Speaker 1: Can I just pull you up on something? The phone
Speaker 1: call that we had as I was driving to your house,
Speaker 1: I just really didn't appreciate that.
Speaker 2: We'll be on time for once. You fucking put me
Speaker 2: all over social media. I said I was late. You
Speaker 2: said I'll be there at ten.
Speaker 1: I said ten to ten thirty.
Speaker 2: That's what someone who That's what someone who is running
Speaker 2: late would say.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, your arrogance.
Speaker 2: You can't buy thirty minutes.
Speaker 1: You called me and the first thing you said was, so,
Speaker 1: how long's it going to be? How late? I am
Speaker 1: twenty minutes forty? What's it going to be?
Speaker 2: And I was right? So what does that say?
Speaker 1: Fuck you? Welcome back to two dating Dads. I'm Maddie Jay.
Speaker 2: And I'm Ash who happens to be on time today?
Speaker 2: It happens to be a massive, massive.
Speaker 1: Can we say that in the podcast?
Speaker 2: You can't say that in the open, Okay.
Speaker 1: Well we'll keep it in there and I'll never say
Speaker 1: it again. This is a podcast all about It's the good,
Speaker 1: the bad, and the relatable and as always, we will
Speaker 1: not be giving you any type of advice.
Speaker 2: Well speak for yourself, mate, because I'm dishing it out left, right,
Speaker 2: and center, God help us, or I'm changing it up.
Speaker 2: I'm just going to give nothing. The advice on this
Speaker 2: podcast shit advice like how to be on time.
Speaker 1: Oh hang on, before I forget, we had the Father's
Speaker 1: Day competition. I am stoked to announce that we have
Speaker 1: a winner and it is Britt. Congratulations, way well done
Speaker 1: to you and your hobby. He will now be receiving
Speaker 1: a five hundred dollars out you from Lululemon, so I
Speaker 1: hope that makes his father's say just a little bit
Speaker 1: more special.
Speaker 2: Congratulations, Thank you all for the entries and happy Father's Day,
Speaker 2: well deserved.
Speaker 1: Now this morning, I was a little bit late, you
Speaker 1: know what. I even there was a part of me
Speaker 1: last night before I went to bed, I thought, could
Speaker 1: I could I get the kids ready, get them to daycare,
Speaker 1: go for a little run, like half an hour run,
Speaker 1: and then get to Ash's house, which, for people who
Speaker 1: don't know, it's an hour drive for me to you
Speaker 1: is an hour. I was fucking kidding myself.
Speaker 2: I do it just as March and I'm on time
Speaker 2: every time. I'm irritating the early most of the time.
Speaker 1: I told you last record, I said, come at ten thirty.
Speaker 2: What time I get there five fast.
Speaker 1: Look, I've been battling with the kids. Ash, I'm going
Speaker 1: to go into a story. But it's also it's very
Speaker 1: timely because we got a question from a listener, which
Speaker 1: normally we do the listener questions at the very end.
Speaker 1: We will still do that. You've got to make an
Speaker 1: exception a little cheeky sidebird.
Speaker 2: That was the silent burn.
Speaker 1: It was like this, people are going to be listening going,
Speaker 1: is there a ghastleak at ashes house?
Speaker 2: No, he's just one big gas leak.
Speaker 1: So yeah, we will do listener listener questions, listener lessons.
Speaker 2: I was like, okay, a new segment, listener lessons.
Speaker 1: We'll do it at the end of this one.
Speaker 2: Special special cases.
Speaker 1: Yeah, special case okay, okay, let me just pull up
Speaker 1: the iPad.
Speaker 2: I love the drawing on the back of that iPad.
Speaker 2: I've noticed this drawing on that chair there too. And
Speaker 2: yesterday I found next to the chair upstairs on the
Speaker 2: walls a little smiley faced man in text and I
Speaker 2: was like the fuck. And April said to Oscar, like,
Speaker 2: when did you do that? It's like after Daddy yelled
Speaker 2: at me, And I was like, that's a spiteful drawing.
Speaker 1: That'll fucking learn. Yeah, yeah, he's communicating through drawings. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: let's go into the question.
Speaker 2: So laid on me this one.
Speaker 1: This is from Amy and she asks, did your kids
Speaker 1: ever go through a phase of screaming like they were
Speaker 1: being murdered? If so, how did you overcome it?
Speaker 2: Block them out?
Speaker 1: I'm pretty good at that.
Speaker 2: Look, Yes, they definitely go through phases of just screaming
Speaker 2: for no reason. I'm just trying to think of how
Speaker 2: I would have dealt it. I would have just screamed back.
Speaker 1: We have, We've done that a few times.
Speaker 2: But he's just like they're like, You're like I have
Speaker 2: a few times gone. I can scream louder than you
Speaker 2: and that's usually good.
Speaker 1: And then USC's going, well, give me the text outing
Speaker 1: to draw on the wall. You know, we mentioned last
Speaker 1: episode Ash that Lola was six of the ear infection
Speaker 1: on Maggie Island, and she's still the doctor. When we
Speaker 1: went to see them on the island, she wouldn't give
Speaker 1: us any antibiotics because she was like, no, it's not well.
Speaker 2: The kids around here, what they do? They just fucking
Speaker 2: get on with it.
Speaker 1: And I was like, that makes sense. She was saying
Speaker 1: that it's not severe enough to warrant antibiotics.
Speaker 2: And there's a lot of country doctor happening here where
Speaker 2: they're like, yep, they probably saw a pig and a
Speaker 2: goat before they And I was just like, it's not
Speaker 2: that severe, Get on with it, get there.
Speaker 1: What's that teaspooner cement?
Speaker 2: Smack over the head with the sticks, you'll get over it,
Speaker 2: even and up and whacking the other side of the head.
Speaker 1: So I didn't get the antibiotics. And this flu virus earache,
Speaker 1: it's lingered, it's lingered. And last night we almost went
Speaker 1: to hospital.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, another hospital visit for the Johnson's clogging
Speaker 2: up the system.
Speaker 1: Hey, hey, my mum told me a story of her
Speaker 1: sister had an earache when they were younger, and it
Speaker 1: was ignored by the parents. Her ear drum burst, burst
Speaker 1: deaf in one ear. So that's the thought in the
Speaker 1: back of my head because Lola is there.
Speaker 2: I thought you were going to be like she died.
Speaker 2: I thought there was going to be like a decent
Speaker 2: end to that story. She's deafinite one, she's got two ears,
Speaker 2: she'd be fine.
Speaker 1: What doesn't work? Why does it work? Yeah?
Speaker 2: But one does, Yeah, but stopped looking at the cup
Speaker 2: half empty and look at half full.
Speaker 1: Well, I don't want to be responsible for making like.
Speaker 2: Agree, I agree. I thought that story was going to
Speaker 2: be like a really terminal finish.
Speaker 1: It still ignored.
Speaker 2: It turns out it was ear cancer. Now she's dead. No,
Speaker 2: that's still stage four.
Speaker 1: It's your definite want ear. That's pretty severe. That's a
Speaker 1: that's a lifelong it's just an ailment, exactly one of
Speaker 1: your major senses.
Speaker 2: Okay, yes, hospital again for the Johnson.
Speaker 1: So when Lola was sick and we were away and
Speaker 1: she was waking up the middle of the night, the
Speaker 1: easiest way to get her back to sleep and to
Speaker 1: comfort her, just give her like something to make it
Speaker 1: less painful, was give her a bottle of milk, which
Speaker 1: we had stopped doing. Yeah, why like it just she
Speaker 1: just like it's crack for her.
Speaker 2: It's like she loves that.
Speaker 1: She fucking loves the milk.
Speaker 2: The bones too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, good councium. So for three or four nights whilst
Speaker 1: we're away, we've been giving her a bottle every single
Speaker 1: night when she would wake up. And then the fucking
Speaker 1: issue is she's in this routine now of like she
Speaker 1: wants the bottle. She's had a taste of that crack
Speaker 1: she's on the pipe.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's like, there's a method, where's the light up?
Speaker 1: And last night she woke up maybe like eleven o'clock screaming,
Speaker 1: fucking screaming, like she was being murdered, and she was
Speaker 1: just like nothing could console her, not me, not Laura. Me,
Speaker 1: and Laura like, it's the earache, let's take it to hospital.
Speaker 1: I was literally about to start packing my backpack to
Speaker 1: take it to hospital. Eleven o'clock at night. That's the worst, awful.
Speaker 1: And then we thought, hang, let's just let's just give
Speaker 1: her a bottle of milk and see if that stops her.
Speaker 1: And so we gave her the bottle of milk, like
Speaker 1: within a milliseconds, she was like.
Speaker 2: Cheers, Oh she's on here, She's onto it.
Speaker 1: But these tantrums. Now, this morning we thought that's the
Speaker 1: end of it. That's fine. This morning we had another tantrum.
Speaker 1: Ash okay, and I met my wits end.
Speaker 2: Did you give her a bottle of milk this morning?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I did, and it shut her up again. So she's
Speaker 2: only give her a bottle of warm.
Speaker 1: This one didn't work.
Speaker 2: The bottle. She's just so so she's just decided to
Speaker 2: start screaming for no, is she in pain at all?
Speaker 1: No? I don't think so. I don't think so.
Speaker 2: But I'm not a doctor.
Speaker 1: Every everything, it sounds like you're going towards the diagnosis.
Speaker 2: No what, she just hates you. Let me we're already.
Speaker 2: She does hate you.
Speaker 1: I know she does hate me. Let me show you
Speaker 1: a video of Lola of how she was this morning.
Speaker 2: Okay, is this after you've tried everything, and she just and.
Speaker 1: Just for any non parents out there who may be going.
Speaker 2: Well, everyone films their kids having a meltdown.
Speaker 1: This was.
Speaker 2: I've got a folder.
Speaker 1: This was.
Speaker 2: Because like sometimes you just can't. They just won't snap
Speaker 2: out of it, and you're like you need to be
Speaker 2: able to have video evidence so you can show them
Speaker 2: back and go, this is what you did to me.
Speaker 2: So yeah, for just to like, the people that aren't
Speaker 2: fine with it, can fuck yourself.
Speaker 1: Yeah. To give context, she had had some breakfast, she slept,
Speaker 1: she was like, the room temperature was beautiful, exactly, she
Speaker 1: was fine, like it's nothing wrong with it.
Speaker 2: She just wanted to Yeah, oh my god, before I
Speaker 2: even prayers play, I can see the phase. She even
Speaker 2: looked to see if you were paying attention before she
Speaker 2: went had another crack at her.
Speaker 1: Look.
Speaker 2: She's like realized that no one that you stopped paying
Speaker 2: attention to her. And she's like, Okay, I'm completely fine
Speaker 2: that you are still paying atten.
Speaker 1: So that's what I have to deal with this morning
Speaker 1: on Wednesdays, Laura is out the door at like seven fifteen.
Speaker 1: She's got a massive day of work. I'm there with
Speaker 1: the kids. It took me just to give you some
Speaker 1: idea of like why I was late. I was dealing
Speaker 1: with that for two fucking hours.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry that I've made that phone call that and.
Speaker 1: Then I call you. The attitude you give me is
Speaker 1: I'm not fucking eating. And also, to make matters worse,
Speaker 1: it's fucking book week.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, as well painful.
Speaker 1: And so I'm dealing with that. And then Marley's the
Speaker 1: going why am I not dressing up? And I'm because
Speaker 1: I've got nothing left, Like am I the only daycare
Speaker 1: that's doing book week? And not just book days?
Speaker 2: It's book week? I know. Like thankfully Oscar goes to
Speaker 2: two different kindis so the first two days, then he
Speaker 2: goes to two days is another one. So we just
Speaker 2: rewaar which is fun because it's two different kindies and
Speaker 2: he only goes two days. So yesterday she went as
Speaker 2: the yellow Wiggle, which I actually want to show that
Speaker 2: because it's pretty cute. She got red hair, like the
Speaker 2: like Emma used to have.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2: Yesterday we put it on it. She was just like
Speaker 2: she knew she loved it. But she went his mini
Speaker 2: mouse today.
Speaker 1: That is gorgeous.
Speaker 2: Bata heah.
Speaker 1: Look, did Oscar ever have those periods where he would just.
Speaker 2: He's still having them? So this morning, okay, we get
Speaker 2: what's April gets home from, say six thirty. He's still
Speaker 2: in my bed on his phone, Yes, his phone anyway,
Speaker 2: just just keep him quiet, all right. He's four. And
Speaker 2: I turned the light on. Melt down because I've turned
Speaker 2: the light on. Turn the light off. Melt down because
Speaker 2: I've turned the light off. I can't win, like for
Speaker 2: Fox's sake. And I was like, so I turned the
Speaker 2: light on. I got changed.
Speaker 1: You need to get a dimmer.
Speaker 2: I'm going to cry poor again. We're too for dimmers
Speaker 2: in this hour. I turned the light on to get
Speaker 2: dressed so I could be ready because I wanted to
Speaker 2: go for a round myself, to get back to take
Speaker 2: get rid of the kids to KINDI as quickly as
Speaker 2: early as possible, So turn light on. I get dressed.
Speaker 2: He's having a meltdown while I'm getting dressed. I'm just
Speaker 2: ignoring him at this point because mate, it's six thirty
Speaker 2: in the morning. Fucking get over it. But I was like,
Speaker 2: to keep my mouth shut. He'll get over it. Turn
Speaker 2: the light off. And I've walked down the stairs and
Speaker 2: I heard him have a fucking meltdown about turn the
Speaker 2: light off. I was like, which one is it? Man on?
Speaker 2: Or do you want off? And he just wanted to
Speaker 2: have a fucking winge about it. And I was like,
Speaker 2: so I'm down here in the kitchen and I just
Speaker 2: yelled out, get over it. Bro dealt with He's got
Speaker 2: over it eventually, but like, seriously has to.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's the same for you. But
Speaker 1: because Marley used to have these meltdowns around the same age,
Speaker 1: around two stupidly as well, Laura and I kind of
Speaker 1: the other night said, Lola's never there's meltdowns that Marley
Speaker 1: had and here we fucking are. Yeah, but you just
Speaker 1: got to let it run its course.
Speaker 2: And a little bit like that. Yeah, we just like
Speaker 2: this morning, just ignore them if you've tried. If it's
Speaker 2: over nothing, then yeah, ignore it. But if if it's
Speaker 2: a serious issue like this again this morning, Macy, she's
Speaker 2: not quite as old as low as she's not too yet.
Speaker 2: I come down and she's the dishwashers open and she's
Speaker 2: in the dishwasher, essentially going like rocking up against the
Speaker 2: fucking baskets in the dishwasher. And I was like, get down,
Speaker 2: and she just melt down like you were doing the
Speaker 2: wrong thing, like and then a meltdown and it's like,
Speaker 2: why is she in the fucking dishwasher? Anyway? Yesterday she's
Speaker 2: up on the table this table. I was like, why
Speaker 2: is she keep getting on the table? Then, yes, last
Speaker 2: night April thought it'd be cute to put her on
Speaker 2: the table and I was like, ah, what do you
Speaker 2: mean after a photo. No, she was just holding her
Speaker 2: and she put her on the table while she was cuddling,
Speaker 2: and I was like, that's why she thinks it's okay
Speaker 2: for it to be on the table. The other day,
Speaker 2: she's walking across the kitchen bench and then I also
Speaker 2: saw walking across walking her across the kitchen bench, like
Speaker 2: it's cute. But the answer your question, the initial question,
Speaker 2: is just ignore them.
Speaker 1: There's nothing else you can do, nothing you can.
Speaker 2: Do unless they're in some serious physical pain or danger.
Speaker 1: So this morning on the scale of like one to
Speaker 1: ten of like the murderous screams, and I'd say this
Speaker 1: morning was about like.
Speaker 2: A six or seven murderer's scream.
Speaker 1: Last night that was the one I showed you when
Speaker 1: she was in the bath, that was like a nine.
Speaker 2: You did show me and she was like same thing,
Speaker 2: like the dogsy is just perked up.
Speaker 1: Then I thought my neighbor was going to knock on
Speaker 1: the door and be like, is someone being attacked here? Like,
Speaker 1: because you're like, do I need to call family services?
Speaker 2: You've actually jogged my memory a little bit of something
Speaker 2: that my mum told me when I was How old
Speaker 2: was I in that house? I would be similar somewhere
Speaker 2: between two and four. And I was a screamer so
Speaker 2: much so we were in a house at that say,
Speaker 2: it's not a unit like a house so much so
Speaker 2: the police used to come because the neighbors thought my
Speaker 2: parents were abusing me.
Speaker 1: You're fuck.
Speaker 2: They would show up at Mom's like, oh, just come
Speaker 2: and get it and taken because I am. Even my sister,
Speaker 2: who was a bit older than me, was like, I remember,
Speaker 2: you would just we would put you in the cot
Speaker 2: because you would not stop screaming. I can't believe this.
Speaker 2: I've just remembered this. I'm sorry. I could have made
Speaker 2: you feel a bit better. Now. I try to make
Speaker 2: you feel a bit better and.
Speaker 1: You turned out okay.
Speaker 2: Really, I don't know. And I always had such a
Speaker 2: deep voice like this. I had this voice as a
Speaker 2: child because I had screamed so much. She tells this
Speaker 2: story better because she obviously remembers it traumatized that I've
Speaker 2: had quite a deep voice even as a child. I
Speaker 2: was never like Oscar's like, Hi, you know, little dainty
Speaker 2: little ship. I was quite like because I would scream
Speaker 2: and scream and scream and scream, and the neighbors would
Speaker 2: write letters and call the police. They moved out eventually.
Speaker 1: Write letters to say, what shut.
Speaker 2: Your fucking kid up or stop beating your kid up.
Speaker 2: I don't know, like, I'm fine. I was never abused
Speaker 2: as a child, let's set this record straight. But the
Speaker 2: neighbors would call the police, and so you've got it easy.
Speaker 2: My friend.
Speaker 1: I can't believe that the police would knock on the
Speaker 1: door yeah and say can we We've just got do
Speaker 1: a welfare check. And then they come in and look
Speaker 1: at you and.
Speaker 2: In the cockgown you staring it. I'd be like, I's like,
Speaker 2: this is what I'm dealing with.
Speaker 1: Can you take him?
Speaker 2: Can you take him with you? Please?
Speaker 1: Little ship?
Speaker 2: I know, I wasn't planning on telling that story. My
Speaker 2: mum was quite like me where I'd be like, fight
Speaker 2: fire with fire a little bit, be like shut up,
Speaker 2: shut a fun up, and sometimes you've got to do that.
Speaker 2: But like I've come to the point where it's just
Speaker 2: like you just the best off ignoring. And thankfully both
Speaker 2: my kids aren't like that, where they'll just look at
Speaker 2: me and wait to see that I'm not paying them
Speaker 2: attention and scream louder. They'll just have a meltdown, which
Speaker 2: is fairly normal.
Speaker 1: I feel like the murderers screams needs to be more
Speaker 1: documented on social media.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like people like, send us your murderer's screams,
Speaker 2: Yeah please?
Speaker 1: Actually yeah, I mean I also appreciate that it's quite
Speaker 1: triggering for a lot of parents to hear a young
Speaker 1: child screaming.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but hey, there's a difference between a scream and
Speaker 2: a cry. I think I cry because something like if
Speaker 2: Oscar gets his finger stuck in the door warrants the meltdown,
Speaker 2: it's a different and you're not different.
Speaker 1: You're not going to fielm that or maybe maybe you
Speaker 1: are rash.
Speaker 2: No, no, no no. But if they're having a fucking
Speaker 2: winge for thing, I wish sometimes if I could just
Speaker 2: do that, I could just be out me Like when
Speaker 2: I dropped the bag, the shopping bag, the shopping bag,
Speaker 2: let's be specific, when I dropped the paper bag, well
Speaker 2: it fell out. I wish I could have just sat
Speaker 2: in the middle of the shopping center and gone, wait
Speaker 2: to see if anyone's looking, and if no one's paying
Speaker 2: attention to me, keep going.
Speaker 1: Just screw until the police are called. Once again, we
Speaker 1: know this kid, it's just Ashwicks.
Speaker 2: So like here he is now, you've got more facial
Speaker 2: hair than you did as a four year old, still
Speaker 2: sound the same. So I don't know best of luck
Speaker 2: to you, but I know what's going to happen now.
Speaker 2: My kids will start fucking hopefully go through it.
Speaker 1: Hopefully. I can't remember how it lasted for with Marley.
Speaker 1: I think it was only like a short period. When
Speaker 1: I drop off a daycare, they're fucking turd. So if
Speaker 1: they're fine, and like the daycare teachers are this morning,
Speaker 1: what do you got? What do you got?
Speaker 2: Just a classic daycare thing when you drop them off
Speaker 2: and they're having an absolute melt And honestly, I can't
Speaker 2: get out of there quick enough because I'm like, this
Speaker 2: is your fucking problem now I'm paying you to do
Speaker 2: in mine.
Speaker 1: Of the opposite, I dropped Lola off and she's like smiles,
Speaker 1: he's happy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, look I got fifty to fifty with us. I'll
Speaker 2: get home and ill be like, how was it. How
Speaker 2: they go, I'm like it's either yeah fine or I
Speaker 2: was got to melt down. And she's like, oh, I
Speaker 2: better call them so if he's okay, And then they're like, yeah,
Speaker 2: no fine. Once you left, they're fine. They're different kids there.
Speaker 2: But I was there the other day and another kid
Speaker 2: was melting down. That's not my kid, and it was
Speaker 2: like holy shit, and the parents are just like, I've
Speaker 2: got to go to work. I've got to go to
Speaker 2: work to pay the bills, to feed you, to send
Speaker 2: you here to you know whatever, and like that's fair,
Speaker 2: off you go. This kid was just like when I
Speaker 2: was leaving, the kid was calling out to me as
Speaker 2: if I'm daddy, and I was like, fuck off, I
Speaker 2: got another of them.
Speaker 1: It's like, try to hold it. Was already running away
Speaker 1: from my own, fucking touch me.
Speaker 2: I was already running away from my own. I don't
Speaker 2: need to run away from someone else's. But yeah, you
Speaker 2: know what, I'm just going to say it. They're turds,
Speaker 2: and that's okay to call you get a turd. It
Speaker 2: makes you feel better, makes me feel better. I think
Speaker 2: it was I don't love them any less.
Speaker 1: I think it was Amy who said that question.
Speaker 2: Thank you, Amy, your kids are turd.
Speaker 1: It was Amy hanging there. Just know that you're not alone, and.
Speaker 2: Your kids are herd and your kid.
Speaker 1: Is a turd. We have some sad news.
Speaker 2: We do have some really sad news.
Speaker 1: I don't know if anyone's going to give a shit,
Speaker 1: really no.
Speaker 2: So today my favorite segment lies, We're going to hang
Speaker 2: the boots up, not forever, just for a little rest,
Speaker 2: just for it's honestly become hearing the song gets stuck
Speaker 2: in my head for the rest of them.
Speaker 1: Someone fucking wrote in and said I had this song
Speaker 1: stuck in my head? Did you see the comment? I
Speaker 1: love that And it was only when.
Speaker 2: We should do a final parody of it somewhere because
Speaker 2: it's not the end.
Speaker 1: No, no, it was just you come back. But the
Speaker 1: good news is good news is we are replacing it
Speaker 1: with a new segment.
Speaker 2: Called drum Roll Budget Smuggler's Most Ordinary Parent Okay, which
Speaker 2: is great because it coincides with their Most Ordinary Rig competition.
Speaker 1: People may be familiar with, which may be familiar with,
Speaker 1: I would say in terms of competitions within Australia.
Speaker 2: But it's the most achievable.
Speaker 1: It's it's on par with the Olympics.
Speaker 2: If you're a fat shit usually you're going to do well.
Speaker 1: State of origin is up there, I've entered, have you well?
Speaker 2: I'm looking a bit tubby at the moment.
Speaker 1: Some would say you're not you know you are you fishing.
Speaker 2: For a compliment, But yeah, so it's Bud just the
Speaker 2: most ordinary parent parent parent.
Speaker 1: So we would like people to submit any examples of
Speaker 1: how they have been ordinary, been ordinary, and what we
Speaker 1: mean by that is like you cut corners and are
Speaker 1: really clever.
Speaker 2: Shit parents in our own way well said, But how
Speaker 2: do you cut it? How do you personally cut the corner?
Speaker 2: What have you done where you've at the end of
Speaker 2: the day gone That was pretty fucking ordinary of me,
Speaker 2: but also been like got the job done. Love it.
Speaker 1: Love that an example, just quickly, an example of that.
Speaker 1: We've spoken about it many times. But when you get
Speaker 1: the early flight, like we're talking like a six or
Speaker 1: seven am flight and you just have to get the
Speaker 1: kids to the airport, they don't get changed, put the
Speaker 1: shoes on when they're still wearing their pajamas, that's an
Speaker 1: example of great being ordinary parenting.
Speaker 2: Or you know when you've got to pack a lunch
Speaker 2: for them and you think last night's dinner, chuck it
Speaker 2: in there, something like that, that's great. Anything like that.
Speaker 2: Or it's kind of like you get the phone call
Speaker 2: from kindy Beku and you see it, you ignore it
Speaker 2: because you know I'm going to have to go pick
Speaker 2: my kid up early, so you just ignore it and
Speaker 2: then just see what happens therese are prime yeah, prime example.
Speaker 1: So if you have or even if it's not been
Speaker 1: done by you, but someone you know, you can dub them.
Speaker 2: In, dub them in. Oh like that.
Speaker 1: The great thing is you're going to get something in return.
Speaker 1: Budgie are coming to the table with some great vouchers.
Speaker 1: Is it two hundred bucks?
Speaker 2: It's two hundred bucks for every segment, So we're going
Speaker 2: to it's going to be ten segments of the back
Speaker 2: end of this year. We're going to have an email
Speaker 2: in our bio, very very specific. Don't DMS. You can
Speaker 2: if you want to check it. Well, yeah, madam, check it.
Speaker 2: I'll check the email.
Speaker 1: You be on email patrol, I'll be in the DM
Speaker 1: al right.
Speaker 2: So nothing's going to get done. There's going to be
Speaker 2: an email in our bio by the time this episode
Speaker 2: goes out. But yes, two hundred bucks every week, I
Speaker 2: think in the two hundred dollars is one hundred and
Speaker 2: twenty dollars worth of whatever you want from Budget Smuggler.
Speaker 2: And then they're going to be gifting you eighty dollars
Speaker 2: worth of stuff on top of that. Love that, which
Speaker 2: is great.
Speaker 1: And perfect timing because now winter can fuck right up.
Speaker 2: Oh yes, time for something. That's why I've been wearing
Speaker 2: shorts the last couple of records to shut off the
Speaker 2: pins great car pistons. But because I'm trying to clump
Speaker 2: tize my legs, and I'm desperate, desperate for winter to
Speaker 2: be over because it's quite frankly fucking sacks. So from
Speaker 2: next week, but for now, let's go into last Tell me, lad,
Speaker 2: tell me?
Speaker 1: Can I go first? Okay, here we go. This one.
Speaker 1: It's quite a sweet lie. I think some of the
Speaker 1: lies that we've had are like waterline.
Speaker 2: Psychotic, very creative is my favorite.
Speaker 1: May have some impacting long term damage, who knows, but
Speaker 1: this one is a very nice lie. Ash and I thought,
Speaker 1: what a nice one to end on a sweet line.
Speaker 1: Not forever, if you were better, it is coming back.
Speaker 1: So this one was submitted by Rachel Love a little
Speaker 1: photo there.
Speaker 2: She has not creeping.
Speaker 1: I'm just admiring a listener and saying thank you very much.
Speaker 2: That's very hot day.
Speaker 1: It doesn't need to because I just want to say
Speaker 1: thank you for the submission. Anyway, she says, she said
Speaker 1: to a meme, so she hasn't actually like, oh, she's
Speaker 1: not using this, but she said this is like an
Speaker 1: example of one and the memes. My toddler was scared
Speaker 1: of the thunderstorm tonight, so I told him it was
Speaker 1: just the sky farting. Now he giggles when he hears it.
Speaker 2: That's good.
Speaker 1: Sometimes all you need is a rebrand.
Speaker 2: Sometimes, yes, very clever because at the moment, like you
Speaker 2: don't have boys. There's not a lot of pooh talk
Speaker 2: in your house.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, the girls love Marley's like oh
Speaker 1: bum bum wee wee farts. I'm hungry all of that
Speaker 1: chart because I.
Speaker 2: Always get Oscar out of his slump with like a
Speaker 2: piece of poo head or poopa hit but or like
Speaker 2: a farty or a farty noise gets in.
Speaker 1: I love it.
Speaker 2: Like he was like trying to like get in amongst
Speaker 2: my leg like and like trip me over, and I
Speaker 2: was just like grabbing his head and go.
Speaker 1: A fake fat or yeah, giving him pink eye.
Speaker 2: Well, love it, love it.
Speaker 1: It's like top shelf humor for a Todd line.
Speaker 2: That's a good that's a good lie.
Speaker 1: You'll like My Life on your phone.
Speaker 2: My Life is a video that was sent to us
Speaker 2: a number of times. My goad, I've had this.
Speaker 1: I want to say, I know which one you're talking about,
Speaker 1: probably about ten times so far.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I sent a number of times to the DM,
Speaker 2: So thank you for sending that through. So Matthew, it's
Speaker 2: a video of a little girl who is sprinkling some green.
Speaker 1: It looks like mac and cheese.
Speaker 2: I think, yeah, but she's sprinkling over the top of it,
Speaker 2: which we would know as broccoli. But they've cut it
Speaker 2: up so fine and told them that it's green glitter.
Speaker 1: Is it green sprinkles?
Speaker 2: Green sprinkles, And she's sprinkling it over a mac and
Speaker 2: cheese getting those fibrous green veggies in without even fucking knowing.
Speaker 2: She loves it it. That's great.
Speaker 1: Is do you think that would work with your kids?
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're going to give it a go.
Speaker 1: I want to try that on Marley.
Speaker 2: If they don't eat anything, I make them anyway, So
Speaker 2: what are they going to sprinkle it over nothing?
Speaker 1: But my kids, I give them bolonnaise, like on the
Speaker 1: rags is like the staple. Fuck, I've turned into my mom.
Speaker 1: That's what we used to have every night of the week.
Speaker 2: How are you turning to your parents?
Speaker 1: I am my mother?
Speaker 2: Like, oh, yeah, that's something my mom would do. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I do it too.
Speaker 1: And the kids love it. They're like, where it's the
Speaker 1: cheese and I give the packet out. I'm like, you
Speaker 1: can grab a little hand because they'd love to do
Speaker 1: it themselves and they'll.
Speaker 2: Just rubby hands in the cheese.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's only they're eating it.
Speaker 2: Really, what if the name comes over you only what
Speaker 2: Sorella a good bow and like, yeah, it's just a
Speaker 2: bit Gunky's full of shit.
Speaker 1: But they love it. They like Marley and Lola would
Speaker 1: just like I have to like stop them. They're like
Speaker 1: shoveling it onto their bowls and I'm like that's enough.
Speaker 1: Now you've got a boy a kilo there.
Speaker 2: It's likely going to turn like lactose intolerant from too
Speaker 2: much cheese.
Speaker 1: It's between the mounted cheese and taken and.
Speaker 2: You're all full cream at your house. I know, I know, barbaric.
Speaker 2: Well that is lies that we will be missed for
Speaker 2: a little while.
Speaker 1: And if you're wondering right now, maybe you're thinking to yourself,
Speaker 1: but I love that little intro song that Matt Nash sung. Well,
Speaker 1: we have some good news as well. There is another
Speaker 1: song that will be used for the segment.
Speaker 2: You have to wait and find out.
Speaker 1: We have recorded one version, we weren't happy with it.
Speaker 2: There is a Christmas album coming out. We will have
Speaker 2: like amazing and Christmas characters.
Speaker 1: Of I think the reason Ash didn't like the first
Speaker 1: version is because he had more of a supporting role
Speaker 1: in the singing. I was front and center.
Speaker 2: He actually need to be front and center. Was relegated
Speaker 2: to the back because I'm more of a baritone.
Speaker 1: We listened to it and I was like, this is great,
Speaker 1: and you just had a look of just like burn it.
Speaker 2: So damn, such a diva.
Speaker 1: Delete it. So we're gonna after this record, we're going
Speaker 1: to do another version, just to make sure that Princess
Speaker 1: Ash is happy.
Speaker 2: Yes, let's go into some questions, Matthew.
Speaker 1: Please.
Speaker 2: Every week we get questions from listeners. We can't get
Speaker 2: all of them. This segment is staying would you like
Speaker 2: to go first?
Speaker 1: Matt All right, So this question is from Molly and
Speaker 1: she asks have you ever taken a parenting course? And
Speaker 1: how was it?
Speaker 2: Hm? I took the pre baby parenting course. This is
Speaker 2: pre COVID too, so it's like you had to show up,
Speaker 2: do you know? I got dragged to it. It's two saturdays,
Speaker 2: six hours long. Fuck total, No, each Saturday was six
Speaker 2: hours long. It was fucked. It was fucked. It was like,
Speaker 2: just like the basics, I get it, like some people
Speaker 2: are so some people were so into it, and I
Speaker 2: was like, dude, I just sat at the back. I
Speaker 2: was like, this is fun.
Speaker 1: What did they teach you? What are you learning how.
Speaker 2: To do a nappy? I think there was a big
Speaker 2: segment of it that was like different birthing processes and
Speaker 2: what can happen, which look like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but also they started talking to that do.
Speaker 2: You know what's so? It was really annoying. They were like,
Speaker 2: who wants to tell us their birth plan? I was like,
Speaker 2: fucking here we go. Bring the freaks out, tell us
Speaker 2: about their birth and stories, what they know, their birthing plan,
Speaker 2: what they're going to do zen I'm gonna poop in
Speaker 2: a bath. I don't fucking care.
Speaker 1: I'm not here to judge, but I don't need to judge.
Speaker 2: But who cared?
Speaker 1: But I remember when we were in we had the
Speaker 1: meetings with the midwife, and remember they took us into
Speaker 1: one of the delivery suite rooms and there was like
Speaker 1: one of the rooms where you could have the bath,
Speaker 1: you could give like the water birth. I was like, fuck,
Speaker 1: I just have these images. You know, some people upload
Speaker 1: the videos online and the water is fucking bloody. It's
Speaker 1: like they've been attacked by a shark in there, and then.
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, the po was like in Austin Powers when
Speaker 2: they had the shark in for with leaser Bee.
Speaker 1: I'm like, who wants to Like if Laura was in
Speaker 1: there and she asked me to hop in the water
Speaker 1: with her, I'd be like, no, fucking chair, get in, get.
Speaker 2: In the water's nice.
Speaker 1: Risk fucking toe a finger in that water.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: But if you're listening and you have had a water
Speaker 1: birth or you're planning and having one, good on you,
Speaker 1: that's great, that's great, full power to you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, nice guy over here. Yeah. But then they started
Speaker 2: doing that and then like there was like I don't
Speaker 2: need to know.
Speaker 1: If anyone did anyone? Do you remember if anyone had
Speaker 1: like a weird birth plan?
Speaker 2: I can't.
Speaker 1: Didn't you were checked out?
Speaker 2: I remember I was watching surfing on my phone for
Speaker 2: most of it.
Speaker 1: They would have looked at you and gone, fuck, here
Speaker 1: we go? Do you reckon? They look at you now
Speaker 1: having a dad podcast and like the irony.
Speaker 2: They're like, he apparently didn't listen. No, yeah I didn't.
Speaker 2: I didn't listen, So did you know? I would say,
Speaker 2: don't go what I think?
Speaker 1: I went to a first aid.
Speaker 2: First Dad's good of course.
Speaker 1: But even with that dude like, okay, choking, yeah I could,
Speaker 1: but like anything outside of choking, I'm fucking calling Triple
Speaker 1: zero and I want.
Speaker 2: I'm calling them if they're joking, like you better come
Speaker 2: and get him.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like broken arm leg, I am fucking putting that
Speaker 1: in a blank, Like what's it called?
Speaker 2: A little I always think like, what would I do?
Speaker 2: You know, if they've got to be gash, I like
Speaker 2: rip my shirt off and torn tornic, Hey you got
Speaker 2: the words?
Speaker 1: Or if it's like splint, the'relint splint, that's the one
Speaker 1: I was looking. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I probably wouldn't. I'd like, oh, I get that fucking
Speaker 2: thing away from me.
Speaker 1: I can't look at any blood. I'm pathetic in those
Speaker 1: classes in the two Saturday six hours, apiece, was there
Speaker 1: anything that you learned where you go, Hey, I've applied
Speaker 1: that now to my current day parenting. No nothing, no nothing, okay, fuck,
Speaker 1: we're not doing anything to dads who don't want.
Speaker 2: To go to those calls. I know I didn't get
Speaker 2: to Onney either. Yeah, I have to. I think if
Speaker 2: you want to be prepared.
Speaker 1: A lot of it's just come of knowledge.
Speaker 2: You can google it. Yeah, Like I had friends that
Speaker 2: did it over COVID. They just had to do it
Speaker 2: by a video chat, and I was like, that would
Speaker 2: have been so good because I just wouldn't have listened.
Speaker 1: But also I think I was away. I was away
Speaker 1: working overseas ash, which is why I didn't go to
Speaker 1: the classes. Thankfully I had that excuse. But I also
Speaker 1: know that I've got my sister down the road. She
Speaker 1: was the first if i'd have kids. And I'm always like, hey,
Speaker 1: if I've got a problem, that will be.
Speaker 2: The mostent you come up here and deal with it
Speaker 2: as the bark.
Speaker 1: But like it's too there's too much to try and retain,
Speaker 1: like before you've actually got the baby, Like, and I'm dyslexic,
Speaker 1: I can't learn anything. Yeah, I think I'm dyslexic. I
Speaker 1: can't read it.
Speaker 2: You're just self diagnosed. Me too, I cannot.
Speaker 1: Unless I've got an issue that needs to be solved.
Speaker 1: There's no need for that information at all.
Speaker 2: Yeah, totally at all.
Speaker 1: And look at us, we're great.
Speaker 2: Yeah, kids, great, we've got a dad podcast? What have
Speaker 2: you got?
Speaker 1: I wonder if there's any other podcasts out there, ones
Speaker 1: that are actually like offering solid.
Speaker 2: Information advice like don't listen to.
Speaker 1: Well, we're not kids having a full on tantrum. We
Speaker 1: just stand there and we scream back at them, and
Speaker 1: they're all like, that's how you give your child long
Speaker 1: term damage trauma, and we're like, anyway, that's all from us.
Speaker 2: We shut down in about a week or two, just
Speaker 2: waiting for him to come after us.
Speaker 1: You have a question, ash.
Speaker 2: I do now? We do joke, I say joke in
Speaker 2: quote marks.
Speaker 1: What do they call quote nice quotations?
Speaker 2: Quotations quotations? We do joke about it.
Speaker 1: We are dumb.
Speaker 2: Oh many we joke about screen time, probably why I'm
Speaker 2: so dumb. We joke about screen time a lot. But
Speaker 2: how much do you think per day screen time do
Speaker 2: you give the girls?
Speaker 1: Okay, so where the girls have their most screen time
Speaker 1: is holidays And the reason for that is because.
Speaker 2: Like during travel or travel travel on the plane, actual travelers.
Speaker 1: As soon as we sit down on that plane before
Speaker 1: it's even like begun to move iPad bomb straight into it.
Speaker 1: And then the girls are also in the habit which
Speaker 1: I don't know, is it bad? Who cares? They whenever
Speaker 1: they eat food like breakfast, lunch, dinner, they always have
Speaker 1: something on whether it be like an iPad or the
Speaker 1: TV in the background. The old place we had that
Speaker 1: TV in the kitchen and the kids just like that
Speaker 1: was loved it.
Speaker 2: So would your ball park. How many hours a day.
Speaker 1: I don't know, like breakfast, My breakfast was like forty
Speaker 1: five minutes and then and then also like when Lala
Speaker 1: would have a sleep, mind, they would have a quiet time,
Speaker 1: and so that would be like another hour or so,
Speaker 1: and like but you know, in my defense because feel
Speaker 1: the judgment cutting at me already. No, not from me,
Speaker 1: not from you, but the listeners. I can see them
Speaker 1: right now. You should play games.
Speaker 2: I'm going to make you look trying to judge. I
Speaker 2: don't need to just how long I don't know, like
Speaker 2: an hour, two hours a day? Yeah, that's efty, is it?
Speaker 2: I don't know. I have no idea. I can only
Speaker 2: go off like what I look. We're similar, Like there's
Speaker 2: no limit in my house. And I'm very transparent on that.
Speaker 2: If people want to judge me about like you shouldn't
Speaker 2: give you kids so much screen.
Speaker 1: Time, you look at what you look like, Yeah.
Speaker 2: Fucked, first thing in the morning. Sometimes we're all in
Speaker 2: bed and like we're all on our phone or four
Speaker 2: of us.
Speaker 1: Let's just go to YouTube kids.
Speaker 2: Yeah, YouTube kids, yeah for both of them. Makes you
Speaker 2: into it now too, It's great, And mate, that can
Speaker 2: last an hour if we're just mooching around up there,
Speaker 2: they're down, TV's on, my food's on probably however long
Speaker 2: that they're here before we go and do something and
Speaker 2: then back same thing quiet time Oscar doesn't nap. That's
Speaker 2: like two hours and then all afternoon if we don't
Speaker 2: feel like leaving the house and then.
Speaker 1: Well obviously if it's a rainy day.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but like we'll try and get out and then
Speaker 2: come back dinner.
Speaker 1: Can I just interrupt you for one second? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: have seen your socials and you are very good with
Speaker 1: activities with the kids. Yeah, you're down on.
Speaker 2: The scale for show Man.
Speaker 1: You go to scape, we can get a photo back
Speaker 1: in the iPad.
Speaker 2: We go to the skate park a lot, we've got
Speaker 2: to park in the complex here. We do thing, but
Speaker 2: like if we're not doing things, there's screen time. Oh yeah,
Speaker 2: and then it's like after bath and makes you go
Speaker 2: to bed and I hate brill and I are trying
Speaker 2: to have dinner. Oscars on his phone again like on
Speaker 2: YouTube kids until he goes to bed. So, like I said,
Speaker 2: there's no limit for me, and I won't set a limit.
Speaker 2: Don't care if someone wants to fucking come at me
Speaker 2: about it, don't care.
Speaker 1: Look at you. Yeah, so aggressive And do you ever
Speaker 1: think not tonight, Oscar, I'm gonna you've had a fucking whack.
Speaker 2: No, no, never really no, it gets him out of
Speaker 2: my hair.
Speaker 1: Yep.
Speaker 2: And I need to do something. Yeah, sometimes, like sometimes
Speaker 2: we watch something together. Okay, come on, let's watch a
Speaker 2: movie together. And I sometimes and we'll have a cuddle
Speaker 2: and watch a movie together. And that's kind of like
Speaker 2: it's nice. It's nice, But like, there's no limit for me.
Speaker 2: I don't think. I look, they get limited enough with
Speaker 2: everything else that they do, Like how much fucking chocolate
Speaker 2: you can eat, how much shit food you can eat,
Speaker 2: how much it's.
Speaker 1: The path of least resistance.
Speaker 2: Yeah, look, if I can use it to bribe them
Speaker 2: to do something too, like even Yeah, traveling is a
Speaker 2: perfect example. It's like you just need them to shut
Speaker 2: the fuck up, and we need to get to the
Speaker 2: destination so that we can half enjoy the destination, to
Speaker 2: get back on that fucking plane. For them to shut
Speaker 2: the fuck up so we can get home. There's no
Speaker 2: limit and now this is awkward. Nah. So that's where
Speaker 2: I'm at with that, and may see you'll be the same.
Speaker 1: Look if it works for you, it does, all power
Speaker 1: to you.
Speaker 2: It does. And you know what the best thing about
Speaker 2: KINDI is they get home, they've been deprived of TV
Speaker 2: or as soon as I turn the TV and they're.
Speaker 1: Like, I'll do if I get my phone out because
Speaker 1: you've messaged me five times and they see that screen
Speaker 1: light up, it's like give it a fucking like scratching
Speaker 1: up my leg and I'm.
Speaker 2: Like, fuck, love it. They love it.
Speaker 1: I love it, Hey, Ash, that is all we have
Speaker 1: time for.
Speaker 2: It is all we have time for today. Unfortunately a
Speaker 2: different episode than one was a bit different.
Speaker 1: Well it's the end of an error, deal with it.
Speaker 1: But if you have enjoyed this episode, or any episode
Speaker 1: of two doting dads, Ash and myself, we would love
Speaker 1: it more than anything in this world. To get a
Speaker 1: review from you, Hey, A couple of stars, a few comments,
Speaker 1: that's all it takes, and it means the absolute world. Ash,
Speaker 1: What are you looking at now? Sorry, you're fucking screen
Speaker 1: time your phone world, Hang.
Speaker 2: On before we do go, let's just check what my
Speaker 2: screen time is and that'll give you an indication of
Speaker 2: how long we had kids.
Speaker 1: Okay, give us a look. I know what mine is
Speaker 1: because mine came through the other day and it was like,
Speaker 1: you're ten percent up?
Speaker 2: What's your average daily eight hours? That? Wow, I'm actually
Speaker 2: down twenty eight percent from last week. So let's go
Speaker 2: back to the last What are you at five hours?
Speaker 1: You're averaging five hours?
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I want to go. I want to go
Speaker 2: back to I want to go back to last week.
Speaker 2: How do you do that? Or add twenty eight percent
Speaker 2: to that? That's what I would use.
Speaker 1: You're answering the wrong guy, mate.
Speaker 2: Let me just do the maths. So five say five
Speaker 2: times one point two eight six, six and a half
Speaker 2: hours solid.
Speaker 1: So a lot of my work is done a mobile
Speaker 1: or my emails that I tell im on the phone
Speaker 1: so much. My thumb as fuck. I've got like early
Speaker 1: on set up rightists.
Speaker 2: Yeah, comes work anyway.
Speaker 1: Hey, that's it. Send me episode to our friends and
Speaker 1: for those of you who have been listening to us
Speaker 1: from day dot, thank you for supporting us.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: We appreciate it all. All the love and sports.
Speaker 2: See you next week.
Speaker 1: Two. Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
Speaker 1: throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.
Speaker 2: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
Speaker 2: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and torrestraight onland,
Speaker 2: the people's today. This episode was recorded