1 00:00:02,240 --> 00:00:04,640 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. 2 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:08,440 Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just 3 00:00:08,560 --> 00:00:09,920 Speaker 2: once answers me out. 4 00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:16,959 Speaker 1: On the Happy Families Podcast today a provocative topic, should 5 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:19,239 Speaker 1: we or should we not be pushing our children to 6 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:24,439 Speaker 1: advance with their early talent promotion? But before we go there, Kylie, 7 00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:27,200 Speaker 1: this iss Happy Famili's but a sad day. Today's the 8 00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:29,440 Speaker 1: very last day that we have a podcast that has 9 00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:33,040 Speaker 1: been executive produced by Craig Bruce, the Great Craig Bruce, 10 00:00:33,479 --> 00:00:35,839 Speaker 1: as of today no longer part of the Happy Family's team. 11 00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:38,959 Speaker 1: So I wanted to start the podcast by highlighting the 12 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:43,000 Speaker 1: extraordinary and wonderful and brilliant contributions for almost four years. 13 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:47,559 Speaker 2: When I first came on, it was Craig who really 14 00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:51,800 Speaker 2: instilled a belief in me that I could actually do 15 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:55,960 Speaker 2: something like this, and I've just been so grateful for 16 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:59,560 Speaker 2: his just the way he's championed me specifically, this is 17 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:01,800 Speaker 2: not an area of expertise for me at all, but 18 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:08,880 Speaker 2: he's just been such a beautiful, strong support and somebody 19 00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:12,679 Speaker 2: that I have just gleaned so much from over the 20 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:13,639 Speaker 2: time we've worked together. 21 00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:16,840 Speaker 1: And a great friend, just a tremendous friend. So a 22 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:18,160 Speaker 1: bit of a sad Day, a bit of a sad day, 23 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:21,000 Speaker 1: and the Happy Family's Podcast. Nevertheless, the podcast goes on 24 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:23,120 Speaker 1: because that's the nature of the world. Isn't that hard 25 00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:26,800 Speaker 1: when people leave you, or every now and again when 26 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:29,920 Speaker 1: somebody dies and you have a period of morning and 27 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:31,640 Speaker 1: you say, and now I've got to go and live 28 00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:33,679 Speaker 1: my life. You just get on with it. So that's 29 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:35,160 Speaker 1: what we're going to do today. We're going to get 30 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:37,920 Speaker 1: on with it. Kylie. A study that I want to 31 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:40,800 Speaker 1: talk about today, not a doctor's desk study, because this 32 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:43,080 Speaker 1: one's is this just semantics? 33 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:45,160 Speaker 2: It is a doctor's desk expir real. 34 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:46,680 Speaker 1: Well, we've got doctor's desk on Thursday. 35 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:49,880 Speaker 2: You're just squeazing to him in one week. 36 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:51,920 Speaker 1: Not really. This one just stood out to me and 37 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:55,800 Speaker 1: it strikes me. It's such a provocative topic because it 38 00:01:55,880 --> 00:02:00,440 Speaker 1: is counter to everything that we do. It's kind of funny. 39 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:02,840 Speaker 1: What I'm about to talk about is something that from 40 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:06,680 Speaker 1: a scientific perspective, we have known for some time, and 41 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:10,080 Speaker 1: yet in society we continue to ignore it. There's no 42 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:12,400 Speaker 1: other way to say it. So I want to talk 43 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:16,840 Speaker 1: about accelerating kids in sport. Although it could be anything, 44 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:19,880 Speaker 1: it could be accelerating kids in whatever you want. Based 45 00:02:19,919 --> 00:02:23,119 Speaker 1: on a recent research meta analysis that was published by 46 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:27,760 Speaker 1: a German sports scientist Arne Gulich and his collaborator from Austria, 47 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,880 Speaker 1: Michael Barth. It's called effects of early Talent Promotion on 48 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:34,720 Speaker 1: junior and senior Performances, A systematic review and meta analysis. 49 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,920 Speaker 1: And Kylie, I don't want people to fall asleep because 50 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:41,320 Speaker 1: this is at the very you know, when you go 51 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:43,400 Speaker 1: to assembly and you see the kids getting the awards, 52 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,320 Speaker 1: you know how good it feels. This goes to the 53 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:46,400 Speaker 1: very heart of that. 54 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:50,440 Speaker 2: I remember when Chanelle started school. 55 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:52,560 Speaker 1: So for those who are knew, she knows our eldest daughter, 56 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:54,359 Speaker 1: who's now in her mid twenties, so we're going back 57 00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:55,519 Speaker 1: twenty years. 58 00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:58,000 Speaker 2: She was reading. By the time she was for she 59 00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:02,400 Speaker 2: was a really a dute, keen learner. 60 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:06,280 Speaker 1: We thought we had a very special not. 61 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:09,720 Speaker 2: Just special genius, like she was up. 62 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:11,799 Speaker 1: There and we were going to get her in modeling agencies. 63 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,840 Speaker 1: And she was already advanced in her sporting endeavors with netball. 64 00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:17,480 Speaker 1: I mean, she was just killing it. She was so good. 65 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:22,440 Speaker 2: And I remember having conversation after conversation after conversation with 66 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:26,280 Speaker 2: teachers year after year. The acknowledgment that yes, she was 67 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:29,920 Speaker 2: doing extremely well. It just feels so good to know 68 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:35,880 Speaker 2: that you've done something right, right for your kids, right right, right. 69 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,480 Speaker 1: Right, Well, we see then experiencing success, and it's exciting 70 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:41,120 Speaker 1: for them, and it's exciting for us. So here's what 71 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:45,520 Speaker 1: the scientific, the compelling scientific evidence shows. It's a new 72 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:48,760 Speaker 1: MENA analysis. By the way, this is the fourth MENA 73 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:50,480 Speaker 1: analysis in the last couple of years that I've come 74 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:53,600 Speaker 1: across that highlights pretty much exactly the same lesson. Like 75 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:55,680 Speaker 1: I said, the science has been telling us us for 76 00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:59,640 Speaker 1: a long time, being completely ignored in practice by parents 77 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,360 Speaker 1: and by coaches and by those who run what we 78 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:08,280 Speaker 1: might call talent promotion programs. Essentially, there's a conflict between 79 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:11,400 Speaker 1: short and long term development. So you've got those kids 80 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:14,280 Speaker 1: at streak ahead, as you highlighted, our eldest daughter was 81 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:17,599 Speaker 1: one of those kids who was st just just miles 82 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,480 Speaker 1: ahead of the pack, and then you've got those kids 83 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,880 Speaker 1: that are going slow. It's almost like the hair and 84 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:24,839 Speaker 1: the tortoise. And this might sound like we're going to 85 00:04:24,839 --> 00:04:27,760 Speaker 1: be pumping for mediocrity here, that's not what this is about. 86 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:30,880 Speaker 1: Excellence is important. So, like I said, this German and 87 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:33,480 Speaker 1: the Austrian sports scientists. It sounds like I'm about to 88 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:35,400 Speaker 1: tell a joke. Doesn't it walk into a bar? They 89 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,599 Speaker 1: don't walk into a bar. But they do a big 90 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 1: study more than six thousand kids junior athletes, fifty one 91 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:45,440 Speaker 1: different studies from two thousand and nine through twenty twenty two. 92 00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:47,240 Speaker 1: They're looking at all of these they're looking at these 93 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:51,600 Speaker 1: kids that get selected for talent promotion program acceleration. And 94 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,600 Speaker 1: what they find, unsurprisingly is if you get your kids 95 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:57,839 Speaker 1: into one of these accelerated programs, the kids get better support, 96 00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:00,440 Speaker 1: they get better facilities, they get more more. 97 00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:02,279 Speaker 2: Opportunities, and they do really well. 98 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:04,560 Speaker 1: Of course they do. They get more opportunities to practice 99 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:06,360 Speaker 1: like they're in there and they're doing it, so their 100 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:08,599 Speaker 1: competence goes up and they feel really good about life. 101 00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:12,160 Speaker 1: But here's what's fascinating about what this study shows. Well 102 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:14,280 Speaker 1: it's not one study, it's fifty one studies and all 103 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,920 Speaker 1: the various effects sizes in there. They find that the 104 00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:21,200 Speaker 1: earlier you start your children in a talent promotion program, 105 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:24,559 Speaker 1: the earlier you try to accelerate your kids, the worse 106 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:30,120 Speaker 1: it goes. And that's for both individuals and for teams worldwide, 107 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:34,440 Speaker 1: doesn't matter what country they looked at worldwide, individuals, teams, males, females. 108 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:38,200 Speaker 1: The earlier your kids start in their talent promotion program, 109 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:40,760 Speaker 1: the worse it goes on average. I mean, there are 110 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:42,920 Speaker 1: obviously some early starters who still streak ahead and do 111 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:45,560 Speaker 1: really really well, don't get me wrong, but on average, 112 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:49,839 Speaker 1: huge attrition. Get this, between twenty five and fifty five 113 00:05:49,839 --> 00:05:52,920 Speaker 1: percent of kids drop out on an annual basis, and 114 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:54,720 Speaker 1: then they refill the funnel with a whole bunch of 115 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,080 Speaker 1: new kids that they think might go really well. Twenty 116 00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,880 Speaker 1: five to fifty five percent drop out. You know why 117 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:04,520 Speaker 1: growth spurts puberty. There's age selection effects. That's a really 118 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:08,160 Speaker 1: big thing, right. The eldest kids, they streak ahead, and 119 00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:09,800 Speaker 1: so everyone thinks that they're gifted, but it's not. It's 120 00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:12,400 Speaker 1: just that they're more mature, or they had more opportunities 121 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:13,520 Speaker 1: early in life. 122 00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:17,120 Speaker 2: More than that, though, they haven't had to fight for 123 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:22,479 Speaker 2: time with mum. Right, you talk about natural selection. These 124 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:25,120 Speaker 2: kids have had you completely to themselves. 125 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,000 Speaker 1: So I wasn't actually talking about birth order. But you 126 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:29,400 Speaker 1: are right, which is why I let you finish the point. 127 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:32,760 Speaker 1: But rather just the eldest kids in each cohort as well, 128 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:34,479 Speaker 1: even if they're second or third or fourth kids in 129 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:36,800 Speaker 1: a family, the fact that they're older means that they're 130 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:40,280 Speaker 1: more mature. They're taller, or they're faster, or they're better 131 00:06:40,279 --> 00:06:43,760 Speaker 1: at regulating their emotions or following instructions. So eldest kids, 132 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:47,760 Speaker 1: both from an investment on the parents' perspective and also 133 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:50,400 Speaker 1: simply by being bigger and older than all the other 134 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:51,720 Speaker 1: kids in their cohort, they do better. 135 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:54,240 Speaker 2: I'd really love them to do a study to see 136 00:06:54,520 --> 00:07:01,440 Speaker 2: these children who do well in these early promotional programs 137 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:05,960 Speaker 2: and their happiness levels, because my experience, as I've watched 138 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:10,760 Speaker 2: kids who have specialized very early on, they don't have 139 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:13,800 Speaker 2: any balance in their lives. Everything is about putting blinders 140 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:18,520 Speaker 2: on to the life outside and just focusing and honing 141 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:20,640 Speaker 2: in on that one skill set that's going to put 142 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:25,120 Speaker 2: them above the rest, and in most cases there's just 143 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:27,400 Speaker 2: a deep sadness I see it. 144 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:30,760 Speaker 1: So I'm not aware of any studies that exists that 145 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,680 Speaker 1: have looked specifically at that. It's a fascinating research question. 146 00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:35,680 Speaker 1: What I can tell you, though, is that there's really 147 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:38,360 Speaker 1: interesting research by a guy called Bob valorand and he's 148 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:41,920 Speaker 1: looked at this thing called harmonious passion and obsessive passion. 149 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:46,040 Speaker 1: He's not looking at adolescens. He's looking at well, college 150 00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:48,040 Speaker 1: ade student and up right, so eighteen and up basically 151 00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:49,920 Speaker 1: if you're an adult. And what he finds is that 152 00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:52,600 Speaker 1: when people are doing something in a harmonious way with 153 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:55,000 Speaker 1: the rest of their life and with their values, they're 154 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:58,440 Speaker 1: passionate about something and it works in well for them, 155 00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:00,360 Speaker 1: and they're doing it for the right reads since they're 156 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:03,680 Speaker 1: doing it because it's integrated into who they are. Those 157 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:07,720 Speaker 1: are the people who get tremendous well being gains. Tremendous 158 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:09,720 Speaker 1: well being gains from doing that activity. 159 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:12,440 Speaker 2: And you see that in the kids who were driven 160 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:17,320 Speaker 2: by a passion as opposed to a need to excel 161 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:18,200 Speaker 2: in an area. 162 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:20,280 Speaker 1: Right, and that needs probably a good word, because the 163 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:24,680 Speaker 1: alternative is what he calls obsessive passion and obsessive passion 164 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:26,560 Speaker 1: is I'm doing it because I have to. I'm doing 165 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:28,960 Speaker 1: it because I have to. I want to prove, I 166 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:31,520 Speaker 1: want to maintain. How I get this status. 167 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:33,240 Speaker 2: This is how I get status, or this is how 168 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,200 Speaker 2: I get noticed by Mum and dad. This is where 169 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:38,680 Speaker 2: I get my attention. Yeah, you can really see it. 170 00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:45,640 Speaker 1: That reminds me of another study. I know again today 171 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:48,760 Speaker 1: it's not a doctor's desk, but this stuff really it 172 00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:51,120 Speaker 1: matters so much for the way we're driving our kids 173 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,360 Speaker 1: and try to help them to achieve excellence. Right this 174 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:57,240 Speaker 1: conversation about kids fulfilling their potential. There was a study 175 00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:59,120 Speaker 1: done by a made of mine, Chris Nemick, at the 176 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:01,600 Speaker 1: University of Rothes. He looked at people who were going 177 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:04,840 Speaker 1: through university and then what happened following university, and what 178 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,760 Speaker 1: he looked at specifically was the goals that they were 179 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:09,760 Speaker 1: setting for the rest of their lives while they were 180 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:14,600 Speaker 1: at university. Did they have harmonious intrinsic goals or do 181 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:17,679 Speaker 1: they have extrinsic goals I want to look like this, 182 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:19,560 Speaker 1: I want to attain that. 183 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:20,640 Speaker 2: I want to earn this much more. 184 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:22,960 Speaker 1: Precisely, and what he found was that the well being 185 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:25,200 Speaker 1: levels of the people who had these intrinsic goals like 186 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:26,679 Speaker 1: I'm here to learn, I'm here to grow, I'm here 187 00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:29,720 Speaker 1: to make a contribution, I'm here to develop relationships. I 188 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:32,479 Speaker 1: love building competence. I'm doing this because I love it, 189 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:36,160 Speaker 1: they had much greater levels of well being, significantly high 190 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:40,360 Speaker 1: levels of well being than those young people who said 191 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:42,079 Speaker 1: I want the car, I want the house, I want 192 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:43,920 Speaker 1: the salary, I want the career, I want to be 193 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:47,520 Speaker 1: at one of the big financial firms, or whatever it was. 194 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,319 Speaker 1: It's not that they were unhappy, it's just that they 195 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,920 Speaker 1: didn't experience the same well being benefits. All of that 196 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:56,240 Speaker 1: is to say, in response to your question, if we 197 00:09:56,360 --> 00:10:00,719 Speaker 1: push our kids into these early talent promotion programs at 198 00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:02,680 Speaker 1: a young age, quite often they're doing it well. They're 199 00:10:02,679 --> 00:10:04,040 Speaker 1: going to be excited about it when they're young because 200 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:06,040 Speaker 1: they're doing really well. We've even watched this with one 201 00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:08,520 Speaker 1: of our nephews who is about to like he's on 202 00:10:08,559 --> 00:10:10,760 Speaker 1: the casp of becoming a first grade rugby league player. 203 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:15,520 Speaker 1: He was an absolute superstar in rugby league all right 204 00:10:15,559 --> 00:10:19,640 Speaker 1: through his childhood and adolescent years. But the further you go, 205 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:21,480 Speaker 1: the harder it gets. And by the time he was 206 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:23,320 Speaker 1: in his mid to late teens and everyone else had 207 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:27,920 Speaker 1: caught up. He's still an exemplary, exceptional player, but he's 208 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:31,440 Speaker 1: had to work far, far, far harder at it as 209 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:33,800 Speaker 1: a young adult than he did as a kid. And 210 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:35,640 Speaker 1: one of the things that I think is done been. 211 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:38,440 Speaker 1: The best for him is it's not his only outlet. 212 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:41,640 Speaker 1: He's done a university degree and he's got a really 213 00:10:41,679 --> 00:10:44,599 Speaker 1: well balanced life outside of the game. He's playing the 214 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:46,360 Speaker 1: game because he loves it, not because he feels like 215 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:49,080 Speaker 1: he has to approve something to people. So I guess 216 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:51,640 Speaker 1: that's kind of the real take home message. In the 217 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:56,240 Speaker 1: words of these authors, they were looking at the opportunity, cost, 218 00:10:56,320 --> 00:11:01,600 Speaker 1: the time involve the injuries that kids have, the burnout 219 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:04,280 Speaker 1: that comes. They made a couple of points, and I 220 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:06,240 Speaker 1: want to read these exact words because I thought they 221 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:10,679 Speaker 1: were so powerful. They said, consistent across different populations. Early 222 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:15,480 Speaker 1: talent promotion program involvement is positively correlated with short term 223 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:21,160 Speaker 1: junior performance, but is negatively correlated with long term senior performance. 224 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:23,840 Speaker 2: When I think back to all of the conversations I 225 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,840 Speaker 2: had with Chanelle's teachers in those first few years, the 226 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,960 Speaker 2: acknowledgment was she was leaps and bounds ahead of the 227 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:34,640 Speaker 2: average kid, but across the board their experience was sooner 228 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:37,079 Speaker 2: or later the other kids were going to catch up. 229 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:40,160 Speaker 2: She wasn't a superstar. She had just been able to 230 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,679 Speaker 2: experience one on one time with me, which gave her 231 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:48,600 Speaker 2: an advantage. It wasn't actually academic advantage as much as 232 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:50,640 Speaker 2: it was relationship advantage. 233 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:52,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, streaking ahead and staying there is not the norm. 234 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:54,760 Speaker 1: It just isn't. If you've got a child who really 235 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:56,600 Speaker 1: does who really is That's why we start to talk 236 00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:59,000 Speaker 1: about the whole gifted stuff, and that's not the purpose 237 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:01,640 Speaker 1: of this podcast most of all, though, here's what I 238 00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:04,000 Speaker 1: would say to wrap up. Help you kids if they want, 239 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:06,160 Speaker 1: if they really like something, get them to practice lots. 240 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:07,800 Speaker 1: Make sure they've got good support. 241 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:12,560 Speaker 2: I don't even think that if your kid is genuinely 242 00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:15,599 Speaker 2: passionate about something, you don't need to tell them to 243 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:17,520 Speaker 2: sit down at the piano and practice for thirty minutes 244 00:12:17,559 --> 00:12:20,440 Speaker 2: every day. They do it because they love it. And 245 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:25,079 Speaker 2: I think that so many relationships in the home are 246 00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:29,240 Speaker 2: challenged because Mum or dad decides that you're really good 247 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:30,839 Speaker 2: at this, and I'm going to make you do it. 248 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:34,000 Speaker 1: Yeah. I had a conversation with someone at a school 249 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:36,959 Speaker 1: maybe a few months ago who had an eight year 250 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:40,320 Speaker 1: old who was performing in their chosen activity at a 251 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:44,559 Speaker 1: national level. Eight years old, wow, national level. But one 252 00:12:44,559 --> 00:12:47,840 Speaker 1: of the parents was literally saying, if you don't do X, 253 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:50,320 Speaker 1: we're going to pull you out of that activity. So 254 00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:54,800 Speaker 1: really really unhelpful. Yeah, really unfair, because we've got a 255 00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:58,160 Speaker 1: kid who's just excelling. Let that child do that stuff. 256 00:12:58,559 --> 00:12:59,920 Speaker 1: What I was going to say, More than anything, though, 257 00:13:00,679 --> 00:13:03,160 Speaker 1: get the kids doing lots of things. The standard path 258 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:07,280 Speaker 1: to excellence in any field in the early days is 259 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:10,160 Speaker 1: streaking ahead. But once you get into your twenties and 260 00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:12,320 Speaker 1: your thirties and your forties, if we move the sport 261 00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:16,040 Speaker 1: analogy into other aspects of life, it seems that having 262 00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:19,840 Speaker 1: a wide range and a wonderful breadth of experience is 263 00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:23,200 Speaker 1: much more likely to point you to learning the skills 264 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:27,240 Speaker 1: that are necessary to flourish and thrive later in life. 265 00:13:27,559 --> 00:13:29,360 Speaker 2: Over the years, we've had lots of conversations with our 266 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:33,040 Speaker 2: kids about the fact that that there is no wasted 267 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:37,040 Speaker 2: knowledge that we acquire. We can have so many varied 268 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:42,040 Speaker 2: experiences and think that because we no longer want to 269 00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:45,600 Speaker 2: go down that particular specialty or that road, that we've 270 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:49,560 Speaker 2: wasted all of this time and energy. And yet as 271 00:13:49,559 --> 00:13:54,480 Speaker 2: we go throughout life, we experience line uponline precept upon precept, 272 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:57,920 Speaker 2: adding to the things that we've learned previously, and they 273 00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,800 Speaker 2: actually round us out to be better. 274 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:02,600 Speaker 1: Here, a little, there, a little, and it builds us. 275 00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:04,480 Speaker 1: We will into that study in the show notes for 276 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:06,640 Speaker 1: people who are interested in that. The podcast has been 277 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:09,839 Speaker 1: produced by Justin Roland from Bridge Media for the last 278 00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:14,680 Speaker 1: time missus Happy Families. Our executive producer has been Craig Bruce. Craig, 279 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:17,520 Speaker 1: thank you so much. I feel really terrible saying. For 280 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:19,760 Speaker 1: more information, visit happy families dot com dot I you, 281 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:22,800 Speaker 1: but that's what we're going to say. We'll see tomorrow 282 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:25,080 Speaker 1: on the Happy Families Podcast where we have a very 283 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:28,040 Speaker 1: close look at a couple of really tricky questions that 284 00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:31,480 Speaker 1: people have been asking around kids, their big emotions, crying 285 00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:34,560 Speaker 1: in public and feeling overwhelmed. That's tomorrow on the Happy 286 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:35,360 Speaker 1: Families Podcast.