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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.

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Speaker 2: Now, I spent the time giving her what she wanted,

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Speaker 2: and that meant more to her than having, you know,

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Speaker 2: the fancy precision cardboard box that some awesome mother. Mate.

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Speaker 3: It's beautiful. But what you're really saying is you can

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Speaker 3: get away with mediocrity so long as you do it lovingly. Yeah, totally.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom

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Speaker 1: and dad.

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Speaker 3: Hello, this is doctor Justin Coulson, the founder of Happy

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Speaker 3: Families dot com dot au. I'm here with Kylie, my

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Speaker 3: wife from under our six kids. Shaking your head and

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Speaker 3: smiling at me at the same time, I don't know

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Speaker 3: if you're what is that? What is the There's a

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Speaker 3: big smile there, and there's also like you're frustrated with me.

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Speaker 3: It's Friday, it's the end of the week. We get

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Speaker 3: to look forward to the weekend. I'll do better tomorrow.

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Speaker 3: What's going on?

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Speaker 2: Well, one second you're looking at me like I don't

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Speaker 2: even have a clue what are we going to talk about?

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Speaker 2: And the next thing you just launch into a podcast intro.

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Speaker 3: We're recorded. It's happening. We'll figure it out. I heard

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Speaker 3: a joke the other day that caught my attention made

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Speaker 3: me laugh my absolute head off. I don't know if

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Speaker 3: I should share this one with you or not, but

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Speaker 3: I'm going to anyway. Needed to do a wee at

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Speaker 3: the pool today, so I just did it in the

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Speaker 3: deep end. Lifeguard noticed and blew the whistle so hard

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Speaker 3: that I nearly fell in. How bad is that? Isn't

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Speaker 3: that so bad? It took me a minute.

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Speaker 2: That's terrible.

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Speaker 3: If you missed it, just go back thirty seconds, have

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Speaker 3: another listen. You'll get it.

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Speaker 4: You'll get it. It'll drop. I was waiting for the

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Speaker 4: I was waiting for the laughter. So for those of

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Speaker 4: you who are new to the podcast, thank you so

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Speaker 4: much for listening. We hope that you really enjoy your

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Speaker 4: time with us. Every Friday, we keep it really short,

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Speaker 4: really snapping, and we talk about life lessons in parenting.

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Speaker 4: What's happened this week that we've learned to help us

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Speaker 4: to be better parents. I'll do better tomorrow.

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Speaker 3: Often we reflect on the mistakes that we've made, the

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Speaker 3: things that we're not doing so well. Every now and again,

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Speaker 3: we talk about the things that we absolutely nailed so

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Speaker 3: that we can do those again tomorrow and get better

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Speaker 3: and better and better at this stuff. Kylie, who's first today?

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Speaker 3: You're me?

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Speaker 2: Would you like me to go first?

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Speaker 3: That'd be great because I still haven't thought of what

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Speaker 3: I'm going to say.

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Speaker 2: You're so slack?

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Speaker 3: What was your old? Do better tomorrow for this? Well?

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Speaker 2: Because last week was Father's Day, we didn't get to

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Speaker 2: talk about book Week, and so I saved my story

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Speaker 2: up for a couple of weeks. So it's a couple

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Speaker 2: of weeks old.

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Speaker 3: For those who are not familiar, I know you want

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Speaker 3: to tell the story, but some people don't know what

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Speaker 3: book week is.

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Speaker 2: So book Week is a celebration of literature. Most schools

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Speaker 2: will often have what they would consider it a book week,

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Speaker 2: and they would highlight different beautiful literature. Children's literature, read

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Speaker 2: it in the classrooms that spend time into the library.

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Speaker 2: The library puts on a big display. They'll often have

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Speaker 2: a book sale and parents can go and spend ridiculous

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Speaker 2: amounts of money on books that you could get cheaper

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Speaker 2: anywhere else as a bit of a fundraiser for the school.

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Speaker 2: But the big highlight for book week for the children

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Speaker 2: is dressing up in their favorite book character.

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Speaker 3: So if you were going to do book Week and

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Speaker 3: you could go to school or to work or live

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Speaker 3: your life dressed up as your favorite character, who would

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Speaker 3: you be.

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Speaker 2: I have no idea the character that comes out. She

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Speaker 2: doesn't even have a name. She's not named in the book.

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Speaker 2: But the book is called I Like Myself.

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Speaker 3: Oh, I love that book. That's that's the book with

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Speaker 3: the big pink cover, and there's this little girl on

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Speaker 3: the front who's saying, I Like Myself. I'm crazy, curly

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Speaker 3: hair urging it here. It is by Karen Beaumont. We'll

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Speaker 3: link to it in the show notes. A fantastic book,

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Speaker 3: especially if you've got little kids. I Like Myself. Oh,

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Speaker 3: and you can also get it as Migusta. Come I's

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Speaker 3: say it's I think that's Spanish. I don't speak Spanish.

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Speaker 3: It could be any language at all, but that's my guess.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, I probably go as her.

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Speaker 3: Okay, anyway, back to your book Week story.

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Speaker 2: Well, I'm curious who would you go as.

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Speaker 3: I only read nonfiction, so i'd be boring. I'd go

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Speaker 3: as I don't know, like somebody who writes nonfiction books. Well,

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Speaker 3: there are no characters in the books that I read.

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Speaker 3: I just read psychology books.

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Speaker 2: It's so funny you say that because a couple of

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Speaker 2: years ago, we had one of our followers send in

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Speaker 2: a picture of their son, Yes, and he was dressed

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Speaker 2: up as doctor Justin Coulson's.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, how funny is that is book Week? I'm

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Speaker 3: going to go as my mum's favorite author, doctor Justin Coulson.

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Speaker 2: Well, no, she actually, in the explanation, said that her

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Speaker 2: son recognized how different his mum was as a result

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Speaker 2: of the books that she was reading, and he attributed

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Speaker 2: that to you.

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Speaker 3: I don't know how to respond to that, but my

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Speaker 3: heart is full right now. Thank you. I'd forgot I'd

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Speaker 3: completely forgotten that until you mention that. I think that's

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Speaker 3: one of the highlights of my life now that you

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Speaker 3: mention that somebody actually chose to go to book Week

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Speaker 3: as me. Anyway, so kids get dressed up as a

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Speaker 3: favorite character or a favorite author or something from a book,

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Speaker 3: and they head off to school, and we get back

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Speaker 3: into your story because I constantly interrupt you and get

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Speaker 3: in trouble for it.

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Speaker 2: Well, the reality is some mums absolutely love this and

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Speaker 2: thrive on the opportunity to show their creative skills.

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Speaker 3: It's like Halloween before Halloween.

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Speaker 2: Bookweek is the bane of my life. I worked it out.

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Speaker 2: I was trying to work out why I get so

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Speaker 2: worked up about Bookweek, but I actually hate waste stage

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Speaker 2: and the thought of buying a costume or items that

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Speaker 2: can make up a costume can be rather expensive at

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Speaker 2: times or time consuming. And they're gonna wear it once

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Speaker 2: and literally it's going to be seen by their friends

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Speaker 2: at school and that's going to be it. It's all

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Speaker 2: over and done with in a matter of minutes. They

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Speaker 2: walk around the hall once or twice, and the universe

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Speaker 2: their costume's done. And so for me, it just feels

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Speaker 2: like it's just it drives.

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Speaker 3: Me crazy for a really short thing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it really is. So I put off preparation for

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Speaker 2: book Week for as long as possible. And it was

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Speaker 2: Thursday afternoon and I had picked Emily up and she said, Mum,

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Speaker 2: we've got to go shopping for our costume. Her favorite

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Speaker 2: book is Wings of Fire, so for any parents out

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Speaker 2: there who know Wings of Fire, it is a dragon book.

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Speaker 2: And I was petrified that she was going to ask

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Speaker 2: me to make her a dragon costume, but bless her heart,

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Speaker 2: I overheard her having a conversation with her sister. She said,

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Speaker 2: I'm going to go as a scavenger because it's a

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Speaker 2: lot easier for mum to make the costumes.

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Speaker 3: How good is she?

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Speaker 2: She really was. So we went shopping. I had in

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Speaker 2: my mind I knew exactly what we were going to get,

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Speaker 2: but I was also wanting to obviously give her a

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Speaker 2: say in it. And I was a little bit nervous

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Speaker 2: how this was going to go. And as we went along,

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Speaker 2: I showed her bits and pieces and I said, Emily,

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Speaker 2: we need to get some fabric for bandages. I said

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Speaker 2: what color should the bandages be? And she said white.

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Speaker 2: And so I walked past this crisp white fabric and

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Speaker 2: I said white like this and she said no, no, no,

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Speaker 2: it needs to be a little bit dirty. And so

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Speaker 2: I had in my mind that I'd get her some calico.

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Speaker 2: So we walked down and I said, how about this

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Speaker 2: and she looked at it and she said, that's perfect.

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Speaker 2: And it happened time and time again as we had

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Speaker 2: to make all of these decisions, and so at the

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Speaker 2: end of it, I dressed her up and her sister's

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Speaker 2: helped with some makeup because she had to look like

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Speaker 2: all scavengery, and you know, dirty and messy scavengery.

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Speaker 3: I love it. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Well, and she went off to school with a skip

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Speaker 2: and a step, and she was very very excited. We

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Speaker 2: got to school and she started to get nervous because

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Speaker 2: she couldn't see any other kids in costumes, and she

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Speaker 2: wondered whether or not it was actually book week. We

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Speaker 2: got we got into the class, embarrassing. She was very nervous.

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Speaker 3: Pajama day. You go to school in pajamas and it's

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Speaker 3: not pajama day.

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Speaker 5: She was very very nervous.

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Speaker 2: And we walked in and I saw a kid and

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Speaker 2: he was just wearing a flannelette shirt and some jeans,

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Speaker 2: and I said to her, look, I said, your friend's

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Speaker 2: dressed up too. And I'm feeling really good about myself

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Speaker 2: because I've gone to some efforts. She's got bandages and

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Speaker 2: I've ripped a shirt and she looks really good. And

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Speaker 2: this little boy says, Emily, do you want to see

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Speaker 2: my costume? And I'm thinking, ah, what's there to see? Anyway,

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Speaker 2: He's gone behind the teacher's desk and he's pulled out

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Speaker 2: the most amazing I'm talking precision spectacle of a cardboard

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Speaker 2: green tractor. It was amazing and all of a sudden,

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Speaker 2: my feel good. I'm an awesome mum went out the

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Speaker 2: window in a heartbeat and I went home.

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Speaker 3: She went off and she was happy.

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Speaker 2: And everything was fine. We got home that night and

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Speaker 2: as we were talking, I said to Emily and I

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Speaker 2: asked the kids every year, who is your favorite costume?

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Speaker 2: You know, like what costumes were there? And without missing

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Speaker 2: a beat, she literally turned to me and she said mine,

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Speaker 2: And in that moment just the remembrance for me personally

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Speaker 2: that our kids spell love time. I spent the time

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Speaker 2: giving her what she wanted and that meant more to

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Speaker 2: her than having, you know, the fancy precision cardboard box

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Speaker 2: that some awesome mother mate.

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Speaker 3: That's beautiful. But what you're really saying is you can

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Speaker 3: get away with mediocrity so long as you do it lovingly. Yeah, totally.

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Speaker 3: You know what You've I think that your excuse from

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Speaker 3: not loving book Week. We've we've got six kids, They've

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Speaker 3: all gone through book Week multiple, multiple, multiple times. We're

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Speaker 3: down to our last child, grade two. You've only got

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Speaker 3: another couple of book weeks to go because by the

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Speaker 3: time she's in about grade four, grade five, she's not

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Speaker 3: going to be that enthusiastic about it. So you're nearly there,

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Speaker 3: you know.

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Speaker 2: I had a conversation with a single dad who'd gone

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Speaker 2: through it the week earlier, and there had been some

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Speaker 2: miscommunication and he didn't even know book Wik was on.

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Speaker 2: And so we arrived with his grade six child and

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Speaker 2: he wouldn't get out of the car and he said

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Speaker 2: to his son, you know what's going on. He's like,

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Speaker 2: dad's book weak. I don't have a costume, And so

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Speaker 2: they raised home. He's been an hour trying to work

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Speaker 2: out what he was going to do, came up with

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Speaker 2: this great bad guy's costume, got to school literally just

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Speaker 2: as his class finished their round in the parade.

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Speaker 3: Oh no, and he.

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Speaker 2: Thought, oh, I'm an absolute failure. And his son looked

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Speaker 2: at him and he said, Dad, he said, thank you

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Speaker 2: so much for spending the time making my costume. I

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Speaker 2: love you. Same concept. Our kids just want to know

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Speaker 2: that we love them.

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Speaker 3: After the break, we'll find out how doctor Justin Coulson

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Speaker 3: can do better tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: It's their Happy Family's podcast.

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Speaker 3: Your son just jumped from the verandah into the pool again,

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Speaker 3: or stayed up way too late playing video games as

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Speaker 3: a parent. You just don't get it. His actions are

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Speaker 3: baffling and sometimes terrifying. If you're wondering what's going on,

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Speaker 3: you're not alone. Check out the free Can We Please

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Speaker 3: Talk About Boys? Webinar available now on The Happy Family's webshop,

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Speaker 3: and learn just what's going on and how you can help.

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Speaker 2: It's The Happy Family's podcast, the podcast for a time

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Speaker 2: poor parent who just wants answers now and I'm curious

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Speaker 2: justin what's your I'll do better tomorrow.

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Speaker 3: A couple of weeks ago, one of our children celebrated

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Speaker 3: a birthday. She turned fifteen. She keeps on reminding me,

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Speaker 3: only one year ago until I've got my license. In fact,

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Speaker 3: a couple of days ago she said, Dad, only three

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Speaker 3: hundred and fifty whatever day is like, she's literally counting

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Speaker 3: down to she gets her learner's permit so that she

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Speaker 3: can start driving. She's convinced she's going to be the

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Speaker 3: she wanted a bicycle. And because of where we now live,

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Speaker 3: we've got lots of flat roads, lots of bike paths,

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Speaker 3: lots of beautiful scenic places to ride near the water,

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Speaker 3: and all that kind of thing, and she's really excited

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Speaker 3: to get this bike. And in my mind, I mean,

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Speaker 3: I literally ride one of the very best bicycles on

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Speaker 3: the planet. That's the bike that I bought for my

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Speaker 3: birthday last year. I saved up for about six years

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Speaker 3: so that I could buy it, and I finally went

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Speaker 3: out and bought that bike last year, and it is

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Speaker 3: I mean, I take my riding really seriously. Anyone who's

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Speaker 3: listened to the podcast for a length of time knows that.

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Speaker 3: You obviously know that because you don't get to wake

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Speaker 3: up in the morning with me, because I'm never home

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Speaker 3: I'm on my bike or on my surfboard. I take

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Speaker 3: those two sports really really seriously. I love them. And

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Speaker 3: so when when our fourteen fifteen year old daughter said

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Speaker 3: I'd like a bike for my birthday, I said, oh, sweetheart,

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Speaker 3: I can help you with that. Let's go to the

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Speaker 3: bike shop. We've got a bike shop down the road

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Speaker 3: that is absolutely brilliant and they sell really good bikes.

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Speaker 3: We've gone in there and they said to Annie, what

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Speaker 3: sort of bike would you like? And she sort of

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Speaker 3: shrugged her shoulders and deferred to me, as she rightly should,

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Speaker 3: because I'm the guy that knows all about the bikes

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Speaker 3: in our family, and I said, well, let's have a

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Speaker 3: conversation about this. What do you want the bike for?

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Speaker 3: And she said, well, I just want to go for rides.

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Speaker 3: I said, well, do you want to rid for fitness

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Speaker 3: or do you want to ride for pleasure like cruising around?

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Speaker 3: And she said, oh, I don't know. She was really

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Speaker 3: uncertain about why she wanted the bike. I said, well,

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Speaker 3: I think that what we should do is get this

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Speaker 3: kind of bike. And so I started looking at all

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Speaker 3: the right bikes and all the bikes. I left that

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Speaker 3: we're going to be fantastic for her within a reasonable budget.

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Speaker 3: But let's just say the bikes that I was looking

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Speaker 3: at were not cheap.

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Speaker 2: When you came home and told me what you were

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Speaker 2: thinking of spending on you, I was kind of like,

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Speaker 2: it's only her fifteen, that's not a massive birthday.

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Speaker 3: And I was a lot of money, and I was like,

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Speaker 3: I know, I don't want to spend that much money.

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Speaker 3: But if we're going to get her.

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Speaker 5: A bike, we need to get in a good bike.

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Speaker 5: We need to get the right bike. It matters because

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Speaker 5: bikes are important. I mean, bikes make life better anyway.

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Speaker 5: So we've gone back a couple of days later because

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Speaker 5: she wasn't convinced that the bike that I.

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Speaker 3: Knew that she needed was the bike that she needed

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Speaker 3: to buy. And when we walked in the second time,

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Speaker 3: the salesperson said, justin, I might just have a chat

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Speaker 3: with Annie about the bike and see where we are,

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Speaker 3: because she'd ridden three different bikes, little test rides along

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Speaker 3: the bike path, and she just wasn't sold on any

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Speaker 3: of them. And so I went and looked at the

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Speaker 3: really fancy bikes and thought, I wonder what I should

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Speaker 3: start saving up for next so that I can buy

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Speaker 3: another one in four or five years. And they came

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Speaker 3: back to me about three or four minutes later and said,

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Speaker 3: we're going to look at that bike over there. They

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Speaker 3: pointed at literally the cheapest bike, the cheapest bike in

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Speaker 3: the store, And part of me sort of went, oh,

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Speaker 3: thank goodness, I'm not gonna have to spend a lot

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Speaker 3: of money, and Kylie's not going to be cranky at me,

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Speaker 3: But the rest of me was going, why would you

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Speaker 3: buy that bike? That's not that's a terrible bike. Who

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Speaker 3: would be interested in a bike like that? Anyway, she

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Speaker 3: went for a ride on it, and then she rode

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Speaker 3: the next two models up from that bike, and at

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Speaker 3: the end of that she's now ridden six or seven

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Speaker 3: bikes in the store. She's ridden everything that she could

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Speaker 3: conceivably ride that's reasonable for what her riding is about.

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Speaker 3: And when I said to her, so, which one would

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Speaker 3: you like for your birthday?

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Speaker 2: This awesome bike over here, yeah, or.

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Speaker 3: The cheap piece of rubbish road And she said, I

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Speaker 3: want the cheap piece of rubbish but we didn't obviously

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Speaker 3: call it that. She said, I want the chrome one

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Speaker 3: or what is it, the bronze one. I want the

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Speaker 3: bronze one. But rode a few minutes ago, and I'm

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Speaker 3: looking at her with incredulity on my face. I'm like,

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Speaker 3: what's the matter with you? It's kind of like when

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Speaker 3: you say to your child, would you like for breakfast

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Speaker 3: at this fancy cafe? Which we've done once in our lives,

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Speaker 3: but I'm never going to forget it. It was just you

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Speaker 3: and I We went out for breakfast at that really

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Speaker 3: fancy place. I think it was called Hardware Society in Melbourne,

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Speaker 3: and I ordered lobster rolls for breakfast. Do you remember that? Yes,

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Speaker 3: never done it before, probably never do it again, But

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Speaker 3: oh my goodness. And you looked at me like, no,

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Speaker 3: I'm just gonna have some vegimi toasts or whatever. I mean,

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Speaker 3: it wasn't that bad. But there's lobster rolls off her here,

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Speaker 3: and you're gonna choose MUSI, you're gonna have a bottle

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Speaker 3: of porridge, Like, come on, this is amazingness here. Anyway,

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Speaker 3: she chose the musically, the vegemite toast, the porridge, whatever

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Speaker 3: it is, instead of the lobster rolls. She wanted that.

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Speaker 3: And you know what, she hasn't stopped smiling. She loves

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Speaker 3: that little bike. She's got this cruiser with her hands

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Speaker 3: up high, and she's got the big company. She seats

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Speaker 3: stick up a bum and there's no way that she's

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Speaker 3: going to be able to ride more than about twelve

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Speaker 3: kilometers an hour on this thing. But she just I

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Speaker 3: thought on myself, how important is it that we just

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Speaker 3: get out of our kids' way and let them be themselves,

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Speaker 3: Because she's so much happier with that bike than she

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Speaker 3: would have been on the bike that I thought was

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Speaker 3: the best bike for her.

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Speaker 2: You can thank me later.

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Speaker 3: So that's my old do better tomorrow, Listen to your

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Speaker 3: kids and let them figure it out. For themselves and

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Speaker 3: let them pursue the stuff that suits them. She's not

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Speaker 3: a racing bike rider. She's not going to compete. She's

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Speaker 3: not going to go riding up crazy hills to Montvilla

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Speaker 3: Mulaney and do the Tour de France style of riding.

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Speaker 3: That's not her thing. So let her get the thing

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Speaker 3: that's going to bring her joy. And so that's what

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Speaker 3: we've gone for. And it worked, and I kind of

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Speaker 3: feel like I nailed it. But I had to stomp

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Speaker 3: on every impulse that I had as a dad to

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Speaker 3: give her what I thought she needed. And how hard

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Speaker 3: is that? Whether it's meals, whether it's clean rooms or clothing,

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Speaker 3: or which school they should go to, all of those things.

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Speaker 3: We've got our own agenda, And what a difference it

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Speaker 3: makes when we just step back and let them go

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Speaker 3: their own way.

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Speaker 2: I love it. Thanks for sharing.

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Speaker 3: The Family's podcast returns next week with a whole lot

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Speaker 3: of ideas to make your family happier. On Monday of

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Speaker 3: next week, we're going to be having a look at

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Speaker 3: some new research that highlights the very best stuff that

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Speaker 3: we can do. If we're living in a tech obsessed house,

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Speaker 3: what can we do to help our children to do

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Speaker 3: well in the age of social media. On Tuesday, we're

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Speaker 3: going to be talking about tweens that are pushing boundaries

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Speaker 3: and getting up to no good. And we've also got

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Speaker 3: a Doctor's Desk episode next week where we talk about

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Speaker 3: the last science so help us to be better parents.

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Speaker 3: All that and a whole lot more on the Happy

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Speaker 3: Families podcast next week. Really hope that you enjoyed today's

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Speaker 3: conversation and that you've been inspired to be a better

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Speaker 3: parent as a result of the big mistakes that Kylie

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Speaker 3: and I make all the time. Have a lot of

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Speaker 3: a weekend. The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin

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Speaker 3: Roland for Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer,

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Speaker 3: and if you'd like more info about making your family happier,

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Speaker 3: we would love for you to join us on our

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Speaker 3: Facebook page Doctor Justin Colson's Happy Families or at happy

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Speaker 3: families dot com.

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Speaker 2: Today