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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.

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Speaker 2: Now, sometimes you actually do have to be strict, be clear,

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Speaker 2: be firm, and let the kids know where we're up

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Speaker 2: to right now is not where we're supposed to be.

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Speaker 2: These are our family values, these are the expectations we have.

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Speaker 2: Let's lift a little, let's improve.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom

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Speaker 1: and dad.

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Speaker 3: It's Friday.

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Speaker 2: That's what I hear every morning when I call the

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Speaker 2: kids to say, good morning. I've been away again, secret

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Speaker 2: business this weekend. This week I should say with well,

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Speaker 2: I can't say just might maybe have something to do

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Speaker 2: with Parental Guidance season two?

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Speaker 4: Are you such a spoiler?

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Speaker 3: Been away?

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Speaker 4: I don't say anything.

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Speaker 3: Maybe I can say a little bit.

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Speaker 2: I've been away all week with something to do with

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Speaker 2: Parental guiden season two that I can't tell you about.

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Speaker 2: And every morning when I ring, I hear the family say,

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Speaker 2: it's Friday.

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Speaker 4: Well, no, you don't.

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Speaker 3: I just realized that say it's Friday.

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Speaker 4: If you did, we'd have a really hard time getting

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Speaker 4: through the rest of the week because it should be

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Speaker 4: the weekend tomorrow.

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Speaker 3: Everybody says good morning.

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Speaker 2: And it makes my day when I hear this chorus

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Speaker 2: of daughters sitting there in the car with you on

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Speaker 2: the way to school saying good morning. What a great

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Speaker 2: way to kick off the day. Anyway, it's Friday, it's

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Speaker 2: Doc Justin Colston here with Kylie. Have I said that

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Speaker 2: already I'm feeling a little bit discombobulated. I don't know why,

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Speaker 2: but it's so great to be able to share our

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Speaker 2: old do Better Tomorrow episode with you just before I do.

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Speaker 2: We've been so grateful to receive some emails from people

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Speaker 2: who are saying, hey, we listened to the podcast.

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Speaker 3: We really like it.

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Speaker 2: We had a an episode just the other week, episode

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Speaker 2: number five one seven, Episode five hundred and seventeen six

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Speaker 2: phrases to transform your relationship with the kids and Erin

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Speaker 2: from Michigan, Kylie, Michigan, that's pretty cool. Listen to a

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Speaker 2: couple of kids from down under. Thanks, Erin, appreciate the email.

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Speaker 2: Eric said, when life and the to do list gets overwhelming,

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Speaker 2: I say to our kids, focus on one thing first.

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Speaker 4: You know. That has been pretty much a mantra of

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Speaker 4: mine this week, really, and it's made such.

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Speaker 3: A different tell me more.

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Speaker 4: I have just been really intentional about just every time

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Speaker 4: I think about something. We're in a new house and

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Speaker 4: there's lots of things that I want to do so

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Speaker 4: much time, and so instead of trying to keep it

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Speaker 4: all in my head, I just am writing a list.

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Speaker 3: Yep.

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Speaker 4: Every day as they come in, I'm just writing the list,

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Speaker 4: and I'm not focused on getting that list done. It's

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Speaker 4: just so that I don't have to remember that that's

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Speaker 4: what I want to do. And then as I go

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Speaker 4: through the day, I'm just like, Okay, I've got time

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Speaker 4: to do that, and I'm just doing it. I'm breaking

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Speaker 4: all of these bigger jobs up into bite sized chunks,

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Speaker 4: which means it's so much more enjoyable and I don't

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Speaker 4: feel stressed. It's been brilliant. I love it.

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Speaker 2: So that sounds like it could be an older better

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Speaker 2: tomorrow in and of itself, because if we want to

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Speaker 2: be better tomorrow for our kids, we just need to

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Speaker 2: actually focus on one thing at a time, mono task,

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Speaker 2: not multitask. Yeah, I think I said it in the podcast.

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Speaker 2: Multitasking is a myth. You can't do anything well if

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Speaker 2: you're trying to multitask.

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Speaker 3: I love that so.

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Speaker 2: Erin Thank You so much for listening all the way

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Speaker 2: from Michigan in the United States. Eron says, I love

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Speaker 2: your podcasts, so helpful, highlight of the day. Thanks for

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Speaker 2: making our a little better place.

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Speaker 3: We try, we try.

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Speaker 2: Aaron also says, by the way, we because Aaron's a

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Speaker 2: bit like me, let's get as much value to every

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Speaker 2: direction as we can. Aaron added, we also say we

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Speaker 2: can do hard things, which is another phrase that can

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Speaker 2: transform your relationship with your kids. I really appreciate the

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Speaker 2: email podcasts at Happy Families dot com dot au. Also, Kylie,

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Speaker 2: we received a voice memo. This one came from Rachel

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Speaker 2: about the same podcast episode.

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Speaker 5: My name is Rachel. I'm a mum of an eight

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Speaker 5: year old daughter and a six year old son. Listen

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Speaker 5: to your podcast today about the things we can say

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Speaker 5: to improve our relationships with our kids. Something that I've

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Speaker 5: tried to be a bit more conscious of recently is

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Speaker 5: to say yes. Now, I'm not talking about yes in

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Speaker 5: the sense of, you know, giving in to all of

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Speaker 5: their demands and stuff like that, but you know, there's

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Speaker 5: so many little moments where our kids might ask us

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Speaker 5: to do something with them. Often as parents, we're just

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Speaker 5: so busy and it can be, I guess easy to

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Speaker 5: default to saying no or just leaving them to it,

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Speaker 5: or thinking that it's okay for them to do these

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Speaker 5: things on their own. There's something really special about the

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Speaker 5: look on their faces when they ask you, can you

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Speaker 5: do this with me and you say yes, Yeah. Just

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Speaker 5: make the most of the time that you have with

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Speaker 5: each other.

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Speaker 4: Why did we not think about that?

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Speaker 3: Well? I was going to say, what was that doing?

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Speaker 3: Not on our list?

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Speaker 2: If you want to transform your relationship with other people,

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Speaker 2: actually say yes, listen to them, help them, be there

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Speaker 2: for them. So grateful for that one, Rachel, Thanks for

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Speaker 2: sending through that voice memo. If you would like to

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Speaker 2: give us feedback on any of the episodes that we're

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Speaker 2: doing here on the Happy Families podcast, send those voice

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Speaker 2: memos to podcasts at Happy Families dot com, dot you,

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Speaker 2: or just shootus an email. We're delighted love hearing from you. Okay,

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Speaker 2: I'll do better tomorrow, Kylie clock sticking already. We've had

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Speaker 2: so much feedback and so many things to talk about.

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Speaker 2: What's your old do better tomorrow?

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Speaker 4: Well, like I said a bit earlier, I have had

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Speaker 4: I've had an awesome week being really really intentional about

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Speaker 4: just making small changes to the way I do things

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Speaker 4: to have more intention and more purpose in the way

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Speaker 4: I spend my time. And the mornings with the kids

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Speaker 4: have been fantastic. Having that family meeting last weekend, getting

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Speaker 4: us all sorted and on the same page, knowing exactly

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Speaker 4: what needs to happen, has just meant that things have

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Speaker 4: run so smoothly. We've got to school on time, and

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Speaker 4: that kids, for the most part, really active participants.

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Speaker 2: You know, you're really enraging about three quarters of our

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Speaker 2: listenership right now, who are saying, but.

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Speaker 4: I can't get it right.

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Speaker 3: It's driving me up the wall wire. My morning is

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Speaker 3: not like that.

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Speaker 4: Well, I do get up quite early. That's one of

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Speaker 4: the key secrets for me.

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Speaker 3: What time? Tell everybody, what time are you getting up?

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Speaker 4: So I get up at five am and I'm usually

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Speaker 4: awake before the alarm goes off.

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Speaker 2: At the risk of being a little bit crass, I'm

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Speaker 2: pretty sure that some parents just puked in their mouths.

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Speaker 4: Yes, I know. When I first got married and you

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Speaker 4: would want to get up very very early is to

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Speaker 4: drive me insane. But I have actually, as I've gotten older,

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Speaker 4: I have found that it's my most productive time. So

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Speaker 4: I get up, and as a parent, once the kids

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Speaker 4: are awake, your time's not your own anymore. And so

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Speaker 4: I've really been intentional about carving out some time for me,

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Speaker 4: and it's the only time I can do it.

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Speaker 2: And let me just add because Kyler gets up at

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Speaker 2: five and I get up at four forty for my

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Speaker 2: bike rides, or four thirty, depending on where I'm writing

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Speaker 2: and who I'm writing with, sometimes even four twenty because

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Speaker 2: I'm that silly, we fall asleep without the aid of

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Speaker 2: Netflix or anything like that at approximately eight fifteen fifteen

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Speaker 2: and eight forty five. We had just potatoes at that

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Speaker 2: hour of the night. But that's the way that we're living.

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Speaker 2: But it gives us the time for us, but also

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Speaker 2: the time to really be present for the kids because

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Speaker 2: we've had the preparation for the day that we need.

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Speaker 4: Well, I feel amazing once I do that. So I

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Speaker 4: get up, I read my favorite book, I make my bed,

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Speaker 4: I get dressed, and then I go for a rundown

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Speaker 4: to the beach. It's only one point five k so

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Speaker 4: don't think I'm, you know, like some marathon wizard. I'm

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Speaker 4: only doing one point five k's but it's great. I

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Speaker 4: get my body moving, and then I sit down at

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Speaker 4: the beach, I do a meditation, I listen to a podcast,

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Speaker 4: and I come home and the kids are just starting

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Speaker 4: to stir.

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Speaker 3: What a life it is.

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Speaker 4: It's and because of that, I feel great. Yes, I've

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Speaker 4: fed my soul and I feel great, and I show

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Speaker 4: up as my best self.

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Speaker 3: It's inspiring. I'm so glad that you shared that.

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Speaker 4: And so once I do that, then the kids actually

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Speaker 4: kind of catch my energy. I'm peppy and my step

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Speaker 4: and I'm just so excited to give them a hug

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Speaker 4: and wake them up in the mornings. And so for

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Speaker 4: the most part, this week has been brilliant. But I

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Speaker 4: got to yesterday and there's a change in routine. We

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Speaker 4: have two extra kids home.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, because they've got some extracurricular activities.

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Speaker 4: First thing in the morning, that's right, that take them

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Speaker 4: out and they get themselves to school.

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Speaker 3: But not yesterday morning.

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Speaker 4: No, So two extra kids who are melancholy and who

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Speaker 4: are not across the routine that we do every day

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Speaker 4: when they're not there, so they're just kind of on

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Speaker 4: slow go. And so my two little ones who know

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Speaker 4: what the routine are going.

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Speaker 3: Come on, let's go.

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Speaker 4: We've got to be out the door and no one's

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Speaker 4: in any hurry, and so slowly it just unraveled until

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Speaker 4: it wasn't unraveling slowly, it was unraveling really really fast,

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Speaker 4: and everything just kind of fell in a heap.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't think that I got the good morning

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Speaker 3: on the phone.

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Speaker 4: You did not. You did not, And when you did

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Speaker 4: ring to kind of check in, it was like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: hi dad.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Nobody had any energy, and everybody was really really frustrated,

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Speaker 4: and that just the bickering and the fighting that created

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Speaker 4: because things weren't going the way that they wanted to.

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Speaker 4: And it was so easy for me to sit in

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Speaker 4: that moment and think, oh gosh, what am I doing wrong?

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Speaker 4: But the reality is I didn't do anything wrong. It

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Speaker 4: just is what it is. And no matter how intentional

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Speaker 4: we are, some days are just gonna be crappy.

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Speaker 2: Because kids are kids, right, Kids have got their own agenda,

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Speaker 2: they've got their own mess.

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Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, but I can do everything I can so

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Speaker 4: that I can stay on top of me and and

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Speaker 4: hopefully help them stay on top of them.

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Speaker 2: So it's to take her message from your old do

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Speaker 2: better tomorrow, get up early, and hope for the best.

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Speaker 4: I think it's just acknowledging that some days, no matter

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Speaker 4: what you do, some days are just not going to

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Speaker 4: happen the way you want them to. They're not going

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Speaker 4: to meet your expectations. And it doesn't mean that you're

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Speaker 4: doing anything wrong. It just means that you've got other

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Speaker 4: people in your life, you've got children, and you can't

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Speaker 4: control their every action.

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Speaker 3: So that take her message?

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Speaker 2: Really, the first five minutes that you take her message

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Speaker 2: was you flexing about how good your mornings are.

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Speaker 3: That's what it was, wasn't it? And can I just

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Speaker 3: add I am living my best life. People you do.

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Speaker 2: I'm so excited you do this without coffee or any

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Speaker 2: other stimulants.

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Speaker 3: You just get up and make it happen. He's flexing. Now, Hey,

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Speaker 3: after the break, we're going to find out about how the.

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Speaker 2: Parenting expert really has the best intentions, but sometimes it

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Speaker 2: doesn't translate so well. The twenty first century is a

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Speaker 2: tricky time to be a teen girl. Alcohol, drugs, mental

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Speaker 2: health concerns, body image issues, technology, sex. Our daughters face

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Speaker 2: all these and more. The Happy Families Misconnection Summit brings

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Speaker 2: together the best modern day experts on teen girls to

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Speaker 2: show you how to stay connected with your daughter and

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Speaker 2: help her face these.

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Speaker 3: Challenges head on.

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Speaker 2: Available online via video at the Happy Families webshop.

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Speaker 4: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time

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Speaker 4: poor parent who just wants answers, Now, what have you

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Speaker 4: got for us today?

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Speaker 2: So Alder Better Tomorrow's about reflecting on how we're doing

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Speaker 2: learning how to be better. You mentioned at the start

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Speaker 2: of your Older Better Tomorrow that in our family meeting

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Speaker 2: we got really clear on what the expectations are, and

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Speaker 2: the kids have pretty much been brilliant for the whole

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Speaker 2: week while I've been away doing my secret stuff that

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Speaker 2: I can't talk about in relation to Parental Guidance Season

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Speaker 2: two that I'm not going to say anything more about

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Speaker 2: it because I'm not allowed to, and so I missed

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Speaker 2: all of that great stuff. But the family meeting itself,

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Speaker 2: everyone knows, everyone's heard us on the podcast.

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Speaker 3: What went well, what didn't? What are we going to

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Speaker 3: do about it this week?

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Speaker 2: That's the extent of the family meeting ten fifteen minutes max.

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Speaker 3: If the kids will just well.

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Speaker 4: You say it's going to be ten or fifteen minutes.

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Speaker 3: Well the kids just keep on interrupting like you did.

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Speaker 4: Then everybody wants to have a voice.

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Speaker 3: I know they do one with this many.

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Speaker 4: Kids, that's exactly right. I don't know how you think

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Speaker 4: it's going to ever be fifteen minutes.

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Speaker 2: Or do you know why I actually say it's ten

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Speaker 2: or fifteen minutes, because I know that almost everybody who

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Speaker 2: listens to the podcast has only got one, two, or

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Speaker 2: three kids.

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Speaker 3: There's very few that go beyond three. Some do.

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Speaker 2: But if you've only got a couple of kids and

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Speaker 2: they're little, you can get through it super quick. You

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Speaker 2: can get through it in five minutes. That's why I

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Speaker 2: say ten minutes. I'm averaging it, oh averaging, even though

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Speaker 2: I was go for forty five. So anyway, I pulled

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Speaker 2: the kids together. They came in grumbly, they didn't even

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Speaker 2: want to be there for the family meeting and.

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Speaker 4: Be very very out of routine because.

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Speaker 2: You've been working so hard, they've actually used that as

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Speaker 2: an excuse to do less. They've not been participating, and

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Speaker 2: so I didn't go hard at them. But when they

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Speaker 2: weren't giving us particularly responsive answers to the questions what's

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Speaker 2: going well, what's not and what are we going to

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Speaker 2: do about it? I kind of got agitated. I elevated

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Speaker 2: my energy in an unpleasant way. I was like, seriously, guys,

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Speaker 2: are you not seeing what's going on here? Are you

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Speaker 2: watching what mum's doing. There's no gratitude, there's no event.

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Speaker 2: I may have started to lecture. I may have put

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Speaker 2: the guilts on a little bit. And the meeting ended

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Speaker 2: up being pretty clear in its outcome there needs to

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Speaker 2: be change, and the kids agreed that the routine needed

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Speaker 2: to improve. So obviously you got the outcome, but we

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Speaker 2: didn't get there in the nicest possible way. And I'm

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Speaker 2: a little bit stuck now because my I'd do better

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Speaker 2: tomorrow was going to be. I shouldn't have gotten that

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Speaker 2: frustrated with the kids. I should have been a little

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Speaker 2: bit softer. I should have let them come to their

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Speaker 2: own conclusions. I should have workshopped a lot more with

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Speaker 2: them rather than lecturing them.

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Speaker 3: But it seems like.

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Speaker 2: It worked because you had a pretty good week except

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Speaker 2: for yesterday, obviously, And now I'm kind of in this

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Speaker 2: bind where I'm thinking, sometimes as a you've actually got

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Speaker 2: to lay down the law. Sometimes as a parent, you've

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Speaker 2: got to let them know what the expectations are if

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Speaker 2: they're not living up to them.

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Speaker 3: And there's research that shows that that you if.

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Speaker 2: You let them know, hey, this is the standard that

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Speaker 2: we anticipate, this is the standard we expect, this is

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Speaker 2: where we need you to be, that kids actually do

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Speaker 2: lift to that level.

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Speaker 4: Well, that's why those family meetings are so important, because

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Speaker 4: we had it at the beginning of the week. We

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Speaker 4: reset for the week, we reset the expectations, and everybody

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Speaker 4: was across it. We've had a great week for the

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Speaker 4: most part. We get to have another family meeting this

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Speaker 4: weekend to celebrate what we achieved and then to look

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Speaker 4: at what didn't go so well on how we can

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Speaker 4: improve on that. There's accountability. It makes such a difference

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Speaker 4: instead of it going for months on end and everybody

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Speaker 4: getting frustrated because of expectations too.

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Speaker 2: Right, So, anyway, the take our message for me really

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Speaker 2: is sometimes you actually do have to be strict, be clear,

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Speaker 2: be firm, and let the kids know where we're up

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Speaker 2: to right now is not where we're supposed to be.

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Speaker 2: These are our family values, these are the expectations we have.

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Speaker 2: Let's lift a little, let's improve And obviously the kids did,

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Speaker 2: even though they didn't appreciate me giving them a bit

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Speaker 2: of a serve. I wonder though, I just wonder, could

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Speaker 2: I have done it a little more gently? Could I've

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Speaker 2: done it a little more patiently? Could I've been a

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Speaker 2: little more considered in the way that I did it.

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Speaker 2: I guess we'll find out, because this weekend we need

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Speaker 2: to talk to them about getting along well together. That's

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Speaker 2: the thing that needs to be worked on this time,

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Speaker 2: because man, they've been at each other anyway. The take

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Speaker 2: our message, have those conversations with your kids, let them

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Speaker 2: know the expectations, and hopefully things will change at least

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Speaker 2: for a day or two.

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Speaker 4: Mine is to be intentional and purposeful, stay on task,

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Speaker 4: but to recognize that when things don't go well, it's

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Speaker 4: not necessarily because you've done anything wrong.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, nice one.

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Speaker 2: We really hope that this I'll do better tomorrow has

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Speaker 2: been helpful and inspiring for making your family function better.

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Speaker 2: If you have any feedback for us, we always appreciate it.

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Speaker 2: A podcasts that's with an S. Podcasts with an S,

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Speaker 2: not the S at the front. I saw a mean

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Speaker 2: the other day on the internet. Somebody ordered his coffe

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Speaker 2: and you know how they write their name on there,

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Speaker 2: It's Mark, he said, It's Mark, but with a C.

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Speaker 2: And so when the coffee mug was handed to him.

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Speaker 2: It was spelled c A R cr C A c

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Speaker 2: A r k kark here. So when I say podcasts

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Speaker 2: with an S, I don't mean podcasts. I mean p

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Speaker 2: O D C A S T S podcasts at Happy

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Speaker 2: families dot com dot a U. The Happy Family Podcast

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Speaker 2: is produced by Justin Roland for Bridge Media. Craig Bruce

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Speaker 2: is our executive producer. We love you guys, thanks so

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Speaker 2: much for all your great work, and if you would

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Speaker 2: like more and fol about making your family happy, we

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Speaker 2: would so love to see you at happy families dot

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Speaker 2: com dot a you