Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, Hello, I'm back. Actually, I'm here every bloody week.
Speaker 2: Who would have thought, Laura Burn I.
Speaker 1: Can't wait to fight with you on this record.
Speaker 2: You and me sitting here together, microphones in hand. Also
Speaker 2: wine in hand for you, which is no major surprise.
Speaker 1: Really, should we do an intro? Let's do the intro, Hi, guys,
Speaker 1: and welcome back to what you've all been missing, what
Speaker 1: you've all been wanting. God knows why. And it's Maddie
Speaker 1: j because we're here, and it is Bachelor Laurette. It's
Speaker 1: bat chev uncut. Is that what we're calling it this season?
Speaker 2: Let's call it bad shed uncut.
Speaker 1: That makes sense, all right, Welcome back to Batched Uncut.
Speaker 1: I'm here with your favorite host, Matty Jay.
Speaker 2: Oh god, I'm back. And it's good to have some
Speaker 2: purpose in my life, to be honest.
Speaker 1: I mean you've been pretty busy, Yeah, I have.
Speaker 2: I have had a lot going on since we last
Speaker 2: did batchun Cut. I mean I'm thinking back. I got
Speaker 2: a new pair of socks, I bought a fry pan
Speaker 2: online and well.
Speaker 1: It hasn't arrived yet or I just haven't seen you
Speaker 1: use it.
Speaker 2: No, it hasn't arrived yet. And I did some weeding.
Speaker 2: I did a bit of weeding in the garden last
Speaker 2: week as well. So that's my life.
Speaker 1: Do you know what. There's one thing that Matt does
Speaker 1: like to do every day, which I'm just gonna throw
Speaker 1: him under the bus here a little bit. He likes
Speaker 1: to stand in front of the mirror every morning and
Speaker 1: also every evening. It's a twice daily ritual now and
Speaker 1: flex his muscles and then say, hey, baby, touch that.
Speaker 1: Look how hard it is. Do you think I've gotten bigger?
Speaker 1: That's what he does.
Speaker 2: Excuse me?
Speaker 1: Is there anyone out there understand this?
Speaker 2: No, don't make it seem like I'm such an egotistical prick.
Speaker 2: I did it once, did it once, maybe twice, maybe
Speaker 2: three times at.
Speaker 1: The most twice today.
Speaker 2: I can't help it that I look amazing at the moment.
Speaker 2: I've been doing some push ups. Okay, let me love myself.
Speaker 1: The one thing Matt has been doing a lot of
Speaker 1: during Lockdown and Sydney is he has been working out
Speaker 1: and he is looking sizeable. I'll let you all in
Speaker 1: on a little secret.
Speaker 2: I thought you were going to say that, you know,
Speaker 2: it was the fact that I get you a coffee
Speaker 2: every single morning or the fact that I do the
Speaker 2: washing every single day, or the fact that I do
Speaker 2: the dishwasher and the kitchen every single day. When was
Speaker 2: the last time you entered a bin, Laura.
Speaker 1: To be fair, he's not lying like he's actually pretty
Speaker 1: good around the hair.
Speaker 2: And the one thing you choose to point out is
Speaker 2: the fact that I look at myself in the mirror
Speaker 2: and ask you to touch me.
Speaker 1: Clearly you don't feel appreciated. Maybe that's what we're getting to. Well,
Speaker 1: once again, it's been an excellent Araby session for us,
Speaker 1: nothing like these batch on cuts. Look, you know, when
Speaker 1: we started batchng cut last season and we unpacked Jimmy
Speaker 1: and Hollies, we didn't know what we were doing, and
Speaker 1: we got to the end of it we still didn't
Speaker 1: really know what we were doing. But the reason why
Speaker 1: we started doing it during lockdown was because, well, let's
Speaker 1: be real, we had nothing else to do. And now
Speaker 1: this season with Brooke and we're out of lockdown, it
Speaker 1: occurred to Matt and myself that we're parents and we
Speaker 1: still basically never leave the house, So we thought, why
Speaker 1: not do this and unpacked Batchet uncut.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, Lockdown ended, and we still haven't gone out,
Speaker 2: We've not done anything differently, life is very much the
Speaker 2: same as in Lockdown, so we're like, hey, we may
Speaker 2: as well. But also the great feedback that we had.
Speaker 2: Obviously we wouldn't have done it if we didn't feel
Speaker 2: like people were enjoying it. So to everyone who reached
Speaker 2: out and said we are loving it, thank you so much.
Speaker 2: We're doing this for you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there was literally at least ten people who were
Speaker 1: really stoked. So you know, guys, cheers, We're back and
Speaker 1: here we go. Shall we get into episode one?
Speaker 2: Can I just say, oh, here, we don't. Don't you
Speaker 2: think this season feels very different? Obviously we know it's
Speaker 2: different for the obvious reasons.
Speaker 1: Here we are captain Obvious, it's the first bisexual indigenously,
Speaker 1: and that's like, there's something I can't put my finger
Speaker 1: on it. There's something about this feels particularly unusual. A
Speaker 1: should did he get a haircut?
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean? Obviously there are the obvious.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's guys and girls in the house. It's fucking
Speaker 1: it's wild for.
Speaker 2: The first time globally for the franchise. But isn't it
Speaker 2: nice just to have everyone so excited about the Bachelor franchise.
Speaker 2: You know, the last few seasons, I feel like the
Speaker 2: audience numbers have been dwindling and people have been complaining
Speaker 2: a little bit, and for the first time, it feels
Speaker 2: like everyone is just so pumped, like myself included.
Speaker 1: Well, I also think after last season, like as much
Speaker 1: as we I mean, we recapped it, we loved watching it,
Speaker 1: and we got super invested in it, but to be fair,
Speaker 1: I think they weren't that many Australians who were as
Speaker 1: invested in it as what we were. And as we
Speaker 1: all know you're following the ratings, it kind of didn't
Speaker 1: do as well is what some of the other previous
Speaker 1: seasons have done. And I think so much the franchise
Speaker 1: needed a shake up. For years, people have been calling
Speaker 1: for diversity, people who have been asking for Bachelor to
Speaker 1: change it up because it's so not that it's scripted.
Speaker 1: We know it's not scripted, but it's so formulated. Yes,
Speaker 1: love it when we answer each other's sentences, but it
Speaker 1: really is it's so formulaic. And also the problem with
Speaker 1: it being formulaic is that it becomes pretty fucking obvious
Speaker 1: who's gonna win at the end? Who do you think
Speaker 1: is going to win.
Speaker 2: Well, let's go into actually let's now, let's.
Speaker 1: Just put it on the table right now, and the
Speaker 1: winner who we think the winner is going to be. Again,
Speaker 1: we'll unpack the episodes and then we'll say our top
Speaker 1: three at the end. I love that we've prepared how
Speaker 1: this is going to go.
Speaker 2: The names that we say won't mean anything to anybody
Speaker 2: who hasn't watched the show, So I'm really hoping that
Speaker 2: everyone listening has already seen the first two episodes. But
Speaker 2: my pick, from the moment I saw him, I thought
Speaker 2: he is absolutely gorgeous. He's also a little bit trendy
Speaker 2: as well. I see a lot of myself in this person,
Speaker 2: except I'm really craped with building anything and I don't
Speaker 2: have blonde hair. I've got brown hair. But Conrad, Okay,
Speaker 2: Conrad is my pick to win the show.
Speaker 1: No, I reckon. Conrad's like a number three baby.
Speaker 2: What.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we all know how good you are at picking
Speaker 1: the winners. I am gonna go with the David David,
Speaker 1: the Persian Prince.
Speaker 2: No, you're not pronouncing it right, David David Dvid.
Speaker 1: That's gonna be Darvid.
Speaker 2: He's Irish, now, he's.
Speaker 1: The Persian Irish prince. Anyway, let's get into Unpacking episode Numero.
Speaker 1: Who know. So we kick it off, we are introduced,
Speaker 1: and as Matt said, the big thing about this season
Speaker 1: is that this is in Bachelor history worldwide. Throughout all
Speaker 1: the years, there has never been a bisexual bachelorette. And obviously,
Speaker 1: I mean, it was still a pretty safe bet for
Speaker 1: the Bachelor franchise picking Brook because she is such an
Speaker 1: Australian sweetheart. Everybody already loves her and it is the
Speaker 1: choice that everybody has been pushing for. So we can't
Speaker 1: be more excited to watch this whole season play out.
Speaker 2: Do you think that Channel ten were like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: probably we probably should have given this to Brook a
Speaker 2: couple of years ago, Like.
Speaker 1: She's frigging great lead and how excited, Like Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: now I'm just repeating things you already said, like how
Speaker 1: excited everyone is that they're finally doing this. But I
Speaker 1: also think at the same time, she is just so
Speaker 1: perfectly cast for this role, like the lead up, like
Speaker 1: backstory with Nick, the backstory with Bachelor Paradise, like we
Speaker 1: needed that heartbreak to fully get behind her, and kind
Speaker 1: of like the whole community that all of Australia is
Speaker 1: kind of rallied around Brooke on her quest for love.
Speaker 2: But when the episode started, it was almost as if
Speaker 2: they had to give some kind of a trigger warning
Speaker 2: because we were met with old favorite the honey Badger Mate.
Speaker 1: It was a traumatizing way to start off the first episode,
Speaker 1: wasn't it.
Speaker 3: And generally thought that I was going to be the
Speaker 3: girl at the end. Our connection just kept growing, but
Speaker 3: then everything changed.
Speaker 1: Look, I think it's just too soon to rehash the
Speaker 1: whole Nick not choosing anybody on National TV. I feel
Speaker 1: like it's always going to be too soon, Maybe because
Speaker 1: I also speak to Brittany every day. That's just too soon.
Speaker 1: Oh God. And then Bachelin Paradise, like it's the poor girl.
Speaker 1: She's really had a run so far with the Batch franchise.
Speaker 1: She's really putting all her eggs in the one basket.
Speaker 2: I totally forgot that she was a Batch in Paradise.
Speaker 2: That like that almost was a raise from my memory
Speaker 2: until I saw her with Alex Snation on the small
Speaker 2: screen again. Do you think Alex Nation is watching this
Speaker 2: show right now? Going? I can't believe our rejected Brook
Speaker 2: for Bill, Bill, the guy from the Dog Park, remember him.
Speaker 2: I wonder what he's doing now.
Speaker 1: Well, I think Alexnation is do being okay for herself.
Speaker 1: Now she just had a baby and she has just
Speaker 1: gotten engaged. But do you reckon she's pretty happy.
Speaker 2: You think there's a little part of herself where she's
Speaker 2: kind of like made the wrong call back then, didn't.
Speaker 2: I yeah, but you got to.
Speaker 1: Live through these lessons. You've got to make the mistakes
Speaker 1: to find your penguin. And now she's happy and she's
Speaker 1: had a baby. So I think Alex Nation's doing okay.
Speaker 1: But this isn't Alex Nation's love story. Let's get back
Speaker 1: to Brook. We've done the Honey Badger, We've lived through
Speaker 1: that trauma. Everybody's already feeling a little bit emotionally fragile
Speaker 1: after that. Then we have Australia Bachelor. First, we have
Speaker 1: a Welcome to Country and I'm sorry. If you were
Speaker 1: able to watch that without crying, you are a psychopath
Speaker 1: and you need to go and get some psychiatric help.
Speaker 1: Because every single person I was crying, Matt was crying,
Speaker 1: Lola was crying, but she's always crying. It was a
Speaker 1: lot in the house.
Speaker 2: No, it was it was a nice a nice nod
Speaker 2: to her heritage, and it was great, great online seeing
Speaker 2: the positive reaction from everyone who watches the show to
Speaker 2: something like this.
Speaker 1: It was really beautiful. Honestly, I think it was one
Speaker 1: of the most memorable and momentous things I've ever seen
Speaker 1: happen on The Bachelor, And like, like we were saying
Speaker 1: this whole idea that the Bachelor can be so formulated,
Speaker 1: you can follow this very scripted, patterned sort of editing,
Speaker 1: and that this was just such a beautiful and necessary
Speaker 1: part of this story. I'm so glad that they embrace
Speaker 1: it fully, and I just think exactly what Brooks said,
Speaker 1: like for Indigenous people to be able to see themselves
Speaker 1: represented in that way just shows how much the world
Speaker 1: is changing. Amazing. Anyway, let's get into the red carpet.
Speaker 2: Now, it's time for what I think is my favorite
Speaker 2: part of the entire season. It doesn't get any better
Speaker 2: than this. It's time for the red carpet.
Speaker 1: I think that's a pretty big call, like go hard
Speaker 1: and then it just peters out. What about the ending?
Speaker 1: What about the finale?
Speaker 2: Obviously finale is good everything in the middle, but the
Speaker 2: red carpet, there's no heartbreak, you know, it's all happiness
Speaker 2: and some awkward moments, and that's what I love.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like it like a horse showing or
Speaker 1: something where they have the horses come around with the
Speaker 1: numbers and you're like, oh, that one's good. Oh that's
Speaker 1: got a shiny coat. Oh it's a few crackers short
Speaker 1: of a picnic.
Speaker 2: How many of those type of events have you actually
Speaker 2: been to?
Speaker 1: I went to the Easter Show once.
Speaker 2: Yes, Oh, number fourteen. That's very good. I'll bring back
Speaker 2: fifteen here he is. Yes.
Speaker 1: But the big thing about the Red Carpet as well
Speaker 1: is like they don't.
Speaker 2: Actually, would you prefer it if all the contestants came
Speaker 2: out with a.
Speaker 1: Number, Yeah, just a number.
Speaker 2: We don't know their name, best on and.
Speaker 1: There's three men in the background with a little notepad.
Speaker 2: Just judging them standing in at best on show.
Speaker 1: Okay, So the funny thing though about the Red Carpet
Speaker 1: as well, is like we all know the standouts, you
Speaker 1: know that whoever gets like a bit more extra time,
Speaker 1: Like they're the standouts from the show, people who get
Speaker 1: wrapped up in that montage that we've been in the middle,
Speaker 1: whose names don't even really kind of come up on
Speaker 1: the screen like you know that they're either going home first,
Speaker 1: second or third episode.
Speaker 2: Hey, hey, hey, let's just cast our minds back to
Speaker 2: the Bachelorette. I was the montage guy.
Speaker 1: No, you were.
Speaker 2: I was the montage guy.
Speaker 1: That's such a lie. You had a breakout bit in
Speaker 1: the montage because Georgia Love said you seemed arrogant or something.
Speaker 1: You had your hands in the pocket.
Speaker 2: I was on the screen for about three seconds. So
Speaker 2: to anyone watching, you can almost like guarantee that the
Speaker 2: montage people are then nothing. They're just a bit of
Speaker 2: They're just a bit of fodder. They bit a filler.
Speaker 2: But every now and then a montage person will make
Speaker 2: it through to the end.
Speaker 1: Okay, but we can guarantee that a montage person and
Speaker 1: never Winsje you a testament to that, my montage friend, you.
Speaker 2: Were definitely not a montage person in my episode.
Speaker 1: Can we take one second to talk about Brook's dress? Now?
Speaker 1: Brook is so beautiful, she looked so stunning. But I
Speaker 1: have a question for everybody, and I really spend a
Speaker 1: bit of time thinking about this, How the hell do
Speaker 1: you go to the toilet when you're wearing a dress
Speaker 1: that essentially is three times to site. The skirt was
Speaker 1: the skirt was as wide as it is she is tall.
Speaker 1: How do you go to the toilet when you're wearing
Speaker 1: gloves and a dress like this?
Speaker 2: Would you have to like with that zip like undone?
Speaker 2: Do you think would the designers make a dress like
Speaker 2: that with practicality in mind?
Speaker 1: What said the skirt comes off and it turns into
Speaker 1: a leotard.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then you can just like whip that to
Speaker 2: this items.
Speaker 1: Or just take one glove off of Michael Jackson.
Speaker 2: Or is it like maybe someone just brings out a
Speaker 2: bucket and they're like.
Speaker 1: That would be very unbachelorette.
Speaker 2: Hang on, put a paw with the limousines, bring piss
Speaker 2: bucket out.
Speaker 1: Although I will never forget the time, and unfortunately I
Speaker 1: won't ever let Ellie Miles forget it either, where she
Speaker 1: told an accidentally unfiltered story on our podcast and she
Speaker 1: had done a pooh in a Chinese takeaway container, So
Speaker 1: you know what, she wouldn't be Brook would not be
Speaker 1: the first bachelorette her business in a bucket. Anyway, Guys,
Speaker 1: let's get into the well the non one touched people,
Speaker 1: the people who actually got a little bit of airtime,
Speaker 1: we're kicking it off with Holly.
Speaker 2: Holy beautiful Red Dress mentioned that she was a dancer
Speaker 2: and pretty much got straight into that as soon as
Speaker 2: she met Brook. They didn't even have too much of
Speaker 2: a conversation. It was like, Hey, I'm Holly, I'm Brooke.
Speaker 2: Lovey to meet you. And then Holly was just like,
Speaker 2: come here, embrace me. And they had like what looked
Speaker 2: like a nice dance. But let's not forget that when
Speaker 2: that took place on the night, there would have been
Speaker 2: absolutely no music whatsoever, and it would have been just
Speaker 2: the two of them, face to face, embracing in silence.
Speaker 1: Why are you speaking so staccato?
Speaker 2: Because it would have been awkward. I know. I'm just
Speaker 2: because in those moments when they start filming, they literally
Speaker 2: everyone's on radio and they will say to everybody like,
Speaker 2: shut the hell up, we are now recording. No one's
Speaker 2: allowed to speak, so it is it's dead silent on set.
Speaker 2: And so when you have a moment like that, any
Speaker 2: tiny little noise like a camera guy going, you hear everything.
Speaker 2: So if someone goes m like you hear it.
Speaker 1: Did you do a fart on the red carpet? I'm
Speaker 1: sure I would have at some point, it's a long night.
Speaker 2: When you're the lead, you don't care. You're like whatever,
Speaker 2: it's a long night.
Speaker 1: But also, okay, what Matt is describing, in case you
Speaker 1: didn't quite get that, is there anytime that there's dancing
Speaker 1: on the on the screen, anytime that there's any sort
Speaker 1: of a couple doing I like that. I was about
Speaker 1: to describe what dancing is to you all anytime.
Speaker 2: Dancing as two people moving with certain moves and motion
Speaker 2: to music.
Speaker 1: Okay, anytime that they're dancing on screen in The Bachelor,
Speaker 1: you can guarantee that there was actually no music because
Speaker 1: it's then it's then really difficult for them to record
Speaker 1: the music at the same time and then overlay all
Speaker 1: the twinkly music. So Holly and Brook would have been
Speaker 1: slow dancing to absolute silence, which I think on a
Speaker 1: very first meet is a rather intimidating thing to do
Speaker 1: with someone, Like there's nothing there to kind of buffer you.
Speaker 1: You're right up close, you're breathing on each other.
Speaker 2: Bring it in.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2: But let's not forget the fact that this is filmed
Speaker 2: in winter, so it would have been really cold that night.
Speaker 2: So when Brooke was saying, I felt really comfortable. What
Speaker 2: she really meant is it was just nice to have
Speaker 2: some body warmth with another person.
Speaker 1: And I saw a lot of chatter in our Facebook
Speaker 1: group and people like it's got to be holy, like
Speaker 1: Holly's going to be the one. What I don't know, I.
Speaker 2: Wasn't they say that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, a lot of people are putting their bets on Holly,
Speaker 1: but I don't know. I wasn't feeling it just yet.
Speaker 1: Let's see how things progress. I think she'll be top four,
Speaker 1: top three, She's okay, we're doing the tops later. Okay, sorry,
Speaker 1: would you jump in her head?
Speaker 2: Top four?
Speaker 1: Let's talk about David.
Speaker 2: No, you're not. You're not pronouncing the art correctly. It's Vid.
Speaker 1: So he's a pirate. I'm diagred. We've got a cup
Speaker 1: of tea. David is the Persian Prince. In case anyone
Speaker 1: missed it, David is my pick. He is my winning horse.
Speaker 1: He is my I was gonna say Italian stallion. He's
Speaker 1: definitely not that. He's my Persian stallion. I like him.
Speaker 1: He also came really prepared. Most people come with a gimmick,
Speaker 1: like one gimmick, and Darvid was like, I'm in a
Speaker 1: really Hetch my Bed said, I'm gonna come with three.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So David arrived on a lawn mower, but at
Speaker 2: the back of the lawn mower he had a little
Speaker 2: Persian tea set and then in addition to that, he
Speaker 2: also had a magic lamp. I was like, what doesn't
Speaker 2: David have carrying with him right now?
Speaker 1: I mean, we've got to love a landscaper who likes
Speaker 1: a kappa and he's in touch with his emotions.
Speaker 2: I mean, I just thought he was just starting to
Speaker 2: lie a little bit, you know, I didn't. I didn't
Speaker 2: think he was being very honest. Come on, he's saying
Speaker 2: it's a magic lamp. Come on, mate, there's no such
Speaker 2: thing as a magic lamp. Don't light a brook, mate.
Speaker 1: It's not a good place to start starting your relationship
Speaker 1: off with lie Well, I wonder what her three wishes were.
Speaker 1: Do you know what, I'm gonna put money on the
Speaker 1: fact that that's going to pop up in a date
Speaker 1: somewhere down the line.
Speaker 2: Oh, do you think.
Speaker 1: You gotta rep meet the right way? It's just darvit
Speaker 1: and like little Tassel number, He's like for my fourth act.
Speaker 1: So the next guy that comes out of the limousine is. Look,
Speaker 1: he's probably the most problematic, and weirdly, I also really
Speaker 1: like him from an entertainment factor. However, I kind of
Speaker 1: dislike him at the same time, and I'm sure everybody
Speaker 1: feels the same. It is Bo. It is the self
Speaker 1: proclaimed Bo the Beauty, and Bo tries to give Brook
Speaker 1: a pet name in literally the first four seconds, and
Speaker 1: it is just as cringeworthy as it sounds.
Speaker 3: Brook, Yes, or what I will like to call you, Phoebe?
Speaker 2: And then Bo continues to be even more creepy with
Speaker 2: his sexual innuendos.
Speaker 1: Will someone say I'm a jack of or tray beautiful?
Speaker 2: I say I'm great with my hands?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Bow like that. There's one every season,
Speaker 1: and unfortunately, here he is. He's come in number three. Yeah, look,
Speaker 1: not impressed. Not impressed with the photo shoot. It was
Speaker 1: a bit questionable. He's so a little bit objectifying. Gonna
Speaker 1: put it out there.
Speaker 2: Let's not tarnish Bow early on. He could be able
Speaker 2: to redeem himself. Damn lovely, I have my own personal
Speaker 2: stash of photos already.
Speaker 1: Okay, there's absolutely no chance that Bow is redeeming himself.
Speaker 1: And after a trifecta of absolutely deplorable behavior on the
Speaker 1: red carpet. I would be surprised if he sticks around
Speaker 1: for very long. Brook is a very smart girl, and
Speaker 1: she's not going to keep him in the house.
Speaker 2: But you know what I love is the fact that
Speaker 2: everyone watching this is like, gosh, that's a bit of
Speaker 2: a train wreck entrance, and then Bow to himself is like, yep,
Speaker 2: she probably loves me already.
Speaker 1: But also in that like, I'm gonna absolutely not say
Speaker 1: surely most men, because we all know that there are
Speaker 1: a lot of men who validate bad behavior, but like,
Speaker 1: come on, you cannot say that you're going to keep
Speaker 1: a stash of photos for your private collection money. Holy shit,
Speaker 1: this is a female demographic audience that watches this show.
Speaker 1: Pull your head out of your butthole.
Speaker 2: Poor girl is going to hear that and go, oh
Speaker 2: my gosh, that is so sweet, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: She has a whole photo album of photos of me
Speaker 1: that I didn't really want him to take. It's really cute.
Speaker 1: I think he loves me.
Speaker 2: Okay. The next up we have Carissa, and this is
Speaker 2: this is the first time we hear that WiFi music
Speaker 2: and she steps out as that foot leaves a limousine
Speaker 2: and makes contact with the floor. This beautiful, swirling, emotional
Speaker 2: music is playing, and this is me thinking, all right,
Speaker 2: this is the girl who could be number one.
Speaker 1: And Carissa has the most beautiful story. I mean, it's heartbreaking,
Speaker 1: but at the same time it's it's beautiful. She speaks
Speaker 1: about how her parents passed away, and how after her
Speaker 1: mom passed away she started to see rainbows and that's
Speaker 1: become like a real symbol of optimism and a symbol
Speaker 1: for her that's kind of set her on the right path.
Speaker 1: It was a super intense story to be telling someone
Speaker 1: when you very first met them. But I do get
Speaker 1: the feeling that Brooke is very spiritual and very interconnected
Speaker 1: with her feelings, so it seemed like it was received
Speaker 1: really really well. I think for me personally, if someone
Speaker 1: straight off the bat was like, hey, my parents you
Speaker 1: passed away have pushed me in this direction, I would
Speaker 1: feel an immense amount of pressure around that conversation. But
Speaker 1: then it did kind of turn a little bit comical
Speaker 1: because Carissa had drawn Brook a picture a turtle.
Speaker 2: Do you know what I thought? At first, I misheard
Speaker 2: her and I thought she said, I've drawn a portrait
Speaker 2: of you, So I thought it was going to be
Speaker 2: a picture of Brook, and then Brooke unravels it and
Speaker 2: the turtle pops up, and I was like, that's a
Speaker 2: pretty bad picture.
Speaker 1: But don't get me wrong, and I shouldn't love it's
Speaker 1: a beautiful sentiment. It's actually such a beautiful gift. It's
Speaker 1: just the fact that she keeps reiterating. She's like, I
Speaker 1: am not an artist. I'm just gonna make it really
Speaker 1: clear one one time. I am not an artist, but
Speaker 1: it's a rainbow turtle and it's meant to be a
Speaker 1: symbolism of the LGBTQI community and it has a really
Speaker 1: beautiful meaning behind it. It was just more like the unveiling.
Speaker 1: It was just more the unveiling that I think kind
Speaker 1: of took a turn.
Speaker 2: And I love the fact that she said synchronosity.
Speaker 1: Yeah, did anyone else realize that? And now now I'm
Speaker 1: not sure?
Speaker 2: Okay, is she correct synchronicity? Synchronosity?
Speaker 1: Well, she's she's a psychiatrist. She's real smart guys. So
Speaker 1: on two separate occasions in the first episode, Chrisa said synchronosity.
Speaker 1: And I don't want to be that gromantic head, but
Speaker 1: is it wrong?
Speaker 2: I don't know, excuse me, CHRISA, that's how you say.
Speaker 1: It, CHRISA, you actually pronounced it synchronicity.
Speaker 2: But I think I think synchronosity aside. I think Carissa.
Speaker 2: I think she's going to be a top three.
Speaker 1: I think we have good synchronosity.
Speaker 2: We have the best synchronosity.
Speaker 1: All right, Now it's time for Maddie Jay's favorite boy,
Speaker 1: and that is Conrad, who rocks up in some high
Speaker 1: viers with an Ikea flat pack, ready to really test
Speaker 1: the relationship. Everybody knows that there is nothing more testing
Speaker 1: and trying at the early stages of a relationship than
Speaker 1: going to Ikea and trying to assemble some flat pack. Ah.
Speaker 2: I would not wish it upon anybody.
Speaker 1: But it seems like everything goes well for them. Brooks
Speaker 1: a trooper, She creates a love seat. They make a
Speaker 1: love seat together. Conrad kind of talks about how it's
Speaker 1: gonna be the start of some beautiful memories.
Speaker 2: He is the absolute dream. Tell me he is not
Speaker 2: the most handsome man you've ever seen.
Speaker 1: He is one hundred percent a musician and could very
Speaker 1: well be a fuck boy masquer rating as a sensitive guy.
Speaker 2: Actually, yeah, maybe he's a like he's a bit of
Speaker 2: a kier and Stott type fellow.
Speaker 1: Do you think No, I don't think he's quite a
Speaker 1: cure and come on, don't put him in that basket.
Speaker 2: Well, he does remind me of machine Gun Kelly. No,
Speaker 2: he's with Megan Fox.
Speaker 1: Well, someone from the Facebook group did actually post a
Speaker 1: photo which if you guys haven't seen it, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: put it on Instagram. On Life on Cut podcast, he
Speaker 1: also has very uncanny resemblance to mister G from Summer High.
Speaker 2: Tide, who, No, don't ruin him for me.
Speaker 1: He's like, he's like the hot mister G. He's mister
Speaker 1: G in his youth. If mister G started a punk
Speaker 1: boy band.
Speaker 2: Oh no, you know, you've absolutely destroyed him for me.
Speaker 1: Now, don't get me wrong. I think Conrad I reckon
Speaker 1: he could be a number three. I think he's a goer.
Speaker 1: I'm not one hundred percent settled on my top three yet,
Speaker 1: but we will unpack that at the end.
Speaker 2: He just seems it just seems really cool. I just
Speaker 2: want to be him, all right, dad.
Speaker 1: Anyway. After that, we then have a montage of people
Speaker 1: who are definitely going home. It's interesting. Some of them
Speaker 1: bring brownies, some of them bring cake. I think one
Speaker 1: guy brought vodka, but we couldn't really see and we
Speaker 1: didn't spend any time with him. Also, I want to ask,
Speaker 1: did anyone else notice how there were two people in
Speaker 1: each limousine like they were doing uber pool budget cuts.
Speaker 2: Eight people crammed into the back of a limousine.
Speaker 1: Fuck, but you know you know that it is literally
Speaker 1: eight people because the camera person's on the other side.
Speaker 1: They're producing ex event. So there's like five people sitting
Speaker 1: in this sitting in this limo. Why do they put
Speaker 1: two to a do they always do that? They were?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was in the car with three others for
Speaker 2: my red carpet arrival back in the day.
Speaker 1: I was in the car with three others as well.
Speaker 1: But at the time they never made it seem like
Speaker 1: there were other people in the car. They always made
Speaker 1: it seem like each person got their own individual car.
Speaker 1: But now they're like, ah, fuck it, everyone knows we've
Speaker 1: got no money. Put two of them in, put four
Speaker 1: of them in. We can make this on one trip.
Speaker 1: Petrol's very expensive now and they drive Okay, So you
Speaker 1: guys know, I'm going to give you a bit of
Speaker 1: intel here. They have like a van set up at
Speaker 1: the bottom of the driveway.
Speaker 2: And all the contestants are in the back of a van.
Speaker 1: Literally, all the contestants are sitting in a bus, or
Speaker 1: they're sitting like in a in a makeshift room like
Speaker 1: a big tent, or they're sitting in some sort of van.
Speaker 1: And the limo comes down the driveway one by one
Speaker 1: and picks up three contestants. The three contestants get into
Speaker 1: the limo, and then the limo drives back up the
Speaker 1: driveway and it waits there while each person gets out
Speaker 1: one by one, and then it drives back down it
Speaker 1: picks up three more people from the tent.
Speaker 2: It's so unnglamorous, you make it sound like they're transporting
Speaker 2: live stock.
Speaker 1: Heah, back to a number fifteen. They've got great legs.
Speaker 2: And as they're churning through this montage, there is one
Speaker 2: absolute standout, who I guess gives us a bit of
Speaker 2: a showcase of what not to do on the red carpet. Well, hey, bat, yet,
Speaker 2: it's time to see seem right for you and you
Speaker 2: will rap from me.
Speaker 1: Who knows where this journey could go.
Speaker 2: Could be a bombing rud with herds and loves.
Speaker 1: So this is Matt Matt is the rapper, and you
Speaker 1: know what, I'm going to give him one point one
Speaker 1: point for his efforts. It's the fact that he has
Speaker 1: good self awareness in that. I think that there's one
Speaker 1: thing that's lacking in the Patch Mansion is a lot
Speaker 1: of people kind of don't really have that self awareness,
Speaker 1: and they do and say some ridiculous things. But at
Speaker 1: least Matt in retrospect kind of regretted what he did.
Speaker 2: I didn't even think I could wrap. I don't even
Speaker 2: think still I can wrap. That was just ridiculous. Although
Speaker 2: that self awareness probably kicked in just a little bit late,
Speaker 2: don't you think.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Look, timing wasn't the best in things.
Speaker 2: Hey, do you remember Jamie Lee?
Speaker 1: You remember? I don't know why my brain is doing
Speaker 1: this today, but it is.
Speaker 2: Do you remember Jamie Lee? Yes, from Honey Badger's season.
Speaker 2: She was an intruder.
Speaker 1: I mean, she wasn't on the season for very long,
Speaker 1: but yes, I remember her.
Speaker 2: She was. Yeah, she didn't have the best run, but
Speaker 2: still she has that connection with Brook because they're on
Speaker 2: the same season together. And now now Laura Byrn she's back.
Speaker 1: Okay, I have a few questions about this situation. I've
Speaker 1: got a few things I want you all to ponder.
Speaker 1: How did she get cast? Like how did the producers
Speaker 1: know one that she would have been interested in Brook
Speaker 1: to get cast or were they like, hey, Jamie Lee
Speaker 1: is also bisexual, so let's check if she wants to
Speaker 1: be on this season, Like, like, how would they have known?
Speaker 1: Because they think it's a pretty big stretch to go.
Speaker 1: Jamie Lee and brook are friends. They were on the
Speaker 1: same season together and they became friends. So I think
Speaker 1: it's a big stretch for producers to reach out to
Speaker 1: someone and say, hey, do you actually have the hots
Speaker 1: for your friend? Would Jamie Lee have reached out to producers?
Speaker 2: I think she would have reached out because if you remember,
Speaker 2: normally back in the day, they wouldn't they wouldn't announce
Speaker 2: who the lead is or the bachelor of Bachelorette that
Speaker 2: would ask people to apply without knowing who they're going
Speaker 2: to be matched with. But with Brooks season, they announced saying, hey,
Speaker 2: this is going to be the Bachelorette. You're asking de
Speaker 2: gea start applying right now. So maybe Jamie Lee saw
Speaker 2: that and was like, oh my gosh, could.
Speaker 1: You imagine It's literally like you cannot write this storyline.
Speaker 1: The producers were like, yes, come on in, Jamie Lee
Speaker 1: also one because it automatically creates conflict in the house
Speaker 1: because people they feel like they've got an unfair advantage.
Speaker 1: They're like, oh, Jamie Lee's already got this connection. It's
Speaker 1: like it causes that rift. Great great TV. And then
Speaker 1: secondly to that, just this like unrequited love story that
Speaker 1: potentially could have played out on a previous season. I
Speaker 1: just think it's got all the elements for a very,
Speaker 1: very great storyline. However, there are a few questions I
Speaker 1: have that go unanswered.
Speaker 3: When I left the mansion, I wrote a little letter
Speaker 3: for book. To this day, I've kept a copy of
Speaker 3: this letter, and tonight's the night I get to share
Speaker 3: those words.
Speaker 2: With her again. So I don't want to seem like
Speaker 2: I'm being really cynical here, But Okay, if you left
Speaker 2: the show all those years ago and you always had
Speaker 2: this burning question of like, hey, was there something there?
Speaker 2: Did she like me? I think I really liked her.
Speaker 2: That could have been an amazing relationship that we never
Speaker 2: got to explore. Like I'm sure she had a number,
Speaker 2: Why didn't she just message her? Why didn't she just
Speaker 2: send her a message on Instagram like why why did
Speaker 2: she wait there for so long? Not knowing, not trying
Speaker 2: to reach out? She even had this letter make I
Speaker 2: know Australia Posts are really bad with her delivery times.
Speaker 1: Right now particularly delayed.
Speaker 2: But just get in contact.
Speaker 1: No, I think there's a bigger element here, Like I
Speaker 1: really like Jamie Lee. She's so well spoken. She seems
Speaker 1: like a really beautiful soul. I like, if they end
Speaker 1: up together, love it. But I think it's probably a
Speaker 1: case of the fact that they formed a friendship and
Speaker 1: then you know, when you're friend zoned essentially and the
Speaker 1: girl that you like is kind of in love with
Speaker 1: a guy and you're on another I just think there
Speaker 1: was too many there were too many barriers for them
Speaker 1: at that point in time. I guess I'm just I
Speaker 1: don't know how she I want to know how she
Speaker 1: got on the show, Jamie Lee, if you're listening to this,
Speaker 1: just slide onto my DMS. I just want to know,
Speaker 1: did you get approached, did you approach them? Let me
Speaker 1: sleep at night? Did you answer this for me?
Speaker 2: Did you send a letter with the Australia Post and
Speaker 2: it never got delivered and it never got.
Speaker 1: Delivered I am still waiting on my Amazon order, so
Speaker 1: it could be caught up with that. The other thing
Speaker 1: I want to ask here is this little this little
Speaker 1: grab this little morsel for you all to listen to.
Speaker 3: I remember giving there that and writing that to me.
Speaker 1: I still have it? Do have it? If brook still
Speaker 1: has the letter? How is Jamie Lee reading the letter?
Speaker 1: It's like letter inception.
Speaker 2: She broke into Brooks house, got back the letter, packaged
Speaker 2: it back up, put a ribbon on it, and I
Speaker 2: think that's how it.
Speaker 1: It's all explained, and that's why Brooks like I still
Speaker 1: have that, along with the photos that boast Or has.
Speaker 2: Any Hey, that's pretty much it. I do want to
Speaker 2: give a special shout out to is it tage taj Taje?
Speaker 1: I have literally no idea who that is.
Speaker 2: She was the girl uh in the blue?
Speaker 1: And why are you giving her a shout out? Like
Speaker 1: you want to say thanks to her and your.
Speaker 2: Mom if you're listening A big fan over here, and
Speaker 2: I really like her. I really like it. I think
Speaker 2: she's great. She is someone who will be the dark
Speaker 2: horse slow Burn of the season said it here first,
Speaker 2: Thank you very much?
Speaker 1: Why are you giving it? What makes you think that.
Speaker 2: I just she I felt it in my waters.
Speaker 1: Wait which one is she?
Speaker 2: I can't even remember she He has like brownie blonde hair.
Speaker 1: She's just super smoking and that's why you want to
Speaker 1: give her a show.
Speaker 2: No, she's the one. She's the one who helped out
Speaker 2: Conrad with his love chair later on.
Speaker 1: So she was an accessory to the love Oh she
Speaker 1: put the pillows on the love chair. Yes, she's not
Speaker 1: going to be at the end. She was an accessory
Speaker 1: to the main story. Okay, she might maybe she'll be
Speaker 1: number two, an accessory to the main story.
Speaker 2: I cannot wait until Cage wins this season, and I
Speaker 2: will say in your face, Laura Burn, is it targe? Okay,
Speaker 2: it's not important that.
Speaker 1: It probably is to her and she's probably listening to
Speaker 1: these Targe Cage. We're going to check this out and
Speaker 1: make sure we get it right for next week.
Speaker 2: Okay. Sorry. So nothing really happens for the rest of
Speaker 2: the cocktail party, except for the fact that that most
Speaker 2: of the guys are pretty lazy and none of them
Speaker 2: really get off they're asked to talk to Brook and
Speaker 2: it's just all the girls doing all the work here, which.
Speaker 1: Is indicative of every experience of the man that I've
Speaker 1: ever had to be perfectly honest.
Speaker 2: Come on, guys, do us proud? And they all just
Speaker 2: sit back and do absolutely nothing.
Speaker 1: It's very interesting though, that it's only sixteen contestants. I
Speaker 1: know the Bachelorette is smaller than the Bachelor, but it's
Speaker 1: really small.
Speaker 2: Actually, normally it's like in the twenties.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I think last season was nineteen. I mean
Speaker 1: I know that because I counted them. But yeah, sixteen
Speaker 1: seems really brief, which makes me think this is only
Speaker 1: going to run for like six or seven weeks.
Speaker 2: Interesting.
Speaker 1: So, yeah, while the women are all chasing Brook and
Speaker 1: actually putting in a bit of effort, and the men.
Speaker 2: Are talking about the scorer of the football.
Speaker 1: They're just standing around the fire.
Speaker 2: It is a nice fire.
Speaker 1: They're scared, that's what they are. Men are scared of
Speaker 1: us powerful women. Well, yeah, how do you feel, Mattie Ja.
Speaker 1: That's why he flex in the mirror every day. We're like,
Speaker 1: h are mad, I am so strong?
Speaker 2: Look at me?
Speaker 1: Yep, yep. That's what she has to look forward to
Speaker 1: if she picks a man.
Speaker 2: Okay, But like the real storyline here that was a
Speaker 2: feature of the show was the fact that Conrad had
Speaker 2: made this beautiful love chair and he plays the love
Speaker 2: chair in a very specific spot under a tree, very
Speaker 2: well lit love it super romantic, and he had planned,
Speaker 2: not just planned, but he had pinky promised with Brooke
Speaker 2: that he was going to take her back to the
Speaker 2: love chair to continue the conversation. And he made this
Speaker 2: awad to everybody at the cocktail party. It was like
Speaker 2: a known thing.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you've made her a love seat.
Speaker 2: It is just over there. I did, well, we did
Speaker 2: made it together.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So and yeah, now I.
Speaker 4: Think I made it pretty clear with everyone that I
Speaker 4: thought it would be nice and respectful if everyone let
Speaker 4: Brooke and I have the first opportunity to use the
Speaker 4: love seat.
Speaker 1: Now, this is the drama that no one saw coming,
Speaker 1: the unsuspecting drama that comes with making ikea furniture. And
Speaker 1: didn't I tell you at the start? Fucking flat pack
Speaker 1: is always the cause of an argument. It truly is.
Speaker 2: It's never a good thing.
Speaker 1: You don't even know how that argument's going to present itself,
Speaker 1: but it's there.
Speaker 2: It's a bad omen.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it comes back to and it's and no
Speaker 1: one's ever that happy with flat pack comes together looks
Speaker 1: barren and sad sitting there in the garden.
Speaker 2: And then someone else, Yes, it won't last, it won't last.
Speaker 2: Burn it burned the chair got it upset.
Speaker 1: From moment. Okay, so now for the fucking everything's unraveled
Speaker 1: over a bloody our key chair.
Speaker 2: It's weird. It's a weird move from Jess. Okay, because she.
Speaker 1: What are you doing? Kay?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I just swallowed swallowed a mosquito.
Speaker 1: You just spat on our floor.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I saw that buzzing in front of me.
Speaker 2: And then next day I took a big breath and
Speaker 2: the breath was so big that the mosquito mosquito was like,
Speaker 2: oh I just inhled it. Ah, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: Oh I thought you just got ridding on COVID. You literally,
Speaker 1: Matt just spat on our launcher floor and bedroom r
Speaker 1: a beroom. Oh my god, I'm fine. A glass of water.
Speaker 1: There's no one here to help. Wow, that was cooked.
Speaker 2: Sorry about that, the poor mosquito.
Speaker 1: Poor me.
Speaker 2: That's why I don't do many podcast episodes.
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, my face hurt.
Speaker 2: What was I saying? Jess?
Speaker 1: Yes nothing matters anymore, all right, got me okay, yeah, look,
Speaker 1: it was a It was a real power move from Jess.
Speaker 1: Let's compose ourselves. Oh, pull it together, We've got a
Speaker 1: whole second episode to get through. It was a real
Speaker 1: power move from Jess. And I think Jess has solidified
Speaker 1: herself as a little bit of a villain by doing this.
Speaker 2: Why do that? Like what benefit? It's not as if
Speaker 2: Brook is gonna look at that and go, oh yeah,
Speaker 2: that's very sexy, the way you stole that man's love chair.
Speaker 1: No, If anything, I think Brook was a little bit like,
Speaker 1: this is weird, Like, this is a weird move from you,
Speaker 1: and no one likes someone who comes across like for me,
Speaker 1: that was a real bitchy thing to do. And it's
Speaker 1: it's undermining someone else's feelings, which if you're an empathetic person,
Speaker 1: which I think Brook comes across very much, so she
Speaker 1: comes across really connected with her feelings. She comes across
Speaker 1: as an m path and I think she would see
Speaker 1: that and go, why would you purposely think it's fun
Speaker 1: to make somebody else feel sad?
Speaker 2: Poor little Conrad. I just wanted to give him a cuddle.
Speaker 1: He's gonna, you know what, He's gonna go home and
Speaker 1: write a song about it. That's what he's gonna do, and.
Speaker 2: I will buy that song and play it on repeat.
Speaker 1: Adversity makes for the best music. Heartbreak. That's where creative
Speaker 1: freedom comes from. I once stated a musician.
Speaker 2: And the only other really exciting thing that happened is
Speaker 2: we had our first kiss on EP one.
Speaker 1: When it happened, do we have another king captain on
Speaker 1: our hand?
Speaker 2: We've got a well did did Jimmy kiss at the cocktail.
Speaker 1: Party on our kissed everyone?
Speaker 2: I'm sure he did. I'm sure he did. Edited out
Speaker 2: of one of the many kisses that we never saw.
Speaker 1: He started with Usher at the very first, and like
Speaker 1: as soon as you got there, kissed Ashow, and then
Speaker 1: he kissed the catering guy, and then it just continued.
Speaker 1: Big call, big call to kiss someone on the first
Speaker 1: It's risky, also super risky to kiss someone who you've
Speaker 1: already got a very strong connection with because you have
Speaker 1: back history with. And I don't say this like I
Speaker 1: mean I don't care go around and kiss whoever you want.
Speaker 1: I more say this from like the contestants perspective, because.
Speaker 2: They would check out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if any of them saw that, they would just
Speaker 1: feel like their ability to have any sort of connection
Speaker 1: or to to it's just this threat, and you would
Speaker 1: feel a bit derailed in that whole process.
Speaker 2: You'd get a sense that Jamie Lee is just leap
Speaker 2: some bounds in front of everybody else and there's no
Speaker 2: way that anybody could catch her in the limited time
Speaker 2: that they have on the season.
Speaker 1: Totally, totally and like it was, there is obviously something
Speaker 1: big brewing there, like something that has gone unspoken, and
Speaker 1: for anybody who's experienced that in their relationships in the past,
Speaker 1: for anyone who has pined over a friend, and then
Speaker 1: it's kind of come to that pivotal turning point, like
Speaker 1: it's really loaded. It's a really big experience. And so
Speaker 1: I think for anybody else in there, if they had
Speaker 1: known or they had seen that, I do think we
Speaker 1: probably would have had a couple of walkouts or at
Speaker 1: least a few people who would have gone, Okay, what
Speaker 1: the fuck is the point? Like it was clearly already
Speaker 1: won before it started.
Speaker 2: Imagine how Conrad would have reacted to that. First the
Speaker 2: Love Chair.
Speaker 1: Now this, I'm gonna say this, guys, I don't think
Speaker 1: Jamie Lee is going to be the person at the end,
Speaker 1: And why because they have gone too hard, too fast
Speaker 1: on Jamie Lee. That kiss was really special, and I
Speaker 1: think they showed us too much of it. They showed
Speaker 1: us too much of Brooke being like happy, excited, like
Speaker 1: into it. Her validating of Jamie Lee's feelings makes me
Speaker 1: think that if it was Jamie Lee at the end,
Speaker 1: they would have edited out some of that validation. Aman
Speaker 1: is the red herring everybody, I'm calling it.
Speaker 2: Gosh, you're so smart.
Speaker 1: I've been around the blocks people, Oh, the blocks, all
Speaker 1: of them. I've been around the block people. All right.
Speaker 1: Couple of notable mentions before we get into the rose
Speaker 1: ceremony where someone who goes home whose name no one knows.
Speaker 1: That is the David, my David, my beautiful Persian Prince.
Speaker 1: He gets the white Rose. He's getting the first date,
Speaker 1: and he is the first impressed. Is that the first
Speaker 1: impression Rose? Is that what it is? Again?
Speaker 2: Remember, yeah, let's let's call it.
Speaker 1: That's gone to skip through that episode, and you know what,
Speaker 1: it's no surprise that he made the best first impression
Speaker 1: since he brought everything. He brought three different things to cutlery,
Speaker 1: the rd on moa, I've got the tea, all right?
Speaker 1: The tea's not working, fu Genie, Genie, I'll go with.
Speaker 2: Adorned or salesman modern day and then special mentioned to
Speaker 2: old mate he's a carpenter, went home. Don't remember his name.
Speaker 1: He got absolutely no airtime.
Speaker 2: It always sucks being number one getting the boot. Sorry dude,
Speaker 2: feel for you.
Speaker 1: We'll miss you. And now let's get into episode number two.
Speaker 1: Now we are balls deep in the second episode, and
Speaker 1: anybody who is I'm also balls deep in this class
Speaker 1: of one.
Speaker 2: Beautiful visual you've just given everybody, myself included.
Speaker 1: A dear Okay, well we are.
Speaker 2: Now we're penetrating into episode two. We're hitting it from
Speaker 2: the behind NonStop. Thank you Laura.
Speaker 1: Anyway, strang yourselves in. It's gonna be a good one.
Speaker 1: So we are, We're in, We're inside, We're deep inside
Speaker 1: Episode two. It's the group date. And we all know
Speaker 1: what the group date is on episode two. If you
Speaker 1: have watched one, two, three, four, any season of The
Speaker 1: Bachelor ever, we all know that the group date on
Speaker 1: episode two is the photo shoot. Now, you would think
Speaker 1: if you were going on the Bachelor, you probably would
Speaker 1: watch a season, but apparently not.
Speaker 2: He is a photo shoot. Trust the guy to not
Speaker 2: do his research.
Speaker 1: Yeah, to put in zero effort, like literally zero effort.
Speaker 1: They haven't left from around the fire, and then they
Speaker 1: haven't watched any of the previous season. He's like, oh,
Speaker 1: she's hot, and everyone's like, yeah, that's past season. He's like, fuck, no.
Speaker 2: Way, guys, suck Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1: Okay, So there's a couple of notable highlights in this
Speaker 1: photo shoot. We're gonna just gonna go from the top
Speaker 1: to the bottom. It's probably the best way. That wasn't
Speaker 1: even a sexual innuendo, but maybe we should throw it.
Speaker 2: Are we going to talk about Tim two point zero?
Speaker 2: Tim Man? Honestly, it is ridiculous how much it looks
Speaker 2: like Tim has just come back, shaved his head, given
Speaker 2: himself a haircut, made himself look a little bit more respectable,
Speaker 2: and come back. It even sounds like Tim.
Speaker 1: It literally, this is going to be traumatizing for Brittany.
Speaker 1: I know, I hope she doesn't watch it.
Speaker 2: They've got to be cousins at least, come on, brothers,
Speaker 2: they have to have some kind of relation. It's ridiculous, guys.
Speaker 1: I'm going to say this again. I know I already said,
Speaker 1: jump on and look at Conrad and his doppel ganger
Speaker 1: that we also have put a photo of. We don't
Speaker 1: even know this guy's name. He's Tim two point zero,
Speaker 1: but it's literally just Tim Hanley with a shave and
Speaker 1: maybe he's gone a couple of his tattoos. Layers it off.
Speaker 2: It really does.
Speaker 1: Okay. Apart from Tim, we want to talk about Conrad
Speaker 1: and Jess, So of course the producers pick people who
Speaker 1: they know it's going to be a bit of tension,
Speaker 1: a bit of fighting. We know from the last episode
Speaker 1: that Conrad and Jess had the fallout over the love seat,
Speaker 1: and of course Conrad is playing the boyfriend at dinner
Speaker 1: or whatever it is. This is the setup. The setup
Speaker 1: is basically Brooke and Conrad are dating, they're at dinner
Speaker 1: together and Jess is their waitress. And now there's lots
Speaker 1: of subtle actually it's not even subtle. There's lots of
Speaker 1: passive aggressiveness going on about the seat. The seat continues, seatgate, seatgate.
Speaker 2: Who would have thought that one seat would cause so
Speaker 2: much damage and a season of the Bachelorette.
Speaker 3: She steals my seat and she's good at it.
Speaker 1: Oh, Conrad, let it go like like you you were
Speaker 1: coming across as a petulant troild.
Speaker 2: What if hear me out if Jess has a certain
Speaker 2: condition where she likes to steal seats, okay, what she
Speaker 2: has a.
Speaker 1: Certain condition where she has to sit down, Like it
Speaker 1: just all of a sudden, it hits her out of nowhere.
Speaker 1: She has to sit.
Speaker 2: She's got a bad back, Yeah, there you go, and
Speaker 2: everybody's like she's Everybody's like, oh, she's stealing another seat,
Speaker 2: and she's just like, oh god, my back, my chronic
Speaker 2: pain has really given me some grief.
Speaker 1: But also like, okay, I'm thinking that this is probably
Speaker 1: amped up from editing and production everything else. But get
Speaker 1: over it, Like, get over it.
Speaker 2: She stole his seat, Laura, and he made with Brooke.
Speaker 2: He will not get over it, okay.
Speaker 1: And I feel like that memory, the memory that they
Speaker 1: were never able to create, is now sullied for Fever.
Speaker 2: I really hope that after this episode the seat is
Speaker 2: no more.
Speaker 1: Could you imagine if we're at the finale and Conrad.
Speaker 1: Conrad's giving her a speech and he's like like, Brook,
Speaker 1: I've just been in the with you since the moment
Speaker 1: that you know, I met you, and unfortunately Jess sat
Speaker 1: on our seat, and it's all tainted for me, So
Speaker 1: I just it didn't pad out the way I expected
Speaker 1: in Jess.
Speaker 2: Okay, next up we have the Halloween theme, which was
Speaker 2: a bit of a train wreck.
Speaker 1: I reckon, I like bo Come on, the guy's got gustow,
Speaker 1: doesn't he he's got some real Maybe he's a narcissist.
Speaker 2: He is on narcissist. He thinks his shit don't stink. So, like,
Speaker 2: I do have a bit of an advantage here.
Speaker 4: I'm looking pretty pretty good.
Speaker 1: To be honest, there is always one person on The
Speaker 1: Bachelor who is fully lacking in self awareness. And but
Speaker 1: you know what, as much as they are painful to watch,
Speaker 1: they're also very entertaining to watch. There's a part of
Speaker 1: me that's glad he's you. I'm sure Brook doesn't feel
Speaker 1: a se Okay, basically, this is the weirdest like there.
Speaker 1: It's like Halloween themed. There's no female, which means it's
Speaker 1: lacking in emotional sensitivity. It's only the men. Hey, yeah,
Speaker 1: I look, I know you feel persecuted right now about
Speaker 1: somebody think of the men. Okay, So the weird thing
Speaker 1: about this is Brook is standing there and she's like,
Speaker 1: I don't feel like I am the center of attention
Speaker 1: here and I have a pretty sneaky suspicion as to
Speaker 1: why that is. Please are going to be in newspapers
Speaker 1: all over Australia and it feels cool.
Speaker 2: Sorry if people are going to see me.
Speaker 1: And I think it's pretty fair to say that Ryan
Speaker 1: is there for all the right reasons.
Speaker 2: Definitely not for the blue tick. Hey, the most important
Speaker 2: photoshoot is the one on one and Holly, Holly the dancer.
Speaker 2: Holly slow dance. She gets it, she gets it, and
Speaker 2: I thought it was I thought it was a bit
Speaker 2: of like a one trick pony move. The fact that
Speaker 2: she starts dancing again.
Speaker 1: Do you know who Holly is? Holly is Jay with
Speaker 1: the chess, Holly with the slow dance.
Speaker 2: Ah, yes, yes, yes, yes, slow Holly.
Speaker 1: It's chess girl. I'm gonna call Holly's just slow dance
Speaker 1: from now on, slow dance.
Speaker 2: I've had enough of the slow dancing and I had
Speaker 2: enough of the seat.
Speaker 1: But I'm gonna call it this. I know that this
Speaker 1: was supposed to once again feel romantic. I kind of
Speaker 1: felt like I was watching a bit of a tan
Speaker 1: trick yoga. If you just turn off the TV and
Speaker 1: close your eyes and listen to the audio.
Speaker 2: Are you comfortable?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Well does that feel good for you?
Speaker 3: Is?
Speaker 2: Let's talk about the single date, Oh.
Speaker 1: Darvin, once again, if you needed any more affirmation as
Speaker 1: to the fact that David is going to be at
Speaker 1: the end, he's going to be the winner.
Speaker 2: No, no, what are you talking about? Person who gets
Speaker 2: the first date never wins.
Speaker 1: Nazana got the first date and she won.
Speaker 2: Mate, we went through this last time. She didn't get
Speaker 2: the first date, she had the second date, she got.
Speaker 1: The first date. She I mean, we could definitely do
Speaker 1: a Google search for this.
Speaker 2: It's not gonna happen.
Speaker 1: You don't come here for reliable information. I mean a
Speaker 1: kind of Some of the things we say are seemi reliable?
Speaker 2: Are they?
Speaker 1: I feel it in my waters go off? I go
Speaker 1: off intuition, not off knowledge.
Speaker 2: Okay, look, I think David will go far. I definitely
Speaker 2: don't think he's gonna win. But he does get a
Speaker 2: very good day. Like he gets he gets a helicopter
Speaker 2: straight off the bat boom, bringing out the big guns.
Speaker 1: It always starts really impressive, and then we get down
Speaker 1: to the spotlight dates. Remember that's what happened in Jimmy's season.
Speaker 1: Started off big peanus in the middle ends on a.
Speaker 2: High So they arrive at the Blue Mountains and they
Speaker 2: walk to the edge of this cliff which looks out
Speaker 2: to this beautiful valley, ah stunning, and they revere what
Speaker 2: they're going to be doing for the day, and would
Speaker 2: you call it like sitting? How do you say? Sit down?
Speaker 2: Sitting has become a real key feature in this season
Speaker 2: of The Bachelor so far.
Speaker 1: I was like, where are you going about h once
Speaker 1: again the love seat. Yeah, so look, if you haven't
Speaker 1: seen it and you're just listening to our recaps, apologies firstly.
Speaker 1: But secondly, what they did do is that they ab
Speaker 1: sailed down twenty meters the side of a cliff and
Speaker 1: then they sat on like a little platform that was suspended.
Speaker 1: It wasn't even twenty I think it was like ten meters.
Speaker 1: They sat on a platform. It looked incredibly uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: Because they had to kind of hunch forward. You couldn't
Speaker 2: even like sit back against the rock. It was.
Speaker 1: It was a bit strange, and they looked like they
Speaker 1: were freezing. I'm pretty sure Brook even said at one point,
Speaker 1: can you hold my hand because it's so.
Speaker 2: Cold, because I'm getting hypothermia.
Speaker 1: So good. Gang Green is getting green when you're really cold.
Speaker 2: No frostbit good try though.
Speaker 1: I think you get Gang Green from frost Fight.
Speaker 2: I mean yeah, down the track it would be Gang Greeners, but.
Speaker 1: It progressed really quickly. Okay, on top of this, both
Speaker 1: wearing matching beanies cute? Like did they did they plan that?
Speaker 1: Was that? Like a was it a styling thing with
Speaker 1: the stylist for the show, Like Okay, we're gonna put
Speaker 1: them in little matching ensembles and they're gonna sit hunched
Speaker 1: over on the side of a cliff.
Speaker 2: But also, if you have to go to the bathroom
Speaker 2: like I'm sobody who has to wee like every fifteen
Speaker 2: to twenty minutes, like what happens?
Speaker 1: Then well, I think Darbett would be fine. He'd just
Speaker 1: do a bushwee off the side. But could you imagine
Speaker 1: on a first date a girl trying to hang herself
Speaker 1: off backwards to do a we.
Speaker 2: But then then it starts to rain.
Speaker 1: Oh before we get into the rain, let's just unpack.
Speaker 1: Why was there no refreshments? Like they're sitting there on
Speaker 1: a ledge, like there's no champagne, there's no cheese board.
Speaker 1: I know, no one eats the cheeseboard.
Speaker 2: They had something even better. They had chocolate milk.
Speaker 1: Could you imagine, like I know that they made it
Speaker 1: to They made it look romantic, they really did, But
Speaker 1: could you imagine how much it would fucking suck to
Speaker 1: be in the Blue Mountains hanging off the side of
Speaker 1: a cliff in the rain, Like it would be the
Speaker 1: worst thing ever?
Speaker 2: And Brooke was wearing a really nice leather jacket, like
Speaker 2: I was thinking, like, that's expensive, poor jacket.
Speaker 1: Well Brook was of course trying to be optimistic about it,
Speaker 1: And you know what I think. I don't think David
Speaker 1: felt or had the same sentiment, but he was definitely
Speaker 1: trying to remain positive. This isn't really yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: mind it.
Speaker 2: I actually don't mind it. It's so obvious that he
Speaker 2: has it.
Speaker 1: Okay, he loves okay, it's very clear that he loves
Speaker 1: the time with Brook. But no one, like nobody, if
Speaker 1: they had a choice between sitting by a cozy, warm
Speaker 1: fire verse sitting on the side of an exposed cliff
Speaker 1: in terrible weather, I'm pretty sure he might have picked
Speaker 1: the former. And even the guy, even the guy who
Speaker 1: brought down the hot chocolates, even he waited until it
Speaker 1: stopped rating. Did you notice how long did they leave
Speaker 1: them on the side of the bunk.
Speaker 2: They were there for eight hours. Poor poor David and Brook.
Speaker 1: It's like, take me. I'll say, honestly, I think that
Speaker 1: they're I think that this is it. Call it over,
Speaker 1: call it game match point.
Speaker 2: Well, he did have some very kind words to say
Speaker 2: about Brook after the date, and yeah, she just warms
Speaker 2: me up, makes me feel really merry. Are we sure
Speaker 2: that he's talking about Brook or a shot of fireball?
Speaker 1: I reckon that they gave them a little glass of
Speaker 1: sherry at the end, and they're like, how does that
Speaker 1: make you feel?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: He was like, oh, that'pen pretty very but Brook, Okay,
Speaker 1: Brook was crying. Brooks already so into David, error Dard,
Speaker 1: She's already so into pirate David that yeah, she was
Speaker 1: having a teary because she feels so connected to him.
Speaker 2: I really hope that for the next date it's on
Speaker 2: a ship.
Speaker 1: Why, oh my god, that pirate David. That was so bad.
Speaker 2: So the reason why I don't think he will win
Speaker 2: is because being first is a curse, because you have
Speaker 2: to then sit back and watch everybody else get their dates.
Speaker 2: And it makes you go like a.
Speaker 1: Little bit rocky walkie and wants a cookie. Yeah for
Speaker 1: one of a better phrase, and we like, we interviewed
Speaker 1: Brook and she was fucking lovely, like she is the
Speaker 1: loveliest girl, but even she says like it makes you
Speaker 1: go it makes you feel very out of control totally.
Speaker 2: And then like fast forward to the cocktail party and
Speaker 2: there was a consensus everybody agreed that those who didn't
Speaker 2: go on the group date would get the first opportunity
Speaker 2: to speak to Brook. And then David No straight in there.
Speaker 1: Well he got a rose, Like when you have a
Speaker 1: rose at a cocktail party, it's this unspoken bachelor cocktail
Speaker 1: party law that you don't need to speak to the
Speaker 1: bachelor a bachelorette totally. And I guess the thing though,
Speaker 1: the thing that's always annoying in these situations is a
Speaker 1: group of people will make a rule. Not everyone prescribes
Speaker 1: to the rule, but then everyone's expected to uphold the
Speaker 1: rule that a small group of people made to benefit themselves,
Speaker 1: Like it's so dumb, but at the time, when you're
Speaker 1: in it, the rules feel like look like it feels like, oh,
Speaker 1: you can't you can't break the unspoken Bachelor rule about
Speaker 1: not speaking it's so dumb. Look, David did take Brook
Speaker 1: aside at the cocktail party, even though he was safe.
Speaker 1: It's a pretty rude thing to do, but it's by
Speaker 1: no means like, you know, taking someone to a love
Speaker 1: seat rude. But Emily was really upset about it.
Speaker 2: Emily, what was she upset?
Speaker 4: I couldn't tell you know what great that you did
Speaker 4: that can weed out the bad ones from the good.
Speaker 4: It just hurt my feelings.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm not silly.
Speaker 4: I know that that was You know someone's probably going
Speaker 4: to do that, but doesn't make it less painful, less upsetting.
Speaker 4: Actions speak louder than words. What you've done is a
Speaker 4: reflection of you, not me, and that's it.
Speaker 1: I feel like Emily has just practiced her breakup speech,
Speaker 1: Like that's the speech you give to a guy who's
Speaker 1: cheated on you, or a guy that you've been seeing
Speaker 1: for a little while and then he does something that
Speaker 1: you think, like, fuck, you're not the person I thought
Speaker 1: you were, Not some dude that you met in the
Speaker 1: Bachelor mansion literally the night before who you're all competing
Speaker 1: for the same person for.
Speaker 2: Dah, haven't didn't even say a word. I think he
Speaker 2: was like, what the hell is going on here?
Speaker 1: He was like, oh, well, Emily's a few sandwiches short
Speaker 1: of a picnic. A picnic I wish I had on
Speaker 1: my cliff face exposed in the Blue mountains.
Speaker 5: All right.
Speaker 2: Well, that leads us into the cocktail party, and I
Speaker 2: was very upset Laura byrn to see that a beloved Bow.
Speaker 2: He was the pouting photographer who kept creepy photos of.
Speaker 1: Brook Beauty Bow, Beauty Bow.
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm sure he will have no trouble finding a
Speaker 2: date outside of the Bachelor. Good luck, buddy.
Speaker 1: I mean, it was completely unsurprising that he's gone home.
Speaker 1: I also hope that when he left, the production will like,
Speaker 1: can you please believe?
Speaker 2: Do you know me?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: No, fuck, give me your camera. Bow, you got to
Speaker 1: delete those photos in Brookie, pervert.
Speaker 2: He definitely would have like stolen some of her shoes
Speaker 2: or something with him as he left.
Speaker 1: Anyway, guys, that is it. We've done it. We've recapped
Speaker 1: episode one and two. Well, I've only had one glass
Speaker 1: of wine feeling spicy.
Speaker 2: We survived attacks from mosquitoes. Laura had a coughing fit
Speaker 2: as well at one stage, but we made it, and
Speaker 2: it's good to be back.
Speaker 1: It does it's do you know what we've just widow appetite.
Speaker 1: We're just getting started. Get ready for next week. I
Speaker 1: probably won't wear any pants, all right, let don't get
Speaker 1: too excited about that.
Speaker 2: Let's wrap things up because it's getting weird. I don't
Speaker 2: know the spiel, so you give it, Laura.
Speaker 1: Don't pretend like you don't know how we wrap these episodes, Laura.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's not as if I've sat here and
Speaker 2: scripted something. Thanks so much for listening, guys, and don't
Speaker 2: forget we have a Facebook group Life on Card. We
Speaker 2: also have the Instagram page at lifeunk Cup Podcast, so
Speaker 2: follow us there. And we've absolutely loved bringing you back
Speaker 2: Batch It Uncut. We hope you've enjoyed it. We'll see
Speaker 2: you guys next week.
Speaker 1: That's not how we end it. We end it. We
Speaker 1: tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, and
Speaker 1: tell everyone and share the love because.
Speaker 2: We love love.
Speaker 1: How did you get a call back? How?
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Everybody's confused. How do you be that mosquitos.
Speaker 2: Working his way down to my rectum?
Speaker 5: The company, then the cutter, al the the way, the