Speaker 1: Flex and Frooms Flex and Firms. This is the Flex
Speaker 1: and Frooms catch up podcast The Girlies I Freeman.
Speaker 2: I spent a lot of time discussing and unpacking dating
Speaker 2: culture because I believe it gives us permission to interweave
Speaker 2: a few of the things we've learned in life without
Speaker 2: being prescriptive or preachy. A couple of weeks ago, we
Speaker 2: were discussing our social media manager's experience on the dating apps,
Speaker 2: and she was currently being negged, which I just didn't
Speaker 2: know if you paid in freumnight Bell and you were
Speaker 2: that meant up until a couple of weeks ago. It's
Speaker 2: when somebody purposely says demeaning or rude things to you
Speaker 2: to lower your self confidence so you want to sleep
Speaker 2: with them. We just feel so round about and manipulative,
Speaker 2: but it's being done in real time. And I said
Speaker 2: in the same conversation that I have a really fun
Speaker 2: time dating because I advocate for princess treatment, to which
Speaker 2: our social media managers is like, what is that? What
Speaker 2: is princess treatment, to which I said, fear not, let
Speaker 2: me give you a crash course. So princess treatment is
Speaker 2: exactly what it sounds like being treating like a princess
Speaker 2: in the dating context. You could be a princess of Genovia,
Speaker 2: a princess of the monarchy, whatever it might be. We
Speaker 2: understand that there's a standard to be upheld. It's someone
Speaker 2: who's respected. Indeed, the time you spend together is appreciated.
Speaker 2: You understand their value. It's innate. But you also recognize
Speaker 2: your role to protect a nurture and feed into that.
Speaker 2: And you might be thinking this is very oldie worldy
Speaker 2: for a modern girl boss like you. I feel like
Speaker 2: the fundamentals are just basic one oh one chivalry, but
Speaker 2: it gets messed up in this modern dating because it's
Speaker 2: kind of like a lawless jungle place. So what I
Speaker 2: wanted to do is figure out kind of a way
Speaker 2: to impart some tips and tricks and feedback that I
Speaker 2: use to make sure that the dating experience that I
Speaker 2: have is pretty pleasurable and exciting. Number One, in general,
Speaker 2: people are constantly making snap judgments about your worth and
Speaker 2: how they'll consequently treat you within moments of meeting you.
Speaker 2: I don't care whatever context it is people snap judgment,
Speaker 2: but whether they're gonna hold the door open for you,
Speaker 2: whether they're gonna greet you, whether they're gonna laugh with you,
Speaker 2: play with you, share with you, and it happens immediately.
Speaker 2: It happens even more so in dating snap judgments when
Speaker 2: they're swiping and matching. How am I gonna treat this person?
Speaker 2: Why will I treat them a certain way? So keep
Speaker 2: that in mind when you're positioning yourself romantically, patonically in
Speaker 2: the world, and act accordingly.
Speaker 1: I'm telling you, I've said it before.
Speaker 2: People make snap judgments immediately on how they'll treat you
Speaker 2: based on their first interactions with you. The only way
Speaker 2: to get princess treatment is to be perceived as a princess.
Speaker 2: This is not role play, babe. This is not I'll
Speaker 2: put on the red lipstick for the night and present
Speaker 2: might as well as a princess. Everything about you needs
Speaker 2: to read to the person that you're trying to attract
Speaker 2: that it is what it is. For example, I was
Speaker 2: reviewing a friend's profile with her dating profile, and she
Speaker 2: was talking about how she really wants like dates that
Speaker 2: are memorable, like you know, nice, and she wants to
Speaker 2: go on adventures and stuff, and like every single photo
Speaker 2: you have is a mirror selfie low quality for ADP
Speaker 2: drier in what world. Are you presenting that you want
Speaker 2: to be wined and dine. Let's just switch some of
Speaker 2: those out. It's a very simple thing you can do.
Speaker 2: Don't act dumb, don't act dim witted. You know exactly
Speaker 2: what this is. Number two, anything that you perceive to
Speaker 2: be a standard of princess treatment you should be doing
Speaker 2: for yourself.
Speaker 1: Yes, so if you feel.
Speaker 2: As though, oh this person needs to be doing XYZ,
Speaker 2: you need to be doing that. You dating them can't
Speaker 2: be your first introduction to this life you're trying to live.
Speaker 1: It's a sham. They'll see right through it. Okay.
Speaker 2: The second thing, or the third thing, the most important
Speaker 2: is you can't oscillate and pendulum swing between princess treatment
Speaker 2: and I'm just happy.
Speaker 1: To be here.
Speaker 2: Ooh, we've all made the moss like do you know
Speaker 2: what I mean when you start going from this is
Speaker 2: what I want, this is what I deserve, this is
Speaker 2: what I'm getting to. Oh, but I'm just happy somebody
Speaker 2: matched me. Unmatch them again, unmatch them. I've been telling
Speaker 2: the girl all year. The people that you're keeping your
Speaker 2: hinge likes for validation, get them out of there. They're
Speaker 2: clogging up the space. They're making you feel special, it's
Speaker 2: not special. Delete it. The fourth tip, your profile and
Speaker 2: your messages have to reflect your reality or the reality
Speaker 2: that you're seeking. You get six pictures and six prompts
Speaker 2: to show the world who you are.
Speaker 1: Do what you will with them.
Speaker 2: One of my best performing prompts I ever had was
Speaker 2: that I was high maintenance.
Speaker 1: That's crazy. See, I would think it's crazy.
Speaker 2: What do they say because everyone's like, but how high maintenance?
Speaker 2: What's high maintenance about you? Or you want a dinner
Speaker 2: to go on a dinner day that's not himaenus? What
Speaker 2: you want to travel that's not himnus? Well you want
Speaker 2: me to plan something that's not himans because you said it.
Speaker 1: You said it, you're something on yourself. You said it,
Speaker 1: So let's do it.
Speaker 2: And the last one, Oh, I don't want to say
Speaker 2: it's the most important, but I swear it's the one
Speaker 2: that everybody gets wrong. I've seen the girlies do it.
Speaker 2: I've seen the boy bosses do it, and it's.
Speaker 1: Messy every time. You're telling yourself every time, go for it.
Speaker 1: I'm not.
Speaker 3: I'm not looking for anything serious, but I'll change you.
Speaker 3: I mean, no part of me please. So that's Okay,
Speaker 3: I love when you contribute.
Speaker 2: The thing you all need to stop doing is when
Speaker 2: given an opportunity to talk about your dating experience so far,
Speaker 2: don't downplay. Don't say you've had bad experiences. Don't say
Speaker 2: the last person treated you poorly. Don't say you never
Speaker 2: get asked out on dates. Don't say no one ever
Speaker 2: buys your drinks. Don't say you always have to pay.
Speaker 1: Don't, don't, don't, don't. Don't.
Speaker 2: You are painting a picture that says you will accept
Speaker 2: low quality again and again and again, and they're next
Speaker 2: in line to treat you poorly.
Speaker 3: The girlies are nodding. The girlies are nodding ferociously.
Speaker 1: You ask me, what's your What's what's hingeing for you?
Speaker 1: It's amazing. Everybody's so nice here.
Speaker 2: I'm just having such great experiences and it's been really awesome.
Speaker 2: I'm like having the best time. Really why, just like
Speaker 2: really amazing dates, fresh experiences. Everybody's really consistent and communicative,
Speaker 2: and it's so nice to just be in this environment.
Speaker 1: That's what you're saying.
Speaker 2: Whatever I've heard the hobbies are on Tinder these days
Speaker 2: as well. I couldn't believe it.
Speaker 1: Really, my housemate and had her boyfriend. They're out here.
Speaker 2: Whatever it might be, bumble even I don't care what
Speaker 2: platform it is that you're using. Be so mindful of
Speaker 2: the narratives that you're telling, because what do we do
Speaker 2: when we start dating people. We take what we what
Speaker 2: they say as verbatim. It paints the most clear picture
Speaker 2: of the experience we're about to have. Oh, it's so strange,
Speaker 2: Like he said he wasn't really looking for anything serious,
Speaker 2: but then also he said that he's really interested in
Speaker 2: like seeing me in six weeks. What does that mean?
Speaker 2: Holding onto it the moment you say, Oh, I just like,
Speaker 2: nobody really ever asks me out, nobody really ever takes
Speaker 2: me real anyway. It's sad, it's shameful, and it's setting
Speaker 2: you up so failure. I promise you. And I'm not
Speaker 2: saying lie, but if you want to lie, do that.
Speaker 2: But I'm just saying, especially in these temporary interactions, I'm
Speaker 2: not saying, to paint a picture that you're not matching
Speaker 2: up with, but be very mindful of what you're communicating
Speaker 2: about your reality because people are just going to fit
Speaker 2: the bill. Yep, the stories I promised you. I was
Speaker 2: dating a guy recently. I was after two weeks of dating.
Speaker 2: He said, I don't know if I can do this anymore.
Speaker 2: What I said, why not? I'm very confused. We're having
Speaker 2: a really great time, so I can't afford this lifestyle.
Speaker 2: I said, what do you mean you can't afford this lifestyle.
Speaker 1: I'm very confused.
Speaker 2: We're gone on cute little adventures, museums, dinners, like the
Speaker 2: vibes are up and he's like, I feel like I've
Speaker 2: spent more than a grand in the last two weeks
Speaker 2: just hanging out with you.
Speaker 1: I said, yeah, I said, did you not want to
Speaker 1: do that? I know, I don't really understand.
Speaker 2: He was like, I'm so scared of me for like,
Speaker 2: and I'm like the first the first and when you
Speaker 2: were planning our first day, you said I want to
Speaker 2: take you somewhere nice and boogie. Yes you said that,
Speaker 2: you said nice, boogie and expensive the receipts you didn't
Speaker 2: want to do that. He's like, no, I want to
Speaker 2: do that. I really want to do it. I just
Speaker 2: don't think I can. And I was like, so, is
Speaker 2: there any room in this, like this utopia we're creating
Speaker 2: where we can revise this like unsaid rule that's been
Speaker 2: created because I'm, like you said, a standard based on
Speaker 2: how you perceived me, and I love that. Take me
Speaker 2: somewhere in there, whatever, whatever, whatever. But also you're now
Speaker 2: exhuming yourself from the room because the standard I've set
Speaker 2: and what I've projected seems like it's out of touch.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's revisit it.
Speaker 2: Let's revisit when I was deep moving to the girlies,
Speaker 2: I said, it's better than the alternative. It's better than
Speaker 2: someone saying I made an assessment. I'm not spending anything
Speaker 2: on you. I'm not interesting anytime, and this is just
Speaker 2: not worth it for me now. What I will say,
Speaker 2: and especially because all we know is heterosexual dating, no
Speaker 2: take it back or willing to share publicly, is a
Speaker 2: heterosexual dating experiences, I'm.
Speaker 1: At willing to share it publicly.
Speaker 2: And what I know about heterosexual dating is the same
Speaker 2: thing that my mum told me, the same thing my
Speaker 2: grandma told me, the same thing my auntie told me.
Speaker 2: It's the same narrative. It doesn't change because we aren't
Speaker 2: that unique. People appreciate what they invest their time into.
Speaker 2: Everybody wants to be worthy of something they think that
Speaker 2: they can't attain. That's not to say the position yourself
Speaker 2: is something that's not attainable, but you know it's not attainable.
Speaker 2: Nice qualities be someone who's endearing to be around, who's vulnerable,
Speaker 2: who's exciting, who's open, who's consistent, who's reliable, whose words
Speaker 2: match their actions. Those things are just as valuable as
Speaker 2: getting wined and dying. But you just don't want to
Speaker 2: hear it. You don't want to hear it. Also, please
Speaker 2: stop with the like assuming that the thing that you
Speaker 2: want in this dating concept is too much to ask for.
Speaker 2: It never really is. People know the transaction. People went
Speaker 2: to war for a bit of puss. People have gone
Speaker 2: to war for a bit of puss, A little something.
Speaker 2: You think this person won't take you out on a
Speaker 2: date for it. People have literally wrote lifetimes of poetry
Speaker 2: about a person they looked at once. Yeah, person they
Speaker 2: glanced out on the train. I felt that from Paris
Speaker 2: to fucking Berlin, and you think they what are you
Speaker 2: talking about? I just feel like it's not like you're
Speaker 2: undermining yourself. Every time you say i'll take a crumb,
Speaker 2: thank you, I'll take a scrap.
Speaker 1: A scrap is fine, I'm not even hungry. Meanwhile, you're
Speaker 1: emaciated your ways a good way, I will say, FLEXI
Speaker 1: being with you.
Speaker 3: We're both in the dating in the dating world, definitely
Speaker 3: active in the dating world. You've taught me a lot,
Speaker 3: thank you, and we have done many revisions. We've been
Speaker 3: through the trenches these past eighteen months of working together.
Speaker 3: There's definitely been ups and downs.
Speaker 1: We definitely, I.
Speaker 3: Think, brought out in one another the propensity to get
Speaker 3: near it. Yeah, which has been so important as girl boss.
Speaker 2: I mean, you've thought, you you listening, You've seen it,
Speaker 2: You've seen I said, what was I saying this time
Speaker 2: of year? Guys, so the hot girls aren't rooting. I
Speaker 2: take it back, I said, I can change that. I
Speaker 2: can change it.
Speaker 1: I can do this.
Speaker 2: And what I will say in conclusion, yes, do as
Speaker 2: I say and as I do if you're about that
Speaker 2: life X Like disclaimer, do as I say and do
Speaker 2: as I do if you're about that life. Because this
Speaker 2: is not one of those things you can fake. People
Speaker 2: see right through it, like when you put on a performance,
Speaker 2: you're like, this is what I deserve, this is what
Speaker 2: I l l l l LA. Just be about it,
Speaker 2: be about it. Don't be afraid to snip it off
Speaker 2: if it's not right. Don't be afraid to say the
Speaker 2: thing that's a little bit uncomfortable for the greater good.
Speaker 2: Don't be afraid to let people know they're not the
Speaker 2: only one. Like whatever you need to do in the
Speaker 2: realm of what you're comfortable with, because you have to
Speaker 2: keep it up. Yeah, if you can't fake the princess treatment,
Speaker 2: then don't worry about it. If you don't have the
Speaker 2: budget to beat your own princess treatment, don't worry about it.
Speaker 2: If you just want casual but you think your friend's
Speaker 2: going to judge, you, don't worry about it. If you're
Speaker 2: looking for your soulmate. Yeah, what I told my soulmate,
Speaker 2: I said, I want to cut open your stonum and
Speaker 2: I want to live in your skin.
Speaker 1: That's where our mom. And then you sent me a
Speaker 1: picture back of a Stoneum, he gets it. That's where
Speaker 1: I mom. You know what I say.
Speaker 2: Tommy and I we get to cater what do we do.
Speaker 2: We sit down, touched up on each other, give me
Speaker 2: a little massage because she loves physical touch, gives me
Speaker 2: a little massage, and we sue each other.
Speaker 1: That's what we're on babe. Yeah, you won't even you
Speaker 1: won't even hug your friend. Get on that. So if
Speaker 1: you're about it, let me out of it. So see
Speaker 1: you tomorrow. You've been listening to the Flex and Frooms
Speaker 1: Daily podcast.
Speaker 3: For more, tune into cater on DAB or stream it
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