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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for.

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Speaker 2: The time poor parent who just wants answers.

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Speaker 1: Now, there's something remarkable that happens when our kids go

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Speaker 1: come through it's too hard. They winesday wine. They don't

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Speaker 1: want to do something, but it's hard and it's a

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Speaker 1: genuine accomplishment, and then once they've done it, they're kind

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Speaker 1: of like, yeah, I did it, And.

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Speaker 2: Now here's the stars of our show, my mom and dad.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Kylie. It's a Monday, and for our neighbors in

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Speaker 1: the Southern States, New South Wales, Victoria school is back

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Speaker 1: day one. Well actually people three days all around the

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Speaker 1: place for a lot of people, but the school goes

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Speaker 1: back this week for everyone who wasn't already back at school,

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Speaker 1: I think, how are you feeling ready for it? Week two?

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Speaker 2: I'm so ready for it.

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Speaker 1: You just want the kids out of that house. Hey,

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Speaker 1: I had an experience on the weekend that I just

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Speaker 1: want to share. It's not I'll do better tomorrow or

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Speaker 1: anything like that, but laying on the grass. So we've

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Speaker 1: mentioned on the podcast before the house that we've bought

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Speaker 1: flat block of land first time pretty much in our

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Speaker 1: entire lives. I think the first house we ever owned,

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Speaker 1: like twenty years ago, twenty two years ago, was a

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Speaker 1: house on a flat block. But this is the first

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Speaker 1: time in twenty years that we've had a flat block.

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Speaker 1: And I'm laying on the grass enjoying the sunshine, because

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Speaker 1: why wouldn't you do that on the weekend? It was

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Speaker 1: just beautiful. And there's that thing that happens when parents

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Speaker 1: sit or lie down. It doesn't matter whether it's inside

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Speaker 1: or outside. Did you see what happened?

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Speaker 2: I noticed a whole heap of noise, and I wondered

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Speaker 2: what was going on, and I found a jumble of

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Speaker 2: arms and legs that's on the front lawn. When I

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Speaker 2: walked out the front door.

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Speaker 1: They found me. I'm laying on the grass, catching up

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Speaker 1: on all the Tour de France news, catching up on

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Speaker 1: what's happening in the cycling and the kids. They just

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Speaker 1: thought this is our opportunity because dad is pretty much

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Speaker 1: not doing anything. They found me outside on the grass,

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Speaker 1: jumped on me. We had a wrestle. We were talking

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Speaker 1: on I don't know one day last week Thursday last

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Speaker 1: week about refilling our kids joy tanks, and we got

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Speaker 1: so caught up talking about making sure that we're finding

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Speaker 1: flow and tapping into their sources of joy and connecting.

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Speaker 1: I had five other things that I was supposed to

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Speaker 1: talk about for finding helping to refeel like kids joy tanks,

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Speaker 1: but we talked too long. So we found some joy

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Speaker 1: on the weekend in the most mundane and simple connection

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Speaker 1: and wrestling and outdoor play. It was just beautiful. It

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Speaker 1: was so much fun. And now we need to continue

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Speaker 1: the conversation.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Well, I'm interested to know what's on your list

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Speaker 2: because I have I have a couple of my own, but.

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Speaker 1: Really I wonder if they're the same as what's on

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Speaker 1: my list, So tell me so. The number three item

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Speaker 1: on my list, number one for today, but obviously we

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Speaker 1: had to last week is play play play play play

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Speaker 1: as a way to refeel like kids joy tanks. I mean,

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Speaker 1: we had kids that were miserable. They were winging and

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Speaker 1: whining and sooking. But once they had the opportunity to

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Speaker 1: just jump on me, which they took. They I didn't

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Speaker 1: invite them to do it. I actually wasn't very happy

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Speaker 1: about it, but I joined the fun. It was great.

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Speaker 1: It was just beautiful to play fun.

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Speaker 2: You should say that because one of the girls over

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Speaker 2: the holidays, got to have a sleepover with some new friends. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and she was really a little bit nervous about it.

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Speaker 1: Didn't want to do it, winging mining do I have

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Speaker 1: to do? This is going to be horrible. What if

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Speaker 1: they don't show up? What if they're not nice?

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Speaker 2: And she came home and we asked her how things

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Speaker 2: had gone, and she said, well, it was pretty awkward

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Speaker 2: in the beginning.

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Speaker 1: And she complained about it for like ten minutes, and

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Speaker 1: it was like I didn't enjoy myself. That was the

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Speaker 1: message I was getting loud and clear.

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Speaker 2: And then she said, have you seen that taco slap?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like this Instagram and the TikTok tortilla slap, and I.

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Speaker 2: Have seen it. You hadn't seen it, so you didn't

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Speaker 2: know what was going on. But these four girls, for

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Speaker 2: all intents and purposes, are new friends in the equation

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Speaker 2: and they've decided to have a go, and so can I.

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Speaker 1: I'll explain the tortilla slap for those who were uninitiated

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Speaker 1: and are not TikTokers. You basically get a tortilla like

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Speaker 1: from out of the I don't know, a plastic pack.

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Speaker 1: You pick up the tortilla and your hold on one tortilla,

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Speaker 1: not the whole pack. And then you hold it. You're

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Speaker 1: not allowed to fold it up or wrap it up.

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Speaker 1: You just hold it sort of flat on the edge.

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Speaker 2: And everybody has a mouth of water.

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Speaker 1: You've got a mouthful of water. You're not allowed to

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Speaker 1: squirt any water, but you slap each other across the

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Speaker 1: face with these tortillas.

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Speaker 2: Whoever thinks these things up Anyway, the whole reason I'm

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Speaker 2: telling you this story is because he was this kid

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Speaker 2: who was really really nervous about, you know, being a

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Speaker 2: new environment, new friends. And they decided that they were

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Speaker 2: going to have a go at this TikTok challenge. And

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Speaker 2: she literally for about twenty minutes, she rehearsed everything.

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Speaker 1: That happened, every slap, every water squirt. We heard about

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Speaker 1: the whole lot.

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Speaker 2: And it's amazing how play just lightens the.

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Speaker 1: Mood and it draws us together, it creates bonds. I mean,

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Speaker 1: now those four girls will always remember that sleepover because

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Speaker 1: of the tortilla slap. It's just it's beautiful. And that's

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Speaker 1: the power of play. That's the whole purpose of play.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't have to fulfill any productive purpose. It's not

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Speaker 1: about reaching any means. But what it does is it

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Speaker 1: builds resources. It's rejuvenating, and you usually play with somebody,

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Speaker 1: so it's good for connection as well, and it refills

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Speaker 1: kids joy tanks. I think I can say this without

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Speaker 1: without overdisclosing too much about this particular daughter, But she's

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Speaker 1: had lifelong low level anxiety, so she really struggles with

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Speaker 1: new environment, she really struggles with new friends, she really

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Speaker 1: struggles just with the move. Of all of our kids,

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Speaker 1: this is the one child who's really not taken easily

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Speaker 1: to the move. Everyone else has been really happy about

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Speaker 1: it except for her. And yet a little bit of

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Speaker 1: play this additional connection, and it's almost like the anxiety,

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Speaker 1: the sadness, the frustration, all of the stuff we've been

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Speaker 1: dealing with for some time. It almost vanished overnight. I

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Speaker 1: mean there's still vestiges of it, there's a bit of it,

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Speaker 1: but it refilled her joy to tank in such a profound,

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Speaker 1: powerful and instantaneous way. It was so great to watch.

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Speaker 2: But I think it taps in beautifully with the whole

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Speaker 2: idea of connection. You can't play without connecting.

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Speaker 1: Well, you can, but it doesn't work very well. Solo

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Speaker 1: plays not nearly as good as mutual play.

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Speaker 2: So what's next on your list after that?

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Speaker 1: I had activity, And when I say activity, I'm not

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Speaker 1: talking about playing. But what I'm talking about is just

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Speaker 1: getting the kids involved in life. You might do it

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Speaker 1: with cooking or cleaning or craft, or maybe you're going

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Speaker 1: to add some color to a room or see what

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Speaker 1: I did there with all those letters, starting with all

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Speaker 1: those words, staying with sea, but activity as in, you know,

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Speaker 1: when you're just doing stuff and you invite one of

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Speaker 1: the kids to join you and there's no pressure, they

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Speaker 1: don't have to. I mean, I shared that story about

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Speaker 1: raking the leaves the other day and how I brought

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Speaker 1: Emily and literally out to rake the leaves and they

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Speaker 1: didn't really want to, but because I invited them, they

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Speaker 1: kind of did, and then we ended up breaking the

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Speaker 1: leaves and having fun for about twenty minutes. It was

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Speaker 1: a it was a fun, easy activity. So activity with

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Speaker 1: no pressure, a simple invitation. That's the kind of thing

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Speaker 1: that I'm getting at.

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Speaker 2: I think that's still connection.

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Speaker 1: Well it is, but it's connection around an activity rather

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Speaker 1: than connection for connection's sake. Like you and I we

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Speaker 1: might sit together and actually connect, we talk, We create

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Speaker 1: conversation and meaning and derive that from the fact that

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Speaker 1: we're together. But this is activity, as in we're connecting

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Speaker 1: while we do something. So that's my next idea. And

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Speaker 1: it's amazing what it does as our kids become productive

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Speaker 1: and engaged in activity, what it does for their well being.

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Speaker 1: It at boosted, it refills their joy tank.

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Speaker 2: What's your last one?

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Speaker 1: I've got three more.

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Speaker 2: We've got three more.

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Speaker 1: We're going to do them after the break. The unhealthy,

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Speaker 1: unhelpful boy code that is rampant in our children's school

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Speaker 1: and social environments encourages some persistent and dangerous ideas about

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Speaker 1: what it means to be male. But the Building Better

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Speaker 1: Boys webinar is here to help unpack these cultural ideas

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Speaker 1: and help guide our boys to be brilliant, beautiful, and

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Speaker 1: even better. Building Better Boys is available today online at

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Speaker 1: Happy Families dot com dot au.

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Speaker 2: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time

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Speaker 2: poor parent who just wants answers now and You've got

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Speaker 2: three more.

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Speaker 1: To refeel like kids joy tanks. I think that we

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Speaker 1: need to break the routine now.

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Speaker 2: And then for breakfast.

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Speaker 1: Well yeah, maybe, I mean it's fun, right, do the

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Speaker 1: unexpected go for a walk after school instead of doing homework.

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Speaker 1: Maybe give them the morning off school. I mean I

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Speaker 1: not teachers just slapped their foreheads with their hands and

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Speaker 1: said stop giving them these ideas. But the idea here

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Speaker 1: is when you break the routine, you do something novel,

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Speaker 1: it changes everything up. And if you can say to

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Speaker 1: the kids, guess what, We're not going to school until

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Speaker 1: ten this morning, which means everyone's going to have a

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Speaker 1: sleep in. We're going to ride our bikes for us

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Speaker 1: scooters to the park. We're going to goof off with

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Speaker 1: a ball for half an hour. We're going to walk

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Speaker 1: along the beach. Whatever it is that you get to

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Speaker 1: do in your neighborhood, give yourself an extra hour, hour

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Speaker 1: and a half in the morning and just have fun.

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Speaker 1: Cook pancakes instead of having weetpicks, do the un new usual,

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Speaker 1: and watch what happens. It just it's enlivening the novelty.

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Speaker 1: It helps everyone to shift gears, to recalibrate, to kind

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Speaker 1: of work out. Oh, okay, we've got the opportunity to

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Speaker 1: have fun in our lives again, and then we can

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Speaker 1: get back to the routine.

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Speaker 2: Our kids feel like that every time I buy a

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Speaker 2: jar of Natella. Yes it's not very often, but they

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Speaker 2: know that if the jar comes home, life is going

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Speaker 2: to get a whole.

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Speaker 1: More joyful, and they don't let that opportunity go. They

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Speaker 1: get into that Natella, Oh my goodness, so unhealthy.

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Speaker 2: What's in the next one?

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Speaker 1: The next one is going to be a bit provocative

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Speaker 1: and surprising. But if we want to help our kids

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Speaker 1: to be happy, I think that we need to get

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Speaker 1: them to do hard things. I agree, there's something remarkable

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Speaker 1: that happens when our kids go come through. It's too hard.

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Speaker 1: They wing, they whine, they don't want to do something,

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Speaker 1: but it's hard, and it's a genuine accomplishment, and then

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Speaker 1: once they've done it, they're kind of like, yeah, I

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Speaker 1: did it. We recently climbed to the top of Mount Coolham.

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Speaker 1: It's not a massive hill, it's not a mountain by

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Speaker 1: any story, and it's not even the hardest walk in

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Speaker 1: the world, but it requires efforts and energy. And the

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Speaker 1: kids were winging and whining, oh do we have to

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Speaker 1: ar a mint and go for a walk. But we

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Speaker 1: got outside, we got into nature. Oh that's that's a

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Speaker 1: bonus one, and get into nature.

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Speaker 2: Overachiever.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and then we walked up this hill and it

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Speaker 1: was great. They loved it, and the view from the

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Speaker 1: top was fantastic. And there's just something about doing hard things.

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Speaker 2: I know we're talking about filling our kids joy cups,

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Speaker 2: but these all of these things work for us as

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Speaker 2: adults as well.

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Speaker 1: Not cups, honey tanks, tanks, because we've got a lot

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Speaker 1: of joy to fill. But you're right, as adults, all

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Speaker 1: of these, all of these ideas work just as well

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Speaker 1: for us as they do for the kids, whether it's

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Speaker 1: a break from routine or doing something hard, or getting

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Speaker 1: out of the nature, or involving yourself with somebody in

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Speaker 1: an activity, or playing like we even use the word,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to just play around with this idea for

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Speaker 1: a bit. I want to toy with this mechanical thing

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Speaker 1: that I'm playing with, or a toy with this recipe.

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Speaker 1: We use those terms, so I think that we really should.

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Speaker 2: What's your last one?

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Speaker 1: Okay, So if we're going to do something hard and

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Speaker 1: break with a routine and all that sort of thing,

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Speaker 1: the last one that I'm going to check out there

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Speaker 1: is artistic endeavors, music, painting, art, all that kind of stuff.

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Speaker 1: Just recently, I've begun having some piano lessons again, first

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Speaker 1: time since I was a teenager. I only had nine

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Speaker 1: months worth of lessons. Anyway, I only have a handful

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Speaker 1: of songs that I can play, But it feels so wonderful.

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Speaker 1: I can't even describe how good it feels to sit

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Speaker 1: down at the piano and puzzle my way through a

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Speaker 1: piece of music that I have no idea what I'm

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Speaker 1: doing with, and to be able to sit with the

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Speaker 1: teacher beside me and say, okay, how do I do this?

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Speaker 1: I'm getting this all wrong, and then ten minutes later

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Speaker 1: be able to do it and figure it out, and

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Speaker 1: then have to teach a show up a couple of

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Speaker 1: weeks later and say, wow, you've figured that out. I

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Speaker 1: didn't think that you were going to get that far

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Speaker 1: that fast. This is great.

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Speaker 2: It has created a little bit of healthy competition in

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Speaker 2: the house, though, with a few musicians trying to show

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Speaker 2: one up you.

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Speaker 1: I guess, well, everyone wants to be on the piano

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Speaker 1: at the same time, which is one big challenge, and

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Speaker 1: the other one is, hang on, that's my song. You're

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Speaker 1: not allowed to play my song. My songs are easier

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Speaker 1: than yours. Your songs are harder than mine. I want

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Speaker 1: to play yours like it's creative bit of stuff, hasn't it,

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Speaker 1: which is really fun. So they're my big ideas for

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Speaker 1: refilling our kids joy tanks. I'll go through them again

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Speaker 1: really quickly. First of all, we need to understand where

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Speaker 1: our kids' joy comes from, those sources of joy and

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Speaker 1: help them to find flow. But then it's things like connection, play,

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Speaker 1: being involved in activities together, breaking from the routine, doing

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Speaker 1: hard things, and getting involved in musical or artistic pursuits

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Speaker 1: like drawing, painting, art, all that.

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Speaker 2: Sort of stuff. Well, I only have one more to add,

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Speaker 2: and I'm really surprised you didn't put it in there.

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Speaker 1: Okay, laughter, laughter, you gotta laugh. It's so funny that

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Speaker 1: you're saying that.

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Speaker 2: So the other day we were eating at the dining

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Speaker 2: table and we have a we have some French doors

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Speaker 2: that lead out into our deck, and one of the

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Speaker 2: doors was open, so.

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Speaker 1: They're called they're called French doors, French doors.

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Speaker 2: I just thought that two of them opener, right, Okay,

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Speaker 2: only one was open, so it's just one doorway.

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Speaker 1: I know what you're going to share, yep.

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Speaker 2: And as I was eating, I noticed that one of

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Speaker 2: the grapes that was in my salad was a little

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Speaker 2: bit manky, So I decided that I would throw it

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Speaker 2: out the window the door.

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Speaker 1: I love that word manky mank. It was a bit

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Speaker 1: mad grape, and so.

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Speaker 2: In my attempt to throw it out the door, I

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Speaker 2: needed to get it over the white cushions of my

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Speaker 2: outdoor setting that was just outside the door.

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Speaker 1: So let's just put this into perspective. Kylie is two

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Speaker 1: and a half meters away from a doorway that is

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Speaker 1: a meter and a bit wide. That's a wide doorway.

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Speaker 1: It's not it's a normal doorway.

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Speaker 2: Stop being unfair.

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Speaker 1: And it's and it's the height of a regular doorway,

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Speaker 1: but it's it's big, and it's open. The door is

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Speaker 1: wide open, two and a half meters away and you

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Speaker 1: But then I've got.

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Speaker 2: The distance that just past that, there's a big couch

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Speaker 2: with white cushions, and I didn't want a mankey grape

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Speaker 2: landing on the cushions, so I had to aim a

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Speaker 2: little bit higher than normal. Anyway, it's my story. In

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Speaker 2: my attempt to aim past the couch, I might have

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Speaker 2: missed the door by just a little bit, and it

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Speaker 2: hit the wall at the wall at the top of

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Speaker 2: the doorway, and I was graping that nobody would notice.

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Speaker 2: But I wasn't so lucky. What was so funny was

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Speaker 2: that once everybody realized, everybody was peeing their pants with laughter,

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Speaker 2: except for one child who's looked up and gone, what

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Speaker 2: what's going on? So next thing, at one of the

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Speaker 2: children has picked the grape up.

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Speaker 1: And didn't she pick up a different grape or she

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Speaker 1: wouldn't have got that one, did she? Yeah, she would

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Speaker 1: and picked up the Mankey grape. Yeah, she picked up

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Speaker 1: the Maynkey grape.

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Speaker 2: And then she tried to throw it.

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Speaker 1: When she walked to the far end of the and

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Speaker 1: chucked it at the window, like checked it at the window,

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Speaker 1: not through, not through the open door, and splattered grape

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Speaker 1: life for the window.

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Speaker 2: And you know what my first initial thoughts when it

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Speaker 2: happened was, I was so embarrassed.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna you're mad at me for laughing at you.

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Speaker 2: I was a little bit mad at you. But then

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Speaker 2: the reality was it was just so funny, and so

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Speaker 2: often we kind of just get caught up and you know,

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Speaker 2: kind of getting embarrassed and being upset about things when

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Speaker 2: it was actually just a really good opportunity to have

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Speaker 2: a good belly laugh together.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, find the funny.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so I think I think that that goes a

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Speaker 2: huge way to help us find joy.

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Speaker 1: We hope that this podcast episode has helped you to

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Speaker 1: find joy and a whole lot of new ways to

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Speaker 1: refill your and your children's joy tanks.

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Speaker 2: I will just say that I was side saddled when

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Speaker 2: I tried to throw it out.

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Speaker 1: Side saddled.

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Speaker 2: Well, I was sitting at the table. I wasn't like

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Speaker 2: facing it straight out. I was on the side profile

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Speaker 2: when I tried to throw it out.

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Speaker 1: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin roll On

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Speaker 1: from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is what is our executive producer.

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Speaker 1: If you would like to learn how to throw straight

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Speaker 1: we can't help you on this podcast, but if you

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Speaker 1: would like to learn how to make your family happier,

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Speaker 1: please visit us at happy families dot com dot I

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Speaker 1: you and if you're enjoying the podcast, leave us a

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Speaker 1: rating and review. Those five star ratings and reviews help

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Speaker 1: other people to find out about the podcast and make

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Speaker 1: their family happier too.