WEBVTT - Flex's Guide To Dating Like A Princess 👸

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<v Speaker 1>Flex and Frooms Flex and Firms. This is the Flex

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<v Speaker 1>and Frooms catch up podcast The Girlies I Freeman.

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<v Speaker 2>I spent a lot of time discussing and unpacking dating

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<v Speaker 2>culture because I believe it gives us permission to interweave

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<v Speaker 2>a few of the things we've learned in life without

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<v Speaker 2>being prescriptive or preachy. A couple of weeks ago, we

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<v Speaker 2>were discussing our social media manager's experience on the dating apps,

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<v Speaker 2>and she was currently being negged, which I just didn't

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<v Speaker 2>know if you paid in freumnight Bell and you were

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<v Speaker 2>that meant up until a couple of weeks ago. It's

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<v Speaker 2>when somebody purposely says demeaning or rude things to you

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<v Speaker 2>to lower your self confidence so you want to sleep

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<v Speaker 2>with them. We just feel so round about and manipulative,

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<v Speaker 2>but it's being done in real time. And I said

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<v Speaker 2>in the same conversation that I have a really fun

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<v Speaker 2>time dating because I advocate for princess treatment, to which

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<v Speaker 2>our social media managers is like, what is that? What

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<v Speaker 2>is princess treatment, to which I said, fear not, let

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<v Speaker 2>me give you a crash course. So princess treatment is

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<v Speaker 2>exactly what it sounds like being treating like a princess

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<v Speaker 2>in the dating context. You could be a princess of Genovia,

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<v Speaker 2>a princess of the monarchy, whatever it might be. We

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<v Speaker 2>understand that there's a standard to be upheld. It's someone

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<v Speaker 2>who's respected. Indeed, the time you spend together is appreciated.

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<v Speaker 2>You understand their value. It's innate. But you also recognize

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<v Speaker 2>your role to protect a nurture and feed into that.

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<v Speaker 2>And you might be thinking this is very oldie worldy

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<v Speaker 2>for a modern girl boss like you. I feel like

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<v Speaker 2>the fundamentals are just basic one oh one chivalry, but

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<v Speaker 2>it gets messed up in this modern dating because it's

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<v Speaker 2>kind of like a lawless jungle place. So what I

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<v Speaker 2>wanted to do is figure out kind of a way

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<v Speaker 2>to impart some tips and tricks and feedback that I

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<v Speaker 2>use to make sure that the dating experience that I

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<v Speaker 2>have is pretty pleasurable and exciting. Number One, in general,

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<v Speaker 2>people are constantly making snap judgments about your worth and

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<v Speaker 2>how they'll consequently treat you within moments of meeting you.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't care whatever context it is people snap judgment,

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<v Speaker 2>but whether they're gonna hold the door open for you,

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<v Speaker 2>whether they're gonna greet you, whether they're gonna laugh with you,

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<v Speaker 2>play with you, share with you, and it happens immediately.

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<v Speaker 2>It happens even more so in dating snap judgments when

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<v Speaker 2>they're swiping and matching. How am I gonna treat this person?

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<v Speaker 2>Why will I treat them a certain way? So keep

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<v Speaker 2>that in mind when you're positioning yourself romantically, patonically in

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<v Speaker 2>the world, and act accordingly.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm telling you, I've said it before.

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<v Speaker 2>People make snap judgments immediately on how they'll treat you

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<v Speaker 2>based on their first interactions with you. The only way

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<v Speaker 2>to get princess treatment is to be perceived as a princess.

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<v Speaker 2>This is not role play, babe. This is not I'll

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<v Speaker 2>put on the red lipstick for the night and present

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<v Speaker 2>might as well as a princess. Everything about you needs

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<v Speaker 2>to read to the person that you're trying to attract

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<v Speaker 2>that it is what it is. For example, I was

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<v Speaker 2>reviewing a friend's profile with her dating profile, and she

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<v Speaker 2>was talking about how she really wants like dates that

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<v Speaker 2>are memorable, like you know, nice, and she wants to

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<v Speaker 2>go on adventures and stuff, and like every single photo

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<v Speaker 2>you have is a mirror selfie low quality for ADP

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<v Speaker 2>drier in what world. Are you presenting that you want

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<v Speaker 2>to be wined and dine. Let's just switch some of

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<v Speaker 2>those out. It's a very simple thing you can do.

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<v Speaker 2>Don't act dumb, don't act dim witted. You know exactly

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<v Speaker 2>what this is. Number two, anything that you perceive to

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<v Speaker 2>be a standard of princess treatment you should be doing

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<v Speaker 2>for yourself.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, so if you feel.

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<v Speaker 2>As though, oh this person needs to be doing XYZ,

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<v Speaker 2>you need to be doing that. You dating them can't

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<v Speaker 2>be your first introduction to this life you're trying to live.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a sham. They'll see right through it. Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>The second thing, or the third thing, the most important

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<v Speaker 2>is you can't oscillate and pendulum swing between princess treatment

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm just happy.

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<v Speaker 1>To be here.

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<v Speaker 2>Ooh, we've all made the moss like do you know

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<v Speaker 2>what I mean when you start going from this is

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<v Speaker 2>what I want, this is what I deserve, this is

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<v Speaker 2>what I'm getting to. Oh, but I'm just happy somebody

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<v Speaker 2>matched me. Unmatch them again, unmatch them. I've been telling

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<v Speaker 2>the girl all year. The people that you're keeping your

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<v Speaker 2>hinge likes for validation, get them out of there. They're

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<v Speaker 2>clogging up the space. They're making you feel special, it's

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<v Speaker 2>not special. Delete it. The fourth tip, your profile and

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<v Speaker 2>your messages have to reflect your reality or the reality

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<v Speaker 2>that you're seeking. You get six pictures and six prompts

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<v Speaker 2>to show the world who you are.

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<v Speaker 1>Do what you will with them.

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<v Speaker 2>One of my best performing prompts I ever had was

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<v Speaker 2>that I was high maintenance.

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<v Speaker 1>That's crazy. See, I would think it's crazy.

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<v Speaker 2>What do they say because everyone's like, but how high maintenance?

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<v Speaker 2>What's high maintenance about you? Or you want a dinner

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<v Speaker 2>to go on a dinner day that's not himaenus? What

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<v Speaker 2>you want to travel that's not himnus? Well you want

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<v Speaker 2>me to plan something that's not himans because you said it.

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<v Speaker 1>You said it, you're something on yourself. You said it,

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<v Speaker 1>So let's do it.

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<v Speaker 2>And the last one, Oh, I don't want to say

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<v Speaker 2>it's the most important, but I swear it's the one

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<v Speaker 2>that everybody gets wrong. I've seen the girlies do it.

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<v Speaker 2>I've seen the boy bosses do it, and it's.

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<v Speaker 1>Messy every time. You're telling yourself every time, go for it.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm not looking for anything serious, but I'll change you.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean, no part of me please. So that's Okay,

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<v Speaker 3>I love when you contribute.

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<v Speaker 2>The thing you all need to stop doing is when

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<v Speaker 2>given an opportunity to talk about your dating experience so far,

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<v Speaker 2>don't downplay. Don't say you've had bad experiences. Don't say

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<v Speaker 2>the last person treated you poorly. Don't say you never

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<v Speaker 2>get asked out on dates. Don't say no one ever

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<v Speaker 2>buys your drinks. Don't say you always have to pay.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't, don't, don't, don't. Don't.

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<v Speaker 2>You are painting a picture that says you will accept

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<v Speaker 2>low quality again and again and again, and they're next

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<v Speaker 2>in line to treat you poorly.

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<v Speaker 3>The girlies are nodding. The girlies are nodding ferociously.

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<v Speaker 1>You ask me, what's your What's what's hingeing for you?

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<v Speaker 1>It's amazing. Everybody's so nice here.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just having such great experiences and it's been really awesome.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like having the best time. Really why, just like

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<v Speaker 2>really amazing dates, fresh experiences. Everybody's really consistent and communicative,

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<v Speaker 2>and it's so nice to just be in this environment.

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<v Speaker 1>That's what you're saying.

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<v Speaker 2>Whatever I've heard the hobbies are on Tinder these days

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<v Speaker 2>as well. I couldn't believe it.

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<v Speaker 1>Really, my housemate and had her boyfriend. They're out here.

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<v Speaker 2>Whatever it might be, bumble even I don't care what

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<v Speaker 2>platform it is that you're using. Be so mindful of

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<v Speaker 2>the narratives that you're telling, because what do we do

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<v Speaker 2>when we start dating people. We take what we what

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<v Speaker 2>they say as verbatim. It paints the most clear picture

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<v Speaker 2>of the experience we're about to have. Oh, it's so strange,

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<v Speaker 2>Like he said he wasn't really looking for anything serious,

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<v Speaker 2>but then also he said that he's really interested in

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<v Speaker 2>like seeing me in six weeks. What does that mean?

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<v Speaker 2>Holding onto it the moment you say, Oh, I just like,

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<v Speaker 2>nobody really ever asks me out, nobody really ever takes

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<v Speaker 2>me real anyway. It's sad, it's shameful, and it's setting

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<v Speaker 2>you up so failure. I promise you. And I'm not

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<v Speaker 2>saying lie, but if you want to lie, do that.

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<v Speaker 2>But I'm just saying, especially in these temporary interactions, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>not saying, to paint a picture that you're not matching

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<v Speaker 2>up with, but be very mindful of what you're communicating

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<v Speaker 2>about your reality because people are just going to fit

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<v Speaker 2>the bill. Yep, the stories I promised you. I was

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<v Speaker 2>dating a guy recently. I was after two weeks of dating.

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<v Speaker 2>He said, I don't know if I can do this anymore.

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<v Speaker 2>What I said, why not? I'm very confused. We're having

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<v Speaker 2>a really great time, so I can't afford this lifestyle.

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<v Speaker 2>I said, what do you mean you can't afford this lifestyle.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm very confused.

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<v Speaker 2>We're gone on cute little adventures, museums, dinners, like the

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<v Speaker 2>vibes are up and he's like, I feel like I've

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<v Speaker 2>spent more than a grand in the last two weeks

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<v Speaker 2>just hanging out with you.

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<v Speaker 1>I said, yeah, I said, did you not want to

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<v Speaker 1>do that? I know, I don't really understand.

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<v Speaker 2>He was like, I'm so scared of me for like,

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm like the first the first and when you

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<v Speaker 2>were planning our first day, you said I want to

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<v Speaker 2>take you somewhere nice and boogie. Yes you said that,

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<v Speaker 2>you said nice, boogie and expensive the receipts you didn't

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<v Speaker 2>want to do that. He's like, no, I want to

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<v Speaker 2>do that. I really want to do it. I just

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<v Speaker 2>don't think I can. And I was like, so, is

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<v Speaker 2>there any room in this, like this utopia we're creating

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<v Speaker 2>where we can revise this like unsaid rule that's been

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<v Speaker 2>created because I'm, like you said, a standard based on

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<v Speaker 2>how you perceived me, and I love that. Take me

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<v Speaker 2>somewhere in there, whatever, whatever, whatever. But also you're now

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<v Speaker 2>exhuming yourself from the room because the standard I've set

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<v Speaker 2>and what I've projected seems like it's out of touch.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, let's revisit it.

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<v Speaker 2>Let's revisit when I was deep moving to the girlies,

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<v Speaker 2>I said, it's better than the alternative. It's better than

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<v Speaker 2>someone saying I made an assessment. I'm not spending anything

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<v Speaker 2>on you. I'm not interesting anytime, and this is just

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<v Speaker 2>not worth it for me now. What I will say,

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<v Speaker 2>and especially because all we know is heterosexual dating, no

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<v Speaker 2>take it back or willing to share publicly, is a

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<v Speaker 2>heterosexual dating experiences, I'm.

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<v Speaker 1>At willing to share it publicly.

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<v Speaker 2>And what I know about heterosexual dating is the same

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<v Speaker 2>thing that my mum told me, the same thing my

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<v Speaker 2>grandma told me, the same thing my auntie told me.

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<v Speaker 2>It's the same narrative. It doesn't change because we aren't

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<v Speaker 2>that unique. People appreciate what they invest their time into.

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<v Speaker 2>Everybody wants to be worthy of something they think that

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<v Speaker 2>they can't attain. That's not to say the position yourself

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<v Speaker 2>is something that's not attainable, but you know it's not attainable.

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<v Speaker 2>Nice qualities be someone who's endearing to be around, who's vulnerable,

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<v Speaker 2>who's exciting, who's open, who's consistent, who's reliable, whose words

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<v Speaker 2>match their actions. Those things are just as valuable as

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<v Speaker 2>getting wined and dying. But you just don't want to

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<v Speaker 2>hear it. You don't want to hear it. Also, please

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<v Speaker 2>stop with the like assuming that the thing that you

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<v Speaker 2>want in this dating concept is too much to ask for.

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<v Speaker 2>It never really is. People know the transaction. People went

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<v Speaker 2>to war for a bit of puss. People have gone

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<v Speaker 2>to war for a bit of puss, A little something.

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<v Speaker 2>You think this person won't take you out on a

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<v Speaker 2>date for it. People have literally wrote lifetimes of poetry

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<v Speaker 2>about a person they looked at once. Yeah, person they

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<v Speaker 2>glanced out on the train. I felt that from Paris

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<v Speaker 2>to fucking Berlin, and you think they what are you

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<v Speaker 2>talking about? I just feel like it's not like you're

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<v Speaker 2>undermining yourself. Every time you say i'll take a crumb,

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<v Speaker 2>thank you, I'll take a scrap.

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<v Speaker 1>A scrap is fine, I'm not even hungry. Meanwhile, you're

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<v Speaker 1>emaciated your ways a good way, I will say, FLEXI

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<v Speaker 1>being with you.

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<v Speaker 3>We're both in the dating in the dating world, definitely

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<v Speaker 3>active in the dating world. You've taught me a lot,

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<v Speaker 3>thank you, and we have done many revisions. We've been

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<v Speaker 3>through the trenches these past eighteen months of working together.

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<v Speaker 3>There's definitely been ups and downs.

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<v Speaker 1>We definitely, I.

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<v Speaker 3>Think, brought out in one another the propensity to get

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<v Speaker 3>near it. Yeah, which has been so important as girl boss.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, you've thought, you you listening, You've seen it,

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<v Speaker 2>You've seen I said, what was I saying this time

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<v Speaker 2>of year? Guys, so the hot girls aren't rooting. I

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<v Speaker 2>take it back, I said, I can change that. I

0:11:06.120 --> 0:11:06.720
<v Speaker 2>can change it.

0:11:07.679 --> 0:11:08.319
<v Speaker 1>I can do this.

0:11:08.679 --> 0:11:13.280
<v Speaker 2>And what I will say in conclusion, yes, do as

0:11:13.360 --> 0:11:15.560
<v Speaker 2>I say and as I do if you're about that

0:11:15.679 --> 0:11:20.320
<v Speaker 2>life X Like disclaimer, do as I say and do

0:11:20.440 --> 0:11:22.959
<v Speaker 2>as I do if you're about that life. Because this

0:11:23.040 --> 0:11:24.559
<v Speaker 2>is not one of those things you can fake. People

0:11:24.640 --> 0:11:26.920
<v Speaker 2>see right through it, like when you put on a performance,

0:11:26.920 --> 0:11:29.040
<v Speaker 2>you're like, this is what I deserve, this is what

0:11:29.080 --> 0:11:31.000
<v Speaker 2>I l l l l LA. Just be about it,

0:11:31.880 --> 0:11:33.560
<v Speaker 2>be about it. Don't be afraid to snip it off

0:11:33.559 --> 0:11:35.600
<v Speaker 2>if it's not right. Don't be afraid to say the

0:11:35.679 --> 0:11:38.720
<v Speaker 2>thing that's a little bit uncomfortable for the greater good.

0:11:38.960 --> 0:11:40.400
<v Speaker 2>Don't be afraid to let people know they're not the

0:11:40.440 --> 0:11:43.400
<v Speaker 2>only one. Like whatever you need to do in the

0:11:43.440 --> 0:11:45.480
<v Speaker 2>realm of what you're comfortable with, because you have to

0:11:45.559 --> 0:11:49.360
<v Speaker 2>keep it up. Yeah, if you can't fake the princess treatment,

0:11:49.440 --> 0:11:51.320
<v Speaker 2>then don't worry about it. If you don't have the

0:11:51.320 --> 0:11:53.920
<v Speaker 2>budget to beat your own princess treatment, don't worry about it.

0:11:54.200 --> 0:11:56.000
<v Speaker 2>If you just want casual but you think your friend's

0:11:56.000 --> 0:11:57.880
<v Speaker 2>going to judge, you, don't worry about it. If you're

0:11:57.880 --> 0:12:01.680
<v Speaker 2>looking for your soulmate. Yeah, what I told my soulmate,

0:12:02.320 --> 0:12:05.160
<v Speaker 2>I said, I want to cut open your stonum and

0:12:05.200 --> 0:12:06.280
<v Speaker 2>I want to live in your skin.

0:12:07.679 --> 0:12:09.640
<v Speaker 1>That's where our mom. And then you sent me a

0:12:09.640 --> 0:12:12.319
<v Speaker 1>picture back of a Stoneum, he gets it. That's where

0:12:12.320 --> 0:12:13.400
<v Speaker 1>I mom. You know what I say.

0:12:13.400 --> 0:12:16.520
<v Speaker 2>Tommy and I we get to cater what do we do.

0:12:16.840 --> 0:12:19.679
<v Speaker 2>We sit down, touched up on each other, give me

0:12:19.679 --> 0:12:21.679
<v Speaker 2>a little massage because she loves physical touch, gives me

0:12:21.720 --> 0:12:23.920
<v Speaker 2>a little massage, and we sue each other.

0:12:24.400 --> 0:12:26.240
<v Speaker 1>That's what we're on babe. Yeah, you won't even you

0:12:26.280 --> 0:12:28.320
<v Speaker 1>won't even hug your friend. Get on that. So if

0:12:28.320 --> 0:12:30.280
<v Speaker 1>you're about it, let me out of it. So see

0:12:30.280 --> 0:12:33.120
<v Speaker 1>you tomorrow. You've been listening to the Flex and Frooms

0:12:33.200 --> 0:12:34.040
<v Speaker 1>Daily podcast.

0:12:34.280 --> 0:12:37.000
<v Speaker 3>For more, tune into cater on DAB or stream it

0:12:37.080 --> 0:12:37.920
<v Speaker 3>on iHeartRadio.