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Speaker 1: Jersey and Amanda gam Nation. I read something out yesterday

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Speaker 1: that I found on the Brookshields platform. Beginning is now

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Speaker 1: for women who are kind of entering their third chapter

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Speaker 1: of their lives, I think, and it said what the

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Speaker 1: mental load of a woman can look like and how

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Speaker 1: maybe we need to reevaluate it. But this is often

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Speaker 1: what the mental load is. You should have just asked,

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Speaker 1: tell me what to do, and I'll do it. I

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Speaker 1: don't know what needs to be done. I can do

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Speaker 1: it if you give me a list you never asked,

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Speaker 1: And it says the mental load is the worry work,

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Speaker 1: a term for the invisible labor involved in managing a

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Speaker 1: household and a family that typically falls on a women's shoulders.

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Speaker 1: The mental load is about being the one in charge

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Speaker 1: of having the never ending list of to do items,

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Speaker 1: remembering what needs to be done, delegating. Therein is an

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Speaker 1: exhaustion and a burnout that comes with that. Couple of

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Speaker 1: the comments that were on the back of this, I

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Speaker 1: appreciate when my husband says, I'll cook dinner, but the

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Speaker 1: next question is what are we having? So you have

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Speaker 1: to still do the thinking, the shopping, the planning, etc.

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Speaker 1: Another comment that I found very in with someone saying

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Speaker 1: do we do this to ourselves as women because we

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Speaker 1: say it's just easier if I do it. She says,

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Speaker 1: we set this up for ourselves at the beginning because

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Speaker 1: in the beginning we want to be easygoing. Easygoing is

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Speaker 1: an asset. Getting life done was behind the scenes. You

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Speaker 1: didn't want to look troublesome, difficult, fussy, naggy. Now as

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Speaker 1: a couple, it's interwoven. This toxic cycle starts and becomes tragic,

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Speaker 1: so sometimes it's woven into our relationships and it's hard

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Speaker 1: to break free. Got this email from Samantha, who emailed

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Speaker 1: us yesterday saying it really hit home for me when

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Speaker 1: you spoke about writing the list, and it brought me

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Speaker 1: to tears. I'm a fifty two year old woman. I

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Speaker 1: work full time. I volunteered two weekends a month for

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Speaker 1: a charity that supports Australian farmers. I've got three boys, eighteen,

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Speaker 1: twenty and twenty two, all living at home. My husband's

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Speaker 1: always saying, write a list of the jobs you need doing,

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Speaker 1: but even to start the list is so overwhelming, as

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Speaker 1: there's so much much that needs to be done. I

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Speaker 1: suffer from arth writers, which I've had since the age

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Speaker 1: of two. I've got two titanium knees, and the hips

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Speaker 1: won't be far off. I'd love to host a dinner party,

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Speaker 1: but I'm too embarrassed to have people over when there's

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Speaker 1: so much that needs to be done around the house

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Speaker 1: and I'm physically unable to complete the jobs. I wanted

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Speaker 1: to say thank you for acknowledging the importance and need

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Speaker 1: for more support for women in our own homes. But

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Speaker 1: it's interesting because we'd have to sometimes lower our standards

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Speaker 1: and let other people do things for us. Hey, boys,

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Speaker 1: put your washing away even though it sits on a

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Speaker 1: stair for a week. Hey, can you go shopping even

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Speaker 1: though you don't get all the quality of the ingredients

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Speaker 1: I really want. We have set this toxic situation often

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Speaker 1: up for ourselves, and now it's really hard to break free. So,

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Speaker 1: as we said yesterday, if you see something, guys that

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Speaker 1: needs doing, please do it. Don't wait for the list, because,

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Speaker 1: as Samantha says here, even writing the list can feel overwhelming.

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Speaker 2: So and you get a list of stuff.

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Speaker 1: That's right. Men don't like being given a list. But

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Speaker 1: without a list, nothing gets done.

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Speaker 2: It depends. Like my house, it gets all done but

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Speaker 2: you know, I've got a different relationship because you're a doer.

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Speaker 2: I get a lot of stuff done.

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Speaker 1: You're proactive.

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Speaker 2: But I've got add as well. So I see something,

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Speaker 2: there's a list problem with me with my house, I'll

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Speaker 2: walk along. I'll see, like a light bulb'sut right, fix that.

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Speaker 2: So as on the way fixing the light bulb, I

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Speaker 2: know it's the stairs a little bit less, I'll fix it.

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Speaker 2: About fifty jobs.

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Speaker 1: They're the jobs that in the old terms are boy

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Speaker 1: jobs in the old terms.

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Speaker 2: But then I'll do you and all that stuff. So

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Speaker 2: you know, Helen does the washing, and like we've got

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Speaker 2: a good relationship in that way. She does the washing

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Speaker 2: and stuff like that. I'm not allowed to go near

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Speaker 2: the washing machine because and you don't.

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Speaker 1: Like her coming into the kitchen when you're cooking.

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Speaker 2: No, she doesn't choose to come into the kitchen. The

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Speaker 2: only trouble we have is the dish washing. But you're

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Speaker 2: a different kind of down that path. Many times, that's.

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Speaker 1: A different kind of relationship. I think you would find

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Speaker 1: that eighty percent of families, the woman carries the burden

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Speaker 1: of this stuff. It and maybe it is our own fault.

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Speaker 1: At some point we need to drop our standards, unpick it,

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Speaker 1: unpick the toxicity of this situation and put up with

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Speaker 1: things not being perfect and let it just roll.

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Speaker 2: So my wife said she dropped her standards when she

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Speaker 2: married me, So where does that put us?

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Speaker 1: Where does that put us? Very interesting and thank you

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Speaker 1: for her email, Samantha