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Speaker 1: It's book club. It's book club.

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Speaker 2: Time have we started?

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Speaker 3: Ready for book club?

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Speaker 1: Hello? Book club pals.

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Speaker 2: Hello, Hello, hello everyone. We're reading from books today. Once

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Speaker 2: again it's our own books, because that's how lazy and

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Speaker 2: shallow we are. No ego, no none.

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Speaker 1: What have we got today?

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Speaker 2: Well, I thought i'd read about I'd read out when

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Speaker 2: I first left university and got my first job, which

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Speaker 2: was at Simon Townsend's Wonderworld.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to my wonder work.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely all right. This is chapter five called get a job.

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Speaker 2: So there I was at the end of nineteen eighty

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Speaker 2: three with a Bachelor of Arts and Communication and no

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Speaker 2: real idea of what to do with it. After moving

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Speaker 2: back in with Mum and Dad in Sydney, I applied

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Speaker 2: for all kinds of media jobs. Nothing. I even't got

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Speaker 2: a knock back from working in a bookshop.

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Speaker 1: Ah.

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Speaker 2: Things were looking a little dire when I saw a

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Speaker 2: position advertised at Simon Townsend's Wonder World. The time, Simon

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Speaker 2: Townsend's Wonderworld was a phenomenon. It was the most successful

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Speaker 2: kids show in Australia and pretty much every school kid

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Speaker 2: of many adults came home and switched on the telly

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Speaker 2: at four pm each week day to watch.

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Speaker 1: I was one of those kids, How Are You?

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Speaker 2: It was hosted by the man himself, Simon Townsend, who

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Speaker 2: sat next to a bloodhound called Woodrow who'd slobber away

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Speaker 2: all over the desk and more. Someone once had to

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Speaker 2: pay to have the carpet in Channel ten's foyer cleaned

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Speaker 2: after Woodrow let loose a torrent of steaming urine over

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Speaker 2: the floor. Still, I've seen worse behavior at the logis.

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Speaker 1: Here's a big dog too. That was quite the lease reage.

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Speaker 2: During the show, Simon through the stories featuring four gun

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Speaker 2: reporters who might be doing anything from visiting the paddle

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Speaker 2: pop factory getting a rundown on how to string a

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Speaker 2: tennis racket, were showing what it was like to be

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Speaker 2: a police officer for a day. The stories were about

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Speaker 2: all manner of things that interested kids or at the

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Speaker 2: very least Simon. The job being advertised was for a

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Speaker 2: researcher to line up these stories. Could it be more perfect?

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Speaker 2: I had to apply. Those of us going for the

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Speaker 2: job were asked to put together a research brief for

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Speaker 2: a story. It had to be a real story using

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Speaker 2: real resources. In other words, as well as possibly getting

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Speaker 2: a new researcher. The show would get six or so

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Speaker 2: stories research for free. Welcome to television.

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Speaker 1: There you go.

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Speaker 2: I can't remember much about the story our researched, but

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Speaker 2: I think it was either about dolphins or Oliver in

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Speaker 2: Newton John both well, maybe I combined both ideas and

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Speaker 2: planned to have a Livia writing flipper. Either way, I

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Speaker 2: can still picture the research report I handed in at

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Speaker 2: the end of the day. It was handwritten, and the

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Speaker 2: bits that weren't scribbled over were dotted in big clumps

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Speaker 2: of smeared liquid paper. I had produced a giant mess,

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Speaker 2: which I added to the pile of other reports that

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Speaker 2: looked alarmingly ordered and professional. At the end of a

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Speaker 2: stressful and long day, I headed home on the bus,

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Speaker 2: praying furiously this would be my big break. It was

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Speaker 2: not to be. I didn't get the job, and to

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Speaker 2: make things worse, a friend of mine from UNI and

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Speaker 2: scored the gig. I was so crushed I seriously thought

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Speaker 2: I'd never get over it. I couldn't bring myself to

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Speaker 2: watch the show. It was dead to me. But you

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Speaker 2: know what. A few days later, Harvey Shaw, the exis

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Speaker 2: could it produce a called and offered me a job

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Speaker 2: as his assistant. Naturally, I accepted it, hardly believing my luck.

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Speaker 2: I didn't know what an assistant was, but I'm sure

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Speaker 2: I could wing it.

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Speaker 1: Is that like in TV world? Assistant?

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Speaker 2: What does that mean?

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Speaker 1: You know?

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Speaker 2: No, you know, not a pleasure friend.

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Speaker 1: What you're saying? It wasn't that?

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Speaker 3: The industry rife with it back then. Well, I don't

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Speaker 3: know Smirching Harvey's good name.

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Speaker 2: And it never was for me that night, very much so.

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Speaker 2: That night I went to see the band Mental as

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Speaker 2: Anything perform at the Roundhouse Bar It's New South Wales Uni.

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Speaker 1: WHOA.

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Speaker 2: I wanted to call out loud that I had a

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Speaker 2: job in TV. I remember thinking, my life begins now.

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Speaker 1: That is so cool. That is so cool.

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Speaker 2: I could go on to tell you more, and I will,

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Speaker 2: but you give me something of yours. Okay, well did

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Speaker 2: you have an assistant?

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Speaker 1: Moment?

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Speaker 3: Mine goes from chapter four, which is the first time

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Speaker 3: that I discovered I wanted to be on radio.

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Speaker 1: Mine was titled who listens to the radio? That's what

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Speaker 1: I'd like to know? The sports. They wrote that.

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Speaker 3: When I was in year six at school, we went

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Speaker 3: on a school excursion to a radio station, and not

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Speaker 3: just any station. It was the number one station in Sydney,

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Speaker 3: two sm WOW.

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Speaker 1: Up until that.

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Speaker 3: Point, I hadn't given radio much thought. I'd much rather

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Speaker 3: watch TV. Perhaps the reason for my ambivalence to radio

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Speaker 3: was a mom and dad used to listen to two

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Speaker 3: CH in the morning, which was an easy listening station

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Speaker 3: that played a lot of carpenters and instrumental versions of

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Speaker 3: popular new songs. A guy called Lenn London used to

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Speaker 3: do the breakfast show, and he'd have a segment called.

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Speaker 1: What am I? Do you remember that?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 2: How did it go?

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Speaker 1: Well?

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Speaker 3: There'd be a series of clues. Sometimes I can be

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Speaker 3: hot and then I can be cold, But you am

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Speaker 3: I a thermost but you could never be without me.

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Speaker 3: The answer could be something like a hot water bottle

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Speaker 3: or a cattle right. Either way, people would ring up

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Speaker 3: and if they didn't get it, the money would jackpot

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Speaker 3: another five bucks for.

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Speaker 1: The next day.

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Speaker 3: I remember one morning a late he guessed what it

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Speaker 3: was after six months how much it was a potato pillar,

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Speaker 3: and she won seven.

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Speaker 1: Hundred and fifty dollars. That was the most money I'd

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Speaker 1: ever heard about those.

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Speaker 2: Days, potato piler.

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Speaker 3: My attitude to radio all changed thanks to our teacher

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Speaker 3: peg Leg Williams, a nickname he earned because he lost

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Speaker 3: a leg.

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Speaker 1: In a motorcycle.

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Speaker 3: I speak it as much for years earlier. We never

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Speaker 3: called him that to his face. Peg Leg gave us

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Speaker 3: a choice of assignments. You could either make a diorama

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Speaker 3: depicting the Titanic, or you could make a radio show.

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Speaker 3: I instantly chose the diorama option, as I'd already made

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Speaker 3: a Titanic the previous year, in year five, and had

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Speaker 3: gotten excellent marks for it, and it was in the

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Speaker 3: garage at home. It was spectacular.

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Speaker 1: You remember, you make a diorama.

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Speaker 2: I never did.

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Speaker 3: Get half a fruit box, tip it on its side,

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Speaker 3: get one bit of cardboard, have the ship going through

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Speaker 3: the cardboard.

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Speaker 1: It was quite realistic. A lot of all the people

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Speaker 1: in there.

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Speaker 2: Class was this a remedial class?

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Speaker 1: That was six.

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Speaker 2: He made a diorama every year.

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Speaker 1: When I bought it out.

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Speaker 3: Also, you make a diorama, well, peg Leg he was

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Speaker 3: hip to it.

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Speaker 1: He said, Jones, you made one of those. Last year.

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Speaker 1: You're doing the radio show.

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Speaker 3: You could either come up with a radio show by

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Speaker 3: yourself saying DJ type things, or you could do a

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Speaker 3: play from the school magazine and adapt it.

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Speaker 1: For radio, so good.

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Speaker 3: I went for the easy option, the latter choice, as

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Speaker 3: it was already written. When we had our show, we

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Speaker 3: got to record them on the cassette recorders in the

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Speaker 3: school library, which up until then had spent their lifetime

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Speaker 3: recording farts.

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Speaker 2: Did you hand that in the best work You've done? Jones?

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Speaker 2: That two tona.

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Speaker 3: We're also informed that someone from radio station two SM

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Speaker 3: would come and listen to our shows, and the creators

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Speaker 3: of the best ones would be taken for an excursion

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Speaker 3: to the radio station. So all of us wanted to

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Speaker 3: go on the excursion because usually excursions met you get

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Speaker 3: the day off school pretty much. So I worked like

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Speaker 3: crazy doing my radio show to the school magazine and

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Speaker 3: lo and behold, you got it. I was one of

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Speaker 3: the people next to someone that left the tape. They

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Speaker 3: didn't raise it properly, so I had farts on it,

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Speaker 3: and them guys thought that was very funny. I thought

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Speaker 3: it was outrageous because it was just by accident.

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Speaker 2: Have you heard how you make a living? Brendan.

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Speaker 3: I know twenty of us did radio shows, but there

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Speaker 3: were only ten spots on the excursion.

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Speaker 1: So we're on our way.

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Speaker 3: We walked into the foyer and for the moment I

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Speaker 3: saw the iconic two SM logo, you remember the logo

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Speaker 3: pair of jeans being zipped up over a record that

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Speaker 3: was done.

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Speaker 1: In shag pile. On the wall. They had carpet on

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Speaker 1: the wall.

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Speaker 2: They were the dream days.

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Speaker 1: You just didn't you didn't imagine that.

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Speaker 3: And the guy that met us had these side burns

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Speaker 3: and polyester pants and he's standing there and he said,

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Speaker 3: it's a dream factory.

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Speaker 1: Boys follow me. We did the whole.

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Speaker 3: Tour, the sales area, the newsroom, the record library which

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Speaker 3: had a set of train tracks, and before anyone could

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Speaker 3: ask what the tracks were for, a dude comes flying

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Speaker 3: out in a chair into the record library and scoots

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Speaker 3: from where he came. And according to our God that

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Speaker 3: he said, that's one of our jocks. And them back

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Speaker 3: disc jockeys or DJs as I were known, back there

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Speaker 3: were kings of the world. TV was still a fairly

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Speaker 3: new medium, and although it had been around for over

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Speaker 3: a decade, in the late seventies, you didn't have much

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Speaker 3: choice when it came to channels. Also, it was hardly portable.

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Speaker 3: You couldn't walk around with TV, could you, like, I

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Speaker 3: know your son Jack watched Shindler's List on his iPhone.

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Speaker 2: He watched The Shining the other day on his iPhone.

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Speaker 3: But back then you just had an old transis to

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Speaker 3: radio and that had crackle away and everyone was listening

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Speaker 3: to two sm So we went into the studio and

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Speaker 3: there was George Moore just sitting there.

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Speaker 1: Wow and the harbor. He was a god the opera

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Speaker 1: house and.

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Speaker 3: I just thought, this, this is for me, this is

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Speaker 3: for me.

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Speaker 1: To seal the deal off.

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Speaker 3: As we were leaving George, we're standing in the foyer

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Speaker 3: and I was just I'd never been hit by something

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Speaker 3: so visceral at that time. And to make it even better,

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Speaker 3: I'm standing in the foyer, Paul Hogan walks past us.

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Speaker 3: We were just all gobsmacked and totally speak to less.

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Speaker 3: Paul Hogan was on the telly every Sunday night and

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Speaker 3: here he was right in front of us. Hoage said,

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Speaker 3: good a boys, what brings you here? The guide told

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Speaker 3: him that we're on a school excursion and he said,

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Speaker 3: not bad, better than a paint factory. A.

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Speaker 1: I was standing so close to him. All I could

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Speaker 1: say was my dad smokes, Daniel, oh you're a wag.

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Speaker 3: Hoag's who was famous for advertising Windfield cigarettes at the time,

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Speaker 3: looked at me, ruffled my hair and said, good on

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Speaker 3: your spider.

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Speaker 1: Then he'd headed off down the corridor toward the.

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Speaker 2: Studios, like you've been blessed by an Australian god.

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Speaker 3: The lift pinged its arrival, and down to the foyer

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Speaker 3: we went. When we got there, the guide pointed to

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Speaker 3: a speaker concealed by some fabric that matched the shag

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Speaker 3: on the walls.

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Speaker 1: You couldn't see the speakers.

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Speaker 3: They were hidden speakers, and he said, listen up, boys

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Speaker 3: on the radio. We heard George doing his DJ patter.

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Speaker 3: It's a quarter to twelve twenty six degrees in Sydney today,

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Speaker 3: and a special hello to the boys from De Lacel College.

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Speaker 3: They just came up to say a big hello to me.

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Speaker 3: I think we've got some budding DJs right there. I

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Speaker 3: remember thinking at that moment, damn straight, Oh so cool?

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Speaker 2: Can I read another bit?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: So I get the job as the executive producer's assistant.

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Speaker 2: Wonder World turned out to be a rough and ready

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Speaker 2: introduction to television. There was, of course, the massive ego

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Speaker 2: to contend with every day and the childish tantrums we

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Speaker 2: had to endure. At least they are easy to deal

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Speaker 2: with in his dreadful breath. But enough about the dog.

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Speaker 2: I quickly discovered what an assistant did, or rather was

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Speaker 2: supposed to do, and I was beyond ill equipped. On

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Speaker 2: my first day, I was given a letter to type.

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Speaker 2: What type I can't type? I had to ask someone

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Speaker 2: how to turn on the electric typewriter. I was so

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Speaker 2: naive I didn't realize that I be mortified by that.

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Speaker 2: My first few letters look like they've been typed by

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Speaker 2: a mental patient. All the words were scrunched up in

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Speaker 2: one corner, and the pages were covered in smudges of

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Speaker 2: tippex that I hadn't let dry long enough before typing

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Speaker 2: over them. Oh lucky me. Not long after, both researchers

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Speaker 2: resigned within a week of each other. This seemed to

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Speaker 2: be a regular pattern. I soon learned that the Friday

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Speaker 2: afternoon cask wine and cheesels event was usually farewell parties

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Speaker 2: every Friday. Fortunately, this time it worked out in my favor.

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Speaker 2: Harvey clearly saw a convenient way to fill the researcher

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Speaker 2: gap and restore some order in his office. At the

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Speaker 2: same time, I was finally a fully fledged researcher.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 2: It wasn't long before I realized this wasn't going to

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Speaker 2: be easy. One of the stories Simon asked reporter Sherion

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Speaker 2: jobs to do was called corners. Yes, corners, Simon had

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Speaker 2: done some quirky story ideas that would drop into your

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Speaker 2: pigeon hole. Simon would come up with quirky story ideas

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Speaker 2: that he'd drop into your pigeon hole. On green Paper,

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Speaker 2: we all dreaded the Greenies. One day the crew'd be

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Speaker 2: heading off to a ball bearing factory, the next try

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Speaker 2: to make magic out of a story on non Newtonian fluids.

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Speaker 2: Reporter Philip Tanner remembers a Greenie asking him to do

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Speaker 2: a story on car springs and windscreens because Simon was

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Speaker 2: taking part in a car rally and needed part that's outrageous.

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Speaker 2: There was a real element of Magueiver to Wonderworld, particularly

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Speaker 2: when the crews traveled overseas on the cheap doesn't come

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Speaker 2: near it. A karnae is a piece of paper issued

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Speaker 2: by customs that pruised the production crew was only bringing

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Speaker 2: in the camera gear to the country to use, not

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Speaker 2: to sell. Serial numbers were checked in and out of

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Speaker 2: airports and had to be stamped it's like a passport

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Speaker 2: for the gear. You can't travel without one, but we

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Speaker 2: often did. Once on a trip to Monaco, the crew

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Speaker 2: had to break the camera down into bits and stash

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Speaker 2: it across their luggage, then reassemble it on location. And

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Speaker 2: because they couldn't take lights with them, the crew had

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Speaker 2: to ask talent to be filmed outside or to stand

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Speaker 2: near windows. It wasn't unusual to have to borrow a

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Speaker 2: ladder as a tripod because it was too hard to

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Speaker 2: smuggle when.

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Speaker 1: In It was Simon Townhead's.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Simon Township for.

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Speaker 1: A kid's show, you gona well.

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Speaker 2: The crew went to Monaco, we went to India, we

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Speaker 2: went to Malaysia. It was all done for free because

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Speaker 2: we do a giant story on the hotel.

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Speaker 1: Here's me just thinking. Was just always the Paddle Pop.

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Speaker 2: Factory and then next day the taj Mahal Literally I

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Speaker 2: say here. I always admired Harvey Shaw's flair for publicity.

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Speaker 2: He was a first man. I heard out of the words,

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Speaker 2: never let the truth get in the way of good story.

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Speaker 1: He was.

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Speaker 2: He was the master. Once while Philip and fellow reporter

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Speaker 2: Edith Blister and Monaco, he sent out a press release

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Speaker 2: saying Philip had scored a date with Princess Stephanie. He hadn't,

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Speaker 2: of course, And when Philip's bag containing the stills, camera

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Speaker 2: and all the crew money was nicked in the back

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Speaker 2: of a cab in Rome, Harley let the media know

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Speaker 2: that the Pope had personally intervened to ensure it's safe return.

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Speaker 2: Sounds like I'm talking about Trump, doesn't it?

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Speaker 1: How good's that?

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Speaker 2: Anyway? I was a researcher there for a year or so,

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Speaker 2: and then a job as a reporter came up. Woo,

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Speaker 2: So I was asked to audition. Can I read you

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Speaker 2: what happened the day of the audition please? The day

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Speaker 2: of the reporter audition arrived and applicants were instructed to

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Speaker 2: wear jeans or pants. This it's fair to assume bigers

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Speaker 2: were easier to see. The long line of gorgeous girls

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Speaker 2: in snug fitting pants was daunting. They looked like they

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Speaker 2: absolutely belonged on television. There was also a batch of quirky,

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Speaker 2: purple and pink haired kooks with fleuo lipstick who filled

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Speaker 2: the I'm the individual quotient. I fell pathetically between the two.

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Speaker 2: We were asked to to talk a little bit about

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Speaker 2: ourselves on camera, then answered some mortifying questions about why

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Speaker 2: it was us and no one else who deserved to

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Speaker 2: get the job. I remember one girl taking out a

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Speaker 2: twenty dollar note, which I'd thought of that. As the

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Speaker 2: long line was whittled down further and further, I found

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Speaker 2: myself in the final ten. At this crucial stage, we

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Speaker 2: were asked to do star jumps, like the Rank and Sisters,

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Speaker 2: the exercise hornbags of the day who owned a gym

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Speaker 2: and appeared on TV in high cut leotards. After I

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Speaker 2: did a very lame star jump, I was asked to

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Speaker 2: tell a joke. Let's face it, these are the two

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Speaker 2: main components of a job on TV. I hear young events,

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Speaker 2: star jumps well a legendary. Despite my best efforts at

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Speaker 2: both jumps and joke telling, I was told I'd missed

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Speaker 2: out on the job, the one thing that took me

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Speaker 2: years to get up and in fact I'm still not

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Speaker 2: sure that I have. Was it word filtered down later

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Speaker 2: that I was considered quote too broad across the beam

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Speaker 2: for a children's show. Ouch, WHOA, They're hard lessons to

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Speaker 2: learn and early twenties, aren't they?

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Speaker 1: But auditions TV auditions that believe me.

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Speaker 3: I know because I've done you name a TV show,

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Speaker 3: I have auditioned for it. It is the worst, most

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Speaker 3: thankless thing, so much so my The last TV audition

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Speaker 3: I did was last year and I said to them.

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Speaker 1: This is it.

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Speaker 2: But I've heard you say that a number of.

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Speaker 1: No, that's it, this is this is it. I just can't.

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Speaker 1: I cannot. I don't have the emotional wherewithal to go

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Speaker 1: through it.

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Speaker 2: It's hard, isn't it. When you're a kid, you put

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Speaker 2: yourself up for it and that's hard. But to do

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Speaker 2: it now, yes.

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Speaker 1: Oh, it's the worst thing.

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Speaker 3: And I remember, you know, the first time I ever

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Speaker 3: auditioned for TV was when I came to Sydney and

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Speaker 3: they approached me to host a show with Lisa Wilkinson

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Speaker 3: and they really liked us as a duo on this

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Speaker 3: Channel seven show called the Morning Shift to Something and

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Speaker 3: they wanted me to leave radio for TV. I'd only

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Speaker 3: been at Triple Am for three months. That was my

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Speaker 3: whole life. I wanted to work at Triple Am. So

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Speaker 3: I remember thinking, well, I'm not going to do that.

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Speaker 2: Would you ever have done that?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 2: Looking back the sliding doors. If I say to you

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Speaker 2: right now, there's that sliding door. You say yes to

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Speaker 2: the TV gig or you say yes to radio.

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Speaker 1: No, I don't think I could have done it. I

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Speaker 1: don't think. I don't think.

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Speaker 3: You know, they were very happy they wanted me to

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Speaker 3: and they were happy to match give me more money

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Speaker 3: to do the TV than the radio.

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Speaker 2: But how long, like probably a six month contract or

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Speaker 2: something as opposed.

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Speaker 3: We didn't get down to that path or I remember

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Speaker 3: the bosses at Triple M saying, you don't want to

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Speaker 3: be seduced by TV. They also said to me, you've

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Speaker 3: got a pretty ironclad contract here. We've looked after you,

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Speaker 3: you've just signed. Think about your choices. It has coming

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Speaker 3: from a kid from nineteen seventy nine. All he wanted

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Speaker 3: to do was work in radio. I hadn't really considered

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Speaker 3: me as TV talent. The problem was with that. I

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Speaker 3: thought that being on TV would be easy and it's

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Speaker 3: been ever since that day.

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Speaker 1: That's the last audition I actually got.

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Speaker 3: So every show in Australia, from Who Wants to Be

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Speaker 3: a Menaire to Family Feud, to The Bachelor not as

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Speaker 3: the Bachelor now as the host of the Bachelor, to

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Speaker 3: name that, they're a bunch of shows that never even

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Speaker 3: saw the light of the day. Have you been what's

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Speaker 3: called that show you did talking about your generation? We

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Speaker 3: both went for that. It's just sol destroying and I

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Speaker 3: know exactly how you feel. And they never give you

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Speaker 3: any feedback. You never hear it.

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Speaker 2: Well, what about feedback? You're too brought across the beam

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Speaker 2: to a kid in the twenties for a kids show.

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Speaker 3: I would love that. So I say to them, what

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Speaker 3: do you want? And the problem is with TV they

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Speaker 3: don't know what they want and they've got no balls.

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Speaker 3: TV executives have no balls. I'll go with the usual

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Speaker 3: crew and that's what they do.

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Speaker 2: Well, when we return another time, I'll read you my

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Speaker 2: incredible audition for Beyond two thousand that involved me having

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Speaker 2: a spew.

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Speaker 3: Until next time, goodbye, goodbye. For more joinesy and demanded podcasts,

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Speaker 3: download the free iHeartRadio app. Every new beginning, Every new

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Speaker 3: beginning is some of the beginnings.

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Speaker 1: And I've been working on a jingle for a book club.

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Speaker 1: Hell