WEBVTT - MINI: Wardrobe Malfunctions

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<v Speaker 1>The Christian O'Connell Show podcast. producer real what happened to

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<v Speaker 1>these jeans you got from korea.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah i bought these beautiful new korean jeans but they

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<v Speaker 4>were an ambitious 32 so i reckon i'm more of

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<v Speaker 4>a 33 34 but i thought i would squeeze sort

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<v Speaker 4>of back into them when i got back from korea

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<v Speaker 4>sadly the opposite has happened i've expanded in the waist

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<v Speaker 4>and they literally flung off.

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<v Speaker 1>What the buttons like yeah.

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<v Speaker 4>It's like Blew off as I was getting ready for work,

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<v Speaker 4>so I've had to make a late pants switch, and

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<v Speaker 4>I've been very humbled by this development.

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<v Speaker 2>All right, we're looking for your stories in about wardrobe

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<v Speaker 2>malfunctions on 135522. There is never, ever a good time

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<v Speaker 2>for something to split, tear, or rip. I remember years ago,

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<v Speaker 2>this security guard that worked at one of London's maximum

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<v Speaker 2>security guards, and he was on a wing where it

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<v Speaker 2>was lifers. And he was getting in a tussle with

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<v Speaker 2>one of the inmates. And they went to the ground.

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<v Speaker 2>And he said, the prison guard uniforms are very tight. Suddenly,

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<v Speaker 2>he's grappling with an actual killer.

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<v Speaker 1>And he said, they go to the ground. And all

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<v Speaker 1>of a sudden, you hear this. And it's his backside.

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<v Speaker 1>It's his backside has actually. And he said, the inmate

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<v Speaker 1>and him, just because they just start laughing. It actually

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<v Speaker 1>de-escalated the situation. He was like, please can you go

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<v Speaker 1>back in yourself? You split my pants. He was like,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm very sorry about that. That is awesome.

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<v Speaker 2>So yeah, we're looking for your stories of splits, rips

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<v Speaker 2>and tears. There's never a good time for it to happen.

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<v Speaker 2>It's normally a really inopportune moment in your life, but

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<v Speaker 2>work or before a meeting. We're looking for those stories

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<v Speaker 2>now about splits, rips and tears. Because if it's happened

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<v Speaker 2>to you, you remember it.

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<v Speaker 1>The Christian O'Connell Show podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Talking about wardrobe malfunctions, splits, rips and tears.

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<v Speaker 1>13, 55, 22.

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<v Speaker 2>My old radio station in the UK was a big

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<v Speaker 2>national radio station. And we had these new owners and

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<v Speaker 2>they were from India. They owned the Times of India

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<v Speaker 2>and they were like billionaires. And obviously they'd been sold

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<v Speaker 2>some magic beans by someone in England promising them. Unknown.

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<v Speaker 1>They should have looked at history. Never trusted Englishmen. Anyway,

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<v Speaker 1>so they were coming in.

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<v Speaker 2>For the first time to meet everyone at the radio station.

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<v Speaker 2>And the chief executive said, would you get up and

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<v Speaker 2>come to the boardroom, sort of presentation and say a

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<v Speaker 2>few words about your show, why you do radio and

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<v Speaker 2>why you're excited about our.

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<v Speaker 1>New owners, the Indians. And he said, they're here in reception.

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<v Speaker 1>I went, yeah, I really just need to go to

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<v Speaker 1>the toilet. I go to the toilet.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, when you're stressed and you're rushing, it's almost

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<v Speaker 2>like you're, You're just creating your own danger and mischief.

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<v Speaker 2>I yanked my fly zip too hard. Just too much gusto.

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<v Speaker 2>And the whole thing came away. Just came away. I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>it was lucky there wasn't something about Mary. It just

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<v Speaker 2>came away. And I was like, oh, God. There's no

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<v Speaker 2>door at the front of the cake. And the Indians

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<v Speaker 2>are here. And they will take a dim view of this.

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<v Speaker 2>And this guy getting up, they're going, whoever he is,

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<v Speaker 2>fire him. If he thinks that's acceptable, it's not the

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<v Speaker 2>way we do business back home.

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<v Speaker 4>Those are not the magic beans they wanted to see.

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<v Speaker 1>So I think I need to, they're here.

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<v Speaker 2>I need to, so I go into, we had like a,

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<v Speaker 2>where all the stationery was. And I was thinking, I

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<v Speaker 2>couldn't find any sellotape.

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<v Speaker 1>Even that would look worse. Just crisscrossing.

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<v Speaker 2>It would just look, I was like demented or. Anyway,

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<v Speaker 2>the only thing I could find was a stapler. So

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<v Speaker 2>I grabbed a bunch and just stapled it all shut.

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<v Speaker 2>So anyway, I go and chat to them and I

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<v Speaker 2>sit down and my chief executive goes, are there any questions?

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<v Speaker 2>And the new owner of this railway station just goes,

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<v Speaker 2>why have you got your fly stapled shut?

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, please don't.

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<v Speaker 2>Don't let that be the only thing you remember from

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<v Speaker 2>my 10-minute speech about why I love doing breakfast radio.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, sorry, just before we go on.

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<v Speaker 4>I just remembered when I first started in 2019, one

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<v Speaker 4>of the first shows I came in, you were wearing

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<v Speaker 4>an electrical cord as your belt.

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<v Speaker 1>Because your pants broke. My pants broke. This is the

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<v Speaker 1>guy I'm teaching. I have history here. And that's my story.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm sticking to it. All right, let's go to Carmel now.

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<v Speaker 1>Good morning, Carmel. Good morning, everybody. How are we? Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>we're good. Welcome to the show. So you've got a

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<v Speaker 1>store about spit, ripple, tear in your clothing.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, don't you love it when you're up in the bush,

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<v Speaker 3>out in the middle of.

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<v Speaker 2>Nowhere, nice and warm, snug, tight top and jeans.

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<v Speaker 1>But unfortunately, I was out there with a couple of gentlemen.

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<v Speaker 3>Sure enough, we're digging away.

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<v Speaker 1>Next thing I'm thinking, oh, why has it got really,

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<v Speaker 1>really drafty around my bum?

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<v Speaker 3>Sure enough, major tear. Right in the middle of nowhere.

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<v Speaker 2>No.

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<v Speaker 1>All these poor blokes standing around and I'm thinking, my

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<v Speaker 1>bare bum.

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<v Speaker 3>Woo, it's cold. So did I, my embarrassment.

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<v Speaker 1>Breathing up the top, ripped the jumper off and made

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<v Speaker 1>sure my tush tip was warm afterwards when I put

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<v Speaker 1>the jumper around. Rio did warming. He went, I've got

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<v Speaker 1>someone here rough ass. Anyway, who we have here? Carla? Carla?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes.

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<v Speaker 1>Carlo.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes, hi, Christian.

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<v Speaker 1>That's it.

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<v Speaker 3>This happened about 10 years ago.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, what happened, Carlo?

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<v Speaker 3>Well, I went to Italy for my parents' 50th wedding

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<v Speaker 3>anniversary with my young family, and I took with me

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<v Speaker 3>a nice linen summer suit.

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<v Speaker 4>Beautiful.

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<v Speaker 3>And we put it on in the morning, just ready

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<v Speaker 3>to go, running a bit late and rushing. Bend down

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<v Speaker 3>to fix up my daughter's shoelaces and right in the

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<v Speaker 3>middle of my pants, there was a rapture. And my sister,

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<v Speaker 3>trying to help, gave me a bunch of safety pins.

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<v Speaker 3>And I walked around the whole day with safety pins

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<v Speaker 3>in my crotch.

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<v Speaker 1>Like a kind of nappy or sumo. Linen.

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<v Speaker 4>Linen.

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<v Speaker 2>You actually probably look like some new stylish thing, some

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<v Speaker 2>sort of tip-edge of haute couture, breaking fashion.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know about that, but it wasn't comfortable, that's

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<v Speaker 3>for sure.

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<v Speaker 1>I bet. Carlo, thank you very much. Give us a call.

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<v Speaker 1>Have a good day. You too.