Speaker 1: Lifehun Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
Speaker 1: were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders
Speaker 1: past and present.
Speaker 2: Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
Speaker 2: recorded on de rug Wallamuta Land. Hi guys, and welcome
Speaker 2: back to another episode of Life on Cut. I'm Laura,
Speaker 2: I'm Brittany, and this is ask Gun Cut, our down
Speaker 2: and dirty little episode where.
Speaker 3: We answer you're deep, you're dark, and you're burning questions.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 3: I hate to come in angry. Okay, so we're not
Speaker 3: answering questions straight away.
Speaker 1: No, because I want to talk about something else first.
Speaker 1: Over the weekend, Sas Australia announced their new castle.
Speaker 3: It is great. Everyone loves SAS well.
Speaker 1: Most people love it, they say, well, most people love
Speaker 1: parts of Sas like myself. There are parts I enjoy.
Speaker 1: There are parts I don't want to watch. The farting,
Speaker 1: the wanting to kill each other that I don't like that.
Speaker 1: I thought you just said the farting and I was like,
Speaker 1: I hate that, No, I hate I think Haney badgers
Speaker 1: the fart a lot apparently, so I hate that part.
Speaker 3: And the list has come out and it's pretty cool.
Speaker 3: You know if there are some Olympians on there.
Speaker 1: We've got Peter Bowl, we have Mackinachem, Stephanie Rice. We've
Speaker 1: got some amazing athletes. Then we've got the likes of
Speaker 1: Tim Robarts who was The Bachelor, has twenty five abs
Speaker 1: and then he went on to be an actor. We've
Speaker 1: got some AFL people commentators. We have the Tie Cave
Speaker 1: rescue hero Dr Craig Chalon, which is fucking great, Like
Speaker 1: what an incredible human like highlight, yes, Craig, like yes.
Speaker 1: My problem lies with the people that are only known
Speaker 1: for being either the most controversial athlete of all time,
Speaker 1: like Anthony Mundine, and people that are literally only known
Speaker 1: for drug smuggling, like literally the only reason anyone in
Speaker 1: the whole world knows that is for drug smuggling cocaine
Speaker 1: in another country, like Cassie Sainsbury, I mean cocaine Cassie
Speaker 1: for anyone who doesn't know who we're talking about, Cocaine Cassie,
Speaker 1: which is crazy. We've even given her a cute nickname,
Speaker 1: What a nickname, co Cassie.
Speaker 2: The other one as well that has really sparked some
Speaker 2: controversy in this list is Craig McLachlin. Now, Craig McLachlin
Speaker 2: was an actor, but he's also probably more famously known
Speaker 2: for being up for sexual assault charges. Now they were acquitted,
Speaker 2: but I think it's very important to reiterate that just
Speaker 2: because an assault charge or any charge is acquitted doesn't
Speaker 2: mean that the person is innocent.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, so Craig was actually charged with assault and
Speaker 1: indecent assault over complaints from four different females that he
Speaker 1: was working with on a theater production at the time.
Speaker 3: Now it's funny that.
Speaker 1: You say you only really know him from that reason,
Speaker 1: like everyone has heard the name, but I don't know
Speaker 1: anything he's done acting wise, But I do know that
Speaker 1: he was up for these assault charges and magistrate did
Speaker 1: acquit that, but they also said that we recognize that
Speaker 1: you did this, but what happened at that time was
Speaker 1: there was a change in law, and the change in
Speaker 1: law that occurred meant he could not charged with what
Speaker 1: he had done.
Speaker 2: I did actually see an article Christy wheel and Brown,
Speaker 2: who was the woman who was up against Craig McLachlin
Speaker 2: in these charges. She took to Twitter to show how
Speaker 2: enormously frustrated she is. That's someone and not even I mean,
Speaker 2: frustrated doesn't even describe it. I can't imagine but that
Speaker 2: somebody who she had accused of indecent assault has then
Speaker 2: been welcomed back into the spotlight. But it's like the
Speaker 2: problem with SAS is that it offers this redemption arc
Speaker 2: to people.
Speaker 3: It allows people who.
Speaker 2: Are the criminal or the perpetrator to be seen in
Speaker 2: the light of the victim because they get to humanize themselves.
Speaker 2: They get to sit there and cry and say how
Speaker 2: hard the experience was for them. But it doesn't allow
Speaker 2: the people who are at the receiving end of that
Speaker 2: incident to do the same.
Speaker 1: My personal response from that situation was anger. Right when
Speaker 1: I saw that he was on the show, I was angry,
Speaker 1: and I hadn't even read about Christine her quote. Yet
Speaker 1: when I read what she said, I was furious for
Speaker 1: her and on behalf of every person that has been
Speaker 1: in that situation.
Speaker 3: This is what she said.
Speaker 1: How do we feel about someone who was charged on
Speaker 1: multiple sexual assault charges being put back on TV and
Speaker 1: being referred to as simply a controversial figure. I also
Speaker 1: saw a post saying he was the winner of that case.
Speaker 1: But if you bother to read the judgment, the judge
Speaker 1: who heard the evidence believed that it happened. I am
Speaker 1: so fucking sick of this shit. And amen, Christie, like,
Speaker 1: I cannot imagine being in her position, knowing that this
Speaker 1: person assaulted me, got off because he got lucky, assaulted
Speaker 1: multiple other women.
Speaker 3: And what do we do.
Speaker 1: We put him on a TV show that is going
Speaker 1: to help paint him in a better light and put
Speaker 1: him back into the media spotlight for good reasons only.
Speaker 2: Do you know, though, I understand why says do it?
Speaker 2: Yeah makes us angry, And here we are talking about it,
Speaker 2: But I understand why they've chosen these characters.
Speaker 3: FU can pick some better characters.
Speaker 2: But the reason why they've done it is because of
Speaker 2: the unbelievable pr that it turns out, like, well, here
Speaker 2: we are talking about sas the season hasn't even started
Speaker 2: filming yet and we're already talking about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah. But I'm all for a redemption arc, and I'm
Speaker 1: all for giving people second chances if far out, I
Speaker 1: give people like one hundred and twenty two chances. But
Speaker 1: I do think there are certain categories that do not
Speaker 1: belong on TV. You deserve a redemption arc. Privately, go
Speaker 1: and do the work yourself.
Speaker 3: Yeah, go to charity, speak to it. Yeah, be a.
Speaker 1: Better person totally, but in your own time. Don't get
Speaker 1: paid to do it. These people get paid a good
Speaker 1: amount of money and we are saying what you've done
Speaker 1: wasn't that bad. Like, he's sexually assaulted people women and
Speaker 1: he's been called controversial for it. It is so far
Speaker 1: beyond that.
Speaker 3: So I do.
Speaker 1: I do hope he's a better person, and I do
Speaker 1: hope he has changed, and I hope he's doing the work.
Speaker 1: But I don't think there is not one part of
Speaker 1: me on here that is okay with that casting.
Speaker 3: And that's just one of these controversial figures. Yeah, and
Speaker 3: I think on that, you know.
Speaker 2: So, Craig macclachlin has come out in the past in
Speaker 2: media and talked about how incredibly hard that period of
Speaker 2: life was for him. He's talked about suicidal ideation because
Speaker 2: of it. He's talked about the impact it had on
Speaker 2: his family. And my only issue, I shouldn't say my
Speaker 2: only issue, but one of the big issues with it
Speaker 2: is I guess it gives an opportunity to frame yourself
Speaker 2: as the victim when you're the one who has had
Speaker 2: the bad behavior, When you're the one who is not
Speaker 2: the victim in that instance. I think that therefore it's
Speaker 2: trying to really changed the narrative and that's the problem.
Speaker 2: The other issue is is this is a seven pm
Speaker 2: primetime spot. You know, anybody can watch this, and then
Speaker 2: it comes and begs the question of who are the
Speaker 2: people that we are putting up on a pedestal and
Speaker 2: what are we emulating and saying, well, this is a celebrity,
Speaker 2: and how does that impact sort of a younger generation
Speaker 2: who's watching it. When you see people like Anthony Mundine
Speaker 2: who made comments back in twenty eighteen which were so
Speaker 2: problematic around his views on queer people. This is what
Speaker 2: Anthony Mundine had to say, if we were to live
Speaker 2: in a society just like Aboriginal culture, that homosexuality is
Speaker 2: forbidden and you do it and there are consequences like
Speaker 2: capital punishment or death, you think you were going to
Speaker 2: do it, or think twice about doing it. That's the
Speaker 2: only way to deter the problem. He also then went
Speaker 2: on to say that we should hang the suckers and
Speaker 2: made a link between pedophilia and the queer community. It's
Speaker 2: so disgusting that that is something that can be said
Speaker 2: only in twenty eighteen, and then we're going to replatform
Speaker 2: these people. It's like almost as though, well enough times
Speaker 2: past people will forget. They won't forget enough, but they'll
Speaker 2: forget enough so that we can put them back on
Speaker 2: TV and create all the pr and the press that
Speaker 2: we need around this show.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and in just a few other controversial comments that
Speaker 1: Anthony Mundine has made, this one was about terrorism about
Speaker 1: nine to eleven, and this back in two thousand and one.
Speaker 1: They call it an act of terrorism, but if you
Speaker 1: can understand religion in our way of life, it's not
Speaker 1: about terrorism. It's about fighting for God's law and America
Speaker 1: has brought it upon themselves. He's also like called out women,
Speaker 1: like he called out Kathy Freeman for being a sellout.
Speaker 1: He made claims that men are better leaders than women.
Speaker 4: Like.
Speaker 3: He's just problematic in a lot of levels.
Speaker 1: It's not like it's just one thing. We've put him
Speaker 1: back on. And then we have Cassie Sainsbury Cocaine. Cassie
Speaker 1: the drug smuggler. She smuggled five point eight kilograms of
Speaker 1: cocaine out of Columbia. They were sealed in headphones. Good
Speaker 1: luck to a collabor very heavy headphones, and do you
Speaker 1: know what, Do I think that Cassie can have a
Speaker 1: redemption store and be a better person? I absolutely do.
Speaker 1: And do I think people make mistakes? I absolutely do.
Speaker 1: And I'm okay that we're humans people. Who knows the
Speaker 1: situation that Cassie. I don't know Cassie, but who knows
Speaker 1: the situation she was in at the time, what was
Speaker 1: going through her head, who she was hanging around all
Speaker 1: of these things. My problems not I mean, yes, of
Speaker 1: course I have a problem that she drug smuggled, but
Speaker 1: I get that she's probably done the work and she
Speaker 1: will never do that again, and she served her time.
Speaker 1: But my problems that the show puts these people on
Speaker 1: out of everyone you could put on in Australia that
Speaker 1: is out there doing the work, doing incredible things, doing
Speaker 1: inspirational things like we've got the tie Rescuer, things like
Speaker 1: this that we could be doing, but we're not. We
Speaker 1: are going out of our way. It's not like Cassie
Speaker 1: was very famous an actress or doing all these cool
Speaker 1: things and then she made a mistake and we're giving
Speaker 1: that celebrity an arc of redemption.
Speaker 3: We're not doing that. The only reason she's known is.
Speaker 1: For drug smuggling. So we've plucked her out. We said, yes,
Speaker 1: you are the one we want to put on this show.
Speaker 1: Pay you to do it, like, give you money and
Speaker 1: give you a platform. And I just wonder what that
Speaker 1: is telling young impressional people who are the people that
Speaker 1: are watching this show. What is that tell you that
Speaker 1: it's okay to do whatever you want, because look where
Speaker 1: you end up.
Speaker 2: Do you think, though, that it's a reflection of how
Speaker 2: we as viewers like that we are so because we're
Speaker 2: quite desensitized I reality TV.
Speaker 3: It gets crazier every year.
Speaker 2: We see it with mass we see it with the
Speaker 2: cheating scandals, like things have to be pushed further and
Speaker 2: further and further.
Speaker 3: To keep the audience engaged.
Speaker 2: Do you think we as the audience also play a
Speaker 2: part in this that we are suckers for controversy.
Speaker 3: We love the drama.
Speaker 2: We don't want We think we want the feel good,
Speaker 2: but then when we get the feel good, the feel
Speaker 2: good is boring to us. It's not enough of a cliffhanger.
Speaker 2: I guess I wonder whether SAS would have as much impact,
Speaker 2: whether people would talk about it in the way that
Speaker 2: they do if it was only people who were goodhearted,
Speaker 2: people who have not made mistakes, who were just olympians
Speaker 2: who are trying to put their body to the test.
Speaker 2: And it didn't have this sort of like almost a
Speaker 2: seedy undercurrent to it.
Speaker 3: But I think you can have controversy on there. For sure.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that I don't want to watch rainbows,
Speaker 1: flowers and unicorns, but there are certain categories for me
Speaker 1: that we do not celebrate. That is domestic viol sexual assault,
Speaker 1: and homophobia. I don't know if I'm in a league
Speaker 1: of my own saying that this, And I mean, guys,
Speaker 1: you've announced this list off the back of World Pride.
Speaker 1: I do not get it. I think it is the
Speaker 1: worst casting I have seen. I cannot imagine how these
Speaker 1: four women feel knowing that someone that's sexually assaulted them
Speaker 1: is now on a TV show becoming famous, and he
Speaker 1: will you watch, It'll put him back in the media,
Speaker 1: people forget everything he did. He'll cry, because that's what
Speaker 1: they do. He'll cry on the show and people for him.
Speaker 1: People will feel empathetic for him, and maybe he was
Speaker 1: in a bad place, and no one deserves to have
Speaker 1: these suicidal ideations.
Speaker 3: And you know the fact that he said he had that.
Speaker 1: That's terrible, and I hope he is getting the help
Speaker 1: he needs to reform in every aspect of his life.
Speaker 1: But we don't need to see that on TV.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I totally agree.
Speaker 2: Look, I mean there's been other things in terms of
Speaker 2: SAS that I find a bit troubling, and I know
Speaker 2: that it is a well watched and well received show.
Speaker 2: I know that people love the physicality of it. They
Speaker 2: love the idea of pushing your body to the extreme.
Speaker 2: They enjoy the military structure of it and almost seeing
Speaker 2: behind the scenes of what veterans or military personnel go through.
Speaker 2: The reason why I have, and I guess this comes
Speaker 2: from a bit more of a personal perspective an issue
Speaker 2: with it is because I think it really glorifies war,
Speaker 2: and it really glorifies warrior masculinity, which I think is
Speaker 2: quite toxic in itself. And the reason why I say
Speaker 2: that is because you know, I come from an army family.
Speaker 2: My dad has been in the army or was in
Speaker 2: the army for over twenty eight years, and so I
Speaker 2: have seen the very long term effects that happened the PTSD,
Speaker 2: the depression, the strain that has on not just your
Speaker 2: physical body, but on your mental capacity when you're somebody
Speaker 2: who has long term served in the Special Forces. And
Speaker 2: I guess for me seeing it being used as entertainment
Speaker 2: and having celebrities kind of run around and yelling at
Speaker 2: each other and obviously putting their bodies to the absolute limits,
Speaker 2: but I just think it really trivializes what these people
Speaker 2: go through. And also on top of that, the fact
Speaker 2: that this season is being filmed in Afghanistan. I really
Speaker 2: think that we're trying to like create this entertainment around
Speaker 2: something that really shouldn't be entertainment.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's an interesting perspective because you come from
Speaker 1: it from a very personal perspective. I mean, you've seen
Speaker 1: it and you've gone through it with your family members.
Speaker 3: I've lived the PTSD with my dad.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So that's and I think there'd be a lot
Speaker 1: of people out there right now saying, yes, Laura agree
Speaker 1: because they've got a family member that have gone through
Speaker 1: the same thing. I totally see what you're saying, Laura.
Speaker 1: But as a consumer that doesn't have that tie, I
Speaker 1: can sit back and there are parts I thoroughly enjoy,
Speaker 1: Like when we used to watch that stupid show wipe Out,
Speaker 1: you know, wipe out the people run and jump on
Speaker 1: these big balls and get pumped. You know, I love
Speaker 1: watching that. I love watching that. I think it's fun
Speaker 1: to go watch the celebrity do an obstical course and
Speaker 1: get pumped and get yeller. Yeah, my problem is in
Speaker 1: the people that we're saying are celebrities and are worthy
Speaker 1: of being paid to go on this show and have
Speaker 1: a bigger platform.
Speaker 2: Well, let's see who was watching it when it also
Speaker 2: comes to probably watch it hack.
Speaker 3: I won't.
Speaker 1: I'll only be watching it probably so I can come
Speaker 1: on and have another rant. But that's all question number one, Hi, girls,
Speaker 1: I need help. My ex and I have mutual friends
Speaker 1: that are coming down to visit for a weekend coming up,
Speaker 1: so it's likely that we are all going to hang
Speaker 1: out as a big group at some stage, meaning I'm
Speaker 1: gonna have to see my ex. I haven't seen or
Speaker 1: spoken to him in months and things did not end
Speaker 1: well because he cheated on me. I don't want to
Speaker 1: miss out on hanging out with my friends. I feel
Speaker 1: like I can't expect him to either. It would probably
Speaker 1: be in a group of about five to seven people.
Speaker 1: Should I still hang out with my friends when I
Speaker 1: know my ex will be there. If I'm on the
Speaker 1: fence about wanting to keep things civilized.
Speaker 3: Woo, what would you do? I would I have a
Speaker 3: friend that is doing this right now. Really yeah for me.
Speaker 1: Like I probably wouldn't go, no, because I think you'd
Speaker 1: go bick kray cray.
Speaker 2: Though I just wouldn't go because, like, if you already
Speaker 2: had the friendship with those friends, you already see them
Speaker 2: outside of whenever he's around. Even though yes, maybe it
Speaker 2: then makes a point that you're like, he might realize
Speaker 2: that the reason you're not there is because of him,
Speaker 2: and that's a bit of a point to be made.
Speaker 2: I guess taking care of yourself and your own self
Speaker 2: preservation is way more important than putting up on a
Speaker 2: front to hang out with people that you're gonna see anyway,
Speaker 2: in a friendship that you're going to maintain regardless.
Speaker 1: I just imagine you, you know, like you're out at
Speaker 1: dinner in one of those long tables.
Speaker 3: You're at the other end, just like flicking peas and
Speaker 3: him across the table just snotted.
Speaker 2: It's also different, like if it's a wedding or if
Speaker 2: it's an event that you're going to miss out on
Speaker 2: actual something that's going to be important, it's going to be.
Speaker 3: Time stamped as a memory.
Speaker 2: But if it's just hanging out because you don't want
Speaker 2: to be left out of this group, I think you
Speaker 2: just pick and choose the times when you're actually gonna
Speaker 2: spend time together.
Speaker 3: Totally.
Speaker 1: So it sounds like you and you're leaving the same
Speaker 1: place and your big group of friends is coming down
Speaker 1: to visit.
Speaker 3: This is what it sounds like. I think in this case,
Speaker 3: just tell them you want to do shits separately.
Speaker 1: Let them go to dinner, and then you say, let's
Speaker 1: have breakfast in the morning, or let's have dinner tomorrow night.
Speaker 1: I think if you can avoid putting yourself in a
Speaker 1: situation that's going to be somewhat traumat It was a
Speaker 1: few months ago, he cheated on you and it ended badly.
Speaker 3: I wouldn't be doing it no way in hell if it. Yes, Laura,
Speaker 3: do you think it was a wedding? Yes?
Speaker 2: Do you think sometimes though, when you're in this position,
Speaker 2: like I just think back on like if this was
Speaker 2: me and this had happened, which I know I've been
Speaker 2: in a very similar situation before.
Speaker 3: I personally think the reason.
Speaker 2: Why I would find it difficult to choose between going
Speaker 2: or not going is also because a little part of
Speaker 2: me would just want to see I just want to
Speaker 2: see him.
Speaker 1: I know, I want to go look and really buy
Speaker 1: a flame, like I'd want to be a fire flame.
Speaker 3: He walks in and he's like, damn, she's hot. Five flame,
Speaker 3: That's what I would like. I just want a bit
Speaker 3: of that drama in my life.
Speaker 2: And there's a little bit of me that's like, oh,
Speaker 2: I know that it's so hard to choose between the
Speaker 2: two things, but really, deep down in the bottom of
Speaker 2: the pits of my stomach, I like fucking like the
Speaker 2: drama a little bit, don't you reckon? I just feel
Speaker 2: like this is such an obvious one, Like if he's
Speaker 2: cheated on you, you're not together, Yes, you have mutual friends.
Speaker 2: Surely your friends would understand the need that you have
Speaker 2: to not want to see him, because that's going to
Speaker 2: play on your mental health. It's going to make you
Speaker 2: feel shit. You're going to be in a situation where
Speaker 2: you feel uncomfortable. You're actually not going to be able
Speaker 2: to enjoy the time with your friends anyway, because you're
Speaker 2: gonna sit there being self conscious the whole time. Wondering
Speaker 2: whether he's looking at you, wondering whether he's thinking about you,
Speaker 2: And if he's not doing any of those things, you're
Speaker 2: gonna feel even shitter because you're like, oh, he doesn't
Speaker 2: even care. I don't even rate in his radar. I think,
Speaker 2: just don't put yourself in that situation.
Speaker 3: If I can do, not go. Yeah, my friend that
Speaker 3: is like in this situation, did she go? He It's
Speaker 3: not a one off. It's been an ongoing saga that
Speaker 3: we have for like six months. Same thing. He was
Speaker 3: in a really bad relationship.
Speaker 1: The other guy's toxic, cheated and multiple times bad egg right,
Speaker 1: But they have this big group of friends and over
Speaker 1: and over and over again, he goes to the same
Speaker 1: events knowing he's going to be there, and I said,
Speaker 1: why don't you and then he always ends up being
Speaker 1: like it was so fucked.
Speaker 3: He did this a terrible time. I was like, Okay,
Speaker 3: why do you keep doing it?
Speaker 1: Don't go And he's like, I've got to go this
Speaker 1: weekend because it's you know, Pride or whatever. We're going
Speaker 1: to be there, and I said, I get that you
Speaker 1: want to be a part of it, but I was like,
Speaker 1: you always leave feeling so deflated and shit like every
Speaker 1: single time. And he's like, but I don't want to.
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have to give up my friends, And I agree,
Speaker 1: no one should have to. But there's got to be
Speaker 1: a time where you choose you, like you choose your
Speaker 1: sanity and your mental health over putting yourself in these situations.
Speaker 3: But like what a dinner.
Speaker 2: But also if these are your real friends, like these
Speaker 2: are people who love you, who want you in their
Speaker 2: life as much as you want them in your life,
Speaker 2: They're not going to panealize you just because you didn't
Speaker 2: go to a dinner or whatever it is that your
Speaker 2: ex boyfriend's at. They're also going to make an effort
Speaker 2: to spend time with you, because I think that if
Speaker 2: they are only giving you the option of like, oh,
Speaker 2: this is the time that we get to spend together
Speaker 2: and it is unfortunately with him every single time, then
Speaker 2: they're not really understanding your emotional needs, where you're at,
Speaker 2: how you're recovering from this, especially when you're the one
Speaker 2: who didn't do anything wrong in the relationship and you
Speaker 2: were cheated on.
Speaker 3: I think it's just it's so much pressure. It's so
Speaker 3: much pressure.
Speaker 1: Laughing because I just in my head playing out a
Speaker 1: scenario I was watching it happen. I'd probably like make
Speaker 1: plans with other friends, right, just accidentally rock up with
Speaker 1: the restaurants because you're fucking crazy.
Speaker 3: No, so you've got so like this is what I do. Okay,
Speaker 3: bear with me.
Speaker 1: I'd make plans so I had somewhere to be in,
Speaker 1: something to do, so, you know, because you don't want
Speaker 1: to be at home on your own when you know
Speaker 1: your whole group of friends is at like, I'm sure
Speaker 1: there's something else you could do, So make your plan.
Speaker 3: But then what I do?
Speaker 1: Dress up like a hot fire flame, turn up to
Speaker 1: the restaurant that they're at. Just say hey, guys, I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry I can't hang tonight. I'm just but I'll
Speaker 1: pop in and say hello. So you pop in as
Speaker 1: a fireflame, say hey to everyone. He clocks you, he's like, fuck,
Speaker 1: she looks so good.
Speaker 3: No, because then you're doing it for the wrong reasons.
Speaker 3: It doesn't matter. Sometimes sometimes revenge is the best, but
Speaker 3: that's not how you keep friends.
Speaker 1: No, but just say I'm so sorry I couldn't make
Speaker 1: it tonight. Because then you're you're popping in, You're saying
Speaker 1: HOLLI to your friends, which you wanted to do. But
Speaker 1: you're not putting yourself in the situation where you have
Speaker 1: to be at the dinner for five hours. You also
Speaker 1: look hot, he's gonna clock it. You go on and
Speaker 1: get on with your night for me like petty, Yes, patty, petty.
Speaker 1: But also you're ticking off a lot of boxes. You're
Speaker 1: seeing your friends, you're saying hi, he's seeing that you're hot,
Speaker 1: and you're going and enjoying your night, and you're not
Speaker 1: putting yourself in a toxic situation.
Speaker 4: Is it healthy?
Speaker 3: Probably not? Would I do it? Yeah?
Speaker 2: When you say you're not putting yourself in a toxic situation,
Speaker 2: I still think you're going there with the very bad
Speaker 2: intentions because you're going there not with the intention of
Speaker 2: seeing your friends. You're going there to make him jealous.
Speaker 2: That shouldn't be a motivator.
Speaker 3: It s.
Speaker 4: All right.
Speaker 2: Question number two, how do you overcome loneliness for containing
Speaker 2: those human blow up dolls?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: You just get a giant life size pillow and color
Speaker 1: it and a flash lin Do.
Speaker 3: You have a flashlight? I always call it a flash light,
Speaker 3: I mean flashlight flash light.
Speaker 1: No, I don't have one, because they're for a man
Speaker 1: it's a vagina. Yeah, but that was where your mind
Speaker 1: went to first. You didn't say get a dildough, you
Speaker 1: said get a flash light. And I was like, because
Speaker 1: I cater for women and men on this podcast, Laura,
Speaker 1: we have male listeners.
Speaker 3: The flashlight.
Speaker 2: It was wondering about flash lights and wonder how on
Speaker 2: earth you clean it?
Speaker 3: I think, actually, I know, I think because you have one. No, well,
Speaker 3: I have a lot of friends that.
Speaker 1: Have them, but you can turn you just like flip
Speaker 1: them inside out and like really get it out there.
Speaker 3: But I don't think it's easy.
Speaker 2: My old housemate used to have one, and he used
Speaker 2: to just leave it on my bed sometimes as a joke.
Speaker 3: Not funny, but I don't.
Speaker 2: Think he actually ever used it or like, at least
Speaker 2: I like to think he didn't use it, And.
Speaker 3: How do you use it on your bed?
Speaker 2: He would just leave it around the house as a joke,
Speaker 2: which now I realize is really inappropriate.
Speaker 3: Everyone's looking at me like, that's fucked.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 3: I didn't even let you finish.
Speaker 2: Moving on for context, my entire friendship group has a
Speaker 2: partner or isn't a relationship, and I'm really happy for
Speaker 2: them that they've all found their penguins. However, I am
Speaker 2: the only single person in my core friendship group and
Speaker 2: in my life, none of my friends want to go
Speaker 2: out for drinks or to party because they would rather
Speaker 2: be at home with their partners, which you know, I
Speaker 2: totally get.
Speaker 3: I am an.
Speaker 2: Introvert and find it very hard to make new friends.
Speaker 2: I also find it difficult to do things on my
Speaker 2: own to fill my own cup. I love being single,
Speaker 2: but when I look at my friends and see how
Speaker 2: happy they are in their relationships, it makes me feel
Speaker 2: so unbelievably lonely as I have not found the person
Speaker 2: I want to be with yet. I tried online dating
Speaker 2: and absolutely hated it as all the people I matched
Speaker 2: with gave me the biggest ick. How do I overcome
Speaker 2: this feeling of loneliness and how do I keep the
Speaker 2: belief that I will find my penguin one day?
Speaker 1: This one definitely resonates with me because I was in
Speaker 1: that situation for a long time. Like I know exactly
Speaker 1: what she's thinking and feeling. I'm going to speak on
Speaker 1: behalf of producer Keisha. I know Keisha has been in
Speaker 1: that situation too because we are in our thirties. Slash
Speaker 1: Keisha is close.
Speaker 3: Actually's like, donate me, I'm rounding it up. Keisha's almost thirty.
Speaker 1: We were in that situation everyone around us was in
Speaker 1: relationships and we're having kids and going on these romantic holidays.
Speaker 1: That's possibly why Kisha and I maybe we did grow
Speaker 1: so close so quickly, is because we were in the
Speaker 1: same stage of life and we were wanting to go
Speaker 1: out a lot to meet people. We were, you know,
Speaker 1: crying on each other's shoulders, and we were sharing that
Speaker 1: sense of loneliness. I don't think loneliness has to be
Speaker 1: looked at as such a bad thing. I think sometimes
Speaker 1: it's okay to be on your own and feel that.
Speaker 1: But if it's actually starting to be all you think
Speaker 1: about and all you feel and become very detrimental to
Speaker 1: your life, then there are things you need to do
Speaker 1: for you. It sounds difficult because it sounds like you
Speaker 1: don't really want to be going on the dates and
Speaker 1: you don't like meeting you people. You also said you're
Speaker 1: an introvert you want to stay in. You were going
Speaker 1: to have to make a really active, conscious decision, active
Speaker 1: effort to be going out and putting yourself in situations
Speaker 1: where you'll meet people because it's not going to just
Speaker 1: come and sit on your lap. And this was for
Speaker 1: me as well. I'm an introvert. I love staying in.
Speaker 1: People don't know that, but Kisho used to have to
Speaker 1: drag me out. She's like, you need to go out
Speaker 1: and do something. You need to meet people, because I
Speaker 1: was like, I just want to sit inside. One thing
Speaker 1: that helped. I don't know if this is what you're
Speaker 1: a doing or if this is a possibility for you,
Speaker 1: but getting a pet really helps with the feeling of loneliness.
Speaker 1: It gives you a purpose, it gives you something to do,
Speaker 1: something to love, something that loves you back. Everyone always
Speaker 1: gets confused if my dog Delilah is mine Orquisha's, and
Speaker 1: that's because she's it's almost like shared custody because sometimes
Speaker 1: Kisha messages me, She's like I need a cud or
Speaker 1: can I have Delilahs on it? And I'm like, it's true,
Speaker 1: and then she doesn't give it back for four weeks.
Speaker 3: I know, I'm still confused as to whose dog it is,
Speaker 3: to be honest, but.
Speaker 1: Because that's how much love and it can actually fill
Speaker 1: your cup in your situation, maybe I don't know if
Speaker 1: that's an option but maybe getting a pet. It could
Speaker 1: be a cat, I mean, not a goldfish, they do
Speaker 1: not fill your cup and they die a lot, but
Speaker 1: something that you can cuddle and love.
Speaker 2: I think as well, like within our Western society, we
Speaker 2: very much prioritize romantic love as the be all and
Speaker 2: end all of the status of relationships, Like if you
Speaker 2: don't have romantic love, then all you must be a
Speaker 2: bit lonely.
Speaker 3: It's almost like it's expected of us.
Speaker 2: But I think that sometimes we undervalue just how powerful
Speaker 2: and important platonic French are, not just platonic friendships, but
Speaker 2: like all different kinds of love brit Like you say,
Speaker 2: like the love for a pet, there are so many
Speaker 2: other ways of receiving that that don't have to be
Speaker 2: from being in a relationship, especially if you are not
Speaker 2: enjoying dating or you're you know, needing a bit of
Speaker 2: a break from that space. The other thing, as well,
Speaker 2: is is that I think it's important to remember that
Speaker 2: even though you feel lonely, now, that's not a static feeling.
Speaker 2: Like you know, you might feel lonely for a month,
Speaker 2: you might feel lonely for six months, but you're not
Speaker 2: going to feel lonely for years and there are things
Speaker 2: that you will do and that feeling will ebb and
Speaker 2: flow just like so many other feelings. But you probably
Speaker 2: have to try and break out of the introvert. You
Speaker 2: have to try and break out of the it's easier
Speaker 2: to just stay home. Online dating sucks. I haven't met
Speaker 2: anyone who I like, because you probably will go through
Speaker 2: not meeting people that you like until you meet someone
Speaker 2: that you like.
Speaker 3: That's just how it works.
Speaker 2: I guess the thing is knowing when to put energy
Speaker 2: into something and knowing when to pull back, but also
Speaker 2: giving something the chance, because I think if you're an introvert,
Speaker 2: you're not enjoying online dating. It can be so quick
Speaker 2: and easy to be like, oh, I got the itck
Speaker 2: from everyone before you've even actually given that person the
Speaker 2: chance to show that they can be a decent bloke
Speaker 2: or girl.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and also I don't want this to be taken
Speaker 1: the wrong way, But situational friendships are a thing. And
Speaker 1: I say situational friendships because people gravitate towards each other
Speaker 1: that are in the same situation and the same stage
Speaker 1: of life. New mums want to be around new mums
Speaker 1: because they understand it. The chaos is the same they
Speaker 1: have things to talk about the same way.
Speaker 3: Is also a very very lonely time of life as
Speaker 3: well for a lot.
Speaker 1: Of mums exactly, And it's the same for for people
Speaker 1: like you right now that you're saying you're single with
Speaker 1: all your friends are coupled up, so they're staying home.
Speaker 3: I have made so many.
Speaker 1: Friends of friends people I have met friends of friends
Speaker 1: of friends who I've been out to dinner with met once,
Speaker 1: but they are also single, and you become friends with them,
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, we should go out sometime because you
Speaker 1: know that they're probably in the same situation. So maybe
Speaker 1: he do need to start to branch out in a
Speaker 1: way that you're comfortable with. If you are not comfortable
Speaker 1: to be going online dating, that's cool, but you still
Speaker 1: need to be putting yourself in the wild. Because if
Speaker 1: you're not going to put yourself in the wild and
Speaker 1: you're not going to online date, how do you think
Speaker 1: that's going to happen. So maybe you become friends with
Speaker 1: someone else that's in the same situation as you. And
Speaker 1: there's got to be someone else that you know in
Speaker 1: your circle of friends friends that is single, that is
Speaker 1: willing to go out and have a dinner and have
Speaker 1: a drink and meet people.
Speaker 2: Or you just sabotage your friends relationships and make them
Speaker 2: all single again.
Speaker 3: That's another site. Who's cheating on? Who just break up
Speaker 3: your hair friend else's relationships? Yeah, that all your friends
Speaker 3: are single and then you can all hang out again.
Speaker 1: I guess one other thing I want to say, because
Speaker 1: the question is, you know you're feeling this loneliness. Now
Speaker 1: this is not a plug for our podcast, but one
Speaker 1: thing that I found helped when I was feeling that
Speaker 1: is when I didn't really want to go out and
Speaker 1: be with other people and I didn't have a dog
Speaker 1: at that point, or I didn't want to be online dating.
Speaker 3: I would go for a walk and put a podcast on.
Speaker 1: Now, there are plenty of female podcasts that I used
Speaker 1: to listen to, comedy podcasts, Girls Got to Eat. We've
Speaker 1: had them before. On the podcast, my therapist goes to me,
Speaker 1: that's a comedy podcast. I put on women based podcasts.
Speaker 1: Sometimes they even true crime, but I find the comedy
Speaker 1: ones better and I felt less alone. I would be
Speaker 1: walking the coastal walk and I'd be listening to two
Speaker 1: women laughing, talking, sharing these moments, and I would feel
Speaker 1: like I had filled my cup to a point that
Speaker 1: didn't make me feel lonely anymore. And I had a
Speaker 1: laugh and I felt better. So I think if there
Speaker 1: are things that you can do like that that might
Speaker 1: seem like a strange suggestion, but it it's real and
Speaker 1: it's what I did and it's what helped me. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean the last thing I would add to this,
Speaker 2: which I think we've covered off so many times before.
Speaker 2: We've spoken them to that life on cover No, well,
Speaker 2: so many times we've spoken about loneliness before. We've been like,
Speaker 2: do a sport, get a pet, you know, like do
Speaker 2: other things in your life that open up your circle,
Speaker 2: explore those looser connections and you know, you know, we
Speaker 2: can talk about all those different types of ways of
Speaker 2: bringing in new people into your life. But I also
Speaker 2: think it's a big part of this is like finding
Speaker 2: a purpose as well.
Speaker 3: Well.
Speaker 2: If you're not happy in your work, if you don't
Speaker 2: have a purpose outside of just your friendship groups. Maybe
Speaker 2: it's working with the charity, maybe it's I don't know, writing,
Speaker 2: whatever it is, maybe it's journaling. There's so many other
Speaker 2: things in life that can bring purpose to you that
Speaker 2: make you feel less lonely that don't have to do
Speaker 2: with people that aren't dependent on everyone else around you.
Speaker 3: They're things that you have control over.
Speaker 2: And I really think that like a charitable aspect of
Speaker 2: that can go a long way. You're helping other people
Speaker 2: which also get something back for you, and I think
Speaker 2: that that community aspect can really be built into it.
Speaker 3: So that's something else to explore. What is it that you.
Speaker 2: Could do that is selfless but also in turn you're
Speaker 2: feeling less lonely for it? Question number three, third and
Speaker 2: final question. It's a quickie, literally what could be? How
Speaker 2: do I know if I have squirted?
Speaker 3: Is this coming from you?
Speaker 1: Laura? Though?
Speaker 2: So firstal question, No, this has come as there has
Speaker 2: been some confusion. This person who's written in thinks maybe
Speaker 2: they have squirted, but they're not sure. Oh and I
Speaker 2: guess the question here is is what would be defined
Speaker 2: as squirting? How much liquid needs to be a squirt?
Speaker 1: Well?
Speaker 3: How do you know?
Speaker 2: Is it a different sensation? What does it feel like?
Speaker 2: Is it so obvious like having an orgasm? We all
Speaker 2: say that you just know, but do you just know?
Speaker 1: Well?
Speaker 3: We have produce a Keisha here who is a squirt.
Speaker 1: Welcome to the podcast produce a Keisha.
Speaker 3: She's like, I'm not getting out of dying.
Speaker 2: She's like, you.
Speaker 3: Shine, I applause. I slowly clapped you. I first clapped
Speaker 3: you in.
Speaker 1: Come on over, I'll protect you can come over to them,
Speaker 1: just to clarify, because I know people think that production
Speaker 1: I hate each other.
Speaker 3: I don't know what I'm forcing you over to talk
Speaker 3: about your squirting. I think it was when you called
Speaker 3: her a squirter that she took that to a ertor
Speaker 3: you know.
Speaker 4: My objection is to being called the squire of the team,
Speaker 4: like I'm a pokemon.
Speaker 3: Keisha the squirt. Everyone has to have a nickname Kha.
Speaker 3: It's that or truffle. Not going to lie that's the case.
Speaker 4: No, the reason I'm happy to talk about this is
Speaker 4: simply because you're not and Laura, you haven't squared it before.
Speaker 2: I've never or maybe I am the person who doesn't know.
Speaker 2: I have never had an experience where I've been like, oh,
Speaker 2: that was a squirt you know?
Speaker 3: How do you know?
Speaker 4: Yeah? I think it is one of those similar to
Speaker 4: the orgasm thing you kind of do know, But a
Speaker 4: few things that I think would make it a little
Speaker 4: bit more describable to someone and I haven't experienced this much,
Speaker 4: but when I have, I.
Speaker 3: Was like, what the fuck is going? What is happening?
Speaker 4: Okay, so a couple of different things. So it is
Speaker 4: caused by touching like a gland that's quiet.
Speaker 1: We don't need to know the scientific we just want
Speaker 1: to know what do you actually see an experience? So
Speaker 1: this is what I mean though, because it describes the
Speaker 1: difference between that and being wet, because it's like a
Speaker 1: different viscosity, like being wet from being turned on?
Speaker 3: Is quiet? Watery?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 3: The opposite? Ah right, quite like a viscous solution. Yeah,
Speaker 3: Like it's quite like glue.
Speaker 4: Have you ever lifted your tongue and involuntarily I can
Speaker 4: voluntary stuff come out? Yeah, it's from your gleb gland
Speaker 4: called gleating, So it's kind of like that, but down there,
Speaker 4: so it's like more of a watery thing.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: So here's my question though, So when in someone's squirts
Speaker 2: or in your experience, because I'm not going to use
Speaker 2: you as the benchmark for all people who squirt. If
Speaker 2: you squirt, is it a feeling like an orgasm where
Speaker 2: you know that there's a release or is it purely
Speaker 2: that you know because of the wetness.
Speaker 3: Is there a physical sensation that is different for me?
Speaker 4: It's definitely a different physical sensation, So it doesn't feel
Speaker 4: as good as an orgasm, Like it's kind of a little.
Speaker 3: Bit more like there is a sensation.
Speaker 4: But like I said, it's the thing I would like
Speaker 4: in it too, is when you lift up your tongue
Speaker 4: and like the water squirts out and you're like na,
Speaker 4: But that's not relieving for me. I don't get like,
Speaker 4: I'm not like ooh, that that hit a spot. I
Speaker 4: don't find the sensation of that a relieving one. Like
Speaker 4: it's not comparable to an orgasm or to like being
Speaker 4: super turned on and being sexually super aroused. But physically,
Speaker 4: when you're looking at it, is it like water is
Speaker 4: literally I say water. We're just gonna say what we
Speaker 4: know it's not. Is it literally squirshing out?
Speaker 1: Is it obvious that it's a thing or is it
Speaker 1: just more of it that floods out like a little
Speaker 1: over a waterfall or is it like a spray gun?
Speaker 3: Like what are they looking at?
Speaker 4: In my experience, Like the first time this happened, I
Speaker 4: only really knew because he knew.
Speaker 3: And said something he was like, oh look, and I
Speaker 3: was like, I put himself on the back, like what
Speaker 3: is going on?
Speaker 4: But I realize it's because of like the particular technique
Speaker 4: and the fact that he knew he was like hitting
Speaker 4: a gland deliberately because that would happen.
Speaker 2: So this is the thing, right, because I feel like
Speaker 2: there is a technique for making it happen. It's like
Speaker 2: I think finger banging is the way to go for
Speaker 2: a lot of people from what I've heard. And I
Speaker 2: say this because genuinely it has not happened to me.
Speaker 2: My next question is how much how much liquid is there?
Speaker 4: I think it could vary like a lot, based on
Speaker 4: like the person. In my experience, it wasn't enough to
Speaker 4: have to wash bedsheet, but I think that that's not
Speaker 4: the most common. I think that for some people it's
Speaker 4: like quite a substantial amount of liquid.
Speaker 3: Like lay the tarp holling down.
Speaker 2: The reason why I asked this, though, is because I
Speaker 2: think that porn and I think that the general conversations
Speaker 2: around squirting is maybe what has confused some people as
Speaker 2: to whether they have or haven't done it before, because
Speaker 2: it seems like it is this like huge unbelievable rush
Speaker 2: of liquid like you're just squirting every and I'm like,
Speaker 2: surely it's not that otherwise you would be washing bed
Speaker 2: sheets and laying down some sort of waterproofing sheet.
Speaker 3: Some people do, some people all right, Brittany, step up
Speaker 3: to the plane. Plenty of friends.
Speaker 1: Don't be confused if you think it's a little bit,
Speaker 1: and don't be confused if you think it's a lot.
Speaker 3: You haven't wet yourself.
Speaker 1: I have friends that have like full cups of water
Speaker 1: on the bed, like it looks like you've wet yourself.
Speaker 4: I think it's one of those situations like you've asked,
Speaker 4: how do you know that it's happened? I mean, in
Speaker 4: a similar way to how orgasms are so different for
Speaker 4: each person. You can have clatoral ones, you can have
Speaker 4: people who experience penetrative ones, and they can feel so different.
Speaker 4: I think this could be a similar thing.
Speaker 1: For me.
Speaker 4: There wasn't a huge amount of volume, and like it
Speaker 4: felt good, but it definitely didn't feel comparable to an orgasm.
Speaker 4: But that could just be my body, Like your body
Speaker 4: could be really different and it could feel like the
Speaker 4: best thing that's ever happened to you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I feel like it's been held up
Speaker 2: at the moment as like the holy grail of sex.
Speaker 2: It used to be let's get an orgasm, and now
Speaker 2: it's like you've only had a good sex if you've squirtted.
Speaker 4: Yeah. And also I think it's LEDs like a toxic
Speaker 4: mask thing where they're kind of.
Speaker 3: Like I made a squirt, like, you know, got it
Speaker 3: a square.
Speaker 4: I'm like, dude, it didn't feel it Like, it doesn't
Speaker 4: feel as good as for me, So don't make that
Speaker 4: the goal.
Speaker 1: I reckon.
Speaker 3: Your guy didn't even do it. He was quickly like,
Speaker 3: put a couple of water there, and he's like, I've
Speaker 3: done I just it And you're like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: is that what it is? He's like, yeah, tell everyone,
Speaker 3: tell you the podcast tagged me.
Speaker 2: Well, anyway, guys, that is literally it from us. Thanks
Speaker 2: for sharing that. Sorry for putting you on the spot.
Speaker 2: I hope you enjoyed. Props to the guy who did it,
Speaker 2: beause I'm sure he wanted that pat on the back
Speaker 2: as well.
Speaker 3: In commas, Okay, Kesh just said he's a funckord. Guys.
Speaker 1: That's it. Keep your questions coming into Instagram A live
Speaker 1: punk cut. Podcasts with your asking cuts can also keep
Speaker 1: your confessionals coming in. You're accidentally unfiltered all the good
Speaker 1: stuff that.
Speaker 3: You think we want to know about. We love receiving them,
Speaker 3: and don't forget.
Speaker 1: Tell your mom, tell your dad, tell you DOT, do
Speaker 1: your custins, Tell your mom, tell you dad, tell you
Speaker 1: doctor your friends, and share the love because we love them.