Speaker 1: Into the microphone this time. Bring it hi, guys, and
Speaker 1: welcome back to our very special episode of the week.
Speaker 1: This is Ask Uncut. Think of this episode as a
Speaker 1: warm hug, your free therapy session where we answer all
Speaker 1: of the deep, dark and dirty questions that you have
Speaker 1: been writing into us. Well not all of them. We
Speaker 1: pick out a select few and we answer them personally.
Speaker 2: I still love how every episode you call it this
Speaker 2: is a very special episode, and I'm like, nope, this
Speaker 2: comes every Thursday.
Speaker 1: It's still very special.
Speaker 2: I mean, all of our episodes are special to us,
Speaker 2: but I still love that that's how you sell it.
Speaker 2: What have you done in the last few days. Surely
Speaker 2: you've done something fun in this lockdown. I just realized
Speaker 2: my headphones aren't working. It's very disappointing.
Speaker 1: I go rogue now. I don't even use them. I don't.
Speaker 1: I just don't feel comfortable. I feel so naked podcasting
Speaker 1: without headphones on, Like I'm out there wild and flapping
Speaker 1: in the winged I sleep naked, do you know? Well?
Speaker 2: No, okay, that's a lie. I don't sleep naked but
Speaker 2: in undies. But that's it.
Speaker 1: I have to sleep with undies on because otherwise I
Speaker 1: feel too like, what if something I don't know, like,
Speaker 1: what is going to happen? What if Matt thinks it's
Speaker 1: an invitation and I'm very tired. Oh my god, don't
Speaker 1: touch me West nightmare. You can never be too prepared
Speaker 1: or too cautious, ladies, protect yourself.
Speaker 2: I did actually see that you did a bit of
Speaker 2: an art class this week on your daughter's face.
Speaker 1: Today. I have very productive day everyone, This is what
Speaker 1: BRIT's referring to this. That was a subtle, jab very
Speaker 1: very productive day working from home. I just drew some
Speaker 1: eyebrows on Muley and that took me about two hours,
Speaker 1: because that's that's what well. You had to contour them
Speaker 1: them highlight that gys having a browse on fleeck is
Speaker 1: very time consuming and also very important. Stockpiling all of
Speaker 1: the embarrassing photos of her so that I can whip
Speaker 1: them out at her twenty first, because that's what parents
Speaker 1: are for.
Speaker 2: If you haven't seen the photo, go and have a
Speaker 2: lookis on Laura's Instagram's.
Speaker 1: Chat Lady and a Cat in case you weren't sure,
Speaker 1: that's my Instagram. You're welcome, come on down to instagram town.
Speaker 1: Very subtle Laura subtle. Oh don't no, no, no, Brittany, no, no, no.
Speaker 1: What have you been up to you? But it's only
Speaker 1: been twenty four hours since I've seen you. But what
Speaker 1: have you been doing? I haven't bet you swirling your
Speaker 1: wine around? I hadn't event for twenty four hours. I
Speaker 1: filmed a dance video. I've risky business in my underwear
Speaker 1: Tom Cruise dance video. Oh you've joined the TikTok ranks?
Speaker 1: How did you? No? It wasn't even TikTok, just same
Speaker 1: but similar content. It sounds beautiful, really proud of you.
Speaker 1: But I had a lot of fun doing it. I
Speaker 1: missed dancing, I miss going out and just having a
Speaker 1: really good time.
Speaker 2: And when I was like running around my house andy
Speaker 2: sliding across the floor, I just thought, I cannot wait
Speaker 2: until I can get in the club after Corona.
Speaker 1: What is the club in the club? Is that like
Speaker 1: a mother's group? Is that what a club is? Now?
Speaker 1: I don't even know. Do you know what that when
Speaker 1: you push your prams and you go for a walk?
Speaker 1: Is that a club?
Speaker 2: You and I are going to go to the club
Speaker 2: when because we have to celebrate our million here actually
Speaker 2: by then maybe two million.
Speaker 1: That is a sure fire way to make me feel
Speaker 1: extremely old. I will stay away from all clubs and
Speaker 1: all young people having fun. Speaking of TikTok videos though,
Speaker 1: and guys, if you're having a bad day, this is
Speaker 1: gonna make you feel so much better about yourself. I
Speaker 1: read on the news today that there was a twenty
Speaker 1: seven year old mum who broke both her ankles trying
Speaker 1: to create a TikTok video. Hahaa, an absolute legend. That's
Speaker 1: definitely not what she was. But I really feel like
Speaker 1: this is just going to drive the point home, and
Speaker 1: that is that we are all too old for TikTok.
Speaker 1: I think if you're twenty two and above, you're too
Speaker 1: old for TikTok. I think I need to tell Matt
Speaker 1: this as well, since he's really embraced the whole thing. No, look,
Speaker 1: TikTok's fun and it takes your mind off things. But
Speaker 1: what I want to know, like the real question here
Speaker 1: is what TikTok dance was she doing? Do you know?
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know how to sing it,
Speaker 1: but it's O Nana sing it please, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Well I thought it was that, oh Nana. It's definitely
Speaker 1: not that it's like some no, no, no, it's not that. Stop.
Speaker 1: Let's let's stop doing this.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, anyway, she broke her ankles. That's very unfortunate,
Speaker 2: so guys, don't try that at home.
Speaker 1: Let's not shall we get into the questions I reckon?
Speaker 1: All right? If you're still with us at this point?
Speaker 1: Or do we want three minutes? In three minutes? In guys?
Speaker 1: Here we are. That's what Laura says when she's I
Speaker 1: won't go there. So for anyone who has written in
Speaker 1: questions this week at Life Uncut Podcast to Instagram or
Speaker 1: on our face group page, which is Life Uncut Podcast,
Speaker 1: I don't know why that was so hard. You know
Speaker 1: it's got Facebook, not face group. Did I say face
Speaker 1: group on our face group page? Oh? Man, life is
Speaker 1: really difful. Anyway, Look, thank you for writing in your questions.
Speaker 1: We do take this really seriously. We feel so incredibly
Speaker 1: privileged that you trust us with our opinions, with our feedback,
Speaker 1: with our life advice. But we just want to say
Speaker 1: to everyone who does write in, we so deeply appreciate it,
Speaker 1: and it's good to know that, you know, we all
Speaker 1: go through these different hurdles in our lives at different times,
Speaker 1: and you are so normal because I guarantee we have
Speaker 1: probably been there and done at ourselves ten times worse,
Speaker 1: ten times worse.
Speaker 2: I hope you guys know and realize too that whilst
Speaker 2: Laura and I are a lot of the time, majority
Speaker 2: of the time we can be silly, we take the
Speaker 2: piss out of each other. We have a really great
Speaker 2: time on here, but we do take these questions very seriously,
Speaker 2: so I hope you can see the contrast in the podcast,
Speaker 2: but know that when you do write into us, it
Speaker 2: is taken very seriously and we might have a laugh
Speaker 2: on either side of that, but we do really want
Speaker 2: to give you the best possible advice.
Speaker 1: So I just wanted to pop that disclaimer in. Well,
Speaker 1: give us the first question. Brittany, okay, ahem.
Speaker 2: I have been dating my partner for over two years
Speaker 2: and things are mostly great. We have some issues, as
Speaker 2: all couples do, but there is one big problem. Neither
Speaker 2: of us can climax in the bedroom. It's enjoyable, but
Speaker 2: there's no big bang, not even close. We are pretty
Speaker 2: open about this and we have tried many different things,
Speaker 2: but it doesn't seem to be working. She has always
Speaker 2: had trouble with this in the past, but I can
Speaker 2: climax when I'm on my own, and I haven't had
Speaker 2: this issue in my past relationships. For the past year,
Speaker 2: I've been finding myself having regular sex dreams about other people,
Speaker 2: and I just don't know what to do about this,
Speaker 2: because I feel like maybe we're just not sexually compatible.
Speaker 2: Do you guys think that this is a deal break
Speaker 2: in a relationship. I really love her, but I don't
Speaker 2: want to live my whole life sexually frustrated and unsatisfied.
Speaker 1: Maybe we are better as friends. I just don't know
Speaker 1: what to do or what to think. Sex is so
Speaker 1: important in a relationship. Having that physical chemistry is so important.
Speaker 1: There's different aspects of it, and like, yes, climaxing is
Speaker 1: kind of the end goal, but there's so many aspects
Speaker 1: of it that that are also important and that can
Speaker 1: kind of lead you to that. I guess only you
Speaker 1: know if having an orgasm is a deal breaker for you,
Speaker 1: Like for some people it would be, and for other
Speaker 1: people it's not, and that's okay because everything on that
Speaker 1: spectrum is fine. I think, would it be a deal
Speaker 1: breaker for me if I didn't enjoy sex with my partner?
Speaker 1: Probably to be honest, before I just called it quits
Speaker 1: because I wasn't sexually satisfied, I would make sure that
Speaker 1: I was trying every single thing possible to try and
Speaker 1: get there before I made a call on this. Look,
Speaker 1: there are a lot of women I'm gonna step in there, Laura.
Speaker 1: There are a lot of women that actually can't orgasm.
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter what they do. We should talk about
Speaker 2: that sometime. But they science says no, computer says no.
Speaker 2: They physically cannot achieve it on their own. This girl
Speaker 2: has said that she can do it on her own,
Speaker 2: so a we know it is possible for her to
Speaker 2: get there. So it's something that isn't quite clicking with
Speaker 2: them together.
Speaker 1: I wonder how honest have you been? Obviously you know
Speaker 1: what works for you.
Speaker 2: So if you haven't already had this really honest chat,
Speaker 2: have the chat. Tell her what you do or show
Speaker 2: her what you do. Maybe she just needs a bit
Speaker 2: of guidance for what suits you or what tickles your fancy. Literally,
Speaker 2: no punt intended, actually puntingtendent fully pun fully intended anything
Speaker 2: in the bedroom between a couple. When there's issues, it
Speaker 2: comes down to communication. Because everybody is so different and
Speaker 2: the way maybe her past relationships she has done other
Speaker 2: things and it's worked in other ways, and then she's
Speaker 2: met you and she's doing the same thing she used
Speaker 2: to do, but it's.
Speaker 1: Not working for you.
Speaker 2: So just I would just straight up tell her or
Speaker 2: show her. Obviously these girls are in the same sex relationship.
Speaker 1: She has said that.
Speaker 2: She said she can't talk to her friends about it
Speaker 2: because they literally say to her, you need some dick,
Speaker 2: She wrote.
Speaker 1: It's such an unhelpful It's like, you don't ridiculous. So
Speaker 1: you can have penetrative sex without having a penis in
Speaker 1: the bedroom, like you can buy toys, you can buy
Speaker 1: a vibrator. There are so many other options there that
Speaker 1: you can explore with your partner. If you're open to experimenting,
Speaker 1: if you're open to having those very raw conversations with
Speaker 1: your partner, that can open up a whole new sexual
Speaker 1: experience for you both that you might both be able
Speaker 1: to enjoy. To round it up, I just.
Speaker 2: Definitely don't think that it's a deal breakup straight away.
Speaker 2: I don't think that you need to go and take
Speaker 2: any drastic measures and break up because you can't climax
Speaker 2: in the bedroom from what you have said, you guys
Speaker 2: have a great, healthy relationship in every other aspect, so
Speaker 2: why don't you work on that you can go to
Speaker 2: sounds funny, but there are sex classes.
Speaker 1: There are actual.
Speaker 2: Classes that go and show you different ways to do
Speaker 2: things in a bedroom help you can reconnect with your partner.
Speaker 2: And they're not necessarily really serious therapy sessions. They're like
Speaker 2: they can be really quite light harded and fun and.
Speaker 1: I love it. I was like, I was like, no,
Speaker 1: this is a deal breaker for me. But now the
Speaker 1: more that you're speaking, I'm like yes, I'm like, yes,
Speaker 1: you stay there, you work on your relationship. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: I blore each other together. This is great advice, Brittany,
Speaker 1: keep going well.
Speaker 2: I just think once you've done all those things and
Speaker 2: you have tried that, and you have explored classes together,
Speaker 2: and you've had fun together, and you've openly said what
Speaker 2: you feels missing, what you want, what makes you turned on,
Speaker 2: then you can reassess if it's a deal breaker. If
Speaker 2: you know that you will be sexually frustrated for the
Speaker 2: rest of your life and then that is going to
Speaker 2: roll over into your life. Is that going to make
Speaker 2: you resent her the next day? Is it going to
Speaker 2: make you want to argue with her in other ways,
Speaker 2: then for sure that's when it's a problem. And I
Speaker 2: do think, like, just to elaborate on what Britt has said, like,
Speaker 2: if you have exhausted all options and this is something
Speaker 2: that is so important to you and you're still not
Speaker 2: satisfied and you're still not getting what you want out
Speaker 2: of the relationship, you will know if this is a
Speaker 2: deal breaker for you. Like we said at the beginning,
Speaker 2: this varies for every single person. And so unless you
Speaker 2: get to a point where you're like I tried everything,
Speaker 2: I'm not satisfied, I'm not happy, then I think you
Speaker 2: keep you keep pushing on because there's always going to
Speaker 2: be things in a relationship that you're not happy with.
Speaker 2: There's always going to be aspects that you have to
Speaker 2: work on, and whether it's in the bedroom, whether it's communication,
Speaker 2: whether it's bloody cooking and cleaning, like, there's always going
Speaker 2: to be something in your relationship that you need to
Speaker 2: work on, and for you it's and for you it's
Speaker 2: getting that big O.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, I couldn't agree more. That's actually a really good point, Laura,
Speaker 1: fact that there's always something whether it's baby, never cook baby,
Speaker 1: never clean, babe.
Speaker 2: You never get me off. There's always something and in
Speaker 2: this case, it's just that it's sexual.
Speaker 1: But I agree with that you It wouldn't be a
Speaker 1: deal breaker if someone wasn't contributing to the cleaning every week.
Speaker 1: You would talk about it and say can you can
Speaker 1: you pull your weight please? So I really love that
Speaker 1: you brought that up. Let's go on to question number two. Great,
Speaker 1: I reckon, we can do it. Enjoy Enjoy the practice
Speaker 1: that you're going to have. We go get practicing, girlfriends.
Speaker 1: We all know that it's not the destination but the journey. Go.
Speaker 1: How's that for a bit of sweet pie advice? So deep?
Speaker 1: All right? Next one question question number two. I'm twenty
Speaker 1: five and I've been in a relationship for nearly four years.
Speaker 1: We live together and have a very stable lifestyle. We
Speaker 1: have great jobs financially okay, good friends foundly nearby. I
Speaker 1: have always been in long term relationships ever since I
Speaker 1: was a teenager. For a while, I.
Speaker 2: Having feeling like I've missed out on that part of
Speaker 2: my life where I am just single and young and
Speaker 2: figuring out who I am and what I want to
Speaker 2: do with my life. I feel I need to make
Speaker 2: up my mind as to whether I happily commit to
Speaker 2: this relationship from now on in or do we go
Speaker 2: out separate ways so that I can spread my wings
Speaker 2: and experience total independence. She's scared to leave him, but
Speaker 2: there's a possibility he could be a penguin, and she
Speaker 2: just doesn't know what to do if she is thinking
Speaker 2: that there's a dream partner out there that is more
Speaker 2: than her partner now.
Speaker 1: So I think this is a case of is the
Speaker 1: grass always greener? The grass is not always greener, my girlfriend,
Speaker 1: I've been there, done, that's it's brown. It's brown. Also,
Speaker 1: I think the one thing that I really want to
Speaker 1: drive home from this question is there are aspects in
Speaker 1: your relationship that you're that you're questioning right now, obviously,
Speaker 1: like you're like, oh, you know, did I miss out on?
Speaker 1: Did I miss out on being young and being free
Speaker 1: and being able to travel and being able to you know,
Speaker 1: hook up with whatever guy at whatever bar that I
Speaker 1: want to hook up with. But I guarantee you that
Speaker 1: if you break up with your partner and you're doing that,
Speaker 1: there will be days where you will feel lonely, and
Speaker 1: there will be days where you will question whether you
Speaker 1: made the right decision, and there will be days where
Speaker 1: you miss your partner because it fundamentally doesn't sound like
Speaker 1: there is anything wrong with your relationship. It doesn't sound
Speaker 1: like there's anything wrong with him. It's just this feeling
Speaker 1: that maybe you missed out on something that you didn't
Speaker 1: get to have. I think don't go making any rash
Speaker 1: decisions about your relationship. Don't go breaking up with your
Speaker 1: partner just because you think you've missed out on something,
Speaker 1: because you haven't missed out on something. Everybody's experience is different,
Speaker 1: everybody's journey in relationships is different, and maybe you did
Speaker 1: just find the right person to be with. We did
Speaker 1: actually do an episode on this episode eight, and it
Speaker 1: is cooled.
Speaker 2: The grass is always greener. So for anybody that's sort
Speaker 2: of new to the podcast and didn't start from the beginning,
Speaker 2: I recommend going back and having listen to that. But
Speaker 2: my advice here is I think you really need to
Speaker 2: decide within yourself what you think you're missing out on
Speaker 2: and what you want to go and achieve. So ask yourself,
Speaker 2: if I was not with my partner right now, what
Speaker 2: would I be doing Differently? Is it that you want
Speaker 2: to go and travel? Is it that you want to
Speaker 2: have more experience sexually?
Speaker 1: Is it that you want to live on your own?
Speaker 1: What is it that is pulling you and drawing you
Speaker 1: to this single life?
Speaker 2: Because they're all they all have very different endings and
Speaker 2: they have very different journeys. So I know personally, for me,
Speaker 2: I had this exact same thing. I was with my
Speaker 2: first partner for eight years. Four years in I had.
Speaker 1: The feeling that this girl has where she's like, what
Speaker 1: else is out there in the world? Is it for me?
Speaker 2: Am I going to stay here with his partner forever?
Speaker 2: And I did a lot of soul searching and decided
Speaker 2: that what it was for me that I felt like
Speaker 2: I was missing out on was just seeing the world.
Speaker 2: And my partner at the time, he had a job
Speaker 2: that he couldn't leave, and we decided together that I
Speaker 2: would go, and I left for a year and I
Speaker 2: moved overseas and I traveled and we stayed together for
Speaker 2: four years after that. We didn't cheat on each other,
Speaker 2: We were completely faithful in that year that we're apart.
Speaker 2: But I knew that what was missing for me and
Speaker 2: what I was searching for was just that aspect of
Speaker 2: travel and adventure. I think you really need to take
Speaker 2: a look at your relationship and yourself and if you
Speaker 2: just feel like you're missing out on some life, maybe
Speaker 2: there's a way you could do that. I'm not saying
Speaker 2: to move away for a year, because that's not really
Speaker 2: compatible for a lot of people.
Speaker 1: It worked for us. Sure it's not gonna wait for everybody.
Speaker 2: But if it's that you feel like you are missing
Speaker 2: out on sex, or you're missing out on just random
Speaker 2: hook ups or getting drunk and not coming home that night,
Speaker 2: if that's what you feel like you're missing out on,
Speaker 2: then yeah, you need to probably reassess your relationship. But
Speaker 2: if it's just that you want to go and live
Speaker 2: in a different city, talk to your partner. Maybe you
Speaker 2: can go and live together. Maybe you could travel together,
Speaker 2: maybe you could move overseas together. There are so many
Speaker 2: other ways to fill a void.
Speaker 1: You just need to nut out what your void is like.
Speaker 1: On this podcast, I mean, we preach owning your single
Speaker 1: life and like loving being on your own and being
Speaker 1: able to enjoy your own company and being like strong
Speaker 1: and independent, and I fully stand by that, but I
Speaker 1: also want to preach that it is incredible to be
Speaker 1: in a happy, loving and fulfilling relationship. Just because you
Speaker 1: have settled down early or you have settled down now,
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that you're missing out on anything. You're
Speaker 1: getting something different to what someone who is single is getting.
Speaker 1: You haven't missed out on anything. Made The hookups aren't
Speaker 1: that good? Yeah, like they are. They're for fun. Like,
Speaker 1: don't get me wrong, it's fun. It's great fun. But
Speaker 1: so is being in a relationship. And I have one
Speaker 1: girlfriend of mine who has been with her partner since
Speaker 1: she was seventeen, and she's now in her mid to
Speaker 1: late twenties, so very similar aged to what you are,
Speaker 1: and she's never been with anybody else, not sexually, not
Speaker 1: in a relationship in note, he is her only partner.
Speaker 1: And I remember when she was in her early twenties,
Speaker 1: she kind of went through this period where she was
Speaker 1: like have I like should I stay with him? Or
Speaker 1: should I break up with him and go and explore
Speaker 1: what the world is? You know? And she didn't because
Speaker 1: she loved him, and at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: you know, he was a really, really great partner to her.
Speaker 1: It's just that in today's day and age, you don't
Speaker 1: think that you're going to find your partner that young
Speaker 1: because it's you. We're encouraged to go and like live
Speaker 1: your best single life, but it's not necessarily everyone's journey.
Speaker 1: And if yours is that you've met someone who's great,
Speaker 1: then don't compare yourself to other people who are doing that.
Speaker 2: I also think it's important to realize and remember that
Speaker 2: even really healthy, long term couples that are in love
Speaker 2: and so happy, it's normal to look at someone else
Speaker 2: and be like, oh, I wonder what that would be, like, Oh,
Speaker 2: they're attractive.
Speaker 1: Or that's so normal.
Speaker 2: And that doesn't mean, oh my god, should I break
Speaker 2: up with my partner because I had this thought?
Speaker 1: Absolutely not. Human nature is.
Speaker 2: To always admire, look explore everything in life. So if
Speaker 2: someone walks past you in the street and you're like, oh,
Speaker 2: I wish I could have slept with him, that's cool.
Speaker 1: You could think. You can think that to yourself absolutely
Speaker 1: and still be in a loving relationship. You've been with
Speaker 1: this person for four years. Like the crazy intensity of
Speaker 1: feelings that you have, they come in ebbs and flows,
Speaker 1: like there'll be some weeks where you don't love your
Speaker 1: partner as much. That's normal, and then there'll be weeks
Speaker 1: where you feel so incredibly in love, and you'll think,
Speaker 1: how the hell did I ever question potentially being single?
Speaker 1: Like that's crazy. But I think you just ride those
Speaker 1: waves of emotions. Unless this feeling is a constant that
Speaker 1: doesn't go away, that's when you really have to reassess
Speaker 1: where you're at. But if it's not a constant, if
Speaker 1: it's not this unwavering feeling, then I think put your
Speaker 1: energy back into your relationship instead of putting your energy
Speaker 1: into Have I missed out on something else I had?
Speaker 2: Like you said your friend, I had a friend who
Speaker 2: was with her partner forever, long term, loved each other,
Speaker 2: adored each other. But she was having this feeling of
Speaker 2: am I missing out on hooking up and just seeing
Speaker 2: who who's in the world? And she do the opposite
Speaker 2: of your friend, and she left. She very very quickly
Speaker 2: realized that the grass was not greener. She said to me,
Speaker 2: I just thought I would be meeting the most amazing
Speaker 2: men and having so much fun and like hooking up
Speaker 2: with them and like casually dating here and here, and
Speaker 2: she's She's like, so far, I'm lonely. They're all assholes.
Speaker 2: I feel bad when they don't swipe on me or
Speaker 2: talk to me online dating, and she just had this
Speaker 2: real slap in the face about what the other side was.
Speaker 2: And I thought that was really interesting, and it's a
Speaker 2: really good example of what we fantasize and romanticize in
Speaker 2: our head.
Speaker 1: It misses the mark of what reality actually is. Question
Speaker 1: number three O.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is a different one, but this is like this.
Speaker 2: I think a lot of people are going to really
Speaker 2: relate to this. I have been with my partner for
Speaker 2: two and a half years, and when we were together
Speaker 2: friendly about six months, we got a puppy together. We
Speaker 2: both loved the dog equally, but I've probably spent slightly
Speaker 2: more time with it because I had more time in
Speaker 2: the mornings to run with it. Also, I was on
Speaker 2: the took at to puppy preschool. Having said that we
Speaker 2: both love it equally, we have now split up who
Speaker 2: takes the dog because we are fiercely fighting over this.
Speaker 1: This is not a laughing matter, it's not, but very sorry.
Speaker 1: I take this very seriously. I think this is going
Speaker 1: to happen. I mean, think of how many so many
Speaker 1: couples split and so many couples have dogs. I think
Speaker 1: this is a question that's going to hit home to
Speaker 1: a lot of people. Okay, so I have a strong
Speaker 1: feeling towards this. Can I tell you what I think?
Speaker 1: Are you going to go? I'm going to make You're
Speaker 1: not taking my dog? No, I don't think that you
Speaker 1: can co parent a dog. I think that co parenting
Speaker 1: an animal puts unnecessary strain on your ability to sever
Speaker 1: the relationships. So instead of being able to have no contact,
Speaker 1: which is something that we preach on this podcast, when
Speaker 1: you go through a breakup, you need to have a
Speaker 1: period of time where you do not speak to your partner,
Speaker 1: your ex partner, and that is really imperative for your
Speaker 1: own personal healing. So I think co parenting a dog
Speaker 1: that cancels that out. It means that you have to
Speaker 1: speak to them every week or every two weeks or
Speaker 1: whatever it is. So I think initially one of you
Speaker 1: has to take the dog and the other person has
Speaker 1: to relinquish that. How you decide on that, I think
Speaker 1: that that decision has to be made based on what's
Speaker 1: best for the dog. So whoever has the yard, whoever
Speaker 1: has the working hours, whoever has the capacity to better
Speaker 1: take care of the dog, then unfortunately, there needs to
Speaker 1: just be a decision that's made that is a little
Speaker 1: bit selfless in this, and that's the person who takes
Speaker 1: the dog. But for both of your personal healing and development,
Speaker 1: you cannot co parent at the beginning. I have actually
Speaker 1: there my thoughts. Boom boom, Mike drop take it. I'm
Speaker 1: out of here. I'm gonna go pull myself a whine.
Speaker 1: Well not yeah, you can get a one while I talk,
Speaker 1: and I'll pretend you just to hear.
Speaker 2: I have been in this exact situation, so I have
Speaker 2: a lot of feels and opinions about it. The same
Speaker 2: partner I just spoke about in the earlier question. I
Speaker 2: was with him for eight years, four years deep, and
Speaker 2: I moved overseas.
Speaker 1: Same guy.
Speaker 2: We got two dogs together when I was twenty he
Speaker 2: was twenty four, so had we had the dogs together
Speaker 2: for four years. We had a house together and all
Speaker 2: that jazz. When we split up, he kept the house
Speaker 2: and I moved out, so the dogs at the start
Speaker 2: stayed with the house because that's what made sense. The
Speaker 2: house was on the beach and the house had a
Speaker 2: really big yard, and.
Speaker 1: That was what made sense. But we did the co
Speaker 1: parenting thing for quite a while.
Speaker 2: Because if you really really know me, well, you will
Speaker 2: know I'm obsessed with dogs, and it's like ripping my
Speaker 2: heart out right now that I can't have one. I've
Speaker 2: never not had one. So I went to see them
Speaker 2: most days and I would just go and pick them
Speaker 2: up and run with them, and we tried this co
Speaker 2: parenting thing and it was awful.
Speaker 1: I loved my time with my dogs. But I remember
Speaker 1: one day going over.
Speaker 2: There to pick them up and there was a girl
Speaker 2: there because he'd started seeing someone, and it just tore
Speaker 2: I hate him.
Speaker 1: He was a great guy. Actually he is a great guy,
Speaker 1: but it tore my heart out. But I still took
Speaker 1: them and I continued to do that, and I kept
Speaker 1: seeing him with his other relationship or whatever he was doing,
Speaker 1: and I quickly realized that I had to savertize. Then
Speaker 1: I had to make the decision of who takes the dogs.
Speaker 1: I definitely was the one that got the dogs in
Speaker 1: the first place. I loved the dogs. I wanted the
Speaker 1: dogs more than anything.
Speaker 2: But the fact of the matter was he was keeping
Speaker 2: our house with the yard on the beach, and he
Speaker 2: was like an adventure man. I knew he would look
Speaker 2: after them and run them every day. They were border Collies,
Speaker 2: so like so much energy I was moving to Sydney
Speaker 2: to a smaller apartment. I wanted to take them, and
Speaker 2: I could have taken them, but I knew that their
Speaker 2: life would be better to stay with him, and I
Speaker 2: made the decision. And I cried for weeks and weeks
Speaker 2: and weeks and weeks, but I made the decision for
Speaker 2: the dogs. So I think, ultimately, you need to do
Speaker 2: what's right for the animal at the time, and whatever
Speaker 2: that's going to be, maybe you are gonna have to
Speaker 2: say goodbye. And I say that like, I don't say
Speaker 2: that easily because I was obsessed, and I was obsessed
Speaker 2: and I one of them is still alive.
Speaker 1: She's thirteen and I still look at pictures of her.
Speaker 1: She instad dogs the dog. But also I think ladies
Speaker 1: and gentlemen stay woke because people use animals to emotionally manipulate.
Speaker 1: So and when I say this, and I know that
Speaker 1: this sounds like I'm being crazy, but I think that
Speaker 1: having a shared animal can turn into an emotional bargaining
Speaker 1: tool where if one person isn't ready to actually split
Speaker 1: with the other person, or if one person is still
Speaker 1: trying to get in contact with it becomes very easy
Speaker 1: then for that person to continue to access your life,
Speaker 1: and so you don't want to allow your ex to
Speaker 1: have an emotional bargaining tool over anything to do with
Speaker 1: your life. You really need to sever that relationship. And
Speaker 1: unless it's children, which is very very different, Like we're
Speaker 1: not going to bundle pets and children into the same category,
Speaker 1: even though I understand that there is an intense emotional
Speaker 1: connection to your pets. Like I have a dog. I
Speaker 1: can only imagine how heartbreaking that would be to have
Speaker 1: to allow matt to take my would never happen. I
Speaker 1: would get the dog real, but you would get everything.
Speaker 1: Don't even think about it, Matthew Johnson. But no, But
Speaker 1: but I really really strongly think that it's very difficult
Speaker 1: to co parent an animal. And I know people who
Speaker 1: have done it, and they've all every single person I
Speaker 1: know who has done it, it has worked out the
Speaker 1: same way. After five months or six months or whatever
Speaker 1: period it is, one person has decided that they're not
Speaker 1: going to take the dog, They're gonna they're going to
Speaker 1: give it to the other person. There's always somebody who
Speaker 1: backs down on it. Because you cannot co parent an
Speaker 1: animal indefinitely for ten years, ten years, like it just
Speaker 1: means that you're ex unless you've stayed friends, unless you're
Speaker 1: totally on this crazily amazing platonic level, which is just
Speaker 1: props to you, that's incredible. Unless you're there, then I
Speaker 1: think it's impossible to do because breakups are fucking hard.
Speaker 1: They hurt, and I think you just have to cut
Speaker 1: a sever and cut the ties.
Speaker 2: So do you know this is something and this is
Speaker 2: not for everybody, But I'm going to tell you this
Speaker 2: crazy story of what we did when we split, and
Speaker 2: I said, you take them and look after them and
Speaker 2: whatever else.
Speaker 1: I said, don't ever hesitate to call me for when
Speaker 1: they need an operation or they need a vet.
Speaker 2: Bill, and I'll split it because part of me was like,
Speaker 2: you're not going to live with me, but I want
Speaker 2: the best for these dogs. And if he was ever
Speaker 2: in a position where the dogs needed something and he
Speaker 2: couldn't afford it, I was like, always call me because
Speaker 2: I might not have seen you all the dogs for years,
Speaker 2: but I will, I will look after them. And it
Speaker 2: was to the point that we did that if it
Speaker 2: ever needed anything, he would give me a buzz for
Speaker 2: the big things, not for little things. And it was
Speaker 2: only two years ago we had been split for seven
Speaker 2: years and he called me in Scotland in the middle
Speaker 2: of the night.
Speaker 1: I was living in Scotland.
Speaker 2: He called me and I hadn't spoken to him in years,
Speaker 2: and I just knew it would be about the dogs
Speaker 2: seven years and he said, britt we need to make
Speaker 2: a decision.
Speaker 1: Mia is sick, my border colleague me is sick. We
Speaker 1: need to make a decision together on what to do
Speaker 1: do We put it down and I just I was so.
Speaker 2: Grateful in that moment that I know it sounds crazy
Speaker 2: and a lot of people, unless you're a crazy dog lady,
Speaker 2: you won't understand. I was so grateful that he called
Speaker 2: me and gave me the opportunity to make the decision.
Speaker 2: Turns out the decision was taken from us. We had
Speaker 2: to put it down within like fifteen minutes of him
Speaker 2: calling me. But the fact that he still knew how
Speaker 2: important that was to me to call and say, I
Speaker 2: want you to know that this is what's happening. I'll
Speaker 2: be forever grateful.
Speaker 1: So I know that that's an exception to the rule,
Speaker 1: and the way that we handled it was different, but
Speaker 1: there are so many different ways to do it, but direct,
Speaker 1: direct co parenting for me is I'm gonna say no,
Speaker 1: and ultimately you make the best decision for the dog. Amen,
Speaker 1: I love, we agree. Wait, I just got amotion. I
Speaker 1: know Britt was about to cry. I was about to
Speaker 1: cry my dogs. Seeing her eyes well up like this
Speaker 1: is very close to home conversation. She was my best friend.
Speaker 1: So anyway, that's it. Anyway conversation over all. Right, Well
Speaker 1: that was a really uplifting way to end the episode. Guys,
Speaker 1: You're welcome. I'm not saying you guys need any more
Speaker 1: doom and gloom in your life. With everything that's happening,
Speaker 1: Britta needs a cuddle, not even a virtual cuddle, what
Speaker 1: real cuddle.
Speaker 2: Watch this space because I will be getting a dog
Speaker 2: so soon. The time has come in my life where
Speaker 2: I can't not have a dog anymore. I need someone
Speaker 2: to pull my love onto and I need love from
Speaker 2: an animal. So I have made the decision to get
Speaker 2: a dog. How that's gonna happen, I don't know when
Speaker 2: that's gonna happen.
Speaker 1: But you watch this space now. If it is using
Speaker 1: the podcast as her therapy session, this is great. You
Speaker 1: can pay me after this or this is finished. Can
Speaker 1: you please slip me a fifty someone. Yeah, but not
Speaker 1: for that. Okay, guys, thank you so much to every
Speaker 1: single person who has written in a question for Ask Uncut.
Speaker 1: If you have a question for next week, we promise
Speaker 1: to do our absolute best answer. Then we may be unqualified,
Speaker 1: but our advice comes with such heartfelt enthusiasm that I
Speaker 1: think it makes up for it. So you can slide
Speaker 1: into our dms at Life Uncut podcast on Instagram, or
Speaker 1: you can send us a direct message on Facebook, which
Speaker 1: is also Life Uncut Podcast, and if you haven't already,
Speaker 1: sign up to the discussion group. Guys, I hope this
Speaker 1: makes you realize too.
Speaker 2: There's no type of question or genre of question that
Speaker 2: is off limits here. So it might be family, life, travel, relationship,
Speaker 2: sex question. Laura just wants the sex, but I want
Speaker 2: the dog questions.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, Britt does the picking of the questions.
Speaker 1: You know, when I'm here for the dog questions, doggy
Speaker 1: style questions, you come at me. I'm going to end
Speaker 1: it there because I can't deal with Laura anymore. You
Speaker 1: know the drill if he loved it here that starts,
Speaker 1: tell your friends subscribe and share the love because we
Speaker 1: love la you two. So what was that we love
Speaker 1: love