Speaker 1: It's nice to have your voice back. I know you
Speaker 1: missed the hask, but I don't know if I could
Speaker 1: do another episode with an erection.
Speaker 2: Welcome back to two notting dads. I am Maddie Jay
Speaker 2: and I'm Ash. This is a conversation all about parenting,
Speaker 2: the good, the bad, and the relatable. And we have
Speaker 2: to also say at this point, if you're coming for
Speaker 2: any type of advice.
Speaker 1: Steer clear, turn away child right now.
Speaker 2: Ash wait, I have a very important announcement to make.
Speaker 1: Pla head on me, big man.
Speaker 2: Well, let's just say that this podcast is about to
Speaker 2: get a whole lot better.
Speaker 1: No shit, if you know what I'm saying, exactly what
Speaker 1: you're saying, Well, you.
Speaker 2: Know, the listeners don't know. But we have a very
Speaker 2: first broken our sponsored virginity.
Speaker 1: Here so we can keep making podcasts.
Speaker 2: Or Yeah. This means is that this podcast, it's got
Speaker 2: legs better beer, has injected some life into two doting dads.
Speaker 2: They are our very first sponsor.
Speaker 1: That's amazing. So essentially I have an excuse now to
Speaker 1: start drinking at ten am, and my wife can't say
Speaker 1: a single thing about it.
Speaker 2: I'm sure April is absolutely thrilled. She's like, so, who's
Speaker 2: the sponsor? Is it like a fruit and veg company?
Speaker 1: Isn't it you do with babies? What am I getting
Speaker 1: out of it?
Speaker 2: It's beer.
Speaker 1: It's beer's baby, it's beers.
Speaker 2: But the story of Better Beer it's it's pretty sick.
Speaker 2: If you're familiar Ash, you may have heard of the
Speaker 2: two boys co founded it inspired unemployed. Does that ring
Speaker 2: a bell? Absolutely, they're good mate. He's a publican, Nick Koger.
Speaker 2: They wanted to create a delicious, healthier beer, which is
Speaker 2: how Better Beer Company started.
Speaker 1: Didn't they like to sell out immediately on the first
Speaker 1: week it.
Speaker 2: Did stupidly well. I think it's about a year and
Speaker 2: a half ago they launched. Since then, they've sold ten million,
Speaker 2: ten million leaders of beer leaters.
Speaker 1: That's just to me, not bad. A couple of X trade's.
Speaker 1: They now have five beers in the range and I'm
Speaker 1: personally frothing on the new Pacific al Al that's definitely
Speaker 1: my drop.
Speaker 2: I mean, should we absolutely, it'd be rude not to.
Speaker 1: Ten am, let's go, that's the stuff.
Speaker 2: Cheers, cheers. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to just straight in. Let's go. I
Speaker 1: haven't even had breakfast yet.
Speaker 2: So that is tasty, that is that is crisp, that
Speaker 2: is very good.
Speaker 1: Look, I'm a big fan of Pacific Al, so I'm
Speaker 1: very happy they brought this out. I have drank their
Speaker 1: other ones as well, enjoy them also, But Sunday Harvo
Speaker 1: for me, Pacific Al the dream one too many of course, absolutely.
Speaker 2: Big shout out to better Beer.
Speaker 1: We love you boys, Thank you guys.
Speaker 2: To me, it feels like a lot longer than a
Speaker 2: week since we last record. It feels like it's been
Speaker 2: an eternity.
Speaker 1: It's been a long time. It's been a weekend. What
Speaker 1: is it? Miss you too, It's been too long? What's new?
Speaker 1: What's new for you? I mean for me? Not a
Speaker 1: whole lot. I've noticed something devious my wife does with
Speaker 1: our children's lunchboxes.
Speaker 2: Devious in what way is she like hiding drugs in there?
Speaker 1: What is she Let's say yes, let's say yes, so okay,
Speaker 1: obviously I have two kids. One they go to different kindergartens.
Speaker 1: Is because one of them is free for this year
Speaker 1: for the first two days, and it's also got older kids.
Speaker 1: So Oscar goes to this other daycare, which we need
Speaker 1: to provide the lunch with him.
Speaker 2: I know a few people who go to those daycares.
Speaker 2: We have to bring the lunch. That to me sounds
Speaker 2: like a bloody nightmare.
Speaker 1: Well it's not mine, Aunt Merrit's aprils. And of course
Speaker 1: we've got the Bento box lunch boxes, which is so
Speaker 1: in fashion at the moment. What's the Bento You know
Speaker 1: exactly what I'm talking about. So essentially it's a customized
Speaker 1: it's got their name on the front of it. You
Speaker 1: open it up and it's got set like compartments like
Speaker 1: a Bento box. Yes, yeah, you know the one I'm
Speaker 1: talking about.
Speaker 2: But we don't have that.
Speaker 1: We literally you're living in the past. Man.
Speaker 2: What we use as a lunch box and the kids
Speaker 2: love it.
Speaker 1: Is just a ziploc bag like lish that.
Speaker 2: Or like a plastic takeaway container put in the tie
Speaker 2: container from takeaway in the dishwasher.
Speaker 1: Your poor children.
Speaker 2: We walked a daycare this morning, didn't have time to
Speaker 2: eat breakfast. So I'm like, we're taking a lunch box.
Speaker 2: Reaches and she grabs a takeaway container. That's our Bento box.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, what do you get the Bento box from? Much?
Speaker 1: They're everywhere. I don't know. You've got to have the
Speaker 1: latest things, apparently, according to my wife.
Speaker 2: To keep up with the Joneses, keep exactly.
Speaker 1: Right, and look, they're great. They're annoying to wash, dishwasher
Speaker 1: or hand you can do either, okay. Anyway, so they're separate.
Speaker 1: They've got the compartment, so you've got dairy protein, bloody, bloody,
Speaker 1: fucking blah blah. Anyway, so I just put whatever in
Speaker 1: whatever compartment. It's not a big deal to me. But
Speaker 1: he's like, that's not protein. You can't put it in there.
Speaker 2: What are you putting in there?
Speaker 1: You got like I'm imagining this sandwich yoga maybe like
Speaker 1: a yogurt pouch or fit in there? Fruit?
Speaker 2: What kind of sandwich?
Speaker 1: Like a veggimo, Benjamin, You can't do peanut butter obviously
Speaker 1: because nuts. Some kiddies have nut allergies. It's mainly bacon
Speaker 1: and cheese rolls. The kids loving them. Heaven, they are
Speaker 1: good good. But anyway, I noticed the other day, so
Speaker 1: my mum was here and she brought over mince lice biscuits. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the beautiful chocolate mince slice biscuit.
Speaker 2: Disagree, it's fucking toothpaste and chocolate put together.
Speaker 1: But continue continue, I'll agree to disagree on that one.
Speaker 1: I'll let that one slide. So we're not that obviously
Speaker 1: send chocolate to kids fircle, So.
Speaker 2: I why not? Is it because they all flip out
Speaker 2: with one person?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, yeah, I think it's also like the nutritional
Speaker 1: value on a mint, yeah, and whatever sort of chocolate.
Speaker 1: So I've noticed that my wife does something very devious.
Speaker 1: She hides the biscuit under the raspbreed. But that's not
Speaker 1: the worst part of it. First of all, you don't
Speaker 1: need to give them chocolate for lunch. You don't need
Speaker 1: to do that. But then she's also telling Oscar, make
Speaker 1: sure you eat it before the teachers come around. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, are you fucking serious.
Speaker 2: She's smuggling in chocolate.
Speaker 1: She's smuggling chocolate into the kindergarten. And then when we
Speaker 1: pick up Oscar, he's like, they didn't see me eat it.
Speaker 1: This is like they're in Kohootz, these two. They're literally
Speaker 1: swindling the teachers and smuggling in contraband to the kindergarten.
Speaker 2: Surely they're going to see him. All the kids are eating.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and there's so many more kids, and April has
Speaker 1: like literally given him a play by playbook April used
Speaker 1: to work at this kindergarten too, so she understands. She
Speaker 1: knows the blind spots where the blind spots are, and
Speaker 1: she's really teaching him bad habit. I thought I was
Speaker 1: the bad one with diet, and I mean, that's something
Speaker 1: I want to talk to you about today as well.
Speaker 1: But I was shocked.
Speaker 2: That's I can't believe April. She's such a princess. She's
Speaker 2: an angel.
Speaker 1: I know. She's such a goody goody too, never does
Speaker 1: anything wrong. It makes me think, though, if I go
Speaker 1: to prison, I'm in good hands.
Speaker 2: Oh you're fine.
Speaker 1: She's going to be like, I've just baked your cake.
Speaker 1: Actually she can't cook. I've just had someone bake you
Speaker 1: a cake and there's a pack of SIGI's in there
Speaker 1: for you to buysh it with.
Speaker 2: Do you think at any point like daycare are going
Speaker 2: to find out? Because how long has this been going
Speaker 2: on for now?
Speaker 1: Like I'm guessing since he's been there so this year.
Speaker 1: But I think what happens is if they do find
Speaker 1: it so confinement, they've probably the teachers are all at
Speaker 1: the back end. What did you get today?
Speaker 2: Get the mint slices?
Speaker 1: I think to him at the end of the day.
Speaker 1: I think that's how it works.
Speaker 2: But don't you worry though that Oscar bless his cotton socks.
Speaker 2: He's been doing it for a while now.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: At some point, after a few months start to progress,
Speaker 2: you become a little bit complacent maybe and.
Speaker 1: It gets greedy. Do you think maybe he gets greedy? Yeah,
Speaker 1: you get great.
Speaker 2: Well, now he's like, hey, don't just put in one.
Speaker 1: Put it into check one under the sandbo as well.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think maybe the criminal mind works. Like I stole
Speaker 1: ten grand from the bank, warn't next time getting twenty grand. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm down for a little bit more. And they get
Speaker 1: greedier and greedier and greedier. Next minute, Oscar is dealing
Speaker 1: mint slices at kindergarten. That's the sort of tone you're
Speaker 1: setting for my child. Open if you're listening. That's how
Speaker 1: I really feel. I didn't have the balls to say
Speaker 1: it to your face, but I'm going to say it
Speaker 1: to Matthew and the rest of the world, and if
Speaker 1: you hear it, that's how I really feel about it.
Speaker 2: I got to your house next week and Oscar wearing
Speaker 2: a brand new roll leggs. He's in Gucci he's got
Speaker 2: one of those tear drop. I'm like, Jesus, what happened
Speaker 2: to you, Oscar?
Speaker 1: It's like, hardened up, get with the program.
Speaker 2: This didn't happen to me last week. This happened to
Speaker 2: me a little while ago. And I thought I told
Speaker 2: you the story about how I got into a fight.
Speaker 1: At the park. Yeah, you're known for that.
Speaker 2: I mean I told you the story I swear I have.
Speaker 1: Is it with another parent or how did it work?
Speaker 2: Yeah? It was multiple parents. Hang on a minute, multiple parents.
Speaker 1: You're in your fight club down at the local park. Yeah,
Speaker 1: other parents, women or men, both far off?
Speaker 2: It was all in.
Speaker 1: Were their punches thrown? No? Okay no, no.
Speaker 2: Luckily we didn't.
Speaker 1: Get it was a misunderstanding.
Speaker 2: It got to the point where, in hindsight, I look
Speaker 2: back and I'm like, that really could have I could
Speaker 2: have escalated and been quite a serious little situation. Luckily
Speaker 2: I didn't go that far. But I'm quite cool, calm
Speaker 2: and collected. I'm not a violent but I can imagine.
Speaker 1: Look, I've been waiting to fear a fire up. I
Speaker 1: can feel it sometimes. I'm like, imagine if you just
Speaker 1: snapped and murdered everybody, and feel it.
Speaker 2: It almost happened. So on Thursdays, the kids aren't in daycare,
Speaker 2: it's what we call a daddy day. It's where me
Speaker 2: and the girls, Marley and Lola, we just hang out
Speaker 2: normally go down to the park down the road and
Speaker 2: bring Buster along. And it's very wholesome.
Speaker 1: Buster the three leg a dog.
Speaker 2: That's it, you know, it's me bust pop along literally,
Speaker 2: and the girls love to bring the bike down, bring
Speaker 2: the scooter and it's a beautiful afternoon. And I kind
Speaker 2: of enjoy it because the girls love it. You know,
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm being a good dad. And nothing
Speaker 2: makes me happier than when I look at the smiles
Speaker 2: of my children, and I'm like, I'm doing it good.
Speaker 2: So we're at the park, cut a few laps on
Speaker 2: the bike path and the scooter, and then Lola says
Speaker 2: to me, I need to go do wie wei? Sure,
Speaker 2: pick her up, walk over to the toilets. Buster hops
Speaker 2: along as well, and he's off lead. The park is
Speaker 2: an off lead park. But also he's got three legs.
Speaker 2: So it's trying to juggle two kids and a dog
Speaker 2: with three legs. It's hard work. Ash. Also, I'm dragging
Speaker 2: a freaking scooter.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: At the same time, we make our way back to
Speaker 2: the park and I look over and there's another family
Speaker 2: and they have a blue Healer, which, you know, normally
Speaker 2: a very friendly dog. I personally haven't had any issue.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they shed a lot of hair, but it's nothing. Personally. Yeah, No,
Speaker 1: they can't help that, but the attitude on them is
Speaker 1: usually pretty good.
Speaker 2: Pretty good. Right. I look over and this lady is
Speaker 2: holding the blue heeler. He's on a lead, and Buster
Speaker 2: quietly and slowly hobbles over. You know, if anyone doesn't
Speaker 2: know my dog, he's not fast. He's got two back legs,
Speaker 2: he's got one front leg.
Speaker 1: The front legs jacked though.
Speaker 4: It's shredded, and Buster literally just hops over and like
Speaker 4: gives him a little sniff, not angry at all.
Speaker 2: Buster is such a placid dog. The blue heeler loses
Speaker 2: it ra ra right right, raight right rah, and all
Speaker 2: of a sudden he runs around the owner. She was
Speaker 2: a little bit older, and all of a sudden her
Speaker 2: legs are like closed shut because the lead is just
Speaker 2: wrapped around her, so then she can't move.
Speaker 1: Who's lead the blue heels Sorry, the older.
Speaker 2: Lady who's holding the blue the leaders wrapped around her,
Speaker 2: legs set of close shut, and she topples over. She
Speaker 2: like hits the deck, you know, like that. And my
Speaker 2: initial reaction was like, oh, my goodness, I hope this
Speaker 2: lady is okay, because you know, like it was like
Speaker 2: a scene from a cartoon or something where like legs
Speaker 2: close shut, she didn't have time to put her arm out,
Speaker 2: so she just like it wasn't a hard that was
Speaker 2: like she was falling from a distance.
Speaker 1: But it was her dog that did that, right.
Speaker 2: Her dog, her dog, and Buster even Buster was like,
Speaker 2: holy shit, this is that's kind of crazy. Buster backed off,
Speaker 2: and then as I was making my way over to
Speaker 2: be like are you okay, she starts losing it at me,
Speaker 2: just like the blue Hill was losing it earlier reflection,
Speaker 2: and she's like, your dog fucking attacked me. How dare you?
Speaker 2: I was like, what excuse me? And she's like, it's
Speaker 2: your dog. He shouldn't be on a lead. As she's
Speaker 2: like laying there still like on the ground like mamma
Speaker 2: fired by this lead about like.
Speaker 1: The zero like dominance of that situation where she's yelling
Speaker 1: at you but she's flat on the back. You just
Speaker 1: stand over.
Speaker 2: And be like yeah, yeah. I was like, what are
Speaker 2: you talking about? I was like, my dog was chilled.
Speaker 2: It's your dog that lost it. And I think it
Speaker 2: was either like her friend or like maybe a son
Speaker 2: I don't have. This bloke who was with her was like,
Speaker 2: bloody hell mate, you need to keep your dog on
Speaker 2: a leave. That's irresponsible. And I was like, what are
Speaker 2: you talking about, bro? And then he goes, you just
Speaker 2: stop being a dick?
Speaker 1: Oh what?
Speaker 2: And I kind of forgot In that moment. I was
Speaker 2: holding Lola and Marley was standing next to me, and
Speaker 2: I kind of just forgot.
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, you just see red Hay.
Speaker 2: I was like, what do you mean, dude, what are
Speaker 2: you talking about? And then these two ladies still on
Speaker 2: the floor yelling at me, her guy mates also having
Speaker 2: a go at me, and I'm just like, is this
Speaker 2: a prank? I did?
Speaker 1: Laurie just popped out like.
Speaker 2: I literally thought like this can't be real. And then
Speaker 2: this mum, another mum in the park comes over.
Speaker 1: To back you up or back them up?
Speaker 2: Well, I thought, I'm like, great, I've got someone here
Speaker 2: to be like you guys are being ridiculous. But then
Speaker 2: she looks at me, and she's like, not in front of.
Speaker 3: The children, and I'm like what, and she's like, please,
Speaker 3: someone think of the children, not in front of them.
Speaker 1: All the language coming out of this exchange.
Speaker 2: And then all of a sudden, because now we're making
Speaker 2: a big commotion, people in the park are now stopping.
Speaker 1: And looking at me, and I'm like, I didn't do anything.
Speaker 2: I'm an innocent victim.
Speaker 1: Playing the dog. Are you going to play anybody?
Speaker 2: And so she keeps pointing at me, just being like
Speaker 2: the children like not not here. Please. This lady starts
Speaker 2: freaking out.
Speaker 1: She's still on the ground.
Speaker 2: I think she's back up, but there's other mums come over.
Speaker 2: It's like we've just pulled out weapons. That's how she's behaving.
Speaker 1: Like an ankerman two the park. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, acting.
Speaker 2: As if I've just whipped out a crowbar and he's
Speaker 2: got nunchucks and we're about to do this gladiator fight.
Speaker 2: Not the case. And then I'm like, okay, do you
Speaker 2: know what I'm just going I'm going to walk away
Speaker 2: here because this is not going to be resolved, and
Speaker 2: people are starting to get a little bit heated, and
Speaker 2: I can't be on the front page of the newspaper
Speaker 2: daily Mail.
Speaker 1: Oh easy, the Harolds aren't Daily Mail. So j fights
Speaker 1: that older woman.
Speaker 2: So I'm like, I'm just going to remove myself from
Speaker 2: the situation. I'm going to walk away. And as I'm
Speaker 2: walking away with this other mom, not the lady with
Speaker 2: the blue heeler, the mom who was back in my
Speaker 2: up saying think of the children, she's still yelling like
Speaker 2: just leave, just leave. As I'm walking away, and I'm like, mate,
Speaker 2: I'm leaving. Chill. And then just as I think like
Speaker 2: this can't get any worse, Marley and Lola are like,
Speaker 2: we don't want to leave the park. So they start screaming,
Speaker 2: being like, no.
Speaker 1: Go in mate.
Speaker 2: So then I've tried to put Buster back on the lead,
Speaker 2: just to be like, the last thing I need is
Speaker 2: for him to go back over to the blue heeler
Speaker 2: and comfort round two. So I'm dragging Buster on three legs.
Speaker 2: I've got a scooter. I've got a bike with training
Speaker 2: wheels on it. Yeah, Marley and Laula are both screaming
Speaker 2: like they're being abducted right now from the park. And
Speaker 2: of course I couldn't pick the car close to the park.
Speaker 2: It's like a kilometer away. So I'm walking away with
Speaker 2: these people still yelling at me, this mom still going
Speaker 2: thank God. And it made me realize parenting is such
Speaker 2: a rollercoaster.
Speaker 1: The thing is like when you say and what really
Speaker 1: resonated with me? Then and you're like, I'm carrying a
Speaker 1: scooter and a bike. We're training wheel. There's like anytime
Speaker 1: you leave the house with a scooter or a bike,
Speaker 1: you're fucking carrying that thing. After about five minutes, but
Speaker 1: you're pretty much set out and got ganged up on
Speaker 1: by everyone at the park over something someone else's dog
Speaker 1: did you poor? And then your kids want to kick
Speaker 1: off because you got to leave the part. Don't they
Speaker 1: understand the situation? Daddy's getting yelled at.
Speaker 2: Okay, please, with the love of God, just stop crying.
Speaker 1: Just leave him there.
Speaker 2: I thought about it. It's like, okay, bye, go you,
Speaker 2: I'm out of here.
Speaker 1: Think of the children. Why don't you think of my children?
Speaker 1: And I'm out of here.
Speaker 2: It didn't get physical, Thank heavens.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you know your kids don't need to see
Speaker 1: daddy take a beating. What I wanted to ask you
Speaker 1: was your kids diet when you're looking after them? And
Speaker 1: verse when Laura is looking after your kids, Does it
Speaker 1: differ or do you feel like you sit on the
Speaker 1: same page.
Speaker 2: Well, Lash, at the moment, Laura is not around, so
Speaker 2: I just left you. So Laura is not here, the
Speaker 2: kids only have me. I think Laura's pretty good. Laura's
Speaker 2: pretty good.
Speaker 1: I'm's usually pretty good. Yeah, Dad's very much like give
Speaker 1: them whatever, the shout them up.
Speaker 2: Yeah. For example, like on the weekends, if the kids
Speaker 2: want to have lunch, which is just corn thins with
Speaker 2: a bit of butter on top. Perfect.
Speaker 1: Okay. So like for us, April was always trying to
Speaker 1: be well. She bought the Bento boxes, so she's like,
Speaker 1: make sure there's proteines, whatever, carbs, whatever. I couldn't get less.
Speaker 2: Do you guys adhere to Well obviously not because of
Speaker 2: the mint slices, but do you do like minimal sugar
Speaker 2: or like do you try?
Speaker 1: No? No, no.
Speaker 2: We went to a friend's house and they said, oh,
Speaker 2: we don't actually give young Stewart here any sugar.
Speaker 1: Stupid.
Speaker 2: But the main thing that we use with the kids
Speaker 2: is ice cream or chocolate as a bribe.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, bribe to eat their veggies. I say, bribe
Speaker 1: until you die.
Speaker 2: You got it. There's no other way.
Speaker 1: My mum's still bribing me, just money. I shouldn't do this,
Speaker 1: give you and ship.
Speaker 2: The kids are pretty good though, Like we're lucky in
Speaker 2: that under no influence from us. They just like broccoli
Speaker 2: that's good, and they like carrot. I would say they
Speaker 2: are their two favorite vegetables.
Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, I couldn't tell you what my kid's favorite
Speaker 1: vegeties are because I feel like when they're liking something,
Speaker 1: they're liking something and then all of a sudden, they
Speaker 1: don't like it anymore. Carrot's usually a pretty good one.
Speaker 2: Carrots is staple.
Speaker 1: My father in law is very good with the veggies
Speaker 1: and stuff. When the kids are with him. I noticed
Speaker 1: that they eat a lot of carrot. He likes a
Speaker 1: lot of carrot, and they love pop us, so they
Speaker 1: see Popper eating carrot. I don't need a lot of carrots,
Speaker 1: so they're probably not thinking I'm going to look up
Speaker 1: to him for my dietary needs.
Speaker 2: What's ash having? Oh? Another better beer? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, subtle pluck. You're welcome, Daddy's.
Speaker 2: Why are you saying that you're more relaxed and April.
Speaker 1: You're definitely I'm definitely more relaxed. So like, for example,
Speaker 1: if I go to the weekly shop, okay, and I
Speaker 1: take one of the kids, that's the deal. You gotta
Speaker 1: take one of the kids. I think that's crazy, all right,
Speaker 1: with one and no mum, because when mum's there, it's
Speaker 1: like winge, winge, winge because they want mum.
Speaker 2: But you're going to take Mazie right, because she's still
Speaker 2: at the age we spoke about this on the phone
Speaker 2: the other day where she's not yelly enough to do
Speaker 2: a good winge in comparison to a four year old.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's a different winge. I feel like we're
Speaker 1: at two different winges. I take Oscar a lot of
Speaker 1: the time, to be honest, because it wears him out. Yes,
Speaker 1: you know, like Macy gets pretty worn out. Run her
Speaker 1: up and down the stairs a couple of times and done,
Speaker 1: she's cooked. She's at the top. Life, carry me down.
Speaker 1: But Oscar's like he's a boy, he's you know, crazy, right,
Speaker 1: I take him and I can I bribe him. I
Speaker 1: bribe him, I get the best out of him. Mum's
Speaker 1: not there. And this is where the diet really goes
Speaker 1: out of the window. I'm talking like I'm promising him
Speaker 1: the lollipop, promising him chocolate or whatever, just so that
Speaker 1: he behaves himself throughout the shops. So the other day
Speaker 1: we went past Donut King and look, I love a donut.
Speaker 2: Does he understand what donut king?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Or is it just because you're like, oh yeah yeah.
Speaker 1: But he also when he gets a donut with icing
Speaker 1: on it, he just heads the icing and then just
Speaker 1: like tosses the rest of the doughnut away. We just
Speaker 1: waste anyway. So the reason I wanted to bring his
Speaker 1: up is because this is what happened. I went to
Speaker 1: Donut King and they do something called a quake shake.
Speaker 2: What's a quake shake?
Speaker 1: It's like a thick shake, but just a little bit fancier,
Speaker 1: and I get the honeycomb lava. He's not a donut
Speaker 1: King pitch.
Speaker 2: By the way it sounds naughty.
Speaker 1: It's very good, okay. And of course I'm with Oscar.
Speaker 1: I'm like, he can have a little bit, that's fine,
Speaker 1: but you also get a quake shake combo and it
Speaker 1: comes with two cinemon donuts. Oh shit, and they're fresh.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, this is going to get us through
Speaker 1: the shop today Sun Sunday afternoon. Look at us go anyway,
Speaker 1: So I get the quake shake and he's sitting in
Speaker 1: the front of the troll, right that's that bit that
Speaker 1: you can sit in, and I'm having some he's having
Speaker 1: a little sip here and there. He's really happy, and
Speaker 1: I'm happy. We're also fucking happy.
Speaker 2: Time of your lives right now, time I life.
Speaker 1: So we go down to Will. He's anyway. We're walking
Speaker 1: down the aisle and I hand him the milkshake for
Speaker 1: a little sip and I get distracted with something. I
Speaker 1: was looking for something, something April wanted, something specific, and
Speaker 1: then I've turned back, grabbed the milkshake and he's finished it.
Speaker 2: Well, how much was in there?
Speaker 1: Oh? Enough?
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's one of those jumbo cuts.
Speaker 1: It's decent side. He's finished the remainder of it. And
Speaker 1: I was like, first of all, I'm pissed off because
Speaker 1: I wanted more. That's mine, motherfucker, and you've just gone
Speaker 1: and finished it. Where's the courtesy anyway? But I was
Speaker 1: also like whatever. Anyway, We're walking along a little bit
Speaker 1: further and he was like, I'm cold.
Speaker 2: I was like, what, Well, you just had two leaders
Speaker 2: of life.
Speaker 1: Chris had to and he's liked and he's like shivering,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, hell, like I'm cold. I'm like, do
Speaker 1: you feel sick? And he's like yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I'm holding the cup. I've taken that, so I've taken
Speaker 1: the dome lit off because like I'll scrape out what
Speaker 1: was left for me. I'm doing that and he's like,
Speaker 1: I'm cold, and then he's gone really quiet. He's obviously
Speaker 1: feeling sick because he's drank it too far. Anyway, two
Speaker 1: seconds later, he's projectile vomited. No, here's the thing. He's
Speaker 1: projectile vomited, and I've caught it in the cup and
Speaker 1: it's landed back in the cup. Not a drop on
Speaker 1: the ground in woolies. I'm thinking to myself, this is
Speaker 1: pro level dadding right here. Well, maybe giving him the
Speaker 1: real shake was level, but this is bounce. Literally, not
Speaker 1: a single drop landed on the floor. It landed back
Speaker 1: in the cup, and it was still cold. I contemplated
Speaker 1: drinking it, but I didn't, Just so you guys listening
Speaker 1: out there thought he beat you, This fucking loser drank it.
Speaker 2: There's a part of me that was like, were you
Speaker 2: attempted a little?
Speaker 1: Not at all? It reminded me of when you were
Speaker 1: younger and you did beer bongs, and when you did
Speaker 1: a beer bong and you got sick straight after and
Speaker 1: used to vomit cold out. That's what it reminded me of.
Speaker 1: It was legitimately if I served it back up at
Speaker 1: a doughnut king, don't want to know the difference.
Speaker 2: When you went home? Were you woted all that? He
Speaker 2: was going to spoil the beans to April about what's
Speaker 2: just happened?
Speaker 1: He did immediately he was like.
Speaker 2: Was sick and what happened?
Speaker 1: Are you okay?
Speaker 2: Honey?
Speaker 1: He's like, no, fuck that guy. He drank all my
Speaker 1: milkshake and then he spewed it back up cold as
Speaker 1: some sort of teas.
Speaker 3: As.
Speaker 2: She's got a couple of cracking questions this week. I'm
Speaker 2: going to start away with the first one.
Speaker 1: If I may, you're going to ask me this question, I'm.
Speaker 2: Going to ask you the first question, beautiful. It's a
Speaker 2: bit of a long one. I'm not going to say
Speaker 2: who it was who submitted this question. I don't want
Speaker 2: to get them in trouble and they're asking about a
Speaker 2: friend's situation. This one came through it on the Instagram
Speaker 2: at two doting dads. It says here, I'm going to
Speaker 2: just condense it a little bit. Her friend has just
Speaker 2: had a new baby and her husband right now is
Speaker 2: spending a lot of time doing his hobby, so he's
Speaker 2: leaving the house with baby and mum alone. Just for reference,
Speaker 2: baby is three weeks old right now. She raised it
Speaker 2: as an issue with him. He responded and said, look,
Speaker 2: he's entitled to his hours of downtime and a quote
Speaker 2: not fair that he doesn't get to do his hobbies anymore.
Speaker 2: So ash baffled, question is what is that?
Speaker 1: Not the question?
Speaker 2: It's a long one. She even apologized. She was like,
Speaker 2: I'm so so for the essay right now. Don't you
Speaker 2: dare apologize?
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no no. Look, you're not in the
Speaker 1: wrong here.
Speaker 2: It's important to ask these questions to give all the contexts.
Speaker 2: But she ends it and says how much baby free
Speaker 2: leisure time is acceptable for a new time dad.
Speaker 1: First of all, nothing is unfair, buddy, in this situation,
Speaker 1: nothing is unfair. The fact is that you said to
Speaker 1: your wife it's unfair I don't get to do or
Speaker 1: your wife or the mother of your child, that you
Speaker 1: don't get to do your hobbies. That's a fucking dog act. Bro,
Speaker 1: the poor girl is in recovery dog act. But we
Speaker 1: could harp on about that. Look, I understand everyone needs
Speaker 1: their vice, whether it's your hobby, whether it's going out
Speaker 1: taking a walk. I get that. So look, there needs
Speaker 1: to be some sort of agreement there for sure, But
Speaker 1: I think you laying that it's unfair is fucking joke.
Speaker 2: I think in the first couple of months, for.
Speaker 1: You don't have any hobbies anymore, bro, Yeah, like you
Speaker 1: don't have you literally on holidays from your on I
Speaker 1: shouldn't say alidays. You're on a nightmare holiday from your
Speaker 1: hobbies for that moment in time, and it's only for
Speaker 1: a short moment in time. But I think, like I
Speaker 1: get that, everyone needs their time, their downtime, both of
Speaker 1: you and Mum. Look when we had Oscar originally, I
Speaker 1: mean originally the original original when we had Oscar. Look,
Speaker 1: I surf every day. That's my one and only hobby
Speaker 1: besides drinking.
Speaker 2: How often were you surfing when Oscar was born afterwards?
Speaker 2: In that first few months.
Speaker 1: So the first few months, I was still surfing like
Speaker 1: most days, okay, but there was things around that that
Speaker 1: I had to achieve for the family before I could
Speaker 1: have my little downtime. So thankfully I was blessed enough
Speaker 1: to live right on the beach so I didn't have
Speaker 1: to drive. I could get it done really, really quickly.
Speaker 1: But if I had to drive, it would have been
Speaker 1: a different story. And I guarantee you this guy plays
Speaker 1: fucking golf.
Speaker 2: Golf is like anyone who's trying to maintain golf after
Speaker 2: their child is born. Fucking give it up right now.
Speaker 1: Look, your swing's gonna have to be put aside, mate,
Speaker 1: for the caring of your child, even just for now.
Speaker 1: Get the putter out and put up and down the hallway.
Speaker 1: Be a team player. But it's only temporary. I'm not
Speaker 1: saying to you fucking get rid of your hobbies for
Speaker 1: the rest of your life. It's very temporary because you
Speaker 1: find a balance, you find the communication at some point.
Speaker 1: So like for me, April and I were like, okay, well, look,
Speaker 1: if the baby goes to sleep and successfully, you've got
Speaker 1: at least thirty minutes here. Okay, it's only a small time,
Speaker 1: but I would take it. So what I would do
Speaker 1: is I would put my wetsuit on because it was
Speaker 1: a winter baby, put my wet suit fully on, wax
Speaker 1: my board up, leave it at the front door, put
Speaker 1: the baby to sleep in wet suit full wet suits
Speaker 1: zinc dart really got and like I would be rocking
Speaker 1: that baby to sleep for however long it took, knowing
Speaker 1: that there was my time at the end. A long,
Speaker 1: long leg full full steamer full middle of winter, June baby,
Speaker 1: so June, July, August really curl, not really curl, but
Speaker 1: cold enough. What would happen is I would be putting
Speaker 1: the baby to sleep, and I would say to April,
Speaker 1: you go lay down while I'm doing that. Once he's asleep,
Speaker 1: I'll go. We'll take twenty minutes, thirty minutes. I'm sweating
Speaker 1: up a storm because I'm in a warm room in
Speaker 1: a steamer, okay, rocking this bed up and down cot
Speaker 1: So as soon as he would go to sleep, I
Speaker 1: was out the door, fully wet suited up, running down
Speaker 1: the street, paddle out thirty minutes, forty minutes, a little
Speaker 1: bit later, you know, if I was a little bit
Speaker 1: later here and there, April was usually like, that's fine.
Speaker 1: You put him to sleep. He wakes up, he feeds
Speaker 1: on me for like half hour anyway, So look, we
Speaker 1: made it work. Look I came in really hard to
Speaker 1: this to say it's a dog act.
Speaker 2: I also did as well. I say that like I've
Speaker 2: been in a jel the whole time, which I haven't.
Speaker 2: But continue and I'll tell you what I did well.
Speaker 1: I think like I came in really hard then on
Speaker 1: the guy just saying that's a dog act. But you
Speaker 1: also need to like communicate and be like, Okay, well,
Speaker 1: maybe I can do my hobby a little bit less
Speaker 1: or when it's more convenient. But that's my answer to
Speaker 1: that question.
Speaker 2: I agree in the first few months, disregard any kind
Speaker 2: of hobby unless it's those tiny little windows like the
Speaker 2: half an hour, the forty five.
Speaker 1: Minutes, if you're running Babe down out the door back
Speaker 1: in thirty be efficient.
Speaker 2: I think. Then beyond that, after newborn, I think you're
Speaker 2: entitled to as much time as your partner gets. It's
Speaker 2: got to be equal. So if you're trying to take
Speaker 2: a full day to do twenty rounds of golf, twenty
Speaker 2: holes of golf, I don't even know what I call it.
Speaker 1: Is it a round of golf eighteen? I think eighteen?
Speaker 2: Who fucking knows?
Speaker 1: Front nine, back nine?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, But you can't be doing that. If your
Speaker 2: partner's only getting in like a half an hour walk
Speaker 2: outside the house, it's.
Speaker 1: Got to be the baby.
Speaker 2: It's got to be equal. But I went in hard
Speaker 2: send this guy's a dog. But I look back, Oh, man,
Speaker 2: I's a killer.
Speaker 1: That self reflection, it's really.
Speaker 2: Easy to fall into that routine of just baby being
Speaker 2: with mum because in the first few months they are
Speaker 2: so dependent because they all they do is literally they
Speaker 2: wake up, they feed, stock the life out of her.
Speaker 2: They're awake for like twenty minutes half now they go
Speaker 2: back to sleep. They wake up, they feed, you change
Speaker 2: the nappy. It's just that is on repeat. And as
Speaker 2: a guy, like you're not really doing that much with
Speaker 2: the baby, but obviously you do more around the house.
Speaker 2: You know. You make sure that there's food on the table,
Speaker 2: you mention the place is clean, the laundry is done.
Speaker 2: But I remember I slipped into this habit of just thinking, oh,
Speaker 2: Laura's got it, she's got it, dial she's all over it.
Speaker 2: And I would just leave the house, go to the gym.
Speaker 2: I might see a mate he said, you want to
Speaker 2: have lunch. I go, yeah, sure, and then I'd be
Speaker 2: out of the house for a couple of hours. Wow,
Speaker 2: and then it was only until one.
Speaker 1: Glad You're self reflected on that and you're admitting.
Speaker 2: This, Yeah, I was. I woke up and I got
Speaker 2: Laura at coffee in the morning, which I know week do,
Speaker 2: and I thought to myself, my work here is done.
Speaker 2: And I had my gym bag. I was like, dressed,
Speaker 2: not in gym gear, and so, you know, I was
Speaker 2: in for the long haul. I'd like packed a bag
Speaker 2: to be a day bag. And I was like bye, honey,
Speaker 2: and I was, you know, skipping out the door, and
Speaker 2: she was like, what the fuck do you think you're doing?
Speaker 2: And I was like, well, I'm going to go see Diamond.
Speaker 2: Then i might go to the gym. And she's there,
Speaker 2: you know, holding the newborn, being like what am I
Speaker 2: going to do? And I was like, oh, you've got
Speaker 2: the baby, you know. I got you a coffee and
Speaker 2: she was like, hold up, we need to talk this through.
Speaker 2: And I then realized how shit I was. Being got
Speaker 2: a blasting for that, and I look back now and
Speaker 2: I'm like, man, I was such an idiot.
Speaker 1: You got to learn, though, you do have to learn.
Speaker 2: You've got to make mistakes.
Speaker 1: You do have to make mistakes to be better and look, yeah,
Speaker 1: going for hours, you're worse than this guy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what I'd do as well. I remembered
Speaker 2: a couple of times where I'd come home and someone
Speaker 2: would call me just before I came through the front door,
Speaker 2: so I'd come home on my phone and like, yeah, yeah, no,
Speaker 2: I can't believe mainly lost a game. Yeah, don't ever
Speaker 2: come through the front door on your phone phone.
Speaker 1: If you haven't been home for hours already, you need
Speaker 1: to come home for ready to help. Matthew. I'm going
Speaker 1: to ask you a question from a listener. Have you
Speaker 1: had a moment where you thought, I'm glad no one
Speaker 1: was around to see that.
Speaker 2: Yes, but actually it happened when people were around.
Speaker 1: To see that. Yeah, time was the butter chicken thing
Speaker 1: in the middle of the night.
Speaker 2: I remember there was one time in particular, Laura was
Speaker 2: away and I had the kids. Not to paint Laura
Speaker 2: as a non existent parent.
Speaker 1: It was just at the moment.
Speaker 2: It was maybe a year ago, and we used to
Speaker 2: live just off Bondi Road. On the weekends. It was
Speaker 2: always so bloody busy. There's a couple of cafe is
Speaker 2: there chokers on a weekend, I had both girls and
Speaker 2: I think we're out of nappies. We needed something where,
Speaker 2: you know, without this item, it was essential.
Speaker 1: We couldn't detrimental to survival moving forward.
Speaker 2: You So, I was thinking, I'm just going to put
Speaker 2: the kids in the prem had the old double prem.
Speaker 2: I'm going to take Buster because he needs to do
Speaker 2: a pool as well, and I'm going to go down
Speaker 2: to the pharmacy. As I was out the door, both
Speaker 2: kids are absolutely losing it. You know, sometimes you see
Speaker 2: a parent with their child and the kid is just
Speaker 2: like like blood curdling screams.
Speaker 1: Yeah. My first thought is that's not my problem, and
Speaker 1: I just walk away.
Speaker 2: Sometimes sometimes I would never say this, but sometimes I
Speaker 2: always think, wouldn't it be funny if you were like
Speaker 2: just letting you know your babies crying.
Speaker 1: Can you be like, can you shut that thing up?
Speaker 2: I would never, I would never, but just to see.
Speaker 1: Whatever would do that, just to be clear I was that.
Speaker 2: Parent, obviously, someone that said that to me, I would
Speaker 2: have had another fight.
Speaker 1: Buster was at the backyard.
Speaker 2: I go to this pharmacy and busses on the lead.
Speaker 2: I just dropped the lead. I run and grabbed the nappies.
Speaker 2: And then come out and I'm like, where the hell's
Speaker 2: bust up? Both kids screaming in the pram in the
Speaker 2: doorway of this cafe, which is heaving. Buster. He never
Speaker 2: does this. He just does this piss, which was like
Speaker 2: this concentrated acid piss. It was like bright fluor yellow
Speaker 2: and it's stunk, I don't know. And it was in
Speaker 2: the doorway, just like pit. And he's a big dog,
Speaker 2: He's like a forty kilo dog. Piss just never ended,
Speaker 2: and I'm like grabbing his lead and being like, fuck fuster.
Speaker 1: It's kind of worse than the shit, right, kind of
Speaker 1: worse than the ship because you can't pick it up.
Speaker 1: I always thought like, what if humanity you got so
Speaker 1: anal about picking up dog ways that you have to
Speaker 1: carry a sponge around? Now, sponge that up.
Speaker 2: I'm just there, these kids both screaming. I've got like
Speaker 2: nappies under my arm. My dog has just done like
Speaker 2: a four. I need a piss in the doorway of
Speaker 2: this cafe. And everyone's looking at me being like is
Speaker 2: this guy the worst freaking dad of the century? And
Speaker 2: I'm like, what what are you staring at? You never
Speaker 2: seen a parent before?
Speaker 1: Take a picture it'll last.
Speaker 2: And that was That was a low moment.
Speaker 1: That was and you lash out of the crowd. That's
Speaker 1: a lone moment when you like claim this hell victim, like.
Speaker 2: What are you staring at it?
Speaker 1: Having seen a man with no legs and no arms before,
Speaker 1: I feel sorry for you in that situation.
Speaker 2: But behind closed doors, ash I am an angel at
Speaker 2: all times.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I've never yelled at my kids now, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: never never. My main form of communication is bellowing it
Speaker 1: on the top of my lungs, like.
Speaker 2: Go your road, Ashton. I am sorry to say that.
Speaker 2: That's all we have time.
Speaker 1: That is all we have time for. So any other
Speaker 1: questions that you got first, then it's a DM. We'll
Speaker 1: try and get all of them. You get a lot.
Speaker 1: I picked some of the best ones, so make them
Speaker 1: stand out. Also, make sure you follow us on Instagram.
Speaker 2: Follow on in if you are.
Speaker 1: If this is the first time you've tuned into us,
Speaker 1: go back, go back to the start. Listen to episode one,
Speaker 1: two three, get in with it. Catch art because we'll
Speaker 1: try and have some recurring theme I would say, but yeah,
Speaker 1: make sure your drops a follow, leave a review, we love.
Speaker 2: It, subscribe it, Also, if there's any of the people,
Speaker 2: any of the parents who may be struggling, they're out
Speaker 2: there with send and thinking I just hit a little giggle.
Speaker 1: Send it on over.
Speaker 2: Send them this. Even if someone's thinking about having a child,
Speaker 2: even if someone doesn't have a child, just send it
Speaker 2: to send it to.
Speaker 1: Everyone, you know, if.
Speaker 2: They listen to this. But also thanks so much for
Speaker 2: those who have left us a review on Apple podcast.
Speaker 2: It is honestly, it warms my cold dead heart to
Speaker 2: read those in the evenings before I go to bed.
Speaker 1: That's all it's always got, guys.
Speaker 2: That's all I've got going from me in my life.
Speaker 2: Right now. My kids are like, Dad, do you want
Speaker 2: to come on a not now I'm reading the Apple
Speaker 2: podcast reviews. Jesus Marley, can't you see I'm busy.
Speaker 1: One star, Let's get out of me.
Speaker 2: Thanks two Doting Dance Podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of
Speaker 2: country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.
Speaker 1: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
Speaker 1: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander
Speaker 1: peoples today. This episode was recorded on gadagal Land,