1 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:07,040 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for. 2 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:11,000 Speaker 2: The time poor parent who just once answers now All. 3 00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:12,640 Speaker 1: This week on the Happy Families Podcast, as we count 4 00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:15,160 Speaker 1: down to Christmas, we're counting down our top five podcasts 5 00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:17,920 Speaker 1: of the year, the five podcasts that have been downloaded 6 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:19,760 Speaker 1: the most, listen to the most, and hopefully have had 7 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:22,520 Speaker 1: the most impact in your lives as we get ready 8 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:24,000 Speaker 1: for Christmas. This one might be a bit of a 9 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,560 Speaker 1: funny one to play because it's kind of a New 10 00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:29,639 Speaker 1: Year's podcast, but the fourth most downloaded podcast on the 11 00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:33,320 Speaker 1: Happy Families podcast this year was all about family goal setting. 12 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,400 Speaker 1: Kylie and I talked about a bunch of goals that 13 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:37,000 Speaker 1: we were setting with the kids. Do you know what 14 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:39,040 Speaker 1: we actually did reasonably well with a bunch of these. 15 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,920 Speaker 1: There was a couple that did not work out at all. 16 00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:42,800 Speaker 1: But it's going to be a great refresher as we 17 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:45,879 Speaker 1: move through Christmas and into January for how we can 18 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:48,919 Speaker 1: set up effective goals with our kids. Please enjoy this 19 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,600 Speaker 1: podcast about how to set goals with your family to 20 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:58,040 Speaker 1: kick off twenty twenty four in a powerful way. Kylie, 21 00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:02,440 Speaker 1: you're aware that our kids have set a fitness goal. 22 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:05,040 Speaker 2: Well, I actually set it at the end of last year. 23 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,280 Speaker 1: That's right. They've set the goal so that we can 24 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:10,920 Speaker 1: fire up the year. Yeah, you get it going really well, 25 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:12,600 Speaker 1: but are you aware of what the goal is? Two 26 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:15,320 Speaker 1: of our kids have set a goal and it's specific. 27 00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:16,840 Speaker 1: They know exactly what they're trying to achieve. 28 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:18,280 Speaker 2: They trying to run five k's. 29 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:20,440 Speaker 1: They're trying to run five k's. Yeah, so we've got 30 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,400 Speaker 1: a couple of daughters who have acknowledged that their fitness 31 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:23,920 Speaker 1: and health are not quite where they need to be. 32 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:28,280 Speaker 1: And I've sort of dropped the bombshell on myself. I've 33 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:32,720 Speaker 1: eased right back on my fitness, my cycling, my big kilometers, 34 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:33,880 Speaker 1: and fancy writing. 35 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,880 Speaker 2: It's not a surprise when you sign up to write 36 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:36,520 Speaker 2: four books. 37 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:39,280 Speaker 1: But that's not why I've stopped the writing. I've really 38 00:01:39,319 --> 00:01:41,440 Speaker 1: stopped the writing because I want to support the girls 39 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:45,760 Speaker 1: in their fitness habits and their improvements to their health. 40 00:01:45,959 --> 00:01:47,400 Speaker 1: They want to run five k's and they want to 41 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:49,440 Speaker 1: get it under thirty minutes. So they want to run 42 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:52,280 Speaker 1: six minutes per k or less, and they want to 43 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,240 Speaker 1: do it by the end of the school holidays. So 44 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:56,760 Speaker 1: for the last couple of weeks between three and four 45 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:59,640 Speaker 1: times every single week we've been getting up, we've been 46 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:02,200 Speaker 1: going for a run, and they're doing it. 47 00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:04,880 Speaker 2: I've been really proud of them because it's hard for them. 48 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:06,680 Speaker 1: And in fact, at the dinner table the other night, 49 00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:09,359 Speaker 1: one of the girls said to me, Dad, we were 50 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:12,000 Speaker 1: doing grateful things. What are you grateful for? And she said, Dad, 51 00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:14,440 Speaker 1: I know that I winged and wined and cried and 52 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:16,840 Speaker 1: complained and said I can't, but I'm really grateful that 53 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:19,800 Speaker 1: you pushed me, because today I ran faster and further 54 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:22,440 Speaker 1: than I had before. It was really cool. They're doing 55 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:25,440 Speaker 1: hard things. So today in our Happy Families podcast, we 56 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:27,600 Speaker 1: just want to take maybe three or four minutes, we 57 00:02:27,639 --> 00:02:30,639 Speaker 1: want to do this fairly briefly and talk about family 58 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:34,000 Speaker 1: goal setting. What can you do as a family to 59 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:37,799 Speaker 1: set better goals? Handful of things that we want to 60 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:40,720 Speaker 1: talk about, Kylie, I might get started depending on the 61 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:44,440 Speaker 1: age of your children. My sense and certainly looking at 62 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:48,400 Speaker 1: what research tells us is that any goal for a group, 63 00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:50,560 Speaker 1: any goal for an organization, any goal for a team, 64 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:52,480 Speaker 1: and we can bring that into the family. Although I've 65 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:55,200 Speaker 1: not seen research specifically on family contexts. 66 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:57,040 Speaker 2: Do you know you have gray whiskers? 67 00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:59,760 Speaker 1: Stop it. We're doing a podcast. I can't believe you're 68 00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:02,560 Speaker 1: saying that I'll shave tomorrow. We can't let anybody know 69 00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:07,959 Speaker 1: family goals are going to be best, and stop looking 70 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:09,600 Speaker 1: at me like that. This is I'm not trying to 71 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:13,360 Speaker 1: I'm having a serious conversation here. You don't usually have whiskers, 72 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:16,000 Speaker 1: and I'm on holidays. Okay, I haven't. 73 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:18,040 Speaker 2: Shaved whiskers, and I've just noticed. 74 00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:20,000 Speaker 1: I'm setting a goal to shave every day for the 75 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:24,560 Speaker 1: rest of them a lot. I believe you're doing this whiskers. Well, 76 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:27,119 Speaker 1: my hair is not great. My hair is not great, 77 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:29,280 Speaker 1: So let's just focus on the hair and stop looking 78 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:31,079 Speaker 1: at the whiskers, which I'll be shaving. I'm now trying 79 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,919 Speaker 1: to do a podcast with my hand over my mouth. 80 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:36,400 Speaker 1: We've got to get buy in in fact bottom by. 81 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:37,880 Speaker 2: The way, I didn't say there was anything wrong with. 82 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:40,720 Speaker 1: Their bottom up. You're trying to recover. 83 00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:43,080 Speaker 2: No, no, no, I just noticed. Can we just rim 84 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:43,920 Speaker 2: any great hair? 85 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:46,880 Speaker 1: Can we just record the podcast? I know it's summer, 86 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:48,440 Speaker 1: but we still got to get a message across here. 87 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,720 Speaker 1: Family goals are going to be best if they're developed 88 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:56,720 Speaker 1: from the bottom up, not the top down. That is 89 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:59,640 Speaker 1: when the kids have a really big voice in what 90 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:00,600 Speaker 1: the found the goals are. 91 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:02,600 Speaker 2: It has to be buying. And the only way there's 92 00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:04,400 Speaker 2: buy in is they actually create it. 93 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:07,360 Speaker 1: Right, unless we come up with an absolute cracker of 94 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:09,440 Speaker 1: a goal that they are totally hooked on, like let's 95 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:11,560 Speaker 1: save up and go to Disneyland or something like that. 96 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:14,360 Speaker 2: Let's eat in a taler for Browns, that's not a goal. 97 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:16,919 Speaker 1: That's that's a habit we've got to get out of. 98 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:20,640 Speaker 1: So Number One, family goals start best bottom up, And 99 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:22,000 Speaker 1: I think the best way to get a bottom up 100 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,520 Speaker 1: conversation going about goals is to sit down with the 101 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:26,760 Speaker 1: kids and have one of those family meetings. We've talked 102 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:29,040 Speaker 1: about it so many times on the podcast. We ask 103 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:31,800 Speaker 1: three questions, what's going great, what's not going so well? 104 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:34,440 Speaker 1: What should we focus on? And just by asking those 105 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,200 Speaker 1: three questions, you're basically saying to the kids, all right, 106 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:38,599 Speaker 1: we're doing a whole lot of stuff really well, handful 107 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,440 Speaker 1: of things that we can improve on. If we were 108 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:42,479 Speaker 1: to improve on one or two of those things, what 109 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:45,039 Speaker 1: would they be. And that's essentially where we've come to 110 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:48,320 Speaker 1: with our kids' fitness goals. They've decided that health and 111 00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:51,320 Speaker 1: fitness needs to be a higher priority. I asked them 112 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,880 Speaker 1: what they wanted in terms of their goals. They want 113 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:56,000 Speaker 1: to be able to run five k's in less than 114 00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:59,400 Speaker 1: thirty minutes, and so now we're creating a system around 115 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:03,520 Speaker 1: that to get to that goal. And that's pretty much it. Kylie, 116 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,760 Speaker 1: what else would you add to a conversation about how 117 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:07,960 Speaker 1: to set family goals other than saying, hey, kids, what 118 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,240 Speaker 1: do you think? And then how do we set up 119 00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:10,039 Speaker 1: a system around that? 120 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 2: I think one of the most important things when it 121 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:15,360 Speaker 2: comes to goal setting is there needs to be accountability. 122 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:20,160 Speaker 2: There needs to be check in points or else where, 123 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,400 Speaker 2: just having a conversation about something that we'd like to 124 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:25,800 Speaker 2: see happen. But there isn't any intention set on how 125 00:05:25,839 --> 00:05:30,080 Speaker 2: we can record progress, how we can actually acknowledge progress. 126 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:35,320 Speaker 2: And without the recognition of progress, it's really hard for 127 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:40,360 Speaker 2: motivation to stay high and for our desires to continue 128 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:41,120 Speaker 2: to improve. 129 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:43,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, and one of the challenges that you have is 130 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:45,080 Speaker 1: when the kids set a goal, or when you create 131 00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:47,400 Speaker 1: a family goal, the parents actually become the police. They 132 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,600 Speaker 1: end up rousing on the kids if they're not doing 133 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:51,080 Speaker 1: what they said that we're going to do because this 134 00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:52,960 Speaker 1: was the goal that we were committed and now you're 135 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:54,680 Speaker 1: not doing it, and we feel like we have to 136 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:58,520 Speaker 1: push the kids and make it happen. The sense of 137 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:03,000 Speaker 1: autonomy and the encouragement of I guess creating the structure 138 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:05,360 Speaker 1: which gives the kids the scaffolding the support that they 139 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:08,560 Speaker 1: need to be the instigators, the ones that are making 140 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:11,000 Speaker 1: it happen themselves, really really essential. 141 00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:12,839 Speaker 2: And when it comes to some big goals, like for 142 00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:16,719 Speaker 2: our girls, running is not has not actually been in 143 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:19,040 Speaker 2: their vocabulary alone. 144 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:22,760 Speaker 1: They don't run, they just but they do now. 145 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:25,760 Speaker 2: But if we had have just said, okay, that's a 146 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:28,840 Speaker 2: great goal, you need to get up and go and 147 00:06:28,839 --> 00:06:32,240 Speaker 2: do it on your own, chances are it wouldn't have happened. 148 00:06:32,279 --> 00:06:33,960 Speaker 1: I've had to give up my goal of being a 149 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:38,600 Speaker 1: professional athlete. I've had to give up my cycling to 150 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:41,760 Speaker 1: be involved. And this is I think the critical thing. 151 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:45,400 Speaker 1: Your kids have got aspirations, and as a family, you've 152 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,600 Speaker 1: got aspirations. Maybe it's saving up for a holiday or 153 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:50,760 Speaker 1: going and doing a big hike, but the best way 154 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:53,520 Speaker 1: to keep things moving, the best way for motivation to 155 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:55,520 Speaker 1: be high is for number one, kids to feel like 156 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:58,599 Speaker 1: they can reach it, Like they've got the capability, the 157 00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:01,840 Speaker 1: competence that can capacity to do it even if they 158 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,360 Speaker 1: need a leg up, even if they need support. And 159 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:08,080 Speaker 1: number two for them to be freely choosing it. But 160 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:10,960 Speaker 1: there's a third thing that's even more important. This is 161 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:12,560 Speaker 1: the one that you cannot do it without, and that 162 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,760 Speaker 1: is involvement. I think the only reason that our girls 163 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:18,480 Speaker 1: are now running around about three k's three and a 164 00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:22,840 Speaker 1: half k's without stopping and at a reasonable pace is 165 00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:25,560 Speaker 1: because for the last four weeks, whatever it's been, I've 166 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:27,920 Speaker 1: been getting up with them and going for the run 167 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:31,400 Speaker 1: with them and dragging them out of bed, and because 168 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,640 Speaker 1: they've told me to do it, but I'm doing that. 169 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:36,480 Speaker 1: There's that level of involvement. It's the involvement that seems 170 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:39,560 Speaker 1: to create the level of support that's necessary for them 171 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:42,560 Speaker 1: to get there. And then what happens is they start 172 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:44,760 Speaker 1: to make progress, they start to see that it's happening, 173 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:50,920 Speaker 1: and those little pieces of progress give them more inspiration 174 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,640 Speaker 1: to get up again tomorrow and run again. 175 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:54,400 Speaker 2: Well, each day you've done it, you've been able to 176 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,400 Speaker 2: sit down with them and they've been able to look 177 00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:57,760 Speaker 2: at the stats. 178 00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:59,360 Speaker 1: On Stria on their Strava up. 179 00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:04,840 Speaker 2: And stuff and recognize and see that there's ebbs and flows. 180 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:07,520 Speaker 2: Some days they actually are doing really well, and then 181 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,880 Speaker 2: there are other days where they're just really flat, thethargic, 182 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:14,320 Speaker 2: lacking and energy, and it's hard work, but they can 183 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:20,440 Speaker 2: see when they improve and that gives them such a 184 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:22,120 Speaker 2: boost to want to keep trying. 185 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:25,200 Speaker 1: If you've got younger kids, setting goals is probably as 186 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:28,200 Speaker 1: a family, not a huge deal other than to say, hey, kids, 187 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,560 Speaker 1: here's what we'd like to do. What do you think 188 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:32,599 Speaker 1: And it might be having a goal to go on 189 00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:34,240 Speaker 1: a holiday, or it could be to do something every 190 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:37,960 Speaker 1: Monday or every Saturday or whatever it is. You just 191 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:39,760 Speaker 1: get the kids to say yes, and then you make 192 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:41,720 Speaker 1: it happen and they'll go along with you because they're little. 193 00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:43,640 Speaker 1: As they get older, though, once they're sort of north 194 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:45,880 Speaker 1: of about eight nine ten years of age, that's when 195 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:48,839 Speaker 1: these principles become really important. Obviously a lot more that 196 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:50,120 Speaker 1: we could talk about, but this is meant to be 197 00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:52,679 Speaker 1: a kickstarter. Hopefully your goal's going well for the new year. 198 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:55,760 Speaker 1: Hopefully a family is feeling inspired to achieve something great 199 00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:58,280 Speaker 1: this year. We might have a podcast down the track 200 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,880 Speaker 1: and talk to you about what our family goals in 201 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:03,480 Speaker 1: a few days time, but for now we hope that 202 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:05,440 Speaker 1: this has been a little bit of inspo for your 203 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:10,480 Speaker 1: parenting better for twenty twenty three. The Happy Family's podcast 204 00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:12,920 Speaker 1: is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce 205 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,240 Speaker 1: is our executive producer. Tomorrow, we're going to have a 206 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:18,960 Speaker 1: conversation about the power of habit on The Happy Family's 207 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:19,440 Speaker 1: Podcast