Speaker 1: I wanted to talk about something I came across this
Speaker 1: couple's therapist. His name's Jonathan van Vegan. What a name,
Speaker 1: Jonathan van Vegan. He is quite vocal around different traits
Speaker 1: that he sees in his couples that who come in
Speaker 1: for therapy, hallmarks that usually indicate that the relationship is
Speaker 1: not going to work out. Now, he created a piece
Speaker 1: of content that was about the seven phone traits that
Speaker 1: you should keep an eye out for, and if your
Speaker 1: partner starts doing these things, they could be indications that
Speaker 1: maybe they're not being completely faithful. And I would love
Speaker 1: to get your opinion on these brits. So this is
Speaker 1: what he thinks are all red flags. Number One, their
Speaker 1: phone is on do not disturb almost twenty four to seven.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, okay, I've got it. If mine's on silent
Speaker 2: twenty four to seven.
Speaker 1: Do not disturb, it is a different kettle of fish,
Speaker 1: I think.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you can notify anyway. I just did it
Speaker 2: to you when you're on the toilet.
Speaker 1: You did, you did. I was trying to enjoy my
Speaker 1: pooin piece in that break, but she was I said,
Speaker 1: to produce a graes.
Speaker 2: I'm just going to message her see where she is,
Speaker 2: and I said, oh, she's on disturbed and they went
Speaker 2: notify anyway, all right.
Speaker 1: Number two, they flip their phone face down whenever you're
Speaker 1: in the room.
Speaker 2: No, not the end of the world, because on its
Speaker 2: own could be seen as respectful, You've got my attention,
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna look at my phone. But combined with
Speaker 2: do not disturb and other things, maybe so.
Speaker 1: I think that this one is a pretty telling sign
Speaker 1: to me anyway. And that was because when I was
Speaker 1: in a long term relationship with a guy who was
Speaker 1: cheating on me, he was so secretive about his phone.
Speaker 1: He would always have it face down. It didn't matter
Speaker 1: where we were or what we were doing. We could
Speaker 1: be like watching a movie, we could be out for dinner,
Speaker 1: wherever it was. I could never see the screen on
Speaker 1: his phone. He was so secretive with it. Number three.
Speaker 1: Their phone is always in their hand, like it's an
Speaker 1: emotional support animal.
Speaker 2: I don't think that's a red flag anymore because that's
Speaker 2: almost everyone, But like, they never leave it around the house.
Speaker 1: It's always on their body. They never leave it unattended.
Speaker 1: I think that's weird. Number four, they forget to tell
Speaker 1: you that they've changed their password. Sorry, babe, I just
Speaker 1: changed it.
Speaker 2: Not weird. I don't think you need to tell your
Speaker 2: partner that you change password. I'm not sold on this
Speaker 2: therapist yet.
Speaker 1: Number five they get weirdly defensive when you casually ask
Speaker 1: who's that on the phone.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, that's fair. You shouldn't be defensive.
Speaker 1: Here's a questionable one. Their phone's war paper includes the kids,
Speaker 1: but you are nowhere in sight, mate, this van Vegan.
Speaker 2: It's a bit of a stretch. Like if you've got
Speaker 2: your kids, you're allowed to have them on your phone.
Speaker 1: That's true, but like you could also have your partner
Speaker 1: on there from time to time. Maybe they're trying to
Speaker 1: pretend like this single is what.
Speaker 2: He's saying, but also maybe they're a proud parent but
Speaker 2: not proud.
Speaker 1: Husband or wife. Yeah, exactly, okay. And number seven they
Speaker 1: text with their phone tilted away from you, like they're
Speaker 1: hiding a nuclear launch code. So they never text that
Speaker 1: you can see what's on screen. Or maybe they've got
Speaker 1: one of those privacy screens so that you can't see.
Speaker 2: Them, No, because then you don't need to lean away. True,
Speaker 2: the privacy screens are amazing. Actually, it's so easy to
Speaker 2: cheat these days. I'm not saying that, but like the
Speaker 2: cheating ten years ago was hard because you could get
Speaker 2: caught so easily, but now there's so many like things
Speaker 2: that help you cheat. I don't know about Van Vegen.
Speaker 2: I reckon that these things individually they're not alarm bells.
Speaker 1: No. I agree.
Speaker 2: If your partner's doing all of them, then yeah, I
Speaker 2: would be like, Okay, there is something very secretive on
Speaker 2: that phone.
Speaker 1: So he went on to say that privacy in a
Speaker 1: relationship means respect. However, secrecy means that you're hiding something.
Speaker 1: When I read.
Speaker 2: This, Van Vegan should be winning award means hiding something.
Speaker 1: When I read through this, I was like, individually, some
Speaker 1: of these things could seem really petty, and you could
Speaker 1: seem really crazy to raise them to your partner as
Speaker 1: issues that you have around their like secrecy with their
Speaker 1: phone use. But if you're in a relationship where someone's
Speaker 1: doing lots of these things and being super weird about
Speaker 1: you ever, like touching their phone or being near their phone,
Speaker 1: that I think that sometimes it does pertain that not
Speaker 1: necessarily that they're cheating, but just that they might not
Speaker 1: be being completely honest with who they're speaking to on
Speaker 1: their phone.
Speaker 2: Maybe they're proposing, maybe they're I've got some stuff on
Speaker 2: your phone.
Speaker 1: That's what happened to me.
Speaker 2: I know, Laura, and you haven't learned from that.
Speaker 1: No, Well, to be fair, I've never looked at MAT's
Speaker 1: phone and suspected that he was cheating on me. So
Speaker 1: I think I have. But when Matt was planning on
Speaker 1: proposing to me, he had put photos of diamonds that
Speaker 1: he was looking at and choosing between into a photo
Speaker 1: vault on his phone. And so this one day he
Speaker 1: was showing me something on his phone and then he
Speaker 1: flicked past a photovolt and I was like, well, that's new.
Speaker 1: Why have you got that on your phone? And I
Speaker 1: also had come from a relationship where, you know, my
Speaker 1: ex had had a photo vault on his phone and
Speaker 1: it was filled with photos of girls that he had
Speaker 1: been with, you know, while he cheated on me. So
Speaker 1: like I was a photo vault triggered me bad, and
Speaker 1: Matt was like, it's nothing, I'm not showing you anyway.
Speaker 2: We had a bit of a fight about it, and
Speaker 2: it didn't even spring to mind that it might be
Speaker 2: a proposal.
Speaker 1: Never, not one positive thing sprung to mind. I only
Speaker 1: thought he was doing the dirty and anyway, his sister
Speaker 1: pulled me aside and was like, Matt is trying to
Speaker 1: do something nice for you and you were ruining it. Yes,
Speaker 1: she's like, pull your So what we're taking from this
Speaker 1: is don't take my advice or Vair vegans