Speaker 1: Hi guys, and a welcome back to another episode of
Speaker 1: Life on CUD.
Speaker 2: I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, and this is our.
Speaker 1: Thursday episode, our ask uncut episode, out Down and Dirty,
Speaker 1: short little sexy episode where we answer your deep, dark
Speaker 1: and burning and sometimes really uncomfortable, awkward questions. Okay, So
Speaker 1: Jordan caught me listening to my own podcast today and
Speaker 1: he was like, I was laughing really loud, and I
Speaker 1: was like laughing out loud, and he's like, he came
Speaker 1: over to look over my shoulder.
Speaker 2: He's like, what's so funny? And I got all awkward
Speaker 2: because he's looking down. He's like, are you listening and
Speaker 2: laughing at your own podcast? And I was like, don't
Speaker 2: tell anyone, but now I'm telling the whole of everyone
Speaker 2: that listens to Life on Cut. But I went back
Speaker 2: into to listen to some of the old episodes and
Speaker 2: I felt like I was listening to episodes like I
Speaker 2: felt like it wasn't us because it's been so long
Speaker 2: since I was listening. And I was laughing so hard
Speaker 2: at some of the stories you were telling, and I'm like,
Speaker 2: this girl's cooked.
Speaker 1: But as you it's like those people who laugh at
Speaker 1: their own jokes. It's literally us, except we're just do
Speaker 1: it and then I'll tell you all about it because
Speaker 1: we're losers. Okay, wait, I have a question for you
Speaker 1: before we get into answering everyone's questions, and for all
Speaker 1: of you who've written in, we have some great ones
Speaker 1: this week. I'm like, there's some messed up stuff happening
Speaker 1: in some people's lives out there. But Britte, I have
Speaker 1: a really serious, hard hitting question that I don't know
Speaker 1: the answer to, and I need your help. Okay.
Speaker 2: It always scares me when you come into an episode
Speaker 2: and you're like, I'm going to ask you this really
Speaker 2: serious thing, but you haven't prepped me on it. And
Speaker 2: now I start to get a little bit panicky because
Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't know what the answer is going
Speaker 2: to be. I haven't prepared anything. But anyway, hit me.
Speaker 1: Okay, when you were having sex at nighttime? So when well,
Speaker 1: this is not about pooing in the shower, No, I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: we're actually not going to talk after last episode on Tuesday.
Speaker 1: We're not talking about who again.
Speaker 2: For a while, I was a lot. I give you
Speaker 2: one week.
Speaker 1: When you have sex at nighttime, what's the order that
Speaker 1: you do the sex.
Speaker 2: Well, usually the pedis goes in the vagina.
Speaker 1: Firstus foreplay, then there's a penis. No, okay, this is
Speaker 1: very serious. What order do you do things in? Do
Speaker 1: you get into the shower and then do all your
Speaker 1: face serums and like your like nighttime routine and then
Speaker 1: get in the bed and have sex. Or do you
Speaker 1: have the sex and then you go and do your
Speaker 1: face serums and nighttime routine. Now I ask this because
Speaker 1: I have only just I've only just started having sex again, guys,
Speaker 1: and I don't know what I'm doing.
Speaker 2: I've been putting the face cream on simultaneously why we're
Speaker 2: having sex, and I don't think that's right.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I use it as lubricant and he keeps saying
Speaker 1: that the vitamin sea cream is like, no, okay, it's burning.
Speaker 1: The reason why I asked this is because I've only
Speaker 1: just started using really expensive face creams your girl. For
Speaker 1: a long time there, I wasn't using any active products,
Speaker 1: and I've just started on like some really nice bougie
Speaker 1: face creams and face serums, and they're so stupidly expensive
Speaker 1: for how little the bottle is, And so every time
Speaker 1: I put them on and then we have sex afterwards,
Speaker 1: I get really upset that I have to go and
Speaker 1: double apply because I'm like, this is a fucking waste
Speaker 1: and I'm spending way too much money on my face creams.
Speaker 1: But I also don't want to then assume that we're
Speaker 1: going to have sex and not put it on, and
Speaker 1: then the sefety planned and boring. I don't know what
Speaker 1: to do, Okay.
Speaker 2: I feel like you're making some really rooky errors here
Speaker 2: in your face cream, sex shower application of an evening.
Speaker 2: So if you are at the stage where you're planning
Speaker 2: your sex and not by planning it, but I mean,
Speaker 2: like you work all day, you've got the kids, You
Speaker 2: know that sex isn't gonna happen in the day. You
Speaker 2: know that the only time you're possibly going to have
Speaker 2: sex is finally when you get into bed at night.
Speaker 2: If you know you're going to do that, do not
Speaker 2: get out of the shower and do your routine and
Speaker 2: then get into bed and have the sex and then
Speaker 2: get back out Like that is such a waste of time, energy,
Speaker 2: and facial products. What I would do and what I
Speaker 2: do do, I will have multiple showers. I will always
Speaker 2: have shower first because I hate to get into bed
Speaker 2: at any point of the day when I'm not like
Speaker 2: really clean. Then if we have sex, I get up
Speaker 2: and have another shower, and then I know that we're
Speaker 2: not double sexy. So then I'll put my face creams
Speaker 2: on and go to bed. But I won't get out
Speaker 2: of a shower and put my face creams on.
Speaker 1: Wait, you have a shower before you have sex, and
Speaker 1: then after you have sex, you have two showers.
Speaker 2: Well only if only if I'm getting to bed at night.
Speaker 2: It's not like Jordan's like, hey, when I have sex
Speaker 2: and I'm like, let me just have a shower, I
Speaker 2: don't do that or what I will do if I
Speaker 2: get out of the shower and I'm not expecting sex
Speaker 2: and I get ready for bed and I put all
Speaker 2: my face creams on because I've got like a process
Speaker 2: of about sixteen face cream applications that I have to do.
Speaker 2: I've got the eyes and the creases and then the
Speaker 2: thing's folly in and then the deep moisturizer. I'll have
Speaker 2: the shower, I'll get out and do my face creams.
Speaker 2: Then I will go to bed. If we then have sex,
Speaker 2: I won't re wash my face, so the face cream
Speaker 2: still stays on. Unless you're an excessive sweater and you
Speaker 2: sweat it all off, there's no reason for you to
Speaker 2: go and reapply it. She'd still be on there. That
Speaker 2: shit is powerful, that should have been sunken into your
Speaker 2: paws by then you're looking at me like you're so confused.
Speaker 1: I just have a like pretty little woman and be like,
Speaker 1: don't kiss me because I've just done my face cream.
Speaker 1: But then that that's not like very sexy either. No,
Speaker 1: I think the problem is is like one, I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna have two showers because it's too difficult. It wastes
Speaker 1: too much time between, Like I get very limited sleep,
Speaker 1: And anyone who's got kids knows that that's that shit
Speaker 1: is precious. That is almost as precious as a very
Speaker 1: expensive face creams. So I'm not gonna go and have
Speaker 1: a second shower after the sex. But I also don't
Speaker 1: want sex to become so monotonous and planned that you're like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna put my face creams on. Now, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go to bed, we're gonna have sex, then I'm
Speaker 1: gonna get up and do the face creams. I feel
Speaker 1: like there's too much planning in that but then on
Speaker 1: the flip side of that, I'm like, well, if I
Speaker 1: go to bed and I haven't put face cream on
Speaker 1: and then sex doesn't happen, I then have to get
Speaker 1: out of fucking bed and go and put It's just
Speaker 1: it's too much. Let's just stop having sex.
Speaker 2: No, I have a question. What are you possibly doing
Speaker 2: in your sex that is going to interfere with the
Speaker 2: face cream that you put on?
Speaker 1: Just so much rimming? Just my face is just squished
Speaker 1: between two.
Speaker 2: But constantly probably good friends. No, we kiss a lot, Yeah,
Speaker 2: but kiss all over your face? It like licks your
Speaker 2: cheek and stuff, doesn't it just kiss your lips?
Speaker 1: Yeah, but then like smudges all around. Yeah, out of
Speaker 1: a fuck who knows. Anyway, let's get into the questions.
Speaker 1: This has gone too long.
Speaker 2: No, I just can't believe that that's the deep hitting,
Speaker 2: hard hitting question you've asked me, and I don't think
Speaker 2: you've even got your answer.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's because we had sex last night, which you know,
Speaker 1: yay everyone, I like a round of a pause to
Speaker 1: your girl here, who I'm got lucky. No, But then
Speaker 1: afterwards I was like, fuck, it's all I bet you.
Speaker 1: The face creams all gone and it's just too expensive
Speaker 1: to waste. They're really upset by this, and like I
Speaker 1: had a bit of pash rash and like it was
Speaker 1: like a lactic acid thing, and I was like, it's
Speaker 1: just it's too aggressive for the sex. I need to
Speaker 1: figure out a solution. And I thought maybe we should
Speaker 1: have this conversation publicly on a podcast, so that everybody
Speaker 1: else out there who's dealing with the same level of
Speaker 1: trauma that I'm dealing with right now, you know, the
Speaker 1: things that we've got to think about in lockdown, might
Speaker 1: have their answers.
Speaker 2: Also, I have a solution. I have a solution. Why
Speaker 2: don't you just put the face creams on your bedside table,
Speaker 2: go to bed thinking you're gonna get lucky. If you're
Speaker 2: not gonna get lucky, you just quickly roll over, put
Speaker 2: the cream on, and go to sleep. You don't have
Speaker 2: to even get out of bed, Like, you're not gonna
Speaker 2: fall asleep, Matt is not gonna wake up, and you
Speaker 2: are not gonna wake up in the middle of the
Speaker 2: night and be like, let's have sex. However, those days
Speaker 2: are long gone. Let's be real. Yeah, thank god, rip
Speaker 2: spontaneous sex. Those days are dead. So why don't you
Speaker 2: just have your face creams next to the bed on
Speaker 2: the bedside table, go to bed, try it on with Matt.
Speaker 2: If he's not keen, or if you do, do it regardless,
Speaker 2: then need to slap on your cream at the.
Speaker 1: End and hit the Hey, ladies and gentlemen, Britnanie Hockley,
Speaker 1: this is why we have her here to answer all
Speaker 1: of your hard hitting questions. The girls an oracle.
Speaker 2: You don't pay me enough.
Speaker 1: Laura's genius anyway, all right, let's get into the questions.
Speaker 2: Laura, I am going to hit you with the first question.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 2: This is in the words of Laura Burne. This is
Speaker 2: a real doozy. This is I don't know what to
Speaker 2: do with this, and I hope you haven't answered for me,
Speaker 2: because I'm still on the fence. Ladies, I need some
Speaker 2: help and I don't know who to speak to about this.
Speaker 2: It involves my best friend and her fiancee, so of
Speaker 2: course you were the first people that I messaged. I
Speaker 2: absolutely love that. I'm still processing this as I'm writing it,
Speaker 2: and I know if I do do anything about it,
Speaker 2: I have to do it soon. In the early hours
Speaker 2: of Sunday morning, I received a snapchat from my best
Speaker 2: friend's fiance, and I was totally mortified when I opened it.
Speaker 2: He had sent me a video of him getting a
Speaker 2: blowjob from a guy. The video wasn't at his home,
Speaker 2: and it was clear he was on someone else's bed.
Speaker 2: I clearly, very clearly saw his face, the face of
Speaker 2: the guy giving the blowjob, and the guy's penis. My
Speaker 2: first reaction was to tell my partner, but I know
Speaker 2: this information is going to do so much damage. I
Speaker 2: don't know whether to speak to my friend first, and
Speaker 2: I really feel like just ignoring what I saw, but
Speaker 2: I can't get the image out of my head. I'm
Speaker 2: just so afraid of being the one to cause so
Speaker 2: much collateral damage to this relationship, and I'm so scared
Speaker 2: to see my friend upset. I don't have any roof
Speaker 2: as such because it's Snapchat and it has been deleted,
Speaker 2: but I absolutely know this was my best friend's fiance
Speaker 2: getting a blowjob, not from my best friend, but from
Speaker 2: a nan. What the fuck? This is probably one of
Speaker 2: the biggest questions we have ever had come in in
Speaker 2: terms of, what the fuck do you do? That's a
Speaker 2: real doozy. That's a real doozy isn't it? What?
Speaker 1: Wow?
Speaker 2: Like, did he mean to send this snapchat? He couldn't
Speaker 2: have It must have been an accident.
Speaker 1: Well, she said that that she received it in the
Speaker 1: wee hours of the morning, So I'm thinking, like, there's
Speaker 1: probably a lot of alcohol that's been involved. Who knows,
Speaker 1: some terrible decision making took place. The first terrible decision
Speaker 1: making was the blowjob. The second terrible decision making was
Speaker 1: the snapchatting of the blowjob. Who the fuck uses snapchat anyway?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: Who sends things like this? This is? That's so like
Speaker 1: twenty fifteen, Why are people still sending sexy snapchats? I
Speaker 1: don't get it?
Speaker 2: So I wonder I was thinking that as well. Right,
Speaker 2: so I didn't have Snapchat, but I know it is
Speaker 2: actually still really big. It is really big. But I
Speaker 2: wonder if he maybe has this sort of double because
Speaker 2: he has you know, his fiance is female. He is
Speaker 2: getting a boy job from a man. He's got this
Speaker 2: other life that people don't know about. I wonder if
Speaker 2: there's a group on Snapchat of you know, people that
Speaker 2: send these sexy things to each other. Maybe he's in
Speaker 2: a group of other men that'll send these things to
Speaker 2: each other. And maybe he's just hit send to the
Speaker 2: wrong person. I highly doubt he is meant to send
Speaker 2: this to her. Oh absolutely not, unless he needs it
Speaker 2: to come out and he doesn't know how to break
Speaker 2: up with his own relationship and he's sort of poking
Speaker 2: the fire.
Speaker 1: What do you think she does, Laura, I think you
Speaker 1: have to tell your friend, but like I think that
Speaker 1: there is ways that you can approach this. But ah
Speaker 1: my god, at the end of the day, your friend
Speaker 1: may shoot the messenger. You may be the one that
Speaker 1: ends up copying the full force of this collateral damage
Speaker 1: that you've described. Like that might happen. But I think
Speaker 1: the reality is is, like we love our friends, We
Speaker 1: want the best for them. We want them to be
Speaker 1: in a relationship that they are treated with respect and
Speaker 1: they are loved and they are secure. And this is
Speaker 1: her fiance, and obviously he some things that he needs
Speaker 1: to work out, regardless of who he's getting a blowjob from.
Speaker 1: I think that that's totally irrelevant, guy or girl. But
Speaker 1: the thing is is like he's cheating on his fiance
Speaker 1: and there might be some other bigger problems down the
Speaker 1: road for them as a couple. If you know, he
Speaker 1: is still questioning his sexuality, or there are still things
Speaker 1: that he hasn't been transparent with with his fiance. Now, look,
Speaker 1: I think the big one here is maybe you don't
Speaker 1: tell her first, Maybe go to him and have a
Speaker 1: conversation with him and say, this is what you sent me,
Speaker 1: this is what I've seen, And if you don't tell her,
Speaker 1: I'm going to tell her and give him a couple
Speaker 1: of days to process how he wants to deal with
Speaker 1: this and how he wants to have that conversation with her.
Speaker 1: That way, at least, if he does Manna, it saves
Speaker 1: you from being the one who has to bring this
Speaker 1: horrible news to your friend. But if he chooses to
Speaker 1: go down the route of gas lading, if he chooses
Speaker 1: to go down the route of lying or saying that
Speaker 1: you know, like you're making it up. I still think
Speaker 1: you need to tell your friend. And one of the
Speaker 1: really big parts of this and something that I think
Speaker 1: if he does do that and you find yourself in
Speaker 1: the situation where you're having this conversation with your best
Speaker 1: friend is making her known that you have no motivator.
Speaker 1: There is absolutely no motivator for you to make this
Speaker 1: up and lie, like, what do you benefit from this,
Speaker 1: And I think it's really important for you to explain
Speaker 1: that to her because she will feel defensive. She probably
Speaker 1: won't believe you instantly, like no, why would she believe you.
Speaker 1: She won't want to believe that you know her husband
Speaker 1: or her partner is living a double life. So I
Speaker 1: think it's really important to explain that, like, this comes
Speaker 1: from a place of love, and this comes from a
Speaker 1: place of protection, and that you gain absolutely nothing from
Speaker 1: telling her this except that you want to protect her.
Speaker 2: So you say, go to the fiance that was getting
Speaker 2: the blowjob.
Speaker 1: Give that man an ultimatum, say you're on timer buddy,
Speaker 1: two days, three days. If he says it's not me,
Speaker 1: he says it's not me, like you've got no proof
Speaker 1: it definitely wasn't me.
Speaker 2: Do you still go and tell her? Do you still
Speaker 2: go and tell your friend?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I would still go and tell her.
Speaker 2: Like, Okay, put yourself. Just pretend this was Jordan. You
Speaker 2: saw that happen to Jordan. Do you go to Jordan
Speaker 2: before me?
Speaker 1: If I saw that Jordan, if Jordan had sent me
Speaker 1: that fucking hell? Could you imagine if Jordan had sent
Speaker 1: me a snapchat of him getting a blowjob? From another guy,
Speaker 1: I would call him and say, Hey, this is what
Speaker 1: you've sent me, and you need to speak to brit
Speaker 1: about it. And if he didn't speak to you about it,
Speaker 1: I would one hundred percent be speaking to you about it.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And if you saw the same thing from Matt, whether
Speaker 1: it was a guy or a girl, and you chose
Speaker 1: not to tell me because you were frightened of my
Speaker 1: reaction or you didn't want us to have a fight,
Speaker 1: or I would be so mad and so heartbroken that
Speaker 1: you just couldn't be honest with me, that you were
Speaker 1: so worried about my reaction over taking care of my
Speaker 1: heart and protecting like my relationship, my future, that you
Speaker 1: were more worried about yourself than what you were worried
Speaker 1: about me. That's the way I see that.
Speaker 2: I would one hundred percent go like, because I tried
Speaker 2: to put myself in this position and think, would I
Speaker 2: go and tell you or what I go tell Matt?
Speaker 2: I would go and confront Matt. I one hundred percent
Speaker 2: agree with what you said, Laura. I think, go to
Speaker 2: the man at fault and just tell him, And you
Speaker 2: don't have to go in Accusa Tree and you don't
Speaker 2: have to go in aggressive or mad or anything. You
Speaker 2: just have to say, hey, look, highly likely you did
Speaker 2: not mean to send me a photo of you getting
Speaker 2: a bloyjob, regardless I saw it, and you need to
Speaker 2: address this. You need to tell her. If he doesn't,
Speaker 2: then yep, give like Lauris said, give it a couple
Speaker 2: of days. But there is a big chance that this
Speaker 2: could just blow up and he could deny it. There
Speaker 2: is no proof. He could be like, if she's marrying
Speaker 2: him and she thinks that nothing's going on, he could
Speaker 2: be like, what are you talking about? Your friend is crazy,
Speaker 2: as if I'd ever do that, And then I've been
Speaker 2: in this position before. It's highly likely that your friend
Speaker 2: is going to take the side of her fiance and
Speaker 2: think that maybe you missaw something and it wasn't him
Speaker 2: and it was someone else. And you have to be
Speaker 2: prepared that that is going to happen. Because love is blind,
Speaker 2: and when you're that in love with someone and you're
Speaker 2: in a situation you think you're marrying them and you're
Speaker 2: going to spend your life with them, and you think
Speaker 2: you know them back to front. You don't want to
Speaker 2: hear anything bad about them, and you will see what
Speaker 2: you want to see if he tells you it's a
Speaker 2: mistake and it wasn't true, chances are she's going to
Speaker 2: believe that. So you do have to be prepared. But
Speaker 2: I think one hundred percent you're not gonna be able
Speaker 2: to live with yourself if you don't somehow inform her
Speaker 2: of what her fiancee is doing, especially before she marries him.
Speaker 2: Like that's a big thing because if it comes out
Speaker 2: later and she's like, why the fuck didn't you tell
Speaker 2: me he was cheating on me when we were engaged,
Speaker 2: before we got married, like this could have stopped. Who
Speaker 2: knows how many other people they are, Like, that's the thing,
Speaker 2: we don't know.
Speaker 1: There's different tiers of friendship, right if she was an acquaintance,
Speaker 1: I don't think you need to go out of your
Speaker 1: way to tell them. If it's like a second tier
Speaker 1: of friendship, you don't need to go out of your
Speaker 1: way to tell them. You don't need to put yourself
Speaker 1: into that firing line and make yourself the bearer of
Speaker 1: bad news. But when it's your best friend, even if
Speaker 1: this breaks you as best friends, even if she chooses
Speaker 1: to believe your partner, at least you have done the
Speaker 1: right thing. And I know that there will be so
Speaker 1: much hurt and and probably so much grief in losing
Speaker 1: a friendship over this, especially when you have done nothing wrong.
Speaker 1: But that's the truth. The truth is you have done
Speaker 1: nothing wrong, and the conversation that you've had has come
Speaker 1: from wanting to protect and do the best thing for
Speaker 1: your friend. And if he's done this once, the chances
Speaker 1: are he'll do it again. The chances are he will
Speaker 1: continue this behavior and she may find out. She may
Speaker 1: not find out herself, but if she does find out
Speaker 1: in the future, she's not going to keep holding this
Speaker 1: against you. I'm so sorry that you're in this position.
Speaker 1: I think a lot of us, and a lot of
Speaker 1: us have experienced maybe a milder version of this, but
Speaker 1: we've found out that our friend's boyfriend has done something
Speaker 1: wrong and we have to kind of grapple with whether
Speaker 1: it's worth risking the friendship. But I think with these
Speaker 1: sorts of things, when it gets to a point where
Speaker 1: it's so damning, it's so obvious, and the betrayal is
Speaker 1: so huge, you owe it to your friends to kind
Speaker 1: of put that friendship on the line because the truth
Speaker 1: is so outwowing. Okay, let's go back to talking about
Speaker 1: face creams and whether to put them on for sex
Speaker 1: or not.
Speaker 2: One thing that I want to add before we wrap
Speaker 2: this up is this is just a perfect tie. So
Speaker 2: I think it was last week on the podcast we
Speaker 2: were speaking about do you tell this exact thing? Does
Speaker 2: this girl go and tell this other woman that her
Speaker 2: husband's cheating on her she didn't know her that well,
Speaker 2: and we did this whole by chat about it. I
Speaker 2: was so intrigued by it. But I put a bunch
Speaker 2: of hold up on my Instagram stories about would you
Speaker 2: tell if you're in that situation and would you want
Speaker 2: to know if you were the person that was you know,
Speaker 2: this husband was cheating, would you want someone to come
Speaker 2: and tell you? And it was actually really interesting result
Speaker 2: because only fifty five percent of you said to tell
Speaker 2: the wife. So there's only fifty five percent saying tell
Speaker 2: go and tell that person, but ninety five percent of
Speaker 2: you so that you would want to know. Now those
Speaker 2: statistics don't add up. That's saying that everyone is like
Speaker 2: one hundred percent tell me, but only half of you
Speaker 2: are like, ooh, I don't think I have the balls
Speaker 2: to actually go and do it. So I think you've
Speaker 2: got to put yourself in that position, would you want
Speaker 2: to know would you want your friends to tell you?
Speaker 2: Because I one hundred percent would want my friends tell me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I know no one wants to be the messenger.
Speaker 1: No one wants to be that person who feels like
Speaker 1: they are responsible for the breakdown of a relationship. But
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, you're not responsible for
Speaker 1: the breakdown of that relationship. He is. And that's really
Speaker 1: important to remember. You're not out there trying to ruin
Speaker 1: her relationship. And I think if you've been best friends
Speaker 1: with her for years and years and years, she's going
Speaker 1: to know that, like, you're not here trying to just
Speaker 1: fuck her life up. Like what do you gain out
Speaker 1: of that? Alrighty, anyway, let's get into question number two,
Speaker 1: and I'm going to read this one to you, Brittany. Hello, ladies.
Speaker 1: My question is I have lived with one of my
Speaker 1: closest friends for the past two years. He's been in
Speaker 1: a relationship now for almost six months. I love them
Speaker 1: both individually and together. They are awesome, and in saying that,
Speaker 1: though sometimes I do find myself feeling like a complete
Speaker 1: third will to them. In my own home, especially in lockdown,
Speaker 1: it's the constant going on walk after walk together. It's
Speaker 1: the only cooking meals for the two of them. When
Speaker 1: the three of us are at home, it's the two
Speaker 1: of them cuddling on the couch and kissing, even when
Speaker 1: we've decided to watch a movie together. I love love too,
Speaker 1: and I'm so happy that he has found the guy
Speaker 1: for him. But I just don't understand how you can't
Speaker 1: keep your hands off each other in a communal space
Speaker 1: for just one hot second. Am I being too prudish,
Speaker 1: too sensitive? Or is it worth saying something to him? Oh?
Speaker 2: I feel for you, I really do. But they've been
Speaker 2: together six months, they're in love, they're in the honeymoon stage,
Speaker 2: and it's lockdown. They are gonna be together twenty four
Speaker 2: to seven. This is a tough one because the only
Speaker 2: thing that I think you could really comment on is
Speaker 2: probably the cooking dinner for the two of you when
Speaker 2: the three of you. I think that that is something
Speaker 2: that can be adjusted. Like I think you can all
Speaker 2: have meals, you can go and eat it separately. You
Speaker 2: don't have to eat together. But if you're all in
Speaker 2: the same house, you're eating the same sort of foods.
Speaker 2: There's no reason you can't all throw in and share
Speaker 2: the load, share together, eat together, whatever the going on,
Speaker 2: walks together, and they're being affectionate and kissing. That's unfortunately
Speaker 2: just part of young new fresh honeymoon COVID lockdown love,
Speaker 2: and there's not a lot you can do about it
Speaker 2: unless they're obviously like I mean, if there's three of
Speaker 2: you on the lounge and they're like rolling around knocking
Speaker 2: vases off, and like, yeah, they're out and they're like
Speaker 2: wind milling each other and slapping each other in the
Speaker 2: face with their penises, just shy of that. If they're
Speaker 2: just like gabbing a smooch in a cuddle, I think
Speaker 2: you've just got to roll with it. I don't know
Speaker 2: how much there is you can do unless it's very
Speaker 2: in your face, and then you can be like, guys,
Speaker 2: get a room, Just make a throwaway comment kind of
Speaker 2: like that, and maybe they'll pull their head back in.
Speaker 1: What do you think one hundred percent stop being their
Speaker 1: relationship grinch? I mean, I know that we're in lockdown.
Speaker 1: There's nothing else to like focus on. But I agree.
Speaker 1: I think probably lots of us have been in these
Speaker 1: situations where we've had housemates their relationship status has changed.
Speaker 1: They've met someone new, and then their fucking new partner
Speaker 1: is around all the time, and you feel like the
Speaker 1: space and the home that you once had you can
Speaker 1: kind of feel a little bit muscled out of. There's
Speaker 1: a few you different things here that I think it
Speaker 1: gives you a place to say something. If you have
Speaker 1: a small couch and they're both always taking up the
Speaker 1: whole couch, which means that you can't even sit in
Speaker 1: your lounge room because they're laying down, cuddling all that
Speaker 1: sort of stuff. I think that that is like a
Speaker 1: point where you can say, hey, guys, you kind of
Speaker 1: make it a bit impossible for me to be able
Speaker 1: to enjoy the space when you guys are on the
Speaker 1: couch like that. If you can, you know, just make
Speaker 1: it so that there's a bit of room for me,
Speaker 1: I'd really appreciate it.
Speaker 2: You don't even need to say it that nicely, just
Speaker 2: be like, yo, move your legs, bitch.
Speaker 1: Totally. But I think that that's the sort of situation
Speaker 1: where you totally have a place to say something. The
Speaker 1: cooking one is so interesting to me because like, okay,
Speaker 1: so I think that you can also get into the
Speaker 1: other like the flip side of a problem with this.
Speaker 1: So I have lived with couples before. There's so many
Speaker 1: benefits to it, there's so many cons to it as well.
Speaker 1: Often what happens alternatively in a couple is that the
Speaker 1: couple see themselves as one person. So it's actually kind
Speaker 1: of nice that they're cooking their own meals and then
Speaker 1: you can do your own, because it's sometimes worse when
Speaker 1: they go, oh, we cooked for you last night, now
Speaker 1: you cook for us tonight, and you end up cooking
Speaker 1: for two people on the same rotation that they cook
Speaker 1: for one person.
Speaker 2: I'm sensing this is a bit of a personal situation
Speaker 2: for Laura.
Speaker 1: I have had this before, Yeah, totally, and like you're
Speaker 1: like then feeding two people and you don't have a
Speaker 1: second person to like enjoy the benefits of it being equal,
Speaker 1: I think.
Speaker 2: But for me, like in the past when I've lived
Speaker 2: with flatmates, I live alone now obviously, but for me,
Speaker 2: I've always liked to cook my own food, even when
Speaker 2: my flatmates are usually like, let's throw in, and I'm like,
Speaker 2: I just it's easier for me. It's quick. Exactly Like
Speaker 2: Laura said, I don't want to worry about the next
Speaker 2: day being like, oh, no, I've got to make something amazing. Also,
Speaker 2: I'm a shit cook, so like I don't want anyone
Speaker 2: to eat my food. Now, maybe it's not a matter
Speaker 2: of like you cook one night, they cook the other night.
Speaker 2: But maybe you all just throw in and help each
Speaker 2: other and I can guarantee you cooking. There's not a
Speaker 2: big difference between cooking for two people and cooking for
Speaker 2: three people. I think you could just ask for that
Speaker 2: straight up, to say, hey, do you guys want to
Speaker 2: get into a routine where you know, every second night
Speaker 2: we all just throw in and cook a meal together.
Speaker 2: Like it's a simple question like that, and it doesn't
Speaker 2: have to be every night. Then you can do your
Speaker 2: own things some night as well. They can still feel
Speaker 2: like they're on their date. But I think that that
Speaker 2: and the lounge thing, I think that's pretty easy. But
Speaker 2: I don't think you can make a big deal about it,
Speaker 2: not because as much as it's your home, it's his
Speaker 2: home to put.
Speaker 1: It out there as like we can have family night
Speaker 1: and then you all do it together and that makes
Speaker 1: you a more included part of that evening as well.
Speaker 1: But I think it's really important with these situations, and
Speaker 1: like especially with lockdown, like you don't have anything else
Speaker 1: to focus on, so something that maybe wouldn't bother you
Speaker 1: as much normally, you're so much more focused on it
Speaker 1: because there's just so few distractions and we're spending so
Speaker 1: much more time in our homes at the moment. So
Speaker 1: I do think you need to weigh up how much
Speaker 1: is this pissing you off? That's the real question. If
Speaker 1: this is something that you think about every single day,
Speaker 1: it's affecting the way that you live your life in
Speaker 1: your own home, you're not able to enjoy your home.
Speaker 1: If it is causing you that much upset, then absolutely
Speaker 1: there's a conversation there that needs to be had. But
Speaker 1: if it's just a bit of nough that he's like
Speaker 1: super in love and you aren't, and then therefore you
Speaker 1: have to watch it all the time and you're like, ah, fuck,
Speaker 1: get a room. Guys. If you just have this niggling
Speaker 1: thought every so often, it's not worth it. It's not
Speaker 1: worth having an uncomfortable conversation just so that you can
Speaker 1: make your point made. All it's gonna do is make
Speaker 1: him feel a bit bad, make them feel like you
Speaker 1: know they're gonna then have a conversation about it when
Speaker 1: you're not there, like make them feel like it's you
Speaker 1: verse them, and.
Speaker 2: Look, I think we've answered this. I think just know
Speaker 2: there is an end in sight, and then you can
Speaker 2: go out and do whatever you want. The second lockdown
Speaker 2: is over because there is also a high chance that
Speaker 2: they don't even know they're not including you or that
Speaker 2: you're feeling like this, because they would be in their
Speaker 2: own little bubble and they're not noticing anyone else. They're
Speaker 2: in a love bubble, and a love bubble is very
Speaker 2: hard to penetrate. It is very powerful, a love bubble.
Speaker 2: But just know the end is inside.
Speaker 1: How is your powerful, impenetrable love bubble going, Brittany?
Speaker 2: Oh, it's like the thickest, strongest, biggest best bubble I've
Speaker 2: ever had. I just love it in my own mouth?
Speaker 2: Who brought me? All?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: Lenna hit you with the last question. Girls, I have
Speaker 2: a question for you about partners with low self esteem.
Speaker 2: Last night, my partner said he felt so ashamed of
Speaker 2: his body and that it's not me, and it's not
Speaker 2: that he's not attracted to me or anything. It's his
Speaker 2: confidence that he's stopping him from initiating things and he
Speaker 2: just doesn't want to have sex with me. I've mentioned
Speaker 2: it to him multiple times that I've noticed a very
Speaker 2: big dropping frequency that we have sex.
Speaker 1: We lived together.
Speaker 2: The last time we had sex was probably four or
Speaker 2: five weeks ago. He said that he needs me to
Speaker 2: be patient with him, and that he wants me to
Speaker 2: initiate things. But I told him that every time I
Speaker 2: do try and initiate it, I just feel shut down
Speaker 2: because every single time he says no, he feels too
Speaker 2: much pressure to perform. He mentioned last night that when
Speaker 2: sex is more spontaneous with less build up, he enjoys
Speaker 2: it a whole lot more. He says that he loves
Speaker 2: me and he doesn't want me to think he's not
Speaker 2: interested or anything. But right now, I'm just at a
Speaker 2: loss at what to do. I want to have sex.
Speaker 2: He doesn't. He says he's not confident. He tells me
Speaker 2: to be patient. Any advice is appreciated.
Speaker 1: If he doesn't want planned sex, you definitely can't be
Speaker 1: putting on your face creams after the sex. You got
Speaker 1: to come to your face creams on so he doesn't
Speaker 1: think that you've been thinking about this.
Speaker 2: You're got to put those bad boys on the bedside table. Asap.
Speaker 1: Okay, so I've actually I mean, I'm going to talk
Speaker 1: about this one from a personal experience. I experienced something
Speaker 1: very very similar to this in a past relationship. My
Speaker 1: ex stopped having sex with me. We hadn't had sex
Speaker 1: in close to six weeks.
Speaker 2: Was that because he was having sex with other people?
Speaker 2: Or is this a different ex too soon? Okay, it
Speaker 2: was a different ex. So we hadn't had sex in
Speaker 2: like six weeks.
Speaker 1: And I had tried multiple times, and he just would
Speaker 1: like say, he wasn't in the mood, or he couldn't
Speaker 1: get it up, or there were all different reasons, like
Speaker 1: it just wasn't happening. And it left me feeling really
Speaker 1: really super insecure about how he felt about me and
Speaker 1: whether he was even still attracted to me. And then
Speaker 1: when we got down to it, and we had very
Speaker 1: similar conversations to the ones that you you have had,
Speaker 1: he said that it was because he was feeling really
Speaker 1: like unattractive and unmotivated. He was someone who had always
Speaker 1: been really fit, and then because work had been so busy,
Speaker 1: he hadn't been going to the gym as much and
Speaker 1: he felt like he he just felt like he lost
Speaker 1: his mojo a little bit, and it was great that
Speaker 1: he was so honest about it, but it also made
Speaker 1: me feel a bit mad and a bit resentful because
Speaker 1: I was like, well, you're the one who holds the
Speaker 1: key to fixing this solution, and you're not doing anything
Speaker 1: about it. And I guess, like, my biggest part of
Speaker 1: this is like, if the thing that's holding him back
Speaker 1: is him not feeling confident about his body or having
Speaker 1: low self esteem, he's the one that needs to fix
Speaker 1: what's broken. He's the one that needs to do the
Speaker 1: work on himself. Now. It's I'm not necessarily saying like
Speaker 1: that he needs to go to the gym and get
Speaker 1: a six pack so that he feels good about himself,
Speaker 1: but he needs to kind of do a bit of
Speaker 1: self love and a bit of self work. And there's
Speaker 1: no a maun of you telling him that he's still
Speaker 1: attractive and that you're still attracted to him. Because that
Speaker 1: was the situation I was in with my partner. I
Speaker 1: still thought he was the hottest thing out But it
Speaker 1: didn't make a difference me saying that, And if anything,
Speaker 1: sometimes I think when we feel like we're lacking in
Speaker 1: self confidence and we have someone constantly telling us how
Speaker 1: beautiful or awesome or whatever it is that they think
Speaker 1: we are. You almost think that they're lying. You're like, oh, like,
Speaker 1: can you stop saying that because it's not true. It
Speaker 1: doesn't make you any more like believing in those statements.
Speaker 1: So for us and for him, it was very much
Speaker 1: that he needed to get back into exercise, and it
Speaker 1: was because exercise is such a great endorphin builder and
Speaker 1: made him feel good about himself. It made him feel like,
Speaker 1: you know, he was getting back into his fitness and
Speaker 1: that made him feel sexy again, and that was the
Speaker 1: catalyst for us having sex. But it required him to
Speaker 1: go and do that. And once we identified that that
Speaker 1: was the issue and he actually started to like, you know,
Speaker 1: take some control over it, then our sex life got
Speaker 1: back on track. So my question is, is one, could
Speaker 1: you go and do some exercise together or something if
Speaker 1: that is going to be a motivator, If it's self
Speaker 1: confidence because he's not happy with the way he looks,
Speaker 1: is taking some control over that a possibility? Or two
Speaker 1: if there's nothing wrong with the way he looks, if
Speaker 1: he's healthy, if you guys are exercising. And this is
Speaker 1: something that's much more deep seated because like you should
Speaker 1: feel confident at every size, you know, in every shape.
Speaker 1: If this is something that's much more of a personal
Speaker 1: and deep seated issue, maybe he needs to go and
Speaker 1: speak to someone and work out why he's feeling like this,
Speaker 1: because you can't fix everything for your partner sometimes and
Speaker 1: sometimes they need to have an external people. We need
Speaker 1: external people to speak to to get to the bottom
Speaker 1: of why we're feeling the way we're feeling.
Speaker 2: I think first and foremost, you one hundred percent need
Speaker 2: to be there for your partner and support him. I
Speaker 2: think that that is a foundation to any relationship. We
Speaker 2: are all, no matter what we look like, no matter
Speaker 2: what stage of life we're at, no matter how we feel,
Speaker 2: We're all going to go through ebbs and flows. We're
Speaker 2: all gonna have points of our life where, for maybe
Speaker 2: a really good reason, we feel shit, or for maybe
Speaker 2: no reason, Like Laura said, sometimes there's not really anything
Speaker 2: any reason that you you lack confidence, or you're feeling
Speaker 2: really low, or you're feeling really sad, or your libidos drop.
Speaker 2: There might not be a reason, it might just be
Speaker 2: a little ebb and flow. You need to be there
Speaker 2: to support your partner. I'm one hundred percent sure you're
Speaker 2: already doing this, but just make sure he feels the
Speaker 2: love and support from you. So make sure you say,
Speaker 2: obviously you need to express that this lack of sex
Speaker 2: is a problem for you, because it is you've written
Speaker 2: in and it's something that's really worrying you. So you
Speaker 2: just need to talk to him about that first and say,
Speaker 2: I really need to get this back on track, like
Speaker 2: I want us to work together. I want you to
Speaker 2: know I just think you are still the sexiest thing.
Speaker 2: I'm so attracted to you, like nothing has changed for me.
Speaker 2: And then you need to talk about what you can
Speaker 2: do together to make him feel better, and don't underestimate
Speaker 2: the power of external sources and what that can do
Speaker 2: for your life. Maybe he's not exercising so he's not
Speaker 2: getting the endorphins. Maybe he has really high levels of
Speaker 2: stress at his job, which we know the impact stress
Speaker 2: can have. So if he is having a really shitty
Speaker 2: time in every other aspect of his life, he's gonna
Speaker 2: bring that home. So you need to discuss all these
Speaker 2: external factors. What I can suggest you do if he
Speaker 2: has tried to see if he has said to you
Speaker 2: in response, it's better when it's spontaneous. Roll with that,
Speaker 2: take that start initiating really spontaneous sex. Maybe at the
Speaker 2: best thing you could do in this situation, when he's
Speaker 2: openly said, like I'm not comfortable with my body. I
Speaker 2: don't want you to see it as much as you
Speaker 2: might not want to, but maybe start having sex again
Speaker 2: in the dark, when you're get into bed, the lights
Speaker 2: are off, so he feels more confident at this point,
Speaker 2: and that can start to get the sex going again.
Speaker 2: He'll start to get back into it, and maybe he'll
Speaker 2: start to get his mojo. He said he's not confident
Speaker 2: with his body. The worst thing he can do is
Speaker 2: in the middle of daylight and the lights gone, rip
Speaker 2: his clothes off. He's gonna feel uncomfortable. Like I guess,
Speaker 2: I mean, like this is a rocket science. So I
Speaker 2: think just start trying to initiate the sex again at nighttime,
Speaker 2: when you're in bed, you've had your shower light a candle.
Speaker 2: Maybe maybe he's in bed before you. Maybe you can
Speaker 2: sneak in and wake him up. Maybe that's the kind
Speaker 2: of spontaneity he wants. But I think that is a
Speaker 2: really good way to start it and to take his
Speaker 2: feelings into consideration at the same time.
Speaker 1: And I also think on that like a one hundred percent
Speaker 1: of everything you said yes. But I also think sometimes
Speaker 1: trying to initiate sex, like even just the like you
Speaker 1: have it in your mind that you're like, cool, I'm
Speaker 1: going to initiate sex now. So therefore when he's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I you know, I can't or I don't want to whatever,
Speaker 1: he feels pressured and then you feel let down. So
Speaker 1: there's this like cycle that happens. And like even if
Speaker 1: it to you is spontaneous, if you start kissing him
Speaker 1: and you're like, okay, but my end goal is that
Speaker 1: I want us to have sex, there is still pressure
Speaker 1: in that. I think sometimes you need to have really
Speaker 1: intimate moments where your intention is not to have sex.
Speaker 1: The end goal of it could just be kissing.
Speaker 2: That's it.
Speaker 1: There is no end goal like that. It's just I
Speaker 1: just want to make out with you, no expectation of
Speaker 1: it going any further, and then leave it at that.
Speaker 1: Just have a fucking awesome makeout session on the couch
Speaker 1: and then walk away from it. Because I think that
Speaker 1: having those periods of intense connection also a physical connection
Speaker 1: without it being that your sole perpose of doing that
Speaker 1: is to have sex with them can really alleviate the
Speaker 1: stress that that pressure of having sex can build, and
Speaker 1: that cadet it can have when we've gotten into long
Speaker 1: term relationships, when we've gotten into the routine, when we
Speaker 1: know exactly what to do, that's going to then lead
Speaker 1: to performative ab If I do A, then I do B,
Speaker 1: then I do C. Then we're going to have the
Speaker 1: sex and then he's going to come and that's going
Speaker 1: to be done, you know, like we know exactly, and
Speaker 1: then I can go to sleep like we know the
Speaker 1: process right, Like it becomes formulaic. So if you mix
Speaker 1: that up by doing something that's intimate, but the end
Speaker 1: goal isn't sex, it's just being together and being physical
Speaker 1: with each other, I think that that can really do
Speaker 1: a lot for alleviating the pressures that come with it.
Speaker 1: So give that a try as well, even if it's
Speaker 1: just a makeout on the couch, close fully on, just
Speaker 1: a big passionate kiss and then leave it, walk away,
Speaker 1: see how it feels. Maybe the guy get a bit horny.
Speaker 2: I do love that too. But there's also like little
Speaker 2: things you can do, like slow build ups to get
Speaker 2: him thinking about it. A lot more. Send him sexy
Speaker 2: pictures throughout the day when he's at work, or sexy messages.
Speaker 2: You could do some sexting, or you could start that
Speaker 2: conversation so that he starts to think about it all
Speaker 2: day and it starts upon his mind again. It becomes
Speaker 2: a bit more fun and exciting. And hey, he can
Speaker 2: engage in sexting without taking his clothes off, like, he
Speaker 2: can do that confidently, and he can do that where
Speaker 2: he feels safe and comfortable. So there are those little
Speaker 2: things that I think you could try. But if this
Speaker 2: continues to happen and you try everything you can, you
Speaker 2: need to sit down with him. Like Waara said and said,
Speaker 2: what can we do to make you happy? You're not confident?
Speaker 2: So something needs to change because you can't do the
Speaker 2: same thing over and over and expect a result. We
Speaker 2: all know that, yeah, and he can't expect you to
Speaker 2: be the one to put in all the efforts. So,
Speaker 2: like like you said, you know, are you supposed to
Speaker 2: just be patient for a period? Absolutely you can. You
Speaker 2: can offer patients. You can offer support and comfort and
Speaker 2: guidance and all that sort of stuff and blowjobs and
Speaker 2: as many bloke.
Speaker 1: Take it. If you want them, but you can't constantly
Speaker 1: do that and constantly be rejected because that will wear
Speaker 1: you down. And it's already started to weigh you down.
Speaker 1: So I think that there will come a period where
Speaker 1: if you feel like you're implementing all these things and
Speaker 1: you are doing your absolutely best to try and bring
Speaker 1: some spontaneity into the relationship, you're trying to like, you know,
Speaker 1: get his desire back, and you're still being shut down.
Speaker 1: Like it is so natural to feel defeated, and the
Speaker 1: way that you feel and to almost feel resentful because
Speaker 1: like there's only so much sexual rejection that you can
Speaker 1: receive from your partner, whether the problem is with them
Speaker 1: or not, it still fucking hurts. And I do think
Speaker 1: that they get to a point where if you feel
Speaker 1: like you've tried everything and then the overwhelming sense of
Speaker 1: rejection or being let down is too much for you,
Speaker 1: that's when you have to have those conversations, the really
Speaker 1: hard ones of like I've tried now, and now you
Speaker 1: need to come to the table too, because it's just
Speaker 1: not good enough for me to be the only one
Speaker 1: who's meeting you three quarters of the way.
Speaker 2: Yep, there's two people in a relationship that's my favorite saying.
Speaker 1: Actually, risk if you're as Tuesday's episode, if you listen
Speaker 1: to this.
Speaker 2: Week, yeah, as many people in a relationship as you want.
Speaker 1: Guys, that is it from us. That is our down
Speaker 1: and dirty.
Speaker 2: Thursday, Ask Uncut. Please keep the questions coming into our
Speaker 2: Instagram Life on Cut podcast. Just slide on into the
Speaker 2: dams and at the top just put ask on cut.
Speaker 2: Keep your embarrassing stories accidentally on filters coming in as well.
Speaker 2: Can't believe they said that or anything funny that has
Speaker 2: happened to you.
Speaker 1: And if you haven't yet, jumped on and left a
Speaker 1: review on Apple Podcasts and that's where you listen, jump on,
Speaker 1: leave us a review. We would love to hear your feedback.
Speaker 1: And you can also join up to the Facebook discussion
Speaker 1: group as well, which is where all of the juicy
Speaker 1: conversations And if you have any ask gun cuts that
Speaker 1: you feel like you want to throw out there on
Speaker 1: a public forum, you can also ass in there as well.
Speaker 1: And guys, that is it from us. You know the drill.
Speaker 1: Tell your mom, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell
Speaker 1: your step dad and your uncle and I don't know
Speaker 1: whoever else you want to tell and shed love because
Speaker 1: we'll
Speaker 2: Ramak bay da