WEBVTT - MINI: Let's discuss Gender Disappointment ♀️♂️

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<v Speaker 1>It's Thursday, which means we have to do this.

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<v Speaker 2>Everybody ask Ask John Cut is something we do on

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<v Speaker 2>our podcast, Life Uncut podcast every single Thursday.

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<v Speaker 1>It's my favorite segment.

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<v Speaker 3>You guys call up with your deepest, darkest burning questions,

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<v Speaker 3>your biggest conundrums, and we do our best to help

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<v Speaker 3>you out. Today we have Phoebe on the phone, and

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<v Speaker 3>Phoebe hasn't asked gun Cut that we have never actually

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<v Speaker 3>covered before.

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<v Speaker 1>It's very different, and it's about the sex of your baby. Hi, Phoebe, Hi, guys,

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<v Speaker 1>how are you? Hi, Phoebe? What's been happening?

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<v Speaker 4>So I am halfway through my pregnancy and I have

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<v Speaker 4>just found out that I'm having a baby boy, and

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<v Speaker 4>you know, just so so excited and that sort of stage.

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<v Speaker 4>But I cried and I continued to cry for about

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<v Speaker 4>twenty four hours. I guess I just had this fear

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<v Speaker 4>and dread that I wouldn't be able to bond with

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<v Speaker 4>my baby. And it's a hard topic to talk about

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<v Speaker 4>because it brings up, you know, fear of judgment be canceled.

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<v Speaker 4>But these feelings are real and they're huge, and you know,

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<v Speaker 4>I've a little bit disappointed and I just, yeah, I

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<v Speaker 4>want to be able to be excited about my baby,

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<v Speaker 4>and I don't think that I'm the only person to

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<v Speaker 4>go through this. So guys, how do I deal with it?

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<v Speaker 4>Or do I deal with gender disappointment?

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<v Speaker 5>Phoebe, It's so hard because it's on one hand, there's

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<v Speaker 5>so many women who have issues with fertility and then

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<v Speaker 5>they're worried about or they have to think about, you know,

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<v Speaker 5>wanting to get pregnant and how difficult that is for

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<v Speaker 5>some people. And so I guess that's why when you

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<v Speaker 5>talk about things like gender disappointment, it seems and feels

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<v Speaker 5>like it's it almost feels selfish to be able to

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<v Speaker 5>verbalize it. But then even if you don't verbalize it,

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<v Speaker 5>it's still something that so many women experience when they find.

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<v Speaker 1>Out the gender of their babies.

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<v Speaker 5>If they've had you know, maybe they've had a vision

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<v Speaker 5>or a thought on what kind of mum they were

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<v Speaker 5>going to be. And I say this because when Lola

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<v Speaker 5>was born, and I'm even want to be careful with this,

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<v Speaker 5>I don't want anyone to kind of think that I

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<v Speaker 5>had gender disappointment. But I expected when my when my

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<v Speaker 5>second baby was born, that I was going to feel

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<v Speaker 5>the same way I did when Marley, my first one,

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<v Speaker 5>was born, which was like I was just so happy

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<v Speaker 5>and so excited, and I remember when they they kind

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<v Speaker 5>of pulled her out and they're.

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<v Speaker 1>Like, it's a girl.

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<v Speaker 5>And I didn't have those feelings. I felt just really surprised,

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<v Speaker 5>Like I just had this moment where I was like, oh,

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<v Speaker 5>that's not what I was expecting. And then I felt

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<v Speaker 5>really sad that my feelings were anything other than just

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<v Speaker 5>being completely grateful. But I think it's something that so

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<v Speaker 5>many people experience and then it's just a matter of time.

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<v Speaker 5>Like you, you know, you get to meet this little

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<v Speaker 5>baby and the gender just kind of falls away.

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<v Speaker 1>You don't really care about it. It's everyone experienced. Just you,

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<v Speaker 1>febs or is it your partner as well? Is it

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<v Speaker 1>something you're sharing together or do you feel you're going

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<v Speaker 1>through this alone.

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<v Speaker 4>No, he's so excited to have a boy, but he's

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<v Speaker 4>been so supportive. You know, he wanted a girl, so

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<v Speaker 4>because it knew that I wanted a girl, yea, but yeah,

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<v Speaker 4>he's obviously really excited for a little boy. And yeah,

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<v Speaker 4>I feel like it's a you know, you have to

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<v Speaker 4>grieve a lots of this imaginary life that you come

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<v Speaker 4>up with, you know, having a little little girl to

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<v Speaker 4>deal with and that sort of thing. So yeah, I

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<v Speaker 4>feel like it's almost grieving that imaginary loss.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah, of course, and also grieving like the version of

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<v Speaker 5>motherhood that you thought you.

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<v Speaker 1>Were going to have.

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<v Speaker 5>Have you Have you felt any difference since finding out,

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<v Speaker 5>because I think sometimes it can be like a real

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<v Speaker 5>initial shock and then after a couple of days you're like, oh,

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<v Speaker 5>this is not as big a deal as what I

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<v Speaker 5>first thought it is, or are you still feeling that

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<v Speaker 5>that level of like, oh, no, I'm really sad about this.

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<v Speaker 4>No, I am funny to feel a bit better. And

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<v Speaker 4>I guess some of the things that have helped me

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<v Speaker 4>are talking to other boy mums and you know it

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<v Speaker 4>funny to refer to the baby as he and him,

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<v Speaker 4>And the best part, I suppose is is just being

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<v Speaker 4>able to shop for little boy outfits, I suppose, which

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<v Speaker 4>is probably the biggest thing that's helped. And yeah, so

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<v Speaker 4>I am funny to feel more positive, and I know

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<v Speaker 4>how lucky I am that you know, our journey was

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<v Speaker 4>so easy, but still the feelings were or are there?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I think once it comes out and you hold

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<v Speaker 3>him and you see that he's healthy.

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<v Speaker 1>You were just going to love every set.

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<v Speaker 3>It'll be your yeah, thieves, hope good and congratulations.

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<v Speaker 4>Oh yeah yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>The gender supp it's a real thing.

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<v Speaker 5>I think it's something so many mums experience, and every

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<v Speaker 5>single person who experiences it is scared to talk about

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<v Speaker 5>it because it feels so insensitive to do so.

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<v Speaker 1>And I get it.

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<v Speaker 5>Hey, if you've got a question you want, I'll help

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<v Speaker 5>with DMS on the pick Up on Instagram and we'll

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<v Speaker 5>help you.

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<v Speaker 1>Out on the show.

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<v Speaker 5>Well, speaking about kids, something happened to me the other

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<v Speaker 5>night which really made me question the things that I

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<v Speaker 5>have been teaching my children.

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<v Speaker 1>That's next time the Pickup