Speaker 1: There's a popular belief today that it's healthy and empowering
Speaker 1: to bring your whole self to work, But what if
Speaker 1: we've taken it too far. Shelley Johnson is a renowned
Speaker 1: leadership coach, founder of Bold Side, and the host of
Speaker 1: This Is Work. In our chat, Shelley and I offer
Speaker 1: an alternative strategy that you might want to try instead
Speaker 1: of bringing your whole self to work every day. Welcome
Speaker 1: to How I Work, a show about habits, rituals, and
Speaker 1: strategies for optimizing your day. I'm your host, doctor Amantha Imber.
Speaker 1: On today's quick Win episode, we go back to an
Speaker 1: episode from the past and I pick out a quick
Speaker 1: win that you can apply today. Shelley and I discussed
Speaker 1: a potentially controversial opinion on why bringing your whole self
Speaker 1: to work might not be the best idea and what
Speaker 1: you should be doing at work instead of oversharing when
Speaker 1: you have a stressful situation.
Speaker 2: I'm just going to put a little like caveat because
Speaker 2: this could be like, this could be one of the
Speaker 2: things where I'm going Will people like this? Will people
Speaker 2: get offended? They might. I'm just going to step into
Speaker 2: it and not be afraid of what people think. For
Speaker 2: a sec. I mean tying with this idea of like
Speaker 2: bringing your whole self to work, and I say this
Speaker 2: with care, like bringing your whole self to work is
Speaker 2: different to bringing your best self to work, And I
Speaker 2: just want to sit with that for a second. Go okay.
Speaker 2: And I feel even nervous saying this out loud because
Speaker 2: I feel like it's countercultural because we've talked for so
Speaker 2: long about bringing your whole self to work, like everything
Speaker 2: the good, but the bad, the ugly, And I think
Speaker 2: there's like elements of that that are good, but I
Speaker 2: think there's elements of that that are unhelpful, like and
Speaker 2: I kind of feel like what I would love to
Speaker 2: see is like bring your best self to work. Like
Speaker 2: that doesn't mean you kind of bad days, that doesn't
Speaker 2: mean you can't be real and authentic and say, you
Speaker 2: know what, today I'm just really struggling. But what sometimes
Speaker 2: I feel when people talk about like being super super
Speaker 2: like authentic, is it's almost a license to be a jerk.
Speaker 2: I often hear from teams and leaders that I work with, Hey,
Speaker 2: like people walk in and they're really really not in
Speaker 2: a good headspace and it just affects the whole team
Speaker 2: and that's the emotional contagion. We know that, Like, the
Speaker 2: emotional contagion is a real thing. Like you walk in
Speaker 2: and you're really negative, Well, that's going to affect the
Speaker 2: whole team, just like when you walk in and you
Speaker 2: bring a positive kind of energy or a level of optimism.
Speaker 2: Not talking about toxic positivity. Please hear me, that's not
Speaker 2: what I'm saying. But I'm just toying with this, and like,
Speaker 2: I don't know if I have like the direct answer,
Speaker 2: but it's just been something I've been wrestling with. What
Speaker 2: do you think as you're hearing that, I feel free
Speaker 2: to challenge me.
Speaker 1: To be like, oh my god, Shelly, like you're talking
Speaker 1: my language. Something I've thought so much about over the
Speaker 1: last few months because because I've been having such a
Speaker 1: hard time at work. But I'm a leader in the
Speaker 1: business and you know, I'm talking to Inventim's clients every
Speaker 1: day about these kinds of you know, challenges. I feel
Speaker 1: like bringing your whole self to work is terrible advice.
Speaker 1: I love that idea of bring your best self to work.
Speaker 1: And something that happened to me is end of June,
Speaker 1: I hit the you know, the absolute closest that I've
Speaker 1: ever come to to burn out, So I think I
Speaker 1: was there. I had all the symptoms that had been
Speaker 1: building up for a while, and my general principle there
Speaker 1: is just wait till the emotions have kind of healed
Speaker 1: or the you know, the wound has scarred over, and
Speaker 1: then I will you know, write and talk about it.
Speaker 1: And so something I heard a little bit later on
Speaker 1: from my team is that there was a member of
Speaker 1: my team that said, why didn't Amantha tell us that
Speaker 1: she was burnt out at the time? You know, I
Speaker 1: think to this person, it felt like, shouldn't we all
Speaker 1: be comfortable like sharing those things? And I think, you know,
Speaker 1: maybe it indicated that there was like I don't know,
Speaker 1: maybe like it's just not comfortable being vulnerable or something
Speaker 1: like that. And I had quite a strong reaction to
Speaker 1: that because I thought like, if I would have shown
Speaker 1: up and brought my whole self to work, I would
Speaker 1: have been a nightmare to work with. No one would
Speaker 1: have wanted to be in a meeting with me. It
Speaker 1: would have been terrible. And I deliberately thought like I
Speaker 1: need to bring kind of conjure up the best possible
Speaker 1: self that I can, because you know, we're all feeling,
Speaker 1: you know, overworsh like none of us are at our
Speaker 1: best right now, and the last thing that my team
Speaker 1: needed at that point in time was a leader who
Speaker 1: was showing up as burnt out, even though that was
Speaker 1: my internal experience. And I really agree like the way
Speaker 1: that anyone shows up, but particularly how leaders shows up.
Speaker 1: It's like, emotions are, you know, highly contagious.
Speaker 2: And when you are the founder and a leader in
Speaker 2: a business, your team live in the wake of your
Speaker 2: energy levels. So it's like they live in the wake
Speaker 2: of that, and yeah, they want to support you, and
Speaker 2: they want that vulnerability. And I think there is absolutely
Speaker 2: that need for vulnerability. And I love to do like
Speaker 2: a side by side comparison between vulnerability and oversharing. And
Speaker 2: because I'm a verbal processor, so I love I love
Speaker 2: to share all the things I have noticed in myself
Speaker 2: when I'm over sharing versus when I'm being vulnerable, it's
Speaker 2: when the issue is too close to the time that
Speaker 2: I'm experiencing. Like you said, the emotions are too raw,
Speaker 2: I'm not actually navigating it in a kind of healthy way,
Speaker 2: and so to share that with the full team is
Speaker 2: not going to be helpful versus two months down the
Speaker 2: track where you're like, you know what, I've processed this,
Speaker 2: I've reflected on what got me there, and I can
Speaker 2: openly share this in a useful way while still being vulnerable,
Speaker 2: still building trust, but knowing that the oversharing thing doesn't
Speaker 2: build trust, it actually undermines trust.
Speaker 1: I love that idea between like what's vulnerability versus what's
Speaker 1: over sharing. Something I think about is if I'm making
Speaker 1: the choice to be vulnerable or share something that is
Speaker 1: quite personal about my experience, I always think, like to
Speaker 1: what end? Like why am I doing this? Like, and
Speaker 1: if I'm just doing this to be seen, I think
Speaker 1: do it with a friend or my partner or something
Speaker 1: like that. And it's something I have to check myself with.
Speaker 1: It's like if I'm sharing something that is about a
Speaker 1: hard experience or something vulnerable that I've gone through, and
Speaker 1: I think, you know, part of I guess, like the
Speaker 1: way I see my own brand and my purpose, if
Speaker 1: you like, is to give people really practical tips and
Speaker 1: insights that will make their you know, work in Bracket's
Speaker 1: life better than if I'm sharing. There needs to be
Speaker 1: a purpose to that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, when you're in the oversharing mode, it's really focused
Speaker 2: around self versus when you're in the vulnerability mode, it's service.
Speaker 2: So if I think about what you do when you're
Speaker 2: like sharing a couple of months afterwards, Look, I was
Speaker 2: really the closest I've ever been to burnout. It's been
Speaker 2: the toughest year I've ever had. Here's what I've learnt
Speaker 2: through it. It becomes less about self and more about service,
Speaker 2: and that to me is a huge difference. And when
Speaker 2: we're sharing with the team, I think we can say
Speaker 2: things like, Hey, I am really struggling. I'm probably not
Speaker 2: in the space to talk about it right now because
Speaker 2: I don't know how helpful it'll be, But when I'm ready,
Speaker 2: I'd love to kind of unpack it with you and
Speaker 2: the team being okay with that.
Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed this quick win with Shelley. If
Speaker 1: you'd like to listen to the full interview, you can
Speaker 1: find a link to that in the show notes. If
Speaker 1: you like today's show, make sure you get follow on
Speaker 1: your podcast app to be alerted when new episodes drop.
Speaker 1: How I Work was recorded on the traditional land of
Speaker 1: the Warrangery People, part of the Cooler Nation