1 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:07,040 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for. 2 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:10,119 Speaker 2: The time poor parent who just wants answers. 3 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:13,000 Speaker 1: Now. Hello, this is doctor Justin Colson. I'm excited to 4 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:17,440 Speaker 1: talk to Shona Henley, journalist, mum and provocateur, somebody who 5 00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:19,640 Speaker 1: writes a whole lot of articles regularly for the Fairfax, 6 00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:22,040 Speaker 1: prayers for the ABC and whoever else will take her 7 00:00:22,040 --> 00:00:26,560 Speaker 1: writing talking about parenting observations. I'm going to start today's 8 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:30,159 Speaker 1: interview with Shona by sharing a story showna I'm going 9 00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:31,640 Speaker 1: to be a little bit indulgent. We're going to make 10 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:33,479 Speaker 1: this about me as much as you for just a 11 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:37,320 Speaker 1: sec go for it. Some years ago, one of my kids, 12 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:40,760 Speaker 1: my eldest daughter, probably ten years ago now, was playing netball. 13 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:43,800 Speaker 1: She was in the middle of this very high stakes game. 14 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:46,680 Speaker 1: I mean, this game mattered a great deal. I was there, 15 00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:49,440 Speaker 1: I was cheering for her, and what I noticed, Shona, 16 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:54,040 Speaker 1: was that the referee, with her two eyes, could not 17 00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:55,840 Speaker 1: see what was going on nearly as well as I 18 00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:58,840 Speaker 1: could with my one eye, if you know what I mean, 19 00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:01,040 Speaker 1: Because supporters are so often one eye. Do you know 20 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:04,040 Speaker 1: where I'm going there? And I found myself. Bear in 21 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:06,320 Speaker 1: mind when you're watching fourteen year old girls playing netball. 22 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:09,040 Speaker 1: The people who are running up and down beside the court. 23 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:12,960 Speaker 1: The referees are generally, I don't know, age somewhere between 24 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:16,920 Speaker 1: fourteen and seventeen, usually just pretty young kids themselves. And 25 00:01:17,319 --> 00:01:22,160 Speaker 1: I heard myself saying, come on, ref or, are you serious? 26 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:25,520 Speaker 1: Are you going to like I started giving some coaching 27 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:27,280 Speaker 1: tips to the referees on how they might do a 28 00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:30,600 Speaker 1: better job. And I don't know, maybe maybe halfway through 29 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:34,920 Speaker 1: the game, I heard myself and I realized what I 30 00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:37,080 Speaker 1: was doing. Maybe it was the fact that a couple 31 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:39,800 Speaker 1: of people looked at me because I was perhaps getting 32 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:43,000 Speaker 1: atle bit too vocal, and fortunately for me, I guess 33 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:47,600 Speaker 1: I held it together. I pulled it back, and I 34 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,440 Speaker 1: just started cheering for my daughter and for the other 35 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:51,320 Speaker 1: team when they did something well as well, because frankly, 36 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:54,480 Speaker 1: they were playing very very well. Your article just a 37 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:57,080 Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago in the Fairfax Press, sitting on 38 00:01:57,160 --> 00:02:01,080 Speaker 1: a herald, and the age was all about sports parents, 39 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,080 Speaker 1: and at this time of year, as seasons are ending 40 00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:05,520 Speaker 1: and seasons are beginning and parents are starting to get 41 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:08,680 Speaker 1: ready for spring and summer sports rather than the winter sports, 42 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:11,320 Speaker 1: I just thought it might be interesting to talk to 43 00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:14,280 Speaker 1: you about your article and about whether or not parents 44 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:17,840 Speaker 1: are like me or worse, or I don't know, whatever 45 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,400 Speaker 1: your observations are. I loved your article and that's why 46 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:22,120 Speaker 1: I wanted to get you on The Happy Family's podcast. 47 00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:26,280 Speaker 1: Tell me what you've seen as you've observed parents on 48 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:28,320 Speaker 1: the sidelines of sporting fields. 49 00:02:28,639 --> 00:02:31,320 Speaker 3: Well, firstly, I totally agree with you. You can get 50 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:33,720 Speaker 3: so into it and then you don't realize what you're doing. 51 00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:36,919 Speaker 3: I think that's like completely natural, and I think I've 52 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:38,000 Speaker 3: also been there, so. 53 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:40,960 Speaker 1: In fact, your voice sounds a little horse because you've 54 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:41,400 Speaker 1: been cheering. 55 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,080 Speaker 2: That's right, That's what it is. 56 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:46,120 Speaker 3: Yeah, being in Victoria where every cold is going around 57 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:49,760 Speaker 3: that it's all right. But yeah, it's so easy to 58 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:51,880 Speaker 3: do it, and I think it's so natural as a parent, 59 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:55,480 Speaker 3: So you know, I think everyone's being there. But my article, 60 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,840 Speaker 3: we're sort of focusing on the positives more than the negatives, 61 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:02,320 Speaker 3: which is a new for me as a critic of 62 00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:06,000 Speaker 3: all people. But yeah, it was just looking at the 63 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:09,720 Speaker 3: fact that sports parents get quite a bad rap. So 64 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:13,519 Speaker 3: you know, you hear a lot about the things parents 65 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:16,840 Speaker 3: can do wrong, like a soccer mom, like the Karen 66 00:03:16,919 --> 00:03:19,520 Speaker 3: of the parents that's out there and knows best, to 67 00:03:19,639 --> 00:03:23,200 Speaker 3: the referee, to the coach, to other kids, their kids, 68 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:26,480 Speaker 3: like you know, they've you know, all their dreams that 69 00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:29,120 Speaker 3: were never fulfilled are being pushed on to everybody else. 70 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:32,440 Speaker 3: But my article is sort of just looking at how 71 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:36,200 Speaker 3: it's not really the case for the majority I think 72 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:37,119 Speaker 3: out there. 73 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:38,520 Speaker 2: And that really. 74 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:42,360 Speaker 3: Sports parents are pretty good and they're pretty dedicated as well. 75 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:45,000 Speaker 1: So I want to talk about those good dedicated parents shortly, 76 00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:47,960 Speaker 1: but we can't have a conversation like this without talking 77 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,520 Speaker 1: about the elephant in the room, the fact that there 78 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:52,400 Speaker 1: are so many parents who do those things that you've 79 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:56,000 Speaker 1: just described, Yeah, as an observer rather than a psychologist, 80 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,480 Speaker 1: as somebody who is paid to take note of what's 81 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:01,760 Speaker 1: going on. What do things going on? In terms of 82 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:06,000 Speaker 1: this whole pushing things onto the kids? Where do you 83 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,120 Speaker 1: think that comes from? What have you observed? Maybe even 84 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:10,000 Speaker 1: with your own kids, maybe you've experienced it. 85 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:13,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think really just want your child to do 86 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 3: the best, and I think most of the time it 87 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:20,320 Speaker 3: comes from a good place. You know, maybe when you 88 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:23,200 Speaker 3: were younger, you could have tried harder in a particular element, 89 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:25,400 Speaker 3: and you have that regret so you don't want your 90 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:28,479 Speaker 3: child to go you know, the same way. But other 91 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:32,840 Speaker 3: times I think maybe there's people that are definitely super 92 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:37,360 Speaker 3: competitive and that also comes through infiltrates into their children 93 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:37,760 Speaker 3: as well. 94 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:40,080 Speaker 1: That's right, I have competitive so my kid better, Dan 95 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:42,599 Speaker 1: will be Yeah, that's right. So I want to be 96 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:44,520 Speaker 1: a little bit provocative here and challenge you. And in 97 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:46,880 Speaker 1: some ways this is unfair because you're not necessarily saying 98 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,200 Speaker 1: these things, but I want to bounce the idea off 99 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:52,000 Speaker 1: you and get your take on it. Why do you 100 00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:54,760 Speaker 1: think that so many parents say, I just want my 101 00:04:54,839 --> 00:04:58,120 Speaker 1: kids to do their best? Like, why is doing your 102 00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:00,799 Speaker 1: best so important on the sod field or the cricket 103 00:05:00,839 --> 00:05:03,760 Speaker 1: field or the netball field or the whatever whatever it 104 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:06,039 Speaker 1: is that the kids are playing this weekend? Why is 105 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:08,479 Speaker 1: doing your best so important? 106 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:09,120 Speaker 2: Well? 107 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:12,200 Speaker 3: I think for some people, maybe doing your best is winning. 108 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:17,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, winning matters even more sometimes than doing your best, Right, that's. 109 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,640 Speaker 3: It, because you know, if you're trying your best but 110 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:23,719 Speaker 3: you're still lack suck. So for some parents it's probably 111 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:27,200 Speaker 3: not going to be enough. But I think it's probably 112 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:29,560 Speaker 3: really personal. But you know, I think you want to 113 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:32,040 Speaker 3: see your child succeed as well. Like you want their 114 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,400 Speaker 3: team to win, like you don't want them coming off 115 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:38,960 Speaker 3: like my daughter plays a netball two team. Yeah, they're 116 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:44,760 Speaker 3: not really good anyway, terrible. I don't know, and listens 117 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:45,240 Speaker 3: to this. 118 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:48,880 Speaker 1: But yeah, I hate to go but there are a 119 00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:50,479 Speaker 1: lot of people that listen to this. I'm just just 120 00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:51,120 Speaker 1: letting you know. 121 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:55,640 Speaker 4: Well, sorry you do try. But you know what, they 122 00:05:55,839 --> 00:05:58,160 Speaker 4: like always have a lot of fun, Like my daughter 123 00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:00,599 Speaker 4: comes off smiling all the time. The fact that I 124 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:03,880 Speaker 4: think the other week it was like twenty to zero. Wow, 125 00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:06,520 Speaker 4: yes it wasn't great, But they're also like nine and 126 00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:09,279 Speaker 4: under us, so you know they're still just learning. But 127 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:13,640 Speaker 4: no one there is like getting upset with their kid 128 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:17,080 Speaker 4: for their team, you know, only having zero, and the 129 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:21,120 Speaker 4: other team that's getting twenty as well aren't like, you know, 130 00:06:21,279 --> 00:06:23,479 Speaker 4: like super pumped and rubbing it in either. 131 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,720 Speaker 2: So I don't know if I've really answered your question 132 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:27,280 Speaker 2: there or not. 133 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,839 Speaker 1: Well here's my I guess the back end of my 134 00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:31,800 Speaker 1: provocation because I've thought about this a lot. I remember 135 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:35,280 Speaker 1: some years ago one of my kids got a report 136 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:40,200 Speaker 1: card and the report card was pretty good. But I 137 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,719 Speaker 1: don't really look at our kids' reports, and it's because 138 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:45,800 Speaker 1: of this thoughder that I don't. But as I went through, 139 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,360 Speaker 1: I said, you know what, I don't really mind what 140 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:49,400 Speaker 1: grades you get. What I care about is that you're 141 00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:52,599 Speaker 1: trying hard, that you're getting recognized for your effort. And 142 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:54,120 Speaker 1: we got to one of her subjects and she got 143 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:56,359 Speaker 1: a C for effort, and so I pulled her up 144 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,640 Speaker 1: on it and said, well, what's the deal with this. 145 00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:00,000 Speaker 1: You're not doing your best here obviously the teachers say, 146 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,119 Speaker 1: and you only got to see for effort. She burst 147 00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:04,240 Speaker 1: into tears and she said, Daddy, I failed trying. I 148 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:09,279 Speaker 1: tried so hard, but I failed trying hardrat And I 149 00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:12,080 Speaker 1: just thought, Hm, Since then, I've thought about this idea. 150 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:14,080 Speaker 1: I want my kids to fulfill their potential. I want 151 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:17,120 Speaker 1: them to be their best, do their best. And I've 152 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:20,840 Speaker 1: kind of shifted, well I haven't kind of, I've clearly shifted. 153 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:23,240 Speaker 1: I don't care if they do their best. I just 154 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:25,640 Speaker 1: want them to love it. I just want them to 155 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:30,880 Speaker 1: develop their competence, to develop relationships, and to come off 156 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:32,920 Speaker 1: that field or that court or whatever it is that 157 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:35,760 Speaker 1: they're doing and go, ah, jee, I'm so glad. I 158 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:36,760 Speaker 1: can't wait for next week. 159 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:37,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's it. 160 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:40,080 Speaker 1: I want them to love it. And it seems like 161 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:44,280 Speaker 1: when we have these parents behaving badly on the sideline stories, 162 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:48,040 Speaker 1: it strikes me that they're not going to love it 163 00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:50,480 Speaker 1: if we keep that up. Because the constant coaching, the 164 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:53,760 Speaker 1: constant berating, the constant derogation of the referee or the coach, 165 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,240 Speaker 1: all that does is make the kids feel like they 166 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:58,720 Speaker 1: can't do a good enough job, they're unworthy. It's no 167 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:01,800 Speaker 1: fun when you're getting told that you're not good enough. 168 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:05,520 Speaker 3: Yeah. Actually, when I was looking into this, I remember 169 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:09,480 Speaker 3: reading some comments from kids one another story from years ago, 170 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:13,440 Speaker 3: and one person said, my favorite thing about sport was 171 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:15,680 Speaker 3: when it was time to go home, and that was 172 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:19,480 Speaker 3: based purely on like, yeah, that sort of behavior. And 173 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:21,840 Speaker 3: I think it's you know, definitely can come from parents, 174 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:23,760 Speaker 3: but yeah, it can come with from coaches and that 175 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:27,320 Speaker 3: sort of thing too. And I think for girls especially, 176 00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:31,120 Speaker 3: you know, obviously being parents of girls, both of us, 177 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:34,720 Speaker 3: it's in sports they drop out, like the rate is 178 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:38,720 Speaker 3: pretty high. And for me, like, I think I probably 179 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:41,240 Speaker 3: was one of them, like about year nine for myself. 180 00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:44,880 Speaker 3: So I want my girls to keep going and doing 181 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,520 Speaker 3: it all, you know, for as long as they possibly can, 182 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:51,440 Speaker 3: so enjoyment. You know, is definitely a priority because there's 183 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:53,720 Speaker 3: all those other skills that you build along the way 184 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:56,440 Speaker 3: with sports that have nothing to do with sports, you know, 185 00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:58,880 Speaker 3: and I think they're probably the most important ones in 186 00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:00,520 Speaker 3: the end that wrestler. 187 00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:04,040 Speaker 1: Right now, Shona, we've watched each of our children around 188 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,480 Speaker 1: you said grade nine, we're seeing it happen around grade seven, 189 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:09,840 Speaker 1: grade eight, and statistically we see that it's just a cliff. 190 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:15,200 Speaker 1: Kids participating in organized sports, especially girls, literally just stops 191 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:18,520 Speaker 1: from around about that age of thirteen fourteen. That there 192 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:21,400 Speaker 1: are body image issues, there's obviously hormonal stuff, there are periods, 193 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:24,800 Speaker 1: there's the fact that people are watching them. Sometimes the 194 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:27,839 Speaker 1: clothing that girls are expected to wear makes them very, 195 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:31,760 Speaker 1: very uncomfortable, But there's also just that feeling of competence. 196 00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:34,280 Speaker 1: So one of my kids loves acrobatics, and for the 197 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:36,520 Speaker 1: last couple of years, she has last year or so, 198 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:39,680 Speaker 1: she's been in heaven. But at the moment, as she's 199 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:43,280 Speaker 1: getting older and her body's changing, her upper body strength, 200 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:46,960 Speaker 1: which is so important for acrobatics, is well, it's just 201 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:48,839 Speaker 1: not there like it used to be. As her body's 202 00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:52,640 Speaker 1: shifting and as her confidence falls, her desire to participate 203 00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:55,200 Speaker 1: is dropping. And what we're finding is those two things, 204 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:57,439 Speaker 1: the ability to get better at something and the ability 205 00:09:57,440 --> 00:09:59,760 Speaker 1: to have good relationships while you're doing it. They're at 206 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:06,120 Speaker 1: the court. Let's talk about the good stuff that you've observed. 207 00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:08,040 Speaker 1: And this is what I did love about your article. 208 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:11,120 Speaker 1: Your article was actually an ode to I felt like 209 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:12,640 Speaker 1: it was kind of fitting. It came out a couple 210 00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:15,080 Speaker 1: of weeks after the Matilda's and the World Cup of Soccer, 211 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,920 Speaker 1: and everyone's talking about how great these kids are, and 212 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:19,880 Speaker 1: it felt to me like it was an ode to 213 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:22,600 Speaker 1: the parents, an ode to the parents who were waking 214 00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:24,040 Speaker 1: up at four point thirty in the morning to get 215 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:27,520 Speaker 1: their kids to squad training or taking their kids down 216 00:10:27,559 --> 00:10:30,520 Speaker 1: to dance or down to nippers at the beach or 217 00:10:30,559 --> 00:10:34,040 Speaker 1: whatever it is, at crazy hours, multiple days a week. 218 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:37,000 Speaker 1: The enormous sacrifice of parents. Tell me about what you 219 00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:38,319 Speaker 1: observed and how you wrote it up. 220 00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:41,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, So I sort of just looked into the research 221 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:44,240 Speaker 3: to start off with, and there was a bit out 222 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:48,760 Speaker 3: there about the sheer amount of hours that parents devote 223 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:52,760 Speaker 3: to sports, just specifically, that's aside from everything else that 224 00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:55,559 Speaker 3: or anything else that your child does, you know, school related, 225 00:10:55,679 --> 00:10:59,720 Speaker 3: or any other extracurricular activity is and I think from 226 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,720 Speaker 3: them it was something like eight hundred and something a 227 00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:06,040 Speaker 3: year per child. So depending on how many you have 228 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:09,400 Speaker 3: and then how many sports they have, obviously there's it's 229 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:11,839 Speaker 3: a lot. I'm not a mass person, but it's a 230 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:13,800 Speaker 3: lot of hours, you know, Like you know, we have 231 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,080 Speaker 3: a lot of things to do as parents, and you 232 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:20,320 Speaker 3: know self care is important too, but from training to 233 00:11:20,679 --> 00:11:26,160 Speaker 3: competitions to camps everything else that is involved with sports 234 00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:28,880 Speaker 3: these days social events as well. Like it's it's a 235 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,160 Speaker 3: lot of hours that then that's just taking them there. 236 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:33,600 Speaker 1: So this is this is what you said, and i'll 237 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:36,640 Speaker 1: quote you directly to you, Australian parents each spend roughly 238 00:11:36,679 --> 00:11:39,079 Speaker 1: eight hundred and forty eight hours annually. 239 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:40,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's it. 240 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,760 Speaker 1: Eight hundred and forty eight hours. That's enormous. 241 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:43,800 Speaker 2: It's a lot. 242 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:46,880 Speaker 1: One point zero eight billion hours across Australia are spent 243 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,920 Speaker 1: annually as parents support their kids involvement in sports. And 244 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:53,240 Speaker 1: the other figure that struck me, especially in this time 245 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:57,800 Speaker 1: of high inflation and financial challenge, you said, darted from 246 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:01,560 Speaker 1: the Transports Commissions os PLAY survey show a family's average 247 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:04,400 Speaker 1: spend last year on sports for children aged fourteen and 248 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:08,640 Speaker 1: under was a touch under twelve hundred dollars per child. 249 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:12,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's it, and that's obviously any like you've raised 250 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:15,240 Speaker 3: that issue, I came across a few pieces as well 251 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:18,079 Speaker 3: where a lot of parents are choosing now to either 252 00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:22,520 Speaker 3: pull their children out of sport or reduce the amount 253 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:25,640 Speaker 3: of sport that they're doing because of just the cost 254 00:12:25,679 --> 00:12:27,680 Speaker 3: of living as well, which is like it's a whole 255 00:12:27,679 --> 00:12:29,679 Speaker 3: other issue. But you know a lot of them have 256 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:32,160 Speaker 3: said they know how important that is for their kids 257 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:36,120 Speaker 3: and that they want them to stay in sport as well. 258 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:40,000 Speaker 3: So it's definitely something that's valued, you know, and that's 259 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:43,360 Speaker 3: shown through time, shown through money, and it's so shown 260 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:47,040 Speaker 3: through effort as well, like volunteering that you know, the 261 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:50,040 Speaker 3: majority of us do, whether we want to or not, 262 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,040 Speaker 3: in their kid's sport as well. 263 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:56,160 Speaker 1: When I think of a life well lived, the characteristics 264 00:12:56,200 --> 00:13:00,000 Speaker 1: or attributes of those who live great lives, so much 265 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:04,960 Speaker 1: of what children's sport offers satisfies those things. So there's 266 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,800 Speaker 1: the skill building and the competence, there's the relationships and 267 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:10,720 Speaker 1: the community building, the sense of being a part of 268 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:13,960 Speaker 1: something bigger than yourself. There's the purpose, there's the motivational aspects. 269 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,800 Speaker 1: There's being for many, if not all, of the sports, 270 00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:20,360 Speaker 1: certainly for many of them, there's being outside. There's being 271 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:27,040 Speaker 1: in nature, the handi coordination, the movement sports and physical activity. 272 00:13:27,679 --> 00:13:29,560 Speaker 1: When I hear you say what you've just said, it 273 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,360 Speaker 1: makes me get very, very frustrated that we have a 274 00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:35,720 Speaker 1: Victorian government that's just blown close to four hundred million 275 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:39,400 Speaker 1: dollars to not have the common Wealth Games. And I 276 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:42,080 Speaker 1: think about that four hundred million dollars and imagine it 277 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:46,760 Speaker 1: being infused into children's and youth sports across this country. 278 00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:49,120 Speaker 1: And I'm going to be honest, it makes me pretty 279 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:52,360 Speaker 1: damn angry that we have governments that are so so 280 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:55,760 Speaker 1: wasteful with our money. When I look at the world 281 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:59,560 Speaker 1: being benefits, we're dealing with a mental health crisis literally 282 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,680 Speaker 1: when it comes to our young people. Statistically, we've never 283 00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:05,120 Speaker 1: had so many young people who are struggling with so 284 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:09,200 Speaker 1: many mental health challenges. And this is an undeniable lever 285 00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:14,120 Speaker 1: that we can pull to satisfy and support mental health needs, 286 00:14:14,559 --> 00:14:18,599 Speaker 1: and yet the government's not doing it. It's an infuriating, 287 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:19,880 Speaker 1: infuriating conversation. 288 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:25,160 Speaker 3: Yes, I'm Victorians, and I'm also from the regions where 289 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:28,080 Speaker 3: all these things are supposed to take place. So you know, 290 00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:32,680 Speaker 3: for us, there's an interesting comment from someone from the 291 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:36,920 Speaker 3: commerce head of Commerce Ballarat yesterday. I'm from Ballarat and 292 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:41,520 Speaker 3: he was just really angry about the lack of communication 293 00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:44,200 Speaker 3: around that and what an issue that was. And yeah, 294 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,640 Speaker 3: basically the same thing. It was just a wasted opportunity. 295 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:49,760 Speaker 3: It could have totally worked, but you know, it was 296 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:52,880 Speaker 3: just not communicated well and coordinated well. 297 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:55,760 Speaker 1: But the downstream effects in terms of the inspiration that 298 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:57,600 Speaker 1: kids can take from seeing the games, the money that 299 00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:00,720 Speaker 1: could have been invested into children's spport was mental health 300 00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:06,160 Speaker 1: benefiting as a result. It just it's really enraging. Let's 301 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:08,000 Speaker 1: go back to the good news. I want to quote 302 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,440 Speaker 1: you again one more time. This is the last time 303 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:10,480 Speaker 1: I'm going to do it to you, but I just 304 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:13,520 Speaker 1: I love how you said this because it's so real 305 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:16,720 Speaker 1: and every parent has been in this kind of situation 306 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:19,480 Speaker 1: you said for me. This was highlighted at a recent 307 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:23,200 Speaker 1: weekend long swimming competition that my daughter attended. Families had 308 00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:26,120 Speaker 1: traveled from across Victoria to a regional town and crammed 309 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:28,800 Speaker 1: into a space nowhere near large enough to accommodate the crowd. 310 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:31,120 Speaker 1: It was hot and stuffy, with chlorine thick in the air, 311 00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:34,720 Speaker 1: yet hardly anyone complained. Instead, parents helped out in any 312 00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:36,840 Speaker 1: way they could. One grabbed a camera and took photos, 313 00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:39,680 Speaker 1: another took a clipboard and heard it swimmers to the 314 00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:43,280 Speaker 1: marshaling checkpoint, while another checked in with everyone, offering coffees 315 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:46,360 Speaker 1: and snacks as the races were conducted. Parents cheered on 316 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:49,240 Speaker 1: not only their own kids, but all the kids. 317 00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:50,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's it was. 318 00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:54,400 Speaker 3: It was really good to see as much as as 319 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,400 Speaker 3: hot and stuffy as it was, because it really was. 320 00:15:57,880 --> 00:15:58,000 Speaker 4: It. 321 00:15:58,240 --> 00:15:59,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, it was just really good to see. 322 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:01,320 Speaker 3: And that was the moment where I was like I 323 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:04,400 Speaker 3: need to write about this because you know, here you've 324 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:08,160 Speaker 3: got like parents from all over Victoria. They're to support 325 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:12,160 Speaker 3: their kids and their kids' teammates, and it's quite individual 326 00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:14,760 Speaker 3: sports swimming as well, so it could be quite easy 327 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:18,160 Speaker 3: to get insular with it. But it was the opposite, 328 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:21,680 Speaker 3: like the parents were just yet up there offering to 329 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,600 Speaker 3: do something in any way they could. Whether you've been 330 00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:26,280 Speaker 3: a member of the club long, whether you're an official 331 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,560 Speaker 3: person on a committee or not, or whether you just 332 00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:34,200 Speaker 3: saw someone that needed help with something people worked just 333 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:36,760 Speaker 3: volunteering to do that, and you know it was just 334 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:39,840 Speaker 3: to help this event that all of their kids were 335 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:41,960 Speaker 3: a part of run as best as it could and 336 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,160 Speaker 3: for them to have a good time. 337 00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:46,520 Speaker 1: His to old parents who are doing such a great job, 338 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,480 Speaker 1: and to you, Shanna, thanks for writing such a positive 339 00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:52,000 Speaker 1: and uplifting article about the great work that parents are 340 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:53,800 Speaker 1: doing and supporting their kids for their mental health, their 341 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:56,200 Speaker 1: physical health and so on. Great to talk to you again. 342 00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:57,160 Speaker 1: Really appreciate it. 343 00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:58,000 Speaker 2: It was good. Thank you. 344 00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:01,360 Speaker 1: Shona Henley is a freelance writer for the ABC, for 345 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:04,760 Speaker 1: the Fairfax Press and pretty much everyone else as well, 346 00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:08,199 Speaker 1: and she wrote a fabulous, fabulous article just recently all 347 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:12,680 Speaker 1: about sports parents, the good and the bad, well actually 348 00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:15,600 Speaker 1: only about the three percent who are bad. The Happy 349 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:18,040 Speaker 1: Family podcast is produced by Justin Rowl from Bridge Media. 350 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:20,280 Speaker 1: Craig Bruce is our executive producer. If you're heading up 351 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:22,280 Speaker 1: with the kids in the next few days or over 352 00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:24,760 Speaker 1: the weekend so that they can get involved with sports, 353 00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:27,920 Speaker 1: thanks for what you're doing. Keep being awesome and enjoy 354 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,520 Speaker 1: that time on the sidelines. I hope that kids love 355 00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:31,520 Speaker 1: the sport. If you'd like more information about making your 356 00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:33,760 Speaker 1: family Happy and visit happy families dot com. Do you