Speaker 1: Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
Speaker 1: were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders
Speaker 1: past and present.
Speaker 2: Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
Speaker 2: recorded on Cameragle Land.
Speaker 1: Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 1: I'm Brittany, I'm Laura, and Laura's really really had a week.
Speaker 1: She is here. She is smiling, which is am I?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Am I here? Am I smiling? You're smiling and you're here.
Speaker 1: But I think it's like in that you know when
Speaker 1: you're smiling like that mannic way, you know when you're
Speaker 1: laughing at something and you're smiling.
Speaker 2: Alanis Morissette where it's like cry at a funeral. Also
Speaker 2: very fitting. Sorry, yeah, but.
Speaker 1: This is what I mean. You're here in your harvest group. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're having a wonderful time. You've cracked some jokes, but
Speaker 1: it hasn't been a wonderful week. No. I love being here, guys.
Speaker 2: I'm never going to I'm on the podcast and complain
Speaker 2: about doing the podcast, because you guys, this is like
Speaker 2: the best thing that we get to do with our
Speaker 2: weeks is being here and doing this sorry.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean here i'd say he's the best
Speaker 1: thing I get to do each week.
Speaker 3: But sorry to my children who I love. But I mean,
Speaker 3: we'll talk.
Speaker 2: About it in a little bit, but we kind of
Speaker 2: don't want to get into it as like the intro
Speaker 2: of the crux of this episode. But if you listen
Speaker 2: to last Tuesday's episode, you would know that I was
Speaker 2: talking about my suck was that my nana was really unwell. Well,
Speaker 2: I have much worse suck this week, and that is
Speaker 2: that my nana passed away last week.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and she was.
Speaker 3: Ninety four, so like amazing, it was her time.
Speaker 2: You know, It's not as though she had a lot
Speaker 2: of life left in her and I've spoken about her
Speaker 2: so much on the pod around her dementia and kind
Speaker 2: of the last five years since my papa passed away.
Speaker 3: But it doesn't make it any less hard.
Speaker 2: It's still really sad, and I just feel I feel
Speaker 2: absolutely flattened by the week, is how I feel.
Speaker 1: Well, do you want to talk about it now or
Speaker 1: do you want me to divert for a minute and
Speaker 1: then we can come back and sit in it.
Speaker 3: What would you prefer?
Speaker 1: This is what you like to do for you?
Speaker 2: You tell me your funny stories first, and then I
Speaker 2: can talk about Shirley.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'll tell you the only thing I happened to
Speaker 1: me this week, which is I'm crying. I know, so
Speaker 1: I'm going to distract it for a minute. The only
Speaker 1: thing that really shook me this week. I'm having a
Speaker 1: real parenting crisis. I'm not an actual parent, obviously, but
Speaker 1: I have Delilah, my dog. She's the love of my life.
Speaker 1: I imagine this is what it feels like when your
Speaker 1: kid goes to preschool and they call up and they say,
Speaker 1: you know your child's been bullying people.
Speaker 3: Delilah's a terror, that's why. What has she done?
Speaker 2: Now?
Speaker 1: This is how I feel. This is what I actually
Speaker 1: felt like it. I was embarrassed, I was upset. I
Speaker 1: was really going through the emotions, and I was like, well,
Speaker 1: I get a grip, Brittany. Obviously, my period's coming or something.
Speaker 1: She goes to two dog walkers a week because when
Speaker 1: we have huge days of radio when podcasting, I'm out
Speaker 1: all day. She's an Australian shepherd. She cannot be at home,
Speaker 1: so I pay these two separate dog walkers. They come
Speaker 1: get her in the morning. She's with them all day
Speaker 1: with a group of dogs that there's always photos. They're
Speaker 1: having the time of their life, and then they drop
Speaker 1: her back. Both dog walkers independently this week basically kicked
Speaker 1: her out a dog school.
Speaker 3: No, they haven't.
Speaker 1: Yep, she's the bully.
Speaker 3: What does she do She picks some of the dogs.
Speaker 1: No, she doesn't. She's very friendly, but she's really really
Speaker 1: possessive and obsessive, right, and so producer Keisha knows the
Speaker 1: same thing because she produced. Keisha's looked after for a
Speaker 1: long time since she was a puppy. And what she
Speaker 1: thinks she's she's so obsessed with who she thinks her
Speaker 1: person is that if somebody, another dog or somebody comes
Speaker 1: too close and she gets a bit funny, she'll be
Speaker 1: very like aggressive, as in not fight it, but get
Speaker 1: in between us, growl at it like so she doesn't
Speaker 1: bite it or anything, but she's quite intimidating.
Speaker 2: Oh I've I've seen because the only reason why I
Speaker 2: make jokes is because anytimerit's come over to our house,
Speaker 2: in my house and Buster just wants to come and
Speaker 2: hang out with me.
Speaker 3: Delilah's like, oh.
Speaker 1: Fuck you up.
Speaker 2: Bus is like I live here that's my mom do.
Speaker 2: She tries to protect me from my own dog.
Speaker 3: Resource guardians a word like resource.
Speaker 1: Like, I'm not food.
Speaker 3: Usually it's about like, it's about kibble.
Speaker 2: It's not usually about the human that you don't know
Speaker 2: that well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, resource guarding is with food and balls, which she
Speaker 1: also does. So she got into a fight last week
Speaker 1: at dog school because someone else tried to take her ball.
Speaker 1: But it wasn't her ball. She took it from that dog,
Speaker 1: so the dog was trying to get her own ball back.
Speaker 1: So anyway, they both independently were like, we think Dylila
Speaker 1: might be better students. So what are you going to do?
Speaker 2: You've lost both your dog walkers. We're saying, as in
Speaker 2: Jody like or who we love. Jody can't do her anymore.
Speaker 1: Jody's put her on a one month trial. One more month.
Speaker 2: Oh she must be. Jody will take anything. Jody will
Speaker 2: take any dog.
Speaker 1: Jody loves Egi dog. My dog walkers are amazing. I
Speaker 1: don't want anyone to think that they're not. Like Demi
Speaker 1: and Jody shout out, there are incredible people. There's obviously
Speaker 1: a space in both groups.
Speaker 2: Now I get vouch for this because Jody, who she's
Speaker 2: a lifer as well.
Speaker 3: We love you. You probably are, I don't hope you are.
Speaker 2: Jody has been my sister's dog and my sister's dogs
Speaker 2: who are like fourteen years old now, like she's been
Speaker 2: my sister's dog walker for so long.
Speaker 3: She then became Buster's dog walker, and then now she's Delilahs.
Speaker 2: Dalilah is the only dog that I have ever known
Speaker 2: that Jodie's like too much.
Speaker 3: But that's years.
Speaker 1: That's real sad. So we need to do something about this. Okay,
Speaker 1: So here's where I'm at. So she's been banned from Wednesday.
Speaker 1: I'm not laughing, and everyone thinks that I'm not like
Speaker 1: I have tried to train Delilah consistently from a puppy.
Speaker 1: She's gone to dog schools, she's gone to Elite dog school,
Speaker 1: she's got puppy camp, she's been to agility school. I've
Speaker 1: trained her like she's.
Speaker 3: But we also got kicked out of agility school, remember, but.
Speaker 1: That's because she wanted to have sex with them.
Speaker 2: She like.
Speaker 1: First like a mom because she was on heat, but
Speaker 1: she she didn't focus anyway, Long story short, we've been
Speaker 1: I just want people to know it's not because I'm neglectful,
Speaker 1: like I have tried to put in the work. So
Speaker 1: this is where she's at Wednesday's band. I'm going to
Speaker 1: find her someone else, which you know, my my dog.
Speaker 1: It's like, look, it's not like I'm dropping her now.
Speaker 1: I love her. If she's just hard, I'll do it
Speaker 1: for the next month and give you time to find
Speaker 1: someone else. And I was so deeply hurt, like she
Speaker 1: was a direct reflection of me. And then on theears though,
Speaker 1: that's the problem, that's the problem.
Speaker 3: Do you know what's worse than this?
Speaker 2: The only thing worse than this is when daycare calls
Speaker 2: you to tell you that your kid has knits and
Speaker 2: your your kid is the nit kid. And that was
Speaker 2: my experience recently, and I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: the shame, the horror.
Speaker 3: Well, a child's the nitchild.
Speaker 1: DEMI goes and she's got fleas.
Speaker 3: Your child's the nitchild.
Speaker 1: I was joking.
Speaker 3: Well, good parenting, Brits.
Speaker 1: So she's got a one month trial for her Monday
Speaker 1: left to see if she can be better. So I
Speaker 1: feel all this pressure now one month to prove herself.
Speaker 1: So she's recommended me a dog trainer that she said
Speaker 1: is good I have never used him, so I've reached
Speaker 1: out to him and it's so funny. I've reached out
Speaker 1: to Heim on Instagram and was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: you've been recommended. I've got an Aussie blah blah. Do
Speaker 1: you think you can help me? And he wrote back
Speaker 1: straight away and he's like, yeah, like we could do that.
Speaker 1: Tell me what you think the problems are and we'll
Speaker 1: go from there. And so I told him all the
Speaker 1: problems blanked. Raize hasn't written back, and I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: just going to give him the benefit of the doubt
Speaker 1: for a day. He's probably on holiday with his family.
Speaker 2: But the thing about Delilah is she kind of reminds me.
Speaker 2: You know, when you're at school and someone's like so hot,
Speaker 2: You've like the hot person, but they don't have to
Speaker 2: work on their personality.
Speaker 1: Pretty privileged exists in the dog world.
Speaker 2: She know she's hot, guy, she she does.
Speaker 1: She has. Actually I have been catch you know, looking
Speaker 1: in the mirror somehow, Like sometimes I see her staring
Speaker 1: in the mirror and I'm like.
Speaker 3: Are you looking at yourself?
Speaker 1: Mom? Like daughter, hang on. What I want to say
Speaker 1: in her defense is that she's actually the most perfect
Speaker 1: dog with people with kids, with her affection, her everything.
Speaker 1: It's just this resource obsessiveness and the protectiveness is too much,
Speaker 1: and it's the problem when we're in public, at home
Speaker 1: and when it's just us. But it's the protection thing,
Speaker 1: and I don't know, like fair right she wants to
Speaker 1: keep me. No.
Speaker 2: I think we need to give Delilah a bit of
Speaker 2: slack because she comes from a broken home, like her
Speaker 2: dad left when she was a baby.
Speaker 3: Her dad walked out.
Speaker 1: Fuck you Delightah.
Speaker 2: She comes from a broken home. Her dad walked out
Speaker 2: when she was a baby. Her mom is a working mum.
Speaker 2: She knows, she's busy, she's always with the nanny. It's
Speaker 2: a really hard life living like that as a gilt
Speaker 2: an anxious attachment style.
Speaker 1: Yeah, are you saying I'm supposed to feel guilty being
Speaker 1: a working mom and putting bacon in that bowl.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, you're doing the best that you can with what
Speaker 3: you have.
Speaker 1: Damn straight the salmon. Anyway, if you're a dog walker,
Speaker 1: I mean if you're a dog walker or b a
Speaker 1: dog trainer more importantly, so sorry, back to the one
Speaker 1: month trial. What because Jodi has said, I know, trust me,
Speaker 1: stay with it. Jody has said that if she can
Speaker 1: improve in a month, she'll keep her on. So I'm
Speaker 1: on a one month time frame to whip that dog
Speaker 1: into shave probation so that she can stay with her
Speaker 1: dog walker. Pray for me, everyone, if you have dog,
Speaker 1: train to slne to my DMS. Anyway, that's my that's
Speaker 1: my life update. Thank you.
Speaker 3: I needed that. That was great, Love you, dah Well, look,
Speaker 3: we do love Dalilah.
Speaker 2: I mean she could come to the studio if she
Speaker 2: didn't drop her hair everywhere.
Speaker 1: Maybe Kim just start bringing her in and put her
Speaker 1: in the corner. She's really chill now.
Speaker 3: I think it's more the hair factor.
Speaker 1: I'll bring it vackum.
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm not against it's not my studio. So I
Speaker 3: mean speaking this is not speaking of pussy.
Speaker 2: I was gonna say, speaking of dogs, then pussies. I
Speaker 2: mean kind of like within the same realm, but slightly different.
Speaker 2: So last week we were talking about the word pussy,
Speaker 2: as in like you know, calling someone a pussy for
Speaker 2: not being brave enough, like jump off the cliff, your pussy, Yeah,
Speaker 2: just do what you pussy, And then we kind of,
Speaker 2: you know, as I said it, and as the word
Speaker 2: pussy actually you think you said it. But anyway, as
Speaker 2: the word came out of someone's mouth in here, the
Speaker 2: like PC lens of mind was like, oh God, somebody
Speaker 2: in the comment section is gonna come have it.
Speaker 3: They're gonna fucking come for us for the use of
Speaker 3: the word pussy.
Speaker 2: Now, then we ended up getting into a weird conversation
Speaker 2: about Betty White and how like pussies are actually really strong.
Speaker 3: They take a pumpy take a look.
Speaker 2: We really tried to cover all bases there, but anyway
Speaker 2: one of you guys slid in to our dms or
Speaker 2: into the space someone's sleep.
Speaker 3: We got scolled.
Speaker 2: Someone slid it into my pussy and told me that
Speaker 2: actually the word pussy, like calling someone a pussy for
Speaker 2: not being strong enough, has nothing to do with vaginas.
Speaker 2: So we can all like stop worrying about it because
Speaker 2: I know everyone's been losing sleep. So the word pussy
Speaker 2: originates from the word puss alanimus, which is showing a
Speaker 2: lack of courage or determination or is timid pus alanimous.
Speaker 2: So the next time someone is being pussy, don't call
Speaker 2: them a pussy, call them a pussy lannimus And it means.
Speaker 1: It's okay to use it without feeling guilty, like it's
Speaker 1: like a derogatory term related to the vagina.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because let's not put our vaginas or revolvers down.
Speaker 2: Let's not call people pussies. Let's call them puslanimus. When
Speaker 2: I say, when I always said pussy, though, puss alanimi,
Speaker 2: because what's the plural of it, just one flat puss alanimie.
Speaker 1: When I used the term pussy, I don't cringe. I
Speaker 1: would always say to somebody, you're a pussy, but not
Speaker 1: because I never actually associated with a vagina. I just
Speaker 1: associated it with being scared. Because when I hear the
Speaker 1: word pussy in relation to a vagina, I cringe. I
Speaker 1: don't like vaginas being called pussy. So if I was
Speaker 1: hooking up with someone who's like, show me a pussy,
Speaker 1: I'd be like, Eh, there's a front door, that's what
Speaker 1: I'll show you. I don't like the term actor as well,
Speaker 1: first date. I don't like the term pussy in relation
Speaker 1: to a vaginal.
Speaker 2: Agree, but everyone's different, Like some people find that really
Speaker 2: hot and steamy. There isn't a term. This is the
Speaker 2: unfortunate thing for me. There isn't a term for revolver
Speaker 2: or for a vagina that a guy can say in
Speaker 2: sex that makes me feel like that's sexy.
Speaker 1: So I would your word if if you're getting into
Speaker 1: it and he's trying to sexy talk and he has
Speaker 1: to use a word to refer to it, what would
Speaker 1: you want if it's not.
Speaker 3: Because if it had to happen for me, it'd be pussy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the thing, because if someone's like the word
Speaker 2: that there is, but I don't enjoy it being said.
Speaker 3: I'm not like, yeah, that's it.
Speaker 1: That doesn't work.
Speaker 2: It's your volver, like, it doesn't turn me on. It
Speaker 2: doesn't it's not my volvo the car. No, it doesn't
Speaker 2: turn you on. Okay, But what is yours when it
Speaker 2: comes to a penis.
Speaker 1: If I'm probably cock? Yeah, so basic willy dick Once
Speaker 1: I said once I said willie, but like, get your
Speaker 1: willie up, show me a willie, I would say no,
Speaker 1: But I think dick's okay as well.
Speaker 3: No, I think it's cock for me.
Speaker 2: If I'm going to dirty talk, dick feels like a
Speaker 2: like a swear word, like if I'm calling someone a dick,
Speaker 2: Like it doesn't really feel like something to bring into
Speaker 2: the bedroom.
Speaker 1: But I wouldn't really call someone a cock. Okay. The
Speaker 1: relation for the true dick for me just is like
Speaker 1: a okay, regular penis. But when you say cock, it
Speaker 1: makes it sound like it's going to destroy you, Like
Speaker 1: cock just means it's going to dare you. But so
Speaker 1: it's like it's a real compliment, isn't it. I think
Speaker 1: men would want it to be referred to as a seriously,
Speaker 1: k Yeah, I.
Speaker 3: Like that you spelt it out after saying cock five times.
Speaker 3: All right, well, look off that back of that note.
Speaker 2: I'm sure my name would really appreciate us talking about her.
Speaker 1: Now. That's sorry, Shirley, mate, what a segue.
Speaker 3: I wonder what she used to use.
Speaker 1: We love she said.
Speaker 3: Cock or dick?
Speaker 1: Anyway.
Speaker 2: So look, the reason why I want to talk about
Speaker 2: this isn't because I mean it's a weird one for me,
Speaker 2: because I kind of partly feel like you almost can't
Speaker 2: be sad when someone who's ninety four years old passes
Speaker 2: away because it is so not a tragedy, especially when
Speaker 2: my NaN's had dementia for so long, and for the
Speaker 2: past five years, I think her.
Speaker 1: Life has been really hard.
Speaker 2: She's she's been living in a home she lost her
Speaker 2: husband and like the love of her life. My grandparents
Speaker 2: were together since she was sixteen and her whole life,
Speaker 2: and so for the past like five years, every time
Speaker 2: you see how she's always.
Speaker 3: Like, love you ready to die now? So she's thrilled,
Speaker 3: like this is exactly what she wanted. I love you,
Speaker 3: kill me on the way out. But it's funny.
Speaker 1: The only thing I will say that I don't know
Speaker 1: if I agree with, and I just think that we're
Speaker 1: told that when someone has lived a long life, like
Speaker 1: they're in their nineties, we're told that like, you shouldn't
Speaker 1: be sad, you should be happy they had a fulfilling life,
Speaker 1: which is so true, but you can still be sad
Speaker 1: that that person that has been a part of your
Speaker 1: whole life, even though they've lived a little life, it's
Speaker 1: still sad, like you've still lost someone. It's just it
Speaker 1: makes it a little bit more comforting to know they
Speaker 1: had the great life, but it doesn't take away the
Speaker 1: grief totally.
Speaker 2: And for me, it's a bit different because my grandparents
Speaker 2: were more than just grandparents to me, Like I lived
Speaker 2: with my grandparents growing up, so my nan was my
Speaker 2: second mum and my grandfather filled my paper. He filled
Speaker 2: such a paternal role in my life and for that, like,
Speaker 2: I'll be forever grateful for them, because they were during
Speaker 2: a time when my childhood was very chaotic. They were
Speaker 2: the one relationship that was always stable, and they always
Speaker 2: showed up for me and my sister and my brother.
Speaker 3: So they were really incredible people.
Speaker 2: But the reason why I wanted to talk about it
Speaker 2: is because we have an episode that's coming out tomorrow.
Speaker 2: It is with hospice nurse Julie, who is very prolific
Speaker 2: across TikTok, and we recorded this before we actually went
Speaker 2: on holidays, and so at the time, my Nan didn't
Speaker 2: have pneumonia and she wasn't unwell. And one of the
Speaker 2: things that hospiciness duly talked about in this episode is
Speaker 2: this moment of clarity that often people have when they
Speaker 2: are in palliative care and they are in the final
Speaker 2: stages before death. And I'm genuinely so grateful that we
Speaker 2: had done that interview and we'd had that conversation just
Speaker 2: before Nan passing away, because I think it gave me
Speaker 2: a little bit of an understanding and a bit of
Speaker 2: a preparation for what was going to happen. I didn't
Speaker 2: expect the timing to be so soon, but it really
Speaker 2: made a massive difference to me. And the reason why
Speaker 2: it did make this massive difference is because one of
Speaker 2: the things that Julie was speaking about is that when
Speaker 2: some patients, whether it be dementia patients or very elderly,
Speaker 2: have been like non responsive or have been like very
Speaker 2: unconnected for a long time, that they have these moments,
Speaker 2: often in the final stages just before death, of lucidity,
Speaker 2: where they come to and they're able to have conversation
Speaker 2: and talk. And she said that there's this experience that
Speaker 2: some people have which no one knows why, but it
Speaker 2: seems this real, like lucid connection again with reality.
Speaker 1: Like the fog lifts for a minute.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And my nan has not been very conscious at
Speaker 2: all for the last couple of weeks, even when she
Speaker 2: didn't have pneumonia. You were only getting sort of like
Speaker 2: very short replies out of her. But I went down
Speaker 2: there to Woongong two nights before she passed away, and
Speaker 2: nobody else had had a conversation with her. My sister
Speaker 2: had been down there that same day and she hadn't
Speaker 2: even woken up. And at last she was at the
Speaker 2: hospital for over an hour, and I got down there
Speaker 2: and she was completely asleep, and she was like very
Speaker 2: heavy in the chest and like real like drool of
Speaker 2: trying to breathe. And then I sat down and I
Speaker 2: was just having a conversation with her, like I was
Speaker 2: just talking to her as though she could understand what
Speaker 2: I was saying, even though she was completely not conscious.
Speaker 2: And then she started to show signs after about twenty
Speaker 2: minutes that she knew I was there. She was like
Speaker 2: moving her hand and then after a little bit longer,
Speaker 2: she was trying to raise her hand up to hold
Speaker 2: my hand, and then slowly she started showing more and
Speaker 2: more awareness that I was there. What happened next was
Speaker 2: like truly incredible and something that I will keep with
Speaker 2: me for the rest of my life.
Speaker 3: She woke up and she wanted she was like, my
Speaker 3: back is sore.
Speaker 2: She wanted to sit up in bed, so I got
Speaker 2: the nurse, and the nurse came in and sat her up,
Speaker 2: and then we spent an hour and forty minutes just
Speaker 2: talking about all the memories that we have, Like she
Speaker 2: was prompting me on stories about my papa, things like
Speaker 2: how he would ride his bike to go see her
Speaker 2: and put newspaper down his shirt to stay warm because
Speaker 2: they had no money. And she was like the big paper,
Speaker 2: the sun Herald, because it covered him up more. And
Speaker 2: she was actually the one who was prompting these stories.
Speaker 2: And she, you know, she was saying things like what
Speaker 2: about the rat, the rat behind the oven, and then
Speaker 2: trying to prompt me on stories about from when I
Speaker 2: was living in Lizmore and how he had this rat
Speaker 2: that ended up behind the oven, and these things that
Speaker 2: I thought that there's no way that she would remember,
Speaker 2: but she remember them so clearly. Even if the timeline
Speaker 2: wasn't exact, she got like the timeline mixed up, but
Speaker 2: the stories themselves she remembered.
Speaker 1: Well. It's it's also when you think of dementia, a
Speaker 1: lot of dementia patients, it's quite short term. All the
Speaker 1: second half of their life, they forget things. But when
Speaker 1: you think about the fact how involved you were in
Speaker 1: their life, like you lived with them from a really
Speaker 1: young age. So all her memories, she she does remember
Speaker 1: that whole part. You know, if that was me and
Speaker 1: my nan, I didn't have that relationship, so she might
Speaker 1: not have remembered who I even was. But you were
Speaker 1: such an integral part of her life, so it must
Speaker 1: be so nice for her to but like so random,
Speaker 1: like they're rat at Uni that time, Like what a
Speaker 1: strange memory. Well it was.
Speaker 2: I mean, like the story behind that is probably too
Speaker 2: the much to get into, but it was that was
Speaker 2: very no I cooked it. I lived in Lismore and
Speaker 2: like I was living in a terrible share house and
Speaker 2: the last straw was this rat that ended up like
Speaker 2: running through the kitchen and jumping behind the oven. And
Speaker 2: I called my nan at the time and I was
Speaker 2: like I can't live here anymore. And her and my
Speaker 2: papa drove up to come pick me up from liz
Speaker 2: Moare and bring me home and so and so she
Speaker 2: was like remember the rat and because she was like,
Speaker 2: you'll let me get squalor.
Speaker 1: Which that must have been a really big moment for
Speaker 1: her to, Yeah, that's what stood out. There must have
Speaker 1: been a moment where she's like I'm going to go
Speaker 1: protect my granddaughter, like I'm going to go get her
Speaker 1: and bring her home to safety, like she's she's remembered,
Speaker 1: she you remember that.
Speaker 2: And she also talked so much about like having dreams
Speaker 2: about Papa. She said I've been seeing Papa a lot,
Speaker 2: which was really sweet. And then I asked her. I
Speaker 2: know it's probably a bit late to ask, now, Nan,
Speaker 2: but what do you want at your funeral? Like, if
Speaker 2: you have a choice, what do you want to have there?
Speaker 2: She goes, I just want your papa to be there.
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, Nan, because sometimes she would.
Speaker 3: Forget that he's not alive.
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, Nan, you know Papa's he'll
Speaker 2: be with you, he won't be there, and she goes, oh.
Speaker 1: In the ad.
Speaker 3: So she wanted me to bring there to the funeral.
Speaker 1: Would you Yeah, would you put them together?
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's under the kitchen bench at the moment, so
Speaker 2: we're going to bring in. I think he's been waiting
Speaker 2: for Nan.
Speaker 1: There.
Speaker 2: Thing is that they always wanted to get cremated and
Speaker 2: thrown off no mount mount Kembler, Makira. They always want
Speaker 2: to get thrown off like this mountain.
Speaker 1: Which mountain is because Ma Kira, I'm gonna throw it
Speaker 1: somewhere up. So he's been waiting, So that's that's the
Speaker 1: next step. So your Nan wants to be cremated, and
Speaker 1: then that's what you guys are gonna do together.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're going to go down as a family and
Speaker 2: toss them off. So my advice would be to don't
Speaker 2: go high.
Speaker 3: I'll let you guys all know.
Speaker 2: Don't hiking that day or Mount Kira because if a
Speaker 2: bit of dust falls down, it's Nada and Barba on
Speaker 2: their way down the mountain.
Speaker 1: I remember, this is a fucked thing to attach to
Speaker 1: the back. But we're here, we are. I remember years
Speaker 1: ago we had an accidentally unfiltered written in about a
Speaker 1: girl that was on a walk along a cliff face
Speaker 1: like it was like a beach walk with a guy.
Speaker 1: They're on a date, I think, and they could feel
Speaker 1: stuff on them, falling on them, and they were like,
Speaker 1: what what is this? And they looked around and I
Speaker 1: looked up and they realized that they were getting someone's
Speaker 1: ashes off the cliff. Someone was like spreading ashes and
Speaker 1: it went all over them. They on their first date.
Speaker 1: They were covered in a dead person? Like that?
Speaker 4: Is that you?
Speaker 1: That's a be careful a if you're going for a
Speaker 1: high can be piss Brettan nashes if you think.
Speaker 2: It's a windy day and it's really dusty, like I
Speaker 2: have a little reassessment as to what's going on no,
Speaker 2: But anyway, the reason why I wanted to say it,
Speaker 2: like I said, is tomorrow's episode Hospiceeness Druly, the reality
Speaker 2: is is that we are all, at some point in
Speaker 2: our life going to lose someone who we love, and
Speaker 2: as we get older, those moments seem to happen a
Speaker 2: lot more frequent than.
Speaker 1: What you would like.
Speaker 2: And it gave me a lot of comfort doing that
Speaker 2: interview prior to this happening with Nan, So I would
Speaker 2: so recommend everybody listens to tomorrow's episode because she is
Speaker 2: incredible and there's so few people who can speak about
Speaker 2: the closeness of death and the experience of death and
Speaker 2: being around a loved one who dies, and also someone
Speaker 2: who's seen it not just intimately but also objectively as well,
Speaker 2: because she stood alongside it. So it's an awesome interview
Speaker 2: it's coming out tomorrow.
Speaker 1: Or two things. One thing, I've been around a lot
Speaker 1: of death in hospital, and this I learned so much
Speaker 1: more from Nurse Julie, Like it's just such a different
Speaker 1: lens and a different angle. Like even I think everyone,
Speaker 1: no matter what stage of life you are at or
Speaker 1: what grief you've been through, this is an episode for everyone,
Speaker 1: Like it was very fascinating and educational. And the other
Speaker 1: thing I want to add is because I know there
Speaker 1: might be a lot of people listening now that don't
Speaker 1: really understand the conversation we just had or how we
Speaker 1: had it in terms of, you know, we just made
Speaker 1: a lot of jokes and there's a lot of laughing.
Speaker 1: But I just wanted to be said that Laura has
Speaker 1: gone through it in her own way for however long.
Speaker 1: You know, there's a lot of the time that we
Speaker 1: deal with things with laughter. It doesn't we don't want
Speaker 1: anyone to be offended the fact that we can make
Speaker 1: some jokes and things like that.
Speaker 3: Because it's Oh, I think it's the only way to
Speaker 3: deal with it.
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, Look, it's been a really hard time
Speaker 2: for my mum at the moment because, like as you
Speaker 2: all know, you guys have been listening to the show
Speaker 2: for a while, Like my stepdad's in palliative care and
Speaker 2: my mum's just lost her mum. So I think the
Speaker 2: reason why I feel so flat and so sad isn't
Speaker 2: just because of Nan.
Speaker 3: You know, like NaN's if.
Speaker 2: Like she was so ready, I know that she would
Speaker 2: be like, guys, you're held on to me for way
Speaker 2: too long. She's like she was done without shit a
Speaker 2: long time ago. But I feel really feel for my
Speaker 2: mom because my mum is the primary err for my
Speaker 2: stepdad at the moment, and then now she's just lost
Speaker 2: her mum.
Speaker 3: So yeah, fuck man life.
Speaker 2: Hey, three's just some curve balls and then you've lost
Speaker 2: your dog walkers, so like it's fuck.
Speaker 1: Please don't relate the two my grief this week, whilst
Speaker 1: it has been tough, not compared to yours.
Speaker 3: Anyway, the only way to do with this ship is
Speaker 3: by having a laugh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, well let's get into we're actually talking about today.
Speaker 1: So we want to talk about something today. It's called
Speaker 1: shut up rings or shut up moves.
Speaker 2: Do you know what is so funny about this because like,
Speaker 2: as two people who work in the space.
Speaker 3: Of relationships, we have a relationships podcast.
Speaker 2: Everywhere that I had read about this, everyone's like, oh,
Speaker 2: you've all heard of like a shut up ring, And
Speaker 2: if I genuinely hand on my heart was like, fuck,
Speaker 2: I'm such a millennial. I had not heard of shut
Speaker 2: up ring, but I not I understand the concept. We're
Speaker 2: going to tell you the concept. If you've never heard
Speaker 2: of a shut up ring.
Speaker 3: You are not alone.
Speaker 1: So the idea of shut up rings, which we're going
Speaker 1: to get into, has been around for a while. It
Speaker 1: is having a little bit of a resurgence, but that
Speaker 1: is because of this one girl on TikTok who has
Speaker 1: advanced the idea of shut up rings. It's evolved, Thank you,
Speaker 1: that was what I was looking for. It's evolved to
Speaker 1: shut up moves, not just shut up rings. Her TikTok
Speaker 1: is Monica Millington. But have a listen to what she
Speaker 1: says about shut up moves.
Speaker 4: Now, shut up moves are basically any action that a
Speaker 4: man will take to get you to shut up in
Speaker 4: the same ven as a shut up ring. And if
Speaker 4: you don't know what a shut up ring is, it's
Speaker 4: basically when you have been in a relationship for long
Speaker 4: enough and the woman is saying, why haven't you proposed me?
Speaker 4: Why aren't you proposing And the man eventually proposes, not
Speaker 4: by his own free will, but because he thinks it
Speaker 4: will get her to shut up and he can just
Speaker 4: live his life.
Speaker 1: In peace if he marries her.
Speaker 4: So, in this commentry situation, the guy is moving in
Speaker 4: with her just to get her to stop talking about
Speaker 4: moving in and more importantly getting her to stop talking
Speaker 4: about the future and getting her to stop talking about
Speaker 4: where's this going when we're getting married, what's our future
Speaker 4: look like? Do we want kids?
Speaker 1: What's our plan?
Speaker 4: And I think as women, we get roped into these
Speaker 4: things and we think that there are good things in
Speaker 4: the beginning because we're like, oh my god, we finally
Speaker 4: got what we wanted. He's finally doing it, he's finally proposing,
Speaker 4: he's finally moving in, he's finally making.
Speaker 3: Moves for our future.
Speaker 4: But this is so problematic because it's a short term
Speaker 4: solution for long term pain, because it's not genuine, it's
Speaker 4: not authentic, it's not coming from a place of wanting
Speaker 4: to build lives together.
Speaker 2: I think that this is a really interesting concept, and like,
Speaker 2: as much as you know everything now when it comes
Speaker 2: to relationships, has a term and has a way in
Speaker 2: which to explain it. But I think a lot of
Speaker 2: people would have experienced this, whether it be in their
Speaker 2: current relationship or past relationships. And I cannot tell you
Speaker 2: the amount of questions we get in from people who
Speaker 2: are saying, you know, I've been with my partner for
Speaker 2: X amount of years, I really want to get married
Speaker 2: and he hasn't met me there yet, or I don't
Speaker 2: know how to bring it up with him, or we've
Speaker 2: talked about it and talked about it, and yet he's
Speaker 2: made no attempt or no initiation to kind of actually
Speaker 2: take a step in that direction. And I think there's
Speaker 2: a big question here around knowing where the line is
Speaker 2: between badgering and nagging someone into doing the things that
Speaker 2: you want them to do to progress your life and
Speaker 2: showing someone and explaining to someone the things that you
Speaker 2: want so that you're on the same page. And I
Speaker 2: think it's really like, it's an interesting thing about kind
Speaker 2: of unpacking where does that line sit.
Speaker 1: I feel quite uncomfortable when I listen to this, and
Speaker 1: the reason is I completely understand what women are saying
Speaker 1: when they're like, oh, I've received shut up rings or
Speaker 1: shut up moves, or they do this just to keep
Speaker 1: me quiet. And then it falls apart later because I said,
Speaker 1: you know, you've got to propose or I'm leaving, Like
Speaker 1: I've put five years of my life in propose or
Speaker 1: I'm leaving.
Speaker 3: There's an ultimatum.
Speaker 1: It's an ultimatum, and at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: ultimatums are really negative and really detrimental in a relationship,
Speaker 1: and I think it's quite a last ditch effort to
Speaker 1: be trying to hold onto something or get something that
Speaker 1: you want. But the reason I feel a bit uncomfortable
Speaker 1: with it is I don't want this conversation to be
Speaker 1: about blaming men like I have pushed you, push you,
Speaker 1: and push you, and you're not doing it, so then
Speaker 1: you do it, and then I get fucked over. At
Speaker 1: the end of the day, there's two people here in
Speaker 1: a relationship. Maybe you want different things, but if you
Speaker 1: have pushed and pushed, we're just going to use the proposal, right,
Speaker 1: We're going to talk about the ring. If you had
Speaker 1: said to your partner, I just want to get married
Speaker 1: and I'm sick of waiting. So if you don't propose
Speaker 1: by six months, I'm done. I'm going to go find
Speaker 1: someone who will marry me. And when I did a
Speaker 1: deep dive, there were so many of these, like Reddit threads,
Speaker 1: so many discussion groups, so many people. I was shocked
Speaker 1: at how many people were putting those ultimatums to their
Speaker 1: partner and then complaining that it didn't work. Of course,
Speaker 1: it's not going to work. An ultimatum like that about
Speaker 1: proposing by a certain day is a manipulation. It is
Speaker 1: literally saying you have to have the extreme version of me,
Speaker 1: like we have to completely get married or you're getting nothing.
Speaker 1: So of course these people are going to be panicked
Speaker 1: and manipulated and bullied into that situation. But I think
Speaker 1: you have to ask yourself, do I really want to
Speaker 1: get what I want? Because I've pushed that person into
Speaker 1: a corner?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel a little bit.
Speaker 2: I don't feel like whoa like WO is the men
Speaker 2: who get manipulated by their female spouses.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that, but I think I don't think
Speaker 1: we can just blame one of the sexes in these situations.
Speaker 2: No, I don't, but I we're speaking predominantly heterosexual relationships here.
Speaker 2: Obviously every relationship is very, very different. But I think
Speaker 2: when you have given six years or seven years of
Speaker 2: your life or eight years or ten years of your
Speaker 2: life to a relationship, and you have communicated from day
Speaker 2: dot that marriage and children, whatever, the traditional goals that
Speaker 2: you have in your life are for where you want
Speaker 2: your life to be. You've communicated that, and you have
Speaker 2: been given the belief that those things will exist in
Speaker 2: your relationship with that person. But you wait and you
Speaker 2: wait and you wait. There comes a place where I
Speaker 2: understand why people feel as though they need to give
Speaker 2: an ultimatum.
Speaker 1: Because they're at their wits ends.
Speaker 2: They're like, well, we've had this conversation now for seven
Speaker 2: years and nothing's happened, and it's a big deal to
Speaker 2: feel as though you're just going to walk away, Like
Speaker 2: as a woman who's in that place, who's like, Okay,
Speaker 2: I've given seven years of my life to this relationship.
Speaker 2: I want to marry you, I want to spend my
Speaker 2: life with you. You have said you want those things
Speaker 2: with me, So when's it happening? What's the problem here?
Speaker 2: And I think that there are a lot of guys
Speaker 2: who are happy to just coast. And the reason for
Speaker 2: that is is also because they don't need to worry
Speaker 2: about their biological clock. They're not thinking, oh, I've just
Speaker 2: taken their fertility window. They're like, well, you know, like
Speaker 2: I'm not feeling it yet, but I'll just wait and see. Yeah,
Speaker 2: some people do have this really casual perspective to relationships,
Speaker 2: and that's okay, that's not a bad thing, but it
Speaker 2: is a bad thing if you've led someone to believe
Speaker 2: the alternate. That's why I understand why some women give
Speaker 2: men ultimatums. But just because I understand it doesn't mean
Speaker 2: that I believe that ultimatums will work out favorably.
Speaker 3: I think the big thing to kind of.
Speaker 2: Unpack here is, how do you know if you're someone
Speaker 2: who has been waiting for a really long time, or
Speaker 2: if you're someone who does feel as though you're constantly
Speaker 2: asking for a thing in your relationship? How do you
Speaker 2: know that the actions of your partner is than just
Speaker 2: a shut up ring or a shut up move, like
Speaker 2: what would be the defining key things that make you
Speaker 2: go okay. I don't actually think that this is his behavior.
Speaker 2: I think he's just done this so that I'll stop
Speaker 2: asking for this thing that I really want so badly
Speaker 2: in my life.
Speaker 1: We're talking about the person that you hopefully will spend
Speaker 1: the rest of your very long life with at the
Speaker 1: end of the day. Do you really want someone that
Speaker 1: you have to beg and beg and nag and nag
Speaker 1: and nag and at the end of the day push
Speaker 1: them into a corner to make that commitment. Now, I'm
Speaker 1: not blaming either side here. I'm not saying either thing
Speaker 1: is right.
Speaker 4: Or wrong.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying I do think that sometimes we need
Speaker 1: to be a little bit introspective about what we're asking
Speaker 1: and how we're asking for it, and what we're wanting.
Speaker 1: Maybe the situation or the person isn't the right person
Speaker 1: for you, full stop. Maybe they don't want the same
Speaker 1: things as you, full stop.
Speaker 2: That's a really really hard thing to objectively look at
Speaker 2: in your own relationship and go, this person won't give
Speaker 2: me what I want.
Speaker 1: And having said that, and I'm going to use like
Speaker 1: a personal example here for me, maybe there's a lot
Speaker 1: of men out there, and again heterosexual, we're talking men
Speaker 1: and women. Maybe there's a lot of men out there
Speaker 1: that don't have a full comprehension or understanding of, like
Speaker 1: Lauria said, the biological clock or it or what's important
Speaker 1: to you. So the reason I say that is I'm
Speaker 1: thirty seven next month, and you guys know that I
Speaker 1: don't have a great fertility window. But Ben and I
Speaker 1: had had these conversations really openly, and this is what
Speaker 1: I think this all comes back to, is just having
Speaker 1: a really open conversation about your timeline, what you're looking for,
Speaker 1: what you want, getting an understanding of if they want
Speaker 1: the same things. And when I had said to Ben,
Speaker 1: I had sort of explained. I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: we said we want to get married, we said we'd
Speaker 1: probably want to have kids one day, and because we
Speaker 1: don't live together, it's a bit different. We had a timeline,
Speaker 1: and I had to explain to him. I was like,
Speaker 1: I'd love to get engaged in the next year. He's like,
Speaker 1: do you feel like there's a rush, Like, what's the rush.
Speaker 1: I said, well, it's not a rush, but there is
Speaker 1: a timeline. And for me personally, I would like to
Speaker 1: be married before I had kids. Not the end of
Speaker 1: the world, but it's how I see it. It's how
Speaker 1: I would like the next two to three years to go.
Speaker 1: And then I had to explain to him. I say, well,
Speaker 1: think of the timeline, Ben, like, if I want to
Speaker 1: have a baby, it's probably going to be IVF, which
Speaker 1: could take a while, and then our pregnancies, let's just
Speaker 1: say a year by the time you actually conceive, and
Speaker 1: then usually an engagement is a year. I said, all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, that's two and a half three years
Speaker 1: like that. And I was like, so these are things
Speaker 1: you got to think of, and he's like, I guess
Speaker 1: I didn't think of I didn't think of the long timeline.
Speaker 1: I just thought you're getting engaged, then you get married
Speaker 1: and then So I think that that was just an
Speaker 1: open conversation about how I wanted to see the future
Speaker 1: and then literally breaking it down to what it looks like.
Speaker 1: And he's like, wow, I hadn't thought of.
Speaker 3: It like that.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean I kind of interpret this whole idea
Speaker 2: of like a shut up ring maybe a little bit differently,
Speaker 2: And that is is someone might propose and then they
Speaker 2: have zero initiative or care about actually organizing a wedding
Speaker 2: or even a date in mind. They're like, oh no,
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm not worried about the wedding. I was
Speaker 2: just thinking about the proposal. And that's because it buys
Speaker 2: them time within this kind of relationship. I guess my
Speaker 2: one experience that I can really think about where I
Speaker 2: know that I was in it was the wrong relationship,
Speaker 2: but I wanted it so desperately to work, and there
Speaker 2: was a shut up move, not a shut up ring.
Speaker 2: I'd been with my boyfriend for almost six years, my
Speaker 2: first like really really long term relationship, the one I
Speaker 2: have talked about where I was like convinced that we
Speaker 2: were going to get married.
Speaker 3: He was not, but he never even know we were dating.
Speaker 3: He never bought me a present.
Speaker 2: In five and a half years of our relationship, he
Speaker 2: never bought me a present. I'm talking Christmas, no present, Birthday,
Speaker 2: no present. He just never ever ever bought me anything.
Speaker 2: So weird, it's so weird.
Speaker 3: I can not even give you anything nothing.
Speaker 2: But it was also my first big relationship, and I
Speaker 2: was so desperately in love with him that I would have.
Speaker 1: Made any excuse, like any excuse for anything. Did I
Speaker 1: say happy birthday or give you a card?
Speaker 3: Did you have just said I'm not a birthday person?
Speaker 3: Like he just really I am?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, But I remember we got to like
Speaker 2: the fifth year, and my birthday had come and gone
Speaker 2: again and he'd not bought me anything. And so I
Speaker 2: kicked up a bit of a stink. And like each
Speaker 2: year I would kick up a bit more of a stink,
Speaker 2: there would be a bit more passat kind of like
Speaker 2: commentary around it. And this year I got really passive aggressive,
Speaker 2: and I was like, you know, I feel as though
Speaker 2: you don't care, you don't make me feel special on
Speaker 2: my birthday.
Speaker 3: You don't do anything.
Speaker 2: You don't buy me anything, not that it's about the gifts,
Speaker 2: but you don't give me a car. You do nothing
Speaker 2: that makes me feel special on my birthday. And so
Speaker 2: two weeks later, he comes home from work this one day,
Speaker 2: and he'd obviously walked past a store and he's way
Speaker 2: home from work, and he'd bought a necklace. At the time,
Speaker 2: I just started Tony May. I made jewelry for a job,
Speaker 2: and it was in a weird thing to be given
Speaker 2: a necklace that was one completely not my style, and
Speaker 2: two I knew he just picked it up from the
Speaker 2: shop that we would walk past on the way home.
Speaker 2: But I know that that was a shut up present.
Speaker 2: He was like, see, look I think of you. I
Speaker 2: did this as a spontaneous, active gift giving, like I'm
Speaker 2: so great, and he, in his mind, had bought him
Speaker 2: some time. He didn't buy me another present after that.
Speaker 2: He never put an effort when it came to the
Speaker 2: next Christmas or anything. It was like very much an
Speaker 2: act just to show that he had listened to that conversation.
Speaker 2: But I do think that there is a very fine
Speaker 2: line between taking this too seriously, because I think we
Speaker 2: do need to tell our partners what it is that
Speaker 2: we want in relationships, and it is important that you know,
Speaker 2: sometimes we might have to explain to them how we
Speaker 2: feel or where we want the relationship to go. I
Speaker 2: don't like the idea, and there's that saying if they wanted.
Speaker 3: To, they would right.
Speaker 2: I don't like the idea of thinking that every single
Speaker 2: person you're in a relationship with intuitively knows you well
Speaker 2: enough that they will just hit the mark every single time.
Speaker 2: It's not going to happen. There are going to be
Speaker 2: times where your partner, no matter how wonderful they are,
Speaker 2: completely misses the mark and doesn't give you the things
Speaker 2: that you.
Speaker 3: Need in your relationships.
Speaker 2: And it's okay to have to explain to them what
Speaker 2: it is that you need to be satisfied. The difference
Speaker 2: is having to constantly and repetitively ask for the same
Speaker 2: thing over and over and over for them to only
Speaker 2: change their behavior for a short period of time to
Speaker 2: then go back to their default. That's what I think
Speaker 2: defines a shut up move or a shut up ring
Speaker 2: when you go to.
Speaker 1: Your relationship, situationship, whatever it is, when you go to
Speaker 1: them with something that could result in an ultimatum, like
Speaker 1: what you're needing. I think you really need to be
Speaker 1: prepared that their answer might not match yours, it might
Speaker 1: not end the way you want it to, but you
Speaker 1: need to be prepared to walk away. So if you're
Speaker 1: saying you need to propose by this time or I'm done,
Speaker 1: it can't be a threat, because it is a threat,
Speaker 1: but it has to be something that you're willing to
Speaker 1: actually go through with. If you are going to back
Speaker 1: your partner into a corner in any capacity, you have
Speaker 1: to really mean it, and you have to be willing to.
Speaker 3: Say, but that Jay, I'm going to walk away.
Speaker 2: But in saying that, that is still the ultimatum, because
Speaker 2: if somebody, whether they are absolutely going to do it
Speaker 2: or they're not going to do it, whether it's a
Speaker 2: real threat or an empty threat, making and giving that
Speaker 2: ultimatum still means that ultimately the reason why that person
Speaker 2: might do the moving in or giving of the ring
Speaker 2: is because of the extreme. It's like, well, if you
Speaker 2: don't do this thing, then you get nothing. That's why
Speaker 2: they're making the move in the first place. So, I mean,
Speaker 2: it does kind of come back full circle to this
Speaker 2: reasoning as to why ultimatums are really unhealthy in relationships. However,
Speaker 2: sometimes they do have to be made, and they have
Speaker 2: to be made for yourself from a self preservationpective. But
Speaker 2: I think it's really really hard when you have committed
Speaker 2: so much time to someone and to a relationship to
Speaker 2: just give up when you see so much potential in
Speaker 2: where it can be, and you see so much potential
Speaker 2: in what you want with that person that I think
Speaker 2: there does come a point where you have to be
Speaker 2: honest with yourself and really question do they have the
Speaker 2: capacity to give me what I want in life? Or
Speaker 2: am I constantly desiring more than what it is that
Speaker 2: they are offering me even if they say it, Because
Speaker 2: we all know people can say one thing and then
Speaker 2: their actions mean very different things. So if if your
Speaker 2: partner's saying, oh, yeah, next year we'll get engaged, then
Speaker 2: next year comes and goes and then they're like, well, yeah, no,
Speaker 2: you know, we've been really busy. This has come up,
Speaker 2: that's come up, it'll be the year after. I think
Speaker 2: if this behavior has been going on for so long,
Speaker 2: you have to give yourself a kind of understanding as
Speaker 2: to what's your timeline going to be. Britt here's a
Speaker 2: question for you, how long do you think is an
Speaker 2: acceptable time to wait for something that you want, whether
Speaker 2: it's moving in with your partner, whether it's getting married.
Speaker 1: I just think how long is a piece of string.
Speaker 1: I don't think you can put a time frame on
Speaker 1: that that is so dependent an individual on every single relationship,
Speaker 1: situationship and the way you feel inside your boundaries and
Speaker 1: what you expect and see in your relationship. I don't
Speaker 1: think you can say it's like, you know, you've waited
Speaker 1: for six months, that's long enough. It depends on their
Speaker 1: behavior when they're in the relationship as well, like are
Speaker 1: they blatantly promising you something like next year, we're going
Speaker 1: to do it and they're not following through? Or is
Speaker 1: it just a conversation that you haven't really had properly?
Speaker 1: Is has it been up in the air and you're
Speaker 1: just thinking, oh, it's been six years, it's got to
Speaker 1: be next year without having the conversation. What it comes
Speaker 1: down to is what is important to you and what
Speaker 1: you want from that relationship and is your partner going
Speaker 1: to give it to you. The only way to find
Speaker 1: those out is to have those really hard conversations, because
Speaker 1: time and time again, and I have a really good
Speaker 1: friend who's still in this situation now. Two people make
Speaker 1: their motives and the way they see their future very
Speaker 1: clear at the beginning, but one person always doesn't listen,
Speaker 1: like they don't match, and one person's always like, I'm
Speaker 1: going to change them. I know they say, yeah, I
Speaker 1: know they said they don't want to get married.
Speaker 3: But I'll be the exception if we're together.
Speaker 1: Four years and we have a kid and they're gonna
Speaker 1: want to get married, or maybe they say they don't
Speaker 1: want kids and they've always said that, and then four
Speaker 1: years in there, you're going to be like, well, surely,
Speaker 1: like we've lived together, we're gonna spend our life together,
Speaker 1: Surely they'll want it, and then they get so shocked
Speaker 1: when they are four years deep in the partner says,
Speaker 1: I told you I didn't want them.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think that that's a very different situation when
Speaker 2: when someone's telling you what they want in their relationship,
Speaker 2: listen to them. But I think it's the alternate that
Speaker 2: can be really tricky, and it's the alternate that we've
Speaker 2: received lots of askun cuts on. It's when someone's promising
Speaker 2: something but their actions don't actually come through with the
Speaker 2: thing that they are saying that they want. And I
Speaker 2: think for me there is a timeline. I know that
Speaker 2: that's going to be different for every person, but I
Speaker 2: don't think now. I know in my twenties, I would
Speaker 2: have waited a long time. Man, I waited six years,
Speaker 2: right like I waited, and I was so hopeful that
Speaker 2: he would one day come around and propose to me
Speaker 2: and one of the big things I wanted. I do
Speaker 2: think as you get older, potentially that timeline gets shorter,
Speaker 2: because I know that, you know, when I met Matt,
Speaker 2: I wouldn't have stayed in a relationship with him if
Speaker 2: he wasn't clear that he was on the same page
Speaker 2: with the things that I wanted and actually followed through
Speaker 2: with actions, not just words, with those things. And I
Speaker 2: think that that's really important for everyone to assess, like
Speaker 2: what is your timeline and then what is the timeline
Speaker 2: that you will accept from your partner, because no one
Speaker 2: wants to be in a relationship where they feel as
Speaker 2: though they have to badger or nag that person to
Speaker 2: fulfill the things that's going to make them happy in life,
Speaker 2: because ultimately, as we know, it won't make you happy anyway.
Speaker 2: It is time for our suck and our sweet of
Speaker 2: our wig, our highs and a los as you know,
Speaker 2: my ex suck of the week. I don't think I
Speaker 2: need to go into that again, but my sweet of
Speaker 2: the week is We went down on the weekend to
Speaker 2: Wollongong and took my mum and my Annie out for
Speaker 2: a lunch and it was honestly like my mum needed
Speaker 2: it so much, but it was just such a nice
Speaker 2: time to go out and like spend time with family
Speaker 2: to like reminisce about the things from our childhood. And
Speaker 2: we went to the restaurant that I used to work
Speaker 2: out that I've spoken about before, the Seafood Willongong. In
Speaker 2: the seafood restaurant in Wollongong.
Speaker 1: Were used to eat food off plates and stuff.
Speaker 2: Yeah, where I used to stand in the back of
Speaker 2: the kitchen and eat the scraps of everyone's seafood platter.
Speaker 3: But now I'm at a point in my life where
Speaker 3: I could.
Speaker 2: Buy the seafood platter. So that was like it was
Speaker 2: a real full circle moment for me.
Speaker 3: How the turntable, how the turns.
Speaker 1: And table, So that was my sweet. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And also the kids are on the other side of
Speaker 2: gastro It's really like shit turned a corner this week.
Speaker 1: What a time to be alive in the burn household?
Speaker 1: Well was it? I don't know. It was a My god,
Speaker 1: that was such a bag. What a time to be alive.
Speaker 1: N just not for Nan. Just when I think I
Speaker 1: can't put my foot in it anymore, I always find
Speaker 1: a way time to be alive. Except for Lauri's Nan.
Speaker 3: She she'd be look, she would laugh, She's fine. She
Speaker 3: likes a good joke. She loved a good giggle that
Speaker 3: old Shirley made.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's been a particularly it's been a
Speaker 2: particularly down a week for us, but there's always, even
Speaker 2: in the shittiest moments, there's always the there's always little.
Speaker 3: Sweets that you can hold onto. Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 1: Mine is same, Dalilah, little turd burger, She's really been
Speaker 1: a band of my existence this week. So not gonna
Speaker 1: lean into that anymore. And my sweet probably similar to
Speaker 1: last week where I told you my suck, was that
Speaker 1: my little nephew was here having an operation. Because he's
Speaker 1: only one, they have to hang around for two weeks
Speaker 1: because you have to be close to the hospital. So
Speaker 1: I got to spend some really good time with my
Speaker 1: sister in law and my two nephews, one the one
Speaker 1: that's had the operation because he's out of hospital, and
Speaker 1: my now two week old nephew.
Speaker 2: You just posting photos with a newborn baby. It's the
Speaker 2: weirdest thing I've ever seen. It's like, I felt weird.
Speaker 1: What am I holding? I was? He's got it's is
Speaker 1: so long and gangling, and I just look at him
Speaker 1: all the time and I'm like, what I do with you?
Speaker 1: I'll just hold you. And then I'm like, wow, that's
Speaker 1: what you do with them, just hold them. But I
Speaker 1: don't even need to. He's so I just put him
Speaker 1: down in blanket and he's so fine. I left for
Speaker 1: eight hours and came back and he was still fine.
Speaker 3: That's a joke everyone. That's an equal comedy in the business.
Speaker 1: But it was really sweet because I whenever I've got
Speaker 1: a lot of nieces in it for he was actually
Speaker 1: I want to know, like seven or eight of them
Speaker 1: or something. I can't count him anymore. But I never
Speaker 1: get to spend that much time with him, especially when
Speaker 1: they're little, because none of them live here. So usually
Speaker 1: you go and visit and you see him for ten
Speaker 1: minutes or whatever, and that's busy, but.
Speaker 2: What was it like being around in newborn for prologed
Speaker 2: periods of time.
Speaker 1: All I can think of is how much respect I
Speaker 1: have for moms? Do you know what? I thought? How
Speaker 1: the fuck does Laura do it? That's what I thought, whoa,
Speaker 1: how do you do anything? And I don't. But no,
Speaker 1: that's my point, Like when you're running businesses and you've
Speaker 1: got a newborn and you're trying to live your life
Speaker 1: and you're trying to all I could think of and
Speaker 1: he was fine, he just laid there and slept, But
Speaker 1: my mind got very carried away. I was like, Wow,
Speaker 1: moms are amazing, Like they just do so much stuff
Speaker 1: because you guys forget, you don't forget to tell you
Speaker 1: all the time. But I'm mid to late thirties now
Speaker 1: and I have spent my whole life with no kids,
Speaker 1: and even when I have a partner, they're not here.
Speaker 1: So the amount of free time that I have to
Speaker 1: have a nap or maybe I want to go to
Speaker 1: the gym in ten minutes, or I want to have
Speaker 1: a sauna, or I want to go for a walk,
Speaker 1: I'm meeting my friends for dinner.
Speaker 3: Like it's an absolutely like anomaly.
Speaker 2: It's such an unbelievable novelty being able to live life
Speaker 2: like whenever you want to live life.
Speaker 1: I'm so selfish with my time because I've never had
Speaker 1: to give it to anyone. I haven't been forced to
Speaker 1: give it to anyone else, So it's for me. I've
Speaker 1: lived thirty seven years like that, so it's it's a
Speaker 1: real shock to the system when I have to consider
Speaker 1: someone else.
Speaker 2: On the flip side of that, I had one of
Speaker 2: those days yesterday, and I think every parent will relate
Speaker 2: to this.
Speaker 3: I had one of those days where six thirty.
Speaker 2: Came around and all I wanted to do was get
Speaker 2: my children into bed. I was like, my life no,
Speaker 2: just like I just was like wishing away the hours
Speaker 2: for bedtime because it was just a hard day. And
Speaker 2: I was like, I cannot wait. I love them, They're amazing.
Speaker 2: I cannot wait until they're asleep.
Speaker 3: Until the eighteenth, and I cannot wait until they move out.
Speaker 3: I'll wait till they get married and someone takes them
Speaker 3: off my hand.
Speaker 1: Anyway, guys, that is it from ours.
Speaker 2: Look tomorrow's episode, as we said, it is with hospice
Speaker 2: nurse Julie. It's a really beautiful episode. I think whether
Speaker 2: you have lost someone, you have someone going through palliative care,
Speaker 2: whether you have elderly grandparents or you know, even if
Speaker 2: you just have parents, because at some point you are
Speaker 2: going to lose someone who you love.
Speaker 3: That is a horrible reality of life.
Speaker 2: But it is truly a beautiful episode and I think
Speaker 2: everybody will learn something for it, and it will give
Speaker 2: you a bit of comfort as well as to how
Speaker 2: to deal with things in your own life, but also
Speaker 2: how to support and help the people around you who
Speaker 2: might be going through something.
Speaker 1: Don't forget to your mom, to dad, tell you dog,
Speaker 1: tear friends, and share the love because weilla love
Speaker 4: Tight.