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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just once answers now.

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Speaker 2: And I think this situation highlights again just this unrealistic

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Speaker 2: expectation that we have of our children, that they are

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Speaker 2: capable of actually managing the situation at such a young age.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum

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Speaker 1: and dad.

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Speaker 3: Hello, this is doctor Justin Coulson. I'm here with Kylie,

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Speaker 3: my wife and munder our six kids. I'm the founder

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Speaker 3: of Happy Families dot com dot I. It is so

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Speaker 3: good for you to join us as we kick off

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Speaker 3: a new week. Only one week until Parental Guidance. So

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Speaker 3: excited for those of you who are in Australia, make

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Speaker 3: sure you're watching next Monday night, Monday November the first

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Speaker 3: Parental Guidance hits the Telly and I think that I

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Speaker 3: just think it's going to go nuts. I think it's

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Speaker 3: going to be an amazing, amazing TV show.

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Speaker 2: We also have a webinar tonight.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we do a webinar. It's not all about connection,

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Speaker 3: I have I've really gone deep into the research on

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Speaker 3: what it is that helps us to connect best with people.

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Speaker 3: And if you haven't got all the details. Please visit

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Speaker 3: are the doctor justin Colson's Happy Family's Facebook page. You

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Speaker 3: get out of the info there.

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Speaker 2: You're all over the place, webinars TV.

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Speaker 3: I know it's so exciting. There's there's more stuff coming

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Speaker 3: as well.

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Speaker 2: Hey, I'll tell you what's next?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, what's next?

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Speaker 2: The other day you thought that I wasn't aware, but

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Speaker 2: you wanted to work out a song and you couldn't

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Speaker 2: remember the name of it. Yeah, and I may have

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Speaker 2: just overheard you no singing.

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Speaker 3: To seru Are you serious?

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Speaker 2: Listen to this?

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Speaker 3: What's this song? I don't care what they said? I'm

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Speaker 3: in love with you?

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Speaker 2: What was so funny? Is I knew the song?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: But this was serious response.

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Speaker 3: Sorry, I don't know what song this is.

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Speaker 2: You know that there's more than one note, don't You

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Speaker 2: cannot believe that you're mocking me for my singing.

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Speaker 3: I cannot believe that you're mocking me for my singing.

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Speaker 2: Maybe j I can play the song for us. Everybody

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Speaker 2: knows what you were trying to sing.

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Speaker 3: Oh gosh, I don't even want to do this podcast

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Speaker 3: with you now. I can't believe you did that. I'm

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Speaker 3: so excited we're about to be on the TV and

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Speaker 3: you're going and doing this to me. That is just rue.

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Speaker 2: Look, I'm just trying to keep you humble.

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Speaker 3: Now everybody knows. Now, everybody knows. Oh dear, you just

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Speaker 3: keep singing. Huh Okay, Hey, we need to talk about

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Speaker 3: some really important stuff. Over the last week or so,

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Speaker 3: there's been some really sad news that's upset three year

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Speaker 3: olds globally, and you've got the lowdown on it.

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Speaker 2: Well, it seems that the Wiggles are farewelling another yellow jersey.

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Speaker 3: Emma Wiggle. I love how you said the yellow jersey.

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Speaker 3: It's like you've been watching the Tour de France with me.

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Speaker 3: The yellow Jersey's gone. We're farewelling the yellow jersey. Emma

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Speaker 3: Wiggle is leaving the Wiggles.

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Speaker 2: Emma Wiggle is leaving the Wiggles. But do you know what,

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Speaker 2: Emma was not a Wiggle when our kids we.

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Speaker 3: Had Greg the Yellow Wiggle and our kids were Wigglers.

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Speaker 2: I love that, and that was devastating with left.

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Speaker 3: In fact, our eldest because she went to a Wiggle.

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Speaker 3: I took her to a Wiggles concert. The moshpit was crazy,

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Speaker 3: Red Car I remember actually going down to the front

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Speaker 3: of the.

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Speaker 2: Fruit salad, yummy, yummy.

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Speaker 3: We should ask Siri what song that is and she

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Speaker 3: would know whether Siri knows what's going on here. But

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Speaker 3: I remember going to a Wiggles concert with Greg the

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Speaker 3: Yellow Wiggle and Chanel, our eldest, who's now in her twenties.

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Speaker 3: She was I think she was a teenager when he

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Speaker 3: quit the Wiggles, and she was distraught when that happened.

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Speaker 3: I remember she was like, not not fully properly distraught, destroyed,

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Speaker 3: but she was genuinely kind of going, well, it's really

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Speaker 3: the end of an era. This is a really big thing.

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Speaker 3: Greg Yellow Wiggle is gone, and now there's a whole

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Speaker 3: new generation of kids who were saying, but what about

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Speaker 3: Emma Wiggle? Was she gone?

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Speaker 2: So I guess for any parents out there who are

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Speaker 2: ruggling with a three year.

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Speaker 3: Old, how do I deal with my three year old's

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Speaker 3: grief over Amma Wiggle not.

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Speaker 2: Being I think understanding the background makes it a lot

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Speaker 2: easier to kind of, you know, work through the process

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Speaker 2: for everybody. Emma has had some health challenges, but she

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Speaker 2: was also dealing with the fact that she was traveling

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Speaker 2: and on tour so much and missing out on experiences

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Speaker 2: with her family, And so when COVID hit, she actually

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Speaker 2: had a chance to kind of think about what was

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Speaker 2: more important, and family came first. So she's taken a

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Speaker 2: step back from her wiggling wiggling, Yes, and she's going

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Speaker 2: back home to finish her PhD and hang with her kids.

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Speaker 3: She's going to do a PhD.

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Speaker 2: I think she's halfway through it.

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Speaker 3: Oh wow, that's my I had no idea. Do you

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Speaker 3: have any Wiggles memories other than listening to them incessantly

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Speaker 3: in the car with our kids.

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Speaker 2: Well, I actually knew the Wiggles way before we had kids.

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Speaker 2: I went and stay with some friends whose children loved.

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Speaker 3: The Wiggles really, and I was.

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Speaker 2: About fourteen, and they had it on repeat, NonStop.

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Speaker 3: Going for that long. Yes, wow, yes, that's extraordinary.

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Speaker 2: And so they had they had all of these songs.

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Speaker 2: That's how I know fruit salad. And I had to

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Speaker 2: do a bus trip with a whole heap of my

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Speaker 2: teenage friends and all I was singing the whole way

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Speaker 2: and the buns were all these different Wiggles songs, and

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Speaker 2: I got mocked.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, hey, we need to talk about something else that's

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Speaker 3: happened in celebrity world. But it's not because of the

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Speaker 3: fact that it's in celebrity world. It's because of the

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Speaker 3: conversation that comes from it. Milacunas is marriage to Ashton Kocher.

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Speaker 3: They've been together for I don't know, since I think.

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Speaker 2: It's like twenty fifteen.

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Speaker 3: There we go. I'm not a celebrity watcher.

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Speaker 2: I'm not nor a mine. I can read.

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Speaker 3: I haven't. I haven't done the research like you have.

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Speaker 3: But she was recently on a video with Ellen DeGeneres.

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Speaker 3: She's got a web series called mum Confessions, and she.

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Speaker 4: Said, this, here's a story that's about to get me

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Speaker 4: in trouble. So there was a little kid in my

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Speaker 4: kid's preschool that wasn't very kind and pushed my daughter.

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Speaker 4: My daughter came back and she was like such and

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Speaker 4: such little kiddo pushed me. And I instinctually said, did

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Speaker 4: you push your back? And my daughter's like no, And

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Speaker 4: I was like, push your back next time you push

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Speaker 4: your back and you say no, thank you, and you

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Speaker 4: walk away. And I turned around and I see Ashton

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Speaker 4: space and he was like no. But I was like,

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Speaker 4: you stand up for yourself and you say no, thank you.

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Speaker 4: I was like, don't push him off of a ladder

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Speaker 4: or off of a swing or off of a slide,

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Speaker 4: but like on the ground, even Stephen, you push him back,

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Speaker 4: I'd say that that's the parenting failed.

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Speaker 3: So right after the break, we're going to talk about

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Speaker 3: Miller's parenting advice and what we should really be doing

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Speaker 3: when our kids are having a hard time with other

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Speaker 3: kids in a school, park, or at kindy or whatever

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Speaker 3: it might be, because I don't think that's quite the

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Speaker 3: best way to do it. And that's what the podcast

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Speaker 3: is about, right helping time poor parents come up with

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Speaker 3: really good solutions for dealing with challenges with their kids.

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Speaker 3: That's right after the break. It's the Happy Families Podcast.

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Speaker 5: Imagine a home where discipline got result without anyone having

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Speaker 5: to feel bad or in trouble. The do's and don'ts

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Speaker 5: of discipline as a webinar to help parents set limits

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Speaker 5: with love, compassion and humanity. Find it now at happy

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Speaker 5: families dot com, dot au slash shop.

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Speaker 2: It's the Happy Families Podcast, the podcast for the time

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Speaker 2: poor parent who just wants answers now And we're taking

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Speaker 2: a little bit of a sneak peek into celebrity life

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Speaker 2: today we're talking about Ashton Coucher, and melacunas. So let's

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Speaker 2: talk about this. I mean, how do we actually get

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Speaker 2: our kids to stand up for themselves without becoming the

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Speaker 2: classroom bully.

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Speaker 3: The context is everything here. Okay, So we're talking about

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Speaker 3: kids who are in this case from the Mila Cucha scenario,

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Speaker 3: we're to we had children who are under the age

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Speaker 3: of let's say five or six, and I think that

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Speaker 3: there's a helpful things that we probably should consider my

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Speaker 3: number one piece of advice. Just tell them to leave

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Speaker 3: the situation, go and get an adult. Like, the reality

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Speaker 3: is that you're never going to see this kid again.

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Speaker 3: You're in the park. Now, it's different if it's at

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Speaker 3: school or if it's in your but you're in the park,

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Speaker 3: so you're never going to see this person again. Just

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Speaker 3: walk away, Go and get some adult help, Go and

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Speaker 3: play on a different piece of equipment. I actually think

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Speaker 3: teaching your kids that is going to be the easiest

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Speaker 3: way forward.

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Speaker 2: Okay, But what happens if they're in the classroom, so

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Speaker 2: they're actually seeing this kid every day.

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Speaker 3: Well, again, we're talking about kids under the age of

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Speaker 3: five or six, so they're not in a classroom situation,

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Speaker 3: but they might be in a preschool or kindergarten kind

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Speaker 3: of situation. And if that's the case, you teach them

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Speaker 3: to go and tell the teacher, go and talk to

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Speaker 3: the teacher about it and get adult involvement. And the

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Speaker 3: reason for this is little kids don't actually have the skills,

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Speaker 3: Like you can't expect a six year old to have

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Speaker 3: a level of social skill capability that many adults don't

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Speaker 3: even have. You think about what adults do when they're

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Speaker 3: on road rage or when they're getting pushed in line somewhere.

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Speaker 3: Some adults don't know how to navigate the bullies, the

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Speaker 3: people who have that entitlement mentality. If adults can't do it,

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Speaker 3: we can't expect a four year old or maybe even

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Speaker 3: a seven year old to be able to do that.

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Speaker 2: Last week on the Doctor's Desk, we talked about theory

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Speaker 2: of mind.

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Speaker 3: I've just got to interrupt you. As soon as you

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Speaker 3: said the Doctor's Desk. You're in the car with the

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Speaker 3: kids listening to the podcast, and they were like, most

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Speaker 3: boring podcast ever, Why do we have to listen to

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Speaker 3: all this science stuff? Just do a normal podcast. Stop

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Speaker 3: the doctor. They've got that from you.

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Speaker 2: The background is that they were actually at each other

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Speaker 2: and I actually put that on to lull limit to.

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Speaker 3: This right anyway, we went beautiful. We talked about theory

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Speaker 3: of mind on the Doctor's Desk podcast episode last.

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Speaker 2: Week and just the acknowledgment that there's this expectation on

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Speaker 2: our children to develop faster than they're capable. And I

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Speaker 2: think this situation highlights again just this unrealistic expectation that

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Speaker 2: we have of our children that they are capable of

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Speaker 2: actually managing the situation at such a young age.

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Speaker 3: They're not so from a social point of view, from

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Speaker 3: a developmental point of view, they don't have that capacity

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Speaker 3: to do it. It's kind of like walking up to

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Speaker 3: a two year old and saying, why aren't you taller?

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Speaker 3: Can you just hurry up and grow already? You need

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Speaker 3: to fulfill your high potential and you need to do

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Speaker 3: it now. But developmentally, they're going to take the next

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Speaker 3: twelve to fifteen years to be able to get to

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Speaker 3: their high potential. And it's the same when it comes

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Speaker 3: to their social capacity. So my number one piece of

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Speaker 3: advice would just be to teach them to leave the

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Speaker 3: situation or go and get out at help or both

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Speaker 3: and do that no knowing that they don't have the

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Speaker 3: capacity to do it themselves most of.

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Speaker 2: The time, and I think outside of that, there's just

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Speaker 2: an acknowledgment that words are important, you know, So if

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Speaker 2: you've got a child who's pushing you, you can say

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Speaker 2: very clearly, stop it, stop it, or I don't like that.

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Speaker 2: So I would actually suggest they use their words first.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, radio, okay. Well I had that written down

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Speaker 3: as a second suggestion, but then I crossed it off.

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Speaker 3: And the reason that I crossed it off is because

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Speaker 3: you know what it's like, once you're emotional, it's really

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Speaker 3: hard to find the words that you want to use.

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Speaker 3: And I tell parents all the time.

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Speaker 2: And that's why it's just it's a really clear stop

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Speaker 2: it or I don't like it, and.

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Speaker 3: That's about all you're going to get.

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Speaker 2: That's right.

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Speaker 3: It's really hard for a four year old or even

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Speaker 3: a twelve year old to look at the person who's

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Speaker 3: antagonizing them and say, right now, I'm feeling really frustrated

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Speaker 3: with the way that you're treating me. Of course not

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Speaker 3: they're not going to say that.

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Speaker 2: Even Adams crudeness. Crudeness would suggest stop it or I

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Speaker 2: don't like that. They're really really simple, they're very very clear.

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Speaker 2: They don't need to go into any more detail. And

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Speaker 2: if there's no response from that, then walk away. And

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Speaker 2: if there's no response from that, then get an adult

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Speaker 2: and you can.

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Speaker 3: Actually practice that stuff with your kids as well. Let

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Speaker 3: them know, hey, if somebody does this, here's what to say.

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Speaker 3: Say it to me.

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Speaker 1: Now.

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Speaker 2: If they have a sibling in their house, they will

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Speaker 2: have plenty of opportunities to practice good point.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so let's wrap this up with a take home message.

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Speaker 3: Take home message number one from today's podcast, don't ask

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Speaker 3: your kids, but bay the kids, whether you can see

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Speaker 3: that it or not. Take our message number two, don't

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Speaker 3: ask Siri what the song is because Siri won't know.

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Speaker 3: I don't know what song this is. I can't believe

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Speaker 3: you did that. Take home message number three. Your kids.

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Speaker 3: You know, if they're getting into conflict and you're around,

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Speaker 3: just leave them be, watch them sort it out. They'll

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Speaker 3: actually figure it out and they'll learn good lessons. But

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Speaker 3: more than anything, just teach them to go and get

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Speaker 3: out of help if they're stuck, because they're too little

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Speaker 3: to figure it out. Once they're bigger, there are skills

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Speaker 3: that you can teach them, but when they're.

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Speaker 2: Little, just don't teach them to bop someone on the nose.

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Speaker 3: Or bop them anywhere. Good point. Hey, we really hope

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Speaker 3: that you've enjoyed today's podcast. We really love it when

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Speaker 3: you leave those five star ratings in reviews and Apple

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Speaker 3: podcasts so that other people can find out about the

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Speaker 3: podcast and make the families happier. There has been a

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Speaker 3: whole stack of them come through recently. We're up to

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Speaker 3: four hundred and seventy five. By the way, wow, twenty

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Speaker 3: five more. Can you help us to get to five hundred.

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Speaker 3: I mean, that would be so cool. Let's get the

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Speaker 3: five hundred if you could just jump into Apple Podcasts

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Speaker 3: and leave us a rating and review, just like Team Tom,

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Speaker 3: who said, as a mother of two young children and

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Speaker 3: a deputy primary principle, this amazing podcast is a place

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Speaker 3: that I recommend over and over again to friends, family

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Speaker 3: and parents at my school. Easy tangible listening that is

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Speaker 3: up to date, living the current experiences that families are facing,

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Speaker 3: and ideas from life experience in BookSmart. So thanks for

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Speaker 3: all you do for your community. You can't wait to

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Speaker 3: watch you along on TV as well. So thank you

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Speaker 3: so much, Team Tom. We appreciate that. Justin Roland is

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Speaker 3: the producer of the Happy Families podcast. Craig Brewce is

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Speaker 3: our executive producer. We thank them for their work and

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Speaker 3: if you'd like more and fro about making your family

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Speaker 3: happy up or Tonight's Connection webinar, which is really going

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Speaker 3: to help you to identify what connection is and how

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Speaker 3: you can get more of it in your family. Please

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Speaker 3: visit happy families dot com, dot a