Speaker 1: It's Thursday, which means we have to do this.
Speaker 2: Everybody ask Ask John Cut is something we do on
Speaker 2: our podcast, Life Uncut podcast every single Thursday.
Speaker 1: It's my favorite segment.
Speaker 3: You guys call up with your deepest, darkest burning questions,
Speaker 3: your biggest conundrums, and we do our best to help
Speaker 3: you out. Today we have Phoebe on the phone, and
Speaker 3: Phoebe hasn't asked gun Cut that we have never actually
Speaker 3: covered before.
Speaker 1: It's very different, and it's about the sex of your baby. Hi, Phoebe, Hi, guys,
Speaker 1: how are you? Hi, Phoebe? What's been happening?
Speaker 4: So I am halfway through my pregnancy and I have
Speaker 4: just found out that I'm having a baby boy, and
Speaker 4: you know, just so so excited and that sort of stage.
Speaker 4: But I cried and I continued to cry for about
Speaker 4: twenty four hours. I guess I just had this fear
Speaker 4: and dread that I wouldn't be able to bond with
Speaker 4: my baby. And it's a hard topic to talk about
Speaker 4: because it brings up, you know, fear of judgment be canceled.
Speaker 4: But these feelings are real and they're huge, and you know,
Speaker 4: I've a little bit disappointed and I just, yeah, I
Speaker 4: want to be able to be excited about my baby,
Speaker 4: and I don't think that I'm the only person to
Speaker 4: go through this. So guys, how do I deal with it?
Speaker 4: Or do I deal with gender disappointment?
Speaker 5: Phoebe, It's so hard because it's on one hand, there's
Speaker 5: so many women who have issues with fertility and then
Speaker 5: they're worried about or they have to think about, you know,
Speaker 5: wanting to get pregnant and how difficult that is for
Speaker 5: some people. And so I guess that's why when you
Speaker 5: talk about things like gender disappointment, it seems and feels
Speaker 5: like it's it almost feels selfish to be able to
Speaker 5: verbalize it. But then even if you don't verbalize it,
Speaker 5: it's still something that so many women experience when they find.
Speaker 1: Out the gender of their babies.
Speaker 5: If they've had you know, maybe they've had a vision
Speaker 5: or a thought on what kind of mum they were
Speaker 5: going to be. And I say this because when Lola
Speaker 5: was born, and I'm even want to be careful with this,
Speaker 5: I don't want anyone to kind of think that I
Speaker 5: had gender disappointment. But I expected when my when my
Speaker 5: second baby was born, that I was going to feel
Speaker 5: the same way I did when Marley, my first one,
Speaker 5: was born, which was like I was just so happy
Speaker 5: and so excited, and I remember when they they kind
Speaker 5: of pulled her out and they're.
Speaker 1: Like, it's a girl.
Speaker 5: And I didn't have those feelings. I felt just really surprised,
Speaker 5: Like I just had this moment where I was like, oh,
Speaker 5: that's not what I was expecting. And then I felt
Speaker 5: really sad that my feelings were anything other than just
Speaker 5: being completely grateful. But I think it's something that so
Speaker 5: many people experience and then it's just a matter of time.
Speaker 5: Like you, you know, you get to meet this little
Speaker 5: baby and the gender just kind of falls away.
Speaker 1: You don't really care about it. It's everyone experienced. Just you,
Speaker 1: febs or is it your partner as well? Is it
Speaker 1: something you're sharing together or do you feel you're going
Speaker 1: through this alone.
Speaker 4: No, he's so excited to have a boy, but he's
Speaker 4: been so supportive. You know, he wanted a girl, so
Speaker 4: because it knew that I wanted a girl, yea, but yeah,
Speaker 4: he's obviously really excited for a little boy. And yeah,
Speaker 4: I feel like it's a you know, you have to
Speaker 4: grieve a lots of this imaginary life that you come
Speaker 4: up with, you know, having a little little girl to
Speaker 4: deal with and that sort of thing. So yeah, I
Speaker 4: feel like it's almost grieving that imaginary loss.
Speaker 5: Yeah, of course, and also grieving like the version of
Speaker 5: motherhood that you thought you.
Speaker 1: Were going to have.
Speaker 5: Have you Have you felt any difference since finding out,
Speaker 5: because I think sometimes it can be like a real
Speaker 5: initial shock and then after a couple of days you're like, oh,
Speaker 5: this is not as big a deal as what I
Speaker 5: first thought it is, or are you still feeling that
Speaker 5: that level of like, oh, no, I'm really sad about this.
Speaker 4: No, I am funny to feel a bit better. And
Speaker 4: I guess some of the things that have helped me
Speaker 4: are talking to other boy mums and you know it
Speaker 4: funny to refer to the baby as he and him,
Speaker 4: And the best part, I suppose is is just being
Speaker 4: able to shop for little boy outfits, I suppose, which
Speaker 4: is probably the biggest thing that's helped. And yeah, so
Speaker 4: I am funny to feel more positive, and I know
Speaker 4: how lucky I am that you know, our journey was
Speaker 4: so easy, but still the feelings were or are there?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think once it comes out and you hold
Speaker 3: him and you see that he's healthy.
Speaker 1: You were just going to love every set.
Speaker 3: It'll be your yeah, thieves, hope good and congratulations.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah yeah.
Speaker 1: The gender supp it's a real thing.
Speaker 5: I think it's something so many mums experience, and every
Speaker 5: single person who experiences it is scared to talk about
Speaker 5: it because it feels so insensitive to do so.
Speaker 1: And I get it.
Speaker 5: Hey, if you've got a question you want, I'll help
Speaker 5: with DMS on the pick Up on Instagram and we'll
Speaker 5: help you.
Speaker 1: Out on the show.
Speaker 5: Well, speaking about kids, something happened to me the other
Speaker 5: night which really made me question the things that I
Speaker 5: have been teaching my children.
Speaker 1: That's next time the Pickup