Speaker 1: Can I say one thing?
Speaker 2: If I say noll, you'd not do it.
Speaker 1: I went upstairs to your bedroom just now. I may
Speaker 1: have snooped around.
Speaker 2: Did you sniff Monday's?
Speaker 1: Absolutely? Also, whilst I was mid sniff, I looked at
Speaker 1: your bed and notice that it's very big. What size
Speaker 1: is that?
Speaker 2: That is a super king.
Speaker 1: That must be delightful.
Speaker 2: It is good. It's nice to sleep in a different postcode.
Speaker 1: Are you the left are your left side?
Speaker 2: I'm closest to the window closes an intruder.
Speaker 1: Love that when you're having sex, do you normally favor
Speaker 1: the left side? Middle or where do you end up?
Speaker 2: I'm asexual. Actually that is.
Speaker 1: Not true at all.
Speaker 2: You're an absolute I am not.
Speaker 1: I can smell your erection from here.
Speaker 2: That and you probably should see a doctor about it.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to two doting dads. I am Maddie.
Speaker 2: J and I am Ash.
Speaker 1: And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is
Speaker 1: the good, it is.
Speaker 2: The bad and the related.
Speaker 1: And if you've come wanting any type of advice, any crumb,
Speaker 1: any slither, stay clear. We don't give it, never will,
Speaker 1: never have, never intend to.
Speaker 2: Must leave that generic statement at the front just in case.
Speaker 1: So where do we begin?
Speaker 2: Where do we again? Before we begin, we just want
Speaker 2: to acknowledge Stonewood. And I was drinking of stone and
Speaker 2: Wood on tap at the airport yesterday. And we always
Speaker 2: talk about best places for a beer. Airport beer.
Speaker 1: It's top shelf.
Speaker 2: It's up there with shower beer.
Speaker 1: What time, Ash, Because you had a very early flight,
Speaker 1: did you have a morning beer? I?
Speaker 2: Look, I was tempted, but I did have a big
Speaker 2: day ahead of me essay, So no, I did have
Speaker 2: one on the way back, as like a little you've
Speaker 2: finished the day today, you're on your way home, commuting home,
Speaker 2: and yeah, I had a nice Pacific ail on tap
Speaker 2: by yourself.
Speaker 1: Are you sitting in the air just a solo stone
Speaker 1: and wood? Ah, that's heaven.
Speaker 2: And I even just had my head, my noise canceling
Speaker 2: headphones in with nothing on, just enjoying the silence and
Speaker 2: tasting every aroma of that Pacific stone wood.
Speaker 1: It's an absolutely delightful drop. And I'm just gonna cheers
Speaker 1: if I'm a just one second, Ash, cheers, cheers. I
Speaker 1: was going to say, even better than an airport beer
Speaker 1: is when I get to sit here with a mic
Speaker 1: in front of me, in front of my favorite co host.
Speaker 2: Your only co host, you oh sipping a stone.
Speaker 1: Wood out of a can, which we don't often do.
Speaker 2: And for the last time in this house. Yes, I
Speaker 2: am being moved on. Before we do move on though,
Speaker 2: thank you to Stone and Wood as always for making
Speaker 2: these episodes possible. But I am mid move As you
Speaker 2: can see, there's a little bit going on.
Speaker 1: How are you feeling.
Speaker 2: I'm fucking over it. To be honest, I rang you
Speaker 2: last night. I was fucking you had an event, I
Speaker 2: had a really big evan and I'm just so off it.
Speaker 2: I'm off it. There's just everything happens at once. Why
Speaker 2: can't it just be like, hey, Ash, you need to
Speaker 2: move out of your house at some point in the
Speaker 2: next couple of months. Okay, cool, not hey get out?
Speaker 2: And then he's bullshitted to us that he wants to
Speaker 2: sell it. It's Garby, that's just just man up, you
Speaker 2: fucking peeheart, wrinkly old.
Speaker 1: Yes, okay, I love the past. Put that out it
Speaker 1: is you're doing. Can I just say you guys are
Speaker 1: doing a great job.
Speaker 2: Oh, thank you doing a great job.
Speaker 1: I can only begin to appreciate how stressful life is
Speaker 1: right now for you guys, especially because you're also going
Speaker 1: away next week.
Speaker 2: Away. Next week you're going to work trip if they
Speaker 2: work trips on a cruise ship, but I am working.
Speaker 1: What's what's the house that you're seeing?
Speaker 2: You've got just a friend of ours. They're moving away
Speaker 2: and it happens to be around about the same time
Speaker 2: we get back from this trip.
Speaker 1: So can they do the old like cheeky handball to
Speaker 1: you so you don't have to do it like they do.
Speaker 2: They own it, ah, so it could work out really well,
Speaker 2: fingers cross. April's happy because that's all that matters to me.
Speaker 1: Have you been there to the house?
Speaker 2: I've been there before, but I was on the piece
Speaker 2: and I can't remember what it was like and was like,
Speaker 2: have you been there? I was like, no, I remember,
Speaker 2: because if I'd have said yeah and I was on
Speaker 2: the piece, she would have been like, tell me it
Speaker 2: was a square meterage blah blah blah blah. But we
Speaker 2: are going up today to have a look at it.
Speaker 2: You're going to cut us a deal that I mean,
Speaker 2: it's you know, they're moving away as like a trial
Speaker 2: as well, so it's they're moving just up the coast
Speaker 2: a little bit. A couple of hours up the coast.
Speaker 1: How do you feel then about your friend becoming your landlord?
Speaker 2: I tell you right now, anyone would be better than
Speaker 2: the current landlord I have now. Donald Trump would be
Speaker 2: better than the current landlord I have now. The guy
Speaker 2: I have now is the absolute bottom feeder of human
Speaker 2: race there is. And if he's listening, and I know
Speaker 2: he's got kids that are my age two that live
Speaker 2: in the area, If they're listening, I fucking hate you.
Speaker 1: And anyway, let us know how you really feel, like,
Speaker 1: don't hold back.
Speaker 2: No, they just he was here the other day, like
Speaker 2: walking around like given here, he was here. He had
Speaker 2: to fix the beam. He made April cry, he's just
Speaker 2: a funck with.
Speaker 1: Why doesn't he fix the beam after you guys are gone?
Speaker 2: Because it's a long story, but it's a piece of shit. Yeah,
Speaker 2: he's like, I'm thinking about just selling it. And then
Speaker 2: he's like, I've got the builders coming to fix what
Speaker 2: I complained about. Now that I'm moving out, he's going
Speaker 2: to fix it.
Speaker 1: Something doesn't add up. Something's a bit off here.
Speaker 2: I hope the place burns down.
Speaker 1: But not impacting the neighbors.
Speaker 2: No, fuck the neighbors too, Okay, fuck yeah. Fuck Damn,
Speaker 2: I'm just I'm off it.
Speaker 1: Damn I'm off it.
Speaker 2: Are you off me? No? I'm off them? I'm off
Speaker 2: everyone love you but you and April I said, I
Speaker 2: love you, thank you, I love you too.
Speaker 1: That made me say it again one more. You were
Speaker 1: on the Sunny Coast.
Speaker 2: I did fly a couple of things quick look at.
Speaker 1: Your fucking stories and I was like, are you smuggling
Speaker 1: a bomb on the plane? What do you get?
Speaker 2: Some funny looks? I've never done this before. I took
Speaker 2: a carry on cake home with me from the Sunny Coast.
Speaker 2: So yesterday I did go to the Sney Coast to
Speaker 2: see our good friend Andy Cooks to do a baking video,
Speaker 2: which would be really fun when it comes out is YouTube.
Speaker 2: We might get Maddie Jane Volve next time, because I
Speaker 2: know that you probably know your way around a cake.
Speaker 1: Very good baker. I really enjoyed my baking. I didn't
Speaker 1: picture you as been much of a baker.
Speaker 2: And he was impressed. And honestly, what was you doing?
Speaker 2: I have never you know, I'm not a perfectionist like you.
Speaker 2: I am far from it, and I'm quite happy with that.
Speaker 2: I'm happy with that about me. I like that we're
Speaker 2: not both like that. That there's one of us canna
Speaker 2: be like, yeah, it's all right, and the other one
Speaker 2: could be like that we're need to redo it, because
Speaker 2: it sort of brings us both into line.
Speaker 1: In some we meet in the middle.
Speaker 2: We meet in the middle of a lot, and that's good.
Speaker 2: I like that. But with cake, with frosting, a cake,
Speaker 2: All of a sudden, I'm the Maddy j of caking.
Speaker 1: And I'm rubbing off on you.
Speaker 2: I even said it to Andy. I'm like, who am I?
Speaker 2: It was like my adhd was went. I was just like,
Speaker 2: I'm like, no, no, no, no no. He's like trying
Speaker 2: to move us on, and I'm like, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: no no no.
Speaker 1: Maybe you found your secret calling.
Speaker 2: I couldn't do it every day.
Speaker 1: I reckon.
Speaker 3: Nah.
Speaker 2: I look, I have a lot of respect for cake
Speaker 2: decorators and bakers because it's very it's really therapeutic.
Speaker 1: I feel like cake decorators don't get the recognition they deserve.
Speaker 2: I know absolutely. It's just about it took the words
Speaker 2: right out of my mouth, so I took the words
Speaker 2: right out of my man. Anyway, we can see later.
Speaker 2: There's two things. It's very therapeutic I find.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's nice to strike, nice to focus on something
Speaker 1: and activity. It's not too strenuous.
Speaker 2: But also it's nice little sweet treat every now and
Speaker 2: then if you like little pet me up, you know,
Speaker 2: boom done. But also I couldn't it every day because
Speaker 2: I feel like I would get stuck with my own
Speaker 2: thoughts for too long.
Speaker 1: I did actually for a brief period. This is before
Speaker 1: I like was on reality TV. For those of you
Speaker 1: who don't know, I wasn't a show called Beauty and
Speaker 1: the Beast.
Speaker 2: I thought it was called Just the Tip.
Speaker 1: I worked for. I come read the name of the magazine.
Speaker 1: They're a food mag and I was just like an assistant,
Speaker 1: like a little bitch if you will, and we just
Speaker 1: made food. We would make like six dishes.
Speaker 2: A day, yeah yeah, yeah, and we would.
Speaker 1: Shoot them all and then we'd like finish one, shoot
Speaker 1: it onto the next and just eat and oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I ate NonStop. But it was I couldn't do that.
Speaker 1: I couldn't do it. Was nice to dabble in the world.
Speaker 2: But not to do it every day. No, it's not.
Speaker 2: It does take. I mean, like for pastry chefs, first
Speaker 2: of all, you're not real chefs, and second of all
Speaker 2: the things you do to do.
Speaker 1: I love how like the pendulum swings so quickly from
Speaker 1: phrasing these people now just so quickly attacking.
Speaker 2: I can't give them all. I can't give them everything.
Speaker 2: I can't give them everything.
Speaker 1: I've got, decorators, fantastic, keep up the good work.
Speaker 2: Pastry chefs, get a real job. No, apparently there is
Speaker 2: a beef between pastry chefs and real chef?
Speaker 1: Is there there is? But look there's who Who's the.
Speaker 2: Chef I was with yesterday, Andy Cook? But he's got
Speaker 2: a lot of respect for them. He has to say that.
Speaker 2: So I wasn't get canceled. But I don't, but I
Speaker 2: do in different ways anyway. Whatever, don't enough about that? Well,
Speaker 2: I made a cake and then I bring it back
Speaker 2: on an aeroplane.
Speaker 1: Do you put on your lap or overhead? It was
Speaker 1: a seat you put on the seat.
Speaker 2: It was a spar seat.
Speaker 1: Perfect.
Speaker 2: The guy next to me was like, there because what
Speaker 2: kind of cake was it? It was a red truck cake.
Speaker 1: Lovely. As Oscar seen the cake, yeah.
Speaker 2: This morning he got to see so I got home
Speaker 2: late last night.
Speaker 1: As he tried the cake, he got some.
Speaker 2: In his lunchbox today, little treat. Yeah, it's going to
Speaker 2: be lovely for him. But I did have to fly
Speaker 2: out fly back on the same day, and you know
Speaker 2: how taxing that me on the body and the mind.
Speaker 2: And just kidding.
Speaker 1: It needs to be some kind of endurance race that's
Speaker 1: like four flights in a day.
Speaker 2: There would bits called the Amazing Race. Continue carry on,
Speaker 2: we should do the amazing race.
Speaker 1: Fuck?
Speaker 2: No, why when you do with me?
Speaker 1: No way?
Speaker 2: Why we to loot? We travel well together.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's if we're just like going to like an airport, and.
Speaker 2: What do you think would happen? We kill each other?
Speaker 1: We kill each other?
Speaker 2: Would we really?
Speaker 1: We would fucking attach each other about No, I mean
Speaker 1: that in like a nice way.
Speaker 2: We would kill each other with niceness. That's lovely. It'd
Speaker 2: be a nice chance to get away from our kids.
Speaker 1: Yeah, in the most stressful environment possible.
Speaker 2: It would make us better. We'd become closer, we would We.
Speaker 1: Can't get any closer. The only way we could get
Speaker 1: closer if we start having sex.
Speaker 2: Anyway, I had to go up and back in the
Speaker 2: same day, and as you know, that's a bit tricky
Speaker 2: because you got to go early. I'm about forty five
Speaker 2: to fifty minutes from the airport anyway. So in the morning,
Speaker 2: I got up and I went, was fucking freezing. Can
Speaker 2: I add it's.
Speaker 1: A sunny coast.
Speaker 2: No, no, here, sorry, here was freezing and here it
Speaker 2: was freezing anyway, Where did that accident come from? I
Speaker 2: was like, Oh, maybe I'll just book a latter flops.
Speaker 2: I didn't. I got up and I went and I
Speaker 2: got to the airport and I was really thought I
Speaker 2: was really running late. And then I got there and
Speaker 2: they were the people boarding. Wasn't final call, they was boarding,
Speaker 2: And I thought, brilliant, I need to shit. So I
Speaker 2: went to the toilet right next to the gate, lucky perfect,
Speaker 2: right next to the gate, walk in, sit down, do
Speaker 2: my business. And I did it a little bit quicker
Speaker 2: than I would have thought, well that I would usually,
Speaker 2: because I need to get on this flight. And I
Speaker 2: hear as every time I fly, I hear them calling
Speaker 2: last call, and they call the names of the people
Speaker 2: they're waiting for.
Speaker 1: In that moment where you heard your name being called
Speaker 1: on the PA system, where were you at in the
Speaker 1: process of the shit? Had you finish the pooh? Was
Speaker 1: the who's still coming out?
Speaker 2: It has just completely fallen out of my rectum. Okay,
Speaker 2: great into the bowl, because that would.
Speaker 1: Be very stressful if you kind of knew that you
Speaker 1: still you know, you're halfway through it leaving your body.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I heard the name and I went, perfect,
Speaker 2: I'm done right.
Speaker 1: Let's just pray to the Pooh gods that it's like
Speaker 1: a one or two wipe scenario.
Speaker 2: Well, I looked over to where the toilet paper is empty.
Speaker 2: A fuck, and I'm in a public toilet, So I
Speaker 2: can't just like get up off the toilet yell out, Oscar,
Speaker 2: bring me some toilet papers, right, Alaska, couldn't hear it because.
Speaker 1: You're at home going dad's in trouble.
Speaker 2: There's no one else in the toilet, no one else
Speaker 2: in this particular. It's very early in the morning and
Speaker 2: everyone's boarding the floor.
Speaker 1: So just like open the door, shuffle or just pull
Speaker 1: your pants up.
Speaker 2: I thought, what am I going to do? As you do,
Speaker 2: that goes through your mind, what am I going to do?
Speaker 2: So I poked my head out just to see if
Speaker 2: anyone's there, just to see if I could do the
Speaker 2: pants around the ankle, shuffle right to the stall to
Speaker 2: see there's any I don't know if it's any top
Speaker 2: paper in the one next to me this day. And
Speaker 2: then I'm thinking, if I do this mission, is someone
Speaker 2: going to walk in and see my fucking poe asshole
Speaker 2: as I'm shuffling to the next door? And is it
Speaker 2: worth it?
Speaker 1: Why don't you just pull your pants up?
Speaker 2: I didn't want to get shit in my pants and
Speaker 2: goes smells like shit.
Speaker 1: But then surely, surely, I.
Speaker 2: Look, it's five thirty in the morning. Bro, I've poked
Speaker 2: my head out. Okay, let me just run you through
Speaker 2: the story and then you can give me your criticism.
Speaker 2: I poked my head out to see I wigh up
Speaker 2: the option of whether to do this awkward shuffle where
Speaker 2: you're like, because you can't. You know, I didn't want
Speaker 2: to pull my pants up because I I didn't have
Speaker 2: any carry on. I had nothing. It was just me.
Speaker 2: I would stunk like shit for the whole day if
Speaker 2: I'd got shit on any part of my clothing.
Speaker 1: I think surely you can, just like you can step
Speaker 1: in a way where your ass cheeks don't completely close.
Speaker 2: How much control of your ass cheeks do you have?
Speaker 1: Buy me a drink and.
Speaker 2: Very good and you know how interesting my asshole.
Speaker 1: Is yeah, I'm roid ridden.
Speaker 2: Ridden, easy on, I'm very good now it's been downgraded
Speaker 2: from ridden. So but I thought, I look, at five
Speaker 2: or three in the morning, I don't want someone walking
Speaker 2: in seeing me mid shuffle and seeing my pel yar's crack.
Speaker 2: Don't need that at all. So I decided to just
Speaker 2: sit down and take a deep breath and have a
Speaker 2: think about it what I'm going to do. And then
Speaker 2: I hear my name being called again, and I'm like,
Speaker 2: this is getting dire, this is getting really dire.
Speaker 1: And then it would be a fucking shame to miss your.
Speaker 2: Fly because of this. And I've poked my head out again,
Speaker 2: thinking okay, I can make it. I can make it.
Speaker 2: Is anyone coming, I've gone to go and I heard
Speaker 2: someone coming, so I've shut the door. I shut the
Speaker 2: door again, and I thought, oh fucking And I just
Speaker 2: went open the door again, and this guy's doing a
Speaker 2: piece in the yearine across from me, and I was like, anyway.
Speaker 2: His head just went and he turned around and I
Speaker 2: was like, come here. I was like, hey, can you
Speaker 2: just check there's no toilet paper in here? On me
Speaker 2: trying to explain at five th in the morning. He
Speaker 2: was like, it was like, there's no toilet paper in here.
Speaker 2: Can you just check the store next to me if
Speaker 2: there's any toilet paper in there? And he was like yeah.
Speaker 2: So he finished doing his way or whatever. I went
Speaker 2: and washed his hands, very hygienic, and he came back
Speaker 2: and he went into the top store and I could
Speaker 2: hear him, so there is something in there, and he
Speaker 2: was like, how much do you need?
Speaker 1: Not often you get asked that question.
Speaker 2: I was like, just enough so that I could even
Speaker 2: just clear the residual and then I can make it.
Speaker 1: How long is a piece of string? Yeah? Yeah?
Speaker 2: I was like, just give us whatever you think and
Speaker 2: he was like two squares, gave us a bit of
Speaker 2: a ravel whatever, and handed off to me. I've closed
Speaker 2: the door, locked the door. He's then left. He's not
Speaker 2: gonna hang around listen and wait to see if I
Speaker 2: need any more. And he was like. I was like,
Speaker 2: thank you, mate, you're a fucking legend. You're a life saver.
Speaker 2: And he was like, no worries. Cob kept moving and
Speaker 2: then I was like, all right, went rolled it up.
Speaker 2: So it was nice to give myself a nice one
Speaker 2: to see what I'm working with, because you don't know
Speaker 2: what you're working with, right, And I've gone and I've wiped,
Speaker 2: no friction. It was a clean snap. So that whole
Speaker 2: time I could Yeah, that whole time, I could have
Speaker 2: just gone gone on with my day.
Speaker 1: Surely you would have known, though, No, you don't know.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to put my hand there because if
Speaker 2: I put my hand then I'm stuck with a shitty hand.
Speaker 1: But you have an inkling. I normally like I have
Speaker 1: some kind of sixth sense to know whether or not
Speaker 1: it's going to be like a one, two six or
Speaker 1: a ten wiper.
Speaker 2: My interesting asshole is always going to be very good
Speaker 2: to roll the dice anyway. So that whole ten to
Speaker 2: fifteen minute stress point could have been avoided if I
Speaker 2: just had one square to check. I was standing there
Speaker 2: with a hand and full of toilet paper that was useless.
Speaker 1: You could have eaten dinner off your asshole.
Speaker 2: I could have. It was so clean. There's so many
Speaker 2: people out there and there going, oh, love to dinner.
Speaker 2: He's gone, asshole. Ew it goes. And then I got up.
Speaker 2: Obviously I washed my hands even though I didn't need to,
Speaker 2: went to the front desk and they were like, are
Speaker 2: you Andrew. I was like, no, I'm Ash and they're like, oh, yes,
Speaker 2: Ash too. There was still another guy behind me, so
Speaker 2: I was like, yes, I've got no toilet. Anyways, I
Speaker 2: got on the plane, made it, made it to the
Speaker 2: Sunny coast, did my thing with Andy, smuggled a cake
Speaker 2: back here.
Speaker 1: I am done, just quickly on wiping your ass. Weird
Speaker 1: thing has happened in my family. You scruncher, you're a folder.
Speaker 2: No, I'm like a raveler. There like a yeah, I'll
Speaker 2: show you. I'm just gonna go and get some toilet
Speaker 2: paper into it to pull my pants out.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's very flirty today with you.
Speaker 2: Sorry, mate, what's your toilet paper of choice? Before I
Speaker 2: give you my answer? Quilton Quilton shout out to Quilton.
Speaker 2: If you're listening the good stuff product. I'm a raveler
Speaker 2: and I feel like everyone only gives you two options,
Speaker 2: folder or scruncher. I'm my nervous. Have I just uncovered
Speaker 2: something here?
Speaker 1: I've never bet a raveler before.
Speaker 2: Okay, this is a raveler. Some would say it's somewhat
Speaker 2: of a folder, but it's not. Okay, so I've gotten
Speaker 2: going to give you demonstration. First of all, let's crack the.
Speaker 1: Seal, fresh roll you take?
Speaker 2: Hang on, No, that's all right, let me start again.
Speaker 2: It needs to be tired at more tension.
Speaker 1: Wow, I've never seen anything like that in my life.
Speaker 2: Should we go? Get every's gonna come home? Who's here?
Speaker 1: So?
Speaker 2: Dog?
Speaker 1: Who taught you this?
Speaker 2: I'm a self taught traveler. This is for all ravelers
Speaker 2: out there. When someone says to you, are you don't
Speaker 2: miss identify me? Don't miss identify me?
Speaker 1: Can I show you what I do?
Speaker 2: We're gonna do a dry run or a wet run,
Speaker 2: wet one. It was gonna be like, where the fuck
Speaker 2: is all this?
Speaker 1: But there? Hang on, well very dainty. Wait, so then
Speaker 1: I can do like I can wipe with that, and
Speaker 1: then I can do like this and wipe again, and
Speaker 1: then if I want to, I can even go like what, Oh, you're.
Speaker 2: One of those people that would chain themselves to a tree, ain't.
Speaker 1: I just think?
Speaker 2: Let me ask you this. Go on. That's how you
Speaker 2: do it when there's no traders in the house. Now,
Speaker 2: if there's traders in the house, what do you do?
Speaker 1: Exactly?
Speaker 2: Nah?
Speaker 1: You go.
Speaker 2: It's like when you change your accent when you talking,
Speaker 2: It's like, oh, yes, darling yes, and then the trade goes,
Speaker 2: how are you bloody go maying alright.
Speaker 1: And you're like, that's an attack on Trade's okay, that's
Speaker 1: Marley wipes like a trading because she's still obviously Now
Speaker 1: she goes a taller and she goes, dad, wipe my bomb.
Speaker 2: Is that a trading thing?
Speaker 1: Is it? Come in? I'm like, all right, touchdowes, wipe
Speaker 1: it bum. And then she saw me folding as I
Speaker 1: just was just now folding the tall paper and she
Speaker 1: looks at me and she's like, what are you doing?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I'm folding the tall paper. She goes
Speaker 1: scrunch it. So she was demanding the scrunch. She's only
Speaker 1: a scruncher. And I'm like, oh my god.
Speaker 2: Maybe she could be a reveler. Now I'm going to
Speaker 2: start it. I'm going to start a movement. You've heard
Speaker 2: it here. First, she is.
Speaker 1: A pure scruncher. Fuck the revelers stuff.
Speaker 2: Don't you dare? That's discriminatory. I don't like it.
Speaker 1: I feel like in the pyramid, the hierarchy of all
Speaker 1: the paper folder is elite. I'd say raveler is second.
Speaker 2: I'll take it.
Speaker 1: Scrunchert is down the bottom. I'll take it.
Speaker 2: I'll take that. I'll take that. Now I've got another
Speaker 2: question for you. We've really got on a tangent here
Speaker 2: and I like it now, the wiping of the child's
Speaker 2: bump while they're on the toilet. You did just say
Speaker 2: touch your toes?
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 2: Can you give me an example of how that would work?
Speaker 2: So turn your chair. That chair is the toilet.
Speaker 1: So normally, actually what I tend to do now is.
Speaker 2: She standing sitting? What's the deal?
Speaker 1: So Marlie will stand up with this?
Speaker 2: Yeah, she'll turn to the side. Wow, okay, like that.
Speaker 1: But now I've gotten to the habit. I say, put
Speaker 1: your hands on my shoes.
Speaker 2: So I think I know where you're going with this, Marley.
Speaker 1: Will I bend over, put her hands on my shoes,
Speaker 1: rest them there or so she's like a cat almost,
Speaker 1: And then I.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so I got one for you. You know,
Speaker 2: put your chair back out over there. I ask. I
Speaker 2: was going to leank forward towards me like this, okay,
Speaker 2: And then he comes forward a bit bang like that,
Speaker 2: head between my leg and then I go like that,
Speaker 2: what do you reckon?
Speaker 1: I've never been to rouse, but you lock him in.
Speaker 1: It's like a bull getting the horns, like lock him in,
Speaker 1: like by the head.
Speaker 2: Exactly right. So when they like milk a cow, when
Speaker 2: they milk a cow, or what do they do? Is
Speaker 2: it how they kill a cow? I don't know when
Speaker 2: they milk a cow or they fist a cow? Is
Speaker 2: that what they do it? Now? They fist?
Speaker 1: Yeah, cow fisting.
Speaker 2: Sure, they lock their heads in so they can't wrangle away. Yeah,
Speaker 2: So I just do like that. What do you reckon?
Speaker 1: Very good? Very very good. I like that a lot.
Speaker 1: I like that a lot, brilliant. I'll be using that
Speaker 1: with Laura.
Speaker 2: That went off a bit a bit, and I like that.
Speaker 1: I'm all for it. We often I feel like last
Speaker 1: year or the beginning of this year, every episode was
Speaker 1: about shit. We had a little break from talking about shit.
Speaker 2: Now we're right, some episodes just about shit.
Speaker 1: In the sweet spot. I've been meaning to ask. I
Speaker 1: did ask you on text a couple of days ago.
Speaker 1: How is Macie? How is she?
Speaker 2: I know what you're referring to. So do you want
Speaker 2: to give a context or do you want me to
Speaker 2: give a context?
Speaker 1: Can I say, firstly, thank you for the tickets to
Speaker 1: Disney On ice, families came together again? To enjoy one
Speaker 1: hell of a show.
Speaker 2: An amazing show. Only one guy fell over on the ice,
Speaker 2: which one I don't know his name.
Speaker 1: That's whateverite part.
Speaker 2: Just one guy was really quick he recovered.
Speaker 1: They get up quick, don't they.
Speaker 2: They spring back up.
Speaker 1: They're very good. We had the families, their kids were
Speaker 1: having a great time. And then I don't know what happened.
Speaker 2: I'll tell you what happened. Every dad who has a
Speaker 2: daughter and you know it daddy's little girl, and you're
Speaker 2: like this dady's little girl. Macy's not my little girl anymore.
Speaker 2: And this is what's happened. She edged over to us,
Speaker 2: She edged over, looking for it was quite late for
Speaker 2: a child of that age. Yeah, sh was dark, was dark,
Speaker 2: she edged over, and I thought she's coming over for
Speaker 2: a cuddle, just getting tired. Yeah, she completely bline past
Speaker 2: me and went to one Matthew Johnson.
Speaker 1: And this has never happened. For we've never had a cuddle.
Speaker 1: We've never ever We've had like a little exchange every
Speaker 1: now and then, just like you know, hey, HAWII high five.
Speaker 1: That's a nice banana, you know, enjoy your lunch type chat. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And that's been it. That's been it.
Speaker 2: But she's gone straight past me and onto your lap
Speaker 2: for a little cuddle.
Speaker 1: The relationship is just leaps and bounds And all it
Speaker 1: took was a bit of Disney and I.
Speaker 2: She was there for the whole second act.
Speaker 1: Well, she came, we were sitting together, she came for
Speaker 1: a cuddle. Then she wouldn't leave.
Speaker 2: She stayed. And then when the show ended and you
Speaker 2: were like, got a we went to take Macy off you.
Speaker 2: She was in morning. Even Laura was like, what the fuck?
Speaker 1: What? She was like, that's never happened. Sometimes kids just
Speaker 1: have like.
Speaker 2: They just latch onto someone. And then she was like
Speaker 2: on my shoulder, like and then he came back to
Speaker 2: like and then again for another cuddle. Beautiful And then
Speaker 2: April had to step in and she sobbed all the
Speaker 2: way home. Yeah, she's never been the same. It was amazing,
Speaker 2: just because I said that. We were walking back to
Speaker 2: the car and she was like, I was like, do
Speaker 2: you love Maddie Jays? She's like you And I was like, okay,
Speaker 2: that's cool.
Speaker 1: I mean what about me? My biggest question is like
Speaker 1: is that where we're at? Like can I give her
Speaker 1: a cuddle when I see her? Yeah, she'd be Okay
Speaker 1: should I play like you know how, I like thought
Speaker 1: I was at a place with Oscar where I could like,
Speaker 1: I wonder, I'll be heartbreaking if I can see Macie
Speaker 1: again and a go for a cuddle and she's like whoa.
Speaker 2: That was a way to maybe just get down on
Speaker 2: her level, go cuddle and then just see what happens. Okay,
Speaker 2: she'll go straight there.
Speaker 1: It was very good the show. Thank you once again.
Speaker 1: I only have one complaint about Disney on ice.
Speaker 2: Yep, not enough nudity.
Speaker 1: There's plenty that and the fact that those little ones,
Speaker 1: there's little light up ones like fifty bucks, fifty five dollars.
Speaker 2: Someone actually messaged me saying the lady behind us complained
Speaker 2: to her five year old daughter because she was waving
Speaker 2: a wander out.
Speaker 1: That's like the whole point of like, what the fuck are.
Speaker 2: You doing at Disney. If you're complaining about.
Speaker 1: That, don't go to Disney. It's like people saying it's
Speaker 1: too loud, there's too much dancing.
Speaker 2: There was too much Disney at that Disney show.
Speaker 1: Can I just say as well, we got pretty lucky
Speaker 1: that we were sitting a little bit further back, because
Speaker 1: apparently those who are closer to the ice. It's free.
Speaker 2: I was at a beautiful temperature. It was lovely and
Speaker 2: I actually took my jacket.
Speaker 1: Off, actually got no pants on. This temperature is delightful.
Speaker 1: I did dance, yes, a bit of dancing, which was
Speaker 1: it was lovely.
Speaker 2: It was good. It was it was a good show.
Speaker 2: It was a lot of family fun for everybody.
Speaker 1: Before we go on to a new segment, well.
Speaker 2: It's a resurgence of an old segment.
Speaker 1: I do want to make reference to a situation that
Speaker 1: happened at our house that actually made it into the press.
Speaker 2: All the press. I haven't seen that as made as
Speaker 2: I did see something I didn't pay a lot of attention.
Speaker 1: Laura had spoken about it on her podcast, and we
Speaker 1: do have a few people that listen to Life I
Speaker 1: cut also listening to Dunning Dads, and I do have
Speaker 1: to say they're a podcast which embellishes stories, veers far
Speaker 1: away from the truth. We're the only podcast out there
Speaker 1: which hang on a minute, focuses on the truth and
Speaker 1: nothing but the truth.
Speaker 2: Are you calling fake news?
Speaker 1: She's a fucking liar.
Speaker 2: She's a liar, and what fake news?
Speaker 1: What happened was the police were called to our neighbor RNDA,
Speaker 1: no other neighbor other side.
Speaker 2: This is with the shopping at the front. I saw
Speaker 2: the shopping, the shopping that was Friday, Yes, I was there. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so I'm part of the story. Yeah. Hey, well no
Speaker 2: one from the media has reached out for comment because
Speaker 2: I did see the shopping.
Speaker 1: Yes, and I thought, that's what have they got.
Speaker 2: I wasn't thinking anything other than what have they got?
Speaker 2: They got anything good? Because I'm taking it.
Speaker 1: She never normally has a shopping there. And for those
Speaker 1: of you so who don't know next to us, like
Speaker 1: shared War is an elderly lady. She must be in
Speaker 1: her eighties. We rarely see her.
Speaker 2: She's been on well I've never seen her.
Speaker 1: I've never seen her. Sometimes we're like, it's weird, dude.
Speaker 1: Sometimes we'll hear like I remember one time I was
Speaker 1: going to bed. I was turning off lights. It's maybe
Speaker 1: eleven o'clock and it was when the tennis was on
Speaker 1: the Australian Open, and I thought, what's that noise that
Speaker 1: smell and I could just hear the tennis was on.
Speaker 1: Actually happened a few times. Would never hear it during
Speaker 1: the day. It was only like eleven o'clock midnight. I
Speaker 1: would hear the TV on her.
Speaker 2: She a vampire.
Speaker 1: I think she's a vampire.
Speaker 2: Bro Wow, yeah, never met one.
Speaker 1: But that's the only time Laura has seen her once
Speaker 1: or twice. Apart from that, We're like, is she still there?
Speaker 1: Not quite sure, but the shopping arrived Friday morning. It's
Speaker 1: now seven o'clock at night. Shopping is still there. And
Speaker 1: we know that for old people, the shopping is the
Speaker 1: most exciting slash important part.
Speaker 2: That's all I've got.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's it. It was still there, started to rain,
Speaker 1: started to rain rain, and then at this point, it's
Speaker 1: worth noting that Laura has removed this part from her story.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, so this is where the lies come in.
Speaker 1: Laura tried to kill the neighbor.
Speaker 2: Cool did she?
Speaker 1: No? But Laura was like should I should? I like,
Speaker 1: what should we do here? And I was like, We're
Speaker 1: knock on the door, still nothing, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: do we call? Like what's another? Ended up calling Triple zero.
Speaker 1: It must have been a quiet night because within a heartbeat,
Speaker 1: one cop car, two cop cars, and they were all
Speaker 1: there kind of standing like, oh, what.
Speaker 2: Do we do? She's like eighty She's.
Speaker 1: Like eighty we haven't heard anything from her for a while,
Speaker 1: and we're like we kind of say we know that
Speaker 1: she's been on well also, and they're like, we just
Speaker 1: don't want to We don't want to bang down the
Speaker 1: door because obviously you got like a broken door.
Speaker 2: It's like my grandmother's in her eighties and every time
Speaker 2: she doesn't answer the phone, we're like, is she heard
Speaker 2: from her? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, And so then they're like, we're going to
Speaker 1: get the police rescue here because they can pick the locks.
Speaker 1: But the police rescue vans, the big white ones. Yeah yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, So that thing rocks ou.
Speaker 2: I thought they're going to send a helicopter.
Speaker 1: Was yeah. I was like, only thing missing was a
Speaker 1: helicopter with the spotlight on her house. Maybe that would
Speaker 1: have woken her up. But we've got like four cop cars.
Speaker 1: People must have thought there was a murder.
Speaker 2: Did the news come, No news, no news.
Speaker 1: Unfortunately. I was like doing my head in case they're
Speaker 1: where's the makeup guy, But they were like, we want
Speaker 1: to try and pick the lock, and then they went
Speaker 1: to the back of the house. They were picking the lock,
Speaker 1: and meanwhile everyone's still banging on the door being like, hello,
Speaker 1: anyone there, and then as they were about to pick
Speaker 1: the lock slash kicking the door, she was like hello,
Speaker 1: just like people with spotlights in her house, happy to
Speaker 1: say she's alive, and well, okay.
Speaker 2: She's alive, and well what happened?
Speaker 1: She was just having an app she was asleep.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 1: She was like, Oh, I'm just waking up.
Speaker 2: I'm just waking up of the day.
Speaker 1: Yeah. She's like, ignore that.
Speaker 2: You can sleep whenever you want.
Speaker 1: She does sleep a lot.
Speaker 2: During COVID. I used to go out and visit my
Speaker 2: grandmother and stay with her, like for honest, it was
Speaker 2: like a Saturday just because she just needs some company. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and she loved the races. She doesn't bad, but she
Speaker 2: just loves horses. It's cute. Took it to the races too.
Speaker 2: That's different story for another day. But one time I
Speaker 2: walked in and she was laying on the couch. Presumably
Speaker 2: I thought she was dead, and I was like, oh great,
Speaker 2: laughing at my dead name. I was like, oh great,
Speaker 2: and then well I better call someone. As I went
Speaker 2: to call someone, she was like, it's a miracle, Like
Speaker 2: I was just about to check your poles. I would
Speaker 2: hate to get to the age where people think you're
Speaker 2: dead every time you're sleeping. Speaking of dead neighbors, you
Speaker 2: just really don't. Yeah, fucking hell, we have these episodes
Speaker 2: where you just jog my memory with things. I've had
Speaker 2: two neighbors die in my lifetime. Could it be me?
Speaker 2: Possibly the first one.
Speaker 1: That's why you get kicked out because all the neighbors
Speaker 1: and you're like, we can't live near, we can't live near. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I used to live in d Y, which is a
Speaker 2: suburb in Sydney. It's Northern Beaches, and we lived in
Speaker 2: a unit. Okay, and our next door neighbor, who was
Speaker 2: somewhat of a creep, I would say, he was quite.
Speaker 2: It wasn't old old. He was like maybe in his seventies.
Speaker 2: So yeah, old blacky mum who's very young. It's brightly
Speaker 2: for her age. I just fucking backed that up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I saw that, like see the panic in your eyes.
Speaker 2: I was like he was on blood thinners. I didn't
Speaker 2: know that until after. Anyway, I get home from work
Speaker 2: one day and there's like twelve cops in the lobby
Speaker 2: and I was like, tell us.
Speaker 1: Can I help you?
Speaker 2: Wasn't me? And I went into our apartment and the
Speaker 2: dog was going nuts because you could just hear commotion
Speaker 2: going on out there. And then April get time and
Speaker 2: was like, let's just take the dog out for a
Speaker 2: walk until these guys fucking get out of here. Gone anyway,
Speaker 2: So I've come out and one of the police officers
Speaker 2: says to me, he's just, oh, do you know what's happened?
Speaker 2: I was like no, Like, guy, look at your neighbor
Speaker 2: is deceased. And I was like, shit, no way, Bumma, Like, well,
Speaker 2: how do you want me to wreck? I don't really know.
Speaker 1: Him, sad though, did know the fact that someone's past.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So he was like, if did you hear anything
Speaker 2: suspicious last night? I was like, oh, now we're talking
Speaker 2: now are you talking my language? And it's funny because
Speaker 2: I did.
Speaker 1: Did we just become a true crime podcast?
Speaker 2: Look out case file? At about ten thirty at night,
Speaker 2: I heard a knock on the door of another apartment
Speaker 2: in that row of apartment, which was odd, but I
Speaker 2: just thought maybe someone had got ubery it's laid or
Speaker 2: something like that. Nothing really, and that's all I heard.
Speaker 2: I didn't hear it.
Speaker 1: Oh help me, your mine's not going to travel to
Speaker 1: like death off the back of that.
Speaker 2: As I was saying this, the neighbor whose door he
Speaker 2: would have knocked on because he knows them, was like, oh,
Speaker 2: I didn't hear anything. So what's happened is he he
Speaker 2: was on blood thinners. This guy, he's an old guy.
Speaker 2: He's kicked his shin, started to bleed, bleed out. He
Speaker 2: has walked over to his friend for help, knocked on
Speaker 2: the door. They didn't answer. Oh no, they were home.
Speaker 2: They didn't answer.
Speaker 1: Imagine the guilt.
Speaker 2: He's walked back to his room.
Speaker 1: Blood's spilling out.
Speaker 2: There's some drips of blood on the hallway in the
Speaker 2: car pair.
Speaker 1: Not like someone's been It's obvious, but not enough to
Speaker 1: make you die.
Speaker 2: He went into shock, bled out from a shin, kicked dish,
Speaker 2: had a way to go, and died. Apparently the carpet
Speaker 2: was soaked. Wow.
Speaker 1: Yeah, imagine that. Imagine you're up in heaven and they're like,
Speaker 1: what happened to you? Like car accident, rolled four times
Speaker 1: down a cliff, died, What happened to you? Hit my shin?
Speaker 2: Everyone's like, oh god, pete end of the table, pete
Speaker 2: end of the table. With a ship ways to die anyway,
Speaker 2: So that's first neighbor. Then last month I was here
Speaker 2: and there's a lovely lady who lives across from us.
Speaker 2: She's quite new to the complex, was quite new dead
Speaker 2: now anyway. She she's an artist. She lovely lives on
Speaker 2: her own, her kids who are older.
Speaker 1: Like well than another shin hit.
Speaker 2: Was it? No, it was fom no. I didn't know
Speaker 2: that she was battling cancer before. Anyway. The son who
Speaker 2: comes at the time is a really nice guy. Came
Speaker 2: over and he said, I just wantlet you know the
Speaker 2: mom passed away last week. And I was like shit.
Speaker 2: I was like, do you know what I did and
Speaker 2: what you don't do? The mum just died. I was like,
Speaker 2: you're kidding, gotcha? And I was like, oh shit, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: That's just it was just my natural reaction.
Speaker 1: It's hard to react.
Speaker 2: I'm not good with death usually most of the times,
Speaker 2: I don't really care.
Speaker 1: That's not true. Ash is very empathetic.
Speaker 2: I don't know what to say that it's very od.
Speaker 1: We do death very badly.
Speaker 2: And yeah, yeah, but I saw I did see an
Speaker 2: ambulance there about a week ago. They weren't making a
Speaker 2: fuss or anything. It was like they were doing a
Speaker 2: welfare check on and I just thought they just drove
Speaker 2: away like everything was normal. So what happened is she
Speaker 2: took a turn with her cancer and come back and
Speaker 2: it was really dramatic, ended up in palladi of care
Speaker 2: and died in pallad of care, which is really sad.
Speaker 2: And shout out to my neighbors, lovely people, and I'm
Speaker 2: sorry for you last, but that could be my fault
Speaker 2: because I seem to my neighbors seem to all die.
Speaker 1: Yeah, death really does follow you around. So yeah, just
Speaker 1: have a bit of a tickle in my throat.
Speaker 2: That's how it starts.
Speaker 1: On a more positive note. We have been talking about death.
Speaker 1: Let's go back to birth's if we can for a second.
Speaker 1: There is a little voice message that I'd love to
Speaker 1: play from one of our biggest fans of the podcast.
Speaker 1: Her name is Donna, very active member in the Facebook
Speaker 1: group Love Donna, Donna, where are you? And she has
Speaker 1: sent me just a little message. She announced this in
Speaker 1: the Facebook group, but I thought it's such a lovely
Speaker 1: story that we will mention it on the podcast and Donna,
Speaker 1: you are listening, so we want to say congratulations because
Speaker 1: this is the news that she has to share.
Speaker 4: Highness Donna here number one comment on a little bit
Speaker 4: of news following Woody's great interview at the beginning of
Speaker 4: the week. We are now turning one into two and
Speaker 4: have another successful IVF transfer and we are officially pregnant.
Speaker 1: Ah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so we're super super pleased with that.
Speaker 4: We've done two for two now, so that's great.
Speaker 1: But yeah, just I share the news with you.
Speaker 2: We love that, love that congratulations that we're covering the
Speaker 2: miracle of life.
Speaker 1: Yeah all right, so Donna, congrats and also get ready
Speaker 1: for hell with two kids.
Speaker 2: Ah, I mean it's beautiful.
Speaker 1: We love growing families on this podcast.
Speaker 2: But I can see your nose growing.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Look, it is logistically anightmare. But twice the kids twice
Speaker 2: a love, they say.
Speaker 1: Well said, We'll put that on T shirt and to
Speaker 1: anyone else who has any exciting news regarding pregnancies.
Speaker 2: Send it over.
Speaker 1: We would love that to share it on the podcast.
Speaker 2: We should do a segment at the end pregnancy announcements, like, yeah,
Speaker 2: it's kind of like obituaries but opposite.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Actually, we could also do if you've got deaths, we
Speaker 2: can investigate. Now, look, we do have a resurgence of
Speaker 2: a previous segment called lies. Let's let's bring it back people.
Speaker 1: Everyone is saying, we love this song. It's one of
Speaker 1: the best songs. So for those of you have missed.
Speaker 2: It's actually nominated for an area it is.
Speaker 1: It could be joke. It was a joke. Everyone wondering,
Speaker 1: this is it? Enjoy?
Speaker 3: Tell me love, tell me all right, Matt, I did
Speaker 3: call out yesterday for some lies.
Speaker 1: Great response, good response, not that we ever get bad responses.
Speaker 1: Thank you to everyone who message great response in the
Speaker 1: Facebook group as well. Thirty seven messages slash comments Wow,
Speaker 1: I know, dude, I know. I was like, we've gone viral.
Speaker 1: Great response, So we've got two each. Ash Hit me
Speaker 1: with your best one. Hit me with your best one.
Speaker 2: Just a really quick one which we did have a
Speaker 2: little chuckle about. Someone just said in speech brackets maybe later. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and I always dropped that one.
Speaker 1: We've asked for your best life just why comment? Who
Speaker 1: was a call him out?
Speaker 2: Name and shame majures anyway, beautiful name. I got one here.
Speaker 2: So my pop is missing a finger. I tell my
Speaker 2: kids that they will lose their finger for picking their nose.
Speaker 1: Very good. Simone. Simone Wilson has messaged in on the
Speaker 1: Facebook group. One of the thirty seven ash that commented
Speaker 1: on my post. She says to her kids, if you
Speaker 1: don't let us trim your nails, they will get so
Speaker 1: long you turn into a cat. Dad had a sister
Speaker 1: when he was little, but she grew them too long
Speaker 1: and run away when she turned into a cat, and
Speaker 1: you don't want to be like her.
Speaker 2: This segment's the best because it highlights how creative parents
Speaker 2: are and how stupid kids are.
Speaker 1: Also, cutting nails is a nightmare.
Speaker 2: I don't do it, April does it, but I know
Speaker 2: I cut my own is a nightmare. And this one
Speaker 2: here gress gressss. When my three year old is crying
Speaker 2: super loud, I knock on the door and say that's
Speaker 2: the neighbor telling you to be quiet, and they shut
Speaker 2: up immediately.
Speaker 1: This is from Andrew, who says when my nearly four
Speaker 1: year old demands to watch the TV at six am
Speaker 1: and we are in a rush to get them out
Speaker 1: the door to childcare, I quickly go and remove the
Speaker 1: batteries from all TV remotes around the house and show
Speaker 1: them that the remote is not working and the man
Speaker 1: will have to come and fix it. During the day,
Speaker 1: which she, being a child being his kid, fully accepts
Speaker 1: and moves on. If I say no TV, then it's
Speaker 1: a complete melt down in tantrum. So this bypasses all
Speaker 1: the tears and they're screaming, very good, clever, brilliant, brilliant,
Speaker 1: love that brilliant.
Speaker 2: We'll finish today with a couple of questions. How does
Speaker 2: that sound?
Speaker 1: Lovely? Okay, ask this one controversial opinion. You can't be
Speaker 1: friends with your kid as well as be a good parent.
Speaker 1: Do you guys agree or disagree?
Speaker 2: Oh? I think every parent would like to think that
Speaker 2: they're friends. Are they saying you can't be but you've
Speaker 2: gotta be one or the other. That's pretty much what they're.
Speaker 1: Saying, right, Yeah, correct?
Speaker 2: Garbage?
Speaker 1: I think so.
Speaker 2: I think, Look, I would like to say I'm Oscar's
Speaker 2: best friend, but then i'm also his dad, right.
Speaker 1: And you no longer Macy's best friend? And I'm sure.
Speaker 2: I get to be the parent for that one. Then
Speaker 2: I guess I think that's garbage. I think you can
Speaker 2: most certainly be friends and and be a good surely. Okay,
Speaker 2: So what this person's saying is that you've got to
Speaker 2: be a a good parent. Or a bad parent, or
Speaker 2: a good friend or a bad friend. Yeah, I think
Speaker 2: you can be both a bad friend and a bad parent,
Speaker 2: and a good friend and a good parent at the
Speaker 2: same time, and it can be interchangeable.
Speaker 1: Because I guess friendship is such a loose term. It's
Speaker 1: like where do you know friends with benefits? Like where
Speaker 1: do you sit on the friendship scale with your kid?
Speaker 1: Because I guess maybe the idea of you can't be
Speaker 1: a friend and also be that like authoritarian figure.
Speaker 2: That won't tell you seriously.
Speaker 1: For your kid, like obviously if you're going to be
Speaker 1: the friend when the kids get older where you're like, hey,
Speaker 1: let's go get drunk in the park.
Speaker 2: That sounds amazing.
Speaker 1: You know you can't do that, Like you can't go
Speaker 1: out and get like lit with your kid.
Speaker 2: I think, don't tell me what I can and can't do.
Speaker 1: I think you can still be a friend. You can
Speaker 1: still like hang out with your kids, have that like
Speaker 1: great relationship, but also at the same time be the
Speaker 1: voice of reason, discipline them.
Speaker 2: I think if they respect you, it's different.
Speaker 1: But also friends and have respect.
Speaker 2: At this age at five, we're all friends, we're all
Speaker 2: best friends. But then don't annoy me. I think it's garbage.
Speaker 1: People who have that mentality.
Speaker 2: Have no friends and their kids hate them.
Speaker 1: That's that job done.
Speaker 2: Job done. Now, I have a question for you. Do
Speaker 2: your kids still have a milk bottle or a bottle
Speaker 2: of milk either one? Before going to.
Speaker 1: Bed, we transitioned off the milk.
Speaker 2: To warm water.
Speaker 1: Warm water. Laura had this idea, she said, does she
Speaker 1: pissed the bed? We would have to change a man
Speaker 1: so many times in the middle of the night Lola
Speaker 1: has been like on another bottle, and I've been like,
Speaker 1: I should change a nappy, but also going through the
Speaker 1: process of changing the nappy kind of wakes her up,
Speaker 1: takes her longer to go back to bed, so I'm like,
Speaker 1: she'll be fine, and then like I wake up an
Speaker 1: hour later like sleeping and piss which I don't mind. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because she has those pull up nappies and they're not
Speaker 1: as absorbent, but put.
Speaker 2: Two on it.
Speaker 1: That's a very good idea, thank you. It was. She
Speaker 1: was man, she's hooked, hooked on dummies. This is Lola,
Speaker 1: by the way, who's just gone three in feb hooked
Speaker 1: on dummies, hooked on bottles.
Speaker 2: Okay, so what are we going to do about baby bottles.
Speaker 1: So we made the call.
Speaker 2: Well, like I say, we you I mean Laura, Okay,
Speaker 2: but then you've got to get we also.
Speaker 1: Like we do these things really dumb. If you're going
Speaker 1: to do anything like hectic that's really going to impact
Speaker 1: your sleep, probably best to do it like on a Friday,
Speaker 1: because then you know you don't have too much on
Speaker 1: the weekend. So if you aren't really tired, you have
Speaker 1: a nap during the day weekends.
Speaker 2: In my time, bro, I much rather do it during
Speaker 2: the week.
Speaker 1: No, because we know that Laura, like Laura's most hectic
Speaker 1: day of the week is her Mondays. So if you're
Speaker 1: going to start this on a Sunday night, it just
Speaker 1: sets you up for a week of being so tired.
Speaker 1: Start start like on a Wednesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Thursday is
Speaker 1: the best day. Anyway, we started thirst Thursday. There is Ashwicks.
Speaker 1: So we decided on Sunday afternoon just gone that we
Speaker 1: would remove the baby bottle, which has warm water. And
Speaker 1: like Lola is just she's I reckon, she's probably having
Speaker 1: three to five bottles only like quarter full. First one's
Speaker 1: kind of three quarters full. After that she works from
Speaker 1: the middle of the night, give her a warm water.
Speaker 1: She's if back to sleep. Happy day.
Speaker 2: So you're still doing that.
Speaker 1: We said she could keep a dummy, but she has
Speaker 1: to no longer have the baby bottle. She can have
Speaker 1: like a little water bottle.
Speaker 2: Like and more days. Now it's Wednesday, Wednesday.
Speaker 1: It's beating an absolute hell as a tellish situation.
Speaker 2: As expected.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy. It sucks. Also,
Speaker 1: we're in this fucking awful sow to swear drop them
Speaker 1: in this awful scenario where Sunday night. First night, she
Speaker 1: woke up at about one in the morning, she was
Speaker 1: up for about an hour because she was like, oh,
Speaker 1: want the bottle. I want the bottle, and we're like, no,
Speaker 1: no bottles, you got your dummy, shut up and chill out.
Speaker 1: Didn't say that, We said it in a very pleasant,
Speaker 1: polite way. But she just couldn't get back to sleep.
Speaker 1: So then she woke up eventually tired as anything, then
Speaker 1: had a nap of daycare. So then all night up
Speaker 1: all night, and we're in this vicious cycle. We're saying
Speaker 1: to daycare, hey, you can't let her nap, and they
Speaker 1: were like, yeah, we know, but there's you know, there's
Speaker 1: two teachers for the room of like twelve kids. They're like,
Speaker 1: you know, we can't, we can't have eyes on her.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's amaze you fell asleep at the table once.
Speaker 2: You can't take your eyes off them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're tired.
Speaker 2: The other day when I got I was at your
Speaker 2: house and Lola was there and she was like looking
Speaker 2: at me on the couch and then I looked away.
Speaker 1: I looked back and she was it happened that quick.
Speaker 1: I was like, happens?
Speaker 2: Also, did she get that whistle I left her?
Speaker 1: No, it been.
Speaker 2: Got a second one.
Speaker 1: So we're currently going through that at the moment. And
Speaker 1: a few people have messaged usin said because we have
Speaker 1: like a photo on stories and it's in the morning
Speaker 1: and Lola still got She likes to just hold her
Speaker 1: bottle in the morning. And people are like, but she's three,
Speaker 1: you can't be doing that.
Speaker 2: Who are you making up the rules? It's look, if
Speaker 2: someone's going to send us she's you can't you know,
Speaker 2: let you do that? Do you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2: Fuck off? We're in the rules of the say you
Speaker 2: can't just do what like we always say, do your best. Now,
Speaker 2: my kids don't have it at night. They have have
Speaker 2: a bottle in the morning. They wake up in the morning,
Speaker 2: they love a little bottle of milk.
Speaker 1: Okay, can I just ask you one question if.
Speaker 2: I may, Joel, you're not fit to run, Jill, But.
Speaker 1: What do you like to give them breakfast first and
Speaker 1: then the bottle last?
Speaker 2: No, they strained the bottle first. But then when they
Speaker 2: have breakfast straight after, they intertoast straight away. Yeah, that's crazy.
Speaker 1: They had the bottle first, and then why don't you
Speaker 1: use like the bottle is like the bait to get
Speaker 1: them to finish.
Speaker 2: But they finished their breakfast the only meal in the
Speaker 2: day they finish shook you shook to the chorus, wow
Speaker 2: oscar as well, yep, love a little bit. But what
Speaker 2: I do is I go a little bit of milk,
Speaker 2: heat it up and fill the rest with water so
Speaker 2: they get hydrated at the same time.
Speaker 1: Very good.
Speaker 2: And then and they're not constipated. May see somehow still
Speaker 2: is she can shit and then straight into toast or
Speaker 2: whatever else they want.
Speaker 1: So when they go to bed at nighttime, what do
Speaker 1: they have? They just raw dog it like no dummy,
Speaker 1: no bottle or nothing. Man, do you have to pat
Speaker 1: them to sleep. No, that is amazing.
Speaker 2: Thank you. I'm an amazing parent.
Speaker 1: You are such a good parent.
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you. Look, I'm not going to take credit, April.
Speaker 1: April, you're a great parent.
Speaker 2: Sorry, you've already taken my daughter. You're trying to take that,
Speaker 2: and I think on that note, that is all we
Speaker 2: have time for today. If you've enjoyed this episode, please
Speaker 2: send it to someone who needs a laugh, needs a
Speaker 2: cac or needs to learn how to wipe their kids anus.
Speaker 2: Leave a review also five stars. A little bit of feedback.
Speaker 1: On there, mate, We've had some lovely comments in the
Speaker 1: face which needs to be over one hundred members now,
Speaker 1: it is just it's like a pandemic.
Speaker 2: It's just we're taking over, spreading. We've been taken over.
Speaker 2: So jump onto Facebook search. Two Doding Dads, join the group,
Speaker 2: join the conversations, join the fun, as they say, and
Speaker 2: we'll see. But also we are coming to the end
Speaker 2: of July, which that means we're going to the start
Speaker 2: of August. And August is a very exciting month for
Speaker 2: Two Doting Dads because we have our book that it
Speaker 2: would be officially on Shells coming out soon, so keep
Speaker 2: an eye out soon. Keep an eye and the.
Speaker 1: Link in the notes.
Speaker 2: There is a link in the show notes. And maybe
Speaker 2: we might give some to some punters.
Speaker 1: Yes, we will figure out with a lack of public care.
Speaker 1: Imagine if you did that, I don't have any Let's.
Speaker 2: Big as.
Speaker 1: Two Doting Dads. Podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
Speaker 1: throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.
Speaker 2: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
Speaker 2: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander
Speaker 2: peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land