WEBVTT - Sabreena Duffy - Ordineroli Speaking 0:00:05.680 --> 0:00:08.559 Ordinarily speaking, I used to be ashamed of me A 0:00:08.640 --> 0:00:11.080 kiddn't care now I couldn't be proud of who I 0:00:11.119 --> 0:00:12.840 am and to get my story out there. 0:00:21.320 --> 0:00:21.880 Some time. 0:00:28.360 --> 0:00:32.159 Hello and welcome to Ordinarily speaking, this is one of 0:00:32.159 --> 0:00:35.880 the most inspiring stories I've ever had the privilege to share. 0:00:36.320 --> 0:00:40.040 Sabrina Duffy has overcome an enormous amount in life to 0:00:40.080 --> 0:00:43.800 become one of the country's best footy players. She's played 0:00:43.800 --> 0:00:47.519 two seasons of AFLW and made the All Australian squad 0:00:47.720 --> 0:00:51.800 both times. Sad was an integral part of Fremantle's undefeated 0:00:51.840 --> 0:00:53.360 campaign in twenty twenty. 0:00:53.440 --> 0:00:54.720 She booted twelve. 0:00:54.400 --> 0:00:57.920 Goals, the most across the comp. All this and she's 0:00:57.960 --> 0:01:02.160 only just turned twenty. It's incredible, especially for a young 0:01:02.160 --> 0:01:05.800 woman who has lived in foster care her entire life. 0:01:06.280 --> 0:01:09.319 For the first time, sab has decided to share her 0:01:09.440 --> 0:01:13.200 story publicly. If this episode is a trigger for you, 0:01:13.280 --> 0:01:16.920 please remember there is help out there. Lifeline dot org 0:01:16.959 --> 0:01:20.560 dot au or kids Helpline dot com dot au. 0:01:20.360 --> 0:01:23.200 Are a couple of places you can go. I hope 0:01:23.240 --> 0:01:24.400 you enjoyed the chat. 0:01:26.920 --> 0:01:34.960 That well. 0:01:35.000 --> 0:01:39.240 Sabrina, thanks so much for joining me. I want to 0:01:39.319 --> 0:01:41.880 start by asking you, because you've you've got a really 0:01:42.040 --> 0:01:45.119 challenging story, You've had a really you know, challenging life, 0:01:45.640 --> 0:01:47.559 why do you want to tell your story today? 0:01:48.120 --> 0:01:51.160 Yeah? I guess thanks for having me. I just want 0:01:51.160 --> 0:01:54.360 to get my story out there and show kids and 0:01:54.960 --> 0:01:58.680 people of the community that they're not alone, that people, 0:01:59.120 --> 0:02:01.160 for alls, are human and we do have our own 0:02:01.880 --> 0:02:03.680 stories and our own up and downs, and that's I 0:02:03.680 --> 0:02:06.560 guess what makes us unique. And I guess if we 0:02:06.560 --> 0:02:08.720 can get the word out there, and I guess it 0:02:08.760 --> 0:02:12.280 will give people the confidence to then tell their other stories, 0:02:12.320 --> 0:02:15.600 which is amazing. And I guess, yeah, I just want 0:02:15.639 --> 0:02:16.840 to tell my story. 0:02:17.360 --> 0:02:18.720 What does footy mean to you? 0:02:19.639 --> 0:02:22.600 Foot is everything? FOOTI is a safe space for me 0:02:22.639 --> 0:02:25.639 in particular, I guess I have so much fun when 0:02:25.639 --> 0:02:29.120 I play footy and I feel happy and safe, which 0:02:29.600 --> 0:02:31.720 you know sometimes that you don't feel that when you're 0:02:32.800 --> 0:02:34.760 a teen or a child coming up if you have 0:02:34.800 --> 0:02:37.480 an adversity that I had in my life. But I 0:02:37.480 --> 0:02:40.480 guess footy I always had that, and it always was there, 0:02:40.600 --> 0:02:43.200 never never left me, and I guess it gave me 0:02:43.480 --> 0:02:46.160 a safe space to express myself and how I felt. 0:02:46.400 --> 0:02:48.920 And luckily I was good at it. 0:02:48.840 --> 0:02:54.000 So pretty damn good at it. You talk about adversity. 0:02:54.320 --> 0:02:57.120 We're going to step through these, but let's start at 0:02:57.120 --> 0:03:02.079 the start. Tell me about for you being a baby, 0:03:02.200 --> 0:03:03.200 what your life was. 0:03:03.919 --> 0:03:07.440 Yeah, so, I guess I started noticing when I was 0:03:07.440 --> 0:03:11.640 about kindie, pre primary, I was a bit different. So 0:03:11.720 --> 0:03:15.400 I grew up in a foster family. So I guess 0:03:15.440 --> 0:03:18.519 when I was at school and I would having Mother's Day, 0:03:18.520 --> 0:03:20.600 for example, when we would write Mother's Day cards, I 0:03:20.600 --> 0:03:23.359 would always write Bethy, which is my foster mum's name, 0:03:23.400 --> 0:03:25.639 I love it to bits, and all the other kids 0:03:25.680 --> 0:03:28.080 would write Mum. I didn't realize why I was a 0:03:28.080 --> 0:03:30.720 bit different, and I still saw my mum and dad, 0:03:31.680 --> 0:03:34.600 but I had two sets of parents. I guess I 0:03:34.639 --> 0:03:36.240 didn't really know why at the time. I just thought 0:03:36.240 --> 0:03:40.360 it was normal. So I guess, yeah, that's when I 0:03:40.400 --> 0:03:42.720 probably first realized that I was a bit different, and 0:03:42.760 --> 0:03:45.720 I took me a while to understand it. I guess. 0:03:45.840 --> 0:03:49.080 Yeah, So you were in foster care from pretty much 0:03:49.160 --> 0:03:49.520 day dight. 0:03:49.960 --> 0:03:53.960 Yeah, so since birth, I went to the lovely care 0:03:54.000 --> 0:03:57.160 of Bethy and Peter. I mean the world to me, 0:03:58.080 --> 0:04:00.840 angels from heaven. As I said, I got them tatoo 0:04:00.880 --> 0:04:05.560 their names sat on my arms. But yeah, I went 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:08.160 there since birth, and my sisters also came with me, 0:04:08.360 --> 0:04:09.640 luckily to the same house. 0:04:09.720 --> 0:04:13.240 Yeah, tell me about your biological parents. 0:04:13.480 --> 0:04:17.720 Yeah, I guess they didn't really see the value of 0:04:17.760 --> 0:04:21.640 being parents. I guess you could say it's hard to 0:04:21.680 --> 0:04:26.160 break addiction, I guess, And yeah, I guess that's what 0:04:26.480 --> 0:04:29.400 kind of stood in their way. And they have those 0:04:29.480 --> 0:04:33.039 challenges that they face. And I guess I knew I 0:04:33.520 --> 0:04:35.400 was destined for bigger and better things in the world 0:04:35.400 --> 0:04:38.520 and chose to put myself on the front foot and yeah, 0:04:38.640 --> 0:04:42.359 really take hold of my own life and not be 0:04:42.880 --> 0:04:46.880 persuaded by the people's decisions. And yeah, so I guess 0:04:46.920 --> 0:04:49.239 they're just negative people I don't really want in my life. 0:04:49.279 --> 0:04:51.880 So yeah, what was your parents addiction? 0:04:52.720 --> 0:04:55.200 Drug addiction. Yeah, so they were in and out of 0:04:55.200 --> 0:04:59.479 prison for most of my childhood growing up, which was 0:04:59.520 --> 0:05:04.640 interesting to say the least. But yeah, so, yeah, drug addiction. 0:05:04.960 --> 0:05:08.799 So I guess that's why I will never live with them, thankfully, 0:05:09.120 --> 0:05:10.960 So I don't think i'd be in the position that 0:05:11.000 --> 0:05:11.640 I am in today. 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:14.960 So tell me about how this came about. Because you're 0:05:15.160 --> 0:05:21.240 the youngest of three sisters, so you're older two sisters. 0:05:20.839 --> 0:05:22.000 And then you came along. 0:05:22.360 --> 0:05:28.440 Yeah. So my two sisters were in daycare. So my 0:05:28.600 --> 0:05:31.240 foster sister, she worked at the daycare that my two 0:05:31.279 --> 0:05:34.360 little sisters my big sisters were in, and one day 0:05:34.440 --> 0:05:38.000 my mum, biological mum, went to the daycare worker, who 0:05:38.040 --> 0:05:40.880 was my foster sister, and said, look, my kids are 0:05:40.880 --> 0:05:42.840 going to get taken away from me. Is there any 0:05:42.960 --> 0:05:44.760 chance you can have them? The girls really like you. 0:05:46.040 --> 0:05:49.359 So my foster sister ran down home to my foster parents' 0:05:49.360 --> 0:05:52.080 house and said, there's two adorable girls at the daycare. 0:05:52.120 --> 0:05:54.400 Can we take them home because they need a home. 0:05:55.160 --> 0:05:57.960 And my foster parents, being the people that they are, 0:05:58.000 --> 0:06:00.839 they didn't even hesitate to say no. They always give back, 0:06:00.920 --> 0:06:05.320 so yeah, they said yes, and then thankfully they took 0:06:05.440 --> 0:06:07.839 those my two sisters on and then little did they know, 0:06:07.880 --> 0:06:10.120 there was a third on the way. So out I 0:06:10.200 --> 0:06:13.000 popped and popped straight in with them with my sisters, 0:06:13.000 --> 0:06:15.839 which is a really blessing because most foster kids do 0:06:15.920 --> 0:06:18.720 get separated. So yeah, I'm forever grateful for that. 0:06:18.960 --> 0:06:21.680 So how old were your biological sisters at that time? 0:06:22.040 --> 0:06:26.400 Yeah, so s I was six and Samanthos five, so 0:06:26.520 --> 0:06:27.160 I mean three? 0:06:27.320 --> 0:06:30.720 So yeah, so six and three, and your mum's pregnant 0:06:30.720 --> 0:06:33.440 with you at the time, and you're now foster sister 0:06:34.120 --> 0:06:39.719 recognized as the urgency of the situation and asks her parents, Hey, 0:06:39.760 --> 0:06:41.240 can we take these two girls in? 0:06:41.400 --> 0:06:44.000 Yeah? She was sixteen, So I think that's pretty significant 0:06:44.040 --> 0:06:46.799 of the sixteen year old and even for my foster 0:06:46.880 --> 0:06:49.560 parents having no idea who these kids are, to take 0:06:49.600 --> 0:06:53.120 them on like that with no hesitation and just yeah, 0:06:53.200 --> 0:06:57.360 I'm there's no words to describe how thankful I am. Yeah. 0:06:57.440 --> 0:07:01.400 So you, as you get older, when did you realize 0:07:01.839 --> 0:07:04.000 your foster parents weren't your parents. 0:07:04.360 --> 0:07:08.080 I think I always had like an idea that they weren't. 0:07:09.480 --> 0:07:11.320 It would be quite embarrassing. Would be at the shops 0:07:11.320 --> 0:07:14.360 and the checkout lady would say, oh, you look just 0:07:14.440 --> 0:07:18.240 like your mum, and she wasn't actually my mom. But yeah, 0:07:18.240 --> 0:07:20.560 I guess I knew. I guess it clicked more so 0:07:20.680 --> 0:07:23.880 when I was about six or seven, my friend when 0:07:23.880 --> 0:07:26.720 I'd go for playdates and my friends and they would 0:07:26.720 --> 0:07:28.240 have mum and dads that they would call mom and 0:07:28.320 --> 0:07:30.840 dad and look like them, but I didn't, So I 0:07:30.880 --> 0:07:34.040 guess that's when it probably hit home, I guess, and 0:07:34.120 --> 0:07:35.720 I was a bit ashamed of who I was at 0:07:35.760 --> 0:07:38.320 the time and didn't really tell my friends or invite 0:07:38.320 --> 0:07:40.600 them over because I didn't want them to know that 0:07:40.640 --> 0:07:41.520 I was a foster kid. 0:07:41.600 --> 0:07:43.320 So, yeah, how did that feel? 0:07:43.360 --> 0:07:46.040 At the time, I was a bit confused. I didn't 0:07:46.040 --> 0:07:50.600 really know what was going on. But then I think 0:07:50.640 --> 0:07:53.240 the more I understood it and the more I accepted 0:07:53.280 --> 0:07:55.080 it and was okay with it, I think the better 0:07:55.280 --> 0:07:59.320 it got. So my friends came around and they loved 0:07:59.320 --> 0:08:03.640 my foster parents, loves them, So I think, yeah, the 0:08:03.680 --> 0:08:05.600 more I was okay with it and accept it within 0:08:05.640 --> 0:08:08.400 myself and looked at it as a blessing rather than 0:08:08.400 --> 0:08:12.240 wishing I was normal, but there's actually no normal these days, 0:08:13.200 --> 0:08:13.680 is Yeah. 0:08:14.600 --> 0:08:18.240 So when you're growing up at that young age, your 0:08:18.280 --> 0:08:21.880 foster parents still let you have a relationship with your 0:08:21.880 --> 0:08:25.040 biological parents, what was that relationship like? 0:08:25.480 --> 0:08:29.000 Yeah, they always wanted me to be in contact with 0:08:29.080 --> 0:08:32.000 my parents. I think they're an ultimate goal was if 0:08:32.040 --> 0:08:33.920 they did ever get clean, that we would go back 0:08:33.920 --> 0:08:36.040 to them. They didn't obviously want to give us up, 0:08:36.160 --> 0:08:39.720 but they know what family means to people. Yeah, so 0:08:40.320 --> 0:08:42.960 it was a bit at the start. Mum was in 0:08:43.040 --> 0:08:45.880 and out when she felt like visiting, and my dad 0:08:45.960 --> 0:08:48.880 was every Sunday, so he, without a doubt, was at 0:08:48.880 --> 0:08:51.840 my Foster home every Sunday in the afternoon. So we 0:08:51.840 --> 0:08:53.800 would always walk down to the park and get fish 0:08:53.800 --> 0:08:57.200 and chips, and sometimes if he was feeling all right, 0:08:57.240 --> 0:09:00.640 he'd kick the foot of with me. Yeah, so it 0:09:00.760 --> 0:09:04.600 started off well when I was younger, but I guess 0:09:04.640 --> 0:09:06.600 as I got older and I was allowed to watch TV, 0:09:06.840 --> 0:09:11.079 and I was watching Border Security and all that, I 0:09:11.120 --> 0:09:14.839 could see the drugs and all that on the TV. 0:09:15.040 --> 0:09:18.400 So and then when I was visiting Mum, for example, 0:09:18.400 --> 0:09:21.360 in a unit and I saw the drugs on the table, 0:09:21.440 --> 0:09:25.600 I thought, this isn't right. So and then when I 0:09:25.640 --> 0:09:27.960 was yeah, so I just think that clicked to me 0:09:28.040 --> 0:09:30.760 and I thought, I don't want to see mom like that, 0:09:31.280 --> 0:09:33.080 and I don't want to end up seeing myself like that. 0:09:33.280 --> 0:09:38.280 So I made the conscious decision to cut contact because 0:09:38.320 --> 0:09:40.680 I really wanted to make my life better for itself. 0:09:40.720 --> 0:09:43.839 And I knew that I had a knack for sport. 0:09:43.880 --> 0:09:46.360 I didn't know which sport at that age. I picked 0:09:46.400 --> 0:09:50.800 up everything. But yeah, so I guess when I was 0:09:50.840 --> 0:09:53.400 about ten years older. I chose to cut contact with 0:09:53.440 --> 0:09:53.920 both of them. 0:09:54.559 --> 0:09:55.880 That must have been pretty tough. 0:09:57.600 --> 0:10:01.839 Yeah, it was scary to say. Mom kind of gave up, 0:10:02.600 --> 0:10:05.080 but my dad was around, persistent for about three months. 0:10:05.640 --> 0:10:08.280 Really didn't understand why I didn't want to see him anymore. 0:10:09.920 --> 0:10:13.000 But my foster parents were supportive of me. They copped 0:10:13.040 --> 0:10:15.960 a fabitish slack from it, but they were really supportive 0:10:16.000 --> 0:10:19.240 of me and my decisions and moving forward. And they 0:10:19.320 --> 0:10:23.640 just told my biological dad how it was and they're 0:10:23.679 --> 0:10:26.520 so sorry that she's chosen this. But at the end 0:10:26.559 --> 0:10:29.360 of the day, it all came down what I needed 0:10:29.720 --> 0:10:31.640 and what I wanted in my life, and I guess 0:10:32.000 --> 0:10:34.959 ultimately I needed to make a name for myself and 0:10:35.400 --> 0:10:36.000 luckily I have. 0:10:36.800 --> 0:10:39.559 What was the moment like when you when you realized 0:10:39.600 --> 0:10:43.280 what the drugs were, what the paraphernalia was. What was 0:10:43.280 --> 0:10:45.800 that like for you as such a little kid. 0:10:46.640 --> 0:10:49.640 Yeah, I think it was. It was scary because I 0:10:49.720 --> 0:10:54.559 didn't obviously any kid that has their parents they idolized, 0:10:54.600 --> 0:10:58.400 and yeah, I want to want to have a good 0:10:58.440 --> 0:11:01.200 life like that, So I guess it was scary, But 0:11:01.200 --> 0:11:05.800 then I just thought it's an addiction and that's It's sad. Really, 0:11:05.840 --> 0:11:09.240 it's so hard to break. So I just had to 0:11:09.280 --> 0:11:12.240 accept it and kind of move on from it. Didn't. Yeah, 0:11:12.360 --> 0:11:14.120 so it did hurt me for a little bit, but 0:11:15.000 --> 0:11:17.480 they are who they are. They can't they can't change 0:11:17.480 --> 0:11:19.600 that as long as like I can accept it and 0:11:19.880 --> 0:11:20.360 that's okay. 0:11:21.040 --> 0:11:24.120 You said your dad kept trying. Was that a good 0:11:24.160 --> 0:11:27.120 thing or how did that play out? 0:11:28.360 --> 0:11:31.400 Yeah? I think it was a good thing because it 0:11:31.520 --> 0:11:34.000 showed that he did care a little bit more than 0:11:34.000 --> 0:11:38.080 my mu. I suppose he still sends birthday cards every year, 0:11:40.720 --> 0:11:44.040 so yeah, I guess that did show that he did care. 0:11:44.120 --> 0:11:45.880 In the end, I don't know. I know he still 0:11:45.920 --> 0:11:48.280 loves me and he would do anything to see me again. 0:11:48.320 --> 0:11:51.280 But I just for my own mental health, it was 0:11:51.320 --> 0:11:53.200 I needed. It's what I needed to do. And I'm 0:11:53.200 --> 0:11:56.320 glad that I realized the age of ten that I 0:11:56.360 --> 0:11:59.000 did that, because I don't know where I would be 0:11:59.040 --> 0:11:59.760 if I didn't do that. 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:01.840 It's a bloody big thing to go through as a 0:12:01.880 --> 0:12:02.439 ten year old. 0:12:03.480 --> 0:12:08.240 Yeah, people go through worse. I guess do they like this? 0:12:08.240 --> 0:12:09.880 This is not I think they do. I think I'm 0:12:09.920 --> 0:12:12.400 pretty lucky in the situation that I'm in to have 0:12:13.000 --> 0:12:15.439 the posterpharents so that I do them a whole entire world, 0:12:16.040 --> 0:12:18.959 like I love them to pieces and to be able 0:12:18.960 --> 0:12:21.560 to live with my sisters for example, most families don't 0:12:21.600 --> 0:12:24.320 get that. So I love my sisters so much and 0:12:24.480 --> 0:12:26.160 would do anything for them. 0:12:26.200 --> 0:12:28.760 So I guess, yeah, you're incredibly resilient. 0:12:30.040 --> 0:12:32.480 I just you always look at someone does have it worse, 0:12:32.840 --> 0:12:36.560 and it's it's people sometimes don't get into the foster 0:12:36.640 --> 0:12:39.760 care system. They're out there and living in their cars 0:12:39.760 --> 0:12:42.560 and stuff like that. So it's just a real blessing. 0:12:42.640 --> 0:12:44.959 And my foster parents are angels from heaven. 0:12:45.720 --> 0:12:50.120 How does that impact a person from that point growing up? 0:12:51.880 --> 0:12:55.520 I guess it shows me if, for example, if I'm 0:12:55.559 --> 0:12:59.520 ever to have a child, what that child needs and 0:12:59.559 --> 0:13:02.000 what they do need. So I can't wait to be 0:13:02.040 --> 0:13:05.160 a mom, like I really can't wait to or even 0:13:05.200 --> 0:13:07.559 to be. I've done a bit of youth work, so 0:13:07.600 --> 0:13:10.280 I have my youth work certificate, so even just to 0:13:10.320 --> 0:13:12.920 give back and give kids that safe space and that 0:13:13.000 --> 0:13:15.360 role model, because I knew I always had that safe space, 0:13:15.520 --> 0:13:18.880 but I didn't necessarily have that role model. So yeah, 0:13:18.920 --> 0:13:20.440 I just want to really be a role model for 0:13:20.480 --> 0:13:22.839 the younger kids and know that they're not alone. Was 0:13:22.880 --> 0:13:27.600 it scary, Oh, yeah, of course it's scary. But I 0:13:27.640 --> 0:13:30.559 always had my sport, so I think when I was ten, 0:13:30.600 --> 0:13:32.920 I was playing soccer at that time, so I always 0:13:32.960 --> 0:13:34.720 had my sport. I always had my next or neighbor. 0:13:35.280 --> 0:13:37.680 He was my best friend, so we always were outside 0:13:37.720 --> 0:13:38.960 playing whatever sport that we could. 0:13:39.160 --> 0:13:42.360 So your dad, Now, when was the last time you 0:13:42.360 --> 0:13:43.000 spoke to him? 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:45.080 When I was ten? 0:13:45.600 --> 0:13:49.880 Yeah, nine years ago and your mom three years ago? 0:13:49.920 --> 0:13:52.520 I think it was yeah, more recent, but I hadn't 0:13:52.559 --> 0:13:55.079 been since I was ten until yeah. 0:13:55.120 --> 0:13:56.880 So what made you get back in touch with your mum? 0:13:57.080 --> 0:14:01.280 So she was in prison and I got a phone 0:14:01.280 --> 0:14:04.599 call that she was getting deported, so I thought. 0:14:05.200 --> 0:14:07.360 So she's from New Zealand originally. 0:14:06.960 --> 0:14:09.400 Yeah, So I thought if I was in the same boat, 0:14:10.160 --> 0:14:11.760 I would want someone to be there for me. So 0:14:11.800 --> 0:14:14.719 I thought, I'm a forgiving person. I'd like to think 0:14:14.960 --> 0:14:18.240 I chose to forgive, and I went to see if 0:14:18.240 --> 0:14:20.640 she's all right and just had someone to talk to. 0:14:21.560 --> 0:14:23.400 And then I got a phone call a couple months 0:14:23.480 --> 0:14:26.960 later that she'd actually been granted to stay here in Perth, 0:14:27.080 --> 0:14:29.640 so that was a bit scary, so I thought this 0:14:29.680 --> 0:14:32.240 would be my last goodbye type thing. But yeah, she's 0:14:32.320 --> 0:14:35.760 now staying in here and well, from what I've heard, 0:14:35.840 --> 0:14:37.800 she's trying to get her life back on track. But yeah, 0:14:37.800 --> 0:14:39.680 I'm one hundred percent sure because I'm not in contact 0:14:39.720 --> 0:14:40.400 with her anymore. 0:14:40.600 --> 0:14:44.000 So when she stayed, was that were you sort of 0:14:44.080 --> 0:14:46.080 had you prepared yourself for her to be out of 0:14:46.120 --> 0:14:46.600 your life? 0:14:46.880 --> 0:14:51.240 Yeah? So I kind of had brought myself to be 0:14:51.280 --> 0:14:54.200 okay with it because I was a bit upset always 0:14:55.040 --> 0:14:59.480 always really loved my mum until I made that decision, 0:14:59.560 --> 0:15:02.560 so I think, yeah, I was propping myself. So then 0:15:02.600 --> 0:15:05.560 when she was told she could stay, I think it 0:15:05.600 --> 0:15:07.760 was a bit it was scary for me, but in 0:15:07.800 --> 0:15:10.560 a sense it was a relief as well, because you 0:15:10.640 --> 0:15:12.640 never know what could happen, and if she could never 0:15:12.680 --> 0:15:16.280 come back to the country, it's a bit sad. So yeah, 0:15:16.320 --> 0:15:18.560 so I think she's doing well for herself now, but 0:15:18.560 --> 0:15:19.520 I'm not entirely sure. 0:15:20.200 --> 0:15:21.360 What was she in prison for. 0:15:22.920 --> 0:15:24.720 Armed robbery? Yeah? 0:15:25.480 --> 0:15:27.640 Did you have a conversation with her around that time? 0:15:28.600 --> 0:15:32.400 Well, I think anyone who knows an addict, they don't 0:15:32.440 --> 0:15:37.240 really tend to depending on what they've done. They don't 0:15:37.240 --> 0:15:38.680 really want to come to terms with it. I guess 0:15:38.680 --> 0:15:42.240 because half the time they don't remember because they're under 0:15:42.280 --> 0:15:46.000 the influence. So we talked about it a bit, but she, yeah, 0:15:46.080 --> 0:15:49.280 didn't really have much of the right things to say. 0:15:50.080 --> 0:15:52.120 So how did you feel walking out of that conversation. 0:15:52.760 --> 0:15:55.960 Yeah, I was a bit angry. I just want people 0:15:56.000 --> 0:15:59.200 to just really. I was willing to forgive, but she 0:15:59.240 --> 0:16:02.960 wasn't willing to own up to her actions. So there's 0:16:03.000 --> 0:16:05.320 no I don't lose sleep over it. I guess I tried. 0:16:05.360 --> 0:16:07.360 I did my part, they could. I was kind of 0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:09.440 acting like the mom when I shouldn't have been. I'm 0:16:09.480 --> 0:16:13.000 the kids. So yeah, I did my part, and I 0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:15.320 guess I just hope the best for her and hope 0:16:15.320 --> 0:16:16.600 that she can turn her life around. 0:16:17.680 --> 0:16:20.280 I know you talk about it because you've come to 0:16:20.400 --> 0:16:23.360 terms with the life that you've lived, You've had, you know, 0:16:24.000 --> 0:16:25.080 you've had to deal with a lot. 0:16:25.160 --> 0:16:27.160 I'm listening to you, and I know people are going 0:16:27.240 --> 0:16:29.960 to be listening to you. It's such a lot. Like, 0:16:30.040 --> 0:16:33.280 do you appreciate how much you've been put through? 0:16:34.880 --> 0:16:37.120 Yeah, I don't think I've been put through that much. 0:16:37.160 --> 0:16:39.120 I think there's Yeah, I think there is kids that 0:16:39.320 --> 0:16:41.640 do have it worse. I was so privileged to being 0:16:41.680 --> 0:16:44.680 put in the house that I was in my foster 0:16:44.760 --> 0:16:47.880 parents on my whole entire world, like the every day 0:16:47.960 --> 0:16:50.160 have not missed a footy game, and they've flown to 0:16:50.360 --> 0:16:52.920 all my state troops. They've flown to all my away games. Yeah, 0:16:53.520 --> 0:16:56.840 they I just can't be so like, I'm so thankful 0:16:56.960 --> 0:16:59.240 to have my sisters. I have their names tattooed on 0:16:59.280 --> 0:17:02.000 me as well. Just to be able to grow up 0:17:02.000 --> 0:17:04.480 with them and have them in my corner was what 0:17:04.600 --> 0:17:06.960 most kids don't get. So I'm so grateful for that. 0:17:08.440 --> 0:17:13.040 You're listening to ordinarily speaking with Sabrina Duffy. Tell me 0:17:13.080 --> 0:17:15.720 about how it impacted your mental health. 0:17:17.200 --> 0:17:21.680 Yeah, there was some days, I guess. Being as young 0:17:21.720 --> 0:17:24.639 as I was, I didn't really accept who I was 0:17:24.680 --> 0:17:27.399 and what was going on. But as I got older 0:17:27.440 --> 0:17:30.359 and I come to terms with it, I could understand why. 0:17:30.800 --> 0:17:34.080 I had a lot of anger, so quite an angry 0:17:34.160 --> 0:17:39.600 child growing up. Nowadays, I'm quite calm, which is good. Yeah, 0:17:39.600 --> 0:17:43.600 and I have quite bad anxiety, I guess, and fear. 0:17:45.960 --> 0:17:48.560 I guess from some of my trauma from my childhood. 0:17:48.640 --> 0:17:51.640 But yeah, I know I'm in a very safe environment 0:17:51.680 --> 0:17:54.280 and FreeMat and fotball club was so accommodating to that 0:17:55.160 --> 0:17:56.960 and have everything in place that I need. 0:17:57.359 --> 0:18:02.840 Is the fear of abandonment at yeah, yes, and no, 0:18:03.640 --> 0:18:06.919 I know how loved I am by my family, but 0:18:06.960 --> 0:18:09.440 there is always that fear that some something could happen, 0:18:09.520 --> 0:18:12.280 or something could could turn and you could be left 0:18:13.040 --> 0:18:14.320 by by yourself. 0:18:14.359 --> 0:18:17.640 But I always know that I have my two sisters 0:18:17.640 --> 0:18:19.640 ma side if I do need them, which is good. 0:18:20.240 --> 0:18:22.720 Did you ever have those rebellious years given everything you 0:18:22.760 --> 0:18:23.160 went through? 0:18:23.600 --> 0:18:26.920 No, not really, just more anger with my sisters a lot, 0:18:27.840 --> 0:18:29.080 which I kind of regret doing. 0:18:29.119 --> 0:18:31.520 Now, what was the worst you did? 0:18:32.359 --> 0:18:40.640 Ah, threw a metal coaster at my sister. You laugh 0:18:40.680 --> 0:18:44.960 when you say that. I don't think so. They would 0:18:45.000 --> 0:18:46.840 always they were because they were always bigger than me. 0:18:46.840 --> 0:18:48.600 They were the big sisters. They would sit on top 0:18:48.600 --> 0:18:51.640 of me and fight on me and do everything sisters 0:18:51.680 --> 0:18:54.320 would do. So I got I said, no, I was 0:18:54.320 --> 0:18:55.680 at that age and I was a bit bigger in 0:18:55.760 --> 0:18:57.359 my body. I thought, no, I'm going to stick up 0:18:57.359 --> 0:19:00.439 for myself here. And then there was another time me 0:19:00.440 --> 0:19:02.000 and my sister got into a bit of a fight 0:19:02.080 --> 0:19:04.520 and she pushed me, so I said, nah, stood up. 0:19:04.560 --> 0:19:07.359 I said, I'm big, now stood up. I punched her 0:19:07.359 --> 0:19:11.200 back and I've actually broken broken fingers. So that was 0:19:11.280 --> 0:19:15.119 that was. I felt bad afterwards because but at the 0:19:15.160 --> 0:19:17.400 time I was just fired up. But now I look 0:19:17.520 --> 0:19:19.560 back on it, back on it, I probably shouldn't have 0:19:19.560 --> 0:19:21.560 done that. Do you. 0:19:21.720 --> 0:19:23.600 Did you and your sisters ever sit down and have 0:19:24.400 --> 0:19:26.840 hard conversations about everything. 0:19:27.880 --> 0:19:30.520 Not until I think we've all gotten a bit older. 0:19:32.560 --> 0:19:34.960 There were things growing up that I didn't see that 0:19:35.000 --> 0:19:38.119 they saw. Obviously, they were in the care of my 0:19:38.160 --> 0:19:40.679 biological apparance for the first early years of their life, 0:19:40.760 --> 0:19:44.040 so some things that I didn't quite understand, and they've 0:19:44.040 --> 0:19:45.440 probably had a lot less than I. 0:19:45.440 --> 0:19:47.200 Have, what sort of things. 0:19:48.840 --> 0:19:52.160 Obviously, just being in the care of people were addicts. 0:19:52.240 --> 0:19:56.200 I guess they weren't probably the first priority of my parents, 0:19:58.359 --> 0:20:01.920 which is sad, but credit to them. They're amazing young 0:20:01.920 --> 0:20:03.840 women now and my sister actually just had a baby, 0:20:03.920 --> 0:20:08.600 so it's pretty exciting. I love being an auntie. So yeah, 0:20:08.640 --> 0:20:11.639 they're amazing in the strength that they have. Really I 0:20:11.640 --> 0:20:13.040 did really look up to them. 0:20:13.240 --> 0:20:16.119 Yeah, when you reflect on it. Now, what was the 0:20:16.160 --> 0:20:17.120 hardest thing for you. 0:20:18.600 --> 0:20:26.760 Probably accepting that I wasn't normal as such, who my 0:20:26.880 --> 0:20:29.000 parents weren't, accepting that I was a foster kid, and 0:20:29.080 --> 0:20:32.240 I didn't necessarily call my foster parents mum and dad. 0:20:32.520 --> 0:20:34.159 I think that was a really big thing for me 0:20:34.200 --> 0:20:38.479 to accept because obviously you have all your friends at 0:20:38.520 --> 0:20:41.760 school that talk about their mum and dad, and I 0:20:41.800 --> 0:20:44.480 was a bit embarrassed. So I think when I did 0:20:44.680 --> 0:20:47.679 kind of accept that is when things did turn and 0:20:47.720 --> 0:20:51.760 I said, look, I'm quite advantage. I've got four sets 0:20:51.800 --> 0:20:55.240