WEBVTT - ASK UNCUT - Snap chatting a blow job is never a good idea

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<v Speaker 1>Hi guys, and a welcome back to another episode of

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<v Speaker 1>Life on CUD.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, and this is our.

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<v Speaker 1>Thursday episode, our ask uncut episode, out Down and Dirty,

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<v Speaker 1>short little sexy episode where we answer your deep, dark

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<v Speaker 1>and burning and sometimes really uncomfortable, awkward questions. Okay, So

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<v Speaker 1>Jordan caught me listening to my own podcast today and

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<v Speaker 1>he was like, I was laughing really loud, and I

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<v Speaker 1>was like laughing out loud, and he's like, he came

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<v Speaker 1>over to look over my shoulder.

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<v Speaker 2>He's like, what's so funny? And I got all awkward

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<v Speaker 2>because he's looking down. He's like, are you listening and

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<v Speaker 2>laughing at your own podcast? And I was like, don't

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<v Speaker 2>tell anyone, but now I'm telling the whole of everyone

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<v Speaker 2>that listens to Life on Cut. But I went back

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<v Speaker 2>into to listen to some of the old episodes and

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<v Speaker 2>I felt like I was listening to episodes like I

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<v Speaker 2>felt like it wasn't us because it's been so long

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<v Speaker 2>since I was listening. And I was laughing so hard

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<v Speaker 2>at some of the stories you were telling, and I'm like,

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<v Speaker 2>this girl's cooked.

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<v Speaker 1>But as you it's like those people who laugh at

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<v Speaker 1>their own jokes. It's literally us, except we're just do

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<v Speaker 1>it and then I'll tell you all about it because

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<v Speaker 1>we're losers. Okay, wait, I have a question for you

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<v Speaker 1>before we get into answering everyone's questions, and for all

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<v Speaker 1>of you who've written in, we have some great ones

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<v Speaker 1>this week. I'm like, there's some messed up stuff happening

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<v Speaker 1>in some people's lives out there. But Britte, I have

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<v Speaker 1>a really serious, hard hitting question that I don't know

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<v Speaker 1>the answer to, and I need your help. Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>It always scares me when you come into an episode

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<v Speaker 2>and you're like, I'm going to ask you this really

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<v Speaker 2>serious thing, but you haven't prepped me on it. And

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<v Speaker 2>now I start to get a little bit panicky because

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I don't know what the answer is going

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<v Speaker 2>to be. I haven't prepared anything. But anyway, hit me.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, when you were having sex at nighttime? So when well,

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<v Speaker 1>this is not about pooing in the shower, No, I'm like, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>we're actually not going to talk after last episode on Tuesday.

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<v Speaker 1>We're not talking about who again.

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<v Speaker 2>For a while, I was a lot. I give you

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<v Speaker 2>one week.

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<v Speaker 1>When you have sex at nighttime, what's the order that

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<v Speaker 1>you do the sex.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, usually the pedis goes in the vagina.

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<v Speaker 1>Firstus foreplay, then there's a penis. No, okay, this is

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<v Speaker 1>very serious. What order do you do things in? Do

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<v Speaker 1>you get into the shower and then do all your

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<v Speaker 1>face serums and like your like nighttime routine and then

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<v Speaker 1>get in the bed and have sex. Or do you

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<v Speaker 1>have the sex and then you go and do your

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<v Speaker 1>face serums and nighttime routine. Now I ask this because

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<v Speaker 1>I have only just I've only just started having sex again, guys,

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<v Speaker 1>and I don't know what I'm doing.

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<v Speaker 2>I've been putting the face cream on simultaneously why we're

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<v Speaker 2>having sex, and I don't think that's right.

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<v Speaker 1>Sometimes I use it as lubricant and he keeps saying

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<v Speaker 1>that the vitamin sea cream is like, no, okay, it's burning.

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<v Speaker 1>The reason why I asked this is because I've only

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<v Speaker 1>just started using really expensive face creams your girl. For

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<v Speaker 1>a long time there, I wasn't using any active products,

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<v Speaker 1>and I've just started on like some really nice bougie

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<v Speaker 1>face creams and face serums, and they're so stupidly expensive

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<v Speaker 1>for how little the bottle is, And so every time

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<v Speaker 1>I put them on and then we have sex afterwards,

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<v Speaker 1>I get really upset that I have to go and

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<v Speaker 1>double apply because I'm like, this is a fucking waste

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm spending way too much money on my face creams.

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<v Speaker 1>But I also don't want to then assume that we're

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<v Speaker 1>going to have sex and not put it on, and

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<v Speaker 1>then the sefety planned and boring. I don't know what

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<v Speaker 1>to do, Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like you're making some really rooky errors here

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<v Speaker 2>in your face cream, sex shower application of an evening.

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<v Speaker 2>So if you are at the stage where you're planning

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<v Speaker 2>your sex and not by planning it, but I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>like you work all day, you've got the kids, You

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<v Speaker 2>know that sex isn't gonna happen in the day. You

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<v Speaker 2>know that the only time you're possibly going to have

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<v Speaker 2>sex is finally when you get into bed at night.

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<v Speaker 2>If you know you're going to do that, do not

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<v Speaker 2>get out of the shower and do your routine and

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<v Speaker 2>then get into bed and have the sex and then

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<v Speaker 2>get back out Like that is such a waste of time, energy,

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<v Speaker 2>and facial products. What I would do and what I

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<v Speaker 2>do do, I will have multiple showers. I will always

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<v Speaker 2>have shower first because I hate to get into bed

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<v Speaker 2>at any point of the day when I'm not like

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<v Speaker 2>really clean. Then if we have sex, I get up

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<v Speaker 2>and have another shower, and then I know that we're

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<v Speaker 2>not double sexy. So then I'll put my face creams

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<v Speaker 2>on and go to bed. But I won't get out

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<v Speaker 2>of a shower and put my face creams on.

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<v Speaker 1>Wait, you have a shower before you have sex, and

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<v Speaker 1>then after you have sex, you have two showers.

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<v Speaker 2>Well only if only if I'm getting to bed at night.

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<v Speaker 2>It's not like Jordan's like, hey, when I have sex

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm like, let me just have a shower, I

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<v Speaker 2>don't do that or what I will do if I

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<v Speaker 2>get out of the shower and I'm not expecting sex

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<v Speaker 2>and I get ready for bed and I put all

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<v Speaker 2>my face creams on because I've got like a process

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<v Speaker 2>of about sixteen face cream applications that I have to do.

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<v Speaker 2>I've got the eyes and the creases and then the

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<v Speaker 2>thing's folly in and then the deep moisturizer. I'll have

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<v Speaker 2>the shower, I'll get out and do my face creams.

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<v Speaker 2>Then I will go to bed. If we then have sex,

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<v Speaker 2>I won't re wash my face, so the face cream

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<v Speaker 2>still stays on. Unless you're an excessive sweater and you

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<v Speaker 2>sweat it all off, there's no reason for you to

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<v Speaker 2>go and reapply it. She'd still be on there. That

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<v Speaker 2>shit is powerful, that should have been sunken into your

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<v Speaker 2>paws by then you're looking at me like you're so confused.

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<v Speaker 1>I just have a like pretty little woman and be like,

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<v Speaker 1>don't kiss me because I've just done my face cream.

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<v Speaker 1>But then that that's not like very sexy either. No,

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<v Speaker 1>I think the problem is is like one, I'm not

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<v Speaker 1>gonna have two showers because it's too difficult. It wastes

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<v Speaker 1>too much time between, Like I get very limited sleep,

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<v Speaker 1>And anyone who's got kids knows that that's that shit

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<v Speaker 1>is precious. That is almost as precious as a very

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<v Speaker 1>expensive face creams. So I'm not gonna go and have

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<v Speaker 1>a second shower after the sex. But I also don't

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<v Speaker 1>want sex to become so monotonous and planned that you're like, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not gonna put my face creams on. Now, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>gonna go to bed, we're gonna have sex, then I'm

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<v Speaker 1>gonna get up and do the face creams. I feel

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<v Speaker 1>like there's too much planning in that but then on

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<v Speaker 1>the flip side of that, I'm like, well, if I

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<v Speaker 1>go to bed and I haven't put face cream on

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<v Speaker 1>and then sex doesn't happen, I then have to get

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<v Speaker 1>out of fucking bed and go and put It's just

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<v Speaker 1>it's too much. Let's just stop having sex.

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<v Speaker 2>No, I have a question. What are you possibly doing

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<v Speaker 2>in your sex that is going to interfere with the

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<v Speaker 2>face cream that you put on?

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<v Speaker 1>Just so much rimming? Just my face is just squished

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<v Speaker 1>between two.

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<v Speaker 2>But constantly probably good friends. No, we kiss a lot, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>but kiss all over your face? It like licks your

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<v Speaker 2>cheek and stuff, doesn't it just kiss your lips?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, but then like smudges all around. Yeah, out of

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<v Speaker 1>a fuck who knows. Anyway, let's get into the questions.

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<v Speaker 1>This has gone too long.

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<v Speaker 2>No, I just can't believe that that's the deep hitting,

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<v Speaker 2>hard hitting question you've asked me, and I don't think

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<v Speaker 2>you've even got your answer.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's because we had sex last night, which you know,

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<v Speaker 1>yay everyone, I like a round of a pause to

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<v Speaker 1>your girl here, who I'm got lucky. No, But then

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<v Speaker 1>afterwards I was like, fuck, it's all I bet you.

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<v Speaker 1>The face creams all gone and it's just too expensive

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<v Speaker 1>to waste. They're really upset by this, and like I

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<v Speaker 1>had a bit of pash rash and like it was

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<v Speaker 1>like a lactic acid thing, and I was like, it's

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<v Speaker 1>just it's too aggressive for the sex. I need to

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<v Speaker 1>figure out a solution. And I thought maybe we should

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<v Speaker 1>have this conversation publicly on a podcast, so that everybody

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<v Speaker 1>else out there who's dealing with the same level of

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<v Speaker 1>trauma that I'm dealing with right now, you know, the

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<v Speaker 1>things that we've got to think about in lockdown, might

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<v Speaker 1>have their answers.

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<v Speaker 2>Also, I have a solution. I have a solution. Why

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<v Speaker 2>don't you just put the face creams on your bedside table,

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<v Speaker 2>go to bed thinking you're gonna get lucky. If you're

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<v Speaker 2>not gonna get lucky, you just quickly roll over, put

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<v Speaker 2>the cream on, and go to sleep. You don't have

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<v Speaker 2>to even get out of bed, Like, you're not gonna

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<v Speaker 2>fall asleep, Matt is not gonna wake up, and you

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<v Speaker 2>are not gonna wake up in the middle of the

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<v Speaker 2>night and be like, let's have sex. However, those days

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<v Speaker 2>are long gone. Let's be real. Yeah, thank god, rip

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<v Speaker 2>spontaneous sex. Those days are dead. So why don't you

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<v Speaker 2>just have your face creams next to the bed on

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<v Speaker 2>the bedside table, go to bed, try it on with Matt.

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<v Speaker 2>If he's not keen, or if you do, do it regardless,

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<v Speaker 2>then need to slap on your cream at the.

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<v Speaker 1>End and hit the Hey, ladies and gentlemen, Britnanie Hockley,

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<v Speaker 1>this is why we have her here to answer all

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<v Speaker 1>of your hard hitting questions. The girls an oracle.

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<v Speaker 2>You don't pay me enough.

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<v Speaker 1>Laura's genius anyway, all right, let's get into the questions.

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<v Speaker 2>Laura, I am going to hit you with the first question.

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<v Speaker 1>Now.

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<v Speaker 2>This is in the words of Laura Burne. This is

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<v Speaker 2>a real doozy. This is I don't know what to

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<v Speaker 2>do with this, and I hope you haven't answered for me,

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<v Speaker 2>because I'm still on the fence. Ladies, I need some

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<v Speaker 2>help and I don't know who to speak to about this.

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<v Speaker 2>It involves my best friend and her fiancee, so of

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<v Speaker 2>course you were the first people that I messaged. I

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<v Speaker 2>absolutely love that. I'm still processing this as I'm writing it,

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<v Speaker 2>and I know if I do do anything about it,

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<v Speaker 2>I have to do it soon. In the early hours

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<v Speaker 2>of Sunday morning, I received a snapchat from my best

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<v Speaker 2>friend's fiance, and I was totally mortified when I opened it.

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<v Speaker 2>He had sent me a video of him getting a

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<v Speaker 2>blowjob from a guy. The video wasn't at his home,

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<v Speaker 2>and it was clear he was on someone else's bed.

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<v Speaker 2>I clearly, very clearly saw his face, the face of

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<v Speaker 2>the guy giving the blowjob, and the guy's penis. My

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<v Speaker 2>first reaction was to tell my partner, but I know

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<v Speaker 2>this information is going to do so much damage. I

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<v Speaker 2>don't know whether to speak to my friend first, and

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<v Speaker 2>I really feel like just ignoring what I saw, but

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<v Speaker 2>I can't get the image out of my head. I'm

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<v Speaker 2>just so afraid of being the one to cause so

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<v Speaker 2>much collateral damage to this relationship, and I'm so scared

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<v Speaker 2>to see my friend upset. I don't have any roof

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<v Speaker 2>as such because it's Snapchat and it has been deleted,

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<v Speaker 2>but I absolutely know this was my best friend's fiance

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<v Speaker 2>getting a blowjob, not from my best friend, but from

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<v Speaker 2>a nan. What the fuck? This is probably one of

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<v Speaker 2>the biggest questions we have ever had come in in

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<v Speaker 2>terms of, what the fuck do you do? That's a

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<v Speaker 2>real doozy. That's a real doozy isn't it? What?

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<v Speaker 1>Wow?

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<v Speaker 2>Like, did he mean to send this snapchat? He couldn't

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<v Speaker 2>have It must have been an accident.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, she said that that she received it in the

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<v Speaker 1>wee hours of the morning, So I'm thinking, like, there's

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<v Speaker 1>probably a lot of alcohol that's been involved. Who knows,

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<v Speaker 1>some terrible decision making took place. The first terrible decision

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<v Speaker 1>making was the blowjob. The second terrible decision making was

0:09:39.120 --> 0:09:42.720
<v Speaker 1>the snapchatting of the blowjob. Who the fuck uses snapchat anyway?

0:09:42.800 --> 0:09:42.920
<v Speaker 2>Like?

0:09:42.960 --> 0:09:45.480
<v Speaker 1>Who sends things like this? This is? That's so like

0:09:45.520 --> 0:09:49.640
<v Speaker 1>twenty fifteen, Why are people still sending sexy snapchats? I

0:09:49.640 --> 0:09:50.240
<v Speaker 1>don't get it?

0:09:50.320 --> 0:09:52.800
<v Speaker 2>So I wonder I was thinking that as well. Right,

0:09:52.840 --> 0:09:54.560
<v Speaker 2>so I didn't have Snapchat, but I know it is

0:09:54.559 --> 0:09:57.120
<v Speaker 2>actually still really big. It is really big. But I

0:09:57.320 --> 0:10:00.520
<v Speaker 2>wonder if he maybe has this sort of double because

0:10:00.520 --> 0:10:02.760
<v Speaker 2>he has you know, his fiance is female. He is

0:10:02.800 --> 0:10:04.640
<v Speaker 2>getting a boy job from a man. He's got this

0:10:04.679 --> 0:10:07.040
<v Speaker 2>other life that people don't know about. I wonder if

0:10:07.080 --> 0:10:09.520
<v Speaker 2>there's a group on Snapchat of you know, people that

0:10:09.600 --> 0:10:11.440
<v Speaker 2>send these sexy things to each other. Maybe he's in

0:10:11.480 --> 0:10:13.320
<v Speaker 2>a group of other men that'll send these things to

0:10:13.360 --> 0:10:15.440
<v Speaker 2>each other. And maybe he's just hit send to the

0:10:15.440 --> 0:10:18.760
<v Speaker 2>wrong person. I highly doubt he is meant to send

0:10:18.760 --> 0:10:21.120
<v Speaker 2>this to her. Oh absolutely not, unless he needs it

0:10:21.160 --> 0:10:23.520
<v Speaker 2>to come out and he doesn't know how to break

0:10:23.600 --> 0:10:26.160
<v Speaker 2>up with his own relationship and he's sort of poking

0:10:26.200 --> 0:10:26.600
<v Speaker 2>the fire.

0:10:27.040 --> 0:10:30.120
<v Speaker 1>What do you think she does, Laura, I think you

0:10:30.280 --> 0:10:32.320
<v Speaker 1>have to tell your friend, but like I think that

0:10:32.320 --> 0:10:35.520
<v Speaker 1>there is ways that you can approach this. But ah

0:10:35.559 --> 0:10:38.079
<v Speaker 1>my god, at the end of the day, your friend

0:10:38.120 --> 0:10:40.520
<v Speaker 1>may shoot the messenger. You may be the one that

0:10:40.640 --> 0:10:43.560
<v Speaker 1>ends up copying the full force of this collateral damage

0:10:43.600 --> 0:10:46.920
<v Speaker 1>that you've described. Like that might happen. But I think

0:10:46.360 --> 0:10:50.280
<v Speaker 1>the reality is is, like we love our friends, We

0:10:50.320 --> 0:10:52.280
<v Speaker 1>want the best for them. We want them to be

0:10:52.320 --> 0:10:55.040
<v Speaker 1>in a relationship that they are treated with respect and

0:10:55.080 --> 0:10:57.720
<v Speaker 1>they are loved and they are secure. And this is

0:10:57.760 --> 0:11:01.080
<v Speaker 1>her fiance, and obviously he some things that he needs

0:11:01.120 --> 0:11:03.959
<v Speaker 1>to work out, regardless of who he's getting a blowjob from.

0:11:04.000 --> 0:11:06.320
<v Speaker 1>I think that that's totally irrelevant, guy or girl. But

0:11:06.440 --> 0:11:08.679
<v Speaker 1>the thing is is like he's cheating on his fiance

0:11:09.240 --> 0:11:11.679
<v Speaker 1>and there might be some other bigger problems down the

0:11:11.760 --> 0:11:13.880
<v Speaker 1>road for them as a couple. If you know, he

0:11:14.000 --> 0:11:16.600
<v Speaker 1>is still questioning his sexuality, or there are still things

0:11:16.600 --> 0:11:20.160
<v Speaker 1>that he hasn't been transparent with with his fiance. Now, look,

0:11:20.280 --> 0:11:24.720
<v Speaker 1>I think the big one here is maybe you don't

0:11:24.720 --> 0:11:27.640
<v Speaker 1>tell her first, Maybe go to him and have a

0:11:27.679 --> 0:11:31.160
<v Speaker 1>conversation with him and say, this is what you sent me,

0:11:31.280 --> 0:11:34.400
<v Speaker 1>this is what I've seen, And if you don't tell her,

0:11:34.720 --> 0:11:36.760
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to tell her and give him a couple

0:11:36.760 --> 0:11:38.840
<v Speaker 1>of days to process how he wants to deal with

0:11:38.880 --> 0:11:41.080
<v Speaker 1>this and how he wants to have that conversation with her.

0:11:41.400 --> 0:11:44.280
<v Speaker 1>That way, at least, if he does Manna, it saves

0:11:44.320 --> 0:11:45.920
<v Speaker 1>you from being the one who has to bring this

0:11:45.960 --> 0:11:48.760
<v Speaker 1>horrible news to your friend. But if he chooses to

0:11:48.840 --> 0:11:50.960
<v Speaker 1>go down the route of gas lading, if he chooses

0:11:51.000 --> 0:11:53.520
<v Speaker 1>to go down the route of lying or saying that

0:11:53.559 --> 0:11:56.640
<v Speaker 1>you know, like you're making it up. I still think

0:11:56.679 --> 0:11:58.520
<v Speaker 1>you need to tell your friend. And one of the

0:11:58.559 --> 0:12:01.320
<v Speaker 1>really big parts of this and something that I think

0:12:01.640 --> 0:12:03.560
<v Speaker 1>if he does do that and you find yourself in

0:12:03.600 --> 0:12:05.840
<v Speaker 1>the situation where you're having this conversation with your best

0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:09.800
<v Speaker 1>friend is making her known that you have no motivator.

0:12:10.120 --> 0:12:13.280
<v Speaker 1>There is absolutely no motivator for you to make this

0:12:13.360 --> 0:12:16.000
<v Speaker 1>up and lie, like, what do you benefit from this,

0:12:16.480 --> 0:12:18.840
<v Speaker 1>And I think it's really important for you to explain

0:12:18.880 --> 0:12:22.319
<v Speaker 1>that to her because she will feel defensive. She probably

0:12:22.320 --> 0:12:25.400
<v Speaker 1>won't believe you instantly, like no, why would she believe you.

0:12:25.440 --> 0:12:27.040
<v Speaker 1>She won't want to believe that you know her husband

0:12:27.120 --> 0:12:29.480
<v Speaker 1>or her partner is living a double life. So I

0:12:29.480 --> 0:12:32.720
<v Speaker 1>think it's really important to explain that, like, this comes

0:12:32.720 --> 0:12:34.400
<v Speaker 1>from a place of love, and this comes from a

0:12:34.440 --> 0:12:39.200
<v Speaker 1>place of protection, and that you gain absolutely nothing from

0:12:39.240 --> 0:12:41.600
<v Speaker 1>telling her this except that you want to protect her.

0:12:41.800 --> 0:12:45.480
<v Speaker 2>So you say, go to the fiance that was getting

0:12:45.520 --> 0:12:46.560
<v Speaker 2>the blowjob.

0:12:46.280 --> 0:12:50.400
<v Speaker 1>Give that man an ultimatum, say you're on timer buddy,

0:12:50.640 --> 0:12:52.920
<v Speaker 1>two days, three days. If he says it's not me,

0:12:53.320 --> 0:12:56.199
<v Speaker 1>he says it's not me, like you've got no proof

0:12:56.360 --> 0:12:57.160
<v Speaker 1>it definitely wasn't me.

0:12:57.400 --> 0:12:58.960
<v Speaker 2>Do you still go and tell her? Do you still

0:12:58.960 --> 0:12:59.680
<v Speaker 2>go and tell your friend?

0:12:59.760 --> 0:13:01.199
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? I would still go and tell her.

0:13:01.480 --> 0:13:04.199
<v Speaker 2>Like, Okay, put yourself. Just pretend this was Jordan. You

0:13:04.240 --> 0:13:06.040
<v Speaker 2>saw that happen to Jordan. Do you go to Jordan

0:13:06.120 --> 0:13:06.480
<v Speaker 2>before me?

0:13:06.640 --> 0:13:08.880
<v Speaker 1>If I saw that Jordan, if Jordan had sent me

0:13:08.920 --> 0:13:11.960
<v Speaker 1>that fucking hell? Could you imagine if Jordan had sent

0:13:12.000 --> 0:13:14.679
<v Speaker 1>me a snapchat of him getting a blowjob? From another guy,

0:13:14.800 --> 0:13:17.600
<v Speaker 1>I would call him and say, Hey, this is what

0:13:17.679 --> 0:13:19.440
<v Speaker 1>you've sent me, and you need to speak to brit

0:13:19.480 --> 0:13:21.360
<v Speaker 1>about it. And if he didn't speak to you about it,

0:13:21.400 --> 0:13:23.880
<v Speaker 1>I would one hundred percent be speaking to you about it.

0:13:24.000 --> 0:13:24.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:13:24.200 --> 0:13:26.360
<v Speaker 1>And if you saw the same thing from Matt, whether

0:13:26.360 --> 0:13:28.760
<v Speaker 1>it was a guy or a girl, and you chose

0:13:28.800 --> 0:13:31.080
<v Speaker 1>not to tell me because you were frightened of my

0:13:31.120 --> 0:13:33.920
<v Speaker 1>reaction or you didn't want us to have a fight,

0:13:34.120 --> 0:13:38.920
<v Speaker 1>or I would be so mad and so heartbroken that

0:13:39.720 --> 0:13:41.920
<v Speaker 1>you just couldn't be honest with me, that you were

0:13:41.960 --> 0:13:45.640
<v Speaker 1>so worried about my reaction over taking care of my

0:13:45.720 --> 0:13:50.720
<v Speaker 1>heart and protecting like my relationship, my future, that you

0:13:50.760 --> 0:13:52.520
<v Speaker 1>were more worried about yourself than what you were worried

0:13:52.520 --> 0:13:54.120
<v Speaker 1>about me. That's the way I see that.

0:13:54.400 --> 0:13:56.959
<v Speaker 2>I would one hundred percent go like, because I tried

0:13:57.000 --> 0:13:59.000
<v Speaker 2>to put myself in this position and think, would I

0:13:59.600 --> 0:14:01.600
<v Speaker 2>go and tell you or what I go tell Matt?

0:14:01.640 --> 0:14:03.720
<v Speaker 2>I would go and confront Matt. I one hundred percent

0:14:03.760 --> 0:14:05.280
<v Speaker 2>agree with what you said, Laura. I think, go to

0:14:05.640 --> 0:14:07.760
<v Speaker 2>the man at fault and just tell him, And you

0:14:07.760 --> 0:14:09.640
<v Speaker 2>don't have to go in Accusa Tree and you don't

0:14:09.679 --> 0:14:12.040
<v Speaker 2>have to go in aggressive or mad or anything. You

0:14:12.120 --> 0:14:15.720
<v Speaker 2>just have to say, hey, look, highly likely you did

0:14:15.760 --> 0:14:17.480
<v Speaker 2>not mean to send me a photo of you getting

0:14:17.480 --> 0:14:21.400
<v Speaker 2>a bloyjob, regardless I saw it, and you need to

0:14:21.440 --> 0:14:24.200
<v Speaker 2>address this. You need to tell her. If he doesn't,

0:14:24.240 --> 0:14:26.040
<v Speaker 2>then yep, give like Lauris said, give it a couple

0:14:26.080 --> 0:14:30.280
<v Speaker 2>of days. But there is a big chance that this

0:14:30.360 --> 0:14:32.680
<v Speaker 2>could just blow up and he could deny it. There

0:14:32.800 --> 0:14:35.000
<v Speaker 2>is no proof. He could be like, if she's marrying

0:14:35.080 --> 0:14:37.200
<v Speaker 2>him and she thinks that nothing's going on, he could

0:14:37.240 --> 0:14:39.400
<v Speaker 2>be like, what are you talking about? Your friend is crazy,

0:14:39.440 --> 0:14:42.120
<v Speaker 2>as if I'd ever do that, And then I've been

0:14:42.160 --> 0:14:44.680
<v Speaker 2>in this position before. It's highly likely that your friend

0:14:45.440 --> 0:14:48.160
<v Speaker 2>is going to take the side of her fiance and

0:14:48.440 --> 0:14:51.320
<v Speaker 2>think that maybe you missaw something and it wasn't him

0:14:51.320 --> 0:14:53.320
<v Speaker 2>and it was someone else. And you have to be

0:14:53.360 --> 0:14:56.800
<v Speaker 2>prepared that that is going to happen. Because love is blind,

0:14:57.160 --> 0:14:59.240
<v Speaker 2>and when you're that in love with someone and you're

0:14:59.280 --> 0:15:01.000
<v Speaker 2>in a situation you think you're marrying them and you're

0:15:01.000 --> 0:15:02.600
<v Speaker 2>going to spend your life with them, and you think

0:15:02.720 --> 0:15:05.680
<v Speaker 2>you know them back to front. You don't want to

0:15:05.720 --> 0:15:08.800
<v Speaker 2>hear anything bad about them, and you will see what

0:15:08.880 --> 0:15:10.880
<v Speaker 2>you want to see if he tells you it's a

0:15:10.920 --> 0:15:13.080
<v Speaker 2>mistake and it wasn't true, chances are she's going to

0:15:13.120 --> 0:15:14.800
<v Speaker 2>believe that. So you do have to be prepared. But

0:15:14.840 --> 0:15:16.480
<v Speaker 2>I think one hundred percent you're not gonna be able

0:15:16.480 --> 0:15:20.560
<v Speaker 2>to live with yourself if you don't somehow inform her

0:15:20.600 --> 0:15:23.320
<v Speaker 2>of what her fiancee is doing, especially before she marries him.

0:15:23.360 --> 0:15:25.120
<v Speaker 2>Like that's a big thing because if it comes out

0:15:25.200 --> 0:15:27.520
<v Speaker 2>later and she's like, why the fuck didn't you tell

0:15:27.560 --> 0:15:30.120
<v Speaker 2>me he was cheating on me when we were engaged,

0:15:30.160 --> 0:15:32.200
<v Speaker 2>before we got married, like this could have stopped. Who

0:15:32.200 --> 0:15:34.000
<v Speaker 2>knows how many other people they are, Like, that's the thing,

0:15:34.000 --> 0:15:34.520
<v Speaker 2>we don't know.

0:15:34.640 --> 0:15:37.960
<v Speaker 1>There's different tiers of friendship, right if she was an acquaintance,

0:15:38.080 --> 0:15:39.320
<v Speaker 1>I don't think you need to go out of your

0:15:39.360 --> 0:15:41.640
<v Speaker 1>way to tell them. If it's like a second tier

0:15:41.640 --> 0:15:43.480
<v Speaker 1>of friendship, you don't need to go out of your

0:15:43.520 --> 0:15:45.280
<v Speaker 1>way to tell them. You don't need to put yourself

0:15:45.280 --> 0:15:47.480
<v Speaker 1>into that firing line and make yourself the bearer of

0:15:47.520 --> 0:15:50.680
<v Speaker 1>bad news. But when it's your best friend, even if

0:15:50.680 --> 0:15:53.000
<v Speaker 1>this breaks you as best friends, even if she chooses

0:15:53.040 --> 0:15:56.400
<v Speaker 1>to believe your partner, at least you have done the

0:15:56.520 --> 0:15:58.720
<v Speaker 1>right thing. And I know that there will be so

0:15:58.920 --> 0:16:01.600
<v Speaker 1>much hurt and and probably so much grief in losing

0:16:01.640 --> 0:16:04.960
<v Speaker 1>a friendship over this, especially when you have done nothing wrong.

0:16:05.480 --> 0:16:07.400
<v Speaker 1>But that's the truth. The truth is you have done

0:16:07.480 --> 0:16:10.840
<v Speaker 1>nothing wrong, and the conversation that you've had has come

0:16:10.880 --> 0:16:12.880
<v Speaker 1>from wanting to protect and do the best thing for

0:16:12.920 --> 0:16:16.520
<v Speaker 1>your friend. And if he's done this once, the chances

0:16:16.520 --> 0:16:18.720
<v Speaker 1>are he'll do it again. The chances are he will

0:16:18.720 --> 0:16:22.680
<v Speaker 1>continue this behavior and she may find out. She may

0:16:22.680 --> 0:16:25.160
<v Speaker 1>not find out herself, but if she does find out

0:16:25.200 --> 0:16:27.480
<v Speaker 1>in the future, she's not going to keep holding this

0:16:27.560 --> 0:16:30.200
<v Speaker 1>against you. I'm so sorry that you're in this position.

0:16:30.600 --> 0:16:32.080
<v Speaker 1>I think a lot of us, and a lot of

0:16:32.120 --> 0:16:34.640
<v Speaker 1>us have experienced maybe a milder version of this, but

0:16:34.760 --> 0:16:36.880
<v Speaker 1>we've found out that our friend's boyfriend has done something

0:16:36.880 --> 0:16:38.600
<v Speaker 1>wrong and we have to kind of grapple with whether

0:16:38.800 --> 0:16:42.360
<v Speaker 1>it's worth risking the friendship. But I think with these

0:16:42.400 --> 0:16:44.080
<v Speaker 1>sorts of things, when it gets to a point where

0:16:44.080 --> 0:16:47.400
<v Speaker 1>it's so damning, it's so obvious, and the betrayal is

0:16:47.440 --> 0:16:50.840
<v Speaker 1>so huge, you owe it to your friends to kind

0:16:50.880 --> 0:16:53.680
<v Speaker 1>of put that friendship on the line because the truth

0:16:53.720 --> 0:16:58.080
<v Speaker 1>is so outwowing. Okay, let's go back to talking about

0:16:58.120 --> 0:17:00.440
<v Speaker 1>face creams and whether to put them on for sex

0:17:00.560 --> 0:17:00.680
<v Speaker 1>or not.

0:17:01.040 --> 0:17:02.480
<v Speaker 2>One thing that I want to add before we wrap

0:17:02.520 --> 0:17:04.919
<v Speaker 2>this up is this is just a perfect tie. So

0:17:04.960 --> 0:17:07.160
<v Speaker 2>I think it was last week on the podcast we

0:17:07.160 --> 0:17:10.560
<v Speaker 2>were speaking about do you tell this exact thing? Does

0:17:10.640 --> 0:17:12.560
<v Speaker 2>this girl go and tell this other woman that her

0:17:12.600 --> 0:17:16.080
<v Speaker 2>husband's cheating on her she didn't know her that well,

0:17:16.119 --> 0:17:18.440
<v Speaker 2>and we did this whole by chat about it. I

0:17:18.640 --> 0:17:20.320
<v Speaker 2>was so intrigued by it. But I put a bunch

0:17:20.359 --> 0:17:23.600
<v Speaker 2>of hold up on my Instagram stories about would you

0:17:23.720 --> 0:17:25.760
<v Speaker 2>tell if you're in that situation and would you want

0:17:25.800 --> 0:17:27.840
<v Speaker 2>to know if you were the person that was you know,

0:17:27.880 --> 0:17:30.440
<v Speaker 2>this husband was cheating, would you want someone to come

0:17:30.440 --> 0:17:33.200
<v Speaker 2>and tell you? And it was actually really interesting result

0:17:33.320 --> 0:17:37.359
<v Speaker 2>because only fifty five percent of you said to tell

0:17:37.400 --> 0:17:39.520
<v Speaker 2>the wife. So there's only fifty five percent saying tell

0:17:39.560 --> 0:17:42.520
<v Speaker 2>go and tell that person, but ninety five percent of

0:17:42.560 --> 0:17:45.320
<v Speaker 2>you so that you would want to know. Now those

0:17:45.560 --> 0:17:48.560
<v Speaker 2>statistics don't add up. That's saying that everyone is like

0:17:48.560 --> 0:17:50.760
<v Speaker 2>one hundred percent tell me, but only half of you

0:17:50.800 --> 0:17:52.720
<v Speaker 2>are like, ooh, I don't think I have the balls

0:17:52.720 --> 0:17:54.600
<v Speaker 2>to actually go and do it. So I think you've

0:17:54.600 --> 0:17:56.840
<v Speaker 2>got to put yourself in that position, would you want

0:17:56.880 --> 0:17:58.480
<v Speaker 2>to know would you want your friends to tell you?

0:17:58.520 --> 0:18:00.879
<v Speaker 2>Because I one hundred percent would want my friends tell me.

0:18:01.119 --> 0:18:03.080
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And I know no one wants to be the messenger.

0:18:03.160 --> 0:18:05.639
<v Speaker 1>No one wants to be that person who feels like

0:18:05.720 --> 0:18:08.320
<v Speaker 1>they are responsible for the breakdown of a relationship. But

0:18:08.359 --> 0:18:11.000
<v Speaker 1>at the end of the day, you're not responsible for

0:18:11.040 --> 0:18:14.440
<v Speaker 1>the breakdown of that relationship. He is. And that's really

0:18:14.480 --> 0:18:17.480
<v Speaker 1>important to remember. You're not out there trying to ruin

0:18:17.520 --> 0:18:20.080
<v Speaker 1>her relationship. And I think if you've been best friends

0:18:20.080 --> 0:18:21.960
<v Speaker 1>with her for years and years and years, she's going

0:18:22.000 --> 0:18:24.840
<v Speaker 1>to know that, like, you're not here trying to just

0:18:24.880 --> 0:18:26.840
<v Speaker 1>fuck her life up. Like what do you gain out

0:18:26.840 --> 0:18:30.000
<v Speaker 1>of that? Alrighty, anyway, let's get into question number two,

0:18:30.160 --> 0:18:33.960
<v Speaker 1>and I'm going to read this one to you, Brittany. Hello, ladies.

0:18:34.560 --> 0:18:36.760
<v Speaker 1>My question is I have lived with one of my

0:18:36.800 --> 0:18:39.520
<v Speaker 1>closest friends for the past two years. He's been in

0:18:39.560 --> 0:18:42.600
<v Speaker 1>a relationship now for almost six months. I love them

0:18:42.680 --> 0:18:46.639
<v Speaker 1>both individually and together. They are awesome, and in saying that,

0:18:46.680 --> 0:18:49.680
<v Speaker 1>though sometimes I do find myself feeling like a complete

0:18:49.760 --> 0:18:53.280
<v Speaker 1>third will to them. In my own home, especially in lockdown,

0:18:53.600 --> 0:18:56.640
<v Speaker 1>it's the constant going on walk after walk together. It's

0:18:56.680 --> 0:18:58.880
<v Speaker 1>the only cooking meals for the two of them. When

0:18:58.920 --> 0:19:00.720
<v Speaker 1>the three of us are at home, it's the two

0:19:00.720 --> 0:19:03.080
<v Speaker 1>of them cuddling on the couch and kissing, even when

0:19:03.119 --> 0:19:06.920
<v Speaker 1>we've decided to watch a movie together. I love love too,

0:19:07.119 --> 0:19:09.160
<v Speaker 1>and I'm so happy that he has found the guy

0:19:09.200 --> 0:19:11.760
<v Speaker 1>for him. But I just don't understand how you can't

0:19:11.840 --> 0:19:14.320
<v Speaker 1>keep your hands off each other in a communal space

0:19:14.560 --> 0:19:17.680
<v Speaker 1>for just one hot second. Am I being too prudish,

0:19:17.760 --> 0:19:23.200
<v Speaker 1>too sensitive? Or is it worth saying something to him? Oh?

0:19:23.280 --> 0:19:27.920
<v Speaker 2>I feel for you, I really do. But they've been

0:19:27.920 --> 0:19:31.720
<v Speaker 2>together six months, they're in love, they're in the honeymoon stage,

0:19:32.200 --> 0:19:34.920
<v Speaker 2>and it's lockdown. They are gonna be together twenty four

0:19:34.920 --> 0:19:38.760
<v Speaker 2>to seven. This is a tough one because the only

0:19:38.920 --> 0:19:41.560
<v Speaker 2>thing that I think you could really comment on is

0:19:41.600 --> 0:19:43.680
<v Speaker 2>probably the cooking dinner for the two of you when

0:19:43.680 --> 0:19:45.320
<v Speaker 2>the three of you. I think that that is something

0:19:45.320 --> 0:19:47.360
<v Speaker 2>that can be adjusted. Like I think you can all

0:19:47.400 --> 0:19:49.359
<v Speaker 2>have meals, you can go and eat it separately. You

0:19:49.359 --> 0:19:50.879
<v Speaker 2>don't have to eat together. But if you're all in

0:19:50.920 --> 0:19:53.040
<v Speaker 2>the same house, you're eating the same sort of foods.

0:19:53.040 --> 0:19:56.440
<v Speaker 2>There's no reason you can't all throw in and share

0:19:56.480 --> 0:20:00.439
<v Speaker 2>the load, share together, eat together, whatever the going on,

0:20:00.480 --> 0:20:04.320
<v Speaker 2>walks together, and they're being affectionate and kissing. That's unfortunately

0:20:04.400 --> 0:20:09.040
<v Speaker 2>just part of young new fresh honeymoon COVID lockdown love,

0:20:09.160 --> 0:20:11.199
<v Speaker 2>and there's not a lot you can do about it

0:20:11.320 --> 0:20:13.760
<v Speaker 2>unless they're obviously like I mean, if there's three of

0:20:13.800 --> 0:20:16.119
<v Speaker 2>you on the lounge and they're like rolling around knocking

0:20:16.200 --> 0:20:19.119
<v Speaker 2>vases off, and like, yeah, they're out and they're like

0:20:19.359 --> 0:20:21.200
<v Speaker 2>wind milling each other and slapping each other in the

0:20:21.240 --> 0:20:23.800
<v Speaker 2>face with their penises, just shy of that. If they're

0:20:23.840 --> 0:20:25.640
<v Speaker 2>just like gabbing a smooch in a cuddle, I think

0:20:25.640 --> 0:20:27.639
<v Speaker 2>you've just got to roll with it. I don't know

0:20:27.720 --> 0:20:30.240
<v Speaker 2>how much there is you can do unless it's very

0:20:30.320 --> 0:20:32.120
<v Speaker 2>in your face, and then you can be like, guys,

0:20:32.160 --> 0:20:34.679
<v Speaker 2>get a room, Just make a throwaway comment kind of

0:20:34.760 --> 0:20:36.520
<v Speaker 2>like that, and maybe they'll pull their head back in.

0:20:36.680 --> 0:20:38.959
<v Speaker 1>What do you think one hundred percent stop being their

0:20:39.000 --> 0:20:41.119
<v Speaker 1>relationship grinch? I mean, I know that we're in lockdown.

0:20:41.119 --> 0:20:45.040
<v Speaker 1>There's nothing else to like focus on. But I agree.

0:20:45.080 --> 0:20:47.000
<v Speaker 1>I think probably lots of us have been in these

0:20:47.040 --> 0:20:50.320
<v Speaker 1>situations where we've had housemates their relationship status has changed.

0:20:50.359 --> 0:20:52.840
<v Speaker 1>They've met someone new, and then their fucking new partner

0:20:52.880 --> 0:20:55.600
<v Speaker 1>is around all the time, and you feel like the

0:20:55.680 --> 0:20:57.560
<v Speaker 1>space and the home that you once had you can

0:20:57.600 --> 0:20:59.760
<v Speaker 1>kind of feel a little bit muscled out of. There's

0:20:59.800 --> 0:21:02.080
<v Speaker 1>a few you different things here that I think it

0:21:02.080 --> 0:21:04.280
<v Speaker 1>gives you a place to say something. If you have

0:21:04.320 --> 0:21:07.040
<v Speaker 1>a small couch and they're both always taking up the

0:21:07.080 --> 0:21:08.800
<v Speaker 1>whole couch, which means that you can't even sit in

0:21:08.880 --> 0:21:11.040
<v Speaker 1>your lounge room because they're laying down, cuddling all that

0:21:11.040 --> 0:21:12.879
<v Speaker 1>sort of stuff. I think that that is like a

0:21:12.920 --> 0:21:15.080
<v Speaker 1>point where you can say, hey, guys, you kind of

0:21:15.119 --> 0:21:17.000
<v Speaker 1>make it a bit impossible for me to be able

0:21:17.000 --> 0:21:19.760
<v Speaker 1>to enjoy the space when you guys are on the

0:21:19.760 --> 0:21:21.960
<v Speaker 1>couch like that. If you can, you know, just make

0:21:21.960 --> 0:21:23.280
<v Speaker 1>it so that there's a bit of room for me,

0:21:23.320 --> 0:21:24.520
<v Speaker 1>I'd really appreciate it.

0:21:24.680 --> 0:21:26.600
<v Speaker 2>You don't even need to say it that nicely, just

0:21:26.600 --> 0:21:28.080
<v Speaker 2>be like, yo, move your legs, bitch.

0:21:28.280 --> 0:21:30.840
<v Speaker 1>Totally. But I think that that's the sort of situation

0:21:30.880 --> 0:21:33.240
<v Speaker 1>where you totally have a place to say something. The

0:21:33.359 --> 0:21:36.240
<v Speaker 1>cooking one is so interesting to me because like, okay,

0:21:36.520 --> 0:21:39.040
<v Speaker 1>so I think that you can also get into the

0:21:39.240 --> 0:21:41.720
<v Speaker 1>other like the flip side of a problem with this.

0:21:41.880 --> 0:21:44.520
<v Speaker 1>So I have lived with couples before. There's so many

0:21:44.520 --> 0:21:46.680
<v Speaker 1>benefits to it, there's so many cons to it as well.

0:21:46.960 --> 0:21:50.320
<v Speaker 1>Often what happens alternatively in a couple is that the

0:21:50.400 --> 0:21:53.880
<v Speaker 1>couple see themselves as one person. So it's actually kind

0:21:53.880 --> 0:21:56.200
<v Speaker 1>of nice that they're cooking their own meals and then

0:21:56.280 --> 0:21:59.360
<v Speaker 1>you can do your own, because it's sometimes worse when

0:21:59.359 --> 0:22:01.400
<v Speaker 1>they go, oh, we cooked for you last night, now

0:22:01.400 --> 0:22:03.680
<v Speaker 1>you cook for us tonight, and you end up cooking

0:22:03.680 --> 0:22:06.680
<v Speaker 1>for two people on the same rotation that they cook

0:22:06.720 --> 0:22:07.480
<v Speaker 1>for one person.

0:22:07.600 --> 0:22:09.800
<v Speaker 2>I'm sensing this is a bit of a personal situation

0:22:09.880 --> 0:22:11.680
<v Speaker 2>for Laura.

0:22:11.760 --> 0:22:15.120
<v Speaker 1>I have had this before, Yeah, totally, and like you're

0:22:15.160 --> 0:22:17.600
<v Speaker 1>like then feeding two people and you don't have a

0:22:17.680 --> 0:22:21.040
<v Speaker 1>second person to like enjoy the benefits of it being equal,

0:22:21.280 --> 0:22:21.560
<v Speaker 1>I think.

0:22:21.560 --> 0:22:23.919
<v Speaker 2>But for me, like in the past when I've lived

0:22:24.000 --> 0:22:26.560
<v Speaker 2>with flatmates, I live alone now obviously, but for me,

0:22:26.800 --> 0:22:28.800
<v Speaker 2>I've always liked to cook my own food, even when

0:22:28.800 --> 0:22:30.879
<v Speaker 2>my flatmates are usually like, let's throw in, and I'm like,

0:22:30.720 --> 0:22:33.879
<v Speaker 2>I just it's easier for me. It's quick. Exactly Like

0:22:33.960 --> 0:22:35.399
<v Speaker 2>Laura said, I don't want to worry about the next

0:22:35.480 --> 0:22:37.840
<v Speaker 2>day being like, oh, no, I've got to make something amazing. Also,

0:22:37.880 --> 0:22:39.560
<v Speaker 2>I'm a shit cook, so like I don't want anyone

0:22:39.560 --> 0:22:42.160
<v Speaker 2>to eat my food. Now, maybe it's not a matter

0:22:42.240 --> 0:22:44.160
<v Speaker 2>of like you cook one night, they cook the other night.

0:22:44.200 --> 0:22:45.919
<v Speaker 2>But maybe you all just throw in and help each

0:22:45.960 --> 0:22:48.320
<v Speaker 2>other and I can guarantee you cooking. There's not a

0:22:48.359 --> 0:22:51.560
<v Speaker 2>big difference between cooking for two people and cooking for

0:22:51.640 --> 0:22:53.520
<v Speaker 2>three people. I think you could just ask for that

0:22:53.720 --> 0:22:55.119
<v Speaker 2>straight up, to say, hey, do you guys want to

0:22:55.119 --> 0:22:57.120
<v Speaker 2>get into a routine where you know, every second night

0:22:57.200 --> 0:22:59.200
<v Speaker 2>we all just throw in and cook a meal together.

0:22:59.320 --> 0:23:01.200
<v Speaker 2>Like it's a simple question like that, and it doesn't

0:23:01.200 --> 0:23:02.719
<v Speaker 2>have to be every night. Then you can do your

0:23:02.760 --> 0:23:04.560
<v Speaker 2>own things some night as well. They can still feel

0:23:04.560 --> 0:23:06.520
<v Speaker 2>like they're on their date. But I think that that

0:23:06.680 --> 0:23:08.679
<v Speaker 2>and the lounge thing, I think that's pretty easy. But

0:23:09.119 --> 0:23:11.000
<v Speaker 2>I don't think you can make a big deal about it,

0:23:11.080 --> 0:23:13.080
<v Speaker 2>not because as much as it's your home, it's his

0:23:13.160 --> 0:23:14.000
<v Speaker 2>home to put.

0:23:13.880 --> 0:23:15.680
<v Speaker 1>It out there as like we can have family night

0:23:16.000 --> 0:23:18.080
<v Speaker 1>and then you all do it together and that makes

0:23:18.119 --> 0:23:21.200
<v Speaker 1>you a more included part of that evening as well.

0:23:21.520 --> 0:23:24.399
<v Speaker 1>But I think it's really important with these situations, and

0:23:24.440 --> 0:23:26.520
<v Speaker 1>like especially with lockdown, like you don't have anything else

0:23:26.520 --> 0:23:29.760
<v Speaker 1>to focus on, so something that maybe wouldn't bother you

0:23:29.800 --> 0:23:32.760
<v Speaker 1>as much normally, you're so much more focused on it

0:23:32.800 --> 0:23:35.919
<v Speaker 1>because there's just so few distractions and we're spending so

0:23:36.080 --> 0:23:38.399
<v Speaker 1>much more time in our homes at the moment. So

0:23:38.680 --> 0:23:41.240
<v Speaker 1>I do think you need to weigh up how much

0:23:41.359 --> 0:23:44.280
<v Speaker 1>is this pissing you off? That's the real question. If

0:23:44.320 --> 0:23:47.440
<v Speaker 1>this is something that you think about every single day,

0:23:47.680 --> 0:23:50.040
<v Speaker 1>it's affecting the way that you live your life in

0:23:50.080 --> 0:23:52.400
<v Speaker 1>your own home, you're not able to enjoy your home.

0:23:52.600 --> 0:23:56.240
<v Speaker 1>If it is causing you that much upset, then absolutely

0:23:56.280 --> 0:23:58.879
<v Speaker 1>there's a conversation there that needs to be had. But

0:23:58.920 --> 0:24:01.320
<v Speaker 1>if it's just a bit of nough that he's like

0:24:01.400 --> 0:24:04.320
<v Speaker 1>super in love and you aren't, and then therefore you

0:24:04.359 --> 0:24:06.200
<v Speaker 1>have to watch it all the time and you're like, ah, fuck,

0:24:06.200 --> 0:24:08.840
<v Speaker 1>get a room. Guys. If you just have this niggling

0:24:08.880 --> 0:24:11.399
<v Speaker 1>thought every so often, it's not worth it. It's not

0:24:11.560 --> 0:24:14.920
<v Speaker 1>worth having an uncomfortable conversation just so that you can

0:24:14.920 --> 0:24:17.000
<v Speaker 1>make your point made. All it's gonna do is make

0:24:17.080 --> 0:24:19.480
<v Speaker 1>him feel a bit bad, make them feel like you

0:24:19.520 --> 0:24:21.560
<v Speaker 1>know they're gonna then have a conversation about it when

0:24:21.600 --> 0:24:24.119
<v Speaker 1>you're not there, like make them feel like it's you

0:24:24.320 --> 0:24:25.200
<v Speaker 1>verse them, and.

0:24:25.359 --> 0:24:27.359
<v Speaker 2>Look, I think we've answered this. I think just know

0:24:27.480 --> 0:24:29.160
<v Speaker 2>there is an end in sight, and then you can

0:24:29.200 --> 0:24:31.080
<v Speaker 2>go out and do whatever you want. The second lockdown

0:24:31.160 --> 0:24:34.160
<v Speaker 2>is over because there is also a high chance that

0:24:34.240 --> 0:24:36.760
<v Speaker 2>they don't even know they're not including you or that

0:24:36.800 --> 0:24:39.080
<v Speaker 2>you're feeling like this, because they would be in their

0:24:39.080 --> 0:24:41.560
<v Speaker 2>own little bubble and they're not noticing anyone else. They're

0:24:41.560 --> 0:24:43.640
<v Speaker 2>in a love bubble, and a love bubble is very

0:24:43.640 --> 0:24:46.439
<v Speaker 2>hard to penetrate. It is very powerful, a love bubble.

0:24:46.680 --> 0:24:48.440
<v Speaker 2>But just know the end is inside.

0:24:48.480 --> 0:24:51.280
<v Speaker 1>How is your powerful, impenetrable love bubble going, Brittany?

0:24:51.359 --> 0:24:54.199
<v Speaker 2>Oh, it's like the thickest, strongest, biggest best bubble I've

0:24:54.240 --> 0:24:59.480
<v Speaker 2>ever had. I just love it in my own mouth?

0:25:00.040 --> 0:25:01.280
<v Speaker 2>Who brought me? All?

0:25:01.400 --> 0:25:01.600
<v Speaker 1>Right?

0:25:01.680 --> 0:25:04.240
<v Speaker 2>Lenna hit you with the last question. Girls, I have

0:25:04.280 --> 0:25:08.120
<v Speaker 2>a question for you about partners with low self esteem.

0:25:08.680 --> 0:25:11.600
<v Speaker 2>Last night, my partner said he felt so ashamed of

0:25:11.640 --> 0:25:13.959
<v Speaker 2>his body and that it's not me, and it's not

0:25:14.000 --> 0:25:16.280
<v Speaker 2>that he's not attracted to me or anything. It's his

0:25:16.440 --> 0:25:19.119
<v Speaker 2>confidence that he's stopping him from initiating things and he

0:25:19.280 --> 0:25:21.880
<v Speaker 2>just doesn't want to have sex with me. I've mentioned

0:25:21.920 --> 0:25:24.399
<v Speaker 2>it to him multiple times that I've noticed a very

0:25:24.480 --> 0:25:26.320
<v Speaker 2>big dropping frequency that we have sex.

0:25:26.640 --> 0:25:27.439
<v Speaker 1>We lived together.

0:25:27.640 --> 0:25:29.760
<v Speaker 2>The last time we had sex was probably four or

0:25:29.760 --> 0:25:32.359
<v Speaker 2>five weeks ago. He said that he needs me to

0:25:32.359 --> 0:25:34.719
<v Speaker 2>be patient with him, and that he wants me to

0:25:34.760 --> 0:25:37.480
<v Speaker 2>initiate things. But I told him that every time I

0:25:37.520 --> 0:25:39.680
<v Speaker 2>do try and initiate it, I just feel shut down

0:25:39.920 --> 0:25:42.800
<v Speaker 2>because every single time he says no, he feels too

0:25:42.880 --> 0:25:45.600
<v Speaker 2>much pressure to perform. He mentioned last night that when

0:25:45.680 --> 0:25:48.800
<v Speaker 2>sex is more spontaneous with less build up, he enjoys

0:25:48.840 --> 0:25:51.200
<v Speaker 2>it a whole lot more. He says that he loves

0:25:51.240 --> 0:25:52.919
<v Speaker 2>me and he doesn't want me to think he's not

0:25:53.000 --> 0:25:56.080
<v Speaker 2>interested or anything. But right now, I'm just at a

0:25:56.160 --> 0:25:58.520
<v Speaker 2>loss at what to do. I want to have sex.

0:25:58.840 --> 0:26:01.000
<v Speaker 2>He doesn't. He says he's not confident. He tells me

0:26:01.000 --> 0:26:03.080
<v Speaker 2>to be patient. Any advice is appreciated.

0:26:03.160 --> 0:26:05.359
<v Speaker 1>If he doesn't want planned sex, you definitely can't be

0:26:05.359 --> 0:26:07.400
<v Speaker 1>putting on your face creams after the sex. You got

0:26:07.440 --> 0:26:09.440
<v Speaker 1>to come to your face creams on so he doesn't

0:26:09.440 --> 0:26:10.720
<v Speaker 1>think that you've been thinking about this.

0:26:10.880 --> 0:26:13.360
<v Speaker 2>You're got to put those bad boys on the bedside table. Asap.

0:26:13.440 --> 0:26:15.840
<v Speaker 1>Okay, so I've actually I mean, I'm going to talk

0:26:15.880 --> 0:26:18.840
<v Speaker 1>about this one from a personal experience. I experienced something

0:26:19.080 --> 0:26:22.199
<v Speaker 1>very very similar to this in a past relationship. My

0:26:22.280 --> 0:26:24.680
<v Speaker 1>ex stopped having sex with me. We hadn't had sex

0:26:24.720 --> 0:26:26.879
<v Speaker 1>in close to six weeks.

0:26:27.200 --> 0:26:28.920
<v Speaker 2>Was that because he was having sex with other people?

0:26:29.000 --> 0:26:34.960
<v Speaker 2>Or is this a different ex too soon? Okay, it

0:26:35.040 --> 0:26:36.959
<v Speaker 2>was a different ex. So we hadn't had sex in

0:26:36.960 --> 0:26:38.000
<v Speaker 2>like six weeks.

0:26:37.720 --> 0:26:41.800
<v Speaker 1>And I had tried multiple times, and he just would

0:26:42.160 --> 0:26:44.359
<v Speaker 1>like say, he wasn't in the mood, or he couldn't

0:26:44.359 --> 0:26:46.480
<v Speaker 1>get it up, or there were all different reasons, like

0:26:46.600 --> 0:26:49.560
<v Speaker 1>it just wasn't happening. And it left me feeling really

0:26:49.600 --> 0:26:53.320
<v Speaker 1>really super insecure about how he felt about me and

0:26:53.359 --> 0:26:56.040
<v Speaker 1>whether he was even still attracted to me. And then

0:26:56.119 --> 0:26:58.119
<v Speaker 1>when we got down to it, and we had very

0:26:58.119 --> 0:27:00.640
<v Speaker 1>similar conversations to the ones that you you have had,

0:27:00.920 --> 0:27:03.360
<v Speaker 1>he said that it was because he was feeling really

0:27:03.960 --> 0:27:07.480
<v Speaker 1>like unattractive and unmotivated. He was someone who had always

0:27:07.520 --> 0:27:10.000
<v Speaker 1>been really fit, and then because work had been so busy,

0:27:10.040 --> 0:27:11.919
<v Speaker 1>he hadn't been going to the gym as much and

0:27:11.960 --> 0:27:14.960
<v Speaker 1>he felt like he he just felt like he lost

0:27:14.960 --> 0:27:16.919
<v Speaker 1>his mojo a little bit, and it was great that

0:27:16.960 --> 0:27:18.760
<v Speaker 1>he was so honest about it, but it also made

0:27:18.800 --> 0:27:20.760
<v Speaker 1>me feel a bit mad and a bit resentful because

0:27:20.760 --> 0:27:22.280
<v Speaker 1>I was like, well, you're the one who holds the

0:27:22.359 --> 0:27:26.960
<v Speaker 1>key to fixing this solution, and you're not doing anything

0:27:27.000 --> 0:27:29.919
<v Speaker 1>about it. And I guess, like, my biggest part of

0:27:29.920 --> 0:27:32.200
<v Speaker 1>this is like, if the thing that's holding him back

0:27:32.640 --> 0:27:35.200
<v Speaker 1>is him not feeling confident about his body or having

0:27:35.280 --> 0:27:37.640
<v Speaker 1>low self esteem, he's the one that needs to fix

0:27:37.760 --> 0:27:39.720
<v Speaker 1>what's broken. He's the one that needs to do the

0:27:39.760 --> 0:27:42.840
<v Speaker 1>work on himself. Now. It's I'm not necessarily saying like

0:27:43.040 --> 0:27:44.480
<v Speaker 1>that he needs to go to the gym and get

0:27:44.520 --> 0:27:46.879
<v Speaker 1>a six pack so that he feels good about himself,

0:27:46.920 --> 0:27:49.159
<v Speaker 1>but he needs to kind of do a bit of

0:27:49.200 --> 0:27:51.040
<v Speaker 1>self love and a bit of self work. And there's

0:27:51.040 --> 0:27:52.840
<v Speaker 1>no a maun of you telling him that he's still

0:27:52.880 --> 0:27:55.399
<v Speaker 1>attractive and that you're still attracted to him. Because that

0:27:55.480 --> 0:27:57.199
<v Speaker 1>was the situation I was in with my partner. I

0:27:57.320 --> 0:27:59.639
<v Speaker 1>still thought he was the hottest thing out But it

0:27:59.680 --> 0:28:02.680
<v Speaker 1>didn't make a difference me saying that, And if anything,

0:28:02.800 --> 0:28:05.359
<v Speaker 1>sometimes I think when we feel like we're lacking in

0:28:05.400 --> 0:28:08.560
<v Speaker 1>self confidence and we have someone constantly telling us how

0:28:09.320 --> 0:28:11.800
<v Speaker 1>beautiful or awesome or whatever it is that they think

0:28:11.840 --> 0:28:15.040
<v Speaker 1>we are. You almost think that they're lying. You're like, oh, like,

0:28:15.119 --> 0:28:17.040
<v Speaker 1>can you stop saying that because it's not true. It

0:28:17.040 --> 0:28:20.720
<v Speaker 1>doesn't make you any more like believing in those statements.

0:28:21.200 --> 0:28:23.600
<v Speaker 1>So for us and for him, it was very much

0:28:23.600 --> 0:28:25.679
<v Speaker 1>that he needed to get back into exercise, and it

0:28:25.720 --> 0:28:28.320
<v Speaker 1>was because exercise is such a great endorphin builder and

0:28:28.359 --> 0:28:31.280
<v Speaker 1>made him feel good about himself. It made him feel like,

0:28:31.359 --> 0:28:33.199
<v Speaker 1>you know, he was getting back into his fitness and

0:28:33.280 --> 0:28:36.159
<v Speaker 1>that made him feel sexy again, and that was the

0:28:36.160 --> 0:28:40.040
<v Speaker 1>catalyst for us having sex. But it required him to

0:28:40.160 --> 0:28:43.280
<v Speaker 1>go and do that. And once we identified that that

0:28:43.440 --> 0:28:45.880
<v Speaker 1>was the issue and he actually started to like, you know,

0:28:45.920 --> 0:28:48.600
<v Speaker 1>take some control over it, then our sex life got

0:28:48.640 --> 0:28:52.560
<v Speaker 1>back on track. So my question is, is one, could

0:28:52.560 --> 0:28:54.920
<v Speaker 1>you go and do some exercise together or something if

0:28:54.920 --> 0:28:57.160
<v Speaker 1>that is going to be a motivator, If it's self

0:28:57.160 --> 0:28:59.720
<v Speaker 1>confidence because he's not happy with the way he looks,

0:29:00.160 --> 0:29:03.479
<v Speaker 1>is taking some control over that a possibility? Or two

0:29:03.600 --> 0:29:06.160
<v Speaker 1>if there's nothing wrong with the way he looks, if

0:29:06.160 --> 0:29:09.280
<v Speaker 1>he's healthy, if you guys are exercising. And this is

0:29:09.280 --> 0:29:12.080
<v Speaker 1>something that's much more deep seated because like you should

0:29:12.120 --> 0:29:15.280
<v Speaker 1>feel confident at every size, you know, in every shape.

0:29:15.360 --> 0:29:18.000
<v Speaker 1>If this is something that's much more of a personal

0:29:18.040 --> 0:29:20.720
<v Speaker 1>and deep seated issue, maybe he needs to go and

0:29:20.760 --> 0:29:24.240
<v Speaker 1>speak to someone and work out why he's feeling like this,

0:29:24.400 --> 0:29:27.760
<v Speaker 1>because you can't fix everything for your partner sometimes and

0:29:27.800 --> 0:29:30.120
<v Speaker 1>sometimes they need to have an external people. We need

0:29:30.160 --> 0:29:32.600
<v Speaker 1>external people to speak to to get to the bottom

0:29:32.600 --> 0:29:34.000
<v Speaker 1>of why we're feeling the way we're feeling.

0:29:34.280 --> 0:29:37.640
<v Speaker 2>I think first and foremost, you one hundred percent need

0:29:37.680 --> 0:29:39.880
<v Speaker 2>to be there for your partner and support him. I

0:29:39.920 --> 0:29:42.360
<v Speaker 2>think that that is a foundation to any relationship. We

0:29:42.400 --> 0:29:44.920
<v Speaker 2>are all, no matter what we look like, no matter

0:29:44.920 --> 0:29:47.640
<v Speaker 2>what stage of life we're at, no matter how we feel,

0:29:47.680 --> 0:29:49.680
<v Speaker 2>We're all going to go through ebbs and flows. We're

0:29:49.680 --> 0:29:53.240
<v Speaker 2>all gonna have points of our life where, for maybe

0:29:53.240 --> 0:29:55.600
<v Speaker 2>a really good reason, we feel shit, or for maybe

0:29:55.640 --> 0:29:58.480
<v Speaker 2>no reason, Like Laura said, sometimes there's not really anything

0:29:58.720 --> 0:30:02.560
<v Speaker 2>any reason that you you lack confidence, or you're feeling

0:30:02.640 --> 0:30:05.680
<v Speaker 2>really low, or you're feeling really sad, or your libidos drop.

0:30:05.720 --> 0:30:07.280
<v Speaker 2>There might not be a reason, it might just be

0:30:07.320 --> 0:30:09.440
<v Speaker 2>a little ebb and flow. You need to be there

0:30:09.480 --> 0:30:12.680
<v Speaker 2>to support your partner. I'm one hundred percent sure you're

0:30:12.680 --> 0:30:15.840
<v Speaker 2>already doing this, but just make sure he feels the

0:30:15.880 --> 0:30:17.840
<v Speaker 2>love and support from you. So make sure you say,

0:30:18.160 --> 0:30:20.800
<v Speaker 2>obviously you need to express that this lack of sex

0:30:20.920 --> 0:30:23.320
<v Speaker 2>is a problem for you, because it is you've written

0:30:23.320 --> 0:30:25.440
<v Speaker 2>in and it's something that's really worrying you. So you

0:30:25.520 --> 0:30:27.760
<v Speaker 2>just need to talk to him about that first and say,

0:30:28.880 --> 0:30:31.000
<v Speaker 2>I really need to get this back on track, like

0:30:31.000 --> 0:30:32.720
<v Speaker 2>I want us to work together. I want you to

0:30:32.760 --> 0:30:34.760
<v Speaker 2>know I just think you are still the sexiest thing.

0:30:34.800 --> 0:30:37.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm so attracted to you, like nothing has changed for me.

0:30:38.240 --> 0:30:40.040
<v Speaker 2>And then you need to talk about what you can

0:30:40.080 --> 0:30:43.920
<v Speaker 2>do together to make him feel better, and don't underestimate

0:30:44.080 --> 0:30:47.240
<v Speaker 2>the power of external sources and what that can do

0:30:47.320 --> 0:30:50.240
<v Speaker 2>for your life. Maybe he's not exercising so he's not

0:30:50.280 --> 0:30:53.160
<v Speaker 2>getting the endorphins. Maybe he has really high levels of

0:30:53.160 --> 0:30:56.160
<v Speaker 2>stress at his job, which we know the impact stress

0:30:56.200 --> 0:30:58.280
<v Speaker 2>can have. So if he is having a really shitty

0:30:58.320 --> 0:31:00.760
<v Speaker 2>time in every other aspect of his life, he's gonna

0:31:00.760 --> 0:31:02.800
<v Speaker 2>bring that home. So you need to discuss all these

0:31:02.840 --> 0:31:06.840
<v Speaker 2>external factors. What I can suggest you do if he

0:31:06.880 --> 0:31:08.880
<v Speaker 2>has tried to see if he has said to you

0:31:09.120 --> 0:31:12.880
<v Speaker 2>in response, it's better when it's spontaneous. Roll with that,

0:31:13.320 --> 0:31:17.720
<v Speaker 2>take that start initiating really spontaneous sex. Maybe at the

0:31:17.720 --> 0:31:19.560
<v Speaker 2>best thing you could do in this situation, when he's

0:31:19.720 --> 0:31:21.880
<v Speaker 2>openly said, like I'm not comfortable with my body. I

0:31:21.920 --> 0:31:23.680
<v Speaker 2>don't want you to see it as much as you

0:31:23.760 --> 0:31:26.080
<v Speaker 2>might not want to, but maybe start having sex again

0:31:26.280 --> 0:31:28.280
<v Speaker 2>in the dark, when you're get into bed, the lights

0:31:28.280 --> 0:31:30.800
<v Speaker 2>are off, so he feels more confident at this point,

0:31:30.800 --> 0:31:32.760
<v Speaker 2>and that can start to get the sex going again.

0:31:32.800 --> 0:31:34.400
<v Speaker 2>He'll start to get back into it, and maybe he'll

0:31:34.400 --> 0:31:36.680
<v Speaker 2>start to get his mojo. He said he's not confident

0:31:36.720 --> 0:31:38.800
<v Speaker 2>with his body. The worst thing he can do is

0:31:38.840 --> 0:31:40.840
<v Speaker 2>in the middle of daylight and the lights gone, rip

0:31:40.880 --> 0:31:43.120
<v Speaker 2>his clothes off. He's gonna feel uncomfortable. Like I guess,

0:31:43.520 --> 0:31:45.520
<v Speaker 2>I mean, like this is a rocket science. So I

0:31:45.520 --> 0:31:48.240
<v Speaker 2>think just start trying to initiate the sex again at nighttime,

0:31:48.280 --> 0:31:50.920
<v Speaker 2>when you're in bed, you've had your shower light a candle.

0:31:51.560 --> 0:31:54.400
<v Speaker 2>Maybe maybe he's in bed before you. Maybe you can

0:31:54.400 --> 0:31:56.400
<v Speaker 2>sneak in and wake him up. Maybe that's the kind

0:31:56.440 --> 0:31:59.400
<v Speaker 2>of spontaneity he wants. But I think that is a

0:31:59.440 --> 0:32:01.280
<v Speaker 2>really good way to start it and to take his

0:32:01.320 --> 0:32:03.240
<v Speaker 2>feelings into consideration at the same time.

0:32:03.680 --> 0:32:06.160
<v Speaker 1>And I also think on that like a one hundred percent

0:32:06.200 --> 0:32:09.120
<v Speaker 1>of everything you said yes. But I also think sometimes

0:32:09.680 --> 0:32:13.400
<v Speaker 1>trying to initiate sex, like even just the like you

0:32:13.480 --> 0:32:15.000
<v Speaker 1>have it in your mind that you're like, cool, I'm

0:32:15.000 --> 0:32:18.400
<v Speaker 1>going to initiate sex now. So therefore when he's like, oh,

0:32:18.520 --> 0:32:21.240
<v Speaker 1>I you know, I can't or I don't want to whatever,

0:32:21.480 --> 0:32:23.880
<v Speaker 1>he feels pressured and then you feel let down. So

0:32:23.960 --> 0:32:26.680
<v Speaker 1>there's this like cycle that happens. And like even if

0:32:26.720 --> 0:32:30.040
<v Speaker 1>it to you is spontaneous, if you start kissing him

0:32:30.080 --> 0:32:32.080
<v Speaker 1>and you're like, okay, but my end goal is that

0:32:32.120 --> 0:32:34.440
<v Speaker 1>I want us to have sex, there is still pressure

0:32:34.440 --> 0:32:36.200
<v Speaker 1>in that. I think sometimes you need to have really

0:32:36.200 --> 0:32:39.360
<v Speaker 1>intimate moments where your intention is not to have sex.

0:32:39.560 --> 0:32:41.280
<v Speaker 1>The end goal of it could just be kissing.

0:32:41.480 --> 0:32:41.800
<v Speaker 2>That's it.

0:32:41.960 --> 0:32:44.280
<v Speaker 1>There is no end goal like that. It's just I

0:32:44.400 --> 0:32:46.600
<v Speaker 1>just want to make out with you, no expectation of

0:32:46.600 --> 0:32:48.760
<v Speaker 1>it going any further, and then leave it at that.

0:32:48.960 --> 0:32:51.440
<v Speaker 1>Just have a fucking awesome makeout session on the couch

0:32:51.520 --> 0:32:53.760
<v Speaker 1>and then walk away from it. Because I think that

0:32:54.120 --> 0:32:57.720
<v Speaker 1>having those periods of intense connection also a physical connection

0:32:57.840 --> 0:33:00.760
<v Speaker 1>without it being that your sole perpose of doing that

0:33:00.880 --> 0:33:03.520
<v Speaker 1>is to have sex with them can really alleviate the

0:33:03.560 --> 0:33:06.640
<v Speaker 1>stress that that pressure of having sex can build, and

0:33:06.680 --> 0:33:08.800
<v Speaker 1>that cadet it can have when we've gotten into long

0:33:08.880 --> 0:33:12.160
<v Speaker 1>term relationships, when we've gotten into the routine, when we

0:33:12.280 --> 0:33:14.520
<v Speaker 1>know exactly what to do, that's going to then lead

0:33:14.560 --> 0:33:17.240
<v Speaker 1>to performative ab If I do A, then I do B,

0:33:17.440 --> 0:33:18.920
<v Speaker 1>then I do C. Then we're going to have the

0:33:18.960 --> 0:33:20.760
<v Speaker 1>sex and then he's going to come and that's going

0:33:20.840 --> 0:33:22.680
<v Speaker 1>to be done, you know, like we know exactly, and

0:33:23.240 --> 0:33:25.080
<v Speaker 1>then I can go to sleep like we know the

0:33:25.160 --> 0:33:28.800
<v Speaker 1>process right, Like it becomes formulaic. So if you mix

0:33:28.880 --> 0:33:31.680
<v Speaker 1>that up by doing something that's intimate, but the end

0:33:31.720 --> 0:33:35.600
<v Speaker 1>goal isn't sex, it's just being together and being physical

0:33:35.640 --> 0:33:37.800
<v Speaker 1>with each other, I think that that can really do

0:33:37.960 --> 0:33:40.480
<v Speaker 1>a lot for alleviating the pressures that come with it.

0:33:40.560 --> 0:33:43.200
<v Speaker 1>So give that a try as well, even if it's

0:33:43.200 --> 0:33:46.160
<v Speaker 1>just a makeout on the couch, close fully on, just

0:33:46.200 --> 0:33:49.360
<v Speaker 1>a big passionate kiss and then leave it, walk away,

0:33:49.440 --> 0:33:51.440
<v Speaker 1>see how it feels. Maybe the guy get a bit horny.

0:33:51.520 --> 0:33:53.400
<v Speaker 2>I do love that too. But there's also like little

0:33:53.400 --> 0:33:55.520
<v Speaker 2>things you can do, like slow build ups to get

0:33:55.600 --> 0:33:58.400
<v Speaker 2>him thinking about it. A lot more. Send him sexy

0:33:58.440 --> 0:34:01.920
<v Speaker 2>pictures throughout the day when he's at work, or sexy messages.

0:34:01.960 --> 0:34:03.840
<v Speaker 2>You could do some sexting, or you could start that

0:34:03.920 --> 0:34:06.400
<v Speaker 2>conversation so that he starts to think about it all

0:34:06.480 --> 0:34:09.000
<v Speaker 2>day and it starts upon his mind again. It becomes

0:34:09.040 --> 0:34:11.640
<v Speaker 2>a bit more fun and exciting. And hey, he can

0:34:11.680 --> 0:34:14.920
<v Speaker 2>engage in sexting without taking his clothes off, like, he

0:34:14.960 --> 0:34:17.560
<v Speaker 2>can do that confidently, and he can do that where

0:34:17.600 --> 0:34:20.279
<v Speaker 2>he feels safe and comfortable. So there are those little

0:34:20.280 --> 0:34:23.040
<v Speaker 2>things that I think you could try. But if this

0:34:23.160 --> 0:34:25.480
<v Speaker 2>continues to happen and you try everything you can, you

0:34:25.480 --> 0:34:27.399
<v Speaker 2>need to sit down with him. Like Waara said and said,

0:34:27.400 --> 0:34:30.960
<v Speaker 2>what can we do to make you happy? You're not confident?

0:34:31.280 --> 0:34:33.360
<v Speaker 2>So something needs to change because you can't do the

0:34:33.400 --> 0:34:35.480
<v Speaker 2>same thing over and over and expect a result. We

0:34:35.520 --> 0:34:37.960
<v Speaker 2>all know that, yeah, and he can't expect you to

0:34:38.000 --> 0:34:39.560
<v Speaker 2>be the one to put in all the efforts. So,

0:34:39.600 --> 0:34:41.839
<v Speaker 2>like like you said, you know, are you supposed to

0:34:41.880 --> 0:34:45.080
<v Speaker 2>just be patient for a period? Absolutely you can. You

0:34:45.120 --> 0:34:47.880
<v Speaker 2>can offer patients. You can offer support and comfort and

0:34:47.880 --> 0:34:50.759
<v Speaker 2>guidance and all that sort of stuff and blowjobs and

0:34:50.800 --> 0:34:51.760
<v Speaker 2>as many bloke.

0:34:53.080 --> 0:34:55.960
<v Speaker 1>Take it. If you want them, but you can't constantly

0:34:56.040 --> 0:34:59.399
<v Speaker 1>do that and constantly be rejected because that will wear

0:34:59.480 --> 0:35:01.680
<v Speaker 1>you down. And it's already started to weigh you down.

0:35:02.000 --> 0:35:03.839
<v Speaker 1>So I think that there will come a period where

0:35:03.880 --> 0:35:06.279
<v Speaker 1>if you feel like you're implementing all these things and

0:35:06.320 --> 0:35:09.120
<v Speaker 1>you are doing your absolutely best to try and bring

0:35:09.160 --> 0:35:12.279
<v Speaker 1>some spontaneity into the relationship, you're trying to like, you know,

0:35:12.400 --> 0:35:15.239
<v Speaker 1>get his desire back, and you're still being shut down.

0:35:15.840 --> 0:35:18.480
<v Speaker 1>Like it is so natural to feel defeated, and the

0:35:18.480 --> 0:35:21.360
<v Speaker 1>way that you feel and to almost feel resentful because

0:35:21.400 --> 0:35:24.160
<v Speaker 1>like there's only so much sexual rejection that you can

0:35:24.200 --> 0:35:26.600
<v Speaker 1>receive from your partner, whether the problem is with them

0:35:27.120 --> 0:35:30.520
<v Speaker 1>or not, it still fucking hurts. And I do think

0:35:30.560 --> 0:35:32.160
<v Speaker 1>that they get to a point where if you feel

0:35:32.160 --> 0:35:35.200
<v Speaker 1>like you've tried everything and then the overwhelming sense of

0:35:35.280 --> 0:35:38.520
<v Speaker 1>rejection or being let down is too much for you,

0:35:38.719 --> 0:35:41.080
<v Speaker 1>that's when you have to have those conversations, the really

0:35:41.080 --> 0:35:43.840
<v Speaker 1>hard ones of like I've tried now, and now you

0:35:43.920 --> 0:35:45.759
<v Speaker 1>need to come to the table too, because it's just

0:35:45.880 --> 0:35:47.640
<v Speaker 1>not good enough for me to be the only one

0:35:47.680 --> 0:35:49.759
<v Speaker 1>who's meeting you three quarters of the way.

0:35:50.080 --> 0:35:53.040
<v Speaker 2>Yep, there's two people in a relationship that's my favorite saying.

0:35:54.760 --> 0:35:59.319
<v Speaker 1>Actually, risk if you're as Tuesday's episode, if you listen

0:35:59.400 --> 0:35:59.640
<v Speaker 1>to this.

0:35:59.560 --> 0:36:01.839
<v Speaker 2>Week, yeah, as many people in a relationship as you want.

0:36:03.360 --> 0:36:06.279
<v Speaker 1>Guys, that is it from us. That is our down

0:36:06.320 --> 0:36:07.000
<v Speaker 1>and dirty.

0:36:06.760 --> 0:36:10.359
<v Speaker 2>Thursday, Ask Uncut. Please keep the questions coming into our

0:36:10.440 --> 0:36:12.920
<v Speaker 2>Instagram Life on Cut podcast. Just slide on into the

0:36:13.000 --> 0:36:15.600
<v Speaker 2>dams and at the top just put ask on cut.

0:36:15.680 --> 0:36:18.399
<v Speaker 2>Keep your embarrassing stories accidentally on filters coming in as well.

0:36:18.480 --> 0:36:20.839
<v Speaker 2>Can't believe they said that or anything funny that has

0:36:20.920 --> 0:36:21.400
<v Speaker 2>happened to you.

0:36:21.560 --> 0:36:23.680
<v Speaker 1>And if you haven't yet, jumped on and left a

0:36:23.719 --> 0:36:26.239
<v Speaker 1>review on Apple Podcasts and that's where you listen, jump on,

0:36:26.360 --> 0:36:29.759
<v Speaker 1>leave us a review. We would love to hear your feedback.

0:36:29.840 --> 0:36:32.320
<v Speaker 1>And you can also join up to the Facebook discussion

0:36:32.360 --> 0:36:34.360
<v Speaker 1>group as well, which is where all of the juicy

0:36:34.600 --> 0:36:37.560
<v Speaker 1>conversations And if you have any ask gun cuts that

0:36:37.600 --> 0:36:39.160
<v Speaker 1>you feel like you want to throw out there on

0:36:39.160 --> 0:36:41.360
<v Speaker 1>a public forum, you can also ass in there as well.

0:36:41.560 --> 0:36:43.919
<v Speaker 1>And guys, that is it from us. You know the drill.

0:36:43.960 --> 0:36:45.560
<v Speaker 1>Tell your mom, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell

0:36:45.600 --> 0:36:48.120
<v Speaker 1>your step dad and your uncle and I don't know

0:36:48.120 --> 0:36:50.280
<v Speaker 1>whoever else you want to tell and shed love because

0:36:50.880 --> 0:36:51.120
<v Speaker 1>we'll

0:37:00.120 --> 0:37:08.200
<v Speaker 2>Ramak bay da