WEBVTT - How to stop self-sabotaging and reach your full potential 🏆 0:00:03.840 --> 0:00:06.560 Over the last week, I have had one of the 0:00:06.680 --> 0:00:11.360 very simple but extreme pleasures of teaching my little girl, Charlie, 0:00:11.400 --> 0:00:14.280 who just turned three, how to ride her new pink bike. 0:00:14.720 --> 0:00:16.680 And we haven't had any major praying chats, so perhaps 0:00:16.720 --> 0:00:19.479 that's part of it, touch Wood, But the enjoyment on 0:00:19.520 --> 0:00:22.360 her face is beaming smile as she can. You can 0:00:22.360 --> 0:00:25.000 tell she feels like she's getting the hang of it 0:00:25.120 --> 0:00:27.280 at rush as she gets a bit of speed up. 0:00:27.440 --> 0:00:31.000 It's just been a beautiful reminder of sometimes we search for, 0:00:32.000 --> 0:00:35.360 you know, we search for that super complicated or I 0:00:35.400 --> 0:00:39.800 don't know, technical or materialistic pleasure that we think is 0:00:39.840 --> 0:00:42.159 going to change our life in a particular way, and 0:00:42.200 --> 0:00:45.360 there are so many beautiful, simple joys just surrounding us, 0:00:45.400 --> 0:00:49.040 and often we make life a bit more complicated than 0:00:49.040 --> 0:00:51.200 it needs to be and we forget about these simple pleasures. 0:00:51.280 --> 0:00:53.600 I think he's my point, and that sort of leads 0:00:53.640 --> 0:00:55.760 me to today's guests a little bit in today's show, 0:00:55.880 --> 0:00:59.840 because life is complicated, and today we're going to get 0:01:00.120 --> 0:01:02.400 to a topic that is really close to my heart 0:01:02.400 --> 0:01:04.399 because of the amount of people through my twenty eight 0:01:04.440 --> 0:01:09.080 program that have labeled themselves in this particular way and 0:01:09.120 --> 0:01:11.040 that is we're going to get into the topic of 0:01:11.360 --> 0:01:17.080 self sabotage, which is something that I don't understand fully 0:01:17.120 --> 0:01:19.560 and I'm really looking forward to understanding better, and it's 0:01:19.600 --> 0:01:22.119 something that I know affects a lot of people out there. 0:01:22.720 --> 0:01:26.920 So hopefully we can identify what self sabotage is and 0:01:26.959 --> 0:01:29.960 give some really practical steps by speaking to an incredible 0:01:29.959 --> 0:01:34.560 clinical psychologist about how we overcome it. And then as 0:01:34.560 --> 0:01:37.399 we start to get on planes and trains and take 0:01:37.440 --> 0:01:41.840 those much needed holidays, naturally you lose your routine a 0:01:41.880 --> 0:01:43.400 little bit, you lose your habits a little bit, and 0:01:43.440 --> 0:01:46.479 when you're on holiday, you struggle to maintain the healthy 0:01:46.480 --> 0:01:48.320 structure and the healthy routines that you build up. So 0:01:48.320 --> 0:01:51.960 we're going to talk about how you can maintain the 0:01:52.120 --> 0:01:54.760 healthy life while your own holiday life. 0:01:55.080 --> 0:01:57.680 I'm lucky enough to be heading away internationally on a 0:01:57.680 --> 0:02:01.680 holiday after a long, long, long time in lockdown, just 0:02:01.720 --> 0:02:05.440 wondering what your top tips are when it comes to enjoying, 0:02:05.480 --> 0:02:09.239 absolutely still enjoying, but sticking to as much as you 0:02:09.320 --> 0:02:12.639 can a routine, getting the exercise in, particularly when you're 0:02:12.639 --> 0:02:15.280 in a bit of a foreign surrounding, not as familiar 0:02:15.360 --> 0:02:16.040 with the foods. 0:02:16.560 --> 0:02:19.400 I'll be giving you a holiday plan a little later 0:02:19.440 --> 0:02:22.000 in the show. I'm Sam Wood. This is the wood Life. 0:02:22.360 --> 0:02:44.440 Let's get into it. This is a guest that I've 0:02:44.680 --> 0:02:48.160 wanted to have on the WOODLFE for a little while now, 0:02:48.200 --> 0:02:51.520 and it's a topic that I've absolutely been wanting to 0:02:51.560 --> 0:02:54.920 cover almost since The wood Life came about. And the 0:02:54.960 --> 0:02:57.239 topic we're going to dive into is one that's really 0:02:57.240 --> 0:03:00.000 close to my heart because it's something that I get 0:03:00.080 --> 0:03:02.600 asked about a lot through my twenty eight program. We're 0:03:02.600 --> 0:03:04.280 sort of going to get into that and touch on that, 0:03:04.360 --> 0:03:07.320 but I would love to first of all, welcome doctor 0:03:07.480 --> 0:03:11.400 Rebecca or beck Ray. Welcome to the wood Life. 0:03:11.760 --> 0:03:14.520 Thank you so much for having me Sam. It's such 0:03:14.560 --> 0:03:17.079 a great topic for us to be diving into. I 0:03:17.120 --> 0:03:18.239 can't wait to have this chat. 0:03:18.320 --> 0:03:20.440 So before we do dive into I'll give our listeners 0:03:20.480 --> 0:03:23.000 a little bit of a background, because you are one 0:03:23.040 --> 0:03:28.960 incredibly impressive woman. You are a clinical psychologist, but interestingly, 0:03:29.440 --> 0:03:32.639 you were studying psychology and then you took a little, 0:03:32.880 --> 0:03:35.120 well not a little, a fairly large turn to the 0:03:35.200 --> 0:03:36.520 left and you became a pilot. 0:03:36.600 --> 0:03:39.920 I did. I was quite an anxious teenager and my 0:03:40.040 --> 0:03:43.200 grandfather was a private pilot. He had his own plane, 0:03:43.240 --> 0:03:45.880 and he said to me when I got my driver's license, 0:03:45.960 --> 0:03:47.760 do you know if you can drive a car, you 0:03:47.800 --> 0:03:51.000 can fly a plane. And he lied, So let's just 0:03:51.040 --> 0:03:53.640 get that clear. That's rubbish. And so I thought, maybe 0:03:53.680 --> 0:03:57.120 to overcome my anxiety and my kind of fragile self esteem, 0:03:57.120 --> 0:04:00.240 that I'd go and do something significant. I'd gone do 0:04:00.320 --> 0:04:03.240 something with my life. Because of course studying psychology was 0:04:03.280 --> 0:04:05.640 not significant enough. I don't know why or who I 0:04:05.680 --> 0:04:08.600 was proving anything to. But I went and got my 0:04:08.680 --> 0:04:11.920 private pilot's license, and that I still felt anxious. So 0:04:11.960 --> 0:04:15.200 I got my commercial pilots license, my night flying rating, 0:04:15.440 --> 0:04:19.039 my multi engine rating, and an instructor rating, and I 0:04:19.080 --> 0:04:22.640 still felt anxious. So I thought, maybe flying is not 0:04:22.640 --> 0:04:27.279 going to fix the anxiety. So I went back to 0:04:27.400 --> 0:04:31.240 psychology and left flying and felt incredibly shameful about that 0:04:31.360 --> 0:04:33.960 for quite some time because of the money that was 0:04:34.000 --> 0:04:38.119 spent on my flying training. And it ended up being 0:04:38.160 --> 0:04:40.440 one of the things that has really defined for me 0:04:40.600 --> 0:04:44.440 how much failure is actually realignment. Because I now do 0:04:44.560 --> 0:04:46.760 a job where I don't feel like it's a job. 0:04:46.800 --> 0:04:50.599 I love it so much and It feels so incredibly 0:04:50.960 --> 0:04:55.719 aligned with who I am that my views were once 0:04:55.800 --> 0:04:59.560 so incredibly perfectionistic on failure and what they meant about 0:04:59.640 --> 0:05:03.640 me as a human being, whereas now I simply see 0:05:03.640 --> 0:05:06.040 it as data. When things don't work, it's just information. 0:05:06.760 --> 0:05:09.120 I love it. Small Habits through a Big Life is 0:05:09.160 --> 0:05:15.560 your latest book that is all about dealing with self sabotage? 0:05:16.080 --> 0:05:19.159 So can you just explain not just our listeners to me? Actually, 0:05:19.160 --> 0:05:23.080 because I'm sure I don't have the exact definition, what 0:05:23.560 --> 0:05:26.479 is self sabotage? Yeah? 0:05:26.520 --> 0:05:31.320 So, self sabotage is just a fancy name for not 0:05:31.360 --> 0:05:33.440 being able to trust yourself to do the things you 0:05:33.480 --> 0:05:34.360 say you want to do. 0:05:34.880 --> 0:05:35.320 I love that. 0:05:36.400 --> 0:05:41.800 It's essentially avoidance. Now everyone avoids, so it's really important 0:05:41.880 --> 0:05:46.200 that we just, right off the bat we normalize avoidance. 0:05:46.720 --> 0:05:50.719 Human brains are wired to avoid discomfort. It's what we do. 0:05:51.160 --> 0:05:55.080 So from a survival perspective, it was actually highly adaptive 0:05:55.120 --> 0:05:57.800 when we were out roaming the savannah in clans one 0:05:57.839 --> 0:06:02.760 hundred thousand years ago that we pay attention to uncertainty. 0:06:02.839 --> 0:06:07.000 We paid attention to potential danger and avoided the emotional 0:06:07.040 --> 0:06:10.400 discomfort and sometimes physiological discomfort that showed up as a 0:06:10.440 --> 0:06:13.599 result to say get out because this could potentially be 0:06:13.640 --> 0:06:17.919 a bad situation. Now twenty twenty two, we're not necessarily 0:06:18.000 --> 0:06:20.640 living life or dead situations in first world countries like 0:06:20.640 --> 0:06:23.880 Australia on a daily basis, but we still have prehistoric 0:06:24.000 --> 0:06:27.040 software in our brain, and that means that we're operating 0:06:27.520 --> 0:06:32.359 with brains that don't particularly like hard they don't like 0:06:32.480 --> 0:06:36.000 things that are uncomfortable, and so it's actually really normal 0:06:36.440 --> 0:06:40.800 to avoid effort to avoid something that just feels uncomfortable, 0:06:41.000 --> 0:06:43.880 and it's not even really a problem, but it becomes 0:06:43.960 --> 0:06:47.760 self sabotaged when the things, the behaviors that we start 0:06:47.800 --> 0:06:52.080 doing on a daily basis, those behaviors that occur more 0:06:52.120 --> 0:06:55.279 often in our lives than not, so we're probably talking 0:06:55.320 --> 0:06:59.040 about the forty to forty five percent of behaviors that 0:06:59.080 --> 0:07:03.080 make up have. When those habits start becoming habits of 0:07:03.320 --> 0:07:07.760 self sabotage, habits of avoidance, habits that actually push us 0:07:07.800 --> 0:07:10.920 away from where we want to be, then it becomes 0:07:11.000 --> 0:07:13.840 a problem. But it means that we get very confused 0:07:14.120 --> 0:07:19.360 about what is discomfort for growth and what is discomfort 0:07:19.440 --> 0:07:23.320 for discomfort's sake, So quite often we're actually creating a 0:07:23.360 --> 0:07:28.400 cycle where we are making ourselves feel ever more uncomfortable 0:07:28.640 --> 0:07:32.400 because we're trying to avoid initial discomfort, but we're not 0:07:32.400 --> 0:07:34.240 actually stopping to go. Hold on, if I just got 0:07:34.320 --> 0:07:36.600 up at six o'clock in the morning and went for 0:07:36.680 --> 0:07:38.880 a walk like I said I wanted to do, then 0:07:38.920 --> 0:07:41.200 my hips wouldn't be aching from sitting on the couch. 0:07:41.240 --> 0:07:44.840 You know, very simple but good example. How do we 0:07:45.680 --> 0:07:48.880 identify self sabotage in ourselves? 0:07:49.280 --> 0:07:52.400 So if we look at food and exercise or just 0:07:52.520 --> 0:07:58.640 general lifestyle habits, then you probably self sabotage if you 0:07:58.720 --> 0:08:01.160 spend a lot of the time in your head promising 0:08:01.240 --> 0:08:04.160 that you will do certain things, and yet when it 0:08:04.200 --> 0:08:07.480 comes around to doing those things, it feels hard, or 0:08:07.480 --> 0:08:10.080 it feels effort full, or you feel overwhelmed, or you 0:08:10.080 --> 0:08:13.080 didn't manage your time effectively so that when it came 0:08:13.160 --> 0:08:15.120 time to go into the gym you ended up running 0:08:15.120 --> 0:08:18.480 out of time. If those things keep happening more often 0:08:18.520 --> 0:08:21.760 than not, then it's likely that you're self sabotaged, and 0:08:21.800 --> 0:08:24.120 we can call those things. We can give those things 0:08:24.200 --> 0:08:28.840 labels like procrastination. Sure, the most common form of self 0:08:28.840 --> 0:08:31.840 sabotage I see is procrastination, and you would see it too. 0:08:32.200 --> 0:08:34.080 Oh it's a bit cold this morning, I won't go 0:08:34.080 --> 0:08:35.840 for a walk, but I'll do it this afternoon. I 0:08:35.920 --> 0:08:38.600 promise I will, And then it gets to this afternoon, 0:08:38.640 --> 0:08:40.960 you're too busy and the kids need something, so you 0:08:41.040 --> 0:08:41.600 just don't do it. 0:08:41.880 --> 0:08:42.320 You don't go. 0:08:42.640 --> 0:08:47.400 And so if it's making excuses, procrastinating, negative self talk, 0:08:47.840 --> 0:08:52.200 managing time ineffectively, managing your own emotions ineffectively so that 0:08:52.240 --> 0:08:55.240 you end up creating your own stress, I mean I 0:08:55.240 --> 0:08:57.280 could sit here for probably the next twenty minutes of 0:08:57.320 --> 0:09:00.000 our chat and list off ways that we can self sabotage. 0:09:00.440 --> 0:09:03.800 But the ways listeners can identify it within themselves is 0:09:03.840 --> 0:09:07.839 do you feel out of integrity? Have you been promising 0:09:07.920 --> 0:09:11.920 yourself that you would do something when it comes to 0:09:11.960 --> 0:09:15.840 your health and your fitness, and yet you're now in 0:09:15.880 --> 0:09:19.040 a position where you don't trust what you say. Your 0:09:19.080 --> 0:09:24.640 relationship with yourself is out of integrity now because you've 0:09:24.720 --> 0:09:29.520 lost trust with you. But before we pathologize it, before 0:09:29.559 --> 0:09:34.120 we pathologize you, before we pathologize every single listener, The 0:09:34.280 --> 0:09:39.000 key here is when I procrastinate, when I promise myself this, 0:09:39.120 --> 0:09:42.920 but I don't follow through when I make excuses, is 0:09:42.960 --> 0:09:46.000 it actually stopping your life from going in a direction 0:09:46.240 --> 0:09:48.400 that you want to go, Because then we have a problem. 0:09:48.760 --> 0:09:52.240 We have a disconnect between where you are and where 0:09:52.320 --> 0:09:55.280 you want to be. And if that cycle keeps showing 0:09:55.360 --> 0:09:57.760 up that there's a promise that you're making to yourself 0:09:57.760 --> 0:09:59.800 that you're not following through on, then yeah, it selfs 0:09:59.840 --> 0:10:04.720 up when we're talking about you know Natalie and she's 0:10:04.720 --> 0:10:08.120 at the stove thinking, this is the fifth time this 0:10:08.200 --> 0:10:10.440 week that I promised myself I would walk the dog, 0:10:10.840 --> 0:10:13.600 And here I am trying to get the toddler to 0:10:13.600 --> 0:10:17.160 stop putting Plato into the carpet, and I'm trying to 0:10:17.200 --> 0:10:19.920 pay the mortgage on my phone app while I'm stirring 0:10:19.960 --> 0:10:22.880 the sauce and I still haven't managed to get out 0:10:22.920 --> 0:10:25.400 the door or put my running shoes on. And this 0:10:25.440 --> 0:10:28.480 is where the shame comes in. The quality of our 0:10:28.520 --> 0:10:31.720 relationship with ourselves is what suffers. So you don't wake 0:10:31.800 --> 0:10:34.360 up in the morning with your wife saying, Sam, get 0:10:34.440 --> 0:10:37.280 up and go and do your workout because otherwise I'm 0:10:37.320 --> 0:10:39.720 going to do X, Y and ZED. No one makes 0:10:39.800 --> 0:10:43.119 you do that. That's a boundary that you keep with yourself, 0:10:43.640 --> 0:10:45.920 and it's the same for all of us. We have 0:10:46.040 --> 0:10:51.319 these internal boundaries, and if we constantly disrespect our own boundaries, 0:10:51.600 --> 0:10:54.240 what happens is we end up in a shame spiral, 0:10:54.880 --> 0:10:59.680 and that shame spiral further perpetuates the cycle of self sabotage. 0:11:00.120 --> 0:11:03.319 So let's say Natalie wants to go for a walk, 0:11:04.080 --> 0:11:07.480 and she promises herself this afternoon that she will go 0:11:07.559 --> 0:11:10.120 for a walk, but it's cold by then, and the 0:11:10.200 --> 0:11:13.400 kids need dinner, and it's just easy to put dinner 0:11:13.400 --> 0:11:15.680 on now. There is to do it later. So she 0:11:15.800 --> 0:11:19.000 starts doing that, and then it feels kind of relieving. 0:11:19.080 --> 0:11:22.560 It's very seductive, So self sabotage is super seductive. It 0:11:22.600 --> 0:11:25.840 actually feels better to go, you know what, I'll go tomorrow. 0:11:26.400 --> 0:11:29.000 And so in that moment she does feel better. There's 0:11:29.040 --> 0:11:31.720 one thing that's come off her shoulders that she doesn't 0:11:31.760 --> 0:11:33.520 have to deal with right now. She can just focus 0:11:33.520 --> 0:11:37.720 on everyone else. But then dinner's done, the kids are bathed, 0:11:37.920 --> 0:11:41.360 she's sitting on the couch watching a murder documentary. It 0:11:41.480 --> 0:11:44.320 might be me, but you know, if you need recommendations, 0:11:44.320 --> 0:11:46.480 come let me know. She's watching a murder documentary on 0:11:46.559 --> 0:11:51.320 the couch and she thinks, this is not really where 0:11:51.320 --> 0:11:53.880 I want to be, right, I've promised myself that I 0:11:53.920 --> 0:11:57.120 would go for a walk, and it's I didn't do it, 0:11:57.200 --> 0:12:00.920 and she feels guilty. And not only does she feel guilty, 0:12:00.960 --> 0:12:04.480 but she feels super frustrated with herself because she knows 0:12:05.360 --> 0:12:08.040 that this is not the life that she wants to live, 0:12:08.160 --> 0:12:10.559 This is not what she wants to be for her 0:12:10.600 --> 0:12:14.080 future self. And so then she starts to feel shame 0:12:14.200 --> 0:12:17.240 because something pops up. It's a library of mental images 0:12:17.640 --> 0:12:21.200 about all the times she's promised herself this this year, 0:12:21.440 --> 0:12:24.280 because you know, January one, she made a New Year's resolution. 0:12:24.440 --> 0:12:26.600 She said that wasn't going to be like this because 0:12:26.640 --> 0:12:29.280 she wasn't going to have another year like this, because 0:12:29.280 --> 0:12:33.880 she's had five years like this prior. And this library 0:12:33.880 --> 0:12:36.760 of images comes up in her head and it makes 0:12:36.760 --> 0:12:40.920 her feel so shit about herself that that shame takes 0:12:40.920 --> 0:12:44.320 a hold. And then she needs to avoid the shame, 0:12:45.000 --> 0:12:47.480 so she goes to the pantry and in the pantry 0:12:47.920 --> 0:12:50.800 is a little packet of that's hidden up the back 0:12:50.840 --> 0:12:53.240 so the kids can't see them, and it's mint slices, 0:12:53.559 --> 0:12:55.720 and the packet hasn't yet been opened because she bought 0:12:55.760 --> 0:12:57.959 them today this afternoon. Wall is she wasn't going to 0:12:58.000 --> 0:13:00.439 open them though they're just thearing the case the kids snack. 0:13:00.720 --> 0:13:03.920 But the shame is so big and it's so unwieled 0:13:03.920 --> 0:13:06.720 at you by this time that she needs a band aid. 0:13:07.320 --> 0:13:10.320 So she eats half the packet of mint slices. And 0:13:10.360 --> 0:13:15.520 then on top of that this internal rage, this internal 0:13:16.160 --> 0:13:20.760 anger at herself that she's done it again, and what 0:13:20.920 --> 0:13:26.319 happens is a continuation of the erosion between herself and herself. 0:13:27.280 --> 0:13:29.760 No one else is involved in this, Sam, You know 0:13:29.920 --> 0:13:32.480 that because you've seen this with your clients, right. No 0:13:32.559 --> 0:13:36.240 one else sees or hears this. It's just her with her. 0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:41.880 Wow, it's honestly like you were privy to hundreds of 0:13:41.880 --> 0:13:45.440 conversations that I've had over twenty two years, or in 0:13:45.480 --> 0:13:48.960 the actual home of those people. And I know it 0:13:49.040 --> 0:13:52.600 is because you've had those conversations too, and it's something 0:13:52.679 --> 0:13:57.840 you intimately understand. But I don't think you could have 0:13:57.840 --> 0:14:01.840 described it better. Honestly, I think there will be thousands 0:14:01.840 --> 0:14:07.160 of Natalies listening right now, nodding right now, whether it's 0:14:07.200 --> 0:14:10.079 five years or ten years or fifteen years or two 0:14:10.160 --> 0:14:15.360 kilos or fifteen kilos, whatever their Natalie situation is. And 0:14:15.400 --> 0:14:17.720 I hope there aren't natalies listening who are getting offended. 0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:19.840 But what does Natalie do? 0:14:20.320 --> 0:14:23.880 Yeah, so you'd know this from the homes that you've 0:14:24.200 --> 0:14:26.800 stood in, the gyms that you've stood in with a 0:14:26.840 --> 0:14:28.480 woman standing in front of you on the verge of 0:14:28.520 --> 0:14:31.080 tears telling you the same story, because that story is 0:14:31.120 --> 0:14:35.760 so incredibly painful. No change ever happens from shame. Actually, no, 0:14:35.920 --> 0:14:41.200 let me rephrase that, no sustained change ever happens from 0:14:41.240 --> 0:14:44.880 shame until we actually address that to begin with. Then 0:14:44.920 --> 0:14:49.080 you're constantly chasing an invisible measuring stick of your worthiness. 0:14:49.320 --> 0:14:53.160 That is bullshit. So the first thing we must acknowledge 0:14:53.320 --> 0:14:56.280 is that you are worthy for being you, just for existing. 0:14:57.240 --> 0:14:59.800 And the second thing we need to look at is 0:15:00.120 --> 0:15:02.960 you're not changing because you need to because there is 0:15:03.000 --> 0:15:04.920 something wrong with you, because there is a part of 0:15:04.960 --> 0:15:10.200 you that is defective. No, you're changing because you want 0:15:10.200 --> 0:15:13.040 to run around with the kids in the backyard because 0:15:13.040 --> 0:15:15.720 it's actually much bloody easier to get up off the 0:15:15.760 --> 0:15:20.200 floor when your knees don't hurt. It's because you actually 0:15:20.200 --> 0:15:23.080 really want to walk dog because you enjoy it, because 0:15:23.120 --> 0:15:25.840 there's whipbirds that sing outside and it makes you feel 0:15:25.880 --> 0:15:30.080 like you're truly living. You want to change because your 0:15:30.120 --> 0:15:32.960 eighty year old self is looking back at you right 0:15:33.000 --> 0:15:35.880 now and says, isn't there a little bit more to life? 0:15:37.160 --> 0:15:39.720 That's why you want to change. So we change from 0:15:39.760 --> 0:15:42.280 that place. We don't change from a place of shame. 0:15:42.840 --> 0:15:43.000 Now. 0:15:43.000 --> 0:15:45.600 The second thing is, let's go back to potential. Have 0:15:45.680 --> 0:15:49.800 strong feelings about potential. I'm a strong believer that when 0:15:49.800 --> 0:15:53.560 we come from a place of possibility, then potential is yours. 0:15:53.960 --> 0:15:57.920 You don't need to be Sam Woods going from eight 0:15:57.960 --> 0:15:59.920 out of ten to nine and a half out of ten, 0:16:00.640 --> 0:16:03.880 but you do need to understand that your potential matters 0:16:04.000 --> 0:16:07.320 just as much, no matter what that looks like. So 0:16:07.360 --> 0:16:10.280 we could do an entire other chat about self talk, 0:16:10.640 --> 0:16:12.720 but you won't remember that. So instead, I'm going to 0:16:12.720 --> 0:16:15.400 give you one statement, one statement I want you to 0:16:15.440 --> 0:16:23.280 take with you. I relentlessly believe in my own potential. Now, 0:16:23.320 --> 0:16:26.000 the reason potential is so important in this statement is 0:16:26.040 --> 0:16:28.760 because you don't need to be perfect, and in fact, 0:16:28.800 --> 0:16:32.880 perfection doesn't exist. And if you continue to try to 0:16:33.080 --> 0:16:37.440 make your attempts to transform your health perfect, then you 0:16:37.480 --> 0:16:40.320 will continue to bash your head up against a brick 0:16:40.360 --> 0:16:43.720 wall of criticism and shame. That just happens over and 0:16:43.760 --> 0:16:47.560 over again. So instead, I want you to believe in 0:16:47.600 --> 0:16:50.840 your own potential to change, whether you're there today or not. 0:16:51.360 --> 0:16:56.520 I want you to believe that your future self knows 0:16:56.960 --> 0:17:00.120 what you're capable of, whether you got there today or not. 0:17:00.560 --> 0:17:05.000 I want you to believe, to relentlessly believe that the 0:17:05.119 --> 0:17:08.159 hour between five and six pm can be different to 0:17:08.200 --> 0:17:12.000 what it was yesterday. Because if you believe in your potential, 0:17:12.400 --> 0:17:15.560 it means it doesn't matter what yesterday looked like. It 0:17:15.680 --> 0:17:19.119 means that something is possible for today. And then the 0:17:19.200 --> 0:17:22.920 final thing is, like I said, perfections bullshit. Please let 0:17:22.960 --> 0:17:24.920 go of it. It's just an absolute waste of time 0:17:24.960 --> 0:17:29.040 and energy. Instead, I want you to understand that it's 0:17:29.160 --> 0:17:34.080 consistency that matters. It doesn't matter how small the step is. 0:17:34.440 --> 0:17:38.000 If you take consistent steps, it's what matters. It doesn't 0:17:38.000 --> 0:17:41.639 matter what you do, it's consistency that matters. So to 0:17:41.720 --> 0:17:46.760 overcome self sabotage, firstly, please step out of shame. I 0:17:46.920 --> 0:17:51.160 promise you your brain is not defective. This hasn't happened 0:17:51.200 --> 0:17:54.679 to you for fifteen years, or for ten and then 0:17:54.760 --> 0:17:57.480 twenty and then forty kilos by the time you open 0:17:57.520 --> 0:18:02.440 your eyes again because you're broken. It's happened because life. 0:18:03.320 --> 0:18:07.600 This stuff just happens. But you cannot blame yourself for 0:18:07.640 --> 0:18:11.240 the way that you have learned to protect yourself from pain. 0:18:12.200 --> 0:18:14.639 I actually love that advice just on its own. Just 0:18:14.680 --> 0:18:18.680 focus on one thing at a time. It's keeping it 0:18:18.720 --> 0:18:22.320 as a singular focus, much more manageable, much easier to 0:18:23.080 --> 0:18:26.200 maintain your eyes on the prize of what the thing 0:18:26.280 --> 0:18:29.280 is for that particular time. You believe that a little 0:18:29.320 --> 0:18:30.720 habit is a better thing. 0:18:30.920 --> 0:18:33.919 The reason that I believe in small habits is because 0:18:34.119 --> 0:18:36.600 and small steps, is because of what we call the 0:18:36.640 --> 0:18:40.600 science of small winds. So I like to kind of 0:18:40.760 --> 0:18:44.000 hack our brains to help us. Now, what happens with 0:18:44.119 --> 0:18:46.919 self sabotage is when we get that sense of relief 0:18:46.920 --> 0:18:49.440 that I told you Natalie got when she didn't go 0:18:49.520 --> 0:18:51.639 for a walk. So in that moment where she goes, oh, 0:18:51.760 --> 0:18:53.840 buger it, I just can't do it self. Now, I'll 0:18:53.840 --> 0:18:57.440 do it tomorrow. That relief is marked in the brain 0:18:57.560 --> 0:19:02.119 by a neurotransmitter called dopamine, and dopamine is responsible for 0:19:02.160 --> 0:19:05.800 giving us a sense of reward, It makes us feel good, 0:19:05.840 --> 0:19:08.720 and it actually motivates us to repeat a behavior. So 0:19:08.800 --> 0:19:11.760 dopamine is the neurochemical involved in addiction. 0:19:12.040 --> 0:19:12.280 Right. 0:19:12.520 --> 0:19:15.359 It says yes, that worked, because it actually did work 0:19:15.440 --> 0:19:17.280 in the moment, made you feel good in the moment, 0:19:17.320 --> 0:19:19.080 says do it again, do it again, do it again. 0:19:19.440 --> 0:19:22.600 And so this is how self sabotage becomes seductive and 0:19:22.680 --> 0:19:26.080 then addictive, because our brain is actually saying, ooh, that 0:19:26.200 --> 0:19:30.400 felt good. But the thing that many people don't understand, 0:19:30.480 --> 0:19:34.080 especially if they've been in this position for years, is 0:19:34.119 --> 0:19:37.200 that the hit of dopamine that you'll get from doing 0:19:37.359 --> 0:19:40.119 the behavior that's aligned with who you want to be 0:19:40.200 --> 0:19:44.200 and where you want to go is even harder, more prominent, 0:19:44.520 --> 0:19:47.960 and more enjoyable for your brain than if you just 0:19:48.080 --> 0:19:51.400 repeat the self sabotage habit. So if Natalie actually put 0:19:51.400 --> 0:19:54.320 her shoes on and said I'm doing it this afternoon, 0:19:54.359 --> 0:19:56.320 got her shoes on before she'd even thought about it 0:19:56.840 --> 0:19:58.680 or could talk herself out of it, and got out 0:19:58.720 --> 0:20:02.560 the door, how she would feel on the way back 0:20:02.640 --> 0:20:06.160 from that is this huge surge of oh, my goodness, 0:20:06.320 --> 0:20:08.920 I'm in alignment. This is who I want to be. 0:20:09.080 --> 0:20:12.360 How good is that? So what we want to do 0:20:12.960 --> 0:20:16.280 is hack that dopamine hit. And the way you can 0:20:16.359 --> 0:20:19.520 do it is by doing a small step in the 0:20:19.600 --> 0:20:21.840 right direction. And what happens with dope mean is it 0:20:21.880 --> 0:20:25.520 goes We're going in the right direction, and this right 0:20:25.560 --> 0:20:29.960 direction actually feels so much better than staying stuck in 0:20:30.000 --> 0:20:33.239 our cycle. So you repeat that until it starts to 0:20:33.320 --> 0:20:35.840 become more of your identity. It starts to become just 0:20:36.280 --> 0:20:39.440 more of this who you are, and then you add 0:20:39.480 --> 0:20:40.080 something else. 0:20:40.800 --> 0:20:44.120 I absolutely love that. Whether you're someone like me who 0:20:44.160 --> 0:20:48.440 has done fifty thousand personal training sessions over two decades, 0:20:48.600 --> 0:20:51.119 I know how hard it is. I don't even like 0:20:51.160 --> 0:20:54.000 working out myself. I think, like you said, it's discomfort. 0:20:54.280 --> 0:20:58.199 That's the whole point. We could speak for hours. From 0:20:58.240 --> 0:20:59.560 the bottom of my heart, thank you for coming on 0:20:59.600 --> 0:21:02.080 the Woodland today. I've learned a lot. I actually think 0:21:02.119 --> 0:21:04.520 I'll have changed a little bit today and how I 0:21:04.840 --> 0:21:07.160 talk to people. Thank you so much. 0:21:07.400 --> 0:21:09.520 Thank you, that's so kind of it. Thanks Sam, It's 0:21:09.520 --> 0:21:10.119 been a pleasure. 0:21:13.720 --> 0:21:15.919 I think that's the most emotional effelt on the show 0:21:16.720 --> 0:21:22.679 since we started. Because of how many inverted commas, Natalie, 0:21:22.760 --> 0:21:28.879 conversations I have had with beautiful people over my long career. 0:21:29.400 --> 0:21:31.600 I learned a lot. I loved every second of it. 0:21:31.880 --> 0:21:35.120 I love getting real and raw and could tell that 0:21:35.119 --> 0:21:37.800 Beck just got it, and that's what it's all about. 0:21:37.840 --> 0:21:41.159 Loved it, loved it, loved it, loved it. Next up, 0:21:41.160 --> 0:21:43.400 we're going to get a little bit less serious. We're 0:21:43.400 --> 0:21:45.560 going to pack our bags, we're going to jump on 0:21:45.560 --> 0:21:47.560 a plane, and we're going to talk about how you 0:21:47.600 --> 0:21:53.160 can maintain a good healthiness and happiness while on holidays. 0:21:59.160 --> 0:22:00.600 We all get a little bit worried that we're going 0:22:00.640 --> 0:22:03.360 to drop the ball completely and gain a few holiday kilos, 0:22:03.400 --> 0:22:06.480 which are no big deal. And I think Lana sums 0:22:06.480 --> 0:22:08.359 it up beautifully when she asked this question. 0:22:09.600 --> 0:22:12.560 Hi, Sam, I'm lucky enough to be heading away internationally 0:22:12.600 --> 0:22:16.200 on a holiday after a long, long, long time in lockdown. 0:22:16.760 --> 0:22:18.959 Just wondering what your top tips are when it comes 0:22:19.000 --> 0:22:24.160 to enjoying absolutely still enjoying, but sticking to as much 0:22:24.160 --> 0:22:27.360 as you can of routine, getting the exercise in, particularly 0:22:27.440 --> 0:22:30.280 when you're in a bit of a foreign surrounding, not 0:22:30.320 --> 0:22:33.639 as familiar with the foods, et cetera, et cetera. 0:22:33.920 --> 0:22:37.760 Thanks, So it's such a great question. I always go 0:22:37.920 --> 0:22:40.840 back to the fundamentals and I'll get to it in 0:22:40.840 --> 0:22:44.439 the second But the first part is you're absolutely right, 0:22:45.000 --> 0:22:47.280 let your head down and enjoy it. I don't think, 0:22:47.440 --> 0:22:50.240 particularly in international holiday when you haven't had one for 0:22:50.280 --> 0:22:54.479