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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.

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Speaker 2: Now, if it's something that matters to the kids, perhaps

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Speaker 2: I can show a bit more interest. I could be

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Speaker 2: a bit more patient. Once I did do that, it

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Speaker 2: was such a beautiful, beautiful experience.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum

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Speaker 1: and dad.

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Speaker 2: It's Friday. It's all Do Better Tomorrow. This is doctor

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Speaker 2: Justin Colson. I'm here with Kylie, my wife mon to

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Speaker 2: our six kids and podcast partner Kylie. Last week we

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Speaker 2: talked about Minions versus light Year on our older Better Tomorrow,

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Speaker 2: amongst other things. We don't normally get a lot of

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Speaker 2: feedback on our I'll Do Better tomorrow's other than people

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Speaker 2: like that we're real, but this one generated a handful

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Speaker 2: of responses for her podcasts at Happy Families dot com

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Speaker 2: dot au.

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Speaker 3: We love getting feedback, yeah, we do, but we definitely

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Speaker 3: had a couple that were pretty full on weeks. We

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Speaker 3: knew we were going to question to task buttons with

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Speaker 3: this topic. I mean, it's a passionate for lots of people,

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Speaker 3: and well.

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Speaker 2: It gets to the core of the identity that some

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Speaker 2: people carry. But also the challenges that many people have

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Speaker 2: when they don't feel like they're accepted.

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Speaker 4: We need to be clear.

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Speaker 2: In last Friday's episode, we just reported and shared on

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Speaker 2: things that people have said, written, or spoken. We didn't

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Speaker 2: come down one side or other on the argument, and

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Speaker 2: I think that was not good enough for some people.

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Speaker 2: They wanted us to stake out our position and have

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Speaker 2: a role to play, but we don't feel like that's

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Speaker 2: our job. Our job here is to support parents, full stop.

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Speaker 2: End of story. But his piece of feedback, well, I've

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Speaker 2: got rid of the worst ones, but his one that

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Speaker 2: came through. This one came from Tanya, really really beautifully written.

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Speaker 2: She said the same sex relationship depicted in Light Year

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Speaker 2: was and should be a non event. I thought nothing

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Speaker 2: of it at the time. It only occurred to me

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Speaker 2: when a friend who hadn't seen the movie asked me

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Speaker 2: about it. It wasn't a big focus of the movie

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Speaker 2: at all, just a background detail in the storyline of

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Speaker 2: a supporting character. Kids of all ages, even four, five

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Speaker 2: and six year olds, have peers and friends at school

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Speaker 2: with two mums or two dads, and kids will see

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Speaker 2: families with same sex parents at the park and at

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Speaker 2: the shop.

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Speaker 4: And I'm really glad.

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Speaker 2: That Tanya said that, because that's not something that we

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Speaker 2: did say last week, and we should have. People have

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Speaker 2: given feedback saying, oh, this same sex stuff. I don't

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Speaker 2: want to have to talk to my four and five

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Speaker 2: and six year old about it. But the reality is

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Speaker 2: in our pluralistic and quite liberal twenty twenty two society,

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Speaker 2: kids are going to school with other kids who have

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Speaker 2: got two mums or two dads and any number of

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Speaker 2: other family structures. Tanu one wanted to say, and kids

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Speaker 2: from a young age should be educated that other families

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Speaker 2: can and do look very different from their own, not

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Speaker 2: just LGBTQI, single parents, only children, foster families, grandparents raising grandchildren,

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Speaker 2: mixed rates families, etc. It may prevent some embarrassing or

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Speaker 2: even offensive comments or questions when they do come across this.

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Speaker 2: In real life, anyone who takes the child to the

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Speaker 2: library will see many, many picture books on diversity and

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Speaker 2: representation for young children. So I just love the way

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Speaker 2: that Tanya shared that, and I wanted to throw that

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Speaker 2: one in there. And there was another one that came

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Speaker 2: through from John just quickly. John said, my concerns the

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Speaker 2: chatter around the two parents kissing during a late year

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Speaker 2: I agreed that removing Buzz from the toy story universe

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Speaker 2: is a poor choice and a diversion from the Earth

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Speaker 2: original storyline. But to criticize the film on a kiss

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Speaker 2: between two parents is dare I say it narrow minded?

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Speaker 2: So again, John, we weren't being critical. We were highlighting

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Speaker 2: that some people have been critical. John, I want to

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Speaker 2: say that from a statistical point of view, diversity in

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Speaker 2: terms of family makeup, in terms of gener identity, sexual preference,

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Speaker 2: all those things are statistically likely to occur in our

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Speaker 2: children's lives, We're going to come across it, and said,

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Speaker 2: I don't think we need to make a big deal

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Speaker 2: about it, So I.

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Speaker 4: Just I wanted to highlight that.

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Speaker 2: We also had a handful of others that we probably

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Speaker 2: don't have time to go into. But there were so

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Speaker 2: many really great bits of feedback that we got. One

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Speaker 2: thing that I want to be clear on here is

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Speaker 2: that we really wanted to represent both sides in our conversation.

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Speaker 2: But in terms of the feedback that we received, we

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Speaker 2: didn't receive any feedback at all from anyone taking a

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Speaker 2: hardcore conservative position and saying it was wrong and it

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Speaker 2: shouldn't have been there. The only feedback we got was

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Speaker 2: from people who were saying, let's just acknowledge the reality

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Speaker 2: and help people to feel supported.

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Speaker 3: I'm really grateful for the feedback. It always helps us

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Speaker 3: to know that we're on the right track. And today

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Speaker 3: today's our special day. We love talking about the things

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Speaker 3: that we can do better as a parent.

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Speaker 2: So we thank you for your feedback podcasts at happy

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Speaker 2: Families dot com dot au. And now let's talk about

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Speaker 2: I'll do better tomorrow. Why don't you go first today?

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Speaker 3: Well, my emotions are pretty close to the surface, so

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Speaker 3: hopefully I can get through it. It's been a little

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Speaker 3: bit of a hard week. It started off with Emily

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Speaker 3: having probably one of the biggest meltdowns.

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Speaker 4: Schill refusal.

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Speaker 3: Right every time we'd get on here and we say

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Speaker 3: it was like the biggest one.

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Speaker 4: It just has.

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Speaker 3: It's escalating and has been really really challenging. So Monday

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Speaker 3: I found myself driving her to school in her pajamas,

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Speaker 3: as I've done many times, with a uniform right next

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Speaker 3: to her on the chair, expecting that as usual, she

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Speaker 3: would just stress herself as we kind of drove along

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Speaker 3: and things would go in a really easy, normal way.

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Speaker 3: But on Monday, that is not what happened. We got

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Speaker 3: there and she was adamant that she was not going

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Speaker 3: to school. So I picked her up in her pajamas,

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Speaker 3: uniform in hand, and we went to the learning support room.

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Speaker 3: But I've never been there that late, and they actually

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Speaker 3: had twenty plus kids in learning support in a class setting,

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Speaker 3: and she was kicking and screaming, and thankfully a teacher

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Speaker 3: came out and I just sat down with Emily and

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Speaker 3: again just held her. I kept holding her for as

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Speaker 3: long as I needed. It was about twenty five minutes.

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Speaker 3: She was really really distressed, and the teacher was wonderful,

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Speaker 3: very supportive, and finally we got dressed and she did

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Speaker 3: eventually go off on her own, and you know, there

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Speaker 3: was a smile on her face. But oh the emotions.

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Speaker 3: There's so many emotions. But that's not why I'd do

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Speaker 3: DIP better tomorrow, right. I actually had after having that

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Speaker 3: very challenging experience, I got a phone call from our

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Speaker 3: eldest daughter and she was just, you know, we're just

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Speaker 3: talking about life in general, and she said a handful

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Speaker 3: of different things, but as we talked, she actually got

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Speaker 3: a little bit emotional and she just said, you know,

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Speaker 3: I know, I wasn't always the easiest to deal with,

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Speaker 3: and we had a couple of really really challenging years there.

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Speaker 3: For a while, she got quite rebellious and decided that

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Speaker 3: she wasn't going to live by the value system that

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Speaker 3: we had raised her to live. And it was very

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Speaker 3: confronting at the time, but there was so much learning

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Speaker 3: that took place through it for both of us and

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Speaker 3: to come out the other side and have her continue

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Speaker 3: to live her life the way she chooses. But no,

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Speaker 3: without a doubt that she is loved and cherished by us.

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Speaker 3: Has been I guess, probably the biggest parental challenge that

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Speaker 3: I personally have had to deal with so far. But

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Speaker 3: to hear her just acknowledge that. You know, when she

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Speaker 3: was sixteen, she had that wonderful conversation that you caught

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Speaker 3: on that gold Cast video around standards and values, and

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Speaker 3: you know, you sat down with her that night and said,

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Speaker 3: do we need to reassess the rules? And she just

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Speaker 3: kind of said, Dad, I don't like the rules, but

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Speaker 3: they're good rules. And even now after all these years,

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Speaker 3: she said this exactly the same thing. She said, I

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Speaker 3: said it to you all those years ago. Mums, she says,

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Speaker 3: but it's true, she said. I don't like the rules,

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Speaker 3: she said, but I'm now watching my friends and the

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Speaker 3: choices that they're making in their lives, and I am

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Speaker 3: so grateful for the sheltered, the sheltered life that you

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Speaker 3: offered me by providing me structure and routine and rules

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Speaker 3: having boundaries. And while I pushed against them, she said,

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Speaker 3: they're the very thing that have enabled me to come

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Speaker 3: away as a confident adult, able to make my own choices.

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Speaker 3: And I just are so grateful because we both have

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Speaker 3: memories of some really, really hard and probably messy and

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Speaker 3: quite ugly times together and the reality is on both

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Speaker 3: sides of the fans, we wish that they never happened,

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Speaker 3: but there is just absolute love. And for any parent

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Speaker 3: who who wants the world for their children but recognizes

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Speaker 3: that they have to make their own choices, it pulls

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Speaker 3: at the heart strings so deeply. But for me, the

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Speaker 3: greatest lesson that I learned out of it was no

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Speaker 3: matter what, no matter what my child chooses to do,

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Speaker 3: my goal is to make sure they know unequivocally that

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Speaker 3: I love them. If I can do that, then nothing

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Speaker 3: else matters.

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Speaker 4: And so to have that.

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Speaker 3: Reassurance from her out of nowhere. It came out of nowhere,

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Speaker 3: and it was just such a nice way to end

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Speaker 3: after a really harrowing morning with Miss Emily. To be

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Speaker 3: able to have that conversation with her was just heaven.

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Speaker 2: One of the best things that we've experienced in life

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Speaker 2: as a parent is to have children say to us,

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Speaker 2: thank you, We're so glad that you raised us the

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Speaker 2: way you did.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it feels good.

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Speaker 2: So the take home message from either least oncoming to

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Speaker 2: school refusal, which is a never aenning challenge that we

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Speaker 2: will continue to work through, or the conversation that you

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Speaker 2: had with our eldest, what's the takeo message that you

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Speaker 2: think can help parents who listen to the podcast in

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Speaker 2: their efforts to do better tomorrow.

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Speaker 3: Don't lose hope. If you've got a child who is

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Speaker 3: wanting to kind of assert their independence and their autonomy

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Speaker 3: and it doesn't seem to be going the way you

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Speaker 3: want it to, don't lose heart that the things that

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Speaker 3: you have taught them will be lost in the process.

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Speaker 3: There is so much power in love. It's not about

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Speaker 3: control and it's not about coercion, but there is power

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Speaker 3: in love. And if our children know they're loved, They'll

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Speaker 3: always come back.

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Speaker 4: And that's it.

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Speaker 2: Our love draws them to us. Whereas when we reject them,

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Speaker 2: when we assert ourselves, when we try to tell them

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Speaker 2: how they're doing it all wrong, all we do is

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Speaker 2: drive them from us. It's our love that draws them

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Speaker 2: to us, and.

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Speaker 3: They're drawn to us. Then I still have influence, even

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Speaker 3: if it feels like it's miniscule. I still have influence

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Speaker 3: in their lives, and I hold to that.

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Speaker 2: After the break how I ended up at a hospital

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Speaker 2: on the weekend of our kids with o'ld do better tomorrow.

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Speaker 4: On the Happy Families podcast.

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Speaker 2: Family life is pretty tough going sometimes most days are

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Speaker 2: a struggle between strong willed children and frazzled parents.

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Speaker 4: But it can be better.

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Speaker 2: The twenty one Days to a Happier Family program is

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Speaker 2: designed for busy parents who want a calmer, happier family,

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Speaker 2: and it can be done with evidence based strategies and

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Speaker 2: practices that really work in twenty one days. All resources

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Speaker 2: are available for your family for twenty one Days to

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Speaker 2: a Happier Family at happy families dot com dot au.

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Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time

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Speaker 3: poor parent who just wants answers now, and this is

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Speaker 3: a good one. I'm looking forward to it, all right.

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Speaker 2: So a couple of days before the weekend last week,

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Speaker 2: our youngest Emily shows up at the house. She's found

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Speaker 2: a bird that has been pushed out of a nest.

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Speaker 2: It's on the ground, that's completely helpless. It's a baby bird.

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Speaker 2: It's got feathers, but it's a tiny little what do

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Speaker 2: they call it, like a foundling, a nestling, like a

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Speaker 2: tiny little baby bird whatever, whatever they're called. And it's

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Speaker 2: one of those minor birds. Now, I didn't realize that

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Speaker 2: there were two kinds of minor birds. I thought that

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Speaker 2: the Indian minor bird, which is known to be a

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Speaker 2: pest and there are all kinds of eradication programs for

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Speaker 2: this thing. I thought that miner bird was minor bird.

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Speaker 2: And the little gray ones they're different to the brown ones.

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Speaker 2: The brown ones are the Indian minor birds. The gray

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Speaker 2: ones what they call a noisy minor and they're spelled differently,

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Speaker 2: they look different, all that sort of stuff. Long story short,

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Speaker 2: Emily came in with a noisy miner, which is a

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Speaker 2: native Australian bird, tiny little baby bird that's been pushed

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Speaker 2: out of the nest. But I just thought a miner

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Speaker 2: bird was a minor bird. Didn't realize they were different.

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Speaker 2: And I've always seen those native ones as pests. Anyway,

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Speaker 2: they're horrible to the other birds, and I just don't

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Speaker 2: like them. And she wants to keep this bird. To me,

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Speaker 2: it's a reject number one because it's a minor bird.

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Speaker 2: But number two, it's a reject because it's been pushed

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Speaker 2: out of the nest by its moments. Mom didn't want it.

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Speaker 2: So what do we want a bird for? And what

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Speaker 2: are we going to do with the bird? And how

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Speaker 2: is she going to keep it alive? And you can't

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Speaker 2: exactly go feeding it, And let's just.

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Speaker 4: Put it out there.

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Speaker 3: If it was up to you, the bird wouldn't have

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Speaker 3: lasted a night.

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Speaker 2: Well, I wasn't going to be horrible about it. I

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Speaker 2: told her she could look after it, but I figured

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Speaker 2: it was going to die overnight.

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Speaker 4: Anyway.

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Speaker 2: You got a shoe box, and you went and showed

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Speaker 2: her where the rags were so that she could make

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Speaker 2: it comfortable and set it in the living room that

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Speaker 2: under the air conditioner in the warm middle of winter.

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Speaker 3: And she hated the rags up in the microwave for

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Speaker 3: thirty seconds so that they were toasty warm for this

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Speaker 3: little baby bird. She was the best mother. It was

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Speaker 3: so just blown away with her attention for this little bird.

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Speaker 4: So she says, what do we feed it?

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Speaker 2: And because it was a minor bird and I didn't care,

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Speaker 2: I just said I give it what don't feed? Who cares?

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Speaker 2: And we didn't even bother to google it. She starts

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Speaker 2: feeding at mandarin.

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Speaker 3: Well, no, I did google it, but I didn't have

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Speaker 3: access to slugs and and all of those things, and

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Speaker 3: I honestly didn't think it was going to survive the night. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: because no matter how well.

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Speaker 4: It was too bad.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, it was not happy. So anyway, she gave

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Speaker 3: it some mashed potato. We went out to dinner and

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Speaker 3: left her with her big sisters, and she fed it

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Speaker 3: some mashed potato and tucked it into bed. She had

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Speaker 3: it all nicely wrapped up in warm blankets, and, like

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Speaker 3: you said, the air conditioner.

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Speaker 4: The next morning, we wake up and the birds still alive.

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Speaker 3: And not only is it alive, it was stronger than ever. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: it was chirping and it just had so much more

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Speaker 3: energy than it had the night before.

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Speaker 4: Chirping so annoying.

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Speaker 2: Cheap, cheap, cheap, just nonsop anyway, So she goes off

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Speaker 2: to school the next week.

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Speaker 3: She didn't want to go to school.

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Speaker 4: That's what he's going to look up to the bird

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Speaker 4: it's mother. And then and the same thing. Friday night.

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Speaker 2: She kept it alive, fed it a little bit, and

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Speaker 2: then on Saturday, this thing was like she's got it

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Speaker 2: on sticks, she's creating purchase for it, and it's pooping

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Speaker 2: all over our land room carpet and she's making a mess.

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Speaker 4: And I finally was like, that's it. I'm done. I'm

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Speaker 4: over it.

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Speaker 2: This bird needs to go. We don't want pets right

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Speaker 2: now in our home. We'll get there in a little while,

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Speaker 2: but we're not there right now. And she's looking at

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Speaker 2: me with the puppy dog guy.

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Speaker 4: Saying, but I really want a pet. Can we just

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Speaker 4: buy a cage for the bird? And can I look

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Speaker 4: after it? And I'm like, no, you can't. And yeah.

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Speaker 2: So I did a Facebook live and a few people

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Speaker 2: said take it to like a.

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Speaker 4: Somebody who's going to look after it. So we jumped

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Speaker 4: in the car.

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Speaker 2: I took it down to Australia Zoo on Saturday afternoon

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Speaker 2: and we went to the Little Australia Zoo Animal Hospital

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Speaker 2: and they looked at it and they said, oh, this

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Speaker 2: is great, and it looked after it so well, and

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Speaker 2: it's looking really healthy, and they found someone to look

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Speaker 2: after it and we said goodbye. So I felt like

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Speaker 2: I had a win because I actually got rid.

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Speaker 4: Of the bird.

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Speaker 2: But I did it in the best way possible, because

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Speaker 2: Emily felt so good that she got to look after

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Speaker 2: the bird and then handed away to somebody who was

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Speaker 2: going to raise it well and let it fly back

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Speaker 2: off into the world and do its thing. And I

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Speaker 2: just thought I didn't want to, but I actually nailed it.

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Speaker 3: You were winging, I've got to drive half an hour

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Speaker 3: down to the hospital. You were not excited about doing it.

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Speaker 3: And after the night we'd had with her previously, where

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Speaker 3: she had literally sobbed because she knew at some point

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Speaker 3: she was going to have to say goodbye to the bird.

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Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, the emotions, the emotions that this kid.

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Speaker 2: I know I'm supposed to be this kind compassionate patient

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Speaker 2: parenting experts, but sometimes I just think it would be

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Speaker 2: nice if parenting was a bit easier. But in the end,

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Speaker 2: it was just a beautiful experience. It was so great

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Speaker 2: to see her take total responsibility for this little animal

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Speaker 2: and look after it so tenderly, so beautifully, and then

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Speaker 2: to see the maturity with which she said goodbye to

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Speaker 2: the bird. And she was so happy to say goodbye

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Speaker 2: to it because she knew that we were at Australia.

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Speaker 2: While we're handing the bird over, she says to the

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Speaker 2: lady behind the animal hospital reception desk, is Robert Irwin

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Speaker 2: here today? I'd really like to meet Robert Irwin. The

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Speaker 2: lady was very diplomatic, she said, I'm not sure if

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Speaker 2: he's here today. I don't know if I can contact him,

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Speaker 2: but thanks for bringing the bird. In quick response, change

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Speaker 2: the topic, get out of here.

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Speaker 4: But I just when it comes to.

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Speaker 2: The whole take home message, it reminded me I probably

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Speaker 2: need to be more patient with things that I don't

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Speaker 2: necessarily agree with. But there things that matter to the kids,

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Speaker 2: and if it's something that matters to the kids, perhaps

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Speaker 2: we can show a bit more into or perhaps I

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Speaker 2: can show a bit more interest. I can be a

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Speaker 2: bit more patient and be a little bit more invested.

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Speaker 2: Because once I did do that, it was such a

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Speaker 2: such a beautiful, beautiful experience.

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Speaker 4: I love it.

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Speaker 3: I just I love everything about it, just seeing her

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Speaker 3: come to life as she took care of this little, helpless,

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Speaker 3: defenseless little baby, and then watching you go off with

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Speaker 3: her and take her to the zoo.

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Speaker 4: So what pet are we buying next week?

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Speaker 3: I figured that was coming.

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Speaker 2: The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from

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Speaker 2: Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer. If you

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Speaker 2: would like more info about how to make your family happier,

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Speaker 2: please binge on the podcast. Share the pods with your

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Speaker 2: friends as well, because the more people get to hear it,

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Speaker 2: the more families we get to make happier. He did

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Speaker 2: you know, Kylie? I have a look at our stats.

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Speaker 2: We've just gone past one point seven million downloads this

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Speaker 2: year for the Happy Families podcast. So people are loving

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Speaker 2: the podcast. Thank you so much for choosing to listen,

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Speaker 2: and like I said, please share it with others or

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Speaker 2: leave us a five star Apple Podcasts review so that

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Speaker 2: other people going to find out about the pod and

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Speaker 2: make their family happier. For more involved making your family happier,

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Speaker 2: visit our Facebook page Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families or

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Speaker 2: Happy Families Dot com dot au,