WEBVTT - ASK UNCUT: "I've been with the same guy since I was 18... am I missing out?"

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<v Speaker 1>It is time for one of the segments that Laura

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<v Speaker 1>and I do every single week on our podcast Life Uncut.

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<v Speaker 1>It is called Ask Uncut, and it's where you guys

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<v Speaker 1>writing or you call up with your biggest, darkest, deepest

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<v Speaker 1>problems and we give our best uneducated.

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<v Speaker 2>Don't about to say unsolicited, Well, it's kind of solicited.

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<v Speaker 2>It's just not yeah, it's not qualified.

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<v Speaker 3>It's solicited.

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<v Speaker 1>It's just yeah, it's just not qualified. But we have

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<v Speaker 1>today a bit of a predicament with Christie. She's been

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<v Speaker 1>with a partner since she was eighteen years old, wants

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<v Speaker 1>to know is she missing out?

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<v Speaker 3>Hey Christy, Hey yeah, look I love him so much,

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<v Speaker 3>but I do think about all the years of kind

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<v Speaker 3>of missed out on what my friends always talk about

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<v Speaker 3>how old are?

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<v Speaker 1>If you're not my umy're asking like, how long you

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<v Speaker 1>guys been together for?

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<v Speaker 4>I'm twenty nine, so it's been eleven years.

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<v Speaker 1>Wow, that's great these days you've been last that long?

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, what is it that your friends are saying

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<v Speaker 2>you're missing out on? If you're saying you're in love

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<v Speaker 2>with your partner and you're having a great time, like

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<v Speaker 2>what the dating scene is not what people cut it

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<v Speaker 2>out to be.

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<v Speaker 4>I don't know, there's a sort of manticize idea around

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<v Speaker 4>just spreading your wild oats or whatever they're saying, is,

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<v Speaker 4>you know, just getting out there and kind of having

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<v Speaker 4>some fun and playing around. I mean, I love my

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<v Speaker 4>partner and I'm glad I don't have to do that.

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<v Speaker 4>But I'm like, you know, the grass is always green?

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<v Speaker 1>Do you know? I actually do understand what you're saying.

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<v Speaker 1>You can be so in love and so happy, but

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<v Speaker 1>when you haven't had any other experiences to compare it to,

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<v Speaker 1>that's what plans the seed of doubt, because you're like,

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<v Speaker 1>how do I know there's not better? How do I

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<v Speaker 1>know that's not worse? How do I know there's not

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<v Speaker 1>someone better suited? I understand why those feelings come. I

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<v Speaker 1>do want you to know that the dating world is grim.

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<v Speaker 4>It's really grim.

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<v Speaker 1>It's probably not as good as people are making it out.

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<v Speaker 3>Do you know.

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<v Speaker 2>The thing is, no one wants to learn that lesson though,

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<v Speaker 2>Like you're never going to break up from a great

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<v Speaker 2>relationship with a person that you're saying that you love

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<v Speaker 2>for the potential of going out there and just seeing

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<v Speaker 2>if you get hurt and then realizing actually that was

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<v Speaker 2>pretty good. Like that, it sounds like a terrible idea.

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<v Speaker 2>If you're happy and he's great, it just means you

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<v Speaker 2>got so lucky that you met someone so young that

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<v Speaker 2>you didn't have to go through the trenches and kids

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<v Speaker 2>are holy betose.

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<v Speaker 1>I agree, But I do think that there is something

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<v Speaker 1>to not necessarily not wanting to be with your partner,

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<v Speaker 1>but wanting different experiences. And maybe that's different sexual experiences.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe it's it's like I understand that that there's a

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<v Speaker 1>thought for you saying, hey, maybe I'll just know one

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<v Speaker 1>person intimately for my entire life. But that doesn't mean

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<v Speaker 1>there can't be at least be a conversation with your

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<v Speaker 1>partner on maybe they're feeling the same way. Maybe you

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<v Speaker 1>could open up the relationship. There are so many different

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<v Speaker 1>ways to have a relationship now, but of course in

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<v Speaker 1>that situation, it has to be a very consensual conversation,

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<v Speaker 1>like it can't be one of you being like.

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<v Speaker 4>I'm opening it up, I'm going out.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I don't know. I think we romanticize this idea

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<v Speaker 2>of like the grass is greener. I mean, I have

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<v Speaker 2>a really good friend of mine who she got married

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<v Speaker 2>not lastly the other year before, and she's been with

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<v Speaker 2>her partner since she was nineteen years old, only like

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<v Speaker 2>first boyfriend, first sexual experience, all of that stuff. And

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<v Speaker 2>I remember when we were in our early twenties and

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<v Speaker 2>having this exact conversation with her, and we because we

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<v Speaker 2>were also in her early twenties, and gave terrible advice.

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<v Speaker 2>We were like, yeah, it's weird to only be with

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<v Speaker 2>one person your whole life. Now she's married with him,

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<v Speaker 2>and thank god she didn't listen to us, because she's like,

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<v Speaker 2>I just met my soulmate early and he's amazing, and

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<v Speaker 2>I got so lucky.

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<v Speaker 1>Great for Sharon, and.

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<v Speaker 2>Then she should be for she witnessed me. Yeah, go

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<v Speaker 2>through the trenches for ten years.

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<v Speaker 1>But is that what you think it is, Christy? You

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<v Speaker 1>think like that you actually want to be stuff.

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<v Speaker 4>I could probably learn about myself if I was, But

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<v Speaker 4>I don't know what that is, you know, And it's

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<v Speaker 4>the unknown. And it's also spending too much time watching

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<v Speaker 4>Sex in the City and Samantha.

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<v Speaker 2>No, no one wants to actually be Samantha.

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<v Speaker 3>That's also very produced.

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<v Speaker 2>She's a terrible hot mess.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not a reality show, it's fiction.

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<v Speaker 2>Christy. I think if you're happy and your partner is

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<v Speaker 2>great to you and you honestly can say that you're

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<v Speaker 2>in love with him, and I would not be giving

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<v Speaker 2>or entertaining too much this idea that maybe there's something

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<v Speaker 2>better out there.

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<v Speaker 4>Yes, it might not be.

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<v Speaker 1>No, I think best of both worlds. You can stay

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<v Speaker 1>and also go to swingers club or the experience the

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<v Speaker 1>best of both world you do what, Yeah, there's no normal.

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<v Speaker 1>There's no normal, so there's ways that you can tick

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<v Speaker 1>all your boxes.

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<v Speaker 2>Imagine if your partner after ten years was like I'd

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<v Speaker 2>allowed to go to a swingers club.

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<v Speaker 1>I'd go, for sure, but I'd be the person just

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<v Speaker 1>watches Yeah, like the creep from the corner, just like

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<v Speaker 1>go and watch through like a little piggy.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, if you want some terrible advice like that, please

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<v Speaker 2>give us a call and you might end up on

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<v Speaker 2>the show next week