1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:04,720 Speaker 1: As a parent, letting go is one of the scariest 2 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: things you'll ever be asked to do. 3 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:11,920 Speaker 2: It's the Happy Families podcast. 4 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:15,400 Speaker 3: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just 5 00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:17,119 Speaker 3: once answers me out. 6 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:20,000 Speaker 2: I can't believe you just blew a raspberry at me. Really, 7 00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:22,960 Speaker 2: you literally just went at me. Yeah, thanks so much. 8 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:25,960 Speaker 2: So every now and again, when we're putting this podcast together, 9 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:29,680 Speaker 2: we have our moments, don't we. It's not supposed to 10 00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:31,680 Speaker 2: tell everyone may maybe you have your moments. I'm going 11 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:34,280 Speaker 2: to leave it. I'm going to It's not really you, 12 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:36,720 Speaker 2: is it. What happens is when we start the podcast, 13 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,440 Speaker 2: I'll usually say something like, I'm doctor Justin Colson, I'm 14 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,600 Speaker 2: the author of six books about raising happy families. And 15 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:43,879 Speaker 2: then I'll say something about Kylie how she's my co 16 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:47,080 Speaker 2: host and today's Friday, and so I'll say how good 17 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:49,440 Speaker 2: are Fridays? And Kylie just looks at me, like how 18 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:52,199 Speaker 2: am I supposed to respond to that? When you just 19 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:55,800 Speaker 2: start talking, and Kylie's like, no, we need to script this. 20 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:57,680 Speaker 2: So how do you feel about Fridays? 21 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:02,680 Speaker 1: I Love Fridays podcast for the absolutely love Fridays. 22 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,000 Speaker 2: Is there a particular reason other than that you don't 23 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:06,679 Speaker 2: have to sit down and try to work out how 24 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:07,640 Speaker 2: we're going to figure this out. 25 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:10,840 Speaker 3: I don't have to make a school lunch tomorrow morning. 26 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:14,480 Speaker 2: Right right? You know what, since we started making mornings magic, 27 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:16,960 Speaker 2: and we did that podcast episode about it just a 28 00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:20,760 Speaker 2: couple of weeks ago, but we've been practicing those making 29 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:23,920 Speaker 2: mornings Magic skills for a few years now. We don't 30 00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:27,240 Speaker 2: really have to make many school lunches. You know, it's 31 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:29,200 Speaker 2: only the baby. Really, it's only our six year old 32 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:30,720 Speaker 2: that needs help us. That's what I'm telling you. 33 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:32,679 Speaker 3: I don't have to make her lunch tomorrow. 34 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:34,200 Speaker 2: But we don't even have to do much for her, 35 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:35,880 Speaker 2: like she gets it going. But yes, you're right, we 36 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:38,800 Speaker 2: don't have to. Instead, we get to tidy the house 37 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:41,760 Speaker 2: and do all the or the easy things. 38 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:43,640 Speaker 3: I get to take the kids to nippers. It's the 39 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:44,920 Speaker 3: best way to start the weekend. 40 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:47,400 Speaker 2: I am looking forward to that. Hey, I want to 41 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:50,160 Speaker 2: This is the episode every week where we talk about 42 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:52,200 Speaker 2: how we're going to do better tomorrow because we make 43 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,960 Speaker 2: so many mistakes as parents and we want to own 44 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:57,600 Speaker 2: that sort of stuff. But this week I want to 45 00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:00,360 Speaker 2: do something a little bit different because I had something 46 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:04,560 Speaker 2: happen that just you know, I love what I do. 47 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:06,360 Speaker 2: I feel like the work that I do is really 48 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:08,840 Speaker 2: meaningful and it makes a difference in the world. And 49 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:12,480 Speaker 2: I get emails with some frequency from people who say, 50 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:15,120 Speaker 2: we're so grateful for the podcast or the books, or 51 00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:17,880 Speaker 2: their Facebook page or their Happy Families membership, because our 52 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:19,800 Speaker 2: family is happier because of it. But I had an 53 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:23,760 Speaker 2: experience that just left me weeping. In the last couple 54 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:25,760 Speaker 2: of days. I got an email from somebody and I 55 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:27,400 Speaker 2: wanted to share it. Do you mind if I share 56 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:27,720 Speaker 2: that with you? 57 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:29,080 Speaker 3: I'd love to hear it. 58 00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:32,480 Speaker 2: Okay, it's a really nice one. So there's a little 59 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:37,480 Speaker 2: bit of background here, but basically, I was dealing with 60 00:02:37,639 --> 00:02:40,320 Speaker 2: somebody who was having a very very very hard time 61 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:44,120 Speaker 2: in their family. And the long and the short of 62 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:46,600 Speaker 2: it is that I invited them to participate in a 63 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:50,560 Speaker 2: webinar that they probably technically didn't have to be at. 64 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:52,480 Speaker 2: It wasn't something that really involved them, but I just 65 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:54,480 Speaker 2: thought if I can get them to just see the 66 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:57,000 Speaker 2: world a little bit differently without me talking to them, 67 00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:59,960 Speaker 2: it might make a difference. Anyway, I got an email 68 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:04,399 Speaker 2: from somebody who knows them telling me that it made 69 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,880 Speaker 2: a difference. And here's what the email said. At the 70 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:11,240 Speaker 2: end of our catch up, he said to me, I 71 00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:15,160 Speaker 2: had a really amazing time at that justin Coulson webinar 72 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:18,440 Speaker 2: the other night. I enjoyed it very much. He talked 73 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:21,560 Speaker 2: about how it made him reflect on his own parenting practices. Now, 74 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:24,920 Speaker 2: the background of this is that this dad in particular 75 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:28,160 Speaker 2: had I'm not really under exaggerating when I say he 76 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:31,000 Speaker 2: had an anger problem and he was treating his I 77 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:35,600 Speaker 2: think seven year old son really really badly. And he 78 00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:38,960 Speaker 2: said that since the webinar, he'd started employing several of 79 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:42,360 Speaker 2: the strategies that I'd talked about in the webinar. And 80 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:46,680 Speaker 2: then just this morning, this friend said he told me 81 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:49,480 Speaker 2: that his younger son was being a pain and wouldn't 82 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:51,320 Speaker 2: get in the car, and he just wanted to step 83 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:53,480 Speaker 2: in and be angry and say just do as you're told, 84 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:57,560 Speaker 2: just get in the car, but instead he hugged his son, 85 00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:03,280 Speaker 2: acknowledged the big feelings that his son was having, and 86 00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:06,160 Speaker 2: then said, since you're having such a hard time, what 87 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:08,320 Speaker 2: do you need from me so I can help you? 88 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:11,640 Speaker 2: How can I help? And then his son just pretty 89 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:13,600 Speaker 2: much gave that a hug and hopped in the car 90 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:16,440 Speaker 2: and put his seatbelt on. And he said it took 91 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:18,280 Speaker 2: less time to do this than it would have taken 92 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:21,279 Speaker 2: to wrangle the child into his car seat, said how 93 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:24,480 Speaker 2: much he learned from it. And I just thought, this 94 00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:26,520 Speaker 2: is why I do what I do. And because of 95 00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:29,680 Speaker 2: that webinar and maybe even because of this podcast. There's 96 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:31,240 Speaker 2: a little seven year old or eight year old boy 97 00:04:31,279 --> 00:04:32,680 Speaker 2: or whatever the age of this kid is, I can't 98 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:36,240 Speaker 2: quite remember now, whose dad's being a little bit kinder 99 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:40,080 Speaker 2: and who didn't get yelled at today, didn't get didn't 100 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,920 Speaker 2: get a wallop on the backside. Instead, he got a hug, 101 00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:45,560 Speaker 2: and he got some understanding, and then he got into 102 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,680 Speaker 2: the car happy so that he could go after school. 103 00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:50,200 Speaker 1: I love Fridays for this reason, and I love that 104 00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:54,200 Speaker 1: story because this is what Fridays is all about, this 105 00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:58,599 Speaker 1: recognition that I can be and do better tomorrow. You know, 106 00:04:58,839 --> 00:05:01,679 Speaker 1: we all get it wrong, all mess up, and sometimes 107 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:06,440 Speaker 1: we mess up bad. But the reality is that if 108 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,799 Speaker 1: we are intentional, we can be better. 109 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,520 Speaker 2: You know where that story actually, it reminds me of 110 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:13,960 Speaker 2: how I learned that strategy. So I've got the PhD, 111 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:17,039 Speaker 2: I've done all the reading and all the research, but 112 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:19,719 Speaker 2: reading this stuff and actually applying it are totally different. 113 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:22,800 Speaker 2: And I remember a few years ago, probably about ten 114 00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:25,480 Speaker 2: years ago, when we were living in Woollongong on the 115 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:29,120 Speaker 2: New South Wales South coast, and we had an issue 116 00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:30,960 Speaker 2: in the car one day with the kids. They were 117 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:33,240 Speaker 2: really being nasty to each other in the car, and 118 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:35,000 Speaker 2: I pulled the car over. I got them out of 119 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:37,200 Speaker 2: the car, standing on the side of the road, and 120 00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:38,120 Speaker 2: I thought, well, what am I going to do with 121 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:40,120 Speaker 2: them now? Now they're in public, and I'm not going 122 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:41,840 Speaker 2: to whack them. You know, I'm this parenting expert. I'm 123 00:05:41,839 --> 00:05:44,640 Speaker 2: supposed to get this right, And so instead I gave them. 124 00:05:44,839 --> 00:05:46,960 Speaker 2: I looked at Mom, I said, you're really struggling with 125 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,840 Speaker 2: each other, aren't you come and give me a hug. 126 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:51,000 Speaker 2: Let's figure this out. How can we make this right? 127 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:53,600 Speaker 2: And thirty seconds later we were back in the car 128 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:55,680 Speaker 2: after we'd had a hug, and everything was right. And 129 00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:57,279 Speaker 2: a couple of days later, I was on the radio 130 00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,400 Speaker 2: doing this radio interview and I shared that experience and 131 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:00,760 Speaker 2: I said, so, next time the kids are driving you 132 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:03,040 Speaker 2: crazy in the car, pull the car over, give them 133 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,720 Speaker 2: a hug, and everything will be okay, and the radio 134 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:07,960 Speaker 2: announces were like, that is just so ridiculous. But about 135 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:09,640 Speaker 2: a week later, when I was talking to them again, 136 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:11,800 Speaker 2: they were like, we got so many phone calls over 137 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:13,720 Speaker 2: the next week from all these families that were like, Yeah, 138 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,120 Speaker 2: we pulled over and we gave our kids a hug, 139 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,440 Speaker 2: and it was amazing. It worked, And I think that's 140 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:18,960 Speaker 2: the whole thing, Right, I'll do better tomorrow. If you 141 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,080 Speaker 2: had allows your day, give your kids a hug, make 142 00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:25,800 Speaker 2: it better. And it's incredible how quickly the relationships are 143 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:28,119 Speaker 2: restored and life is good again. 144 00:06:28,839 --> 00:06:31,279 Speaker 1: I really appreciate you sharing that story. It's awesome, feel 145 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:32,679 Speaker 1: good story for Friday morning. 146 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,200 Speaker 2: All right, Next, we're going to find out how you're 147 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:37,880 Speaker 2: going to do better tomorrow. It's the Happy Families Podcast. 148 00:06:37,839 --> 00:06:41,800 Speaker 4: US Screens Creating Tension at Home, Tweens, teens and Screens 149 00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:46,440 Speaker 4: is a webinar to guide families to healthy, safe superscreen solutions. 150 00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:50,560 Speaker 4: Bye today at happyfamilies dot com dot au slash shop. 151 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,599 Speaker 1: Today we're talking about I'll do Better tomorrow and. 152 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:54,160 Speaker 2: It's your TI. 153 00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:54,520 Speaker 1: Now. 154 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:57,320 Speaker 2: I'm kind of skipping out this week. I haven't really 155 00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:59,159 Speaker 2: had a great story that I could tell, but I 156 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:02,279 Speaker 2: really loved the email that I got about that dad 157 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:05,279 Speaker 2: who realized that he could do better tomorrow. And that's 158 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:07,000 Speaker 2: just so heartwarming for me. And I think that's more 159 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:10,320 Speaker 2: inspiring sometimes than hearing that I'm messing up. But you, 160 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:12,880 Speaker 2: I don't know exactly what you're going to tell me, 161 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,480 Speaker 2: but you had a very interesting conversation with one of 162 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:18,200 Speaker 2: our daughters who has a boyfriend. That's all I know. 163 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:22,360 Speaker 1: Well, last week we actually talked about this whole concept 164 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:25,160 Speaker 1: of when's too young to have a boyfriend? Twenty four 165 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:29,400 Speaker 1: and we acknowledged that we had only just found out 166 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:33,680 Speaker 1: that one of our older daughters has a boyfriend. 167 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:35,640 Speaker 2: I mean, she's almost seventeen. She's only a few weeks 168 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:38,880 Speaker 2: off seventeen, so it's not like she's a grade one 169 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:39,440 Speaker 2: or a preppy. 170 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:43,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, And you acknowledged last week that even though you 171 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:46,440 Speaker 1: know she's old enough that it was still a little 172 00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:47,560 Speaker 1: bit confronting. 173 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:48,240 Speaker 3: For you as a dad. 174 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:51,640 Speaker 1: It still is, yeah, And so I guess you know, 175 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:55,560 Speaker 1: my thought processes have been a little bit more challenged 176 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:59,120 Speaker 1: than yours were probably not necessarily on the same page 177 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:02,240 Speaker 1: with this recognition that she's old enough to have a boyfriend. 178 00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:04,240 Speaker 3: Like logically, I recognize that. 179 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:08,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, but my heart, my heart just says, no, not yet. 180 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:09,720 Speaker 3: I'm not ready. 181 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:13,640 Speaker 2: Even though it's a good thing, right, Like they're good kids, 182 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:16,480 Speaker 2: they're behaving themselves, it's still just so hard to let 183 00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:17,120 Speaker 2: it happen. 184 00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:17,120 Speaker 4: You know. 185 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:20,360 Speaker 1: And as I was listening to one of your podcasts 186 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:24,400 Speaker 1: from before I came on and you were talking to Wendy. 187 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:27,320 Speaker 2: Wendy grolnik Oh from Clark University, this was, if you 188 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:30,840 Speaker 2: haven't heard it, such a great conversation about controlling your kids. 189 00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:31,440 Speaker 3: Yeah. 190 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:33,360 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's where you're going at It. 191 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:35,880 Speaker 1: Really triggered something in me, and so I had to 192 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:39,040 Speaker 1: kind of have this internal conversation as I kind of 193 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:42,120 Speaker 1: unpacked why I was feeling the way I was. The 194 00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:46,200 Speaker 1: reality is she's she's seventeen and two months time, so's 195 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:48,440 Speaker 1: she's getting there. In a year's time, she's going to 196 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:50,720 Speaker 1: be an adult. And I really have a say in 197 00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:53,080 Speaker 1: her life when she becomes an adult. So, you know, 198 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,800 Speaker 1: at this point in time, she's really at a stage 199 00:08:55,840 --> 00:08:57,719 Speaker 1: where she should be able to start to make these 200 00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:58,959 Speaker 1: kind of decisions for herself. 201 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,120 Speaker 3: She's been upfront with us. 202 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:04,520 Speaker 1: She actually wants our involvement, you know, like she's not 203 00:09:04,559 --> 00:09:07,080 Speaker 1: doing this behind our back. She's she's so excited about 204 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,840 Speaker 1: this new space of her life, and she's including us 205 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:11,880 Speaker 1: in the process, and as a parent, I should be 206 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:12,760 Speaker 1: grateful for that. 207 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:16,600 Speaker 3: But also I recognize that I've taught her really well. 208 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:18,840 Speaker 1: I've taught her what our values are as a family 209 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:21,840 Speaker 1: and the things that are important to us. And even 210 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:26,080 Speaker 1: from the psychology researcher in our home, she has heard. 211 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:27,000 Speaker 3: She's heard it all. 212 00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:31,320 Speaker 1: She knows the ins and outs, the wives and the 213 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:34,520 Speaker 1: nuts and all of that. And so as I kind 214 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:38,600 Speaker 1: of started to, you know, think about those things, I 215 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:42,120 Speaker 1: recognized and realized that I was just I want to 216 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:42,920 Speaker 1: control her. 217 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,720 Speaker 3: She's still my little girl. I want. I want to 218 00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:47,760 Speaker 3: know it all, and I don't. 219 00:09:48,559 --> 00:09:50,840 Speaker 2: I reckon, if you were to put a list together 220 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:52,720 Speaker 2: of the hardest things you've got to do as a parent, 221 00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:56,120 Speaker 2: number one would be watching your children struggle and suffer, 222 00:09:56,600 --> 00:10:00,400 Speaker 2: especially when the suffering is beyond anyone's control. But I 223 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:03,240 Speaker 2: reckon a close Number two is actually letting go. 224 00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:04,200 Speaker 3: Yeah. 225 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:07,080 Speaker 1: And when I thought about how I felt when I 226 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:11,439 Speaker 1: was her age, I was just a girl who wanted 227 00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:14,600 Speaker 1: my parents to be okay, be cool, be cool with 228 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:18,040 Speaker 1: this idea of me growing up and letting me have 229 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,880 Speaker 1: and share my experiences with them. 230 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:24,360 Speaker 2: You know, I love that insight. When I was that age, 231 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:27,560 Speaker 2: I wasn't even thinking about my parents. I was just 232 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:31,480 Speaker 2: I can't wait for what's coming, and I'm so excited 233 00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:34,520 Speaker 2: about it. And if my parents came into the picture 234 00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:37,840 Speaker 2: at all, it was why can't you be excited too? 235 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:40,360 Speaker 1: And that's what I wanted. I just wanted their excitement. 236 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:44,560 Speaker 1: I wanted their approval, I wanted their acceptance. And so 237 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:48,560 Speaker 1: when I kind of tapped into that, when I tapped 238 00:10:48,559 --> 00:10:52,200 Speaker 1: into what I wanted at her age, we ended up 239 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:54,400 Speaker 1: having a conversation quite out of the blue. I didn't 240 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:56,280 Speaker 1: even know what was going to happen. But we were 241 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:58,640 Speaker 1: in the car and she started talking about you know, 242 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:01,400 Speaker 1: life choices and this boyfriend and you know, what she 243 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:03,559 Speaker 1: wanted to do after school, and the fape that she 244 00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:07,600 Speaker 1: might want to travel, and our previous conversations have been 245 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:09,400 Speaker 1: me kind of trying to talk her out of all 246 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:10,160 Speaker 1: of those things. 247 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:11,280 Speaker 3: I don't want her. 248 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,520 Speaker 1: To travel around the world right now, you know, once 249 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:16,760 Speaker 1: she finished high school, I don't want her to have 250 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:19,920 Speaker 1: a boyfriend. I don't want her to you know, do 251 00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:22,720 Speaker 1: x y and zed and then I kind of realized, 252 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:25,840 Speaker 1: with Wendy's help and with a little bit of you know, 253 00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:30,520 Speaker 1: kind of introspective thinking, that that's exactly what I wanted. 254 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:34,079 Speaker 1: I wanted all of those things, And I said to her, 255 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:36,880 Speaker 1: I just had to have a really honest, open conversation 256 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:39,760 Speaker 1: with her, I said, Ella. I said, as a parent, 257 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:45,480 Speaker 1: letting go is one of the scariest things you'll ever 258 00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:50,040 Speaker 1: be asked to do. Whether it's your almost seventeen year 259 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:52,160 Speaker 1: old telling you she has a boyfriend, or your eighteen 260 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,680 Speaker 1: year old wanting to travel around the world, or watching 261 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:57,599 Speaker 1: her pick a career you know isn't well suited to 262 00:11:57,640 --> 00:12:00,640 Speaker 1: her skills or strength. Yet the reality is it's actually 263 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:04,760 Speaker 1: not my journey, it's hers, and I have to celebrate 264 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:07,679 Speaker 1: the fact that she is making decisions for herself and 265 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:11,080 Speaker 1: she's going in her direction because she's choosing it. 266 00:12:11,559 --> 00:12:14,720 Speaker 2: All this parenting game, it's all about growth. Great story, 267 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:18,080 Speaker 2: I'll do better tomorrow. So the idea is, let's control 268 00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:21,680 Speaker 2: a little less and let's celebrate their optimism and hope 269 00:12:21,679 --> 00:12:22,840 Speaker 2: and excitement for the future. 270 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:25,880 Speaker 1: It felt really really good to connect with her and 271 00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:28,760 Speaker 1: to have that conversation, and you know, kind of further 272 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:32,800 Speaker 1: to that just realizing that I am looking through the 273 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:35,600 Speaker 1: lens of a forty plus year old woman with experience 274 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:39,160 Speaker 1: and seeing all the pitfalls and wanting to stop my 275 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:43,000 Speaker 1: children from having those experiences because they hurt. It hurts 276 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:46,280 Speaker 1: when you fall, right. But the reality is, when I 277 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:48,200 Speaker 1: look back on my own life, I recognize and know 278 00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:51,880 Speaker 1: that it's those pitfall, those those hard times that have 279 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,240 Speaker 1: helped me to grow and mold me into the person 280 00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,040 Speaker 1: I am today, and I wouldn't change any of that. 281 00:12:56,679 --> 00:12:58,880 Speaker 2: I'm going to call that winning. We have you enjoyed 282 00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:01,679 Speaker 2: the podcast. If you do enjoy the podcast, we love 283 00:13:01,679 --> 00:13:04,000 Speaker 2: it when you visit Apple Podcasts and leave a rating 284 00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:05,959 Speaker 2: and review. It's the reviews that help people to find 285 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:10,240 Speaker 2: the podcast and have happier families. The Happy Families podcast 286 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:13,440 Speaker 2: is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. Thank you Justin, 287 00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:16,440 Speaker 2: and our executive producer as always is Craig Bruce. If 288 00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:18,760 Speaker 2: you'd like more information about how we can help make 289 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:22,920 Speaker 2: your family happier, please jump online to Happy Families dot 290 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:23,800 Speaker 2: com dot au.