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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.

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Speaker 2: Now, it's not the end of the world if your

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Speaker 2: child leaves the house as an eighteen or nineteen year

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Speaker 2: old and doesn't know how to do their taxes because because.

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Speaker 3: They ring dad and they say, how do I do

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Speaker 3: my taxes? And Dad says, here's my counts, I call

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Speaker 3: the account.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum

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Speaker 1: and dad.

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Speaker 3: Oh, this is going to be an interesting one. This

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Speaker 3: stops justin Coulson. By the way, I'm here with Kylie

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Speaker 3: misus Happy Families, my wife from Under our six Kids

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Speaker 3: Today a conversation about the one hundred life skills that

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Speaker 3: teenagers need to know. It comes from a website called

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Speaker 3: Grown and Flown one hundred percent of life Skills teens

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Speaker 3: need to learn at Home. We have not scripted this,

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Speaker 3: We have no idea where this is going to go.

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Speaker 3: But we thought we were just going to spend a

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Speaker 3: few minutes to go through the list, literally from number

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Speaker 3: one right through and talk about whether or not we

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Speaker 3: were able to do it and we were kids leaving home,

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Speaker 3: and whether or not our teens can do this now

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Speaker 3: we think that you might have some fun listening, playing

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Speaker 3: along and working out what you still need to teach

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Speaker 3: your kids when it comes to growing up, leaving the nest,

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Speaker 3: and getting on with their lives. Obviously, this is going

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Speaker 3: to be more relevant for some of than others, but

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Speaker 3: it's going to happen to all of us eventually.

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Speaker 4: So Kylie, are you ready for this shoot? Okay?

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Speaker 3: We'll also include the link, by the way in the

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Speaker 3: show notes to this particular article that have said, do

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Speaker 3: you ever wonder if you've taught your teens enough life

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Speaker 3: skills to go out into the real world and succeed.

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Speaker 3: School fills them with facts and numbers, history, maths, writing skills,

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Speaker 3: rudimentary sciences, But do our teens have the life skills

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Speaker 3: to function in their.

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Speaker 4: Day to day lives.

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Speaker 3: If you can craft a series of fifteen minute you

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Speaker 3: need to know this to function in the world lessons,

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Speaker 3: what would they be? And rather than us trying to

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Speaker 3: come up with it, I just thought we'd go through

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Speaker 3: the list.

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Speaker 2: I kind of think, without really knowing what the list

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Speaker 2: has got, that if our children have some of these skills,

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Speaker 2: they're going to feel like they're resilient.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, nice nicely put, I'm really glad that you

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Speaker 3: said that, and we should highlight you haven't seen the

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Speaker 3: list yet. I've looked at the list briefly. You haven't

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Speaker 3: seen the list at all. First thing on the list

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Speaker 3: one hundred life skills to teach teens and college students.

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Speaker 3: Number one how to say no.

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Speaker 2: Oh, we've got a house full of kids that don't

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Speaker 2: have to do that.

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Speaker 3: I was going to say, I think most kids, every child,

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Speaker 3: how to say that. But here's the interesting thing here.

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Speaker 3: And I know we're supposed to do this quickly. How

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Speaker 3: good it saying no? Were you really when you moved

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Speaker 3: out of home?

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 2: I was not good at it at all? Right, I

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Speaker 2: think that I am only just now, as a forty

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Speaker 2: plus year old, learning how to say no.

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Speaker 3: And that's the interesting thing to me as well. Like

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Speaker 3: the stories that I hear, let's talk about the obvious

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Speaker 3: saying no, we're talking about issues of consent. Specifically, here, kids,

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Speaker 3: in an overwhelming majority of cases, when they have non

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Speaker 3: consensual intimate contact sexual contact, that is a sexual assault. Really,

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Speaker 3: if it's non consensual, that's what it is.

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Speaker 4: It's assault.

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Speaker 3: Very often it's because they now, not always, but very

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Speaker 3: often it's because there was an unwillingness or an inability

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Speaker 3: to say no. There was too much pressure from the

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Speaker 3: boyfriend or the girlfriend, too much pressure from the friends,

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Speaker 3: too much pressure from everyone around them. Being able to

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Speaker 3: say no. No, I don't want in our sharehouse to

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Speaker 3: have forty three people showing up on Saturday night and

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Speaker 3: trashing the joint at the party. No, I don't want

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Speaker 3: to do this. Like the ability to say no is

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Speaker 3: a really big one, and being able to teach our

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Speaker 3: kids the power of saying no, that's an.

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Speaker 4: Important life school. I was so glad that it was

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Speaker 4: number one. And I don't think that either of us

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Speaker 4: were particularly great at that.

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Speaker 3: I probably, as a male, I was a lot more assertive,

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Speaker 3: a lot more willing to say no than you were

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Speaker 3: in the early days.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, i'd agree with that.

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Speaker 3: Okay, number two, set and manage a goal with a

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Speaker 3: timetable and milestones.

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Speaker 4: Were you any good at that?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? I think I was.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, so do I and me too.

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Speaker 3: But as a university lecturer, I can tell you right

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Speaker 3: now that the vast majority of kids that came into

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Speaker 3: my lecture theater and came into my tutorial groups back

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Speaker 3: when I used to be at the university did not

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Speaker 3: know how to set and manage goals with a timetable

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Speaker 3: and milestones. I really talking about here is planning. What's

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Speaker 3: curious to me about this, though, is that most teenagers

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Speaker 3: know how to do that for things that really do

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Speaker 3: matter to them, but when it comes to their studies,

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Speaker 3: they just don't matter quite so much.

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Speaker 2: So they can plan their weekend activities and make sure

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Speaker 2: they're in the right place at the right time.

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Speaker 3: Although I don't know if you've noticed this with our

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Speaker 3: own kids. Have you noticed how they don't really make

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Speaker 3: plans anymore? They just wait and see what's going to happen.

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Speaker 3: Let's see where the tide takes us. Oh yeah, I said, yes,

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Speaker 3: probably to that thing. But now someone else doing that thing,

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Speaker 3: and I'm going to go and do that instead. Have

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Speaker 3: you noticed that there's a lot less planning that goes

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Speaker 3: on with teenagers.

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Speaker 2: To I don't know if it's necessarily that there's a

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Speaker 2: lot less planning. I think that we're just unaware of

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Speaker 2: it because our children are able to communicate without needing

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Speaker 2: us anymore.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, they're not standing in the hallway at home and

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Speaker 3: they're not talking their text, so we're not hearing those conversations.

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Speaker 2: But I would say that there is a lot of

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Speaker 2: planning going on. Many times, I'll I have a message from,

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Speaker 2: you know, a family friend who'll say, our girls have

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Speaker 2: been scheming, right, they want to get together. You know,

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Speaker 2: can we make this happen?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but long term plans, I mean, and I want

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Speaker 3: to highlight here developmental appropriateness. They probably won't really get

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Speaker 3: it together until they're in their late twenties. It's just

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Speaker 3: the reality of life. Some people still struggle in their

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Speaker 3: thirties and forties. We know people like that. The next

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Speaker 3: thing on the list is communicate with and get to

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Speaker 3: know their professors and teaching assistants. So I'm going to

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Speaker 3: take the lead on this one because most students that

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Speaker 3: I taught, and I taught thousands of them when I

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Speaker 3: was at university, they didn't ever get to know anyone

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Speaker 3: that they needed to know to help them in their

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Speaker 3: study journey. And I think that's an important one.

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Speaker 2: I got a phone call from our eldest the other day.

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Speaker 2: She's gone back to university. Yeah, and she was so

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Speaker 2: excited because she bumped into one of her lecturers in

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Speaker 2: the hallway and he has a horse background, and she

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Speaker 2: loves horses, and so she started a conversation. She said, Mum,

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Speaker 2: I just needed to be in his radar, like I

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Speaker 2: just needed him to know who who I was, so

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Speaker 2: that we could have future conversations when I needed his

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Speaker 2: help about, you know, different things. And as a result,

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Speaker 2: she had a brilliant conversation with her that led her

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Speaker 2: to understand more of what's available to her once she

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Speaker 2: leaves university, things that she'd never thought of before. But

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Speaker 2: just having that one conversation has led to multiple conversations

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Speaker 2: since that have really opened her eyes to possibilities that

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Speaker 2: she would never have known if she didn't pick up

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Speaker 2: the courage to have that conversation in the first place.

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Speaker 4: So glad you said that.

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Speaker 3: There's something about that, though, and that is that when

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Speaker 3: she first went to UNI, she wasn't ready for that.

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Speaker 3: She's gone back now as a mature age student.

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Speaker 4: She had three or four years.

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Speaker 3: Out of union and then gone back to do her

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Speaker 3: degree because she wasn't ready initially. And this is why

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Speaker 3: I say gap years matter. We've got to let our

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Speaker 3: kids grow up, because now she's there, a few years older,

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Speaker 3: a few years wiser, with the confidence to have the

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Speaker 3: conversation with the lecturer. She's learnt to network and her

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Speaker 3: world has expanded.

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Speaker 4: As a result.

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Speaker 3: What a powerful, powerful lesson, and we've got to teach

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Speaker 3: our kids the value of that. Let's do a couple

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Speaker 3: more here and then we'll take a quick break, read

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Speaker 3: a bank statement and monitor an account balance, financial conversations.

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Speaker 4: Could you do that?

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I could definitely do that. I'm not sure

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Speaker 2: if our kids could that.

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Speaker 3: Oh, come on, we've had all those conversations with our kids.

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Speaker 3: I reckon they can. I hope they can, but we

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Speaker 3: need to do this.

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Speaker 4: And the last one.

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Speaker 3: Here, use ride share services safely? How did you go

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Speaker 3: with that when you left home?

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Speaker 2: Oh? I still can't do that.

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Speaker 3: They didn't exist though, right, I mean, unless you're talking

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Speaker 3: about taxis and public transferport But.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, you don't even like doing uber now, do you?

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Speaker 2: No? I hate it?

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Speaker 3: So but these are important conversations for us to have

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Speaker 3: with the kids because they need to know how to

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Speaker 3: do it. After the break, we're going to talk about

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Speaker 3: some even more basic things that every young adult.

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Speaker 4: Should be able to do by the time they've left home.

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Speaker 3: Hopefully you're teaching your kids now while they're only eleven

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Speaker 3: or twelve, or eight or nine. We'll find out more

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Speaker 3: in just a second. You've asked politely, you've asked again,

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Speaker 3: you've patiently waited, you've even made a three, but finally.

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Speaker 4: You lose it. Listen to me, you shout. In the practical.

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Speaker 3: Webinar the Screaming Spiral, you'll learn the top reasons why

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Speaker 3: your child isn't listening, and you'll get pro tips and

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Speaker 3: strategies to get them to hear without yelling. Available on

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Speaker 3: the Happy Family's webshop.

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Speaker 2: Now it's the Happy Famili's podcast, the podcast for the

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Speaker 2: time poor parent who just wants answers Now. And I'm

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Speaker 2: looking at this list and I have to say, I'm

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Speaker 2: quite surprised that number eleven is address an envelope?

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Speaker 3: How did that make the list? But I'm just curious.

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Speaker 3: Have our children ever address an envelope?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: They have?

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Speaker 3: Have they so they know how to address an Envelove

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Speaker 3: you don't. I don't think that they do.

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Speaker 4: They really? After this, we're gonna have to go and

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Speaker 4: quiz them and find out they do.

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Speaker 2: They still right to their friends in Woongong.

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Speaker 4: All right, Okay, so the love putting stamps.

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Speaker 2: I used to find stamps everywhere because Emily would find

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Speaker 2: my stampfire.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so out'm number ten is mail a package number

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Speaker 3: eleven addressed and envelope, and number twelve, figure out postage

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Speaker 3: and buy stamps.

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Speaker 4: They haven't done that, but they that they had to.

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Speaker 3: Go in to post office and get that done. Yeah, okay,

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Speaker 3: all right, So here's another one, Number nineteen. Do our

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Speaker 3: children know how to turn off an overflowing toilet?

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Speaker 2: You know I'm going to come to their defense here, right.

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Speaker 4: We had toilets that don't overflow.

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Speaker 2: When we first moved here, we had a blowout?

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Speaker 4: Did we did? We had a toilet that was blocked.

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Speaker 4: There's no other way to say it, and I.

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Speaker 2: Had no idea what to do. Obviously, I turned the

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Speaker 2: tap off down down at the system, at the system,

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Speaker 2: but there was just so much water, and we won't

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Speaker 2: talk about what ourse. It was just it was awful.

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Speaker 2: But that actually wasn't where I was going.

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Speaker 4: Where are you going? Would our children have known how

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Speaker 4: to turn that off?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 4: I don't think they were.

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Speaker 2: There's no way. There's no way. But when we first

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Speaker 2: moved here, we had a power shortage. Something had shorted

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Speaker 2: the circuit, and all of a sudden I noticed that

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Speaker 2: my beautiful fish pond outside our door was draining, and

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Speaker 2: I didn't know what to do save the fish or

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Speaker 2: try and stop the water from training.

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Speaker 4: How are you going to stop the water from raining?

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Speaker 2: And I had no idea where to go or what

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Speaker 2: to do.

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Speaker 4: So what did you do?

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Speaker 2: I rang the owner?

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Speaker 4: I rang the previous owner. So what I do? I said,

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Speaker 4: count me. I don't want to lose my fish.

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Speaker 3: So I mean that brings up another one. If the

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Speaker 3: power goes out, do they know how to go back

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Speaker 3: into the power box and flick the switch and fix

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Speaker 3: up the short circuit?

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Speaker 2: No, they don't. Our kids aren't going to do very well,

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Speaker 2: are they.

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Speaker 4: Well, maybe they need this.

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Speaker 2: About number twenty four, do the laundry?

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Speaker 4: I was so good. I was no good at doing that.

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Speaker 4: Let me just say that straight up. And I still

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Speaker 4: am not well.

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Speaker 2: The story of the pink sheets.

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Speaker 4: Will live on.

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Speaker 3: They didn't used to be pink in the memory. If

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Speaker 3: you kneed the story, walk away from anything.

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Speaker 4: I love that one. I just think that's a great,

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Speaker 4: great thing.

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Speaker 3: But what about things like finding a doctor, or getting

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Speaker 3: an account and or doing their taxes, or eating healthily

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Speaker 3: and resisting unhealthy food choices. I'm looking at you Abby

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Speaker 3: and your two minute noodles. I wonder if Abby's listening

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Speaker 3: to this podcast right now. Manage subscription services like their

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Speaker 3: Netflix and their stand Administer basic first aid, understand medical

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Speaker 3: coverage completely LinkedIn profile.

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Speaker 2: Write a resume, a dressed for an interview.

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Speaker 3: There are other things like consume alcohol safely, get news

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Speaker 3: birth control that's going to be relevant to so many

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Speaker 3: of our young adults. And are we actually having the conversations.

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Speaker 3: Do they know how to stay in touch with people properly,

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Speaker 3: like remember that you actually have relationships.

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Speaker 2: Know when to seek medical attention, and.

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Speaker 4: The list goes on and on and on.

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Speaker 2: Oh, prepared to be pulled over when you're driving. I'm

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Speaker 2: not sure how we do that one.

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Speaker 4: And do they know how to turn off a smoke lah?

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Speaker 4: Oh gosh, I love this.

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Speaker 3: At number sixty eight on the list says use a

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Speaker 3: fire extinguisher. I still don't know how to use that.

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Speaker 3: I wouldn't have a clue. I mean, I'm sure I

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Speaker 3: could figure it out, but never had to do that before.

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Speaker 2: You know what's interesting. I'm reading this list, and obviously

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Speaker 2: there is very comprehensive and there's a bit of my

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Speaker 2: merea but the reality is so much of these things

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Speaker 2: you learn as you go, Like, it's not the end

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Speaker 2: of the world if your child leaves the house as

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Speaker 2: an eighteen or nineteen year old and doesn't know how

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Speaker 2: to do their taxes straight away, right yeah, because because.

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Speaker 3: They ring dad and they say, how do I do

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Speaker 3: my taxes? And Dad says, here's my cuntains call the account.

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Speaker 2: So I think that you know, while the list is great,

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Speaker 2: the reality is there are lots of things on that

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Speaker 2: list that your children might not necessarily know, but doesn't

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Speaker 2: make them less resilient or less prepared for the world.

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Speaker 3: So grown and Flown dot Com and Lisa Heffernan, who

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Speaker 3: has written the article, some great ideas and worth the conversation.

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Speaker 3: But Kylie, your insight there, I think is the real

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Speaker 3: take home message from this conversation. This is the podcast

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Speaker 3: for the time or parent who just once's answers now

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Speaker 3: And the answer is as a parent, you do your

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Speaker 3: best to teach your kids what you can, and then

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Speaker 3: when they move out, that's when they really discover how

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Speaker 3: much they don't know. And all they do is they

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Speaker 3: make a quick call through to you and you work

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Speaker 3: it out together.

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Speaker 2: I don't know how many times I get a phone

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Speaker 2: call from my daughter to say, Mum, can you tell

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Speaker 2: me how to make that lamb roast again?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: She's always ringing for recipes? Or can you just remind

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Speaker 2: me how am I supposed to do the white sauce?

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Speaker 2: And you know what, I actually love it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I love that she wrings me and she wants to

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Speaker 2: kind of ask for my advice.

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Speaker 4: So maybe that's the solution.

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Speaker 3: Teach them just enough to get them out of the house,

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Speaker 3: but not quite enough so they never call.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I love it.

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Speaker 3: The website that we are quoting from is Grown and Flowing.

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Speaker 3: Will share a link to the actual page in the

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Speaker 3: shown notes. We really hope that today's conversation has sparked

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Speaker 3: some ideas and giving you something to smile about as

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Speaker 3: you think about your own in aptitude when you left

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Speaker 3: home and how your kids are going right now if

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Speaker 3: they were suddenly forced to try to do it a

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Speaker 3: little bit on their own as well. The Happy Famili's

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Speaker 3: podcast is produced by Justin Rulan from Bridge Media. Craig

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Speaker 3: Bruce is our executive producer, and if you'd like more

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Speaker 3: information about making your family happier, we love it if

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Speaker 3: you join US at Happy Families dot com, dot a