:50,360
Speaker 3: validate you in that way is so comforting.

205
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, it feels good. Now you wanted to do the

206
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,080
Speaker 1: next couple, So let me go through the ones that

207
00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:56,760
Speaker 1: you've gott down. I don't know if this one's a

208
00:09:56,760 --> 00:10:01,360
Speaker 1: bit targeting towards me or not, but you said as patience,

209
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:02,600
Speaker 1: Thank you.

210
00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:07,000
Speaker 3: I think it's just really important for us to remember

211
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:11,040
Speaker 3: our kids just kids. Yeah, they're learning, they're just they're

212
00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:14,280
Speaker 3: starting out in life and they're going to work it out.

213
00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:16,320
Speaker 3: But it's going to require a bit of patience on

214
00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:18,600
Speaker 3: our part. It's not gonna happen as quickly as you want.

215
00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:21,040
Speaker 3: It's not going to happen even as streamlined as you'd

216
00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:25,760
Speaker 3: like it too. But with time, patience, and a holy beloved,

217
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:27,840
Speaker 3: these kids are going to work it out.

218
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:30,800
Speaker 1: You saying that has actually reminded me of something that

219
00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:32,280
Speaker 1: I've been doing a bit lately. I don't know if

220
00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:34,400
Speaker 1: you've noticed. I'd love to get some kudos here if

221
00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:37,960
Speaker 1: you've seen it happening in my parenting workshops. I'll say

222
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,840
Speaker 1: to parents, when you ask your kids to do something,

223
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:42,800
Speaker 1: how long do you wait before you ask them to

224
00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:45,200
Speaker 1: do it again if they haven't done it? And most

225
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:48,240
Speaker 1: parents will laugh and they'll be like, oh, like four seconds,

226
00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:51,320
Speaker 1: six seconds, something like that. I've been really practicing lately,

227
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:55,240
Speaker 1: asking and then just waiting. Sometimes I stand and wait.

228
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,959
Speaker 1: Other times I ask and then I say, I'll leave

229
00:10:57,960 --> 00:10:59,600
Speaker 1: it to you to get this done, and I'll walk away.

230
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:02,800
Speaker 1: Have you known that I've been much more patient? You're laughing.

231
00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:04,680
Speaker 1: I'm going to say that that is a no. I'll

232
00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:05,679
Speaker 1: keep on working on it.

233
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:07,400
Speaker 3: No no, no, that's not what else?

234
00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:10,920
Speaker 1: But that was three nos? No no, no, oh, my goodness.

235
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:16,360
Speaker 1: I'll practice give them a chance, is what I'm is

236
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:19,440
Speaker 1: how I would add to your suggestion number seven. You

237
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:24,240
Speaker 1: said the culture of respectful communication matters, and I loved this.

238
00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:26,319
Speaker 1: I could have talked about this one for ages, but

239
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:27,319
Speaker 1: I love that you said this.

240
00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:31,360
Speaker 3: It's so important to foster open and honest communication in

241
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:34,840
Speaker 3: your family, to create a safe space for everyone to

242
00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:37,480
Speaker 3: be able to express their thoughts and feelings, regardless of

243
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:39,719
Speaker 3: the fact that it may go against everything that you've

244
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:42,679
Speaker 3: asked them to do. It's important that they know that

245
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,680
Speaker 3: they can say the things that they need to say

246
00:11:44,679 --> 00:11:46,360
Speaker 3: to work through whatever it is they're feeling.

247
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:49,280
Speaker 1: So the gen Xa in me when I hear the

248
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:52,480
Speaker 1: term safe spaces, I kind of chafe and bristle because

249
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:55,080
Speaker 1: there was an interesting of safe spaces when I come

250
00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,960
Speaker 1: on what's going on with it? And yet when I

251
00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:02,319
Speaker 1: think about how there are, unfortunately in all of our

252
00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:04,720
Speaker 1: lives and in mine and yours as well, there are

253
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:07,000
Speaker 1: some people who when we're around them, we feel like

254
00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:09,040
Speaker 1: we have to hold back. We can't be our authentic selves.

255
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:13,800
Speaker 1: We certainly don't have open and broad ranging conversations with

256
00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:16,439
Speaker 1: them because we don't have the trust. We don't feel

257
00:12:16,559 --> 00:12:21,120
Speaker 1: safe disclosing around them. And when you said that idea

258
00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:24,199
Speaker 1: of creating that culture of respectful communication and the safe spaces,

259
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:26,760
Speaker 1: as much as part of me goes, oh gosh, it's

260
00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:29,120
Speaker 1: so peak twenty twenty four to talk about safe spaces,

261
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:33,040
Speaker 1: I get it and I agree with it because while

262
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:35,720
Speaker 1: we spend time with people sometimes that we don't know

263
00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:38,160
Speaker 1: that well or we don't want to disclose that much too.

264
00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:41,839
Speaker 1: They're still in our lives, and you can really tell

265
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,400
Speaker 1: the difference when you're with somebody who you feel safe

266
00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:47,840
Speaker 1: with versus someone that you don't. And in our homes,

267
00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:50,000
Speaker 1: our children have got to have that, and when we

268
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:52,559
Speaker 1: do that, we're much more likely to have an appropriate

269
00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:54,599
Speaker 1: give and take in terms of when you ask the

270
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:56,400
Speaker 1: kids to do something and you don't get a response,

271
00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,480
Speaker 1: here's how we're going to deal with it.

272
00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:01,559
Speaker 3: When I think back to the conversation we had on

273
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:05,319
Speaker 3: our I'll Do Better Tomorrow episode two fridays ago with

274
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:07,439
Speaker 3: our ten year old daughter who wanted to have roadblocks,

275
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:12,360
Speaker 3: there was this absolute, a surety in her mind that

276
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:15,840
Speaker 3: she could share with us everything that she was feeling

277
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:19,920
Speaker 3: and all the reasons why she should be able to

278
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:24,200
Speaker 3: have it. But there was equal acknowledgment that while she

279
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:28,360
Speaker 3: had come up with an impressive list, a brilliant list,

280
00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:31,800
Speaker 3: that at the end of the day, where her parents

281
00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:34,280
Speaker 3: and we feel like this is not the right decision

282
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:34,920
Speaker 3: for our family.

283
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:38,320
Speaker 1: It's that culture, that safe space we can talk about

284
00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:40,679
Speaker 1: stuff and figure stuff out together. Here, Yeah, all right,

285
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:43,280
Speaker 1: two more, Kyle, you said, remember the power of connection.

286
00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:46,880
Speaker 1: This is the heart of relationships, especially when things aren't

287
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:48,199
Speaker 1: going quite right and the kids aren't listening.

288
00:13:48,559 --> 00:13:51,640
Speaker 3: Connecting with our kids on an emotional level. If they

289
00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:55,360
Speaker 3: know that they are seen, heard and valued, that they're

290
00:13:55,480 --> 00:14:01,120
Speaker 3: absolutely loved, they're more likely to respond to our request positively.

291
00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:02,160
Speaker 3: Is that simple?

292
00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:05,720
Speaker 1: And my final one, which is just my favorite, is

293
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:07,360
Speaker 1: when you ask the kids to do something and they

294
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:11,800
Speaker 1: don't listen, or they resist or they react. Number nine. Last,

295
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:14,360
Speaker 1: but definitely not least, just do it with them. Yea

296
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:17,320
Speaker 1: bedroom's too messy, go and do it with them. Can't

297
00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:19,080
Speaker 1: find their shoes, go and help them put them on.

298
00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:20,520
Speaker 1: What are you laughing at?

299
00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:23,000
Speaker 3: I'm laughing because I showed you a reel the other day.

300
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:25,640
Speaker 3: A little maybe three or four year old have been

301
00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:26,640
Speaker 3: asked to clean her room.

302
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:30,560
Speaker 1: I remember, yeah, I was thinking, where are you going

303
00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:30,760
Speaker 1: with this?

304
00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:31,800
Speaker 2: I remember she.

305
00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:34,880
Speaker 3: Was so excited to show her parents, and she's raced

306
00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:37,120
Speaker 3: down the hallway and her parents have got the camera

307
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:39,840
Speaker 3: on her and she says, come come with me, and

308
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:43,120
Speaker 3: they've turned the corner and in the hallway you cannot

309
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:46,800
Speaker 3: see the floor. All of her toys are now in

310
00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:49,480
Speaker 3: the cloth. I'm sure everything from her room was in

311
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:52,040
Speaker 3: the hall come and she walks into her room and

312
00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:56,000
Speaker 3: it is sparkling, and her mum says, nothing done. Is

313
00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:58,400
Speaker 3: such an amazing job. And she said, but guess what

314
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:01,520
Speaker 3: now you have to clean the hallway and she says, no,

315
00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,080
Speaker 3: I don't want to mess up my room.

316
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,040
Speaker 1: Diving in and doing it with the kids. We've done

317
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:08,760
Speaker 1: this so many times with our children, when we ask

318
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:10,520
Speaker 1: them to do something and it's just too big for

319
00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:12,240
Speaker 1: them right there in the moment, even if they've done

320
00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:14,040
Speaker 1: it before, even if they've got the capacity to do it.

321
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,600
Speaker 1: Sometimes they're too tired, they're too overwhelmed, there's too much

322
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:18,760
Speaker 1: other stuff going on. And you get in there and

323
00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:20,960
Speaker 1: do it with them, and you enjoy the time together

324
00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:22,520
Speaker 1: and they're happy.

325
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:25,120
Speaker 3: To do it. If there was just feel so overwhelming

326
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:27,240
Speaker 3: in that space. I can think about one hundred different

327
00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:31,600
Speaker 3: jobs that I have done multiple times in my daily

328
00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:35,240
Speaker 3: life as a parent, and some days it just feels

329
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:35,960
Speaker 3: all too much.

330
00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:37,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, but when I get in there and help make.

331
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:41,360
Speaker 3: The bed, yes, it's amazing. There we go.

332
00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:45,200
Speaker 1: Nine ways. Nine ways to deal with challenging moments when

333
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,480
Speaker 1: the kids aren't listening, or when you're repeating yourself over

334
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,720
Speaker 1: and over and over and over and over and over again.

335
00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,160
Speaker 1: I'm not going to repeat them all. There were too many.

336
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,520
Speaker 1: But hopefully this was helpful and it's given you some

337
00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:56,840
Speaker 1: inspo for when you get home this afternoon and things

338
00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:59,320
Speaker 1: aren't quite right, or maybe this morning, when you finish

339
00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:01,320
Speaker 1: whatever it is that this morning you run, or whatever,

340
00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:03,880
Speaker 1: Hopefully things will be better so that you can have

341
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:06,560
Speaker 1: growth and understanding and deep connection with your kids and

342
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:09,600
Speaker 1: transform those challenging moments into something a whole lot nice.

343
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,640
Speaker 1: The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from

344
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:15,560
Speaker 1: Bridge Media. Tomorrow on the pod Answering your Questions. If

345
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,520
Speaker 1: you'd like to submit a question, just go to Happy

346
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,680
Speaker 1: Families dot com dot you. We've got this super simple

347
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:22,400
Speaker 1: system to use. You scroll down to where it says podcasts,

348
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:25,720
Speaker 1: You press the button and you start talking love answering

349
00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:28,800
Speaker 1: your questions, you can send them through any time. For

350
00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:31,280
Speaker 1: more about making your family happy and keep listening to

351
00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:34,520
Speaker 1: the podcast, check out our socials Obviously, Happy Families dot

352
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:42,640
Speaker 1: com dot you