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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers now Bestirred Ever.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I kind of felt like I nailed it. I

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Speaker 2: felt like I really got it right.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom

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Speaker 1: and Dad.

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Speaker 3: Fridays feel good, don't they.

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Speaker 2: There's something like the first four and a half days

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Speaker 2: every week of the hardest.

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Speaker 4: But once it's four and a half days, once.

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Speaker 3: You get to Friday morning.

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Speaker 4: Who talks about a half day, it's.

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Speaker 2: Like a half a day to go, And then I

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Speaker 2: can start to feel like I can relax again.

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Speaker 4: I don't think you know how to relax.

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Speaker 2: A bit intense, aren't I. This is doctor Justin Colson.

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Speaker 2: I'm the author of a bunch of books about how

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Speaker 2: to make your family happier, which does include some relaxation

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Speaker 2: now and then. And I'm here with Kylie, my wife

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Speaker 2: and co host, mom to our six daughters, And this

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Speaker 2: is our favorite episode of the week.

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Speaker 3: I'll do better tomorrow.

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Speaker 2: It's where we talk about what's gone well, what hasn't,

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Speaker 2: how we can be more intentional tomorrow about our parenting

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Speaker 2: and our family life. Just before we do that, though,

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Speaker 2: I need to give a quick shout out a quick plug,

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Speaker 2: I should say Monday night, we've got this webinar coming up.

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Speaker 2: I'm so proud of the title Sex and Sensibility. Do

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Speaker 2: you like that instead of sense and sent I thought

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Speaker 2: it was brilliant. So sex and Sensibility it's on Monday night.

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Speaker 2: If you're a Happy Family's member, you get it included

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Speaker 2: in your membership. I was gonna say it's free, but

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Speaker 2: like you're paying a monthly membership. But it's it's cheapest chips.

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Speaker 2: If you're not a member, you can either become a

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Speaker 2: member so that you can get.

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Speaker 5: It on my day.

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Speaker 4: That cheap anymore?

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Speaker 2: You know, they're still cheaper. They're not compared to like

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Speaker 2: a lambshank, they're cheap. I guess if you put it

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Speaker 2: like that, you're compared to my prawlinguimi. They're pretty cheap.

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Speaker 2: Those chips making me hungry. So we've got sex and Sensibility.

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Speaker 2: If you've ever wondered how you're supposed to have the

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Speaker 2: talk when you're supposed to start talking, how do you

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Speaker 2: talk to you kids about body safety, about keeping themselves safe,

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Speaker 2: about as they grow up, learning about intimacy and procreation,

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Speaker 2: Whether we should still be calling.

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Speaker 3: It the Birds and the Bees, the way to have.

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Speaker 2: A conversation, lots of conversations, and then how to move

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Speaker 2: that onto big topics like pornography and consent and intimacy.

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Speaker 2: That's what we're talking about on Monday night in a

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Speaker 2: webinar that I think is so beautifully titled, and it's

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Speaker 2: going to be a fantastic conversation, sex and sensibility. Get

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Speaker 2: all the details at happy families dot com dot au

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Speaker 2: in the shop.

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Speaker 4: You just love that alliteration, don't you. Just that's how

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Speaker 4: your brain works.

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Speaker 3: I really get a kick out of alliteration.

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Speaker 4: It's interesting that you're doing that webinar on Monday night

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Speaker 4: because I happen to just have a conversation the other

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Speaker 4: night with our kids, our eldest she's been married now

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Speaker 4: for two years, and we were sitting down and we

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Speaker 4: were having a talk about sex. Really we were, and

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Speaker 4: we were talking.

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Speaker 2: I would never sorry, I still can't imagine that I'd

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Speaker 2: have a conversation like that with my parents.

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Speaker 4: I'd never have it with mine.

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Speaker 3: No, but you're talking with.

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Speaker 4: Well, obviously, over the years, from the time that they're

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Speaker 4: very young, we've had open conversations about sex and their

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Speaker 4: bodies and the way they're developing, and.

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Speaker 2: So is this or I'll do better tomorrow, sort of

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Speaker 2: jumping in early with that, or okay, because we've got

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Speaker 2: to get to that. But so, what was the conversation, Well,

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Speaker 2: can you know I can't share the I want to

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Speaker 2: know the conversation.

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Speaker 3: I don't know why I'm asking you.

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Speaker 4: I can't share that part of the conversation with you.

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Speaker 4: But before she got married, we had a very in

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Speaker 4: depth conversation about what she would experience kind of moving forward,

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Speaker 4: and we were I guess it was just a progression

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Speaker 4: of that conversation. We were talking about some difficulties that

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Speaker 4: she was having and things like that, and baby number

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Speaker 4: two came in. She's eighteen, and she wanted to hang

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Speaker 4: out with the cool kids, she said. So she came

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Speaker 4: in and she sat on the bed and we were

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Speaker 4: talking in code because obviously there's privacy, you know, for

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Speaker 4: both of us as mom and daughter. And she started

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Speaker 4: to pick up on the code and she looked at

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Speaker 4: her sister and she was like, are you talking about

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Speaker 4: what I think you're talking about with mom with mum?

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Speaker 4: And she now said yeah, and I said yes, Zabbie

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Speaker 4: we're having a talk about sex. And Abby went with

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Speaker 4: your mom like she was just horror f And what

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Speaker 4: warmed my heart so much out of this whole scenario

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Speaker 4: was that she now turned her and she said, Abby,

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Speaker 4: Mum's my best friend. Who else am I going to

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Speaker 4: talk to about this stuff?

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Speaker 3: Wow?

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Speaker 4: And it was just it was such an awesome thing.

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Speaker 4: Two things. Number One, to be told that I'm her

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Speaker 4: best friend? How have we not had this conversation warms

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Speaker 4: my heart.

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Speaker 2: It's a good thing that we do this podcast to

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Speaker 2: I can catch up on what's going on in your life.

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Speaker 4: Well that's what our.

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Speaker 3: Friends say, you're right.

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Speaker 4: But secondly, to just know that she's so comfortable to

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Speaker 4: come and talk to me. Hey, mum, you know I've

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Speaker 4: been really struggling with blah blah blah, and I just

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Speaker 4: want your take on it. Yeah, And I love that.

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Speaker 4: I love that we have this open relationship. And I

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Speaker 4: did tell Abby that in a little while she'll be

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Speaker 4: joining the conversation. She's not so sure.

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Speaker 2: Well, if you would like to know how to create

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Speaker 2: a relationship with your kids so that you can have

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Speaker 2: conversations about sex and sensibility Monday night, that's the webinar

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Speaker 2: that turned into like a five minute plug for a

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Speaker 2: webinar that was.

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Speaker 3: Supposed to take thirty seconds.

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Speaker 2: But it's a really great story, and I kind of

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Speaker 2: feel like you're getting too in this episode for the

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Speaker 2: price of one here, they'll do better tomorrow. I feel

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Speaker 2: like you've just snuck in a little brag, a little

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Speaker 2: bit of a Yeah, I'm killing it as a pairent.

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Speaker 2: I'm just nailing it well done. That's nice. Hey, every

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Speaker 2: Friday before we do I'll do better tomorrow, even though

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Speaker 2: I feel like Kylie's kind of jumped the gun.

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Speaker 3: Here.

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Speaker 2: We also talk about our Little Wins Wednesday Winner. So

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Speaker 2: if you've had little wins with your little ones on Facebook,

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Speaker 2: every Wednesday, we invite you to share those little wins

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Speaker 2: with your little ones, and on a Friday, we announce

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Speaker 2: the one that our team have selected as our favorite,

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Speaker 2: the best one, and what you win with your little

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Speaker 2: wins Little Ones Little Wednesday's winner literation is you win

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Speaker 2: a five pack no twelve pack, sorry, twelve pack of

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Speaker 2: a five cardboard poster.

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Speaker 3: Things that we call justinisms.

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Speaker 2: They're just the all the greatest hits, the good stuff

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Speaker 2: that I say that helps families to be happier. The

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Speaker 2: things that people like to be reminded of this week

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Speaker 2: are such a great story. Elizabeth Lacey jumped onto Facebook

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Speaker 2: and shared her little winds with her little one who

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Speaker 2: isn't quite so little. She's thirteen.

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Speaker 3: Clytae, Can you share Elizabeth's story?

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Speaker 4: Sure? She said, we had a huge win today with

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Speaker 4: our thirteen year old daughter. There was an angry outburst

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Speaker 4: last night because of screen limits on her phone. She

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Speaker 4: was raging at me about how unfair it was. Aging, raging,

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Speaker 4: and we know about feeling, don't we. She slowly listened

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Speaker 4: to me as she calmed down, with some art to

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Speaker 4: help her, and then we said that we'd take some

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Speaker 4: time to explore things over the next few days. I

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Speaker 4: flicked on a podcast on my commute today and I

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Speaker 4: caught up with episode two hundred and seventy eight, Teens.

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Speaker 3: In Trouble, Oh Perfect.

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Speaker 4: Everything applied to me. I put myself in her shoes

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Speaker 4: and thought about her frustrations. When I picked her up

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Speaker 4: after school, I described her day through Justin's walkthrough, which

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Speaker 4: melted her and helped us to connect. Then I used

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Speaker 4: the three ye's to understand what were her greatest challenges.

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Speaker 4: I listened, and I asked for her suggestions for how

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Speaker 4: we could modify the limits and have a warning when

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Speaker 4: limits are coming up. We are both on the same

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Speaker 4: page now, and she came up with the solutions herself.

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Speaker 4: How good is that?

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Speaker 2: Congratulations not just on winning the posters. I mean that's

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Speaker 2: actually small change compared to having a positive experience like

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Speaker 2: that with your kids.

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Speaker 3: Elizabeth, thank you.

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Speaker 2: So much for jumping onto Facebook for your little winds Wednesday.

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Speaker 2: We really appreciate that, and we hope that you enjoy

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Speaker 2: the posters. More than that, we hope that things continue

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Speaker 2: to get better with your daughter as you explore explain

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Speaker 2: them power. Love it when the parenting experts tips actually work,

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Speaker 2: unlike the way they did with David on was that Tuday?

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Speaker 2: Oh gosh, still coping brief over that? Hey, we need

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Speaker 2: to talk about I'll do better tomorrow. The things that

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Speaker 2: we have learned this week about are parenting that might

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Speaker 2: help us to be better next time we engage with

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Speaker 2: the kids. Let's do that right after the break. It's

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Speaker 2: the Happy Families Podcast.

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Speaker 5: Imagine a home where discipline got results without anyone having

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Speaker 5: to feel bad or in trouble. The do's and donts

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Speaker 5: of discipline as a webinar to help parents set limits

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Speaker 5: with love, compassion and humanity. Find it now at happyfamilies

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Speaker 5: dot com dot au, slash shop.

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Speaker 4: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time

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Speaker 4: poor parent who just wants answers now, And today we

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Speaker 4: are talking about our reflections from the week that was.

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Speaker 2: So we've got a quick reminder at Sex and Sensibility

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Speaker 2: Monday Night. It's a webinar that I think every parent

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Speaker 2: needs to hear. How do you have those conversations about

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Speaker 2: intimacy and body safety and everything associated with that with

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Speaker 2: your kids? That's Monday Night details at happy families dot

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Speaker 2: com dot you and we've shared our little wins Wednesday Winner.

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Speaker 2: But now do you want to go first or me?

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Speaker 2: What have you been intentional about? Or what have I

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Speaker 2: been intentional about this week? Or what have we completely

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Speaker 2: blown it? Wh and we need to be better next week?

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Speaker 4: Why don't you give it a go?

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Speaker 3: Okay, I'll go first.

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Speaker 2: This week I had an experience with our seventeen year

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Speaker 2: old daughter who well, let's just put this into developmental context.

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Speaker 2: Seventeen year olds are not great when it comes to

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Speaker 2: planning and thinking about the future like developmentally their brain.

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Speaker 4: This future meaning what happens in five minutes, yeah, an hour.

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Speaker 2: You asked them what is going to be like when

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Speaker 2: they're twenty four. They're like, huh, I can't imagine twenty four.

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Speaker 3: That's ancient.

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Speaker 2: So they don't get the future at all. She's ready

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Speaker 2: to get her peace. I say to her, book it in.

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Speaker 2: Let's make sure that I can get you to the

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Speaker 2: place where you're going to go and do your driving test,

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Speaker 2: and hopefully I've prepared you well enough. So she books

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Speaker 2: it in, but she doesn't tell me when it is. Oh,

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Speaker 2: which means that just the other day she comes to

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Speaker 2: me and says, hey, Dad, I've got to be at

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Speaker 2: the driving test in half an hour. Now it's thirty

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Speaker 2: minutes away. I know nothing about this. She's given me

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Speaker 2: no notice. She hasn't tol like. Fortunately, I work for

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Speaker 2: myself and I've got the ability because I'm the boss

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Speaker 2: to cancel stuff, and very very fortunately I was actually around,

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Speaker 2: but I had to write, well, you.

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Speaker 4: Looked at me and asked me if I could. But

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Speaker 4: I actually had an appointment that I was running late for.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so I had to I had to put a

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Speaker 2: number of calls through and cancel everything so that I

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Speaker 2: could come to the rescue and drive her to her

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Speaker 2: driving test, so that she could try and get her piece.

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Speaker 4: I'm to do an episode about this and kids dealing

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Speaker 4: with natural consequences.

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Speaker 3: Well, yeah, and I thought about that.

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Speaker 2: I thought, am I am I diving in and saving

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Speaker 2: my child from her own ineptitude and stupidity? Like I've

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Speaker 2: got this kid who really, at the age of seventeen,

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Speaker 2: she needs to think ahead, she needs to communicate more effectively,

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Speaker 2: or so being a good dad by helping her, am

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Speaker 2: I being a bad dad by helping her? Like I'm

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Speaker 2: going to feel good for helping her? But am I

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Speaker 2: actually teaching her to continue to be irresponsible? And I thought,

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Speaker 2: context is everything? This is a really big deal. I've

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Speaker 2: got the flexibility. It was very inconvenient I had to

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Speaker 2: cancel these meetings, and that it was a really major drama,

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Speaker 2: but it was still doable, and she was getting a

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Speaker 2: driver's license, and I kind of thought, yeah, I can

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Speaker 2: manage this.

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Speaker 4: And you were weighing up the pros and cons. Do

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Speaker 4: I keep driving her and picking her up late at night,

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Speaker 4: or do I just cancel a few meetings? Right now?

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Speaker 2: It is so convenient when the kids get their license

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Speaker 2: and they can start running all the other kids.

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Speaker 4: Around do it on myself?

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Speaker 3: So good?

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Speaker 4: How good is it?

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Speaker 3: Anyway?

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Speaker 2: I took her, I careseled the meetings. I took her

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Speaker 2: and she got her license, which she very very excited about.

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Speaker 2: So ella, if you see a little green Master whizzing

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Speaker 2: around Brisbane, steer clear, steer clear, Yeah, because she's on

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Speaker 2: the road. And she was pretty stoked. And then I

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Speaker 2: went and bought her a milkshake and.

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Speaker 3: Celebrated with her best dad ever.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I kind of felt like I nailed it. I

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Speaker 2: felt like I really got it right. But I don't

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Speaker 2: know if I'm going to do that every time. The

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Speaker 2: kids don't communicate and don't book things in.

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Speaker 4: Well, I think you just touched on it beautifully. You know.

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Speaker 4: Context is everything, and this kid is such a good kid.

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Speaker 4: But she is very just later there about the details,

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Speaker 4: and she always has been. But it's not because she's

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Speaker 4: being malicious or you know, kind of irresponsible. She just

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Speaker 4: lives in her own little world.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and punishing her for her isn't going to change because.

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Speaker 3: That's who it's just she is.

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Speaker 4: You know, there are other kids who just they just

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Speaker 4: you know, they're not thoughtful. That's not her, She's just

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Speaker 4: And so I think that we really just need to

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Speaker 4: be aware of context and aware of our hearts. And

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Speaker 4: at the end of the day, what do you want

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Speaker 4: our children to kind of remember from that situation.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'd rather think of me as being a patient

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Speaker 2: dad who went out of my way, canceled a few things,

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Speaker 2: and made life better for us so she could get

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Speaker 2: a peace than using it as an experience to teach

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Speaker 2: her a lesson. I feel like I feel like we've

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Speaker 2: got it right. Yeah, well heard it, Yeah yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: But if she does it again, she's not going to

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Speaker 2: be getting a piece again. I'm never going to take

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Speaker 2: it and do the driving test ever again. I hope

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Speaker 2: she learned a lesson, So that's my old do better tomorrow.

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Speaker 2: I think the take I message from that one, really though,

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Speaker 2: is we've got to weigh up every situation before we

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Speaker 2: decide if we're going to step in and rescue the kids.

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Speaker 2: And sometimes we should, sometimes we shouldn't. I'm really glad

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Speaker 2: I did and it ended really well for everyone and

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Speaker 2: we all survived it.

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Speaker 3: It was a good experience.

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Speaker 4: What about you, Well, I'm glad that I snuck in

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Speaker 4: that first one because it was a really good one. Sure,

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Speaker 4: this one's not as great. Okay, getting to the end

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Speaker 4: of term, We've got one more week. We're termed two,

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Speaker 4: and I'm really starting to drag the chain towards and

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Speaker 4: I'm seeing it with it in the kids as well.

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Speaker 4: We're all really starting to feel it.

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Speaker 3: Everyone just wants to lie down all the time.

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Speaker 4: And not get up.

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Speaker 3: That's right, you know.

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Speaker 4: But when you think back on the term that we've had,

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Speaker 4: We've had a house that's been.

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Speaker 2: Flooded with the bathroom Mother's day here, Yeah, ceiling fell down.

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Speaker 4: That was enough, you know, if nothing else happened to

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Speaker 4: this term, that was enough to deal with on top

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Speaker 4: of just normal life.

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Speaker 2: It's still not fixed, by the way, it's no ceiling

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Speaker 2: in the rumper's.

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Speaker 3: Room right now.

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Speaker 4: But also had your dad's health scare that left everybody

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Speaker 4: just a little bit rattled. And you know, it's been

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Speaker 4: there's been a few things that have really kind of

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Speaker 4: added to the strain and stress of the term. And

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Speaker 4: I've just you know, I'm watching all of these things

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Speaker 4: that we know we should be doing, you know, meal

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Speaker 4: rosters and you know, the chor chart and everything's just

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Speaker 4: slowly starting to not happen.

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Speaker 3: I think the wood is slippage.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and as a result, everything's just kind of feeling

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Speaker 4: a little bit harder than normal, you know everything. We're

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Speaker 4: getting to school just a few minutes late. The bell's

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Speaker 4: already gone. We can't find uniforms in the morning when

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Speaker 4: we need them.

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Speaker 3: Our seven year old has lost the third jumper this year.

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Speaker 4: Well, well, let's put it in real terms, the third

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Speaker 4: jumper this term.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, third jumper this month. So over buying jumpers, and

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Speaker 2: when what do you do. You look at seven year old,

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Speaker 2: say you can just freeze, Like you can't do that,

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Speaker 2: You've got to go by another jumper. A greater parents

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Speaker 2: would actually look at the names in the jumpers when

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Speaker 2: they did the washing and said, oh.

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Speaker 4: Well no, no, no, because somebody did look at the name,

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Speaker 4: and then they found another tag in the jumper and

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Speaker 4: they added her daughter's name.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well let's do it. Let's not talk about that

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Speaker 2: because we don't want to. They might be listening.

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Speaker 3: We know who you are.

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Speaker 2: But she's lost that jumper again anyway, so it's actually

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Speaker 2: four jumpers this time anyway.

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Speaker 4: But look, the reality is and the reason I wanted

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Speaker 4: to bring it up today, is we all have these

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Speaker 4: moments where it just kind of life starts to pile

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Speaker 4: up on top of us. The reality is, for most

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Speaker 4: of us, we actually know what we need to do,

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Speaker 4: and sometimes it's a matter of just a rechecking in

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Speaker 4: with ourselves and our spouse or our partner and recommitting

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Speaker 4: to do those things that we know. We've got one

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Speaker 4: more week.

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Speaker 3: Okay, let's recommit.

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Speaker 2: So your take home message for Older Better Tomorrow is

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Speaker 2: we're hanging on by a thread.

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Speaker 3: Let's recalibrate this weekend.

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Speaker 2: That's right, Hey, enjoy your weekend. Thanks so much for

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Speaker 2: listening to the Happy Families podcast. We're looking forward to

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Speaker 2: spending time with everyone who's going to be involved in

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Speaker 2: the couple's workshops.

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Speaker 3: Tomorrow, Better Together is that tomorrow. That is tomorrow.

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Speaker 2: We're ready, We'll be fine. It's going to be great.

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Speaker 2: And on Monday, I'm so excited for this. On Monday,

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Speaker 2: we're going to put Kylie in the hot seat because

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Speaker 2: Kylie just had a conversation with her sister as she

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Speaker 2: was driving to pick up a new dog for the

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Speaker 2: family and convince her that having a dog is not

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Speaker 2: worth it. We're going to get all the goss on

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Speaker 2: why that's the case. On Monday, please join us for

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Speaker 2: the Happy Families Podcast. Then I just made you sound bad,

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Speaker 2: didn't I Yep, can't wait to have the conversation.

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Speaker 3: The Happy Families Podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from

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Speaker 3: Bridge Media.

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Speaker 2: Craig Bruce is our executive producer. If you'd like more

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Speaker 2: information about how to make your family happier, or to

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Speaker 2: join us for the Sex and Sensibility webinar on Monday night,

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Speaker 2: you can find it all at happy families dot com

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Speaker 2: dot au