WEBVTT - TARA PAVLOVIC: "Let's normalise Couples Counselling"

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<v Speaker 1>Well, speaking of Valentine's Day, and since everything on this

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<v Speaker 1>show is centered around love, this conversation is going to

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<v Speaker 1>be for anyone who is in a long term relationship.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe you've got kids, maybe you're in the trenches, and

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<v Speaker 1>things just aren't as magical as what once upon a

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<v Speaker 1>time they were. I feel like it happens to all

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<v Speaker 1>long term couples. Like keeping me Yeah, well, long distance

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<v Speaker 1>kind of changes things a little bit, but trying to

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<v Speaker 1>keep like that long term spark is really really hard.

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<v Speaker 1>But it's interesting for me because the women that we're

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<v Speaker 1>about to speak to, Tara Pavlovich. Once upon a time

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<v Speaker 1>I was in competition with her for the Heart of

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<v Speaker 1>a Man on a reality TV show, and now I

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<v Speaker 1>just love watching everything that she puts out in the

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<v Speaker 1>world on social media. Tara, Welcome to the show. Hello, Laura,

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<v Speaker 1>arguably the fan favorite of whatever season we were of

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<v Speaker 1>The Bachelor.

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<v Speaker 2>Look, guys, the competition's over. You're both married with kids.

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<v Speaker 2>Let's leave that one in the six year past. But Tara,

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<v Speaker 2>it's so cool. I was like reading your post on

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<v Speaker 2>Instagram just saying that, hey, let's normalize couples counseling. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>we're trying to get our connection back and do all

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<v Speaker 2>these things, and it doesn't have to mean that life

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<v Speaker 2>is over. What made you start going to therapy and

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<v Speaker 2>what made you want to speak about it?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, so I think therapy is something that like everyone

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<v Speaker 3>can benefit from singly or as a couple. Even if

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<v Speaker 3>we went because we needed a lot of help Black

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<v Speaker 3>things were really bad. But then once I went, I

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<v Speaker 3>was like, wait a minute, I think I want to

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<v Speaker 3>do this even now things are good because it really

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<v Speaker 3>does help the connection because they're so trained in helping

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<v Speaker 3>couples and they know so many ways to get you

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<v Speaker 3>both to understand each other a little bit more. So

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<v Speaker 3>it's just good to go and have a little refresher

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<v Speaker 3>and kind of understand each other all because in reality,

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<v Speaker 3>like you're always going to have little issues and you're

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<v Speaker 3>never going to completely understand each other, Like when you're

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<v Speaker 3>married with kids, it's hard, like stuff changes all the time.

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<v Speaker 3>You're forever evolving. So it's just about going and having

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<v Speaker 3>a little refresher and finding that connection again.

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<v Speaker 1>Tara, you and Neck have been together for a while

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<v Speaker 1>well now, and obviously you've got two beautiful children, But

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<v Speaker 1>did you feel that your relationship just completely shifted after

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<v Speaker 1>having kids.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh, it's so hard when you have kids. You just

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<v Speaker 3>don't have that time to connect anymore. And that's what

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<v Speaker 3>the therapist helped us with because we're broth up, but

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<v Speaker 3>we don't have time and she's like, no, but you do,

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<v Speaker 3>and here's how you can have it. You know. So

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<v Speaker 3>it's hard with kids because they don't even let you speak,

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<v Speaker 3>like I'm hiding outside right now, like to speak on

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<v Speaker 3>the phone, because you know, when Laura you messaged her,

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<v Speaker 3>I was like, no, I can't talk to you like

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<v Speaker 3>I've got children with me. It's the same here. Literally,

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<v Speaker 3>if we even look at each other, they're like, no,

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<v Speaker 3>you do not, Like how dare you we are here?

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<v Speaker 1>Like when you talked about wanting to go and see

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<v Speaker 1>a counselor or do couples counseling with either of you,

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<v Speaker 1>apprehensive because I think there is still a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>stigma around it, Like a lot of people interpret that as, oh, well,

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<v Speaker 1>we must be at doomsday when it comes to our

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<v Speaker 1>relationship if you want to go and see a counselor.

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<v Speaker 3>I know it is like that, and that's why I'm

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<v Speaker 3>so open about it because I want people to know that,

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<v Speaker 3>like it's not doom and going. I honestly think that

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<v Speaker 3>the strongest couples go and seek it because it's like,

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<v Speaker 3>we will do anything for this to work. When we

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<v Speaker 3>first saw the counselor, we were like, it was kind

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<v Speaker 3>of like the last resort type thing. We really needed

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<v Speaker 3>to go there. But after going we were like, wait,

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<v Speaker 3>this is actually like pretty good and so useful.

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<v Speaker 2>It's so good because I am with one of my ex's.

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<v Speaker 2>We were doing therapy individually and then I said, hey,

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<v Speaker 2>I think we need to go together, and he refused

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<v Speaker 2>because I think the next step is a couple was

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<v Speaker 2>something different for him, you know, he could understand going individually,

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<v Speaker 2>there was still this stigma for the couples therapy. He

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<v Speaker 2>refused to go. Now that worked out and he got me, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>that was my point, Laura, how are.

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<v Speaker 1>You and Nick now, like after all of this and

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<v Speaker 1>everything that you guys have weathered with having kids and

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<v Speaker 1>come back together, Like, how do you feel your relationship

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<v Speaker 1>is now?

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<v Speaker 3>Oh? Definitely after that therapy session, we've been a lot closer.

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<v Speaker 3>So it's helped us so much. It was only like

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<v Speaker 3>a couple of months ago, and it's definitely made such

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<v Speaker 3>a difference. So I'm going to go again and have

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<v Speaker 3>another refresher and learn some more little things from her,

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<v Speaker 3>because it's really just helped a lot, Like just having

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<v Speaker 3>the reminder and the conversation with her was so helpful.

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<v Speaker 3>Obviously there's things that we both do every day that

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<v Speaker 3>were just like okay, that, like that's annoying, goal away,

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<v Speaker 3>like you're so annoying. But yeah, but you know, I

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<v Speaker 3>think it's important to remember that that's completely normal. And

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<v Speaker 3>like what we're seeing on Instagram with couples and everything

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<v Speaker 3>isn't the whole picture. Like everyone has little bickers every

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<v Speaker 3>day and you piss each other off and that's normal.

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<v Speaker 1>Absolutely a Tara, You're a breath of fresh air. I

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<v Speaker 1>love watching your Instagram post for anyone who hasn't followed

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<v Speaker 1>Tara Tara Pavlovic on Instagram, Like you're very relatable with

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<v Speaker 1>all of your very funny updates around parenting and relationships,

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<v Speaker 1>and I feel like you just say it as it is,

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<v Speaker 1>which you always.

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<v Speaker 3>Laura appreciate, love you and you and my ex as well.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Well, happy Valentine's Day, Tara.

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<v Speaker 3>Thanks you're happy Valentine's Day, guys. I hope it's it's amazing. Bye,

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<v Speaker 3>it's so nice.

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<v Speaker 2>It's such a nice reminder, isn't it. Like your brain

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<v Speaker 2>is also a muscle. We exercise our like our body

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<v Speaker 2>and where we do our squats, we want great legs

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<v Speaker 2>or whatever it is, but we forget that our brain

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<v Speaker 2>is something that needs to be exercised too. And I

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<v Speaker 2>think it's a really good reminder of like you can't

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<v Speaker 2>just forget it until it shrivels away and be like,

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<v Speaker 2>oh yeah, now it's time to try and work it

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<v Speaker 2>back up.