WEBVTT - MINI: 7 Phone Behaviours That Could Lead To Divorce

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<v Speaker 1>I wanted to talk about something I came across this

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<v Speaker 1>couple's therapist. His name's Jonathan van Vegan. What a name,

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<v Speaker 1>Jonathan van Vegan. He is quite vocal around different traits

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<v Speaker 1>that he sees in his couples that who come in

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<v Speaker 1>for therapy, hallmarks that usually indicate that the relationship is

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<v Speaker 1>not going to work out. Now, he created a piece

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<v Speaker 1>of content that was about the seven phone traits that

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<v Speaker 1>you should keep an eye out for, and if your

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<v Speaker 1>partner starts doing these things, they could be indications that

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<v Speaker 1>maybe they're not being completely faithful. And I would love

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<v Speaker 1>to get your opinion on these brits. So this is

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<v Speaker 1>what he thinks are all red flags. Number One, their

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<v Speaker 1>phone is on do not disturb almost twenty four to seven.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, yeah, okay, I've got it. If mine's on silent

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<v Speaker 2>twenty four to seven.

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<v Speaker 1>Do not disturb, it is a different kettle of fish,

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<v Speaker 1>I think.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but you can notify anyway. I just did it

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<v Speaker 2>to you when you're on the toilet.

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<v Speaker 1>You did, you did. I was trying to enjoy my

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<v Speaker 1>pooin piece in that break, but she was I said,

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<v Speaker 1>to produce a graes.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just going to message her see where she is,

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<v Speaker 2>and I said, oh, she's on disturbed and they went

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<v Speaker 2>notify anyway, all right.

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<v Speaker 1>Number two, they flip their phone face down whenever you're

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<v Speaker 1>in the room.

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<v Speaker 2>No, not the end of the world, because on its

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<v Speaker 2>own could be seen as respectful, You've got my attention,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not gonna look at my phone. But combined with

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<v Speaker 2>do not disturb and other things, maybe so.

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<v Speaker 1>I think that this one is a pretty telling sign

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<v Speaker 1>to me anyway. And that was because when I was

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<v Speaker 1>in a long term relationship with a guy who was

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<v Speaker 1>cheating on me, he was so secretive about his phone.

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<v Speaker 1>He would always have it face down. It didn't matter

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<v Speaker 1>where we were or what we were doing. We could

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<v Speaker 1>be like watching a movie, we could be out for dinner,

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<v Speaker 1>wherever it was. I could never see the screen on

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<v Speaker 1>his phone. He was so secretive with it. Number three.

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<v Speaker 1>Their phone is always in their hand, like it's an

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<v Speaker 1>emotional support animal.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't think that's a red flag anymore because that's

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<v Speaker 2>almost everyone, But like, they never leave it around the house.

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<v Speaker 1>It's always on their body. They never leave it unattended.

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<v Speaker 1>I think that's weird. Number four, they forget to tell

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<v Speaker 1>you that they've changed their password. Sorry, babe, I just

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<v Speaker 1>changed it.

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<v Speaker 2>Not weird. I don't think you need to tell your

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<v Speaker 2>partner that you change password. I'm not sold on this

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<v Speaker 2>therapist yet.

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<v Speaker 1>Number five they get weirdly defensive when you casually ask

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<v Speaker 1>who's that on the phone.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, okay, that's fair. You shouldn't be defensive.

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<v Speaker 1>Here's a questionable one. Their phone's war paper includes the kids,

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<v Speaker 1>but you are nowhere in sight, mate, this van Vegan.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a bit of a stretch. Like if you've got

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<v Speaker 2>your kids, you're allowed to have them on your phone.

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<v Speaker 1>That's true, but like you could also have your partner

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<v Speaker 1>on there from time to time. Maybe they're trying to

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<v Speaker 1>pretend like this single is what.

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<v Speaker 2>He's saying, but also maybe they're a proud parent but

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<v Speaker 2>not proud.

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<v Speaker 1>Husband or wife. Yeah, exactly, okay. And number seven they

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<v Speaker 1>text with their phone tilted away from you, like they're

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<v Speaker 1>hiding a nuclear launch code. So they never text that

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<v Speaker 1>you can see what's on screen. Or maybe they've got

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<v Speaker 1>one of those privacy screens so that you can't see.

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<v Speaker 2>Them, No, because then you don't need to lean away. True,

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<v Speaker 2>the privacy screens are amazing. Actually, it's so easy to

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<v Speaker 2>cheat these days. I'm not saying that, but like the

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<v Speaker 2>cheating ten years ago was hard because you could get

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<v Speaker 2>caught so easily, but now there's so many like things

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<v Speaker 2>that help you cheat. I don't know about Van Vegen.

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<v Speaker 2>I reckon that these things individually they're not alarm bells.

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<v Speaker 1>No. I agree.

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<v Speaker 2>If your partner's doing all of them, then yeah, I

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<v Speaker 2>would be like, Okay, there is something very secretive on

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<v Speaker 2>that phone.

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<v Speaker 1>So he went on to say that privacy in a

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<v Speaker 1>relationship means respect. However, secrecy means that you're hiding something.

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<v Speaker 1>When I read.

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<v Speaker 2>This, Van Vegan should be winning award means hiding something.

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<v Speaker 1>When I read through this, I was like, individually, some

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<v Speaker 1>of these things could seem really petty, and you could

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<v Speaker 1>seem really crazy to raise them to your partner as

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<v Speaker 1>issues that you have around their like secrecy with their

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<v Speaker 1>phone use. But if you're in a relationship where someone's

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<v Speaker 1>doing lots of these things and being super weird about

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<v Speaker 1>you ever, like touching their phone or being near their phone,

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<v Speaker 1>that I think that sometimes it does pertain that not

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<v Speaker 1>necessarily that they're cheating, but just that they might not

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<v Speaker 1>be being completely honest with who they're speaking to on

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<v Speaker 1>their phone.

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe they're proposing, maybe they're I've got some stuff on

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<v Speaker 2>your phone.

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<v Speaker 1>That's what happened to me.

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<v Speaker 2>I know, Laura, and you haven't learned from that.

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<v Speaker 1>No, Well, to be fair, I've never looked at MAT's

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<v Speaker 1>phone and suspected that he was cheating on me. So

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<v Speaker 1>I think I have. But when Matt was planning on

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<v Speaker 1>proposing to me, he had put photos of diamonds that

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<v Speaker 1>he was looking at and choosing between into a photo

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<v Speaker 1>vault on his phone. And so this one day he

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<v Speaker 1>was showing me something on his phone and then he

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<v Speaker 1>flicked past a photovolt and I was like, well, that's new.

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<v Speaker 1>Why have you got that on your phone? And I

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<v Speaker 1>also had come from a relationship where, you know, my

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<v Speaker 1>ex had had a photo vault on his phone and

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<v Speaker 1>it was filled with photos of girls that he had

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<v Speaker 1>been with, you know, while he cheated on me. So

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<v Speaker 1>like I was a photo vault triggered me bad, and

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<v Speaker 1>Matt was like, it's nothing, I'm not showing you anyway.

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<v Speaker 2>We had a bit of a fight about it, and

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<v Speaker 2>it didn't even spring to mind that it might be

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<v Speaker 2>a proposal.

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<v Speaker 1>Never, not one positive thing sprung to mind. I only

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<v Speaker 1>thought he was doing the dirty and anyway, his sister

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<v Speaker 1>pulled me aside and was like, Matt is trying to

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<v Speaker 1>do something nice for you and you were ruining it. Yes,

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<v Speaker 1>she's like, pull your So what we're taking from this

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<v Speaker 1>is don't take my advice or Vair vegans