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Speaker 1: Do tell me lah do me definitely need to do

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Speaker 1: a music video. Yeah, oh no, no to me laugh,

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Speaker 1: tell me to me Lae.

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Speaker 2: Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. My name is Matty

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Speaker 2: Jane and this is a podcast all about parenting. It's

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Speaker 2: the good, the bad, and the relatable. And if you

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Speaker 2: have come here hoping wishing that you may get some

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Speaker 2: level of advice, no chance, no sorry. But if you

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Speaker 2: want to laugh at Two Dads.

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Speaker 1: You keep no idea, make a mistake.

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Speaker 2: I then get comfortable.

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Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely, settle in for I don't know how long

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Speaker 1: this episode is going to go for it this stage.

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Speaker 1: Settle in for chaos. I got nothing. I'm just gonna

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Speaker 1: let Matt ste this one. I'm just gonna nod politely

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Speaker 1: for the hour.

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Speaker 2: Was ashes Mike not turned on. No, he was just

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Speaker 2: having a bit of a down to day.

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Speaker 1: He was just nodding, just nothing, but nodding, what do

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Speaker 1: you mean.

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Speaker 2: As we were walking back from a little coffee run

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Speaker 2: this morning before we started recording, a lady in a pram.

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Speaker 2: As we were passing her, she just looked at us,

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Speaker 2: gave us a smile and said, I love the podcast.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, And well I didn't know what to say.

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Speaker 1: Thank you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I was like, oh, I'm gonna mention this on

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Speaker 2: the podcast. You never grab a name. That's the first

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Speaker 2: time it's ever happened for you. Alright, you legend.

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Speaker 1: Big dog over here. I've got a lot of fans. Man,

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Speaker 1: It's happened to me once in the shop, once or twice.

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Speaker 1: It's in the shop and someone's actually said, oh, like,

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Speaker 1: I love the podcast. Great, how did you ad? I

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Speaker 1: was like, fuck off your peasants. No. I was like,

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Speaker 1: obviously very grateful, Like that's great. I love that. I'm

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Speaker 1: just waiting for someone to come and be like, your

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Speaker 1: podcast sucks. No one thinks you're funny.

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Speaker 2: You fuck with it'll happen. It'll happen to trains on

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Speaker 2: the way up and we're enjoying the ride.

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Speaker 1: I actually had a guy say to me. He's a

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Speaker 1: friend of a friend, and he said to me, after

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Speaker 1: a few beers in a bit of banter because we

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Speaker 1: went opposite football teams, he said to me, I thought

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Speaker 1: you'd be funny when he met me. He said, I

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Speaker 1: thought you'd be funny. My wife and I thought you'd

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Speaker 1: be funny, but you're obviously not. And my mate chimed

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Speaker 1: in and I said, you're one of those guys who

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Speaker 1: asked comedians to tell them a joke, can't you? Because

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Speaker 1: what am I supposed to be funny all the fucking time? No?

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Speaker 2: Who is this person? Someone did say there's a funny

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Speaker 2: one between you and me.

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Speaker 1: I'm definitely you, and I don't know. I'm the sweet,

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Speaker 1: loving kind one.

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Speaker 2: But they said, I'm not going to mention who was.

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Speaker 2: Then I'm just gonna leave it like that.

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Speaker 1: We're going we've got to stoush it out.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, who's the funny one. They also said that I

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Speaker 2: swear more, which was a surprise to them, which.

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Speaker 1: I think is yeah, look I do a lot under

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Speaker 1: my breath. Yeah, very good at hiding though.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you've really dialed back the swearing. Yeah, who the

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Speaker 2: fuck are you?

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Speaker 1: I'm maturing.

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Speaker 2: I wonder if roles will become reverse, Like in six

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Speaker 2: months time, hopefully we're still here, it'll be the pis

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Speaker 2: head and I'll be the athlete, ye, and you're there,

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Speaker 2: like I loved or your DMS.

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Speaker 1: I can't. I'm trying to just do the odd one.

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Speaker 1: So people were like, they're like, oh my god, that's responded,

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Speaker 1: and it feels more special. I'm more of that sort

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Speaker 1: of person where I treat you mean, keep king, do

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Speaker 1: you know what you're needy?

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Speaker 2: Guilty? Yeah, And this will make it sound like I'm

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Speaker 2: just trying to toot my own horn here ash, which

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Speaker 2: is not the case.

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Speaker 1: Once an episode's okay, But.

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Speaker 2: Someone messaged us on two doting dads and asked for

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Speaker 2: help on how to use an editing app called Splice,

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Speaker 2: and I was like, send me a photo of the problem,

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Speaker 2: and I troubleshot the problem. I'm now like it support

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Speaker 2: tech support for because that's what we fucking need to do.

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Speaker 1: Encourage it. You're just going to get people, especially it's

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Speaker 1: a community.

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Speaker 2: I'm building the community of people. And hey, if you

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Speaker 2: need help with your computer, if you need help with

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Speaker 2: editing a video, now come this way. This guy, Hey,

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Speaker 2: don't know what to cook for dinner? Ask me.

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Speaker 1: I don't mind that I would like to see that

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Speaker 1: because I would.

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Speaker 2: No matter what the request, I am here to help.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god. Okay, Well I'm not.

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Speaker 2: Okay, And that's fine. That's fine because people know that

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Speaker 2: they message us at the standard, they already know that

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Speaker 2: you're not reading at.

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Speaker 1: The start of the message, like obviously this is not

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Speaker 1: for aDNA. Look, I'm the more interactive in person sort

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Speaker 1: of one. Yes, I don't know, Yeah I am, I

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Speaker 1: don't know what I am. Matthew better be here. They've

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Speaker 1: been running competition all through July finding bitcoins in cans.

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Speaker 2: Have you found a bit coin and just not told me?

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Speaker 1: Yes? I have, but we'll talk about that later. In

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Speaker 1: addition to that, though, there's actually a third bit coin.

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Speaker 1: There's three, There is three.

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Speaker 2: Three getting round.

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Speaker 1: This third one's a bit more of a lottery. So

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Speaker 1: if you buy a Better Beer from any participating bar

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Speaker 1: throughout July, you'll receive a scratch card with a unique code. Now, Matthew,

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Speaker 1: all you need to do is upload the information from

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Speaker 1: that scratch card into the Winter Bitcoin page at Betterbeer

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Speaker 1: dot Com TODAYU and presto, you're in the drier.

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Speaker 2: Question for you, Ash, could I enter let's say, like

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Speaker 2: six times in a day? Is that possible?

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Speaker 1: No? You can only enter once a day for the

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Speaker 1: month of July. And I didn't even know that you

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Speaker 1: could do this through a bar. I thought it was

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Speaker 1: just a can. So I'm just at home cracking open cans.

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Speaker 2: So now you're going to have to have like one

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Speaker 2: beer at home, then one in the pub.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because that's me answering every day.

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Speaker 2: It's an investment. I'm not doing it because I just

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Speaker 2: love the taste of better Beer. I'm doing it because

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Speaker 2: I want to deposit for a house.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely. And of course they've created a tap locator on

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Speaker 1: their website. So if you go to betterb dot com

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Speaker 1: dot the U forward slash pages forward slash win our

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Speaker 1: Bitcoin Australia.

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Speaker 2: Now, we do have to say that if you live

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Speaker 2: in the States of South Australia ACT or NT, you

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Speaker 2: picked the wrong states.

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Speaker 1: To live in and move immediately.

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Speaker 2: They are the ninety states and you can't be involved.

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Speaker 2: For everybody else, good luck. You look a little bit

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Speaker 2: tanned today, been in the sun, been out and about.

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Speaker 1: I tried to serve yesterday, but honestly, motivation levels were

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Speaker 1: low yesterday. And I did tell you that it happened

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Speaker 1: again yesterday.

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Speaker 2: What you shoot yourself?

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Speaker 1: No no, no, no, no, no no no. The paper

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Speaker 1: bag incident. It's fuck this one because like I just

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Speaker 1: a ducked in to get dinner stuff for the week,

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Speaker 1: one beautiful paper bags worth middle of the shopping center

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Speaker 1: and I heard it go before I could stop it,

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Speaker 1: and the handle just went straight off and it fucking

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Speaker 1: spread out everywhere. Well, like you heard the strain of

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Speaker 1: the p it went boom.

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Speaker 2: I imagine that's what it would have sounded like on

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Speaker 2: the sub that was going down to the Titanic. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: just that moment it's about to fucking happen.

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Speaker 1: Implosion. Yeah, next thing and this look. Arguably this is

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Speaker 1: worse than the submarine.

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Speaker 2: I'd say, on part what did you lose? Grow through?

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Speaker 2: Wise because you didn't even pick him up?

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Speaker 1: No, idd in the end, it did. I honestly, deep

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Speaker 1: breath in. It was sy hands on knees, defeated man

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Speaker 1: in the middle of a shopping center, and not one

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Speaker 1: motherfucker helped me pick this shit up.

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Speaker 2: Why would anyone help you?

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Speaker 1: That's fair not I mean, like you just if you.

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Speaker 2: Had a child in arm, then it warrants.

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Speaker 1: Some just a kay Karen his groceries.

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Speaker 2: Let me ask you this. If you saw a young

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Speaker 2: man on his hands and knees trying to reach for

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Speaker 2: the pasta and the sauce and there's an apple that's

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Speaker 2: rolling away, would you stop and help?

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Speaker 1: Absolutely? Fuck I'd probably take a photo of him, motherfucker. Yeah, pathetic,

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Speaker 1: But I carried it. I just literally stacked it up,

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Speaker 1: put it back in the bag, but carried it like

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Speaker 1: I was carrying like a had like a dead body.

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Speaker 2: Did you get home, walk inside your house and then

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Speaker 2: you start crying.

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Speaker 1: Well it was fun because I just go off the

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Speaker 1: phone to you and I was telling you how much

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Speaker 1: of a sad boy day I was having, just a

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Speaker 1: little Monday sad boy day.

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Speaker 2: Was it the fact that mainly keep losing every game.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to talk about that. No, we hang

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Speaker 1: on a minute. We beat the Roosters, just it was

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Speaker 1: a rollercoaster of a game, and then we lose to

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Speaker 1: the Cowboys. Cowboys are red hot at the moment, so

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Speaker 1: fair enough. I'm not that upset about it. Honestly, I

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Speaker 1: don't remember most of the game because I was hammured.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, look it's just a bit of sad boy Monday.

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Speaker 1: Then I had to get back in the car and

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Speaker 1: ring you up and tell you what happened again, because

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Speaker 1: it was sad.

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Speaker 2: The hardest thing about those phone calls from you, the

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Speaker 2: fact that we're so far up heart, you know, we're

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Speaker 2: a fifty minute drive.

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Speaker 1: Come and to hug me, and all I want to do.

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Speaker 2: Is just have you in my arm, hold you time

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Speaker 2: that's and whisper in your ear. It's going to be okay.

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Speaker 1: Actually I wanted to. This is completely off topic, but

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Speaker 1: it's back on topic of parenting.

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Speaker 2: What is it now?

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Speaker 1: Do your kids try and take their toys to kindy ah?

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Speaker 1: Why they've got a whole kindy full of them. I

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Speaker 1: get that they want to show it off. Get that totally.

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Speaker 1: And we got an email, like the community got an email,

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Speaker 1: not just not just like hey, Oskar's done reply or

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Speaker 1: your reply. He's not stealing toys. He's actually bringing toys

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Speaker 1: to you in and leaving them here.

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Speaker 2: Because do you what's your policy there with the daycare?

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Speaker 2: Do they give you, like any instructions on what you

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Speaker 2: can and can't bring?

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Speaker 1: They just like, don't bring your toys. And that's a

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Speaker 1: fair call because you know, then they get possessed over

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Speaker 1: there toys. There's fights like Oscar, he's left toys there before,

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Speaker 1: and then it's a big drama. We get home and

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Speaker 1: then it's like some other kids taken it home.

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Speaker 2: There's nothing worse. Shoots me to tears when it comes

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Speaker 2: time to put in the kids to bed, and Marley

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Speaker 2: will be like where's my unicorn? And she's left it

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Speaker 2: at daycare and then always wants the one that she's

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Speaker 2: got like fucking ten toys on rotation, and it's just

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Speaker 2: always the one that she wants, which isn't in the house.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Oscar, when he was a little bit younger, used

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Speaker 1: to sleep with every toy he owned, And I will

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Speaker 1: find this photo for you of his cot. There's no

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Speaker 1: room for him in there, but he insisted, and he

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Speaker 1: had every single one and he used to line them

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Speaker 1: up like perfectly.

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Speaker 2: I've seen on stories on Instagram he gets his little

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Speaker 2: cars and he lines up his cars. Was he doing

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Speaker 2: that in the cot with the cars?

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Speaker 1: With cars everything?

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Speaker 2: So he's not gone for like a Teddy Bear.

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Speaker 1: He had the Teddy Bears in there too. They have

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Speaker 1: their own section. I'll find the photo for you. April

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Speaker 1: definitely has the photo because we were like, we need

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Speaker 1: to stop because it just he just kept a king

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Speaker 1: emulating he was a hoarder in the bed and then

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Speaker 1: eventually we were like, okay, you can have one or two,

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Speaker 1: and like now he has one or two when he

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Speaker 1: goes to bed, but the going to the KINDI he

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Speaker 1: wants to take something. He's like Can I take this? No?

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Speaker 1: Can I take this? And April and I don't line

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Speaker 1: up on the yes and no sometimes where.

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Speaker 2: It's so hard you want to take the path of

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Speaker 2: lease resistance.

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Speaker 1: Yes, he'll play us off each other. Now where he'd

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Speaker 1: be like Mummy said I can, and I'm like, did

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Speaker 1: you Well, Mummy's not in charge and April's in the

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Speaker 1: background in charge. But it's got to the point where

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Speaker 1: I have to frisk my own kid before letting them

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Speaker 1: into the kindy. I'm doing the pat down. And yesterday

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Speaker 1: he got away with one that have parted, so he

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Speaker 1: got he had a kind of surprise to him. What

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Speaker 1: he's done is he's deconstructed it and separated it into

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Speaker 1: different pockets, so it wasn't you couldn't tell. And then

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Speaker 1: when I picked him up in the afternoon and he

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Speaker 1: was like, look what I've got, And I was like,

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Speaker 1: so you've had that in your pocket all.

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Speaker 2: Day, just like stashing these up as rectum. I'm going

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Speaker 2: to go to the toilet.

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Speaker 1: He's like pooping it out so it doesn't burst anyway.

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Speaker 1: It's going to be a really good drug meal. When

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Speaker 1: he's older.

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Speaker 2: I'm always like in the morning, whatever the kids want,

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Speaker 2: I'm pretty shit and disciplining.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well there was an email that was saying, hey,

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Speaker 1: stop letting your kids bring their toys to kindy sorry

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Speaker 1: or to daycare or whatever. I can't remember what it said,

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Speaker 1: but look, that's fair, but it's just another battle.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: First of all, they're stealing toys. Now, he's trying to

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Speaker 1: Why are you trying.

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Speaker 2: To make life so difficult for me? My kids are

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Speaker 2: the same, and they have kind of said in my daycare.

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Speaker 2: I'm sure it's the same everywhere, Like, like you said,

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Speaker 2: we don't want their personal toys being brought in because

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Speaker 2: it just kicks off. It does, Yeah, because kids can

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Speaker 2: understand everybody wants to share it.

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Speaker 1: They also say like, I don't know if you kids

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Speaker 1: these toos, like says like another kid's name. It's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: he's allowed to bring his toys in, trying to convince

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Speaker 1: you to let him.

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Speaker 2: Gosh, they're clever, aren't they. Gosh, they're clever?

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Speaker 1: Why they're not? They're fucking stupid. We've been over this.

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Speaker 1: But they're also like they've also got a little clever

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Speaker 1: piece about them.

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Speaker 2: Marley and Lola now bring a second bag filled with shit,

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Speaker 2: filled with their toys. So they don't just bring that

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Speaker 2: little knickknacks like one or two. They bring a full

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Speaker 2: second bag, which I try and like hide as just

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Speaker 2: being a bag of maybe spare clothes, because you get

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Speaker 2: where we go to daycare, there's a little like a

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Speaker 2: little shelf with buckets where the kids put their bags.

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Speaker 2: And then as I drop her off, I try and

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Speaker 2: I pray that Lola doesn't open that second bag full

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Speaker 2: of toys whilst I'm still there because I.

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Speaker 1: Have to take them. So you're helping them.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I'm complicit in this. I'm the enabler.

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Speaker 1: You're helping them actually smuggle, Yes, contraband it's.

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Speaker 2: Not even it's not even smuggling in the sense of

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Speaker 2: like someone strapping heroin to their legs. It's someone literally,

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Speaker 2: like with a bag of heroin walking through the airport.

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Speaker 2: That's the type of smuggling that they're doing, just going

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Speaker 2: through the security and I just try and dump them

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Speaker 2: there as quickly as I can and then I'm out,

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Speaker 2: get out of there. And it's always but then it's

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Speaker 2: when I pick them up and the I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I got your water bottle, got your bag, and they're

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Speaker 2: like and this is yours and this.

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Speaker 1: Is yours name.

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Speaker 2: How did that get there?

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Speaker 1: Well, you know what we talked about, they'd be doubling

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Speaker 1: you into they'd be like, daddy, let us do it.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah yeah, And it's hard. I don't want to say, like,

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Speaker 2: don't tell anybody. Secrets are bad.

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Speaker 1: I know. And that's it. Like I said, I've caught

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Speaker 1: April sneaking chocolate into the Kindie. I just know that

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Speaker 1: she's letting him sneak toys in and being like, don't

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Speaker 1: do because there's times I've opened his bag and seen

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Speaker 1: one of his toys in there, thinking that we didn't

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Speaker 1: send him with any toys, and April has taught him

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Speaker 1: how to sneak things in. A is just a bad parent.

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Speaker 1: She's not just full disclosure so that I can continue

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Speaker 1: to have sex in my hand. She is not a

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Speaker 1: bad parent.

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Speaker 2: Fantastic's great.

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Speaker 1: Also, Boby home soon.

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Speaker 2: Act's one thing I've realized about becoming a dad is

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Speaker 2: it's not a matter of if, it's when you become

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Speaker 2: a loser immediately.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I know.

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Speaker 1: That's actually very true, because men have this thing where

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Speaker 1: we get stuck at a certain point. It's just when

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Speaker 1: do you hit that certain point that you get stuck

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Speaker 1: and you don't be can't continue on with being relevant?

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Speaker 1: Is that where you're going?

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Speaker 2: No, I was going to say, it's more so, I'm

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00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:51,680
Speaker 2: just the things that I'm into now. Sometimes I stop

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Speaker 2: myself at nighttime and I look in the mirror and

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Speaker 2: I'm like, fuck, it's happened. I'm now a loser. I'm

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Speaker 2: a loser of a dad and I should find it.

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00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:06,440
Speaker 2: But I'm just going to go, what is it You're

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Speaker 2: going to go with the time. Okay, So I mentioned

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Speaker 2: it the other day. I stayed up last night till midnight.

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Speaker 2: I wish I was watching rex hunt fishing.

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Speaker 1: Videos after you found out he's getting really old. But

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00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:21,960
Speaker 1: I was.

343
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:25,280
Speaker 2: I was up till midnight watching old fishing videos, and

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Speaker 2: like I was enthralled.

345
00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:28,280
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, look at the Barralmundy,

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Speaker 1: you're a fish expert.

347
00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:30,400
Speaker 2: I dream.

348
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:33,520
Speaker 1: Have you ever caught a fish? Fuck?

349
00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:33,880
Speaker 3: You?

350
00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:35,560
Speaker 2: Legit?

351
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:36,080
Speaker 1: Question?

352
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:42,160
Speaker 2: Such a patronizing question, that's such a like look at me,

353
00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:46,040
Speaker 2: look at these hands. You haven't I've caught a flathead before.

354
00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:49,760
Speaker 2: I've been on fishing trips and as I mentioned, becoming a.

355
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Speaker 1: Loser, yes, sorry, no, as am I.

356
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:56,160
Speaker 2: And also now as well I'm not worrying it at

357
00:16:56,160 --> 00:17:00,240
Speaker 2: the moment. But my watch tracks my my heart rate.

358
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,960
Speaker 2: That's so boring and what I really like doing. I'm

359
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:06,960
Speaker 2: quite into it now. I wear it at bed and

360
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:10,840
Speaker 2: I track my sleep so I wake up and for

361
00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:14,439
Speaker 2: what purpose I don't fucking know, nothing really, but I

362
00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:14,840
Speaker 2: wake up.

363
00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:17,000
Speaker 1: You can look back at it and then tell people.

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00:17:17,359 --> 00:17:20,320
Speaker 2: Literally, I tat Laura on the shoulder, I'm like, can

365
00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:23,399
Speaker 2: you believe I've got official two hours of deep sleep

366
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,600
Speaker 2: and only one sleep?

367
00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:29,480
Speaker 1: Look at this, fellas, and everyone's like, glaz no one.

368
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:33,399
Speaker 2: I'm yet to meet someone who's interested. Who's interested, I

369
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:36,000
Speaker 2: tell them the story about my breakdown of how much

370
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:38,000
Speaker 2: sleep and what level of sleep it was at. But

371
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:40,960
Speaker 2: I love it. I just fucking love it. And my

372
00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:43,320
Speaker 2: watch told me the other day that my resting heart

373
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:47,800
Speaker 2: rate has dropped five beats, so because I'm doing a

374
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:49,400
Speaker 2: bit of exercise at the moment.

375
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Speaker 1: And I look at me like that, God help me

376
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Speaker 1: get through this.

377
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:56,280
Speaker 2: But I've started tracking my heart rate quite a lot,

378
00:17:56,760 --> 00:18:00,800
Speaker 2: and recently, a couple of nights ago, Laura and I

379
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:04,840
Speaker 2: had sex. Oh yeah, and I thought to myself, I

380
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:05,520
Speaker 2: wonder what.

381
00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:09,640
Speaker 1: You want a deep stat.

382
00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:12,960
Speaker 2: That was a good performance.

383
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:15,240
Speaker 1: You know, when you're watching like NRL and it's got

384
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:19,560
Speaker 1: like the intensity meet up, You're like, I wonder whose

385
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:20,359
Speaker 1: intensity is.

386
00:18:21,359 --> 00:18:23,719
Speaker 2: I'm like secretly wanting to put like a heart monitor

387
00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:27,520
Speaker 2: on Laura. You could have put it a bit more effort,

388
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:29,720
Speaker 2: their baby, and you really slacked off in the last

389
00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:30,120
Speaker 2: few minutes.

390
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:32,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're going to analyze your performance. We're going to

391
00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:35,120
Speaker 1: come up with a plan of how to improve your

392
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,480
Speaker 1: performance based off these insights.

393
00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:40,360
Speaker 2: I got up to eighty eighty beats permanent.

394
00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:41,960
Speaker 1: There you go, eighty pumps permanent.

395
00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:46,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wish you're like a fucking rabbit. And Laura

396
00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:48,399
Speaker 2: came out from the bathroom and she was like, what

397
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:51,280
Speaker 2: are you doing because I was gross.

398
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:54,280
Speaker 1: Straight after too. Let me just look back at that

399
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:55,400
Speaker 1: and let me just check.

400
00:18:56,119 --> 00:18:59,040
Speaker 2: She's like, oh my god, you're not You're not tracking

401
00:18:59,040 --> 00:18:59,800
Speaker 2: your heart right.

402
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:03,040
Speaker 1: If you just want and exos.

403
00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:09,240
Speaker 2: There was a bloke who found out he got found

404
00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:12,720
Speaker 2: out for cheating through the garment app through Yeah, he

405
00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:15,440
Speaker 2: was like an Apple Watch and I think she must

406
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:17,600
Speaker 2: have been on the iPad and it showed that he

407
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:20,600
Speaker 2: had these spikes at like one in the morning when

408
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:21,600
Speaker 2: he was on business trips.

409
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:25,600
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Yeah, he could have just been peaking.

410
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:27,919
Speaker 1: That's a ship way to get found out. But you

411
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:31,119
Speaker 1: could easily weasel your way out of that idiot idiot.

412
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:34,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I'm getting up to eighty beats permanent. I'd

413
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:36,120
Speaker 2: love to know if anyone out there is getting more

414
00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:36,440
Speaker 2: than that.

415
00:19:37,119 --> 00:19:38,440
Speaker 1: We don't want stats.

416
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:41,639
Speaker 2: We want to know what position was it. Hell, we

417
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:43,719
Speaker 2: want to know that it's a community.

418
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,480
Speaker 1: As How many beats permanent do you get when you

419
00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:46,040
Speaker 1: haven't a wank?

420
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:48,920
Speaker 2: I haven't tracked that one yet. It wouldn't be much.

421
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:50,160
Speaker 2: I'm pretty quiet.

422
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:51,960
Speaker 1: How many steps do I think you think you're doing

423
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:52,800
Speaker 1: in the middle of the night.

424
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:58,959
Speaker 2: I'm doing this for Laura, not for me. That's at

425
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:00,520
Speaker 2: the end of the day. I'm just trying to be.

426
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,480
Speaker 1: That way to see the spreadsheet and the graph.

427
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,199
Speaker 2: We do an end of month catch up.

428
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:16,080
Speaker 1: I feel like to get anything done in my house,

429
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:19,919
Speaker 1: I've got to yell, yes, why are they like this?

430
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:21,440
Speaker 2: Because your kids hate you?

431
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:27,159
Speaker 1: All right, that's I've got the answer I needed. Do

432
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:31,080
Speaker 1: you find that you to get anything done? You've like you?

433
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:35,919
Speaker 1: They just don't fucking listen to me unless my voice

434
00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:38,280
Speaker 1: is at peak optimum.

435
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:44,520
Speaker 2: Screen I many times have like watched something on social

436
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:48,960
Speaker 2: media which very much encourages the gentle parenting narrative, you know,

437
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,320
Speaker 2: like don't raise your voice, kids don't like.

438
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:52,640
Speaker 1: To just gently hit them.

439
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:59,359
Speaker 2: And I've tried it, dude, I've tried it. Especially where

440
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:03,240
Speaker 2: I lose my temper would be the nighttime and coming

441
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:06,800
Speaker 2: out of that transition from finishing dinner to then going

442
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:10,000
Speaker 2: into the shower. That's what I find really really difficult.

443
00:21:10,359 --> 00:21:13,639
Speaker 2: And it's always a case of I have to say, like,

444
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:17,119
Speaker 2: get in a shower now, until the kids are startled,

445
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:19,720
Speaker 2: and they kind of go like, oh, dad's really getting

446
00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:21,240
Speaker 2: cranky up, better do it now.

447
00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:22,960
Speaker 1: And I said to April, I feel like I spent

448
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:27,360
Speaker 1: most of my life yelling, and I've tried like as well.

449
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:30,439
Speaker 1: I've tried to get down to their level do that

450
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:33,720
Speaker 1: whole thing, and I just find it. I just find

451
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:37,639
Speaker 1: that I'm yelling at their level down there on my knees,

452
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:39,560
Speaker 1: like I'm going to counter three.

453
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:50,320
Speaker 3: Fuck that's where I and I'm counting like w like

454
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:53,520
Speaker 3: so that there's no they can't hear anything else in

455
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:54,040
Speaker 3: the house.

456
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:58,080
Speaker 1: That was like sixty percent of the whole scaring me

457
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:00,520
Speaker 1: that I've got to yell and mate, what do.

458
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:02,679
Speaker 2: You neighbors think? Do they ever give a see them.

459
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:06,879
Speaker 1: And they moved out? No, because she's way worse than me,

460
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:07,439
Speaker 1: our neighbor.

461
00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:10,600
Speaker 2: So it's just everyone's.

462
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:13,280
Speaker 1: Everyone's just yelling in the whole complex. But it's like

463
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:16,440
Speaker 1: you try to get down to their level and go, hey,

464
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:19,480
Speaker 1: can you please take your clothes off and get in

465
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:22,040
Speaker 1: the bath? No?

466
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:26,120
Speaker 2: No, no, even now if I talk like that, they

467
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:29,240
Speaker 2: don't even like look at me. They don't acknowledge my

468
00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:31,720
Speaker 2: sentence at all, Like it doesn't even it us.

469
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:35,960
Speaker 1: Do you think I don't? That's definitely not even I'm perfect.

470
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:38,160
Speaker 2: Am I?

471
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:38,520
Speaker 1: No?

472
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:42,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know what it is. But is it like.

473
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:45,399
Speaker 1: You've got to figure out what type of parenting style

474
00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:48,359
Speaker 1: your kid actually listens to? Is that what it is?

475
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:50,680
Speaker 1: And we're just like we just go straight from we'll

476
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:52,640
Speaker 1: try it for one second and if it doesn't work

477
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:54,280
Speaker 1: for one second.

478
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:56,800
Speaker 2: I feel like maybe if the child is really shy.

479
00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:59,480
Speaker 2: Marley and Lola are both pretty, like.

480
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:01,480
Speaker 1: They're pretty, they're pretty, are going.

481
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:04,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like you've just got to really make

482
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:08,240
Speaker 2: a fucking racket.

483
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,480
Speaker 1: For them to listen. Yeah, because I'm a friend of mine,

484
00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:12,639
Speaker 1: I think has figured it out. I've done a little

485
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:14,560
Speaker 1: bit of testing and it doesn't work.

486
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:17,080
Speaker 2: So he doing what science experiments with the kids.

487
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:20,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, so we talked about the other day threatened parenting,

488
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:24,800
Speaker 1: which is my favorite because he usually gets it done,

489
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:27,719
Speaker 1: but they're seeing through it a bit. But I had

490
00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:30,320
Speaker 1: a friend over a couple of weeks ago. He listens

491
00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:32,119
Speaker 1: to the pod shout out the menows.

492
00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:33,000
Speaker 2: He love that.

493
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:35,440
Speaker 1: He's come up with a new type of parenting called

494
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:38,879
Speaker 1: competitive parenting. And I've mentioned it to you before, but

495
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:40,720
Speaker 1: I've been doing I said I need to do some

496
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:44,200
Speaker 1: test first, because what happened was he had his kid

497
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:46,280
Speaker 1: over same age as Oscar, maybe a little bit younger,

498
00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:51,280
Speaker 1: and I witnessed him essentially get his kid to do

499
00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:53,639
Speaker 1: anything he wanted to do. And I was like, that's

500
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:56,199
Speaker 1: fucking amazing. How did you do that? And he was like,

501
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,679
Speaker 1: just make everything a competition, especially with a boy. His

502
00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:02,280
Speaker 1: kid was sort of sitting here annoying him.

503
00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:03,520
Speaker 2: So give me an example.

504
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:06,239
Speaker 1: So, okay, kid was here annoying him. Me and Hi

505
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:07,439
Speaker 1: were trying to have a conversation, and you know what,

506
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:09,040
Speaker 1: they're like that don't get it. They're just talking And

507
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:10,879
Speaker 1: he was like, why don't you go in the trampoline.

508
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:12,920
Speaker 1: He goes, I bet you that I can jump higher

509
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:16,040
Speaker 1: than you on that trampoline, and that kid was bam

510
00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:18,879
Speaker 1: straight into the trampoline and I was like, that's great.

511
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:21,360
Speaker 2: I think that could be a boy thing.

512
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:23,520
Speaker 1: I want you to try it on the girls.

513
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:24,080
Speaker 2: Okay.

514
00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:30,239
Speaker 1: Anyway, So same day, and the biggest battle that you

515
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:31,800
Speaker 1: have with your kids is trying to get them to

516
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:35,840
Speaker 1: eat dinner. Why. I don't know why. I can prepare

517
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:38,360
Speaker 1: anything for them and they won't fucking eat it, even

518
00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:41,040
Speaker 1: if it's their favorite thing. But then as soon as

519
00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:47,880
Speaker 1: like dinner's gone, they're like, I want to snack, but trolls. Anyway,

520
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:50,399
Speaker 1: So he was there, We got the kids dinner and whatever.

521
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:53,440
Speaker 1: They all sat down and I went upstairs to sort

522
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:56,040
Speaker 1: of get Macy's room ready and come back down and

523
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:59,480
Speaker 1: both of my kids had eaten all of their food,

524
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:01,680
Speaker 1: and I'll I was like, what did you do? How

525
00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:04,640
Speaker 1: did you do it? Teach me how you did this?

526
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 1: And he was just like, I ate it. He's like,

527
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:12,520
Speaker 1: I made it a competition. I was like, what do

528
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:14,920
Speaker 1: you mean? I said, I said that I can eat

529
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:17,000
Speaker 1: way faster than you, I can eat way more than

530
00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:19,879
Speaker 1: you and they just gobbled that shit up.

531
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:23,600
Speaker 2: Have you gone from a yeller to a competitive.

532
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,639
Speaker 1: No, I'm still yelling. I've tried it a few times,

533
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:27,800
Speaker 1: and I've noticed April's sort of calling onto it too.

534
00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,439
Speaker 1: It's like I can get in the bath first, straight

535
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:32,320
Speaker 1: up there, into the bath. So it's working with a

536
00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:35,119
Speaker 1: few things. But I want to ask you, because you've

537
00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:38,520
Speaker 1: got two girls. I want you so next episode, just

538
00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:41,280
Speaker 1: maybe between now and then, you give it a go.

539
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:44,560
Speaker 1: Just try it for dinner time. Tell me what it's

540
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:46,840
Speaker 1: going to be like next week and if it worked

541
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:50,080
Speaker 1: or if it was a disaster. But I'm trying to

542
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:51,840
Speaker 1: figure it out because I'm sick of fucking yelling.

543
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:55,679
Speaker 2: But i feel like I'm sure it'll work for a

544
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:59,760
Speaker 2: week and then the kids will underigure it and what

545
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:03,040
Speaker 2: I'm doing. They're like, actually, there's no prize at the.

546
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:04,399
Speaker 1: End of this.

547
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:07,320
Speaker 2: This motherfucker is trying to con me.

548
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:11,800
Speaker 1: Is there not that smart? All that times I'm asking

549
00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:13,720
Speaker 1: you to give it a go, I'll do it. I've

550
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:15,159
Speaker 1: asked you to do it, not on the pod, and

551
00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:16,800
Speaker 1: you can ignore me. So now I'm going to hold

552
00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:17,240
Speaker 1: you account.

553
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:19,760
Speaker 2: Okay, give me a week. I'll come back next week

554
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:21,600
Speaker 2: and I'll tell you exactly how it went.

555
00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:25,120
Speaker 1: And for anyone listening. If you've got a different parenting

556
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:28,440
Speaker 1: style other than the not like gentle parenting, what else

557
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:31,280
Speaker 1: is there? Also? Gentle parenting is fucking boring.

558
00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:34,040
Speaker 2: You want a bit of spice, and want a bit

559
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:35,400
Speaker 2: of spiced You don't want to be.

560
00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:38,920
Speaker 1: Like Okay, little Timmy, what you do now is you

561
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:40,120
Speaker 1: please wash your hands.

562
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:41,919
Speaker 2: You want to feel alive when your parents.

563
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:44,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't want to have to yell, but like,

564
00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:46,160
Speaker 1: I want to enjoy some of it. I don't want

565
00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:49,440
Speaker 1: to be like gentle parents in public. Like it's a

566
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:54,040
Speaker 1: bit cringey when you talk to your kids in baby

567
00:26:54,119 --> 00:26:59,840
Speaker 1: voice as a man in public. Boo boo oh, shut up, dick,

568
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:05,720
Speaker 1: cringe button. Guilty, Yes you are guilty, but anyway, that's

569
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:08,159
Speaker 1: where I'm at. I'm sick of yelling. Try it. If

570
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:11,639
Speaker 1: you've got any other parenting hacks, it's not a hack,

571
00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:15,280
Speaker 1: it's a style. I'm going with style because hacks could

572
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:21,600
Speaker 1: be anything. If I want styles, It's continuous. Okayse's threatened

573
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:25,920
Speaker 1: parenting is a great one, but you know, there's also bribery.

574
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:29,240
Speaker 1: There's also competitive parenting, which I've mentioned, there's gentle pairing,

575
00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:31,640
Speaker 1: which is boring as fuck. What else you.

576
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:35,720
Speaker 2: Got speaking of hacks, Ash, it's time for your favorite segment.

577
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:38,439
Speaker 1: Tell me loud, tell me.

578
00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:46,359
Speaker 2: All right, Ash, I'm going to kick off with the

579
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:49,600
Speaker 2: first line that we've had submitted. This one comes from Linda,

580
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:52,640
Speaker 2: who has messaged us on two doting dads on Instagram

581
00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:55,280
Speaker 2: to which is the best way to contact us? Because Lida,

582
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:57,760
Speaker 2: I am always there's definitely.

583
00:27:57,359 --> 00:27:59,719
Speaker 1: A previous generation's name Linda.

584
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:01,920
Speaker 2: She looks quite young. She looks quite young.

585
00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:03,520
Speaker 1: No one now called Linda.

586
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:07,760
Speaker 2: I like the name Linda. I'm not saying that if

587
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:12,160
Speaker 2: I have a third child, will call him.

588
00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:15,199
Speaker 1: Her Linda little Linda Johnson.

589
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:18,040
Speaker 2: Okay, so Linda has a lie, she says. So we

590
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:21,000
Speaker 2: generally do off the grid camping. So when it's cold,

591
00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:23,000
Speaker 2: we give our two boys who are six and four,

592
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:27,440
Speaker 2: hot water bottles this winter at home, even though it's

593
00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:31,240
Speaker 2: heated beautifully, they insist on having the hot water bottles.

594
00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:33,840
Speaker 2: I tell them I'll do it before I go to

595
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:37,720
Speaker 2: bed late at night when it's cooler. Then she fills

596
00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:40,680
Speaker 2: up the water bottles that's filled with water and place

597
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:42,600
Speaker 2: it in their bed so when they wake up in

598
00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:46,240
Speaker 2: the morning, they think they've received a hot water bottle

599
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:50,800
Speaker 2: when in fact, Ash she just puts in cold water.

600
00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:52,600
Speaker 1: See gas lighting them.

601
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:56,360
Speaker 2: She says it saves on time, and she's also being

602
00:28:56,560 --> 00:29:01,760
Speaker 2: water wise. Well are you, Linda, I mean first point, Yeah,

603
00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:03,840
Speaker 2: you are saving the time. It's the same amount of water.

604
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:07,040
Speaker 2: Oh maybe because the water's evaporating. She's really looking at

605
00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:09,560
Speaker 2: exact quantities here, partially being water.

606
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:12,600
Speaker 1: I think she's probably thinking like she's saving hot water, Matthew,

607
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:13,960
Speaker 1: other than cold.

608
00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:16,800
Speaker 2: Water, she said. She says, water, Linda, I don't mean

609
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:17,640
Speaker 2: to attack you here.

610
00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:22,280
Speaker 1: Let's do it. Attacked her name.

611
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:23,840
Speaker 2: Well, she ends up and says, in the morning, they're

612
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:27,160
Speaker 2: always so happy, and they tell her how warm they've

613
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:28,440
Speaker 2: slept with a hot water bottle.

614
00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:31,480
Speaker 1: Idiots, you've just been gas lighted. Kids. If these kids

615
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:35,240
Speaker 1: are listening, it's a ruse six and four.

616
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:38,520
Speaker 2: Let's hope, let's pray that they're not listening to this podcast.

617
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:42,280
Speaker 1: Look, they've just been These kids are just being gaslighted.

618
00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:45,440
Speaker 2: That I do. Sometimes Marley will be like, I want

619
00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:47,440
Speaker 2: to drink of water, and I go, I'll get it

620
00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:49,680
Speaker 2: in just a second, and I closed the door.

621
00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:53,400
Speaker 1: So hang on a minute. You're just letting your kids dehydrate.

622
00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:55,680
Speaker 1: That's very ea different because.

623
00:29:55,400 --> 00:30:00,440
Speaker 2: She she's just stalling. She's drunk, she's hydrated.

624
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:04,240
Speaker 1: She's just finished a bottle of wine. She's traded.

625
00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:05,920
Speaker 2: He doesn't want to water.

626
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:10,560
Speaker 1: No, Yeah, she's stalling. It's like Oscar's got this thing

627
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:13,280
Speaker 1: where he before going to bed, he's like sleep tight.

628
00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:17,960
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh no, sleep time, sleep tight, sleep tight,

629
00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:25,800
Speaker 1: sleep t So last night we were in We're all

630
00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:29,440
Speaker 1: in our bed, me, Oscar, and April, not Macy. She's

631
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:32,320
Speaker 1: fast sleep and it was like, okay, budd, it's time

632
00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:33,880
Speaker 1: to go to bed. And he's like, okay, we've got

633
00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:38,640
Speaker 1: to say sleep tight to me. Five times. I was like, okay, freak,

634
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:41,120
Speaker 1: you need to put an end to that. It was

635
00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:44,440
Speaker 1: way more than five times. It was like sleep tight

636
00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:47,040
Speaker 1: walking out the door, sleep tight, sleep time, sleep time,

637
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:56,480
Speaker 1: sleep time, sleep tight, sleep tight sleep But he's just stalling.

638
00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:58,880
Speaker 1: So yeah, look, I get what you're saying. With the

639
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:01,440
Speaker 1: water things, like he used to do the thing where

640
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:02,840
Speaker 1: he'd be like, I want to drink of water and

641
00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:04,920
Speaker 1: his bottle was like right next to him, sippy bottle

642
00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:06,760
Speaker 1: right to like it's right next to like, can you

643
00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:09,800
Speaker 1: hand it to me anyone. It's just stalling. So I

644
00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:10,240
Speaker 1: get it.

645
00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:13,000
Speaker 2: I told you, mate, they're clever, they know what they're doing.

646
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:13,720
Speaker 1: I don't believe it.

647
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:14,760
Speaker 2: Let's go the second life.

648
00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:19,960
Speaker 1: Okay, so this lie comes from go on. I think

649
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,840
Speaker 1: it's Alice. That's just a different way to spell Alice.

650
00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:26,320
Speaker 1: At least, at last, let's go yeah, okay, yeah, at

651
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:26,960
Speaker 1: least I'm with you.

652
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:30,480
Speaker 2: At least could be both whatever a less a.

653
00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:33,280
Speaker 1: Look, I waste enough energy. I'm trying to pronounce that

654
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:35,960
Speaker 1: person's name and he's just move on. Hey. So the

655
00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 1: lie I tell my two year old daughter is if

656
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:42,600
Speaker 1: she is refusing to have her pooey nappy change, I

657
00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:44,920
Speaker 1: will tell her the flyers will come in the house

658
00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:50,560
Speaker 1: and get her. First of all, I want to know

659
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:52,400
Speaker 1: by what you mean by get her.

660
00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:56,680
Speaker 2: I wonder if she ever sees flies outside and she's.

661
00:31:56,560 --> 00:32:00,760
Speaker 1: Like it's happening, traumatiz coming. I know there's all these

662
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:04,120
Speaker 1: there's all these therapists out there just rubbing their hands.

663
00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:07,440
Speaker 1: I can't wait till your of age and I can

664
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:10,800
Speaker 1: get into that little brain of yours and your mother's wallet.

665
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:16,440
Speaker 1: There's just like this kid, like, especially if they were

666
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:20,120
Speaker 1: at KINDI or something like that. And they've clearly done

667
00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:22,920
Speaker 1: a ship and they just see a fly. They're like, oh, no.

668
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:24,040
Speaker 2: It's happening.

669
00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:30,560
Speaker 1: She wasn't lying, just getting running away from all these flies.

670
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:32,840
Speaker 2: But if you're a parent out there causing any temporary

671
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:35,200
Speaker 2: psychological damage to your children.

672
00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:37,360
Speaker 1: With drama trauma, we want to know about it.

673
00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:40,760
Speaker 2: Please tell us. Submit your best lie to two doting

674
00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:43,640
Speaker 2: dads on Instagram and we will incorrectly say your name

675
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:46,320
Speaker 2: and reveal the status segment.

676
00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:49,160
Speaker 1: It's like, how do we fuck this person's name up?

677
00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:55,480
Speaker 2: Please be very specific regarding the pronunciation ash. We should

678
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:58,360
Speaker 2: do some listener questions we should do. We'll go with

679
00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:01,320
Speaker 2: two today, as we always do anymore, and I think.

680
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:03,560
Speaker 1: It would be too risky anymore. I've lost interest. But

681
00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:05,200
Speaker 1: so two is good, short and sharp.

682
00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:08,880
Speaker 2: First question is I'm assuming this is coming from a female.

683
00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:14,000
Speaker 2: They ask, do dads purposely take thirty minute poos to

684
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:15,480
Speaker 2: get out of looking after the kids?

685
00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:17,960
Speaker 1: Yes? And thirty minutes is an amateur hour.

686
00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:22,640
Speaker 2: What's the longest pooh you've ever taken?

687
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:30,880
Speaker 1: My wife still thinks some on the toilet. No, thirty

688
00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:34,320
Speaker 1: minutes is pretty good. Look, it's no good for you

689
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:37,080
Speaker 1: to sit there you get piles.

690
00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:40,880
Speaker 2: What's piles like camorrhoids? Right, it's not good for you,

691
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:43,840
Speaker 2: but surely just sitting there relaxing in that position, it's

692
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:44,320
Speaker 2: really bad.

693
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:48,280
Speaker 1: It's really bad. Yeah. I'm not a doctor, but that's

694
00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:50,520
Speaker 1: what I was told. Hang on a minute, that I've

695
00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:55,560
Speaker 1: been lied could be the case.

696
00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:57,959
Speaker 2: Female doctors were like, we need to fucking battle this

697
00:33:58,040 --> 00:33:59,440
Speaker 2: issue right now. Yeah.

698
00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:01,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, they really got us with this one.

699
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:05,120
Speaker 2: It's the only time and place where you can really

700
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:08,440
Speaker 2: get some reprieve from the kids. Yeah, Like there's I

701
00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:11,400
Speaker 2: guess mowing the lawn is another one where you're like,

702
00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:14,319
Speaker 2: this is dangerous and it's loud. Kids get away from me,

703
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:16,759
Speaker 2: and no one talked to me for at least an hour.

704
00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:20,040
Speaker 2: Yeah no, and then like I love to look after you,

705
00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:21,080
Speaker 2: but you're doing shit.

706
00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:23,480
Speaker 1: Paul Rudd sums it up really well. And this is

707
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:26,359
Speaker 1: forty when his missus opens the door and you're sitting

708
00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:30,200
Speaker 1: there playing like scrabble or something, and she's like, you've

709
00:34:30,239 --> 00:34:32,400
Speaker 1: been in here for ages and it's like, what are

710
00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:34,040
Speaker 1: you doing? It doesn't even smell. She's like, I've been

711
00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:34,920
Speaker 1: flushing as I go.

712
00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:40,640
Speaker 2: Have you ever been sprung by April? With like your

713
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:42,640
Speaker 2: pants already up, like you're just sitting on the toilet.

714
00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 1: No, nah, I've prepared. Yeah, you got to stay prepared.

715
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:47,280
Speaker 2: You got to commit.

716
00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:51,480
Speaker 1: Commit. I look when she starts to make noises like

717
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:56,040
Speaker 1: louder and louder noises outside the bathroom, like she's fed up,

718
00:34:56,640 --> 00:35:01,759
Speaker 1: then I'll go, I'll put the lim Now is time

719
00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:03,719
Speaker 1: I better fart so it smells because I didn't do

720
00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:06,680
Speaker 1: anything and I'm just mosey out.

721
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:08,320
Speaker 2: It's always it's I.

722
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:10,160
Speaker 1: Get in more trouble if I need to go.

723
00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:13,080
Speaker 2: Back and actually and actually do one.

724
00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:16,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, like later it's like again and you're like, yes,

725
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:18,719
Speaker 1: I'm going back for a courtesy wipe.

726
00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:23,319
Speaker 2: It's it's always an issue when I'm like resting with

727
00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:26,160
Speaker 2: my fist on my cheek and I've got a red mark,

728
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:28,160
Speaker 2: and I'm like, oh, I can't. I've already been in

729
00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:29,920
Speaker 2: here for so long that I can't call any long ago,

730
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:31,280
Speaker 2: and Laura is like, what's wrong with your face?

731
00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:34,120
Speaker 1: I don't unresting. Yeah, it's like you get it on

732
00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:37,960
Speaker 1: your thighs the red mart because you're on your phone.

733
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:40,080
Speaker 2: Mums must do that as well. It's not just guys.

734
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:43,200
Speaker 2: Sure that's a month thing. Also, do you reckon?

735
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:46,920
Speaker 1: I think they're more like get it done because they

736
00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:47,680
Speaker 1: just think it's icky.

737
00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:50,200
Speaker 2: No, I reckon. There's got to be moms out there

738
00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:53,319
Speaker 2: listening right now who have gone Yeah, hand up, I'm

739
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:55,319
Speaker 2: guilty of doing like a fake shit.

740
00:35:56,160 --> 00:35:57,920
Speaker 1: Oh surely, yeah, there would be.

741
00:35:57,840 --> 00:35:59,080
Speaker 2: To get away from the family.

742
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:00,399
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's fair place.

743
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 2: It's not just the guys right, Like we.

744
00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:04,800
Speaker 1: Were so like Sunday just gone. It was like a

745
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:07,200
Speaker 1: wet weather day. It was like nothing happened and was

746
00:36:07,239 --> 00:36:11,040
Speaker 1: stuck inside and it was like three o'clock. April's gonna

747
00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:13,840
Speaker 1: hear this, It's gonna get in trouble whatever. And it

748
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:15,880
Speaker 1: was like what time are we bathing? And bathing? And

749
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:18,080
Speaker 1: she ate bed and bloody, blah blah. She was like, oh,

750
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:20,640
Speaker 1: ten past six, it was three o'clock. I'm like three hours.

751
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:29,480
Speaker 1: Oh I got a pooh after the toilet and yeah,

752
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:32,200
Speaker 1: forty five minutes later, make my way back out.

753
00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:36,240
Speaker 2: That was a big one, babe, forty five minutes.

754
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:41,000
Speaker 1: Nice. She knows, April, she knows. She knows too late.

755
00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:46,000
Speaker 1: Now we're married. So, Matthew, question number two during birth,

756
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:49,239
Speaker 1: did you stay up the safe end or did you

757
00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:52,400
Speaker 1: watch everything unfold as you will.

758
00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:59,719
Speaker 2: I very much stayed up towards Laura's head, held her

759
00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:02,120
Speaker 2: hand end and try to comfort her as much as

760
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:02,520
Speaker 2: I could.

761
00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:03,759
Speaker 1: Husband of the Year.

762
00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:07,360
Speaker 2: Because I hate blood.

763
00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:08,560
Speaker 1: Like I hate vaginas.

764
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:13,320
Speaker 2: I can't I can't stand the sight of blood. In

765
00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:16,520
Speaker 2: that show on tv RPA and they show a bit

766
00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:19,960
Speaker 2: of surgery like that, I can't watch any of that.

767
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:23,120
Speaker 1: My friends, Like my friend is like, he's not a surgeon,

768
00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:25,239
Speaker 1: but he sits in surgeries because he's like manages the

769
00:37:25,239 --> 00:37:29,200
Speaker 1: equipment and he always tries to show me photos and stuff.

770
00:37:29,239 --> 00:37:33,120
Speaker 1: I'm like, fuck off, dude, Like I don't need I'm queasy.

771
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:35,719
Speaker 1: We spoke on this podcast how I got Sea sick

772
00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:38,640
Speaker 1: during the ultra Imagine what I'd be like if I

773
00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:40,560
Speaker 1: went down the wrong end.

774
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 2: Well, did you have a little did you have it

775
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:45,279
Speaker 2: like a peak? Did you have to curiosity to get

776
00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:45,880
Speaker 2: the better of you?

777
00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:49,440
Speaker 1: So I won't tell you the full story, yeah.

778
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:52,880
Speaker 2: Because we actually we've spoken about doing a purpose of

779
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:56,560
Speaker 2: our birthing story, so we won't reveal everything right now.

780
00:37:56,840 --> 00:38:00,759
Speaker 1: We'll save that. But both of that one emergency sea

781
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:03,080
Speaker 1: section one it was a C section, so there is

782
00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:06,359
Speaker 1: a safe end. So with the first one. Definitely didn't

783
00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:09,000
Speaker 1: take a look. I didn't take a look. But one

784
00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:12,040
Speaker 1: thing I will tell you is that when we did

785
00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:14,239
Speaker 1: have to go off to the emergency sea section, I

786
00:38:14,320 --> 00:38:16,880
Speaker 1: did have to step over a large pool on the

787
00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:23,040
Speaker 1: ground from April. Sorry babe, but we'll talk about that

788
00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:23,680
Speaker 1: another time.

789
00:38:24,239 --> 00:38:25,400
Speaker 2: Such a teaser.

790
00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:28,560
Speaker 1: And also also when you do a C section, they

791
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:33,040
Speaker 1: drop the curtain. I was like, put it. But I

792
00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:35,560
Speaker 1: have a friend of mine who went and had a look.

793
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:38,120
Speaker 1: I think it was his second kid, he's got three kids.

794
00:38:38,719 --> 00:38:41,040
Speaker 1: But he told me the story and just be mindful,

795
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:43,120
Speaker 1: this is not my story and you're hearing it secondhand.

796
00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:48,880
Speaker 1: He took a look at the other end and felt

797
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:52,759
Speaker 1: a bit like a bit queasy about it. And he thought,

798
00:38:52,800 --> 00:38:55,239
Speaker 1: I was just gonna remove myself from a situation a

799
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:57,200
Speaker 1: little bit to the corner of the room and face

800
00:38:57,320 --> 00:39:01,480
Speaker 1: the corner to regather. And he's fainted against the corner

801
00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:04,320
Speaker 1: of the room. So his head's hit the corner. Really

802
00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:08,160
Speaker 1: not that, and then he started to slide down the

803
00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:11,040
Speaker 1: wall and the only thing that stopped him from hitting

804
00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:14,319
Speaker 1: the deck was his knees locked out his land up

805
00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:17,880
Speaker 1: against the wall like that, passed out and the only

806
00:39:17,920 --> 00:39:20,319
Speaker 1: thing propping him up is his legs, Oh my god,

807
00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:26,279
Speaker 1: up against the thing. So he's completely fainted, and apparently

808
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:28,200
Speaker 1: he was there for most of the time.

809
00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:29,800
Speaker 2: That we'll get to him in a second.

810
00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:33,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because it's like he's fine, propped.

811
00:39:32,880 --> 00:39:35,279
Speaker 2: Up against he's just getting some shut eye.

812
00:39:35,520 --> 00:39:38,680
Speaker 1: And I will tease you as well, Matthew, double tease.

813
00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:43,160
Speaker 1: Even though we did have two sea sections. The second

814
00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:47,359
Speaker 1: sea section, I did faint, but well, they'll save that.

815
00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:49,840
Speaker 1: You are m a cock t.

816
00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:57,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, Jesus lady, I'll save the complete story.

817
00:39:57,360 --> 00:40:01,760
Speaker 1: Let's another time. We'll try and tell it next week. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

818
00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:03,200
Speaker 2: I love how you say try. What do you got on?

819
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:04,840
Speaker 2: Let me check my schedule.

820
00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:11,080
Speaker 1: I've got other podcasts, death related, ones related.

821
00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:13,439
Speaker 2: Let's get out of here, mate.

822
00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:14,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you. Guys.

823
00:40:14,480 --> 00:40:17,680
Speaker 2: We'll give you a little cuddle after what's been a

824
00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:18,720
Speaker 2: couple of days.

825
00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:21,880
Speaker 1: As a sad boy. My wife was calling me sad boy. Yes,

826
00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:23,759
Speaker 1: because you can just pick up on it walking around

827
00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:26,520
Speaker 1: the house with a hoodie on a pressed teenager.

828
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:29,200
Speaker 2: We'd like track pants on doing the gritty what's the

829
00:40:29,239 --> 00:40:31,239
Speaker 2: gritty rage?

830
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:34,799
Speaker 1: Anyway, If you like this episode, don't forget to leave

831
00:40:34,840 --> 00:40:38,960
Speaker 1: a review Apple Podcasts, Spotify as well. Follow us on

832
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:42,880
Speaker 1: Instagram To Doting Dads, we would really appreciate it. Actually

833
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:46,279
Speaker 1: someone did. Right, that's a message saying I just left

834
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:49,000
Speaker 1: your review. When do I get jerked off? Because remember

835
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:50,759
Speaker 1: I promised that I would jerk you off if you left?

836
00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:52,520
Speaker 1: Did you say that I did?

837
00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:54,520
Speaker 2: Okay? Did we?

838
00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:56,120
Speaker 1: Now I've got a long list?

839
00:40:56,239 --> 00:40:59,520
Speaker 2: Do we specify that it's only for New South Wales residents.

840
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:05,000
Speaker 1: And not the nanny stay? Anyway, I've got a list

841
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:06,680
Speaker 1: of people who need to joke off, so I better

842
00:41:06,719 --> 00:41:08,160
Speaker 1: get onto that. And with that.

843
00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:21,920
Speaker 2: Us Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of

844
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:26,080
Speaker 2: country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.

845
00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:28,840
Speaker 1: We pay our respects to their elders past and present

846
00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:31,960
Speaker 1: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander

847
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:35,640
Speaker 1: people's today. This episode was recorded on gadagal Land