1
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,240
Speaker 1: This is The Happy Family's podcast, and there are three

2
00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:10,920
Speaker 1: weeks until Christmas Eve. Let me say that again, Kylie.

3
00:00:11,119 --> 00:00:15,520
Speaker 1: Three weeks till Christmas Eve. It's almost on top of

4
00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:21,160
Speaker 1: us and it feels like Christmas today. Our episode is

5
00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:24,960
Speaker 1: called Permission Granted, How to have an Intentional Christmas because

6
00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:27,120
Speaker 1: so much of Christmas needs to be redefined for so

7
00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:31,200
Speaker 1: many families. There's all these expectations, there's all these things

8
00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:34,040
Speaker 1: that drain us. And Christmas is meant to be the

9
00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:37,120
Speaker 1: silly season, the season of joy and goodwill and peace,

10
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:40,919
Speaker 1: and yet we're so tired today. We step through a

11
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:44,680
Speaker 1: three question structure that helps you to well. Rather than

12
00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:46,760
Speaker 1: having a whole list of things that you should do

13
00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:50,920
Speaker 1: for Christmas, gives you the three diagnostic questions to find

14
00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:53,760
Speaker 1: your magic this Christmas and make it special for the

15
00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:56,000
Speaker 1: whole family that's coming up next.

16
00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:56,840
Speaker 2: Stay with us.

17
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:00,360
Speaker 3: We're so glad you with this.

18
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:03,240
Speaker 1: This is The Happy Family's podcast, Real Parenting Solutions every

19
00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:07,200
Speaker 1: single day. It's Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. We are

20
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:10,640
Speaker 1: justin and Kylie Colson, like I said, thanks for joining us.

21
00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:12,840
Speaker 1: In some ways, Kylie, I feel like this should be

22
00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:15,120
Speaker 1: your podcast today and that you should be running it,

23
00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:18,080
Speaker 1: because as much as I love Christmas, you don't just

24
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:21,280
Speaker 1: love Christmas. You put the Christmas tree up over a

25
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:24,000
Speaker 1: month ago, Like, we've had lights going and flashing, and

26
00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:26,480
Speaker 1: you've been excited about Christmas for the last five or

27
00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:27,080
Speaker 1: six weeks.

28
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:29,200
Speaker 2: Well, I've probably all year. Really, you've been shopping for

29
00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:29,720
Speaker 2: it all year.

30
00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:31,920
Speaker 4: But this I know you think I'm crazy, but there

31
00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:33,680
Speaker 4: is actually method to my madness.

32
00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:34,160
Speaker 2: Go ahead.

33
00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:39,280
Speaker 4: December is chaos. It's chaotic. There is so much going on.

34
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,800
Speaker 4: So by setting my Christmas tree up and all the decorations,

35
00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:45,959
Speaker 4: I do it in November before the stress of the

36
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:49,400
Speaker 4: season hits. That's the first thing. But secondly, it sets

37
00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:52,360
Speaker 4: the tone for the months that are coming up. I

38
00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:56,240
Speaker 4: love sitting in my laund room with the Christmas lights

39
00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:59,480
Speaker 4: or glittering, and there's just this desire to keep the

40
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:01,920
Speaker 4: house clean when all the Christmas lights are on. I

41
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:02,360
Speaker 4: love it.

42
00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:03,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love it too.

43
00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:06,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, you do stop giving me our hard time.

44
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:09,480
Speaker 1: I love sitting in the living room and seeing those

45
00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:12,560
Speaker 1: lights on and looking at the tree and thinking, just

46
00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:15,880
Speaker 1: it's feeling like Christmas. I mean it's really close now,

47
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:19,240
Speaker 1: and just looking at the lights, it just feels so good.

48
00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:21,640
Speaker 4: So I had a little bit of a unique experience

49
00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:26,240
Speaker 4: this year. Right Over the years, obviously, I have developed

50
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:29,320
Speaker 4: my decorating skills and acquired more.

51
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,200
Speaker 1: For those who have not listened to the pot over

52
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,800
Speaker 1: the last few years, nobody's allowed to touch the tree.

53
00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:35,519
Speaker 1: We're not one of those families where the kids get

54
00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:37,960
Speaker 1: involved and they hang the decorations on the tree. The

55
00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:39,960
Speaker 1: children don't even know you're doing it. They just get

56
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,399
Speaker 1: home one day and there's a tree in the living

57
00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:42,400
Speaker 1: room because you've put it.

58
00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:45,680
Speaker 4: Up, and they all go, ah, it looks so good.

59
00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:46,120
Speaker 5: Yeah.

60
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:49,040
Speaker 4: I mean even our two year old granddaughter, she literally

61
00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:52,480
Speaker 4: walked in and she said, so pretty.

62
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,080
Speaker 1: You just love it, don't you.

63
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:57,600
Speaker 4: I do. I do love it. But last year I

64
00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:00,760
Speaker 4: gifted our second Cristmas tree.

65
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:04,440
Speaker 1: Oh way, Just for clarity, folks, Kylie loves Christmas so much.

66
00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:06,680
Speaker 1: I mean when we had we had a really big

67
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,000
Speaker 1: house when we were in Brisbon. We moved to a

68
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:10,160
Speaker 1: tiny little beach shack when we moved to the coast

69
00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:13,000
Speaker 1: few years ago, and you really, really really wanted to

70
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:15,240
Speaker 1: insist that we still had two trees in the house.

71
00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:16,600
Speaker 4: I can't fit two trees.

72
00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:18,480
Speaker 3: The house is too small, it doesn't work.

73
00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:21,200
Speaker 4: So I gifted our second, which is actually the bigger

74
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:25,120
Speaker 4: of the two trees, to our eldest daughter, who is

75
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,760
Speaker 4: married and now has her own home. And last year

76
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:29,920
Speaker 4: they didn't have any decorations because they had a toddler

77
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,639
Speaker 4: and they didn't want to kind of do too much.

78
00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:34,200
Speaker 1: They just stuck up a green plastic tree in the corner.

79
00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:36,600
Speaker 4: But this year they showed up at my house a

80
00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:39,040
Speaker 4: couple of days after I'd put my tree up and said,

81
00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:40,280
Speaker 4: we've just come to do some Christmas.

82
00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:44,200
Speaker 3: We'll call it your tree. It's our tree, O tree tree.

83
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:45,720
Speaker 4: What do you do to contribute to.

84
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:47,120
Speaker 3: Finish a story?

85
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:48,440
Speaker 2: I don't want to interrupt the story.

86
00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:50,120
Speaker 3: I just want to highlight it's our tree.

87
00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:52,880
Speaker 4: And so she said, I'm wondering if you've got any

88
00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:56,120
Speaker 4: decorations you wouldn't mind hanging over. And so I got

89
00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:59,440
Speaker 4: to pull out our decorations from when we very first

90
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:03,200
Speaker 4: got married, and as I started looking at them all

91
00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:06,520
Speaker 4: it was like just this nostalgia as I remembered all

92
00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:09,120
Speaker 4: of the things that I'd handmade because we couldn't afford

93
00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:13,440
Speaker 4: to decorations, and the very first set of decorations that

94
00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:17,080
Speaker 4: I brought and I gave them to them, and so

95
00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:20,719
Speaker 4: now I've got my beautiful tree that's progressed over time,

96
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:24,279
Speaker 4: and I'm looking at their tree, which is essentially one

97
00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:28,320
Speaker 4: of my first trees of decorations, and there's just this

98
00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:31,400
Speaker 4: I don't know, it's just been really lovely kind of

99
00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:36,080
Speaker 4: seeing I guess, progression in my decorating style and skill,

100
00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:40,560
Speaker 4: but also the memories of all those years with that

101
00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:42,240
Speaker 4: tree and delight.

102
00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:45,520
Speaker 1: What I'm hearing you say is there's this lovely nostalgia that, oh,

103
00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:47,040
Speaker 1: we used to have a tree that looked that ugly,

104
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:48,640
Speaker 1: but look at how good ours is now.

105
00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:52,400
Speaker 4: The judging thought, No, because I love those decorations, which

106
00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:56,240
Speaker 4: is why I still have them. There's so much sentiment

107
00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:56,800
Speaker 4: to them.

108
00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:59,039
Speaker 1: Hey, we need to talk about today's topic. This one

109
00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:02,240
Speaker 1: really is driven by you. We have a family meeting

110
00:05:02,279 --> 00:05:02,720
Speaker 1: most weeks.

111
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,480
Speaker 5: Actually, we've been a bit slack lately. We need to

112
00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:06,520
Speaker 5: get back onto this. Oh it's some we're about to

113
00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:08,320
Speaker 5: have a brain. We needed to get back onto this.

114
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:10,560
Speaker 5: For those of you who have not heard the podcast

115
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,080
Speaker 5: episodes about this, we will link to it in the

116
00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:14,520
Speaker 5: show notes. But basically, every week we usually have a

117
00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:16,760
Speaker 5: family meeting and a couple's meeting, but we talk about

118
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:18,640
Speaker 5: three things, what's going well, what's not, and what we

119
00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:20,120
Speaker 5: want to focus on for the next week so that

120
00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:21,440
Speaker 5: we can do better tomorrow.

121
00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:24,159
Speaker 4: And we're going to kind of just you know, have

122
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:26,160
Speaker 4: a little bit of a play with that for Christmas.

123
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:29,520
Speaker 1: For Christmas, that's right, because there's so much pressure around Christmas,

124
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:33,679
Speaker 1: and the reality is sometimes we're not really intentional about Christmas.

125
00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:36,000
Speaker 1: We're just doing what we're doing because of the expectations

126
00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,880
Speaker 1: of others, or because it's this Instagram says we should

127
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,919
Speaker 1: that's right, or tradition says we're supposed to do it

128
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,440
Speaker 1: this way or that way, and it can be a lot.

129
00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:49,320
Speaker 1: So three questions to three diagnostics really to help you

130
00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:52,640
Speaker 1: to be intentional about making Christmas work your way.

131
00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:55,200
Speaker 2: Kylie. First question, Well.

132
00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:57,000
Speaker 4: Usually when we have our family meetings, the first thing

133
00:05:57,000 --> 00:06:00,280
Speaker 4: we will talk about is what's going well. Kind of

134
00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:01,320
Speaker 4: tweak that a little bit.

135
00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:02,120
Speaker 3: Because it's Christmas.

136
00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:04,520
Speaker 4: What delights us about our Christmas experience?

137
00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:05,360
Speaker 1: I think we need to shift it.

138
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:06,640
Speaker 2: I think it should be what lights you up?

139
00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:09,520
Speaker 1: Because Christmas lights, but what lights you up to light

140
00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:11,440
Speaker 1: to light? I know I saw the play on words,

141
00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:15,160
Speaker 1: what lights you up, And I wonder, I wonder if

142
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:16,800
Speaker 1: it's worth saying. Is it about what lights up the

143
00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:19,080
Speaker 1: family or is it about what lights up? What lights

144
00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:21,480
Speaker 1: you up? I mean, you're certainly not checking in with

145
00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:23,600
Speaker 1: me about this. This is our Christmas is very much

146
00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:25,800
Speaker 1: about what lights you up? Would that be fair to say?

147
00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:28,960
Speaker 4: That's completely unfair? Because what lights me up lights you up?

148
00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:29,440
Speaker 3: Right?

149
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,920
Speaker 2: Of course it does, seriously.

150
00:06:32,279 --> 00:06:35,600
Speaker 4: So here's the trick, And it is tricky because children

151
00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:38,760
Speaker 4: have different expectations to us as adults about what lights

152
00:06:38,839 --> 00:06:43,839
Speaker 4: us up, right, But ultimately, if mum and Dad are

153
00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:47,080
Speaker 4: full of joy and light when it comes to the

154
00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:50,560
Speaker 4: Christmas season, then things are going to run smoother across

155
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:51,000
Speaker 4: the board.

156
00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:52,960
Speaker 2: So what lights me up is just the delight in

157
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:53,719
Speaker 2: our kids eyes.

158
00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:56,960
Speaker 4: And when this tree lights are sparkling.

159
00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:58,440
Speaker 2: Yeah that too. Yeah.

160
00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:02,719
Speaker 1: But I our youngest is about twelve, and things have

161
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:05,720
Speaker 1: shifted so much in the twenty six and a half

162
00:07:05,839 --> 00:07:08,840
Speaker 1: years that we've been raising kids now. But in those

163
00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:11,840
Speaker 1: early years, we did Christmas so differently to how we

164
00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:12,360
Speaker 1: do it now.

165
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:13,760
Speaker 2: And those early years.

166
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:16,440
Speaker 1: Were very much about lots of fun and looking at

167
00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:18,480
Speaker 1: Christmas lights on Christmas Eve and.

168
00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:21,280
Speaker 4: Really Christmas movies, building.

169
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:23,120
Speaker 1: The anticipation in those days are leading up to it,

170
00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:26,000
Speaker 1: and then I mean the sand are coming. Because we

171
00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:30,000
Speaker 1: lived in Queensland and the sun comes up in Queensland

172
00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:32,480
Speaker 1: at Christmas at like four point thirty, the kids will

173
00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,680
Speaker 1: be jumping on the bed and waking us up at

174
00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:35,960
Speaker 1: four fifteen.

175
00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:39,800
Speaker 4: But not only that, we lived into states, so each

176
00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:42,120
Speaker 4: year we would have to go to a different family

177
00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:44,920
Speaker 4: so that we spent Christmas. So our kids in those

178
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:47,600
Speaker 4: early years, they didn't ever wake up in their own

179
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,000
Speaker 4: beds to celebrate.

180
00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:50,960
Speaker 2: Christmas rand parents' houses. Yeah, and just they.

181
00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:52,560
Speaker 4: Finally got to a point where they just were like,

182
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:53,840
Speaker 4: we just want to be at home.

183
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:56,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, But the enthusiasm of that, So the question what

184
00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:58,880
Speaker 1: lights you up? Talk about the things that you're most

185
00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:00,840
Speaker 1: looking forward to a Christmas. Talk to the family about

186
00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:02,960
Speaker 1: what they're most looking forward to. How do they want

187
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:06,480
Speaker 1: Christmas Eve to be? Is it at home watching Christmas movies?

188
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,600
Speaker 1: Is it going to the grandparents' house and swimming in

189
00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:12,400
Speaker 1: the pool because they've got one, or like, how does

190
00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:16,239
Speaker 1: Christmas Eve and Christmas Day look for you as a family.

191
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,480
Speaker 1: This is a really great day for the whole family

192
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:22,840
Speaker 1: to be together and to do things your way like

193
00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:25,920
Speaker 1: there's no rules is kind of what I'm getting at here.

194
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,120
Speaker 4: Well, and in some cases some families, you're going to

195
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:31,400
Speaker 4: find that everyone's going to have a different response and

196
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:33,960
Speaker 4: you're going to have to juggle how that looks.

197
00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:36,480
Speaker 3: Whether or not this is happy families once you just

198
00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:37,439
Speaker 3: do whether or not.

199
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,240
Speaker 4: You're able to do it all or pick, you know,

200
00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:41,600
Speaker 4: kind of one or two things. But as our children

201
00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:44,360
Speaker 4: have grown, what we have noticed is there is a

202
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:47,640
Speaker 4: definite theme about the things that they absolutely love. We

203
00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:49,760
Speaker 4: have a twenty six year old who is married, lives

204
00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:53,160
Speaker 4: in her own home, but on Christmas Morning, there's no mistake.

205
00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:55,640
Speaker 4: She's showing up early so that she can jump on

206
00:08:55,679 --> 00:08:57,439
Speaker 4: our beds with the rest of her siblings so that

207
00:08:57,520 --> 00:08:58,760
Speaker 4: they can open their stockings.

208
00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:02,120
Speaker 1: Literally, Shag and her husband come into our bedroom at

209
00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:04,120
Speaker 1: five in the morning or five thirty in the morning

210
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,240
Speaker 1: and they sit on the edge of our bed while

211
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:07,400
Speaker 1: the other kids jump on us.

212
00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:09,880
Speaker 4: And that was a non negotiable when she got married.

213
00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:11,640
Speaker 4: She just said, you have to know this is what

214
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:13,640
Speaker 4: I'm doing Christmas morning.

215
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:14,160
Speaker 2: That's right.

216
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:17,400
Speaker 3: So what lights you up? Get clear about it.

217
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:18,520
Speaker 2: You know what lights our kids up.

218
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:22,400
Speaker 1: You have always made a bigger deal of Christmas stockings

219
00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:25,960
Speaker 1: than Christmas presents under the tree. And I mean the

220
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:28,160
Speaker 1: stockings cost a lot to feel because you've bought stockings

221
00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:30,319
Speaker 1: that are as big as a backpack.

222
00:09:30,679 --> 00:09:32,800
Speaker 4: No, it's just because we have all girls and they use.

223
00:09:32,679 --> 00:09:35,320
Speaker 3: Makeup and cosmetics crystal gosh.

224
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,520
Speaker 1: But something that we've done from day dot is that

225
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:41,040
Speaker 1: there's always been a Bunderberg ginger beer and an orange.

226
00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:43,120
Speaker 1: Oh sorry, not an orange and mango. What are they orange?

227
00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:44,440
Speaker 1: Because an orange orange?

228
00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:44,960
Speaker 4: Yeah?

229
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, because there's always been a mango and a Christmas

230
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:51,720
Speaker 1: and a Christmas ginger beer in their stockings. And they still,

231
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:55,040
Speaker 1: twenty plus years later, they still cherish it.

232
00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:56,880
Speaker 2: It lights them up. They know it's going to be there.

233
00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:57,440
Speaker 2: They expect it.

234
00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:58,960
Speaker 1: And one year when we didn't do it, they were like,

235
00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:00,760
Speaker 1: where's our ginger be And we were like, I was

236
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:01,959
Speaker 1: just in the fridge and know no, we want the

237
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,319
Speaker 1: ginger beer in the stocking, like that's part of Christmas.

238
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:07,959
Speaker 1: That first question is critically important because it helps you

239
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:10,520
Speaker 1: to be intentional about the stuff that does matter, which

240
00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:12,439
Speaker 1: means that you can start to cross out the stuff

241
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:13,360
Speaker 1: that doesn't.

242
00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:16,800
Speaker 4: And I think you'll notice as you have those conversations.

243
00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:20,080
Speaker 4: I feel like you'll be surprised at the things that

244
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:24,160
Speaker 4: your children actually care about, the things that we've got

245
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:27,480
Speaker 4: so much emphasis onto so many things. But I think

246
00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:31,200
Speaker 4: you'll be surprised at what things the kids actually cherishing value.

247
00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,120
Speaker 1: After the break the other two questions that will help

248
00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:34,800
Speaker 1: you to have the most memorable Christmas ever?

249
00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:35,400
Speaker 2: So they were This.

250
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,839
Speaker 1: Is the Happy Famili's podcast, We're so Glad that you're

251
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:45,280
Speaker 1: with us today. A conversation about the three questions that

252
00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:50,720
Speaker 1: will help you to create the most magical, memorable, intentional, purposeful, delightful, joyous,

253
00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:51,520
Speaker 1: merry Christmas.

254
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:53,280
Speaker 3: The first one, what lights you up?

255
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:55,400
Speaker 2: Kylie? The second question, well.

256
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:58,719
Speaker 4: Normally in our family meetings we would say, what's not

257
00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:01,200
Speaker 4: going so well? I'm wondering what quirky thing you've got?

258
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:01,720
Speaker 4: For this one?

259
00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:02,480
Speaker 3: What drains you?

260
00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:05,079
Speaker 1: Nothing quirky about it? What's just zapping your energy? This

261
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:07,920
Speaker 1: is the Marie Condo Christmas question. If it's not bringing

262
00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:10,599
Speaker 1: light into me into my room, then I need to

263
00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:11,120
Speaker 1: get rid of it.

264
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:12,080
Speaker 2: What's draining me?

265
00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:15,320
Speaker 4: So we've got all kinds of components that make up Christmas, right,

266
00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:19,480
Speaker 4: We've got matching pajamas, We've got Christmas eve boxes self

267
00:11:19,559 --> 00:11:21,960
Speaker 4: on the shelf. You've got Christmas parties and all of

268
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:24,160
Speaker 4: the other events associated with the end of year. You've

269
00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:27,120
Speaker 4: got the countdown to Christmas, advent calendars like there is

270
00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:30,200
Speaker 4: gingerbread making houses, like there are so many things. We

271
00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:34,200
Speaker 4: talked about, watching movies and going and seeing Christmas lights.

272
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,880
Speaker 1: When we tried to watch one Christmas movie a night

273
00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:40,680
Speaker 1: for like every night in December, and why about night four?

274
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,880
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not into movies that much anyway, but

275
00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:44,439
Speaker 1: by night four, I was like, this is the this

276
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:47,040
Speaker 1: is draining me. I'm not enjoying this at all. So

277
00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:48,720
Speaker 1: you watched movies with the kids and I went and

278
00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:50,160
Speaker 1: read a book every night instead.

279
00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:52,000
Speaker 3: It was like, this does not work for me.

280
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:56,600
Speaker 4: So there's so many different things that Instagram posts and

281
00:11:56,640 --> 00:12:00,400
Speaker 4: tells us that will make the most magical Christmas, the.

282
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,960
Speaker 1: Like it happens every year. I'm not on social media

283
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,080
Speaker 1: at all anymore. I've changed my I've had my assistant

284
00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:07,000
Speaker 1: change my passwords. I don't know how to access myself

285
00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:10,920
Speaker 1: Carols by Christmas by candlelight, by candle light. Yeah, I

286
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,679
Speaker 1: remember last year and the year before and the year before,

287
00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:16,120
Speaker 1: all the families having all these fun games around the

288
00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:20,200
Speaker 1: dining table at Christmas, and we've tried that and it's

289
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,880
Speaker 1: just not as fun as it looks like it is

290
00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:23,320
Speaker 1: in the Instagram reels.

291
00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:25,120
Speaker 4: You're so funny because everyone asked us to do that

292
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:25,680
Speaker 4: again this show.

293
00:12:25,679 --> 00:12:27,320
Speaker 3: Have they realized you're just a party poop?

294
00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:29,520
Speaker 4: Maybe maybe I was just a party pooper.

295
00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:32,920
Speaker 2: I really just like, I don't know. I can't wait

296
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:33,520
Speaker 2: for Boxing Day.

297
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,160
Speaker 1: I want to watch the Boxing Day test this year.

298
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:43,880
Speaker 4: I've trained you anyway. Question number three, yeah, yeah, what

299
00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:44,880
Speaker 4: do we want to focus on?

300
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:48,120
Speaker 1: I think, sorry a little tweak on that. It's not

301
00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:50,000
Speaker 1: just about what do you want to focus on? Because

302
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:52,440
Speaker 1: questions one and two help us to get clarity around that.

303
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:56,200
Speaker 1: But the overarching question is when the kids look back

304
00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:59,120
Speaker 1: in five years, ten years, twenty years, thirty years, when

305
00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:01,360
Speaker 1: they're raising their own kids, what do you want them

306
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:03,240
Speaker 1: to remember? What do you want them to say?

307
00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:03,440
Speaker 4: Oh?

308
00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:05,240
Speaker 2: I remember when I was a kid, and I used

309
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:07,040
Speaker 2: to just look so much for it to Christmas morning?

310
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,480
Speaker 4: Because so I love that question. But for me, I

311
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:11,400
Speaker 4: think it's actually, how do I want to feel on

312
00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:12,120
Speaker 4: Christmas Day?

313
00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:14,400
Speaker 2: Oh? Okay, well there's four questions.

314
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:18,000
Speaker 4: Now, then I'm podcast I actually think that that's actually

315
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:21,160
Speaker 4: the very first question in this instance, how do I

316
00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:24,839
Speaker 4: want to feel on Christmas Day? Set the vision. If

317
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:27,480
Speaker 4: the vision is I just want to feel relaxed, I

318
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:29,920
Speaker 4: want to feel calm, I want to feel.

319
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:31,960
Speaker 1: Joyful, then tell your parents and the in laws that

320
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:33,120
Speaker 1: you're not going to be able to make it or

321
00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:34,000
Speaker 1: they're not coming over it.

322
00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:37,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly, So set the intention of actually how you

323
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:39,400
Speaker 4: want to feel. Do you want to feel joyful and

324
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:43,199
Speaker 4: energized and energetic? That's a different that's a different Christmas.

325
00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:46,160
Speaker 1: That sounds harsh, but again, we've been doing this with

326
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:50,320
Speaker 1: combined families now for twenty six twenty seven years, and.

327
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:53,480
Speaker 3: I remember we reached the point when our.

328
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:56,880
Speaker 1: Eldest child was probably about twelve or thirteen, where I

329
00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:59,880
Speaker 1: contacted my family and said, guys, I know we've really

330
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:05,079
Speaker 1: emphasized Christmas together for a long time, but we've now

331
00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:06,920
Speaker 1: got I don't know we had four kids at the

332
00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:07,720
Speaker 1: time or something like that.

333
00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:08,480
Speaker 2: We've got four of our.

334
00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:10,080
Speaker 1: Own children, and they really want to wake up in

335
00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:13,400
Speaker 1: their own bed, they want to have Christmas as a family.

336
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,440
Speaker 2: We're not going to join you on Christmas Day this year.

337
00:14:16,559 --> 00:14:19,360
Speaker 4: But see, the first time we ever did that, we

338
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,840
Speaker 4: decided that they could wake up in their own bed

339
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:24,720
Speaker 4: and then around lunchtime we'd make the drive. So we

340
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:26,960
Speaker 4: were still going to have family Christmas, but we made

341
00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:28,400
Speaker 4: the drive that year.

342
00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:30,520
Speaker 3: Sucks, Yes, that's right, because we.

343
00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:33,160
Speaker 4: Were so much enjoying one another's company and all of

344
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:34,680
Speaker 4: a sudden we had to cut everything.

345
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:35,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, so we get in the cars.

346
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,920
Speaker 2: We literally said, what let you up at Christmas? What

347
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:38,480
Speaker 2: drained you?

348
00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:39,240
Speaker 1: And what do you want to do?

349
00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:41,040
Speaker 2: How do you want Christmas to remember?

350
00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:42,440
Speaker 1: And so the following year, I said to my family,

351
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:44,120
Speaker 1: We're not doing Christmas with you on Christmas Day. It's

352
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,400
Speaker 1: going to have to be another time because we've got

353
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,800
Speaker 1: our own family now. And so that was that whole

354
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:50,360
Speaker 1: what do you want the kids to remember? How do

355
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,080
Speaker 1: you want it to feel on that day? And we

356
00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:55,000
Speaker 1: were able to step into a much more and so

357
00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:57,600
Speaker 1: I guess what I'm getting at is as a result.

358
00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:59,640
Speaker 2: Of that, and my brother was furious.

359
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,400
Speaker 1: He specifically, I think there was a few ruffled feathers.

360
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:04,440
Speaker 1: But my brother specifically told me and we've we've since

361
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:06,720
Speaker 1: spoken about it a number of times because his kids

362
00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:08,880
Speaker 1: are now that age and older, and he's like, I

363
00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:10,440
Speaker 1: totally get it now, but I.

364
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,720
Speaker 3: Was so mad when you said it. He was so cranky.

365
00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:15,160
Speaker 4: Well, for kids who are not married, so the siblings

366
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:18,000
Speaker 4: that are still at home with them not having their

367
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,440
Speaker 4: big siblings come.

368
00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:21,600
Speaker 1: It felt like they were missing It felt like Christmas

369
00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:22,760
Speaker 1: didn't feel the same for them.

370
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,120
Speaker 2: But we needed to have it anyway.

371
00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:26,440
Speaker 1: So now what we do, because we've asked these questions

372
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:29,840
Speaker 1: is we have Christmas with our family on the first

373
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:32,200
Speaker 1: weekend of December. My family gets together on the first

374
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:35,320
Speaker 1: weekend of December because that works for us, and that

375
00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:37,760
Speaker 1: allows us to have the Christmas Day with our family.

376
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:38,360
Speaker 2: That's going to light us up.

377
00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:39,720
Speaker 3: Every family's in a different situation.

378
00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:40,400
Speaker 2: We're not saying you're.

379
00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:42,400
Speaker 1: Sure or shouldn't do it one way or another. You've

380
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,520
Speaker 1: got permission to do it however you want. But these

381
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:47,360
Speaker 1: questions help you to get intentional about it. Otherwise you

382
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,960
Speaker 1: end up doing everything to please everyone else and Christmas

383
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:53,040
Speaker 1: doesn't feel nice. And then you're at Boxing Day and

384
00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:54,880
Speaker 1: you're kind of like, oh, now, I really do need

385
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:56,640
Speaker 1: the next three or four days to lay on the

386
00:15:56,680 --> 00:16:01,120
Speaker 1: bed and not move because I'm shattered. And just while

387
00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:03,080
Speaker 1: we're at it, one of my favorite Christmas as ever,

388
00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:05,680
Speaker 1: was the Christmas where we left the country. We just

389
00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:09,480
Speaker 1: jumped on a plane and we went to Bali for

390
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:13,200
Speaker 1: Christmas and it was really really different, but it was

391
00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:15,160
Speaker 1: really really memorable and we didn't have to deal with

392
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:17,600
Speaker 1: any of the stuff and that was a delight as well.

393
00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:21,000
Speaker 3: Three questions What lights you up?

394
00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:24,280
Speaker 4: What drains you? And how do I want to feel?

395
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,600
Speaker 4: What do we want the kids to remember in twenty

396
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:27,120
Speaker 4: years time.

397
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:29,440
Speaker 1: I hope you've enjoyed this and gotten some inspo to

398
00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:32,080
Speaker 1: make your Christmas that little bit more refined, that little

399
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:33,560
Speaker 1: bit more meaningful, that little.

400
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:34,680
Speaker 3: Bit more joyful.

401
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:37,480
Speaker 1: I was going to say, Mary, either is fine that

402
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:40,600
Speaker 1: Happy Famili's podcast is produced by Justin Rawlan from Bridge Medium.

403
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,480
Speaker 1: Mimhamon's provides research, having in and a whole lot of

404
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:44,640
Speaker 1: other support and if you'd like more info and more

405
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:47,040
Speaker 1: resources to make you family happier, including maybe a parenting

406
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,880
Speaker 1: book for your stocking, check out Happy Families dot com

407
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:51,640
Speaker 1: dot a U or you'll find a whole range of

408
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:53,920
Speaker 1: books that can make your family thrive.