1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: Hello, this is the Happy Families Podcast. I'm doctor Justin Colson. 2 00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:12,240 Speaker 1: What if I told you that there is a scientifically 3 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:17,160 Speaker 1: proven intervention that could make your family nine percent less 4 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,080 Speaker 1: likely to die prematurely, that could reduce your kid's anxiety 5 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,360 Speaker 1: and depression, and it would cost you absolutely nothing. Big 6 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:26,600 Speaker 1: Farmer is not involved. You don't have to have a script, 7 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:28,680 Speaker 1: you don't need to see the GP, you don't need 8 00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:30,840 Speaker 1: to take a tablet every day. Imagine if you could 9 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:33,200 Speaker 1: get in a tablet what would that do? People would 10 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,199 Speaker 1: pay money for this? And what if I told you 11 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:37,159 Speaker 1: that Americans have been doing it for about four hundred years, 12 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:40,600 Speaker 1: but we Australians are missing out. It's November twenty seven. 13 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:43,360 Speaker 1: In a few days, kids are going to be finishing school, 14 00:00:43,479 --> 00:00:46,080 Speaker 1: Families are exhausted. Christmas stress is building. It's starting to 15 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:50,879 Speaker 1: get hot. Meanwhile, across the Pacific, millions and millions and 16 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:54,320 Speaker 1: millions of American families are gathering around tables. They're going 17 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:57,800 Speaker 1: around sharing what they're grateful for, not because they're more 18 00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:02,320 Speaker 1: religious or more sentimental than us, because they've built a 19 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:07,360 Speaker 1: ritual that science now prooves is transformative. Today, Kylie and 20 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,280 Speaker 1: I are going to make the case that Australia should 21 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:13,680 Speaker 1: adopt Thanksgiving. No, not the Turkey, not the Pilgrims, the 22 00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:18,039 Speaker 1: practice of deliberate, family centered gratitude. And I've got Harvard 23 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:20,080 Speaker 1: research and a whole bunch of other great ideas to 24 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:24,840 Speaker 1: back me up. Stay with us. Hello, this is a 25 00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:27,600 Speaker 1: Happy Family's podcast. Welcome along, So good to have you here. 26 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:29,600 Speaker 1: If you knew, my name's doctor Justin Cours. I'm here 27 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:32,360 Speaker 1: with my wife missus Happy Families, Kylie. We're the parents 28 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:34,800 Speaker 1: of six kids and this is the podcast that gives 29 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:37,080 Speaker 1: you real parenting solutions every single day. It's Astralia's most 30 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:40,160 Speaker 1: downloaded parenting podcast. Kylie. Could be a provocative one, could 31 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:42,520 Speaker 1: be a controversial one. But I'm making the argument today. 32 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:46,480 Speaker 1: We are making the argument today Thanksgiving is good and 33 00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:49,240 Speaker 1: Australia should. I mean, we're happy to jump on board 34 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:52,840 Speaker 1: with Halloween, which is meaningless enough enough sort of stuff 35 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:55,680 Speaker 1: running around knocking on doors and asking for sugar. And 36 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:59,200 Speaker 1: yet the one tradition that is really useful that Americans 37 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:03,680 Speaker 1: are right into, we turn up our noses. We don't 38 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:06,240 Speaker 1: really seem to like it, and there's good evidence for 39 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:07,160 Speaker 1: why we should be doing it. 40 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:10,000 Speaker 2: We've been practicing gratitude with our kids since the beginning 41 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:13,840 Speaker 2: of time, it feels like, and one of the one 42 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:16,600 Speaker 2: of the favorite topics around the dinner table is what 43 00:02:16,639 --> 00:02:19,359 Speaker 2: are we grateful for? And we're supposed to share one thing, 44 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:20,960 Speaker 2: but inevitably. 45 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:22,200 Speaker 1: Oh like an hour and a half lays we're still 46 00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:24,919 Speaker 1: there in case for all go six daughters. 47 00:02:24,919 --> 00:02:28,600 Speaker 2: Hello, but I'm interested to know what the research says 48 00:02:28,639 --> 00:02:29,560 Speaker 2: about gratitude. 49 00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:32,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Actually, before I even complained about the six girls, 50 00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:35,480 Speaker 1: our son in law doesn't mind sharing what he's grateful 51 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:37,400 Speaker 1: for as well. He thought it was really weird at first, 52 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:39,400 Speaker 1: and now he just loves it. Let me tell you 53 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:41,520 Speaker 1: about just a couple of recent findings. There is now 54 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:45,000 Speaker 1: a couple of decades of really strong gratitude research. Study 55 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,800 Speaker 1: published in twenty twenty four study from Harvard, nearly fifty 56 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:51,639 Speaker 1: thousand nurses were tracked over a couple of years. Those 57 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:56,160 Speaker 1: who scored highest on gratitude had nine percent lower mortality 58 00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:59,920 Speaker 1: from any cause. So this is not some dodgy online server. 59 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:02,239 Speaker 1: This is published in one of the world's top medical journals. 60 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:06,600 Speaker 1: Controlling for everything like health and religion and lifestyle and 61 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:10,959 Speaker 1: involvement in life like social relationships, even optimism. Can you 62 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:13,079 Speaker 1: imagine if there was a pill that reduced your risk 63 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:16,520 Speaker 1: of death by nine percent, people will be paying big 64 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:18,880 Speaker 1: dollars for this. Right, this is legit, but this is free, 65 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:21,400 Speaker 1: and so therefore people aren't doing it. Just paying attention 66 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:25,280 Speaker 1: to what you're grateful for. Another study, neuroscience data seems 67 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:27,040 Speaker 1: to show that when we express gratitude, it lights up 68 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:30,120 Speaker 1: something known as the acc the anterior singular cortex and 69 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:32,240 Speaker 1: also the medial prefrontal cortex. I know, I just had 70 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:34,160 Speaker 1: a whole bunch of big woods that nobody really cares about. 71 00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:36,280 Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, But these are the brain regions that 72 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:38,400 Speaker 1: we use for moral reasoning. They're the brain reasons that 73 00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:43,400 Speaker 1: we use for emotional connection. In other words, gratitude helps 74 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:45,880 Speaker 1: us to connect with people better and it makes us 75 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:50,200 Speaker 1: more moral. What's really interesting is gratitude also reduces activity 76 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:51,680 Speaker 1: in the amigdala, which is the brains. 77 00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:54,440 Speaker 2: Oh, I know what the amig dealor is because inside 78 00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:55,480 Speaker 2: out talks all. 79 00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:58,040 Speaker 1: Right, yeah, a warning warning. It's the alarm system that 80 00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:00,560 Speaker 1: goes off. There's a threat we need to worry, and 81 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:04,280 Speaker 1: so when gratitude is present, then our amigndaler calms down, 82 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:07,520 Speaker 1: which means that our body produces fewer inflammatory markers, which 83 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:09,600 Speaker 1: is the stuff that causes chronic illness and heart disease 84 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:13,920 Speaker 1: and accelerated aging. So basically, your brain physically changes when 85 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:16,599 Speaker 1: you practice gratitude. That's what we call neuroplasticity. It's not 86 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:20,080 Speaker 1: will woo, positive thinking neurons that fire together, wire together. 87 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:25,200 Speaker 1: And therefore, every time that you consciously notice, acknowledged, recognize 88 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:29,280 Speaker 1: step in two, an awareness of something good, you're literally 89 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:32,600 Speaker 1: building new neural pathways and they are healthy ones. I 90 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:34,200 Speaker 1: know I've gone on a long time, but one more 91 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:35,920 Speaker 1: quick study that I just wanted to share. This is 92 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:39,480 Speaker 1: another twenty twenty four study. There's a couple of meta 93 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,360 Speaker 1: analyses actually that have come out in the last year 94 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:45,400 Speaker 1: or two showing that gratitude interventions reduce anxiety, that reduce depression, 95 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:48,839 Speaker 1: They improve life satisfaction. If you're grateful, you tend to 96 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:53,960 Speaker 1: exercise more, sleep better, you consume less alcohol. Pretty much 97 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:57,400 Speaker 1: in every single facet of life. We see improvements for 98 00:04:57,440 --> 00:05:02,839 Speaker 1: people who are practicing gratitude with literal g gratitude interventions. Right, students, 99 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:06,279 Speaker 1: here's one for kids, students who are experiencing academic pressure 100 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:10,080 Speaker 1: when they're going through their gratitude moments key predictor of 101 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:13,159 Speaker 1: mental health, key predictor of mental well being. When you 102 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:15,480 Speaker 1: look at the youth statistics around mental health in Australia 103 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:19,039 Speaker 1: at the moment, it's just horrible, right, anxiety, depression, suicide rates. 104 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:23,839 Speaker 1: We're desperately trying everything. Meanwhile we've got this evidence based, 105 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:27,520 Speaker 1: really simple answer right in front of us, and everyone's like, oh' 106 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:30,000 Speaker 1: looking to do gratitude? How lame. It's like, no, Hello, 107 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:32,320 Speaker 1: this stuff actually works, and you know who it works 108 00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:34,320 Speaker 1: best for the people with the biggest struggles. 109 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:38,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's interesting. I remember a couple of times after 110 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:41,640 Speaker 2: having children and going through abouts of postnatal depression, and 111 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:44,040 Speaker 2: your mum actually was the one who brought me a 112 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:47,400 Speaker 2: gratitude journal and she said, I just want you to 113 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:49,920 Speaker 2: write three things every day that you're grateful for. 114 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:51,880 Speaker 1: And sometimes it feels like such a struggle. 115 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:55,560 Speaker 2: The first time I did it, I honestly I couldn't 116 00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:59,560 Speaker 2: think of anything. My life felt so hard, and I 117 00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:01,760 Speaker 2: rang and I said, I can't do this, like I 118 00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:04,279 Speaker 2: just I can't think about like I can't find anything. 119 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:06,839 Speaker 2: I can't think of anything. And she said, Kylie, even 120 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:09,200 Speaker 2: if it's just you're grateful that you can feel the 121 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:12,520 Speaker 2: warmth of the sun on your skin. And so for 122 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:15,599 Speaker 2: the first probably week or so, it was things like that, 123 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:20,599 Speaker 2: I'm grateful that the sun shining, or I'm grateful for 124 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:23,159 Speaker 2: the flower and the garden, like they were. 125 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:25,400 Speaker 1: Just really it's not exactly deep stuff. 126 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:31,560 Speaker 2: Generic things, but over a period of time it enabled 127 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:34,240 Speaker 2: me to start to see things that actually were meaningful, 128 00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:37,479 Speaker 2: that actually did have depth and purpose in my life 129 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:40,120 Speaker 2: that I couldn't see before because my brain was so 130 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:42,480 Speaker 2: trained to just see all the bad. 131 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,000 Speaker 1: Right. And it's one of those things, right, if you've 132 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:47,120 Speaker 1: got a teenager who's having a hard time and you say, well, 133 00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:49,240 Speaker 1: just tell me something you're grateful for, they're going to 134 00:06:49,279 --> 00:06:50,200 Speaker 1: slam the door in your face. 135 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:50,640 Speaker 2: Yeah. 136 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:53,160 Speaker 1: Like, it's one of those really tricky ones where people 137 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:55,839 Speaker 1: who are struggling do not want to and do not 138 00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:58,919 Speaker 1: feel like they actually can. It's kind of I can't, 139 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,800 Speaker 1: I can't find anything. I'm going totally makes sense. I'm 140 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:03,800 Speaker 1: not on anyone's case here, but if we can make 141 00:07:03,839 --> 00:07:06,640 Speaker 1: the extra effort, something happens. The data is that the 142 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:09,280 Speaker 1: scientific evidence on this is pretty robust. I did my 143 00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:11,640 Speaker 1: PhD in positive psychology and I've really walked away from 144 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:13,440 Speaker 1: most of what positive psychology is. I think it's been 145 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:16,280 Speaker 1: commercialized within an inch of it's life, and the promises 146 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:18,880 Speaker 1: of positive psychology have not been delivered as a general rule. 147 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:22,680 Speaker 1: But there is one outstanding exception. There's actually a couple 148 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:25,440 Speaker 1: of outstanding exceptions, but the one that always stands out 149 00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:29,240 Speaker 1: to me is gratitude. The evidence here is really really robust. 150 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:32,480 Speaker 1: There are a lot of studies in this area. It works, 151 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:33,560 Speaker 1: It makes a difference in. 152 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:38,400 Speaker 2: Every case where I've struggled mentally and emotionally, it has 153 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:42,760 Speaker 2: been the act of practicing gratitude that has been the 154 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:45,920 Speaker 2: beginning of helping me get out of that big dark hole. 155 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:48,080 Speaker 1: So after the break, I'm going to make the argument. 156 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:50,560 Speaker 1: Maybe we together will make the argument for why Australia 157 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:53,480 Speaker 1: needs this and how we can actually make it happen. 158 00:07:54,000 --> 00:08:04,200 Speaker 1: Stay with us. This is the Happy Families podcast, Real 159 00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:06,920 Speaker 1: parenting solutions every day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. 160 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:09,080 Speaker 1: If you're enjoying the pod, please share it with your friends, 161 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:11,200 Speaker 1: Please like it, Please leave a five star rating and review. 162 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,240 Speaker 1: It helps other people to find the podcast and make 163 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:18,880 Speaker 1: their families happier. Kylie let's talk about Australia culturally. Culturally 164 00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:22,840 Speaker 1: gratitude and Thanksgiving, we just push back against it. I mean, 165 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:25,800 Speaker 1: we love the commercialization of Halloween, but the idea that 166 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:29,160 Speaker 1: we would get into Thanksgiving. Every time I bring it 167 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:32,800 Speaker 1: up with the Strains, they literally just they're like, get real, 168 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,280 Speaker 1: Like there's a real. 169 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:36,959 Speaker 2: I think that it doesn't feel like it's got substance. 170 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:40,280 Speaker 1: Which is so funny, But Australians and I I'm grateful people, no, 171 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:40,840 Speaker 1: And I. 172 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:45,199 Speaker 2: Watch this though, because you and I have been very 173 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:49,200 Speaker 2: intentional over the years of expressing gratitude to the people 174 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:52,840 Speaker 2: that matter at most in our lives. And I would 175 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:55,719 Speaker 2: say that the majority of people who find themselves in 176 00:08:55,840 --> 00:09:04,719 Speaker 2: front of somebody expressing real, meaningful gratitude really struggle that 177 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:08,880 Speaker 2: they're not comfortable sitting in that space, Like it's it 178 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:11,080 Speaker 2: really pushes boundaries that they're. 179 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:15,120 Speaker 1: There's a level of vulnerability around it that Australians I 180 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:17,600 Speaker 1: think are really uncomfortable. I think also Australians can get 181 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,520 Speaker 1: really cynical when someone gets sentimental. They're like, oh, what 182 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:23,720 Speaker 1: do you want or what's your angle? And we've got 183 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,520 Speaker 1: tall poppy syndrome as well, right, like top poppy syndrome. 184 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:31,440 Speaker 1: People feel very uncomfortable expressing appreciation or having appreciation expressed 185 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:34,960 Speaker 1: about them, and we're not really a very ritualized country, 186 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,240 Speaker 1: like we sort of push back against that sort of stuff. 187 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:40,839 Speaker 1: I just I think Thanksgiving solves so many challenges that 188 00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:44,280 Speaker 1: we have here, and especially at this time of the year, 189 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:48,079 Speaker 1: the years winding down, the Christmas madness hasn't kicked in. 190 00:09:48,559 --> 00:09:50,680 Speaker 1: It just feels like it's the right time. It's spring, 191 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:53,000 Speaker 1: so you can have a barbecue out the back. Forget 192 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:56,520 Speaker 1: the turkey. No Australian really likes turkey, but we love 193 00:09:56,559 --> 00:10:01,560 Speaker 1: a barbecue, right, get the barbie fired up, and nothing 194 00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:04,000 Speaker 1: else is really competing for attention. I just I'm really 195 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:05,719 Speaker 1: big on it. I think there's arguments for it. 196 00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:09,120 Speaker 2: One of the biggest arguments I think for Thanksgiving is 197 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:12,240 Speaker 2: it actually just teaches our kids to be grateful. And 198 00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:14,480 Speaker 2: I don't know any parent out there who wouldn't be 199 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,960 Speaker 2: grateful to have some more gratitude expressed. 200 00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:21,439 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, well that you do for them, Like you 201 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:24,840 Speaker 1: can't just say kids be grateful. That just never works. 202 00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:27,319 Speaker 1: But when they see it modeled and when there's that 203 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:30,920 Speaker 1: rich ritual where gratitude is practiced, not preach like we 204 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,040 Speaker 1: do it every week in our home, sometimes every day 205 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,520 Speaker 1: in our home, but a lot of families. I've sat 206 00:10:35,559 --> 00:10:38,440 Speaker 1: with people and they've come into a home and they've 207 00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:40,599 Speaker 1: experienced that gratitude circle that we do and they're like, 208 00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:43,240 Speaker 1: never seen anything like that before. That just felt beautiful, 209 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:46,040 Speaker 1: Like people, Oh my goodness, it just feels so good. 210 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:48,439 Speaker 1: And when you get the entire family, hopefully if the 211 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,839 Speaker 1: whole family's near you sitting around the table, like you 212 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:52,960 Speaker 1: got your parents, you got the kids, you got the grandparents, 213 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,400 Speaker 1: they're sharing a couple of things that they're grateful for 214 00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:59,560 Speaker 1: in the last year. That's pretty I mean, it's pretty deep. 215 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,559 Speaker 2: So we do generalize gratitude things. But then on birthdays, 216 00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:05,800 Speaker 2: we actually share what we're grateful for about about that 217 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:09,880 Speaker 2: individual people. And I recently celebrated my birthday and one 218 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:13,360 Speaker 2: of my children she actually shared that one of the 219 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:16,079 Speaker 2: things that she was grateful for was the way in 220 00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:19,360 Speaker 2: which I express my gratitude to the people that are 221 00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:20,200 Speaker 2: important in my life. 222 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:21,400 Speaker 1: I'm grateful for your gratitude. 223 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:25,120 Speaker 2: And she reminded me of a time where I was 224 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:30,200 Speaker 2: really trying hard to practice gratitude and I took fourteen days, 225 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:33,000 Speaker 2: I did two weeks worth. Every morning I woke up, 226 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:37,280 Speaker 2: I wrote ten things I loved about one specific person. 227 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:41,760 Speaker 2: And once I'd gone through that process, I thought, what's 228 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:44,800 Speaker 2: the best way that I could gift to this So sorry. 229 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:47,800 Speaker 1: Let me say it again. You've got fourteen friends, and 230 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:50,000 Speaker 1: you're right, ten things that you love about them, ten 231 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,520 Speaker 1: things you're grateful for about them each. 232 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:51,960 Speaker 2: Yeah. 233 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:54,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, so one hundred and forty things in total. Yeah, 234 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:55,680 Speaker 1: ten things per person. Okay? Cool? 235 00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:58,960 Speaker 2: And so I decided at the last minute that instead 236 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:01,480 Speaker 2: of just sending it in a card to them, that 237 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:04,640 Speaker 2: I would actually take the time to go and sit 238 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:09,520 Speaker 2: with them and share those things with them. And my daughter, 239 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:12,959 Speaker 2: as she was sharing, she remembered that experience and remembered 240 00:12:13,559 --> 00:12:17,400 Speaker 2: me sharing the experiences I got to share with people 241 00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:21,560 Speaker 2: that are so meaningful to me and have had such 242 00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:24,719 Speaker 2: an impact in my life. But we don't often take 243 00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:29,720 Speaker 2: the time to explain and express in detail why. We'll 244 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:32,240 Speaker 2: often say thank you, or you know, that was amazing. 245 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:33,360 Speaker 2: I really appreciate your help. 246 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:36,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, but I'm grateful to you because of A B, C, D, E, F, G, H. 247 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:39,600 Speaker 2: I, n J. This is how you impact my life 248 00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:43,600 Speaker 2: on a really personal level. And I was so grateful 249 00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:46,040 Speaker 2: for her remembering that because it brought it to my 250 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:49,280 Speaker 2: remembrance and it just made me save with those friendships 251 00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:49,679 Speaker 2: even more. 252 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:52,400 Speaker 1: Well, I'm so grateful that you're grateful that she remembered that, 253 00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:54,000 Speaker 1: and now that you remember that, because now we can 254 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,520 Speaker 1: all be grateful that you did that. I love it. 255 00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:59,320 Speaker 1: Gratitude just feels so good. I want to move us 256 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,000 Speaker 1: toward a conclusion, and we need to wrap this up. 257 00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:04,440 Speaker 1: The benefits from my point of view, are that kids 258 00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:09,199 Speaker 1: get to hear family members, parents, grandparents, siblings, sharing their perspectives, 259 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,679 Speaker 1: their vulnerabilities, their appreciation, their recognition. 260 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:13,560 Speaker 2: It just becomes a normal part of conversation. 261 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:15,760 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, and so long as you don't get 262 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:17,520 Speaker 1: too formulaic about it. I mean we used to be like, 263 00:13:17,559 --> 00:13:19,440 Speaker 1: what are your three things? Okay? Next? What are your 264 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:23,360 Speaker 1: three things? Okay next? Whereas now the first thing might 265 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:25,440 Speaker 1: lead to a five minute conversation and then we're like, oh, 266 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:26,800 Speaker 1: hang on, we've got to go back. What are your 267 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,880 Speaker 1: other things? What else are you grateful for? And there's 268 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:32,599 Speaker 1: just it becomes this beautiful thing where everyone starts to 269 00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:35,320 Speaker 1: notice good things, and you know what, you can also 270 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,240 Speaker 1: be grateful for bad things. I think that it is 271 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:39,600 Speaker 1: really important to highlight that we always focus on how 272 00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:42,640 Speaker 1: we're grateful for all this good stuff, but I often 273 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:44,520 Speaker 1: like to reflect on the things that have happened that 274 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:47,480 Speaker 1: are horrible that I'm grateful for as well. Like I 275 00:13:47,559 --> 00:13:49,079 Speaker 1: wish that I hadn't broken my neck in my back 276 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:50,720 Speaker 1: in that surfing accident. I know that it really scared 277 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:52,040 Speaker 1: a lot of people when that happened a couple of 278 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:56,600 Speaker 1: years ago, but I'm really grateful number one, that I'm okay. 279 00:13:56,679 --> 00:13:58,800 Speaker 1: But number two, I'm grateful for how it helped me 280 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:01,559 Speaker 1: to be grateful for my physical life ability going through 281 00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:03,720 Speaker 1: that hard thing, helping me to realize just how fortunate 282 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,240 Speaker 1: I am, how good my life is, because I've got 283 00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:11,440 Speaker 1: that capacity. We talk about how Australia is a great country. 284 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,520 Speaker 1: We call it the lucky country for a reason, right, Well, 285 00:14:13,559 --> 00:14:17,160 Speaker 1: like it's we are so fortunate to live here, grateful 286 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:18,679 Speaker 1: to be able to sit around the table with people 287 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,600 Speaker 1: and listen to them. I gave my mama call the 288 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:22,760 Speaker 1: other day and said, Mamma, I'm just calling you because 289 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:25,920 Speaker 1: I can. Because she's lost both of her parents, and 290 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:28,120 Speaker 1: my dad's lost both of both of his and I 291 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,520 Speaker 1: know one day that's going to be me. One day 292 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:31,760 Speaker 1: I'm not going to be able to ring my mum. 293 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:34,960 Speaker 1: And I just said I can ring you, and that's 294 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,640 Speaker 1: such a privilege. I'm so grateful that I can. I 295 00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:38,240 Speaker 1: don't want to let that go. So that's why I'm 296 00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:39,960 Speaker 1: ringing you, because you and my mom, I love you 297 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:41,840 Speaker 1: and I'm really grateful for you. And I just wanted 298 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,040 Speaker 1: you to know that because I can tell you that today, 299 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:48,440 Speaker 1: I can actually tell you. So I think it just 300 00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:51,000 Speaker 1: builds family connections. Do you need a special day for it? No, 301 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:52,640 Speaker 1: of course not. Can you do it and if you want, yeah, 302 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:54,680 Speaker 1: of course you can. But having that special day, I 303 00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:57,840 Speaker 1: just like it. So let's wrap this up by talking 304 00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,280 Speaker 1: about how we can make it happen. What it could 305 00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:02,680 Speaker 1: look like. I reckon have a barbecue, forget the roast turkey. 306 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:04,840 Speaker 1: I already highlighted that. I reckon go to the beach, 307 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:06,160 Speaker 1: or go down to the local park, or have a 308 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:10,280 Speaker 1: backyard gathering. If you've got different traditions, multicultural traditions, just 309 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,560 Speaker 1: bring that to the table and find ways to be 310 00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:16,520 Speaker 1: grateful for it. What else, Kyle, You've got to send 311 00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:19,200 Speaker 1: out the invites it's Thursday night. There's only a few 312 00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:22,080 Speaker 1: days to go. But who cares? Start small? Just do 313 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:25,400 Speaker 1: it right, Like it's the last Thursday of November. So 314 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:28,320 Speaker 1: just say this Thursday night, we didn't have any plans, 315 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:29,880 Speaker 1: Now we do. We're going to do Thanksgiving. 316 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:34,200 Speaker 2: Maybe just have a lickety stick activity in the backyard. 317 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:37,760 Speaker 1: What activity a lickety stick? I don't think paddle pops. 318 00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:40,080 Speaker 1: We've been married for twenty eight and a half, twenty 319 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,640 Speaker 1: nine years. I don't think I've ever heard you say 320 00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:42,720 Speaker 1: lickety stick activity. 321 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:46,080 Speaker 2: What is that? I just said, paddle pops in the backyard. 322 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:48,840 Speaker 1: Oh so literally, just say for Thanksgiving, we're going to 323 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:50,880 Speaker 1: get together and have just desert in the backyard. 324 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:53,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, it doesn't have to be a big deal 325 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:56,080 Speaker 2: for people who have I had that. Number one. You 326 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,520 Speaker 2: have so many people that you want to invite over 327 00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:02,120 Speaker 2: and it's going to be a major event, or if 328 00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:05,280 Speaker 2: it's not, it's something that's quite uncomfortable or foreign to 329 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:07,640 Speaker 2: you to actually do the expressing. You could just have 330 00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:10,640 Speaker 2: a gratitude tree and you could actually, you know, kind 331 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:13,120 Speaker 2: of write things and attach it to the tree and 332 00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:16,680 Speaker 2: everyone gets to read them. So you're still having the experience. 333 00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:19,120 Speaker 1: Three years ago. We did, and it's beautiful and it 334 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:20,800 Speaker 1: was great because every time we walked past the lemon 335 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:22,920 Speaker 1: tree that was in the front door, we see this 336 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:26,400 Speaker 1: lemon tree full of labels and tags that we'd stuck 337 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:27,720 Speaker 1: on the tree or tight on to the tree, and 338 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:29,400 Speaker 1: it was like, that tree is full of all these 339 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:32,600 Speaker 1: labels and tags of things that our family is grateful for. Yeah, 340 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:33,520 Speaker 1: it was really really great. 341 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:36,920 Speaker 2: So whatever it looks like, I think it's just about 342 00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:37,680 Speaker 2: being intentional. 343 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:39,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'd say three things. Number one, you want to 344 00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:42,920 Speaker 1: make it kid friendly. Number two, you want to record 345 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,920 Speaker 1: it somehow so that you can look back and say, oh, yeah, 346 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,160 Speaker 1: this is the stuff that we were grateful for last year. Like, 347 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:50,440 Speaker 1: imagine next year you're saying, last year we said this, 348 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:53,720 Speaker 1: What about this year? Where are we at? Here's the conversation, 349 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,760 Speaker 1: I think the conversation starter. After everyone's eaten, just go 350 00:16:56,840 --> 00:17:00,360 Speaker 1: around and share one or two or three things grateful 351 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:03,560 Speaker 1: for from last year. One person who made a difference 352 00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:05,960 Speaker 1: in your life, and one thing that you're looking forward 353 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:09,520 Speaker 1: to in the coming year. One thing that you're looking 354 00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:14,560 Speaker 1: forward to being grateful for. A future anticipated schedule of gratitude. 355 00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:18,080 Speaker 1: If you like for me, that's what it's all about. 356 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,200 Speaker 1: If your family is dealing with conflict, I think this 357 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:22,960 Speaker 1: can be a bonding experience. It's not about pretending problems 358 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:26,200 Speaker 1: don't exist. It's about saying, were changing your focus. 359 00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:29,359 Speaker 2: Yeah it was problems everywhere, there's hard everywhere. Love it. 360 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,600 Speaker 2: But we can either focus on that or we can 361 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:35,000 Speaker 2: focus on goodness. And goodness is going to show us 362 00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:37,320 Speaker 2: the sunshine more than the rain. 363 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:40,119 Speaker 1: And if people say that they're too busy, I'm just 364 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:41,879 Speaker 1: going to call it. I'm going to have a microp 365 00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:46,760 Speaker 1: moment here. Provocative, but takes an hour, two hours once 366 00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:50,000 Speaker 1: a year to do this. How many hours of Netflix 367 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:52,080 Speaker 1: did you watch this week? How many hours of TikTok 368 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:53,920 Speaker 1: or in Sacramer you scroll this week? Find the time 369 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:58,040 Speaker 1: this stuff actually works. Reality is, we can't control a 370 00:17:58,080 --> 00:17:59,840 Speaker 1: lot of stuff that happens to us. We can't prevent 371 00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:02,880 Speaker 1: illness and loss and hardship. It's going to happen, it's 372 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:05,359 Speaker 1: going to hit us. But we can control our attention. 373 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,960 Speaker 1: We can decide to notice what we are grateful for 374 00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:11,760 Speaker 1: in our lives. We can get our families together, we 375 00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:16,280 Speaker 1: can practice gratitude together. So our challenge is make Thanksgiving 376 00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,000 Speaker 1: twenty twenty five. Happen in your house this Thursday night, 377 00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:21,520 Speaker 1: the final Thursday of November. Put it in the calendar, 378 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:24,440 Speaker 1: tell the family, invite your friends over. Make it happen, 379 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:26,880 Speaker 1: even if it's not perfect, even if food's overcooked, even 380 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:32,440 Speaker 1: if you're just having lickingy stick paddle pops in your backyard, 381 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:34,480 Speaker 1: even if your teenage is wrong. They're rising going. This 382 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:35,840 Speaker 1: is so long. We can't believe we have to do this. 383 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:40,160 Speaker 1: Even if your dad comes over and makes inappropriate jokes, 384 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:42,440 Speaker 1: don't worry about it. The point is you did it. 385 00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:45,320 Speaker 1: You've created a ritual, You've practiced gratitude as a family. 386 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:49,080 Speaker 1: Because the science is clear. Americans stumbled on this like 387 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:52,400 Speaker 1: four hundred years ago. Neuroscience is now proving it. They've 388 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:55,000 Speaker 1: built a holiday around gratitude and family, and Australians are 389 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,720 Speaker 1: pushing against it. I just can't comprehend it. We don't 390 00:18:57,760 --> 00:18:59,480 Speaker 1: need their history, we don't need their traditions. We can 391 00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:02,399 Speaker 1: do it anyway, but we would be fools not to 392 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:08,240 Speaker 1: learn from this science. Thanksgiving twenty twenty five. We're all in, 393 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:10,919 Speaker 1: how about you? The Happy Family's podcast is produced by 394 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:14,959 Speaker 1: Justin Rouland from Bridge Media. MIM Hammond's provides additional research, 395 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:18,480 Speaker 1: admin and other support. Thanks for listening. We hope that 396 00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:19,879 Speaker 1: you've got something out of this, and we hope that 397 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:23,440 Speaker 1: this Thursday night you feel grateful in some special way. 398 00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:26,000 Speaker 1: We'll be back tomorrow with more on the Happy Families 399 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:26,400 Speaker 1: podcast