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Speaker 1: Today on the Happy Families Podcast, the thing that moves

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Speaker 1: the needle for us most when it comes to making

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Speaker 1: family life work. We've talked about it before, but every

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Speaker 1: time we discuss it on the pod, we get people saying, oh,

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Speaker 1: my goodness, I've got to try this. This is going

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Speaker 1: to be a game changer, and it is if you

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Speaker 1: have a family. If you want your family to function better,

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Speaker 1: you want to hear what we do every twelve weeks

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Speaker 1: to make sure that ours is I was going to say,

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Speaker 1: humming in tune, firing on all four or six. I

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Speaker 1: have many cylinders. You've got, My goodness, we have eight cylinders.

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Speaker 1: We've got eight people in our family. Stay with us,

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Speaker 1: because next we will tell you exactly what it is

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Speaker 1: that makes our family function best and how you can

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Speaker 1: do it too. It's the Happy Families Podcast. Next. Hello,

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Speaker 1: Welcome to the Happy Families podcast, where you get real

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Speaker 1: parenting solutions every single day. This is Australia's most downloaded

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Speaker 1: parenting podcast where Justin and Kylie calls today it's twenty

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Speaker 1: eight years, honey, twenty eight years of marriage. Obviously you

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Speaker 1: forgot yesterday that it was today, but.

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Speaker 2: You're so hard on me.

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Speaker 1: I did not forget when we said into the podcast.

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Speaker 2: Misunderstood that we weren't recording our anniversary podcast.

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Speaker 1: Episode before on the day.

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Speaker 2: Of our anniversary. You have milked this.

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Speaker 1: For all and it has been worth a great deal.

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Speaker 1: It has been so much fun Kylie. Today, we're going

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Speaker 1: to have a pretty short podcast.

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Speaker 2: Well, I'm just going to throw you under the bus,

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Speaker 2: because we went away this past weekend, just gone, and

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Speaker 2: that was to celebrate our anniversary. Yes, And when we

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Speaker 2: got to the counter, the lady said, so are you

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Speaker 2: celebrating anything special? And you said, oh, no, you're just

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Speaker 2: getting away. I think that is worse just.

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Speaker 1: Saying well, well it was several days before our anniversary,

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Speaker 1: so we were not actually celebrating.

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Speaker 2: All right.

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Speaker 1: So here's the thing.

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Speaker 2: We love each other.

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Speaker 1: Right in the start of this pod, in the introduction,

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Speaker 1: I've said the one thing, maybe the one thing, one

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Speaker 1: of the biggest things that we do to make sure

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Speaker 1: that we're on the same page, that our families functioning well,

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Speaker 1: that we're firing on all eight cylinders. Because we've got

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Speaker 1: six kids plus you and I makes eight. What are

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Speaker 1: we doing? What's happening here? We talk about this from

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Speaker 1: time to time, and yet every single time we talk

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Speaker 1: about it, people go, oh, that's a great idea of

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Speaker 1: Oh that's I remember you talking about that, and I

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Speaker 1: said I was going to do something and I didn't.

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Speaker 1: And while we were doing this particular thing just over

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Speaker 1: the last few days, somebody asked us what we're up to.

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Speaker 1: We explained what it was, and they were like, oh,

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Speaker 1: my goodness, I have got to start doing this. In fact,

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Speaker 1: let me go further. It was a breakfast presenter for

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Speaker 1: one of the biggest radio stations in the country.

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Speaker 2: Well, her comment was actually the best. How she says,

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Speaker 2: I'm not telling him it's quarterly. I'm telling him it's monthly.

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Speaker 2: I want this in my life. She also did suggest

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Speaker 2: that when they go out to dinner, she pulls out the.

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Speaker 1: Notebook and he goes, of course, here we go.

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Speaker 2: There's an agenda.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, so let's get into it. We call

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Speaker 1: this our quarterly getaway or a quarterly immersion. And the

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Speaker 1: background is really really simple. Years ago, when I did

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Speaker 1: a lot more corporate work, I would often talk about

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Speaker 1: what is the most important thing in your life? And

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Speaker 1: people would say my family, and I'd say, well, we're

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Speaker 1: here talking about business. But when was the last time

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Speaker 1: you went away to a seminar to work out how

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Speaker 1: to do things better with your family, and everyone will

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Speaker 1: I don't know, so I said to them, when you

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Speaker 1: are working in your business, how often do you sit

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Speaker 1: down and put together your year or your quarter or

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Speaker 1: your week? Like, what's your rhythm for that? And most

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Speaker 1: people who are running moderately to highly successful businesses will

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Speaker 1: tell you that they have quarterly goals, monthly goals, weekly goals,

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Speaker 1: and they've got their annual big picture. But they tend

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Speaker 1: to work in quarters. It's quarter one, quarter two, quarter three,

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Speaker 1: quarter four. Everything's based on quarters, and it's either upscaled

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Speaker 1: or broken down from there. And they do these quarterly

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Speaker 1: business meetings, these quarterly strategy sessions. And I said, well,

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Speaker 1: if your family is the most important thing in your life,

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Speaker 1: when was the last time you had a quarterly strategy

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Speaker 1: session for your family? And everyone in this conference just

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Speaker 1: looked at me like I had eaten a bad burrito.

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Speaker 1: What is this guy going on about? Where is this

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Speaker 1: coming from? And I said, no, seriously, what would that

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Speaker 1: look like? And they had no idea anyway. You and

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Speaker 1: I had been talking about it, we had been doing

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Speaker 1: it for a while. This quarterly immersion. I've got a

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Speaker 1: friend who is very, very highly placed in the finance industry.

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Speaker 1: When I talked to him about it, he started doing

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Speaker 1: it with his wife. He got back to me about

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Speaker 1: a year later and said, we've done four of them.

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Speaker 1: It's changed our lives. And it's literally as follows, based

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Speaker 1: on your circumstances, because everyone's going to be in a

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Speaker 1: different situation. You and your partner disappear for two nights.

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Speaker 1: If you care well, the kids disappear the kids, the

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Speaker 1: kids go to the grandparents whatever. It depends on who

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Speaker 1: you've got to support you and how that will work,

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Speaker 1: and it depends on the age of your children and

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Speaker 1: so on and so forth. We didn't do it for

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Speaker 1: a couple of years because it was just too hard.

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Speaker 1: But you go away or the kids go away.

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Speaker 2: And maybe you can't do two nights. I mean that's

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Speaker 2: the dream, right, two nights. I can't. If you can't

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Speaker 2: do the nights, just give us up a day. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: but kids are at school and from nine to three

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Speaker 2: you were just immersed in this.

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Speaker 1: You take a day of annual leave, or you do

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Speaker 1: it on a Saturday when the kids are organizing playdates

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Speaker 1: and you lock in a number of hours, and you

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Speaker 1: get focused on your family. If the family is the

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Speaker 1: most important thing in your life, then you get focused

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Speaker 1: on the family. So you and I our rules are

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Speaker 1: as follows. We go away for two nights. We try

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Speaker 1: to get to wherever we're going early afternoon so that

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Speaker 1: we've got the afternoon in the evening, then all of

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Speaker 1: the next day because we're going to be checking out

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Speaker 1: at like ten o'clock the morning of the final day.

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Speaker 1: Number two, we stay within about an hour of home ish,

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Speaker 1: and the reason for that is we don't want to

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Speaker 1: waste a whole lot of time traveling. This is about

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Speaker 1: getting high quality time together and being focused on what's

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Speaker 1: going on. Number three, we've got a very clear agenda.

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Speaker 1: While we want to have a lot of fun, we

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Speaker 1: want to really enjoy spending time together. We've got stuff

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Speaker 1: that we've got to talk about. But we also run

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Speaker 1: Number four want to have some fun. We want to

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Speaker 1: be able to enjoy it. It's not all business, because

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Speaker 1: otherwise that'd be less fun. So we want to make

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Speaker 1: sure we have fun. Have I missed any rules or

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Speaker 1: is that about it?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 1: That's good, okay, cool, But.

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Speaker 2: The reality is that it can be hard to find

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Speaker 2: the balance. Sometimes. Sometimes we've had getaways where it's been

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Speaker 2: too much fun and we haven't done.

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Speaker 1: A lot of talking, and I've come home annoyed at

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Speaker 1: you because you always want to have fun and I

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Speaker 1: want to be serious and we didn't get the stop

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Speaker 1: and any.

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Speaker 2: Other times, and there's I've been other times where it's

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Speaker 2: been all serious and not enough fun and I.

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Speaker 1: Come home cranky at me because you didn't get to

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Speaker 1: have any fun and that was all about the agenda.

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Speaker 2: So it does take. It takes time to kind of work.

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Speaker 1: It out, but the balance.

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Speaker 2: Finding the balance is really important. It's such a huge

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Speaker 2: touch point in our relationship to be able to have

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Speaker 2: two nights. It's not worry about the days, just two

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Speaker 2: nights of uninterrupted time conversations can be had without having

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Speaker 2: to stop and then forgetting where you were because there's

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Speaker 2: been three major challenges in the kitchen.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, something's on fire the last fifteen minutes. Every time

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Speaker 1: we go away, the phone doesn't stop ringing the kids

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Speaker 1: like she's not being nice.

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Speaker 2: That is our fault. We could just turn the phones

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Speaker 2: off and say when not contact.

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Speaker 1: Well, then I wouldn't be pairing expert. So after the break.

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Speaker 1: We're going to take you behind the curtain. We're going

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Speaker 1: to tell you exactly what we talked about on our

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Speaker 1: weekend away so that you can put your own agenda

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Speaker 1: together based on this as inspiration hopefully maybe perhaps and

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Speaker 1: make your quarterly getaways, your quarterly immersions become par for

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Speaker 1: the course for what your family does, to get on

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Speaker 1: the same page and to absolutely thrive and flourish statements.

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Speaker 1: We're back. This is the Happy Families Podcast twenty eighth

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Speaker 1: wedding Anniversary edition, giving you a peek behind the curtain.

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Speaker 1: What happened on our weekend away.

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Speaker 2: Well, you forgot. It was our anniversary celebration.

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Speaker 1: And we discussed how we could make our family question better. So, Kylie,

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Speaker 1: you've got the notepad there, you're going to whis us

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Speaker 1: through it. There are a lot of things that we

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Speaker 1: talk about when we do this.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to ski everybody, but there's about thirty

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Speaker 2: pages of notes, like we're.

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Speaker 1: Not getting serious work effs and stuff to be done.

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Speaker 2: This is essentially our first quarter for the year. We're

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Speaker 2: doing a follow up from the one that we did

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Speaker 2: just before Christmas to set the year up.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so in December we were like Okay, Christmas coming up,

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Speaker 1: We've got Christmas sort of, but what's happening in January one?

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Speaker 1: So Kylie, let's go through the agenda items. What did

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Speaker 1: we discuss? What should people consider putting on their agenda?

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Speaker 2: I think the most important thing, first of all, is

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Speaker 2: to start with a bit of a mind map, sit down,

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Speaker 2: brainstorm together. What are the areas of your life? Like

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Speaker 2: all of them, put them all on the page. That's

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Speaker 2: why there's thirty pages of notes because as we pulled

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Speaker 2: our lives apart my my mud map, it had each

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Speaker 2: of our kids' names. There's six things to talk about

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Speaker 2: all of a sudden, holidays, homeschooling, time with friends, what

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Speaker 2: does a calendar look like? Screens and devices, What hasn't

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Speaker 2: gone well? What's worked this year? Answers, extra curricular, our

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Speaker 2: spiritual lives, family dinners, renovations, physical fitness, babysitting, like it

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Speaker 2: just keeps going.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and that doesn't include all the stuff that we

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Speaker 1: talk about in relation to the business. So there's the podcast,

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Speaker 1: and there's the writing and the books and the travel

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Speaker 1: and everything that I'm doing from a business point of view.

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Speaker 1: There's a day's worth of conversation just in that easily.

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Speaker 1: So let's get into the nitty gritty to the well,

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Speaker 1: we're not going to go nitty gritty, but let's know.

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Speaker 2: What the exciting thing is. Once you've got that mud map,

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Speaker 2: you can pull things apart. And some of those things

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Speaker 2: are going to take five minutes to talk about. Some

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Speaker 2: of those things you're going to be talking about all

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Speaker 2: year because there's so much challenge and tension around how.

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Speaker 1: It works, and there are some things where there's no resolution.

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Speaker 1: This is just what we do, and so we want

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Speaker 1: to make sure that we're working towards it. So the

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Speaker 1: first thing that we picked up was.

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Speaker 2: I took you down a bit of a rabbit hole.

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Speaker 2: You don't really like it, but I asked you if

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Speaker 2: you could pick three words that would encompass how you

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Speaker 2: saw twenty twenty.

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Speaker 1: Six, how I want to feel at the end of

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Speaker 1: the year.

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Speaker 2: What would they be? And I think that has actually

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Speaker 2: changed the way we came together this time.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we want to feel vital, We want to be

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Speaker 1: really intentional, and we wanted to have high levels of connection.

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Speaker 2: And so as we go through our weekly catch ups

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Speaker 2: where we come together and we chat and we check in,

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Speaker 2: we're able to tap in with.

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Speaker 1: Those three words probably worth highlighting. We do the quarterly immersion,

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Speaker 1: but then every week we just go through here are

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Speaker 1: the main things that we talked about. Here we're our goals,

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Speaker 1: here's our focus.

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Speaker 2: How do we pages?

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Speaker 1: No, it is just the summary. How are we going,

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Speaker 1: what's working, what's not? Where do we need to get realigned?

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Speaker 1: And that keeps us on track so that every twelve

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Speaker 1: weeks when we sit down for this, we've got a

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Speaker 1: really good assessment of where we're up to.

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Speaker 2: So having that mud map, having that focus then helps

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Speaker 2: us as we move forward if we use that focus

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Speaker 2: as the ability to look at each of these areas

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Speaker 2: of our lives and how they are impacted by what

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Speaker 2: we want to achieve.

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Speaker 1: So, Kylie, once we had that set up, what's next

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Speaker 1: for us?

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Speaker 2: Spirituality is at the top of our list. That's how

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Speaker 2: everything we do is governed by that. So we talked

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Speaker 2: about our spiritual lives and what that looks like, and

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Speaker 2: we broke it down into all the different areas that

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Speaker 2: make up what we consider our spirituality.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, what are we doing daily and weekly at a

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Speaker 1: personal level and with the family to make sure that

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Speaker 1: that's on track and helping me serving people heading in

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Speaker 1: the direction that matters.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, then we looked at our physical well being. This

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Speaker 2: was a really big one and we've talked about this

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Speaker 2: a lot throughout the beginning of the year, this journey

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Speaker 2: that I'm on specifically, but you're joining me in well

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Speaker 2: being and it does. It's not glamorous, but the idea

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Speaker 2: that we are training for old age. We want to

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Speaker 2: be strong. We want to be It's not about being

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Speaker 2: muscular and fit and all of that kind of st

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Speaker 2: It's about being strong mentally, physically, emotionally so that we

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Speaker 2: can carry ourselves for as long as we hear.

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Speaker 1: So the critical thing about this, whether it's the spiritual

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Speaker 1: or physical or anything that you're going to talk about

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Speaker 1: in the next mineral two is we don't just say, well,

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Speaker 1: what do we want to do. We talk about specific implementation. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so let's say, let's let's stick on physical healthful.

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Speaker 2: We've break it down right. We looked at diet, We

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Speaker 2: looked at our routine. We looked at exercise and how

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Speaker 2: many days we're going to exercise.

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Speaker 1: What are we going to do for exercise, where are

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Speaker 1: we going to be doing it, who are we going

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Speaker 1: to be doing it with, what time are we going

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Speaker 1: to be doing it? Like we broke it down so

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Speaker 1: we know exactly what exercise looks like. Same with diet.

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Speaker 1: What are we eating, what are we not eating? What's

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Speaker 1: our meal lists, what's our program? How are we going

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Speaker 1: to get it? Do we know enough about the diet

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Speaker 1: that we need macros and micros and all that sort

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Speaker 1: of stuff like this is why we need two days?

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Speaker 2: And then if exercise is huge and diet is changing,

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Speaker 2: which is going to require more of me in the kitchen,

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Speaker 2: we actually have to look at routine. How are we

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Speaker 2: going to make this happen.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so if we're going to have food and we're

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Speaker 1: going to be eating at this time and we're going

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Speaker 1: to go for a walk after dinner, that means we've

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Speaker 1: got to have dinner at this time, which means we've

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Speaker 1: got to start prepping it at this time. And how

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Speaker 1: is that going to work? Because we've got busy lives

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Speaker 1: and we can't be at home at this time to

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Speaker 1: get the prep doune, So make sure we have the

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Speaker 1: meal on time. So it's kind of like a reorganization

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Speaker 1: of our lives so that we can achieve the things

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Speaker 1: that we want, or recognizing that the things we want

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Speaker 1: are unachieved, and therefore making the compromises that are necessary

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Speaker 1: to get as close to it as we can given

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Speaker 1: what our life structures demand of us.

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Speaker 2: So the next big one was finances. This actually spilled

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Speaker 2: over on a few pages. We've set some really big

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Speaker 2: goals this year, and we're working really really hard to

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Speaker 2: achieve them.

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Speaker 1: There is a bank's not helping us to achieve those goals.

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Speaker 2: Gosh. But then on top of setting those really big

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Speaker 2: goals that we then set stretch goals. So we're going

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Speaker 2: to try even harder than our big goals to achieve this.

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Speaker 2: And what's really cool about the whole goal setting thing

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Speaker 2: and the idea of stretch goals is sometimes you're not

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Speaker 2: going to make it. You're going to be completely, like,

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Speaker 2: just squashed.

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Speaker 1: Our commitment is we are not fanatical about this. This

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Speaker 1: is what we're working towards, and simply by being on

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Speaker 1: the same page and working towards it, we get closer

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Speaker 1: to it than we would if we didn't have these

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Speaker 1: conversations at all, and we were just flying by the

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Speaker 1: seat of our pants. Okay, so we've got spiritual, we've

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Speaker 1: got physical, we've got financial.

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Speaker 2: Then we looked family holidays. We broke the year up

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Speaker 2: into quarters, and we looked at what we would like

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Speaker 2: to do as a family in each of the quarters.

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Speaker 2: So some quarters it's not even about going away. We've

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Speaker 2: booked in family photos for this quarter. This is really

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Speaker 2: important to us or.

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Speaker 1: One of the kids seing the grandparents because the grandparents

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Speaker 1: live a long way and how can we get them there.

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Speaker 2: We've got a family holiday booked in later in the year,

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Speaker 2: but then at the end of the year, we're just

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Speaker 2: doing a family outing together.

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Speaker 1: I remember speaking to friends and they had their holidays

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Speaker 1: planned for this year and next year. That's going back

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Speaker 1: years ago, and I was like, who plans to holidays

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Speaker 1: that foreign advance. But now we started doing this, it's like, Oh,

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Speaker 1: we know where we're going and what we're doing because

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Speaker 1: we've sat down and done the work. It's amazing.

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Speaker 2: We talked about renovations and we pulled them to pieces,

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Speaker 2: and then we talked about work, the podcasts, blah blah

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Speaker 2: blah blah blah, and then more finances, and then we

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Speaker 2: started talking about relationships. We talked about just you and I,

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Speaker 2: what were the things that irked us about each other,

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Speaker 2: what we were driving each other crazy.

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Speaker 1: A quick note on that, we don't say what's irking

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Speaker 1: you right now, and we don't get into the nitty

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Speaker 1: gritty of how we can be Oh, let's.

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Speaker 2: Just be real. You said you didn't like that I

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Speaker 2: fart that seriously, we're getting into the nitty gritty here.

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Speaker 2: And you may have also said at this quarterly getaway

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Speaker 2: that it shows you that I love you the most

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Speaker 2: when I don't fart in front of you. Yeah, there

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Speaker 2: you go.

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Speaker 1: That's real sacrifice because you'd feel better if you did, probably,

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Speaker 1: but holding it in couple of you said on the podcast.

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Speaker 2: We then we actually calendared our quarterly getaways in December,

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Speaker 2: so we know exactly where we're going, when we're going,

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Speaker 2: how we are going to achieve that.

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Speaker 1: So they are locked in, which means that we are

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Speaker 1: going to do this every quarter so that we can

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Speaker 1: stay on the same page.

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Speaker 2: We recommitted to monthly date nights and we calendered them.

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Speaker 2: They're in the calendar. We know that on the fourth

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Speaker 2: Friday of every month that is our night. And we

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Speaker 2: also talked about how our weekly catch ups and how

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Speaker 2: that was important.

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Speaker 1: And once we've done you and I then we talk

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Speaker 1: about each of the six children, and we all so

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Speaker 1: talk about time with friends. They're kind of.

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Speaker 2: The vitality and tension connection. Yep, if those are our goals,

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Speaker 2: then these are the things that matter.

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Speaker 1: And so we were planning on making this podcast last

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Speaker 1: for approximately six minutes. We thought we could give you

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Speaker 1: a quick run through of what we do when we

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Speaker 1: have our quarterly getaway so that you can get the

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Speaker 1: vibe and go and do it yourself. But as you

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Speaker 1: can see, it's impossible to even describe it in less

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Speaker 1: than fifteen to twenty minutes because there's so much to do.

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Speaker 1: And yet, if I go back to the very first

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Speaker 1: thing I said in the introduction of this podcast, it's

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Speaker 1: these quarterly getaways and having these conversations about all these

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Speaker 1: things that matter to us so profoundly that helps us

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Speaker 1: to be aligned. It helps us to stay on the

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Speaker 1: same page. It helps us to listen to one another

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Speaker 1: and see what's important to the other so that we

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Speaker 1: can consider that in all the decisions that we make.

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Speaker 1: And truly, I think that it's, if not at the

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Speaker 1: very core of our success and happiness in our relationship,

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Speaker 1: it's certainly one of several fundamentals that makes so difference. Well,

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Speaker 1: maybe it is because it allows us to discuss and

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Speaker 1: review and plan for and work through everything that is

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Speaker 1: fundamental to who we are as a couple and what

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Speaker 1: our family is.

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Speaker 2: So the absolute highlight from this weekend's getaway was because

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Speaker 2: we put so much effort and intention into December's catch

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Speaker 2: up in setting up our year. As we went through

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Speaker 2: and revisited everything that we spoke about, specifically with the kids.

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Speaker 2: That was actually the real powerful part for me was

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Speaker 2: just being able to tickle those boxes and say, oh

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Speaker 2: my gosh, look like by tracking look at the progress

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Speaker 2: of a three months, we can see progress.

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Speaker 1: How's it going to be the end of the year.

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Speaker 2: Because you get you get so caught up in the

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Speaker 2: mundane of everyday life, it's so hard sometimes to see progress.

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Speaker 2: But we actually have written proof of the things that

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Speaker 2: we were worried about, the things that we talked about

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Speaker 2: needed to happen, to improve things, and all of those

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Speaker 2: things have happened. And so the last thing is, now

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Speaker 2: that we've done that review, what are the action items

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Speaker 2: moving forward? Because it's about progress, it's about intention, it's

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Speaker 2: about connection.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So that's what we did, and that's what we

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Speaker 1: think will make a big difference for you in your relationship. Kylie,

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Speaker 1: we have a wedding anniversary to go and celebrate, so

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Speaker 1: let's strap up this pod now. And I know we

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Speaker 1: celebrated last weekend, but we need to do something now,

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Speaker 1: so let's go. Thanks so much for listening, have a

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Speaker 1: great weekend. Alder Better Tomorrow returns next week as well

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Speaker 1: as the other stuff we've got to talk about on

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Speaker 1: the pod, which is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media.

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00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:38,919
Speaker 1: Mim Hammond's provides research, admin and additional support and if

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00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:40,920
Speaker 1: you would like to know how to make your family happier,

420
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:44,440
Speaker 1: please visit us at Happy Families dot com dot au

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00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:47,800
Speaker 1: or go to book Topia and pre order the brand

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00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:52,720
Speaker 1: new Boys book Boys by Me Building Strong Young Men

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00:18:52,920 --> 00:19:03,960
Speaker 1: from the Inside Out at Hit stores in June